While you’ve been living

It’s been her time to die

Her life was spent telling the truth

Yours was spent living a lie

You were surrounded by those

you could defeat in any duel

She was stuck between those

who were nothing short of cruel

You possessed all that which

would make everyone burn with envy

She clutched all those things which

would make anyone feel empty

Your gaze has inspired hope and love

Hers has conveyed reality and fact

You have been all charm and wit

She has been all virtue and tact

You have grown in that dimension

where things seem and never are

She has withered in that time-warp

where you lose something every hour

Yet you chase, you pine, you want

What was never yours to take

Let go of this interminable quest

If not for her, then for your sake

She has warned you long enough

That God doesn’t like to share

What he loves, is his forever

Even if it doesn’t sound fair

As elusive your quarry has been

Equally obsessive has been her pursuer

Your shadow has eclipsed her path

And left exit points even fewer

If reconciliation were possible

Both would be one and the same

But that is as hard to imagine

As a moth living in a flame

The chase has been interesting

The affair has lasted long enough

She’s hoping you’ll take her word for it

And not by chance, call her bluff

The past can never anticipate

what the future might bring

but love can often preclude

what might have been just a fling

Stop seeking what you look for

For the consequences will be dire

Few have coped with the passion

Of this all-consuming fire

Run if you still dare to!

Run right into the pain

Then we’ll see what you call her

A blessing or a bane

That spark that drives you on

To covet what doesn’t belong to you

Will extinguish itself at the time

When disillusion intercepts your view

You’ll stop seeing the white that day

Because you will glimpse the black

That she’d rather fight with you forever

Than ever love you back

A lot of girls my age and in fact even the younger crowd is of the opinion that the pros outweigh the cons. Many of them believe that marriage is an event that brings with it so many benefits that one would have to be quite dense to reject the idea completely. Without sounding too cynical about it, I can enumerate multiple aspects of matrimony that reflect on a good life. Like Gerard Butler said in the ‘Ugly truth’ marriage is about social status and sex and like my sociology book says, the need for marriage is precipitated by the need to procreate. Marriage also brings with it- family, wealth, property, security, stability and companionship. All of this is fairly basic and one-dimensional, which means there has never been much fluidity in the concept of marriage.

Slowly though, the nucleus of a different kind of life is forming in modern society. I’ve met some who happen to share my views on early marriage, but I’m afraid we’re in the minority. Most, are so engrossed in anticipating the pros that they tend to gloss over the cons. A friendly organization that I recently collaborated with, started a twitter campaign (If you’re not on twitter I don’t know how to explain this) about fighting early marriage. In order to understand why they would do so, I should enlighten you about the cons of marriage and particularly, marriage at a young age.

1. Psychological growth

Independence and liberty are probably two of the most important things that young adults value these days. These are also two things that are essential for their mental health. It isn’t acceptable to the modern young adult, that marital pressure be exerted on them ruthlessly by elders and relatives simply because their age makes them eligible. At such a young age, the average personality has just emerged dripping mud from the bog of adolescence and it takes quite a while to uncover the grown-up hiding beneath that muck. Although the phases of childhood and adolescence have been concluded, the phase of individuality has just begun. Marriage at an early age indisputably leads to personality maladjustment. In order to maintain that precarious balance between a healthy body and a healthy mind- it is necessary for young people to become well-established in all respects before entering into married life.

2. Sexual maturity

To put it delicately, getting a young person married is almost absolutely committing the person to a sex life. At such a tender age in spite of the raging hormones and the conflicting messages they give, kids have not attained the kind of sexual maturity that matrimony demands. This is especially true for young girls who are subjected to a lot of pressure to bear children. Usually, and I speak for the Indian culture, couples have barely settled down before family-planning is forcefully introduced. Call it the demands of Religion or Society, young boys and girls are not capable of developing that kind of maturity so suddenly.

#3 Education and Career

Most girls today are ambitious and very clear about their future (There are lots who are not, but I’ve never been friendly with them). Education and a stable career have assumed greater importance as compared to family and marriage. If you ask young girls what they want to become when they grow up, you will rarely hear them say ‘ mother’ or ‘wife’. Today their answers range from ‘lawyer’, ‘doctor’, ‘psychologist’ to ‘actress’  ’model’ and ‘writer’. Whatever may be the career choice, it is obvious that without the bare minimum education, women cannot get enough degrees, and without the necessary qualifications they cannot aspire to become career-women. 

An early marriage more often than not, tends to disrupt the flow of regular education and work. No matter how liberated and progressive the husband and the in-laws are, sooner than later the woman will be expected to take charge of household duties and mothering. When the girl is young, she will most likely be in the middle of pursuing some degree or another when she is wedded and chances of her continuing to pursue a higher degree become quite slim post the marriage.

#4 Incompatibility

A very consistent problem in modern relationships between any man and woman is incompatibility. Now I know that a romanticized version of this would involve love, attraction, chemistry- a host of other unrealistic words that would somehow reinstate your faith in relationships. The truth is that compatibility is very hard to attain. In order for a relationship to survive all extraneous variables- friends, relatives, idealistic notions- have to be eliminated. More importantly, for compatibility to be achieved an adequate amount of time and familiarity is required. That doesn’t come easily or quickly and it certainly does not appear simply because ‘they’re married now’.

#5 Family responsibilities

A majority of young adults and teenagers in India are far more receptive and sensitive to their family situation as compared to children in Western nations. (I’ve never been there but word spreads). In India, the average young adult will not only be aware of the financial situation but also of the health, career and filial issues of both parents. Not only have kids become more responsible towards their parents, many in fact believe they are obliged to ensure that their family is secure and happy before even considering marriage. This is characteristic of single children who are not only closer to their families but are aware of a deeper sense of accountability towards them. Hence, before they feel they’ve discharged the necessary  duties, forcing them to marry becomes tantamount to well, abuse. 

CONCLUSION : All-rounded development.

My point in writing about all the negatives of early marriage is simply this : That for any marriage to be happy and stable the people involved need to acquire the necessary level of emotional and mental maturity. It means that in their individual lives, they must have attained those goals that are integral to their happiness. Without possessing that core contentment, an early marriage will only engender regret. And for anyone who knows even a little bit about marriage, regret is a silent admission that were circumstances any different, those same two people would have never married one another.

Every time I dodge a friend, don’t take a call, cancel a date or make up some lame excuse to avoid a social meeting- my prissy conscience baits me to step up and come up with a plausible reason. It’s not just my conscience that does that, many disconsolate friends have tried to extract a verbal apology out of me, for being too busy, spending too little time talking to them and basically not seeming to care so much.

I have tried telling them, both my conscience and my friends, that it is not a matter of appearance- I really do not care. I care about them the way I care about well, humanity in general. It’s a token of good-will, but confusing it with sentiments like love, passion, affection and loyalty would be an erroneous mistake on my part. In my experience, which is fairly vast when it comes to people and life, one has to learn to care about things that matter and people unfortunately, have never really mattered.

There is obviously the question of avoidance. Why run? Why evade? Why be so elusive from people who for all intents and purposes have your best interests at heart?

That in itself is your, and my answer. They do not have your best interests at heart. This is a very antiquated phrase that expired a long time ago before the advent of pseudo-networking (Internet). My only philosophy regarding people is simple : Wait for a person to prove his goodness, before pronouncing him good. Most importantly, let a person prove that he is good for you. 

Avoidance, escapism and self-preservation are without a doubt, mankind’s most beneficial instincts. I’ve imbibed them for solely one purpose : I value my own happiness.

According to me, if you’re the one being avoided then you must consider the possibility that you’re not bringing much happiness to the person avoiding you. If you truly make someone happy, rest assured, he/she will definitely seek your company. Lot of people are social, extroverted and affable. For most, leisure involves communicating with as many friends as possible in the littlest of time, going for movies, dining out, visiting historical monuments and vacationing on scenic locations- all with their closest friends. There exists however, a slightly disparate race of people, who for some reason always seem to be running out of social time. Their joy emanates from hobbies, learning, music, art, practices,work and is so unreliant on people that they’re often dubbed as anti-social, geeks, loners and outcasts. There is a very specific reason why some people deliberately avoid human contact. If you’ve noticed this phenomenon then you’ve obviously wondered why they do this.

There are three reasons that come to mind. Firstly, such people derive a lot of pleasure from work and accomplishment. Whether the task is simple or extensive, their satisfaction comes from the act itself, the work provides them with more than enough companionship. I’m not saying such people won’t have friends, but the little that they have will be people who mean well. Secondly, they’re smarter than the rest so they’ve quickly come to terms with reality : That the only reason behind people’s unhappiness are other people. It is not death, failure or sickness that causes unhappiness to a person, it is cruelty, antipathy and disloyalty. These are features of people, not life. A person can cope very well with unfortunate events, as long as he/she is surrounded by people who are conducive to coping. And thirdly, after coming to realize this truth, these people have made a decision to avoid those who are in any way a threat to their happiness.

According to me, there are very few people left in this world who are looking for true happiness. In fact, as every therapist comes to observe this about a recalcitrant patient, most people enjoy tragedy. They want to hold on to sad things and what’s more, they display remarkable aptitude for spreading sadness. Sadness is infectious just like laughter- and most of us don’t even realize that we’ve caught it.

If happiness is truly important to you, or if it is something that you seek in this life then know which people are responsible for annihilating it. I’m not saying you have to play the blame game but give credit where it’s due. Those who care for their own happiness, security and stability will always be very clear about who all can come in the way of that. My point is, if someone makes you so unhappy, why continue getting mired in your issues with that person and why not simply take the simpler and more selfish decision of ‘live and let live?’. Convention forbids this kind of self-gratifying behavior but it also condones decency and if others can’t follow that, why should you?  All the ‘what’s’ in our life are determined by the ‘who’s’ we cohabit with. If your ‘what’ is essentially troubling you, think, ‘who’ is responsible for that?

The next time you come across someone eccentric who makes no bones about avoiding you, I think you’d be better off suspecting that the person doesn’t like you and going along with it, rather than pursuing the person doggedly and being told that they don’t like you. In fact, you’d be well-advised to think ‘she’s just happier that way’. 

Any form of violence or abuse in speech, deed or action within a domestic environment that causes harm whether physical, emotional or sexual to a member can be termed as Domestic Violence. The Junior Minister of Women has cited that around 70% of women in India are victims of domestic violence. With such a high frequency, you would assume that Domestic Violence is an issue that is very often discussed on media forums and within the walls of every household- sadly, to this day, it remains to be one of the many horrific aspects of family life that is swept under the carpet. Family members, husbands, relatives refuse to acknowledge that a crime against a woman has been committed in their vicinity. Violence at home is such a regular feature of Indian filial relations that to the ordinary man, there is absolutely nothing depraved about wife-beating, demanding dowry, emotional harassment or sexual abuse. If people want a solution to the problem of rampant domestic violence, they must first and foremost admit to themselves that the problem exists and that it is a grave issue. Without attributing the due seriousness to this problem, without outlining the inhumanity in such actions and without awareness about the moral wrong there can be no prevention or treatment.

The only positive aspect about this problem is that it isn’t incurable. It isn’t HIV, blood cancer or Alzheimer’s that there is no remedy and no means of offering immunity. With collective social enlightenment, the occurrence of Domestic violence can greatly be reduced.

For one, we need to understand the reason why violence occurs. The attitude towards women in general is extremely derogatory and chauvinistic which doesn’t grant women in homes any respect or liberty. Feminism is still a very nascent concept in India. It hasn’t received the kind of attention, encouragement and investment that would allow any real progress to take place in the status of women. Another aspect of society that is conducive to domestic violence is lack of any social sanctions to deal with filial conflict. Society subjects such families to contempt and censure instead of offering measures that can rectify the problem. An essential feature of families involved in inter-relational violence, is the absolute disregard for the children. No family that treasures its children and strives as one to protect their innocence will allow any kind of violence at home. It is mainly the families that are emotionally unavailable and psychologically negligent towards their children, that will indulge in domestic violence.

Domestic violence can essentially involve physical abuse- beating, torture, force, house-arrest; emotional or psychological abuse- demand for dowry, verbal abuse, withholding rights and freedoms and sexual assault- rape, marital rape, reproductive coercion etc.

In a nutshell, there are some steps that families can take to avoid violence :

1. Pre-marital counseling : Couples that go to receive pre-marital counseling will be forewarned about domestic violence before entering into the marriage.

2. Communication guidelines : The communication between any two members has to necessarily be clear, concise and devoid of negativity. The behavior of one, affects another which results in a backlash. To avoid getting into this vicious circle, there has to be mutual understanding about behavior that is civil and that which is not. Moreover, it has to be the aim of every person to clear misunderstandings and correct mistakes in communication- and the guilty party has to accept those mistakes in order for communication to become easier.

3. Love : The conventional rule here applies to any two people and not just a couple. If two people love one another, then violence can never be an option- which is something the people have to accept and inculcate into their relationship. 

4. Bringing in help : There is always an aggressor, sometimes it can be both the people involved. The expression of aggression need not lead to violence, but if it does, then the victim has to ensure his/her own protection. Informing neighbors, law enforcement, concerned relatives, social groups can go a long way in preventing future incidents. The aggressor has to fear punishment and outside interference or he/she will not regulate his/her behavior.

5. Pre-Marital : For women especially, before consenting to matrimony, the family of the girl has to collect as much information as possible about the boy’s family and ensure that their girl is independent, self-reliant and always has the option of seeking the help of her parents or other family members should she be victimized or harassed. The girl must be assured of the fact that if anything goes wrong, she will not be discarded like some piece of trash and will receive guidance and timely help.

6. Checks and balance : Every person is liable to becoming violent- that must be presumed unless the person consistently maintains his/her temperance. No matter what the age, status or position of the aggressor is in the family- he/she must be corrected by other members. Each person is responsible for himself and for every other. 

In spite of the law, namely the Protection of Women against Domestic Violence Act- this social evil has not been annihilated successfully. It needs constant vigilance, inexhaustible attempts to spread awareness and unlimited authorities that can impart justice. The website I’m writing for, requires me to take an oath and promise that I will do my bit to put an end to Domestic Violence. However, practically speaking, it is not a linear phenomenon that I can simply stop by standing in its way and barring it from going any further. I can however, blog about it, ask people to read it and be hopeful that those who do will remember that domestic violence begins at home and not at the police station or court. The most powerful panacea of all crime against women would be exposure to the correct information and a complete transformation in the attitude towards women.

I’m a realist, so I can see that that’s a long shot. However, I’m doing my bit to let people know about it and not shove it in the closet. Are you willing to do the same?

Author’s note : For more information about Domestic Violence visit 

http://www.bellbajao.org/

The only conceptual knowledge I had about electricity was 11th grade physics that taught me about induction motors, electromagnetism, and AC and DC current. However, over the last few summers I’ve learnt a lot more about the practical aspects of power-generation. Since the summer of 2007, first spent in the blistering heat of Delhi and then the humid stickiness of Pune, I’ve learnt the following things about electricity which I’m quite sure my former Physics teacher would agree with wholeheartedly.

a) Electricity supply in India is very erratic, moody and irritable. A friend of mine fondly dubbed it Pre-menopausal. 

b) There are no collective good-will backup generators in our area. 

c) Power outage is more regular than consistent power supply

d) Low voltage is NOT better than no voltage. Low voltage does the air-conditioner no good.

e) Frequent power-cuts can cause the Master Circuit Breaker to trip involuntary  even when there’s no power-cut. So you’ll wait patiently thinking the power will come back on but it won’t because you have to flip the switch. 

f) Sometimes it’s not just a shortage of electricity. The intense heat can also cause transmission wires to burn themselves. 

g) Waiting it out is not an option. You have to badger the Power-house to tell you things like- How long it’s going to take, extent of areas affected, have you got anyone working on it, etc

h) Always, always have a contingency plan. You cannot spend a night in the middle of May, without electricity, surviving on a natural breeze (which is non-existent mostly) being assaulted by disease-carrying mosquitoes and blanket-worms. The contingency plans should ideally include alternative accommodation.

I) Power cuts also imply unpredictable fresh-water timings. So always stock up on water for your bathroom and import drinking water from nearest neighbor with a functioning water-purifier- Hopefully you won’t confuse the two. Also transfer perishable items of fridge into the refrigerator of friend who isn’t affected by the power-cut

j) Never switch on two high power-consuming gadgets at the same time. They mess up the voltage.

k) Save electricity. No, really. Ever since the last power outage, I’ve been roaming around the house trying to shepherd the entire family into one room (refuge-style) and switch off the lights of every other room. Switch off all appliances at night and keep your essential gadgets like mobile phones, music players and laptops charged up on a general basis. 

l) Lastly, get a freaking inverter. It is the only difference between the states of heat-stroking and not.

A website recently informed me through the medium of a petition that the reason for power-cuts is India’s over-dependence on coal-produced energy. Instead, the country need to starts relying on renewable sources of energy.

What is renewable energy? Flashback : 8th Grade Science. Energy harnessed from sources which are replenished continually, are perennial and incapable of running out is Renewable Energy which basically includes solar, wind, tidal and geothermal energy. Today, renewable energy provides only 19% of electricity generation worldwide. According to recent studies, India is a lot less proactive towards deriving electricity from renewable sources as compared to other countries. Although it has made great leaps in the field of solar energy and wind energy with nearly 20 Solar plants in the country and a Wind Energy capacity of 13,000 Mega Watts (1000W = 1 MW) , the investment in renewable energy per-State has been lesser than the allotted target which has resulted in severe power cuts. Or so I’m told by the petition below.

If you are being victimized by the frequent electricity problems as much as I am, then a constructive method of venting out would be to sign this petition which aims at demanding that the Union Power Minister make it mandatory for states to use Renewable Energy and encourage investment.

http://www.greenpeace.org/india/en/What-We-Do/Energy-Revolution/Delhi-can-switch-on-the-sun/states-take-RE-seriously/?utm_source=SilverpopMailing&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Delhi%20RE%20-%20Non%20Signers%20-%20M4%20-%20National%20(1)&utm_content=

Thanks for reading this very ‘hot’ post.

The other day (I don’t know what date it was or whether it was a Monday or a Tuesday because I very recently finished my exams so I’m currently living in a time warp) I was talking with my best friend and we just happened to notice how we were talking on two separate messengers at the same time. This resulted in further discussion about how much we talk to each other and the reason behind that. As she rightly pointed out, it has become absolutely intolerable talking to anyone during the summer holidays. It’s India, it’s May, the heat is scorching, the electricity supply is erratic and let’s face it most 20 year old’s are not doing much at all. My friend and I are not ‘most 20 year old’s’. She vacations all over the country with her family, cooks, works out- I write unfathomable poetry in the dead of the night, read books on fast-track, blog about social issues and practice about 15 covers on the piano every day.

Which is why it gets annoying when friends expect you to talk to them any time of the day just because they’re bored. With the exception of my best friend, I really don’t talk to my peers. The main reason being is that most people have forgotten some of the basic rules of communication. When I told my best friend about this she elaborated on the conversation that she basically has with everyone (barring me of course).

What’s up?

What are you doing?

Good morning.

Had lunch yet?

Good evening

What did you have for dinner?

Good night.

How’s your boyfriend?

Now you’ll notice there’s no real exchange of information going on here. If someone wishes me good morning I’ll obviously text the same- but I’ve lost about a minute in being told something that I already know- It’s morning, I get it. If someone asks me about what I’m doing- what exactly, I wonder, am I supposed to tell them? Just stepped out of the shower? I once made the mistake of telling a guy that I just finished having a bath and he unashamedly starting asking me questions about what I did in there. So what else do I say? Watching television? Because then they’ll ask me what I’m watching which is just not the fucking point of having a conversation unless I look like some kind of programmer guide. If you’re asking me about my boyfriend, then again, why the hell would I tell you how’s it going with my boyfriend? What would I say- he’s very insecure? We made out? I’m going to dump him?

So you see the questions are not meant to elicit any appropriate answer and just serve as some form of amusement for bone-idle people.

The purpose of conversation has always been getting to know new things. I rather end up getting to know things about my friends I’m absolutely not interested in, giving information I otherwise do not want them to be privy to (How else are you supposed to dodge the insistent “What are you doing? What are you up to? What? What?) and wasting God knows how many hours in hopeless witter.

I feel people from my generation have forgotten how to speak. They’ve been handed all this wonderful newfangled equipment like the internet, text messaging and web hangouts but there’s no point to it, is there?, because the only intention is to gossip. For example, how do you put communication technology to good use? I own a tablet and the day before I got a warning message from the service providers because I don’t make calls or text- which makes having a SIM card totally redundant. Then it hit me- I don’t like chatting. No wonder. I check my blog perfunctorily, send e-mails to the websites I review for, listen to music, watch videos, share some online bonhomie with my best friend, read an E-book and that’s about it.

Here are some pointers I feel many of my peers will benefit from :

1. If you don’t have anything to talk about- don’t talk.

2. If you do want to talk, get to the fucking point before I doze off.

3. If you want to make a pass at me, I’d appreciate a direct approach rather than the ‘love/hate’ ‘hot/cold’ too-afraid-of-rejection-to-ask-straight-up but too-desperate-to-give-up technique.

4. If you’re bored, I’ll tell you a joke. My personal life should not be your entertainment. ( I recognize the irony, I’m writing about this on my personal blog after all).

5. If you’re not doing anything at the moment, kindly stop criticizing what others are doing if they seem busy.

6. If you want attention- get a boyfriend/girlfriend. I do not wish to fulfill that role.

7. If you need advice about painful matters, then sure, I’m always there for that. It does not mean I become your Guru or self-help guide. You will still have to use your own brains eventually.

If you think I’m taciturn and that’s why I’m griping about this, you can ask my classmates that’s absolute bullshit- I love talking. I love listening to my own voice and gauging the tone in which others speak, nuances of body-language, expression and basically getting a better sense of how they think. However, that isn’t the purpose with which conversation is carried out these days. Let’s face it, even if you’re not bilingual or experience cultural or linguistic differences it doesn’t mean you’re in any way limited in the conversational field. Conversation is about what you speak and how you speak it.

These days, the what part is about nothing but highly melodramatic, over-complicated, self-gratifying teenage existential despair and the how bit is nothing but a bastardized version of jargon picked up from Hollywood movies (and sadly not books), Hip-Hop music (Cool/Sup/Whatever) and flirtatious segueways (I like this girl, she’s amazing blah blah blah- I hope you know it’s you).

That’s exactly why, this summer, I won’t be talking much to you.

But these mythical allusions
Cannot explain why
Good and evil manage to co-exist
Without even having to try

Every man has committed sin
Every man has loved at least once
Does it mean he is sent to either
Without being given a chance?

What heaven do you talk of
When God walks by my side
And the devil keeps trying
To take me for a ride

What justice do you speak of?
When you tell me I deserve it
Do those who have a good life
Never do anything to burn it?

What fairness do you preach of
When all you do is whip others with lashes
And I get in the way because it’s wrong
So you kiss me with scars and gashes

Which heavenly gates would welcome
Those who never learnt to care?
Which hell would throw them out
If they’ve cut people open and laid them bare?

What on earth, kindly tell me
Are you people doing?
Do you think that we are pawns
In the trouble that is brewing?

Stop trying to blame some God
When things start going wrong
And refusing to acknowledge the evil
That has lived in us all along

There is only you and me
And the battle going on between us
Of what is right and what is wrong
So stop crying Satan and Jesus

For all the good things that I’ve done
Enough medals I have shown
For all that I have suffered
There are plenty  of  gravestones

If you have ever wronged
Someone who shouldn’t have been
I was there vigilant and vengeful
If you thought nobody had seen

The bible got one thing right ‘we reap what we sow’
Because if you have done evil, believe me
No faith can save you today
Not the heaven that rests above
Nor the hell that thrives below

Tantra describes the journey of a highly-skilled vampire killer Anu, a young and vivacious woman, as she tracks the vampire who killed her boyfriend Brian. The chase brings her from New York to Delhi, where she finds herself surrounded with old relatives, long lost friends, new bosses and colleagues and more importantly, new enemies.

The vampire system prevailing in Delhi is such that an uneasy alliance exists between the hunters and the vampires thereby maintaining peace in the city. Unaccustomed to such deals between the two species, Anu accidentally stumbles upon a much bigger conspiracy- one that goes beyond the level of vampires and strays into the dark magic world. A war is brewing; a fanatical, power-hungry Yogi by the name Baba Senaka has been taking the lives of little children in order to harness excessive spiritual energy and channel it towards a self-gratifying  purpose. He clearly intends to dominate the entire world with his unbeatable store of evil energy and his first target is Delhi. Anu unfortunately finds herself becoming more and more embroiled in this chaos, siding with vampires to protect the city and mastering ancient religious techniques in order to fight this battle. Her only concern is to get her family, friends and potential lover away from the crossfire. Will Anu, along with a handful of her friends- human, vampire and hunter combined, be able to defeat the unbeatable Baba Senaka?

Now I’ve done my best to furbish the synopsis so that you may not judge this book by its tacky and nondescript cover or the absolutely confounding name below the title : Adi. Who Adi? My classmate Adi? A stranger-I-met-in-the-lobby Adi? A pseudonym perhaps? Or a nickname?

Whatever the truth is behind this mysterious name, one cannot help but admire certain features of this book. For one, the story is slick and the humor is absolutely refreshing. It is enjoyable particularly for those who have lived in the capital to hear Adi describe Delhi as the center of this struggle for world-domination. Adi does full justice to the two most interesting dimensions that are intertwined : Spirituality and Tantra. He delves into India’s vast religious background emphasizing on the mythology part and explaining in a very instructive manner some basic concepts of spirituality. On the other hand, he also elaborates on Tantra and the kind of people who wield it for the wrong reasons.

For those people who haven’t heard anything about either subject, this book may come off as a 12th grade physics textbook. Although a lot of the vitality comes from Anu and all the witty repartee between her and the other characters- there are certain low points during the story. For one, the book suggests a sequel which does not really evoke the interest that it should. Another major flaw to Adi’s writing is that there are too many different things squashed between the pages- not all of which are followed to the proper conclusion. The resulting confusion may disappoint readers. Also, the angle with Brian is somewhat- hard to believe. Like the main character just needs to have someone to pine about so it might as well be her overrated dead boyfriend.

I admire the fact that Adi seems like a fearless writer. He writes about things like intimacy and  reality in a way that assures you that he is a gifted writer. However, the overall impact is not exactly shall we say, satisfying. In the end, one does wonder if Adi has gotten sidetracked from his own story.

The premise of the story, the liberty with which the characters are dealt with and the epic climax fortunately guarantees a memorable first-read. The choice to do so for a second time, is entirely up to you.

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A few years ago, in the summer of February 2009, my best friend Shreya was preparing to get married to her high-school sweetheart. Being very close to the bride, I spent the entire morning running around the spacious wedding hall, setting up the reception area, checking the guest list, overseeing the seating arrangement and acting as liaison between the bride and groom. I was quite young and extremely thrilled to be watching my older friend get married. In the evening, I  stood along with Shreya’s family by the ornate gate through which the guests were streaming in. Among them was also her grandfather Retd Col S. Newaskar, a burly man who walked and talked military, had the bushiest handlebar mustache I had ever seen and a very piercing gaze that left me flustered. Along with him was his wife, a docile and simple woman who from what I had gathered, had been widowed early in her life. A few years after her first husband’s unfortunate death, she had met Col Newaskar who had lost his wife many years back and they had married each other soon after. Shreya had confided once, that although she hadn’t been very close to her step-grandmother she seemed like a sweet woman. Once I had greeted the guests, I, along with all the family members became engrossed in participating in all the traditional events.

Maybe because I was young and didn’t know that much about Indian weddings in general, I happened to notice a tiny detail which all the adults seemed quite accustomed to. Although   Shreya’s step-grandmother Mrs Newaskar, was required to be a part of all the ceremonies there was always this moment when with a sort of understated skill, she would be shuttled to the fringe of the group, seeming to grow smaller while the rest of the family vigorously indulged in the wedding ceremony. In fact, whenever there was a pooja or a ritual involving the bride or the groom, Mrs. Newaskar would come forward traditionally being required to perform many of those rituals but in a practiced move the rest of the family, sometimes the bride’s mother or some aunt or some relative, would sideline. Following this, Mrs Niwaskar would stand at the edge as far away from the happy couple as possible till the ritual had been concluded.

This inexplicable event happened so many times that I started to wonder if there was something wrong with Mrs. Newaskar. Like I said, I was very new to the traditions, customs and most importantly- the superstitions of a large Indian family. I assumed maybe the family was keeping their distance from her because she hadn’t been with them for that long, or maybe she didn’t get along with her husband’s children or some other personal reason that I wasn’t privy to. Whatever this reason was, Shreya’s family and relatives for the most part were going out of their way not to let Mrs. Newaskar perform or be a part of most of the ceremonies.

It was the in the last ceremony before the reception, that my question was answered. The priest performing the pooja asked for the girl’s eldest female relative to be brought forward and conduct the Aarti. Once again, I sensed that same hushed rustling of women’s sari’s and flapping of men’s kurta’s as the group surrounding the couple drew a deep breath together and somehow Mrs. Niwaskar was hampered from getting across to the priest and accepting the proffered thali. Once again, Mrs Niwaskar’s face fell for a fraction of a second and she stepped back as demurely as possible. Fortunately I looked back to where Col Newaskar was sitting and caught the momentary look of outrage that swept across his face before it vanished behind the typical military composure that soldiers possess. Col Newaskar got up and with a kind of regal grace strode forward and stopped his daughter-in-law from starting the ceremony.

The shahnai ceased to play. The band stopped beating the drums. People, as one, looked towards the intimidating figure of the former Colonel.

“How long will you people keep doing that?” He asked his son and daughter-in-law softly in a deep, gravelly voice.

The rest of the family seemed stunned. There were muted replies from some of the other members. Col Newaskar waved his hand in a dismissive gesture and pointed to the diminutive figure of his second wife.

“She’s the eldest female relative. Did you all not hear the Priest’s request?”

His son, the other Mr. Newaskar supplied some answer in hushed tones to his father.

“In every function so far, you have gone out of your way to shun my wife. Why? Is it because she was a widow? Because Hindu superstition dictates that widows bring bad luck to auspicious functions?”

He turned to the priest and asked him “Pandit ji, has it been mentioned in any holy scripture that widows cannot be allowed to do what is their birthright?”

The priest bowed and replied that there was no such thing written in the Vedas and the Upnishads.

Col Newaskar pointed to his granddaughter Shreya, dressed in the bride’s traditional glittering red attire. “My wife is also her grandmother. The couple needs her blessings. Without the blessings and grace of her elders the wedding will not be complete. That would be inauspicious.” He looked at this granddaughter at this point and there must have been some silent communication, because Shreya quickly got up along with her husband-to-be and they both stepped forward to hand the ceremonial plate to her grandmother.

It took a few seconds for the silent crowd to process what was happening because before they knew it, the priest was chanting, the Aarti was being conducted by Mrs. Newaskar, the couple were smiling and bowing to touch her feet and Col Newaskar had silently returned to his post- a solitary plastic chair at the edge of the stage.

It was much later, that I really understood the significance of this one, small incident. You see, due to caste-ism in India, the position of women has been downgraded from what it used to be, but what is worse is the position of widows in the orthodox community.  A widow is treated like an accursed person, an ill-omen or a harbinger of misery, bad-luck and death. It is believed that it is the woman’s own fate that brought on her husband’s untimely death and hence will follow her everywhere. Widows are boycotted from all festivals and happy occasions for the same reason. They are made to spend their life in the most lonely way possible- surviving on the charity of their in-laws, barred from indulging in any activities that married women are allowed to do- especially religious ceremonies and weddings. Even today, a re-married widow is still perceived as once-a-widow-always-a-widow. A widow cannot decorate her body, adorn herself with jewelry or garb herself in attractive clothes. Ideally, she must spend her life in perdition and serve a sort of purgatory sentence for the rest of her life.

Women, whether married, unmarried or widowed deserve as much respect as men do in in society. They are here to faithfully play that role in life which has been assigned to them. It may be their destiny to be a daughter, mother, sister, wife, friend or even a widow- but that does not give society any right to determine how they are supposed to play that role. Their status and position, their freedom and liberty cannot be constricted any longer by those orthodox and oppressive norms which have been prevailing in society since generations.

What Col Newaskar did on that day, was a very special, very brave act that indeed, had a huge impact on the rest of the family. It was meant to dispel the superstitious and irrational beliefs of the family and ensure equality and respect for his wife.

I never discussed the incident much with my friend after that. I remember the rest of the wedding was pretty normal and uneventful, although any observant person would notice that there was a delicate smile on Mrs. Newaskar’s face now, who seemed to have finally been accepted as an integral part of the wedding.

Retd Col Sai Newaskar may not be with his beloved and happily married granddaughter today and he will never know the effect his one humanitarian act had on my 17 year-old self. He and I didn’t have any personal interaction, nor did we have any connection aside from the fact that Shreya was and still remains to be one of my closest friends. I don’t even know what he did for our nation because what he did for one woman seems even braver to me. In my memory, what he did that day, will always be the most honorable and commendable act that a man did for his wife, for a widow and for a woman.

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