Ah, Um, Er... A Toastmaster's Blog

A Third Post About Tone

2009-07-15T15:11:00.003-04:00

I am totally fascinated with this issue of tone-of-voice.
A quick recap... a friend of mine, a fellow club member, has an problem with her tone of voice. She wants to be a professional speaker. I feel her problem with tone could hurt her more than help her. It took me a few weeks to realize my frustrations with her had to do with her tone-of-voice. Once I did, it opened up a new world for me. Two things have happened since my previous post about this.

First, I realized that I use this tone. Last year I got some great feedback from someone about how he or she often felt it's Sara's way or the highway. It was probably the best bit of feedback I ever got. I have spent a bit of time working on this for the past year. I have tried to be more suggestive than insistent with ideas. I determined what was important too me, what I wanted to have integrity about as opposed to things I wanted to mentor people on or help them brainstorm about. I have developed a love for "I" statements-- I feel, I hear, I think, I wonder, I suggest... the list goes on.
One of our new members hit the nail on the head though. In a casual discussion about tone she noted that I too have a very strong tone at times. I suddenly connected the feedback I got with the issue I had with someone else. Now I have a better idea of what I should work on- my own tone!

Second, my previously mentioned friend is having a hard time with her tone. She has received some feedback about it from various people. Others, those she is not friendly with, are having a difficult time with it. They are finding her too aggressive, pushy, hounding, demanding. She is pushing guests away from the club and is aware of it. She may be pushing members away from the club. I am struggling with how to advise her. I do know to wait until she comes to me. If I don't I run the risk of doing to her what she is doing to others: using my forceful tone to push something on her. A number of you continue to give me that advice and I am taking it.
I see it slip in when she is not getting her way. Instead of trying to explain herself better, she just starts pushing what she wants. I know I have to wait- she has to see the problem and want to change. I am still amazed at how I can see it happening and know what is contributing to her frustrations.

What Do You Think?

2009-06-30T08:03:00.002-04:00

TLI went very well again, especially my DCP presentation. I focused the message on building clubs that meet the members goals rather than on the points. Everyone who spoke to me seemed very happy and a number were thrilled that I didn't talk about the points at all.
I am not sure how I feel about something that happened at a program after TLI. I am not sure what other districts do, but we have an end of the year event to honor the people who served in leadership roles the past year. I like to go to this event because it is a social event that tends to attracts the experienced leadership rather than general members or new leaders. You have different conversations with these people.
I just so happens that my district may not be distinguished this year. At this dinner the numbers for membership had us down by 124 members. There were a few clubs on their way to being chartered, but nobody was sure that would give us the numbers. The general concensus was that we would still be behind and it was our responsibilities to join a club, any club to boost the numbers.
When I say general concensus, I mean the hard sell. It was a message repeated over and over for a good hour. By the end of the evening they had convinced an out-of-town-toastmaster to join a local club among others. I bit my toung, but I was a bit astounded by this. The leaders making the hard sell were leaders I had never heard talk about the points before. They focused this push on the awards we would loose this and in future years if we didn't become distinguished. They were asking people who are members of 5, 6, and 7 clubs already.
What do you think of this?
Personally, I am a bit appalled. These quick "let's make distinguished" members hurt more than they help the club. These are people who add nothing to the club. They are there for the numbers and that is it. They may come to a few meetings, but how much time can they put into it when they have 6 or 7 other clubs that need their attention. There are only so many days in a week and month. This is just assuming they stick around beyond the next due cycle. If they leave then they hurt the club's base numbers meaning they have to work harder to get their membership numbers back.
Then there is the issue of integrity. This request ruins integrity and makes us cheaters. So what if we don't make distinguished for the 6th year. So what if we have to wait three more years to re-earn the good awards. Considering what this district had to deal with this year, take your success and enjoy it. We were able to come together and stay on goal. Leaders came back to the district after this shakeup. It will be OK. I love awards and recognition more than most people, but the loss of my integrity is not worth it. I won't just join another club myself. I have two clubs that take more than their fair share of my time.
I could rant about this for hours and I know there are a few who would agree. Still, what do you think?

Don't Speak To Me In That Tone.

2009-06-26T14:18:00.002-04:00

At a club meeting a few weeks ago, one of our advanced speakers gave the speech from one of the advanced manuals. In this speech he had to deal with various types of different types of people in his audience and keep us or get us back in line. Said member accomplished much of this with his tone of voice. He was calm, kept is voice soft and used a gentle tone. Another member gave him some feedback indicating she felt he should have used a stronger tone to keep everyone in line.
A few weeks ago I posted an entry about a friend who is straddling the line between motivational and pushy. After hearing the above feedback, I realized what I was frustrated with: tone. It's all about the tone of voice we use with people. People might say that presentation is all about message development, but there is still an element of our voices and our bodies that turn people on or off to that message. Tone is, I suspect, a big part of that. I have yet to do any real research on the subject. Think of your parents and how they used tone. The title of this entry is a line my own mother says to me when we argue.
Let's take the example above. A soft, gentle tone was used in the speech. From my experience soft, gentle tones are encouraging, motivational, and inviting. Many people respond well to being spoken with a gentle tone. I feel more respected and valued when people speak to me with that tone of voice. A harsh, firm tone often is interpreted as being yelled at. It may not require a raised voice, but the strength of it makes you take notice. People feel reprimanded when this tone is used. It can be used to make people aware of inappropriate they may be acting. It is, of course, great for children who misbehave.
What has been going on for my friend is that she is use to using a firm tone with people. She use to work with psychiatric patients. She was a nurse. She is use to making people do things that are good for them. She cannot turn it on and off.
A number of you told me to butt out and wait for her to ask for advice. Well, I did and she did. She managed to hurt a developing friendship because of her tone. She was trying to give advice, she used a very firm tone and her advice was ignored and was not asked for again. She may have lost this friend as a result. She was very bothered by this and asked me why it happened. With my recent revelations, I was able to better communicate what I understood.
I explained that most people do not respond well to her firm tone when they come to her for advice. The connotation is often: "do what I tell you" and not: "here is a suggestion". I reminded her of the speech we had heard a few days before where tone became a subject of discussion. She had been the one who felt a firmer tone was needed. She had been the one who suggested the speaker use a firmer tone. She suggested it very firmly as well and seemed a bit taken aback when he said he disagreed.
What has happened since? Not much, but she is aware of her tone now. I know she is listening for it. I can see it when she speaks. She is beginning to notice it.
What are your thoughts about tone? What tone do you use? How has tone impacted messages you have heard?

If You Build It, Will They Come?

2009-06-17T08:09:00.003-04:00

Last night's meeting brought up DCP related issues again. My club, with two weeks left of the year, has just gotten comfortable with the idea that we will not be distinguished again this year. We have the points, but we don't have the membership. Our membership numbers are in the same place they were last year: 17 members. We have a number of new member, but we have cultivated an environment where we focus on their goals. We feel it brings in the new members no matter what else we do.
Two years ago at this time was a very different story. We celebrated our 15th anniversary mostly because we had made it through that year. We had just been on the brink of closing the club due to no members. This was the end of the first year we had gone back to focusing on member goals. Before this we hadn't focused on anything except talking. Over the past few months we had seen a number of guests, but had struggled with closing the sale (if you will). We got people in the door, but we struggled to make them members. Three co-workers came as guests a few times and seemed to enjoy it. At the anniversary party they expressed an interest in joining before the end of June. They were encouraged to do so. That was the last we saw of them. That is, until last night. Two years later all three ladies walk in to the meeting. After two years, there are really only three or four people left who may remember them. Two of us happened to be at the meeting. I could place their faces, but not their names.
This was a very cool experience. Mostly because of the connections being made in introductions alone. One of our members is the head of a local charity. These three guests happen to work for different non-profits now, but one of them knew her. A current member, upon hearing about where one of our guests was employed, got very excited and wanted to talk to her after the meeting. At the end of the meeting, they were asked for their impression of the meeting. They commented that things had really changed, but they were comfortable with the group and had enjoyed themselves.
Once they left, everyone was buzzing with the possibility of them joining. They seemed to be interested still and we are much better at getting guests to actually join. We had a great meeting that played to our strengths, was run like a tight ship (I was toastmaster and I know how to control the meeting) and we had a variety of speakers with a new member speaking and an experienced member trying something new. We filled all the roles with ease, but it was still a typical meeting. Plus, we ended on time.
Will these guests join? Who know? We built the club, we have had many successes as a result. It is up to these three guests. They took the time to come back two years later. That has to mean something.
Oh, for you DCP nuts: if they join before the end of the month we will become presidential distinguished. Yes, the club president and I are both very, very aware of this. Is there pressure placed on these women to join as a result? I didn't get the sense that there was. Nobody begged or offered them discounts to do so. Those who talked to them after seemed to focus on their needs, get current contact information and told them to come back any time.

Asked Again!

2009-05-18T12:53:00.002-04:00

My DCP presentation from January's make-up TLI (or was it February... or March) was such a success that I have been asked to do it again!

For those who have forgotten, some members are concerned over the excessive focus on the Distinguished Club Plan (DCP) and those who cheat for success. I have been trying to communicate this problem to people in a variety of ways. One has been to present about the DCP in a way that discourages cheating: reminding people that it is nothing more than a tool.

This time I am going to try an analogy. I am trying to think of a good one that is appropriate for an audiance of various sensativities. Any ideas?

Spring Conference - Over and done with

2009-05-11T18:13:00.002-04:00

This weekend I attended my first conference in about a year and a half. There were some problems I had with district leadership that pushed me away from the district's activities. Our new leaders figured out the right things to say to bring me back into the fold and I followed like a donkey following a carrot on a stick.
If felt nice to be part of things again. Five members from the club attended. I got my DTM medal (pictures soon!) and made people laugh. I felt liked and wanted... mostly because people are feeling comfortable speaking out about things they don't like. I think we feel more like a proactive community rather than people just letting the system do it's thing. Maybe it's that I surround myself with change agents. I made sure to leave my honest feedback for the conference planners. I am going to try conference planning again next year, but not taking on the big roles right away. I seem to be committing myself to some big things at work and with my education. I need to remember to keep everything in balance.
I am excited about our new leaders- Sherri, Bill and Ben. I think they both get the issues people are concerned about. I spoke with a few people about my pet concers: DCP Cheating and Technology. I got some comments that the DCP system is broken and we need to fix it. I stuck to my point that it's only a tool and that we have encouraged cheating for too long. One person agreed with me and then told me he was holding off on putting his paperwork in for a DTM because his club didn't need it this year. I had to walk away from that conversation. A few people said things about holding awards, but no others had the balls to agree on the cheating issue and share their little cheat.

There is a Fine Line Between Motivational and Pushy

2009-04-22T11:26:00.004-04:00

I have made many friends in Toastmasters. One of these friends is looking to become a professional speaker. She wants to speak on topics that are part self-help, part motivational and part therapy. She has great passion for what she talks about and, with a bit of polishing, could be a great professional speaker. She came to Toastmasters to polish her skills. She uses language that some may object to and she has a poor sense of time.
She currently refuses to allow me to evaluate her speeches.
Why? I am too hard on her. The last time I evaluated her I told her she had not followed the directions in the manual. She took offense because she wanted to give the speech she gave and she just made it to fit the speech. Why was I adamant on my feedback? I feel that, as a professional speaker, she will be asked to speak on specific topics. If she ignores instruction then it may reflect poorly on her as a speaker.
I now have to bite my tongue about feedback, but I am about to share some more with her. She wants to be motivational, but she only seems to come off as pushy. Here are two examples:
1- She is a huge Twilight fan (the vampire romance series). She wants to share how much she enjoys the series by convincing others to read it. At a recent social function she showed so much passion that she almost had them ready to read the books until someone disagreed with her. She went on about how they were great literature and so well written. The dissenter felt this was not true at all. The dissenter felt they were poorly written, but were addictive none the less. Basically, this person agreed with her main point, but disagreed with the supportive evidence. She proceeded to yell her point and speak over the dissenter.
2- She has noticed this Susan Boyle woman who has caught everyone's attention for her beautiful voice. At a post TM, impromptu ice cream social, she tried to convince some of us to get online and watch her sing. Again she talked with passion about this woman's voice and how it made her feel. When someone commented that they just didn't care, my friend responded by insisting repeatedly that Susan Boyle's voice needed to be heard. Complete with raised voice and jabbing, pointing finger.

How did my friend fail at motivating people to read Twilight or to watch a video of Susan Boyle? She crossed a very thin line between motivational and pushy. She refused to allow people their own opinions. She shouted over one person who disagreed with her. She repeated one point over and over. She jabbed her pointed her finger at a person. She came off, in both cases, as fanatical rather than passionate about her subject.
What could she have done differently? In the first case, she could have validated the other opinion and pushed that they both agreed Twilight was an enjoyable read. She could have toned down the sense of authority and appealed to others who may not be looking for great literature. She could have simply lowered her voice and let the other person speak. In the second case, she could have accepted that the other person didn't care about Susan Boyle. There were other people listening who may have cared. She could have focused on them instead.

Motivational speakers are going to have to deal with hecklers, the bored, those who have a different opinion and so on. You need to learn how to deal with them (or ignore them) and keep the right frame of mind. You may have to learn how to deflect them without loosing your authority.

What advice would you give my friend if you had the chance?

Making videos

2009-03-12T09:23:00.002-04:00

As everyone seems to know, the lagging technology use in this organization bothers me. This is not to say "all toastmasters" have this problem. Many, maybe even most, do have a problem with technology. One could claim it has something to do with the graying of the organization. One could claim that older members (as in age) are more reluctant to adopt new technology. I say no way Jose. This is a bunch of bull and excuses like that are why we accept things the way they are. It took a while, but 80-somethings adopted technology with gusto. I have two messages for my speeches about technology:
1- we need to adopt more of it if we want to attract younger members
2- you need to practice and play with it to learn it

I am going to focus on the second point today. I can rant until the sun sets about point 1. Point 2 is the one that often goes ignored. Everyone needs to learn technology. The difference between a 20-something and a 50-something is immersion. The future members are immersed in technology and learn new technology quickly because it is something they have a foundation for and are able to practice. The baby boomers (and younger) are not immersed in technology and don't always have the time to sit and learn it.
Here is the secret, aside from a few tools, the average 20-something isn't as tech savy as you would think. They are good at certain things: youtube, searching, myspace/facebook, texting. Working with college students for the past 5 years has taught me that the average 20-something does not read blogs, does not know what an RSS feed is, does not edit Wikipedia (they just use it), can not make a podcast, and only uses what most of their friends use. The reason I push these things for toastmasters is that they are simply about keeping up with technology. Two months ago I would have said most 20-somethings don't know what Twitter is. Today I can tell you that's no longer true. They know what it is and more use it each day. They learn it quickly and that's the key generational divide. These tools are not hard to learn and not difficult to see how they are helpful if you are open minded.

What Toastmasters needs is someone to teach them. We need technology workshops sponsored by districts. You don't need to pay for someone to come in and teach it either. Chances are there are plenty of members in every district who can explain all these tools. Heck, call me and I will come out for the cost of travel.
You don't even need face to face training for some things. Let's take on the issue of club webpages. Zaldy posted a response to my technology rank about the low number of clubs with webpages in his district. I am still shocked by the number of clubs that don't have webpages- especially public clubs. Not only because of the marketing issues, but because it's so easy with FreeToastHost. Bo Bennett understands the issues of technology and marketing. I have my issues as a techie, but for 90% of this organization FreeToastHost is the best thing that ever happened. According to FreeToastHost 6,400 clubs have pages with them. That's 6,400 out of 11,700 clubs- over half. Of those 6,400 clubs, how many use the Members only section of their pages? I have no idea, but I bet it's not all of them. Even those who do use it, how many use the duty roster exclusively to plan meetings? How many have abandoned any other way to sign up for roles? Almost none I would imagine.
Why? My guess would be because not everyone know how to use the duty roster. Not everyone knows how to sign up for roles or change their role. Why should they know? Who has taught them about it? Who has showed them how simple it is? This is where video tutorials come in. I have been making these for work. To teach students how to do things they always ask us about. I decided to see what type of response this gets. I am looking for feedback at this point. What do you think of this video explaining how to use the FreeToastHost duty roster?

Reflecting on TLI

2009-03-11T12:26:00.004-04:00

If you read this directly from the blog (which I do not advise) you will probably notice a little change in look and layout. I am making things a bit nicer here.

Things are going really well with Toastmasters at the moment and I am enjoying myself again. I think a sudden change in district leadership helped push me back in the game. I wish everyone could experience this. First, my TLI workshops went well. I think my explanation of the distinguished club plan was better than my session for the VPs (membership and PR). We had a nice sized group and I finally got to meet Bash Turray, the current DG for the district (this is part of our sudden leadership change). I had been hearing such great things about him and I was not disappointed. I think he gets the problems, at least the problems this district has been having. I think we are back on the right track, but there is still some work to be done.
If you saw the previous entry, you saw my outline for the DCP speech. I got enough praise about it to know this is where we need to be going. The members know it, new and experienced alike. The newer leaders said it helped them make sense of it. The experiences leaders said it was nice to hear a focus on the mission and purpose of our club rather than getting the points. There has been more push for me to get involved to continue this dicussion.

I feel like I got more out of this smaller TLI than I ever have out of the big ones. I realized that this is typically what happens when I attend the smaller TLIs. I feel like the big one may not be worth it if you want leaders to walk away feeling positive and cared about. Has anyone else felt like this?

I haven't seen any TLI feedback just yet, but when I do I will be sure to share.

Explaining DCP in 5 Mins.

2009-02-24T10:01:00.003-05:00

I am going to TLI tonight. I have been asked to lead two sessions: VP MEM/PR and DCP. There are some interesting changes happening in District 31 and I am anxious to be part of how it plays out. I have my VP session done with a nifty hand out and now I have to finish my "DCP in 5 Minutes" speech. I am trying to focus on my own complaints about how people talk about this. In other words, I am trying to shift away from the "how to do DCP" to make the discussion more "DCP will reflect this, but it's just a tool". Here is the current outline:

My experience with DCP: From no success to Presidential Distinguished by putting the focus on the members and their goals.
DCP is not the reason the club exists, it is not the ultimate goal of the club, nor is it the mission of the club.
DCP is a tool to measure if we are fulfilling our mission and if we fulfill the mission of a TM club, we will succeed with DCP.
Broken down into three parts: membership, education and club management
Education and membership are two parts of a whole
EX: 4 CC awards = focus on letting new members speak and developing their skills
How do you do that: mentoring program for everyone, manual speeches with helpful evaluations, programs to help develop speaker skills, etc.
If guests see a club that is actually helping members then they will join.
DCP is important for officers to be aware of (or be focused on depending on the club's goals for the year), but the general member does not need to know anything more than the idea of goals for the club and when you have successfully reached them.
Chill out about DCP- if your club is focused on your members it will happen.

I will let you know how it works out...

Technology: Does Toastmasters Get It?

2009-02-16T22:24:00.002-05:00

Today I want to focus on the technology issues with Toastmasters. In the past few years I have wondered in Toastmasters gets technology as a communication tool. With the new webpage that took forever to launch, many people hoped the gap between our organization and technology would be closed. The members section of the page, the push to decrease paper, and the delivery changes for their various newsletter could have been signs that the organization was making headway. Yet today I decided that TMI does not get technology and is in no way ready to think of it as a communication tool. Here is my evidence:

the very simple fact that I can not choose to allow my username to be saved to the system
today I found out that I have to log into the club and district management sections. They have hidden the reports again.
no RSS feeds to know when they update news and announcements
the obvious push for membership, but no way for members to make connections and exchange ideas easily. It may be out of date, but a group of forums would be a good start
Do you want to add your pictures? Well, you have to email them to someone rather than just upload them yourself to share with other members.
The site architecture- the organization of it makes me want to cry. How can anyone expect to find anything of value?
Search you ask? Almost everything that comes back is for the store. It is possible to create a search that removes the store from the results or a search just for the store. Also, it could be that there is so little content on the site that the only results can be the store.
I know they keep this on record so why doesn't me profile tell me what manuals and modules I have done.
Why is there no blog for our international leaders?
There is a wiki, but shouldn't TMI have their own knowledge base for us to find and contribute too?
Podcasts- why are there aren't any of educational sessions, sections of meetings, comments from international leaders?
Videos- see above.

This is just what I thought of in 15 minutes. I am sure there is more.

I know these things are out there, but these are member driven efforts. The organization needs to encourage, legitmate and promote this content if they are not going to create their own. I am not saying they need to do it all themselves. Empower us as long as it is open and celebrated. Most members have no idea about the things going on via the web. TM is in a position to promote it to every single member. Younger members are going to expect these simple things and more as time goes on. Public speaking and communication skills are becoming one of the most fundamental skills people need in their careers. Why are they going to pick Toastmasters if we can't mirror their methods of speaking and communication.

Toastmasters- you need to catch up quickly.

Membership Frustrations

2009-02-10T09:11:00.002-05:00

You may have an assumption about what this entry will be about. If I were reading this on another blog I would probably brace myself for a whine about how frustrating it is to deal with membership. It could address the frustration of membership for DCP, getting people to join the club, promoting the club, retaining membership, etc.
Well, today you are in for a treat. I have a story and a tip for people who use Free Toast Host for their webpages. After that there will be a bit of whining.

After a large-ish group of new members joined, Twin City TM has been doing what it can to keep these members. We are watching for trends, seeing what works, assigning mentors, and such. Our goal is to understand the membership process better so we can attract more members in the future. One new member seemed to have fallen through the cracks. He joined and then never came again. We have a mentor ready for him, but nobody had heard from him.
This weekend I decided to contact him myself. I had put it off long enough. I put an email together with his mentors information and some encouragement to come back to meetings. Then the weirdest thing happened: my email couldn't be sent because the address was wrong. It didn't bounce back to me- my computer simply refused to send it. It took me 3 seconds to realize the problem... see if you can spot it: you@google,com.

Yes, there was a comma rather than a dot. For weeks our emails to said new member were lost in the mystical world of the internet all because of a comma. Things weren't bouncing back to anyone because the system probably ignored the email address. Someone entered him quickly and didn't check.

This happens and probably more often than we admit. My tip- for those using Free ToastHost- is to check those email addresses and make sure they are correct. It may not be a comma, it could be a zero and the letter o. It could be any little mistake in an email address. Check those addresses yourself and make sure the person gets the email.

Now here is the whine- why did nothing ever let us know the email address was wrong. I know tons of systems out there will tell you when you haven't entered a valid email address. Why can't this system. I may have to send the suggestion in.

More on Mentoring

2009-01-26T17:59:00.003-05:00

January has been a crazy month for me. I haven't been MIA- I have been in Europe! My new focus, to keep me sane and involved in the organization, has really been this new mentoring program and kit I am working on.
I think one of the most important jobs for the VP Ed is to deal with new members and getting them involved. The mentoring program is the key to success with it. In my last entry I wrote about this new kit I am working on and things have been progressing with it since I launched it. I am getting some feedback and collaborating with a few of our frequent mentors. I am developing an idea of what they need in the kit and what can be left out.
I spent Saturday evening with one of my close friends and collaborators in Toastmasters. We were getting her re-organized for her AC-Bronze award and CL award. The conversation eventually turned to the mentoring program and my role in it. She commented that she was happy I wasn't mentoring a new member this year. She said it gave me time to mentor the mentors.
I got stuck on that idea- Mentoring Mentors. Was this really my role as VP Ed? After some thought, I realized that yes, this is my role this year. If I could properly prepare and support the mentors, then I didn't have to worry about the new members. The kit is one of the tools to do this, but there has to be more. Here are some ideas that have been coming to me:

one-on-one meetings with mentors to review what they have been doing and how things are going.
mentoring training sessions that must be attended before you become a mentor for the first time or any time you need a refresher.
mentoring center on the club webpage- locked down just for members.
official mentoring meeting time before and after the meeting.

Not all of these are going to work or are realistic, but the ideas are flowing. I will keep you posted.
What do you all think: does the VP Ed only serve as mentor to the mentors OR should they mentor new members as well?

Training mentors

2008-12-30T14:48:00.003-05:00

It has been a few weeks since I posted. Ask me another time to tell you about the ice storm that knocked my power out for a week and a half. It was a good time to get some reading and sleeping done.

One of my issues is that there is no real leadership training in Toastmasters. I realized that I am a bit guilty of that myself at the club level with the mentoring program. Now that new members are coming into the club, we need people to mentor them. Everyone in Twin City TM is a mentor. We do not ask people to sign up because it has never worked well for us. We just confirm with a specific member before they are assigned and that is it. The VPEd who got the program up and running never took it much farther than that and it's OK because she got the program started after so many couldn't. Now I have the chance to refine a program to help the mentors understand what they are doing.

I have decided to try a Mentor Kit. This is a kit a member will get the first time they are a mentor for the club. After this it will just be the mentor assignment sheet. The idea is to give them some simple tools and tips to help them out and to answer some FAQs. I am having fun making it, but I am trying to think of some things to put in it. I want to keep it simple and here is what I have so far:

The mission of the mentor program
Their assignment
What their duties are
Things to consider explaining
Tips and FAQs
What to expect from their mentee
Feedback form about the mentoring kit and their experience as a mentor

What would you include in the kit if you were making one? What kind of feedback would you want from a mentor about the program?

I am thinking of having a mentor training session after a meeting one night. Nothing massive, just a chance to explain what is in the guide and answer their questions. Do you have any thoughts on what might be important to cover for new mentors? Please do not suggest the TM successful club module... that thing can rot.

Why does this negativity have me so energized about TM again?

2008-12-05T09:55:00.003-05:00

Another voice has been added to the debate: Jeff Bailey of MostToast. He is another person being critical of TM. By critical I mean, looking at things from a different point of view, questioning the effectiveness of the organization.
I read some of his and Olivia's blog posts yesterday and this morning. It got me wondering why this issue has resulted in me feeling so energized and excited about TM again. I realized my entry on the implications of being a DTM say a lot about why I have been feeling so detached from the organization. I have been seeing the problems, but have not been aware of how deeply they impacted my experience with the organization.
It's not that I want to leave Toastmasters, I want to help improve it. I know that's my favorite leadership style: change agent. I love helping pull an organization through change. I am a good visionary and goal setter. This is me in my element. I have been detached because I am not in a great position to be a change agent at the moment and other goals in my own life have been pushed forward now that I have completed my DTM.
I am finally beginning to understand what is irritating me: the cheating, the sloppy speaking skills, the fact that I need to be self motivated to really learn anything from the organization, and the bureaucracy of the organization.
It irritates me that have to pay two full memberships to be in an advanced club and my home club. It irritates me that I get two copies of the magazine. It irritates me that the new webpage won't even remember my username and password. It irritates me that district leaders whine about how hard it is to get leaders, but then don't take proposals for sessions at conferences. It irritates me that they never stop talking about DCP and don't provide real leadership training. It irritates me that there is no evaluation for leaders.
Yes, I am probably going to bitch about it for a while. I am going to try and not whine about it. I want to change this organization because it has value and can be relevant again. I need help though.... will you help?

Does Easy Equal Cheating?

2008-12-02T10:28:00.002-05:00

Oh, this DCP cheating scandal is a goldmine of things to talk about.
Another issue that has come up is the idea of making things easy versus cheating. One example Bill gave (see the comments from two entries ago) is planning a TM program for his High Performance Leadership project. Another example is, if you are VP of Ed, using Educational Tips to earn all your advanced awards.
The question I pose is: Is it cheating when you make things easy?

I can't seem to make an argument about why this would be cheating. I don't feel you can only learn from difficultly. I think one of the great things about Toastmasters is the safe environment to learn before you take it beyond the club. Thus, I don't see a problem making things easy as long as you follow the spirit and purpose of the task at hand. If you learn from the feedback you get, then there is no reason you should you should not get credit for every speech you give. If you take your HPL project seriously, your advisory committee treats the project seriously and you use their feedback to learn more about leadership then what's the problem? We are suppose to be fosters self-confidence and personal growth. You can not promote self-confidence by throwing people into difficult situations. Some times people need to see how easy it is before the step out beyond the club or organization.

The key to cheating in Toastmaster is that people go through the motions, but they don't take anything away from it. The mission of the club and organization to develop communication, speaking and leadership skills through practice and feedback. You are doing everyone, including the organization, a disservice by not getting feedback or by not learning from the feedback you get.

Do you disagree? Is it cheating to make things easy? Let me know your thoughts in the comments.

Should every speech be a manual speech?

2008-11-26T08:23:00.002-05:00

This entry may seem alien for those who aren't Toastmasters members. The TM program, while self paced, is still very structured. You can not earn awards without completing certain tasks. Most of those tasks are manuals of speeches.

I first heard the line "every speech should be a manual speech" when I first ventured into district leadership about 3 years ago. Before then it would have never occurred to me that I should not be speaking from manual. I assumed that anyone in the organization would continue to work on developing their speaking skills. Obviously it was a ideal, but incorrect assumption. For one year I assumed this line meant that you should be seeking feedback from every opportunity you have to speak within the organization (and maybe outside the organization if someone is there to give you an evaluation). I assumed that those people who handed me their CC evaluations would take my comments as seriously as I took the feedback I was given. I quickly learned that I was not totally correct.

I pose the question: should every speech be a manual speech?
There are two sides to this: getting feedback and cheating your way through the DCP requirements. Hear my arguments for both sides and then you tell me.

1: Yes, it's an important way to continue developing your speaking skills
I am VP of Education for my club and this gives me a speaking spot at each meeting to give an educational tip. These tips run about the length of a 5-7 minute speech. I have set a goal of learning to be a better mentor and giving these tips helps me do that. I rely on feedback from these speeches to develop my skills. I use the CC manual to provide me with feedback and I do my best to actually fit my tip to the lesson of the speech. There is no manual to help me speak as a mentor so I make do with what I have. If I am at a business meeting for the district I also like to receive feedback on my speaking. I can only improve with feedback and the manuals provide me with feedback for specific objectives. It may be a simple CC speech, but you never know which evaluator is going to hit the nail on the head for something you didn't know about yourself as a speaker. It is important that we see every speech we give as an opportunity to get feedback and grow as communicators. The manuals help focus those evaluations.

2: No, making every speech a manual speech is just another way to cheat the DCP requirements
When I first heard about every speech being a manual speech, I as also told that we should stick to the CC awards and turn them in as we finished the manual. This was also followed by someone throwing a photocopied evaluation into my hands with instructions to just fill it out. I wanted to talk with said speaker about the speech, but I never got the chance. The evaluation was taken out of my hands and the speaker rushed out of the room like I was a leper. This idea of every speech being a manual speech is just another way for the district to cheat their way to distinguished status. It ensures they will reach the goals of how many CC awards they have. They do not take the evaluations seriously and it does nothing to improve their communication skills. How do I know this? You would too if you had been to one of our district TLIs and listened to some of the leaders speak. They clearly take nothing away from any of these manual evaluations.

Now it's your turn. What points did I miss? What rebuttals do you have for my arguments? What is your final verdict? Should every speech be a manual speech?

DCP Problems... Again

2008-11-25T13:13:00.002-05:00

What will it take to pull me out of my Toastmasters doldrums? It will take a rant against the Distinguished Club Program. I keep Bill Bishop's "A Toastmaster's Journey" on the Google Reader list. I enjoy reading blogs about the Toastmasters experience, especially those that take a deeper look beyond the club speaking experience.
This morning I found this entry and I felt a strong connection to the issues Bill raised. What it all boils down to is the way club and districts manipulate the program to ensure their success. Bill mentions things like "shelving points" (his words, but I like it), giving our awards to clubs with a need rather than the clubs we did our work with, and phantom memberships for example. This argument struck a cord with me and I want to respond in his comments, but I am not sure what I want to say.
You see, I am prone to some of these things. I am prone to shelving my awards. My justification is that I am trying to ensure my club will be able to focus on membership and allow them new members to focus on their goals without the pressure of turning in an award. I gave my DTM to a club that could use the point towards DCP even though I did most of the work at another club. I justify that I did do some of the DTM work with said club, in fact the critical element to finishing my DTM happened at that club.
I realized that, I may not be doing all of these little cheats, but I was guilty of cheating the system. I tried to make myself feel better about my guilt by reminding myself that I encouraged a club to not accept phantom members when they needed the membership to earn DCP status. I have never forced members off an agenda either. After all this justification, I didn't feel any better about the cheating I did do.
How can I criticize the people who cheat when I am a cheater myself. Should I allow my club(s) to suffer, my district to suffer, to be honest? The right answer is yes, obviously. If I make this change, how many others will follow?
Another point that hit home was the 'holy grail' status of the DCP, especially at the district level. I think all of us have been to district events where DCP is shoved in our faces repeatedly. There are incentives to reach DCP by a certain date, speaking marathons to allow people to earn their CC awards in time, constant instruction on what it takes for a club to earn these awards. If you enter into district leadership you are constantly being told about how close they are to the district's distinguished goals. I have even heard someone try to describe the math to explain how WHQ determines the numbers.
I have tried to combat this, to help clubs focus on the membership's goals. I have written here about how to talk about the DCP program to people who don't really care to know what it is. I tried doing president's training after I saw through sessions where the only thing we talked about was the DCP program. Instead of talking about DCP, I talked about know what the club wants to work for and setting goals based on that. I suggested considering the DCP as a goal since it was so easy to use. I do a fraction of what I can to remind people that the club is there to serve the members and therefore service to the members may not be the DCP plan.
The thing is, when you aren't cheating, the DCP is a good plan. If you do it right, it does demonstrate a strong club versus a weak club. There may be a few reforms that can be made to the program (maybe one would be giving extra credit or recognition to clubs that go beyond the program), but the core of DCP is good. It's us, we are the problem with it. We are the cheaters, we are the ones who find a way around it.
If we really want to improve the DCP plan, we have to start by being honest and demanding our district, regional and international leaders encourage honesty down the line. We have to return to a focus of really training leaders and not teaching us the DCP program. If we can at least curb the cheating and teaching honesty in the program, then we can make the DCP what it was intended to be.

Coming back to Toastmasters

2008-10-30T11:37:00.002-04:00

It has been almost 2 months since I posted here. Since the last post about conference planning much has happened. First, I had to step down from planning the conference. Two years ago I tried to equally split my time between getting a second masters degree and doing Toastmasters. It didn't work out well. As a result, I put my formal educational goals on hold to focus on Toastmasters. I got my DTM in that time and it was worth every moment of it. This year I thought I would be able to better balance the two, but a few weeks into the effort I realized it wasn't going to happen. Since I had already given Toastmasters a year of my time, now I wanted to focus on my formal education a bit. I gave up conference planning for a bit more work/school duties. It was been worth every moment of it. Yet, it means that I have not been as focused on Toastmasters as I wanted to be. Not only am I not planning the conference, but I am not able to go due to multiple issues. I haven't been to many of my own club meetings and I have not been able to renew my membership to one of the two clubs I belong too.
If this had happened last year, I would probably be in panic mode trying to make up for lost time. This year I am not as anxious. Part of it has to do with me feeling like District 31 isn't the place where I am going to reach my larger leadership goals. I don't know if my frustrations here are my frustrations with the District or with the organization. Either way, I am willing to take a small step back from Toastmasters until I am ready to refocus my efforts.
What I am saying is that, I don't expect to have much to write about for a while and I am OK with that. I am not shutting the blog down by any means, I am just taking a break. Maybe in the new year I will feel more energized and interested in focusing on Toastmasters again.

Conference Planning

2008-09-05T10:11:00.002-04:00

I have decided to help plan the fall district conference this year. I think program planning is a great skill to have. I have a copy of the program planning book from Toastmasters International and a number of us had a conference call last night to see what remains to be done.
I have planned big meetings, conferences and parties in the past. This is a new experience for me, but not for the reasons you may assume. It's new because all the tasks I assumed I would have to do are already done. If fact, I am a bit unclear about what my co-planner and I are actually suppose to do to plan the conference. It leads me to wonder what other districts do for conference planning? I ask my readers to comment on the following questions:
What are the duties of conference planners in your district?
How do you decide educational sessions?
What do you do for first time participants?
How do you get volunteers to help out?

There are other concerns I have about the planning process, but I know who to go to for feedback and commentary on that. It has already proven to be a very insightful experience so far.

Printing

2008-08-06T11:24:00.005-04:00

Recently, many people have commented on my personalized office supply addiction. In other words, I have a lot of business cards, post cards and silly things that have been personalized. Many of these things have been for Toastmasters. I have my own business cards, postcards for both clubs, business cards with the meeting dates of my advanced club, and a stamp for Twin City flyers and brochures. This is only my Toastmaster stuff. I have stuff for my knitting, work, and personal life. I like office supplies and I like to have personalized items. It is a sad addiction that I have no intention of resolving. I have attached pictures of what I have done to give others ideas for promotion.
Also, there is a link to Vista Print. You have to start with limited options, but once you get one item they will send you almost daily emails to get more. I use the premium business cards because I get more design options and can design my own. It's worth the cost of shipping to get all these things for free.

Postcard for Twin City (front and back)

Postcard for AccelOrators (front and back)- I am donating these, but they may not use them.
Date card for AccelOrators (I am going to use this when I visit clubs to promote AccelOrators)
- the text of the stamp for Twin City
- my TM card

Implications of Being a DTM

2008-07-18T08:31:00.003-04:00

Over the past 4 years I have seen some really amazing speakers and some pretty crummy speakers. I can forgive crummy speakers who are working the Toastmasters program. It is easy to assume that a person has worked hard, come far and is still not a great speaker. I can even forgive a bad speaker who has one DTM. The one thing that grinds my gears is a speaker with multiple DTMs, but is still a crummy speaker. Another thing that grinds my gears is a crummy speaker in a major leadership role, with a DTM (or multiple) who stumbles through speaches like a new member. It frustrated me even more when I know speakers in both those situaitons are members of multiple clubs, including an advanced club. It frustrates me to the point of distraction. What has this person been taking away from the program if they speak this way? What has been the point of all those evaluations, every speech being a manual speech and insane number of speaking opportunities if you still stumble through a speech that should be easy for you.
As a newly minted DTM, I am feeling my own frustrations with other DTMs impact me. I have created, in my mind, an image of what it is to have a DTM and to be working on multiple DTMs. Being a polished speaker before my DTM was easy. I did not feel people would expect me to be a polished speaker. It was a point of pride that I was so polished. Now, I feel my own expectations impacting my current skills. Combine this with my real desire to be better at giving advice rather than telling people what to do. Last night, at my TLI session for presidents, it all hit me a bit. I got visibly nervous. Until I got to this point as a speaker (completing my DTM), I never had this problem. Nerves have not been my problem before. Now I have to work on a new fear- the fear of not living up to people's expectations. Chiefly, this is my own expectations of what it means to be a DTM.
The session went very well last night. I was hyper aware of myself and my communication skills and I don't think I needed to be. I think I did a good job of making sure my ideas didn't come off as "the right way", but as the way that worked for me and my club. I spoke about things I did well, didn't do well, or wish I had a chance to do. I allowed the presidents to ask questions related to their club and I said what I would consider. I tried to make sure I made 'I' comments (I would try this, I think you could consider this). I know my fear, my nervousness was a bit silly. Yet, I have to address it if I want to continue to be a good speaker and improve my communication skills.

Setting Context

2008-07-14T08:54:00.004-04:00

Within club leadership there is typically a core group of leaders, at least from my experience. These are the people who know the system well and can be counted on to be take some leadership role every year. I have become one of those people in my home club. After four years in the club I have spent one as Ed VP and two as President. This year I take Ed VP on again for two reasons: someone needed to do it and I never did it right my first time. As past president, I need to be available to provide the new president advice, but as Ed VP I have to be available to back him up. It is very important to me that I keep a clear line between the duties of these two roles.
The reason I did not have a successful run as VP Ed a few years ago was because I did not know how to do this. We lost our Membership VP within a month of the year. I took on the role since there weren't enough of us to go around. I could not draw the line between the membership work I did and the educational work I did. I ended up putting to much effort into membership and letting education fall behind. Knowing what I do now about my own ability to organize and communicate, I am looking for a second chance to balance two important roles.
How does one do this? I asked myself this question and have come up with two tips for myself and other people in this situation:

Make sure you are clear on the duties for both position. I need to make sure I know what each duty entails before I start working. This helps you know what the context of your duty is.
Put the situation into context. This often means speaking the context aloud. In my case, when the president comes to me from help I must say "As the VP of Education" or "Do you want to hear what the past president has to say?" This helps people learn that you are aware of the different context. This will also help them process it better. The new president does not want his past president being so hands on, but he will accept it from his VP Ed. If he is clear this is who is comes from, he can process the information in the correct context.

Hopefully this will help me and others fill two roles within club leadership.

It is Sara's Way or the Highway

2008-07-02T13:57:00.003-04:00

In my attempt to get feedback for my leadership experiences, I got some amazing comments that have been very helpful. The comment that struck the strongest cord can be summarized by the title of this entry- it is Sara's way or the highway. That is what my advice sounds like to others- sometimes... most of the time... maybe all the time. Wow! I never thought about it before, but it is very true. When I offer advice I have a little bird in the back of my head telling me that this is the right way, the best way, the only way to make something happen. I know because I am Sara and I am always right.
What I need to face is that little bird is a liar. A dirty liar too. This little birdie has blinded me to the reality that my experience has only worked for me in my given situations and it turns people off as it causes people to feel like I don't value the opinions and experiences of others. My mother has been the loudest opponent to the bird, but she has often been ignored because she is my mother and, therefore, knows nothing about me.
Yes, this bird is my narcissism speaking to me. It is my mind allowing me to place me at the center of the world. My narcissism has become a club joke, but I have to face the reality about it working against me and the people I work with.
This is my biggest project this year- turning off the bird and allowing other people to be right. It directly connects with my desire to be a better coach and mentor. How can I be a good coach if I don't let any other ideas and experiences into the process? It means I am going to have to face some very difficult times as this mean going against my own nature to really change myself. In the end, by changing this, I really do become a better leader and communicator.
Thank you to the person who left that comment. It may be hard to learn, but this will really help me become the communicator I want to be.