All About Cassandra Lynn

Things Were Looking Up

2011-12-30T23:53:00.000-08:00

Things were looking up and because of that someone had to shit on us. We are poor as in no money and now there is a problem that requires money. I think I told Erik the other day that it couldn't get worse. But lo and behold it did. When will I be able to relax. OMG !

Seemingly Normal

2011-12-30T13:04:00.000-08:00

Well today is seeming normal. Erik got called in for a job so we should be able to afford to pay some bills. A little here is better than nothing at all. I got all the laundry done yesterday so he had nice clean crisp clothes to wear.

Til Death Do You Part

2011-12-29T22:00:00.000-08:00

So we went to the dentist and he said he wasn't even going to biopsy it. Tomorrow I should be heading to procure to try and get a job. I can't live like this. I feel as if Erik is forcing me to get a job and it is so stupid because he is the one who wanted me to be the homemaker. He thinks that now that we are married I can't leave him. Because of the lines "Til Death Do You Part" I can still leave him without divorcing him. I refuse to put up with his crap if I am the one making the money. I love him but that doesn't mean I have to put up with his shit. It's not something I am currently thinking "Hey I am going to do this!" I'm not. But he is aware of what I think. Although I dont think he understands.

Life After Drama

2011-12-29T21:19:00.000-08:00

So Erik isn't working right now. I have been searching for a job. Hoping I get one but also fearing what will happen when I do. I have worked before. But not for very long and Erik was never like this. He is always sleeping or isn't feeling well. I worry for him but I don't want to baby him. He is my husband and not my child. He is my other half. The one I share everything with. Our phones got shut off because we can no longer pay the bills. I feel almost like a single mother. I don't want to have to work , then come home to clean and cook. I am not a single mother. I shouldn't feel like one. My husband isn't going to snap out of his funk until all this crap is over with. Though I am worried for him I feel I should be preparing to live a life without him. We recently found out he might have cancer. We are scheduling for a biopsy soon. With everything going on if he has cancer I can't see him fighting it. I am hoping he doesn't have it. Will let you know as soon as I know.

Not Living Happily Ever After

2011-12-28T21:02:00.000-08:00

So after we got married everything was going well. We were both happy and just enjoying being married. No more drama. Living a peaceful life. Until one night Erik get's arrest. I couldn't believe it! I am freaking out because I can only imagine what could happen to my husband in jail. So I was able to get money to bail him out. So the next day his sister Amy takes me to the courthouse so I can pay to bail Erik out. He comes out looking numb. Like he can't believe what is happening to him. I sign all the necessary paperwork and we are on our way home. Now I won't say why he was arrested because I don't even like saying that he even was arrested. I'll put your minds at rest and say nothing horrible like murder or touching kids (that shit makes me sick.) So the next day I find out his sister is saying she paid to bail him out. It pisses me off so much because she didn't. She isn't responsible for my husband and his actions while he is out on bail. She doesn't have to worry about anything but what is going on in her life. It just made me mad. But since this indecent Erik isn't happy and I'm not too happy either. Maybe life will be good again after we get this stuff figured out but ( I am shrugging my shoulders) I doubt it. Life is never Happily Ever After. Though it has it's moments. Tomorrow I talk about how this has affected us as a family

A Little History

2011-12-27T17:59:00.000-08:00

Ok if I am going to start a blog all about me I might want to tell you a little about myself. I am a 27 (i think LOL not so great at keeping track) year old woman with 2 kids and a husband. How did this all happen? Well I fell in love in high school with my now husband Erik. He had a daughter already (There's child number 1) and we were always breaking up and getting back together. So eventually I moved in with him. Then I got pregnant and we had child number 2. EIGHT years later we got married. There was ups and downs like in all relationships but last year I found lots of evidence pointing in the direction of infidelity. So shit hit the fan and we broke up and it was going to be for good but I ended up taking him back and getting married. Well this is where my blog begins. This isn't a fairy tale. And we are not living happily ever after. I love him and he loves me. But life isn't easy and people aren't perfect. I will share with you tomorrow why we aren't living happily ever after.

THINKING OF ENDING THIS BLOG

2011-12-26T21:56:00.001-08:00

ok so as you can see I am not so great at positive outcomes only. So I am thinking of just deleting this blog. I could just as easily do a blog about negative things but who needs that. NO ONE.

enjoying the little things

2011-11-13T20:57:00.001-08:00

I have time to do more creative things right now. I still have "to do" things that every mom gets stuck with. Like laundry and making dinner. I only say getting stuck with because I am so lucky that no one else wants to cook. So I have been putting things like the laundry on the "procrastinating" list and have been writing and illustrating stories. I enjoy that way more then doing the laundry

Relapse

2011-11-12T17:06:00.001-08:00

Okay I have had a relapse in my negative thinking. It has been 2 weeks and a day since I last had a positive though. I am finding it hard to think positively right now. Some things have happened and that's the reason I started the positive outcome only blog. I figure if I can find at least one positive thing to write about a day it would be able to keep me positive but the crap in my life doesn't keep me in a positive mood. I think it is something I have to train myself at. And its really difficult when life is hard on you. But you gotta try to stay positive even in the bad times. I can talk the talk but can I walk the walk. Day 1 back from my relapse, my positive thing for today is I am writing stories more often now. My kids love my stories.

Laundry Piled Up

2011-10-30T22:51:00.000-07:00

So I started my laundry some time in the beginning of the week. But because I didnt get to it right away (I was writing HAIRY SCAREY SPIDER ) I had to iron all of the clothes. Took all day. So positive thought... FINALLY IT US DONE and now I wont have to do it again until next week.

umm...i got nothing

2011-10-29T16:00:00.000-07:00

I am more sick today than I was yesterday and today just isnt looking good. Yes there is snow outside and yes it's pretty. But my sister in law n her family came over to visit after their break line broke. Positive thing is they didn't get into an accident and they are ok but now they are all at my house and I am hiding in my room. Plus there is still that house guest that won't go home. I am finishing up my Halloween Story I wrote for my son. So it will probably be done for Halloween. However the story I was writing fr my daughter won't be done. If the story itself is done that will be good but I wanted to d illustrations and everything for her book as well. Just not enough time and energy in the day to get everything I need to do done. I have clean laundry on the one side of my room (in baskets) and dirty clothes on the other side of my room.Can you say AHHHHH! So sorry everyone there is no positive thought for today. Unless you can find some way this is a positive thing?

Okay well my sister in law was able to go home. Her husband fixed their truck so I found the positive. My son got to spend some time with his cousins and they had fun playing. My husband got to spend time with his sister. I am just happy I didnt have more people had to stay at my house. So that's good enough for me. See something positive happens everyday.

Without a Job

2011-10-27T16:50:00.000-07:00

Without a job you can get a lot done at home. I haven't had a job in a while and I wasn't taking advantage of the things I can do without one. I WANT a job, but while I don't have one I am getting things done that I love. Well, mostly. I don't love doing laundry and making dinner evernight. However, I DO love writing stories for my kids and drawing pictures for those stories.

The good thing about

2011-10-26T19:40:00.000-07:00

The good thing about being poor is that you know what's really important to you. You don't have the money to throw around and have fake friends because of it. Your kids aren't getting those NEW toys and have to remember how to play with what they have. Being poor helps you appreciate what you DO have. I am in no way living on the street or anything. But we are going through some financial times where we just don't have the money for the little things, much less the bills.And I still worry about things. But I really appreciate what I had. How's that saying go? You don't appreciate something until it's gone. Sadly I think that is true for me. And for lots of people. If you are lucky enough to get that "something" back just remember what is was like without it.

The Good Thing About...

2011-10-25T10:05:00.001-07:00

The good thing about ...the kids being at school and the husband working is that I have time to myself. Time for me. So I can do whatever I want. It's almost like freedom. Creative freedom that is. It's the time I usually have to think of stories and things I would like to write. But without my husband and kids I wouldn't have the inspiration to write these things. While I love my free time, I couldn't bare to have too much time without them.

A Very Nice (Good) Day

2011-10-24T16:50:00.000-07:00

Today was a nice day. My son is doing a leaf project in school so we had to pick leaves. This was for just the cover paper. Him and his sister are having lots of fun being creative with the leaves. So all in all I am having a very good day.

Why is it so hard to stay positive?

2011-10-23T09:18:00.000-07:00

I don't know why it is so hard to stay positive. Mostly negative thoughts are the first thing I think of unless something good happens. Then I can't help but think positive.

Today I Feel Sick

2011-10-22T20:57:00.000-07:00

The positive part in being sick (as long as you eventually get better) is that you get to lay around all day and sleep.

Need Help to Think Positive for this One

2011-10-21T19:37:00.000-07:00

When your husband has a friend of his staying with you. Even though the friend doesn't "have" to stay with you and you can't get your husband to get rid of him. How do you see the positive in that? It is someone that makes your husband happy but the situation doesn't make you happy. Does your husband deserve to be happy and ignore your feelings? No! So how do you get your husband to do the right thing and get his friend out of the house before his friend CAN'T leave.

P.S. I don't like people. Much less people living with me.

The only positive I can see is a small one. Company.

Positivity

2011-10-21T18:40:00.001-07:00

Today You Can
by Catherine Pulsifer

Today you can choose to count your blessings
or you can count your troubles.
Today you can live each moment
or you can put in time. Today you can take action towards your goals
or you can procrastinate.
Today you can plan for the future
or you can regret the past.
Today you can learn one new thing
or you can stay the same.
Today you can seek possibilities
or you can overwhelm yourself with the impossible.
Today you can continue to move forward
or you can quit.
Today you can take steps towards resolving your challenges
or you can procrastinate.
You see today the choices are up to you
in deciding what you do today.

Beautiful Sunny Day

2011-10-21T14:03:00.000-07:00

Positive Thought Comes From a Negative Dream

2011-10-21T09:28:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night that my husband was taken away from me. When I woke up from this dream my husband wasn't in bed with me. (He was in the bathroom. Nothing major) But to wake up from that kind of dream and then reality says he's not there scared me.
So my positive thought from that is that at least I have now with him. I have to try and cherish what time I have with him. You never know when something is going to happen to take your precious moments away from you. I love him and I want him to know it. It's something I know he knows but he needs to feel like I love him too.
I hope the people reading this learn something. If you love someone please don't let your moments fly by. Let the other person know you love them. Cherish your time with each other.

My positive thoughts come early today

2011-10-20T05:52:00.000-07:00

My positive thought for today comes early. I got to do the tour of the UPS. So here's my positive thought "At least now I know how things work and if I get the job I won't be going in blindly." Makes me feel much better. Because I had missed the tour because somehow it was Tuesday and not yesterday when I thought it was. But I am glad I still got it/ Thanks UPS for letting me see how things work before deciding on letting me work with you.

Positive thoughts for today

2011-10-19T11:16:00.000-07:00

My positive thought for today is...If I get this UPS job I will not lose any time I spend with my kids. I can still do their homework with them. Cook them dinner , listen to them fighting and then put them to bed.
Another positive thought...Even though I can't afford to eat at Wendy's or McDonald's I can still make AWESOME burgers that help me forget that.
Another positive thought. I made DRY burgers. Positive of that. Now maybe no one will ask me to make burgers again.

Positive thought about Laundry

2011-10-18T11:16:00.000-07:00

My first positive thought today came with me having to do my laundry. I hate laundry. I don't really know anyone that LIKES laundry. But my positive thought was "At least I won't have to do it tomorrow."

Positive thought today

2011-10-17T15:32:00.000-07:00

As of October 16th I have decided to take HellCats (tv series) Savannah's (Ashley Tisdale) catch phrase"Positive outcomes only" and try to use it as my own. I am a pessimistic person. Usually thinking of the worse case scenario and thinking that's what is going to happen. Now I am going to thinking of everything. I can't stop being who I am in one day. So I will still think of the worse case scenario but now I will also believe that only the best thing CAN happen. Like today I had a telephone interview with UPS. My positive thought was "I won't have to wait and wonder as long about if I get the job." Because I have another interview when I go to check to see what the job is like.