The Bond of The Time

In My Heart

agoldenrod — Sat, 09 Jun 2012 18:30:02 +0000

I haven’t posted like I should, but today I feel the need to say whats in my heart.

The month of June is always a very hard month for me since my twin passed and or birthdays are in June. 35 yrs of sharing birthdays, and holidays, is a lot to give up.

I can not begin to explain the pain in my heart each time one comes around. I do not have the will to get up off the couch, but I force myself to everyday. I don’t have the desire to appreciate the little things in life, but I force myself to. Living back in the town where we grew has made it a little easier to do these things. It’s hard not to enjoy the beauty of The Great Outdoors on the Oregon Coast.

Today I sat here and I just got overwhelmed. 17 years have passed and still I miss her like it was yesterday.

We were not always close, but what can you expect we were sisters. But everyday for the last year and half she called me at 6am and even though I was still in bed cause I had just gotten home from work, I answered my phone and talked to her. I told her everyday to use my name and get on a bus and come to my house. She had so many excuses, as to why she couldn’t do that, but I tried anyway.

I know a couple of people think none of her family did anything to help, but we did! Love can be so blind when it comes to domestic violence, but you know what, anger can be blind also when it comes to the hurt from losing someone close to you!

Carol I know you’re looking down on me and watching me live my life to the best of my ability. Do you think and God can help to heel the anger in those who are still angry (I’m not going to name any names on here, you know who they are) and bring them back to the family that loves them so much?

Rain

agoldenrod — Sat, 20 Aug 2011 21:08:18 +0000

Rain falls with so much grace
Running as if trying to find an open space
But they just fall in a puddle on the ground
I ask as I watch
Why are you in such a hurry
Why not slow down and enjoy whats around
Plit plat Plit plat they say in a flurry
Your plants need me
To grow big and healthy
They have people to feed
Tomatoes, potatoes, corn and green beans
Radish, onions and collard greans
Gods garden will feed many in need

Why

agoldenrod — Sat, 20 Aug 2011 17:05:48 +0000

The rage builds inside me

You had no right

I thought as the night went on I would calm down

But morning came and I am still seething

How could you

What if you were in his shoes

How would you feel

Would I deny you

Would I make you chose

I think not

I would do what is right

No One

agoldenrod — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 16:21:50 +0000

In silence she cries. No one knows her sorrow. No one can see the terror, behind those blanks eyes. She knows it’s hard to smile, but she has learned long ago, how to fake one. No one knows and she’s pretty sure no one cares.
why would anyone care about, what goes on in her home. after all it is her home and no one can see behind those walls. No one can hear the thuds and the screams. No one sees. It’s not there problem.
Well people so see! So don’t hide behind the smile! If you need help just show it! Just ask!

What a the color of a Rose symbolizes

agoldenrod — Sat, 05 Feb 2011 21:51:01 +0000

So often we wonder what color of roses to buy. Well is a list of rose colors and what the symbolize

Red: Love and Romance

Yellow: Friendship, Joy, Get Well

Pink: Love, Gratitude, Appreciation

Dark pink roses are symbolic of gratitude and appreciation, and are a traditional way to say thanks.

Light pink roses are associated with gentleness and admiration, and can also be used as an expression of sympathy.

White: Purity, Innocence, Sympathy, Spirituality

Orange: Desire, Enthusiasm and Passion

Lavender: Enchantment, Majesty, Love at First Sight

NSAM Ribbon Poster_form.pdf (application/pdf Object)

agoldenrod — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 22:19:04 +0000

NSAM Ribbon Poster_form.pdf (application/pdf Object).

Bitter Sweet

agoldenrod — Fri, 24 Sep 2010 17:54:20 +0000

Last night I lay awake thinking. How bitter sweet to be going home and she will not be there. I’ve been so excited to move back that I never stopped to think about that.

But as I thought more about it, I thought she may not be there physically, but she will be there in spirit.

She is where there is no more tragedy in her life. where the one who silenced her cannot harm her. I can sit and drink coffee, every morning and know that she near. She is where she was the happiest, on the lake, drifting in the wake of some boat. Maybe just watching from afar.

Knowing this has brought me peace of mind, but still a little sad. Knowing that if I want to talk to her I can and she will listen.

She is my inspiration for this blog. and with her near maybe I can be more inspired.

Trouble in Drama Town

agoldenrod — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 04:32:04 +0000

I awoke this morning, with feeling a little unsure. Whenever a certain man in one of the rooms, notices that no adults are around, he calls Obed over to play hangout with him. Or if Obed is playing on the lawn and none of us are around he goes and hangs out with him. The first red flag was when then man and his friend moved in and ask Obed and his sister to come in and show them how to use the remote. Angelo and I keep yelling at them “OPEN THE DOOR!” “We can’t!” “YES YOU CAN YOU DON’T KNOW THESE PEOPLE!” After asking them a couple of times I had to go over and beat on the door and tell them “YOU DON’T KNOW THESE KIDS! OPEN THE DOOR NOW AND KEEP IT OPEN!” Obed and his sister then came outside with me. They insisted they were just showing them how to use the remote.

So here we are its Thursday it’s been a week and Obed won’t listen to me or his mom about something not being right with this guy. So I call the Cops, to come check it out and talk to Obed. I’m in getting my morning yogurt when I hear “HELLO” and the bell rings. It was the cop. “You must have pulled up when I was in the kitchen.” “no I parked out back and walked in cause I’ve dealt with this guy before. Some other things went on then the cop left. Told me “you can evict him if you want” I called Joe, he was out-of-town and he asked “wait til I get home tomorrow.” I was ok with that. The guy then came and admitted to me that he was a sex offender, but it wasn’t with kids.

The day went on and at first the guy was cool, so I just let it all go. But in late afternoon he started drinking. He came to my office window “I want to talk to Mike and his mom.” “Why” “I just want to talk to them and tell them whats going on.” She doesn’t want to talk to you” “Why, I want to talk to her.’ “NO, she has the right not to talk to you if she doesn’t want to.” he kept asking and I kept telling him to go away. He finally went away and then 2 minutes later came back and knocked on my personal door. “I want to talk to Mike and his mom. I don’t want to get kicked out of here. someone who lives here told me you will charge me $10,000 if you kick me out. “Go Away” “No my PO is gonna call you and vouch for me” “NO go away” (SLAM). After i slammed the door I felt really harassed and scared, so I went and got Buffalo. “Buffalo, I’m scared will you go help me kick this guy out?” “Sure, let’s go.” “first let me call the cop, that came earlier and tell him, I’m kicking him out.” We walk over to the guys room knock on the door and Buffalo ask the guy to leave. “Why cause I’m a sex offender?” “No cause you’re harassing me and I want you gone!” “No! I’m not going! I’m waiting for the cops.” mean while the cop I called had routed my call to 911. “Tell them I’m going.” I talked to them a few minutes and tell them to please come and make sure he leaves. It’s 6:15. As soon as I hang up he says again he is not leaving. so I tell him if I call the girls payee, she’ll have to leave too, cause she’s not supposed to have any roommates. Finally one of his friends gets him to agree to leave. He walks him to the bus and watches him get on. 5 minutes Later here he comes again “I’m under surveillance” “what!” “You’re under surveillance” “Just leave!” “I need my medicine.” he goes in closes the door (the cops still are not there) He comes out and tries to get to me to talk. Buffalo steps between us and won’t let him near me ( thank you Buffalo!) Buffalo once again escorts him off the property.They start yelling at each other “BUFFALO, DON’T HIT HIM!” “I WON’T” I no idea what the guy was saying something about being a sex offender but not of kids and he could be Buffalos friends. Then they start the chest bumping. I’m trying to stay calm. Once again I dial 911 “can you guys hurry this is getting out of control” “Mam go in your house and lock the door and tell everyone else to we’ll be right there. 2 cop cars go by they never come. The guy comes on the property again. Wants his bike. I call 911 again.” it’s been an hr. where are you guys” “oh yeah I see where you called. no ones there yet?” “no” “Well tell everyone to stay in their rooms with the doors locked and we’ll be right there. ” So I tell everyone in all the rooms and the house to go in. Mrs Cravets , who now lives in the house on the property “Why?” “Cause the cops said so.” “I”m not going in” “THE COPS SAID TO GO IN AND LOCK YOUR DOOR!” Her husband jumps up off the bench and shoves her into the house as he gives me the A OK sign.

Finally the guy misses the bus again gets on his bike and rides behind the Hilton, which is just across the street. 40 minutes after I called an hr and 1/2 after I made the original call, the cops call “We’re on our way” . when they get here I lay into them about taking an hr. 1/2 . “We had 2 simultaneous burglaries, So we had to prioritize” huh! My life isn’t important, I’m thinking. We talk awhile then they go talk to the roommates and agree to drive through all night and keep an eye on things. I’m exhausted!

A Day Away!

agoldenrod — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 19:51:56 +0000

Bubba is so excited! He keeps running out the door to get in the car. He know’s he’s going for a ride. It’s beautiful day and we’re gonna go to Sandpoint, to look at a boat. So we’re gonna take the dogs.

Well we made a wrong turn somewhere, Colville is not on the way to Sandpoint. “we can turn here Joe” “nope we’re gonna go up here farther, there’ll be a turn off somewher up here.” “OK” “Eww a skunk!” Hahaha, Bubba is in the back window, howling at the skunk smell, silly pug. “I have to get a picture of this! Darn it Mitzi.” She didn’t want to here him so she nudge him and made him shut up before I could get the picture.

As we approach a crossroads, Joe decides to go straight. “I think I saw a sign that said Sandpoint.” So we continue on “Hey there’s the Columbia River!” We follow the river, to North Roosevelt Lake,. “How beautiful is this does the Columbia go into Canada!” Silence, Joe cannot always hear over the road noise. That’s ok the view is so awesome! it is definately Gods country! Just water and trees for miles. “I’m sorry Kari, I know you really wanted to go to Sandpoint!” “No please don’t worry this is beautiful! the whole point was to just get away for a day. Let’s just enjoy it! Do we have to go back?” There is not even any traffic, just us and the white mustang convertible, behind us. “Where’d they come from?”

“Wow there’s the border crossing, wish we had our passports.” Joe’s pulls to the where the border patrol is walking. “How do we get to Sandpoint?” “Go back to colville and take highway 20” “ok thank you sir” We stay a few more seconds so he can play with Bubba and Mitzi. Joe still wants to make it to Sandpoint. When we get back to Kettle Falls, we stop so the dogs and Joe can pee. He asks the gentleman at the gas station how far to Sandpoint? “Go back to Colville, take Highway 20. It’s 2 more hours from there.” “Let’s go back through Davenport. It’s 88 miles and 30 miles home from there?” “No”

We go back to Colville and eat lunch at Arbys, they have shade for the dogs. It’s Hot! “Lets go back to Chewelah and walk through the street vendors.” “No! Let’s just go home an stop at Ross and get you that other pair of scetchers.” “ok, whatever!” As we arrive back in Chewelah, “Do you want to stop?” “No” I’ve had it now, I just want to go home. Joe got so obsessed with missing Sandpoint, that he didn’t want to do anything, when I wanted to. Back in Spokane “don’t we turn here?” “No we’re going to Ross.” “No let’s just go home.” Home we are. Back to Drama Town!

Pushed to Far: it Started up Again

agoldenrod — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 15:25:52 +0000

My little gay friend and I were sitting outside talking, when Joe came home. I went inside totalk to him and told him what had happend and that Buffalo had helped me get the situtation under control. I had ended up asking Laura to move out when her rent was up. It’s just not working out and I had had problems with her in the past. She’d only been her a month when she threatening Mrs. Cravets and I had told her nicely “maybe this isn’t the place for you!” “I’ll be good, I’ll be good just let me stay.” After I talked Joe for a few minutes I went back outside to talk to my friend and Mrs. Cravets was talking to him. Mr. Cravets then started down the sidewalk to where we were, just outside the office. The next thing I know Laura say something to him and they start yelling “f you” “No F you” I ma yelling for Joe because I am so done with them by now. I’m just gonna let him take care of it. By the time he gets off the phone and gets out there the yelling has stopped, but we go down to talk to Laura. “All I did was ask him to move over and not walk on the sidewalk by me. They don’t want me on the sidewalk in front of there room. I don’t want them on the sidewalk in front of my room. We all pay for the sidewalk.” “It’s not your sidewalk and the diffence he was coming to the office not pacing like you were! Just be respectful and let it go! Be the bigger person!” “But I feel like everyone is picking on me and I didn’t do anything!” “I’m tired of you instigating shit and then playing the victim. It doesn’t work with me and if you’d quit flapping you gums when someone is trying to tell you something, maybe it wouldn’t escalate. Also the next time you tell me to “shut up up and don’t talk to me” you will be ask to leave immediately ! I’M THE MANAGER ! YOU DON’T TALK TO ME THAT WAY!” ” I was talking to Mr. cravets, not you” “when you say , you, you’re talking to me! “No I didn’t quit picking on me! The devil is just testing me!” “Stop using that excuse too. You’ve said it so many times it’s wearing thin and you’re not doing anything about it! You just think you can use Jesus as a pawn when ever you want so you can play your game. You’re nothing but a hypocrate!” Joe has been trying to get a word in edgewise and hasn’t so far. “Karen we need to get Mr. Cravets down here and he his side of the story” “NO! Laura’s the problem, he didn’t do anything! I saw what happened!” He starts talking to Laura again “I’m outta here I’m done with this shit!”

I go back done the sidewalk tell Mr. cravets “Please stop cursing at her and try to get along. She’s Just trying to instigate, just walk around her.” “It wasn’t me. When the cursing happens it’s Derek.” “Well tell Derek to quit cursing, let it go and leave her alone. If it doesn’t stop right now you’re all outta here!” “I need a drink!” I go get one and sit donw by my friend hoping we can finish our conversation in peace.