Alan Rengganaten's Craps

Seven, may Months turns to Years.

2013-09-23T06:10:00.001-07:00

When you’re with your loved ones, you never realize how fast time flies. 23^rdFebruary just felt like yesterday, even the memories from that day are still fresh on my mind. But today, we’re still together and celebrating our 7^thmonthsary. It was a rough start and our relationship did suffer a lot. A lot of tolerances, a lot of understandings, sacrifications, yea, it was definitely rough. After 7 months, I guess we’ve really settled down.

Some might say 7 months is nothing. To me, it means everything. While we’re still sorting our differences, our doubts, our hesitation in this short period of time, I’ve learned to love. She taught me what love is, and how powerful it is. She showed me love was more than a word. Love is a world, and she showed me this world. In these 7 months, I learned to forgive for whatever she have done. I learned to accept, for whatever she have to offer. I learn to dream, the tomorrow with her. I learned to pray to never saying goodbye. And most important, I learned how true love feels. But in these 7 months, I never learned how to love her less. She know how to say the sweetest things, but often she complains she isn't sweet enough.

She said this to me, and she made me to fall even more with her.

When you first hold my hand, I could feel my heart beats faster than I could ever handle. When I’m with you, you simply just draw the crowd, make me forget the world. You shine among the people around me; you are the only one I could see. In my world of emptiness, you fill the space with your love and made it so lovely. When you held me in your arms, you gave me a sense of belonging and security. I love the way you make me feel; I’m on top of the world. You are the light that shines on me and showed me the pathway to happiness. Darling, distance isn’t gonna make our heart separated. Each second of each day, I couldn’t stop thinking about you wishing you will be next to holding me. Our heart will always stay together, nothing shall break it apart. I will always love you.

Who’s doesn’t melt after reading that? I definitely did, and I fell in love even more. Babe, happy 7^thmonthsary. I wish you only happiness and success. Here’s to never giving up.

When Love Strikes

2013-05-02T13:17:00.002-07:00

And I thought this day will never come. Walking down this street called Life, I’m blessed with a lot of things, family, friends, health and maybe not so much on wealth. But I never really felt complete. There is always something lacking in me. A companionship; to have someone on your brightest day and on the darkest. To just feel that you belong to someone, that there is always someone there for you, to fight with, to laugh with, to cuddle with on the coldest days, and to hopelessly fall in love with. Someone who messes with your hair yet still draws a smile on your face. Someone who just randomly hugs you in the middle of the road and kisses you.

The best relationship begins unexpectedly. And mine begin when I found her. She crosses my mind at least a million times a day. She still makes my heart go crazy, like CRAZY crazy. And she makes me feel complete, belong and goddamn just in love. Never had I thought that someone could mean so much in so little time. I guess that’s what love does huh? The magic that love holds and what kinda crazy things it does. I know it’s a bit cliché, but love was just another word until she showed me its meaning.

I remember the 1^st time I hold her hands. My heart was pounding so fast that I could swear it was going to jump out of my body. Our first promise, our first kiss, our first “stay-awake-whole-night”, the first time we played under the rain, our first date night, our first “I love you” and the first time I saw her cry face. Our relationship couldn't get any better than it already is, maybe minus a couple of things here and there, but it’s already perfect to me.

Our story wasn’t all fairytale. It has been a struggle from the very beginning. My fear of commitment, her past, peer pressure, and the list goes on. But to look beyond all that, that struggle brought us closer. Everything happened for a reason, and I wouldn’t change anything if I am given a chance, because all that made US. “I’m very lucky to have you in my life”, now that is something every partner wish to hear. It carries more value than the iconic 3 words, “I love you”.

Sometimes I wonder what happened to me. Why suddenly I turned into this one guy, who is just doing everything crazy. Someone who just sits and just smile all alone, make a flower bouquet from grasses and street flowers, someone who gives flower under moonlight while it rains, someone who learn how to wrap a gift just because he wants to give his girl a gift. And then it hit me, love is what happened.

She came into my life, and she showed me that it’s okay to believe and hope in life. She’s my first wish that came true. She taught me what love is, and now she got me to be addicted to it. Her flawless love, care and herself, well I couldn’t ask for more. I don’t want anyone better, because she is the best and that’s the end of the discussion.

Love isn’t about being with the person all the time. Love is about waiting, serving that person with everything you have, and to make them realize that you would go to the end of the world for them. Love is selfless and not selfish. Love is about believing and never letting it go. Love is not about expecting perfection, but accepting the imperfection as though it couldn’t get any perfect.

And I love her for all that, and even more. Happy 68th day sweetheart.

I know it’s abit messy, the whole post. Well that’s because love is the hardest thing to express. No words can tell how I feel.

Valentine gift for her. Learned how to wrap a gift thanks to Google.

Our 1s monthsary

While waiting for her in the park, grab a bunch flowers and made her a bouquet.

Our version of home-made candle light dinner.

The Darkness

2013-02-13T10:06:00.001-08:00

Days are getting darker, night seems so still nowadays. Sadness and sorrow crawls in through every holes in cage that I locked myself in. I need this, like how an eaglet falls down even with every stroke of its wings. Like how a toddler falls down after it's first step. For every fall, there will be a rise. That eaglet will soar high into the sky with it's mother's cunning eyes, and that toddler will walk on this Earth likes nothing ever matters. And this is why I need this now.

Life might be plunging down into a deep deep shit hole, where night is the brightest time of the day, where time stops and pain rules and glues that place. Some deserve a life worth living, filled with moments, minute moment that could crave a smile even on the saddest days, while the rest, we deserve that shit hole.

Not everyone deserves happiness, better, not everyone deserves life. Have it ever occurred to you, that life could be a punishment, a repayment of all your sins, in short, the return of karma? Life maybe isn't meant to be lived. Maybe life is about embracing pain, darkness, sorrow, misery, where smile should be replaced with tears, and everything else with agony.

Hope kills, I learned it the hard way. Happiness, it doesn't nothing but drives you from nowhere to nowhere. Living life with bullets hurdling through you in every turn, thorns paving the journey of your life, lighting as your guide into jungle of darkness with only the creatures, unseen, unheard, but you know they're staring at you, accompanying you for the rest of your hourglass, this is my life.

Against all odds, the soft heart thirst for happiness. The weak heart wants what it wants. It fools the mind and runs to a puddle which unveil itself into a mirage. Disappointment, isn't that my only best friend. I've learned how to live life finally. It might be the safest way, but to learn, you need to know how it feels to have your soul ripped off, a million times. As it isn't easy to learn to substitute happiness with pain, to expect disappointment and finally, to let sadness and darkness strangle you yet still learn how to breath.

Darkness,

By Alan

14/2/13 2.31 am

My Collections of Poem

2011-11-12T03:46:00.001-08:00

Everybody can write and most of us can crap well. I fall in the second category, The Crapper. For quite some time, I have been crapping alot, and most of the time, once I am done writing, it goes straight to the dustbin. So I guess its time for me to save those haven't reach the dustbin and compile them. I am not saying they're good, they're just merely readable. I most welcome any comments, just leave them in the comment box. Thank you! Enjoy!!

The U in Me

I lived only for few days,
Those are the days
When you were part of my life,
I was dead during the rest of the days.

People say moon is beautiful,
I think the sun is the prettier,
Because sun lets the moon to take its light,
And give its pride away.

You are the sun,
Because you have so much in you,
Yet you still never take pride,
And thats why you're one of the beautiful angel I have seen in my life.

I have always told you,
That you came when I was at my worst,
I wouldn't have became who I am now,
And it will take a lifetime to thank you for that.

I dont know what am I doing now,
But I feel this is what I am suppose to do,
I careless of what this will end in,
And these are the moments I treasure the most.

The Journey

I hugged myself in cold,

Felt the warmness within myself

As I stared out the window

Of the fast moving train

I saw kids running around

Mothers having their lady’s chat

The sun was tucking in

Darkness start taking its shape

But I felt safe

Knowing the night is protected by the moon

The aroma from the ramadhan fiesta was mouthing

Sadly, I was only packed with some dry pizzas

The chocolate fudge was tempting

But the cold moist air

Suppressed everything else, but my sleepiness.

I look back again out the window

This time I saw my reflection on them

I saw my eyes, and wordlessly they spoke to me

Telling me, I am missing a part of me

You, my love

The Parody Of You

Barely surviving the strokes of bad luck,

Little did I know, I was about to meet an angel,

That will brush away the pain and the misery,

Forever and for good.

You came into my life without knocking,

And now I just want you to stay,

Because you are my remedy,

And you drive all my sorrow away.

A day or a year,

I feel like I have known you forever,

My heart searches you everytime you’re gone,

Haunted by feeling of abandoned by its perfect match.

Tons of questions pondering my little brain,

Tons of mysteries about you to be solved,

Tons of things wanted to be shared,

Tons of me want to be with you.

Day by day, I am knowing you bit by bit,

Each second I spend with you,

I am falling deep into a hole,

A hole that need no further detail.

There is no sea without river,

There is no light without sun,

There is no smoke without fire

There will be no me without you.

The Junction

One after another,

Stopped by my life,

Walked me to a junction,

Blinded with reality

Fooled by hope

Dreaming and smiling

Thinking and flirting

With what will never be real.

I popped The question

Knowing but still pretending

Hoping it would different this time

But No will be the answer.

As usual,

I walked the rest of the journey alone,

The sorrow paved my way

For the next heartbreak

And a new junction.

Heartbreak

I mourn alone, i die alone

The thought of loneliness doesnt haunt,

But give a sense of relieve,

No more heart breaks

No more fooled by hope

And served with disappointment.

Lessons learnt, experienced craved in soul,

Yet history repeats,

Each time it never get easier or mercier,

Till I found you!

At least thats what I thought.

I don't know what's the ending,

Part of me doesn't want to know,

The rest thinks it is not any different

The battle within me will not resolve,

But your "No, you are not the one"

Will be a definite.

I am anticipating a heartbreak,

Only a heartbreak!

Thats all I guess. I know its not good, but these are the best of me. Hope you enjoy reading them and don't forget to leave a comment!

Perfect Woman

2011-09-30T07:01:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah, I guess everyone has their dream partner, that imaginary person that he/she wants to meet and be madly in love with. Well, its everyone's fairy tale and I am way past that age to believe in all those stuffs, but I have a mere sketch about the most ideal girl, I believe, at least in my view. And no, I am not after this girl who might not even exist, or even if she exists, what are the odds that she is still single and straight and available, right?

Well, let's see. I want a long wavy redhead hair girl with a slightly tanned skin. She should have blue eyes, those sparkly types where you would do anything in the world to keep starring at them. She should have a straight-edged nose, like Duchess Kate Middleton, her nose is really adorable.

Now, the lips. Well, I didn't specifically imagined about her lips, well they shouldn't be too big or too small, just kissable, will do. She shouldn't have a long neck, then she will be a freaking giraffe, not too small, but just long enough to fasten the diamond necklace around her round neck.

Now, the body shape. Well, every girl's dream is to have a S shaped figure body and every boy's dream is to have a S shaped figure body girlfriend. I don't run from the norm, and of course, I want a normal size, not too obese and not too anorexia typed girl, just enough to fit in any dress and of course, she must be tall. Definitely tall. Well, if you ain't tall, then you don't stand a chance with me. Haha.

Well, she must wear heels, that is not a question. Many people think that, if you're tall, you don't need heels. They're so wrong! Yes, you will be taller than the rest, especially your partner, but I wouldn't mind having a taller girlfriend. What about heels that makes me so into them when girls wear them. Well, when girls are on heels, it makes your ass looks bulkier and more attractive. And women on heels seem more confident in themselves and definitely sense of confident adds more X beauty factor to them. I once told my friend, if I see any girl who wore really high heels and if she's pretty, I would kneel down and ask her to marry me. Well, that was once upon time ago.

Anyway, back to her. Well, the finale is approaching. I have always imagined her coming to a social party with me. I want you to widen your imagination and try to imagine the following:

A slightly tanned long leg with Jimmy Choo red colored heels on the end, coming out from a white Lamborghini. A short, tight red dress that covers her upper thigh onwards, that ends perfectly above her nipples on her breast . On her neck, a thin white diamond chain surrounds lies perfectly on her neck-bed. On the side, her long wavy red hair falls beautiful. On her ring, a huge ruby ring (refer pic).

I hope you can imagine it, and to assist your imagination, I found a couple of individual pictures.

That's the end of my perfect woman. Well I know it seems unrealistic to find someone like her, but I am not after her anyway. So, what's wrong in dreaming of the most perfect woman in the world right.

Legs, in Alan's View

2011-09-30T06:20:00.000-07:00

If there is one thing that women digs for, and of course right after Gucci and Chanel No 5, its having a pair long legs. If you're man, your lower body doesn't seems to matter as much as you're upper body, but if you're woman, in a man's eyes, those long legs just add more sexiness to your curvy body line. So what about them that makes it so special and wanted by girls?

Albert Einstein once said, "Legs are the wheels of creativity", well that's just Albert Einstein, but in women, they're the measurement of beauty, at least to a certain extent. Those legs are invaluable treasure and a gift of lifetime to one. Frankly speaking, which sane girl who doesn't want to have a pair of long legs or which straight man doesn't want to date a long legged girl?

If I met my dream girl, and of course, it is premature to describe or to have a so-called dream girl when the world itself is full uncertainty and possibility of you meeting your very own dream girl is very less, she would definitely be a long-legged girl.

Nevertheless, it was never the intention to discriminate or despise the normal leg length women, and I am not saying short women aren't pretty and adorable, just that, in my shallow perspective, generally in a rough comparison, taller girls with long legs stick out from the rest them. Well, lets get into the real thing, shall we?

So to talk about this, I did some background research about this topic, and come across with some very interesting articles. One was from Telegraph, entitled, "Why short women with long legs are the most attractive", where they found out that long slender legs with curvy figures are more attractive and enhances the symmetrical projection of body. And there is one phrase they used in that article that caught my attention, that "symmetry is not in the eye of beholder" but it is cultivated in us since we're small that shorter, slimmer females with long slender legs, a curvy figure and larger breasts are more attractive.

However, that was not the real deal, but this is, Dailymail. In this article, (click the link if you want to read the whole article), they answer the most important question: WHATS A PERFECT LEG? Alright girls, go and get yourself some rulers and we're measure you up.

So what to measure, the proportion of the length of your length comparison to your body length. Research has revealed that the perfect length for a woman's legs is 1.4 times the length of her upper body. If your body length is as same or less than 1.4 times the length of your upper body, your leg doesn't seem appealing enough, as you only considered to be tall. Well, there is a fine line that define being a long legged girl and a giant.

Now, what does a long leg signifies? In the same article, it was stated that long legs are a sign of health, where they linked, a shorter legged person are at higher risk of cardiovascular disease and type 2 diabetes induced obesity! So watch out short leg people, you might die early!

Leg length is a good indicator of childhood nutrition in women because their legs stop growing once they reach puberty. So if a woman has long legs it suggests she grew up in a good environment and that has a positive effect on fertility.

What now?

2011-09-26T00:21:00.000-07:00

And yes, I have completed my final examination for my Year 2 Semester 1 in University Tunku Abdul Rahman as a Biomedical Science Undergraduate student. Phew, what a hell of a semester. Seriously, to the date, I call this the WORST semester ever. I mean, from 1st week of the semester, until the last day of the semester, there wasn't a day that I was allowed just "chillax".

So, whatever! I'm done with those subjects and hopefully not to see them again! I'm back to my hometown Kajang. Well, most of my friends here are having their classes, so again I am stuck in my house, doing nothing. Seriously, NOTHING. I'm training myself to wake up early, since my internship starts at 8am Monday to Friday. Gosh, it sucks to be a cheap labor, or more or less free labor. But I am going there to gain knowledge, so what the heck right.

So what about me now? Well, I am planning to hit the gym every Saturday hopefully and go jogging every other day, but when I just planned this, I got a new problem, Cholinergic Urticaria. Talking about this, I haven't go and see the doctor. Basically, this fancy term means, I am sensitive to high body temperature, meaning when I sweat, I will have hives on my abdomen and start feeling itchy. And there is no cure except taking anti histamine to battle the allergic response. Well, lets see how it turns out to be like later.

When I thought everything was going fine, I hit another problem, I don't know how to go to my internship place. Well, the story is, I told my family I was going to use the car for my internship and till last week when my sister got her 1st job as she just graduated in HSBC as a Global Executive Officer or something in Cyberjaya and she wants to use the car. Logically speaking, yes, she needs the car more than I do, but how am I suppose go to work now, Fly? I will have to sort it out later I guess. Anyway, stay tune for my next blog, its about LEGS! Yes, you heard it right, legs. Long beautiful legs... Cheerios people..

Am I In One?

2011-09-25T22:28:00.000-07:00

So, my birthday is long over and here I am, a normal 20 years old ADULT, struggling in his academics, social life and everything else. Well, being 20 doesn't change me even abit, I just feel the same, still being childish, lazing around when I have some many other important things to do. After my endless tests and reports, I am finally a free bird realized from a smaller cage into a bigger one.

My final examination surfers as we speak right now, and yet I am just about to start my new episode of hardcore studying. Its has been a really really fast semester, too fast that it takes me awhile to think back what have I been doing this entire semester. Yes, there were a few beautiful memories that for sure will craved its day in my own history book, the HAC campaign, the UTAR run and of course UTAR Interfaculty Debate, where I can proudly say I came out in the paper. And there are many more.

Its my study leave right now, and there are a few reasons why I stayed back in Kampar, but mainly it was because I was lazy to go back home as I only watch tv and waste my day there and I fail to book my ticket back home. And of course there are many other reasons as well which should remain just to myself.

So again everyone thinks I am in love. Don't get diverted and distracted by the sweet random thoughts of mine in my Facebook. Most of the status updates are just for fun. I am not saying anything and at the same time I saying nothing.

You're Not The One...I Wish You Were.

2011-09-03T06:15:00.000-07:00

So here I was, surfing my net on a fine day, when I was suppose to be studying. I found this poem from a website and kinda feel the same as it is written. Here goes:

I wanted to have someone to grow old with.

I wanted someone to have a life with.

I wanted, once again,

To love someone and to have someone love me.

I wanted to come home

in the middle of the day

With flowers in my hand

And have someone to laugh

And with make love to.

I wanted to do a million things with

the one I loved.

I wanted to make that person the happiest

person in the world.

Do I love you? Are you the one?

I know...and you know...you're not the one.

I wish with all my heart...you were

The Materialistic Love of 5th of August

2011-08-06T02:50:00.000-07:00

When I was small, whenever I watched a birthday scene in a movie, where the kid in the movie will get so much gifts, at times a table full of them, I really get frustrated. I'll ask myself, "How come when its my birthday, I'll only get 2-3 presents, but that dude is getting like sooooo much " .

Trust me, it was really frustrating, but as I grow into my teenage life and now my adulthood, I start to believe that expecting a gift is just being plain materialistic, but the joy of receiving one, its just unexplainable. The thought of someone going and buying or even making a gift just for you, that shows how much that person cares for you. And on my birthday, I got 4 presents, and counting, apart from the cakes and surprise parties. So lets talk about one by one.

So the girl on the top right is my best friend, Flora Tan. She is one of the main planner for my surprise party. Knowing her for almost 2 years, being for her when she is down and lending me her shoulder when I need one, making our friendship something that will not fade, but intensify through time. She gave me what I wanted ,a ring, though is was way too big for any of my finger, which has a craving that reads "BFF (best friends forever), love Flora". She told me later, she went all around Kampar Newtown just to get a ring and do the preparation. And I told her, you might have given me my best birthday, but I will make sure your 21st birthday will be even nastier. It is sad, that we can't be celebrate your birthday this year together, but I make sure I will pay it back next year. And Flora, I don't think I need to tell you how much I appreciate this, you would understand it yourself, I hope.

Yes, I got a shit-like doll for my birthday and its from Pavethra, one of my dearest and closest friend. I have been a friend of Pavethra since my final semester in my Foundation, which was around 1.5 years ago. I still remember the "Little Miss" shirt, something that not many knew. The memories in PJ will forever bring a smile. Do you still remember, we danced for "Vaarayo Vaarayo" song in my PJ room? Haha.. We danced when we're suppose to study. Haiz, memories huh? You have been such a wonder friend to me, and I hope you liked the bracelet I gave you for your birthday. And the "shit" you gave, I think my housemates love it more than I do. Haha.. It doll is very adorable and I love it so much. I have finally have something to release my stress. Thanks girl!

The most weirdest present I have ever received, a box of condom. Yes, condoms! Durex, pleasuremax. Thanks Chin Hooi for indirectly telling me, "Dude, go get laid". I was speechless when Flora told me that you got me a box of condom. But I gotta admit, my 20th birthday couldn't have been any better if it wasn't because of the condom. The worst part was when everyone forced me to BLOW a condom!!! It was so gluey and sticky and oily and yucky, but what the hell, its my birthday. Anyway, thank Chin Hooi!!

Moving on my last birthday present. Before I talk about the present, I wish to ask you all a question. How would you feel, to receive a present, regardless how big or how small, how expensive or how simple, how useful it is, but the idea of who you just met in your life, is spending their time just to get you something? I was stoned for a second when I actually saw that virtual combination of pictures from Huiyan. Thanks alot girl for your time. You completely my 20th birthday perfectly.

So people, thank you for making my day a special day. It has been a hell of a day for me, and I will never forget any of these or any of you. Thank you for being part of my life!!! Thank you and lots of thank you. It doesn't matter if you get me something or not, but your wishes and blessing is more than enough. Love ya all. Sorry if I missed out anyone, but you know how I appreciate everything you have done for me.

Ps: Thanks Jeeva for calling me all the way from India just to wish me. Love ya, greatest best friend!!

Alan, the Boy to Alan, the Man

2011-08-05T12:57:00.000-07:00

For those who knew me any better, you would probably know there is huge X mark on the 5th of August in my calendar. For these past few days, you can only see how much worried I was turning 20, a total transformation from a teenage life into an adulthood. Metaphorically speaking, I'm on a spiritual journey, crossing over two different worlds, where I am suppose to leave my childish, playful, fun-oriented life, into a matured and future oriented person. You can argue as much as you want, but these are the ugly true facts.

Anyhow, I gotta say I had one of my best birthday celebration ever. Thanks to my friends and also my housemates. These two birthday bashes was out of nowhere and totally surprised me. So the 1st bash was from my friends from mostly my coursemates. They called me out to play badminton on 4th of August. Well, there wasn't anything suspicious there, as they told me, I will be back by 11pm. However, they prolonged the game till 11.30pm. I was sweating like a pig and they told me later that they were exhausted but they gotta buy time so that we can reach my friend's house by 12 AM.

And we wanted to make a move, then there was a sudden change in plan. The guys wanted to stop for awhile in their house. I thought, well my friend planned my party somewhere else and that pit stop was just to buy even more time. So I stepped in their house, BOOOM, there they were, my dearest friends in a hall enlightened by only 2 candles (I was crushed when I saw only 2 candles on my cake) on a chocolate cake with party poppers covering me with the gluey stuff all over my sweaty body. And just before I wanted to blow my candles, one hairy friend of mine smashed a plate full of cream on my face. Well, for once, one my birthday wish came true, to be white.

So these are the people who are responsible and people who joined my 1st 20th birthday celebration. I will be blogging again the gifts and the what they forced me to do.

So the second bash party, organized by my housemates. Well this was a complete surprise I will say. As I was playing DOTA (precisely IMBA), one of my housemate asked me whether can he close my room door as it was noisy and he wanted to study in the hall. So I said, why not. So the game went on, there I was all alone in the map, where everyone else playing was dead in the game. Suddenly, around 11 pm, there was a knock my door, I thought one of my housemate wants something or so. When I opened my door, and I saw a cake on a chair right infront of my door. I was stunned for a second, a keep starring at everyone. But it was awesome

All of you guys, who either wished me or even organize and be part of the celebration, who called me, who messaged, and those who even hugged me, thank you so much for making my 20th birthday such a memorable day in my life that I bet will be the most surprising yet best birthday ever. I will say I am blessed to have all of you people in my life. Words are useless if I wish to express how much I appreciate all this. Thanks everyone for your time, money and energy, all for one cause, to make my day a special one.

Ps: Don't forget to "Like" my blog. The "Like" button is right on top of my blog title.

The Downs in My Life

2011-06-17T02:02:00.000-07:00

Yes, this is another dark, pathetic, lunatic post, so if you don't like it, stop reading it now. I'm sick and tired of everything. I mean seriously, I do still have a heart though, if you have forgotten. It doesn't only pump blood and also feels. I mean, why is it always me to take care of other's feeling, but the world doesn't even care on how I would feel.

Just because I don't respond to most people's ridiculous insensitive immature jokes, doesn't mean I didn't feel hurt. C'mon, if I did the same thing to some of you, its a big issue, but if its in my case, the matter seems as though is so minute. I know I have my flaws, and I don't need anyone to address them to me.

I know myself better than anyone else, and yes, at times I need a 3rd person's opinion, just to keep myself updated with what the world thinks of me, that and only that. I know what are my minuses and I fucking know it overweight my pluses. I know it sounds lame, but I can only blame the world on what it have done to me. I didn't even know the meaning of pessimist and now I am one of them. You (the world) pointed out every single flaw I have and you killed my self confident with that, and now I made my armor from your sarcasm. You sucked the best of me, and I am left with this idea of success will never be mine.

Everything I touched broke into two, everything I dream shattered before I even take my 1st step. I have struggled for 20 years and I am gonna be in this war for another 30-40 years. Don't you dare to say I am complaining and no one lives a perfect life. You wont be able to say that if you were me. I'm just tired, just tired of everything

The Beginning of The Never Ending

2011-05-16T04:57:00.000-07:00

I know, I'm so so sorry. It has been long, very very long, since I last blogged. Exactly, it has been almost 5 months since the last update. Well, I had hell of a semester and this is just my first year. Having sleepless night for days, and this started even before the finals began. I tried so hard, and lets hope everything turns out to be my way. This semester carved its name in my history book, as many things happened, both good and bad memories.

Lets just focus on the good memories. Hmmm... One of the things I did this semester that I wish I have done earlier is the UTAR Biomedical Science May 10 group. At first I thought this is a crazy idea, I mean, why do we need a group, we meet like 5 days in a week in campus. But after creating it, the respond was amazing, like seriously amazing, 100 members were added in 20 minutes, after I formed the group. And of course the notification I received in my mail was like O-M-G.

I got to know alot of my course-mates, finally, after 1 year of studying together. Still, there are thick walls between us, though its slowly coming down. Maybe next semester, I might know everyone in my course. But seriously, knowing 109 people is too much for me, so many faces, so many weird names, so many details, hell yeah, it will take forever for me to know all them. I got a very limited memory. So I'm sorry if I keep saying for your names, I just need time, you see. Often, when I walk around, people would smile at me, and I have to think first is that my course-mate or someone I know somewhere else. And thats all I have about my uni life.

Next about ME. I don't know whats wrong with me nowadays. I mean, did you read my recent posts in Facebook? I think I am losing myself.

Seriously, I am losing my mind. And no, I AM NOT IN LOVE. Sometimes, you'll feel that this one attack of overwhelming emotions, right, or more familiar with term mood swing, maybe on a daily basis, well, I get them on certain weeks. And hence, there goes a train of non making sense posts that doesn't even barely define who Alan really is. In short, DON'T come up with statements that has any close meaning with the coming phrase "I think, Alan is in love".

I had received many complimentary comments from you guys regarding my previous post about my future wedding. On my very next post, I will be talking about my kids, Micheal Nathen And Michelle Nathen. So keep on reading.

Ps: I hope y'all liked the background music. Credit: "Wedding Dress" by Tae Yang. (And yes, I do listen to Korean music at times)

Tomorrow is MINE

2010-12-18T05:00:00.000-08:00

Let yesterday flow along the endless river and tomorrow come with a rain next to a waterfall. I guess with that I am starting off with this post. I am sick of my older post in this blog. All is full of complete shit, a shit that made of complains, problems, and even more pathetic complains. This time its gonna be different.

Well differentiation is what make us better and unique right. Starting off with my brand new look to my blog. What'd think of it? I am still working on it, but kinda diverted to something else. Studying about Computer System did helped me alot when I remodeled my blog.

Some good news, I am officially done with Chapter One of Return to The Underworld. Hurray.. 12 more to go. I hope I can finish it by next year. New year is making its way through the snow flakes and 2 more weeks, another new resolution, another new bunch of people to know about, another new time to make history and another new everything. I hope next year will be better then this year.

Talking about future plannings, I have actually sketched out everything I want my future to be like. Of course, I might be counting the chickens before the eggs hatches. But without prior plans, we will might be heading straight to a deep hole of shit.

Lets start out with my marriage. Yes, every mens' most important event in their entire life. For me, a marriage will be only once regardless if I did get myself divorce and I want it to be the best wedding, not for the world, but for her and I. What I have in my mind? A extravaganza event, with celebrities, media, paparazzi, and tabloid all around us..

Well, you got it wrong then. I might be fanatic about being on the spotlight, craving for attention and what so ever, but I want a close wedding, attended only by family and close friends, in a isolated place.

Lets talk in detail, shall we. I was planning to held it in somewhere in the Mediterranean Island, where the sand is as white as pearl, sea water as clear raindrops, something like the picture here. Just imagine, the sea breeze, the fresh air, the sway of the coconut tree, the little sparkly thingy that sticks to your legs when you walk on the beach, the little craps trying to walk straight, but end up going side ways and thats the exact place where you are trying you matrimonial knot and say "I do". Thats what I have in my mind.

Hold your horse, I am not done yet. I want an evening wedding, during the sun is just trying to say goodbye and see ya tomorrow, when its just on the edge of reaching the horizontal with its bright reddish projection. Something like this picture. Now imagine both the pictures combine and that where I am gonna get married.

There she will be, walking through the aisle, a moment for her that was skied with emotional, hope, love and even more love. Through with sand, her endless lengthy dress clears the path. Hold tight by her side, her father walks with music, letting go her daughter to the man she loves. The sun says goodbye, and let the moon brightens the earth.

Though I am Hindu, I prefer Christian weddings. Wedding is all about the bride and the groom, not about their relatives, moms, dads, grandpas, grandmas or uncle and aunt. Its a day for both of them. Mostly in Indian weddings, the whole place will be crowded, everyone else is important. So yeah, I prefer Christian wedding. The irony is, I am in my knees, holding a ring in one hand, and and another waiting to be held, but there is no one yet. Lets wait and see...

Maybe in my upcoming posts, I might talk about my plans about my two kids, Michelle Micheal Nathan and Micheal Michelle Nathan, the twins. I have plans for them too. Hahaha... I am very ambitious, am I? Oh yeah,before I end, there is like button up there. So help me again. Thanks.

Perfection In Imperfection..

2010-10-28T13:26:00.000-07:00

Before I begin to blog about this post, I think I am obliged to say out something else first. Lets begin with the relationship between me and God. When I was small, my mummy always asked me to be spiritually strong by praying and her famous saying sounds something like this "He will show the path for you ". And I blindly believed it, and not that I am saying that my mummy cheated me. It is true for her, but the implication of this blind reality hit on me ages later. There were few series of drama that brought sense to me that made me to come up with a conclusion that no one will look after your ass except you. Not only that, when I was turning into a young adult and a science personal where I questioned everything and demanded for a concrete proof. This is where a revolution in me began and the X-religion factor tend to fade away. It reached its climax when I lost my father, where this was the point I came into a sense that God doesn't exist.

Why am I talking about all this, you might wonder. Lately, which was last 2 weeks ago, when my 1st Trimester result came out, I was tangled up in a scenario where I couldn't believe that my belief which was He doesn't exist wasn't real. This all coincidently related to Mathematics' result. If you have read my earlier post, I was so sure that I will fail my final examination. Ironically, I passed my Mathematics and I failed in my standing. Lately, I tend not to pray so often, but my mummy kinda force me too. So whenever I pray, I say this line " If You think the effort I put in is enough, I will get what I deserve" . I actually only answered half of the question paper and did quite a lot of mistakes. And I passed. I can call it luck, but I think its beyond that.

Okay, enough about that, lets move on. If you notice the title of this post, it sounds very classy, but to me, it's beyond the comprehensible definition of it. People always say I am complaining about myself and everything, Mr. Whining. Yes, I admit I do whine a lot about everything basically. But why I do that? I am a man with reason behind my action. Trust me, I always have reason (s). Why? It goes something like this. Being me, Alan Rengganaten, I am made up with only and only imperfections, till that I perfectly imperfect.

To be frank something about me, I don't have anything in myself, either features, values nor characters in my that can be said is even close to be called good. From my hair to my toe, from physically or mentally, emotionally or psychologically, I am just not perfect. You might oppose this and say,"No one is perfect". Yes, perfection comes from summation of perfection but in my case, I am a god of imperfection. I am not good anything, I am talent-less, I can't do anything that produces a productive result, no matter how much I try, I still find myself in pile of deep shit.

Success is a feeling that I had never felt. Not only I am a bad charm carrier, I always succeed in disappointing others. Despite this matter, I always cherish 1 thing in my life, My Family. Their are the best thing that God had given me. I still can't forgive myself for the lost of the greatest man on the earth, Mr. Rengganaten, my father. There were million questions running through my mind till now (it has been 3 years since), wondering any of my act could change the history. What if I didn't go to the hospital on that day, and let my sister to overnight there as she had did for the 3 days in the hospital. Maybe if I didn't come to this family, he might be a millionaire as he was before I was born. What if I died when I was 2, when I accidentally drunk a massage oil. What if... The questions, I failed to find my answers.

Enough about that too, I don't wish to be called as an emo guy. There is something else I want to share, something about me, a character of me. I am pretty unique compared to the rest. I think I am very good friend and at the same time I am a bad friend. What the heck I am saying? Actually, I am a very good friend when I am close to a person, which is the beginning of the friendship. And here comes the part where I became the villain in the friendship. Its sounds like this, when it comes to a relationship, either friendship, love or similar to it, the most aspect everyone looks for it a longer lasting relationship. This is where I fail. For me, the unknownness in a relationship is the strength that pull me closer to the other.

The more I became closer, the more I knew about the person, the lesser the unknownness about them. This automatically makes me feel bored about the relationship and I tend to move on, of course without them. The term move on doesn't refer to me abandoning them forever, but the closeness towards became thinner. This is why exactly I don't stick long to person and I tend to find new ones. The big question revolves when LOVE comes in.

Love ain't that different from friendship, it's a level higher than friendship. The thing that bugs me is, what if my love ended up being like my friendship, where I lost interest in her. I want to be a true lover. I believe I shall fall in love only once and once only. I did write a poem about this and it goes something like this:

If I love a girl, I will love her as for what she is, not for as what I want her to be..

If she leaves, then I won't go for another..

I love her when she is beside me or beside someone else..

I will love her till my last breathe..

And this what I call True Love..

And I hope I can be a True Lover..

I guess this is why I am still single and frankly, I am afraid I might fail somehow. People asked me how I want my future girlfriend to be. I simply answer, "As she is". I don't want to make any expectation about her, and disappoint myself end of the day. Another reason is, if I pictured her, on how she looks, what she likes, and everything about her, when I met her, the unknownness in her might be a question. Thats why I would like to keep my relationship interesting by knowing nothing about her and failing in love the moment I lay my eyes on her. Of course, its like finding my drop of water in the ocean. But of course there are things that I have planned, like my wedding, my kids and my retirement. Maybe I will tell about it in my next post.

Lastly, there was this one thing we (my house mates and I) did. It was one of my house mate's birthday. So we throw him a surprise party, though he figured it out earlier. And this is the video about all the pranks we planned for him:

I And there's a like button on top. Please like it if you are reading, so that I know whos reading.

Return to the Underworld...

2010-10-09T09:37:00.000-07:00

I guess those who follows my blog knows my way of blogging. I don't blog everyday nor every week, but I blog on monthly basis (but I was busy with examination last month, so I didn't have time to blog). Talking about examination, I think I did well expect for Mathematics for Bioscience. I am pretty sure I screwed up the paper and surely gonna' fail. Anyway, let the past sway across the time and lets talk about whats happening.

I know you all will be wondering about the title of my current update, "Return to the Underworld" and yes, this has nothing to do with the movie "Underworld". Guess what, this is the title of a story that I am currently working on. I know,

Alan Rengganaten is WRITING a story??? But yeah, I have discover a new thing in me. I won't call it a talent, but just a thing that I am trying lately. So lets travel back where this story pollinated from. The year was 2008, okay thats too much. Well this story is a story that I wrote for my Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia (that is a public examination to graduate from senior high). Well I guess I need to thank my English teacher, Madam Ho, who inspired me to write a story. To be frank, I was not a guy who was good in English, a guy who people look up to when it comes to English, but tend to be just another Malaysian.

I actually wrote 4 pages of essay (this story) and amazingly I got an A1 in English. Well it was a story that was beyond my league and I gotta' admit it was pretty good. And think back again, I feel that I should do something about the story, let everyone read it. And so I have decided to re-write the story and of course write it in my level ( as I am in my tertiary education). I have decided to do some improvisation and add more details in it.

I am just done with the Chapter 1 and I am sure I gotta' long way to go. I am planning to do big with the story and to start off I wanna make this into a novel and continue with a sequel. But I am keeping my finger crossed. But I would post it in my blog for certain duration.

Enough about that, lets talk something else. Well I have changed since I have enrolled UTAR Kampar. I have been amazing a dull person lately. You know what I have been doing for the past 2 weeks of my sem break, NOTHING!!!

After being there just for 1 sem, I have turned into such a lifeless monster, imagine I have 8 more sems to go. I am so dead. For the past 2 weeks, I have been sleeping at morning till afternoon, watching tv till late night and of course eating. And surprisingly I lost 1 kg. I know, doing all that and still afford to loss 1 kg, its weird.

I think thats all. I am in a mood to continue my novel. Take care.

Should I or Shouldn't I

2010-08-12T09:27:00.000-07:00

I am so sorry for not updating my blog for quiet sometimes. I was rather busy and tensed up with my studies, assignments and I think you'l what I am talking about. 1st thing first: I think you people still remember about Baby (my previous post), which was I believed one of the most asked question to me.

Well, I guess she is not for me and basically I am not bothered as well. The irony is that when I so damn over with her, I met her at least 4 times a week. What a life I have? But I am very stubborn with my decisions, well I am Leo, what do you guess. Even after this, I don't think I will let myself to go after her even if there will are any sparkles between me and her, though now I know her name and her age and she is doing Bachelor of Psychology. Just a bit about me, I don't go back on the same road again. If once I don't like it, then forever I don't like it. Pretty stubborn right. Well, only Alan Rengganaten defines Alan Rengganaten.

Hmmm, I know this particular blog would rather be kinda serious, as much of stuff occurred for the past few weeks are kinda giving big impacts towards me. And thanks to someone, I think you know who you are, thinks the way I blog is kinda abit childish, especially my pictures in my blog. Well, I will take that as a compliment and please note for those who are reading this, I really hope someone reads this, please leave a comment about how do I blog. Anyway, to the someone, I don't mean it in a bad way. It is just I don't like to be called childish in anyway.

For the past few weeks, I had amazingly pathetic weeks and amazingly amazing weeks. I am starting off with 18th July 2010. Why this date? It has been 3 years already since the last I saw him. 3 years since I talked to him. 3 years since I told him I love him. 3 years since he fed me with his own hand.

HEY!!! STOP THINKING ABOUT ME LIKE THAT!! I am not a gay.

But I MISS YOU, DAD!!! 3 years since I lost the pearl of my life, Mr. Rengganaten. Dad, if there is anything I could do to see you, anything. But, the only way is me coming up to the heaven to see you. Anyway I did write about how I felt in a form of a poem and I only managed to post 1 of them. Please read it. It’s my second ever post in this blog.

Alright, pulling myself together now, I don't want to show any vulnerable side of mine. Moving on.

Okay, let’s be serious this time. I am sure many of you will be wondering, why on the earth is my picture doing in the middle of my blog. Well, there is something I want to ask you people. How bad do I look? I need you people to really comment using your mind, not you heart. I don't need sympathy nor anything empathies. I need reality. Please don't give me answer that sounds, "Alan, you are handsome" 'cause I know that is a BIG FAT LIE!!! Why I am asking this now? My answer is “Coming Soon, The Next Post". What I am trying to say is wait till my next post. At least this way I can keep constant readers, he he...

Well, last week was my birthday. I finally turned 19!!!! To be frank, 19 is so damn like 18. I don't feel the differences. Anyway, should I say this birthday was different from the rest? Definitely yes!!! Should I say it was better than the rest? Definitely yes!! But if I said so, then you should sing: Liar Liar Pants on Fire, Your Nose is Longer than Telephone Wire (it's a song,I have posted it down there) !!! It wasn't the best birthday I had and definitely not what I imagined. I guess the only part I enjoyed was when almost 100++ people sang me a birthday song.

I can go days talking about what I expected on that day (for those who are busy, please do revisit my blog, 'cause this is gonna be so damn long). Here goes my long list:

I didn't expect so little gifts. I only had like 3 gifts. What the heck right?

I was expecting for a surprise party or so, but I didn't even get a cake, where on the earth will I get a party from.

And I had previous experience where a lot of sang me a birthday song.

Oh my, its kinda short, he he. But the point here is whats the big difference in my 19th birthday? Nothing significant. And I have tonnes of more complains, but I guess I should just appreciate with what I have and shut my mouth, right? And I miss my mummy's cooking. Being the youngest in my family, I always have the best birthday ever. My mum love to cook me all my favorite food (though not many, 'cause I am damn fussy with mostly everything. My friends knows I hate almost everything)

Anyway, thanks for all those wishes and blessing, you guys. It made my day even more wonderful with the conjunction with our Nutrition Fun Fair 2010.

I will talk about the Nutrition Fun Fair maybe next time.

Oh yeah, I almost forgotten something. My friends and I went for a lunch in my campus cafeteria. Guess who I met! I saw her again yesterday. She was sitting just the very next table. I didn't "look' at her.Which means that I pretend not to look, but some part in me urge me to look at her. I looked at her when she is not looking at me, and I know that at some part she was looking at me, but I pretend not to bothered. I repeat, I PRETEND.

My emotions doesn't tally with my principle. But, I just simple don't know what to do. I guess I better stop here. Anyway, I kinda screw up my Anatomy and Physiology 1 quiz. Lets hope the best for my upcoming Structural Biochemistry test 2. Wish me luck and here is the video that I promised you:

Liar Liar Pants on Fire by Castaway.

And here is the lyrics. Sing with the song. Its really fun. Bye Bye.

Chorus : Liar, liar, pants on fire

Your nose is longer than a telephone wire

Ask me, baby, why I'm sad

You've been out all night, know you've been bad

Don't tell me different, know it's a lie

Come kill me, honey, see how I cry

Why must you hurt me, do what you do

Listen here, girl, can't you see I love you

Make a little effort, try to be true

I'll be happy, not so blue

Chorus

If you keep on tellin' me those lies

Still goin' out with other guys

There'll come a day I'll be gone

Take my advice, won't be long

When that day comes, won't be mad

Be free of you, but I'll still be sad

In spite of your cheatin', still love you so

I'll be unhappy if I let you go

Chorus

My Little Secret.. Though Its Not now..

2010-07-09T02:59:00.000-07:00

I think I promised you people something (refer to my previous post)..
What I am going to share today is something interesting,
something new to me. I have been in many situations like
this before but yet I don't find this to be the same with others.

Well, basically I am a man right, so what would my secret be? An affair with someone? DEFINITELY not!!

Its about this one girl. Yeah, I know that you thought so too.Hmm... What can I say about her? Let me think..

She is tall, seriously tall. I guess almost the same height as I do..
Almost 18+ cm. She has this beautiful straight hair. She tights it up
high in the sky and it blows me away whenever the "lake breeze"
twirls around her hair.

I haven't meet any angels before, and I guess I finally did. I sound so lame right? But that's how I felt and feel.

I know we ain't made for each other. She is way prettier to be mine.
Something like the picture here...

I know some will be saying love is blind, love is not about how you look, but more to who you are. It sounds nice in a sentence, but in reality it doesn't tally.

What should I do?? What should I do??

Okay, a bit more about the girl. I know she is studying here, in UTAR.
I just gotta' know that she might be older than me. ANOTHER OBSTACLE!!!

Many said to me age is not a factor in love. But for me, I want someone who has the same mentality like I do. I don't want anyone to say that I look kinda childish around my gf. I don't like it.

Other than that, I don't know anything about her.
What's her name? ...I don't know
What is she doing now?.. I don't know.. I only know she is studying in UTAR..
Where is she from?... I seriously don't know..
Is she single?.. I don't know...
There are lots of I don't know, rather than I know...

Is she the one?
She is the light of my life?
Is she meant for me?

I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!

Why did I liked her? What happened? Where did I met her?

I met her in an Indian Restaurant ... for those who are in Kampar, its Premas.

That day I went alone to the restaurant, I don't usually do that. I don't like to eat alone.
As I was eating, lets name her Baby, Baby came with her friends and sat in front of me.
That was the 1st time I saw her and she saw me. We had this 1 second moment that both of us looked right at each other's eyes.

What a wonderful moment was that!!!! I won't forget that 1 second of my life that I guess has changed my whole course of my life..

I don't know what to do.. Then my friends came and they don't know much about her. So, that was our 1st meeting I guess.

On the next day, I saw her again, in the cafeteria. We walked across each other. I had this one urge forcing me to turn behind and look at her. I'd turn behind. I was just about to drop dead at that moment.

SHE LOOK BACK AT ME!!!!!

My heart was pounding hell hard. I felt as though it would just pop out and scream ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I met her every single day. At least once per day. Maybe it was just coincident??? Who knows...

Another event I wish to share is UTAR Culture night. It was on last Saturday. I initially din't want to attend 'cause I am not really a partying guy. It was rather OK, the event.

But at last it turned out to be boring towards the end. I decided to go back to my room..

It was around 1 am... I was starving.. As I was waiting for the bus, I was so tired. I sat on a table. A few girls were standing behind me. So I turned behind.

THERE SHE WAS!!! STANDING RIGHT BEHIND ME!!!

I seriously don't know what to do. When I turned, she turned towards me as well. Our eyes met again.

Unfortunately, that was the last I saw her. Till now!!!!

I am like the cat in this picture now...
Wondering when would meet her again with a broken heart.

Remember B??? If you are new to my blog, you better read the previous post..
Most of the time, you can find B and I always together. So, every time Baby sees me, B will be around.
What happen was, on last Wednesday, B went to pasar malam (night market). B saw Baby.
And guess what Baby did? She stared at B as though wanted to kill B.
What does this signify?

I didn't realize how long this post is?
Sorry peeps...
A bit more alright..

I told a few of my friends about this, mainly to A..
She said that I should try to approach her..
But, till now, we haven't even smile to each other..
Even I tried once, she ignored me...

And I asked God to show me what to do..
I told Him that if I met her again on Monday, I should make a move, or else move on...
But I didn't see her again after that Culture night...

Tell me people, what should I do...

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alan,

Bleeding love....

Complains... Complains... And Guess What??? More Complains...

2010-07-08T08:27:00.000-07:00

Its already 6 week since I enter my Degree life.

The picture here ---->,

This is our heritage block.

The campus here is huge.

Seriously, from Block A to Block I..

It goes in U shape, around the lake.

Enough about my university, lets talk more about my life there. It is not what I imagined when I 1st came here.

I wanted a University life whereby, I want to be the one that everyone admires, adores and look up to. But, I

guess I hoped and wished too much.

Basically for those who know me well enough, I think you know how Alan works. But, here, where everyone is a stranger to me. They don't know who I am and vice versa.

When I first came here, Kampar, I only knew a few people around here and a couple of them were my buddies from PJ. Being in my situation, I wasn't left with many choices. I was in a situation where I have to be with my buddies. They need me, so does me. It was more alike a mutual interaction. They were new here too and I guess being the only boy from PJ brought me responsibility over the two girls, lets name them A and B.

A bit about the A and B. Well, A is my lab partner. She is the cutest girl that I have ever laid eyes on. She is a perfectionist rather I say. Being her lab partner, I have learnt alot. She is such a great friend.

The B plays an important character in my life. I don't know is it in a good way or bad way, she does affect my life. I had a crush on her earlier, during my foundation. At that time, when I liked her, I didn't know that she had a boyfriend. But, since I got to know that she wasn't available, I moved on.

Most of the time, B and I will be together meanwhile A has her own group. So, this B and I, we are very close. We help each other in many way, but to many, it looked like we are together, as in as boyfriend and girlfriend.

As I get myself to make some friends here, well I am very good at it, what do you know, there are some stuff that makes me uncomfortable. Starting of with Facebook. Well, I am a bit of Facebook addict. The moment I meet someone, the next second I will ask whether do they have an account in Facebook and I will add them. The part that irritates me is the moment they approve me in Facebook, the 1st question they will ask is: Is B your girlfriend?

I am super tired of answering this kinda of question. I mean, why do you even care if I am in a relationship with anyone. Not that I want to sound rude, but why is it so wrong for a guy to be close with a girl??

Keep that aside. The next thing I want to say

is something that is so wrong form what

I define myself as Alan.

PEOPLE ARE SAYING

THAT I AM ARROGANT!!!
For those who doesn't know me,

1 quality in me that I praise myself

is the friendliness. I couldn't live alone.

Trust me!

Many advised me to just ignore this kinda comments, but I care about what people say about me. I guess that's how I work. I want to be a people person.

There are some other very interesting stuff I want to share.
I think I will save that for next time...
Bye..
Merci beaucoup everyone for your time..
Ciao!

Adapting...

2010-06-27T15:12:00.000-07:00

Well, I took 4 weeks to settle down in this new place, or should I call it a kampung. After finish my Foundation in Science in Pj, I was the few Indians who made through and continuing my Bachelor of Science in Biomedical Science. I am the only Indian boy from there. Sad isn't. I wasn't The best student , but maybe, just maybe my luck is finally with me. Making fews was my 1st priority, but I wasn't what I imagined.

People here was so different in my 1st sight. They had their group and I was alone. Not alone actually, with my another Indian girl, who everyone thinks till now that she is my girlfriend. I am so tired explaining to everyone that we are just friends and she got a boyfriend, but people still don't believe me, and I am not bothered.

I make friends finally and day by day i got to know more and more people. Many thought I was arrogant, why? Because I have a western accent. I know!! What the heck right. What am i suppose to do about that right. I just moved on regardless what others said.

My university life here is so different and I guess I haven't changed. Assignments, reports, quizzes and a Fun Fair to add loads on my shoulder. I am just starting to do 1 work at a time and I am afraid I couldn't finish up on time.

Nowadays, I always get stressed up over a simple thing. Tensions are glooming me. I need to get away from this and I don't know how.

Suddenly, I am missing my mum alot. Just wanted to hug her and say Mum, I love you. My Nutrition quiz is just in a few hours. I studied but I don't know. Wish me good luck.

Esperanza

2010-05-19T06:13:00.000-07:00

This is one of my favourite poems I have written.. I name it "esperanza" which means Hope in Spanish..

The time the God of Light sank Himself,
I felt it,
I realy did,
The differences in the surrounding,
Questions were questioning my brain.

As a period changed to another,
So did my feelings,
From a gay heart,
it revolted,
My mind doesn't bear the changes,
So did I.

Happiness were dimmer,
Worries hadmountained,
My nerves felt the sadness that evolves around me,
But,
I was still drowning in a search for answers.

My eyes were weak,
They break down in tears,
As the sadness deposited in every single cell,
Yet,
the motive of it is still 6 foot under the ground.

But I couldn't consult myself to wait,
I earched for the entity that's causing this,
Sooner I realised,
it's not the motive,
but it's me,
Who's 6 foot under the earth.

I was gasping for a hand to pull me out from this horror,
But I couldn't find any,
I know I had limited time,
I realised she will be there for me.
I demanded my soul to alert her,
I trusted on her, and so does she,
She ran and ran to me...
knowing my problem.

1st time Blogging

2010-05-19T05:11:00.000-07:00

Well, 1st I am blogging. Don't know what to do, what to write. Abit more about myself. I am Alan Rengganaten turning 19 soon and from malaysia. I often dream and once in awhile write poem. I think that all