Ailinglaplap Kibwe Lap!

Parade Day!

2011-07-04T12:17:00.001-06:00

How considerate of dear Barbra to have two delightful parade themed songs for me to have stuck in my head all day. Happy 4th, y'all!

Good Friends Cereal

2011-06-17T11:55:00.000-06:00

While googling Anna Wintour today, a regular occurrence for me, I came across this wonderful photo. I can't think why someone would take the trouble to photoshop Obama and Anna onto a box of Good Friends cereal, but then I'm sure people can't understand why I do most of the things I do as well. So good for you, whoever made this photo. I commend you for being so thoughtful and amazing.

Anti-Gravity Dance

2011-06-16T17:08:00.000-06:00

Considering how amazing I am, it's not often I get jealous of the feats of others, but today I am thoroughly jealous. This anti-gravity dance is the best thing ever.

Best Job Title Ever

2011-06-08T19:29:00.001-06:00

I want this job title so bad.

(via Flying Scotsman)

Ellen's Celebrity Cookbook Ideas

2011-06-08T11:06:00.000-06:00

Since every celebrity seems to be coming out with a cookbook, Ellen came up with a few ideas for possible celebrity cookbooks that I personally can't wait to buy.

From Britney Spears, Gimme Gimme Smores.

From Steven Tyler, Wok This Way.

From Justin Bieber, Gravy, Gravy, Gravy Oh!

And my personal favorite, from Cee Lo Green, Shuck You! Delicious Corn Recipes

(via)

I Love Bill Nye

2011-06-07T23:33:00.001-06:00

My Grandpa Rasmussen

2011-03-24T09:54:00.000-06:00

I'm not one to give big sentimental speeches, but I just wanted to say how much I will miss my Grandpa Rasmussen, who passed away last night.

He cared so much for his family and had all of us as his top priority. I've always looked up to him and hope that I can be as kind and good a person as he was.

Read My New Blog!

2011-03-16T20:11:00.000-06:00

I know it's pretty useless to write a post on a blog that nobody reads suggesting that the non-existent readers begin reading another blog that nobody reads, but here goes:

I've started a new blog called The Gilded Beaver that focuses on the very best of music, television, movies, literature, art, fashion, and culture. So far posts have been fairly sporadic, but more regular than you're likely to see on this blog. I have big plans for this blog, so if you'd like to keep abreast of what I and the other writers consider to be the best in media today, subscribe and most of all, comment comment comment.

http://gildedbeaver.blogspot.com/

People Are The Best

2010-12-16T16:08:00.003-07:00

Dear person who went on and on talking about your problems on the phone at work today without letting me get a word in edgewise,

When I said you needed to speak to customer service you demanded that I relay your story on to them in your behalf so you wouldn't have to repeat the story again yourself.

If you would have let me talk in the first place, I would have told you before you began your story that I wasn't the person you needed to talk to and not to waste your breath. So, no, I will not relay your story to the customer service agent on your behalf because it is your fault you told me the story in the first place without seeing if I was the correct person to complain to. I really am sorry for your problems, and if I had authorization/training to help you with them, I would, but I can't.

All I can suggest is that you form a support group with the guy who didn't know how many digits were in a real phone number, the lady whose life was ruined by a consultant not leaving her a voice message when he called, and the guy who said he would drive to Utah and punch me in the throat if the company sent him another email.

Good luck to you, and Happy Holidays.

Have A Very Oprah Christmas!

2010-12-10T11:36:00.003-07:00

At work we all colored paper stockings with colored pencils to decorate the office for Christmas. I did a little something extra with my stocking.

Spirit of the Season Award (Friday, December 3rd, 2010)

2010-12-03T12:51:00.003-07:00

Today's Spirit of the Season award goes to Mark Eliseuson, a white supremacist from Hayden, Idaho.

Mr. Eliseuson decided this year to bring the Christmas spirit to his city by making a KKK snowman.

This snowman has brought joy far and wide by spreading the message that all Black snowmen can go melt in Africa.

Mr. Eliseuson, you are the absolute epitome of "peace on earth, good will toward men."

(Special thanks to Gawker, for filling me in about this one. For a video clip of an interview with Mr. Eliseuson and his neighbors, follow the link to Gawker).

Spirit of the Season Award (Thursday, December 2nd, 2010)

2010-12-02T18:21:00.004-07:00

In honor of the holidays, I would like to recognize those members of our society who really exemplify the Spirit of the Season.

Today's award goes to the fat lady wearing a velour House of Dereón tracksuit at UVU today.

I was calmly waiting for the elevator when you came into my life, pushing angrily between me and the person next to me, barking "EXCUSE ME!" as you passed. You saw that there was plenty of room to walk around us, but you elected instead to plow through us, causing us to stumble backwards in your massive wake.

As you waddled away, your entire body jiggled, much as the Jolly Old Elf jiggles when he Ho-Ho-Hos. Merry Christmas to you, and a Happy New Year. May you go on to trample many helpless people in Black Friday sales for years to come.

Dia De Los Muertos

2010-11-02T13:49:00.003-06:00

I always heard about Dia de los Muertos when I was a kid, but I never really learned about the traditions of the holiday until I was in Spanish 105 at BYU. We had a lesson about it the class period before, then we had a little party to celebrate the proper traditions. Now, it has been several years since that class, but I think I remember how you're supposed to celebrate:

On Dia de los Muertos eve, children decorate their calaveras with flowers and wait for Celia Cruz to ride in on her sleigh lead by Selena, Diego Rivera, Tito Puente, and other dead hispanic celebrities.
If children want to receive their Dia de los Muertos presents, they need to make sure to leave a plate of cigarettes next to a decorative arrangement of Christian crosses by the chimney for Celia to consume and be satisfied.
The next morning, if the children have been good, they will find that Celia has left them sombreros, various colored wigs, sugar skull candies, and Bimbo products. Celia will know if the children have been properly honoring their dead or not, as she can see pretty much everything from heaven.
The rest of the day will be spent at the cemetery where people can reminisce about their departed loved ones while eating Pan de Muerto, which I think means any bread past its prime that can be found at a local Hostess Thrift Store.

And that's basically what goes on, more or less. Here is hoping that everyone has a lovely Dia de los Muertos today. May the grace of Celia Cruz shine down upon you. Azucar!

Why I love Cheese Balls, and Other Facts about Me

2010-10-21T13:20:00.004-06:00

Thanks to my dear friend Megan Marie I have been tagged. While I don't believe in tagging others, I'm always glad to be tagged because it gives me an excuse to post on my otherwise dead blog. Here are the questions she posed to me:

1. Where would you go on your dream vacation if you had to take me along?
My dream vacation would be the Marshall Islands, but I'm not sure if Megan Marie would enjoy that, so maybe one of the more developed islands. Hawaii?

2. What would you do if you had a week with absolutely no responsibility?
Relax, sleep, travel, etc.

3. If you didn't live where you currently live, where would you live?
I would absolutely love to live in Guam, at least for a few years. I love the ocean, and I would like to be somewhere near the ocean. Mountains do nothing for me.

4. Who was your second grade teacher, and did you like them?
Mrs. Muir. I think she was probably a really good teacher, but at the time I didn't like her too much because I was always getting in trouble. She would give out cheese balls every time a student did well on their homework. I RARELY got cheeseballs, and it was a major source of trauma for me. Later in life my mom would start buying me those huge drums of cheeseballs you can get at Sam's Club and I would eat the entire contents within one week. I'm convinced the only reason I love cheeseballs so much is because Mrs. Muir deprived me of them as a child.

5. If you got a PhD what would it be in?
Awesomeness.

6. What is your favorite restaurant?
That is a good question with an ever-changing answer. It also greatly depends on my mood. An old stand-by is Saigon Noodle House in Provo. It's close to my house, and it's so good. Nothing fancy, but delicious. I just love eating so much that I could go on and on about good places to eat. It's the reason I'm so fat and so poor.

7. When was the last time you stayed in bed all day and why?
If we're going for literally in bed all day, that would be the last time I was sick, and I'm not sure when that was (probably a good thing). But as for the last time I spent an inordinate amount of time being lazy in bed, it was probably a Sunday or a Monday. Those are currently my only days off.

8. Where were you going the last time you were on a plane?
It has been FOREVER since I was on a plane. I think the last time was when I went with the parentals to Guanajuato, Mexico. It was a delightful trip. I actually love flying on airplanes, so I can't wait for the next time I'm able to do so. I love everything about air travel, even airports.

People Are So Incredibly Stupid

2010-10-20T19:55:00.003-06:00

It boggles my mind how incredibly stupid people are. Here is a phone conversation I had at work.

Me: Thank you for calling. This is Cameron, how may I direct your call?
Lady: You can direct it to the number I called.
Me: [pause] I'm sorry? Who were you trying to reach?
Lady: My husband!
Me: What is your husband's name? (thinking her husband must be an employee at my office)
Lady: Who is this?!
Me: This is [name of my company].
Lady: What is [name of company]. I work with AT&T, not [name of company].
Me: It sounds like you must have dialed a wrong number...
Lady: I don't think so. Bye.

I hate people.

Doughnut French Toast

2010-09-28T18:12:00.005-06:00

So I thought I had a genius idea the other day. I would make French Toast... out of DOUGHNUTS! It sounded brilliant! I was sure it would be the next big thing. So I went to Smith's and got a dozen glazed doughnuts. I tried cutting one in half like a bagel, but that proved difficult and I ended up with four little segments instead. I soaked them in my signature French Toast mix and then cooked them up.

The end result was neither disappointing nor thrilling. They just tasted like French Toast Sticks you might buy from Sam's Club. If I'd been able to retain their doughnutish shape I think they might have had more of a novelty boost. Overall, I don't regret making them, but I don't think they were especially worth it.

All this got me to thinking that I should have a Food Network show where they just film me making poor choices in the kitchen and the viewers can laugh at my ignorance. I'd watch that.

God Bless Paula Deen

2010-08-14T09:43:00.003-06:00

While at my local Springville Walmart last week, I noticed Paula Deen has her own line of pots and pans. However, after viewing the merchandise closer, I noticed that her pots have only one specific purpose:

Warming butter.
I love Paula Deen.

Blatant Advertisement

2010-07-29T19:26:00.001-06:00

When I was younger I thought massages were a luxury only the rich could afford. Now that Elston is a licensed massage therapist I know that massage isn't for the rich, it is for everyone, and everyone should get massages as often as possible.

Massage not only feels good, it also carries many health benefits:

Pain relief
Stress relief
Reduced blood pressure and heart rate

Continued massage treatment has also been shown to increase your body's immune system function and decrease depression.

Elston's rates are so low that everyone should be able to afford the experience of massage therapy. Please visit his facebook page for prices and more information. He is a very professional and experienced massage therapist, and in my opinion, one of the best massage therapists you will find around here or anywhere.

If you're interested in scheduling a massage, or if you have more questions, feel free to contact either me or Elston. You definitely won't regret it.

Haiku Corner

2010-07-22T18:26:00.003-06:00

I have been lucky enough to be selected as an associate editor on a new blog, Dennis Busch's Haiku Corner (www.haikucorner.com).

The concept of this blog really is quite genius for those with a creative mind. From time to time we will post haiku topics and leave it to the reader to respond to the topic with a haiku.

Even if you're shy about your literary skills, you really do need to give it a try. Who knows, you could be the next Masaoka Shiki (and I just know that's been your life goal all along).

I'm a Lucky Woman

2010-07-21T16:09:00.003-06:00

A few weeks ago, a gentleman from Morocco added me on facebook. I'm the generous sort that will add someone on facebook as long as they don't look like a sexy spambot named Jessica, but I'll generally delete them if I don't really know them and they don't try to say why they added me after a few weeks.

Anyway, today he messaged me and apparently thinks I'm a woman because my profile picture is of Helen Mirren. He asked if I was married, then told me he was searching for a bride. Being the sort of person I am, I decided to go along with it and see what a Moroccan facebook friend could offer a future bride. Here is the life he promised me.

We would live a comfortable life, but not in the United States. I tried to get him to buy a house in the Hamptons but he didn't know where that was. I settled for Cleveland, but he seemed reticent. I think he may not be allowed in the U.S....
He told me I would bear him at least 10 children. He assured me he would still love me even after my body had been destroyed by over 10 childbirths.
He told me I would be his only wife (I wasn't sure if he believed in polygamy, so I thought it best to check. You can never be too careful).
He never answered me about whether or not I could hire servants, including a maid and pool-boy.

In the end, he decided we were ill-matched because I had never heard of a dish called Tajen and would therefore not be able to cook it for him.

I think it's definitely for the best that it didn't work out.

Puckered Perfection

2010-07-08T01:04:00.003-06:00

A while ago, I featured several self-made models on this blog.

Today, I would like to feature a new model, posing for a courageous ad campaign against domestic violence. Please welcome Ben K., newest spokesmodel for the Salt Lake Battered Women's Shelter. This is a stunning reminder that amateur modeling can be used as a force for good in the world. We can save the world, one smize at a time.

My Main Gripe With Responsibility

2010-07-01T16:40:00.006-06:00

Since moving into my new house, my life has changed a great deal.

I've gone from spending nearly every waking moment on facebook to living without internet.

I've I've gone from never working over 28 hours/week to working over 45 hours/week.

I've gone from spending every evening in the company of friends to only seeing friends about once every three weeks.

But the biggest change for me, and the only change that I absolutely hate is this: I went from not having to wake up until 2pm on most days (granted I woke up much earlier than that, but 2pm was the absolute deadline for sleeping in) to having to be awake by 7am.

My mom's possibly greatest campaign in life has been to get people to go to bed early, and for the past two years she tirelessly told me that I needed to get on a "grown-up schedule." I love my mom, and a grown-up schedule definitely works for her, but in complete and total honesty, this grown-up schedule is depressing the hell out of me.

Does anyone have millions of dollars I could just inherit? I think I would make an excellent socialite.

What I've Been Up To

2010-06-11T14:47:00.002-06:00

In case anyone has been wondering why I'm no longer spending every waking moment on facebook, it is because I've been incredibly busy. Here's what I've been doing.

1) Renovating a house

2) Starting work at a second job

3) That's actually it. It seems like I've been doing more than I've actually been doing, I guess. Oh well.

Also there is no internet at my new house, and you can only imagine how much my Happy Aquarium has suffered.

The Best Commercials Ever [Things I Actually Like]

2010-06-03T16:15:00.002-06:00

This post was originally supposed to be about how much I love this commercial:

But then I remembered how much I love this commercial:

And then I found this commercial:

Now I can't decide which commercial I love best. The Shoe Dini has Gilbert Gottfried and old people struggling to put on shoes, which I find enjoyable. The mobile home commercial has well-timed eagle and cougar sound effects, which really spice things up. And finally, the SLCC Haircuts commercial has brutal honesty about the horrible haircuts you will receive for $2, which pretty much sums up the Mormon religion in a little over a minute and a half.

So I leave it to you, the readers of my blog (all five or six of you) to vote on which of these three you find most enjoyable. Please comment specifying which you like and why. Look at me, I feel like I'm doing them "Getting to Know You" exercises they do at BYU Orientation. Maybe I should have been a BYUSA freshman counselor after all.

A Shout-Out to My Favorite Bloggers

2010-04-08T15:17:00.002-06:00

Recently my friend Dennis posted about the blogs his Google Reader listed as the ones he reads the most. In a similar vein, I thought I'd give a shout-out to my most read blogs. These aren't the blogs Google Reader thinks I read the most, because, in all honesty, if something is in my Google Reader I read it regardless of how much I like it. So here we are, my top five blogs in the order of which I would read first:

1. Mmmboppin'
I quite enjoy reading this delightful blog by my dear sister, Megan. She always posts cute pictures of her kids and has funny stories. If every blog in my Google Reader had updates for me to read, I would read Mmmboppin' first.

2. Sex and the City
This Dennis Busch original blog with a delightfully unoriginal title is always worthy of a good laugh or at least a muffled chuckle with polite opera applause. One of the most charming aspects of this blog is Dennis's frequent use of photos edited with Microsoft Paint.

3. The Everlasting Hill's
Okay, I just have to admit, at this current moment, I think this blog is my favorite. Berkeley's blog is partly "young Mormon mom blog" but is mostly comedic writing at its finest. Words can't really describe the delight I glean from this blog.

4. Gawker
Gawker is one of my absolute favorites, and sadly it is where I gain most of my knowledge of current events. Gawker keeps me updated on politics, entertainment, and gossip (hey, they're actually pretty accurate in their gossip, and much much classier than TMZ or Perez Hilton). They are also the most reliable source for news on Anna Wintour, which everyone knows is a big thing for me.

5. Lamebook
Lamebook is basically a website to showcase funny things that happen on facebook. Lately I've been skipping a lot of the posts on Lamebook because you can only handle so many misspelled words and so many status updates about cheatin' baby daddies, but there are often some real gems on there.

And there we have my top 5. This was also the first time I ever increased font size or changed font color in one of my posts. I have no idea if this is the case, but there is a chance that some of the font colors might be different for each number. I kind of forgot which color I made #1, and I couldn't really tell if I was matching the colors on the subsequent numbers. Also, just as a fun fact, the color I thought I was choosing was orange. What color did I actually pick? They really need to label these things for those colorblind among us.