Ahwah

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Sun, 27 Aug 2017 01:13:00 +0800

Greetings Ahwah

http://pc.if.ua/browsefile.php?born=fyxx2f80zvea03g

Nine months later

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 16:40:00 +0800

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

'I realise it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry ,' Jack said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, 'Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'

'Yes, I do 'said Bob'.

'Did you, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'

'Well, um, yes,' Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'

'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'

'She just died and left me everything.'

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?... You know you smiled...now keep that smile for the rest of the day!)

Chinese Pearls

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 02:06:00 +0800

The principal oyster beds lay in the Persian Gulf, along the coasts of India and Sri Lanka, and in the Red Sea. There are 2 types of pearls, that is saltwater and freshwater pearls. Do you know that Chinese pearls came mainly from freshwater rivers and ponds?

Chinese pearls come in a variety of hues including pink, apricot (yellowish orange), peach (pinkish orange), champagne (slightly pinkish yellow), plum (reddish violet), bronze (reddish brown), and every shade in between. Unlike black pearls, these pearls can be bleached white by prolonged exposure to the sun or by soaking the pearl in a bleaching agent for several hours. Natural color Chinese freshwater pearls should be stored in a darkened environment in order to preserve the natural pastel color, since they may fade with long exposure to sunlight.

Anyway, there are equally good pearls!

Free Sex Contestants

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 00:00:00 +0800

Two men, AhChong and AhBeng drove to a gas station for a fill-up because they heard about a contest being offered by the station to patrons who purchase a full tank of petrol. When they went inside to pay, the men asked the attendant about the contest.

"If you win, you're entitled to free sex," said the attendant.

AhChong: How do we enter?

"Well, I'm thinking of a number between 1-10, if you guess right, you win free sex."

AhChong: O.K. I guess 7,

"Sorry, I was thinking of 8," replied the attendant. "Come back soon and try again"

The next week, the two men returned to the same station to get petrol. When they went inside to pay, AhBeng asked the attendant if the contest was still going on.

"Sure," replied the attendant. "I'm thinking of a number between 1-10, if you guess right. You win free sex."

AhBeng: I'll guess number "2"

"Sorry, I was thinking of 3," replied the attendant. "Come back soon and try again."

As they walked back to the car, AhChong said to AhBeng,"You know, I'm beginning to think this contest is rigged."

"No way," said the AhBeng. "My wife won twice last week."

Monkey in the plane

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 11:39:00 +0800

Once in Brazil a plane crashed, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive.

Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions.

The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.

Officer: 'When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'Tying their belts'

Officer: 'What were the air hostesses doing?'
Monkey: 'Saying Hello! Good morning!'

Officer: 'What were the pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Checking the system'

Officer: 'What were you doing?'
Monkey: 'Looking for my people'

Officer: 'After 10' minutes what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'Having beverages and snacks'

Officer: 'What were the air hostesses doing?'
Monkey: 'Serving the travelers'

Officer: 'What were the Pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Handling the steering'

Officer: 'What were you doing?'
Monkey: 'Eating & throwing'

Officer: 'After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'Some were sleeping and some were reading'

Officer: 'What were the air hostesses doing?'
Monkey: 'Make up'

Officer: 'What were the pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Handling the steering'

Officer: 'What were you doing?'
Monkey: 'Nothing'

Officer: 'Just before plane crash what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'All were sleeping'

Officer: 'What were the pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Handling the air hostess'

Officer: What were you doing?
Monkey: Handling the steering!!!!!

No more Questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

New Technology Tires by Michelin

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 12:20:00 +0800

I was browsing through the my old files and came a cross these next generation new tires. They are designed by Michelin. How nice if our country have these type of tires. I wondered if these type of tires will stand the heat on our road. These airless tires looked so slim and if travel from Kuala Lumpur to Haadyai I'm guess these tires will dry up to the rim! Muahahahaha.

However, the advantages of these tires are :-

a) No more air valves.

b) No need to pump air at the gas station.

c) No more repair kids.

d) No more flat tire!

I wondered how much does it cost for each tires. Anyone knows?

Reincarnation

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Fri, 6 Jun 2008 02:07:00 +0800

Steve came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe "Who are you?" demanded Steve, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"

The mysterious man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter."

Steve was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family. . . You've got to send me back straight away." St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."

Steve was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. "This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?"

"It's not so bad" replies Steve, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode." "You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before."

"Never" replies Steve.

"Well just relax and let it happen"

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him . Ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting...

Steve!!, wake up you drunk ass*#@%, you've shit in the bed!

The Polar Bear and the Husky Dogs

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Tue, 27 May 2008 13:32:00 +0800

Strange that animals in the wild can come in peace but then we humans seems to be perpetually at war with each other, within organizations political and non political alike. If you don't already think animals are far more spiritually advanced than we humans, think again. Stuart Brown describes Norbert Rosing's striking images of a wild polar bear coming upon tethered sled dogs in the wilds of Canada 's Hudson Bay.

Don't mess with woman

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Mon, 26 May 2008 00:01:00 +0800

A couple Mr Smith and his wife goes on vacation to a fishing resort in a lake . The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning Mr Smith returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors the boat and settles in to read her book. It was nice and aa quite place to concentrate on reading her book.

About an hour later, there comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

Mrs Smith: Reading a book (thinking it rather obvious).

Warden: You're in a restricted fishing area.

Mrs Smith: I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading.

Warden: Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know, you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.

Mrs Smith: If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault.

Warden: But I haven't touched you

Mrs Smith: That's true, but you have "all the equipment", for all I know you could start at any moment.

Warden: Have a nice day, ma'am as the warden motors away.

What does marriage means - Some cartoons

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Thu, 22 May 2008 00:01:00 +0800

Red Indian with one testicle

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Mon, 19 May 2008 01:37:00 +0800

There once was an Red Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was "Onestone"
He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, one day Onestone finally cracked and said...If anyone calls me Onestone again, I will kill him.

The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named Blue bird forgot and said, Good morning, Onestone.

He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.

'Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

What is the moral of this story?????...........................take a guess will ya? Think about it.

You can't kill two birds with one stone! Muahahaha!!!!

The Hippie & The Nun

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Tue, 6 May 2008 02:26:00 +0800

A hippie gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun. He sits down next to her, and asks her:

'Can we have sex ?'

'No,' she replies, 'I'm married to God.'

She then stands up and gets off at the next stop.
The bus driver who overheard, turns to the hippie and says, 'I can tell you
how to have sex with her!'

'Yeah?', says the hippie.

'Yeah', says the bus driver. 'She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night
at midnight to pray. So all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a
hood, so that your face is covered, put some luminous powder in your beard,
and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God.'

The hippie decides to give it a try, and arrives in the cemetery dressed as
suggested on the next Tuesday night.

'I am God,' he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about his face, 'I
have ordained it. You must have sex with me.'

The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself to anal
sex, as she is desperate not to lose her virginity.

'God' agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her.
As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.

'Ha-ha!,' he cries. 'I am the hippie!'

'Ha-ha!,' cries the nun. 'I'm the bus driver!'

Story time!

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 01:29:00 +0800

A mama camel and her baby camel are talking one day when the little one ask... mama, why I have got these 3 toed feets?

Mama Camel replies, Well my little camel, when we trek a cross the dessert, your little toe will help you stay on top of the sand so that it will prevent you from sinking.

I see! said the little camel.

A few moments later, the little camel ask, Mama camel again....why I have hese lovely long eye-lashes?

Mama camel replies, well...my little one, they are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the long journey through the hot dessert.

Thats wonderful Mama, replies the little camel.

A short while later the little camel asks again , Mama...Why I have got these great ugly humps on my back? I don't see other animals have it on them.

Mama Camel replies, We are Camels!!! Oh yes about the humps, they are there to help you
store water for our long journey a cross the dessert so we can go without drinking water for very long periods.

Wow!! That great, replies the little camel. We have great feet to stop us from sinking into the sand, long eyes-lashes to keep the sand from entering our eyes and the humps to store water, BUT Mama !!!

Yes, my little camel? replies Mama camel.

BUT THEN,

"WHAT THE 'FARK' ON EARTH ARE WE DOING IN THE ZOO?? "

Lesson on speaking proper chinese words

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:50:00 +0800

There other day while I was blog hopping, suddenly I stumble upon Yinsi Yat's blog. The conversation between Mr Bernard and the aunty is just hilarious. After that I looked into Yubetube and found this. Chinese people are the one who speak vulgar words in their daily life.

You will hear that people will add vulgar words between their sentences. But according to Professor Danny Wong, he said that the vulgar words are wrongly constructed most of time. When said it wrongly, you can get beaten up!

Professor Danny Wong has 50 years experiences in exploring vulgar words and he said that the 5 basic element in saying vulgar words MUST have the words TIU, HAI, KAU, LAN and CHAT. Expression while saying vulgar words play an important role too. Watch this short video about the conversations.

Do you eat eel?

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 23:27:00 +0800

I could remember the good old days when I was still a notty boy when I was young. My favorite pass time was catching guppies and fighting fish in the drains. My friends and I we having great time netting the fighting fish when suddenly a small snake appeared. As a little boy that time all I know it was a snake! Immediately, I had it netted and thrown on the bank-side and stampeded it to death. Today, whenever I catch an eel, I could not help but to think of this silly funny episode.

So sorry for didn't update my blog recently. I was away fishing eel last couple of days. Our favorite spot are Tanjung Karang, Sekinchan, Sungai Besar and Sabak Bernam. It is impossible to miss the lovely sight of the padi farms. The boys are so excited and so am I. Eel fishing is about speed. you can actually make an extra pocket money fishing eels. The restaurants people in town of Sg Besar and Sekinchan are ready customer to buy your catch. Hey, most probably the eels you are eating at the restaurant in Sekinchan are catch by me!!! wakakaka

My arsenal for this trip included the "Ugly stik" fishing rod and my Penn reel spooled with PowerPro braid 30lb. I use size 4 hook (needle point) high carbon hooks. The eels has a small pointed mouth with very sharp jaws, therefore the sharper the hook the better. Remember to armed yourself with a plier. We use chicken meat as baits which is easily available. It is cut into small cubes and distributed evenly and off we go hunting down the eels!!! When you want to eat eels, it is best cook with "kung poh" style. Ask any restaurant cook he'll know! So want to eat eels, anyone? Hehehehe

I'm so exhausted now! I want to sleep!!

Weird Fish

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 00:02:00 +0800

Look what they have found in Chelyabinsk city. The story is that there was a construction site with a deep foundation ditch. They have touched some underground river in that place so the water in the ditch didn't get away so it stayed there full of water.

Then some workers a few months later spotted some movement in this water, they threw some pieces of their lunch in the trench which caused a big activity inside. They were puzzled who is there? And caught one thing up then in big panic stepped away cause it tried to bite them so they had to kill it with some equipment and here are the remains of it. It was around 5 feet length. Nobody of them got any idea of what's that:

All sorts of things in one day

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 01:10:00 +0800

Due to the nature of my job, I am always on the road travelling to my clients destination be it far or near. Sometimes to find an address which is ambigious would get you crazy especially the backyard factories. You will end up calling the person to confirm the address again and again similar to this one below. kakaka!!

When you are over and done with your appointment, you need to get some fresh air outside. Stretch-stretch here and there. ..to loosen up your muscles and saw this thing together-gether on top of the lamp post. Perhaps like that can get better reception or get free 'astro'??
Faster do one at home!!!

While you were travelling again on the road and stopped at the traffic lights near the housing area, suddenly you found so many free melons for you to pluck. Kakakaka!!! Goodness! Why can't they hang it inside?. Oh no, wait!! she is giving you free hints on what number to buy in the next magnum lottery draw. I can figured out 1311, what say you??

While speeding to Subang Jaya for the next appointment at the north south highway, this Mat Rempit is trying to be funny on the road. Niasing!! the mat rempits at it stunts again. Look at the passenger at the back, she is wearing red color undies la wei!! Got 'ong' la today!!! This time really must wack magnum lottery.

Lunch time is about 2pm liddat. Arrived at subang SS15. My god, to find a place to park here is like hell. Around and round ...aiks..finally got one. You got to be quick or else your parking place kena snatch wan i tell you and you must buy your parking ticket fast...why? those sorhai are hiding behind the trees waiting to give you a summons for not displaying parking ticket. RM100 fine you know!! While walking to the nearest coffeeshop for lunch, someone offer you easy loan (cash money). No nit guarantor wan. So...if you forgot to bring your wallet or handbag, make no fear they are people to help you wan. Just your handphone will do the trick ledi. Muahaha.

The weather nowadays is so freaking hot and it is burning outside. Some of you so 'syiok' sitting in the opis under the aircon happily chatting in MSN and blogging away. I so jeles la. Kam-bing back to this hot weather even ~~spiderman~~ "cicakman" want to comeout to show off . Hahahaha!!! LOL.

Hahaha..I'm just clowning away only la. Nothing much. While driving back to opis, suddenly this fler over take me and gave me a hon. Niamafulatt!!!! WTF???

-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-

Now you see!! I'm not the clown ....HE IS !!!!!!! Muahahahahaaha!!!!!!!!!

The Day the Penis asked for a Raise

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 00:03:00 +0800

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor.

I work at great depths.

I plunge headfirst into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

I work in a damp environment.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,

P. Niss

The Response:

Dear P. Niss,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised,

The administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.

You fall asleep after brief work periods.

You do not always follow the orders of the management team.

You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.

You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.

You will retire well before you are 65.

You are unable to work double shifts.

You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed your assigned task.

And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,

V. Gina

Hair-dryer

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 01:12:00 +0800

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday. The dryer is unopened and well over the Customs limits; and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it.

Is there any way you could carry it through Customsfor me? Under your robes perhaps?""I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.""With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.

"When they reached the Customs area, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked: "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.

"The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?" "I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father."Next."

City Lights of the World

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 02:47:00 +0800

I delighted that I got these pictures from a Mun Loong. The City lights during a night at these cities are just awesome. I hope and wish I will be able to visit these countries and see it with my own eyes. Although I have not been to these places before, I glad I could witness it now.

Toronto

Washington

Niagara Falls

Moscow

Los Angeles

London

Denver

Las Vegas

Petersburg

Which city you like best?

Making a baby. This is hilarious!

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 02:48:00 +0800

There is not one dirty word in it.

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and
decided to use a surrogate father to start their
family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive,
Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well,
I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door
baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell,
hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he
said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in,
embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well,
that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please
come in and have a seat'.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do
we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the
bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on
the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun.
You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't
work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one
every time. But if we try several different
positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm
sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his
time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but
I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out
a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on
the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my word!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her
throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well -
when you consider their mother was so difficult to
work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to
the park to get the job done right. People were
crowding around four and five deep to get a good
look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide
with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than
three hours, too. The mother was constantly
squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate,
and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my
equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they
actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll
set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my
Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand
very long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted

Cartoon time

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 01:00:00 +0800

If this doesn't make you laugh ... I don't know what will.

Life Explained

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Fri, 8 Feb 2008 00:54:00 +0800

On the first day,god created the dog and said:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll giv e you back the other ten?'

So god agreed.

On the second day, god created the monkey and said:

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twent y years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

And god agreed.

On the third day, god created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And god agreed again.

On the fourth day, god created man and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'

But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said god, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.

The joy of getting old

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Tue, 5 Feb 2008 00:38:00 +0800

Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the bar. After a few drinks, they ended up at the local brothel.

The Madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her Manager, "Go up
to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed"

These two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two of my girls on them, they won't know the difference.

The Manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business.

As they are walking home, the first man says, You know.... I think my girl was dead!!!

DEAD?? says his friend. Why do you say that?

Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her. His friend says...Could be worse I think mine was a witch!!

'A WITCH? WHY the hell would you say that?

'WELL, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck and I gave her a little Bite, then she FARTED and flew out of the window...taking my teeth with her.

The loyal wife

noreply@blogger.com (Fifi) — Sat, 2 Feb 2008 00:36:00 +0800

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.

When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."

The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm an honest loyal wife, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check.. If he can cash it, he can spend it."