All About Felicity

She misses him...

2008-09-05T11:12:00.003+08:00

Felicity wishes she knew where he is right now...

She will never have him...

2008-09-01T13:20:00.006+08:00

She wanted to have a glimpse of him,
wanted to know how he was doing
but she discerned that the page she was in was already been turned.
He started a new chapter without her in it...

2004...

Felicity never heard from him ever since that day she called him. A year had passed. One day she heard that he was in vacation. He was here to do something great for someone. He married her. Felicity envied her. She knew he loves her selflessly. How could not she have him for the rest of her life? She did not want to know the answer.

She wanted to have a glimpse him,
wanted to know how he was doing
but she discerned that the page she was in was already been turned.
He started a new chapter without her in it.

He was just around. But she felt the space between them was countless miles away.

Felicity believes it was time for her to after all let go of the tiniest thing she had for him.
She closed her eyes
and at long last
said goodbye
with tears in her eyes…

All About Him

2008-08-28T04:26:00.011+08:00

"She called him. It rang.
He answered with his boy-next-door and charming voice.
Then suddenly, Felicity felt she was unable to move when he started crying.
It was the first time she heard him cry for someone else than her."

2003…

He decided to work away from home back to where they started to drift apart. Maturity, ambitions and different outlook in life snapped the tie that binds them. At that time, Felicity understood that this was God’s way of letting each other go to accomplish what really God wants for them, above all for him.

She was glad with her career when they parted but sadly love kept on eluding her.
They stayed in touch for a couple of months until one day, he found love.
With honesty, felicity was happy for him.
She believed in her heart that he is worthy to feel love.

It was a gloomy afternoon when Felicity kept thinking of him. She never heard from him for about a month. She knew something was wrong. Or she felt that the time had come that he was totally blown away, in fact so far away from her. She called him. It rang. He answered with his boy-next-door and charming voice. Then suddenly, Felicity felt she was unable to move when he started crying. It was the first time she heard him cry for someone else than her.

She honestly did not know if the pain she was feeling was for him or for her self.
Then he spoke in a most hurtful way that was like a pin pricked in her heart.
His voice finally came with words that no one ever wanted to hear.

“My girlfriend have breast cancer.
She was sent home by the company because she is
no longer fit to work.
She is in her home now doing some chemotherapy.”

Her tears started falling and she stayed strong for him.
But comforting words was so hard to find. Then Felicity told him
“Hey, breast cancer is treatable. She will be fine soon because she have you to live with.”
She was devastated. She could not comfort him. He thanked her for uttering that.

But Felicity unwrapped something. Deep in his voice she felt that a part of her was gone. She felt he finally let go of what he have for her.

She continued crying after the call.
She could not stop feeling sad and worried for him.
And at the same moment Felicity knew that he is falling deeply for her…

In Pursuit of Him

2008-08-26T10:10:00.008+08:00

"Felicity returned home to where she met him.
She tried hard to get any contact details about him but she failed for a couple of times.
She now has uncertainties that maybe God does not really want her to do this."

Few months back…

She watched the sunrise beautifully in the airplane. She was on the first flight back to her hometown. She had mixed feelings of apprehension and excitement. Fear that she might not uncover what she is looking for and excitement because she will see her family and friends once again.

Felicity returned home to where she met him.

She tried hard to get any contact details about him but she failed for a couple of times.
She now has uncertainties that maybe God does not really want her to do this.
She is lying in the bed she used to own.
When she moved out, she barely have a room she called her own.
Her ambition took her away from the place she grew up.
She remembered the days she had with him in this house.
He once celebrated his birthday in this same abode.

She heard someone knocking at her door. “Breakfast is ready!” She does not have the appetite to eat but she must play the “good girl part”. She have got to not everyone knows that she is falling inside. She is bleeding for love. She never told anyone that her reason for coming home is to begin the pursuit of searching her one true love that once she had in her arms…

Where all it started

2008-08-26T00:24:00.001+08:00

Felicity never imagined that there will come a time that she will be haunted by her past.
She is always moving forward and never let
her past take her down. For the past few years she thought she moved on.

But one day without any conscious reason,
she dream of her past.
Consistently, it happened.

And it happened during those moments
she was blissful and pleased with her life.

One morning she woke up feeling broken hearted. As if she was just from a failing or failed relationship. That feeling that she could not bear and never wanted to suffer at that very moment. She never knew the reason why after all these years she was preoccupied by him. She moved on. She kept on saying that to herself.

She ignored that feeling for quite some time, a year or so.
She believes that she does not have the right to invade
the peace her ex-boyfriend is having now with his new love.

She knew that, she deemed knew that.

But why something inside her that was not right?

Felicity did not entertain that thought. She ignored it even harder and tried to focus on other things like her career.

Felicity understood something.
She now exactly knew that for all this time she had him in her heart.
He never was replaced in there.
For so long she hid him at the bottom
and thought having a new life away from the one she had with him
was the right thing to do.
She forgot about him
but her heart reminded her in her dream that he is there and always been there.

Now her quest for the answers has started. She knew she must find him…

Her Heart Say So...

2008-08-25T22:51:00.004+08:00

She sits alone in the couch with a coffee mug on her hand, watching a movie that she could not appreciate. It’s 4:00 am and stillness is present around her. Her eyes were gazing on the television but her mind was somewhere. She never recognized that she was on that spot for hours not until the television timer sets off. She was back in the real world. The world that reminded her about the biggest snag she is undertaking. She thought she have most of the things that would pleased her. But she was mistaken when all of the sudden she sense that something is not there and something is off beam in her supposed to be so-called contented and happy life.

She suddenly looks back how she lives her life. One by one she tried to recollect the highlights of her past. Then she shed a tear for knowing that most of them were memories she chooses to bury. And this time is her turning point that would definitely sketch her future. There is no turning back. The biggest decision in her life is about to happen. That for the first time is not influenced by the circumstances she is into. Or one of those decisions that she have make impulsively to escape pain and more pain. She thought of this a thousand times or even a million times. This must be the most mature choice she will ever do in her entire life.

Ready or not she believes in her heart that this is what she needs to answer the questions she had for such a long time. This time, she is not escaping the pain. Instead she is eager to face whatever it will bring her. It could be rejection, pain, embarrassment, frustration. But she also hopes it will bring her true bliss, selflessness, fate and true love.

She sips her cold coffee and wiped the tears in her eyes. Many people will be hurt including her self. But she stopped thinking about other people around her and for once she chased her heart. And her heart wants to believe that magic exists even in this imperfect and rough world she revolves in.

Felicity believes serendipity will bring her there.