all smiles on a sunny day

when life goes on

2014-08-25T00:07:00.001+08:00

For the past months this year, I have really been busy. In fact, I have not seen a lot of old friends for a long time.

Somehow, I don't feel that my life has been treading a dead end. My work isn't ideal. I have a family duty that has to be sustained in a few more months. Or maybe more.

Some of my friends have married/have children. I am single, but I don't have a booming career as a trophy to conceal this deficiency. When I try to look at my life in one angle, it isn't actually that great.

However, in the small corner of my life, things have been going to a positive direction, I guess. I have met a few personalities this year and the previous year who have inspired me directly and indirectly towards my goal in life.

I am slowly turning vegetarian. And that is an important goal. I have less needs and wants. But this does not mean that I am not living my life to the fullest.

Some people conceive incorrectly that when you become a vegetarian or do not get to travel a lot for leisure, is that you are wasting your youth.

First of all, vegetarianism is good for me. I need lesser foods. But more nutritious and favorable. I don't get to ward off diseases 100% by scrapping off meat in my diet, but at least I am taking care of my body that way, and the environment at the same time. It is not that I am sacrificing a lot, and will regret not trying out different foods when I get older.

Look at the older people. For sure they've tasted pork or beef or chicken dishes when they were younger, but they'd risk having high blood (or threat for their current disease) for the day when any of these meat is served. You have no escape. Your tongue will long for the taste.

So, why not scrap meat right now? The taste will haunt you if you try to linger.

Sometimes, I feel sad that I do not have enough money to help my family. Like buy stuff in the house or something. But somehow, I realize, it is alright that I am able to cook food for my family and share to them vegetarian dishes.

It is a problem on my part too to meet old friends who are not vegetarian, I want to share to them the benefits of eating meat-free with gentleness and in a-not-defensive-manner. But I feel left out just thinking about it.

I have friends who are vegetarians themselves and I am happy to get some ideas on cooking. I always wish to share to my old friends the benefits of scrapping meat, but I am not a good speaker. I do not want to be self-righteous, but sometimes the conversation gos on that direction.

Oh love songs

2014-06-24T23:11:00.003+08:00

We try to listen to love songs from which we cannot relate and squeeze all the feeling of love we can get from the words and melody.

We want the pains of separation and the joys of short rendezvous. But the truth is the love we are looking for isn't here, yet it envelopes us. We are anxiously looking for the water to fill our thirst, but we only find empty cups.

I have been looking for you for millions of lifetimes, why do I still choose to live far from your love? Your gaze can simply wash all these pains away, so as all the worries, but I try to cherish the shards of broken glass instead of the diamonds you are offering.

Oh the rain is coming

2014-06-23T21:39:00.000+08:00

Half of the year has already passed, and things that I have been waiting for have not unfolded yet. I think the mid-year often leaves one in the middle of the crossroads: whether to go on or not. But the reality is whether I move forward, back ward, or stay where I am, the world will still keep spinning.

I am not very afraid of what could happen in the future. Still, financial constraints, time constraints, education, and marriage (haha) bother me all at once or one after the other.

Yet, all I have to remember is to perform my rightful duties and remember that I am not entitled to the fruits of actions. Moreover, the season will pass, so as the pains and joys, failures, and victories.

Long Rides

2014-02-13T21:54:00.003+08:00

*Re-post from deleted Tumblr blog. on Feb 1, 2013

~~Sometimes~~ Most of the time it’s not the destination, but the journey itself.”

I don’t know a lot of people who would appreciate a long, hot, and windy ride in a bus.

When we think about traveling, the point is reaching the destination and doing all sorts of things you need to do—be it work or leisure. A destination holds a beautiful spot, an endless thread of activities, familiar faces, or people you would only meet the first time. A destination is a treasure in itself, but it means the end of something too.

I love arriving at an exciting destination (though I don’t get to travel that much), but I like long, smooth and sometimes bumpy ride too. Be it in the highway or a dusty dirt road. Rain or shine. With people I like or alone.

When I was in college I used to ride an old bus traveling to San Mateo-Ayala and vice versa. I would patiently wait for the brown bus in San Mateo going to my school in Manila and find a lonesome seat by the window. I didn’t own an mp3 back then and my only amusement is either drowning myself with the things I pass by or day dreams. Riding back then was a time for me to think. Think about my future and my past, and present too. It was the time for me to formulate plots on plans about urgent things I need to face which was mostly about finances and studies. It was a time for me to forget too, and just sew story about myself in some distant future without all the worries on my back. When I used to travel alone in a lonely bus, I’d cry when I needed to, likewise I pray.

It was liberating. But when I get nearer our house, it was a slow retreat for me to go back to my cage and forget about fictional sojourns. Of love stories that didn’t happen. And what could it have been after college.

I still love long rides now, but some things have changed. My journey is not only from home to school or vice versa. Also, not only a new place I needed to go to for a school project. Sometimes I need to tread an endless highway to face a job assignment. I may go on a journey too for leisure and vacation. Things have become more exciting and challenging. Still for me, there is sheer joy on passing by places I may never set my foot on.

An anticipation of what would come next. A journey in itself is life. And maybe, it’s a preparation too for a more important role we need to play in the universe.

All the Years

2014-01-16T22:22:00.001+08:00

**Some grammar errors may occur. Too tired to proofread now, I just want to write something. Will make corrections later. Some themes do not match, but I just want to write these.

Since 2008, when I started this blog, there have been a lot of things that showed up and went away along my path. That was only (or has already been) five years ago, and career-wise I have not upped so much.

It's a little sad sometimes especially when you hear people's comment about how you could have been better, to dress up more like your age, or to find a job that's more rewarding. (note: mom) But really, why do these things matter?

I sometimes plan to do something about these things, like maybe fix my hair a little, put on a little make up, or try to find another job on the Internet. But for the past two years and more, my attention was caught by something else. Something I know is very important, which I cannot miss in this lifetime.

I even have to give up a lot of meetings with old friends, just to be with new people I've met. But these people, even if I don't know their background, why they are here, what food they like, and the funny moments in their lives, they know who they are, and for some reason, I know them too. Along the way, I feel like we are all trying to gradually get rid of these temporary clothes we are wearing.

It has been a long journey. I hope this is the last one. Even if sometimes my old consciousness is dragging me back to the pits of human life, I still always want to remember my real purpose for crawling and walking along this Earth, and to beat it.

Along the way, pains try to urge me to give up and happiness makes me linger unnecessarily. But I have to realize that both these things are mere seasons in my life, and they need to pass. no reason to dwell on these.

Last year, I planned for things which should have come up at the beginning of the year, but didn't happen. Yet, it's okay, I'll just plan and let things unfold on its own depending on what I deserve. We all deserve something—whether it is good or bad. But in the end, one must hope to get out of the cycle and find their true love.

a figment

2013-08-19T17:58:00.002+08:00

Before, when I used to imagine or figure out eternity, it seems so incomprehensible with all those latches attached to me.

But when you realize that you are a product of eternity, that your start is somewhat untraceable, it is easier to carry the pains, or the joys. They are sure to happen in a flash, nothing happens would seem so momentous to you.

Except in relation to Someone Higher and Bigger than all of these, and of course the angels you've met in the journey.

2013 and beyond

2013-06-26T20:11:00.001+08:00

Half of the year was already spent. There have been a lot of magical moments that seem to envelope me and protect me from all the dangers of the material dimension. Even though I'm not rich or beautiful, I am slowly realizing, giving up this material identity, and stepping into a higher platform. It's not easy, and it's not instant, but someday, I'm sure I'd be able to understand all these things.

If you slowly come to realize who you are, giving up on things, even pride is easier.

when all is forgotten

2013-04-02T20:03:00.001+08:00

I haven't updated my little corner here for the longest time, but for the sake of keeping this a little active I'd just blurt out why I haven't been writing for leisure for a very long time:

Maybe because I find my self aimlessly looking at other people's blog (especially art related) and run day dreams while doing so.

Maybe it is because I spend too much time writing for money in front of the computer, and as soon as I'm free, I'd rather be as far as I could from the screen monitor.

Maybe because of a new found joy offline. Things I need not to jot down on the worldwide web are my joys. In my heart there's bliss--maybe the food, love, relationships, places, and all--there is no need for explanation for such things. It's because I spend time with people who are not Internet friends, or I don't connect with through Facebook, whatever.

Yeah.

Journaling

2012-12-05T21:00:00.003+08:00

I love journal-ling! ♥

On writing

2012-11-25T09:33:00.000+08:00

I have not updated my blog for a very long time maybe because I'm running out of reasons to write creatively. When you are growing up your time is being invaded by duties both at work and at home. During my free time, I need to squeeze in some moments to reconnect with old friends. I just do not have time to float among the clouds. To rethink about decisions I just made because right after, I need to attend to something.

My writing spree is only when I work in the office or do some freelance write ups. I can't write for myself anymore. I can't write without a reason. This is I guess is the reason for getting paid for writing. You have to be conscious about facts and grammar and not time to play with words insensibly.

What will I do next? For now maybe just go with the flow.

excitement

2012-11-19T22:35:00.001+08:00

Dear Blog,

will update you soon. I'm so excited that the PC's back! Yahoo, I say to you.

Lovelots, Cath

Plan

2012-05-12T12:50:00.000+08:00

I want to make a new blog with only photos/images (and some texts) found in it.
Right now, I'm crazy about making digital Polaroid photos. :)

Just a thought

2012-05-08T14:36:00.003+08:00

I want to create new blogs. One that would be ALL TEXT, and another one that would comprise of IMAGES (drawings, photos).

My Birthday

2012-02-20T12:56:00.000+08:00

My birthday is today, but I kinda celebrated it yesterday. It wasn’t actually some kind of a party or simple family feast. Yes, my mom cooked pancit, but everyone in the house was broke, so there wasn’t really sumptuous food for us or anything.

Anyway, I celebrated the day by doing a few things I love. Tell me I’m shallow but blue sky and cold breeze make me happy. So, yesterday’s afternoon was like a gift from God.

I stayed outside in the afternoon, drank coffee, read a little, and put some music on my ear. Later, I watched the movie “My Neighbor Totoro”. It was good. I wish I live in a similar place. There’s so much to discover in the rice fields, the woods and even inside Satsuki and Mei’s house.

After the movie, my niece and I drew some pictures and we hung them on the wall. I called the hung pictures our Gallery—for one night only. Later tonight, I need to remove them.

It wasn’t my most momentous or memorable birthday, but I feel that every year of my life is getting more meaningful. Gradually, I learn more about life, God, love, passion and people. Even though humans are often fickle-minded and complex and materialistic, they still interest me. Their sufferings, secrets, and happiness are things I want to learn and understand. Thereby, I’m having a birthday project this year which is connected with questions people ask. I’ve a question too. Actually, I got lots of them.

What’s yours?

It's nice to belong here. :)

Aloha Marikina

2012-02-18T13:17:00.000+08:00

When I was a lot younger, I remember this city as a place often attacked by flash floods during the rainy season. Whenever it would rain for days, I'd expect Marikina to be flooded, where people stay on their roofs for days while waiting for supplies or rescuers.

When my family moved to San Mateo, few years ago, I had the chance to pass by Marikina often. And eventually, this place became a a little piece of haven (yeah) for me. When I was in college, I'd go to Riverbanks mall and stroll with my heart's desires. I used to sing in the videoke rooms all by myself or have a few drinks with college buddies near the river.

One of the most memorable moments I had there was when I was so heartbroken and my best buddy joined me for a walk. We walked around the river, from Riverpark to the mall and back. It was exhilarating but fun. It was 2007 and the new year was approaching. We discovered a church. ran away from lurking evil spirits and waved good bye to a passing boat.

During the holy week of 2009, I went to stroll the length of the river again, this time, with my younger sister. It was noontime and it was so hot.

Marikina is also a good place to buy cheap clothes and shoes. I'd buy clothes from Riverbanks mall and shoes from Marikina market. I also acquire fun in visiting cheap second had stores around Bayan. For books, I'd sometimes go to Mariquinton mall to find some second hand reads. But, I rarely go there.

Another unforgettable I had in Marikina was when I went home walking from Sports Center to Fairlane (?). It was really exhausting, but it was so difficult to get a ride because there was rain the afternoon and it was flooded in some places.

It was also the time when I was obsessed with walking was at the edge of some uncertainties in life.
QC is still my favorite city and Makati and Manila are also good, but there just a lot of things which Markina and I shared.

Recent photos I had at Marikina.

A lonesome (but not really) stroll one Sunday afternoon.

Friendster

2012-02-08T13:49:00.000+08:00

I miss my friendster blog. There were a lot of crazy, incoherent and grammatically-wrong posts I've written there, and I think my blogsite is already non-existent, so I do not have any chances of looking back at those days when I worry about my school allowance, projects, crushes and world peace.

what is power?

2012-02-07T23:49:00.002+08:00

Fly around the world. Command the execution of someone. Carry heavy loads at a time.

You can do almost anything with power. It also comes in different forms and shapes. It can be physical strength, money or a government position. There's actually a lot more of it.

It can be good most of the time since you'd be capable of fighting diseases, do your job well, finish tasks quickly and gain experiences. Some people however, are not just keen enough in handling their power, which sometimes is not even their own. Since they're connected with someone powerful--such as a rich person, a government official, or the world's boxing or weight-lifting champion, they think they're invincible as well.

These people, who get to taste a bit of power are eaten up whole, and they allow it, not knowing they'll get pooped out in the end.

Since they are acquainted with these earthly powerful men, they feel they got a lot of subordinates, whom they can easily stomped on.

Why, such people do not really know how to live. They think living is being on top, enjoying things, getting more than what they are supposed to have. They think they can get away from the thing they did just fine.

Why do people enjoying power-tripping? What kind of joy does it give them?
They hurt other people's ego, just to prove they're worthy and others are comparatively worthless. Will It prove their existence? Will it give them more power? And if they gain more, what are they gonna do with after?

They'd just die in the end always hungry for something. Their bodies cold corpses and their spirits back to zero.

Facing the brunt of February

2012-02-02T14:57:00.000+08:00

It's not really mean, but some things are just crazy around me now.

I'm sick and it's my birthday month. : /

hello, my dragon

2012-01-25T00:40:00.000+08:00

I wonder what's gonna be for me this year? Often times I am filled with optimism, plans and paranoia.

It's just that at one time, I'll be overly glad, but scared on the next phase. or maybe I'm just sick of some mysterious, incurable disease that has not been discovered by doctors and scientists.

Please, 2012 let's be friends. I could be scared of dragons, but maybe the world isn't coming to an end yet, I guess. Also, many things are just starting for me.

I'll make plans, but there are Divine pathways too, which I can't take control to make a reroute.

2011 in Tidbits

2011-12-29T15:11:00.001+08:00

January:

The first month of the year has been romantic in all sorts. I loved the afternoon colors especially when I talked with God in the Church. The month has been packed with days of anticipation, heartbreaks, tears and financial worries. Still, amidst all these assortments of experiences and emotions, the months passed with great blessings, one of which was my mom's simple celebration of her 53rd birthday.

February:

I turned 24, and along with, I had planned to create a birthday project, originally aiming to gather poems from 24 different people. Only, I wasn't able to complete the set, and instead I came up with 24 Poems and Sorts, with 12 poems from friends, quotes from my favorite books and songs, and some photographs. The project was completed a few months after. And I was elated all throughout the project creation.

I celebrated my birthday at Regalia Hotel along with some office mates. Woke up with text greetings from friends and had breakfast. In the afternoon, my heart jumped with the gentle breeze and bright sun shining. I bought cake for my celebration at home afterward.

March:

It was only late March when I received my first salary for the year. I was ecstatic, but the fun subsided after I spent all the money paying my debts. Whew~ I barely survived the opening of the year, but thank God, everything turned out fine.

April:

I went to Binondo with friends. We had a good walk and food trip.
For the Holy Week, my mom and I went to Binondo again for Visita Iglesia, but we didn't complete the required number of churches, which I forgot.

May:

I treated my family for the Mother's Day.

Mother's Day photo

June:

My sister went to college, and I felt grown up, having to worry about her schooling. So, far, I think I manage to be a responsible sister in terms of providing her allowance.I just don't know if my sister's responsible with her school work.

July:

This was the most thrilling month of the year.
My friend gave birth.
I was so alone and sad during the first days of the month, but I became happier as the days went on.
I went to Zambales and Bacolod during the month, and I attended a seminar. The month ended well, and I learned a secret.

At Potipot Island

August:

I went to Corregidor. I loved the place.
happier days came, despite some problems.

September:

It's raining almost every day. I went to Quezon, and had a photo at the foot of Mt. Banahaw. My life was changed in some aspects, and I'm starting to look at the future with more optimistic eyes.

October:

Finished and released 24 Poems and Sorts.
Attended Sulataktakan.
Attended photography training.

November:

Attended lay-outing training.
Met my old buddy after a long time and we had a meaningful talk. With tears and laughter coming alternately.

December:

The Holidays! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! :)
Everything's gonna be fine. I can feel it.

year-end photo

From July

2011-10-12T10:21:00.000+08:00

The photo above was taken when my friend gave birth to her firstborn. Too bad we forgot to take pictures of her and her baby boy; instead we took pictures right after we left the hospital.

When I first learned about her pregnancy sometime last year, I admit I was hit by a pang of loneliness and panic. I was thinking that every body is now growing--stepping into the ladder of adulthood, while I’m being left alone.

As an introvert, it was almost always difficult for me to make new friends. Actually I don’t need that much. I was and still am contended with the circle of people I’m revolving around now, only that it’s getting smaller and smaller as the days grow.

After college or every body started moving into their own paths and all you are left with are memories of your once dear friends, now turned strangers. I have a lot of that; only to a few I really shed a hint of sadness and regrets.

I missed my college buddy, a couple of high school friends, and another one from college. They were among the trusted people I have in this world, but at one point, I gradually accepted that they cannot be my friends forever, at a time in the future, those dear to me would soon lose their identities I had once etched in my mind.

Still, I’m not out of people to love. A friend once told me that if you want to make the friendship last, you must always put some efforts for you to maintain the communication and relationship.

She’s right in a big way. In fact, I consider myself lucky to have her as a friend. There will be times when we’d see each other weekly. Though, at present, we only keep in touch through technology, and I regret how we were not able to meet, along with another friend last week because of fate, I know, that she won’t easily relinquish me as her friend.

We have another friend, and I kind of miss him because although he may be full of negative thoughts sometimes, he’s crazy and humorous and talkative.

I can only be talkative to a few people, or when I share something that I’m passionate about. And with that, I can be comfortable with talkative, but not aggressive and vain people.

Now, remembering the photos above, and my friends, and everything that happened in July, I come to think now that I stepped into a doorway, getting in another world and never to return as my old self. I hope I could easily share it with my small circle.

But some events need trust, understanding, a dash of imagination and some rainbows.

I hope, even though we step into the ladder of adulthood one by one, we do not lose passion and colors and friends. The world is a cruel place, and though we might feel like crying on our own, or getting mad alone, friends will always be necessary. They’re like attachments to our souls. They warm you up with words and actions and communication.

Five Years Story

2011-10-06T10:21:00.000+08:00

Chapter One

hehe, ok.

question,

(xxx) pano mo nakikita ang sarili mo, 5yrs from now?

at ano ang tunay at ultimate mong pangarap para sa sarili mo?

Chapter Two

Ako? 5 years from now, graduate na si (xxx).
ang ultimate kong pangarap? makagrad si (xxx). tas makasama ang pamilya ko sa langit. o kahit ako lang, if ever malimutan ko sila, pero habang nabubuhay ako ay ang maging mas masaya ang bawat taon ko..

Chapter Three

hehe, mukhang stressed na stressed ka sa school ni (xxx) ah.

umuulan ba dyan? hehe.

good afternoon :)

Chapter Four

di naman. pero yun lang naiisip ko. after niya grumaduate, pwede na ko magtour sa ibang bansa. kung may pera. haha.

bat mo naman naisip? magpapakasal ka na ba within 5 years? ehehe.

Chapter Five

nyak. ayoko magkaron ng responsibilidad

gusto ko magstay lang sa bahay at maglaro ng PS3, kahit wala kami nun.

gusto ko magretire ng maaga.. tas magipon ng pera, para hindi ko na kailangang magtrabaho.

Chapter Six

di ba dapat mag ipon ka muna bago magretire?
ayoko tumigil sa pagtatrabaho. kahit ano. basta dapat may gingawa ako. na paiba iba.

Chapter Seven

ay oo, baliktad pala.
gusto ko mag-ipon, then magretire.
basta, gusto ko maging masaya.
matagal ko ng di nararamdaman yung ganong pakiramdam.
magiging masaya ako, pero saglit lang.
eheh. siguro nega lang ako madalas.

Chapter Eight

nasasaid na siguro ang sense of humor mo.
kailangan mong mag-recharge.

sabi nga nila. happiness is a choice.

Chapter Nine

hmm... true, true.

What Shall I Write?

2011-09-23T10:55:00.002+08:00

I haven't blogged here for the longest time.

A few weeks (or months) back, I thought of writing about a Korean friend, lost friends, my town, and any thing in between.

But laziness hit me along with may issues that I need to face, such as emotional roller coaster, new experiences that are unlikely me (based on my own definition of myself).

So, today, I decided to force myself to write.

I actually have two article assignments on the Mango Pulp Weevil issue, one for press release, and another for radio broadcast.

I was excited to start it after the meeting last Wednesday, but little by little my energy just dwindled.

I want to write something, or read anything, but still my focus just floats over my head unable to connect to reality and push it self to be productive.

I am thinking, maybe I'm having a writer's block or maybe I'm just plain lazy.

To be Mature

2011-07-19T10:19:00.003+08:00

Back then, someone told me and my older sister that I’d probably be a contented homemaker, while she would be a woman of the world. I think I was organizing my stuff that time while listening to Daniel Powter’s Bad Day when the comment was made. Back when we were in school, I’d remember my sister being the active student. She liked to be the leader and loved joining extracurricular activities. On my part, I’d enjoy myself surrounded with my introvert friends, poems, animes and loud songs.

Fast forward to present, I couldn’t validate any meaning to the prophesy quoted years back. While, I don’t consider myself woman of the world, I feel that I’m on my way of treading paths that are unlikely to settle for contentment of a homemaker. At my age now, my sister was already nursing a two-year old baby, while shuffling time between work, dreams and her immature husband. I have nothing against being hitched or being a mother, but seeing how distressing and dreary her condition now, I regret a lot of things which she could have achieved if she chose another path.

My sister was a big dreamer. She planned a lot. When I was half my age I dreamt that my sister becomes rich so she could send our youngest sister to school and buy a house for our mother, that was in accordance on what she dreamt back then, anyway. I saw myself not having a lot of money but traveling all over. I saw myself teaching kids in a far-flung mountain. Writing poems, fictions and even on the walls.

My friends would always hear me whine how my sister has been forever irresponsible about money, about being obstinate and proud. I’d complain about having to share her troubles and stress. But, I would be reminded somehow that I need to understand her because I am blessed and free and know what I wanted. While, she has to bear the weight of raising a child and a husband, I have the choice to live on my own. Yet, I just couldn’t while I am young because I feel that my family needs to stick together.

I still see a lot of crap in her, in her life, and as much as I wanted to tell her off, she’s still my older sister, and anyway and she can have the liberty to live the way she wanted. And I’m not perfect too, so for the mean time we’ll live in the synchrony of our imperfections as we tread our separate paths of womanhood.

blank

2011-06-12T14:58:00.002+08:00

I'm currently in the middle of a writing task. i need to finish two blog articles before the day finishes, but my mind can't quite align with the required thoughts i have to have right at the moment.

I have some stuff running in my mind.
Plans and more plans.

1. I want to finish my digital book, 24 poems and sorts, but lately, though i wasn't freelancing (freelance writing) i was kind of bummed with the performance of my PC. It's so slow and i want to thrash it. But, i love still. i love it for bearing with me. :)

2. I want to write recollections here in my blog. I want to write about my childhood which explains why i am me. i want to write about my family, friends, and dreams and loves. But, I'm just too forgetful, too lazy and not just brave enough to write that kind of stuff. But, I'll be doing it sooner or later.

3. I want to throw some of my stuff away. i want to dispose some old notebooks because i want to buy new ones. i feel kind of sentimental having them, but i need to change some things. and improve a lot of me.

4. I want to write my friend Kate, but i haven't sent her book yet. Ugh. i'm so lazy.

5. It's a fair hot afternoon, i was sleepy a while ago, but overcame it with a cup of hot choco flavored with white marshmallows.

6. What else do i want to do? Uhm. i wanna run and sweat and be carefree.