Ah, Life as a Waitress!

Comedy Hour

2014-09-27T12:30:00.001-07:00

1 customer: what do a dental hygienist and a waitress have in common? They both ask you questions with your mouth full Me: lol 2 customer: whats the difference between a toilet seat and a waitress? A toilet seat only has to deal with one asshole at a time Me: lmao 3 customer (cranky franky): You're just putting in time, you aren't working! Me: of course!! Work is overrated.... I'm also more of a smartass than a dumbass. I have all sorts of comedians in the house today. Ah, Life as a Waitress!

Martial status...... unknown

2013-10-30T10:32:00.001-07:00

An 85 yr old elderly customer just randomly blurts out "I've been married, divorced, unmarried, half married!"
I asked how you could only be half married and he replied
"OH, the last one was just a bed warmer"
Lmao

Wanna Ride

2013-10-15T14:37:00.001-07:00

A regular elderly customer comes in and sits in a booth. Shortly after he seats himself, his lady friend joins him. He says "Had I known you were coming here, I would have given you a ride. " She's says "oh yeah" To which he replied " Yep! Right up over the hood of my car! " Nice. Ah, Life as a Waitress!

Taxidermy

2013-09-24T14:00:00.001-07:00

I politely ask a customer if he was all set with his meal to which he replied "Oh yeah, it's like the Taxidermy Cafe." " Oh! Where would that be? " I asked. He said " I don't know but I bet you come out stuffed!" LOL Well Played My Friend.
Ah, Life as a Waitress!

Remember Me ?

2013-09-13T11:35:00.001-07:00

Customer: How long have you worked here?
Me: 12 years.
Customer: Oh, I've never seen you here before.
Me: Oh! Sure you have............ It was just 80 pounds ago lol
Ah, Life as a Waitress!

Checkin' Out

2013-09-06T18:27:00.001-07:00

Haven't been at work 10 minutes and I've spilled a GALLON of ranch on the floor and broke a nail. Might as well punch out now and call it a day! Ah, Life as a Waitress!

Breaking the Ice

2013-08-13T11:36:00.001-07:00

So when I ask this lady customer what I can get her to drink she replies "I would like an ice water with 3 ice cubes" I can't help but put 4 ice cubes in her water out of spite. For real lady? Ah, Life as a Waitress! I can not make this stuff up people

This isn't my first Rodeo

2013-07-21T18:23:00.002-07:00

So a customer walks in and states "there's going to be a group of us. A big group. Probably to big for you to handle.Hee hee" I couldn't help but reply, with all seriousness "oh my! This is my first rodeo" and walk away. Ah, Life as a Waitress!

Whipped

2013-07-08T09:58:00.000-07:00

An elderly couple is getting ready to leave and as I cash them out the gentlemen politely asks his wife "do you mind if I go to the bathroom?" Now that is whipped. Ah, Life as a Waitress!

Holy Hell?

2013-07-08T09:27:00.003-07:00

I just over heard my church going customer say "mass was hot as hell!" Yeaaaaah..... it got me thinking. Ah, Life as a Waitress!

Im a Waitress not a Farmer

2013-02-12T11:04:00.000-08:00

As I greet a customer, who seemed overly excited, he says "so you from around here?" Me: well, from Peck really.Customer: huh, that's even worse isn't it. Me: *look of death Customer: so that makes you a farm girl right? Me: uh, no! That makes me a waitress. What can I get you to drink?.... Ah, Life as a Waitress!

Bloggers Block

2012-10-03T14:49:00.002-07:00

............ ugh

Regular or Decaf?

2012-10-03T14:46:00.002-07:00

I think it would be spectacular if we could separate Regular Coffee drinkers and Decaf Coffee drinkers. Like Smoking or Non Smoking. Just a suggestion for easier pouring.

Does a Bear live in the Woods?

2011-12-23T18:33:00.000-08:00

Me: Sir would you like more coffee?
Customer: Well does a Bear live in the Woods?
Me: Well I dunno, I have a Bear at Home and He Lives on the Couch!
Hahahaaaa
Ah, Life as a Waitress!

May I Make a Suggestion

2011-10-25T19:28:00.000-07:00

As I stroll into my morning shift on a fine Tuesday morning, I find posted on the wall a suggestion card that a customer of mine had put it the suggetion box. It read "Lana is an Excellent waitress!" It was great to see such a awesome comment about me for not only me but everyone to appreciate! Now I'm randomly asking " Has anyone checked the suggestion box?" Lol So May I make a Suggestion to give praise to the Great Service Provider when it is due. Ah, Life as a Waitress!

time is money

2011-10-19T13:26:00.000-07:00

So with a broken toe and a fierce limp, I serve a customer with her pancakes and realize she needs syrup. I say "oops I'll be right back with some syrup for you" As I walk away she says "Sometime today!" Well that just bought her an extra 3 minute wait!! Ah, Life as a Waitress!

Wheel of Fortune

2011-09-14T14:16:00.000-07:00

If only the "Wheel of Fortune" brought me Vanna Whites income! After all I do go back and forth and back and forth and back and forth from one end to thee other for a living! Ah, Life as a Waitress!

Chip on His Shoulder

2011-09-13T19:28:00.000-07:00

As one of my daily customers sits at the bar I look over at him and say "Hey Zelmo, you have a chip on your shoulder." He replies in confusement "What?" Look! Theres a chip on your shoulder! He looks and says "OH, I do" Picks the chip up off his shoulder and eats it! Ah, Life as a Waitress!

The Right to Food

2011-09-07T12:39:00.000-07:00

It would be a privilege to have the Right to Eat even a "Monkey dish" of Coleslaw without 10 interruptions. Ah, Life as a Waitress!

Another Tip of The Day!

2011-05-23T09:21:00.000-07:00

When Rolling up Change, Never start with the pennies! You will wear youself out before getting to the Good Stuff :-)

Liver, Anyone?

2011-03-07T19:04:00.000-08:00

I have Two customers sitting at the bar. One customer is eating a Liver and Onion dinner and the other is simply drinking a beer. When I ask the lady eating her Liver "hows the Liver?" The guy drinking replies " Its great." You can imagine the look on my face! Ah, Life as a Waitress!

Running Circles

2011-03-07T18:10:00.001-08:00

It's funny how in every restaurant I've worked in theres Always the older server who insists that they are the best and they can "Run Circles around us young ducks." I remember being so annoyed by this and thinking "Yeah Right." Now that I am an older server I know I am the best and I really can "Run Circles around these young ducks." Ah, Life as a Waitress!

It Never Ends....

2011-03-01T11:31:00.001-08:00

Oh yes, a day off does not mean you will be able to relax. It means that you will get a break from employees and be able to juggle 5 plates in one hand while tripping over the dog and dodging the kids on the way to your own dinner table. Ah, Life as a Waitress!

Training¡

2011-02-08T14:32:00.001-08:00

My kind of Training does not require Physical contact but Does require Mental Willpower! Ah, Life as a Waitress!

Make it a Double

2011-02-07T19:22:00.000-08:00

waitress standing by the phone while waitress #2 calls in = waitress standing by the phone working a Double. Ah, Life as a Waitress!