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A Biblical Perspective of Healthy Sexual Intimacy

2010-10-25T06:41:00.000-04:00

Abstract

The Gift of Sex: A guide to sexual fulfillment by Clifford and Joyce Penner (2003) reveals a new world of sex for Christian married couples. By reading this book together, a couple can learn how to communicate their sexual desires to each other, which would include likes and dislikes. Penners’ book will also enable a married couple to enjoy one another, resolve sexual difficulties, and achieve and experience greater sexual pleasure.

A Biblical Perspective of Healthy Sexual Intimacy

From different experiences growing up, some couples experience a sexual disagreement, with each other, and with themselves. Some may feel sex is meant for procreation only, or some may believe that sex is a disgusting and naughty act. The truth overcomes these false assumptions and plows intimacy into a whole new realm of enjoyment and love. God created each person with sexual organs, enhanced for pleasure and procreation and fun. By inviting God into the bedroom, sex becomes the deepest most pure form of love within a marriage.

Biblical Perspective of Sex

The Bible makes clear that God created humans as sexual beings, particularly in Song of Solomon. God’s intention and value of our sexuality and His regard for a sexual relationship within the covenant of marriage are made clear in the Bible (Penner, 2003).

It is a Gift From God

Several verses in the bible describe, approve of, and give reference to sex. The Old Testament book Songs of Solomon portrays the relationship between a husband and wife fulfilling each other sexually. “Sexuality is part of God’s plan of creation. Our maleness and femaleness, our sexuality, is not something added on or part of our sinful natures; it is part of the original perfect creation of mankind. It’s in our bones. By implication, then, our sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of, but rather something to enjoy,” (Penner, 2003). Sex should be enjoyed by the husband and the wife, encouraged even beyond the intentions of procreation. Sex presents itself as the deepest form of love: becoming one flesh. A husband and wife should enjoy each other’s bodies without limitations, except that set by one or both persons.

The Physical Dimension

Discovering our bodies is part of growing up and maturing, learning the locations, functions, and purposes of each body organ, especially the sex organs. “[Our sexual parts] were there from the moment of creation and are to be enjoyed and discovered,” (Penner, 2003). We are brought up in our culture to perceive body and sexual exploration, even as curious children, as shameful and forbidden. Why do we perceive shame? We now more fully understand that this should not be the case because God gave us these bodies and the sexual interest we experience (Penner, 2003). It is partly due to the fall of Man. When Adam and Eve sinned, they saw they were naked and hid themselves (Genesis 3:7, New American Standard Bible). If a parent or parents never teach their child that exploring his or her body is shameful or disgusting or perverse, the child will never perceive his or her body as a completely closed vessel. When a person experiences discomfort during sex or at the mere mention of sex, it is generally the cause of their childhood and how they were raised or even abused. Parents should want their children to feel comfortable to explore their bodies, privately or with parents as supportive guides. A mother and father should teach their children that their genitals are not naughty areas, but special private areas.

How Our Bodies Work and Sexually Respond

After having only lived five to ten minutes, a male newborn will experience an erection. Twenty-four hours after having been born, a female’s vagina will lubricate (Penner, 2003). During puberty girls and boys go through some of the same changes and some very different changes. Girls will begin to develop breasts, which grow at differing rates, and grow pubic hair around the vagina (Penner, 2003). This is also the time a female will begin her first menstrual cycle. The voices of males, most noticeably, will grow deeper and boys will also grow pubic hair around their penis and scrotum. During a pivotal moment, referred to as a “wet dream,” a male will gain the ability to ejaculate. Commonly, both males and females will go through many hormone changes as well (Penner, 2003). The sex drive, beginning at puberty and continuing the remainder of his or her life, is triggered by the hormone testosterone (Penner, 2003).

Two nervous system branches affect sexual arousal and experience. The first, parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) has an increasing affect on the body. Passivity and relaxation can activate the PNS (Penner, 2003). The second arousal related branch is the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) which is our energy system. It activates when we are anxious or intensely aroused emotionally and has more to do with release or relief than arousal (Penner, 2003). The PNS controls excitement or sexual arousal (Penner, 2003). When a person is aroused, blood and fluid rush to the genitals, producing the erection in a male and the vaginal lubrication and swelling in the female. “We have found it helpful for some men and women with arousal problems to think of ‘getting with’ their parasympathetic or getting out of their heads and into the penises or vaginas—going with the sensation of the moment. Another way of saying this is that we have to let our bodies respond without letting our brains get in the way,” (Penner, 2003).

The orgasm of men and women are an SNS function. Our bodies shift from PNS dominance to SNS control just as we are approaching orgasm (Penner, 2003). “One can stop his leg from jerking even if the knee is tapped. Even so, we can stop an orgasm from occurring when the necessary stimulation has taken place, but we cannot cause or will a leg jerk or an orgasm,” (Penner, 2003). Males respond sexually by visual and physical stimulation as women respond by emotional and physical stimulation.

Experiencing Love Making From Beginning to End

Playfulness

To increase the sexual experience, a husband or wife should become playful, eager, and affectionate. “There can be many sources for sexual arousal in our world. You may or may not be aware of responding to these. You might not even notice what stimulates or decreases your sexual interest,” (Penner, 2003). A time, a place, a smell, or a site could easily stimulate or peak sexual interest within the husband or wife. Many researches claim aid from aphrodisiacs. Setting aside a time to be together as a couple is always encouraged and applauded: a time where no obligations, demands, restrictions, or distractions occur. A couple can find a time, daily or weekly, to admire, love, adore, and feel comfortable with one another (Penner, 2003). It is good-natured for one spouse to flirt, touch, tease, and initiate sex with the other. This playfulness does not have to be the job of only one spouse, but both. Just as the wife enjoys the interest her husband displays, so does the husband enjoy the sexual eagerness of his wife.

Spice things up by cooking dinner together. Usually, it needs to be decided upon what is acceptable and what is not between spouses. A couple may find it exhilarating to enjoy nudity while at home together, to whereas another couple may find the notion disagreeable. A married couple could also shower together or bathe together regularly, having no expectations (Penner, 2003). Anything is acceptable within the comfort of the couple as long as what is being done does not take interest away from one another (Mars Hill).

Becoming One

“God’s intention for sex is for unity, pleasure, and procreations. We are to leave our father and mother and become one flesh. We are to be totally open and unashamed with our spouse. We are to be fruitful and multiply. All these purposes of sex are to be fulfilled in marriage,” (Penner, 2003). A couple must connect on more than just a physical level. They must connect emotionally, spiritually, and physically (Penner, 2003). There are many sexual positions that could be used while a husband and wife make love. There are also many techniques for any or special occasions between a wife and husband. A couple can participate in mutual masturbation with one another, use sex toys, and perform oral sex. For any of these practices, both spouses have to be in agreement and feel completely willing and comfortable (Mars Hill).

Respecting Your Partner

The respect a husband shows for his wife or the respect a wife shows for her husband may be one of the most important aspects of the marital sexual experience. “The woman needs the man to back off when her body is ready but her feelings are not. She needs room to allow her feelings to catch up with her body’s response. This can happen only if she is free of the demand to be ready,” (Penner, 2003). A man is to insert his penis into his wife’s vagina only when she gives him the “O.K.” The reason is because it is the wife’s body being invaded, and secondly, it has to be a mutual decision (Penner, 2003). If a man enters without invitation, it is a wall crushing breach of the wife’s personal space and security. Respect also includes care, and the first way to show care is by affirmation.

Just as words of affirmation shows one spouse the love of the other spouse, especially if it is the love language of one or the other (Chapman, 2004), words and actions of affirmation work just as powerfully during and after sex. Wives have complained that after sex, her husband will flop to the side, roll over with his back to her, and delve into dreamland. This unintentional action of the husband leaves the wife feeling used, anxious, lonely, and set apart. After sex, cuddling, snuggling, and enjoying the moment is a much more affectionate way to express appreciation, love, care, and respect (Penner, 2003). The sexually initiating spouse should be respectful and non-demanding of his or her partner. The husband should not make his wife feel obligated because love making is just that, love making. A husband should not feel as though it is a chore to make love, but feel as though it is the reward he receives from his wife.

Enjoying the Sexual Experience

Meeting Your Spouse’s Needs

A wife and a husband should try to meet the sexual and emotional needs of each other. Sometimes, a woman will have certain needs, things that she needs to be done to her in order for her to reach climax or feel satisfied. Some women claim not to be able to reach climax by penal penetration alone. Some men may enjoy giving their wives oral sex more than they even enjoy receiving oral sex.

Men should try to meet their wives’ needs, whatever they may be, unless her needs go directly against his conscience. Some women enjoy using sex toys in order to experience double penetration with their husbands, but some husbands may feel uncomfortable with the idea. Or some women enjoy anal sex, which some men may be completely against. If either spouse openly asks for a specific sexual pleasure, if it is not completely against the other spouse’s beliefs or pain threshold, then it is suggested to go through with it. And if one spouse is completely against an activity, he or she is not to criticize his or her spouse or belittle him or her, but simply talk about it in a loving manner. The same way, some men may enjoy giving their wives anal sex, but the wife may not like it and sometimes may even be in pain. Some husbands also may desire for their wives to receive his sperm into her mouth, but some wives may find this disgusting or gross. Treading carefully not to force your spouse into something he or she does not want, even though it may be a sexual desire for you, is also a form of respect. Some needs, however, can be easy. If the spouse has no problem with it, then perhaps oral sex is a grand idea. If the spouse has no problem with it, then sometimes, as a wife may prefer, lying naked together while cuddling is a good idea.

Making Time and Inviting God

A couple should make time for each other, sexually and non-sexually. The wife of a husband is important and he should make quality time for her (Chapman, 2004). Likewise, the husband of a wife is equally important, and a wife should go out of her way to make him feel love and admired. As a married couple begins to have sex, they should invite God to be with them (Penner, 2003). “Begin by thanking God for any sexual feelings that you experience during the day. Then, as you prepare for sexual times with your spouse, ask God to bless your intimacy,” (Penner, 2003).

Non-Sexual Expressions of Love to Increase Sexual Intimacy

The Five Love Languages

The Five Love Languages written by Gary Chapman describe in detail that every person possesses a love language, or a way of receiving and expressing love to one’s spouse (2004). The five love languages consist of five emotional expressions: quality time, acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, and gift giving. Quality time refers to the spouse that prefers to spend time with his or her partner, as a way of showing that he or she loves him or her. In reflection, they also feel loved when time is made to spend time with them as well. Acts of service refers to people who like and enjoy doing things, such as favors, for their spouses to express love. Also, when the other spouse does something for him or her, he or she also in return feels loved. For those people who enjoy hugging, holding hands, or cuddling inherit the love language of physical touch. These people do not necessarily feel emotionally close to someone else if there is never or hardly any touch involved. Compliments and encouragement carry a long way with people, mostly wives, who possess the love language of words of affirmation, as mentioned above. Lastly, gift giving refers to those who prefer to give a gift, from the heart. They enjoy giving gifts and feel loved when receiving gifts from another. Each person has at least one love language, but some have more than one, but still at least one dominant language (Chapman, 2004).

Just as with love languages, every person contains a relationship style, unique unto themselves. From the book Why You Do the Things You Do by Dr. Tim Clinton and Dr. Gary Sibcy, people are described as having a secure relationship style, ambivalent, avoidant, or a disorganized relationship style (2006). Some people may be able to relate to more than one, however, always have a dominate style.

Conclusion

Many couples experience stress, obligations, anxiety, or pressure when it comes to making love. A lot of these problems are due to fear, inexperience, or physical or emotional discomfort. Couples that experience these problems should speak with a counselor and try to resolve the setbacks. Sex within marriage is biblical and supported by many scriptures, such as Songs of Solomon, Genesis, and Corinthians. As it outlines in the bible, we were created with pleasurable sexual organs, sex drives and hormones, and sexual interests and intentions. As a loving expression, as an intimate notion, sex is the deepest form of love within a marriage and should be expressed regularly.

Reference Page

Anderson, Dr. Neil T. (1995). Discipleship Counseling: The complete guide to helping others walk in freedom and grow in Christ. Ventura: Regal.

Chapman, Gary. (2004). The Five Love Languages: How to express heartfelt commitment to your mate. Chicago: Northfield Publishing.

Mars Hill Church. (n.d.) Retrieved August 22, 2010, from http://www.marshillchurch.org/

Penner, Clifford, & Penner, Joyce. (2003). The Gift of Sex: A guide to sexual fulfillment. Nashville: Thomas Nelson.

Sibcy, Gary, & Clinton, Tim. (2006). Why You Do the Things You Do: The Secret to Healthy Relationships. Nashville: Thomas Nelson.

My Hobby, Group Succession

2010-07-14T06:37:00.002-04:00

Group Succession
I am a part of an online group as a hobby. I meet with this group three days out of the week, and twice on Wednesdays. Within the group that I am associated, there are important elements such as leadership and leading roles as assists. The group also includes an agenda and organization to carry out the tasks. Lastly, in order to achieve our goals and follow the agenda, the leaders assign roles to each member of the group.
The group I am involved with is a massively multiplayer online role-playing game or an MMORPG. World of Warcraft is an MMORPG and has been a hobby of mine for nearly three years. Within the game, I am a part of a causal raiding guild called Armageddon. As a role of the guild, we form into several different smaller groups, and we raid certain enemies and their leaders or bosses. The guild consists of nearly 200 members, and throughout the week, six groups of ten take part in raiding what is called raid instances. We also form a twenty five man raid on Wednesday nights. A raid instance is a zone inside the game that contains many trash mobs and bosses. Trash mobs are enemies that are not as threatening as bosses but demand prompt attention. The bosses are usually single “monsters” located at the end of a zone section or checkpoint. They require the raid to work on and apply tactics, performance, leadership, cooperation, focus, and communication. My raid group has three main leaders: the raid leader Holyish (Nav D), raid assistants Jolly (Paul) and me (Z), and our bank and potion supplier Dawndi (Tina).
Several roles exist in a single raid group. We have our general roles, our distinct roles and our underlined roles. The general roles include tanks, damage per second (DPS), and healers. A ten man raid will have two tanks, which are armor heavy members that focus on keeping the attention (agro, short for aggression) of the bad guys, and taking as much damage away from the rest of the group and onto themselves. The job of the DPS is to do as much damage to the mobs or the bosses as possible without pulling agro. In a ten man, five are dedicated as DPS, sometimes depending on the fight we have to conduct. The last three positions belong to healers, who focus on keeping everyone in the raid group alive, specifically the tanks.
There are distinct roles related to the general roles in a raid group. Each member in the raid group has a general role, but also at the same time, have class specifications. The tanks can be protection warriors, protection paladins, bear druids, and/or frost death knights. The DPS classes can be arms or fury warriors, ret paladins, cat or boomkin druids, blood and unholy death knights, rogues, mages, elemental or enhancement shamans, shadow priests, warlocks, and hunters. Healer classes consist of holy or discipline priests, holy paladins, restoration shamans, and restoration druids. Each class has its own special abilities that are specifically useful within a raid. For example, Warrior tanks are more attune to holding agro on one specific mob or boss whereas a paladin and death knight do well at holding agro on many mobs. Mages are the only DPS class that has the spell slow which slows the enemy considerably. Shadow priests are desired as mana batteries because their mere presence boosts the rejuvenation of the mana that it takes to cast any kind of magic. The raid desires to have shamans in the raid group because they have a certain spell that buffs the entire raid temporarily and enables them to cast or hit faster and harder.
Furthermore, some of the raid members have underlined roles that have little or nothing to do with their general or distinct role. These roles are leadership or specific assignments. In the Wednesday ten man and twenty five man raids, and the Thursday evening raid, Holyish acts as the raid leader. Jolly and I take on the raid assist roles and Dawndi acts primarily as the raid supplier in flasks and food. On Saturdays, I take on the role of raid leader, and Holyish and Jolly are my assistants.
As Holyish is the leader of the guild, he also acts as the primary raid leader. He is open to suggestions from his officers on leading the guild and what is best for the guild. He runs a democratic leadership within the guild and encourages communication, critical thinking, and action. In a raid, Holyish assigns the roles to each member of the group. He assigns two people to tank, five to dps, and three to heal. When it comes to certain boss fights, he may switch some roles to better improve the raid’s overall ability.
The goal of the raid adheres to a certain and necessary agenda. Upon entering a raid instance, the first step is to clear, or kill, all of the trash mobs. This is generally easy but sometimes a trash mob will require extra attention or focus, depending on its special abilities. The second goal is downing the bosses at the end of sections or at checkpoints. The third goal during a raid is the loot received from trash mobs and mainly the bosses. A single person, usually the raid leader, assumes the role of loot master. This person controls who in the raid gets what loot.
There have been times where conflict arose about loot and who got what. It is rare that loot conflicts arise in recent days; however, before we became a well oiled and organized machine, conflict arose all the time, particularly in our twenty five man raid. Basically, an item would drop from a boss that more than one person desired, but only one person could have. It was difficult for us officers to make things as fair as possible which led us to come up with the rules we now have concerning loot.
Gender differences in the groups are evident in that there are never any female raid leaders and rarely ever any female raid assistants. When it comes to boss encounters, women generally are not socially accepted to speak. Females are not forced into silence; however, it is rare for them to speak up unless they have a question.
Furthermore, Holyish encourages each member that is a part of any raid group to read about the boss fights expected to be encountered. He also suggests that we look the fights up on youtube.com so as to see them first hand. Each week, before the raid begins, the raid leader will go through and chose who will participate.
In conclusion, although World of Warcraft is an MMORPG and takes place online only, each guild and raid portrays important group concepts such as leadership, organization, agenda, roles, conflict, decision making, characteristics, and adjourning.

Torture?

2010-06-03T04:44:00.001-04:00

Little girl – Ahude

Terrorist – Salim

Human rights activist – Miss Hortsright

Interrogator – Me

Silence filled the room. Nothing could be heard except for the small whimpering from Ahude and the small hissing sound from the lighter in Agent Wells’ hand. Ahude, strapped to a chair, wearing a yellow dress with pick flowers, and eyes wide with fear, frantically shifts her focus from her father, sitting half a room away, also strapped to a chair, to the flame inching closer to her delicate skin.

“Daddy?” Ahude called out to her father. She remembered all too well how it felt to be burnt. The kitchen stove top taught her that a few years ago. She never wanted to feel that again.

“Don’t you touch her!” Salim pleadingly demanded never taking his eyes off the flame.

“Tell us where it is Salim and this all ends here,” Agent Wells offered. The flame had heated the small ignition wheel on the lighter and his thumb was beginning to burn. At that, Salim launched a wad of spit across the room landing on the pant leg of Agent Wells. With a reluctant sigh, Agent Wells said, “So be it.” He then put the flame under Ahude’s wiggling hand waving it back and forth under her palm. Ahude began to struggle, trying to free herself to get as far away from the fire as she could. However, the straps held tight and her struggle was to no avail. The flame hurt, she could feel her hand heating up rapidly, beginning to blister.

Tears start to well up and Ahude begins to cry, wanting to scream out in pain but her father had always taught her not to show pain. She grits her teeth so hard that her jaw begins to hurt.

“C’mon Salim, this can only get worse!” Agent Wells shouted, tears beginning to well up in his eyes as he begins to smell burning flesh.

Ahude lets out a small cry. “Daddy!!” Her tears stream down her face and onto her pretty yellow dress. Strands of her long dark hair stick to her tear soaked face. “Daddy! Make him stop!”

What am I doing? I can’t continue this, thought Agent Wells to himself. Just as Agent Wells was about to pull the flame away, Salim, through exasperated sobs, said, “Alright! Alright. I’ll tell you everything. Anything you want to know. Just please, don’t hurt her anymore.” Salim bowed his head dejectedly, sobbing with tears falling to his chest. “I’ll tell you everything.”

Agent Wells let the flame die out, recognizing the burn on his thumb, but acknowledging that it was no where nearly as bad as the burn on Ahude’s hand. He unstrapped Ahude and led her out the door to the paramedics.

“Give her some pain meds, bandage that up,” Agent Wells directed. Just as he was about to turn to walk back in the room with Salim, Miss Hortsright called out his name walking briskly to him from down the hall.

“An innocent child?!” Miss Hortsright demanded. “You tortured an innocent child Agent Wells! You’re a monster! I hope you rot.”

“Her hand will now be the most famous hand in American history,” Agent Wells calmly replied.

“Humph!”

“But you’re right. I am a monster. I’m going to know that for the rest of my life. But if you will excuse me, I have to retrieve the information that will save thousands.”

---------------

Was it wrong to go through with the torture? Yes, I would have to say it was wrong. But a better question would be, was it necessary? And to that, I also answer yes.

Marital Success

2010-05-21T03:47:00.001-04:00

Abstract

Relationships and marriages have many aspects that can cause them to succeed or fail. Many of these aspects, however, either elude human knowledge or stretch beyond a person’s control. In years past, researchers have found facets within human interactions in which relationships succeed; facets that do not evade control or knowledge.

KEY FACTORS TO MARITL SUCCESS

Marriage and marital success have been the topic of counselors and researchers for decades. What makes a marriage last? Several key factors, God, honesty, communication, and love, contribute to what it takes to have a lasting relationship. God needs to be at the center of the relationship. If a couple takes their eyes off God, they can expect to stumble. Although all relationships have bumpy terrain, there are healthy ways to make it through tough times. Honesty also unlocks the pathway to an enriching relationship; deceit dictates the path of destruction within a marriage. Furthermore, communication plays a very important role in maintaining a marriage. Everyone has needs and the only way to meet those needs is to communicate them. Love blossoms as the fourth key factor contributing to a successful marriage.

Foresight to Marital Success

Because of many myths and superstitions claiming to predict the outcome of a marriage, researches have launched methods into finding out whether or not there exist characteristics of people or events that will determine the product of a marriage.

Myths and Superstitions

It is amazing how many people and cultures believe that it is bad luck for the groom and bride to see each other before the ceremony (Napolitano, 2010). Or another myth that says rain on the wedding day will cause the bride to cry all her married life. A good percentage of people in many cultures believe and rely on these myths and superstitions. Wearing a white wedding dress is another example of a feature from folklore. The Victorian rhyme “Something Old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and a silver sixpence in her shoe,” has many meanings but is also still followed in modern weddings (Wedding Superstitions and Traditions). If a couple follows every conceivable superstition, the wedding would resemble a circus, particularly one that feeds a cat out of an old shoe so as to ensure a happy wedding (Napolitano, 2009).

Experimental Findings

Myths and superstitions come off as silly attempts to have a happy marriage, perhaps gambling on pagan gods. However, a study conducted by Ernest W. Burgess, a sociology professor at the University of Chicago from 1916 through 1960, identified a number of characteristics which aided in predicting marital adjustment (Zuo, 1992). Burgess found indicators of positive marital adjustments such as psychogenetic personality, impressions of cultural patterns, life organization, career, and economic prospects (Zuo, 1992). The most promising predictive factors of a happy marriage rested on the happiness of the couples’ parents’ marriage, how many siblings each person had, religion, culture, and education (Zuo, 1992). As a result of these studies, Burgess concluded that marital success could be expected for groups of couples who have certain characteristics (Zuo, 1992).

Promising Characteristics

Self security portrays promising characteristics of a person within a relationship. Promising characteristics include confidence in him or herself, in effectiveness, and in expression of his or her needs. Also a person with a capable personality displays solid morals, such as that with right and wrong. Tying in with their morals, he or she will have values that are not entirely based on pop culture, but on what he or she believes in. Beliefs, morals, and values all bind together in an individual and make them who they are. What a person believes makes them a unique individual. Furthermore, a promising secure person lacks any underlying major issues such as uncontrollable anger and perhaps an addictive personality.

Christianity and Marriage

Marriage began with Adam and Eve, portrayed in Genesis of the Jewish and Christian bibles. As God said in the Bible, “¹⁸’it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him.’ ²² The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man and brought her to the man. ²⁴ For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh,” (Gen.2:18,22,24, New American Standard Version).

Christ and Church Depiction

The Bible compares marriage between a man and woman with that of the Church and Jesus Christ. Christ as the bridegroom and the church as the bride (Eph. 5:23, NASB).

Then the kingdom of heaven will be comparable to ten virgins, who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were foolish, and five were prudent. For when the foolish took their lamps, they took no oil with them, but the prudent took oil in flasks along with their lamps. Now while the bridegroom was delaying, they all got drowsy and began to sleep. But at midnight there was a shout, 'Behold, the bridegroom! Come out to meet him.' Then all those virgins rose and trimmed their lamps. The foolish said to the prudent, 'Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.' But the prudent answered, 'No, there will not be enough for us and you too; go instead to the dealers and buy some for yourselves.’ And while they were going away to make the purchase, the bridegroom came, and those who were ready went in with him to the wedding feast; and the door was shut. Later the other virgins also came, saying, 'Lord, lord, open up for us.’ But he answered, 'Truly I say to you, I do not know you.’ Be on the alert then, for you do not know the day nor the hour. (Matt. 25:1-13, New American Standard Bible.)

Marriage is conducted and blessed by God making it sacred. Deceit and defilement have no place within a marriage.

Married to God

The man is to be the head of the house hold, and the head of the wife. Likewise, Christ is the head of the church, and the church is the body. “God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him,” (1 John 4:16c, NASB). Love is tolerant and well mannered (1 Cor. 13, NASB). It does not envy or boast and is not arrogant (1 Cor. 13, NASB). Love is not rude or self-seeking or easily angered nor does it keep any record of wrong doing (1 Cor. 13, NASB).

Communication

Why does communication hold such value within a marriage? Communication spans a vast plain of recognition. In order for a couple to understand one another, concerning needs and wants, a level of communication has to be conducted.

Verbal Communication

Verbal communication covers many aspects of human socializing. Spoken communication ranges from words, speech, tone of voice, revealing intentions and desires. Language is a powerful tool when communicating between couples. Likewise, language affects thought (Seiler, W.J., 2008). The elements of language include sounds (tone of voice), words, grammar, and meaning.

Body Language

Body language is just as important as spoken communication, but in some ways, communicates different intentions and desires. One of the main differences between verbal and non-verbal communication is that non-verbal communication occurs constantly (Seiler, W.J., 2008). Many believe that it portrays more truth as well, such as facial expressions, tenseness, etc. The types of nonverbal communication range from body movements to touch, space, smell, silence, and environment (Seiler, W.J., 2008).

Emotional Expression

Within a marriage, the ability to express emotions is just as important as communication and expression altogether. Although a spouse may be able to interpret an emotion from the other, the reason to as why that emotion is being had is still elusive. A husband needs to clue his wife in to how he is feeling and why, for a wife will not understand fully. Likewise, a wife needs to explain and communicate how she is feeling to her husband. Emotions have many brackets, but one of the most important is expressing love through sexuality. Sex towers over any other affection and knights itself as the deepest expression of love.

Relationship Languages

Many people come from different backgrounds and possess different relationship processing skills. Some folks interpret love differently than others, and some people attempt to earn or recognize love and worthiness in different ways.

The Five Love Languages

The Five Love Languages written by Gary Chapman describe in detail that every person possesses a love language, or a way of receiving and expressing love to others (2004). The five love languages consist of five emotional expressions: quality time, acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, and gift giving. Quality time refers to those who prefer to spend time with loved ones, as a way of showing that they love someone. In reflection, they also feel loved when someone spends one on one time with them as well. Acts of service refers to people who like and enjoy doing things, such as favors, for other people to express love. Also, when someone does something for them, they also in return feel loved. For those people who enjoy hugging, holding hands, or cuddling inherit the love language of physical touch. These people do not necessarily feel emotionally close to someone else if there is never or hardly any touch involved. Compliments and encouragement carry a long way with people who possess the love language of words of affirmation. Lastly, gift giving refers to those who prefer to give a gift, from the heart. They enjoy giving gifts and feel loved when receiving gifts from another. Each person has at least one love language, but some have more than one, but still at least one dominant language (Chapman, 2004).

Relationship Styles

Those possessing the secure attachment style effortlessly believe that they are worthy of love, are capable of getting love, and that others are willing and able to love them. One of the most major characteristics of a secure person is the ability to understand and experience the whole field of emotions and the capability to express them efficiently. Secure people do not feel the need to earn their self worth (Sibcy, 2006). They were raised in an environment where other people respected their feelings and because of this they find it easy to respect the feelings of others. They are confident that they can affect the feelings of other people without any manipulation, and still get their desires expressed. Those with a secure relationship style do not fear emotions from themselves or from anyone else and they have no uncertainties with seeking and accepting comfort from other people (Sibcy, 2006).

Beliefs that fuel the ambivalent relationship style include a feeling of unworthiness and imperfection and they are unable to receive love from anyone. The person with the ambivalent attachment style feels that the people they love give off the impression that they are on borrowed time and that at any moment will be left and abandoned. They also fear abandonment and in order to win the approval and acceptance of others, they must “dance,” (Sibcy, 2006). They must constantly work to earn other people’s interest and love. Inside, ambivalent people are needy and may feel incompetent, however, are enjoyable people to be around. Ambivalent people experience strong emotion, love, and laughter (Sibcy, 2006). The fear of rejection can spawn unhealthy behaviors within these people such as a very low self-esteem, frequent sought after assurance, nurturance, and support; they become obsessed with the fear of being left alone (such as their spouse dying), feeling helpless when alone, and making others superior to themselves (Sibcy, 2006).

The avoidant relationship style contains the characteristics of a person who believes that they are worthy of love only based on their accomplishments and others are unwilling and incapable of loving them. Avoidant people become tense and uncomfortable when touched. Avoidant people also feel that they must rely on themselves to get what they need, that includes emotionally and mentally (Sibcy, 2006). One shade of the avoidant lifestyle is narcissism.

The disorganized relationship style is just that, disorganized. These people believe that they are not worthy of love, and incapable of getting the love that they feel they need without being angry or clingy (Sibcy, 2006). They also believe that other people are unable to meet their needs so they are very untrusting. Disorganized people feel that other people around them are abusive, but they deserve to be abused (Sibcy, 2006). These people are also addicted to chaos, seeming to follow it and cause it in many of their relationships. Usually born and raised in an abusive home, ranging from verbal abuse, to incest (Sibcy, 2006).

Marriage and the Family

A secure marriage has a lasting and positive impact on children. Usually, children who come from secure marriages become secure in themselves leading the secure relationship style discussed earlier. A good marriage leads to good parenting, and good parenting will lead to further healthy relationships.

Divorce on Children

Directly or indirectly involved all parties experience and suffer consequences of a divorce; from the actual spouses, to the friends and family, and to the marriage counselors desperately fighting for a solution to keep the couple from separating. However, one of the most vulnerable and the most sensitive person to a divorce is a child. Generally, the child is stuck in the middle of the devastating battle, feeling helpless, anxious, angry, or even to blame. When one parent is taken out of the picture of the family, the child may feel a disconnection or possibly a lasting separation from that parent. Unfortunately, the affects that a child bears may continue on in life, affecting every relationship and social endeavor the person might experience.

Conclusion

Many marriages, engagements, and relationships end because the couple did not put God at the center of focus. A failed relationship is nearly always a result of bad communication, dishonesty and selfishness. In order to obtain a healthy marriage or relationship, God must be at the center focus. The two parties must always be honest and always communicate clearly with one another. Along with clear communication, expression of love through the five love languages is essential to a lasting and successful marriage.

Reference Page

Chapman, Gary. (2004). The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Chicago: Northfield Publishing.

Eggerichs, Emerson. (2004). Love and Respect: The Love She Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs. Nashville: Thomas Nelson.

Napolitano, Wenona. (2009). Marriage Folklore and Superstitions: Explore lesser known wedding beliefs. Retrieved from http://wedding-planning.suite101.com/article.cfm/marriage_folklore_and_superstitions.

Napolitano, Wenona. (2010). History of Marriage Folklore and Superstitions. Retrieved from http://www.life123.com/relationships/weddings/wedding-customs-traditions/marriage-folklore-and-superstitions.shtml.

Seiler, W.J., & Beall, M.L. (2008). Communication: Making Connections (7^th Ed.). New York: Pearson.

Sibcy, Gary, & Clinton, Tim. (2006). Why You Do the Things You Do: The Secret to Healthy Relationships. Nashville: Thomas Nelson.

Wedding Superstitions and Traditions, (n.d.). Retrieved May 08, 2010, from http://www.weddings.co.uk/info/tradsup.htm.

Zuo, Jiping. 1992. “The reciprocal relationship between marital interaction and marital happiness: A three-wave study.” Journal of Marriage and the Family. 54 (4): 870-878.

Relationships

2010-04-30T21:19:00.002-04:00

Dr. Time Clinton’s and Dr. Gary Sibcy’s book “Why You Do the Things You Do,” highlighted that every person develops a relationship style stemming from childhood. Clinton and Sibcy touched base with four different relationship styles: secure, ambivalent, avoidant, and disorganized. The most solid relationship style is secure, and Clinton and Sibcy explain that no matter which relationship style a person finds themselves in, there is hope to develop a healthy secure relationship style.
Clinton illuminated that babies have a special relationship with their parents, particularly the mother. This relationship will largely affect a person’s relationship weaknesses and strengths. As a child, my parents fostered a secure bond with me, without too much smothering and with just enough space. As a Christian, I feel secure in my Father in Heaven, but I struggle with idols of the heart, which sometimes becomes a stumbling block in my relationship with God.
Those with the secure attachment style easily feel that they are worthy of love, are capable of getting love, and that others are willing and able to love them. One of the most prominent characteristics of a secure person is the ability to experience the whole field of emotions and the capability to express them effectively. Secure people do not feel the need to earn their self worth. They were raised in an environment where other people respected their feelings. Because of this, secure people find it easy to respect the feelings of others. They’re confident that they can affect the feelings of other people without any manipulation, and still get their desires across. Those with a secure relationship style do not fear emotions from themselves or from anyone else. They have no qualms with seeking and accepting comfort from other people and they act when action is needed. Although my parents did well with me, even though they were divorced since I was three years old, I feel I was raised and parented as a secure relationship style. It have been through events in my life, relationship failures, that has led me astray from a secure attachment style. It could also be due to the fact that although my parents did well raising me, as far as emotional connection was concerned, I still took in that they were divorced and I have feared that happening to me with my own relationships.
Beliefs that fuel the ambivalent relationship style include a feeling of unworthiness and the feeling that they’re flawed and unable to receive love from anyone. The person with the ambivalent attachment style feels that the people they love give off the impression that they’re on borrowed time and that at any moment will be left and abandoned. People who have the ambivalent relationship style fear abandonment. They also feel that in order to win the approval and acceptance of others, they must dance. They must constantly work to earn other people’s interest and love. Inside, ambivalent people are needy and may feel incompetent. However, they are enjoyable people to be around. A person with this style make those surrounding them feel good about themselves. Ambivalent people experience strong emotion, love, and laughter. The fear of rejection can spawn unhealthy behaviors within these people such as a very low self-esteem, frequently seeking assurance, nurturance, and support, feeling obsessed with the fear of being left alone (such as their spouse dying), feeling helpless when alone, and making others superior to themselves. I have become the very definition of the ambivalent relationship style. As I read this chapter, I thought I was nearly reading a profile about me. My biggest dream in life is not to have riches and fame, but to have a family. My worst fear is a direct contradiction to my dream and it is losing my family. Sometimes, the fear of losing them overpowers the dream of having a family that I at times feel like not even aiming to find a partner.
The avoidant relationship style contains the characteristics of a person who believes that they are worthy of love only based on their accomplishments and others are unwilling and incapable of loving them. Avoidant people are turned off by touch. I have a friend who displays this characteristic. She is comfortable expressing herself, just not by touch. As she has described it to me, she gets tense and awkward when it comes to either her boyfriend touching her or her touching her boyfriend. She doesn’t understand why she is like this and I tried to explain to her that perhaps she is the avoidant lifestyle type person. After having read quite a few excerpts from Clinton and Sibcy’s book, she said she could relate to it. Avoidant people also feel that they must rely on themselves to get what they need, that includes emotionally and mentally. One shade of the avoidant lifestyle is narcissism. I had a friend who was the epitome of this avoidant narcissistic lifestyle. He constantly sought praise for himself, to the point of over exaggerating many aspects of his character and of his life, almost as though he was trying to prove more to himself, than to anyone else, that he was worthy. Because of this, he was also very arrogant and had an inflated sense of self-worth. He drove away a lot of his friends, all that I know, because he was very sensitive to criticism and responded many times with intense anger. I remember he threatened to crush one of our friends with a chair by lifting it up and holding it over the person. Another time, he threatened me over a silly game. The more I read of the avoidant attachment style chapter, the more I understood why my friend was like that, and the more I sympathized with him. When he was young, his father abandoned him and his little brother. His mother, although caring, seemed to be very critical of him and his brother and rarely rewarding. She drove them to perfection without showing appreciation. I know that he resented his father for abandoning him and I know he did not favor his mother more than she had to be favored.
Lastly, the disorganized relationship style is just that, disorganized. These people believe that they’re not worthy of love, and incapable of getting the love that they feel they need without being angry or clingy. They also believe that other people are unable to meet their needs so they are also untrusting. Disorganized attachment style people feel that other people around them are abusive, but they deserve to be abused. These people are also addicted to chaos, seeming to follow it and cause it in many of their relationships. Usually a disorganized person was born and raised in an abusive home, ranging from verbal abuse, to incest.
This book brought some tough memories back to life for me. As I mentioned before, I find that I fit the profile of the ambivalent relationship style; not so much because of how I was raised, but as it seems to be a reoccurring thing in all my relationships. I believe, of course, that my parents’ divorce did have something to do with it, but what I believe more, is that the girl I once almost married, had more to do with it. I met a girl in high school my freshman year. She was a senior. I’ll refer to her as Amber. Amber turned out to be a girl who was on fire for the Lord so she instantly attracted me. She and I became close friends. I found out that she was in fact engaged to a marine and he was overseas. Over time, however, she ended up admitting to me that she had developed feelings for me. I, of course, had as well. By the time she graduated, it had come to a point in her life that she had to choose between me and her fiancé. From her family’s persuasion, she chose her fiancé. It hurt me greatly and I was upset about the whole ordeal for quite some time, but got over it and befriended her again, after she was married. I met her husband and he was actually a pretty stand up guy. About a year passed and her husband turned himself in for child molestation. He went to prison for two years. In that two years, Amber and I got close again, but not romantically. She had decided to stay with her husband and get him some help. Two years later, he was released and life for her seemed to go on. Four months after that, however, he molested again, and went back to jail. This time, Amber relied on me for a shoulder to cry on and I was there for her. She decided this time to get a divorce and I made sure I was there for her.
During this her divorce, she began to have feelings for me once again, this having been 4 years after the first episode. She was my first love so it was easy to return those feelings. This time however, there was nothing holding her back, so she openly loved me. We had made plans to get married, and within two years, have children together. Things were great. Then, suddenly, it was over. No explanation from her. She had met someone else. I was bitter towards her for three years after that, refusing to go anywhere I might run into her. She ended up marrying another marine. Her story, however, ended badly. Her and her new husband, three weeks after the wedding, got in a car accident, and he died. I felt bad for her and I prayed for her. Point being, she hurt me twice, abandoned me twice in my life. I think that is was because of these events, primarily, that I am the ambivalent relationship style. I fear abandonment more than anything; whether that abandonment be voluntary, like Amber’s, or involuntary, such as death.

Sorry, I don't speak Chinese

2010-04-02T17:33:00.002-04:00

After having read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, a lot of problems within a marriage stem from a lack of communication, even the communication of love. Other than verbally saying, “I love you,” love is expressed in many ways. As Dr. Chapman points out, in five different ways, by words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and gift giving. It’s explained that each individual naturally speaks at least one primary love language. By this, they express their love to others and receive love from others. Marriages tend to struggle when each spouse speak a different love language. When a husband speaks and receives love in the manner of gift giving, and the wife speaks and receives love by physical touch, communication between the two may be vague. The reason is because although the husband loves his wife, and buys and makes her gifts, she doesn’t feel as loved by this action as she would if he would give her a hug. And even though his wife takes care to hug and kiss and cuddle her husband, he would prefer to get a nice love note or something simple as a gift from his wife to show she was thinking of him. This is what is considered a lack of love communication which can lead to the “four horsemen.” The way to resolve this is for each spouse to learn each other’s love language. The wife would have to learn how to start giving her husband gifts and her husband would have to learn how to start showing his wife physical attention.

Eh?! What was 'at? Wha' you say?

2010-04-01T23:22:00.000-04:00

There are a few main keys to a successful relationship: God, love, commitment, trust, and communication. All are important, but the two most important are God and communication, without which, none of the others would exist or matter. God is the one who ordained marriage, so a marriage without Him is hollow and pointless. Secondly, a successful marriage, or relationship is based off of good communication. Communication can span in many different areas, such as body language, speech, and actions. Good communication involves a solid understanding of how you feel, what you want, and what you're willing to tolerate. Equally important involved in good communication is the ability to listen. Listening makes up a big portion of communication. However, there is more to listening than just being able to recall what someone said, it's being able to accurately interpret what a person said. There are many things that can hinder the ability or intentions of listening: defensiveness, biases, interruptive habits, and selective attention. If a person is on the defensive about a topic, they're likely not listening to the opposing view, but rather looking for a retort. If a person is bias about a subject, they will likely only ever hear what they want to hear, or interpret what is said differently than what is intended. Also, if a person has an interruptive attitude or habit usually aren't interested in what's being said but are more interested in what he or she wants to say. Lastly, a selective attention is similar to that of a biased person, in that they generally only hear what they want to hear, but the difference is, they only hear certain things not because they want to, but more because their thought process is more frantic, thinking of many different things all at once, conclusively, not giving someone their undivided attention. All of these hindrances can inhibit good communication within a marriage or relationship.

"I'm 63 and I’m Tired"

2010-03-27T22:52:00.000-04:00

(I found this in the Carteret News Paper. Awesome post.)

"I'm 63 and I’m Tired"
by Robert A. Hall

I'm 63. Except for one semester in college when jobs were scarce and a six-month period when I was between jobs, but job-hunting every day, I've worked, hard, since I was 18. Despite some health challenges, I still put in 50-hour weeks, and haven't called in sick in seven or eight years. I make a good salary, but I didn't inherit my job or my income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, there's no retirement in sight, and I'm tired. Very tired.

I'm tired of being told that I have to "spread the wealth" to people who don't have my work ethic. I'm tired of being told the government will take the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy to earn it.

I'm tired of being told that I have to pay more taxes to "keep people in their homes." Sure, if they lost their jobs or got sick, I'm willing to help. But if they bought McMansions at three times the price of our paid-off, $250,000 condo, on one-third of my salary, then let the left-wing Congress-critters who passed Fannie and Freddie and the Community Reinvestment Act that created the bubble help them with their own money.

I'm tired of being told how bad America is by left-wing millionaires like Michael Moore, George Soros and Hollywood entertainers who live in luxury because of the opportunities America offers. In thirty years, if they get their way, the United States will have the economy of Zimbabwe, the freedom of the press of China, the crime and violence of Mexico, the tolerance for Christian people of Iran, and the freedom of speech of Venezuela.

I'm tired of being told that Islam is a "Religion of Peace," when every day I can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters, wives and daughters for their family "honor"; of Muslims rioting over some slight offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they aren't "believers"; of Muslims burning schools for girls; of Muslims stoning teenage rape victims to death for "adultery"; of Muslims mutilating the genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because the Qur'an and Shari'a law tells them to.

I'm tired of being told that "race doesn't matter" in the post-racial world of Obama, when it's all that matters in affirmative action jobs, lower college admission and graduation standards for minorities (harming them the most), government contract set-asides, tolerance for the ghetto culture of violence and fatherless children that hurts minorities more than anyone, and in the appointment of U.S. Senators from Illinois.

I think it's very cool that we have a black president and that a black child is doing her homework at the desk where Lincoln wrote the Emancipation Proclamation. I just wish the black president was Condi Rice, or someone who believes more in freedom and the individual and less arrogantly of an all-knowing government.

I'm tired of a news media that thinks Bush's fundraising and inaugural expenses were obscene, but that think Obama's, at triple the cost, were wonderful; that thinks Bush exercising daily was a waste of presidential time, but Obama exercising is a great example for the public to control weight and stress; that picked over every line of Bush's military records, but never demanded that Kerry release his; that slammed Palin, with two years as governor, for being too inexperienced for VP, but touted Obama with three years as senator as potentially the best president ever. Wonder why people are dropping their subscriptions or switching to Fox News? Get a clue. I didn't vote for Bush in 2000, but the media and Kerry drove me to his camp in 2004.

I'm tired of being told that out of "tolerance for other cultures" we must let Saudi Arabia use our oil money to fund mosques and madrassa Islamic schools to preach hate in America, while no American group is allowed to fund a church, synagogue or religious school in Saudi Arabia to teach love and tolerance.

I'm tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global warming, which no one is allowed to debate. My wife and I live in a two-bedroom apartment and carpool together five miles to our jobs. We also own a three-bedroom condo where our daughter and granddaughter live. Our carbon footprint is about 5% of Al Gore's, and if you're greener than Gore, you're green enough.

I'm tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must help support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a giant germ rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder up their noses while they tried to fight it off? I don't think Gay people choose to be Gay, but I damn sure think druggies chose to take drugs. And I'm tired of harassment from cool people treating me like a freak when I tell them I never tried marijuana.

I'm tired of illegal aliens being called "undocumented workers," especially the ones who aren't working, but are living on welfare or crime. What's next? Calling drug dealers, "Undocumented Pharmacists"? And, no, I'm not against Hispanics. Most of them are Catholic, and it's been a few hundred years since Catholics wanted to kill me for my religion. I'm willing to fast track for citizenship any Hispanic person, who can speak English, doesn't have a criminal record and who is self-supporting without family on welfare, or who serves honorably for three years in our military.... Those are the citizens we need.

I'm tired of latte liberals and journalists, who would never wear the uniform of the Republic themselves, or let their entitlement-handicapped kids near a recruiting station, trashing our military. They and their kids can sit at home, never having to make split-second decisions under life and death circumstances, and bad mouth better people than themselves. Do bad things happen in war? You bet. Do our troops sometimes misbehave? Sure. Does this compare with the atrocities that were the policy of our enemies for the last fifty years and still are? Not even close. So here's the deal. I'll let myself be subjected to all the humiliation and abuse that was heaped on terrorists at Abu Ghraib or Gitmo, and the critics can let themselves be subject to captivity by the Muslims, who tortured and beheaded Daniel Pearl in Pakistan, or the Muslims who tortured and murdered Marine Lt. Col. William Higgins in Lebanon, or the Muslims who ran the blood-spattered Al Qaeda torture rooms our troops found in Iraq, or the Muslims who cut off the heads of schoolgirls in Indonesia, because the girls were Christian. Then we'll compare notes. British and American soldiers are the only troops in history that civilians came to for help and handouts, instead of hiding from in fear.

I'm tired of people telling me that their party has a corner on virtue and the other party has a corner on corruption. Read the papers; bums are bipartisan. And I'm tired of people telling me we need bipartisanship. I live in Illinois, where the "Illinois Combine" of Democrats has worked to loot the public for years. Not to mention the tax cheats in Obama's cabinet.

I'm tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers and politicians of both parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was getting caught. I'm tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor.

Speaking of poor, I'm tired of hearing people with air-conditioned homes, color TVs and two cars called poor. The majority of Americans didn't have that in 1970, but we didn't know we were "poor." The poverty pimps have to keep changing the definition of poor to keep the dollars flowing.

I'm real tired of people who don't take responsibility for their lives and actions. I'm tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination or big-whatever for their problems.

Yes, I'm damn tired. But I'm also glad to be 63. Because, mostly, I'm not going to have to see the world these people are making. I'm just sorry for my granddaughter.

Robert A. Hall is a Marine Vietnam veteran who served five terms in the Massachusetts State Senate.

He lost his leg....

2010-02-02T08:43:00.002-05:00

My grandfather, a decorated Vietnam veteran, has had many health issues throughout his life after the war. As he got older, his health problems progressed, as did his smoking. I'm someone who supports smokers. What I mean by that is, I'm not someone who is against smokers and smoking. I know that smoking is a harmful habit; I've felt this way about smoking even before I started smoking mainly because, all of my family smokes. So, when someone says that people shouldn't be allowed to smoke in certain places, it irks me. Private businesses I understand. I live in North Carolina and they just passed a law that prohibits people from smoking in bars. It also prohibits smoking in any area where food is served. I'm not a bar junkie, I never will be. But I am still against this law. I think it should be up to the bar owners or restaurant owners whether there should be smoking in their store. I'm more for freedom, not socialism/communism.

That being said, my grandfather has smoked nearly his entire life. I've known him to have heart attacks, bypasses, and many other surgeries because of his smoking habit. A few years ago, his leg began to severely hurt him. When the doctors told him that if he didn't quit smoking, he was going to lose his leg, he set into motion a plan to quit smoking. Before his major health problems, my grandfather was in the pre-contemplation stage. Once he had his heart attack and bypass, he entered into the contemplation stage, aware of the problem but unwilling to do anything about it. Then, when he was told he would lose his leg, a fear of his since the war, he quickly and eagerly hopped into the preparation stage. He was given a good deal of advice on how to wane from the cigarette, from smoking less and less every day, to even rearranging his furniture in the house. This would have been the action stage. He actually maintained this and the only ways or times he relapsed was when he would beg someone for just one cigarette or look through the ash tray for unfinished cigarettes. Either way, he did well. Sadly, as time progressed, his leg never got better, it only got worse. A year or so after having initially quit smoking, he had to get his leg amputated. Therefore, my grandfather, a decorated Vietnam veteran, lost his leg to smoking, and regrets every living day he spent with a cigarette in his mouth. Now, when he talks to his children or his grandchildren who smoke, like me, he pleadingly tries to convince them to stop while it's not too late.

Witnessing to a Stranger

2009-12-26T21:54:00.001-05:00

This conversation I had with a stranger on the website, www.omegle.com. Names, email addresses, or websites have been either changed or omitted. The discussion begins when we began to discuss God.

You: How'd you hear of this site?

Stranger: A close friend of mine told me someone on this site may help me find my way

You: Find your way? Are you searching for something?

Stranger: I'm wondering about certain things. I may be the peppy cheerleader but... lets say that the cheer uniforms have long sleeves.. if you understand that.

You: Hmm. I'm not sure that I understand that to be honest.

Stranger: what would a certain currupt teen hide beneath sleeves

Stranger: ?

You: Oooh. I understand I think.

You: It's interesting though, that your friend would suggest this site for that. Most of the people on this site are searching for sexual gratification. Sometimes, you get decent people not looking for that.

Stranger: she found someone here and that person talked to her about things that she has not explained to me and she seemed to hope the same would happen for me

You: Ooh I see. Hmm.

You: So what are you wondering about? The certain things you mentioned before.

Stranger: I really dont know.

You: Do you believe in anything?

Stranger: In what sense.

You: God, heaven, hell, the Bible, afterlife, etc. Morals, values, etc.

Stranger: I believe in God. and his son our savior. heaven and hell are kind of "iffy" to me.

Stranger: My moral and values are kind of too many to name

You: heheh. Okay. You believe in God and His Son, our Savior. And who is His Son?

Stranger: Jesus Christ.

You: :-) And heaven and hell are iffy to you. Why is that?

Stranger: I don't see any life after death

Stranger: And, as those are the homes for the dead, i am not completely sure of them

You: Well, Heaven, as I'm sure you know, is the place where God dwells with Jesus. And this is the place God has prepared for His children. Hell is the place where those who rebel against God, go. People, when they die, will end up in one of these two places for eternity. If you think about it, Jesus is the Savior, but if there is no heaven or hell, then what was His purpose?

Stranger: I've never really thought like that

You: You see, God created hell only for the sole purpose to send the angels who rebelled against Him. I.e. Lucifer (Satan) and his followers.

You: God never wanted to send His most precious creation, us humans, to hell. But when we fell, when Adam sinned against God, we rebelled.

You: And because God is perfect, and no sin can enter into Heaven, He was left no choice but to send those who rebelled against Him, to hell.

Stranger: But those of us whom love God and cherish him shall exit this world and enter a perfect one?

You: This of course broke His heart. So, in order to save His creation, He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to earth, in the form of a human. Jesus took our punishment for sin upon Himself, so that we wouldn't have to pay the debt.

You: Honestly, being one who goes to heaven is rather simple. All you have to do is, A) Confess that you're a sinner, B.) Repent (turn away) from your sins, and C.) Admit that Jesus is Lord.

You: You see, being a good person and doing good things won't get someone into heaven. Works alone basically.

You: One must have faith.

You: It's kind of like this:

You: Let's say you were driving down the road. The speed limit was 25 mph, and you were going 60 mph. You got stopped and got a ticket for $60,000. You could not pay this debt. And of course, you can't look at the judge and say to him, "Judge, you're a good man. I don't think you will make me pay this fine because you're a good man." The judge would say, "Actually, it is because I'm a good man that I must make you pay this fine or I have to send you to jail."

You: Then suddenly, a man you don't even know walks into the court room with you, and pays your fine.

You: That's what Jesus did. You see, God is good, and because He is good, the breaking of His law must not go unpunished. Someone must pay that fine. Jesus paid it in full for all. He died upon the cross, took our punishment for our sin, so that we would be debt free.

You: Then, because we would be cleansed of our sin and debt to God, we could live happily in eternity with Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.

You: Does this make any sense to you?

Stranger: Actually, this is so clear that I am beginning to understand what I have been overlooking

Stranger: Faith and Hope are key, correct? As well as belief and repentance.

You: Right. Faith hope and love remain, but the greatest of these is Love.

You: Repentance is turning away from your sinful ways and turning to God, and following Him. Letting Him lead and guide you through life.

Stranger: I have a ring that says Hope and my friend had one that says Faith. I never understood what made me buy them. It's almost like i had the need to. It wasn't beauty, it wasnt price. I just loved them, they had an unknown meaning to me

You: Faith is important. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. It is by faith that we understand that the universe was formed at God's command so that what is seen was not made out of what was known.

Stranger: Well, Jimmy Wells, I believe im going to get off now. You have given me a new outlook and I thank u with my everything for it.

You: Of course. One last thing:

You: Meditate on this deeply: For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son. So that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him. Whoever believes in Him is not condemned but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son.

You: And insert your name personally into it.

Stranger: John 3:16

You: And Stranger, if ever you want to talk, discuss, email me. jim41088@gmail.com.

You: yes John 3:16. It's a common verse indeed, but once you meditate on it, it's deep.

Stranger: it have it written on my wall.

Stranger: i love it.

You: :-) awesome.

Stranger: i have it memorized.

You: :-D me too!

You: Well I won't keep you longer, but I would be pleased to hear from you in an email sometime.

You: There is a path for you Stranger. God loves you and He wants you. He died for you and wants you with Him in eternity someday.

You: Grace and peace be with you in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, our King and Savior.

Stranger: Jimmy, i do believe God put u in this world to save and educate

Stranger: May he be with you every step of the way.

You: I hope He did.

You: Thank you. :-)

Stranger: Goodbye my friend

You: God bless.

Feel free to leave comments.

Witnessing to Strangers

2009-12-18T19:03:00.003-05:00

This conversation I had with a stranger on the website, www.omegle.com.

You: hi

Stranger: hi

You: Do you think you're a good person?

Stranger: well sorta to people at least but i dont think i make any great contributions or anything

Stranger: i just dont act mean

You: So, if you died, where do you think you would go, heaven or hell? (Let's assume they exist)

Stranger: hell

You: Why?

Stranger: because im nice to people i know

Stranger: but when i t comes to other things im not

Stranger: such as i i somtimes have taken things from stores

Stranger: and i hop the train

You: So you haven't kept say the Ten Commandments?

Stranger: are asking if i follow them?

You: Asking if you've broken them.

Stranger: ofcourse ive broken them and im pretty sure every one in the world has broken them

You: I agree.

You: The Ten Commandments are God's Law. And if His law is broken, there is punishment. You've already said you've broken them, and that you feel you're going to hell. Does that concern you at all?

Stranger: well not exactly im in that stage were im not sure if any of that is real im in between deciding between any religion or atheism i think its called agnostic or somthing..

You: Right. Agnostic.

Stranger: ive started breaking more commandments ever since i questioned it

You: But as an agnostic, you entertain the idea that God might be real. That the Bible is true. You're seeking God while at the same time, running from Him.

Stranger: well im not seeking him but im not sure if hes real or not cause there arnt really any explinations

Stranger: its like im just waiting for somthing to happen

You: I have broken every commandment of the Ten. I've lied, stolen, blasphemed, murdered, commited adultery, envied, dishonored my parents, forgot the sabbath, had idols, and I've not loved God first and foremost.

Stranger: well everythingg else in my eyes is fine except murder

You: In the eyes of God, none of those things are fine.

Stranger: unless it was slef defence its alright

Stranger: if it was i mean

You: But, you said you're waiting to see if God reveals Himself to you. but I tell you, for those who seek, shall find.

Stranger: well im gonna seek and i really dont want to if he truly exist and loves every one of his people he shall seek me

Stranger: im not*

You: Oh He is seeking you. Have you ever heard of heart's door?

Stranger: no

You: It's basically a metaphore speaking the Truth that God as at your heart's door, knocking.

You: But the thing about this is,

You: He can't open the door.

You: You have to be the one opening that door to allow Him entrance.

You: God is a gentlemen. If He knocks, and you tell Him to go away, He will. He may come back later on and knock, but after so many times in your life of you telling Him to go away, He will.

You: God is seeking you. It says in the Bible that a sherpherd will leave His entire flock to find the lost sheep.

You: You, to God, are the lost sheep.

You: This conversation right now, stranger, is a knock on your door.

Stranger: well if im the lost sheep he should come and if he truly wants me he should try even harder becuase if i did beleive in him would you still be the knock on my door?

You: If you weren't right with God, and yet you still believed in Him, then yes, this would be, and is, your knock.

You: As I said, God is a gentlemen. He does want you very badly. He allowed His Son to die on the cross, He allowed His Son to take your punishment, the breaking of the Law, upon Himself, so that you wouldn't have to. If that is not God trying hard enough, then I don't know what is.

You: Do you know what I'm referring to when I mention God's Son?

Stranger: jesus if im not mistaken

You: You are correct. Do you know who Jesus is and what He did?

Stranger: i know who he is and know a bit about him

Sadly, it was at this point that the stranger disconnected our conversation.

Pro Life!

2009-12-12T23:13:00.002-05:00

The process of a partial birth abortion begins when the doctor places the woman before him. He gently inserts forceps into the womb and turns the baby so that the feet will exit the birth canal first. The doctor expertly delivers the entire body of the baby save for the head, and as he holds the squirming baby in one hand, he deftly stabs a pair of scissors into the base of the innocent baby’s skull. Studies by AGI show that only forty days after conception, the developing baby can sense touch. At four and one half months, when a partial birth abortion commonly takes place, a baby can experience pain. With the scissors inserted in the skull of the baby, the doctor then widens the scissors to broaden the opening. When the cavity expands enough, the doctor enters a suction catheter, which immediately sucks out the brains causing the skull to collapse. The doctor continues to remove the remainder of the baby from the former mother’s womb.
On July 11, 1995, AMA’s official journal submitted a tape-recorded interview with abortionist Dr. Martin Haskell, in which he states, “…The majority of fetuses aborted this way are alive until the end of the procedure.” This type of abortion, performed many thousands of times a year, victimizes babies in their trimester or ninth month. According to Merrian-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, Abortion is the termination of a pregnancy after, accompanied by, resulting in, or closely followed by the death of the embryo or fetus. At the moment of conception, an entire life begins, and to abort this innocent life is murder.
You may argue about the child with a lifelong disease who will die a slow death or live his life as a burden to his family? He will have no friends. He will not go to college. He will not lead a successful life. Some argue that the population boom can lead to problems such as not being able to feed the people we have now. Or in cases such as rape or incest, trauma closes in on the sanity of the woman. How can she possibly give birth to a child conceived like that?
To answer a question with a question, in response to the diseased child, should we end the life of all the people with disabilities who burden loved ones? Are we to say that these children will not experience the love of someone else who cares? Are we to say that when an elderly mother, who raised her children from birth with the utmost care, falls ill, we are to abort her life? Are we to say that people who long to care and provide and love these disabled ones lead a meaningless and pointless life of sympathy for the sick? If these statements speak truth, then why do we have doctors? Why not hire more executioners?
I do not believe that we will have much of a problem with feeding the population of America. The population growth of the world grows one percent a year, however, statistics on www.census.gov show that the population in America declines annually, not including immigration. The population growth equaling the current number of reproductive age individuals over the number of babies being born results in the American population decent.
The trauma from rape or incest will live forever with the woman whether she decides to murder her newly conceived baby or not. Why return the violence of killing a baby for the violence of rape? Legalizing abortion due to rape and/or incest provides the mother with an emotional screen, which in the end will not have erased the past.
On January 22, 1973, the U.S. Supreme Court legalized abortion in the famous Roe v. Wade decision. By a vote of seven to two, the U.S. Supreme Court held that until a child in the womb can sustain his own life, the mother’s wish for an abortion should take authority over the baby’s right to life. The state can protect the unborn unless the mother’s physical, emotional, or psychological health, life, age, marital status, or the babies’ probability of a distressful life and/or future provides a way of escape for the mother. Basically the court granted the mother permission to legally kill her children up to the time of birth. If abortion isn’t murder, then why can someone murder a pregnant woman and suffer two murder charges? The murderer wronged the woman; shouldn’t that mean that a woman wrongs a child that she aborts?
According to former Surgeon General, Dr. C. Everett Koop, abortion provides a pathway to convenience. Only three to five percent of the reasons for abortions include rape, incest, the possibility of a deformed or disabled child, and the possible threat of a mother’s life.
Between the years of 1973, where 744,600 abortions were performed, to 1996, where 1, 400,000 abortions were performed; a stunning 35,273,792 babies have been killed without the right to life. Scientists have proven that the heartbeat of the fetus begins twenty-one days after conception and that the brain can function as early as forty days after conception.
For one to say, “Pro-family, pro-child, pro-choice,” states that they advocate the choice to kill innocent unborn children. Portraying such a thing is as logical as saying “Pro-women, Pro-rape.” The whole ordeal reeks with absurdity.
In closing, one cannot prohibit the issue of abortion from moral standards. To eliminate abortion from any form of morality excludes it from decency. We have laws in the United States that forbids anyone to murder, steal from, rape, or molest anyone else. These laws stem from morality, as does the movement to stop abortion. We live in a democracy, which means we, the people, have a voice. Our voice can put an end to abortion to provide an opportunity for life. With the voice of the people we can change the choice of those who desire to abort a life not yet lived.

Broken Heart

2009-12-08T21:55:00.001-05:00

Broken and shattered
Fallen to the ground
Cracked and splintered
Spread all around

Failing adhesives
Tape, glue, and nails
Strained attachments
Blind infidels

Very few things
Exist today
That can surgically fix
Cold hearts of clay

A bludgeoned heart
Torn by sins
Can be healed
When Jesus wins

Not in front of the kids!

2009-12-05T20:26:00.001-05:00

I think it is awesome that fighting, arguments, and anger in a relationship/marriage isn't something we're supposed to ignore, cover up, or dismiss. Although anger and conflict in a marriage is not pleasant, it can be helpful. We sometimes have a tendency, no matter how open a relationship is, to bottle things up. These can sometimes range from thoughts or annoyances between the couple or even events or people outside of the marriage. For instance, the best friend of the husband dies, it's natural for him to close himself up, or distance himself from everyone, including his wife. And although that is understandable, it still affects the wife in a negative way, which can lead to conflict on down the road. Of course, this is where communication can be helpful. Sometimes, I feel, forcing communication within a relationship is necessary. To point, a conflict, if handled properly, can make someone open up. The wife will complain to her husband that she feels alone. He may lash out because he feels convicted of that fact, however, when he does, he will also be opening up.
When conflict within a marriage occurs, I think the best course of action is communication, paying attention, and learning. Sadly, when a couple gets into a fight, the last person on their mind to please or sympathize with is their spouse. Perhaps that is the very best thing to do.

The Void

2009-11-15T18:30:00.000-05:00

I think a good deal of us out there have a hole in our life or heart. So many times in so many ways, we, even as Christians, attempt to fill that hole in our life by secular ungodly means. Sometimes, we may not even recognize the hole to begin with. Filler substitutes such as food, sex, drugs, alcohol, games, spending money, working, and more, work to replace the emptiness inside. Some Christians, I've noticed, fill that hole in their hearts with charity or missions, while at the same time neglecting their families, husbands, wives, and kids. What we need to first realize is that there is a hole in our lives, in our hearts, and then realize that there is nothing in this world, produced by ourselves or by someone else, that can possibly fill that void. We need to stop working to fill that empty space by ungodly means and finally allow Jesus Christ to be our everything. I have a friend who struggles with being alone and single. Although he doesn't realize the void, he fulfills himself in unconventional ways he knows is wrong. He thinks that if he were to get a girlfriend or wife, he wouldn't have a problem anymore. She would be there to help him grow and mature, but the problem is, he has a hole in his heart and he expects a wife to fill that void; his mistake is that there is nothing and no one that can fulfill him except for Jesus Christ.

Falling Short

2009-11-14T13:12:00.000-05:00

I understand, and am also challenged by, bondage of sin. To me, it is important, that no matter who the person is, whether it be someone I am counseling, witnessing to, or giving spiritual advice, it is important that they understand their sinful nature. As humans, we are born with the seed passed down from Adam. We are born naturally "evil," so to say, or with a sinful nature. Regardless, we are born without God's Holy Spirit. This in turn, however, is not an excuse, but more of an explanation. We need to first recognize our nature and that we fall short of the Glory of God. Afterward, we need to repent, which means to turn away from our sinful nature, and accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. It is my opinion that a person cannot be rehabilitated, healed, saved, or corrected until they first understand what they've done wrong or where and why they fall short.

She's gone

2009-11-14T13:10:00.000-05:00

I had thought, in my young and dumb age, that if I just applied the bible to everything I ran into in a counseling session, everything would be alright. And although I still believe that I should certainly apply the Bible, I have a different perspective. Not everything will always be alright. Just recently: there was a couple who I went to high school with. I knew them both vaguely. After graduation, they got married and had a child, who is now one year old. About a month ago, the wife went missing. Just a few nights ago, not two minutes from where I live, the husband lead the police to where he buried her body. I ask myself: how could I counsel the mother of the girl who was killed? Sure I could refer to the Bible, but how can I tell her to forgive? Do you know what's sad? The other night, it took someone talking to me about it who isn't a Christian to make me realize that I wasn't being very Christ-like in my thoughts towards the husband. That was very humbling. I'm not saying counseling someone in such a position wouldn't be possible, it would just be more difficult. What if their daughter was older, in her teens? How in the world could I counsel a teenage girl whose mother was murdered by her father on her birthday? It would be hard. Incredibly hard.
Although I haven't gotten all the way through all my lessons, I've come to the realization that there are going to be hard cases. There are going to be times when perhaps, I am just not qualified.

2009-11-06T01:17:00.002-05:00

Abstract

Humans have a natural tendency towards sin called a sinful nature, or original sin, or natural corruption. Every human being is caught in sin and is in need of the grace and forgiveness of Christ Jesus. Afterwards, the new born Christian can reap the blessings God has to offer.

COUNSELING THOSE TO THE PATH OF RESTORATION

Conservative biblical theology has revealed many aspects to the human condition laid out in the Bible. Fundamental Christian counseling should reveal to counselees their natural tendency towards sin and their natural human depravity. Counselors should lay out a person’s need for Christ and guide a counselee(s) to overcoming the sin in his or her life. The counselor’s job is to show love and understanding towards those he and she counsels and to not show or project judgment.

Human Nature

God created Adam physically and spiritually alive. The Lord dwelled inside of Adam and it was said that Adam walked with God. However, when Adam sinned, he died spiritually, as God warned him that he would. God cursed Adam, even to the very ground he walked on resulting in the fallen world we see around us (Anderson, 2003).

Origin of Sin

First, it is imperative to understand and to help the counselee understand that God is not to be blamed for the corruption and sin in the world. It must be understood that He is “the Rock! His work is perfect, for all His ways are just; a God of faithfulness and without injustice, righteousness and upright is He” (Deut. 32:4, New American Standard Version). Before Adam, sin was present in the angelic realm when Satan fell, his followers in tow (Grudem, 1994). Concerning Adam and Eve, however, sin struck at the basis for moral standards providing an alternative answer to the question “What is right?” Lucifer presented Eve with an alternative scenario causing her to doubt the words of God. He opened to her an opportunity to be like God by eating of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. When Satan tempted Eve, instead of going to God and inquiring with Him about it, she trusted herself and the words of the Liar and she ate of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Adam soon thereafter ate also and by this gave a different answer to the question “Who am I?” No longer does Man see themselves as creatures of Christ and dependent on the King: subordinate to Abba Father.

Inherited Guilt of Sin

Adam represented all of mankind at the time that he was tested as it references to in Romans chapter five verse twelve: “Therefore, just as through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all sinned” (New American Standard Bible). People, ever since the Fall, inherit the guilt and tendency to sin from Adam (Grudem, 1994). Some have argued that it is unfair that all mankind should be represented by the sin of Adam; however, in that case, it would also be unfair to say that Christians should be represented by the death and resurrection of the Lamb of God.

“Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin my mother conceived me” (Ps. 51:5, New American Standard Bible). King David was so aware of his sin that he confessed to be a sinner from birth. David is not assigning responsibility to his mother but to himself as portrayed in the former verses, “Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions and my sin is ever before me” (Ps. 51:2-3, New American Standard Bible, emphasis added). A similar reference to corruption at birth is found in Psalms chapter fifty-eight verse three where it says, “The wicked are estranged from the womb; these who speak lies go astray from birth.” The apostle Paul further affirms that we have a disposition to sin when he said, “Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest” (Eph. 2:3). However, humans are not entirely chaotic as they have certain aspects of survival, surroundings, and the environment keeping them at bay; these would also include civil law, family and society expectations, and our conscience (Rom. 2:14-15). As John MacArthur stated in his book Thinking Biblically (2003), “The inability to love, obey, and please God is the very essence of human depravity.”

Overcoming Sin and the Need for Christ

When a counselee is caught in sin or admits to sinning, the counselor’s job is not to condemn him or her or to accuse him or her but to show love, sympathy, and understanding (Anderson, 2003). Romans supports the counselor’s duty biblically by stating, “Therefore there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (8:1 New American Standard Bible).

Furthermore, it must be understood that the counselee must choose to live for God as Paul mentioned in Romans chapter six verse eleven, “Even so consider yourselves to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus.” To the benefit of the Christian counselee, make aware that one should not listen to Satan. He will first practice temptation, then, if his victim gives into sin, he will condemn him or her and attack his or her self worth. The key is not to try and solve or take away someone’s flesh patterns or eliminate bad behavior, at least not at first. The main objective concerns guiding the counselee into finding his or her identity in Christ Jesus. A Christian therapist needs to first resolve the counselee’s personal and spiritual conflict. Taking away the shopaholic’s money does not fix the problem for the hole he or she had is still there and he or she may only find another unhealthy way to fill it.

Struggling Christians need help understanding their salvation. There have been times when a Christian who had been defeated by sin thought that they were not saved. However, this could not be the case, as a Christian therapist would point out, else they wouldn’t even be worried about it. Some Christians who stumble fear that they have committed the unforgivable sin; however, the job of Christ’s advocate is to help them realize that that is not possible.

Repentance and Freedom from Sin

Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so, and those who are in the flesh cannot please God (Rom. 8:1-8, New American Standard Bible).

Once a counselee sees their sin and acknowledges it, the last and final step is to repent, which means to turn away. God wants them to turn away from their sin. Once a person turns away from sin and receives Christ into their heart, it is being born again which has a much more significant meaning now that it is known that all humans are born spiritually dead. Offer the encouragement to savor the moment they realize that Christ is in them and they are spiritually alive in Him. A counselor may find joy when they guide their counselee to understand that they indeed have a place in Heaven, written in the Book of Life. When a person repents, calls upon the Lord and is forgiven, they are filled with the Holy Spirit and that is one of the many blessings God offers His children. Celebrate the freedom of bondage of sin, guilt, and glorify Jesus. It should be explained, as is portrayed in the Bible time and time again that repentance is death to the old self and life is birth to the new self.

References

Anderson, Neil T. (2003). Discipleship Counseling: The Complete Guide to helping Others Walk in Freedom and Grow in Christ. Ventura: Regal Books From Gospel Light.

Grudem, Wayne. (1994). Systematic Theology: An Introduction to Biblical Doctrine. Leicester: Inter-Varsity Press.

MacArthur, John. (2003). Thinking Biblically: Recovering a Christian Worldview. Wheaton: Crossway Books.

2009-10-22T00:42:00.002-04:00

Abstract

Divorce can have a significant impact on the well being of each member of the involved family, particularly the development of children and adolescents. The result of divorce affects many aspects of a person’s life, including the parent-child relationship, emotions and behavior, mental development, and future relationships. As stated by Robert Hughes, Jr. PhD, the divorce rate in America has been rising during the 20th (Source: Patten, Peggy. (1999). Divorce and Children Part I: An Interview with Robert Hughes, Jr., PhD. ParentNews).

Devastation of Divorce

As a result of divorce, younger children may become uncooperative, depressed, or angry. In an excerpt from Family Education, a woman describes the issues she had with her four year old niece. The little girl began to hit, bite, and misbehave as she missed the family unit as she once knew it (Shari Nethersole, M.D.). This incident is an example of a common outcome of divorce on children. It is possible that divorce may result in difficulties with controlling emotions and behavior. These effects can influence the parent-child relationship and possibly any relationships that take place long after adolescents. Divorce can leave a scar on everyone’s heart. At the beginning, the husband and wife were in love and happy. In the end, they saw each other with hate in their hearts, disgust on their tongues, and hurt feelings. The children part with at least one of the parents emotionally tearing them apart. Confusion, distrust, and self blame are quick to follow.
Marriage is the union of one man and one woman under God. Marriage is when a man and woman establish their decision to live as one flesh, as husband and wife, to love one another through thickness and thin, sickness and health, until death due them part. The biblical portrait of marriage reflects the relationship between Christ and His bride, the church (New American Standard Bible, Matt. 25:1-13). Divorce is unbiblical and a sin in the eyes of God (Malachi 2:16). As any sin, divorce will also hinder a Christian’s walk with the Lord.

Statistics

During the 20th century, the divorce rate in America alone has been on the rise reaching its most recent climax in the 1970s. However, since the 1970s, the divorce rate has been decreasing. Studies reveal that for every 1,000 women past the age of fifteen, twenty get a divorce; as opposed to 1978 when the peak of divorce was twenty three women per every 1,000 women. Sadly, the rate now is still higher than the rate of divorce throughout the 1950s; about five per 1,000 women. Almost every country in the world is suffering from a rising divorce rate. Two chief factors affecting the increasing divorce rate in the United States are the lesser dependencies spouses feel when it comes to their economical survival and the growing use of birth control, giving couples more sexual freedom.
Future marriages are more probable to remain intact because the United States population, as well as those countries around the world, is aging. Furthermore, an escalating number of young adults are cohabitating outside of marriage. If this sort of relationship does not last, it is not recorded as a divorce, however, that does not go to say that there are not children equally affected (Robert Hughes, Jr, PhD).

Affects on children

Mothers who experience a recent divorce may show degrees of disorganization, anger, and the lack of behavioral expectations of children. This leads to a disturbance of the parent-child relationship. Because of this disruption, some children will experience emotional and behavior issues. For example, hitting and biting a loved one, a teacher, a friend, or even themselves. Depending on the child’s age, they may feel rage, grief, guilt, and dejection, a sense of powerlessness, panic, or even emotional regression. Studies show that between the ages of six and eight children will likely fantasize and believe that their parents will come together again displaying a lack of recognition of the divorce. Between ages eight and eleven, children will display anger and frustration at feeling helpless and during adolescents, depression befalls them possibly leading to suicide (Eleoff, Sara).

Possible Solutions

Many precautions can be taken to help prevent a divorce from splitting a family apart (Family Dynamics Institute, 2009). The first and foremost preventative action that can be taken is to either accept Jesus as Lord and Savior or, if already saved, make Jesus the center of the relationship. If either spouse within the marriage takes their eyes and focus from God, they will begin to sink, just as Peter did in the Bible. Secondly, before marriage, it is better to abstain from sexual relations. Not only is sex before marriage a sin, but it also stains the purity of the love and the relationship. God created sex to be a good thing but only within marriage. Thirdly, also before marriage, a couple should not participate in cohabitation. It is often believed today that by two people living together before marriage will help them decide whether or not the person they are living with is someone they want to spend the rest of their lives with. “Cohabitation is simply a way to enjoy regular sex with a dependable partner minus the hassles of dating,” (Henslin, 2008).
Once married a couple should put a lot of focus towards communication. One majority complaint of spouses is that their partner doesn’t listen to them (Chapman, 2004). Lastly, a good decision for both partners to make is to ignore the consideration and possibility of divorce no matter the situation. If divorce was seen as something that was not an option even before marriage, spouses would likely be more supportive, loving, and loyal to one another. At a divorce rate so incredibly high, divorce is only seen as a means of convenience.

Role of the Family

The role of the family to help prevent divorce, or in the case of divorce, is first and foremost, love. An effort to help prevent divorce should be taken but if a divorce takes place and all sides are hurt, love and support will lead the way to healing. As parents, a couple recently divorced should keep their differences in private, away from the child or children. In such a case, children need love and assurance from both parents cooperatively. For children to see their parents argue and hate each other only harms the child, emotionally and mentally. As for the couple, it is best to separate as civilly as possible. Both are likely heartbroken and there is no cause to add fuel to the fire.

Role of the Community

As far as fault and blame are concerned, the community plays a relatively significant part. Sexual appealing magazines in convenient stores, nakedness of a sexual nature on television and commercials, exotic highway billboards, and easily accessible pornography on the internet are examples of the temptations that can lead to adultery. Movies also portray false life situations such as love at first sight, sex before marriage as acceptable, bastard children, and divorce as an acceptable means of ease. Solutions the community could work on would be eliminating sexually explicit material, sinful displays of life, and encouragement to the vows of marriage.

Role of the Church

The role of the church is both broad and narrow. On a broad aspect, the church should encourage more fellowship, love, and communication. For a more narrow approach, the church should offer marriage counseling, marriage seminars, marriage help groups, and even possibly help with family retreats. Pastors should not fear to preach on the blessings of marriage and the disasters and sins of divorce. The fellowship of the church may also aid married couples and pre-marital couples to participate in what the church offers.

Conclusion

Divorce is high in the United States and around the world. What is more devastating is that the divorce rate among Christians is also equally high. Christians are to be the salt and light of the world. Married Christian couples are meant to lead and guide those who aren’t married into a more rewarding relationship. Divorce of a family, no matter the culture, the background, the religion, or the social status affects everyone directly and indirectly in a negative normally harmful way.

References

Chapman, Gary. (2004). The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Chicago: Northfield Publishing.

Eleoff, Sara, (n.d.) The Child Advocate. Retrieved October 9, 2009, from The Pennsylvania State University College of Medicine, the Child Advocare website: http://www.childadvocate.net/divorce_effects_on_children.htm.

Family Dynamics Institute, 2009. Comprehensive Marriage Ministry. Retrieved October 9, 2009, from http://www.familydynamics.net/.

Henslin, James M. (2008). Social Problems: A Down-To-Earth Approach. Boston: Pearson Custom Publishing.

Nethersole, Shari, M.D. (n.d.), Family Education. Retrieved October 8, 2009, from http://life.familyeducation.com/divorce/behavioral-problems/42210.html

Patten, Peggy. (1999), Health. Retrieved October 4, 2009, from http://www.athealth.com/consumer/disorders/childrendivorce.html

2009-08-22T22:00:00.001-04:00

Refutation to McCloskey

H. J. McCloskey in On Being an Atheist argues in favor of atheism and attempts to discredit theism. He uses many tactful approaches in disputing theism such as the arguments for God as a whole failing to establish a case for God. Focusing on the Cosmological argument, McCloskey claims that the existence of all that we see fulfills no grounds for there to exist a God or necessary being. He furthers the argument by stating that the cosmological argument gives us, as humans, no right to assume that a necessary being or God exists. Furthermore, McCloskey debates the Teleological argument by claiming that in order to believe that nature was designed there would need to be examples that were indisputable. Moreover, he delves into the problem of evil, bringing one of the most disputed and difficult cases to the table. His main objection to theism contains the fact that evil exists. He asks how evil could exist if an omnipotent God existed as well. The argument of evil and why it exists inevitably leads to the concept of free will of which he also asks why God allowed it or couldn’t have kept human beings from making wrong decisions. Lastly, McCloskey attempts to explain his argument that atheism produces more comfort and satisfaction than theism. He uses the example of illness and says God either cannot stop it from happening, allows it to happen, or deliberately gives an illness to someone.

For McCloskey’s first argument, that of abandoning of some proofs because they are inadequate, I challenge by stating that any argument for God may not be absolutely solid but all the legitimate arguments for God brought together form a convincing and unyielding argument. The best explanations approach states that the existence of God is the best explanation for what we see, observe, know, and don’t know of the universe surrounding us. Basically, a moral, intelligent, personal, necessary being, God, is the best explanation for what we experience in the universe.

Secondly, McCloskey argues that just because the world exists does not mean a necessary being or cause has to exist as well. However, anything and everything that we observe in the universe does not need to exist, but does. More so, the objects in the universe, separately or as a whole as the entire universe, exist, but could easily not exist. That, in turn, leaves no reason why our universe exists. Basically, what we see, observe, and know are not things that had to exist necessarily. The universe is contingent which means it is liable to happen, to have been caused, or not. Therefore, to have a contingent object or being requires that there be a cause or necessary being. This necessary being must not be able to cease to exist for if it could cease to exist, which means it has or had an end, then that would imply that it indeed had a beginning. And for anything that has a beginning must therefore have been created or caused. The argument is as follows: some contingent beings exist, and if they exist then a necessary being must exist because, as we discussed, contingent beings require a necessary being to have caused them. Therefore, there must be a necessary being which is the cause of the contingent beings (Evans). As for a common objection, if everything requires a cause then God also requires a cause We argue that God is not a contingent being. Besides, only a self-existent or necessary being can be thought of as God (Evans).

McCloskey furthers his refutation against the cosmological argument by stating that it “does not entitle us to postulate an all-powerful, all-perfect, uncaused cause.” (McCloskey) However, if someone accepts the cosmological argument, then he or she should inherit a desire to search and learn more about the Creator (Evans).

After McCloskey’s claims against the cosmological argument, he transitions his focus to the teleological argument claiming that to approach this argument or proof, indisputable examples of design and purpose would be required. I disagree in that to give any example shows the possibility of a creator, whether the example is disputed or not. Although an example may lay prone to argumentation and disputation, there generally exists an argument in favor of the example, a refutation of the disputation if you will. To give an example of design or purpose would then make it possible that there is a Designer; for if it is possible that there is a God, then God must be necessary. To state Malcolm’s version of a necessary being, if God exists, His existence is necessary. But if God does not exist, then His existence is impossible completely. So either God exists, or He does not exist and God’s existence is either necessary or impossible. Because we can give examples, God’s existence is then possible meaning, conclusively, God’s existence is necessary (Evans). McCloskey also goes on to claim that evolution has disqualified and dismissed the need for a Creator or Designer. Even if evolution were true, as I don’t believe it is, it is indeed a process following the laws of nature whose ultimate outcome is beneficial. Just as a print machine uses a process to produce several copies of a particular document and has a creator, someone who designed the print machine, so the process of evolution would also have a designer. God cannot do something that is impossible. He, for instance, cannot make a square circle or round rectangle (Evans). So the imperfection and evil in the world do not count against the divine design.

From there, McCloskey then moves to the problem of evil in and of the world.

No being who was perfect could have created a world in which there was unavoidable suffering or in which his creatures would (and in fact could have been created so as not to) engage in morally evil acts, acts which very often result in injury to innocent persons (McCloskey).

To define first, as is within the logical form of the problem of evil, moral evil is caused by the actions of free, morally responsible beings. Natural evil, however, appears to be evil that does not occur as a result of a responsibly moral being. Theodicy attempts to show that God is justified in allowing evil. It explains that God allows evil and possibly that He has good reasons for doing so. Evans referred to Alvin Plantinga who claimed that God may have reasons for allowing evil that we don’t or can’t know.

Another thought refers to the idea that the amount of good in the world ultimately outweighs the bad and evil in the world. For example, something bad happens; but because of it’s happening, a greater good is achieved and therefore the good outweighs the bad (Evans). Another argument is that some of the first order evils in the world, namely natural evil, happen in order to produce or provoke second order virtues. For example, a first order evil occurs, perhaps such as a grizzly charging a man’s daughter; perhaps a second order virtue, courage, is provoked and therefore produced when the man charges the bear waving his arms around to scare the bear off. Or, if the bear gets the girl, which would be an evil, perseverance and reliance on Christ could be the second order virtue of the man. You may ask, then, what of the second order evils that occur, those opposite of the virtues, such as cowardice? This is basically the result of the mistakes of Man and his poor use of free choice (Evans).

This then leads us to McCloskey’s discussion of free will where he asks why God did not arrange so that man always chooses the right choice. His argument, however, is not logical. If God said that everyone would always choose the correct path of A, then no one really would have any free will seeing as how free will would give everyone the option to also not choose path A (Evans). As Evans stated in his book, Philosophy of Religion: Thinking About Faith, “God is said to allow freedom because without it humans could not be morally responsible agents, capable of freely doing good by responding to and loving their Creator,” (135-136). McCloskey states that theists cannot always argue that free will and necessitation to virtue are incompatible, for they represent God himself as possessing a free will and as being incapable of acting immorally. If this can be the case with God, why can it not be so with all free agents (McCloskey)? One interesting point McCloskey is overlooking, however, is that God, possessing free will and the necessitation to virtue, is good. Man, however, since the fall of Adam, is not naturally good.

Finally, McCloskey, as he closed his article, claimed that atheism is more comforting than theism. He argues that it would not be comforting to know that God was responsible for the illness that befell a loved one; or that God was to account for the death of a child or the cancer of a mother. He argues that it would be much more comforting to know that these issues came by chance and was not able to be helped or stopped. I disagree. I don’t believe that it would be comforting to be diagnosed with a terminal illness and not believe in an afterlife in heaven. I do not believe that a person could find comfort in believing that they were going to cease to exist completely, other than by memory of others alone. It is not comforting, in my opinion, to believe that there are no basis for values or morals; that we have no grounds for right or wrong. As Craig so brilliantly put it, “...it is impossible to condemn war, oppression, or crime as evil. Nor can one praise brotherhood, equality, and love as good. For in a universe without God, good and evil do not exist---there is only the bare valueless fact of existence, and there is no one to say that you are right and I am wrong.” Is that the kind of world we want: A world without God? I find absolutely no comfort in the thought of a Godless world.

Works Cited

Craig, William Lane. Reasonable Faith: Christian Truth and Apologetics. “The Absurdity of Life Without God.” Wheaton, TL: Crossway Books, 2008.

Evans, C. Stephen. Philosophy of Religion: Thinking About Faith. Downers Grove, Illinois: IVP Academic, 1982.

McCloskey, H. J. “On Being An Atheist.” 1968.

2009-08-22T21:56:00.001-04:00

Television’s Affect on Children

Warm sunny weekends prompted times that my parents did not allow me or my siblings indoors. I still remember trying to sneak my way into the living room to watch the Saturday morning cartoons while everyone resided on the deck. Although my dad disapproved, Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, and Tom and Jerry filled my agenda and sparked my interest. However, to my parents, kids should not have been inside on a beautiful sunny day. My step brother and I were forced outside many times to play with our Tonka Trucks or Matchbox Cars in the dirt. We did not quite appreciate that at times. However now when I look back, I honestly have to thank my parents for doing that: not allowing my brain to become a rotisserie oven. After awhile of adjusting to no television, my mind was forced to create its own entertainment and before I knew it, I wandered the forests out back from sun-up to sun-down every chance I got. I would fight off enemies, make alliances, and take over kingdoms! I was ruledr there, in the small one acre wooded area, but it was mine nonetheless. One of the most important lessons I learned during these years of childhood was to never complain that I was bored. If I did, my dad would hand me a toothbrush and send me to the bathroom to scrub the toilet.

Sadly, in these modern digital days, parents do not react the same way as mine did. Turning on the television to silence a crying two year old has become a sufficient means to end the inconvenient discomfort. Story books, crayons, outdoor activities, and sixteen year old babysitters have been replaced by Cartoon Network and The Disney Channel. A study concludes that “twenty percent of two to seven year olds, forty six percent of eight to twelve year olds, and fifty six percent of thirteen to seventeen year olds have TVs in their bedrooms.” Television earns the undivided attention of two to seventeen year olds for approximately twenty five hours per week; three and a half hours a day. The amount and the content of television watched impact a child’s reading and other academic skills (Institute on Media, Television’s effect). Television can affect children and youth in a negative way by obscuring values, weakening their health, and affecting later adolescent behavior.

When children watch television, they intercept the values of other peoples. Over the course of time, I have found that values differentiate from culture to culture, country to country, and area to area. Everyone has values and as Jeanette Winterson once said, “What you risk reveals what you value.” (Quotes) Values dictate the choices a person makes and those choices determine the life a person leads. In the 1920s marriage was a value amongst people. Living together out of wedlock was nearly unheard of and strictly frowned upon. It was proper to date, court, engage, then marry and move in together. Now, in the 21^st Century, marital values are backwards comparatively: two people will meet (of the opposite or same sex), date, move in together, engage, and then marry. (Sometimes they skip the dating part.) Values can define a person. What does that person wear? What does that person say or talk about? Where does that person spend their leisure time? What is that person not willing to part with? One must ponder where these values come from. How do they change? I think a main factor to the answer of that question is television. Television normalizes what used to be outlandish. How do the foreign and outlandish values of other people affect our children when they sit in front of the tube and watch the display of filth, murder, thievery, sex, drugs, fighting, and profanity?

Television, especially an excessive amount, can affect a child’s health: mental, physical, and aggressive health. Children who watch three or more hours of television per day display a decline in their reading ability (Institute on Media, Television’s effect). I once heard from a respected community leader that television is projected in an up and down motion. You may recall this from older movies when you could see the pictures from the film moving from top to bottom in a fast motion creating the illusion of movement among those portrayed in the pictures. The faster the film tape moved, the less likely you were to see the brief pauses in between each slide. This soon gave the effect of a motion picture. The same is true today. The motion picture in television is still moving in the same fashion, just faster and clearer. You do not notice this; however, subconsciously, your brain still captures the individual slides. If a child constantly watches television, habituating her brain to the constant up and down movement, it is thought that the child will have more difficulty reading because reading is a side to side motion for the brain.¹ Furthermore, a child’s physical health may be in jeopardy due to an excessive amount of television. “Regardless of race or ethnicity, those who watched four or more hours of TV each day had a greater proportion of body fat than kids who watched two hours or less,” (Joseph, “Budding Couch Potatoes”). More so, children who watch a considerable amount of television a day risk injury or bodily harm. The distortion of reality, the constant death of immortal cartoons, the perfect infallible high jumps of martial artists, or the high speed thrill of fast car movies account for the increased chance of injury (Joseph, “TV viewing and risk”). In relation to the risk of injury, the risk of aggression, violence, and injury to others becomes a possible issue. “A range of studies found evidence that subjects exposed to violent filmed models were subsequently more aggressive,” (Tulloch, “Violence and Television”). A child watching their favorite action hero could begin to act out or imitate what they saw on television; these actions could range anywhere from punching, kicking, biting, cursing, or even pointing toy or real guns at other people. I remember my cousin when he was young, no older than seven years old, holding a steak knife at his mother’s throat cursing in her face, mainly because she wouldn’t allow him to do something he wanted to do. Where did he learn this action? Among the family, we concluded that he had learned it from the Chucky movies. How many stories on the news have there been about young children shooting their parents, taking guns to school, stabbing their siblings, or going on high speed chases with police?

Therefore, watching television, and increasing the aggressive rate among children, could lead to later troublesome adolescent behavior. What does television teach our children? Does it teach them that one can fly if he straps homemade wings to his arms and jumps from his housetop, or does it convince a child that shooting someone will just make their face spin around? Do movies teach our children sex first, marriage later? “What are children viewing on television that could be so bad”, one might ask. From the crazed Coyote on Roadrunner from Jerry Springer, “I’ve had more lovers than meals,” a child sees and absorbs these images, these ideas, and these values and may grow to be someone who may also portray the same behavior. They may have sex before marriage, and learn to buy diapers on their way home from their job at a fast food restaurant. They may take a gun to school because someone looked at them wrong, ending up dead or being lead down town in the back of a police vehicle.

Why is violence among children and teens on the rise? To answer that question, one must go to the source. I think one major source is the affects of television on children. It can advertently lead to mental problems, health issues, and misbehaving juveniles.

¹ I do not have a source for this information but it was given to me by an intellectual that I trust.

Works Cited

Joseph, Jennifer. “Budding Couch Potatoes.” ABCNEWS.com. http://www.drwoolard.com/peinnews2/tv_linked.htm.

Mercola, Dr. Joseph. “Television Associated With Children's Aggression.” Mercola.com. 2009. http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2001/04/04/tv-children-part-four.aspx.

Mercola, Dr. Joseph. “TV Viewing Tied to Child Injury Risk.” Mercola.com. 2009. http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2008/01/02/tv-viewing-tied-to-injury-risk.aspx.

“Television's Effect On Reading And Academic Achievement.” National Institute on Media and the Family. 17 July 2002. http://www.mediafamily.org/facts/facts_tveffect.shtml.

Tulloch, John and Marian. “VIOLENCE AND TELEVISION.” The Museum of Broadcast Communications. http://www.museum.tv/archives/etv/V/htmlV/violenceand/violenceand.htm.

Winterson, Jeanette. “Quotes: Value.” About.com. 2009. http://quotations.about.com/cs/inspirationquotes/a/Value1.htm.

2009-08-22T21:54:00.001-04:00

Christians and the Environment

Have you ever seen one of those signs along the road declaring that a person or a community adopted that particular highway? Have you ever wondered what that meant? I used to wonder what it meant. As a youngster at that time, one could only imagine what went through my mind when I equated what I knew as adoption to a highway. Not far from where I lived, there was one of those signs that declared that Bear Creek Baptist Church had adopted that highway. I attended Bear Creek Baptist Church on a regular basis. My first summer there as a youth, I found out what it meant to adopt a highway. With orange vests, pointy sticks, big orange bags and lots of drinking water, we spent the entire day cleaning the trash and liter off the sides of the road. We did not stop there however; we continued on and cleaned up a few other roads. Amazingly, we enjoyed it. Every summer the Bear Creek Baptist Church Youth went out on this road, draped in orange, and cleaned our local environment.

According to the Department of Transportation, Americans burn two hundred million gallons of gasoline a day by driving our vehicles (Influences). Approximately seventy thousand people die early deaths caused by heart and lung related illnesses (The Light Party). Christians today should concern themselves with our environment locally and then expand our contributions and concerns worldwide.

How can one begin to help, restore, and preserve the world we live in? I believe that we, as Christians, can start with ourselves. For the smoker, how common and habitual is it to throw your cigarette butt out the window? When brushing your teeth, how long do you let the water run? How many empty water bottles have you thrown away or how many times have you scored jump shooting a ball of paper in the trash bin? How often do you choose plastic over paper at the super market? These are minor habits we each have in our daily lives that if we change them, we help the environment little by little. To save well over 2.5 billion plastic bags a year, approximately twenty-five percent of American families, Christian families included, would have to choose plastic ten times less and choose paper instead (Influences). For each ton of paper we choose to throw in the recycle bin rather than the garbage bin, we can help America save three hundred eighty gallons of oil. Contrary to popular belief, the butt end of a cigarette is not biodegradable. The white fibers in the end of the butt are not cotton but a form of plastic, which can last as long as other plastics in the environment (Cigarette Butt Liter). Furthermore, we, especially as Christians, need to learn not to waste what we use and use only what we need. “The more you conserve, the less you have to recycle.” (Clendennen).

I live relatively close to an ocean inlet where there resides a dock, a landing, and a lot of miniature crabs. I remember when I used to take strolls down to the landing to look out on the ocean. I remember I went down there once and discovered, as the tide was out, that beside the dock, there was an old, but very large tire in the water. Along side of the tire rested debris of sorts: empty glass beer bottles, tin cans, tangled fishing lines, a shoe, a mud soaked shirt, and a few other unnatural objects. On the surface of the water, if the light from the sun hit it just right, I could see engine fuel waste floating on top, purple and green in color. Fish and crabs, and a lot of other living creatures lived in that water. I had made a mental note one time of the stench that came from the landing area and one day I discovered why: a dead fish. A fish, a flounder, had wrapped itself in some of the tangled fishing line. When I found it, crabs were picking away at it. Although the sight and smell was horrid, I knew that that flounder wouldn’t have died, likely, if the debris hadn’t polluted the area. I later found out that toxic chemicals enter our waterways every year polluting the environment for wildlife and polluting our own drinking water (The Light Party).

Human waste is becoming a problem in our world. The United States alone, which is approximately five percent of the world’s total population, produces thirty percent of the waste in the world (Bicycle Greenway). In Australia, a shire implemented a plan to reduce or recycle human waste. The worm farm was built in 1997. Basically they use worms to eat human waste and turn it into fertilizer and then sell to those wishing to grow plants. The treatment plant receives eight thousand mega-liters of sewage a year. (About four thousand full sized swimming pools.) “The worm farm produces 200 cubic metres of worm castings per week, which is 10,400 cubic metres per year,” (Ian).

We as Christians know that there is a proper way to handle and treat God’s creation. God created the heavens and the earth and all that was in them and saw that they were good. It says in the Bible that God knows every fowl of the air and every creature of the ground. It also says in the Bible that God provides for His creation. When Jesus taught, for instance, that we shouldn’t worry about what we shall eat or what we shall wear because if God can take care of the smallest creature on earth, feeding it every day, He will take care of us, His beloved. Notice, in Genesis at creation, that when God gave man dominion over the earth, it didn’t mean for men to raze earth, but to raise it. When He created Adam, He put Adam in Eden and told him to take care of it. (Deem)

We as Christians should do the same thing with the world God has privileged us to live in. He created this world for us, to live in, be happy and fruitful. He never intended for us to pollute and destroy it. We need to begin small, locally, correcting what our earlier generations have done.

Works Cited

Cigarette Butt Litter. “Are cigarette butts biodegradable?” Clean Virginia Waterways. http://www.longwood.edu/CLEANVA/cigbuttbiodegradable.htm.

Clendennen, Andy. “Preserving the environment: energy- and cost-saving alternatives to recycling abound.” Washington University. http://news-info.wustl.edu/tips/page/normal/5375.html.

Deem, Rich. “Is Christianity anti-Environmental?” Evidence For God. Feb. 17, 2007. http://www.godandscience.org/apologetics/environment.html.

Human Influenced Facts. “Facts and Figures, Did you Know?” ThinkQuest.com. http://library.thinkquest.org/11353/facts.htm.

Ian and Luke. “Worm Farm.” The Redlands. http://www.virtualclassroom.org/99/vc_45/bsssenviron/Wormfarm.htm.

Light Party, The. “Environmental Facts.” The Light Party. 1996. http://www.lightparty.com/Economic/EnvironmentalFacts.html.

National Bicycle Greenway. “Environmental Facts.” Cycle America. http://www.bikeroute.com/EnvironmentalFacts.php.

2009-08-22T21:50:00.000-04:00

Children and Work

My Dad told me at the age of fourteen, that I would one day want a car. I, of course, did not oppose his assumption. “Well you’re gonna have ta work fer it,” he told me. So that summer, he hooked me up with a job in construction. I worked as hard as a fourteen year old boy could and my boss told me I worked like my dad, always on the go. I took pride in his compliment. If there was anyone in the world I had wanted to be compared to, it would have been my dad. Needless to say, I did not make a killing that summer: five dollars an hour, cutting trees, dragging brush, and digging and filling holes. It got me started though, and more importantly, gave me a taste of what it meant to work for something. I believe that the values of a culture or community greatly impact the education a person receives. And believe it or not, there are several cultures in America that directly disagree with each other. For example, I used to live in the mountains, near a small town. Men were men: manly men. They were hard working providers. A man was judged by his peers on how well his family functioned. Then I moved south, near the beach and the youth of America, and the culture was backwards. The community did not expect a young man to participate in hard manual labor but to go to college and use his mind. Although both afore mentioned cultures likely value family, the course in which they take in providing for the family is completely different, one frowning upon the other.
Whether by using one’s mind or by using one’s hands, I think it wise to teach a child the meaning of work and chores.
“[I’ve witnessed] the child doing all the dirty work and the parents getting the fun: Mom cooks and Sis does the dishes; the parents plan and plant the garden, the kids weed it. To me, what this teaches the child is the lesson of alienated labor…” (pg. 274) stated Jane Smiley in an essay against chores. She argues that parents should not subject their children to chores but instead never expect them to lift a finger. Smiley states that she thinks that to force a child to do chores would teach a child to hate work.
I must point out, however, that if someone does not first learn how to follow, how can they possibly learn to lead? In other words, if someone does not learn how and why a garden needs to be weeded, how could they ever be expected to know how to plan and plant it? In my opinion, chores do not enslave children, but teach them why. Why do we do the things we do? Why does the garden need to be weeded? Why do the dishes need to be cleaned? Why do the dogs need to be fed? Why do the floors need to be mopped, the bathrooms cleaned, the laundry done? Do we do it all for our health? I assure you, no. Most middle class people did not become middle class people because they left their house in a shambles or waited till the bathtub was so disgusting that it would benefit them more to clean it than to leave it. What answer corresponds to the question “Why”? To put it simply, teach children responsibility and prepare them for life. Imagine someone who grew up never having washed laundry. They would quickly come to find, I’m sure, they were out of things to wear.
I, of course, disagree with Jane Smiley full heartedly. I remember the times I did chores when I was young. Although, at times, I complained about them then, feeding the dogs, mowing the lawn, I knew then and I know now why I had to do those things. Yes they taught me responsibility, but more importantly, they built character. Doing chores helped me become a person afraid to get dirty, change the oil in my neighbor’s car, or help an elderly lady change a flat tire. Doing chores taught me integrity, and gave me a new respect for my parents who worked all day to provide for me. Before long, I remember, I was not doing chores because I had to, but because I wanted to. I wanted to help out. If I could do something to make things easier on my parents, I jumped to it. For example, I would pick up my laundry, rinse my dishes, take the garbage out, or wash the vehicle. Parents do so much for their children it would be decent to do something in return, to honor their parents, and to thank them.
There are, however, some chores I still loathe. If my siblings or I had been disrespectful in any way, our punishment was not a spanking (although that was not out of the question) but it was to pick rock. We had a very rocky yard, so as a punishment, we were to grab a five gallon bucket, go out into the yard, and fill the bucket with rocks to dump in the nearby woods. This was punishment indeed but it taught us character. After my first rock picking experience, I did not get into much trouble. I cannot say the same for my older brother though. I’m quite sure he de-rocked about eighty percent of our yard, with a knuckled head.
So in saying, Jane Smiley argues that chores give children the wrong idea of work but I do not agree. Chores and work for children can build character, teach responsibility, and nurture a child to adulthood.

Works Cited
Smiley, Jane. “The Case Against Chores.” To The Point. Gilbert H. Muller and Harvey S. Wiener. New York: Pearson Education, Inc., 2009. 274-276.

Ramblings at most

2008-11-11T14:24:00.004-05:00

In today's society it is thought that people are born naturally good and made bad by some circumstances in their life. This, however, is not biblical. In reality, people are born naturally bad and are made good only by the washing and cleansing of sins by the blood of Jesus Christ.
Christianity sets the basis and foundation of morals, values, and decency. It also laid the foundation for which this country was built. Someone without Christ is, in essence, a bad person, an enemy of God. Would it be too irrational to suggest that someone who is not of Christ is an enemy of this country? Probably.
In what way can we trust someone in this country, to make a good decision, who does not have Christ in them and is an enemy of God? Also, how can one expect someone who has no Christian morals or values to understand what is right and what is wrong? Yes, I know everyone is born with a conscience (which means, with knowledge. Con- with science- knowledge) but if the Holy Spirit is not leading that person, giving that person understanding, how can we, as a people, trust that person to make good decisions? We can't. I don't only speak of the leader of this country, but of people all around the world who are not Christians.

However, at this point, we have to acknowledge two things: one, we have not always been God's and two, the world's view and God's eyes are not the same. All in all, according to the world, most people are decently good people. According to God, no one is good. In one's own eyes, one would say, "I am a good person." Everyone in this world speaks of their own goodness. But, are we really good?
Have we ever lied? Stolen? Blasphemed? Committed adultery (which, by the way, most people have by lusting alone)? Have we committed murder (also most people have by hating one another)? I myself have answered yes to each of those questions. So admittedly, I am a lying, thieving, blasphemous, murdering, adulterer at heart. Am I a good person? No. I am the same as anyone else. I am no better. I am no worse. Especially in God's eyes. One thing folks have to understand is that sin is sin to God. There is no measure of sin, as in, one sin is no worse than the other. So, murdering someone is just as bad as telling a little white lie. And for both, we have broken God's law and are guilty. What are the wages? Death. Hell.

People don't understand this. They say, "..but God is merciful and loving. He wouldn't do that! He wouldn't send us to hell!" Yes indeed He would because although He is most certainly a loving merciful God, He is also righteous and just. If you look at the two, how, one might ask, can they possibly coincide? God made it happen! That's the Good News! That is the Gospel! The Good News is, although we have committed these disgusting sins, God has made a way that He will bejust and righteous to "admit" us into heaven. How?
Let's take a look shall we?
All fall short of the Glory of God. (Meaning, all have sinned.) The wages of sin is death. In order for our sins to be forgiven us, there must be a shedding of blood. Not just any blood, but good clean blood not blemished by sin. Whose blood could that be? Who is perfect? Who is not blemished by sin? Jesus Christ. Jesus, God, came to this earth, born of the virgin Mary, (why a virgin!? WhY!? Because when one is born of the seed of man, we are born into sin. Jesus was not born of the seed of man, he was born of a virgin...therefore, sinless) grew up, remaining sinless, and died and shed His blood for us, so that we, if we accept His gift of salvation, if we accept that, in our place, Jesus died for us, will be forgiven, washed by His blood and admitted into Heaven to sit at the hand of God for all glorious eternity.

Eternity eh? We are all eternal creatures. We all live forever. The difference? Some people choose to live in hell as some choose to live in Heaven.
I've thought about it, and I don't like to say, we will live in heaven forever. Why? It puts time on our presence there. When we die, time no longer exists. So to say forever, would imply that there is time, of which there is not. We will just be. Be in one place, hell, or the other, Heaven.

Growing up

2008-10-29T22:20:00.000-04:00

To a lot of people, especially the younger generation, growing up is a big deal. From the time we were children, it has always been asked of us, "What will you be when you grow up?" I think that questions like that do strengthen us as children to have dreams and strive to make those dreams happen. It prepares in a way.
However, one thing I have begun to notice as I get dreadfully older is that one thing I was not prepared for was loss. I never thought of the fact that by me getting older, so was everyone else. This is when the reality of loosing a loved one comes into play. Grandparents get older and will eventually die. Parents, uncles, and aunts will as well. Then siblings and cousins. Not to mention the brutal deaths of some which could include early deaths of your spouse, your nephews and nieces, perhaps even your own children. That is just family. You will also loose friends.
I was never prepared for any of this. I wasn't prepared for my friend's death. We're not even sure what the cause of death was yet. Then, exactly one week after her death I had another friend commit suicide. I wasn't prepared for that. Recently, my friend's dad passed away in what seems to be an early brutal death. My dad is still alive and I love him dearly...but I got to thinking that when you loose someone, is it even possible to not think you could have been there for them more, could have spent more time with them, could have known them better? Is it possible not to regret? Is it possible to feel that, even though you couldn't prevent their death, that maybe, when they were alive, you could have made a bigger difference? Is it possible to use that and begin to make a difference in the people you do have left in your life?
I am a Christian indeed and I have very big and very good news to tell people...but have I? regrettably, no. My first friend I did try and talk to her. I, however, didn't push. I wish I would have. As for my second friend, I feel most burdened about. My uncle asked me time and time again to talk to the guy about God. To perhaps even hang with him and try to influence him. Did I? Not really. I tried, once to strike up a conversation with him about God, but it wasn't the right time. But because I didn't push, look what happened. I waited too long. Now he is gone and I will never get that chance back. So, from what I understand, and I hope I'm wrong somehow, but I don't think he, or she, are in a good place. I feel responsible for this. I could have at least tried.
The thought of this brings me to another state of mind. I had better get a move on. I had better start telling people, especially those I am close to, of the good news I have for them. Am I strong enough for that though? No. But neither was David, Moses, or Noah. Am I afraid to do it? of course. I could loose friends and family due to this Truth that I hold.
You know something though? I can't save everyone; I can't save anyone actually. My point is, however, that I should at least try. Right? I think so.