AlcatrazTheCat

Sorry I haven't posted in so long

noreply@blogger.com (Heather Larson) — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 04:52:00 +0000

We have been really busy at our place, I guess. And given that I don't actually have fingers, I have to wait until my mommy is free to help me blog. I know, it sucks. She's really busy going to Boston University -- that school with a dog as a mascot. Terrible, no?

I got a new toy, a "Bouncy Mouse." I like to attack it, but then again, I like to attack almost anything. I tried to chew it up the first night I had it but my mommy fixed it and then I felt bad.

Some of my friends moved to Winslow, you know, my aunts and uncle. My aunts Betty & Wilma really like it up there. I hear they have a crazy thing called a lawn to play on. I am not sure what that is but it sounds interesting. I hear my Uncle Jimmy hates it though. He refuses to leave the house. Maybe he's scared of that 'lawn' thing.

Anywho, I feel a nap coming on so I better hurry up and post these cool photos of me attacking a White Castle box. My daddy is eating meat again. I know. Good thing I was adopted, huh?

I had a really good day today!

noreply@blogger.com (Heather Larson) — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 03:29:00 +0000

Today was the first day in ages my mommy worked at home for much of the day. She forgot to turn on the radio for me though before she left. So I can't listen to her show now. Oh well. But I got to sleep on her sarong right next to the laptop as she wrote today, which was awesome.

And she opened the blinds ALL THE WAY so I could watch traffic and rain. Boy, did it rain today! It was really scary. There was a flash flood right outside my window! I looked at my mommy and made sure I gave her my really concerned face that says, "Did I just use a life?" That monsoon rain could have drowned us both. But it was over pretty fast.

Lately I have been participating in yoga with my mommy. She sits in lotus pose and I sit on her lap. It's a good opportunity for her to worship me, I think. Once I even jumped on her back while she was doing a yoga pose. Usually I just fight with her yoga mat though -- oh, and I win! I make that yoga mat sorry it ever rolled out on MY floor.

So that's what I've been up to lately.

Oh, and I'm on fat cat food now. I guess I weigh 17 pounds. My grandparents call me "Trazilla."

I'm not fat. I'm big boned. I swear!

Let's see...what else?

Oh, my new favorite song is "Lean Like A Cholo." I like that one. I can't get my elbows up, but I can lean side to side. Meow.

I went to the vet on Saturday. It was horrible! First thing, my mommy opens my carrier and puts it on the floor. Then a wild pack of miniature kittens approached me. There were three of them. They were meowing a chant in a chorus, trying to mesmerize me with their cuteness. It was actually kind of creepy how small they were. I could have never been that small, could I?

Then I was taken into the room. They put something up my butt. Then they gave me THREE SHOTS! It was horrible. I don't like my doctor anymore. The vet's office is full of terrors.

Anyway, I'm watching the Arizona Diamondbacks play baseball. They are winning, I see. 7-0. I am trying to root for them, but I am not sure which team they are. Are they the one in the red hats? I'm confused.

My Big Kill!

noreply@blogger.com (Heather Larson) — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 01:09:00 +0000

This little trespasser broke into my grandparents' house and I made him PAY!

I'm hardcore. Just look at that injury!

noreply@blogger.com (Heather Larson) — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 01:07:00 +0000

I tortured this lizard for hours before I killed it!

Got Tail?

noreply@blogger.com (Heather Larson) — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 01:06:00 +0000

I snapped the tail off a lizard!

Did I Kill It Dead?

noreply@blogger.com (Heather Larson) — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 01:05:00 +0000

I am a ferocious beast!

I Have Killed Again.

noreply@blogger.com (Heather Larson) — Sun, 20 May 2007 06:34:00 +0000

I was hangin' at my grandparents' house the other day when I thought my mommy had surprised me with a new toy! How lucky is The Traz? But then I realized it wasn't a toy. We had a problem; it was an intruder! And I was going to be the one to kick his ass!

It was a lizard and it was a biggun. My Uncle Jimmy had tried to kill it the night before but it got away. Now, my Uncle Jimmy is an intrepid hunter. Nothing gets away from Uncle Jimmy! Except this time, his humans intervened because they're weird about him dragging body parts through the house. So they let the lizard get away. I wasn't going to let him get away though. I chased him behind the curtains. I chased him behind the curio cabinet, you know, that thing that holds ancient tchotchkes? This took a couple hours of hard huntin. Then I finally chased him under the fridge, but not before decapitating his tail!

Then I waited for the evil bastard to emerge and he did. I beat him to death right there in front of the stove. He was big, but he wasn't strong or fast. Perhaps he was an elderly lizard but he was no match for The Traz! I killed him, thus earning my keep at my grandparents' house.

Someone really needs to take down that pane of glass between me and my next snack.

noreply@blogger.com (Heather Larson) — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 17:24:00 +0000

My daddy doesn't think I'm fat.

noreply@blogger.com (Heather Larson) — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 17:22:00 +0000

Or so I am told. I don't see my daddy much because he's always working. But my mommy says she told him my grandpa keeps calling me fat and my daddy says I am not fat. Duh. I'm just a heavy build Bombay kitty! Sheesh! I'm "Solid As A Rock" like Bob Seger sings! And I didn't eat that many Whisker Lickin's yesterday. So there. I also have spent quite a bit of time hunting birds at the window and chasing my Uncle Jimmy around.

I'm not fat!

noreply@blogger.com (Heather Larson) — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 21:11:00 +0000

My grandparents keep saying I'm fat. And they do it in the room too -- like I can't hear! I guess, well, fine. I'll admit it. I've been eating too many Whisker Lickin's lately and also taking too many long naps. But I love Wisker Lickin's! And I love naps! I need more exercise. I think I shall go chase a sparrow now. If someone would just remove that pane of glass, I would catch the sparrow...

noreply@blogger.com (Heather Larson) — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 18:37:00 +0000

I can balance on top of a door. And what can YOU do?

noreply@blogger.com (Heather Larson) — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 00:52:00 +0000

I am the happiest cat ever!

noreply@blogger.com (Heather Larson) — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 00:50:00 +0000

My daddy is home for good from his training. So I get my daddy every night and we play a game of FUD every day now. That's "Feets Under Door." My mommy is working on making me famous again. She's sending my photos into Paw Placement for their calendar. I hope I make it! I should be in a calendar. I should also be on the Pet Promise cat food bag...why am I the only one who thinks this? Anyway, I have to go. There's traffic to watch, Whisker Lickin's to beg for, and catnip mice to pounce on.

The Ups and Downs of My Life

noreply@blogger.com (Heather Larson) — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 04:16:00 +0000

I just don't get it. I just don't understand why my daddy comes home for 44 hours a week then leaves again for five days. I think I will sit by the front door in case this insanity is over finally. It can't go on much longer!

I have been busy lately working on my hunting skills because little birdies dare fly by my window. I have also learned to balance atop the pantry door while my mom rustles about inside looking for gross human food. Speaking of human food, I really love me some Wheat Thins. I chew them like gum and spit them out. But mostly, I follow my mommy around to make sure she doesn't get lonely. She says I am the man of the house while my daddy is away. I'm a man cat!

A message from my mommy about work stuff. I don't really care, but sort of absorb this as I lay next to the laptop. Actually, this is a cool website

noreply@blogger.com (Heather Larson) — Tue, 06 Mar 2007 05:57:00 +0000

More Stones though, play me some more Rolling Stones! And Foghat. I want some damn foghat. Anyway, here's my mommy's message to you:

Check it out! We've got a smashing new Peak website! Oh, happy day! Let's raise a glass! (Okay, so I've raised a couple glasses since I finished my research paper a couple hours ago. But I digress).

It's got Peak TV with Hollywood Hoo Ha, the one 45 at 1:45 (that's 45 as in 45 record to you young'uns), it's got the Peak blog, but I don't know who writes that stuff.

It's also got photos of Scotty, Mary, Monica, Steve and Mini! See, they look better than you thought they did!

So here's the URL: Tell a friend!

More will be coming with the Peak site, so bookmark it. Blinklist it. Make it your homepage. Listen live. Enter contests.

And look at how sexy Monica is!

And don't forget to equest a song! Especially while I'm on the air 7p-12a every Saturday night hosting the Peak Party! Because my life is empty if I don't shamelessly self-promote!

987ThePeak.com.

I Tried To Sneak Into His Suitcase But He Caught Me

noreply@blogger.com (Heather Larson) — Mon, 05 Mar 2007 00:07:00 +0000

My daddy is gone again. I tried to be a castaway in his suitcase, but he kicked me out. It's not fair! Who will play FUD with me? Mommy sucks at it. And now Mommy will be all bitchy again with daddy out of town. My daddy didn't spend much time with me while he was home either! I think I am mad about this.

He kept taking my mommy on dates. What am I, chopped tuna? He had to take Mommy out to dinner, out for wine, out for massages, out for lunch, out to grocery shop for Mommy, cleaning the house for Mommy...Mommy, mommy, mommy! Always pampering Mommy! What about The Traz?

And nobody has taken me to see my grandparents and my uncle Jimmy in a couple weeks. What's up with that? I think Aunty Monica is my favorite person now. At least she's funny!

Could it be true? Is my daddy coming home for a week tonight?

noreply@blogger.com (Heather Larson) — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 15:28:00 +0000

My mommy tells me my daddy is coming home tonight to stay for 8.5 days! That's a lotta FUD! (Feets under the door, our favorite game). I am the FUD champion and I am unstoppable. My mommy tried to invent a new FUD game the other night and it was OK. But nothing is like playing FUD with my daddy; he's the best.

My little rhyme for the day

noreply@blogger.com (Heather Larson) — Wed, 21 Feb 2007 17:03:00 +0000

My name is Alcatraz...I'm just a little Spaz...
I like to play all day!
I like to play my game!
I want 15 minutes of fame!

That's right! Make me famous -- tell a friend!

I need to get a bath soon here!

noreply@blogger.com (Heather Larson) — Thu, 15 Feb 2007 19:00:00 +0000

Helloooo....are you paying attention? I dropped a big hint to my mommy today that I would like a bath. See, I refused to get out of the shower today when it was her time to clean up. Every time she's in the bathroom I jump in the tub to give her the hint. I also left piles of hair all over her laptop today. I'm shedding so bad! I leave my mark everywhere.

There is a disturbance in the force.

noreply@blogger.com (Heather Larson) — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 23:31:00 +0000

Life has been really sucky since Sunday night because my daddy didn't come home. He got a new job and he's gone for training during the week. I really hate this! I cried all night long Sunday night and kept my mommy awake. So I've been mad at my daddy but I'm over him now because my mommy is overcompensating for his absence with toys and treats! Yay, Mommy!

Today, I got a new catnip mouse, a blue feather boa, and a new thing of Whisker Lickin's shrimp & tuna flavored treats. They're crunchy! I just can't figure out how to open it so I can steal treats, but I won't give up trying to figure it out. I have been playing hard this afternoon with my new toys.

Now that I'm the man of the house, I am so much more important than ever before -- as if that were possible.

Gotta go. I feel a nap coming on.

Our first real live tree!

noreply@blogger.com (Heather Larson) — Mon, 15 Jan 2007 16:03:00 +0000

This one is so much cooler than the faux Christmas tree we had! I really love this tree.

My Granny Rosemary knows what I am!

noreply@blogger.com (Heather Larson) — Mon, 15 Jan 2007 15:28:00 +0000

My Granny Rosemary says I am a Bombay kitty and she must be right! Just read about Bombay kitties and you'll see -- it's me! I'm a Bombay! Yay!

Here is how I fit the Bombay kitty profile:

1. I have black feets.

2. My hair is black and shiny.

3. I am proud to be my mommy's "lap fungus." I own her and will sit on her as I wish.

4. I do follow my mommy from room to room and have things to say out loud about what is going on.

5. I am wonderful with company and dogs. I especially love all my doggy friends: Betty, Wilma, and Hoku!

6. I would never hide under the bed when people come over! I love people! I want to meet everybody. I'd like to meet you too.

7. I am opinionated and I know how the household should be run better than anybody. It's my house! Those humans just get to live in it because I like them. I would collect more humans for pets if only I had more rooms.

8. I have a round head with a short muzzle.

9. I am not fat, but I am heavy when you pick me up. My Grandpa Richard is always shocked at what I weigh when he picks me up! I'm just solid as a rock, like the Great Bob Seger sings.

10. Loud noises freak me out. I was sitting on the window sill one afternoon when a nasty Valley Metro bus drove by and made a big noise. I flew off the window sill!

11. I purr so loud sometimes, my mommy says I sound like a little piggy oinking.

12. I like to dominate other cats. Sorry, Uncle Jimmy. It's just who I am.

13. I have chewed through a bag to get to bread. I love carbs! The wiki says that's a Bombay trait.

14. I'm a "head bumper" and a "nose rubber."

15. I like being an indoor cat. I don't like to be far from my mommy because I like to get attention all the time.

So that's me -- a Bombay! I'm a little freaked out that my first ancestor came from Kentucky in 1958, to be honest. I know that Kentucky is where inbred rednecks come from. I hope there's no inbred redneck in my bloodline. No country in The Traz! That would be horrible!

I'm too classy though to have come from an ancestor who was inbred. My manners are too good. Most animals like a dog or cat would just eat any old thing that falls on the floor. But I won't. I won't even eat a piece of food if it falls out of my bowl as I eat. I'm not a savage.

I do not play fetch because that is below The Traz. I also don't take to leash training. Yeah, right!

I'm a bit upset about this Boston University thing

noreply@blogger.com (Heather Larson) — Sun, 14 Jan 2007 22:53:00 +0000

Look at this! Just look at this!

Can't you what is going on here? The Boston University mascot is a terrier. That is just deplorable. I'm pissed.

My mommy is attending Boston University online, which is good because we don't have to move to Boston and she can still get a good education. My mommy is pretty smart and there's no way she'd go to ASU with all those little party sluts. But I'd almost choose some party sluts over a school with a terrier as its mascot. I mean, please.

Doesn't Boston University know that the black cat is where it's at? Silly B.U. I don't care if Martin Luther King went to school there. A terrier is not a good mascot. That's just lame.

I got in big trouble today.

noreply@blogger.com (Heather Larson) — Sun, 14 Jan 2007 22:39:00 +0000

I meant well, though, I really did! There was a new tree in my house today! I was so excited because I really love trees. It was so nice when we had our fake Christmas tree in the House of Traz last month even though it was faux. When I was just a little kitten and we lived at our old place, my mommy used to let me climb this small tree in the courtyard. It was so fun. But there are no trees to climb at my new place because they're all too new and puny. That makes me sad. But there are plenty of climbing places in our apartment, or as I call it, the House of Traz.

Today though this fabulous new real tree showed up in the House of Traz! It was kind of tall and grew upwards, not outwards so I couldn't climb it so good but I sure tried! I kept it low-key at first, just sniffing and rubbing against the new tree. Then I tried to see if I could stand up on my hind legs to make myself tall like the tree. Then I tried to make myself part of the tree. I tried to climb a little and took a leaf off to chew on and that's when my momma yelled at me! I was just trying to make friends with the little tree.

But my mommy was mad and said I was harming the tree. Then she took the tree away from me! It's in the other room and I can see it if I look at the patio door and into the window of the other room.

I just like trees. That's all.

This penguin didn't see it coming

noreply@blogger.com (Heather Larson) — Sat, 13 Jan 2007 23:44:00 +0000

I am the alpha! Ha ha!