Dear Landon,

I have to be honest with you - I was never really sure that I wanted to be a father.  I always assumed I would just have kids once I got married but I never really seemed ready.  Many people just reach that age or that time in their lives when they want kids.  However, even into my 30s, I was still enjoying my life and wasn't ready to take that step.  At Thanksgiving this year, grandma said she would have bet that I would have never had kids.  At the rate I was going that was probably true.  I didn't see my desires to actually want one changing.

Then in September 2007, mommy got pregnant and in June you were born.  As a dad, the first few weeks and months weren't all that exciting as it was hard for us to bond and even a little awkward for me.  Dads don't have the same opportunities to bond with a small child like mommies do.  Then you began to grow up, crawl, walk, and develop your own personality.  And since that time, everything has changed for me.

At a year and a half, you are so fun to be with.  Although being a parent can be difficult and carries a lot of responsibility, I have realized that you have changed who I am.  You're a really good kid - you're a happy kid, well-behaved, love people, and a joy to have around.  However, you have also helped me and shown me a lot about myself, brought out part of me that had been missing, and given me a different perspective on life.  While I still have to be the parent and take care of you, you are also so much fun.  Unlike any other time in my life, I forget who I am and what may be going on when I am with you.  I don't care what I look or sound like when we are having fun.  And there is much freedom and joy in that.  I get to experience the innocence of youth and don't have to be so responsible, analytical, or "adult" in how I act and behave.  It's probably something I have needed to do for a long time.  And it's taken an 18 month old kid to teach me about innocence, fun, what it means to be a kid, and forgetting all the other things that may preoccupy our adult minds.

Spending time with you has also given me something else I have been searching for - a purpose.  For years, I have been looking for that career or job that just felt like it fit me.  I have pursued my passions and interests and let those drive me and be the things I look forward to.  While those things still matter, they are no longer my purpose or identity.  I don't care about a career or a job.  It's just what I go to every day.  My purpose is to be a dad, love you (and your brother), and strive to achieve one goal - to raise you to be a better person than me.  I know in the process that means being changed and stretched.  I want you to be more loving, caring, compassionate, and people-oriented than I am.  And you are already on your way to all of those things.

There are things I don't look forward to - the loss of innocence, school and homework, and the ups and downs that come with just growing up.  While I wasn't planning on being a dad, it's changed me.  Landon, you have taught me to have fun, enjoy innocence, and focus on what's really important.  You've opened my heart to emotions, feelings, and a sensitivity that were buried deep inside.  You have touched me in a way no other human being has done.  All because of who you are and the privilege I have of being your dad.

Thanks Landon.  In just a short amount of time, I am already a better person.  And I am thankful for all you have taught me.  Words can't express how much I love or how grateful I am to be your dad.  However, I hope that this was enough to understand what you mean to me and what a blessing you have been to my life.

Love,

Daddy