Alex has Office Hours

SOME BIG NEWS

2013-06-25T11:06:00.001-07:00

I feel a sense of home when I come to write a blog post. It’s like resting your head on a pillow after a long day. And in the best way these past few days have all been long days.

As I rest my head on this pillow it seems like everything has been a dream. 4 months ago Kate and I filled up a Budget truck and

Alex Almost Didn't Have Office Hours

2013-02-20T15:37:00.005-08:00

To everyone,

It’s been a while since we’ve gotten a chance to talk, and that has been a direct result of the craziness present in the last few months. At first, I thought I’d write an e-mail to a couple of people explaining just a few things, but then the list of people got longer and longer, as did the list of things to explain. So

Where Have You Been

2012-10-08T09:51:00.004-07:00

Sometimes you’re not meant to be a writer. It doesn’t mean that you’re not a writer, but that in a certain moment in time given all the crappy circumstances the writing just doesn’t fall out of you. Many people who write for a living have gotten it down to a science, when they feel like not writing they rely on structure and rules to get them to at least put some words on the page. That’s not me.

When I was studying Creative Writing at OCSA, they told us that to consider yourself a writer you have to be sending in your writing to get published. You weren’t truly a writer unless you were getting rejection letters. In this day and age many writers avoid the rejection letter by posting on blogs and praying or hoping that someone stumbles upon them. The onset of this new technology brings us back to the question of “what is a writer?” and I think through the last few months I’ve come to redefine my stance.

I said above that writing just falls out of you. See, Emily Dickinson didn’t have rejection letters, she hid her poems away for no one to read and yet we still look back and call her a poet. I agree that many people use this as a cop-out, to hide their writing away from the scrutiny of the public eye, but I think there’s more to being a writer than that. I think those who write do it with out thinking about it, with out fighting to keep it, they just sit down sometimes and they write. It just falls out of them.

At the core of “being a writer” is a question about identity. No one says “I’m a writer” with out first being asked the existential questions of “what do you do” or “who are you” or “tell me a little about yourself”. The core of these statements is a question of identity, a question that we struggle with throughout our entire lives. Who am I, really?

This question defines generations. It’s the essential question of the movie “Breakfast Club”, and a theme that runs through out pretty much every teen comedy. If I take of my glasses do I stop being a nerd and start being a cool kid? What if I put on a bit of make-up? What makes me who I am?

I am a writer. Whenever something terrible happens in my life my first thought isn’t “I should go bake a cake” because I am not a baker, I am actually quite bad at baking, but more so there is nothing in my being that says “I just really need to bake right now”. It’s not a part of who I am. Writing is; it falls out of me without any effort. It feels like breathing.

So, let’s go back to the first question, “Where have you been?” The thing about being a writer is that sometimes you have to concede that you are not a writer. Being a “writer” can’t supersede being Alex. Sometimes circumstances in your life require you to be other parts of who you are. For the past few months I was being a fiancé and I was being a minister. Those were parts of who I was, but just like being a writer, they weren’t the entirety. I spent those months allowing those two aspects of my life consume my identity. I forgot to be a friend or a brother, a son or an artist… or a Christian.

I let go of my identity and allowed myself to be defined by the things that I did. The entire time I was still a writer, but I was a writer who did not writer. Writing those words just now brings me this overwhelming sorrow. I was a writer who did not write. It was still so much of who I was and yet I defined myself not by who I was in my core but on what I did. I didn’t write, and so I told myself I am not a writer.

Let’s go back to that question of identity again. When we question our identity I would say 9/10 it’s because we have removed ourselves from the God who gave us our identity. I can’t speak for everyone and so I won’t try, but I will speak for myself in saying, when I defined myself as a fiancé and a minister I was not defining myself in Christ. Our identity in Christ is made up of all those little things, but it is unified in Him, it is made complete in Him.

When we think about the body of Christ we see ourselves as serving one function and defining ourselves by that, but I think that the body of Christ exists in a microcosm within each person as well. There are so many fragmented parts of who you are that can easily become mutual exclusive. If I’m a good fiancé I can’t be spending all of my time writing and not planning the wedding. If I’m a good minister then sometimes I need to be a church for 16 hours and not be spending time with my fiancé. One has to supersede the other. Except in Christ. When we find identity in Christ he unifies our identity into a whole.

What I always tell the youth kids is this- God is the creator. Imagine the person who programmed the iPhone (I know there were a ton of people working together, but still). They know all the tricks, they know how much effort it took to build everything and they appreciate every little curve. If you ever watch an iPhone commercial it’s amazing to see how they seem to share their love for this creation, going into the minute details that you really never appreciate. God is the creator. God made us and sees every aspect of our identity working together for the whole.

We are poor starving children. You know what a poor starving child would do with an iPhone? They would try to eat it or something. I’m not quite sure, because (thank God) I’m not actually a poor starving child. They sure as heck wouldn’t know how to use it. They might try to use it as a hammer, or as a mirror, or as a night-light. It can be used for any of those things, and yet it’s terrible at all of them. We end up trying to make use of our identities when in reality we have no idea how complex of a creation we truly are. In the process we end up seeing ourselves as one thing that supersedes the others instead of a whole thing that includes every fragment of who we are.

I’m a writer. A poet. A youth pastor. A songwriter. A cyclist. An artist. But most of all I am a Christian, not because pastoring or ministering supersedes everything else but because I find my identity in Christ, who unifies all of those little fragments.

So I was gone for a while. I was gone because I had gotten far away from who God wanted me to be and I thought, “if I can just be a good enough fiancé or minister then everything else will work out.” Writing continued to fall out of me. Little poems or songs here and there, but not blog posts. I apologize for being inconsistent but if you guys are willing to come here and read my words again then I am willing to post them.

I am a writer after all.

P.S. Next time I'll try to include some pictures, I love putting in pictures :-)

Must... Keep... Blogging...

2012-05-16T14:06:00.003-07:00

Thank you guys so much for continuing to check up on this blog. My desires to see this grow and to be filled with writings are still alive deep within me. Circumstances being as they are it may be some time before this blog gets back to give you guys substantial content so in the mean time here are some suggestions:

Y2Kids pt. 1 (mulligan)- What defines our generation

2012-03-30T12:13:00.003-07:00

NOTE: You don't have to read the other part 1 in order to read this post. Sometimes in writing you accidentally click "publish" on something that just really isn't what you were going for. I figured I'd leave up the other part 1 for those who got something out of it but would basically give it the "Hulk" treatment and do a remake even though it's only been like a week. So here it is:

Y2Kids: What Defines our Generation

Katharine Theresa

2012-03-30T10:53:00.002-07:00

It is my personal opinion that my fiance Katharine Theresa, is one of the greatest bloggers of all time. Don't believe? Check this:

http://wileye.blogspot.com/

read the most recent one, it's amazing.

a brief update

2012-03-28T14:41:00.003-07:00

I don't like seeing my blog go stale so I figured I'd give a brief update before I head out for Homework House and then Family Night tonight.

Y2Kids pt 1- Living in Fear

2012-03-21T14:36:00.000-07:00

Y2K was never scary to me. Instead it was kind of like a third parent.

My mom and dad both got jobs working to fight off the hypothetical breakdown of all humanity and so as the year 2000 approached I was living in the lap of luxury. Gameboys. Disneyland passes. Eating at restaurants. It was a boyhood dream, but for most of us from the Y2K generation there were very few boyhood dreams to remember.

2001: A Blog Odyssey

2012-03-20T14:28:00.001-07:00

2001 views guys! Come back tomorrow for a blog about the generation who survived Y2K!

5 ways to make sure you DON'T stay in ministry

2012-03-19T09:48:00.004-07:00

If you've worked as a youth pastor you've likely heard the ever-changing statistics. Youth pastors work an average of 1 year at any church. Youth Pastors stay pastors for an average of 3 years before looking for another profession. Youth Pastors are more likely to be overworked, under payed, and completely burnt out than any other professional ministry position... I've heard all of these things before. (Though I've never actually SEEN any statistics... I mean who would participate in these surveys anyway?)

So having survived in professional ministry for just about two years now, I present to you...

5 ways to make sure you don't stay in (professional) ministry:

Guest Post! Casey Miller pt. 2

2012-03-16T09:15:00.002-07:00

And now, the epic conclusion to...
"Idolatry and Identity as Illustrated by The Muppets"

IDENTITY-

Let me start this next section, which I promise will tie back to the first, with another analogy to the Muppets. This time I want you to consider Elmo, and his Puppet master Kevin Clash. Now, Kevin Clash was not the first to control Elmo. You can watch episodes from before he came on and see for yourself. It is a strange thing to watch. I find myself thinking "WHAT! That's not Elmo! Who IS that? Some imposter, I'd wager!" When someone else controls Elmo, he still looks and maybe even acts a little like Elmo, but he is not Elmo. This can even be seen, though not as obviously, in the new Muppet movie. Most of the original puppeteers and writers are gone. While Kermit, Miss Piggy, and the rest all look and act like they used to, there is something missing. They're just people with a puppet on their arm trying to ACT like Kermit or Miss Piggy. While they may do a pretty good imitation, it's still just a copy; a vestige of what the original actors and writers created. Elmo is only Elmo on the arm of Kevin Clash, Kermit is only Kermit on the arm of Jim Henson and Miss Piggy is only Piggy on the arm of Frank Oz.

The Junkyard Pt. 2

2012-03-15T09:05:00.000-07:00

“And every time the herald Cherub sings we rattle with the car parts” – Page France

Charlie never liked being short. He never particularly liked the way people were (literally) looking down at him. He was just as able as other kids; in fact he was incredibly athletic. He could climb rope twice as fast as Jake and when you really think about it he would have to do twice as much work because he’s nearly half Jake’s size. So, adjusting for inflation, Charlie was the best rope climber by nearly 4 times… but Charlie hated math.

The real real REAL real problem with Joseph Kony and Invisible Children

2012-03-14T08:00:00.000-07:00

I figured I'd write a post about all the controversy so that I can consider myself a real blogger. So here it is:

Guest Post! Casey Miller Pt. 1

2012-03-11T22:32:00.002-07:00

I have been pestering my good friend Casey Miller to write an post for this blog basically since it started (which was really only 4 months ago, crazy!) Now he has finally followed through and in spades! He gave me such a comprehensive post that I figured I'd split it in two pieces and ration out the awesomeness. It will probably be another 4 months before you get a post of this awesomeness so take it in stride guys. And without further ado...

Idolatry and Identity as Illustrated by The Muppets

All throughout my childhood, the Muppets have been instrumental in my development. In fact, one could argue that without the Muppets, I might not even exist. You see, my parents first date was to see the Muppet movie. If their first date had been, say, skydiving, I might be a 6 foot tall 20-year-old named Whiz, or a lady soccer player named Nance. Really, I could have been anything, because we have no idea what happens when someone changes even the smallest piece of history. None of this, however, is relevant, because I am me, and in some large or small but nevertheless significant way, I am who I am because of the Muppets. My parents had Christmas ornaments of Kermit and Miss Piggy on our tree every year since before I was born, I watched Sesame Street and reruns of The Muppet Show all through my younger years, and no Christmas season is complete without the ceremonial watching of "A Muppet Christmas Carol". I grew to love the characters, the humor, the silliness, and the heart that is so evident in the Muppets, and it is these things that lead me to my passion for sculpture and puppetry today.

The Junkyard pt. 1

2012-03-08T11:11:00.004-08:00

"You, me, and all the kings and queens. Buried in The Junkyard."- Page France

“Here’s the problem with math class. It’s basically a waste of time. I got it back in Algebra, it was like ‘how do I solve this crazy life problem’ but now it’s like Geometry and I’m like, ‘I’m not building a tree house or anything anytime soon so I should be fine’ and I’m pretty sure Ms. Franklin hates me or something cause she moved me away from Marlene, and I know she has a weird name, but whatever she’s kind of cute, ya know? And Ms. Franklin embarrassed me in front of the class and was like ‘stop flirting and come up to the front Mr. Serrano’ it’s just rude is all, ya know?”

“I’ll give you 5 bucks to climb that tree.”

Some Nights.

2012-03-07T12:32:00.005-08:00

"So this is it? I sold my soul for this? I washed my hands of that for this? I miss my mom and dad for this? No. When I see stars, when I see stars that's all they are but when I hear a song it sounds like a swan."
-Fun. "Some Nights"

I sat down with Kate last night and I asked her a really tough question.

"What do you want?"

Conflict and Story

2012-03-06T14:36:00.001-08:00

So here's a little bit of Homework to start of this post:
First, watch this-
http://www.ted.com/talks/andrew_stanton_the_clues_to_a_great_story.html

Andrew Stanton is one of my favorite writer-directors, mostly because Wall-E is one of the best movies ever made. Excuse the language in the first joke but otherwise enjoy the video liberally!

Then read this post from Donald Miller-
"All great stories pass through conflict. The most boring characters are non-confrontational."

We are authoring our stories right now.

Thursday is coming!

2012-02-08T10:43:00.001-08:00

Hey guys! Make sure to check out the blog tomorrow to get the first part of a new story called "The Junkyard" if you were hoping for Noah Elhardt then don't worry, you won't have to wait long :-) For those who really wanted SOMETHING today then go check out the Weekly Ridiculous, or read some of the old posts you may have missed.

List Tuesday- February is cool... pun intended.

2012-02-07T10:29:00.001-08:00

Reasons why February is Awesome

1. February has the highest monthly rainfall of the year for Los Angeles, AND it’s the shortest month, which means that it’s like pure concentrated rainfall! Which, when you think about it the idea of concentrated rainfall is impossible. It would just be an empty can.

Guest Post- "The Exemplary Life-Liver" by ZACHARY MILLER

2012-02-03T00:01:00.000-08:00

In my life I find that my culture is not where I am from but what I do everyday, what my parents and grandparents do everyday, and what I most closely relate myself to. For me this means that my culture is Christianity and inasmuch I would have to say the most influential figure is Jesus Christ. This choice is not so much because everybody knows who he is or because he is the obvious choice but because he was real, logical, and edifying.

Bible Wednesday- Mir-ACT-ulous

2012-02-01T00:01:00.000-08:00

I'm LOVING the puns today. AND THE ALL CAPS... so just be aware.

So I got through 1 and 2 Timothy and they were both awesome (obviously cause they're in the Bible), but when I finished I knew I wanted to take on a bigger book, one that I didn't really remember all that well (so the Gospels were out of the question) and preferable New Testament... and when I looked through I realized that only one book fit that criteria, and so I opened up the book of Acts.

I've been preparing for Winter Camp all this week, and this year I was asked to lead a seminar type discussion that students could elect to attend. So I've been wondering what I'd talk about and thinking about what students wanted to hear about and finally I just asked me students. Luckily Omar spoke up with the idea of Miracles... but unluckily that is also a topic I don't know much about. Not one to back down from a challenge I gladly accepted assuming that it'd all work out in the end.

When I opened up the book of Acts it reminded me that:
1. The church is founded on the greatest miracle of all, Christ raising from the dead.
2. When the church started it waited for a miracle. They went to the upper room, replaced Judas, and then waited for the holy spirit to show them something miraculous. And of course it did. They all started speaking in tongues. The first outreach that the Christian church did was a miracle.
3. The next thing they did was a miracle. Peter and John see a man laying outside of the Beautiful Gate and they tell him to walk, and he does!

When I thought about how much the miraculous motivates ALL of the actions of the early church and made me realize just how much I'd ignored it.

Can a church exist with out the miraculous?

As more and more people talk about the early church and it's original intention how come we aren't seeing more and more people experiencing the miraculous?

Acts 3:6 "But Peter said, 'I have no silver or gold, but what I do have I give to you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk!'"

Our churches feed many people with hard work and with generous spirits, and I couldn't be more thankful for that, but do we heal people? I love how Peter says "but what I do have I give to you." and immediately does the miraculous.

Do we have miracles?

List Tuesday- February pt 1.

2012-01-31T00:01:00.000-08:00

Why February is Weird

1. It’s the shortest month out of the year. Some years it’s a day longer and it's STILL the shortest month out of the year. Wouldn’t it make sense to just have some of the 30 day months be 31 day months?! or make a special even weirder month that was only a week long? I'd call it Weirdsuaryemberly (just added that word to me Word Dictionary!)

2. Even though it’s the shortest month of the year it’s Black History Month, which just makes me feel like we’re still finding the pettiest way of screwing over African Americans. Seriously guys, it couldn’t have been ANY OTHER MONTH?! (except Weirdsuaryemberly... they need that for women's history month)

3. Valentine’s Day is absolutely ridiculous, and I LOVE romance. I’m fine with buying chocolates and roses and promising back massages to my beautiful fiancé but when it comes to setting aside one day of the year where that is expected it goes against the whole idea of romance. I’d probably be better off doing nothing for Valentine’s Day, thus lowering her expectations, and then doing everything I would have done on some random day in March. No one expects romance in March.

4. It's in the winter? Really?! I mean, I know technically winter starts at the end of December but everyone knows that it basically ends after Christmas and then it’s some strange unknown and unnamed season that I like to call pre-spring. When I talk about “walking in a winter wonderland” there is no part of me that thinks of the Valentine’s Day displays at Target.

5. All the candies are red. Cherry flavored candy tastes like cough syrup and then MAYBE you eat a piece of strawberry candy and it’s like the best day of your life but to get there you’ve got to suffer through an endless number of CHERRY candies… ie cough drops, cough syrup, the flavor in your mouth after you’ve vomited up cough drops and cough syrup… oh, uh, guh… I’m gagging at the thought.

6. Bruary is really hard to pronounce. Just try it for a second and then think about all the other months. January is the closest to being difficult and you still have that sweet relief of a hard “n” before you’ve got to get into that vowel cluster cause of “ua”. But what is up with that “buh” in February, it’s just puts a wrench in the whole thing and makes you sound like you’re in the middle of a game of chubby bunny. Feb-bu-wawy.

7. All of the above. It’s like the concept of a filling; you hurt a lot right now so you don’t have to suffer as much in the future. If we put all the sucky things on one month then all the other months seem great in comparison… especially December, which is like the King of Hearts of months. When you already have a weird sounding month why would you make it the shortest just for kicks, and then start weighing it down with all sorts of weird things like Valentine’s day, and winter, and then take the weirdest month of the year and say “ok, the blacks can have this one”… super racist guys.

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR “WHY FEBRUARY IS AWESOME”… it will probably be my shortest list yet! :-)

Rant Monday- Courageous

2012-01-30T15:09:00.001-08:00

I walked down the streets of Montebello at around 10 PM after church on a Wednesday night. Kate had left about 30 minutes ago while I sat in my car trying hopelessly to get it to start. I had thought to myself, 'maybe I'll just try a few more things and if it doesn't work I'll give her a call on her cell and she can give me a ride home.' Five minutes later I called. No answer. So I started walking.

The church is right next to Whittier Blvd., which is the largest street in Montebello. When I bike to work cars pass it at ridiculous speeds while pedestrians seem to leap out in the road as if wanted to be hit with my bike. From a bicycling standpoint it was dangerous but I had never had the opportunity of walking it at night.

Kate finally called when she had gotten back to her house and as I walked and talked with her I remember saying "I feel like I'm in a haunted house that is made to look like a vacant street." Like that one Goosebumps where they're trick or treating and they don't realize that they actually got transported to another world. I was irrationally terrified, but as I walked from storefront to store front the number of closed down shops far outweighed the number of open ones, and the once busy street had only an occasional car.

I prayed to myself, "God let me get home safe," but as I prayed I leapt at a jogger who passed me as I was walking. It was as if God was playing a cruel joke.

Kate and I had recently watched the Kendrick Brother's "Courageous", and at the time I was walking the content of that film was the furthest thing from my mind, but when I got home safely I laid in my bed catching my breath and I felt shame overwhelm me. "If I had seen my Dad jumping in fear like I was tonight I would be ashamed of him... my son would be ashamed of me."

It's amazing how fear can seep into your life in the most casual ways. It's never fear like from a horror movie that really eats away at your soul, it's the stupid fears that get you. The fear of eating at that B-Rated taco place down the street. The fear of parking in front of that one neighbors house cause it looks run-down. The fear of embarrassing yourself, or challenging yourself, or the fear of change.

"[…] for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7

We like to think of courage as fearlessness. David was fearless when he faced Goliath but his fearlessness was a product of his courage. I think about this verse and how it doesn't simply say, "God gave us a fearLESS spirit," but it specifies that the spirit is of power and LOVE and self-control. These three things are the elements of courage.

1. We have a spirit of power. A spirit that is bigger, stronger, faster, than EVERYTHING else. It is the all-powerful Spirit of God. So of course when we talk of fear we are reminded that the Spirit of God is the one with ALL POWER. Our spirit isn't fearless, but our spirit is fearful of God. It recognizes the overwhelming power of the LORD.

2. We have a spirit of LOVE. Not a violent spirit, as we often think of when we think of fearless. Going back to David, he was fearless enough to defeat Goliath but was he fearless enough to truly LOVE Goliath? The Spirit of God is even greater than fearlessness; it is loving, wishing to restore all things to good. When I watch horror movies (which is very seldom) I hope to see one guy finally get the balls to fight back against whatever is out there. I would be terribly disappointed if I watched as some dude was excessively patient and kind to the bad guy, but the all powerful Spirit of God exercises this love in the face of fear. Patience and kindness are the Spirit's solution.

3. We have a spirit of self-control. Of all the things this is the one that gets me the most. I was supposed to have a spirit of self-control but I allowed myself to be overcome with the worry that something bad might happen, that from an empty storefront some unimaginable badness would leap out and kill me. The heart of fear is our own self-indulgence.

Look at what your biggest fears are, and no I'm not talking about spiders and heights I mean those fear that sit in the back of your head. Fear that you can't provide for the people you love. Fear that you'll lose your job. Fear that you'll fail those around you. These are just a few of mine and as I look at them I realize my fears are rooted in my selfish thinking. Fear of finances is the worst because in the back of my mind all of my thoughts are "how am I going to make sure I get what I deserve."

The Spirit of God is a spirit of self-control that reminds us that the self comes last and that Christ has control.

Bible Wednesday- 1 Timothy 1:5-7

2012-01-25T09:47:00.000-08:00

“The aim of our charge is LOVE that issues from a PURE HEART and a GOOD CONSCIENCE, and a SINCERE FAITH. Certain persons, by swerving from these, have wandered away into VAIN DISCUSSION, desiring to be TEACHERS OF THE LAW, without understanding either WHAT THEY ARE SAYING or the things about which they make CONFIDENT ASSERTIONS.”

I don’t want to be a Bible scholar, and I don’t want to be like many of those mega church pastors who thrive on the fame that comes from their teaching. I want to love others.

I had a discussion with Fred (the senior pastor) about how it’s really easy to say “I want to help people who are in poverty” but it’s a lot harder to put a name and a face to that poverty. Isn’t that like saying you love someone that you only talk to over the Internet. God knows that I’m not saying that you can’t have genuine feelings for people you meet on the internet (Kate and I met on eHarmony) but my true feelings for Kate didn’t come until about a month after I saw her in person and suddenly loving her wasn’t just talking to her through e-mails, but it was washing her dishes and picking up her house, driving to meet her at work for lunch on days that were hard or even days that were easy. I could fall head over heels for a concept of Kate that I made in my head but I couldn’t LOVE Kate til’ I was there next to her showing her love.

Who do you know who lives in poverty right now? Can you see their face? Do you know their name?

The aim of our charge is LOVE that issues from a PURE HEART but I am swerving from these and wandering away into vain discussions. How ugly of a word is VAIN? I mean seriously. It embodies all sorts of self-centered indulgence in just four simple letters. VAIN discussions. But I don’t understand what I am saying of the things about which I make confident assertions unless I’ve put down myself, and with a pure heart, placed a name and a face to someone who is in need.

List Tuesday- Why I'm an Adult

2012-01-24T12:01:00.000-08:00

A list of reasons why I am now an adult as of the end of this week:

1. I should finally get my degree from HIU.

2. I will have purchased car insurance for the first time in my life (thanks esurance!)

3. I will have contacted a tax advisor to help me with my new tax return (apparently it gets more complicated when you’re an ordained pastor)

4. I will have renewed my passport.

5. I will have officially woken up before 8 AM VOLUNTARILY for 2 weeks in a row.