Hello,

First post here and obviously not something I thought I would ever have to write. Sorry if it's a long winded one. Struggling with what to do, but maybe overthinking and putting more time into this than her.

My wife has struggled with alcohol for the last few years. she has tried on her own with GP help and support groups all not really making much difference.

Our / her decision was made to go into Rehab for 28 day treatment. the facility would be around 2-3 hours away from our home. I dropped her off and thought all would hopefully be well after treatment.

I learned that not long after drop off (4-5 days) she had started some version of a relationship with someone in their he was either due to be leaving the facility in that first week or was told to leave I don't know. I have since found out they maintained email contact and calls / messages when she got her phone. Sexual nature to the messages and emails. When I visited the facility half way through treatment on a family day she was a little distant and despite having longer to stay was happy for me to leave early to head back home to our 2 kids. The following contact with her when she got her phone were brief and to the point.

Towards the end of her treatment we had a zoom meeting with her therapist, same again a little distant and she told me after the first call she told her therapist "he is going to divorce me" at that point I couldn't have been further from that thought, hoping the time in there was beneficial and we could slowly try to build our lives back together. To note she apparently thinks I cheated on her last year. She never brought this up to me at the time nor does she have any evidence of this. I can confirm I have never cheated on her and would have never done that as it has been done to me in the past while younger. so I know how it hurts.

Towards end of her treatment she informed me she would be leaving the facility on the Tuesday and they would provide a taxi to city centre and then train back to our city 2-3 hours away. Pretty sure this is not common practice? I did say I didn't have a problem picking her up but she insisted. I put that down to her taking some independence following treatment and I felt I should honour that.

It transpires she was actually getting out on the Monday and travelling to the city via taxi but would be spending the day their to meet this person she met in rehab, he would be traveling a further few hours from where he lived in the opposite direction. She booked a hotel and I don't know if anything happened, she says nothing happened and she did not have an affair. I have hard evidence gained when she was back that was tough to read sexual emails and messages essentially saying it was her time of the month so they couldn't do anything. How true etc I don't know but as mentioned horrible to read!

She came back on the Tuesday and asked for a lift from the train station. A couple of awkward hugs that day and a slightly awkward day after spend with the kids at the park where she was on her phone a lot assuming still speaking to him. I pout the awkwardness down to being away for such a period. She went to AA meeting on Thursday evening but by the time she came back I had to bring up what I knew. She didn't deny it but also didn't seem to want to put up much of a fight about this and the relationship. We have 2 kids have been married for 11 years and together for 18 years.

She has never cheated before and does seem quite out of character for her. The person in rehab is the opposite of what I assume she would be interested. A convicted drug dealer who has been to prison for 2 years and obviously in rehab due to a drink driving offence which is still in the courts.

I believe they are maybe still in contact but less than previous I would suggest. He lives in England and we live in Scotland around 150 miles between us and 5-6 hours drive etc. At the time I had said if you want to be with this person go for it I won't stand in the way if you clearly don't want to be with me. Maybe due to location or not wanting to be away from her kids this hasn't happened. I am not wearing my wedding ring but she still is!?

Assuming that all of this has been a trigger she has actually relapsed and started drinking again maybe not surprising as it is a rule in rehab not to start these type of relationships so not sure she has fully engaged with the programme there. Not drinking to full blown extent of before drinking but drinking none the less. She seems to still be wanting to go to AA meetings and engage with the afterwork from the facility she was in.

We are still living in the house together but different rooms to keep things normal With the kids.

If you have got this far I commend you! just wanting to provide as much info. I know on the face of it leaving should be the best option as I have been cheated on essentially but for stability of the kids and this being really out of character for her wanted to know. I did / do still have feeling for her as the mother of my kids and up until last week thought we were having a tough time with her drinking but hopefully following rehab we could work on this.

Thoughts / opinions appreciated.

Thanks

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I learned that I never needed him to sign the vehicle title since the divorce decree gave me the vehicle. That would have been nice to know prior.

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From my perspective, case closed. I]]>�

Hello everyone, I'm starting a new thread because the other one was getting very long.
I'm away on a family reunion, cousins etc, in the countryside, my A sister is here too. She got out of hospital 2 weeks ago after liver problems,namely Ascites. She, and My brother and family are also in the guesthouse, I am in the room furthest away from them all, and am here one more night.
When i arrived yesterday the first thing I saw was the bottle of 'water' and by her demeanour, I knew immediately she was drinking, and she looked terrible. Any hope that she would stop drinking due to being adviser never to do it again by the doctors and the hospital was gone. And I guess I was foolish to think it would be that simple.
When I went to see her in hospital, I suggested rehab but she said it wasnt for her.
Last night we went for dinner and just like old times, the aggression was back, the impossibility of havjng a conversation, the lying, she said she really wanted to go on the ****. I felt sick afterwards. My brother and his wife and son felt it too.
Feeling dragged back in and not sure what to do. I'm sick of pretending that everything is fine yet I know that a challenge to her will cause an explosion. Yes even in her weakened bedraggled self, she is capable of being horrible.
I just dont hate being around this. I cant even look at her. All the anxiety is rising again.

last part here:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-648-a-20.html

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Hi All - I]]>����

The AV has come a few times but I just keep saying the more I shut it down this time, the more it will get easier. Going to have a relaxing Saturday 👍

its been long but good,
lots of bad things, lots of good too
but at least i can face all that without wanting to pick up anymore, and then also celebrate the good things without drinking
ive saved lots of money, managed to move out at 18.
i lost all function in left leg from knee down but also got my driver's license so i can still get around easily
i dropped out of school because of a severe mental illness but still got into university, doing a course to hopefully one day help people like me
i left my home in country victoria but fallen in love with city life, live music, food, all the stuff you can do, and my god its so great being able to remember it
so yeah, every bad comes with a good.
and its good being able to remember the good, to be clear headed whilst all these awesome things happen.
730 days sounds like a long time, but its gone quick, some parts have felt long but some parts flew by.
and yes, it gets so much better,
at the start when I could barely hold one for 1,2 or 10 days at a time, i never thought id be able to last two years but enough attempts at it and it stuck one day, and it stuck for the better
I dont even think about picking up anymore, Havent in months, 2024 me would think thats crazy but its true

it gets easier - bojack horseman s2 ep12

The latest July 2026 thread is now here
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-one-14.html
D

Weekenders: Is Sobriety Boring? 31 July-03 August 2026







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How could I possibly feel happy or fulfilled without alcohol?



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Looking back, I see now that was my addiction talking. I wasn]]>��


So, back to sober boredom. I figured it was better to spend the rest of my life sober and bored than to keep wrecking my life]]>��


At first, I felt kind of hollow. Like I]]>�


Then I found SoberRecovery. Before that, I hadn]]>�


On the recovery road, I found people who were actually happy being sober.



Well I never! There was a hope for me.



My addicted brain had always told me that sober people were bored people. What a liar it was.



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If alcohol (or anything else) is tearing you apart, just take one small step. That]]>�


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If this is your first weekend sober, or many, come join us for support and chat...as we know the weekends can be a struggle sometimes. (We]]>�




Last week]]>�Weekenders: A Recipe for Sobriety, 24-27 July 2026