All The Single Ladies

The "Date"

2011-03-26T06:53:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened since the last time I was here when I told you about someone asking me to go for coffee. I accepted to go with him so I could come out of my many years hiatus.
We agreed to meet in the coffee shop of a popular hotel right in the centre of the city.
First, I was at a quandry about what to wear but eventually settled for a pair of skinny jeans, a top and boots - kind of smart casual appearance and also comfortable. I didn't want to go all out because I suspected there would be no point. I already had my doubts about my date anyway and I didn't want to put myself out too much. (I could be such a bitch sometimes!)
I notified my dearests and closests about the date, venue, time, etc. and many times I felt like cancelling out but everyone was like, 'just go'. I got one of them to call me with an 'emergency' 20 minutes into the date in case I need to bolt.
Then, typically me, I started fantasising that maybe it won't be all that bad. Maybe he deliberately misled me into being a frog and will indeed turn out to be a Prince afterall - at least its happened before in Dysneyland.
We were meant to meet at 4 or so but I was in the area - 'casing the joint' - 30 minutes earlier. I went into a coffee shop over looking our rendevouz point and from there I I had my stake-out. I had a perfect view of the enterance so I could see who went in and out.
I was prepared for the worst so any body - short of a bum that I saw going into the hotel was me prospective date. I was afraid that I was just going to run away before the time.
Eventually, I saw someone that looked like the photo I saw on the website. The photo did not lie! Nor was he a Prince. I watched him for nearly 5 minutes, debating if I should go down or not. Then he called me. (we had exchanged numbers earlier in case we were running late or something)
So I got up and walked to him. First impression, (well, second) he was wearing a football jersey over a pair of slacks and a massive windcheater. My dad wears a pair of slacks! Not looking good..
I can't remember if we hugged or shook hands, but he was nice. I decided, well, I'm here, so I'd better relax and enjoy the afternoon. And that was what I did.
We went inside and ordered coffee. The conversation was general but I was able to gather that my 40 year old date, who looked a lot older than that, had no job, a series of health problems, dependant issues and verging on football fanatic. However, I found him to be quite nice and the conversation flowed, even though I knew nothing would come out of it. I told him about my studies and business and he remarked, 'beauty and brains, eh?'
On 20 minutes cue, my friend called me but I told her it was okay but asked if she could meet me in another 30 minutes so we could leave together.
The 'date' lasted for about an hour but I enjoyed myself. Reason being that I always enjoy being with people, no matter who they are and they find it easy to talk to me. I wonder why.
Anyway, time to go and he asked if he could see me again. Being honest and upfront (tsk, tsk, tsk) I told him that I wasn't ready for a relationship at the moment. He said he's fine with being friends so I said, fine, as friends then. We said our goodbyes and I was thinking 'that went well'.
I made sure my friend saw him so that it wouldn't be that I was making excuses later when I tell them that I wasn't going to see the guy again. We mutually came to the conclusion that he was not the one to bring me out of the hiatus.
The search continues..........

Wanna Meet Up?

2011-03-10T11:46:00.000-08:00

I have just agreed to meet this guy for coffee. I actually don't have a good feeling about it but I am feeling a bit reckless and hey, what the hell!
We have been sending emails and phone calls back and forth for the past few days and everybody's telling me I have to get out more. So I am breaking the jinx. I am actually going to meet another guy, after 16 years of being with one guy!
I think I agreed to meet this guy, even though he doesn't appear to be my type. For one, he was very vague about what he does and I am not exactly mad about his looks. But I am hoping for the best.
I will be meeting him tomorrow afternoon for coffee - in a public place, mind you. I have arranged for a dear friend to call me with an 'emergency' 30 mins into the date, in case I need to make a quick get away.
Keep your fingers crossed for me. And listen to the news in case you hear of a missing person!

Don't Believe All You Read

2011-03-08T16:32:00.000-08:00

What is it about men and their height? I am yet to meet a man who doesn't add at least 2 inches to their height. I think its the same as a woman reducing her weight but the height is a bit obvious, isn't it?

I have been browsing several online dating sites and lo, I tell you, it seems the world is full of short men. At 5'10, all I am asking for it to find a man I can look up to - not down at- and this is proving an impossible feat. Actually, I have two main requirements - one, that he'd be at least 5'11 (then I'll wear flats when we're together) and he should be educated (so we can discuss the themes, models and matrixes of superficial concepts) To get someone at the right age with these two attributes is like looking for icicles in the desert. Its either one of them on a man old enough to be my father or young enough to be my child's brother!

Don't even get me started on the education bit. I joined this website that had photos of really hot looking men. Looking at their profiles, I saw that quite a large number of them had minimum Bachelor degree. Some had Masters and a few with Phd. I thought, there might be hope here for me. So I started enjoying all the site had to offer - sending interests back and forth.

That is until I started communicating - by email - with these so called graduates that could not string a correct sentence in English without errors. At first I'd think it was typo. I have this habit of looking at the keyboard when I notice a spelling mistake, just to see if the writer accidentally pressed the wrong key beside the one they meant to press. For example, clicking 'storu' instead of 'story'. U is beside Y so they could have slipped fingers. But if they types 'storie' then I know its intentional.

Okay, I admit, I have a bit of a problem there but I CAN'T stand bad grammar when its written. It gives me migraine. Its bad enough speaking it but at least you can pretend not to notice but if its written down, its proof that won't go away. In the same way, I don't like people writing in short hand or slang. If I don't know you or 'meeting' you for the first time, at least give me the curtesy of completing your sentences. Gosh, you should see some of the emails I have been getting. Example, 'I thnk your gr8 lukin'. Those mails go to instant deletion. There was this guy that kept on sending me messages in very bad broken English and I felt tempted to ask him where he got his 'Masters' degree. Why do people have to lie about such things thiking they won't be found out later?

Which brings me to the issue of the different shades of truth on online dating sites. I found this interesting looking guy with a solid profile. He was 6'2, (happy days) looked really fit, never married, no children, full time employment and had a BA. The fact that he didn't write any profile in his own word did not put me off so when he asked to contact me, I willing obliged. We chatted for a while and the conversation flowed nicely. He asked me some questions about me that I had answered on my profile - like had I ever been married or did I have a child, to which I referred him to my profile. It was either that he had contacted so many people he didn't know which was which or he didn't read the profile - just clicked on a pretty face. Something didn't feel right. So I asked if he had children and he said yes - 2 grown up children. OK... 'Ever been married?' Yes, he was married. He said he got divorced 5 years ago and he is just ready to do it all again. At that point, I lost all interest because he lied about everything. He confessed, jokingly that the only real thing about his profile was his name! He was very dismissive about what he'd done and I told him it was false advertisement. I wouldn't have been interested if I'd known these and the fact that he lied, there was no way I could trust him. So, it was bye-d-byes for us.
Back to the drawing board.

All About The Weight

2011-01-16T08:38:00.000-08:00

After a long silence from Website A, I got a note from a member asking me what I was studying. I mean, of all the information that I had on my profile, that was the most important question for him. A cursory glance at his profile gave nothing away. You see, some people take advantage of the free membership and post incomplete profiles that make no sense. I blame the website for featuring profiles that are 30% complete - only has their barest details - are they so desperate to fill their bandwidth?

Any how, I decided not to waste my time answering. Although if I had answered it would have been something like, 'Aeronautical Engineering - Is there money in that?'. Okay, okay, maybe the poor lad just wanted to make conversation and didn't know where to start. He meant it as an ice-breaker. Then he should have used the pre-loaded format. The websites always have one-liner chat-up formats for those that are verbally challenged. Do I need someone like that? No.

So to the waist, I mean weight issue. I have a secret. Between you and I, I'll tell you what my weight is. A bit of background information is needed before I go on.

Some blue moons ago, I used to be a rather svelte young lady with all the elegance of a model. Then I found out about food. I could eat anything. In fact I loved cooking so much that if I eat anything from anywhere in the world, I could replicate it without being taught how to. I also didn't like throwing food away. No sir! Everything went into the waste bin of my waist. (pardon the pun)

Working from home also gave me few chances to exercise - the fact that I have membership at a local gym and a room full of exercise equipment to put a small gym to shame doesn't count. I just did not have enough motivation to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

As my weight grew, so did my love life - in the opposite direction. First he made excuses about being tired and then he didn't even bother. I remember him saying on occasions that even if he felt like it, he only had to take a look at me to visualize what he would be handling and that would just kill his ardor. So he couldn't be bothered anymore. I actually find that funny now but it wasn't at that time. The more he nagged me about my weight, the more I found comfort in ice-cream and chocolate. I would derive more satisfaction from a bar of chocolate than the half-hearted attempt at love-making that was going on.

I used to feel so down and unwanted. And yet, I had so many men passing me comments and wanting to be with me. I mentioned this to my dear ex and he said, ‘well you look very well when you are all covered up. I bet they don’t know what I am dealing with!’ Oh, he said some other gems, but this is not about him so I won’t go there. Here I am, a very strong woman, with my own business, depend on no one, and yet, I let someone bring me down to the point that I was bulimic. I knew something hard to give.

I started a good eating plan, ditched the car for buses and long treks and I can see the improvement already. Now my motivation is me, and not because I want to please someone who had his own issues, I am a lot happier and hopefully the weight will continue to fall of and stay off.

Now the reason why I am sharing my weight is so that I can be shamed into keeping it like so. I weighed in before at 95kg (209lb) and at present, I have gone down to 92kg (202lb). It doesn’t look that bad on me though because I am quite tall and the curves are well distributed. How is that for self- appreciation? I have really come a long way!

So when I got to the part of ‘body type’ in the online registration from for the dating website, I proudly tick, ‘with a few extra’. I’ll be damned if someone clicks me thinking I am a slim, portable size to find out later on otherwise. Also, I am not going to let a man determine my weight ever again. I am neither fat nor slim, but I am HAPPY!

E- Dating and What Have You

2011-01-15T13:57:00.000-08:00

I have just recently come out of a long term relationship that had been going stale for a looonnngg time. It hadn't done well for my self esteem so I needed to get back to the dating scene quickly so I could feel appreciated and loved. Boo hoo!

A quick survey of the pickings around me showed how slim or in fact non existent they were. Approaching 40 and slightly over-weight, the chances of meeting a dashing tall dark and handsome type was very slim indeed. All the men around me were married and to be honest, even if they weren't there was NONE of them I found the slightest bit attractive anyway.

So, I decided to try out online dating websites.

Now, I am a strong proponent of everything Internet. I shop online, pay my bills, play games, work, study, etc. I live my life online. So since I spend most of my waking hours on the computer, where else to start my search for the perfect guy?

I listed my pros and cons.

On the plus side;

I am attractive - I scrub up nicely, I daresay!
Educated with several degrees
Witty
Look a lot younger than my age - prone to immaturity!
Intelligent
Economically viable (!!!) - shhhh.....don't tell the banks!
Considerably fun to be with - bags of laughter!
Enterprising - can sell sand to the Arabs
Dependable
Honest-to-God

On the down side;

Fickle minded
Getting old
A bit crazy
Overweight (an avid yo-yo dieter)
Head in the cloud
Watch too many crime documentaries so have trust issues

I looked around and it seems the ones across the pond were more 'serviced' - as in there appeared to be quite a lot of member photos with recent online dates on them. I wanted to maintain my anonymity so, leaving out my photo, I took out the free trial membership for a couple of the websites. I am not going to mention which websites these are but in the course of this blog, I am going to record my experience as I go along. Who knows what may happen after all!

Just so we are clear before I go on

1. Sadly, I am not over my ex

2. I am not looking for a replacement yet

3. I am an incurable romantic and can change my mind at any moment!

Now that that is out of the way, I registered with website A who claimed to have a system where you are uniquely matched with your 'partner' using their special scientific formula, based on your mutual attributes. Their infomercials were always spot on and you'd feel that, well if they can afford to take out these ads then they must be doing okay. So I took out the free package.

The first couple of days after I signed on, I was 'talking' to other singles in my neighborhood. You know, I'd be online and someone would say 'hey' and I would 'hey' back. Before going into stories, I'd quickly check their profile to see if any dodgy stuff would ring up alarm bells. If okay, continue 'talking'. One thing about this website is that it gives you the control over who sees your photo so you start communicating with someone and if you get to the stage of exchanging photos and the person's photo is totally whack, you can make a polite exit. I don't really like that. You can read all the good things and I tell you, most people, including yours truly, think they are God's gift to the opposite sex - if beauty really is in the eye of the beholder, they must be holding themselves quite a lot! LOL! Sorry, I had to put that there.

Anyhow, bad jokes apart, there I was talking to these guys, checked out their profiles, nothing strange there until one of them released his photo and I tried to open it but couldn't because I was not a paying member. Same thing happened about 4 or 5 times and I thought, 'what the hell'. the membership fee was not that expensive and I could afford it so why not just try it? Also, there were soooo many apparently okay guys on the website. And did they not have 30 couples who met on the website married last year? So I dusted my credit card and signed up for all of 6 months membership. If I don't get a date in 6 months then I'll eat my...... no, I wont eat anything. Just give it a trial anyways. I was curious like mad to see what the guys looked like that released their photos to me.

Funny enough, as soon as I paid, the contacts dried up. Not gradually like. Instantly! While I had been having nearly daily communication from the website about this person or that match, I got nada, zilch, nil, zero.... Enough! I thought it was a coincidence and continued logging on and throwing a smile here and there. I could sense some other people's frustration from their profile status. But I did not give up.

Then I saw a profile about a guy who listed one of his hobbies as sailing on his yacht. The photo he had on his profile looked like one from a James Bond film. Rich and handsome, eh? What would a guy like that be looking for on a dating site when he appeared to be a ‘babe magnet’? So I threw a smile his way. Right on the spot, I got a reply back in the line of, ‘oh, I see you like me. I like you too but I can’t access this website from work. Can you send me your private email so I can contact you there?’ That’s strange, coming from a guy that owns a boat. You’d think that he could access the website at home. Or, if he has to access the website at work then it’s either:

He is low in the hierarchy and afraid his boss or IT might catch him out
He is married and only does the web crawling away from the family computer

Either way, something wasn’t right. And come to think of it, if he was that rich, how come he wasn’t a paying member? So I replied I feel more comfortable meeting you here, thank you! And I never heard anything back.