alfred lives here

Alfie's Oscar Picks...

2012-02-23T09:09:00.002-07:00

This weekend is the biggest night of the year in movies, the gay superbowl... the Academy Awards!

And while Alfie doesn't really see movies, unless you count the ones playing on our TV while he sleep-farts on the sofa, I do see a few, should see more, and have opinions on them all.

As always there is some wonky stuff with the nominations this year, like nine best picture nominees (not five, not ten, but nine...), and only two best song nominees, but overall looks like a pretty solid list. Here's my pics for the top six categories. And oh ignore the Moneyball poster, that is totally random....

Best Picture:
The Artist: No I haven't seen it it, but it seems to have the momentum. I loved The Help, The Descendants and Midnight in Paris, and was inspired by Moneyball, so those are contenders in my book, however The Artist seems likely to win. Man, I gotta see that movie!

Best Actress:
I didn't see The Iron Lady, but judging by the commercials Meryl Streep is amazing. Still I vote for Viola Davis of The Help, it was a terrific performance. I forgot she was acting.

Best Actor:
Much as I loved Brad Pitt in Moneyball, we recently saw The Descendants and George Clooney gives an amazing performance, mixing tragedy and comedy and making us feel his pain and his passion. Clooney for the win.

Best Supporting Actor:
Christopher Plummer, Beginners: While the movie was not as great as I expected, Plummer's performance as a man coming out of the closet at age 75 as he faces widowhood and cancer, was real and heartfelt and funny and totally believable.

Best Supporting Actress:
Octavia Spencer seems to be a lock for The Help, in what was a showstopping performance. But don't forget Jessica Chastain for the same flick, who brought a wacky character to life in a caring and empathetic way.

Best Director:

Alexander Payne for The Descendants... because he should have gotten it for Sideways.

What are your picks for best film and performances of the year? Let me know in the comments below, I have some movies to see...

You can go to www.oscar.com for a full list of nominees, and lots of technical and legal junk as well...

Here come the gay greeting cards...

2012-02-21T13:01:00.001-07:00

When we married almost two years ago, we received some warm cards and some elegant cards and some funny cards. I think only one or two of them were specifically geared towards same-sex weddings, likely because there are relatively few such cards out there, at least few I have seen. (Hey Hallmark people, there's a market for you...!)

Then I saw this card online last week. It is from Whole Foods, the healthy food store. Who knew they sold cards? Are the cards vegan? But I digress...

I saw this card. I chuckled. And then I was embarrassed that I laughed. Yes it's funny... and kind of racist?

Would Mitt Romney be offended? He is the only Mormon I can think of right now, besides the Osmonds, and Marie Osmond has a married lesbian daughter she is cool with. So I guess I would care more if she were offended, rather than Romney-Bot. What would Marie Osmond do?

And how would someone feel about receiving this card? On our big day would I want a card that brought up the controversy and bigotry about same-sex marriage? Or just a simple well wishing card, maybe with some sparkles and a mini pink boa?

On second thought, it is funny....

Jimmy Fallon & My Freebie Five...

2012-02-19T09:09:00.001-07:00

And now to class this joint up... here goes my third annual "freebie five" post! Every year around Valentine's Day I step outside that cuddly romantic tradition and list the five guys who I would (theoretically!) sleep with despite my marital vows... take that, Saint Valentine!

Unlike George Michael or Newt Gingrich, I am not a big fan of cheating or open relationships. That being said, we all have a pulse and an imagination, and it is fun to speculate. So we talk about the "freebie five", which is a list of five celebrities so attractive that your significant other must let you sleep with them, consequence-free, should that unbelievable opportunity ever arise. The idea was popularized in an episode of "Friends" when each character listed their five, Ross named Isabella Rossellini, and then literally bumped into her... and fumbled it.

Awesome as she is, Isabella Rosselini is not on my list. Who is? Who would be on your list?

Here's my new list, in no particular order, and with a very clearly stated preference for my husband (who typically adds his list in the comments, look for Ricky Martin)...

1- Jimmy Fallon: Because smart and funny are sexy. So is smirky. And a guy-next-door with killer smile...

2- Shemar Moore - over the last year we have become hooked on the disturbing Criminal Minds, despite its creepy violence and total lack of male nudity. Moore is handsome and super fit. And he can act... I think... who's paying attention to that?

3- Chris Evans: The hunky boy-next-door, Gucci model and star of What's Your Number and Captain America can act and has a penchant for dropping his shirt in movies. And speaks proudly of his gay brother and advocates marriage equality. That's killer attractive...

4- Nick Youngquest: Handsome Australian professional rugby league footballer and sometime model. Need I say more?

5- Jesse Williams: the Grey's Anatomy actor likes to play doctor (yep, I went for that cheesy easy pun)...

6- Brad Pitt: actor, producer, activist, dad to 345 kids, and maybe a Moneyball Oscar winner next week...

And yes for those of you keeping track, that is six not five.... my blog, my rules!

So who is your Freebie Five... or six... or...?

Dear Grammy Producers...

2012-02-14T22:02:00.001-07:00

Dear Grammy Producers,

Congratulations on Sunday's show. I understand it was your biggest ratings success in 20 years, and in the TV biz that is golden... woo hoo!

I enjoy award shows, even crappy ones, and this was a good one overall. Plus doing the live tweeting thing during the show was fun to read and to write, and brought a sense of community to the whole thing for me. Very fun.

You were thrown a curve ball by the unexpected tragic death of Whitney Houston, and I thought you handled it elegantly, from the prayer by host LL Cool J (and this coming from a guy who doesn't pray), and then to the remarkable emotional tribute performance by Jennifer Hudson.

I love Adele, love her album, loved her performance, love that she won six -- count 'em, SIX -- Grammys. Good call. Bruno Mars was joyous. I also liked Paul McCartney's performance even though he looked like an over-the-hill waiter, and the Springsteen open was awesome.

As for the Nicki Minaj Madonna-wannabe performance, well it was a car crash, but we have one of those each year, so why the hell not.

But.. and this is a big BUT... what the fuck is up with Chris Brown? Forgetting the fact that I think he is talentless homophobic hack, you gave him two performances! So you made the conscious decision that he gets more air time than Whitney or Adele. Huh?

Oh, and you gave him a Grammy for best R&B album. This for the same Chris Brown who three years ago, on Grammy night no less, beat the living shit out of his girlfriend, sending her to hospital. Then made all kinds of excuses about it, portraying himself as a victim. Google the pics, they are disturbing beyond description.

I am all for giving people second chances, but maybe he should do the contrition before we do the forgive and forget? You just anointed him a prince of the music business. And if you think he is gonna be classy about it, think again. Twitter was all over this one, during the awards and since, for and against Chris Brown, and then this is what Mr Congeniality tweeted:

The guy is a douchebag. And now, a Grammy-winning douchebag...

Valentine's is such a drag....

2012-02-13T14:02:00.001-07:00

We don't make a big deal out of Valentine's Day around here.... we are together, we work hard, we have a good life, we are both trying to eat less sugar and other crap, and we are spending money on lots of other things (hello new laptop, hello new coffee machine, hello new-ish house!)....

I know it is a big day for florists, but it is winter here and those suckers are gonna last two days max. As Madeline Kahn said in Blazing Saddles, "Ooh. A wed wose. How womantic."

Then I found this Valentine's video.... LOVE IT!

A Valentine's For Homophobes from FCKH8.com on Vimeo.

Happy Valentine's Day!

A Total Stranger I Now Love...

2012-02-11T10:56:00.004-07:00

I first heard of this guy yesterday, when I was listening to Howard Stern's discussion of Ellen DeGeneres and the JCPenney "One Million Morons" controversy.

So I googled the speech Stern was talking about, and here it is. Cory Booker is the mayor of Newark, New Jersey, and his talk about marriage equality is brilliant in its truth and simplicity. Check it out...

Downton Dynasty Abbey...

2012-02-09T19:33:00.000-07:00

With all the international buzz ---- well at least from critics, awards shows, and our artsy gay friends --- we were curious about the acclaimed British series Downton Abbey.

Having missed this BBC miniseries when it was broadcast last year, and feeling left behind as everyone watches the second season, this weekend we got the seven episodes of season one on DVD from the library.

So we sat down to watch the first episode on Friday night... and we got caught up in the upscale British soap opera. We watched three episodes that evening, and then four more on Saturday. Yes, for those of you doing the math, we watched the whole damn thing in 24 hours. Is that an addiction?

Downton is a new Upstairs Downstairs, a prewar Britsh Dynasty about the wealthy Crawley family and their phalanx of servants' comings and goings, romances and backstabbing. Smart upscale witty soap. Luuuuv it!

Even with its sudsy soapiness, no one would consider Downton Abbey a guilty pleasure — it's an Emmy award winning "BBC Masterpiece," for heaven's sake, the television equivalent of a Masters Degree in English lit! That being said, the Crawleys are the Carringtons of their generation. Sure they are all Dukes and Earls, or cooks and valets, but they are doing the typical things of a drama series --- falling in and out of love, squabbling over money, having illicit affairs, breaking away from their parents expectations, becoming politically aware, wearing corsets and finding a dead foreigner in a virgin's bed...

Lord Crawley sees his family heritage, especially the grand country home Downton Abbey, as his mission in life. The death of his heir aboard the Titanic means distant cousin Matthew Crawley, a middle class Manchester lawyer, suddenly is next in line and accepts moving onto the vast estate with his even more modernist, socially engaged mother, who clashes with his lordship's domineering, conservative mother. Crawley struggles with this while trying to marry off his adult daughters. Meanwhile the butler presides over a staff which serves the family but also lead most of their entire lives in the servants quarters, intriguing amongst themselves.

Is Downton Abbey realistic? I am guessing no, as the servants are like members of the family, the language sometimes seems more modern and informal than the times would call for, everything and everyone seems freshly scrubbed, and the only two characters who smoke are the villains. Do I care that it's not realistic? Not a whiff. I am totally entertained.

With the honourable father, the fun-loving mother, the trouble-making daughter, and the array of servants with secrets, my favourite character is the family matriarch the Dowager Countess of Grantham, played with acerbic wit by Maggie Smith. The delightfully snobby Lady Grantham uses her imperious stare to great effect, especially when discussing electricity and/or Americans — but really, she just gets the best lines:

Lady Grantham: "You are quite wonderful the way you see room for improvement wherever you look. I never knew such reforming zeal."
Mrs. Crawley: "I take that as a compliment."
Lady Grantham: "I must've said it wrong."

Downton Abbey is totally addictive smart sudsy entertainment... are you watching? If not, what the hell are you waiting for? I have put a 'hold' on season 2 at the library; we are number 187 in the queue, so I am thinking any day now...

California!

2012-02-08T06:28:00.001-07:00

A big step forward for marriage equality yesterday, when California's Court of Appeals voted that the state's Proposition 8, which outlawed gay marriage in the state after five months of California having marriage equality, was unconstitutional because it took rights away from a specific group.

So gay marriage will be coming back in California, or it will head to the Supreme Court. Either way this is a big step forward towards equality.

Due to the narrow and specific wording of the court, any Supreme Court decision will impact California only, although with that state having 9% of the country's population, and New York already having marriage equality, the tide is definitely turning... take that, Mitt Romney!

Introducing C N N's resident homophobe...

2012-02-06T20:35:00.004-07:00

I used to watch a lot of news networks CNN and HLN, and have admittedly been doing less so recently, since they fired smart Joy Behar and daffy Larry King. After this weekend, I plan to turn the CNN networks off entirely.

I won't watch because of CNN contributor Roland Martin, who I have seen on the network before with his boisterous bullying ways and really bad dancing (it's probably on YouTube).

This weekend Martin's true homophobia came shining through. For the second time.

The first time was last year when Tracy Morgan's comedy routine included the proclamation that if his son came out as gay he would stab him. An uproar ensued, Martin loudly defended him and abruptly dismissed those who were offended, then Morgan apologized, and Martin looked like a jerk. Now after this second incident, GLAAD is calling on CNN to dump Martin, who apparently boasts on his website that his wife “has counseled many men and women to walk away from the gay lifestyle.”

This weekend, the CNN pundit send out homophobic tweets during the Superbowl. Yes, on twitter, where even the smallest asinine thing will come back to haunt you. He wasn't even smart enough to do it in private. So a homophobe AND a moron!

After H&M’s sexy underwear commercial, Martin tweeted: “If a dude at your Super Bowl party is hyped about David Beckham’s H&M underwear ad, smack the ish out of him! #superbowl”

In response, GLAAD tweeted: “@rolandsmartin Advocates of gay bashing have no place at @CNN #SuperBowl #LGBT“

Then Martin decided to fit more of his foot in his mouth. He replied: @glaad @CNN well you’re clearly out of touch and clueless with what I tweeted. Way to assume, but you’re way off base”

Mr Sensitive's comments weren’t contained to twitter; the next morning he posted to his Facebook fan page: “Who the hell was that New England Patriot they just showed in a head to toe pink suit? Oh, he needs a visit from #teamwhipdatass”

Martin now says his tweets were regarding soccer fans, not gay men. On his Facebook status, he wrote: I made several cracks about soccer as I do all the time. I was not referring to sexuality directly or indirectly regarding the David Beckham ad, and I’m sorry folks took it otherwise...

Mr. Martin, I don’t know a damn thing about professional sports, but I do know this: Nobody pays attention to soccer in America. That story doesn't fly.

On its website, GLAAD concludes: Martin’s tweets today advocating violence against gay people weren’t an accident — they are a part of a larger pattern for Martin. Anti-gay violence in America is a serious problem facing millions of Americans. It’s no joke. CNN should fire Roland Martin.

GLAAD asks supporters to sign a petition. I did. Find it at http://www.glaad.org/.

I am counting three strikes here, CNN... the homophobe has to go. But he will fit right in at Fox News...

Update: as of Feb 8th, 3 days after the Superbowl, CNN has suspended Roland Martin. Stay tuned to see what happens next...

That's Me... Behind The Crazy Lesbian Mom!

2012-02-05T11:11:00.001-07:00

This week the winners of the 2011 Canadian Weblog Awards were announced... and hey, Alfie may be the world's cutest canine but the blog named in his furry honour did not take home the first-place ribbon...

On the upside, alfred lives here did get second place for best LGBTQ* blog in Canada... so woo hoo, there are a lot of gay gay gay blogs out there, and this is pretty damn exciting!
*(LGBTQ = lesbian/gay/bisexual/transexual/queer)

What is this award? From the awards website: The Canadian Weblog Awards promote good weblogs of all genres from across Canada... The Canadian Weblog Awards are about quality not popularity, so there is no public vote. Each weblog is judged by a volunteer jury against a set of criteria.

alfred lives here came in second behind crazy lesbian mom. Yes really, that's what the first place blog is named, and it is new to me and touching and personal, with an awesome tagline: "I'm a lesbian, I'm crazy, and I want to be a mom". Find her at www.crazylesbianmom.blogspot.com.

When the shortlist was announced on twitter a couple of weeks ago, I was thrilled to be included, and started using my not-gonna-happen longshot chance of victory to potentially rationalize the purchase of a shiny new laptop. Cuz mine is old and slow crashes and freezes and wheezes and moves like it is powered by an arthritic hamster. And yes I may have been spotted lurking around my local apple store lately. Total coincidence...

In this category, third place went to 2 Moms To Be. And not that I am keeping score about first or second or third, because that would be soooo not classy, but let's all remember that Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan was the best Trek of them all!

For more about the awards, or to discover great Canadian blogs, look here:
http://www.ninjamatics.com/canadian-weblog-awards.

And here for no apparent reason is a picture of Mr Cuteness himself... YAY Alfie!

Hanna (with no sisters)...

2012-02-03T11:11:00.000-07:00

Sometimes films come and go so quickly that if you miss opening weekend, you have missed your chance. Except of course those damn Twilight movies which linger forever.

One of those blink-and-you'll miss it films is last year's Hanna, which we just saw on demand, and it is fast, suspenseful, and more involving than I expected.

Young Hanna (Saoirse Ronan) is living with her father Erik (my secret movie boyfriend Eric Bana) in the snowy woods. She has spent her life learning to hunt, fight, and speak several languages. At this point, she determines that she is "ready," and so Erik unearths a metal box with a switch inside. When Hanna flicks the switch, CIA agent Marissa Weigler (a super wicked Cate Blanchett) will know where they are. And the game will begin.

Without giving away too much of the plot... Weigler and Erik have a dark history (I can't tell you more), Hanna is on a mission to kill Weigler (I can't tell you why), there is a capture (not gonna tell you who), a fake death (ditto), more chases, and assorted brutal killers are chasing each other, all while the shawdowy tale behind the big chase is slowly revealed.

There are some quiet moments that anchor this smart action flick, such as when a mesmerized Hanna asks"What does music feel like?" and when she makes her first friend. Most of all, fantastic acting and crisply choreographed action sequences propel this unique, cool take on the revenge thriller.

While the plot doesn't seem like much, there's really quite a bit here. Putting aside the entirely questionable parenting choice of teaching Hanna to kill, the father/daughter relationship is believable and touching. The movie's clashing personalities create a lot of friction, and the traveling family Hanna meets argues about raising children as it reflects on Hanna, who is highly trained in combat and weapons, and totally naive about things like music, clothes, food, and even electricity. Lots of contrasts going on here.

I think the heart of this movie says something about our attempt and failure as humans to truly connect with each other. But mostly it's a fast chase movie that goes with any flavor of popcorn. See it.

Cynthia Nixon... Born This Way?

2012-02-01T09:09:00.000-07:00

I heart Cynthia Nixon --- the Emmy and Tony winning actress, best known for playing the brainy Miranda in Sex and the City, has given great performances and been an articulate liberal activist, using her name for causes like arts education and breast cancer awareness, rather than say selling hair colour and Venus razors (yes I am talking to you Jennifer Lopez).

After a 15-yr heterosexual relationship, Nixon has been in a relationship with a woman since 2004.

Last week Nixon raised eyebrows with her comments in The New York Times Magazine when she told the writer that homosexuality for her “is a choice.” She refused to call herself a bisexual, though I gotta say that from over here she looks like "Exhibit A" of bisexuality.

“For many people it’s not (a choice),” she conceded, saying others “don’t get to define my gayness for me... Why can't it be a choice? Why is that any less legitimate?"

The predictable uproar in the gay press ensued. People said she had just handed a hammer to our opponents, who will now argue that what we need are incentives for people to change from being gay, not equal rights.

I was surprised and offended by her comments, because (1) I don't think it's a choice as I don't remember choosing to be gay --- or choosing to be male or white or devastatingly handsome, for that matter; and (2) comments like this play into the hands of haters like Michelle Bachmann and her non-gay husband, because if gay is a choice they will say that we can all choose to be straight.

As I read articles and blogs about Nixon's comments, I came to agree that while her critics have good reason to worry about how her words will be used, we have no right to demand silence or conformity from Nixon. She’s entitled to her own truth. But she also should be smarter and know that words have power, and that as one of the few "out" famous gay people, her words may have a lot of power. She should be more careful and be sure she means what she says to a reporter.

Since the publicity shit hit the fan this week, Nixon has come out with another statement, saying that though she doesn't like the word, she is a bisexual, and that being bisexual or gay is not a choice. She is bisexual and has chosen to be in a gay relationship. Back pedalling? Or just clarification? Hmmm...

Nixon has worked hard for the gay community, and she is entitled to say what she wants, and to revisit her controversial comments. No one gets to "define our gayness,” as Nixon said.

If gay was a choice, would discrimination be ok? As New York Times columnist Frank Bruni said this week, think of religion -- religion is a choice, and we don't tolerate discrimination. So bottom line is it shouldn't matter if is a choice or not. But then again, bigotry isn't rational.

I think if Nixon meant her original comments she should have stood by them, as she is entitled to do. If she didn't, then her comments were naive or absurd or just stupid, and if nothing else prove that she is better when has a script in hands and is not just winging it.

I did like her closing words though... “Our community is not a monolith, thank goodness, any more than America itself is. I look forward to and will continue to work toward the day when America recognizes all of us as full and equal citizens.”

Now let's go back to the level of conversation we should be having about celebrities... holy crap, Cynthia Nixon shaved her head for a new play!

A Touching Story For The New Depression...

2012-01-30T14:12:00.000-07:00

"You know, dear, that you are my favorite person with a penis in the entire world. You are funny, sporadically caring, and smart. Perhaps too smart. That you are wrong, even occasionally, isn't the end of the world..."

- a semi-scolding given to Gabe Travers in Songs For The New Depression

Sometimes a book really works because it takes you to a whole different world. Other times a book really works because it feels like you are in your own familiar world, with a new perspective that makes you think and feel. For me, Songs For The New Depression by Kergan Edwards-Stout was that kind of involving, emotional read.

Songs is an AIDS novel and much more than that; with its reverse timeline and Bette Midler references (the title comes from one of her early albums), this is a really creative book. It's the story of Gabe Travers, a hyper-articulate, self-centred gay man in his 40s facing death and looking back... to a difficult childhood, lost loves, wounded friendships, racist pancakes and assorted sexual misadventures.

I've heard that just before you die, your life flashes before your eyes. There is an element of that here, as Gabe is looking back at his life with wistfulness and wit. This is an emotional and at times outright funny book. And it's an intimate one, and I don't mean that in a woo-hoo boys having sex kind of way, though it certainly has that. It is intimate in terms of being real and personal for someone of my age and generation, coming of age in the 80s (hello, Human League!), thinking about our loves and insecurities and loneliness and friendship and complicated families.

Gabe is a flawed person, and the writer's skill shows in making us care so much about someone who is not warm and fuzzy. Gabe is catty and cruel, makes mistakes, and is insecure and human and real.

While there are sections of Songs that are breezy fun, the book is tough to read at times, because I cared about the characters and they go through difficult stuff. But I couldn't put it down.

Songs For The New Depression touched me and stayed with me. It's a competitive publishing world out there, and this is a first novel put out by a small press. I hope it finds a big audience.

(A review copy of this book was provided by the publisher. This review is my own. No compensation was received... Oreos would have been nice).

Brad Pitt's Gay Marriage Pledge....

2012-01-28T12:32:00.002-07:00

I gotta love Brad Pitt... in addition to being an Oscar-nominated actor (Moneyball, Benjamin Button) and big time film producer (The Departed, Eat Pray Love), he is an activist and humanitarian, and has adopted 974 children with his spousal equivalent Angelina Jolie. And he's not too hard on the eyes either.

Pitt has been outspoken in his support of the GLBTQ community, most especially in giving his money and support for marriage equality:

"Can you believe that we’re still fighting for equality in America? To be against marriage for everyone is utter discrimination. I feel strongly about that because if equality of marriage doesn’t happen now, the next generation will have to deal with it.

It is an amazing thing that New York has finally gotten same-sex marriage. But the real problem is that the federal government hides behind states on this issue. It is blatant, ugly bigotry, and the federal government shouldn’t be doing that. You’re denying some Americans the right that all Americans have, to live their lives as they choose."

In 2006, Pitt pledged that he and partner Angeline Jolie would not marry until everyone could marry.

This week, the media reported that Pitt is reconsidering that pledge. His love for the mother of his children might be stronger than his patience as he hints to The Hollywood Reporter that we might hear wedding bells ring for Pitt and Jolie before we hear them ring for same-sex couples:

"We’d actually like to, and it seems to mean more and more to our kids. We made this declaration some time ago that we weren’t going to do it till everyone can. But I don’t think we’ll be able to hold out. It means so much to my kids, and they ask a lot. And it means something to me, too, to make that kind of commitment.”

I don’t think he should hold out if marriage is what Pitt and his family want. He’s able to, and they’re making an issue of their support for equality, which is enough. It’s not like we’re asking same-sex couples living in areas where they can get married to hold off until everyone else can. Hell, it's not like I held out.

The whole intent is everyone should be entitled to get married. Brad Pitt has done enough by recognising the inequality and supporting the fight against it, there’s no need to add another family unnecessarily into the fray.

So Brad and Angelina, go ahead and get hitched... just make the wedding FABULOUS, and then sell the wedding pics to People for five million bucks and give the proceeds to an equality campaign.

I'll be looking for my invitation in the mail...

The TV Doctor Will See You Now...

2012-01-26T08:08:00.003-07:00

Call Me Doctor with Rachel Bilson from Rachel Bilson

A real doctor would't dress like me, act like me, look like me...?

On the teen friendly CW network, there's a little show called Hart of Dixie, which I have never seen. It starts Rachel Bilson from The O.C., which I have never seen. Holy crap, I gotta watch more TV....

So Hart of Dixie, which I have posted video from before due to their insanely attractive cast, is about a glam New York Doctor who moves south to a small town and goes into culture shock. I think like a female Doc Hollywood kind of deal.

Showing humour and charm to spare (I so gotta try this show), Dixie star Rachel Bilson got in on the Funny or Die video fun, shooting a rap video “Call Me Doctor” with her Dixie co-stars Scott Porter and Wilson Bethel, who wrote and produced the track. And are easy on the eyes. (For the unfamiliar, funnyordie.com is where celebs cut loose with silly short films, with sometimes hysterical results).

Bilson goes full attitude in the clip with rhymes like “critics talking shit about my acting/ nice chick shtick ain’t happenin’” and an intro that directly confronts some of the criticism against the show: “A real doctor wouldn’t dress like me? Act like me? Look like me?…Aw, hell no!”

My favorite part may be when she takes on the “haters” who have mentioned that Bilson as a believable doctor may be a bit of a stretch. She has two words for you: “Doogie Howser.”

Clever stuff... Bring on the Hart of Dixie musical episode!

Don't talk to anyone. Don't touch anyone...

2012-01-24T09:09:00.001-07:00

Don't reach out, don't touch anyone... I watched Contagion this weekend and lived to tell the tale.

Contagion follows the lightning fast progress of a lethal airborne virus that travels the globe and kills one by one and then million by million. As the fast-moving epidemic grows, the worldwide medical community races to find a cure and control the panic that spreads faster than the virus itself. At the same time, ordinary people played by Oscar-winning celebrities struggle to survive in a society ripping itself apart.

The movie is realistic and scary. According to Contagion, the average person touches their face two to three thousand times a day... and in between that we are touching door knobs, public toilets, car doors, and each other. So yep the next person to get lesions and die within hours could be anyone of us.

Kate Winslet is an Epidemic Intelligence Service Officer, whatever the hell that is, and does a graph of how many people each person will infect -- with small pox it was 3 each, with the flu is 1 person we pass on to; this is the "R-Knot", the contagion factor, and this new mysterious disease is spreading at a rate of 4. She is chasing down infected people to find the routing of the disease, while other celebs are out there following the infection clusters, testing for a vaccine, breaking the story, initiating a cover-up and controlling the spin.

Director Steven Soderbergh (Traffic, Erin Brockovich) fills the flick with stars, and at times the whole Love Boat Of Death factor is distracting; as there is a suspenseful plot but not much in terms of deep characters, I never forgot I was watching Matt Damon, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kate Winslet, Jude Law, Marion Cotillard, and Lawrence Fishburne. Damon is great as the everyman hero, though there is not much for him to do aside from mourn and worry; the rest of the characters are not so not so easily to relate to, and part of that is the distraction of wondering who is going to foam at the mouth and keel over next.

Contagion works because it shows the terror in everyday life, from pushing an elevator button to touching a shopping cart. It is terrifying and alarming.

Get me a surgical mask, latex gloves, full body Purell. Maybe a very large bubble. Don't touch me.

I'm not a hypochondriac, but this film will make you disinfect everything in site. And avoid public places. And human contact.

While it feels almost impersonal in some ways, Contagion is fantastic at depicting the fear and panic as it spreads. That is as scary as the disease.

While Contagion is not a fun movie, it is suspenseful and thought-provoking, and I am glad I watched it. I am especially happy I saw it at home rather than in a theatre, sitting on those chairs that other people sat on, walking on those sticky floors, touching those armrests... oy, I gotta bring a large amount antibacterial something next time I got a movie theatre...

Alfie for President 2012!

2012-01-22T08:08:00.000-07:00

Even here in Canada, the upcoming US election is everywhere; if it weren't for Keystone controversy and Mark Wahlberg idiocy, we would have the election on an endless frigging loop of coverage.

As a Canadian I don't get to vote in this election, as I have to choose among our own political morons not yours. I would clearly be a democrat. Maybe less enthusiastically than four years ago, but still steadfast.

Sure, in some ways Obama has been a disappointment, though in his defence he has had every hurdle possible tossed at him, and done lots of good stuff. Here's a good idea I have seen out there.. how about Hillary as Veep?

The ever-shortening list GOP candidates now consists of elitist dog abuser Mitt Romney, weirdly amphibian-named adulterer New Gingrich, out-of-touch Ron Paul, and medieval homophobe Santorum (you gotta google him).

So here's a better alternative... Alfred for President!

He is cute (okay not a prerequisite for Prez, look at Nixon)... he likes everyone... he has a tax-free financial plan (his Dad supports him)... and everyone likes him. Alfred the candidate is in favour of universal healthcare, true education reform, marriage equality, better relations with Cuba (land of his ancestors) and stronger pooper scooper laws. And he's smarter than Rick Perry.

Okay, there are technical problems that disqualify him, like at age four he isn't old enough and he was born in Canada, however he'd still be a better independent choice than Donald Trump...

Brrr... Canada's Long John Index...

2012-01-19T07:07:00.003-07:00

We live in Edmonton, in northern Canada. It's effing cold here... "Winter Wonderland" my ass.

As I write this, it is 11 at night, I am watching TV, knowing I have to take the dogs out for a quick pee, and dreading it. It is MINUS 48 fucking degrees out there. Celsius. We are beyond extreme cold warnings, people. When it is this cold a digit could just fall off. An important one!

I wore ski socks and boots with my suit today. Standing outside to fill up my car was brutal. The autoclub is quoting nine hours for a flat tire service call. Everyone's nipples are painful and pointed like a Madonna bra. School buses are cancelled. Not the time to go commando.

Beyond dressing warm, at some point it should be long john weather. Although I am known to wear multiple pairs of fluffy ski socks and non-sexy layered sweats, I haven't worn these in years, though it may be time again. Here they are looking somewhat sexy, which trust me is not the real world...

Long johns, or long underwear, are warm thermal long-sleeved undergarments. When I was a kid I word these skiing. And nylon suspender over-pants. Attractive, huh? Who cares. warm is warm.

This week on twitter, the world's source of all real news, I discovered The Long John Index, a 'not-scientific-whatsoever' method of measuring when, and if, one should be wearing a pair of thermal long underwear, known more commonly in the Dominion of Canada as 'Long Johns”. The Long John Index originated in the Arctic Capital of Edmonton Alberta, in the second decade of the 21rst Century. It is used mainly for edutainment and gambling purposes.

The Index runs on a scale from 1 to 5; the higher the number, the more you need long john's. And I gotta tell you, these guys seem wimpy to me. With us nearing minus 50 it is hypothermia cars-don't-start weather, so yes we need long john's. Or to just stay home by the fireplace drinking hot chocolate and wearing every damn piece of clothing we own. But warmer than minus 30? Naaah...

Index rating 1: Low/Wimpy, temperatures between 0 and –10 celsius, no windchill. Long Johns not needed.

Index rating 2: Moderate, temperature between 0 and –10, with measurable windchill. Long Johns probably a good idea if you are spending more than an hour or so outdoors.

Index rating 3: High, temperature between -10 and –20. Long Johns should be worn for being outdoors for anything more than half-an-hour.

Index rating 4: Crazy High, Temperature between –20 and –30. Long Johns should be worn if you are outdoors for more than 10 minutes. It’s bleeping cold.

Index rating 5: Effin Nuts, Temperatures of –30 and worse. Windchill no longer matters. Long Johns should be worn INDOORS. Don’t even bother going outdoors. You may die out there.

Today was a SIX. Off the damn scale. Effin nuts.. Crap oh crap. I need full-body long johns. Including a mask, so I look like I am robbing a bank. Then I will rob a bank, take the cash and move somewhere that is way warmer than this arctic wasteland... okay, breathe, better now, it's just a cold spell during a Canadian winter.... we get those.

And now to warm everyone, another gratuitous pic... here is proof there are fashion crimes even in the world of long johns... really, a jaguar print? Who thought of this? And, uh, where do they sell them and how warm are they? Hmm....

Find the index at http://longjohnindex.ca

It's an honour just to be nominated...

2012-01-17T06:44:00.000-07:00

My friend Lisa, who I met when we both worked in a bookstore and has since pursued a secondary life as an artist, says that we all need "a secret life" or a passion outside of our career.

I believe that when you do a creative endeavor, like sculpting, painting, or writing, you really have to do it for yourself first. And as much as I love when people read this blog, and am a total comment whore, I really do it for myself first.

Still, self-winding as I am, we all love a little love, and this week I got a whack of that, when alfred lives here was one of five blogs shortlisted as best LGBTQ (lesbian gay bisexual trans queer) weblog in Canada.

I grinned for hours after seeing this. I saw it on twitter, cuz that's where all the fresh news is. So huge thanks to the CWAs for this vote of confidence. And thanks too for the ginormous spinach feta pizza... wait, that wasn't you?

What is this award? From the awards website: The Canadian Weblog Awards promote good weblogs of all genres from across Canada... The Canadian Weblog Awards are about quality not popularity, so there is no public vote. Each weblog is judged by a volunteer jury against a set of criteria.

Am I gonna win? I am guessing not. I am not that lucky. It would be so totally cool though. Cuz they send you a shiny new car when you win! Uh, wait, that's not right...?

A Capella Moves Like Jagger...

2012-01-15T11:33:00.000-07:00

Ignoring all hits by anyone named Katy or Britney, "the" pop song of last summer was likely Moves Like Jagger, by Maroon 5 with a cameo by Christina Aguilera.

I like this song a lot, and downloaded it to my running iPod. Liking it surprised me because it's from Maroon 5 and Christina Aguilera.

What do I think of Maroon 5? I cannot name of a single one of their songs, though gotta admit lead singer Adam Levine is hot and his outspoken support for gay rights is admirable.

As for Christina Aguilera, she has an amazing voice but hasn't put out decent music since her jazzy Back to Basics album in 2006, and she has the worst fashion sense this side of Kelly Clarkson.

Yet I do love the song... at least I did until I came across this amazingly better version. It's an a capella cover by Jordan Campbell, a student at Toronto's Ryerson University. Mr Show-Off sings, hums, 'drums' and whistles through the song. Yep, the rest of us are talent-less losers.

According to Campbell's YouTube description, the song contained 50 different audio tracks and 76 video sequences. And I love the Brady Bunch esque visuals...

Saved by the... Underwear?

2012-01-13T06:22:00.000-07:00

I am a little older than the Saved By The Bell generation, but I remember being vaguely aware of the show when it was on, and since the 90s it has been on endlessly in syndication. Endlessly. And let's not mention their College Years series disaster. Fave factoid ---- I do sorta love that what's-her-name from Showgirls started there.

I remember becoming aware of Mario Lopez when he played Greg Louganis in the 90s, a pretty bold choice for him at the time. Okay, and from an 80s guest spot as a kid on The Golden Girls. That I have seen like thirty times.

Then Lopez disappeared off the face of the earth for about 15 years. Or at least off my radar. According to Google he has been acting on TV, writing fitness books, dancing on TV and Broadway, and doing some TV hosting all this time... who knew?

So it was very cool to see Lopez this week on gay mag The Advocate's website, coincidentally stripped down in his skivvies, talking about growing up, appreciating his gay fans, and yes selling his new line of underwear...

At what point in your career did you realize it wasn’t just girls who were swooning over you?
I probably realized it in my 20s. Maybe my late teens.

And in your experience, how are gay fans different from straight fans?
Gay fans are very loyal. And very cool. I’m honored to be embraced by the gay community. They’re the smartest and the hippest. They determine what’s hot out there.

Well said... and Lopez is nearing 40, and holy crap look at those abs!

The tagline for the underwear line is For Men And Their Very Special Guests. That's kind of clever actually...

Then again, I heart Diane Keaton...

2012-01-08T08:08:00.001-07:00

I have been listening to Diane Keaton read her autobiography Then Again on CD as I drive, and I gotta say, that even with my pretty high expectations, she blew me away.

Much as I love the typical Loni Anderson-esque superficial Hollywood bio, this isn't one of them.

For the curious like me, yes, Ms. Keaton dishes on her relationships, with Al Pacino ("Sometimes I swear Al must have been raised by wolves"), Warren Beatty ("when Warren chose to shine his light on you, there was no going back."), and especially Woody Allen (“He would cringe if he knew how much I care about him”).

Then Again is so much more than a Hollywood tale. Structurally, Keaton shares her biography with the journals of her late mother, a 1950s housewife with unfulfilled artistic ambitions and bouts of depression. Like all biographies, she talks about growing up and learning about life, the difference here is that she has actually learned stuff, and tells the story with charm and humour. And having her read the audio, clearly enjoy it, and get emotional at the sad parts, is breathtaking.

Famous since her Oscar-winning role as Annie Hall, Keaton has since moved into artsy projects such as books about architecture and photography, and directing a documentary on heaven. She is living the “age thing” (she’s 65) that female stars face, with minimum humiliation. She writes honestly about fame, bulimia, family, love, loneliness, fear of intimacy, sexism, and self-esteem. And she’s self-sufficient, saying in Then Again, “I never found a home in the arms of a man.”

The message of Annie Hall is: Love fades. Keaton gushes over Allen for making Annie Hall a funny movie with a sad ending. That same funny/sad tone is in this memoir, which is smart and quirky and rambling and awkward, along with charming and sweet and sad and soulful. And on audio it seemed almost too personal at times. Take the time to read it. Or listen to Keaton herself read it to you, as I did...

My Blackberry is not working...

2012-01-05T06:42:00.000-07:00

I am an iPhone/iPad/iPod type of guy, and my husband loves his beloved Crackberry. Opposites attract...

So laughing at Blackberry products (hello... Playbook, anyone?) is very enjoyable for me. And when a coworker showed me this video I could not stop laughing. Yes, out loud, at the office. I am classy with a "k"...

New Year's... Evolutions?

2012-01-02T11:11:00.001-07:00

I love lists. I love making them, and especially love checking things off and feeling that sense of accomplishment. I used to obsess over New Year's resolutions, with themes, timelines, sub-topics, etc. Then I realised was how geeky this was, and that I was spending too much time creating the damn lists and not enough time actually getting shit done.

With the best of intentions, this process was a way to focus on my failures of the past year, beat myself up for awhile, and then start the process all over again. So yep, action-packed but not really healthy.

I have read where people talk about New Year's resolutions as being a set-up to fail, so they come up with anti-resolutions ("eat more chocolate"), or theme words ("my year of integrity!"), or just condemn the whole process. Or they get cutesy and use New Year's Revolutions instead (too militaristic), or New Year's Evolutions (hey, I like that one, talks about steady growth).

Evolving and growing are important. Goal setting and having a plan is important. The truth is, we don't have to wait for New Year's to reinvent ourselves, we can do that anytime. I know it's true because (a) it's hugely obvious, and (2) Kim Kardashian tweeted about it this weekend. Yes, really.

According to Psychology Today, 50% of North Americans make New Year's Resolutions. 22% fail after one week, 50% fail in 6 months, 81% fail eventually. Crap oh crap.

The most popular resolutions are to quit smoking and to decrease alcohol consumption. I don't smoke or drink, so woo hoo, mission accomplished, I am done! Or maybe not...

I like goals, and I think I need them. So I did what every calm thinking rational person would do... I surrendered to the power of the Google, found a random resolution generator (www.moninavelarde.com/newyears/), and left it up to the fates. So here are my randomly chosen yet totally sincere 2012 New Year's Resolutions...
1- avoid drama
2- meditate
3- knit a scarf
4- plant a tree or two or three
5- learn to cope
6- make a paper collage
7- be a rock star
8- look up at the sky
9- learn to tie a tie (hey, I do that five days a week...)
10- get a piercing

In the spirit of New Year's honesty, I admit that the generator also threw in "Believe" (yep, do that) and "go camping" (not gonna, and you can't make me).

Ah, screw that brilliant randomness. Let's go with evolutions and work on the continual journey to be a better me. And yes I know how Oprah-esque that sounds. Crap oh crap.

So, drumroll please, here are the closest I am getting to New Year's Evolutions...
1- be a better husband and friend
2- avoid all Twilight movies
3- not use “password” as my password
4- do that yoga thing (hey, once was great, maybe the second will be also)
5- watch every episode of The Big Bang Theory on every channel in every time slot just in case I have missed an episode
6- avoid Larry the Cable Guy on TV... and in real life.
7- give back: figure out my next charity or community involvement
8- use that shiny new treadmill we bought at least four days a week and take off that extra 15 pounds the Oreo aliens snuck in at night and attached to my body....

Wish me luck... and what are your New Year's Resolutions (or Evolutions)?

Happy 2012...

2011-12-31T20:08:00.000-07:00

It's a shiny brand new year... thanks for reading alfred lives here, and Happy New Year!

"Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right." -- Oprah Winfrey

There is a much-ballyhooed 2012 phenomenon which predicts the end of the world in 2012... I think hey, this year alone we have survived Charlie Sheen's "Winning!", the Russell Brand and Katy Perry split, and Kardashian everything, so we should be good to go... Happy New Year, make it a great one!