Alien Super Duo

Mundai Pohms

2011-12-12T13:38:00.000-08:00

I have so so so many poems kicking around. These ones are vague enough to share, but still zesty enough to be rad.

The End of November 1

Sometimes these moral dilemmas are necessary.

Proving you're human is never more revealed

Then when your mind and heart turn on one another.

It touches upon existential questioning;

the idea of "what is right" becomes increasingly subjective.

Nothing is black and white.

So which do you listen to?

One can only carry both for so long...

Take an opportunity, or stick with what's known.

I think, either way, the heart is going to lose in the end.

The End of November 2

Joking around along the overpass

A silence comes over us;

Long.

As the cold rain pours on both our faces,

He's wondering if I'm fucking someone else

And I'm thinking about what to make for dinner tomorrow night.

UpTokes - a limerick!

I made it to the front of r/trees

Holy moly, I am so pleased

It was my first ever post

So I feel I must boast

And speak of my Reddit disease

My post was inspired by Sean

Rode the roundabout all night long

It gave me a boner

'Cause I'm such a stoner

Now I'mma go hit this bong.

Something a little personal

I've looked at things this way when I was young

Close the blinds because I'm scared of the universe

Can not conceptualize the future; it's not important

But there was that looming anxiety.

Unjustified; more haunting in that respect.

The world was a thin dome of glass and it would be shattered,

Bringing new shades of grey to your wet eyes.

You knew the moment things became dark

The last night of innocence was filled with

trivial things and superficial interests.

Superficial. Irony perhaps.

No time like the present

... to destroy on impulse.

I wish I knew you, as if you had never let go of the glass universe I called home.

Picking up the pieces has taken too long,

and things will never revert.

What's left is three pairs of emeralds,

They shine so beautifully together;

broken apart from the brittle dome they once shared in serenity.

Scattered, and longing for reunion.

They are the only ones who truly understand.

-XXXesetarip

Hope for something bigger than our selves.

2011-11-05T12:32:00.000-07:00

"Sometimes, when I wake up, I feel like I'm still sleeping. I feel like all the colours and shapes in the world have collided and all I can do is just sit there and watch. I think a person's heart has a way of turning off when it can't find reason. I guess that's why nature has always had an inspiring presence. Everything follows a purpose. I guess we're missing something. Why do we struggle to breathe a more righteous breath? When we all end up in the same place? I'd like to hope our history is worth remembering, and in print of careful design. A feeling of heartfelt purpose, and a sense of hope for something bigger than our selves. Then, maybe I'll wake up." -- General Lee Briggs

Over the past 4 years a movie had been in production. Thought about it was first spoken in 2006 and since then me and thousands of other fans had been waiting for it. The movie is titled love. An epic idea from the band Angels & Airwaves. Scored by the band, produced by Tom Delonge and Directed by Will Eubank.

Since Tom first spoke of the movie, there had be speculation of when it would be coming out. Dates were constantly being pushed back. There would be months without any word about the movie. Finally, in 2007 a trailer was released. A movie called I-Empire, which would be share the title with the bands second album. But time went on with no word, and it became kind of a joke that the movie would never be released. Lastly in 2009 a trailer was posted on the apple store for a movie titled Love. After all these years it seemed like it was really going to happen.

I finally got to see the movie a couple weeks ago with Xes. I couldn't have been more happy with how it turned out. It's defiantly an artistic film and is not for everyone. For only having a budget of 500 000$ it is extremely impressive. If you like the movies, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Solaris or Moon then you'd probably enjoy this movie.

The plot of the movie is an astronaut named Lee Miller has been sent to the International Space Station alone, because it has been 20 years since humans have occupied it. While he is there running test, making sure that it is still safe for use he loses contact with Earth. There had been some sort of apocalyptic event killing off the human race. The main focus of the movie is the time he spends on the ISS alone. As he tries to stay sane, it depicts what it would be like living a lonely life on the claustrophobic space station. Slowly going crazy, he imagines seeing previous members of the ISS on board and communicates with them. Though still keeping the sense that they're his imagination and he knows they're not real. After finding a journal that was brought on board of a captain from the Civil war he makes a incredible discovery. Love has climatic end, that is very 2001 like. In the sense of it using a very quiet, artistic, almost confusing close. The movie as a whole explores the important need for connection with other people and the limitless power of hope. It shows that everyone has a story to tell and they have something even greater to leave behind.

Love comes on as a special edition double album Love Part One & Two and Love the movie on 11-08-11 and I encourage you all to at least go out in watch it. Don't go in thinking it will be some high action blockbuster, rather go in with an open mind and try to listen to the message that it's trying to share with you.

And a little input from Xesetarip:

For such a low budget film, it was extraordinarily well done. I had only watched the trailer going into it, I'm not familiar with the band, and I certainly was unaware of all the previous hype of it's slow development. So as a 'stranger' to the film, I was very impressed with it. It had a really slow pace all throughout, and I know it initially made me restless, but as the movie progressed you could sense the intentionality of the pace. It uses a lot of elements to emulate the imprisonment of Lee Miller and make the audience feel his confinement. Trippy as hell too ;). Sean said it was similar to 2001: A Space Odyssey, which I (regrettably) have never seen, so to me this was kind of a new concept. So emotional and has a nipple-hardeningly good message. I'd highly recommend checking out this movie, even if you're unfamiliar with it.

xxXesetarip

Here's the trailer.

Enjoy, Izan.

Paradisiacal Procrastination

2011-09-29T15:44:00.000-07:00

Hello readers! And that means you! The 3 special people reading this right now! You!

It's been a fucking long time since I've wrote anything, but summer is over and school has started and that means it's time to sit back, stress out and procrastinate.

Nobody likes doing work over the summer so all we do is get drunk and live our meaningless lives out like they're a paradise with no rules or responsibilities. Now that it's almost October and midterms are about 3 weeks away I think it's the perfect time to stop doing homework and start doing blogs? YDG?

Today I have my Illustration class and I was talking to some loser kid, I'd prefer not disclose this persons name with you all, but I'm sure you know who she is, and have been reading a lot of her poems as of late ;) (Major hint at who it is I'm talking about) Anyways, like I was saying, I was talking to her in class WHILE doing work. We started talking about the blog and how I should start writing more often. I tried to explain that I have a mountain of homework and that shit is only getting bigger and that I don't really have any time for it. So she nagged me on and on until I realized; "Da fuck am I doing?" Obviously I've missed you all and this blog was lacking a hell of a lot of sexy. I ended up ditching my real work and starting something stupid/fun.

I seen kids sleeping next to me so I felt "At least I'm fucking drawing, these noobs aren't even conscience." Our assignment we're working on right now is a Character design project for a fictional game we're working on. We're suppose to be doing a front almost-T-pose. I had already done the basic sketch of the body so I decided to spice it up. This is what I came up with.
Enjoy.

It started out with The Me-Gustatman...Mind your self all these names are working titles.

Second to be created was Spokerfaceman

Third. Forever-Aloquaman....Because he sucks!

Lastly you have Trollerman

I hope you've all enjoyed these stupid procrastination sketches and that you all enjoy your Midterms by not doing homeworking and not studying for your tests! I WILL BE BACK!

Tootaloo

Izan.

Monday Poems! Wait, what?

2011-09-28T18:01:00.000-07:00

I honestly thought it was Monday. Whoops. Here are some poems anyhow. No they don't rhyme. They never do.

This poem is mediocre but passionate. I wrote it 3 years ago regarding my boyfriend at the time. He was suffering from a mysterious and unpleasant neurological disorder called Kleine Levin Syndrome and it became quite the struggle for us.

KLS

Will you remember me tomorrow?
Sometimes I question.
Are you there?
Sweetheart.
I love you.
It's so hard
to see past your cold eyes
into where your heart used to be.

Will you remember me tomorrow?
Right beside you,
I've never felt so alone.
I kiss your cheek and you feel
Nothing.
Where are you?
Somewhere in there.
Same face,
different heart.

Will you remember me tomorrow?
The days I wait for you
to come back to me
I feel:
Worthless
Alone
Invisible.
Gradually my soul becomes
Dead, like yours.

Sun rises
Please, remember me tomorrow.

-------------------

I wrote this poem when I was super baked; somewhat old but still 2011. Those are the best ones.

(Untitled)

Cognitive reality distorted
Living zombie
All external realities elated
Pulling away in a tube of three dimensions

Do your soggish feet get devoured?
No but...
Creamy, thick wind, ever looming
Why I could sit here all night
and not feel a thing!

But darling, heart burning, linger
For I don't remember what is in your spine
That's the captain
And the cheesecake is waiting for you
Icy cold, and hidden underneath it all.

-------------------

This one is recent.

Under. Lying.

I hide my love for you

In someone else's bed

You wrote the rules

I play the game.

I'll be in your arms

Tomorrow, my darling.

It seems transparent

Yet more underlying

In this competition

Of who cares less

You have me caught

Cat and mouse

You have my whole heart

Except the part that's honest.

-------------------

Also very recent and one of my favourites.

Take Your Sunglasses Off, You Look Stupid

("Subway Poem")

Hovering along on the inside of a tornado

I feel invisible because no one acknowledges me

Yet they can sense my presence as I pass by

I swear I heard the escalator --ascending beside me-- scream "hello!"

I fly through corridors subconsciously

The metallic monster roars past me...

And them I'm calmly situated on the old red fabric

Trapped in this tunnel with the rest of the world

We float on together, never minding our own business

Flower buds in my ears make mother's voice go away

But I know where I'm going.

So I drift along. Listening.

-------------------
I'll write a comedic one next time. Thank you for reading my darlings!

Your soggish sex machine,
Xesetarip

Xesetarip Bashes What You Wear

2011-09-09T10:32:00.000-07:00

HELLO AGAIN, HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE APRIL!

Back to school means a few things:

1) Blogtime (it's like productive procrastination)

2) Friends (they're neat!)

3) Trends in style and other shit (I'm judging you)

More so the latter in this case. You must understand, I am stupendously superficial... like, I'm a dick.

Brief anecdote:

I was walking on Dundas and I saw this couple holding hands; the chick was dressed... normal?... but the dude was wearing dirty, baggy sweatpants. I found myself thinking, "if my boyfriend ever wore sweatpants in public, there's no way in Hell I'd hold his hand." Sweatpants nullify any prior attraction or love. Gross.

Offended? That's okay. This is me when I was 16. Greasy hair, sweatpants and tacky scarf. Sexy.

I took so many pictures of myself that day. For shame.

Atrociousness: 10/10

I also dislike the following. And it's okay because I use myself in [most of] the examples... right?

Plaid with Plaid

AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! You got some plaid shorts? SICK! Plaid shirt? GROOVY! If you find yourself thinking they're both plaid therefore they must match; I'll wear them together! then HALT RIGHT THERE PARTNER! I can't say much more than: pairing plaid with plaid is the worst combination ever ! EVER !! You could be the sexiest man alive:

BUT

Combining plaid with plaid:

Sorry babe, but you're going to have to die.

Terribleness: 11/10

New Balance Shoes

Y'know... white running shoes. Not cool ones though... Like, the ones you wore in grade 6 gym class. Some velcro, some not (for you keen chillun). When I'm out dancing or bar-ing or looking for some hot ass, and I see a dude in these shoes... NO SOUP FOR YOU! Instant anti-lady-boner. Unless you're at the gym or something...

You can tell a lot about a person by their footwear and these shoes tell me "I don't know what a clitoris is". I'm sure a lot of chicks like them?

Ugliness: 10/10

Hipster Hatin' and Imitatin'

Everyone makes fun of hipsters and hates on them and such. I'd say hipster is the new 'emo'... Similar to emos, hipsters behave a certain way to obtain- yet always deny- their title.

~FOR EXAMPLE~

2006 - Emo?

NO NOT EMO!

2011 - Hipster?

NO NOT HIPSTER!

Amiright? Now, I have no problem with the hipster image. It's a particular style, and a good one. What bothers me is that so many folks make fun of hipsters, yet half the people I see out on the town look like they came from an Urban Outfitters American Apparel Black Market Value Village Misc Vintage catalogue. I know there's more to the hipster stereotype than apparel, but c'mon kids, you're halfway there when you imitate the way "they" dress. I put "they" in quotes because we all know hipsters don't really exist. Duh. Ask one if you don't believe me.

Dreadfulness: ?/10

Red Lipstick

I remember when only moms (and adventurous men) wore lipstick... I really dig that it's commonly worn by young folks now. But! Red lipstick is a dangerous thing. I was going to make a survey and see how many people own red lipstick but then I didn't care that much. I bet a lot of people do though. My point is, red lipstick doesn't go with everything. It hardly goes with anything actually. Lipstick-ify with caution!

Unpleasantness: 4/10

Photo Booth

Re: photographic style. You have a Mac which is cool but... It's really not that cool.

Annoying-ness: 3/10

Ps. I downloaded a couple apps to my iPhone that can edit pictures for you to look all artsy without Photoshop. And they do a pretty sick job! FUCK THOSE APPS! Real Photoshop ftw!!!...? (4/10)

Toms Shoes

It's all fancy marketing. The video opposes Toms' "One Day Without Shoes" campaign. I don't really have a heart so I'm not going to act or anything but still... Watch!:

"Aid should start by asking communities what their needs are, rather than what will help American corporations sell an image of being socially conscious." ^

Cynical tings mon.

Ps. They're super ugly too.

Disagreeableness: 5/10

Fake Specs

I have glasses and they suck. Why would you want glasses if you don't need them!? I understand this trend... people look good in Wayfarers for sure! I just can't get over the fact that someone would wear glasses unnecessarily. Am I way off here?

I'm also guilty of this. Methinks this was grade 12... oh dear.

I'm such a fucking tool!

Lameness: 7/10

Honourable Mentions:

Yoga pants as regular pants - I don't have an ass so really it's just jealousy.

6/10

Uggs - I own 'em but boy are they fucking ugly and don't look good with anything!

9/10

Canada Goose jackets - Lol wut? Not that cold yo. I guess parkas are neat.

1/10

Tattoo of your name - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Silly.

10/10

Chipped nail polish - Happens to us all but boy does it look nasty.

8/10

Pants - Remove them

69/10

"People with short hair who wear toques" - Sean's response when I asked him. Personally I think it's the sexiest look going ;)

Infinite sexy/10

Fashion victim,

or fash'm slave?

You make the call!

-Dr. Steve Brule

Thesaurus: 10/10

-Xesetarip xoxoxoxoxxx

Whole Muffins

2011-04-24T19:27:00.000-07:00

I'd rather have half a muffin any day. No. No I wouldn't.

Advice from Izanrelur:

Man whole is way better than half. Like,

1) You get the whole muffin and

2) What happened to the other half!? Did a hobo eat it an' get his sloppy germs on it!?

3) It's a fucking whole muffin!

And that, friends, is why whole muffins are better than half muffins, and half muffin should not be mistaken as have nuffin' because then there isn't even half a muffin... there is just no muffin at all.

Should you?

2011-04-11T20:52:00.000-07:00

Well since exams and final assignments are coming up, and school is coming to an end hopefully we can start posting more and more each week....and finish our story....but for now I leave you with this flowchart I decided to whip up.

Whatever you choose, happy smoking ;)

- Izan

The Time We Went Back In Time (Part 2)

2011-03-27T16:04:00.000-07:00

If you missed it, click here for part one! If you didn't miss it, enjoy part 2:

When the twins came into consciousness, they were able to see where the strange hippies were holding them captive. When they opened their eyes they saw they were in an office that had framed photos of what appeared to be oversized iPhones all over the wall.

Xesetarip looked over at Izanrelur: "Hey! Bro!... where are we?!" But he appeared to be sleeping so she looked around the room to see if there was anything she could use to get him to wake up. On the wall there was a shelf with what seemed to be iPods all over it as well as very primitive iPhone. Xes began to hobble over towards it, but she noticed she was tied to a chair with her hands behind her back making any movement a rather tough task. She hobbled over and finally she reached it. She used her chin to hit the shelf and knocked one of the iPods off. It fell and shattered over her brother’s head. Startled he screamed and fell over in his chair. He was gasping for breath because the shock almost caused him to have a stroke; he regained consciousness and began to feel the pain of shattered-iPod-to-the-head.

We hired a better artist to sketch this time.

"Fuck! where the FUCK are we! FUCKK! my shoulder fucking hurts! What the fuck is going on, "He looked around "when the fuck did we get back to the future!?" Just as he finished his little tantrum, the door opened and a silhouette of a man in a suit filled the doorway.

"Haw haw haw" said the man in the door. He said it quite articulately too... like just the way it's written. The twins could tell immediately this was a peculiar fellow. "You, sonny, on the guhround thereuh. You are ah poooouuusssy!" Suddenly a small leprechaun with orange feet and a crooked smile and outrageously unbearable odour started dancing. He had backwards knees. "What a funny thing to observe" Xes said to her brother who had finally stopped crying.

Whipping (no, not wiping, actually whipping) his tears away, he managed to get up off the ground. He grunted to try to hide the sobbing that he was previously doing. Dazed and confused still and thinking he was still on drugs, he started laughing at the leprechaun. "What the fuck is going on?" He kept giggling. It went on for like 5 minutes until he snapped out of it:"Heeeeey how'd we get back here?! Where's the machine!?" he yelled at the man standing in the doorway. The man strolled in kind of like this and answered, "I'um verrreh sorreh too telluh you thatuh I have no Ideauh what you'reeh talkingge about." As he got closer it became obvious to Izan that he was dressed up in 1960's gear. "We're still here!...wait...iPhones?....what the fuck?!" .

“I hate to sound like a broad, but um… what?” Xes asked her brother in a ridiculously Barbie doll tone that would agitate even Paris Hilton.

Xesetarip if she were a Barbie doll?

“Be quiet and play with the leprechaun. Now, mister funnyaccentman, what year is it?”
The man in the suit replied, “it isuh 1969. And pleasuh, call me Kristopher Clarence Ignatius Douglass.”
“Is that your name!?” Izan asked.
“No,” the man claiming to be Kristopher Clarence Ignatius Douglass replied with a smirk on his face parallel to our favourite meme:

"Problem?"

"Then what is your name!?" Izan asked him while still laying on the ground.
"Oh you will find out in time. Now you should get some rest we have a big day ahead of us tomorrow". The man exited the room and the tiny leprechaun followed.
"Oh man what do we do now!?" Xes whimpered in the corner.
"Hey man, we'll get to the bottom of this, but I think he's right we should rest.." Izan tried to comfort her..."At least one thing turned out better than expected, the little imp thing undid my handcuffs!"

“Yeah he undid mine too. What a nice little lad.” Izan got up and sat beside his sister. They sat in silence for a moment, mostly from total shock, and then Xes picked up the oversized mysterious piece of technology. “So, this is 1969, and yet they have these hefty iPhones. Maybe I’ll use it to call home ahahah—“
“Haw haw haw, youh can try but youh will failuh” said the man who randomly appeared out of nowhere whose name is not Kristopher Clarence Ignatius Douglass.
“Yeah you fuck, your mom was like nine years old, our present doesn’t exist yet!” Izan smart-ass-ly noted.
“Haw haw haw but reallyuh, that is not a phoneuh!”
“Well then, what on earth is it!?” Xes asked in a voice that sounded like a dirty dubstep drop.
“I don’t uhnderstand that.”
“Sorry, my sister was speaking our native language. She said ‘what be dat ting?’” Izan assisted.
“Welluh, this here is Microsoft’s newest inventionuh. They have cuhreated a line of tablet computers designeduh, developeduh and marketeduh by Microsoft puhrimarily as a platformuh for audio-visual media incuhluding books, periodicals, moviesuh, music, gamesuh, and web content.”

Izan stood up all flustered and said, "ok, shut up, this is like an iPhone, I know what it sorta does. The strange thing is you mentioned Microsoft?" He looked at Xes in a way that said we all know iPhones ain’t from Microsoft!
"Now seeuh here, I don'tuh need your sasseh remarksuh"
Xes slowly walked over to the shelf and picked up one of the devices. After playing around with it for a while she just exploded angrily, "What is going on here?! Who the hell would want a stupid piece of technology like that!!? No phone?! Are you kidding?" She got all up in The Funnyaccentman's face.
"Oh, calm downuh you slutuh!" He smacked her in the face and left the room locking the door behind him. Izan checked on his sister but she was clearly out cold. He decided to fiddle around with the oversized, phone-less iPhone.

This mysterious device seemed more intriguing to Izan than it did to his sister. "Hey mister, I --" he began, but he looked around forgetting that the man had, yet again, eerily vanished. "What the fuck is up with this place?" He asked himself, "Microsoft of '69 has some creepy fellows. That leprechaun, MAN! And monsieur not revealing his name. And how we went from being with hippies to some swanky teach- heavy office..." He trailed off in a rambling self-narration that would make him look insane if anyone were in there. "Seeing as no one is in here," Izan said as he looked around, "I think I'll take one of these doohickeys with me in the time machine back to 2010! I will be the only one with one muah hahaha-"
"Bro, are you talking to yourself again!?" Xes asked through tired speech (she sleep-talks) from the ground.

He laughed and continued to dig deeper into the device but the battery started to die, so he looked around for a charge of some sort. Evidently, there was nowhere to charge it, so he turned it off and sat down in the corner. That's when he saw what looked like a way out.

There was a half damaged vent near the top corner of the room. He grabbed a chair and stood on it to see if he could get it off. The noise awoke Xes and she came over to see what was going on. "Yo what are you doing up there?" she asked but he didn't reply because he was so lost in his train of thought about getting out. "Hey!" she yelled and tugged on his space suit. He thought she was the funny man and let out a girly squeal then fell off the chair (for the second time today).
In his defensive Kung Fu pose he yelled, "Back off queer man!...oh uuuh...you're awake." He clutched his heart, thinking he had coronary thrombosis or something. After he caught his breath he explained to his sister that they may have a way out of their prison. “It’s just a matter of if we can fit!” he said as he hopped up on his chair and continued trying to get the vent off.

After half an hour and some dramatic montage music sung by Xes, the vent finally came off. "Finally! The vent came off!"
"Yeah, I got skillz… but now there is bad news. I don't think it can fit us both. We're too heavy together" he explained to her. "Get everything you can together and I'll lift you up and you go. Don't worry about me I'll be fine, just try to find some sort of help."
"I can't man, I wont be able to do it myself." Xes said nervously, "It's just too much man; I'm too scared"
"You can! Don't worry. There is a window here in the back of our room, that maybe our arms could fit through, see it? Maybe if you can get outside through the vent we can meet up at the window and conduct another plan for getting me out. Go now, before someone comes back!" Izan put his hands out and boosted Xes up to the vent. He put the vent cover back on, slipped the mysterious techno device into his spacepack, and waited.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Love,
Izanrelur and Xesetarip
xxx

The Time We Went Back In Time (Part 1)

2011-03-13T10:12:00.000-07:00

This is a document written by biographer Norman L. Hollandaise of Izanrelur and Xesetarip’s first time travel expedition. It was composed in late April 2010 after an extensive interview with the twins. There is footage of these events yet to be released. The twins departed on February 3^rd 2010.

... the time was, in fact, August 15, 1969 in Bethel New York. The twins had just arrived from the present via their trusty time machine built by the masterful Izanrelur. Little did the people at Woodstock know, A BATTLE OF EPIC AWESOMENESS was about to ensue. They were dawned in their spectacular gear: Izan in a very crisp, stylish Astronaut Suit and Xes in her shiny, extraordinary suit of armour (by Armani).

To prepare themselves for the festival, the twins took a couple hits of acid (if you know them you'll know it is their drug of choice next to meth). Xes reminded her brother of the time when he took acid which resulted in the loss of his iPod to the garbage man . "Oh yeah" he responded. "Oh well", and he took one extra tab for the road.

Once they got up to the gate of the festival they realized they were a tad late, and it was already packed with stanky ass awesome hippies. They quickly made friends with a woman name Moonfrugal and hopped up top of the crowd with a surf board and literally surfed their way to the center of the group.

"Okay, seeing as no one can hear me with this suit of Armani armour on, can you please address the crowd as to our intentions?" Xesetarip asked her brother.
"Sorry I didn't hear you behind that suit of Armani armour. You should have dressed a little more practically for this event you knob," he replied.

"You're wearing a space suit you piece of shit!" They were only at Woodstock for an hour and they were already fighting.

They decided to chill for a bit and jam to music. After about 40 minutes of vibing out to Sweetwater, Izan asked his sister "Yo, this was such a good idea to come here man! I really wanna grab a hold of one of these dragons and go for a ride, but they're to damn fast br-"
Xes interrupted him screaming, "THIS ISN'T WHY WE ARE HERE MAN!" Izan couldn’t hear her and began to caress the tats of a woman dressed in nothing but a skirt made of daisies. His attention span is often very limited.
"Why didn't I bring a fucking change of clothes!?" thought Xesetarip, "what is the point of wearing this suit of armour if NO ONE CAN HEAR ME!" She scoped out the crowd and came to an epiphany. After seeing the nudity around her, she realized she had no other option than to remove her suit and join them.

It is notable that she is a very logical thinker while under the influence of acid. It is also notable that she is usually naked anyway so it really wasn't that big of an epiphany.

Three hours later, siblings were inevitably split up. The entirety of events during this time were a blur of drugs, sex and music. Izan had found a nice sexy hippy and was surrounded by followers while he told them about his encounters in space with aliens and how he saved the planet from destruction. The music was dying down and one of the crazy Hindu Indians came out to speak to the crowd. Meanwhile Xesetarip was running around naked with a crowd of crazy hippies, yelling and dancing and tipping over porta potties.

Click the pic for big bad saucy sexy good grand qualiteh.

With her face covered in mud she said, "WHERE IS MY BROTHER HOLY SHIT!" and using her Woman Power she demanded him away form his orgy and onto the stage. "Tell them why we're here, brother!" she commanded.
"Jesus H, put some fucking clothes on, slut!" As he stumbled around on stage, trying to get his balance, he took off his helmet and puked all over the drum kit. "Ahh, that feels better." He walked over to his sister, covering his eyes out of disgust of her lack of clothed-ness. "Have you no dignity?!, you're scaring everyone here with your nudity! Put some--"
Xesetarip rudely interrupted her brother. "FORGET ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW! WHY ARE WE HERE!"

A well endowed African American man pat Xesetarip on the shoulder and handed her a blanket, "please, for the sake of us all, cover yourself." Hesitantly she wrapped the blanket around her so her brother could uncover his eyes and keep the rest of his lunch down. "FRIENDS OF WOODSTOCK! My brother Izanrelur and I are here because.....(a lengthy pause, then she whispered to Izan)... bro, I forget why we're here. I know we wore battle suits for a reason..."

Izanrelur looked at Xesetarip puzzled. He leaned in and whispered, "Fuck, I forgot too. GOD DAMN IT!" He went back to the crowd and assured them that they were experiencing a tiny little technical difficulty and it would be fixed in a couple minutes. But hippies don’t like delays you see; the crazed treehuggers/potheads began to riot!
"WE WONT WAIT FOR ANYONE!!!!!" they chanted as they destroyed the place!
"RUNNNN BROTHER!" screamed a now naked Xesetarip (the blanket was thrown on a group of rabid hippies).

Izan grabbed the mic and climbed up one of the pillars of the stage! "CALM DOWN, CALM THE FUCK DOWN EVERYONE!'
Xesetarip climbed up after him, "GET THEM TO STOP, I'M SCARED!!!!" she whimpered.
"Shut the fuck up, I know what I'm doing," he responded back (in a more aggressive tone, if you couldn't guess). "ALRIGHT YOU WANNA KNOW WHY WE'RE HERE?!" The crowd cheered! "The real reason is--" the mic then dropped to the ground... and so did Izanruler, shortly followed by his sister. Someone had thrown a rock knocking both twins unconscious! A couple of [oddly well-dressed] hippies captured both Izan and Xes and took them away to a mysterious place.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Going Upstairs

2011-03-06T14:44:00.000-08:00

We have the dumbest conversations. Example:

"Don't you hate when you go upstairs to get something and then you get distracted and you forget to get it?"

"Don't you hate it when you go upstairs to get something and then you do get it but what you were going to get was your homework so then you're stuck doing homework?"

"Don't you hate it when you go upstairs to get something and then you do get it but its like 3 in the morning and you're naked and your parents come out of the bathroom and catch you?"

"Don't you hate it when you go upstairs to get something and then you realize the floor is melting because you took too much acid?"

"Don't you hate it when you go upstairs to get something and then you get raped by Pedobear?"

"Don't you hate it when you go upstairs to get something and then you realize you have no stairs because you live in a bungalo?"

"Don't you hate it when you go upstairs to get something and then you realize you were already upstairs and now you're downstairs?"

"Don't you hate it when you go upstairs to get something and your boyfriend tells you to make him a sandwich but you don't know how?"

"Don't you hate it when you go upstairs to get something and then you realize that you're in a stair climbing marathon in the CN Tower?"

"Don't you hate it when you go upstairs to get something but then uncle Vernon says, 'no Harry, get back under the stairs.'?"

"Don't you hate it when you go upstairs to get something but you can't cause your stairs are like an MC Esher painting?"

"Don't you hate it when you go upstairs to get something but at the top of the stairs there is a rabid dog and you try to go back down the stairs to run away but Patrick Bateman is at the bottom naked with a chain saw and you're paralysed because even though that is a super sexy image, you're going to have to accept your fate and die?"

"Don't you hate it when you go upstairs to get something and then you realized you could've just used an elevator?"

"Don't you hate it when you go upstairs to get something and you see your two male dogs having sex?"

"Don't you hate it when you go upstairs to get something and you see your two male dogs having sex with your dad?"

"Don't you hate it when you go upstairs to get something and you just miss the burglar leaving with your TV and other miscellaneous valuables (he has big hands, he can carry a lot)?"

"Don't you hate it when you go upstairs to see what time it is and the clocks are melting?

"Don't you hate it when you go upstairs to get something and you see a letter from your parents saying they abandoned you? No, you don't hate that... PAAAAAARTAY"

"Don't you hate it when you go upstairs to get something and you finally get it and come back downstairs only to realize you never left in the first place and you're just day dreaming?"

"Don't you hate it when you go upstairs hoping that there will be someone at the door but there isn't and you just sigh? FOREVER ALONE"

Midterms make writing tough. Drugs demotivate. Other adventures in the process.

-Xesetarip and Izanrelur

Elements of the Skin

2011-01-26T12:00:00.000-08:00

Somehow my mind has been manipulated into over-thought. There are two definite influences: a friend who always questions the world around him, and a novel that outlines the decline of the human condition. The two seem to work simultaneously to make me observe... stuff.

I've become so analytical about everyone; questioning motives when people speak, or generally assessing their presence. Nothing is face value to me, but rather the context of the scenario. We are far beyond the time of words having validity.

But look who's writing.

Surely I don't hate people, but I hate how inevitably awful our species has become. Everyone has just stopped caring about everyone on a personal level; people are pulling apart and fading away.

_______________________________

impatience - deceit - ignorance - entitlement

My friend has a kind heart. We walked home the other night with leftovers from the restaurant we ate at. A homeless woman wandered up to us begging for food with a fake fucking puppy dog face(a disgusting practice). Deceit.

Her misfortune is not my problem. Leave me alone. Impatience.

But my friend, like I said, has a kind heart. She gave the homeless woman her container with the leftovers: "It's all yours!" and we started to walk away. Ignorance.

The woman, without a thank you, opened the container, threw it on the ground and walked away. It was not good enough for her. This woman... she smelled like fucking shit, begged my friend like a dog for food and it wasn't good enough. Entitlement.

I hope that woman goes very hungry.

_______________________________

You should probably buy a more expensive jacket

And add to your collection of non-reusable, Styrofoam coffee cups.

Carry these tokens to protect your "substance"/"persona"/...

She wears expensive jewellery

He drinks brand-name coffee

His phone is superior to mine

She has lipstick

He has a new tattoo

Their apparel leaves no secrets

We're fading.

Watch the fat girl eat cookies for breakfast

The prof. drinks bottled water

Buddy uses a Macbook to check the hockey scores

I'm trying to justify why she'd wear heels in the snow...

I don't know you

But I do know...

Your sympathies don't matter

You should probably buy a more expensive jacket.

Consume. Consume. Consumer.

____________________________________

You can't listen to the ambient sounds around you; nothing is good enough for your ears anymore.

Your texts won't send because you don't get service in this building built for... learning. Disaster.

It's 8 am and already people are hanging on the other end of the technological extension of yourself. You are important!

Take topless mirror-shots or show some tit. Put it on Facebook. There are no surprises anymore.

After 2,111 photos, do you still need to see my face? Don't answer that. It won't change things.

You mumble when you speak because you know nothing beyond the virtual arena that has become your comfortable environment.

I can't even make a telephone call anymore.

I don't have 458 friends. We won't even offer each other a "hello" if we encounter. We hide our eyes and keep going because we're fading. 458 friends...

We drink every night because the reality of our digital detachment becomes easier. And we photograph it. And we show the world. True friends.

Connect. Connect. Connected.

__________________________________

He is gay

He is straight

She loves all

She loves no one

These two are fucking

She hides

He's out there

Who gives a fuck?

Feel. Feel. Feeling.

_________________________________

pale

dark

freckles

hair

scars

bones

fat

blood

stretch marks

man-made colour

scratches

burns

moisture

dryness

wrinkles

acne

cosmetics

secretions

glands

pores

nerves

goose bumps.

The exterior to one's supposed individuality.

We are all the same.

Elements of the skin.

________________________________

I've been writing these things in my notebook for weeks. A lot of this^^ is excerpts. I'll be in class and just start jotting down the behaviour around the room.

I see the way no one cares about everyone

and everyone cares about everyone.

I guess you could say irony maybe, or some kind of paradox.

It's bizarre though, because generally I'm quite apathetic... and even now I'm not personally going to challenge my own critiques. I guess it's^ just a pessimistic regurgitation of what society has become. Or senseless bitching, which, as you know, I'm good at.

Anyhow, you shan't be offended. This is a self-critique too. It's all a facade.

But really, do you ever encounter someone and wonder "what made them decide to wear that colour of nail polish"? I've been thinking too much about trivial things like that.

Nothing can be taken at face value anymore.

Seriousness today, sexiness tomorrow,

Xesetarip

Shit I Learn in English

2011-01-17T09:15:00.000-08:00

I suffer from a terrible thing. It's called "English minor" and it is causing me to become very ill. I'm good at English but it's boring as fuck. So, in order for me to be able to pay attention in 8am English and not fall asleep, I need to make my notes as interesting as possible. These are actual things my teacher talked about in class but I interpreted them in my own way to help me learn :). You should do the same, kids. Stay in school. Don't do drugs. Use condoms. And make your English notes sexy.

Yes indeedy. For some reason every course I take somehow drags feminism into it. FML.

Better listen to what he says.

Oh yes. We learned plenty on Monster Gaga.

It's a justified conclusion I think.

A little tasteless on my behalf.

My teacher said this.

She's also really into burlesque.

Maybe she should stop having sex with rabbits then? (I know that's not what really happened stfu)

"Box of Gaga parts"

A summary of common themes in today's lecture.

Yup my teacher used the metaphor of the "other" being "shit."

That's what they did back in the day!

Hate that fucker.

Fuck feminism. But yay booby tassels.

And we did see them in class today.

Do you have a stick or a circle!?

Best of luck in your classes, friends.

Xesetarip

makin' sexy notes since... 2009.

Poem of Love, Lust, and Growing

2011-01-12T11:13:00.000-08:00

Who be dat hoe?

You be dat hoe.

But I keep mah pants awn

Pants awn the ground

Picked 'em up,

get fucked up.

Buttercup.

Double D cups

motorboat dem tingz.

Motorboat road trip with your friends and relatives.

Oh okay I'll pack my bag right now.

Time to get up and personal with your mother's virtual vagina

fwap fwap fwap

Fwap until you start a genocide on all the sperm in your testicles.

But it's okay, you're getting old

and your dick's made of gold.

At least that's what I'm told.

I bet it gets really cold.

When it's not in it's pussy cocoon

Boom boom bomo

Bed makes a lot of noises because the springs are old.

Like a threatening monsoon.

As you cum everywhere

it dyes your hair.

What a zesty love affair;

torn up torrid love affair.

Horrid like a whore, sexy like a stripper

Rough and romantic.

Your ass is like the moon:

covered in craters and a primary source of cheese.

So many things to explore

you never know who'll be knocking at your door.

An androgynous figure wounded from a pit bull attack

Blood runs down creating a rainbow of past encounters with the devil.

You avert your skepticism

and steal the hearts of everyone around you thanks to your kleptomaniacism.

You see silhouettes of seagulls on lampposts at dawn and think

where have the drugs taken me?

I can't stop thinking of you as I melt into the ground.

By: Xesetarip and Izanrelur

Pourquoi?

2011-01-09T19:12:00.000-08:00

Someone *cough, Sean* is forcing my pen to write a bloggity blog but all that I can think of is WHY... so here are other things that I'm all like "W H Y ?":

WWHY ARE THERE MEN'S SOCKS (or, one man's sock) IN MY ROOM WHEN THERE ARE NO MEN IN MY ROOM! It's like Cinderella: if the sock fits... something something, you get the idea.

I am taking these B100 Complex pills and I don't exactly know why but it's more vitamin for the bit-a-men if you know what I meeeean dawg.

No matter what time of day I wake up my first meal is always eggs or something breakfasty. Today I ate eggs at 1:30, when I have perfectly good sandwichable tomatoes and sprouts in my fridge (THAT ARE GOING BAD SOON HOLY SHIT LET'S EAT 'EM).

I'm very jittery.

I've managed to make an entire load of laundry on underwear and bras alone. SUH MANY PANTEHZ. If only these motherfuckers would take their clothes out of the washer SEEING AS THE CYCLE HAS CONCLUDED AND I NEED TO USE IT! Fuck + you + washerhog.

I have a really huge crush on a really huge sleazeball. Yeah, fuck you. Go away. But don't. But do. But don't. Fml.

I'll give someone $5 to clean my room. But don't touch any of my stuff. Who do you think you are!?

I have class at 8am tomorrow. EIGHT IN THE MORNING. Do you understand? You don't understand. You might understand. No, you don't. I never see 8 am. And it's English. Fuck English. Fuck 8am. FUCK.

My iTunes wants me to listen to Vampire Weekend but I feel like they're so *out*.

Quesadillas at Golden Griddle. DON'T DO IT if you hate green peppers like myself. I even said to the waitress "no green peppers" but she said "they're pre-made" so I was like "k". WHAT SHE FAILED TO TELL ME WAS THAT IT WAS SOLELY GREEN PEPPERS (and red and cheese) IN THE FUCKING WRAP! WHAT THE SHIT BITCH!? It was a green pepper sandwich. If I picked them off, there'd be no food left. BLEH

Went to the bong shop to buy a bowl at 8. They were closed even though they "close at 9"... fuckin' lazy stoners.

I want to go skating but it's too cold out. Tomorrow... tomorrow...

Tattoo fund. Place bills & coins (preferably bills) here:

(That Golden Dogs poster gives me nightmares sometimes)

Mumford and Sons. Why must it play on the radio!? Little Lion Man has gone into my "most annoying" category. The entire album is soon to follow. Fuck.

My subwoofer is dying a horrible death. Poor guy. I'll stick with ya til the end my man because ~~I'm too poor to replace you~~ I love you.

Avenged Sevenfold. I love 'em despite how socially un-cool and outdated and 1/5th deceased they are. Wear my band shirt with pride. Mother fuckers.

Here is a short poem I just wrote:

Everything I do
is taboo.

That is all the randomness I can provide. I'm glad I have my laptop back so I can document ideas and Photoshop the shit out of some pictures. Perhaps I'll show you one day.

Wishing you pleasant orgasms,
Xesetarip.

Buy Your Wife A.S.D. For Christmas

2010-12-25T18:59:00.000-08:00

BUY YOUR WIFE THE PERFECT

DIAMOND RING/CELL PHONE/TURKEY/TOOTHBRUSH/CAMERA/WINTER COAT/TATTOO/SHOES/TRIP TO HAWAII/LINGERE/SNUGGIE/NEW CAR/GIFT CARD/PEPTO BISMOL/COCA COLA/GAME SYSTEM/COFFEE/DVD/PORNO/MALE PROSTITUTE/DILDO/SOMETHINGSHECANGETOFFTOOBECAUSEYOU'REIMPOTENT/ARSENIC

…. AND GET LAID THIS CHRISTMAS!

I've been having thoughts churning in my head all week about what I was going to write about. Each day that got closer to Christmas made me more and more miserable and I had this plan to blog about how much I hate it and how its negatives outweigh the positives.

I just think Christmas is pointless for a non-religious person, isn’t it? It's all about impressing folks; whether it be with your decorations, your food, the gifts you got, the gifts you're giving, how you dress, the cleanliness of your house, and every pointless Christmas thing I see in every fucking store I go into and every fucking TV channel I turn on. It’s solely commercial, and to be honest, I can buy shit any day I want. I can buy shit for my family any day I want. I can be courteous to people, I can decorate, I can make a motherfucking gingerbread house any day I want!!! But of course I don’t. If there’s one thing I do well it’s ~~giving blow jays~~ hypocrisy. I go into debt on Christmas to “show my family I appreciate them” and buy them gifts. I don’t want to celebrate Christmas. I don’t like Christmas. I have no reason to celebrate Christmas. But because everyone does, I do.

There is sosososo much more in my head about the brutality of the season, but unlike a Jehovah’s Witness knocking on your door, I’d rather not ruin your [Christmas] dinner by preaching my beliefs. I also think it would take far too long to write.

Today, after speaking with a friend about Christmas I became less “Grinch-y” as you cute holiday people like to call it. I was like, “yo, self, today wasn’t that bad (compared to your week of battling evil consumers, traffic, ads, terrible music and anticipation of awkward family time [which, as always, lived up to my expectations]).”

THESE ARE GOOD THINGS:

My mum made me homemade tofurkey, which was amazingly awesome.

My dogs were really cool (though they usually are).

There was lots of cheesecake.

Wine too.

My sister liked her 7-inch penis candle (who wouldn’t!?)

I got some sweet gifts.

No one was a dick in drive thru last night, which I thought was impossible.

Fireplaces.

Everyone was all *I’m gonna smile at you, stranger. Today, and today only.*

Christmas lights are trippy in general.

I got cards from friends and such.

Of course I must reiterate that there are more negative things than good things about Christmas. I think next year I’m going to be logical and not……………… wasteful? Whatever. Christmas, you and I are done professionally. I don’t think I’m going to participate (if I can weasel my way out of it). I’ll be like my gramma and volunteer at a soup kitchen for people who really need stuff. I don’t need presents. I buy my own throughout the year because I am a spoiled brat, and I save paper by not wrapping them.

Christmas is the new Valentine’s Day for a non-religious person. Or maybe it always has been and I’m just realizing it now. But unlike Valentine’s Day, there is no sexy man whispering in my ear while we drink wine in my room. Well… I guess Jesus, now that I think about it… But fo realz y’all know dat dunn happen wit me.

Anywho, I’m becoming the Jehovah’s Witness I told you I wasn’t going to be (I guess proving my statement about hypocrisy). I have a new bong to christen (OH such appropriate wording!) so, I’m going to do that.

I work bright ‘n early, and if I see anyone’s face in McD’s I’m going to deliberately screw up your order! It won’t be Christmas anymore so I don’t have to be nice to you.

LOVE YOUR HOE HOE HOE

Xesetarip

Ps. I’m kidding about the McD’s thing. I don’t want to get fired or nothin’. I need to make up for all this bloody spending I’ve been doing, fuck.

Pps. Yes I am this cynical about everything. Call me Buzz Killington.

Vivo

2010-12-20T00:06:00.000-08:00

So recently Camille showed me a website she found, stumbling maybe, I'm not too sure, anyways the site was sorta like FML(Fuck My Life) or MLIA(My Life Is Awesome). Where users will post little updates about things going on in their lives. Though a little different from those sites, but still very similar, this was called MMT(Makes Me Think). The whole site is based around updates that are very meaningful and just generally makes you think. For example; (I'll have you all know that it has taken me 30 minutes or so to pick through about 20 or so posts trying to find the best one just because they are all amazing.)

"Today, after I watched my dog get run over by a car, I sat on the side of the road holding him and crying. And just before he died, he licked the tears off my face. MMT"

"Today, I returned home after being stationed in Iraq for 9 months. While I was still in uniform, I went into an ice cream shop near the airport to get a milkshake. The girl behind the counter handed me my shake and said, “It’s on me.” “Thanks, you didn’t have to do that,” I said. “Neither did you,” she replied. MMT"

I've been reading this non stop and it's actually really making me think. Like generally I dislike change very much, I don't truly feel happy, I'm terrified of death and just kinda live life always waiting for something, always looking forward to something and never focusing on whats going on right now. Life passes you by like a blur and years down the road you'll look back and realize how much you missed you. However, after reading this I feel it has actually generally changed they way I look at life.

Over the summer, after 4 years of dating this girl, we broke up. Now this killed me, and has been still affecting me till today. But after reading that site, I have come to accept almost appreciate it. I hate change, but with out change I wouldn't be where I am right now, and for the first time in months I believe that I can truly say that I'm happy. I don't regret anything, I wouldn't change anything.

I know you probably have all heard this before but you should all take a minute and tell your friends and family how much they mean to you because you never know what could happen. Life your life to the fullest and if you're unhappy, change something, because it's your life, why should you waste it feeling depressed. Follow your dreams and do what you want, don't let anyone tell you you can't do something, just use that to motivate yourself more. Embrace all your regrets and mistakes and turn them into positive life experiences. They will be the things that shape and mold you into the person you become.

Here is a song that has helped me finally see all of this:

The Surface - Rosesdead

The sky is clear. The light will shine. The sea is calm. All doubt is lost. All eyes are open. The peace is near.
Words can't describe, what life was like. I was underneath the wake. Those darkened days, I'll leave behind. It was more than I could take. And yet, if it could happen all again, I wouldn't want it any other way.
If I could do it all again, I wouldn't change, a single thing. This is the start of something. This is the start of something new I've never felt like this before. I never thought I would see this soar. Make this fight, worth your time.
Make sure you don't regret a thing. Don't regret a thing. Now that I'm looking down, this is the way it was meant to be

(As I stand here, I realize. In order to grow from what once was, all of this needed to happen. Now I'm finally where I need to be.)

Make mistakes. Make your dreams. Live your life. Make mistakes. Live your dreams. Make this real.

Let light rain down on me.

These words may never describe, exactly what I felt inside. But I know how hard I tried and that I'll learn to make the most of this life.

Anyways, I hope you took something away from reading this, and it doesn't just turn into an empty thought in the back of your mind. But everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I'll try to post as much as possible during the break...I can see that Camille hasn't been :P. Merry Christmas everyone and have a Happy New Year

<3izanrelur>

M322Y ><-M45

2010-12-13T15:18:00.000-08:00

So me and Xesetarip are done school for the ><-M45 Holidays. You're all probably wondering if we celebrate ><-M45 and we do. We were raised by humans and have had it in our lives since we were small. Though that doesn't mean we don't celebrate out Planetary Holiday. See the difference from our species to yours is that we don't have war, or different religious or racism, every one on our planet celebrated the same holidays, there were no wars between one another, we respected everyone no matter how different they looked and we didn't have religion , it was more of a prophecy and everyone looked up to it.

Our 'Christmas' type holiday which was called (note this is a rough translation) Nep`Xiu. It was to celebrate the 4 Qi`san' Xiu. (Translate to Ruler or King) of each quadrant of the planet. North-east, South-east ect. Nep'Xiu wasn't flash or as beautiful as Christmas here was. We didn't Christmas lights or trees, but the whole population from each quadrant would meet in the middle of the planet, miles upon miles of open area to have a huge festival. There would be music, fire, dancing, and everyone would exchange gifts, but how it would work out would be you give your gift to a stranger, someone you didn't know. This was known as Lebnx'gpu (Which is roughly 'give to one another'). However, I was not alive when our planet was around and have only learned through generations of reproductions of books and what not, so things could have been altered. In the end though I wish everyone reading this and all your friends and family a happy holiday from both me, Izanrelur, Xesetarip and everyone that helps out at Alien Super Duo, no matter what you celebrate.

One more thing. So last night I watched Skyline. It was mediocre at best, but one thing that worried me is how the human population take aliens. Now I'm not speaking for the whole universe but I assure you no race is going to come down to earth and kill everyone. If they're hear for war, you would be dead before you even knew it. When aliens decide to come to earth, well let me say that better. When a full colony of aliens decides to visit earth, they're naturally going to come to explore and record date for their own library of sciences. Examine what you do, and try to understand the Human race, they may even take subjects back to their home planet and teach everyone a thing or two about the universe. I don't know if it will happen anytime soon, but when it does, I'll be ready!

Ps. I'm still awaiting parts for my space ship so I can go home, I mean go to what ever is left of it.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE! TRY NOT TO GET TOOOO DRUNK THIS CHRISTMAS...or whatever you celebrate!

On Pussy

2010-12-01T19:27:00.000-08:00

Izanrelur wanted to write a blog. He had it already written. But being his lazy ass motherfucking self he didn't want to post it because he wanted poutine instead. So Xesetarip volunteered, and this is what he said about that:

"it would make my writing sound super awesome
pussy would be flying at my face
they'd be like slugs crawling up the wall and ceiling and falling on my head
You could basically say I'd be swimming in a pile of them
maybe wear two as a pair of shoes
it would be like fall, like a pile of leaves, i'd run and jump into them
holy fuck its gunna be awesome
i'll have so much left over pussy my grandkids we'll be fucking them"

Apparently Xesetarip has really, really good writing. Like, vag catnip or something. So this is what he wanted to post:

There are 3 things every woman must know to be the perfect girl:

1. The Kitchen! Learn everything about it!, Where everything is, what everything does, how to measure without utensils, and learn learn learn how to multi-task without burnage!

2. Cleaning! Make sure everything is spotless always! Never a stain rug, never a dirty washroom, never a messy tv room, never EVER dust on ANYTHING!

3. Sex! Master it, not for you, but for him! Lets get this out of the way now, no he doesn't care if you get an orgasm and he never will! BJs, HJs, Sex in general must be mastered ...when you're done with him, he'll fall asleep and you can use your toy.

Not only is this a list you should live by but this is a list that ever man on earth judges you with, so make sure you master the 3 things: Cooking, cleaning and sexing.

.....haha, I'm just playing ladies, you know I love you.

....... a lot.

So, that's... ahem... nice. And this a little anecdote he wrote about his lovely twin sister:

Pooooor Camille

Was always a good cleaner, mediocre fuck, but couldn't cook her way out of a cardboard box and all she got was a 4-incher, 4-ever.

So Xesetarip, in need of wrapping up the blog, asked Izanrelur to sum it up. He said:

Women are stupid and I don't respect them
That's right, I just have sex with them

It's an entertaining song, but he could try being original... upon suggesting this, he said:

They nag!
All
The
Time

Perhaps he should just admit he's gay already... He did say, and I quote, "I'm not good with this whole female thing man"

Sincerely,
Xesetarip (writing on behalf of her gay alien super twin)

These Little Hair Clippings in my Eyes Produce Tears

2010-11-28T20:48:00.000-08:00

Have I posted this song before? Likely. But listen.

I'm trimming my bangs and it's a challenge to do with my eyes open, seeing as my eyes are right there vulnerable to the little clippings. I'm also switching from my right to left hand (don't worry I'm [kind of] ambidextrous) trying to create a straight line and then *bam* hair shrapnel to the spherical structure enclosed by the sclera and the cornea. I own a dictionary and look up everything... how else can I sound moderately intelligent in conversations with well-versed men and other folk I'm trying to impress/sleep with? HA.

Oh no, more sad songs on shuffle. iTunes sees the tears produced by the little hair clippings and thinks "I'm makin' her cry." Motha fucka! You listen to me iTunes, I don't cry. I'm made of stone grrrrrrr.

Anywho, I have about 1 pound of hair in the garbage, about 2 pounds of hair on my desk, and about 50 little clippings in and around my keyboard. My bangs were really hefty, let me tell you.

So as I am listening to this sappy music my brain is going "perhaps you should remark events you don't want to because I am evil." My brain is evil. Usually it works to my advantage (I have this crazy ability to kick small children and cats without remorse) but now I am on thought overload. In a bad way. Recent events ... last night I s'pose... are making me feel like some kind of philosopher trying to work some intricate thing out. ---- Oh shit. There was a brief pause in my typeyness because THSD came on iTunes and I decided to have a little individual head bang sesh and then I look up and all these little mother fucking hair clippings are everywhere. But back to the philosophizing... I feel like chicks over-analyze things too much. And I see this naivete (or, vulnerability?) everywhere so I know it's not just me.

Perhaps some emotional engagements, whatever they may be, should be viewed as exactly what they are. And no friends, I did not get laid if that's what you're thinking (but I know you were rooting for me)! As I was thinking about all of this, I thought I should maybe [vaguely] document it so I wouldn't forget, and then the hair clippings got in my eye and a blog was born (that is modern reproduction I tell ya).

I'm just thinking......

Drugs take precedence over family.

Emotions take precedence over morals.

Greed takes precedence over logic.

Nothing takes precedence over dancing.

'Precedence' takes precedence over 'priority.'

Lol that was annoying. I need to shower now and wash all of the physically-generated and definitely not emotionally produced tears away. Fuck these hair clippings man *sniffle* FUCK THEM! Ahahaha

So sexy you want to bang my bangs,

Xesetarip

Vulgar Miscellany as Usual

2010-11-22T14:58:00.001-08:00

While Sean comes up with something innovative and cool, I'm going to play it old school and type the things I entertain myself with.

T H O U G H T S A N D S H I T

☮ Camille says:
I WANT BOOK
ME WANT BOOK
BOOK ME WANT ON SALE AT INDIGO
ME BUY DRUGS AND NOT BOOK.

My lips are peeling and I keep biting the skin off and it bleeds and it's all gross but I don't care.

I haven't shaved my legs in a month-ish (YES I have given up on trying to get laid for a while) and when I went to see the doctor the other day he had to check on my legs and asked me to roll up my pants. Most. Awkward. Thing. Ever. I just went "oooh... heh... sorry."

I went to Harvey's to get a veggie burger (7 months vegetarian today woo!) because I'm feeling rotten and don't want to cook/ do the dishes, and Jake was all that doesn't even taste like meat, gross and I was all: .................................................

Because I thought really hard and realized that even when I did eat meat, my burger was so pickle-y I never really got to know what "fast-food burger" tasted like. I ordered burgers for the pickles. I want to try it next time with no 'meat' at all!

I HAVE HAD THIS SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD ALL DAY ♥

(Clicky hyperlinky) Sooooooo beautiful! But apparently this dude sounds like Bob Dylan. Such an unpleasant reality. According to myself, I am not supposed to like Bob Dylan. Simply not allowed.

I found this sick tutorial on how to make a picture all hipster-y in my beloved Photoshop:

This is the ugly original I took in grade 11 Photography class.

BAM! Ugly original turned hipsterific! Could've desaturated it a bit more I s'pose but I didn't want y'all to be overwhelmed.

But seriously call me *wink, wink*

I went to see Carla Collins (and Richard Ryder) with my mum last night, and it was a swell comedy show. I thought I would share my two favourite lines from the show, both from Richard Ryder who was actually "opening" for Carla. Anywho FUNNY STUFF:

High heels were invented by ugly men so you couldn't run away.

If ya don't like your kids, leave 'em at the mall!

Mr. Ryder knows what's good.

-------------------------------

I must do something productive like weep while I masturbate. Or nap. Haven't slept much, but I like the "natural" look of under-eye circles. I think I'll choose the former. Plus McCoffee is free; FREE ARTIFICIAL ALERTNESS!? I'LL TAKE IT!

HA Peace,

Xesetarip

Harry Potter Love Hexagon

2010-11-19T11:49:00.001-08:00

I saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows pt 1 last night with my best buddy Morgan. Here is what you need to know:

1) Everyone wears sweatpants in Waterloo. Gross.

2) I look hot in HP glasses

3) You can't get a fucking cab around here if your life depends on it, which it did. We called 6 cabs and waited outside for 30mins before one came. Outrageous.

4) The movie was awesome! (Though I have mixed feelings about the script... don't tell anyone)

5) Sean will cry!

Anywho, I wrote this rap a couple of years ago (and Morgan added images but there are too many to post) and I was sorting through some documents the other day and came across it. It's pretty rough and... awful, but I thought it was appropriate for all the Harry Potter-ness that's goin' around:

I'd have a threesome with Ron and Seamus,

But they must suit up to trap the semen

Because if it gets all ova ma clothes

That bitch Hermione will call me a ho.

She'll definitely run to Dumbledore,

Sayin' "O.M.G. Camille is a whore."

And then D'dore will say, "what about me?"

And I would say "Yo youz too old fo me."

D'dore would reply, "No more gettin' high"

So I'd go, "Why oh why oh why oh why?"

He would say, "Bitch I thought we had a thang."

"But Ron and Seamus have magical wangs!"

He said, "Fuck you, that's the end of our sesh"

And walked away with his flowey cape-dress.

What was this that corner of my eye'd see?

Ron and Seamus were ploughin' Hermione!

I had to get high 'cause I was hurtin'

So I hopped on ma broom and returned to Courtice.

Happy Potter!

-Xesetarip

Alien Super DUEL

2010-11-09T15:40:00.000-08:00

Our collaborative blog post for October was a little delayed, but is finally here. We have staged a photographic fight to the death. Izanrelur vs. Xesetarip; alien powers and weapons galore! One of us took the "look I'm an art student see what I can do with a DSLR oooh la la look at these angles" approach, and the other took a "I'm poor and lazy but at least I have Photoshop... can we get drunk now?" approach. Very evident. Here is the story:

Xesetarip was busy applying lipstick when Izanrelur walked in to the room with a very angry presence. "Why the fuck are you dressed like that? Oh shit! Is today the day we're having a duel!?!"

Rivalries have always been something siblings from all over can relate to, but the rivalries between the siblings on planet Jiangyin can sometimes result in death! "The reason I'm dressed like this is that I recently got into a car accident, and seeing as we have trouble breathing oxygen as is, my oxygen in-taker was damaged and I need to wear it to survive."

Well my dear brother, what do you say we commence then?" Xesetarip said as she whipped her musket from behind her back. "Look what I got motha fucka!!!!!"

"I present my home made axe to finish what I started."

"I'd like to see you try against my phallic spatula!" She whacked him a few times.

Izanrelur appeared to be unaffected by the spatula.

"Okay mother fucker! HOW ABOUT I CUT YOUR DICK OFF?!"

"Hahaha, your little amateur kitchen utensils have no effect over me. I've been operated on and rebuilt stronger than ever. Even the sharpest of sharp scissors couldn't cut through my alien skin."

"That's it, you've pissed me off! EAT FLAMES BITCH!"

'Argh! Too bad it barely had any affect! Now get ready for a broken leg!'

"Not if I shoot you first! Go Bullet Bill!" *bang bang*

"Too bad all it takes is *swing, swing* and Bullet Bill goes bye bye! You're in for one now sis! See you in hell!"

"What if I... seduce you?"

"Incest is Wincest! But Your-cest is Grossest! DIE!!!!" *clobbers with axe*

"You can defeat one of me, but you can't defeat all of my SPAWN!!!" *duplicates*

"Oh god! You're lucky the accident caused me to lose my powers! But I was given the option to go light speed!" *Rapidly attacks Xesetarip's clones*

"Damn it! That was fast! At least I still have my powers. SUCK MY LASER BEAM, ASSHOLE!"

"They have no chance hurting me! I'll just use my helmet to reflect the beam and send it back to you!"

"Gah my retinas! It's okay, I'm immune. You should know this by now, you had your powers long enough. Peace brother? I offer you this teriyaki sauce in the name of peace!"

"You were always the weaker one sister. There shall be peace once more, until we fight again. Thank you for this offering also." *dips finger in sauce and tastes it* "NOOOO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!! AGHH!!

"You're calling ME weak!? Dumb ass, it was obviously poisoned! And now you must die. I will finish you off with my giant black dildo from hell!"

"AGH!!!! WHY! IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO END THIS WAY! THE PROPHECY SAID I WAS GOING TO WIN! -- FUCK -- *sighs* But I really should thank you after all. It was your life that taught me the purpose of all life... The purpose of life is to end and tonight... is mine. Goodbye sister!"

Xesetarip began to tear up upon realizing she had actually killed her beloved alien twin. "Izanrelur I'm so sor--"

Bearded Kirby returned from this blog and punched each of the twins in the gut "I'm back mothafuckasssss"

"It appears today is the day I die too, brother. See you in hell!"

"See you in ... hell... mother... fucke...r" Izanrelur said with his last breath.

Kirby inhaled, and the twins found themselves yet again inside his stomach.
"HA pwn'd!" Kirby said as he rinsed their bodies down with a glass of water.

Forced Writing Proficiency + Magic = Who Cares?

2010-11-06T13:53:00.000-07:00

My English minor contributes to me getting stoned and writing depressing "poems" that may or may not make sense (written Nov 4):

Why do you do these same things?
Every day you wake up in the same filth
and you check the wristbands and
markings on your arm to know where you were

And its just a haze and you make your coffee
kind of vegetate but you go at it again
because your spine fuzes with your blankets
songs attach themselves to every nerve

Who was that man? He has a girlfriend
and I don't think he likes the way you really look
You don't know me you don't I don't
But you know you missed out.

There are things missing but
its going to be good either way
But your eyes dry up
and the music won't play just right

There are hands so close to yours
But you won't touch them even though
They've reached out and are true
And you know it too which is funny.

But you look at everything as this big
Frozen hole that is the world
and every thought you've ever had
is locked up and unleashed at some point

Every word seems essential
Every mistake, there is some kind of gain
No one cares and no one wants
to see the typed word written out of

Repugnant forms of
tranquility.

-Xesetarip

This file was saved as 'if no one cares do you still write?' to which the answer appears to be 'yes.' My subconscious is astounding sometimes. I like to read what I don't know I've written... if that makes any sense.

Rare Adrenaline, Artificially Produced.

2010-11-03T09:26:00.000-07:00

Last night, time ran so slow. It seemed like the longest night ever. It was just nice to be with friends and have the lunch kids do their thing. As usual I was triggered to write something nonsensical:

I miss the days of getting high

and stealing the boys' skateboards

and skate around campus

Making videos that were

funny and

the great 2-12 floor hop

or whatever those numbers were

Numbness of the tongue

what did I eat?

Why did I think of you?

and where do these glorious footsteps come from

that sting the back of my neck

kind of tingly like

There are these subtleties that you don't always see

A man under the curtain taking

snapshots of himself

or who is leering over your shoulder

Constantly constantly

cold cold cold up my arm

and my fucking neck

I don't understand this

This has to stop I'm travelling

Backward upward downward

and if this fucker would get off my shoulder

and my neck!

I titled the document "you should know your shoulder was bothersome".

There was much productivity at this point when I finished majority of my storyboards for my production package. But then I was like... being called. Time could go a bit slower. And then Briar is texting me "adventure! Adventure!" So I went to Shannon's room. Which was magical: 2 candles to light the room, laying on the floor with the lights off, Pink Floyd, and some sort of bran cereal. Jake comes and we all sit. He says "It's 2am, that's ADVENTURE TIME!" so we got up and went outside.

I forgot my glasses. It was madness... we walked to some and something intersection and Jake and Briar saw this place I don't remember the name but it was lit all red and because I didn't have my glasses the light was bleeding everywhere. I saw silhouettes of menacing figures and rundown warehouse buildings and I decided I should not go down this street. Shannon and I turned around to walk away and Briar and Jake left their inhibitions and kept going. These men were gaining on us down the street. We turned the corner and panicked because we didn't know where we were and Briar didn't answer her phone. What the fuck time was it!? So we're wandering down this mystery road but we know we're parallel to Dundas but we don't know which direction.

Briar answers: meet at Adelaide. We can't find Adelaide. Let's find Yonge; it's around and it's safe...er. But I can't see. People are yelling out of their cars. Something happens and we find Yonge and this man charges at us. He is on drugs and he's begging for money. We say no, no, NO but he walks right beside us getting in our face, matching our pace. Super persistent and invading my comfort zone. I came to a dead stop and he walked a few steps before noticing. "NO!" but he keeps touching his head and making incomprehensible noises. A man walks by us in the other direction and the begger attaches himself to him and we run off. We cross the road to keep a distance.

We're five minutes from home and calming down from our panic tripshow. And I see in my peripherals, across the street is the begger. Charging, staring straight ahead; he is walking very, very fast. He is beside us but across the street. We freak out because the only places to turn are sketchy streets; no major ones. We're prepared to walk to a hotel if only we can get to the street!!! We're panicking and then the man stops at Big Slice. To get home, we have to walk in his line of vision. We stare at him and we're freaking out; this man walks passed us and seems to think we're crazy. The begger goes into Big Slice and we go home, hearts racing.

So, 2am is NOT adventure time in downtown Toronto. Especially when you're blind, and lost and trippin' balls. I don't get scared easily at all! It was a bad experience, but kind of fun at the same time. But more so terrifying.

On the other hand, when I woke up this morning, I was wrapped in a very tight cocoon, and I awoke with a smile on my face. I've never been so comfortable.

So friends, always stay with your friends. Particularly if one is muscular, and the other has a knack for talking to anyone (in this example, Jake and Briar). They can save you from aggressive beggers and sketchy figures (or at least give you peace of mind that they can even if they can't).

Happy to be alive,

Xesetarip.

Drain the lake and bring it back to me.

2010-11-01T06:15:00.000-07:00

So the weekend is over, but I wish I were still drunk. I don't know why, life just seems to be much more enjoyable while under the influence. You don't have to constantly worry about the stress in your life, school and homework fade away into the background and the sense of having fun arises. All you want to do is party and everyone around is the same way. Monday mornings are boring; it's the start of a new week, all the homework you didn't do on the weekend is about to be due, you're tired, feel like shit and everyone around is the exact same. Why is it that we need these poisons in our bodies to actually enjoy living? Why have we made the world into something that we need to escape? We live most of our lives waiting for the weekend, waiting for holidays. We spend 5 long dragged on days waiting for 2 awesome nights and 2 horrible mornings. Is this what life is about? because I'm sure this is what we've made it. Though I guess I will have people who read this that say they live life to the fullest, okay, if you want to think that, go a head. But with school and work, you never will. Sure you love you're job and what you do, but why do you constantly look at the clock to see when you're on break or get off? You live life to the fullest as much as possible, but most of the time you're still just waiting to do it, instead of just doing it.

This kind of makes me feel that the 60s were actually the best times. No one worked, everyone partied all the time. There was no stress. Everyone lived their life and everyone was having fun. Music was huge, everyone was playing it, listening to it, parting to it. If this were to last though how would life be today? Without people willing to work hard and make the world what it is I don't think we'd last. No advancements in medicine? No thank you, so I guess I'm kinda glad we have people out there working all the time. But do they do it cause they have to? or is it cause they want to?

Why am I even here?
It's like Photoshop for dummies, I haven't paid attention since it started an hour ago, I'm listening to music and writing this + stumbling + MSN. I'm paying for this...

I have urgent advice to give you that my wonderful twin informed me about not more than 5 mins ago. To everyone out there who uses Soap made of fire or soap that is the equivalence of 1 000 °C not to put it in or around your eyes. They will burn really bad, turn red and your contacts will NOT go in! EVER! AGAIN! You will basically die in like 24 minutes.

This will be your eye.

So class is almost over. There is going to be a huge Duel Post this week so make sure you look out for that one.

Izanrelur.

WE ARE AH