All the Animals in the Farnyard

Life....

2011-09-12T06:45:00.000-07:00

Life is really crazy lately. I plan on doing a "Day in the Life of" post soon but honestly my day is so full that it is kinda scary for me to actually write out what our day is like! So I'm going to note a few things that are filling my time and mind lately just so I can keep a record of it.

This has been a hectic month for me. So many changes and so much on my mind. I spend my days so busy that at the end of the day I worry that I didn't hold Thea enough, that I scolded Jolee too many times, and that I didn't spend enough one on one time helping James learn some things. I struggle in my mind to find a balance for myself and each kid. I need to get on the treadmill and do my C25K, I need to make lunches, oh shoot, Jolee is waiting on the potty for help etc. etc. I manage to get it all done and sleep from 12am to 6am every night. Thank the Good Lord that Thea sleeps straight for those hours!

I struggle wondering how much of my day should I devote to working with James? I have 2 other children who want my attention too. I wonder how they'll fare in life if I am always so worried about making James function normally. I stress so much about that and wonder if receiving his diagnosis was not such a good thing for us. I mean, before we knew he needed help but there was never a clear cut reason why. Now there is and I feel that it is entirely my job to help him. I forget that for 6 hours a day at school, there are 3 or more people helping him....so when he comes home I am making him talk to me, look at me, asking questions...sometimes maybe I am too much for him...When I take a step back I think "Should I just let him be a kid? Let him be him?" I don't want to miss an opportunity to help him, yet I don't want to be overbearing so he cannot enjoy my time with him or his little life. AH! I wish there were answers!

And because Thea is such an angel baby I feel like I neglect her. She had a slight flattened spot on her head and I panicked that it was because I wasn't holding her enough...so I made Jarrod hold her for 2 hours while watching football! I am a mess. 3 kids is more work than I ever imagined.

I have been working on the treadmill and find that my mind is racing while I am there wishing I could be doing more things with the kids or around the house but knowing I need to lose some weight and have made this an additional priority. It gives me time to think...although I should not be stressing so much! I find myself contemplating being finished having children. Maybe 3 is enough? Maybe we cannot handle any more. Now that James will need additional help in life, are we really done? Ah, breathe.

I watch Thea's eye contact and remember how great James' eye contact was...Will I know this time too if she is ok? And why do I say that? Ok? James is ok!

Then I sit around and wish I could volunteer our family for a research study with a geneticist...It seems pretty clear cut to me although most doctors disagree with me....

I have MTHFR. I didn't know this with James....He is on the Autism scale.
I have MTHFR. I didn't know this with my second pregnancy. John Isaac. Baby Jack passed away at 18 weeks.
I have MTHFR. I didn't know this with my third pregnancy. Baby Hope. Baby Hope passed away at 10 weeks.
I have MTHFR. I knew this with my fourth pregnancy and took extra medication. Jolee Ruth was born healty.
I have MTHFR. I knew this with my fifth pregnancy and took extra medication. Thea Hope was born healthy, and so far, is meeting her milestones normally.

Do YOU see a pattern? Why don't the Dr's? Why is it so hard to see that this might not be coincidence?

I cannot process folate at all. I need it broken down. Folate aids in brain development. Is it really that difficult or costly to figure this out.

I see a pattern and wish that highly educated Dr's would spend some time figuring it out. I spend my time looking things up so I can help my child, and maybe another out there......

But then again, I don't want to be the spokesperson for MTHFR. I don't want to be the spokesperson for Autism or Autism Spectrum Disorders. I just want to be a good Mom. I just want to relax.....I just want another cup of coffee to do it all.

First day of Kindergarten

2011-09-06T09:08:00.000-07:00

Today was the first day of Kindergarten. Here I sit, waiting to pick up the bravest soul I have ever met. This morning I left our house with a very excited 5 year old. About 45 minutes later I came home with a humble heart. I have never in my life been as brave as my own child. In his short 5 years he has already surpassed his Mama in the courage department. I wonder how much more he will accomplish in his life that I'd never had the courage to do. I wonder how much easier life would be for him if only he were like the other kids. I drove him wishing that the only thing he had to worry about was remembering his lunchbox. I drove home hearing the words he repeated over and over...."I'm gonna miss you Mom."

My heart ripped in two when I saw him wandering the classroom glancing back with his tiny bottom lip quivering, "I'm gonna miss you Mom". And I walked out. I had to. I'll always have to let him find HIS way....I know this. When we recently received James' autism/PDD-NOS diagnosis I convinced myself that we would never use it as a crutch or let ourselves feel sorry for James or our family...and yet today I found myself wishing it away. I was set on embracing it and allowing it in, because afterall, it is a part of James...it is a TINY part, but it's there.

While the other children had just as many jitters and were shy and clinging to Mommies, my Jamesie had a ton more to contend with. He couldn't go into the gym to line up with the other students because it was just too much....noise, smells, sights, sensory overload....I wish I could tell his tiny little mind to calm down and not worry about everything around him. But I can't...it is something that in the next few years, he will learn. He will learn to cope and tell his own mind to calm down...right now that is what Mommy does...

He smiled and said hi to his old preschool teacher as we passed her in the hall. He smiled as we went into his new class...He is so ready. He put his things where they belonged and gave me our usual "kiss, hug, and high five Mom"...We did that twice, just because we can ;) Then his lip started to quiver and he got quiet. He is never quiet..

He slowly walked away knowing I had to go. He didn't want me to leave him there but he knew I had to. Never once did he ask me to stay. Never once did he ask to leave with me, but I knew he'd jump in my arms if I offered him the chance....he knew what was happening and where he had to be. So he said "I'm gonna miss you Mom", to which I replied "I'm gonna miss you too Buddy, but I'll be right back."

And then I walked out...and then hurriedly got out of there. I couldn't fight back the tears as I reached the sidewalk...then I sobbed, all the way to the car, to Jarrod's work, on the phone with my Mom, and until I reached home. The only reason I am not sobbing now is because it took 3 hours for the redness to leave my face and in 3 hours I will be with my boy. I could never show him my tears...he wouldn't just say "It's ok Mom." He would need to know why I was crying. And I can't lie to him....

I'm crying because I want it to be easier for him...I don't want him to worry about things. I don't want things to overwhelm him, I don't want it to be hard....but it has to be.

Not just for him, but for all of us. Life isn't easy...sometimes we go it alone. We fail, and we fail often. We are scared, and we are scared often...of losing someone, of failing, of the dark, of monsters, of being left out...but the truth is life is hard sometimes...and it's lonely at times...but without knowing those feelings and experiencing adversity, we wouldn't see how fun life can be. We need to appreciate the calm...the times when we are not worrying, the times when we are just at home eating chicken nuggets and playing with our farm toys...the times when we are reading to our kids when they are in the bathtub, or cuddling them at night after "just one more story." We have to miss people sometimes, so when we see them, our hugs are tighter and mean so much more.

My James is a brave kid...He walked away with his mind going crazy with new things and just said "I'm gonna miss you Mom".....In that tiny moment in my life, he became my hero. He became someone to look up to. He became, for me, the picture of courage...I look up to someone I have to look down to see....That moment in my life, makes any struggle or tear worth it.

"If there is no struggle, there is no progress." Frederick Douglass

EDIT: I thought I should add that my boy had an amazing day. He and the teacher both gave me 2 thumbs up for a great day. I asked him ow his day was and he said "I like Kindergarten Mom." I asked if his teacher was nice and he said "Yes Mom, Mrs. Corrigan is nice and I'm nice too.".....and then I relaxed, for the first time in like, ever....my kiddo will make it in this world...even when it's hard, even when some might think it impossible....He WILL far exceed any success I can even imagine. And he will always be my little Hero.

My dearest James,

2011-08-19T12:04:00.000-07:00

This letter is hard for me to write...not because of what I have to tell you, but because of how much I love you. I could never begin to tell you how much I truly adore you. You are perfect and you are mine. You were the single greatest gift I had ever received from God. You made me a Mother and that is the greatest thing I will ever be. Your Mother. I am honored to have been chosen by God to carry YOU. You belong in our family.We were chosen for YOU.

For the past 5.5 years I always knew you were special. You are so adorable, with your amazingly gorgeous blue eyes. Everyone still stops me to tell me how pretty your eyes are. But what they don't know, is what your eyes see. I hope at the beginning of each day, and when you go to bed at night that you see me and Daddy and the love in our eyes. You are special James....you have talents and abilities that surpass your short little 5 years. You remember more than I ever could. You remember times, dates, smells, sounds, places and people. It fascinates me. You are the smartest child I have ever met. You knew your numbers, letters, and letter sounds before you were 3. You are off the charts when it comes to intelligence. I hope one day I learn half of what you know. Will you teach me those things one day?

If I promise to teach you what I know, will you do the same for me? Will you tell me what YOU see?

You are the most affectionate child I have also met. You give big, huge, loving hugs. Each time Daddy and I leave you you ask for a "kiss, hug, and a high five". It's our thing Buddy. I hope it is always our thing.

You are best big brother Jolee and Thea could have. You kiss them, hug them, talk to them, share with them, and do your best to care for them. I am so proud of the little man you have become.You watch out for danger for yourself and for your sisters and I always know that I can count on you for that.

So what I need to tell you Buddy, is that I love you. I will always love you. And you are perfectly made by God, for our family. But you have something different about you....Mommy always knew, always. And I loved you for it. But now, or one day soon we have to explain some things to you to help you a little bit in life.

Your brain works a bit different than Mommy's and Daddy's and Jolee's. You brain takes a special route when it finds things out. Your brain for some reason is different and it is so cool. It makes you smarter and faster than Mama. Doctors call people with special brains just like yours, Autistic. More specifically your brain has something called a bunch of letters. Maybe you'll remember these letters, PDD-NOS. It just means that your brain works differently, and that makes you special. Some people have trouble reading things the right way, their brains are special too. Doctors call that Dyslexia. Some people walk different, or talk different and that makes them special too.

Some things may be harder for you to learn. But remember how easy learning to read was? Remember how easy learning to potty train was? And count? And run and jump? Those things were a piece of cake for you remember?

Well for some people those things were hard to learn.

Because your brain is extra special, Mommy and Daddy have some hard work ahead of them! You, my sweet boy, don't have to do a thing different in life! We are just going to have to teach you a lot about people. We have to teach you about other people's feelings, wants, desires, and needs. Your brain for some silly reason overlooks that. We just have to try harder to teach you some what the doctor calls "social skills". We'll have to teach you how to make a lot of friends, what to say to them, and how to be nice to them just like you are to Mommy, Daddy, Jolee, and Thea.

We'll do it Buddy, we will work so hard. That is our life long promise to you. Mommy and Daddy will do all the work for you. Please don't worry about a thing!

Mommy has always known how special you are. Because you are headed to school soon, I took you to see those 5 Doctors. You remember them right? You had such a great time playing with them and they loved you! They told me how great of a job I have done with you. We could have had someone come to our home all these years but the Doctors said that no one could have done a better job than what Daddy and Mommy have.They even told Mommy she should become a Special Education teacher to help kids like you! Because of you, I might one day be able to help other kiddos!

You are headed to Kindergarten soon! You are super smart and totally ready. You'll always go to school with everyone else and you should rarely need help. Some times the teacher might help you make friends, or ask you to join in small groups with other kids. Sometimes your brain will tell you to hang out alone, but don't be afraid to meet new people! Always be kind to others just as you are to your family. Friends are a great thing to have! Mommy and Daddy will work extra hard to make sure no matter where we live, that we find little kids to be friends with you! Friends are so fun. I know you remember Jack, you still talk about him sometimes. He was your very first friend and his Mommy is one of my best friends! You love your cousin Kadey and your sisters and have so much fun with them! I can't wait to see who you meet in Kindergarten too!

Mommy is embracing this new knowledge. I've always known that you needed some extra love and I have done my best to give you that...but I will tell you this Buddy....I can't let you ever use this as a crutch in life. You have to follow the same rules as your sisters. There is no get out of jail free pass for you my Bub. Mommy and Daddy are tough, and we believe that you'll need that in life. Your brain is super cool...but you can never use that to get away with something. You have to fit into this giant world full of interesting people. The world is not always friendly but you still have to learn to fit in. No matter how hard it is James, you can do it. We won't allow you to settle for anything less than what you deserve in life.

To Mommy and Daddy, you do not have a disability. You do not have a disorder. You have a brain that works differently. Just as if you walked different than others, we would teach you to walk. If you read different than others, we would teach you to read....You live in a home with high expectations. We expect good things from you and your sisters. The rules are the same, and always will be. We will work hard to help you in every way...but we won't let you be a jerk. We will not allow you to be rude or misbehave. It's tough here Buddy. But you can do it! So can Jolee and Thea. You will all make it in this world. We are sure of it...

Sometimes the world is a tough place...so at home, we might be tougher on you than most parents. We are bound and determined that you WILL succeed in everything you do.You are smart, loving and full of potential. You can use the knowledge of your brain working differently to make a better life for yourself...Mommy doesn't have your memory, your pace, or even your drive. I wish I did! So we are going to make sure that you use those things to your advantage in life.

People aren't always going to be nice, or understanding. Not to Mommy, Daddy, Jolee, Thea and you. A lot of people are jerks...but don't ever let that get in your way of succeeding.

You are PERFECT! Perfectly made by God. Perfectly made to be just you. God has never, ever, ever, ever made a mistake, and he never will. He doesn't make mediocre work. He is Perfection and only makes that. And God loves each and every thing about YOU and the way YOU work. To think any less of yourself or how you were made is to think less of God's work, and you will never do that James.

Mommy and Daddy love you to the moon and back. And there again, a few more times......
You take up a giant part of my heart and make me so proud to be your mother....

Love always,
Mommy

Fia, Fee, and our happenings....

2011-05-02T12:49:00.000-07:00

Wow, I need to update more. Since I am 29 weeks I guess it has been 7 weeks since I last posted! Once we end shore tour here I am sure I will have more time to blog. I hope to one day be able to add more pictures, add cute backgrounds, and post daily but that is just a bit off for now.

In James news, he is doing well in school and anxiously awaiting kindergarten. He is reading most 3 letter words and sounding things out on his own all the time. I do hear "Mom, what spells this?" all darn day! ;) He spends most of his time riding his new power wheels-esque tractor outside, digging up anything he can, playing in water tables, helping Daddy burn boxes at the firepit, playing soccer outside, and just getting downright dirty! No amount of Oxiclean can save his beloved Mini Boden clothes! I went ahead and hit the $5 table at Walmart because I am sad (don't laugh) each time he gets the good stuff dirty! I have since moved my purchasing of better clothes onto the girlies....

Speaking of all things girlie, Miss Jolee will be 2 in July! I can't believe it! She is the cutest, tiniest, most aggressive ball of love you will ever meet. As sweet as can be in one moment, and a biter/pincher/hitter the next! I get the brunt of her frustration but I know when it is coming, and it is then that she gets tossed right into her crib for nap or bed. I can never let that child tire one minute past bedtime or I'm getting whacked! She doesn't play with toys much, or watch tv, so she hangs on me all day or at the door to go outside. My children could live outdoors if only you tossed them a sandwich and some watermelon here and there!

Both kids seem to be growing like weeds. James got on the scale and looks to be about 47 or so pounds. He is in size 5/6 clothing and 12 or 13 shoes! He is finally in a booster seat because he just can't fit in harnesses anymore! Jolee got on the scale and was hoping it would say 22 but no-go. She is about 21.5 pounds now. She is getting a bit taller so she fits her 18 month clothing better. I did buy 24 month for summer but whoa, only the dresses will fit and albeit long. Her size 5 shoes fit great but we bought size 6 in case she needs a new pair this summer!

Thea Hope is probably a giant by the looks of my belly. I get a first weight sonogram for her this Friday to see what she weighs...I think James weighed 3 pounds at this point and I never had a check for Jolee. Thea is my strongest baby so far and both children enjoy feeling her kicks. James refers to her as Fia and Jolee calls her Fee. Both kiss my belly, and pull my shirt up at the most inappropriate times. Luckily the belly is pretty and no stretch marks so far! I pray daily for the safe arrival of my girl and wonder every night during Braxton hicks contractions, if she is going to just fall out soon. This pregnancy is hard! Whoa, that is an understatement. I am in pain most nights after dinner because whenever I do ANYthing more than sit, I feel like she is going to pop out....And I still have a ways to go!

Vermont is um, well...pretty still but I won't shed tears when we leave. I am ready for civilization again! I will miss the super tiny class sizes and school system that has been amazing for James!

Things are up in the air a bit as far as when/where we go next but in due time we should know more....Jarrod is rocking his Masters degree with a 3.85 gpa and is set to walk the stage June 17ish....I can't wait to see him complete what has been a really daunting task! It makes me totally reconsider grad school for one day when all the kiddos have left the nest! It is no joke!

The kids and I are headed to MD for next week while Jarrod has the students' graduation. It is too hectic of a week for me to stick around and $100 round trip flights were calling James', Jolee's, and my name! The last week of May we will also be making the drive to MD...whilst I am 32/33 BLAH! weeks prego! J is having Lasik done in Bethesda and we are tagging along to stay at my parent's house.....Wow, busy.

We finally got things out of the attic and washed for Miss Thea because we are not here most weekends in May! Once we get back from all of our travels(there are other work/Navy related trips in there too) it will be June and she'll be coming any day! This time is just going to fly by!

There is so much more I want to write about Osama's death and the history being made but I have small people to tend too! I promise to update more when I can! Love to all!

22 weeksish

2011-03-10T07:59:00.000-08:00

A few more days and I will be 22 weeks pregnant! We are having another beautiful daughter, Thea Hope. I am really enjoying my pregnancy with Thea because she kicks often to let me know she is ok....no more sickness, just complete exhaustion. I do credit the 2 older children for that last part ;)

James is doing great in school and isn't too fond of days off. I however, am missing him more and more each day. I do watch the clock for the whopping 2.5 hours he is in school and am excited to get to him in the afternoons! I am definitely not throwing homeschool out just yet! He is making vast improvements in language and is reading quite a bit of words I didn't know he knew! I've yet to formally teach the child anything, yet he amazes me with all he knows. This summer we are working on handwriting...which has greatly improved already. I need to keep him ahead of the curve next year since we anticipate moving mid-year. We are undecided on whether we will homeschool or send him to Catholic school, but if the latter, he'll need to pass acceptance tests and our schools run under the state averages.

Jolee is a still a tiny peanut at a whopping 21 pounds! She is slowly getting into her 18 month clothing and a trip to Target (2 hours away) yielded many a matching outfit in sizes Newborn and 24 months. They are not twins of course, but a girl can pretend right? If Thea comes out the size of James, they will definitely be in the same sizes at some point!

The girls (I love the sound of that) are shacking up together after the first few months. I have to order a matching crib for Thea soon....It is going to be adorable to see 2 girls in cribs, side by side...and then toddler beds, ah...melts my heart!

Jarrod's work is out of control busy. I don't even really have words for it. He also graduates with his Masters this summer and that is even more exciting! I can't believe he accomplished so much while here! Me, on the other hand....it's just blah here now. I miss friends, malls, places to go, game nights, football parties....it just doesn't happen here and it's been a long year. Where we used to want to extend to stay in Vermont (because the place really is gorgeous)....we miss things so much. Having Thea this summer will surely keep us busy though!

The snow is ridiculous! We have 10 foot mounds everywhere and as I write this, shocker...it is snowing.

We are headed to Michigan to see lots of J's family....most I've never met. It is a haul though, road trippin' 14 plus hours with the kids! Yikes!

I will take lots of pictures though! Our adventure will last 9 days and I'm sure be full of tot chaos!

Stay tuned for more updates, trip photos, and info on Miss Thea!

2011!

2011-02-07T09:56:00.000-08:00

Wow, it has been so long since I have updated! I guess there are plenty of good reasons! We are expecting our third baby in July! I am 17 weeks along and doing well! Although I worry for the entire 9 months of each pregnancy, I can only out faith in God that this child is meant to bless our home. I spent the first 15.5 weeks very sick, tired, and well a tad overwhelmed. But luckily the bigger two kiddos are super excited and have been a joy, even when cooped up in the house!

James started preschool and is doing amazing! He is so bright and so in love with all things school! Today he wore his backpack around the entire hour before just waiting to go! I am so glad that we put homeschool plans on hold for a bit to give him the social interactions he craves. We are exploring all types of education options but are seeming to settle on parochial schools. Next year will be a trial run at public school kindergarten and when we move, hopefully we can get him into a good Catholic school.

Jolee is a tiny little tornado! She is such a peanut topping the scales at about 20 pounds at 18 months old. I even had her in a 6/9 month onesie yesterday! Her blonde locks are too cute for words, but catch all things sticky! She wants everything big brother has and that makes things a bit difficult. Right now we are waiting for a kids table to arrive so she can get out of the high chair. She really hates it! She is also very ready to potty train...I never would have believed it but after finding her pants-less on the toilet saying "Mama, poop!", I think I should let her try! She keeps me on my toes but is such a sweetheart. Rocking her to sleep is my favorite part of the day with her. She tells me "Night night" and kisses me over and over. Pure joy!

I am working on handwriting with James and soon, more reading. Right now I am just letting him enjoy pre-k but he constantly asks me "Mom, what does this spell?"...so a little instruction might be back in the cards for us.

We are buried in feet of snow and really enjoy it. It is a bit of a hassle to dress kids in snow gear and get anywhere on time but we manage. Next year with 3 kids, I might need more coffee!

Our baby names are picked out and once we find out what we are having Feb. 25th...I promise to introduce everyone to our newest bundle of joy!

Goodness...

2010-12-06T11:22:00.000-08:00

I need to blog more. There are plenty of reasons that I just don't have the time it seems! I wish I could share them all but in due time! Enjoy the holidays and stay warm! We are in the midst of daily snow and loving Vermont life.....Can't wait to blog in the New Year! ;)

The one with all the judgment...

2010-10-25T12:35:00.000-07:00

I read 2 posts on facebook today that truly hit home...Basically, Moms judge. I try not to, I really do. I will laugh at another mother sweating in the grocery store only because it was me yesterday. Kids flailing, throwing meat out of the cart...it is me, all the flippin time. I try not to judge, I really do....I am not a fan of cry it out, so when I hear Moms say they let their kids cry for an hour, that kinda freaks me out. I don't say, so and so is a terrible Mother because she lets her kids cry....but if I babysat them, I just couldn't, I'd pick them up. But that is really the extent of my judging...and up until recently I always felt judged and wondered what people thought of me, my kids, my parenting, my house, my clothes, my weight...etc... One day I left James' summer camp, with him in his carseat crying, myself in tears, and Jolee crying with us for no reason. Then it hit me, my kids love me. I love my kids more than life itself. Why am I trying to be perfect? Why am I taking a super attached 4 year old to a camp he isn't ready for? Why? Wouldn't we all just be happier at home in pj's baking cookies, and watching yet another Baby Einstein dvd while building blocks? What was I thinking?

So I went home, stopped crying, put both kids in the bathtub and sang to them. For lunch we made chicken nuggets out of a bag and ate apples...on the floor of the living room, watching Baby McDonald. And they both smiled and James said "Mom, this is a great picnic."

I walked into the kitchen and cried. I cried for the worry of the past 4 years. I cried because I thought I really have been missing out enjoying LIFE, while worrying about mothering. James doesn't need camp because some stupid speech pathologist thought nature camp might help his language progression. James needed a picnic with Mommy.

So guess what? I want tonight, to write out a ton of what I used to think were my MOM FLAWS. Now I think they are my Mom badges. My kids rarely cry, and if they do it is because it is bedtime and the fun has to stop. They give me more kisses and hugs than a person could even fathom. If I dare go to the store without them, they watch me leave out the sliding glass door, and wave to me as I pull back in the driveway. They truly love me. THEY LOVE ME. I am doing "it" right. I finally get it.

So,

-On most days, I don't get dressed until after 2pm...I shower at night, but if I am not going anywhere, why would I stress about what to wear. Yoga pants and tanks are perfect!

-Jolee uses a bottle 3 times a day at 15 months old. It's cute. She also uses a paci ALL DARN DAY! She likes it and talks a ton, so go ahead paci girl. (You can let it go at 2, or give it to a new sibling)

-Both kids take their silk blankets all over God's creation. Grocery shopping, to the farm, playdates etc....

-James is still in a 5 pt carseat and will be until he outgrows it. Jolee will ride rear facing until age 3 or whenever her tiny butt hits 35 pounds (Maybe age 9 at this rate). I think it's safer and don't care about broken legs, but internal decapitation instead.

-I am not sending my kids to school. I will homeschool them...for a ton of reasons that only matter to J and I.

-I won't defend the "socialization" crap. It's pointless.

-I don't breastfeed my kids. It hurt so bad when I tried with James. I hated the feeling and hated feeding time. So I feed them chemical formula and thank the Lord for Nestle Good Start.

-I cancelled all things language/speech related with James. It was a nightmare. I understand him, he understands us, and if I have to wait until Jolee teaches him how to speak properly I will.

-I rarely mop my floors. I vacuum a TON, but goodness I hate mopping. I will swiffer wet jet sometimes, but I hate mopping.

- We are not spankers and never will be. We don't so much as swat hands. Time outs work for us and if they don't one day, we will implement something new. But I won't ever spank my unruly children.

-I'm never paying for college for my kids. I don't care if we are billionaires. We're not paying. No one paid for us and if you don't watch your hard earned money go to University blah blah blah, you won't appreciate your education Gaz kids.

-And I am probably not buying/giving you a car either. So just don't ask.

-And cell phones...you're not getting them either...until you can pay for them yourselves.

-I don't vaccinate my kids until they are older babies/toddlers. And I don't ever give the flu shot, or the swine, or the equine or whatever the heck else there is...I hate vaccines but know some are necessary.

-I feed organic baby food, if it is cheap (like here in Vermont), otherwise you are eating the pesticide filled stuff.

-And you're not wearing organic clothing because I bathe you in Aveeno or Johnson and Johnson. Those are laced with chemicals so why try to cover the chemicals in organic clothing?

-I have safety crap all over the house. I will keep it all up until the last baby is like 7. I constantly think you kids are going to kill yourselves on something so the baby safe crap helps me a little.

-I read Ok, Star, People, Us weekly and all that other junk you see in line at Walms. I like it.

-I watch The Duggars, but also Jersey Shore. I do. I like Snooki.

-I watch Real Housewives too.

-My kids eat candy, hot dogs, fries, but also veggies, fish and salad. I give them sugar because I think it's ok.

-We read like 15 books a day, but we also watch quite a bit of kiddie movies. We like Baby Einstein, Thomas, Disney Pixar and a bunch of other stuff!

-I leave the tv on a lot...Mostly it is Fox News because I am way too right-winged...but that stupid thing is always on.

-We drive a huge SUV that I am sure leaves a GIANT DINOSAUR size carbon footprint. I don't care really because I don't believe in global warming.

-I potty train when my kids are good and ready. I did have a 35 pound 3 years, 2 months child at the playground in a pullup. When he was ready a month later, he ditched all things pullup in a week, even at night. Jolee seems interested now, so maybe she'll be quicker?

And there are a MILLION other things about me as a person and a Mom that would make some people cringe....But the 2 littles in the picture above think I'm great. And since they are really all that matters...I should get back to our fruit snacks and dvds.....

Footie jammies, freezing temps, and frost!

2010-10-04T13:04:00.000-07:00

It's that cold here. We have had a few 30 degree nights and it is in the low 50s during the day....chilly! I am so thrilled with the weather here and wish Vermont were our permanent home. James, Jolee, and I go outside everyday after nap and the kids just run run run! Jolee loves picking the last of the cherry tomatoes from the garden (everything else has been raked over and prepared for next Spring), collecting rocks and apples with James, and playing in the playhouse. James is a master on the swings and loves playing "Three Little Pigs". Of course I get to take on the role of Big Bad Wolf. We also have a budding soccer star in Jolee, mini Mia....she loves kicking the soccer ball around the yard and rarely picks up the ball (unlike James)...His idea of sports is taking the ball and running and hiding with it. Hide and seek is a new love as well...When I search for him, he cracks up so I have to pretend I don't hear him! Too cute! He loves dressing up as a pirate, a fireman, a farmer and a doctor....Some days he is Amos from Fox and the Hound and some days he is Fireman Sam....ya never know. He is so imaginative it cracks me up.

When something was on the heating element of the dishwasher he told me, "Mom, what's that smell?" I told him what it was and he said "Mom, it's ok, I be a fireman, I jus' need some water," and proceeded to grab a throw blanket and use it as a hose! If someone gets hurt, mainly Jolee or myself, he tells us "It's ok Mom/Jolee, you be ok, I a doctor, I fix it and make it all better."....So many aspirations for a 4 year old, haha!

J and J have their first photo shoot tomorrow in Montpelier. I good friend, who makes Jolee's tutus is a photographer and taking some fall shots for us! I cannot wait to see how they turn out and will be armed with plenty of bribes (pez candy, lollipops etc...)

James and I are learning some things about homeschooling, which is fun....I am learning that quite a few tactics I thought would work, totally DO NOT. haha...It really is a job that I am taking on, but I know totally worth it. One curriculum I bought isn't necessarily the best fit or James, but I can tell will work wonders with Jolee....it is story/reading based and while he loves reading, he needs more hands on activities....so I tweaked it some and am saving some of the reading for Kindergarten. Social skills and emotional skills are what we are working most on....He is way ahead in counting, shapes, colors and I don't want to jinx myself but phonics. He is reading lots of 3 letter words by sounding them out and even has quite a few sight words memorized. He now asks me what each word in a book spells...so I am now going to sit back and let the reading happen naturally for a bit and work more on life skills. We need inside voice help (haha, so do I!), listening skills, obeying other adults, sitting quietly for longer than 5 seconds, and the like! haha....I can't really doing any of those so he is pretty much screwed ;) My kids are loud because I am loud. I can't very well say "Please use your inside voice" and then scream at the dog to stop barking...So they are pretty much going to be socially awkward not because they are homeschooled, but because I am socially awkward and their mother. And since I am laying it out there, they are going to be annoyingly quirky. I had to have clothes fit a certain way, bows in my hair a certain way, and I still to this day have a million quirks like that. We're loud and quirky. I think I should change my blog name to that....

Did I mention it's cold here? It is...so I need a pumpkin spice coffee, but no matter what I do, I can't make mine taste like the Dunkin Donuts one. And we don't have pumpkin spice creamer in my grocery store....What does a girl do?

A full night of sleep....

2010-09-21T11:37:00.000-07:00

I finally got one! Jolee and I have kinda been coming back from colds so it was sooooo amazing to actually have to wake her up this morning to get out of the house for Storytime! She is even napping right now as I sip my first cup of coffee for the day!

I did want to finally update a bit on the kiddos and life in chilly Vermont! I can't believe that we are already having 30 degree nights! I am trying to conserve the propane before the winter hits but do break down and run the heat at night. There is only so many blanket sleepers and covers I can keep the kids under! Vermont is gorgeous. I think my heart will secretly always long to be here. I love it. My kids are so happy here and so are J and I. We walk to our neighbors farm to pet some sheep and get eggs from the hens. James is so carefree here! He has developed an almost unhealthy obsession with all things farm. I don't know if trains have the number one spot in his life anymore! Can you believe it? So this year, it's all farm. He even wears a farm hat and calls himself "Farmer Jed" at times! (Farmer Jed is a character in a few of our books)....

Homeschool is coming along well, although we don't stress too much about it. Even kindergarten will be a bit lax here....James knows most of what is taught in kindergarten so we are working more on life skills like listening, obeying, proper tone in different situations, personal space, chores, telling time, counting, and those sorts of things. He has come very close to closing the gap with his speech delay. We are no longer getting help for it and he is rapidly improving. We don't notice much of a difference between him and his friends/other littles. He does talk a ton more than most kids so we are working on getting him to slow down and let others speak...but heck, I am still working on that for myself!

Jolee is a tiny firecracker! She is a world different than James was and is. She has an attitude like you wouldn't believe, yet she is a snuggly little Mama's girl. She loves music, rocking with Mama, being carried in a sling, strolling, her sleep-time baba's, her pacis, and all things girly. She loves wearing the shoes of everyone in the house! Her tutu collection has grown to 4, and she twirls away in them! I can't believe how well she sits at times for me to read to her, to do her hair, or just allow me to hold her. I never got that with Jamesie! Off the top of my head she says, Mama, Dada, Baba, Up, down, ow-side, Dah! (James), dog, dog (we have 2), yum, ball, uhs sat? (what's that?) and I am sure a few more. She is very vocal and doesn't babble as much as James did, but is trying to make words for things! Too fun!. She loves taking her Cabbage Patch doll on walks around the house in its stroller...and often takes the baby out by the hair, kisses its mouth, and tosses it aside to run faster with the stroller! Love it!

We had family in town and visited an amazing Vermont working farm. I will definitely be getting a membership next year for our family. There was sooooo much to do, and it was very hands-on for kiddos! Had a ball.

Jarrod is well into his master's degree and working very hard at it. He has gotten all A's, but spends a ton of time on schoolwork. I can't wait to see him graduate in the summer! He is also still loving his job here and I am sure will miss it when our time is up. We have been attending a lovely church since May and have developed quite a few great friendships. We are very involved at church and even sponsor ROTC students on Sundays. It is fun to bring a group of kids back to eat, watch football, and let them call home, sleep, and just get away. I am so glad that our church families know the importance of that for college students. Jarrod took advantage of that at the Naval Academy too!

We spend our weekends keeping warm, watching a TON of football thanks to the NFL ticket, and just enjoying lots of family time! I need to posts some pictures on here soon but never can find the time! Hope everyone is well, and getting ready for fall! We sure are in it here!

I'm about as crazy as they come...

2010-08-31T13:54:00.000-07:00

I am just going to go out on a limb and say it....I barely sleep through one night a week and we actually have a Dr.'s appt planned for preconception counseling. You heard it. We want another baby. None of it makes sense. I just knew, every time I wanted to "try" for a baby, that THAT was the right time...and I feel it again...and of course, Jarrod is on board...Having a baby to him, is just another thing we do round these parts, haha! Kidding....but yeah, it makes no sense....I barely function now because Jolee is beyond high maintenance...but we thrive on chaos, always have.....so why start trying to make life easy now right?

I need advice though...and I guess since this is my blog I can be up front and tell you what kind of advice I want and the kind that makes me cringe that I will never listen to....I need advice on how to help my 4 year old son stay in his bed all night. He goes to bed ok, but he used to go to bed and stay asleep amazingly! Now, not so much...the scaries seem to have entered his mind. He rarely watches anything but educational shows but for some reason he is "scared of the dark" and "scared of monsters"...I've tried a lot of things and he is starting to go down fine on his own but there are some nights where he panics and I have to lay with him until he falls asleep....I would suffer through that if he stayed asleep but why on earth is he getting up EVERY night at 2-3am? Literally EVERY night for months...I need to get it to stop because we are starting to plan for baby 3 and I cannot suffer through newborn/2 year old/4 year old night drama!

I am more of an attachment parent though...so cry it out advice, don't give it....I don't let my children cry for very long....and I don't lock kids in rooms, or add barriers to keep them in their rooms because James often goes potty at night and I don't want to have him having accidents. I like comforting, nuturing, caring methods...those are the only ones I will try....So maybe there are no tips for people like me then huh? ;) We have a great routine and our nighttime routine is very structured but I just can't get him to STAY asleep! Any ideas?

I wish I had a real life homeschool friend.

2010-08-24T11:06:00.000-07:00

I need someone to share my joys with now, and maybe troubles or frustrations later. We are only 2 days in and I am sooooo happy with our decision to take this on. I don't know who is going to learn more, me or the kids....It's so fun to actually see what their faces look like when they "get" something. Listening to James retell me a story he learned (one without pictures) is just amazing. Watching the "ah-ha" moments....and getting to lay on the couch with silky (yes, silky blanket is still a major part of his life) and read our first bible story about creation...hearing James say "God made the sky and called it heaven, and the sheep and the rats Mom"....And cracking up that yes indeed God made the rats but really, have you ever even seen a rat? haha....

Fun fun. I never really knew how much James really has absorbed these 4 years, but it is all coming out so clearly now and I feel so blessed to be providing this for him. I have no idea what each day will bring, but that is also fun. Yesterday we got an earlier start and things did not go so well. After we waited a few hours for James to get some energy out, he breezed through our activities for the day. So today, we started later and had such a great time! Like Mama, James is not a morning person. And we get to save an activity for Daddy to teach at bedtime, which is even better! Daddy gets in on school too! Love it, so much!

So on the agenda for the fall (once school here starts), we have storytime at the Library, preschool gym, homeschool ice skating, hockey and potentially karate for some discipline training.....but for now we are diving into our school curriculum early to start next summer early....and to get an idea of how well this will work! Stay tuned for the ups and downs of homeschool pre-k!

2010-08-21T14:09:00.001-07:00

A killer among us...well, just me.

2010-08-21T13:47:00.000-07:00

Jolee Ruth....good golly if I survive her toddler years, it will in fact make headline news. 13 months old tomorrow, but I feel as if I've known her all my life. 19 pounds of energy that storms through the house creating major chaos. How can such a tiny, beautiful, blonde bundle of love make me want to run outside clutching my chest hoping someone drives by and takes me away? HAHAHA....that was a fake laugh. I am afraid of her. She might, just might, actually kill me one day.

It could be her incredibly sharp fingernails that grow long overnight slashing my face, or her super(tiny)human clenching fists ripping apart my neck, or she might bash her head into my face one too many times. She really is going to kill me. And I really am afraid of her. ;)

If this is already happening at 12 months and 30 days, what the heck am I going to do at age 2? Age 12? and seriously, How could I ever make it out of age 16? I don't think I can. I would chalk it up to her being "aggressive" if it happened to anyone else. But at a park with a bunch of other tots, she will lovingly hold onto and rub my leg. She will hold her hands up and say "Mama, puh" (up)...she won't dare touch any other child...She occassionally pushes her back into James, and once or twice has struck Jarrod, but Me? Come on, it's a daily thing...I get smacked, squeezed, pinched, and even laughed at, every single darn day.

I should have just asked the Dr. to put her back in when she came out screaming (with a cord wrapped twice around her neck)...how did she even get a scream out? If I didn't ask then, I most surely should have asked as the TWO nurses tried to pry her tiny little hand off her cord. I saw that death grip then...Should have known.

My Mom laughs when I call her saying "Mom, this girl is going to kill me." She thinks it hilarious when I walk out of the room and she hears Jolee scream for me. "Ma! Ma!"...She thinks it's cute. I was a raging lunatic of a baby, but I loved my Mother. I would scream for her because I always had to be near her....so in that sense, Jolee is definitely "her mother's child"...but I think her intentions are a BIT different.

And I wonder how cute my Mom will think it is when she sees me on a clip on the news laying on the floor with a phone in my hand and Jolee standing over my lifeless body? Cute Mom?

I will win this battle one day though....When some handsome young gentleman comes to us asking for her hand in marriage, I will be the first to say "Of course you can marry my daughter", all the while thinking, "Now I'll watch for that clip of YOU on the news buddy."

Rocking in my chair....

2010-07-06T21:44:00.000-07:00

I just spent the last hour looking at pictures of my babies. Not pictures from this month, or even this year...but Jolee's birth, James' third birthday, my pregnancies...and I remember it all. I remember my feelings while pregnant with James...I was clueless. I was elated....I really had no idea how amazing motherhood could be....and then seeing pictures from Jolee's birth...I remember EVERY single night of my pregnancy praying I'd meet my baby one day. I remember rocking in the rocking chair I used with James, begging God for this baby....and running outside late one night in Georgia, begging for her life....I remember holding James in that very same rocker after we said goodbye to Jack, and sitting in that chair alone having no words for Jesus after I said goodbye to Baby Hope....ah, that sweet sweet rocking chair. It's as if it has become a part of me....Over the past 5 years I have spent many sweet moments in that chair....it's been spit up on, probably pooped on ;), reupholstered (thankfully), and loved...I sang "Old McDonald" to James in it when I rocked him to sleep for 2 years. I read pregnancy magazines and "What to Expect" books there. I read "Pregnancy after loss" there. I read countless psalms there as well....I have no idea why I even thought of my chair tonight....but for now, this pretty red rocking chair with the Ladybug blanket on it is used for me and my girl. My little blonde ladybug...My little tiny miracle girl....Every night, and every nap, of every day, we sing Amazing Grace...it's the only song she'll fall asleep to...She puts her hand in the air while I sing...just like she does in church on Sunday mornings...and now in my chair....the words come easy...

Thank you Jesus ;)

Letting some things go....

2010-06-24T10:27:00.000-07:00

Summer camp only worked for 1 day. I cried the second and third day as I had to chase James down as he ran to my car. I did the best I could but he stayed with me those days....I am learning to embrace James' quirks and understand that I too was a quirky kiddo. There may/may not be something else to it but we are embracing our children and doing with them, what makes THEM happy. We may be dealing with a little something else by way of social/emotional things but James is James and I love that about him. :)

This summer I am going to take a little time away from hectic things...less time running to "events" or organized things and spending a bit more time watching my half dressed kids drip popsicles on themselves on my porches. Because really, when you look back on your childhood, do you remember the number of times Mommy took you to this or that, or do you remember Mommy on the porch with you? Do you remember that you sat quietly in a circle listening to stories at the library or do you remember Mommy making shadow animals on the wall and telling you about "Going on a bear hunt"...Every night James says "Mommy, we going on a bear hunt?" as I read to him in bed...He never says, "Mommy are we going to storytime tomorrow?"....Ah, my sweet boy :)

Bullet points are annoying...

2010-06-20T18:20:00.000-07:00

- It's hot. Vermonters need AC. It feels like we are sandwiched in between a few mountains and the heat just suffocates us. It is like 75-80 degrees that I am talking about.
- I need to get a grip and embrace the fact that it is warm for 2 months out of 12.
- I'm still sweating in my non-ait conditioned house.
- We joined a new church that is amazing! James loves the kids program/nursery and we love the people we are meeting.
- Jolee hates the kids program...ok, well she hates being away from Mama.
- Mama is going to work the nursery in 2 weeks to help her get adjusted! ;)
- Our pastor and youth pastor baptized 7 people today....3 adults and 4 teens.
- Baptism's are beautiful and bring tears to my eyes.
- I was baptized in a lake when I was 14 and remember it, and the way I felt like it were yesterday.
- I am so happy we have found a church home.
- We are finally making friends and our days are really busy! James is having a ball!
- He heads to half day summer camp tomorrow and I am about to puke.
- I worry about him getting lost, drowning, child molesters, giant bugs biting him, someone making fun of him, and even crazier stuff.
- I am so glad we are homeschoolers and I don't have to almost puke every school year.
- Our homeschool things arrived and I was going to start this summer but our summer filled up so fall it is!
- Jolee is running. Not walking...It's beyond crazy how fast she is. She is actually a better, faster, walker than James was even though he was earlier. She walks in shoes like she has been doing it for years, instead of just a month!
- She says "Mama" "Dada" "Baba" and "DAH" for James....She actually stands at the gate and yells "DAH!" until he comes and talks to her!
- Pork's shock collar is the best 200 bucks we've ever spent. He goes from barking loud to instant peaceful silence each morning and remains quiet for the entire day.
- Our garden is absolutely hilarious! It is growing like mad and we can't eat enough salad to save our lettuce. We are resorting to giving it away! I can't wait to plant more next year!
- Vermont birds are fat. We fill our feeder in the evening and it is gone by morning...I don't even get to see the darn things eat!
- Stevie the Beavie, actually a woodchuck, has 2 fat friends/family members.
- Woodchucks do not eat goldfish crackers, nor do they move when you throw the fish at them.
- Peta would not appreciate the above statement.
- We have a busy summer planned with trips to MD and WA and possibly Canada.
- We bought a new Yukon and it could fit 4 more people than we have in this house in it.
- We better start working to fill it.
- Gas will most assuredly hit 4 bucks a gallon now that we bought that thing!
- I rarely blog anymore because my kids tire me out! I don't even have time to shower some days and I'd much rather read more interesting blogs than writing in my own....I'm quite boring huh?

;)

Finally!

2010-06-03T17:53:00.000-07:00

I really am a bad blogger. It is only going to get worse as the kids get older, J heads back to sea tour, etc etc.... I really try to keep a log somewhere of the kids/our happenings but I get so tied up! Lately it has been keeping the floors somewhat clean, getting our homeschooling curriculums together, and gardening to name a few! I cannot believe how busy I am with 2 kids! And I want more? Ah, crazy!

We are enjoying shore tour so much! I really love Vermont and am finding out that I get along best in life in quiet places like this. I don't want to move back to a big city ever. I like breathing fresh mountain air, drinking freezing cold spring water, watching our trout jump in the pond, feeding treats to neighbor dogs, saying hello to the mailman as he drives packages down my long drive to my door, meeting new friends at an amazing church, watching James run into the nursery and hate to leave, watching lettuce, tomatoes, herbs, cukes, and broccoli grow like crazy in my own garden, and just plain enjoying the peace that comes with country-esque living. I could live here, forever. Jarrod works a mile away and is home every day for lunch....I have no idea how I will ever be able to leave this place....

That said, our marriage, our family life, our parenting has never been more fulfilling then now....

I am anxious to start our homeschool journey with James when our things arrive. We have enough to get us through until about age 7 so hopefully we love it all! We won't necessarily stick to a class type routine and we also won't completely "unschool", but a mixture of a few techniques. There are so many families here in Vermont that homeschool which is even more exciting. Although I won't normally "school" in the summer, we are getting started a bit this summer for language purposes...When we do officially start (at age 6 when it is required) we will "do school" about 4 days a week (a few hours a day at most) and leave at least one day for helping Mom with errands! Very happy we have chosen this!

Our summer is going to be quite exciting with a trip to see Thomas the train in New Hampshire followed by a long vacation in Maryland. With only a week at home, we will then head to Washington state for another long vacation. Hopefully squeezing in a trip to Quebec, our kids are really in for a busy time. In just a few weeks James will also hit a summer day camp! I hope he loves it! It is only for about 3.5 hours a day and I think he will do great!

Jolee is 10 months old and walking, another early one! I really thought/hoped she'd be later but here we are again at 10 months chasing little feet! She is so proud of herself and desperately tries to keep up with James and the dogs! She is THE loudest human being I have ever heard...and I am so glad. She needs a big voice for that tiny body! She grew in my belly as fiesty as ever, came out screaming and has never quieted since. She is the sweetest little girl I have ever met! I love watching her beautiful smile as she lights up at James, and then even her clenched fists when she hears, "no no"....She is going to give us a run for our money!

Busy busy bees we are...and loving life here! We see new creatures daily here and love adapting our lives to Vermont. I am pretty proud that we can move anywhere and figure out how to make it work....although this place sure does make it easy!

The one with the pretty faces...

2010-05-04T17:48:00.001-07:00

I should take medication...

2010-05-03T11:52:00.000-07:00

seriously. I have a problem. A HUGE problem. Worry. I am constantly worried about EVERYTHING in/outside of our home. See, I am going to explain just this once how difficult it is moving so often. For those who don't know, J and I have been married for 5 years at the end of this month. We have lived in Maryland, South Carolina, Georgia, Virginia, and now Vermont. I love moving and seeing new places. I love changing houses because whatever annoys me about one house, most likely won't be in the next home. In SC it was waterbugs, haha cockroaches in base housing. In Georgia it was the biting EVERYTHING, frogs, and constant humidity and heat. In Virginia it was the cockroaches again. I love how every state calls these darn bugs something other than what they truly are...COCKROACHES. haha....Here in VT nothing really annoys me too bad although we have a ladybug infestation.

Ladybugs, you all know I love them because I call Jolee Ladybug. How could I not like them?

BUT....in all of my moves into new homes in new places I constantly have to make someone else's home fit my family. I always need new curtains, new rods, new...well you get the idea. I also have to child-proof all homes I move into. Not only is it costly but goodness I've had to do it a lot. So we found this amazing home in Vermont. I love it. BUT, yes, another BUT...it is totally not easy to childproof this place.

I worry daily that the kids are going to hang themselves on blind cords, fall out the the high windows to their deaths, hit their heads on the big boulders outside....so I have Jarrod move huge rocks, I cut all the blind cords but for the life of me I can't get the windows right....We basically live in a home built on the side of a giant hill in the mountains. If someone were to fall out a window, we are looking at over 3 stories. And in VT noone has Air Condition because well 75% of the year it is cold.

But, it is hot today, and was yesterday....I am sweating. I HAVE to open windows. They all open from the top or bottom so I thought I hit the jackpot...just open them from the top and the kids can't reach them. Yeah right....on say 3 of 12 or more windows, this works...But on the rest, you can open from the top and still slide the whole darn thing up....I HAVE to open my windows or we will die, maybe not die but you know what I mean.

I wouldn't worry so much if my kids weren't such Evel Kinevel's. James wraps cords around his neck, often asks me if he can "jump off dis mountain (the bunkbed), couch dives daily, and has been standing in my window sills (remember 3 stories)...Jolee can crawl stairs, not kidding. She is faster than any baby I've ever seen. My kids are like circus freaks. When I go places and someone says "Oh don't worry, they can't break anything", I always respond, "you've never met my kids, they could burn a padded room to the ground."

So it's hot, and I am worried that my kids are going to plummet to their deaths if I don't figure out a workable solution for these windows. And can I just tell you that there are 16 that I want to open. I did just count them. So whatever I do, I have to do 16 times, each morning when I want them open, and each night when I want some closed.

And don't even get me started on baby gates. Jolee pulled one on herself last week. I invested 100 bucks in 1 gate for the deadly basement stairs, and now need something for the upstairs.

I also need a good shrink to help me stop picturing my bloodied, injured children everywhere. Someone help me....;)

The one with my first 911 call....

2010-04-13T10:22:00.000-07:00

Everyone is and was ok...Thankfully. I want to blog about this morning's experience because I am semi-proud of the way I handled a could-have-been deadly emergency....I was feeding Buggy in her high chair this morning while James played in the kitchen. The phone rang and it was my sister. After about 5 minutes of talking to her, a red pickup pulled into my driveway. A young man got out and approached my landlord's woodshed. I am always nervous when someone unknown comes to the house because I am a Mom first, and worry about someone harming me or the kids. (I also grew up in Baltimore City where gunshots were heard often and men kept their families hostage, etc....it happened often there and was scary)...So every single time, no matter where I live, someone unknown approaches my home, I immediately label them a rapist/murderer. I'm not kidding...it's just my paranoia. So I told my sister that a strange man pulled up and if he didn't leave soon or acted odd, that I would hang up with her and call 911. A few moments later the man must have seen me at the sliding door and started walking to the door. I got nervous and was telling my sister (who was in MD) on the phone, what was transpiring. He came to the door and did not say a word. I looked at all 3 doors and made sure they were locked. I moved the phone away from my face and said "Can I help you sir?" He stared at me. Never said a word. I said "Sir (louder) Can I help you?" He looked down at James at my feet and then me. Never spoke. As a matter of fact, I gave a detailed description of the man, but made note that his mouth never opened the entire time I saw him. (In my mind, this made him a killer)...

I know I can be irrational but I had to think of my kids. Why was someone standing at my door, not knocking, looking at me, and not speaking?

I grabbed James and Buggy was on my hip, so we darted downstairs. The dogs were in crates but I immediately let them out and told Pork, "Go get him!" I hung up and called 911. I gave them my info and was truly panicked. I thought he was there to do me harm, and kill us. He was giving me no other indication that he was there for a good reason. I glanced back up the stairs and saw him still looking at Pork. In my mind, I thought he was contemplating breaking in. What would he do with the dogs, the kids, me? I have never been so scared in my life. I begged the cops to let me off the phone to call J because he can get here in 90 seconds. I had to stay on the line. I asked if I should run out the back, if he were to enter....they said, hold on ma'am, the officers are almost there...What felt like 20 minutes, but I am sure was 4, Jarrod arrived (my mother and sister had called him) and the cops pulled in right behind him. I was ok. The man had left and we would soon find out that our landlord had sent him to the site to get a hose out of the woodshed. He was hard of hearing and couldn't hear me yelling through the door.

I know it sounds fishy, and to me, it is. In Maryland if you come to someone's door, you need to knock, or talk, and let your business be known. The consensus is that he saw me on the phone and thought I was going to hang up to open the door, so he could tell me why he was there. I don't open my doors. He was trying to be polite and waited for me. I thought it was creepy and still do. He was there innocently, and we are safe so that is the end for me....I did think of multiple scenarios, where to keep the kids safe, if I could safely get to our guns without being seen, and the like. I was a sobbing mess and almost threw up when I saw Jarrod and the police. This town is small, and very safe...but in my mind, that is where things like this happen. I won't ever be too careful when it comes to mine and my children's safety. Now our landlord is going to give us notice if anyone is to stop by on the property and I am to continue calling 911 if I am not notified.

I can tell you I am actually in pain right now because of adrenaline. I picture him breaking a door and killing us....Luckily I acted safely as best I could, and I didn't run upstairs like the idiots in horror movies....which I really have no business watching.

Since J brought 2 marines home with him, and this all ended up being a very innocent misunderstanding, I will probably now be known, in this tiny town, as the crazy lady who thinks everyone in town is a murderer...Maybe one day my paranoia might save one of our lives....

Don't worry, there are no pictures....

2010-03-24T15:05:00.000-07:00

I lost my camera. Our 120 plus pictures from our Disney World trip are now non-existent. We have a few from our Disney Photo pass card but that is it. I'm sad. My daughter's first airplane flight...no pictures....My son's first roller coaster, no pictures. I'll stop now. I decided I am going to make a list of highlights for my own record. I am going to scrapbook them with the few pictures I do have, and the tickets and what not...So some great memories were had...

-Both kids did amazing on both flights! Jolee slept a lot and James watched Peter Pan...They are great travelers.

-Wilderness Lodge was beautiful, the food even better. I actually went on vacation for 9 days and never gained a pound!

-We were elated to see the towel characters that the staff left on our beds for us...a bunny, a turtle, and a towel-igator! They were adorable!

-The transportation was great! We didn't have to drive at all and were always lucky to get buses fast!

-My heavenly double jogger stroller that James preferred to sit in often. Both kids were great in it and shared blankets...4 must be the magical age for wanting a ride!

-James caught a 24 hour stomach bug and puked in the resort pool...they had to shut it down to clean...the Gaz kids don't mess around.

-We ate every last snack and meal on our dining plan and won't ever go to Disney again without a meal plan! We saved so much money and the ease of getting food made the trip.

-Both kids got lots of souveniers and we only spent $336 bucks the whole week (above the cost of the trip)...including a giant Mickey train that James adores!

-Jolee got her first pink Mickey ears and a Baby's First Christmas ornament (yes we forgot it this year)...

-A tinkerbell costume on a baby is to die for!

-James hated all shows. We left Lion King early at Animal Kingdom, and sat for 3 minutes at Nemo and had to leave before it started. He freaked at every show....

-except for Country Bear Jamboree, but he was exhausted and it was approaching 10pm so he must have been delirious.

-He refused to ride Dumbo, Snow White, and most rides, but rode Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, a roller coaster. I can't figure it out either.

-We rode It's a small world 3 times, and Peter Pan twice...He has a fondness for Captain Hook!

-Jolee lost a shoe at Downtown Disney. I checked Lost and Found twice but never came up with it. Thankfully it was a Babies R Us shoe and not a pediped.

-We lost a bottle there too...and a camera we will stop talking about soon.

-Jolee tried to lose another shoe at the wedding but I found it.

-We gave up on shoes and socks.

-Jarrod and I drank at Epcot, I had 2 or 3 drinks (a margarita in Mexico that was sooooo strong, champagne in France, and wine in Italy)...Jarrod drank a beer from each country except Canada, we couldn't find the Canadian beer.

-We rode one ride at Epcot and bolted for the World Showcase, we had a ball!

-We visited the train display in Germany 3 times. It might have been James' fave thing....it inspired the purchase of the Micky train (which is giant!)

-Animal Kingdom was fun, I wish we could have seen more shows....J did get to see Lion King while James and I waited outside. Jolee passed out in Jarrod's arms after 5 minutes so he watched the show alone.

-J also rode some "big kid" rides alone too, but Fastpass made it fun!

-J and James rode Kali River Rapids, a semi-big kid ride.

-We went to Downtown Disney 3 times and loved it every time!

-We had Ghirardelli ice cream while the kids napped in the stroller.

-We ate at T-Rex without waiting in line...Don't try for reservations, they only book 10%, the rest is first come- first serve...

-I had grilled shrimp that I can still remember were DELICIOUS!

-James hated the whole experience and the lifelike mammoth we sat under. Maybe it was because they come to life every 10 minutes.

-Jarrod and I got drinks there too.

-We drank daily and yes, had the kids with us...perks of free transportation.

-We went to Lego-World with the rest of the world...it's not that great. The statues are amazing and we took great pics there, ugh. But the big kids take up all the lego building tables.

-People are rude and don't let strollers through anywhere.

-Jarrod runs our giant jogger into those people.

-They probably won't cut off strollers anymore.

-We watched the Electro-Magic Parade and Jolee was in awe of all the lights. She sat on Daddy's lap and just stared at everything.

-We made a dash from frontierland to the front entrance before the fireworks to avoid that chaos.

-We made it to the ferry in time to see the fireworks!

-Our ferry almost ran aground on the way back to the Wilderness Lodge. Trees came into the ferry seconds after Jarrod said "I think this guy is about to run us aground."

-I asked Jarrod on the trip if he knew how to drive a boat. What was I even thinking? Navy, submariner, multi-million dollar piece of machinery...yeah, totally forgot all that.

-Jarrod wore a Mickey shirt to Disney and it rocked...James had a retro one as well.

-James and J drove the cars at Tomorrowland and James carried his little paper license around all day.

-Jolee loved her pouch style food and Daddy even squirted it right into her mouth. He also gave her her first taste of ice cream. She is a Daddy's girl.

-James cried waiting in line for Pirates of the Caribbean but I love that ride and forced him to ride...He finally liked it at the end....Jolee loved everything.

I am so sad that my bag broke on the plane and the contents went everywhere. I wish we had triple checked for everything and I might not have left the camera on the aircraft. I still hold out hope that it is making it's way to the Dallas Lost and found headquarters. There were over 120 pictures of the kids, our family, and our amazing time. I wish I had more to show my kids one day....And I promise to take them back one day soon to recreate a lot of what we did.

We truly had an amazing time at a magical place!

My littles....

2010-03-11T15:15:00.001-08:00

Bubba turns 4 in a few weeks. Lord, where does the time go, and can you just slow it a little? I can't believe it has been 4 years since I became a mother. It seems like just yesterday I was begging you for another child. I never understood. I never came to terms....until she was born...and then life changed. You answered my prayer and I cherish every moment you allow me with them. Thank you for blessing me. Thank you for picking me to be their mother. I am very honored and am forever thankful.

Formidable Fours?

2010-03-08T18:27:00.000-08:00

Oh lordie be! The past 2 nights James has been in bed before 7pm. He never really dabbled in the "NO!" stage when most kids do around age 2. Oh my word, he is now. He is finally telling us "NO!" at everything. It is exhausting! He had 7 timeouts yesterday. 7. He also went to bed without books for both nights because of the NO drama....I really hope age 4 is not like this the whole year!

Both kids are semi-sick...I say that because their colds are almost gone. Ugh, we have had them for over a week. We leave this weekend for our trip and I hope they are both better. A lot of time, energy, and money went into this first real vacation for our family. We travel a lot to see family, but this is really our first, long, only us type vacay. We cannot wait. I hope both kids have a great time and we hear fewer "No!'s" haha....

Spartacus: Blood and Sand...hmmm we just started watching it because we like all things Rome and history...but I can't even begin to describe it. Do not watch it EVER if there is a child of ANY age in the room. No baby, toddler, preschooler, adolescent, tween, teen or even college kid should see this! GRAPHIC...I love the historical aspect, and the storylines but I cannot wrap my mind around the nudity (EVERYTHING) and language...Does anyone else watch this? We just started but I don't know if I will continue, I really love the storyline though....gladiators, slaves set free, royalty, honor...but the blatant EVERYTHING is harsh.

Kell on Earth, totally cool. I am dvr'ing that tonight...My slow mornings of feeding the kids in my jammies and thinking about our day is SOOOOOO opposite of this crazy woman. And for the record I watch crap tv, in case you haven't noticed. I seriously watch things that could not be farther from my own life. Real housewives...yup, like it. I like those types of shows because maybe, hmmm....I get to see how people so different from me live.

My very favorite show however, is The Duggars. Isn't that funny? I bet the walls would melt in that house if Spartacus were on! My views are definitely more Duggarish than anything else so that is where my heart is....Pardon me Michelle and Jim Bob, J, J, J, J, J, J, J, J, J, J, J, J ...JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ...I am going to watch Spartacus now.

The One With All The Baby Crap, no not actual crap....

2010-03-01T06:05:00.000-08:00

Disney World. 2 weeks away. And I am already stressing about the mounds of baby crap I need to pack. First let me tell you that we are staying at a Disney resort for 5 days and then heading to Jax for a wedding for 3 days. Soooooo, we are not renting a vehicle until the drive to Jax. What's the point? We can get a ride anywhere we need to go in Disney....that being said....I hate not having a car. But I also hate wasting money so we shall make do. Not having a car means taking ALL of Jolee's needs with us. Luckily we are flying on Southwest and can check 8+ things for free, although I need nowhere near that number...But packing diapers, wipes, baby food, formula, pack and play, sheets, ugh, babies need a lot of CRAP! So I already started slowly thinking of what we need. Swimsuits, sunscreen, stroller, jackets (not snowsuits), 2 carseats...ok I'll stop. You get the point. I'll forget something...probably one of my children. But I really cannot wait.

We are going as four and I think that is amazing. We are blessed. We have visited MANY places and seen many things together. But this is Jolee's first real trip and to Disney World of all places! Going to be amazing! ...

My new favorite show to DVR is Giuliana and Bill. I think they are such an adorable couple, and so hilarious! And now I want to watch the new Parenthood show coming on. Tuesday night is our tv night, there is AI, Lost, Paranormal State, and now Parenthood. Thank you Direct tv for DVR or we'd never know which show to choose, haha.

Ok my ladybug is starting to whine and I got like hmmm, zero sleep last night....so I better run!