AKINDURO RACHEAL OLUFUNKE

January 17th....

2025-01-20T05:42:00.000-08:00

The smell of new year was still around the corner, "2020" making me wonder what the year would bring. I had taken a day off work to rest.....oh! I had to meet the deadline of applying for a grant. It has really been hectic for me, from presenting my doctoral pre-field, to coping with work and now meeting a deadline for a scholarship. All these while expecting a baby.

As I read, I felt my tommy make different sounds and my baby constant restless moves. 'Is everything ok?' I asked myself. Remembering that I had visited the clinic for my antenatal a day earlier, gave me peace as I relax to continue my study. After spending hours struggling to come up with an abstract, I had to force myself to sleep and couldn't wait for hubby to came back from work.

I woke up early to notice that hubby had left for work. Walking to the rest room, I decided to give my mum a call, that was when I saw it!!! Oh my!!!! What is this I screamed!!! Is my baby ok!!!! Oh Gosh!!!! I didn't understand as I ran to my neighbor who suggested I go to the hospital. Yes! I am sure u want to ask what is it? It is unexplainable. I don't even know myself but one thing for sure is that I knew my baby isn't well!!! I knew it is a matter of emergency!!! How can I explain the long white cord between my legs. Something is wrong and my baby isn't feeling comfortable

I ran from my house to the clinic. The doctor saw me and then saw my state and shouted. How manage!!!! What happened!!! I became so scared. I know it is worse than I had expected. Then the doctors started a meeting immediately. 'Tell me what the problem is' I screamed. 'Will my baby survive???' They nod but I knew they were scared. I immediately took my phone and dialed my pastor's number. 'Please pray for me and my baby I cried. I don't want to die neither do I want to lose my baby. 'All will be well he reassured me'

The doctors came in and informed me that I will have to undergo an emergency cesarean section. I knew that would be it. They just have to save my baby. Yes, they have to, I assured myself and told them I am ok with anything to safe my baby. My sister came in at that moment and told me all will be well. My husband....I didn't see him when I closed my eyes. Yes, I closed my eyes and hoped for the best.

Opening my eyes, I tried to see what was happening, but I couldn't. 'Where am I'? I asked. Eventually when I opened again, I noticed I could see a roof. My husband was close to me, holding me so strong. Yes, I saw my sister also and then my mum. I struggled to smile. Where is my baby I asked. She is in the incubator they responded. Oh!!! Yes, where would she have been? It was merely 7 months, and she couldn't have been by my side I thought. I wish I could hold her; I tried standing but felt a sharp pain in my Tommy. Oh!!! I remembered I had just been cut. The pain around my body was so much that I couldn't move, so I slept again.

When I woke up the next time, I requested to see my baby, she was still in the incubator. Another woman who had just given birth had a bed beside me, whenever I hear the sound of her baby, I requested to see mine. I couldn't wait to see her adorable face. I had just been told a week ago that I was expecting a girl. I was so happy. I Danced with joy. Can I at least see her i asked my mother. Soon dear, she is sleeping and cannot be removed from the incubator. I sighed and slept again

When I woke up, an old woman came to my bed, held me and said, 'you will be fine, it is just the baby, thank God you are ok'. I didn't get it, so I ask, what do you mean. My younger sister quickly cut her short and spoke

'she is worried about your pain in your stomach'. 'Oh'! I responded but at that point, I knew something was wrong. My mum eyes were heavy. I could read it. 'Is my baby ok? I asked crying. 'Yes, she is. She is!' my younger sister insisted. Then let me see her I also insisted'. When I noticed I wouldn't be allowed to see her. I came up with a plan to know what had happen. I know my husband wouldn't keep anything from his father, so I requested for his phone to call a friend. He didn't think twice before he gave me, if he had, he would have known I was up to something.

I took it from him and went straight to his father's message. There I saw it. Yes, I saw what I had been avoiding... What they have kept from me. The Truth!!!!! 'Daddy, we lost the baby he wrote'. What!!!! I shouted. My baby!!!!! My baby!!!!! I want my baby!!!! I can't lose her!!!! My baby!!!!!! My baby!!!!! No!!!!!!!! I want my baby! I tried to stand up but the sharp pain put me back to bed. I tried to cry out, but my body was so weak to allow me to express my pain. I could hardly lift my legs, my hands were swollen from the numerous drip I had received. Oh.....My baby!!!!!!!!!! I lost her!!!!

My Special One's birthday

2018-01-02T14:59:00.007-08:00

It is 12 on d dot, another beautiful day to celebrate my love. The last time I posted on my blog about my Special One's birthday was three years ago. Wow! Now it is four years of knowing my special One and nearly one year of being married to him.

My Prince Charming, the bone of my bone, dim (my husband), the experience of being married to you has been beautiful and its obvious it is forever going to be beautiful for me.

Dwelling with u is like living heaven on earth. I couldn't have made the perfect choice if it was not u. Now it is 2018, a year of celebration for both of us, we have so many things to rejoice about, I just can't wait to start counting them.

Still on your birthday, as u add a year to ur age today, blessing and favour will forever dwell with you. I love u so much my heartbeat.

What an exciting year!!!!

2017-12-31T12:26:00.001-08:00

Can't wait to share my 2017 experience with you all.

LOVE....OUT OF MY PAST

2016-12-31T13:19:00.002-08:00

It was my first time of seeing the cloud after five years. I tried smiling but it was in vain. Have I forgotten to smile, I asked myself as I Iooked around me. There were five of us, two females and three males. We were surrounded by people who came to see if the news about the five who had escaped the ritualist abode was real. Everyone looked with sympathy, some in tears, other were constantly shaking their heads with folded hand. One of the sympathizers, an old woman, kept looking at me and crying. I wasn’t surprise. If I were in her shoes, I would have done likewise. My case was the worst among the five escapees.

I was still lost in my thought when I saw her..yes…her chin, her nose…and her eyes, it was so obvious that we were cut from the same cloth. I tried smiling again after seeing her, this time, I succeeded. She was my mother. She walked towards me, knelt down and reached my face with a trembling hand. She was in tears, it was obvious she has not slept for a long time. How long it is, only God knows. My father was also beside her. He held me and tried so hard not to cry when he saw my protuding tommy but was betrayed by tears.

MY TEMPLE...

2015-01-02T15:02:00.001-08:00

It was the beginning of the month of April and I can still remember everything. Lectures were just so crazy that I hardly had time for a “me appointment”. I visited the library always that month to make sure I did all my assignments and read for the exam that was fast approaching. Little did I know that in the midst of my busy schedule, something beautiful was coming my way. Reading was actually my way of trying not to think about my state of emotional instability. It became a therapy for me, a way of forgetting how hurt I was. How much I wanted peace within me. I added the bible in the evening as one of the books I read daily and that worked the magic. Even if I could not have a “me time” with myself, I had a time out with God every evening. During one of the times out with him, I specifically told him I wanted peace. I told him I wanted to start all over again spiritually and especially emotionally by walking according to his direction. Of course, he heard me because he was there, always there to listen. He strengthened me and gave me the courage to let go off my obsession. When he was sure I was ready, he brought you to me.

You are like a seed planted in my life to bless me and give me a hope to expect a pleasant fruit during the harvest season. You came into my life at first as: a friend that loves God; a friend I could talk to; a friend that listens; gives good advice and; made my day. Little did I know that the friendship was bound to grow within me. I was scared at first to face my feelings because I knew I had fallen in love. I fought it, pushed it away, tried to run away from you, but couldn’t do that for long. It was too late to do that, my heart told me. You have ravished my heart already with your calmness. You were already like a bed of spices, like a sweet pot of flowers. In short, you were altogether lovely that I could not refuse to give in to my feelings. If asked about my special day(s) in a year, apart from Oct 6, my birthday; I would surely mention August 5 when we started something new by deciding to relate in the same ship. Then of course, January 3^rd, your birthday!!!

My dove, my beloved and my undefiled, today is a special day for you. It is also special for me because you are now a part of my life. You are the calm that drains my rage, bliss upon my shores.

Happy birthday to my love, a sea around my heart: part shelter, part enduring word, part mirror of my art. When I say happy birthday, it means more than have a happy day. Within these words lie lots of things I never get to say. It means I love you first of all, then thanks for all you do. It means you mean a lot to me, and I’m proud of you. But most of all, I guess it means that I am thinking of you this very special day. I LOVE YOU

I LOVE YOU!!

KILLING ME SOFTLY..

2013-07-07T13:28:00.001-07:00

KILLING ME SOFTLY

Dear Editor,

Every woman they say has a breaking point….for me, I wonder if there was. I could take anything…It was indeed a story never to forget…

It began last year when I met Bolaji at a bus-stop. We exchange number and gradually became close and more flirtatious. We used to talk every evening online for hours, text each other constantly and exchange pictures. I had never felt such a connection to someone. We never ran out of things to talk about and I quickly became attached to him. Month later, without explanation he became cold. I confronted him but he has no reason for his action.

Few weeks later we rebounded and became flirtatious again, but he said that he didn’t want to be anything but friends. I felt I was treated like a toy, picking me up and putting me down whenever he feels like. I was so desperate for things to work out. It became a true emotional roller-coaster. We agreed to be friends but I cried for the duration of this. I wanted more….

The silent treatment was what he used; feigned apathy, cold-shoulder, silence, distance, withdrawal of affection and ignoring me. That was the worst form of emotional abuse. It was indeed a punishment used by him to make me feel unimportant, not valued, not cared about and completely absent from his thought. I was banished without the benefit of a goodbye, a cancel of reconciliation. In short he psychologically murdered me for something I might have done;

Why in goodness name have I allowed myself to suffer through all his forms of abuse? This would be a question I will forever ask myself. For now it is a pass…I used to love him. My love eventually stop during the last episode..when exactly? I don’t know...I guess gradually. However the good news is my love is gone…the bad news is that he left me with a damaged self esteem

At the end, I knew it was time to let go, whether I want to or not. Choosing to let him go was the hardest decision I have ever had to make, but this made me a stronger person. If I am honest, I don’t know if I will ever forget him but truly I believe he was a fool for letting me go. I ended up accepting the rejection as nature ways of weeding out the misfits for me.

Truth be told...if I were to walk in on him today and find he has a new lady, I would not experience grief rather would pity the lady for occupying the same hurtful position I was in. I would feel so sorry and cry for her because she is about to be involved with a silent killer. This experience has spares me from wasting my time with someone who is all wrong for me and who would not appreciate me. It leaves me one person closer to finding my dream mate.

Sincerely…Unknown

2013-01-19T06:06:00.000-08:00

To: Bolade ~ From: Lexy

.Dear Anonymous,

I've found that many people tend to not speak up when something bothers them, thinking that it is trivial to mention it. Unfortunately, what happens is after repeated times of not speaking up, some small occurrence happens and it ends up being the straw that broke the camel's back. The other partner, more often than not, has no clue what they are upset about and therefore think they are over-reacting.

I feel like this is the story of our friendship. I hate arguing with you; I hate hearing that pain-filled tone of your voice, I'm not naturally an angry person; you know that from when you first met me. I have so many bad memories, so many moments that I hold myself in because they seem to be all that is left of me. I feel like a ghost created from torn webs of my past and I have brought all that into a relationship, thinking that past problems won't melt over into present dilemmas.

Our argument was caused from so many things. My insecurities, the selfish want to be the only one that makes you smile and toss a sparkle across your eye. I know that the blame is mostly mine.

I'm sorry for not taking the time to be patient with you, to sit and listen and understand the way you feel. I'm sorry for hurting you and beating you down so often. If anyone shows a lack of respect in this friendship then I suppose it is me who is to blame.

I feel like you don't want to be near me, you don't want to really talk to me after what I've said and done towards you. If the ringer were on right now I would know that there was a chance for me to come to your side and say this in person. Anything to let you know that this is me saying I'm sorry, Bolade, I'm so, so sorry. If you could ever forgive me it would not go unappreciated, if not then it will not go misunderstood.

This is all I can say, and if you ask me to, I will say no more ever again to you.

I just want you to know that I never wanted to have us turn and go away I only wanted a break but now I know..... We might feel better if we stay. So I am laying down all of my pride, arrogance, ego, shakara, name it, to say: I am sorry. I don’t know how else to tell you, that is why I am coming to blogger to say this to you…

Bolade

LOOKING OUT FOR ME

2012-09-07T08:04:00.000-07:00

Jane watches her family through the blinds in the inner room taking a family picture. Her parent, her elder brother, his two children and her elder sister. All trying to pose for a picture. They were all good looking. She watches her brother and her sister for a while,both are six foot four. They were so good looking that she sometime ask herself where on earth she was from. Her gaze shifted to her mother who still looks so pretty and young for her age. Even old age was unable to hide her pretty face…then, she moves her gaze to her one and only sister. Beatrice…..that one lady that intimidates her with beauty. She was beautiful in a way that got to any man with decent eyesight and the smallest drop of testosterone in his body. Her skin was so smooth, she has brown eyes which was fringe by incredibly long skillfully darkened lashes and long hair that was naturally wavy. She watches her through the blinds with envious eyes.

Where had she come from?…she wondered. It was so strange that her siblings could all be so different and pretty and yet, she alone had miss out of it.
Everyone refer to them as the pretty three but Jane knew that she was included in the set of ‘pretty’ because she was a member of the family.

She wasn’t surprise that they didn’t notice the fact that she wasn’t in the picture. Of what use is it to have a face ruin the beautiful picture ? She thought. It was so hard to control the sharp pang of resentment that hit her. Didn’t one of them realize how it felt to be always the odd one out among the family?

They were all exceptionally tall, making her appear shorter than her 5 foot 7. Why must she be the only one that have missed out on real beauty. It was so hard not to feel rebellious at times.

After about 12 snap shot, Peter was the first to notice her absent.

‘Where is Jane he asked?’ I never knew she hadn’t been here.

'Oh! I did know. I never bother because Jane is not a photo frick. She doesn’t really like taking pictures' Replied Beatrice her sister with richly textured voice that showed no emotion.

'This is not about just an ordinary picture interupted Bidemi, their mother..Peter and his children are going back to the state in 2 days time, it’s so important we have a family picture to replace the old one in the living room and without Jane, the picture is incomplete'.

Jane! Jane! Beatrice called reluctantly. Her lovely voice filled the air. That angelic voice that was given to her sister and deprived from her Jane thought. That same voice had made her sister standout in school and popular, everyone would beg to hear her sing, she ended up being popular when people started calling her angel’s sister.

Jane wonder why God had bless her sister with all the gift a lady could ever wish for and why she had been bless with nothing.

Although people refer to her as being good looking, not until they meet her siblings especially her sister, then they change to ’Are you kidding me? Are these your siblings?’

‘You don’t even look like them!’ Some would say ‘Wow! Where on earth do you come from?’

One day, a friend had suggested that she must have been adopted. This had affected her so badly that she had asked her mother if she was really adopted.

'What? Why do you have to ask such a question? Her mother had asked and told her seriously ‘Jane, don’t ever underestimate yourself because you haven’t got the same striking good looks your siblings have. You are unique in your own way.’

Don’t ever let anyone overshadow you.

Jane had smiled back at her mother but rather than feel better, she had felt so bad. Why must she be constantly reminded of her siblings striking looks by different unthinkable comments?

Listening to the excited chatter of her family in the living room, she made a determined effort to overcome the feelings of depression that had weighed her down as she walks towards her family with a fake smile to get her horrible face in the family photo.

‘Where have you been Jane?’ asked her father.

‘I was clearing something dad’ She lied. Beatrice was able to discover the fact that her sister was lying, she wonders what she had been up to as she pulled her sister to her side to pose for a picture they were about taking.

Wonderful! The photographer shouted. 'You would surely love this. Hey Jane! You’ve got to smile this time around to look pretty'.

Jane looked at the photographer fighting the wave of sadness that threatened to overwhelm her. ‘Here we are again' she thought as she tried so hard to stop the tears that found their way down her cheek.
'What’s it dearie are you crying? Her mother had asked

'Nothing mother, am not just feeling too well'. She immediately walk away from her family, wen tstraight to her room and lock the door with the larger gilt key. Then she threw herself into one of the wing chair and abandoned herself to a fit of weeping. She wept for all her lost dreams, dreams she lost through her overshadowing sister, all the wasted dreams, for her own stupidity that she could ever withstand her sister in any aspect.

'Jane! I need to talk to you, open the door' shouted her mother.

'No! I want to be left alone'. She didn’t want to see anyone. She went in front of her dressing mirror and there it was again, her face!That reflection that couldn't even compete with her sister's striking look. She tried some make up on, yet she knew all was in vein.

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She went to her music player to put her favourite song by Christiania Aguilera ‘You are Beautiful’. The song that always make her feel beautiful.

The lyrics of the song came so strong

“You are beautiful no matter what they say”

“Word can’t bring you down, don’t you bring yourself down too”

The song worked the perfect magic as she slept off.

Jane woke up the next morning smelling pancake all over the house. She was sure mother had plan making pancake, her best snack to make her feel happy. It surely works as she walks down the stairs to the kitchen.

‘Are you okay sweetie?’ Her mother asked.

‘I am better now mother’. She said as she took a mouthful. She walks to the dining table to sit and finish the pancake only to sight her sister and John laughing in the sitting room. She tiptoed back to the kitchen and decided going to her room through the back door. No she doesn’t want to see her sister, especially John.

John had been a childhood friend, her first secret admire. He was tall, handsome and intelligent. She had really liked him but Beatrice had disliked him the first day she met him not until Jane travel to visit grandma for two weeks and came back did she realize that Beatrice was going out with John.

What? Why?

No!

She had felt so bad and cried for month and had secretly despised her sister. She had taken away John from her. Why does her sister love overshadowing her in every aspect? She could remember those time in secondary school when she was the best student in debating clu her sister had joined and instantly beaten her to her game. Her beauty, voice and the fact that she had the power to attract people's attention made Beatrice steal her spot.

Why must she always take away what she wanted, what she almost have or what she had? She wondered. She couldn’t stand their sight. As she was about going up the stairs, Beatrice sighted her, walk toward her younger sister.

‘Jane, you are awake? John is here, come say hi.’ She pulled her sister towards John. You guys were close friend I wonder what happen now. Beatrice asked.

‘You had happened bitch!’ Jane said to herself. The few hours she spent with them were hurtful as all she wanted to do was go to her room and be alone.

Beatrice being posted to Abuja for her NYSC was one of the best things that had happen to Jane. She couldn’t wait to be freed from her overshadowing presence. She was able to get all the spot she didn’t get in church and everywhere else immediately her sister had left. Although, she had however realize that it was no use being envious of Beatrice because whether she is or not, her sister will forever be prettier in every aspect.

She had made friend with Morakinyo an Engineer in one of the multi-national company in Lagos. He was a nice, good-looking guy who loves spending time with her and finds her attractive. Yes find her attractive now... but not when he meets the beauty....
'My sister is very beautiful' she had said to Morakinyo on their first date.It sounded more like a warning than being proud of her sister.

‘You have told me this so many times today...I wonder why you keep telling me this’ replied Morakinyo. ‘You must be really proud of her.’

Yes I am she lied.

Jane prepared to introduce Morakinyo to her parent as he had insisted. She felt so Happy, she couldn’t wait to introduce the love of her life to her parent. It was just a day to the day Morakinyo was coming. She had cleaned the garden, house and everything to welcome him into a beautiful and clean house.

She heard a knock on the door and as she went to answer the door, she was taken aback. It was Beatrice.

'Oh!' Jane tongue seemed to have stuck to the roof of her mouth at the appearance of her sister.You came? 'Why did you come home?...........

'Why not? Jane? Are you alright?'

'Is this how to welcome your sister who hadn’t been around for three month?' Beatrice asked surprisely as she pushed her way through the door and left her sister taken aback.

Am just so happy and surprise to see you Jane lied. Surprise she was, but not happy. Why should she feel this way toward her blood sister? she wondered. She help with her luggage and went to her room.

Beatrice unpacked and decided having a gist with her sister on her three weeks orientation camp. Guess what?' She said

'You won the Miss NYSC pageant'.

‘What? How do you know? I never did tell you.’

‘I know a lot about you Beatrice'. No one could beat you in that aspect’ replied Jane.

‘Is that a complement? Asked Beatrice

‘Sure it is elder sister’

‘Well, I did have a problem with one of my friend who got angry and called me her boyfriend snatcher’.

‘Hum..’ Jane sounded feeling so uncomfortable. You did go out with your friend’s guy?

Yes! For God sake, don’t make me feel bad, I did like him and he did also like me. I didn’t force myself on him'.

'That’s just so weird Beatrice'.

‘Whatever….’ Beatrice answered ‘I am bored speaking to you. Oh! Mother said we are expecting a friend of yours tomorrow. Who is he?

Just a friend' Jane said uninterestedly and pushed her sister out of the room.

'Jane!' Beatrice called through the door; 'I am going to have to tell your friend how rude you are to me today'.

At night, she wondered why she had told her sister that Morakinyo is just a friend.

Morakinyo came as expected and was treated so nicely by her family especially…….Beatrice.

'Oh! You even look prettier than your sister had described' Morakinyo told Beatrice who blush at every compliment and said 'Thanks'. From that moment, it had been so hard for Jane to get Morakinyo’s full attention.

'Can you come help me here' Beatrice had called Morakinyo and instantly, he had run to help like a bleating goat. Even her mother had said nothing about it.

Jane resentment for her sister instantly grew. Sometime, Jane wished she never did have a sister or she never did have a sister as pretty and overshadowing as Beatrice.

When Jane heard that Beatrice had broken up with John, she became so afraid. 'Why? Could she have someone else in mind? One night while eating, Beatrice had asked Jane again who Morakinyo was to her.

‘How does that affect you?’ was Jane replied.

‘It doesn’t, you just hardly talk about it and I don’t know…sometime I think you act strange when he’s around me’

‘He’s a friend’ she said sharply.

‘Are you sure about that?’ He hardly talks about……..

He’s a friend interrupted Jane. At night, she wondered again why she had refused to tell her sister the truth. Why hadn’t Morakinyo tell her himself She thought. After all, she had spent the whole afternoon helping her mother in the kitchen while they were both gisting in the living room.

It took her being alone in her room and reading about love in the bible for Jane to realize that she needs help. A spiritual help. What had happen to her? Why had she deliberately grown up to be a monster that dislikes her blood sister? What had happen to the love they had shared as sisters? She needed help she realized. She knelt down in her room and ask God to help her flush away the spirit of jealousy and enviousness. She opened her eyes to feel so relieved.

Where is Beatrice she asked her mother?

She went out shopping with a friend replied mother.

This is the time she had to let her sister know what she had been feeling, to apologize to her for being that envious and ever thinking her sister could be such a slut. She knew she had to let it out to be free from the powerful grip of jealosy. She entered a jewel shop to get her sister a beautiful necklace as a gift. She was about paying for the gift only to sight her sister negotiating an item with the sales person. She walked toward her happily but was surprise to see Morakinyo beside her.

What? What could the two of them be doing together she wondered. Morakinyo showed Beatrice a bunch of flower, she nodded her head in approval. He smiled at her and knelt to present the flower. This gesture caught the attention of most of the shoppers in the supermarket as they walk toward the couple to applause them.

Jane tried so hard to breath, she try so hard to hide the awful truth that shuddered through her as walk out of the jewel shop and sat on a pavement beside a distant shop. It felt like the end of the world to her. Having a sister that had it all and yet wanted the only thing she thought she had. The smile on Beatrice face had said it all, they were in love.. She had taken again what belong to her. Sitting down breathless and weak she sighted them coming out of the shop smiling and entering a car. Jane stood determine not to give up, the knot of anxiety that swelled in her chest pushed against her heart like a fist, she gripped the arm of the chair she was sitting on in an attempt to still the dizziness that swarmed over her. ‘Beatrice!’ she said aloud You’ve taken everything from me, you leave me no option than to fight you. ‘You will only have him over your dead body! She said as headed straight home

Getting home, she saw her mother dancing and humming her best song. Something must be going on she thought. She called Debra her niece and asked “Is there a party or something?”

‘Yes aunty replied Debra. Your birthday is today! Have you forgotten?’ I overheard mother, Uncle Morakinyo and Aunty Beatrice in the kitchen a few minute ago saying…Debra decided whispering to her ear “There is going to be a wedding”

Oh! That was all Jane could say as she watches her niece who began dancing.

“Are you not happy?” Debra asked

“Sure I am…I am just surprise I was the last to know”

It’s a surprise aunty! Uncle Morakinyo said that and they don’t know I am aware of it. Can you keep it as a secret until it is being announced today?

“Announce? Today! Wow! On my birthday?”

Promise aunty? Debra asked.

Promise! She said as she walks to her room thoughtfully. This indeed is a package of surprise to her. First, she forgot that today was her birthday, second, her fiancé was getting married to………..her sister!

How dare her parent know about it and never objected. Are these are family or are these what families are to be. Everyone knows, even her little niece. This had made her stand on her decision even stronger. She is surely going to fight back with the last drop of blood in her. Dressing up to look good despite her unhappiness she headed down to embrace her surprise package.

Everyone was already there; mother and father were smiling at Morakinyo’s mother while Beatrice…where is she? She thoughtfully asks as her eyes search for Beatrice only to see her pretty sister beside a tall cute guy. Who could this be she thought and where is Morakinyo?
Her sister looks as usual, like the line-up for a beauty contest as she smiled confidently. She was so transparently jealous of her sister.

Then came in Morakinyo who walk toward Beatrice, whisper something in her ear and they both walk out smiling. He came back in and smiled at her. You have been so scares nowadays he told Jane. His tone was non-committed but the gleam came back into his eyes as he saw Beatrice. Jane became relieve as her sister claimed his attention by putting her hands in his arms and saying persuasively ‘How about us going to the dancing space to have a dance?’ Jane could not help noticing the look of appreciation in his eyes as he smiled back.

Am I permitted? He asked Jane

What? Asking me for my…

Sure! She ended up saying

You have my blessing. She said offhandedly and walks away.

Nothing in the world would stop her now. Nothing! She told herself as she took the substance from her pocket and walk straight to the kitchen.

She stood still as everyone sang a happy birthday song to her. She felt so relief when the song was over. It was dancing time and while everyone was dancing Morakinyo’s mother walks toward her and smiled for a while. You are such a good lady.

‘Thank you ma’ she said and walks away before she could utter another word.

Good lady you think? I am going to let you all know that I am not a fool today. Beatrice asked for a drink and began drinking for a while. Janet handed a glass of wine to the housemaid and asks her to give her elder sister who was requesting for more drink.

Wow! She is almost drunk Janet thought and laughed. She would be so relief once she is alone without her. She sat down to watch her sister and her…ex fiance dance…Enjoying every moment of her sister’s last dance………on EARTH.

I need to make a toast drunken Beatrice said trying so hard to get everyone’s attention. She succeeded at last as everyone gathered round the table to hear her out.

Here is it...Bitch! Say it out and go to HELL!

Before this toss, Beatrice continued I want to tell my sister a secret. Jane! My one and only sister..you mean the world to me.

Whatever! Jane said..Pretender..Just tell the whole world about your engagement.

My sister has not been the most attractive lady Beatrice continues…but in my eyes, her beauty is far above looks. She does not have a pretty voice as I do, but she is the brain behind the song I sing, she writes such good song for me to sing and yet, I get all the applause. I boldly say today that I get jealous of her.

At that point, everyone started whispering with surprise.

“Yes I know it’s hard for you to believe me, but she has it all.” I know she might have not commanded stares like I do, but the few she command are more responsible than the lots I have.

Jane for the first time decided paying attention to what her sister was saying. She looked at her and for the first time, she saw sincerity in her. Beatrice meant every damn word that comes out of her lips.

Beatrice took another sip and continued. Now she was speaking but staggering at the same time.

She tried walking to her sister and stops her from taking another sip…That drink she had poisoned. Mother stops her halfway and told her to listen to what her sister is saying.

‘The drink…She said’

Listen to your sister her mother insisted and at that moment tears drip down her eyes.

I might be a Barbie, Beatrice continue but an empty one I am. Jane she raised her glass to her sister. You have it all! Inner beauty, outside, intelligent and every other things. I am surprise you never did know. I got to know last month through my sister’s diary that I had stolen John, her first love from her.

Everybody whispered and mother tried stopping Beatrice from speaking but she stubbornly continued.

I had to break up with him because I felt so bad about it. But Jane..You are so strong! You never acted badly to me despite that, you have been an angel that God had sent to me.

Everybody applauded but Janet felt so bad…she tried to stop her sister from taking another sip but was pinned down by Morakinyo who was beside her.

All you need to have done was to tell me. Beatrice continues. This time, she was really feeling so weak. She held her stomached as she continued with a laugh.

What about her secret affair with Morakinyo? Jane thought. Today, Morakinyo has something to tell you Jane, Beatrice continued. She looked at Morakinyo who knelt beside her with the same flowers she had seen with him in the supermarket . Inside the flower was a wring and he asked

‘Would you marry me?’

Marry you? But... I thought you were having something to do with my sister?

What, your sister?

I mean…

Jane, Morakinyo had told me he really loves you and want to impress you with his marriage proposal so I had to help him out replied Beatrice.I remembered your dream proposal was for you to be propose on your birthday with a ring hidden inside a flower. Have you forgotten you told me so? Asked Beatrice
Yes I can remember Jane said. She could surely remembered she had told her sister about her dream proposal seven years ago . Wow!

Jane! Morakinyo said At a point, I don’t seem to understand you, you always want to be alone and I had to confide in your sister.
''You call me just a friend and even abandon me. SO I decided always being not far away from you till you have the strength to tell me what is bothering you.

Oh! That was the only thing that could come out of Jane’s mouth.

“How would your life be different if…You stopped allowing other people to dilute or poison your day with their words or opinions? Let today be the day…You stand strong in the truth of your beauty and journey through your day without attachment to the validation of others”

You get so insecure with yourself and don"t even appreciate your worth. Dearie, I love you, you are damn so beautiful to me and because of this, i dedicate this song to you. He whistle at the DJ who immediately played Bruno Mars' "Just the way you are. Jane became so shy and embarrassed. All this while she had been so in-secured with herself and overpowered by her sister's beauty, Morakinyo has been aware.
She bit her upper lips to overcome her embarrassment and only stop when she realized she was bleeding.
Morakinyo came so close to her and whisper according to Bruno Mars' song
"Don't even bother to ask if you look okay you know I would say..when i see your face, there is not a thing I would change cos you are amazing, just the way that you are.''
Despite being embarrassed, for the first time, she felt relieved. After all beauty is in the eyes of the beholder she thought.

"This is my Fiance" Beatrice interrupted as she introduced the cute guy beside her as she held her stomach.

You have had enough Mother said but at that moment, Beatrice staggered and fell. Are you alright? Is she alright? Everyone said as they run here and there to get a doctor. While closing her eyes, Beatrice whisper to Jane. “I Love You!”

                                       "Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside.
                         We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us.
                          But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves.”

No!!!!!!!!! She shouted.

What is it? Your sister just collapse and all you have to do is shout asked her mother.

I would be right back she said as she ran to the kitchen to look for the house help. She was not there. Where could this girl be ss="MsoNormal"> I have been hiding from you all days because the drink you gave me to give aunty was taken forcefully from me by a guest who came for the party. I told him that the wine was strictly to be given to the celebrant’s sister and nobody else. He insisted and when he drags it from me, the cup fell and no….

Jane gave a sigh of relieve.

I am sorry ma I would have…continued the house maid.

Not to worry, you can go.

God had really save her from the devil Jane thought as she walked back to her sister’s room. She found her sleeping. She sat beside her and watched her for a while. The memories of being propose to flash through her head and she smiled, not for the proposal but for the fact that her dearest sister is alive. Nothing in the world meant so much to her than her sister. I love you too her sister whispered to her as she gave her a kiss.

IF YOU EVER LEAVE...

2012-05-22T10:44:00.000-07:00

“Trust is the glue of life, the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” Segun thought as he roll over on his bed to find that he had slept alone on their matrimonial bed. Where could his wife be? He asks himself as he rose from the bed. Suddenly he remembered where she could be…no where else but with him. He knew she had always tiptoed to his room to keep his company, to make sure he’s warm and to sing him a lullaby. His mood changed and he felt so angry having to accept this always and having to have him as a constant rival felt even more painful.

‘Can’t you notice me? I am here too!’ This has always been what he had silently said to her. He only wishes she could hear him. He walked to his rival’s room; slightly open the door to peep. She was there, beside him. His little arms where wrapped around her. His arm were wrapped in such a way as if he’s saying ‘don’t go to him, this is where you belong’

Segun shifted his gaze to his face. His four years old son was sleeping, he felt like walking to him, waking him up and warning him to stay off his wife. He stopped halfway and returned to his room. He couldn’t stop the image of seeing his wife and son together. This task of balancing her role as a lover and the call to be a mother is a challenge he has been facing since the birth of their son, Emmanuel. So much has change the day Emmanuel had been born. Bimpe his wife had transform from a wife to a mother. They have transformed from a couple to a family and from lover, his wife had change to diaper changer as well as a nurse.

The time he enjoys with her had been shared with her new duties as being a mother. How can he ever tell her that he’s jealous of his son? As he was lost in his thought, she walked into the room, slept beside him and dozes off. He felt so lonely and his loneliness had become a source of contention.

He left the bed and walk to his reading room. The thought of his childhood came back to him. How his mother had been so focusedon him and had always left his father lonely. His childhood was filled with pain, the pain of hearing and watching his parent rein abusive curses on each other, how his mother had always made it clear to his father that her still being married to him was because of her child (him). She had always threatened to leave and she did eventually. The thought of his childhood brought tears to his eyes. His mother had left him at a tender age of five to another…and he had lost his father two years later who died struggling with loneliness.

His father had raised him never to trust a woman before he died; this had made him hate the feminine gender and had even made him promise he would never be carried away with love. Even on his dead bed, his father had reminded him about trust.
‘Never Trust a Woman!” He had said with his last breath
That has been the words he believe in his heart. For his grandmother dead wish, he’s sure he would have loved to remain single.

Now, he finds it so difficult to be assure by his wife that no matter what change she incurs as she evolves through life, his position in her life will not be threatened and this insecurity had caused him to be terrified of commitment.

However, his wife had always trusted him; believe he’s committed to her. Who but him knows the truth? Her closeness to their child has increased his doubt. What if she had been staying this long just because she had a son with him…as his mother had always told his father…What if she leaves when Emmanuel is a little year older?

For once, he had almost given his heart to his wife, but had stopped halfway, thinking, what if she crushes it and he ended up like his father.

‘No! I can’t and I won’t. Things would continue to be like this’ He told himself. Play your role as a wife and I give you my time, money and body….not my heart. He went back to their bed to sleep beside her. She rolled towards him; curled around him and he cuddled her into his arm. A woman he had married and given everything to….everything except his heart…………. having seen betrayal in his own mother and since he can’t trust his mother, what woman on earth can he ever trust?

Darling, Emmanuel would be five in 6 month time. Bimpe told him the next morning as she served him his food. ‘That’s great he replied with a smile filled with pain. Rather than being so glad about it, his heart trembles and flip. ‘5’ that was the same age his mother had left…She had promise to be there with him forever, but forever was lost when he was five as she left his father toranother man.

‘What’s the matter?’ Bimpe ask seeing her husband facial expression.

‘Am fine’ replies Segun as he tried so hard to wear a smile. Then Emmanuel walks into the living room to his mother arms who immediately carried him. He looked at her mother with adoration and said

‘Mummy, I want to do my homework’

Ok dear, let me serve your father his food first replied Bimpe

No! Mum, I want to do my homework now!

‘Don’t be stubborn’ she scolded him

Go ahead Segun replied as he watches his wife take their son to the reading table to help with his assignment.

He wonders what she has in stock for him. Yes she act so nice, but what if his wife had been staying all this while in the marriage because they had a son together?

What if she had ever thought of leaving him as his mother had done? The only way to free himself from his wife his present 'it' to her.

Yes! Present the divorce letter he had with him to make her freedom easy. He’s ready to free her at her will and make things easier for her. Rather than sit and wait for the day she would leave without warning. If only he could tell his son to be careful less he gets his heart broken…….if only.

He lost his appetite and decided taking a ride to ease himself of the pain of his childhood memories. He dashed out and drove off without telling his wife.

Two days later, Bimpe walked into the clinic where her husband had been hospitalized. It still felt like a misery to her as she could still remember the event of that day. She had served her husband his meal and left to help her son with his assignment, only to go back to the dinning room to realize her husband had left his food untouched and he was no where in the house.

She had wondered where her husband had gone to until she received a call that her husband had been hospitalized in a nearby hospital.

Now its two days after the accident and the doctor had inform her that her husband wouldn’t be able to walk again. That had really killed her inside. She had wept like a mad woman. His gaining consciousness is the most important thing as she pace up and down the room with a heavy heart and lips moving prayerfully.

He’s awake the doctor called as she ran to his side. His eyes were half open and he tried calling her name, but she pressed her finger gently on his lips and said

‘You will be okay dear’

Taking Segun home wasn’t as easy as Bimpe has thought. Segun felt so much pain all over his body and was damn so surprise about it. He couldn’t even move his body as it took three people to carry him from the wheel chair he was in to his bed. What had happen to him? He wondered. For three days his wife had fed him, bath him and even help him to bed.

Oh why? Segun cried silently one night.

Why had fate decide to treat him like this? The fear of being left alone comes everyday and he felt so scared. The doctor had told him to henceforth propone every love making with his wife. How could he have when he can’t even move his body? What if his wife gets tired of him or the fact that he can’t handle his responsibility as a man.? What if she walks out to another? All this are question that he’s scared to get an answer to.

At that point in his pensive mood, his wife entered the bedroom, knelt down beside his wheelchair and wipe off the tears in his eyes.

‘You’ll be fine sweetheart, we are in this together’. She squeezed his hand and informs him she was going to get some foodstuff in the market.

‘I will be back soon’. She said as she closed the door behind him’.
She called later to inform him that she had left a note on the bed for him. He forced himself to wheel his chair sedately down to his room assuring himself that there was no possible reason to panic. But when he reached for the note on the bed, he picked it up with shaking hands. It took quite an effort of will not to throw himself out of the wheelchair.
His heart was beating wildly as he read through
Tears drip down his eyes as he read through the note.
Something so strong made him understand that she had left him for good!

Segun decided to read through the letter again, line by line and word for word.

Love is a funny thing Segun,

I expect it to be easy, to be a world of roses

and laughter and perfect moments that you find In movies.

I have always wanted to have a partner
who I could give my whole self to,

I wanted to share my life with someone,
who I could give my mind body and soul to,
and someone who would love me back in the same way.

It happened, one evening as I least expected it to,
            Segun, you came into my life, out of the blue, from thousands of miles away.
                    From the moment we spoke, I knew that You were the person ,
                      who I was meant to give my love to, for the rest of my life.

This promise I make to You today

with every ounce of integrity that I have in Me.
                  I will love you, adore you, honor you, and be your best friend
                and partner till the last breath I take.
                I will trust you, nurture you and do all I can to make you content.
                  I will be there for you 'darling', despite the doctor's report till the end of time.
               I will always be yours to have and to hold.
             Till Death Do Us Part.
           TILL THE END OF TIME

BIMPE.

Segun wipe his tears and realized that he had misinterpreted the note..the love letter his wife had wriiten. She came in at that moment and kissed him on his cheek. I meant everything I wrote in that note Segun.
What have gotten over him? He wondered as he gave her a smile. Why had he allow the pain of the past to enslave him? He wish he could be free from his past. She unpacks her bag, brought out a pack of food she had bought and sat beside him to feed him. Segun watches her for a while and felt pity for her. Lack of trust in her had made him so unresponsive to her affection.

Segun couldn’t sleep as he heard some murmuring in the middle of the night, only to wake up and find his wife on her kneels praying. What could she be asking for at this hour? He thought as he try listening to her prayer request.

‘Thank you Lord for saving my husband and keeping him healthy till this day. The doctor had said he wouldn’t be able to walk but that is the doctor's report. I know Lord that he would surely walk oneday and I believe it .Thank you…..’

For the second time, that day, his heart was filled with genuine love for her. He watches her as she curled back to the bed beside him, he tried reaching out to her only to stop halfway. This should have been a time for his wife to have deserted him, but no, she had stood by him and this has assured him that she would be there forever for the first time. She had even gone to the extend of sending their son to be with her mother for a while so she could focus all her attention on him.

No, every woman cannot be like his mother he thought. Comparing his wife to his mother, he realizes that his wife's love had been a shelter, a protection from the wind. She had open her arms and her heart to him, showed him that he’s safe. She had been as loving as a picture in the museum but the lack of trust had made her surrounded by glass that keeps him from touching her. Tears roll down his eyes as he felt pity for the way he had treated her in his heart. She woke at that moment to find her husband sobbing, wrapped him gently in her arms and slept only when she was sure he was asleep.

The next Sunday, Bimbo had insisted on taking him to her church. He had felt reluctant to go because of his paralzed state and had wondered why she wouldn’t feel ashamed. He sat on his wheelchair in the church, with a body twisted and face permanently contorted into a sneer. With a strong chin and a stipp upper lip, she introduces her husband to the pastor in front of some members.

“I had wanted him to join the church.” She spoke with pride.

His wife's pride in him despite his state of health surprises him. Who is this woman? He thoughtfully ask himself. A woman who never felt ashamed of having a crippled man as husband, a woman who never mind that he was a man who could not hold her, touch her or make love to her again. His wife never mind the daily task she had of taking care of him while no one took care of her.
At that point of thinking, his wife reached down to catch a steam of saliva that was extending from his lips like a single stand of spaghetti. She wiped him lovingly and stood back up to continue her request.

Segun at that moment couldn’t help but hate himself for having been self centered to this pretty woman who had stood by him all through. How wrong he has acted by closing his heart to his wife and how could he have nuture that belief that she would end up not being the loving mother his mother has not been. The only way to vindicate his mother deed was not to have denied his wife his heart, No… not to have hid his heart from her.

The past one month of having his wife take care of him had made him realize how strong she meant to him. He should have closed the door of his past with forgiveness. Bimpe had been attending his exercising class with him and in short, she had been the consistent partner always around, this has made him so happy and the envy of the class. His fellow friends in the class had mistaken his wife several time for a full time house-wife.

“No, my wife just took some month off work to take care of me, he had replied proudly.”

‘Lucky you some of his friends had said.’

Segun have now found in his wife what his mother had lack. He realize he had to go back to the alter where their marriage vows was originally made and ask God for the grace to help him change his heart, his mind set about trust because trust is the root from which love is nourished. Yes! He now knows, when there is no trust, love has no place to be nourished.

The thought of asking God for help made him so happy because he knew he couldn’t do it on his own. A victim of the past he is, aborted from the comfort womb of love by distrust and plundered back to the abyss of bitterness from which he grew.

This is the right time to run to the church. Yes, his wife had gone to see their son who is with her parent. He could steal the moment to purge his heart to God and ask for help. Struggling in his wheel chair, he called his driver to take him to the church.

It took an hour to get to the church, Almost another hour for his driver to get him settled on the alter. Immediately after the driver had returned to the car, he rose magestically from the wheel chair. He gave a sigh of relief....Yes, he was not crippled....He had pretended to be paralysed....

Am so sorry God' He cried as he falls down on his kneel.

Yes, he knew he could fool everyone but not God. He wasn't paralysed. He had encounter a minor accident that morning but had begged his friend, a doctor in the hospital to tell his wife he was not going to walk again. This was an opportunity he had decided giving her to walk away from him..

The strong present of God he felt on the alter made him cry out more as he purges his heart to God.
He remembered the day of the accident; he was driving to his lawyer house to notify him of the divorce paper...

Yes, he had gotten a divorce paper ready since he couldn’t trust her to be with him forever.

How wicked could he have been to have thought that his wife would ever need to divorce him?

I am so sorry God, he cried!!!!!!!!!

You know my past Lord! Please I am still a part of it, save me from it!!!

I am chained to my yesterday like an abused animal chained to the back of a porched. Help me! HE cried out as he buried his face in his hands.

“Help me forget those things that are behind and reach to those things that are before me.”

THE BITTER DISSAPIONTMENT OF MY PAST IS ROBBING ME OF MY TODAY”S EXPECTATION!

After his prayer, he felt so calmed. He was sure the calmness was an evidence that God had answered his prayer. He couldn’t wait to go back to the loving arms and breast of the woman that meant so much to him.

Ignoring the surprise look in his driver's face, he walked past him to his father's grave which was in the church compound before going home. He stood beside the 12 years old grave and was silent for a while before speaking

“Dad, Hi, I know mum left you, I know she did disappointed you that was why you taught me never to trust again. But I want you to know that am tired of living in my past, a past that had almost rob me of my future. That mother did disappoint us doesn’t mean all women are the same. The only way to vindicate the betrayer of my mother and the death of your relationship is to give my children what I didn’t get in my childhood. Give them the comfort I never received and that is what I have planned to do henceforth.’

I love you dad, and I love my family too’. HE wiped the tears at the corner of his eyes as he walks back to his car

He was so anxious to see his wife when he got home.
Darling! Darling! He called….A name he had not call called his wife for a while. Where is she he thought as he was so eager to see the love of his life.

She was there, sitted on the bed, head buried in her hands sobbing. He walks towards her.

“What is it dearie, he asked”

‘What is it?’ She asked surprisingly as she raised her head to face her husband. She was so dumbfounded to find her husband on his feet.
'What? You can.....'she stammered
Yes I can dear. I always can walk..It's a long story sit and let me tell you;
'Oh! Segun..so you mean you have been pretending all this while? Oh! no I cant believe this! She cried out.
'You have got to understand me dear' He replied gently.
You should have just said it that you are not interested in our marriage again. Now she understand why he had pretended to be paralyzed.
He had not love her all this while...she thought bitterly.
He had wanted a divorce and had faked being paralyzed to get her out of his life. A fool she had been to have waited all in the name of love. She threw the divorce letter at him.

He picked the letter as he read through.

It was the divorce paper he had in his car on the day of the accident. How did she get it he wondered and instantly remembered that she had been called by the mechanic to come check the car that had been repaired. ‘Wow!’ He thought he would have loss the document in the event of the accident. He didn’t even know what to say as he looked at his wife dumbfounded

“I am sorry dearie, he ended up saying. This is a long story am short of words and I don’t know where to start’

Segun! I thought you love me, because I did love you, I gave you my all. She wiped the tears running down her check as she stammered with words. Segun could see her hands shaking. She looked so helpless and he felt it…felt the strong love she had for him…It was so obvious that he was her Life…her everything. What a love he thought as tears ran down his check. He walked towards his love, to comfort her, make her realize it was a mistake, to cuddle her and if necessarily make love to her, but she walk far away from him. She walks to the wardrobe, took her things and before he could stop her, she walked away.....walked out of his life.

Segun had decided going back to his wheel chair. A deliberate state of being self paralyze. Of what extend is it to walk when the only thing that meant the world to him had walk out of his life? Everywhere seems so dry. He had been on the same position for the past three days. He now understand the true meaning of loneliness....the feeling when you lost your soulmate. He closes his eyes for a while and thought he heard his son calling
Daddy! Daddy! only to open his eyes and his son was beside him. Daddy are you okay. He couldn't but smile with joy.
'I am fine dear' He said as he gave him a hug. 'How did you come here dear?'
'Mummy brought me . I have really missed you daddy'.
Segun's heart skip as he heard that his wife was around. He tried standing on his feet but decided sitting.
Would she come to his room to see him? He thought only to lift his eyes and she was there, her pretty eyes searching his.
Mummy told me that you can walk now Daddy? That means we can still play basket ball again! Emmanuel said with joy.
'Go and meet aunty downstair, Bimpe told Emmanuel as she sat down
Mummy? 'Aren't we staying. I don't want to go back to grandma"s house. I have really miss daddy' Emma said as he dash out of the room.

Bimpe had been informed by their housemaid that Segun had refuse to say a word, walk or even eat anything since she had left.
'I thought you could walk Segun, why have you decided to continue your pretense?'
Yes I can dear, he stood up and walked towards her, and continue. I chose to be self paralyse if you are not going to come back to me again.
Am sorry for the pain, the distrust and everything I have done, my past had really affected me and made me act like an heartless man.
I love you Bimpe...I do He continued.
Bimpe pressed her finger to his lips and said.' Say no more dear. While I was packing I mistakenly took your dairy and there I read everything I need to know'
'You did?' Segun was surprise.
Yes dear, and I realised how emotionally depressed you had been, But I am your wife, you should have talk to me about your fears, your worries and your past. I would never leave you. You are my life and everything and I had promise you on the alter to be by your side forever'.
'Are you back to me for real?' Segun asked anxiously.
'I never left my dear, I just walked away angrily to ease the pain I felt. If I had left what would have differentiated me from your past. We have a long life ahead of us dear, you have got to forget your past because I and your son are your future'.

Never ever allow your past to destroy your future Segun has learnt as he hugged the woman that meant the world to him...his wife. At that moment, Emmanuel ran in side to hug his father. He carried his son up and kissed him. Emmanuel his son would have a better childhood experience and it is up to him make that happen.

THE GOOD IN GOODBYES.

2012-01-21T02:44:00.006-08:00

Tinuke woke up to find raindrops pattering against her window; the whole world seemed dim and dreary. She watches her reflection in the mirror beside her dressing table. She looks so pale like someone suffering from a hangover.

Reality came flashing through her memory. He’s gone…..he who is so dear to her. She sobs silently. He’d gone and something tells her that he had left her forever. Things would never be the same again. She felt a full tidal wave of rejection which brought her to her knees, sucking the wind out of her sails. An intense feeling of rejection, isolation and a profound loss of love surrounded her.
She clenched her finger deep inside her body and for a while, pain felt so sweet, she wished she could continue hurting herself the more.

‘Oh! All the good times were memories of old years bided. Could she ever be really happy with someone else?’ She wondered as she went back to her bed and tried crying herself to sleep.

Funmi came in to find Tinuke asleep. She tip toed and sat on a chair near her. Looking at her friend’s pretty face, she couldn’t but feel sorry for her. She had known Kunle and didn’t expect him to do this to her friend. No! Kunle couldn’t hurt a fly, let alone her friend’s heart. If it were April, she would have sworn it was an April fool tactic to fool her friend. To her, Love meant Kunle and Tinuke.

Tears rolled down her eyes and she wiped it off immediately with the corner of her hand because she didn’t want Tinuke to wake up and find her crying.

Tinuke had asked her for a favour earlier, a daring and dangerous one. She had said no but eventually succumbed to do it. Who could she have asked for an advice before accepting to do the favour? She thought.

Nevertheless, if she had not done it, Tinuke would have done it herself which would be more dangerous.

‘I am a wicked friend.’ She thought out loudly.

She had come with the substance and was so scared to hell. What if someone got to know about it?

She shivered and then, Tinuke opened her eyes and smiled,

She looks so pretty, like a sleeping princess who had just woken up after a kiss from a prince.

No! Sleeping beauty ate a poisonous apple that made her sleep.

POISON…..Uhm….what a coincident Funmi thought.

‘Did you bring the substance?’ Tinuke asked

‘Yes I did’. Replied Funmi.

‘Thanks so much. If you hadn’t brought it, I would have gotten it myself. I really want this. I can’t live without him.’

‘You don’t have to do this.’ Funmi said tearfully. ‘Think about your siblings and parent who really care about you. How do you expect them to feel? I have been in your shoes before Tinuke.’ Funmi said softly. ‘But I was strong baby; I decided then to stop rehearsing my past and give it to the Lord. Tinuke, you can do this if you want to. Remember those days, you were by my side. I went through hell, many stages and phases. The phase of listening to a song that reminded me of Bayo, crying into a pillow that smells like him and agonizing about what was going to happen to me next. Then, my life seemed over, but trust me, time heals all wounds and even a broken heart mend over time.’

‘It sucks! Funmi continued Tinuke, it does! But it’s vital, believe me. Do not hold on your hurt, you’ll only feel worse later on.’

‘Thanks Funmi, I will put that in mind before taking any decision. Just give me the substance.’ Replied Tinuke.

Funmi handed it to her and she eagerly collected it and kept it under her pillow.

‘Thanks Funmi. Whatever happens, I’ll never blame you because I ask for it. In short, I begged you for the substance and made you swear to get it for me.’

Uhm…..Funmi could not say a thing again. ‘I wish I could stop you from doing this’. She ended up saying. ‘I wish I could.’ She said with tears rolling down her eyes. She couldn’t but walk out of the room disappointed in herself.

‘Funmi!’ Tinuke called after her. ‘Not even a goodbye?’

After a while of staring at the door, Tinuke took the substance and decided making a decision.

‘You don’t have to do this’ Her conscience echoed to her.

‘Do you know what am going through?’

‘Do you know what it is for the guy you love so much and have been with for three years to break your heart on your birthday?’

‘Do you?’ She cried back at her conscience.

‘Think of the pain it would cause your family?’ Re-echoed her conscience

Hahaha!!!!!! Tinuke laughed wickedly. She stood up and walked to her mirror, looking at her reflection she said: ‘They would only cry for a while, and that’s it!’

‘Do they know what I am going through? The agony of being rejected for no reason? No reason!’

‘How can I breathe and live without Kunle?’

‘How?’

She said crying and falling on her kneels. ‘I can’t! I give up!’

Kunle couldn’t just expect her to act and pretend as if they had never met before. She had tried for two weeks but the mere sound of his name made her break into pieces.

‘Now listen!’ She told her conscience. ‘My heart longs for Kunle, My soul dies for him, my eyes cry for him and my empty arms reach out for him….Yes! Only him!’

She took the bottle close to her mouth and tried sipping the substance in it.

No! She decided stopping halfway to read the inscription on it.

35 minute action!

Wow! 35 minutes action? That’s damn too far! What would she be doing for 35 minute?

She thought. Oh! Tiding up and saying goodbye to her love ones.

‘Goodbye? What’s the good in goodbye?’ She asked loudly.

Nothing hurt more than realizing that he meant everything to her but she meant nothing to him. Nothing! Speaking to her reflection, she said ‘Kunle! I don’t know how not to love you again, I only know how to not let you go. But I am going to put all to an end today.’

She took the substance and drank a mouthful, another mouthful until it was empty.

Yes! She had drank the ‘poison’. All of it….35 minute to go…..

‘Sometime, we get so stuck in longing for yesterday or dreaming

Of tomorrow that we miss out on TODAY’

Tinuke realized what she had done. She had just consumed a bottle full of poison to take her life because she couldn’t cope without Kunle. Time seems so slow. She thought.

‘Tinuke! Tinuke!!’ Her mother called from the sitting room. Your food is ready.

‘Ok mum! I’I be right there.’

How in the world would she face her mother? Hey! A part of her said, there’s nothing to regret about. You’ve taken the poison and that’s it. God would surely understand that you are so incomplete without kunle.

For the first time, she thought of the presence of God. After all, the bible says: Ask and it shall be given unto you. Wanting Kunle for herself, was that too much to ask?

‘Was it?’ She asked loudly.

‘Lord! How can I ever trust you again when the only thing I had trusted you would never take away from me is gone?‘

‘How?’

She refused to feel guilty about taking the poison this time around. Checking her time, She realized that it was 33 minutes left. She got to use it worthwhile.

She decided taking a long stroll in other to while away time. Yes! Her last walk on earth. She thought.

Putting on a faded blue jeans and white top, she decided looking pretty for the last time. She powdered her face and went through the back door not wanting her mother to see her.

When she was out of the house, she decided looking at the sun…It had been a week since she had come out. Wow! A week! She thought. As she walked slowly, a guy said hello, can I talk to you?

She walked passed him and smiled.. Even in some minutes to die, she still looked attractive she thought.

She remembered suddenly that the faded jeans on her was a gift from Kunle.He had bought it for her on her twenty secomd birthday. She smiled in spite of the pain she was feeling.

She was walking dreamingly on the road until she felt a tab on her back. She came out of her thought only to realize that she was surrounded by some people who were muttering some insult at her. She tried to understand the situation. A motor cyclist was in front of her and she was shocked to realize that while she was lost in her thought, she had almost been hit by a motorcyclist.

What were you thinking of? An old woman asked her.

People started shouting at her and the motor cyclist who was so angry almost slapped her. She looked around, at the motor cyclist, the people gathered and walked away as if nothing had just happened. Everyone around were surprised at her reaction and somebody shouted after her.
‘Foolish Lady!’

‘Are you sure she heard you? I think she has run mad said another speaker.’

‘No! I don’t think so. A third speaker responded. She looks so beautiful and wonderfully dressed to be mad.’

‘Maybe this is her first day of madness. Responded the previous speaker.

‘Wonders shall never end! The old woman clapped her hands together before begging the motor cyclist who drove angrily away.

The old woman was able to catch up with Tinuke and she said: ‘Young lady, if you want to kill yourself, there are several way to do this, than this aggressive death’. Then, she walked away angrily.

Tinuke smiled and said to herself, I just consumed a bottle of poison old woman. I have less than….She checked her wrist watch….27 minutes to live. Oh! How she wished she could fast forward the time.

Her eyes caught the sight of an eatery and she remembered instantly that she do visit it with Kunle occasionally. She decided going in and savoring the memories.

When she got in, she realized the decision she had just taken. Enter an eatery? To do what?
Eat? On a belly filled with poison? She thoughtfully asked herself.

But it was too late to turn back as she had many eyes on her. She decided making an order. Fried rice and a carton of juice.
Yes! That’s what she had ordered last when she visited with kunle. After taking her order, she gazed at the plate of fried rice in front of her. It looked so tempting…Uhm…She took a spoonful.

While drinking her juice, a handsome guy took the sit in front of her. Facing her directly with a plate of porridge and chicken, looking so inviting.

Hi! The young man said

Am fine. She said as she concentrated on her food. She wasn't at ease because the man sitting in front of her was damn so attractive….and dangerously handsome that everything about him says he’s a man.

She looked at him lustfully for a while and took her gaze away. For a second, she felt guilty.

How could she admire a man she had just met when she still had Kunle on her mind.

Oh Kunle! She said out loudly.

David looked at the pretty lady in front of him. She’s so beautiful he thought. He realized instantly that he couldn’t leave without having her number. Looking at his wrist watch, he realized that his lunch break was almost over.

‘Am sorry pretty, but I must confess I really want to know you, my name is David.’ I am a doctor in Federal Medical Centre. My lunch break is over but I would be glad if I can get to know your name and have your number.’

No…..

‘Please he interrupted her politely. I would really love to be your friend.

My friend? Oh! I am sorry it’s too late.

Too late?

I mean……..Tinuke didn’t know what to say. At last she decided giving him her number. After all, she would be long gone when he tries calling her.

My name is Tinuke. They shook hands and for a while, they stare at each other before Tinuke removed her hand gently.

Alright, I will give you a call in the evening David said at last. Trying to get himself after shaking the softest hand he had ever touched.

Okay. I would be six feet under, waiting…..replied Tinuke gently.

I did not get that said David.

Oh! Nothing really important. Take care.

David walked out of the eatery wondering why he hadn’t met the pretty lady long ago. The sensation he felt while holding the lady hands was something he has never felt before. This might be what he had been looking for. Who knows? He thought as he drove off happily.

Tinuke held her hand tight to her side and couldn’t stop remembering the way she felt when she had her hand locked in David’s hand. She wondered why it had felt so right and perfect. She decided it was best to wave the question in her heart about David, to focus on the poison in her stomach and Kunle’s memories in her heart.

Suddenly, she received a text message. It read:

‘I can’t explain how I felt when I held your hand, but one thing I know is that the sensation felt so good…David’

She smiled at the text and wondered what to do. She decided replying David and text “ I felt the same way too, but I wish we had met earlier. You would understand that soon’

A text alert came in again and she thought it was David’s reply. But no! It wasn’t David…
A message alert from the multinational company she had applied two month ago for the post of a Human Resource Officer.

Wow! She read through and it was an invitation for an interview because she had been considered. What? Considered? She had been asked to come in a week time for an interview.

She jumped for joy for some minute. At last! A job!!!!!!! Yes! This is what she had always wanted. She decided running home to break the good news to her mother.

Then, She suddenly remembered…………POISON! OHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

My God!! She checked her time and realized she had less than 12 minute.

Oh! God!! Why? She didn’t know what to do. She looked around and realized she was still in the eatery, she commanded great stare right away as everyone had their eyes on her.

She immediately left the eatery, walked for a while until she checked her time and realized she had just nine minute. What: NINE minute?

She started running, so fast. Why is her time almost up? No she does not want to die again

No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Time must pause and stop for her. She ran like a mad woman, trying to change the fate she had chosen earlier. No! I don't want to die again.
No!

She ran so fast that she got into the living room panting like a restless dog.

Oh! Please wait for me!! Stop the Clicking! Time!
She threw the empty bottle of the poison on the wall. I don’t want to die again! I just got my dream job!..
I just met a guy that could be the one and felt so perfect.

Mrs. Adeoye had a sound of broken bottle and realizes it was coming from her daughter’s room. She hurried and knocked.

What’s the matter Tinuke?

Nothing mother. She said looking so nervous and praying that her mother never did see the broken bottle on the floor.

I’ve been looking for you Tinuke…Her mother said as she walked into her room. I want to talk to you about something.

Mum, I only have.. she checked her time…8 minute left.

8 minute? For what?

Oh! Nothing mum, I ….okay, talk but be fast about it please!

Okay. Tinuke, I know you’ve been through a lot. I tell you, no one better than I understand what you have been going through because I’ve been through this too my dear.

Really? Tinuke asked surprised about her mother’s confession but still checking her time.

Yes, it’s a secret I have never told anyone. But I am going to open up to you today so that you would have the same strength I once had.

Mother, did you have this broken heart before you met my father?

Uhm….it was actually your real father that broke my heart.

But you eventually got married to him!

No! Johnson is not your biological father

What?

This is the secret I have been keeping from you. I am sorry about that but it’s a long story. Your biological father’s name is Akindele. We were dating for almost 10 years and I became pregnant. I told him and he insisted I abort the baby. I insisted on keeping the baby and he decided given me two choice. Keeping our relationship or the baby. I wanted the baby because I was so scared of abortion

Oh! Mother! Did you abort the baby? Tinuke asked feeling so sorry for her mother.

No! The baby was you!

Oh mother! Tinuke muttered.

I love him so much and we had been together for ten years….

10years?

Yes! I wanted to keep you because I couldn’t sacrifice the beautiful you. Making a decision was very difficult. He walked out my life when I insisted on keeping you and that was how I lost the love of my life.

Now, Tinuke was in tears. She looked at her mother with love. A strong woman who had decided to give her life and forego a love so strong.

Tinuke, continued her mother, it was so difficult for me. Do you know what it meant to have a broken heart while pregnant?...but I did survive! I did!

Mother! Oh! Mother! Tinuke cried out, holding her mother hands.

Am sure you want to know how I met Johnson continued Mrs. .Adeoye.

Yes mother.

I was eight month pregnant with you when I met Johnson. He had been a secret admire and had wanted to marry me while I was dating your father, but I had turned him down. He went ahead against all odd to ask my hand in marriage when we met again and I said yes instantly.

Wow! 8 month pregnant and you met someone?

Baby, it’s God way of telling me that every disappointment is a stepping stone. Johnson was and is still a loving husband and never for once, have I ever regretted saying yes to him.

Mother, he has always treated me like a daughter.

Yes, because you are his daughter now.

Tinuke, you’ve got to know this, Mrs. Adeoye continued. No matter what, once in your life, someone would hurt you. That person will take all what you are and rip it into pieces and they won’t even watch where the pieces had landed. But through the break down, you will learn something about yourself. That year your father left and I was so determine to keep you, I realize how strong I was. That God had given me a wonderful strength. I got all through the pain, I fell down and tumble….but I never crumble and luckily, the right person was there, waiting to accept me for who I am.

Baby, I didn’t get rid of you because I know you are a special child. Please, be strong for yourself, for me and for the family. I love you and I never regretted choosing you over your father.

Always remember that you are not built to break. You have got to know your God given strength.She kissed her daughter on the forehead and walk out of the room with tears on her face.

Tinuke cried out.God why?
Why? What had she done to herself, Tinuke thought as her mother close the door. If a man would accept her mother despite being pregnant, it means she could have found love elsewhere.

Oh Why? Come to think of it, Kunle isn’t even worth it!

How would a woman who had chosen her fetus over the love of her life feels when she eventually knew that the baby she had so much trust in had taken her life not caring about her mother. Oh why hadn’t her mother told her this before she had decided taking that substance.
Whhhhyyyyyy! She cried.

She looked at her time and realized she had just 3 minute left.

Why must there be three minute? Why not 3 decades?

Poor mother she thought. She had to fight herself to tell her the truth. She felt so sorry for herself.She walked to the living room and hugged her mother.

Mrs. Adeoye hugged her daughter.

I am sorry mum for everything, I am really sorry.

You don’t have to dearie, you’ve got to be strong for us. Replied her mother.

Please forgive me for everything Tinuke said as she walked into her sister’s room whom she now realized is her step sister.

Mrs. Adeoye looked at her daughter while she walked away and wondered what was wrong with her. She ended up smiling and going back to what she was doing.

Aunty! Her six years old sister shouted as she ran to her arms.

Cutie replied Tinuke

Why are you crying? Bimbo asked.

Nothing Tinuke said, kissing her on the cheek and decided spending her last minute in her room.

Aunty, don’t go! Cried Bimbo

Tinuke watch her baby sister pull her jeans. Don’t go!

No aunty! You won’t come back! No aunty, don’t go! Don’t leave!! She said sobbing hard.

Tinuke couldn’t believe her ears. This little baby knows? She ran to her room closing the door and kneeling on the door only to hear a little hand knock on the door

Aunty!!!!!!

This is so weird! Checking her time she realizes she had less than two minute.

God forgive me please! She said facing the image of Jesus on her wall.

I am so sorry; I never knew how precious life is!
Please don’t let me die!! She ran to her dressing table, opened the bottle of anointing oil and drank it, all of it.

I anoint myself, I must not die!

I don’t want to die!!!!NO!

She decided to distract herself from crying and by switching on the radio. She heard the presenter saying:

‘As you breathe now, another person takes his last, so stop complaining and learn to live your life with whatever you have’

She ran and turn off the radio not wanting to hear anymore.

She heard a knock on the door. She decided moving to the door, but she fell and couldn’t stand up. She started feeling dizzy. She even found it hard to see. But she knew the person by the door had force his or herself inside her room.

She tried so hard to get the reflection of the person in her room. The reflection looked so muscular and she realized it was a guy.

A man? Who could it be? She thought as she continued feeling dizzy

Just let me know who this is before I take my last breath she prayed to God.

She saw …the shadow of the guy….Oh! On his kneels? Yes
Why’s he kneeling she thought tiredly and breathlessly.

What’s in his hand…..Oh! A case?……No! not just a case…a wedding ring case!!...It’s a RING!

Who could ever…..

Then she heard softly Tinuke, I am so sorry….

Can you see me?

This is Kunle….Would you marry me?

KUN….She couldn’t finish saying his name as she took her last breath………

Mrs. Adeoye ran to the patient room where are daughter had been admitted only to see a doctor beside her, giving her an injection.

‘Doctor! How is my daughter?’ Would she be alright? Mrs. Adeoye asked eagerly.

‘She would be okay ma.’ Replied the doctor.

“How’s she? We never meant to……..” continued Mrs. Adeoye

'Everything is okay' Interuptted the doctor who politely led Mrs. Adeoye to a sit. Funmi was sitting beside her friend’s bed looking confused and scared at Tinuke's body.

'It would take some time for her to be okay and regain consciousness, but she would be okay'. The doctor said.

It felt like the end of the world for Mrs. Adeoye. The awkwardness of waiting, watching and praying for her daughter to regain consciousness and come back to life was scaring.

After some hours, Tinuke open her eyelid and made a movement. Funmi and Mrs. Adeoye rush toward the bed

'Thank God!' Mrs. Adeoye jumped up for joy.

'Oh!' Funmi said with her hand on her chest. Tinuke smiled weakly and looked at her father who had just walked into the room.

'I’m surprise to be alive she said softly.' 'I am really sorry for what I did, but I did it without thinking. I wonder why God had given me a second chance, but I am so grateful for that'.

Funmi took her friend’s hand and said ‘I was scared you were dead.I wouldn’t have forgiven myself if you were’.

'Am still alive' Tinuke said softly

‘Yes you are'. ' What did you expect; did you think I would give you a real poison to consume?'

'What?' Tinuke was surprise at her revelation.

'You mean it wasn’t poison I consumed?' Tinuke asked

'It wasn’t'. Funmi replied. 'When I realized how desperate you had wanted to kill yourself and how you had been making different enquiries from people about getting a poison, I had to tell your mother about it because that is the right thing to do and as a matter of fact, she’s a counselor and psychologist and would know how to handle the situation'.

'Yes continued' Mrs. Adeoye. 'She told me about it and I realized I had to device a good means to stop you or else I might lose a precious gift.

Oh! Tinuke muttered with surprise, why didn’t you come stopping me then?'

'I am your mother dearie, and I know you too well. Talking you out of it wouldn’t change a thing. You have your strong will and always do what you think is best for the moment. I told Funmi to get you the substance, but instead of a poison, it was a sleeping doze. I was sure that before it started working, you would have regretted your decision'.

'Baby, (continued her mother) psychologists have it that the thought of dying after the consumption of poison kills faster than the poison that was consumed. I needed you to understand that there is more to life than wanting to halt it deliberately. So when I realized you had wanted a job in the telecommunication sector, I was able to call my friend for an emergency recruitment and luckily for me, you fitted well and it happen to be a company you had sent an application to in the past'.

'I followed you while you entered the eatery continued Funmi to make sure you never did anything dangerous and luckily you were only talking to a young man whom I never did had the opportunity to see, all I knew was that you checked your phone, jumped happily and ran out of the eatery'.

Tinuke looked at both women with surprise written all over her face. She couldn’t believe what she had just heard.

Mrs. Adeoye continued the story. 'When you came home breathlessly, I realized it was high time I told you the secret I had been keeping from you, of your father and it was all true my dear, it was!'

Johnson came forward and held Tinuke’s hand and said 'I love you and as far as I am concerned, you are my daughter'.

Tinuke smiled as she squeezed her father’s hand. 'I love you too'. 'Thank you Funmi for saving my life and mother, you are my guardian angel on earth. Thank you for giving me a second chance to live. You choose me in place of my father and now, you saved me from committing suicide. She looks up toward heaven and said: God, Thank you for giving me such a lovely family and the smartest friend ever. I love you Lord'.

The young doctor came in and smiled at Mrs. Adeoye. 'Now that you know she’s fine, I guess you are happy?'

Tinuke stared at the doctor for a while, trying to remember where she had met him. 'David' she remembered and called

'Tinuke, hope you are strong now' He replied walking toward her, happy that she did recognized him. His tall dark figure cast a shadow over her petite body

'You know each other?' Asked Mrs. Adeoye

'Yes mother, I met him earlier today at the eatery'

'Oh I see!' Mrs. Adeoye was so surprise how she could take a liking at a young doctor she had just met. She wished Tinuke could....

'That’s nice' She ended up saying’

Funmi couldn’t help but notice the stolen gaze the doctor and Tinuke shared. Tinuke has so much to explain to her when they get home. She thought.

A knocked sounded at the door and all turned to see and saw Kunle standing at the door with a bundle of flower in his hands.

Mrs. Adeoye, Mr. Adeoye and Funmi were so dumbfounded. What’s he looking for? They thought.

Immediately after Kunle had propose and saw Tinuke collapse, he had ran out of the house covertly never allowing anyone to see him because he wondered what had happened to her.

Tinuke smiled and beckoned on him to come closer. Everyone decided giving them some privacy. David immediately understood that Kunle was the guy whom Tinuke couldn’t live without and because of him, she had tried committing suicide.

What a love? He thought. He wished he was the one in Kunle’s shoes as he walked out of the patient room.

I love you. Kunle said immediately the doctor left. I’m sorry for all I did and caused you. I never knew what came upon me

You love me? After breaking my heart on my birthday, packing out of your house without letting me know where you relocated to and changing your phone number? Tinuke asked angrily.

Kunle! What exactly did I do to you to deserve being treated like THAT?

What?

I loved you so much that I almost took my life because I thought I had eventually lost you. Thanks to my parent and friend who care enough to save me from myself and my obsession for you. If I had killed myself would you be saying this over my dead body? She asked

I am truly sorry dearie…I love you. Said Kunle

Yes I do, Kunle…I used to love you before I died ….I guessed I woke up a different me. Replied Tinuke

Kunle, you left me and went into a new relationship, so I heard, why come back now? Have you broken her heart too?

I had to break the relationship because I took a wrong decision by leaving you. I’m here now, replied kunle on his kneels

You don’t have to do that Kunle, I need you to go back to her. I am done with this relationship because I know you will never be the Kunle I knew and once loved.

Cut all your apologies out Kunle, I don’t want to have a re-run of your acting. You have left me so effortlessly and open scars in me. I wonder what you want to come back to do? Heal them? Am sorry, that’s so impossible. Falling out of love hurts, but falling for a betrayer is even worst. Kunle, am not interested in empty promises.

I would make up for my damages begged Kunle still on his kneels.

Kunle, I can’t erased the tears you’ve put on my face, the pain you inflicted on me and the times you’ve hurt me. It would always be there at the end of the day.

Tinuke, please give me a second chance. He said with tears.

No I can’t. I gave you a first chance and you threw it inside the trash. You were so heartless kunle. How do you expect me to continue in this when I have seen the real you? Thanks for making me see the GOOD in your GOODBYE.

Knowing that you are everything I thought you were never. My dear, it’s over! I’m moving on from where you left me. You have made me understand that I can live without you now.

Tinuke……

‘Please let me be!’ Interrupted Tinuke as she pressed the emergency button. A nurse came and she said: I would like to be alone nurse.

Turning to kunle, the nurse waited for him to exit the room which he did surprisingly. He couldn’t believe what had just happened. He had expected Tinuke to jump on him happily; after all, she had almost committed suicide because she couldn’t live without him. What had changed her mind?

Wow! He had heard the news that she had gotten a job in a multinational company and that had really excited him and wanted her back to the relationship….but she had rejected him. The feeling of rejection embraced him so hard that he felt so terrible. Maybe she wanted to punish him for a while. He decided going back to apologize one more time.

No! I can never be rejected! You will always be mine!

Whenever I want you! He told himself.

I am to choose to let you go or stay. Now he wanted her badly not because he loves her but because he could never imagine being rejected.

Walking back to the hospital, he saw Tinuke smiling happily to a younger doctor.

Quite a handsome doctor he thought

Tinuke, I really like you. David said

Blushing at the doctor in front of her, she replied ‘Thanks’.

You are quite a case Tinuke, I still find it hard to believe that the day I met you in the eatery, you were eating that piece of cake on a stomach filled with poison. Tinuke smiled and replied ‘Can you imagine I wanted to end my precious life because of a guy who care less about me?

Am grateful for the way my mother and best friend use to stop me

Yes, but thank God I met you.

Tinuke smiled again.

So what’s it? Giving me a try? David asked.

Well….when there’s life, there’s hope. Uhm….let’s start with a date on Friday replied Tinuke.

Kunle heard this and walked away. This was enough for a day. He headed straight to make up with Lola. At least I still have her, he thought

Tinuke smiled as she decided to have a last nap in the hospital before finally leaving for home. All she could see is the smiling face of the doctor in her dreams. She smiled back and realizes that he was actually there, standing and watching her.

David stooped and planted a kiss on her cheek ‘Welcome to my life!’

She hepled herself up and couldn't help but hug David. She had wanted to do this in her dream and being in his arm felt so good .

Mrs. Adeoye watched her daughter from afar and was so happy to see her smile again with hope that love had found her.

Yes, she had finally seen the good in goodbye and had given love another chance. This may be it or not…..But when there is life, there is hope!

I WISH.....

2012-01-05T14:40:00.000-08:00

The instant I was told you were gone, gone from us for good, my heart melted away. No! you that was a father figure to me. You never got the chance to watch your two jewel grow up.It's so hard to believe you are gone forever.
You were there for me when I was in need, If only time had warned me, I would have stop to plant a goodnight kiss on yor check...
Oh! why? Death! Why are thou so cruel. You could have spare his life for the new year!
What;s there to celebrate when you took He who is so dare to me.....to us, on the first week of a new year?
I wish you never did exist death!
I wish you never existed!
I wish it was all a dream and I could wake up to see him again.....My Uncle
I wish.....
But.....It just a wish,
I 'll miss you.
ONODAIRO GODWIN
Goodnight.

TOO LATE!

2011-10-07T08:03:00.000-07:00

Dammy sat down, a little uncomfortable in the bus he had just boarded. He gazed outside the window, the knot of anxiety that swelled in his chest push against his heart like a fist and the muscles in his neck and shoulders burned with a tension that had been steadily building for weeks.
He gave a bitter smile while pondering on the quote that had been wondering in his mind
    "Heart are often broken by words left unspoken"
A sigh slip from him and the dark shadows around his eyes showed it had been too long that he'd had a full night sleep.
He had missed her.........everything about her......SHADE!
Just uttering her name makes him feel heartsick as possible.
Damn It! He scolded himself as he fight back the tears that seems to come far too easily these days.
He remember where he is heading to, blinking back the hot tears that welled up in his eyes..he gave a weak smile and went down memory lane..............

......Meeting Shade was the best thing that had happen to him. He had met her five years ago, when he was just 24years old. In an eatery where she was waiting for her friend. And from then, they'd been good together, so good that all his subsequent relationships had seemed to be only hollow imitations of the real things. They courted for two years and got married on the eve of Christmas.
     Everything had seemed so right , until he started noticing the nagging part of his wife. She would complain and nag at anything she's not happy about.
That's women for you. A friend had told him.
But....No! He couldn't just take it anymore.
Sometimes, he deliberately close late or hang out with friends after work to avoid his wife's nagging.
He had been angry with his wife one day and angrily told her
'I was a fool when I got married to you'
she had politely replied
'I knew you were..but i was so much in love with you and didn't see it as a problem until now'
They'd laugh it off playfully, but that didn't stop her constant nagging.
Dammy! She would call 'Why did you have to leave your shoe carelessly in the sitting room?'
Dammy! Don't tell me you've been drinking?
Dammy! Dammy!
     One day, he had come back from a late night hanging with his friend and decided tip-toeing to the bedroom to avoid his wife nagging for the night.
He sank like a rag-doll into the master bed not knowing that she had been patiently awaiting his return in the bedroom.
'Where are you coming from?' She asked
Dammy where? Her expression grew murderous and she went ballistic as she was ready to keel over like some hothouse flower exposed to the frost.
He looked at her and was speechless for a while.
Her small hands curled into fists and planted firmly on her hips.
He looked at her once more and was lucky enough to come up with a 'saving lie'
'I was almost attacked by some arm-robbers while coming home today, I had to run for my life.'
For a while, she search his eyes to see if he was serious or not. Seeing the seriousness in his eyes, her expression change from being angry to being so scared.
How?
Where?...........When?
'Am so tired' He replied. Still in his serious mood. 'I feel so weak.'
Oh! Sorry dear. Her eyes were filled with deep sympathy.
'Go have your bath dear, I'll serve you in the bedroom so that you can sleep after that. All questioning prospone till tomorrow'
And that was it...............how he survived the day without being nagged at.
When he woke up the next morning, She was already there beside him, waiting to hear the whole story.
He gave a wicked smile and close his eyes
If only I could open it and she's not there...........If only.............He thought.
Uhm......... Marriage is having say yes to one person that would annoy you for the rest of one's life....He thought.
Oh my Gosh! Why would I think like that? Dammy felt guilty.
She was still there, standing....at last, she bent over and planted a kiss on his forehead.
He gave a weak smile, stood up from the bed and walk towards the chair, sat down and reach for the water glass to give him something else to look at besides the pair of intense brown eyes that has been staring at him
One dark eyebrow arched as she waited for him to continue.
She however noticed the fear on his face and the fact that he was struggling to come up with something.
While I was coming home..........he began only to have her interrupt him with a gentle finger to his lips.
'Let's just thank God you came back home safely yesterday' She said gently and planted another kiss on his forehead.
He couldn't help but gather her in his arms, gazed at her beautiful face and planted kisses all over her face.
I know you didn't have any encounter with some arm robbers, but I almost bought it until this morning. Remember, I told you, you are not a good lair. So I guess you were out hanging out with your friends?
I.....okay, you gat me! he said in defeat. I'm sorry for lieing.
Dearie, I'm not telling you not to hang out with your friends, but 11:00pm is too late to be coming back home.
Sweetie, I'm so sorry.
She had look beautiful even while angry, he thought. suddenly, a plan came to his head.
Darling, I was just thinking you should take some time off work as you have always wanted and visit you parent.
Really? She asked happily because she had wanted badly to see her parent.
Yes! I mean it. Replied Dammy.
And that was it....the freedom he thought he was giving himself. Freedom from her for a while?
Oh! or was it for a lifetime? If only he knew!

*****************************************************************************

Dammy had been so immersed with his thought and he came back to reality.He is still in the bus gazing out through the window Wow! He had been thinking all this while.He look through the window of the bus he was in, and taking a look at his wrist watch, in less than 30minuites, he guess he would reach his destination. He decided going back to his thought.

.......Shade packed her bag the next day with the help of her husband. She kissed him quickly on the cheek and the moved towards the door, only to turn back, reach for him, and pull him against her and kissed him again. Hard this time. A rough hungry kiss, One he wouldn't forget if he lives to be a hundred.A kiss that felt so much like a goodbye, It caused a lump to form in his throat.
If he had known, he would have cherish and adore it. Perhaps, he would have made love to her before she left....one more time. But he was so eager to say GOODBYE!
'I am coming back next week. Make sure you break no rules and keep away from alcohol' Shade had warned.
'I would dearie' He said sweetly.
She smiled at him, driving those wonderful dimples into each side of her rounded face, causing extremely appealing laugh lines to wing out from the corners of her eyes.
He memorized her smile for a millionth time as she walk away into the awaiting car.

He went back inside, collapse on the coach and gave a sigh of relief.
What a relief he thought. Where will he start from?
What will he do first? He thought excitedly.
No matter how he kept changing his job over and over again, he have only one BOSS...........HIS WIFE!

********************************************************************************

After three days, he had been having so much fun. No nagging! Not even a complain. He wondered how life would have been.......so interesting without women.
On the forth day, he felt so lonely, despite being in the company of his eight friends. He felt so empty, despite a lot of ladies around to entertain them.
He stood up to take a drink. He couldn't dare take an alcohol....How would his wife feels if she gets to know?
He couldn't even take a soft drink. No! Something must be wrong with him.He thought.
He decided going home.
So early! Why the rush man? Have fun! Said one of his friends.
I am coming back soon, I need to clear something.

When he got home, everywhere seemed so dry and he realize how silent it was.
It needed a woman voice he thought, not any woman, HIS WIFE!
It really need a woman complain....No her nagging.
Shade's nagging could bring back life to this silent house. He thought.
Wow! He had miss Shade. It's so obvious.
Despite trying so hard to deny it for the past few days, He can no longer do that again.
Uhm...... that sweet voice of hers.
What? How could he ever be so stupid and blind not to know how much he still, and would always love his wife.
He has been so stupid to have hide his feelings.
He sat down and try to remember the last time he had told her that he loves her.
Quite a long time. He thought.
But she had always tell him, every minute..no! every second how much she loves him
He took off his shirt to get some air. Now he's feeling so uncomfortable. He climbs the master bed, but all he could smell was his wife's fragrance.
How on earth could he ever think he was not in love with this angel.
He looks around the room and saw his shoe lying carelessly on the floor. Where is his wife to tell him to pick up his shoe...?
Now, he feels so hungry, but hungry for his wife.
He really needs to hear her voice, maybe through that, he could be opportuned to be nagged at.
Crazy, he thought. today?.
This time around, he would tell her how much he loves her
Hello honey, She sounded. so sweet on the phone.
I am okay, he replied. Why haven't you call me? Now, he's sounding a little harshAm so sorry darling. I was taking my time buying a surprise gift for you.
Oh! so the gift is more important than me?
No! Shade replied apologetically. Common, stop this dearie, and tell me you have missed me because i can sense it.
Miss you? I have been hanging out with my friends since you left.
What? In the house?
Where? hope the house is not in a mess?
Uhm....don't tell me you have been drinking?....Dammy! Dammy!
Hello? Are you still on the phone?
Dammy smile and was blushing while receiving the call. Her nagging sound so sweet and she had succeeded turning him on...If only she was by his side...
I am on the phone....He said with an harsh voice.
I love you baby and I can't wait to see you tomorrow.
Uhm............... That was all he said.
Uhm? Don't you have something sweet to say to your wife?
Dammy!
Just come back quickly tomorrow, he said and hang up.
He smiled and held the phone tightly to his chest...I LOVE YOU!
Now he was so surprise at himself. Why say those words after hanging up? He asked himself thoughtfully.
What's wrong in expressing his true feelings.
Was he too proud to express his feelings or shy? No! he wasn't the shy type. Then Why?
I am going to tell her how much I love her when she comes back. I am going to swallow every pride in me.
She's an angel and she must know that!

He wore his shirt and decided going out. On his way, he sighted a flower shop and ops in. A beautiful red rose flower caught his fancy and he bought it for his wife.
He entered another shop and bought her a sexy short gown.
Yes! She's going to wear it for his eyes only tomorrow.
He decide going back home but couldn't pass the chocolate shop he saw behind the street. He entered and bought her favourite cookies.
This is what I am talking about. He said to himself.
He is going to treat her like the angel she is. She meant so much to him, he cannot do without her.
Getting home, he called his favourite hotel and ordered for a pizza to be delivered the next day with a bottle of champagne at 2pm.
Yes, she would have been around before 2pm.
I have got a surprise for you too! He spoke out.
Feeling so tired, he remembered that he has not plan what he would be wearing. He ran to the wardrobe, brought out the tight fitted body hug she had always love on him and a pair of matching short.
He gave a sigh. All is settled. And he went straight to sleep, maybe he would see her in his dream.

************************************************************************************

The next day, after taking his bath and wearing his cloth, he sat down on the coach waiting patiently for her.He decided playing a game on the computer, but it felt boring.
He tried listening to some musics, but all reminded him of his wife making him so anxious to see her.
He tried hard not to doze off but was at last awoken by a call.
Hello?
Is this Mr. Adebayo? Said an unknown caller

Yes! Who am i speaking to?
Dr. Akanbi, from Eko hospital...Please your attention is needed immediately.
And that was it. It had been a year that he had received that call. The call that have change everything in his life.

He came out of his thought for a while, studied the couple that sat next to him.
They seemed so much in love with the way they stare at each other.
Say those words' The guy told the beautiful girl beside him.
Which words? She ask shyly...I have nothing to say..
Yes you do replied the guy angrily
Well you can't force it out of my mind, I will say it when i want to.
Dammy shake his head while his eyes were still on the couples.
What a shame he thought. It was obvious that the lady is so much in love with the guy but finds it difficult to express her feelings.
He become on the young lady to sit beside him for a while.
She stood from her sit surprisingly and sat beside him.
He whisper into her ear 'Words sometime unspoken might be too late to express and one might end up regretting for the rest of one's life'
The lady was so touch by his word and could sense he was speaking from experience.Before she could say something or reply him, the man beside her had stood up and gotten down from the bus because it was his stop.
She looked at the sit and realized that he had forgotten a parcel in an envelope on the sit.
She opened the envelop and saw a rose and a picture of the man's wedding with a beautiful lady. She decided running after him to give him the forgotten parcel.

Dammy came down from the bus, walk into the graveyard where his beautiful wife was buried. Sighting it, he walked towards her grave and sat down on the floor with tears running down his cheek.
Hi Shade. He said
I love you
I love you
I love you!

He had made this a practice to say this every month he visited her.
I had wanted to tell you this the day you would have come back from mama's place, but.........
I love you Shade!
Please, say you love me too....These words would have really change our lives if I had been given the opportunity to tell you.
I brought you two roses today. He put his hand in his pocket and brought out a rose. Dropped it on her grave with a tearful face.
You are welcome he continued because I know you would say thank you.
What? Oh!...Am serious, I never drank with my friends
Now he busted out crying.
Oh! I know you are irritate with my tears...He cleaned his eyes.
I promise, I wouldn't cry again.

Guess what dear? Now he tries hard not to cry. I cleaned the garaged today. You know you have always

told me not to leave it rough and dirty. And i didn't leave my shoe carelessly in the living room.
Sweetie, do you know what? (Now he is in tears) Sister Ope asked for the grains, I gave her without complaining and even told her she can have as much as she likes.
Remember you told me to always read my bible before going to bed, I do that now.
He was so much in pain explaining things he does differently to his beloved wife that is so far away... in a land of the dead.
That faithful day he had been waiting for his wife to come back home,the doctor had call him to tell him that his wife's body lies helplessly and lifelessly in the hospital. He had find it so difficult to believe until he saw it. She had had a fatal accident which claimed her life instantly on her way back home.
He had sobbed and cry that very day and thought he would also die.
He was so sad because fate never gave him chance to express his feelings.
If only he was opportuned to tell her....I LOVE YOU.
Nature Why? He ask as he knelt down on his wife grave and try gripping the tiled grave.
Why?
Now this word are just too late to say.He tried controlling himself and said in the middle of pain
I brought our wedding picture.
He checked his bag and could not find it.
Oh! I guess I forgot it. I wanted to show you how beautiful you were on our wedding day.
The young lady who had ran after him in the bus to give him his parcel, had been standing all through watching the conversation between Dammy and his 'wife'
In tears, she tab Dammy in the back and handed him the parcel.
Dammy was surprise to see the young lady, but collected the parcel slowly and lay it on her grave.
The young lady could see different card on the grave indicating he has been paying his dead wife visit several times.
Dammy stood and said
I love you
I love you!
I love you!
The young lady never knew when he walk up to Dammy and gave him a pity, understanding hug, and she ran towards her fiancee.She had now understand the advice he had earlier gave her in the bus.

Her fiancee was standing outside the graveyard, wondering what his 'wife to be' was doing in a graveyard.
I am going to say it!
Say what?
Where did you go to?
Say the words! The words I have been trying hard not to say. She said eagerly.
I love you
I love you!!
I love you!!!
She said it and hug him.
Gbenga was surprise at her sudden change of mind to express her feeling, but he happily hugged her and gave her a kiss
I love you too, he replied.
While they were hugging and lost in each others embrace, Dammy walked pass them, looked at the couple who were lost in their embrace, and gave a weak smile.
'Either now or too late' He said with a conquering smile

HEART ARE OFTEN BROKEN BY WORDS LEFT UNSPOKEN

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!...OLUWAFUNMIKE!

2011-10-06T02:37:00.000-07:00

K It's a girl!!! The nurse shouted with joy as she handed the little baby to her mother.
Agnes stared at her baby.. so beautiful to behold she thought. A smile appear at the corner of her lips. Though she was so tired and needed rest, but she couldn't help but admire her little angel for a while.
I'm sure she's going to grow up to be a beautiful, intelligent and brave lady. One of the nurse said.
Thanks. Agnes replied proudly.
Francis decided walking in at that moment to see his wife and baby.
Wow! he said. She looks so beautiful!
Suddenly, the baby small hand curled around his finger. He smiled and couldn't help the tears of joy welling up in his eyes.
Tosin who was so eager to see her little sister stood smiling and jumping....
My Sister! My Sister!! She kept saying.
God has given us this angel to keep replied Francis...(Oluwafunke)
Yes! She would be a Star, be fruitful And make wonderful impact and not forgotten like Rachel in the bible.
............And that was it, how she grew up to become a lovely lady..AKINDURO RACHEAL OLUFUNKE
Today, I am a year older...Thanks to God Almighty who had kept me alive to see this day.

़ 摩瘠獴祬攽≰潳楴楯渺慢獯汵瑥㬠汥晴㨱㡰砻⁴潰㨲灸㬠桥楧桴㨵ば砻∠楤㴢䉁䱌住乌佇佄䥖∾㱴慢汥⁳瑹汥㴢桥楧桴㨱〰┻扯牤敲㨰㬢㸼瑲㸼瑤⁳瑹汥㴢扯牤敲㨰㬢⁩搽≂䅌䱏低䱏䝏∾㱩浧⁡汴㴢∠獲挽≳慣潲攺敭灴礮杩昢 㸼⽴搾㰯瑲㸼⽴慢汥㸼⽤楶㸍਍ਉ㱴慢汥⁩搽≂䅌䱏低∠獴祬攽≷楤瑨㨱〰┻捵牳潲㩤敦慵汴㬭浯稭畳敲⵳敬散琺湯湥㭢潲摥爭獴祬攺湯湥㬢⁯湳敬散瑳瑡牴㴧牥瑵牮⁦慬獥✠潮捯湴數瑭敮甽❲整畲渠晡汳攧⁣敬汰慤摩湧㴢〢⁣敬汳灡捩湧㴢〢⁢潲摥爽 ∰∾ഊठ†‼瑲㸍ਉ††††㱴搠獴祬攽≰慤摩湧㨰㭢潲摥爺〻⁷楤瑨㨱〰┻⁨敩杨琺㔱灸㬠∾ഊठ†††††‼瑡扬攠楤㴢䡅䅄䕒归佗∠獴祬攽≭慲杩渺〻⁢潲摥爺〻⁷楤瑨㨱〰┻⁨敩杨琺㄰〥㬢⁣敬汰慤摩湧㴢〢⁣敬汳灡捩湧㴢〢‾ഊठ†††††††‼瑲㸍ਉ††††††††††㱴搠楤㴢䡅䅄䕒彌∠睩摴栽∱㡰砢⁳瑹汥㴢灡摤楮机〻扯牤敲㨰㬠扡捫杲潵湤⵲数敡琺湯⵲数敡琻∾♮扳瀻㰯瑤㸍ਉ††††††††††㱴搠楤㴢䡅䅄䕒彃∠慬楧渽≲楧桴∠獴祬攽≰慤摩湧㨰㭢潲摥爺〻⁢慣歧牯畮搭牥灥慴㩲数敡琭砻⁣潬潲㩇牡礻•㸦湢獰㬼⽴搾ഊठ†††††††††‼瑤⁩搽≈䕁䑅剟刢⁷楤瑨㴢㌸灸∠獴祬攽≰慤摩湧㨰㭢潲摥爺〻⁢慣歧牯畮搭牥灥慴㩮漭牥灥慴㬢⁡汩杮㴢汥晴∠癡汩杮㴢浩摤汥∾ഊ††ठ†††††††††‼業朠楤㴢捬潳敢畴瑯渢⁯湃汩捫㴢䉵扢汥䡩摥⠩∠獴祬攽≨敩杨琺㈵灸㭷楤瑨㨲㕰砻•⁳牣㴢獡捯牥㩥浰瑹⹧楦∠⼾ഊठ†††††††††‼⽴搾ഊठ†††††††‼⽴爾ഊठ†††††‼⽴慢汥㸍ਉ††††㰯瑤㸍ਉ††㰯瑲㸍 ਉ††㱴爾ഊठ†††‼瑤⁳瑹汥㴢灡摤楮机〻扯牤敲㨰㬠睩摴栺㄰〥㬠桥楧桴㨵㉰砻•㸍ਉ††††††㱴慢汥⁳瑹汥㴢浡牧楮㨰㬠扯牤敲㨰㬠睩摴栺㄰〥㬠桥楧桴㨱〰┻•⁣敬汰慤摩湧㴢〢⁣敬汳灡捩湧㴢〢‾ഊठ†††††††‼瑲㸍ਉ††††††††††㱴搠楤㴢䉁乎䕒彂佒䑅剟䰢⁳瑹汥㴢灡摤楮机〻扯牤敲㨰㬢⁷ 楤瑨㴢㉰砢‾ഊठ†††††††††‼⽴搾ഊठ†††††††††‼瑤⁳瑹汥㴢灡摤楮机〻扯牤敲㨰㬢㸍ਉ††††††††††††㱴慢汥⁩搽≂䅎久剟剏圢 ⁳瑹汥㴢浡牧楮㨰㬠睩摴栺㄰〥㬠桥楧桴㨱〰┻⁢潲摥爺獯汩搠ㅰ砠坨楴攻•⁣敬汰慤摩湧㴢〢⁣敬汳灡捩湧㴢〢‾ഊठ†††††††††††††‼瑲㸍 ਉ††††††††††††††††㱴搠楤㴢䉁乎䕒彌∠睩摴栽∱㍰砢⁳瑹汥㴢灡摤楮机〻扯牤敲㨰㬠扡捫杲潵湤⵲数敡琺牥灥慴⵹㬢㸦湢獰㬼⽴搾 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㰯瑲㸍ਠ†††‼瑲㸍ਠ†††††‼瑤⁳瑹汥㴢灡摤楮机〻扯牤敲㨰㬠桥楧桴㨱〰┻⁷楤瑨㨱〰┢㸍ਉ††††††㱴慢汥⁩搽≂佔呏䵟剏圢⁣污獳㴢獡獴祬敟瑥硴彣潮瑥湴捬慳猢⁳瑹汥㴢浡牧楮㨰㬠扯牤敲㨰㬠睩摴栺㄰〥㬠桥楧桴㨱〰┻∠捥汬灡摤楮朽∰∠捥汬獰慣楮朽∰∠㸍ਉ††††††††㱴爾 ഊठ†††††††††‼瑤⁩搽≂佔呏䵟䰢⁷楤瑨㴢㉰砢⁳瑹汥㴢灡摤楮机〻扯牤敲㨰㬠扡捫杲潵湤⵲数敡琺牥灥慴⵹㬢㸼業朠獲挽≳慣潲攺敭灴礮杩昢⁷楤瑨㴢 ㅰ砢⁨敩杨琽∱灸∠⼾㰯瑤㸍ਉ††††††††††㱴搠楤㴢䉏呔位彃∠獴祬攽≰慤摩湧㨰㭢潲摥爺〻⁢慣歧牯畮搭牥灥慴㩲数敡琻⁢慣歧牯畮搭灯獩瑩潮㩬敦琠扯瑴潭㬠∾ഊठ†††††††††††‼瑡扬攠獴祬攽≭慲杩渺〻⁢潲摥爺〻•睩摴栽∱〰┢⁣敬汰慤摩湧㴢〢⁣敬汳灡捩湧㴢〢‾ഊठ†††††††††††††‼瑲㸍ਉ††††††††††††††††㱴搠睩摴栽∱㕰砢⁳瑹汥㴢灡摤楮机〻扯牤敲㨰㬢㸼業朠獲挽≳慣潲攺敭灴礮杩昢⁷楤瑨㴢ㅰ砢⁨敩杨琽∱灸∠⼾㰯瑤㸍ਉ††††††††††††††††㱴搠楤㴢∠獴祬攽≰慤摩湧㨰㭢潲摥爺〻⁢慣歧牯畮搭牥灥慴㩲数敡琻•㸍 ਉ††††††††††††††††††㱴慢汥⁳瑹汥㴢扯牤敲㨰㬠≷楤瑨㴢㄰〥∠捥汬灡摤楮朽∰∠捥汬獰慣楮朽∰∠㸍 ਉ††††††††††††††††††††㱴爾㱴搠獴祬攽≰慤摩湧㨰㭢潲摥爺〻∾㱩浧⁳牣㴢獡捯牥㩥浰瑹⹧楦∠睩摴栽∱灸∠桥楧桴㴢ㅰ砢 㸼⽴搾㰯瑲㸍 ਉ††††††††††††††††††††㱴爾ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††††‼瑤⁩搽≓䅔䥔䱅∠捬慳猽≳慳瑹汥彴數瑟捯湴敮瑣污獳∠ 獴祬攽≰慤摩湧㨰㭢潲摥爺〻⁦潮琭睥楧桴㩢潬搻∠㸍ਠ† ††††††††††††††††††††††♮扳瀻 ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††††‼⽴搾ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††‼⽴爾ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††‼ 瑲㸍ਉ††††††††††††††††††††††㱴搠楤㴢䑏䵁䥎∠捬慳猽≳慳瑹汥彴數瑟捯湴敮瑣污獳∠獴祬攽≰慤摩湧㨰㭢潲摥爺〻 ∾ഊ††ठ†††††††††††††††††††††…湢獰㬍ਉ††††††††††††††††††††††㰯瑤㸍 ਉ††††††††††††††††††††㰯瑲㸍ਉउउउउउ㱴爾ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††††‼瑤⁩搽≗䅒也呂∠捬慳猽≳慳瑹汥彬楮歟浯牥楮景∠獴祬攽≰慤摩湧㨰㭢潲摥爺〻∾㱡⁩搽≗䅒也䱉之∠桲敦㴢⌢⁴慲来琽≟扬慮欢⁳瑹汥㴢捯汯爺⌰〰い䔻∾㰯愾㰯瑤㸍 ਉ††††††††††††††††††††㰯瑲㸍ਉ††††††††††††††††††††㱴爾㱴搠獴祬攽≰慤摩湧㨰㭢潲摥爺〻∾㱩浧⁳牣㴢獡捯牥㩥浰瑹⹧楦∠睩摴栽∱灸∠桥楧桴㴢ㅰ砢 㸼⽴搾㰯瑲㸍ਉ††††††††††††††††††㰯瑡扬放ഊठ†††††††††††††††‼⽴搾 ഊठ†††††††††††††††‼瑤⁩搽∢⁷楤瑨㴢㉰砢⁳瑹汥㴢灡摤楮机〻扯牤敲㨰㬠扡捫杲潵湤⵲数敡琺牥灥慴⵹㬢㸼業朠獲挽≳慣潲攺敭灴礮杩昢⁷楤瑨㴢ㅰ砢⁨敩杨琽∱灸∠⼾㰯瑤㸍ਉ††††††††††††††㰯瑲㸍ਉ††††††††††††††㱴爾ഊठ†††††††††††††††‼瑤⁳瑹汥㴢灡摤楮机〻扯牤敲㨰㭨敩杨琺㐰灸㬢㸼業朠獲挽≳慣潲攺敭灴礮杩昢⁷楤瑨㴢ㅰ砢⁨敩杨琽∱灸∠⼾㰯瑤㸍ਉ††††††††††††††††㱴搠獴祬攽≰慤摩湧㨰㭢潲摥爺〻∾ഊठ†††††††††††††††††‼瑡扬攠獴祬攽≭慲杩渺〻⁢潲摥爺〻•⁷楤瑨㴢㄰〥∠桥楧桴㴢㄰〥∠捥汬灡摤楮朽∰∠捥汬獰慣楮朽∰∠㸍ਉ††††††††††††††††††††㱴爾ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††††‼瑤⁩搽≂佔呏䵟䱅䙔∠癡汩杮㴢瑯瀢⁳瑹汥㴢灡摤楮机〻扯牤敲㨰㬢㸍ਉ††††††††††††††††††††††††㱴慢汥⁳瑹汥㴢浡牧楮㨰㬠扯牤敲㨰㬠≷楤瑨㴢㄰〥∠桥楧桴㴢㄰〥∠捥汬灡摤楮朽∰∠捥汬獰慣楮朽∰∠‾ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††††††††‼瑲㸍ਉ††††††††††††††††††††††††††††㱴搠楤㴢䙁䍅呟䥍䅇䕟〢⁷楤瑨㴧㈱灸✠獴祬攽≰慤摩湧㨰㭢潲摥爺〻∠桥楧桴㴧ば砧⁶慬楧渽❭楤摬攧‾㱩浧⁳牣㴢獡捯牥㩥浰瑹⹧楦∠桥楧桴㴢ㅰ砢⁷楤瑨㴢ㅰ 砢 㸼⽴搾‍ਉ††††††††††††††††††††††††††††㱴搠楤㴢䙁䍅呟剅䍃位䕎䑁呉低弰∠捬慳猽≳慳瑹汥彴數瑟晡捥瑲散∠獴祬攽≰慤摩湧㨰㭢潲摥爺〻∾㱩浧⁳牣㴢獡捯牥㩥浰瑹⹧楦∠桥楧桴㴢ㅰ砢⁷楤瑨㴢ㅰ砢 㸼⽴搾ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††††††††‼⽴爾 ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††††††††‼瑲㸍ਉ††††††††††††††††††††††††††††㱴搠楤㴢䙁䍅呟䥍䅇䕟ㄢ⁨敩杨琽✰灸✠癡汩杮㴧浩摤汥✠⁳瑹汥㴢灡摤楮机〻扯牤敲㨰㬢㸼業朠獲挽≳慣潲攺敭灴礮杩昢⁨敩杨琽∱灸∠睩摴栽∱灸∠⼾㰯瑤㸠 ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††††††††††‼瑤⁩搽≆䅃䕔归䕃䍏䵅乄䅔䥏也ㄢ⁣污獳㴢獡獴祬敟瑥硴彦慣整牥挢†獴祬攽≰慤摩湧㨰㭢潲摥爺〻∾㱩浧⁳牣㴢獡捯牥㩥浰瑹⹧楦∠桥楧桴㴢ㅰ砢⁷楤瑨㴢ㅰ砢 㸼⽴搾ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††††††††‼⽴爾 ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††††††††‼瑲㸍ਉ††††††††††††††††††††††††††††㱴搠楤㴢䙁䍅呟䥍䅇䕟㈢⁨敩杨琽✰灸✠癡汩杮㴧浩摤汥✠⁳瑹汥㴢灡摤楮机〻扯牤敲㨰㬢㸼業朠獲挽≳慣潲攺敭灴礮杩昢⁨敩杨琽∱灸∠睩摴栽∱灸∠⼾㰯瑤㸠 ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††††††††††‼瑤⁩搽≆䅃䕔归䕃䍏䵅乄䅔䥏也㈢⁣污獳㴢獡獴祬敟瑥硴彦慣整牥挢⁳瑹汥㴢灡摤楮机〻扯牤敲㨰㬢㸼業朠獲挽≳慣潲攺敭灴礮杩昢⁨敩杨琽∱灸∠睩摴栽∱灸∠⼾㰯瑤㸍ਉ††††††††††††††††††††††††††㰯瑲㸍 ਉ††††††††††††††††††††††††††㱴爾ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††††††††††‼瑤⁣潬獰慮㴢㈢⁣污獳㴢獡獴祬敟汩湫彭潲敩湦漢⁳瑹汥㴢灡摤楮机〻扯牤敲㨰㬢㸼愠楤㴢䑏卓䥅剟䱉之∠桲敦㴢⌢⁴慲来琽≟扬慮欢⁳瑹汥㴢瑥硴ⵤ散潲慴楯渺畮摥牬楮攻⁣潬潲㨣〰〰䑅㬢㸼⽡㸼⽴搾ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††††††††‼⽴爾ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††††††‼⽴慢汥㸍 ਉ††††††††††††††††††††††㰯瑤㸍ਉ††††††††††††††††††††††㱴搠楤㴢䉏呔位当䕐∠睩摴栽∱ば砢⁨敩杨琽∱〰 ┢⁳瑹汥㴢灡摤楮机〻⁢潲摥爭汥晴㩳潬楤‱灸⁇牡礻⁢潲摥爭扯瑴潭㨰㬠癩獩扩汩瑹㩨楤摥渻∠㸼業朠獲挽≳慣潲攺敭灴礮杩昢⁨敩杨琽∱灸∠睩摴栽∱ば砢 㸼⽴搾ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††††‼瑤⁩搽≂佔呏䵟剉䝈吢⁷楤瑨㴢㔰┢⁳瑹汥㴢灡摤楮机〻扯牤敲㨰㬢⁶慬楧渽≴潰∠捬慳猽≳慳瑹汥彴數瑟捯湴敮瑣污獳∠㸍ਉ††††††††††††††††††††††††㱴慢汥⁳瑹汥㴢浡牧楮㨰㬠扯牤敲㨰㬠∠睩摴栽∱〰┢⁣敬汰慤摩湧㴢〢⁣敬汳灡捩湧㴢〢㸍ਉ††††††††††††††††††††††††††㱴爾ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††††††††††‼瑤⁩搽≃䍈敡摥爢⁣潬獰慮㴢㈢⁷楤瑨㴢㄰〥∠捬慳猽≳慳瑹汥彴數瑟捯湴敮瑣污獳∠獴祬攽≰慤摩湧㨰㭢潲摥爺〻景湴⵷敩杨琺扯汤㬢㸍 ਉ††††††††††††††††††††††††††††㰯瑤㸍ਉ††††††††††††††††††††††††††㰯瑲㸍 ਉ††††††††††††††††††††††††††㱴爾ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††††††††††‼瑤⁩搽≃䍟䥍䅇䕟〢⁷楤瑨㴧㡰砧⁨敩杨琽✰灸✠癡汩杮㴧浩摤汥✠獴祬攽≰慤摩湧㨰㭢潲摥爺〻∠㸼業朠獲挽≳慣潲攺敭灴礮杩昢⁨敩杨琽∱灸∠睩摴栽∱灸∠⼾㰯瑤㸠 ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††††††††††‼瑤⁩搽≃䍟䑅千弰∠捬慳猽≳慳瑹汥彴數瑟捯湴敮瑣污獳∠獴祬攽≰慤摩湧㨰㭢潲摥爺〻∾㱩浧 ⁳牣㴢獡捯牥㩥浰瑹⹧楦∠桥楧桴㴢ㅰ砢⁷楤瑨㴢ㅰ砢 㸼⽴搾ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††††††††‼⽴爾 ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††††††††‼瑲㸍ਉ††††††††††††††††††††††††††††㱴搠楤㴢䍃彉䵁䝅弱∠桥楧桴㴧ば砧⁶慬楧渽❭楤摬攧⁳瑹汥㴢灡摤楮机〻扯牤敲㨰㬢㸼業朠獲挽≳慣潲攺敭灴礮杩昢⁨敩杨琽∱灸∠睩摴栽∱灸∠⼾㰯瑤㸠 ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††††††††††‼瑤⁩搽≃䍟䑅千弱∠捬慳猽≳慳瑹汥彴數瑟捯湴敮瑣污獳≳瑹汥㴢灡摤楮机〻扯牤敲㨰㬢㸼業朠獲挽≳慣潲攺敭灴礮杩昢⁨敩杨琽∱灸∠睩摴栽∱灸∠⼾㰯瑤㸍ਉ††††††††††††††††††††††††††㰯瑲㸍 ਉ††††††††††††††††††††††††††㱴爾ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††††††††††‼瑤⁩搽≃䍟䥍䅇䕟㈢⁨敩杨琽 ✰灸✠癡汩杮㴧浩摤汥✠獴祬攽≰慤摩湧㨰㭢潲摥爺〻∾㱩浧⁳牣㴢獡捯牥㩥浰瑹⹧楦∠桥楧桴㴢ㅰ砢⁷楤瑨㴢ㅰ砢 㸼⽴搾 ‍ਉ††††††††††††††††††††††††††††㱴搠楤㴢䍃彄䕓䍟㈢⁣污獳㴢獡獴祬敟瑥硴彣潮瑥湴捬慳猢獴祬攽≰慤摩湧㨰㭢潲摥爺〻∾㱩浧 ⁳牣㴢獡捯牥㩥浰瑹⹧楦∠桥楧桴㴢ㅰ砢⁷楤瑨㴢ㅰ砢 㸼⽴搾ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††††††††‼⽴爾 ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††††††††‼瑲㸍ਉ††††††††††††††††††††††††††††㱴搠捯汳灡渽∲∠捬慳猽≳慳瑹汥彬楮歟浯牥楮景∠獴祬攽≰慤摩湧㨠㕰砠〠〠〻扯牤敲㨰㬢㸍ਉ††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††㱡⁳瑹汥㴢瑥硴ⵤ散潲慴楯渺湯湥㭭慲杩渭物杨琺㄰灸㬢⁩搽≃䍄敳挢⁨牥昽∣∠瑡牧整㴢形污湫∾㰯愾ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††††††††††‼⽴搾 ഊठ†††††††††††††††††††††††††‼⽴爾 ठ†††††††††††††††††††††††‍ਉ††††††††††††††††††††††††㰯瑡扬放 ठ†††††††††††††††††††††‍ਉ††††††††††††††††††††††㰯瑤㸍ਉ††††††††††††††††††††㰯瑲㸍ਉ††††††††††††††††††㰯瑡扬放ഊठ†††††††††††††††‼⽴搾ഊठ†††††††††††††††‼瑤⁷楤瑨㴢㄰灸∠獴祬攽≰慤摩湧㨰㭢潲摥爺〻∾㱩浧⁳牣㴢獡捯牥㩥浰瑹⹧楦∠睩摴栽∱灸∠桥楧桴㴢ㅰ砢 㸼⽴搾ഊठ†††††††††††††‼⽴爾 ഊठ†††††††††††††‼瑲㸼瑤⁩搽≕偓䕌䱟䉏剄䕒∠睩摴栽∱〰┢⁣潬獰慮㴢㌢⁳瑹汥㴢灡摤楮机〻扯牤敲⵬敦琺〻⁢潲摥爭扯瑴潭㨰㬠癩獩扩汩瑹㩨楤摥渻∠慬楧渽≲楧桴∾㱩浧⁩搽≕偓䕌䱟卅倢⁳牣㴢獡捯牥㩥浰瑹⹧楦∠睩摴栽∱灸∠桥楧桴㴢ㅰ砢 㸼⽴搾㰯瑲㸍ਉ††††††††††††††㱴爾 ഊठ†††††††††††††††‼瑤⁩搽≕偓䕌䰢⁣潬獰慮㴢㌢⁳瑹汥㴢灡摤楮机〻扯牤敲㨰㭴數琭慬楧渺物杨琻∠慬楧渽≲楧桴 ∾ഊठ†††††††††††††††††‼業朠獲挽≳慣潲攺敭灴礮杩昢⁷楤瑨㴢ㅰ砢⁨敩杨琽∱灸∠⼾㱡⁣污獳㴢獡獴祬敟汩湫彵灳敬氢⁳瑹汥㴢瑥硴ⵤ散潲慴楯渺湯湥㭭慲杩渭物杨琺㄰灸㭣潬潲㨣〰〰䑅㬢⁩搽≕偓䕌䱟䱉之∠桲敦㴢⌢⁴慲来琽≟扬慮欢㸼⽡㸍ਉ††††††††††††††††㰯瑤㸍 ਉ††††††††††††††㰯瑲㸍ਉ††††††††††††㰯瑡扬放ഊठ†††††††††‼⽴搾ഊठ†††††††††‼瑤⁩搽≂佔呏䵟刢⁷楤瑨㴢㉰砢⁳瑹汥㴢灡摤楮机〻扯牤敲㨰㭢慣歧牯畮搭牥灥慴㩲数敡琭礻∾㱩浧⁳牣㴢獡捯牥㩥浰瑹⹧楦∠睩摴栽∱灸∠桥楧桴㴢ㅰ砢 㸼⽴搾ഊठ†††††††‼⽴爾ഊठ†††††‼⽴慢汥㸠†††††‍ਠ†††††‼⽴搾ഊ††††㰯瑲㸉††ഊ††††㱴爾ഊ††††††㱴搠獴祬攽≰慤摩湧㨰㭢潲摥爺〻睩摴栺㄰〥㬠∾ഊठ†††††‼瑡扬攠楤㴢䙏佔䕒归佗∠獴祬攽≭慲杩渺〻⁢潲摥爺〻⁷楤瑨㨱〰┻⁨敩杨琺㄰〥㬠∠捥汬灡摤楮朽∰∠捥汬獰慣楮朽∰∠㸍 ਉ††††††††㱴爾ഊठ†††††††††‼瑤⁩搽≆住呅剟䰢⁷楤瑨㴢㥰砢⁨敩杨琽∹灸∠獴祬攽≰慤摩湧㨰㭢潲摥爺〻扡捫杲潵湤⵲数敡琺湯⵲数敡琻∾ 㱩浧⁳牣㴢獡捯牥㩥浰瑹⹧楦∠睩摴栽∱灸∠桥楧桴㴢ㅰ砢 㸼⽴搾ഊठ†††††††††‼瑤⁩搽≆住呅剟䌢⁳瑹汥㴢灡摤楮机〻扯牤敲㨰㭢慣歧牯畮搭牥灥慴㩲数敡琭砻∾㱩浧⁳牣㴢獡捯牥㩥浰瑹⹧楦∠睩摴栽∱灸∠桥楧桴㴢ㅰ砢 㸼⽴搾ഊठ†††††††††‼瑤⁩搽≆住呅剟刢⁷楤瑨㴢㥰砢⁳瑹汥㴢灡摤楮机〻扯牤敲㨰㭢慣歧牯畮搭牥灥慴㩮漭牥灥慴㬢㸼業朠獲挽≳慣潲攺敭灴礮杩昢⁷楤瑨㴢ㅰ砢⁨敩杨琽∱灸∠⼾㰯瑤㸍ਉ††††††††㰯瑲㸍ਉ††††††㰯瑡扬放 ††††††ഊ††††††㰯瑤㸍ਠ†††‼⽴爾ठ†‍ਉ㰯瑡扬放ഊഊഊ

May this year be my best ever.

I hope all my birthday dreams and wishes come true.

I am not just a year older, but a year better.

Here's to another year of experience.

May the best of my past be the worst of my future.

Happy Birthday and many happy returns of the day to me!

My Heart!

2011-08-24T09:07:00.000-07:00

It was you the doctor had to read and feel to know that I am alive the very first day I was born.Had you refuse to pump, I would have been classified as a "still born".Your movement and pumping felt so precious to me. I felt you every moment,every second and everytime.When I got anxious or afraid,your pumping felt so fast that I had to hold my chest to calm you down.
I was told to guard you with all diligent so I grew protecting you and being careful to give you away because giving you out to the wrong person means having to deal with a broken you for the rest of my life and that.... I dont want to experience.
I tried, but wasn't able to guard you carefully forever.I foolishly fell for him and released you.Yes! Released you I did! I released the whole of you and found it so difficult to breath...to live
He controlled me because he had you. For a while, It felt so good because he gave me all of his too. I depended on his to live. But gradually, he began collecting 'his' back from me. I fought..I cried...I begged...but he had already made up his mind to collect 'his'
How can i live without 'you' and 'his'?. At a point, I knew I could not survive living again.
I asked for mine but he couldn't give me, Now, I felt so helpless...Breathless, Just a matter of days and I would be long gone from the earth surface, I thought.
I missed you!I felt your pain deep inside me..even when you are away from me. I gradually began to give up my last breath because you are gone from me, THEN, something strong in me whisper

      "He can take away 'YOU' and take away my reason to wake up in the morning
       ................ but he can't take away the ability to take them right back from him!"

This gave me the strength to walk up to him one more time and demanded you from him.He stood still, smile and at the end threw 'you' at me.I ran to catch you...but couldn't. You landed on the ground...a fatal fracture all around 'you'. I took you in my arms and tears drip down my eyes.
Despite having you broken into pieces,I felt so happy and was damn glad to have you. I told myself immediately

       "Today, i will not count your defeats, I will not count your victories
        I will not count your injuries, I will count our MIRACLE!'

Rather than stop that pumping of yours that keeps me alive,the surgeon of heaven decided to perform a surgery on 'you'. The surgery was perfected by the surgical angel who rejoice and flew back to heaven.
Then, I realized that I have been given a second chance with you. I had lost you and my sense of self-love.I had left no chance to know you ,rather, share my time space and energy with him. I had lost my identity and MY HEART became intermingled with him. Losing 'you' had made it difficult for me to return home to myself.I have neglected myself for so long, while giving 'you' to someone else. In short myself no longer resides in me again
Today, I have come back home to me once again, returning to the wonderful person that resides in my body.
Today, I have given MY HEART(you) to it's rightful owner ME!
Just for today, I have embrace myself with all the love that I usually reserve for someone else.
I have YOU.....Wow!... MY HEART
Releasing you the next time wouldn't be so easy because I've got to release you only to that rightful person that complements me AND DESERVING OF ''YOU''............... MY HEART!