All The Way Ray

2016-10-17T08:09:00.003-07:00

For Christ's sake it's just a corn dog. This is also a photo of our new retiree in the family. As of October 1st she joined our ranks.

We got up with an alarm at 4:30 and 5 in the morning for just about all of the 36 years we've been married so getting up at 6:30, 7, 7:30 and even a few 8's doesn't take much of an adjustment.

Since I've jumped through all the hoops to find my password I may post here occasionally. I want my great nephew Daniel to find this stuff when he's 20 and remark about how concerned he is that he's a blood relative of mine.

Let's keep it short. I arrived at my psychiatrist's office to find the building he worked out of being demolished. I received no notice of this. Somehow, I found his new office. I was late arriving for my appointment. No rush. They had no record of me as a patient. Wonderful.

Happy Earth Day

2016-04-22T17:36:00.003-07:00

RIP Jimmy Boy

2015-07-27T18:09:00.000-07:00

2015-01-09T10:57:00.000-08:00

I used to ride a bike in the winter and now, not so much. I do walk with my Sassy dog quite a bit. I'm 56 but like 11 on the inside. If you're younger than 50 then you have no excuse to not ride your bike in the winter unless you're worried about falling causing spiral fracture or is it spiral ham. Oh, that Smithers is a fucking beauty.

By the way, the above photo was staged. It was shot on the same sound stage that NASA faked the space program footage on.

I need to carry my crappy pocket camera with me more to shoot exciting photos of my alley and the guy down at the park flooding the ice rink.

2014-08-28T12:45:00.001-07:00

Yeah baby, long beautiful hair!

2014-08-18T15:21:00.001-07:00

Yeah, I was sexy. Move along.

2014-06-18T18:21:00.002-07:00

2014-04-24T12:31:00.001-07:00

2014-04-17T09:42:00.002-07:00

2014-04-10T11:52:00.002-07:00

2014-03-05T11:22:00.002-08:00

Putin's got nuthin on this motherfucker.

I wouldn't say I'm back as much as I'd say I'm back for today if you're pickin' up what I'm layin' down.

Five years ago this Sunday the City of Richfield laid me off. Fuck them, I never liked them in the first place.

Five years without a job. Five years without a job is no big deal. Somehow I survived 29 years in the workplace and that's a big fucking deal, skippy. If I had to do it all over again I would have stolen a shitload of rock salt for my alley.

What do I do all day? No, what do you do all day besides fucking off on Facebook, Twitter and Craigslist? I baked a cake using out of date cake mix and balanced it off by using out of date canned frosting. That's a whole afternoon's worth of fun.

A writer writes and what I do isn't writing even if I sit here in my little newspaperman's fedora and hunt and peck the shit out of the keyboard.

Soon we'll stop shoveling snow and start bitching about mowing the lawn. My push mower needs sharpening but after a little checking I found out that buying a new push mower would cost the same as getting the old one sharpened.

Remember to shower after scanning Craigslist.

2013-12-24T13:41:00.002-08:00

2013-12-20T09:22:00.000-08:00

Some day you'll realize I don't give a fuck

2013-12-18T11:01:00.001-08:00

I know, it's just a bike...

2013-10-15T09:22:00.001-07:00

No, it's ok that you guys took one of the iconic bikes of this life and chopped it up for parts. I'll consult my two trusted advisors (Our accountant Red and family consiglierie Snakecrotch) about whether you should be removed from the will.

Inspector Luger

2013-10-02T11:37:00.001-07:00

2013-09-26T11:45:00.001-07:00

Have you seen me with the Stanley Cup? It was a big deal for me.

I can't find Snakecroth's new blog and I need to read about his pursuit of a yeti. That, and all his stories about bangin' cocktail waitresses, two at a time.

Why haven't I been blogging? Cuz I'm as lazy as the day is long.

Does Walter White have a douchephone? Fuck no, he has a flip phone so get over yourself and stop showing me pictures of kids. Pictures of dogs are always ok. By the by, I myself purchased a new flip phone from Best Buy. The kid had to dig deep in the storeroom.

I look like an idjit riding a tandem with nobody on the back but you look perfectly natural walking down the street staring at a fucking cell phone. You can't do that too much in Chicago because some motherfucker will hit you in the head with a brick and take it away.

I enjoyed a solid 10 minutes of yard work this morning.

A half hearted attempt is underway to ride 3371 miles this year so I can eclipse my recent low total from 2011 when I got my new recliner.

Is it too early to start talking about Almonzo?

2013-08-13T18:23:00.001-07:00

Fuck you, nobody likes you anyway

2013-07-09T17:54:00.001-07:00

Mrs and I saw the Lone Ranger over the weekend and we liked it. No chipper, this isn't the Blues Brothers, Up In Smoke or The Big Lebowski that multiple viewings will be required. It's a movie. It cost 12 bucks for the two of us at one of the AARP (anything before 11 am) showings. Usually, we're the youngest people in the theater at 9:30 am.

Everything in this life isn't a fucking epic event, sizzlechest.

No, I didn't shoot it!

2013-06-19T12:23:00.000-07:00

Happy Fathers Day

2013-06-16T11:26:00.002-07:00

And Happy Mothers Day to my Jewish mother

2013-05-12T08:44:00.001-07:00

Happy Mothers Day!!

2013-05-12T06:11:00.004-07:00

2013-05-10T10:03:00.000-07:00

2013-05-07T09:11:00.001-07:00