all smiles on a sunny day

Friendster

2012-02-08T13:49:00.000+08:00

I miss my friendster blog. There were a lot of crazy, incoherent and grammatically-wrong posts I've written there, and I think my blogsite is already non-existent, so I do not have any chances of looking back at those days when I worry about my school allowance, projects, crushes and world peace.

what is power?

2012-02-07T23:49:00.002+08:00

Fly around the world. Command the execution of someone. Carry heavy loads at a time.

You can do almost anything with power. It also comes in different forms and shapes. It can be physical strength, money or a government position. There's actually a lot more of it.

It can be good most of the time since you'd be capable of fighting diseases, do your job well, finish tasks quickly and gain experiences. Some people however, are not just keen enough in handling their power, which sometimes is not even their own. Since they're connected with someone powerful--such as a rich person, a government official, or the world's boxing or weight-lifting champion, they think they're invincible as well.

These people, who get to taste a bit of power are eaten up whole, and they allow it, not knowing they'll get pooped out in the end.

Since they are acquainted with these earthly powerful men, they feel they got a lot of subordinates, whom they can easily stomped on.

Why, such people do not really know how to live. They think living is being on top, enjoying things, getting more than what they are supposed to have. They think they can get away from the thing they did just fine.

Why do people enjoying power-tripping? What kind of joy does it give them?
They hurt other people's ego, just to prove they're worthy and others are comparatively worthless. Will It prove their existence? Will it give them more power? And if they gain more, what are they gonna do with after?

They'd just die in the end always hungry for something. Their bodies cold corpses and their spirits back to zero.

Facing the brunt of February

2012-02-02T14:57:00.000+08:00

It's not really mean, but some things are just crazy around me now.

I'm sick and it's my birthday month. : /

hello, my dragon

2012-01-25T00:40:00.000+08:00

I wonder what's gonna be for me this year? Often times I am filled with optimism, plans and paranoia.

It's just that at one time, I'll be overly glad, but scared on the next phase. or maybe I'm just sick of some mysterious, incurable disease that has not been discovered by doctors and scientists.

Please, 2012 let's be friends. I could be scared of dragons, but maybe the world isn't coming to an end yet, I guess. Also, many things are just starting for me.

I'll make plans, but there are Divine pathways too, which I can't take control to make a reroute.

2011 in Tidbits

2011-12-29T15:11:00.001+08:00

January:

The first month of the year has been romantic in all sorts. I loved the afternoon colors especially when I talked with God in the Church. The month has been packed with days of anticipation, heartbreaks, tears and financial worries. Still, amidst all these assortments of experiences and emotions, the months passed with great blessings, one of which was my mom's simple celebration of her 53rd birthday.

February:

I turned 24, and along with, I had planned to create a birthday project, originally aiming to gather poems from 24 different people. Only, I wasn't able to complete the set, and instead I came up with 24 Poems and Sorts, with 12 poems from friends, quotes from my favorite books and songs, and some photographs. The project was completed a few months after. And I was elated all throughout the project creation.

I celebrated my birthday at Regalia Hotel along with some office mates. Woke up with text greetings from friends and had breakfast. In the afternoon, my heart jumped with the gentle breeze and bright sun shining. I bought cake for my celebration at home afterward.

March:

It was only late March when I received my first salary for the year. I was ecstatic, but the fun subsided after I spent all the money paying my debts. Whew~ I barely survived the opening of the year, but thank God, everything turned out fine.

April:

I went to Binondo with friends. We had a good walk and food trip.
For the Holy Week, my mom and I went to Binondo again for Visita Iglesia, but we didn't complete the required number of churches, which I forgot.

May:

I treated my family for the Mother's Day.

Mother's Day photo

June:

My sister went to college, and I felt grown up, having to worry about her schooling. So, far, I think I manage to be a responsible sister in terms of providing her allowance.I just don't know if my sister's responsible with her school work.

July:

This was the most thrilling month of the year.
My friend gave birth.
I was so alone and sad during the first days of the month, but I became happier as the days went on.
I went to Zambales and Bacolod during the month, and I attended a seminar. The month ended well, and I learned a secret.

At Potipot Island

August:

I went to Corregidor. I loved the place.
happier days came, despite some problems.

September:

It's raining almost every day. I went to Quezon, and had a photo at the foot of Mt. Banahaw. My life was changed in some aspects, and I'm starting to look at the future with more optimistic eyes.

October:

Finished and released 24 Poems and Sorts.
Attended Sulataktakan.
Attended photography training.

November:

Attended lay-outing training.
Met my old buddy after a long time and we had a meaningful talk. With tears and laughter coming alternately.

December:

The Holidays! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! :)
Everything's gonna be fine. I can feel it.

year-end photo

From July

2011-10-12T10:21:00.000+08:00

The photo above was taken when my friend gave birth to her firstborn. Too bad we forgot to take pictures of her and her baby boy; instead we took pictures right after we left the hospital.

When I first learned about her pregnancy sometime last year, I admit I was hit by a pang of loneliness and panic. I was thinking that every body is now growing--stepping into the ladder of adulthood, while I’m being left alone.

As an introvert, it was almost always difficult for me to make new friends. Actually I don’t need that much. I was and still am contended with the circle of people I’m revolving around now, only that it’s getting smaller and smaller as the days grow.

After college or every body started moving into their own paths and all you are left with are memories of your once dear friends, now turned strangers. I have a lot of that; only to a few I really shed a hint of sadness and regrets.

I missed my college buddy, a couple of high school friends, and another one from college. They were among the trusted people I have in this world, but at one point, I gradually accepted that they cannot be my friends forever, at a time in the future, those dear to me would soon lose their identities I had once etched in my mind.

Still, I’m not out of people to love. A friend once told me that if you want to make the friendship last, you must always put some efforts for you to maintain the communication and relationship.

She’s right in a big way. In fact, I consider myself lucky to have her as a friend. There will be times when we’d see each other weekly. Though, at present, we only keep in touch through technology, and I regret how we were not able to meet, along with another friend last week because of fate, I know, that she won’t easily relinquish me as her friend.

We have another friend, and I kind of miss him because although he may be full of negative thoughts sometimes, he’s crazy and humorous and talkative.

I can only be talkative to a few people, or when I share something that I’m passionate about. And with that, I can be comfortable with talkative, but not aggressive and vain people.

Now, remembering the photos above, and my friends, and everything that happened in July, I come to think now that I stepped into a doorway, getting in another world and never to return as my old self. I hope I could easily share it with my small circle.

But some events need trust, understanding, a dash of imagination and some rainbows.

I hope, even though we step into the ladder of adulthood one by one, we do not lose passion and colors and friends. The world is a cruel place, and though we might feel like crying on our own, or getting mad alone, friends will always be necessary. They’re like attachments to our souls. They warm you up with words and actions and communication.

Five Years Story

2011-10-06T10:21:00.000+08:00

Chapter One

hehe, ok.

question,

(xxx) pano mo nakikita ang sarili mo, 5yrs from now?

at ano ang tunay at ultimate mong pangarap para sa sarili mo?

Chapter Two

Ako? 5 years from now, graduate na si (xxx).
ang ultimate kong pangarap? makagrad si (xxx). tas makasama ang pamilya ko sa langit. o kahit ako lang, if ever malimutan ko sila, pero habang nabubuhay ako ay ang maging mas masaya ang bawat taon ko..

Chapter Three

hehe, mukhang stressed na stressed ka sa school ni (xxx) ah.

umuulan ba dyan? hehe.

good afternoon :)

Chapter Four

di naman. pero yun lang naiisip ko. after niya grumaduate, pwede na ko magtour sa ibang bansa. kung may pera. haha.

bat mo naman naisip? magpapakasal ka na ba within 5 years? ehehe.

Chapter Five

nyak. ayoko magkaron ng responsibilidad

gusto ko magstay lang sa bahay at maglaro ng PS3, kahit wala kami nun.

gusto ko magretire ng maaga.. tas magipon ng pera, para hindi ko na kailangang magtrabaho.

Chapter Six

di ba dapat mag ipon ka muna bago magretire?
ayoko tumigil sa pagtatrabaho. kahit ano. basta dapat may gingawa ako. na paiba iba.

Chapter Seven

ay oo, baliktad pala.
gusto ko mag-ipon, then magretire.
basta, gusto ko maging masaya.
matagal ko ng di nararamdaman yung ganong pakiramdam.
magiging masaya ako, pero saglit lang.
eheh. siguro nega lang ako madalas.

Chapter Eight

nasasaid na siguro ang sense of humor mo.
kailangan mong mag-recharge.

sabi nga nila. happiness is a choice.

Chapter Nine

hmm... true, true.

What Shall I Write?

2011-09-23T10:55:00.002+08:00

I haven't blogged here for the longest time.

A few weeks (or months) back, I thought of writing about a Korean friend, lost friends, my town, and any thing in between.

But laziness hit me along with may issues that I need to face, such as emotional roller coaster, new experiences that are unlikely me (based on my own definition of myself).

So, today, I decided to force myself to write.

I actually have two article assignments on the Mango Pulp Weevil issue, one for press release, and another for radio broadcast.

I was excited to start it after the meeting last Wednesday, but little by little my energy just dwindled.

I want to write something, or read anything, but still my focus just floats over my head unable to connect to reality and push it self to be productive.

I am thinking, maybe I'm having a writer's block or maybe I'm just plain lazy.

To be Mature

2011-07-19T10:19:00.003+08:00

Back then, someone told me and my older sister that I’d probably be a contented homemaker, while she would be a woman of the world. I think I was organizing my stuff that time while listening to Daniel Powter’s Bad Day when the comment was made. Back when we were in school, I’d remember my sister being the active student. She liked to be the leader and loved joining extracurricular activities. On my part, I’d enjoy myself surrounded with my introvert friends, poems, animes and loud songs.

Fast forward to present, I couldn’t validate any meaning to the prophesy quoted years back. While, I don’t consider myself woman of the world, I feel that I’m on my way of treading paths that are unlikely to settle for contentment of a homemaker. At my age now, my sister was already nursing a two-year old baby, while shuffling time between work, dreams and her immature husband. I have nothing against being hitched or being a mother, but seeing how distressing and dreary her condition now, I regret a lot of things which she could have achieved if she chose another path.

My sister was a big dreamer. She planned a lot. When I was half my age I dreamt that my sister becomes rich so she could send our youngest sister to school and buy a house for our mother, that was in accordance on what she dreamt back then, anyway. I saw myself not having a lot of money but traveling all over. I saw myself teaching kids in a far-flung mountain. Writing poems, fictions and even on the walls.

My friends would always hear me whine how my sister has been forever irresponsible about money, about being obstinate and proud. I’d complain about having to share her troubles and stress. But, I would be reminded somehow that I need to understand her because I am blessed and free and know what I wanted. While, she has to bear the weight of raising a child and a husband, I have the choice to live on my own. Yet, I just couldn’t while I am young because I feel that my family needs to stick together.

I still see a lot of crap in her, in her life, and as much as I wanted to tell her off, she’s still my older sister, and anyway and she can have the liberty to live the way she wanted. And I’m not perfect too, so for the mean time we’ll live in the synchrony of our imperfections as we tread our separate paths of womanhood.

blank

2011-06-12T14:58:00.002+08:00

I'm currently in the middle of a writing task. i need to finish two blog articles before the day finishes, but my mind can't quite align with the required thoughts i have to have right at the moment.

I have some stuff running in my mind.
Plans and more plans.

1. I want to finish my digital book, 24 poems and sorts, but lately, though i wasn't freelancing (freelance writing) i was kind of bummed with the performance of my PC. It's so slow and i want to thrash it. But, i love still. i love it for bearing with me. :)

2. I want to write recollections here in my blog. I want to write about my childhood which explains why i am me. i want to write about my family, friends, and dreams and loves. But, I'm just too forgetful, too lazy and not just brave enough to write that kind of stuff. But, I'll be doing it sooner or later.

3. I want to throw some of my stuff away. i want to dispose some old notebooks because i want to buy new ones. i feel kind of sentimental having them, but i need to change some things. and improve a lot of me.

4. I want to write my friend Kate, but i haven't sent her book yet. Ugh. i'm so lazy.

5. It's a fair hot afternoon, i was sleepy a while ago, but overcame it with a cup of hot choco flavored with white marshmallows.

6. What else do i want to do? Uhm. i wanna run and sweat and be carefree.

Updating My Blog With Movie Review/s

2011-06-11T22:58:00.000+08:00

I haven’t updated my blog for a while, so it either means I’m busy or spaced out.

Anyway, I have to remember my thoughts/ opinions about the latest free film/s I’ve watched.

Shangrila is currently hosting the 16^th French Festival and I was glad to see two movies during the first day of the screening.

“La Ceremonie” amazed me and shocked me, maybe due to the poor interpretation of the movie’s synopsis. Haha.

I liked this movie better than the other one I watched: “Love Like Poison.”

btw, Love Like Poison's superb cinematography is something worth mentioning.

Cool.

Well, this is not really a movie review. The title was an overstatement. hehe

Random thoughts I had today

2011-06-11T22:35:00.000+08:00

While at Church this afternoon, I remembered the altar boy whom I liked when I was a kid. It was difficult for me to see him from the pews back then, so it means I had bad eyes already even as a young child.

inside the Heart of Jesus and Mary Parish. (photo from here, thank you another blogger)

While at the jeepney, I remembered a photo of boys playing in the seawater I took while in Caramoan last year. Back then, I was thinking how the photo could be so dramatic. But, later I found out the film I used was exposed. All the photos I took were not conceived. And remembering it made me feel a bit sad. Those kids were so nice, and one of them even gave me a small crab which I returned to the sea afterward. Remembering that event, I decided I'll draw the scene I imagine instead.

Caramoan and the blue blue skies

I’d rather be happy with no reason than be irrationally mad.

Good night.

My dinner

2011-05-15T01:01:00.001+08:00

My lovely dinner was compromised because of my low-res camera. But, I loved it. Made it by myself except for the corn. Yum forever.

I want

2011-05-15T00:40:00.002+08:00

I earnestly want to blog about food and sound sophisticated. But I'm just not good in judging such creation. I can only look at it and gasp and make myself full up to 90%.

Maybe later.

Maybe.

Pizza and red soda from Sicilian Express, T. Morato

Cakes from Goodies And...[not sure if it is Treats.:)]

Oh nails~

2011-04-13T11:34:00.001+08:00

I looked at my fingernails and thought to myself, "no real woman would have such shabby nails."

That is why maybe, I don't feel comfortable, or feel amazed when someone calls me a woman, and most of the time I still prefer to be called a girl. :)

nice nails. I wish I have those.. ;)

Never let Me Go

2011-04-09T15:37:00.001+08:00

Just yesterday, I finished reading the book (or e-book) Never Let Me Go of Kazuo Ishiguro. That is why maybe I missed my blog all of a sudden.

One version of Book cover. There are like 3, I guess

The book was good. Aside from the unique story, offering some sort Utopian beginning unfolding into more dystopian scenes through discoveries.

Well, what I love most especially from the book was how Mr. Ishiguro used first person point of view. I love books that are not highly technical. I love books which forget some things, but remember emotions. Sometimes, I am reminded with my own emotions as well, through books such as these.

The book NLMG, for me was like a friend relating to you how she feels. Her fears, mistakes and all sorts of emotions.

It was brilliant.

Another funny thing about the book, because it was written in British tone I learned some words, presented in British way. Words such as:

Daft-instead of stupid

Quiz-instead of interrogate

Rubbish

Yeah, those words were written a lot times throughout the story.

Here are a few lines I loved so much from the book. I haven’t listed everything, since I read from two different files: PDF at home and Word in the office.

I half-closed my eyes and imagined this was the spot where everything I'd ever

lost since my childhood had washed up, and I was now standing here in front

of it, and if I waited long enough, a tiny figure would appear on the horizon

across the field, and gradually get larger until I'd see it was Tommy, and he'd

wave, maybe even call.

I was talking to one of my donors a few days ago who was complaining about

how memories, even your most precious ones, fade surprisingly quickly. But I

don't go along with that. The memories I value most, I don't see them ever

fading. I lost Ruth, then I lost Tommy, but I won't lose my memories of them.

“In my head, Kath, when I was running back, I always imagined I was splashing through water. Nothing deep, just up to the ankles at the most. That's what I used to imagine, every time. Splash, splash, splash.”

I hope to see the movie too.

A scene from the movie: Ruth, Kathy and Tommy

2011-03-31T12:20:00.001+08:00

If I can make you into a color, I 'd turn you to yellow.

2011-03-22T22:06:00.002+08:00

photo traced on Photoshop

"Be carefree and let the wind comb your tired hair.."

sketches

2011-03-22T22:00:00.002+08:00

traced photo on Photoshop

Sometimes we just feel being in the dark, but, there is always light shining upon us.
Hush and wipe all the tears, so you can clearly see what it's gonna be...

Ano ang paborito mong kulay?

2011-02-11T23:49:00.002+08:00

Ang akin ay ang alas singko y media ng hapon ng Enero o Pebrero. Kasabay ang Across the Universe ng The Beatles na kumakanta sa tenga ko. Haha.

Isa sa mga nagpapagaan sa loob ko sa simula ng taong ito ay ang pagbisita sa simbahan malapit sa dati naming address. Paborito ko ang simbahan na yun, pero ngayong taon ko lang napansin muli ang kagandahan ng lugar na yun kasabay ng kulay ng hapon. Ang mga nalalag na dahon, mga lalaking nagbabasketball, mga babaeng naghahagikhikan, at ang tunog ng kampana ay mga bagay na mas lalong nagpapaganda ng kulay ng oras at lugar na yun.

Dati pa ako umuuwi ng alas singko o mas late pa mula sa trabaho ko, pero hindi ko madalas napapansin ang kulay ng langit o ng paligid.

Pag pumupunta ako sa simbahan sa Times, nababawasan ang lungkot ko, napapanatag ako at nakikita ko ang magandang kulay ng buhay.

Hindi ko alam kung sa QC—sa bandang Examiner, Q. Ave at Scout Borromeo lang ang golden afternoon na yun, pero sa tuwing titignan ko ang damo, ang mga building o kahit ang mukha ng mga tao, may kakaibang ganda sa kanila. Mas extra special. Romantic. At sentimental.

At kung balang araw, may magpopropose sa aking magpakasal. Sana sa oras ng paborito kong kulay. Haha.

conspirators

2011-01-07T12:39:00.001+08:00

I was pretending I was a musician.

Socialist

2011-01-06T13:27:00.004+08:00

social or anti social, wala ako kiber kasi close naman tayo.--a friend

After

2011-01-06T11:32:00.002+08:00

mahigit dalawang taon saka ko ulit mararamdaman na parang narinig ko ang boses mo.

facebook

2011-01-05T14:29:00.006+08:00

It was early 2008 when I entered the world of Facebook. Friendster was still a hit among Filipinos that time. It was just an ordinary afternoon when I checked my inbox and found an invitation from a classmate in college. I was unconscious that time that it was the start of a vicious relationship with the Facebook world, after losing interest to the lure of Friendster. I just had a few friends that time. The classmate who invited me, another classmate from college, and later some friends, a former student, until they multiplied to people I don’t even know, old friends, classmates and some people from my childhood.

For about two years of my romance with this social networking site, I tried almost everything it features—from the applications, games, stalking, uploading people, tagging someone in a photo, adding links, viewing videos, adding random people whom interested me (just a couple, I guessed), and confirming those I don’t know as well. To be honest, I think, only a dozen or two among my 300+ friends are the ones I REALLY communicate with. The ones I ACTUALLY share my life with.

There are days when I just check on a friend (Facebook friend) and his/her friend and that person’s friend. Until, I was just looking into someone’s life whom I don’t even know and was just connected to me through a second degree friend. I just got tired of the activity.

Facebook is one tool that can bring people closer together. There would be reunions conducted through Facebook, relationships formed, and so on and so forth.

Thanks Mark Zuckerberg.

But, I realized it’s kind of creepy bumping someone in the street, the mall or a social gathering and just exclaim to someone, “Hey I know you!” I saw you in my Facebook." It’s cool to some extent. But, it just won’t work for me. Now until indefinitely.

I can't fathom the fact that I'd be friend with an old classmate/acquaintance and ignore (pretend not to see) that person when you see him/her.

There are just so many people in Facebook, and since I consider myself a semi-antisocial individual, it just suffocates me. Sometimes, I like someone’s post or be enthralled with his/her photo, but I just can’t push the “Like” bottom anytime I want to. Since in real life, I’m not the kind of person who would easily gush at someone and give him/her a high praise.

It’s just me. Nothing wrong with Facebook.

maturity

2011-01-05T11:16:00.001+08:00

"If I need to change everything about my life except for one thing, I still won't take a bath on the days I decided not to"

-Me