nightswimming deserves a quiet night

the photograph on the dashboard, taken years ago

turned around backwards so the windshield shows

every streetlight reveals the picture in reverse

still, it’s so much clearer

i forgot my shirt at the water’s edge

the moon is low tonight

nightswimming deserves a quiet night

i’m not sure all those people understand

it’s not like years ago

the fear of getting caught

of recklessness and water

they cannot see me naked

these things, they go away

replaced by everyday

nightswimming, remembering that night

september’s coming soon

i’m pining for the moon

and what if there were two

side by side in orbit

around the fairest sun?

that bright tight forever drum

could not describe nightswimming.

you, i thought i knew you

you, i cannot judge

you, i thought you knew me

this one laughing quietly underneath my breath

nightswimming.

the photograph reflects,

every streetlight a reminder

nightswimming deserves a quiet night

deserves a quiet night.

r.e.m.,  “nightswimming” lyrics

good weekend to you.

xo

A

hasselblad 500 cm, kodak ektar 100

i waited 2 weeks.

it was worth the wait. 

i’ll share more over the next week or so.

hope your day brought some surprises too.

xo

A

hasselblad 500 cm, kodak ektar 100.

i believe that some things in life are simply meant to be.  destiny, coincidences, fate, call it what you will.  the fit is just.so.darn.right.  so perfect.  how could it be anything other than divine destiny?  maybe the timing isn’t right.  it will wait.  some things are just meant to be.  eventually.

for my life, i have taken photographs.  it has been my way of connecting with a world that i didn’t always understand.  it has been my way of expressing what i so often can’t explain or can’t quite put into words.  growing up, i did not know my natural father, my birth father.  i had a few pictures, but after age 5, that was all i had.  pictures.  pictures of a man who will always have dark hair and a beard in my mind.  who will always hold a little five year old girl in white Easter dress at a park in allentown, pennsylvania.  pictures.  tucked away.  taken out and gazed at.  wondered at.  imagined with.  fingered gingerly.  held up next to my face in a mirror.  danced with.  spoken to.  yelled at.  cried over.  pictures.  pictures have been such an intimate part of my life since, well, forever.  at least it seems that way.

i guess it can be no wonder then that permanent images, photographs, have always held special magic for me.  they recall, remind, bring back.  they can fill a space in life where there is an emptiness.  they don’t replace, but sometimes they’re all you have.

so, that’s my backstory.

and here’s the frontstory.

one year ago, more or less, i was at a lake enjoying the day with my kids.  my third daughter was trying repeatedly to catch a butterfly.  i was taking photographs of her, the butterfly, the lake, the beauty of the day.  i was trying to capture it and take it with me, so i could hold it close later.  a woman approached me and asked if i were a professional photographer, something i have always wanted to do but just couldn’t see the path to do it.  in what seemed like minutes in my head but was probably only a pregnant pause in real life (“am i a photographer?” “a professional?” “should i say that?” “take pictures and do what i love to do?” “for people other than family and friends?” “what if people think i don’t know what i’m doing?” “what if i really suck and no one has told me that yet?” “what if i’m not good enough?” “oh, what the heck, what’s to lose?” “she’s a lady in the park, who knows, just go with it”), i decided to start my photography business.  that’s what it took.  and i ran with it.

the past year has been an adventure of trying and figuring and learning and screwing up and getting by and succeeding and yes, some failing.  it has been me putting myself out there and then taking a look around to see who and what else is out there.  it has been finding myself, finding my photography in myself and finding the guts to let my photography be me.  in as much as i hope to capture someone’s spirit in their images, i leave a part of myself in every shutter click.  photography is very personal for me.  it reveals as much about me as it does about my subjects.  it is easy to grab your camera and emulate what you see in someone else’s images, to grab their ideas, copy their style.  there are some photographers whose work i look at that shines, it is unique in as much as they are unique individuals, as it should be.  and then there are other photographers that are as bland as bland can be.  the photographs may be technically accurate (though sometimes they’re not), but there is no soul to them.  you could line them all up and they all look the same and you would not know one photographer from the other.  it is easy to start doing what you see everyone else doing.  it is hard work to figure out “you” in your photography.  it’s that “something” that you can’t put your finger on when you look at a photographer’s images.  you know it when you see it.

and that’s where i am, and where i’ve been over the past year ~ finding my vision, finding the “me-ness” in my photography.  like a kettle brewing, coffee percolating, soup simmering, wine aging.  i’ve been sitting with things.  and taking pictures.  and thinking. and going through years and years of images.  looking for me.  it’s been a year.  i know it’s a continually evolving process, but i thought i’d show you were i am with things.

i am finally feeling comfortable enough to bring together a collection of my images into a portfolio, an online gallery.  until now, if you saw my work, it was on my blog (this thing right here!).  i love my blog.  i love writing, and quite honestly, one great thing about school starting soon is that i can get back to writing and sharing more!  but now i will also have my portfolio.  i feel as if i found those jeans that fit just so, that are comfortable, broken in, and well, just me.

do i believe this is destiny?  i believe that i was always meant to do this.  i just had to catch up with it.  my past has written my present.  and now, with little things, i’m working on the script for my future.

two things more i want to share.

i’m not a crier.  i learned a long time ago how to stuff all that down.  but, let me tell you, when i packed up my camera bag, my first camera bag that doesn’t go on my shoulder, my first rolly camera bag to head to seattle, with my little “aileen reilly photography” tag, and it sat on the doorstep next to my suitcase, i teared up.  i just couldn’t believe my fortune.  this is my life!  my dreams.  oh my gosh, i’m a photographer!  with a HUGE camera bag!  packed with tons of gear!!

and then, yesterday, 24 hours ago when i got the email that my portfolio website was live, and i clicked on my domain, and there it was in black and white, and yes, there they were again, the watery eyes.  it is unbelievable to me that this is where i am.  that with everyone’s support, i have put together exactly my dream.

so, thank you.

and now go check out my site. 

xo

A

ps.  the promised photographs ~  sometimes they’re all you have.

me at 3 with my father.

me at 5 with my father.  the last most recent photograph i have with him.

me heading off to kindergarten.

one of the first images i photographed:

my brother, age 1, in front of our back door.

i was 9 and already had a camera in my hand.

it’s just what i’ve always done.

and this image still speaks to me.

that is my goal for the images i photograph for you.

A

i started in film, so i should say, i suppose, that i’m going back to my roots.

film makes you slow down.

there is no screen to look at.

no checking.

there is “do i really want this?”

my rolls have 12 shots on them.

12.

not 200.

not unlimited.

12.

when i click the shutter, it’s because i really really want to.

preserve.

this.

moment.

keep reaching.

xo

A

that’s all i have today.

ride on.

A

the best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely, or unhappy is to go outside,

somewhere where they can be quiet,

alone with

the heavens, nature, and God.

because only then does one feel that all is as it should be

and that God wishes to see people happy,

amidst the simple beauty of nature.

as long as this exists,

and it certainly always will,

i know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow,

whatever the circumstances may be.

and i firmly believe that nature brings solace to all troubles.

~ anne frank

always knows how to make me laugh.

the other day,

i was trying to get everyone out of the house for a lunch out.

the girls were all upstairs

taking too long,

of course.

B came over to me,

and whispered in my ear,

“let’s leave without the sisters.”

they’re not individuals,

rather they’re a collective group to him.

“the sisters.”

i love him and his sense of humor.

have a great weekend.

share a laugh with a friend

and make your

friday funny too.

xo

A

you’re in that first year of marriage.

you’ve bought your first house.

you’re pregnant.

it’s just the two of you,

forming your own little cocoon.

and then life emerges.

and you see things greater

than you’ve ever seen.

and you feel things greater

than you’ve ever felt.

and it is the closest

you’ve felt

to the presence

of

God.

xo

A

p.s. if you’re viewing this in a reader, please click over to the site to watch the video, which doesn’t appear in the RSS feed.  cheers!  A

first, there were the throw-aways.

then, the fisher-price kid cameras.

then, the fisher price digital kid cameras.

and now, the girls all have nice point-and-shoots.

it is for this reason

that they are NEVER allowed to touch my D300.

until this past weekend.

the oldest asked…

and i said, “yes.”

and this is what she shot.

(i adjusted white balance and cropped one, but that is it, SOOC ~

straight-out-of-the-camera

for the neophytes).

i love all her leading lines everywhere.

and then,

an action shot.  me and fergus.

post-nip.

and then my 2nd oldest got in on the action.

she had a willing model (my oldest).

and the next morning,

she picked up the camera again.

i love this moment,

and the light.

greeting the morning.

there’s debate over who took this one.

mornings on the river are the best.

but what was even better was when i was talking with my oldest about her photographs.

i complemented her perspective and composition

and asked what made her think to take a certain picture.

and she said, “you mama.

i’ve watched you and learned from you.”

and my heart grew ten sizes that day…

here’s to kids with cameras and seeing the world through their eyes.

xo

A

we had a great weekend,

and here are some of my 500 photographs that i took.

this incredible view is from the home of a dear friend of mine.

yep, that is the view.

it’s hard to spend a whole weekend here hanging out

at the pool.

yep, this is really hard stuff.

relaxing.

watching the wildlife.

scouting out bald eagles.

meeting new people, er, things.

stopping to smell the flowers.

thinking about separating the wheat from the chaff.

driving through the countryside.

feeling the wind whisper in your ears.

thinking about what came before.

and dreaming of reaching for new goals

that sometimes seem out of reach.

good week to you dear readers.

xo

A