All The Way Ray

2012-01-26T07:53:00.000-08:00

Did you click on the link for that couch in Wrigleyville? I can't find the one on the south side that has bunk beds for 17 bucks. Mrs laughed at the thought of throwing her ass into the top bunk.

Gave the girl at the Donut Cooperative an extra quarter tip for NOT reading the donut roster to me. I wanted the coconut creme donut but my mother's grave would burst into flames if I spent $3 for a f-ing donut.

Midtown is changing hours as of Monday and will open at 8 instead of 6:30.

I could ride to One on One. They open at 7:30 and Karna is nice.

Hakkahn Olyjawon (spelled wrong, Fuck you) opens at 6:30 at Sovereign Grounds.

Ma and Pa Kettle are a little too busy opening cans of soup to have any personality at Firewhatever at 38th and 37th.

Donut Cooperative opens at 7 but then I'd be an even bigger fat ass within a month. That, and I can only handle the whole Portlandia schtick about once a week.

2012-01-23T08:53:00.000-08:00

I could see myself spending a week on this couch. I could meet PW in the loop for lunch. Keep a piss pot of Dunkin Donuts handy. Buy a hardware store Magna and give it to a homeless guy when I leave town. Endless possibilities, my boy.

Fridays

2012-01-20T09:52:00.000-08:00

Hey Mr, have you got any candy?

2012-01-18T12:03:00.000-08:00

I can look at this picture and not get hungry. You know why? Because I had tuna for lunch so the rest of this afternoon I'll feel like I'm going to vomit. I could take an antacid but why spoil the fun.

The only people who are allowed to ride a bike on the sidewalk are kids, my Mexican brothers and me. And Mrs too, of course. Speaking of which, I rode my bike on the sidewalk on Cedar from 42nd Street down to Cedar and Lake, and on Lake Street from Cedar to 21st. You see a lot of stuff from the sidewalk that you can't see when you take your life in your hand and ride either on Cedar or Lake Street. I know, I know, I should be riding a Magna if I'm riding on the sidewalk but I look like the neighborhood crazy so all is well.

I think I'm setting zero as my new limit for riding a bike. I don't care how tough you are. I want to be compared to every 53 year old man whether they ride a bike or plop their fat ass down on the couch.

Fuck you. I'm off my meds and I know where you live.

Love Ray

2012-01-17T11:28:00.000-08:00

I used an old e-mail I set up for Mrs to get 10 percent off at the NFL shop and while I was at it I posted on her old blog. Mention was made of the will. The will is only worth a shit if we die today. If we live to 80 we won't have a pot to piss in. Right? That's the American way.

Why the fuck do people always tell you how busy they are with their job and of course shuttling their offspring to soccer, band practice and underwater basket weaving? I don't care. Fuck you, I'm going to count how many Metro Transit buses go down 42nd Street between the hours of 10 and 2.

I rode my bike 12 miles today and 12 yesterday and nobody including me gives a shit.

What if I don't applaud a woman who's 8 and a half months pregnant for riding a bike on a 15 degree morning?

Oh sure, tomboy girls are swell but give me a nice girl with at least 30 pairs of shoes.

Look at that dog! What a magnificent beast. Gotta go. Bus just went by, Fucky McFuck Fuck.

2012-01-11T09:00:00.000-08:00

2012-01-06T09:30:00.000-08:00

I told you I still had it. No soup for you? What bullshit that was. Only smug New Yorkers would put up with that kinda shit.

Fridays

2012-01-06T08:54:00.000-08:00

I was going to post a photo every day for a year but we see how far that went. Some of you have sent in photos in the past which is always good. I still need to find that classic shot of Bald n Surly's lunch. It's in my email inbox along with 500 other items.

Hip, hip, hooray! I guess those IRS and Minnesota refund checks don't expire as fast as I thought.

Ebay is sure turning into a bummer for jersey collectors. Most of the shit on there is fake. I'm on a jersey message board that likes to post the worst of the fakes. But still I search.

I'm not sure cyclists are ever going to be accepted by the general population. It won't happen until it's no longer fashionable to bash cyclists in everyday conversation.

Send those photos with your douchephones and other devices to wroblewski58@yahoo.com. You may become a star and win some crap.

2012-01-01T10:01:00.001-08:00

2011-12-28T07:58:00.000-08:00

Miss Debbie bought a small angel at Hallmark to place at Ma's grave. That's a cough drop on the far right. In the spirit of my mother and grandmother we picked up the plastic flowers on the road at the cemetery. Ma always had a piece of hard candy that she offered you the first time you coughed. What a gal!

Fridays

2011-12-23T09:50:00.000-08:00

No, this isn't the last supper. It's from December 21st I believe. Jesus brought the pork chops according to George Carlin.

If you're reading this at work right now you need to induce vomiting (like Jason Bateman in Horrible Bosses) and get the hell out of there making sure to stop at the liquor store on the way home.

Mrs co-workers spent a decent amount of time dissing the relatives they had to see for Christmas and then told her it was too bad her family lived so far away.

I'm pretty sure we'll be at the Mall Of America tomorrow watching the desperate bastards trying to find presents for the old lady. It's a thing of beauty.

2011-12-22T08:54:00.000-08:00

I just got back from the late morning dog walk and I must say it's a little chilly out there. However, this is a better time of the year to walk a dog who hates the sight of every other dog.

I wasn't the one doing Amy Koch just so you know.

Will all 4 people who didn't buy their Pugsley/Mukluk with a 40 percent bike shop discount please go ride their bike. You people who live in some God-forsaken outpost like Saint Cloud are also excused. C'mon, you know I love you kids in St Cloud and the Soo Foo (Sioux Falls, SD).

I have fended off every effort to get me to leave my house on Christmas Day. I shall walk a dog when necessary and dine elegantly on aerosol cheese and crackers. Four boxes for seven bucks at the grocery store. Natch.

2011-12-20T08:40:00.001-08:00

Let's hear it for Ma on what would have been her 88th birthday.

2011-12-14T09:45:00.000-08:00

Yeah Red, it's not Fletch.

2011-12-08T09:03:00.001-08:00

So Blagojevich gets 14 years for corruption and Michael Jackson's doctor gets 4 years for basically killing him. That sounds right. Is that 3 or 4 Illinois governors who have gone to prison for their generous acts? How's that line from Apocalypse Now go? 'Accusing a guy of murder here is like handing out speeding tickets at the Indy 500'. Same thing goes for Illinois politics.

I really like this part of winter. I'm trying to keep riding my bike. I drop Mrs off with the car and then park the car back in the garage. I then ride my bike the 2.5 miles to Midtown for the amazing coffee clutch. After the gainfully employed kids leave for work I ride another hour and a half or so. That's plenty of time out in the cold.

I also spend about 45 minutes walking the Assassin when I get home. The girl has to read her pee mail out on the street.

2011-12-07T09:16:00.001-08:00

It's sentencing day for our old buddy Blagojevich. From what the legal analyst on WGN said yesterday, I'm setting the over/under at 12 years. They should build a politician's wing at some federal prison. These guys shouldn't be in with the general population and become some bad man's boyfriend.

Fridays

2011-12-02T09:29:00.000-08:00

Happy Friday, boys and girls.

2011-12-01T09:09:00.000-08:00

A ride mapped on 12/01/2011

Find more Cycling Routes / Bike Rides in Minneapolis, MN

Not all that grueling but very enjoyable. And I didn't bust my ass once on the slippery streets.

2011-11-30T09:17:00.001-08:00

I'm going to attend Winter Bike Expo at Midtown on Saturday although I'm still forming an entourage for my entrance. You should go too if you live within a reasonable distance so you can ride a bike with big ass tires.

If we get the predicted half inch of snow tonight will you promise to shut the fuck up and go on with your life?

2011-11-23T10:16:00.000-08:00

I'm going to be out there on the front lines on Black Friday. Them bitches ain't seen nothing like me. I can clear them out with one swing of my big ass. Just kidding. I'll be sleeping in with my woman and won't get up until the Assassin jumps on the bed and make a nuisance of herself.

If you're flying for the holiday I hope you enjoy your pat down. I could go for a good after lunch pat down right now.

I can still hear my mother in the kitchen of our old house on Lawndale cooking on Thanksgiving morning. Is your mom's turkey dry? Then shut the fuck up and put some gravy on it.

2011-11-22T08:03:00.000-08:00

Counting down those minutes till quittin' time on Wednesday, aren't we sporty. Me too. I look forward to days off with Mrs. We're each others right hand man.

I started to build a snowman and then my hands got cold. I've got some thick rubber gloves that you boys would hate seeing your doctor wearing but it's going to be 50 on Thanksgiving so why bother.

Good thing Ma didn't design the Marlins new uniforms.

I'm about to see if the Statute Of Limitations has run out on that pea soup.

I could see taking a candle making class.

Historically, this is where my fantasy football team takes a big shitteroo. I go back to the days of manual scoring with the old newspaper on Monday night. These days you don't even have to know the people in your league. Ah, the days of the fantasy draft party...swords, titty grabs, Grandma's car on fire, Big Da Da passed out on the steps. It ain't a party until something gets broken.

2011-11-21T08:52:00.000-08:00

I guess a writer writes even if it isn't always profound information. Of course, I would never identify myself as a writer to most people because the judgmental motherfuckers are just dying for the chance to rip you. Not that I really give a shit.

The house is quiet without the Snowy Bear. Sassy has embraced the Queen Bee status even if she doesn't have an understudy. She may have to calm down quite a bit before we even think about introducing another dog into her home.

We had one three inch snow and I already hate. I definitely live in the wrong place. I love snow when it's fall but then want it to melt within 48 hours. If we didn't have snow then the Pugsley idjits wouldn't have much of a reason to ride their giant tired bikes. I applaud their knees because my knees hurt at the mere thought of trying to turn those tractor tires. It's a status symbol to have one. I get it.

2011-11-11T07:10:00.000-08:00

God bless all of the mothers who are under unbelievable stress when their children go off to war. Nobody loves you like your mother.

Fridays

2011-11-11T06:12:00.000-08:00

Miss Debbie made her yearly birthday trip to the Como Zoo yesterday and a smaller version of the Snowy Bear posed for a picture. She then stormed Herberger's with her 10 dollar off coupon. Today she will hold court at the Unique Thrift Store in Northeast. We'll also hit the 1968 Exhibit at the Minnesota History Museum. We'll try to be home before the sun goes down at 2 pm.

2011-11-08T12:47:00.000-08:00

I didn't do shit today and tomorrow looks just as good. When you get to my age you shouldn't search the internet for old co-workers because you may just come up with an obituary.

I did ride my little bicycle a grueling 16 miles including some through downtown Minneapolis for shits and giggles. Let's do a hard pastry ride from Midtown to The Donut Cooperative to Baker's Wife and back to Midtown? Ok, let's not.