Have you ever stopped to consider how much of your behavior is unconscious? I suspect that most people believe that the majority of their actions are undertaken in the full light of day. However, a quick inspection of your daily tasks may quickly change that commonly held opinion. Before you consider that, let me give you an understandable example of unconscious behavior.

I am sure that most of you can think back to that day when you embarked on the adventure of learning to drive. Most likely you had undergone a fairly significant course of study including road signs, buttons and knobs, and various possible driving situations. Remember how intimidating it was to get into that car on that very first day? There were all of the instruments within the car including the mirrors and other driving aids. In addition to that overwhelming experience, you could not help but notice the painted lines on the streets and the variety of signs and signals. It was as if it was all created to taunt the average beginning driver – you. And on that day, if you’re anything like the rest of us, the herky-jerky experience of way too many things to do at once, began.

Now, fast-forward a few weeks and no doubt you will remember how all of those things that you had to think about at first, had become second nature. It is also likely, that within that very short time, you were able to enter the car, adjust all the knobs including the radio, and maneuver your way down the road, all in a mindless flow. We call this second nature or mindless flow – unconscious behavior.

The body-mind has a wonderful ability to reduce activities with seemingly too many variables to manage, into a behavioral shorthand of sort. Once this behavior has been so reduced, it emerges as self-operating. It reminds me a bit of the way we shorten links in our Tweets. You can click on the long version or the short and you will be taken to the same place. There is absolutely no doubt that conscious thinking, of the sort that we use to learn repetitive tasks, is necessary for unconscious behavior. But after it has set like cement, it will stay stubbornly in place. In fact, that’s why we call it unconscious. It is behavior that simply is not subject to mental tracking with the exception of an occasional check in. It’s much like your patio. You don’t need to check daily if it’s still the way you poured it.

Let me unpack this whole thing a little. Remember we spoke in earlier blog posts about assumptive behavior? The most basic assumption humans make is that we are the authors of our own individual outcomes. Because we make that assumption we then respond to it as though it were real. And guess what? Our assumption becomes a part of our unconscious or reactive behavior. It is behavior that happens by simple triggering and cannot be managed or even controlled by you. Because by the time you realize it has happened you are three freeway exits beyond where you should have exited had you been aware.

Now why is this important in a leadership context? My first stab at answering that question would be that most leaders believe that they pick out their own behavior. And they further believe that their selected behavior is worthy of being followed. But in awakened and mature leadership, it is recognized that the endeavor itself is worthy, not the individuals. Furthermore, the belief in a false sense of authorship is dropped in the awareness that awakened leadership simply responds through the most appropriate team member.

So my question to you is this: How much of your behavior is unconscious or reactive? How much of your life is lived without notice? What kind of effect does this have on your leadership capabilities? 

I welcome you to join the conversation by commenting below. 

Much of our behavior is inherited and learned from those around us as we develop in life. As we discussed before, we create life as an assumptive state also in collaboration with those around us. Then, by responding to that assumption we repeat the same personal mechanics over and over. In fact, conditioning is simply the incessant repetition of the same behavior until it becomes unnoticed and self-directing. Think about some of the basic activities of your life that have become an unnoticed happening. I would guess that you have all had the experience of driving down the road to somewhere that is a customary destination. Many times we would say “I can drive there with my eyes shut”. Then there comes that day, when on that customary trip, you suddenly ‘come to’ with the start and notice that you have mindlessly driven some 5 miles past. 

What allows this to happen? The act of conditioning has indelibly embedded that particular driving experience to such a degree that you didn’t even notice that you should have stopped earlier. You are conditioned.

One of the most generous men that I know is my partner Bob Bunshaft. Early in our relationship, I noticed that Bob often responded to folks on the street that needed money. Now, Bob didn’t give them the customary ‘asked for’ dollar bill. No, Bob always gave them some denomination of at least $20 or more. This, of course, set me to thinking. 

In almost every situation in my lifetime when someone asked for a dollar my normal societal response was to give them a dollar. So, I asked Bob about that and his response was  “when someone asks for money, we need to give them enough.” Now this was a new and astounding idea. In the normal conditioning that most all of us share we never stop to consider what might be enough. So we mindlessly respond by handing someone a dollar and leave them in the process of begging. But Bob had recognized that this was a conditioned response. He had assessed whether this automatic response met the need that life was presenting him. He was challenging his assumptive state. His conclusion was that he needed to step out of his conditioning and engage in the activity of giving from a non-automatic position of awareness.

So if, as we all surmise, leadership is an expression of our own maturity, how do you feel that conditioning affects that process?

photo by stopnlook

Many years ago as the French Revolution erupted in Paris, the inspired soldiers fighting for freedom entered into the most notorious prison in the city. Their thought was to free all of the prisoners, because it was clear to them that the prisoners would immediately burst from their cells to join the swelling revolution. 

And so, they simply ran down the prison rows as quickly and as efficiently as they could opening the lock on every cell door. Some of the soldiers noticed that after they had left the prison, a large contingent of helpful prisoners were not leaving their cells. They returned to see what the problem might be and what they found came as a shock to them. In every cell they found the assigned prisoner who had spent, most likely, a lifetime there. 

They asked the first prisoner that they encountered why he had not left his lifelong cell. To their surprise, the response came that they didn’t realize that the doors were unlocked. Because they had lived a lifetime assuming that the doors would be locked, even the obvious act of the key entering the lock with its confirming click had not registered to them as freedom.

It is precisely in this state that most leaders find themselves. They assume that they are a single entity that is self-contained and the author of their own activities. They assume that all other embodied individuals that surround them are exactly the same thing. And because they make this assumption and live as though it were true, it never occurs to them to search for their own natural expansion or connectedness.

In the work that I do, coaching executives through their own continuum of maturity, the first recognition I undertake to expose is this assumption. Most actors in their own drama have built a model of how they see themselves. And believe me, it typically is the most flattering version. You can imagine their surprise when they encounter how others view them, especially since that view varies widely from their own. It is in that moment that they experience the puncturing of their own assumptive state. They have the initial whiff that they may not be what they thought they were. In fact, they are shocked to find that the landmarks that they have placed in their own assumptive state are no longer there to find.

So the challenge I give to you is the same as the challenge I give to them. Notice your activity every day as you move mindlessly from one task to the other. 

Does your life and your personal actions amount to what you assume them to be? If not, what could the possibilities be?

This little story holds the entirety of mankind’s march to higher levels of maturity and awakening. And what this parable does best is point out that the parade is going in the wrong direction. We all start in the pristine state of a child’s lack of adult intellect. That intellect is then constructed of a variety of concepts that are held to be true, and that construction locates itself on top of our natural state. This is a good thing as far as it goes. So as a child, we are taught concepts and we are expected to hold those concepts as existent in reality. But are they really?

The major concept to which we are expected to adhere is that of ego. That is to say that we have all agreed that we are separate and autonomous actors in our own individual drama. Now, it doesn’t matter whether this is true or not true because we all act as if it were. And in so doing we continuously confirm our assumption that we are separate actors. We have even created language that worships the ‘I’ and the ‘You’ of separation. So it is clear that the ego is simply a concept or a placeholder that allows the functioning of our world as though we were all separate. We accept this energetically and make it a conceptual fact of our existence.

In both the paths of awakening and leadership we are constantly reminded that we need to expand outside the definition of who we are. In fact, there are two paths evident in our leadership world today. One says that we should continue to refine and shine our ego as though it were real so that we can dominate as an individual entity. Usually, when this approach has been worn out, we can see that maturity is the penetration of the concepts that we have previously assumed. This first method has us headed as much in the wrong direction as the Emperors parade. To reverse the parade route we must move inward toward the center of our being and beyond our assumed concept of ego. In order to expand outside the definition of who we are, we must go inside and past the definition that limits us in order to find the pristine state of pure vision.

Now many may want to argue with the concept that we are not the indomitable force that everybody agrees we are. But here is my suggestion: Simply look around and notice how the world actually works. Do you really control the outcomes of your own life? Is it possible that in your highest state you are much larger than the puny agreement you have made with the other supposed egos that surround you? Let these questions settle in your awareness and the answers will rise from who you really are to who you think you are today.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Post a comment below and let’s engage in the conversation.

I live in the coastal town of Oceanside, California, near San Diego. This town is clearly a mecca of the middle and lower class and in our little community those folks who live on the street are as much a part of the scene as any of the rest of us. Exactly three blocks from my home is the main train station which serves all rail lines and is the hub for transportation in our area. Every day at about 3pm in the afternoon, I walk through the station with my two dogs and say “hi” to all my friends.

One of my favorite characters is Mike who mans the hotdog stand and knows everyone who moves daily through the station. For $4 you can get the best hot dog with a drink and a bag of chips known to any hungry traveler.

Two days ago as I was walking through the station I stopped and asked Mike how Christmas was going. He told me that it was a tough year and many folks couldn’t afford a hotdog and a ride on the train. For some reason unbeknownst to me I reached in my pocket and gave him a $100 bill and told him to buy 25 Christmas hotdog packages for those who needed it most.

Yesterday, as I passed by Mike the hotdog man, he rushed out to tell me his latest stories. It seems that a young Mexican man who had lost both of his arms in a childhood farm accident came to the U.S. every year to visit his family. His custom was to always buy one of Mike’s hotdogs and then take the $2 ride to see his family. Yesterday he didn’t have money for either the hotdog or the ride. And Mike took great pleasure in making sure that he got one of our $4 hotdog packages and $2 for a train ride.

About an hour later a fellow who lives nearby in a group home came to see Mike. Mike learned that this man saves every nickel and dime that he can find and every 2 or 3 weeks he musters enough to get a hotdog from Mike. Yesterday, as he walked by to say “hi”, Mike told him that Santa had a surprise. Mike had the pleasure of giving a hotdog to this man and watching the tears of gratitude flow down his face.

Now, I’m no great scholar of math, but even I can do the calculation that says that $8 bought two of the most priceless gifts that anyone could have received. So, my gift to every one of you this year is the feeling that we all can have by responding to the spontaneous love that arises within each of us. Perhaps if Jesus were here today he would tell us all to “Go forth and buy a hotdog for someone you love. And remember, you don’t even have to to know who they are”

Merry Christmas to one and all. 

With much love,
Alan 

photo credit Hakan Dahlstrom

It went like this:

Mike: I don’t understand belief.

Dad: What don’t you understand?

Mike: Why do we need it?

Dad: Because it’s part of life.

Mike: But Dad, if we know something, we know it, right?

Dad: Yes.

Mike: And if we don’t know something, we don’t know it, right?

Dad: Uh-huh.

Mike: And if we are not comfortable with not knowing, then we make something up and call it a belief, right?

Dad: Right.

Mike: Well, why don’t we just say what we know, not say what we don’t know, and save ourselves the trouble of having to create belief?

In his youthful innocence, my son had stumbled on an obvious fact: Most of the content in the human mind functions as a buffer for a large group of sensitive egos who simply can’t tolerate not knowing. My son had clearly seen that the emperor had no clothes. 

In my previous post I teased out the difference between concept and experience. I pointed out that leaders today many times have lost the ability to distinguish between the two. In fact, I concluded that the map is a conglomeration of our concepts and that experience is the land of leadership upon which we are all required to walk. If concepts create our map, then belief becomes the mountains that cannot be scaled and the oceans that cannot be penetrated. Belief is the enshrining of locations on our map that make them more dense than their very nature. Belief is the crystallization of concept. Much like when we travel to our favorite destinations, our beliefs become like the Golden Gate Bridge or the Empire State Building. We can’t help ourselves but to return to our favorite belief sites again and again.

But think about this for a moment. If leadership requires the space in experience for you to respond and arise in that specific defining moment, then the loving embrace of our long-held beliefs may very well keep us from that leadership moment. When humans engage in the addiction of belief it tends to accentuate the believer to the detriment of the followers. True leadership is not in the act of one man, but in the act of that man as properly situated within the whole of humanity- never losing touch with that totality.

So I want you to consider the possibility that your long cherished beliefs may block the very essence of who you are and the response of the leader that you hope to be. 

Can you suspend belief and stand in the unknown and unmarked place that all great leaders embrace?

The whole essence of coaching and indeed leadership, is to utilize concepts as pointers to a real experience. The stories that we all share about leadership are simply a window to the world that really demands our participation. If we confuse looking through the window with executing on the ground, our leadership will be incredibly diluted. Why is that? The reason is concepts that are utilized as pointers to experience should originate in that experience itself. If I am a leader with experience I should be able to look into my own sense of experience and from that deliver a concept that operates as a pointer for those whom I lead. However, the opposite is not true. When leaders simply learn concepts and then deliver those as though concepts are executable on the ground, typically the results reflect a lack of leadership.

Remember the allegory of the cave as told to us by Plato? He postulated that certain men in the cave whose backs were to a fire would extract the entirety of their knowledge from the shadows that the fire created on the wall they watched. This would be rather than looking at the actual subject matter of experience. So if one of those wall-watchers were your leader you would be depending on their cognition of the shadows they interpreted. I don’t know about you but that doesn’t fill me with confidence.

As leaders we must stand in our own experience and find a way to sweep those around us to the obvious response. When we distribute well worn concepts, the energetic sense that calls others to follow simply isn’t there. How does it get there? It comes through the dedication of leaders to their own maturation. In that process they will rediscover the distinction between concept and experience.

Are you doing the work necessary to recapture this distinction for those who follow you?

photo credit: dvs

Awakened Leadership, Introduction p.11

Hi, I’m Alan Shelton, the author of Awakened Leadership: Beyond Self Mastery. I’m excited to begin a journey with you as we delve into the conversation of leadership.

Over many years, in both the corporate and now the global digital world, leadership technique and method has been delivered to “leaders in waiting” as a stream of consciousness. That is to say that the various principles and concepts parading as leadership have no common foundation. The message of my book, Awakened Leadership, is very simple: We as leaders cannot expand our leadership presence beyond our own unseen reactive characteristics. Period.

Now this may seem obvious to the majority of readers, but as you read those things that claim to improve your leadership, note whether this foundational characteristic is present. You will find great suggestions and incredible insights that would be helpful if only you could bring them on board.

Over the years many have asked me why it is that we see the obvious process of personal maturation overlooked. My response is that the work of personal development, including the recognition of our own unseen reactive characteristics, is hard work. It is simply much easier to teach a possibility that can never be reached, rather than convince a leader that hard work dedicated to their own personal awakening is necessary.

In order to make this all clear there are a variety of fundamental definitions including belief, ego, conditioning, and even unconsciousness itself that must be understood. I have isolated what I feel are the 8 basic building blocks upon which all leadership must be understood. These building blocks are all personal in nature and will require courage of each” leader to be” to apply their own ruthlessness to themselves. Over the next 8 weeks, I’ll be illuminating each of these concepts one at a time. These concepts are:

• Concept: The Very First Place to Start
• Belief: We Make It Up
• Ego: Who Am I?
• Assumptive State: Making It Real
• Conditioning: Creating Reality
• Reactivity: It Happens By Itself
• Unconsciousness: It’s Where We Live
• Separation: The Dubious Gift of Intellect

Do you think leadership can be developed in a state of personal unconsciousness? Do you think there are crutches or devices that allow one to avoid the process of personal maturity? Or do you think there are systems and techniques wholly outside the need for personal work that allow for great leadership? I invite you to take on these questions and any others by beginning the conversation in the comment section below. And in the weeks to come we will build the conceptual” yellow brick road” that will reveal the path to Awakened Leadership. Here’s to the journey ahead.

photo credit: Luz Adriana Villa