This Life I've Found

Minivan Thoughts?

2012-05-25T11:13:00.000-04:00

okay, obviously based on the last post, the Moores are officially mini van shopping. Based on our price range and the mileage we are hoping for, I am looking at '07 or '08 Kia Sedonas. I know that Honda Odysseys are the best, or that was the overwhelming facebook response, but as I have researched, I just don't think we can get an Odyssey in our price range without tons of miles on it. And I have heard that Sedonas are reliable vans, so I think that is the route we are going--if we can find what we are looking for.

So, I am wondering if anyone out there drives a Kia Sedona? I would love to hear your thoughts. I am hoping someone out there can give me an opinion on the Sedona. Anyone, anyone? Especially if you drive an '07 or an '08!! That would be ideal ;)

Also, we are new to car shopping, so I would also love used car shopping advice. Sedona or not, do any of you have tips for how to get a good deal and make sure the vehicle is reliable? Better yet, do any of you know a reliable car salesman in the Atlanta area?

As for the poor, poor Tribute, we are still working through all the details of that. We are fairly certain that the fire started because of a recalled part. We tried to get the part replaced a couple of months ago, but Mazda told us that the part would not be available until later this year. We are in the process of investigating that. So, if you are wondering why my car randomly caught on fire--it's because of a bad part. So, if you also drive an '01 or '02 Mazda Tribute, be warned!!

And in good news--friends of ours from church will be on vacation for the next week and a half, so they have offered their car to me while they are out of town. I am going to pick it up this afternoon when Scott gets home from work. So, thank you, Lord, I will not be stuck at home, and by the time they get back, we will hopefully be closer to purchasing a van. He is providing!!!!

Counting My Blessings

2012-05-23T14:39:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was a crazy, crazy day. Crazy. But this morning I am counting my blessings--big time ;)

Last night, as I was leaving Jessica's house after tutoring--I had picked up my kids and we were heading home--I noticed a funny smell coming from my car (a 2001 Mazda Tribute) and a weird sound as I put on the brake at a stop sign. I (being the genius that I am) decided to keep going. I'll be honest, I was in denial just a little bit because I just wanted to get home and get the kids bathed and in bed, I was so tired. I did try to call Scott, but he didn't answer, so I drove on to the red light at the entrance of the subdivision (it's a big subdivision), and at that point, I noticed the smell was getting worse and smoke was coming from the engine. Now, in one of my finer moments of life, I just froze. Ada was asking if we should get out of the car, and I was just sitting there frozen and not knowing what to do. Luckily--Praise the Lord--two men drove up beside me, and having more sense than me--started yelling, "mam, get out of your car and get your kids out of your car." Still a bit stunned, in disbelief that what was happening was really happening, I did get out of my car, but probably slower than they thought was good, so they continued to yell, "mam, get your kids out of your car!!" So, I did, and I managed to grab my purse and diaper bag and head to a grassy area away from the car. Even then, I was looking back at the car, thinking I needed to get other things out. As smoke continued to come out of the engine. Again, in a bit of shock, maybe? I just started walking back towards Jessica's house, which isn't a far distance, but I was nervous with John not being in a stroller because he doesn't yet have a sense to stay out of the road and stay near to mom, plus my reaction time was a little numb. Again, praise the Lord, a kind, kind man, pulled over to ask if that was my car smoking at the entrance. When I said yes, he said he would drive us to Jessica's house, and he advised me to call 911. Again, in one of my finer moments of life, I had not yet done that.

Here's the thing. I am a melancholy, pessimistic person, yes, but I always assume in these types of situations that the worst thing isn't what is happening. Surely my car is not catching on fire!!!! Doesn't that only happen after a really bad wreck?!!! So, in my mind, I wondered if I need a mechanic, not 911. Again, I am just being honest with you. Stupid? Maybe. But, thankfully, this man had more sense than me, and I decided to go with what he was saying ;) So, I did call 911. When I got to Jessica's house, her husband John (we'll call him John H. to distinguish him from my John) also had sense enough to know this was a BAD SITUATION, and he grabbed the fire extinguisher and headed back to "the scene." I stayed at the house with Jessica and our kids, and I was still a little bit shocked, frozen, "surely this isn't really happening."

Long story short, it was happening. My car--our "good car" at that--caught on fire. CAUGHT ON FIRE. Isn't that so random?!!! I am praising the Lord that it all happened the way that it did, and that so many people came along with much more presence of mind than me to think for me. For the record, in case you hadn't figured it out from this post, I am horrible in emergency situations. Like, the absolute last person you want with you. Seriously. God was also good because once John H. got back to the car and as he was hosing it with the extinguisher, he was also grabbing things out--car seats, Ada's bike that was in the back from a trip to the park, and what is most important to me--"Clementine," Ada's American Girl bitty baby. I dreaded having to explain to my little girl that Clementine was no longer with us. She had apparently already been asking Jessica about Clementine back at the house. In fact, before I knew that John H. had been able to grab the doll, I was watching the firemen hose our car, and all I could picture was little Clementine sitting in between Ada and John in the back seat. At that point, I said to John, and I think the policeman standing there, "not that it matters at this point, but there was a baby doll in the back seat..." and John told me then that no, in fact that doll was in the back of his truck. It's such a small thing, but I am so thankful for Ada's sake (she was also very shaken up last night, and woke up several times through out the night) that Clementine was spared.

We are a bit in shock, as all of a sudden we are down to one car, just like that. But there are blessings here--in abundance--our protection, for one. Thank you, Lord!!! And we live within walking distance to a lot of places, so the kids and I will not be as isolated as we could be--we can walk to CVS if we need something, several fast food places, and our town's square, so we aren't stuck. We can't, however, walk to Sonic ;) And we are just praying that the Lord provide a car. We are looking into what our options are, and we are trusting him with this (and worrying too, and then praying, and then trusting again). God knows the details of this situation. He can provide a car. In our mind, we were going to the beach and we were going to throw all our money at savings and debt, and in about two years (we have prayed that our cars would last another two years), we would start saving for a van, but God has thrown us into this situation, and we are canceling our plans and turning to Him to ask him what to do. We are praying for wisdom and clarity. And, I am also praying that he does something crazy and shows us how to purchase a new-to-us car and also still go to the beach ;) I know that is probably not his plan, but I can pray for it, can't I?

Bottom line, we are thankful for his protection. It could have been so much worse. He is good and he is sovereign, and I am asking him to help me rest in that truth.

Summer is Coming

2012-05-16T09:06:00.001-04:00

How do I know? Because of how often I am having to scrub the bottom of my tub. We are spending as much time as possible outside, and at the end of the day, there is much dirt to be washed off. I said it at the end of last summer, when we first moved into this house, but after living in a house with a tiny square of a yard, we are so thankful for all of this room to run and play outside. What this house lacks inside, it makes up for outside. And we plan to soak it up all summer long.

giving John a boost into the tree

And then, after a long afternoon spent outside, daddy is home!!

other excitement at our house? A plumber had to come one morning to fix our leaking fridge. That same morning the Harman kids were over here (Jessica and I swap baby-sitting services), and the plumber's truck was the star attraction. That is what these three are looking at.

I decided that lunch outside was the easiest option...

And do you see the new car that has been added to the line up?

And that's all. Just a quick picture update. And now, to continue our outside theme, we are headed to the park with some friends.

Happy Mother's Day!!

2012-05-13T20:57:00.000-04:00

Motherhood.

What a gift. Often a gift of suffering and dying to self and even just plain monotony. But, other times, the joy sneaks up on me. It almost takes my breath away as I realize what I have in these precious children. These precious children.

It's amazing to me now to look back on childhood with the eyes of a mother. To see, just a bit, what my own mother must have been thinking and feeling. I think back to times that she was impatient, her voice raised, and I now wonder what I had done? How tired did she feel in those moments? How many times had she asked me to do the same thing over and over and over? And how awful was my attitude as I disobeyed? I didn't understand what she was doing--making the decision to be at home with me. I had no clue that there was more to her than being my mom, and that she was laying down so much of that to be my mom. I had no clue.

Ada tells me a lot lately, after I ask her to pick up her crayons or put away her dress up clothes, she whines, "you ask me do everything." And I am sure in her mind, I do ask her to do everything. I don't think she even sees the things that I am doing, because I didn't see. It never crossed my mind that mom wasn't jumping up and down thrilled to cook yet another dinner ;), so when she asked me to fold a pile of clothes that might interfere with the book I was reading or television show I was watching, I was clearly offended. It makes me cringe to think about it.

And I have a feeling, that one day I will be a grandmother, and I will look back and think, "oh, this is what it was like for my mom."

It is amazing to me the other parts of the story that rise to the surface as you grow up and look back. The puzzle pieces that begin to fit together. Of course my mom "lost her patience." I am doing good on any given day to find mine in the first place.

Scott and I just had an anniversary--our 6th, and it sort of just came and went, as these types of things tend to do these days. I am okay with that, though, as we are saving for the family beach trip, which will cover anniversaries and birthdays all rolled into one. But, of course, anniversaries do make us reflect, don't they, and I said to Scott, in reflection, "When we were engaged, and I was thinking about marriage, I had no idea how exhausted I would be all of the time." And it's easy to fall into a pity party, so quickly fall into a pity party. And then I look at what we get to do. These children that we have been entrusted with to raise and disciple and teach and love. And John comes up to me, and he says, "mommy, mommy, mommy, hug?!!!" and I hug him, and he grins and says, "again?!!" And Ada asks yet another impossible question about God and who he is, like, "how big is he? And what will Heaven be like?" and I welcome the exhaustion that comes with something as rich as this. That I get to be on the front row as God grows these children.

Oh, Lord, have mercy on me. Give me grace and wisdom, and please, let me hear your voice. Show me how to do this impossible thing. And, please, take my eyes off of myself so that I don't miss this gift. This treasure with which you have entrusted me. Give me grace upon grace upon grace, Lord.

Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there. Keep on keeping on, my friends.

And I will end with a picture I took yesterday--of Ada and my grandmother--my dad's mom. My only living grandparent. Such a reminder that this mothering is not just about this generation but generations to come. There is much at stake, right? Again, keep on keeping on.

p.s. I am also aware that for so many, Mother's Day equals heartache. So much heartache. So for you, I also pray that God would give mercy and grace. So much mercy and grace. And that he would be near to you in your suffering.

John

2012-05-10T15:16:00.002-04:00

Because Ann and my mom both pointed out that I posted no pictures of John in my last post, I am back to put up a picture or two of my little stinker.

What we have here is John refusing to get in the car unless I let him go back inside and get the rest of his cars and trains. Ada was already in the car and buckled, and I had enough trouble getting John out the door, with the door closed behind us. John is saying, "Mommy, mommy, mommy, my cars..." and he was not happy with me. Of course, it had taken him that long to get out the door because he kept the dropping the cars that he already had in his arms, but he just couldn't fathom leaving for "errands" without all of his cars. As soon as I took these pictures, I picked up a still protesting John and carried him to his car seat, which made him even angrier, because he wanted to do it himself, "mommy, mommy, mommy, I do it!!!" Mommy is always a series of three if he is excited or angry. with each mommy increasing in shrillness.

Which, right now, Lightening McQueen, the most favorite car of all, is MIA, and multiple times through out the day, John comes to me, his little hands open in question, "Mommy, mommy, mommy, Queen?!!!" And I say, "I don't know where he is, John," and John always says confidently, "he's that way," and points some way, and then runs off with much hope of finding "Queen" in that particular direction. He has started calling Mater, Queen, almost as if to comfort himself. He normally calls Mater, "Mato," by the way.

Also, you'll notice he's wearing his crocs, but that only happened with much protest from him. We received some hand-me-down flip flops from Ann that have monkeys on them--from Gymboree--and they are cute, but they don't really fit him yet. Well, all John knows is that the flip flops have monkeys on them, so anytime that he has to put his shoes on and I bring him something other than the monkey flip flops (which are too big), he says, very shrilly and accusingly, "mommy, no mommy, monkeys!!"

One last John story. I often say to John, "are you a baby or a big boy," and sometimes he says big boy and sometimes he says baby. Well, the other day we were in the car, and I asked him that question, and he answered, "I a puppy," with a big grin on his face, and then he made a barking sound. I have to say, it was super cute and funny, and John definitely though himself quite clever when he said it, grinning at all of us. So, I kept asking, "are you a baby or a big boy?" and he kept answering with different animals, followed by the animal sound.

So, there you have it, a quick John update. I know that two can be a challenging age, but I also think it is a super cute age, such a great combination of baby and little boy.

2012-05-06T23:18:00.000-04:00

hello, strangers...

I haven't updated the blog in a little while because there just doesn't seem to be much to say.

My college roommates (all 13 of us) and I email from time to time, you know in "mass email" form, and this past week we had an email chain going. The plan was to give a general update on our lives, and I couldn't think of one thing to say. Hmmm...the Moore family, we wake up, unload the dishwasher, eat breakfast, play outside, watch cartoons...I mean, what can I say? But then I felt very thankful that there wasn't much to say. Last year, every time I turned around there was some sort of something to update on, and it was always a negative update, so I have decided that no news is definitely good news around here. So, here's to thanking God for an uneventful season of life.

We have been doing some things, but are they really blog worthy? I don't know. Is anything really blog worthy ;)

We are digging in our heals with our budget/Dave Ramsey plan. And I am the new person in charge of the budget. Scott did our budget for years, and then we both woke up one day, realized that in the case of our budget, my anxiety-ridden personality might actually work for us, where as Scott's laid back, everything will work itself out personality was most likely working against us--trust me, it's usually the other way around in our marriage--his personality usually wins ;), and just like that, I took over the budget. I sort of love doing it. It's like a game, and finally, we are winning the game. I do tend to get a bit obsessive, though. In fact, as we are saving for a family beach trip in August--woo-hoo--I am becoming a bit obsessive about things like turning the lights off, not turning the AC down too low, etc. etc., and I have Ada on my side. I gave her the "job" of making sure lights are turned off when we aren't using them, and she is on top of it. Throughout the day, I hear her little voice saying, or accusing, "who left this light on?!!!" My biggest money temptation is eating out, because, of course, eating out means that someone else does the cooking and cleaning, so to fight my temptation, I figure out how much the meal out would cost, and I immediately transfer that into savings, and we eat at home instead. And today I used my crock pot for Sunday lunch instead of eating out. I am telling myself that the little things add up. Do any of you have little savings tricks you want to pass along?

What else is there to add to this super exciting blog post?

Hmmm...John's verbal skills are improving daily. Though I am sure that the rest of the world still can't understand most of what he says, he really can communicate anything at all to me. We have entire conversations, and I am loving seeing his little personality come out so much. Plus, I can see that his frustration with life has decreased just a bit with his increased ability to communicate. However, now that he is two and such a big boy ;) he wants to do everything that Ada does, and he gets quite frustrated with me when he can't do everything that Ada does. So, I don't know...maybe the two things cancel each other out and we are both the same amount of frustrated :)

Now, I am just going to post some pictures, and add a caption or two of an update.

I took these pictures of Ada a few weekends ago because she is so my daughter. She loves jewelry, and she doesn't like to go anywhere without her necklace and "chunky" bracelet. (I love "chunky" jewelry). Plus, she is in that stage where she insists on picking out her own outfits, and she always asks if she can put on my make up before we go somewhere. Though I say no every time, she continues to ask...

here Ada is stretching to go on her first ever "run with mom." She didn't even run for ten seconds, by the way, which was even less time than I thought she would make it. John on the other hand will run forever. Really. Those chubby, short legs just go, and he doesn't stop.

And above, Ada was having her nails done at Ellie's birthday sleepover. Ada, John, and I made a quick trip to Alabama to celebrate Ellie's 7th birthday. John stayed at mom's during the sleepover, and I was the other "chaperone" at the party. Ada insisted on trying to sleep in the room with the other girls--on the floor of the bonus room--and I was in Ellie's bed, just a room away. Finally at 11, Ada came to get in the bed with me. I knew she would never ever fall asleep on the floor, but I just waited her out. I was relieved when we were both in the bed, but still, she was tired the next day. She is already asking if she can have a sleepover for her birthday. The sleepover was super cute, but I will wait and let Ann post those pictures.

It was a hot weekend, which called for, what else? a sprinkler and a popsicle. The best way to beat the heat when you're four, right? John does not like the sprinkler, by the way.

the orange "strip" on the ground is a sprinkler we found, which sprays water in lots of crazy directions. Ada wanted a slip n' slide, but I thought a sprinkler would be simpler and easier to store, plus I thought John would like it better than a slip n' slide. Of course, he hates the sprinkler, but, oh well, Ada loves it.

So there you go. I may blog soon about all the things on my current reading list, but we'll see if I get to it. Now, I am off to bed to rest up for the start of another week...

happy Monday, everyone!

Year in Review

2012-04-24T14:55:00.001-04:00

This past Sunday was our end of the year program for CC, so I thought it appropriate to do some quick reflecting on our first official year of homeschool. We'll call it pre-K, I suppose?

I think the year was a success. I am very relieved that I decided to start this year. It was such a learning year, for me, and I feel much more prepared as we begin the official kindergarten year. I had not one clue what I was doing when we began a year ago, and I know that there is still much, much, much to learn, but I have a better understanding of the obstacles we will face, and what a day will look like in our house. And I really didn't fully understand what CC was, even though I was a tutor--ha :) But, I now have much more confidence (like I mentioned in my last post) as I make curriculum decisions for next year, and as I decide where we will spend most of our time.

Appropriately enough, about a week ago, Ada finally took off with sounding out three letter words. Before now, she would voice the appropriate sounds, but she could never hear the word that she was reading. Now, she sounds the letters out, and she quickly hears the word and makes sense of what she is reading. I think that is the perfect place to be right now. We will continue to practice with phonics and three letters words throughout the summer, as well as writing all of her letters correctly, and we will begin learning the other phonemes in the fall. My goal for next year is that by the end of the school year, she will be a very confident reader. That is definitely our main focus for next school year. I am hoping that now that we have crossed the barrier of actually being able to phonetically sound out and make sense of words, that she will just take off as she learns the new phonemes. We'll see, right?

It is no secret that I love to read, and I have loved it since I learned how. First grade is when my love relationship with books began, and I still remember with fondness my favorite books from those early years. Ramona Quimby, anyone? So, of course I am eager for the world of books to really open up for Ada. What parent isn't eager for that, right? Plus, it seems like the rest of learning will be so much easier once she can read or write. This is the big hurdle. As a CC tutor for the 4s and 5s, I have often thought that it would be much easier to plan if the students could read and write on their own. As it is, we are relying solely on hearing the words and remembering them through songs, motions, games, etc. I am so very visual, so to try to memorize without seeing the words in my brain, seems impossible. But I am not four, and my brain is not at the memorizing stage :)

The other thing we will continue to work on over the summer is counting to 100 using her number chart. I want her to be able to count to 100 and to recognize the numbers, and we will start Saxon Math for kindergarten in the fall. Saxon math and Writing Road to Reading will be our main curriculum for the fall. I also plan to order a good children's History Encyclopedia and Science Encyclopedia, so that we can look things up that go along with whatever history and science sentences we are memorizing for CC. Maybe the Kingfisher encyclopedias? Any veteran homeschoolers out there? Anyone, anyone? Do you have these books, and do you like them? I will probably start with the Story of the World curriculum when she is in second grade? Maybe? Whenever she begins cycle 1 for the second time. (The CC curriculum is set up in three cycles that repeat themselves. So all of the information that she learned this year, she will actually learn again twice before she is in highschool. The goal is that by the time they have finished foundations--4k-8th grade, I think--the facts will be as familiar to them as their ABCs. So, when she begins the cycles for the second time, we will begin more in depth science, history, and latin curriculums at home. For now, our focus is, of course, reading, writing, and math).

So, here we are. It was a good year, I more confident than ever that I want to go the classical route, and I am very thankful for the community that I have found at CC. And a quick comparison of first day vs. last day.

open house last year

first day

last day

end of the year program. The best pictures we got. I had big plans to get pictures of her with her class, on stage, etc. etc. But, as the tutor, I was on stage with her, and as a parent to our moody John, Scott was mostly out of the auditorium with an upset John, so no pictures from him either.

p.s. for the end of the year program, my class/ Ada's class sang the president's song--a song listing the last names of all 44 presidents. So, I now know, as does Ada, the names of all of our presidents. One of the many bits of information that Ada stored in her brain this year. I love CC.

Facing Criticism

2012-04-19T16:47:00.008-04:00

Note: I just posted this, and I realized that a chunk of my post had been deleted, and it didn't even make sense. So, I tried to remember what I had written, but who knows...I am just going for it and posting anyway.

Last week, after I blogged about our delightful trip to the dentist, Katherine asked me to talk about the best way, as moms, to respond to the myriad of criticism that is out there at every turn. And it is certainly out there, isn't it? Us moms, we're an opinionated bunch, aren't we?

No matter what choice we make, there is bound to be criticism, because there are loud voices coming from every camp. And it begins as soon at that test says positive, doesn't it? I was so unsure as a first time mom. I think I'm making the right decision???? So it was so easy to be swayed by the criticism, and I could be swayed from one end of the spectrum to another. When pregnant with John I was much more confident in the decisions that I was making. For example, I am a girl who loves an epidural. I totally get that there are women who hate them. I was very unsure about my epidural choice when I was pregnant with Ada because I had never given birth. Now, I have given birth twice, with an epidural at the hospital, and I loved it ;) (p.s. it didn't slow down my labor, and I was able to push--wink, wink) I am epidural all the way, but that doesn't mean that I don't understand the decision to not get an epidural or even birth at home. Well, I understand it, a little. I don't think God has wired me that way, but I do get that he has created people with that desire and ability.

But now I am a first time homeschooling mom, and once again, I can be swayed from one end to the other. I guess this will always be the case with Ada--everything will always be unknown, and I will always lack confidence in my decisions, so what do I do with the inevitable criticism?

First, I think it starts with the heart. I imagine I will go to my grave fighting the desire for man's approval. And when we make a decision about something--and in my case, what I was writing about last week, the decision to homeschool--someone is going to disagree. Someone is going to, most likely, think I am making a mistake. And if I chose public school, or private school, or some combination of the above, someone would disagree. Wouldn't they? Because everyone is choosing something for their children because they believe it is the right choice, and I am sure that choice is based on a million different beliefs. It's a decision consisting of many layers. As is a decision to stay at home or work, or to breast feed or bottle feed, or eat organic or not, or cloth diaper or disposable, co-sleep or schedule, and the list goes on and on and on and on. So, beyond the decision itself, whether it's right or wrong or whatever, is my heart and whether I am seeking to please man or the Lord. Or even, more than that, do I hope that I live a life that glorifies myself or glorifies the Lord? And, I confess, that most often, I am probably hoping that myself is glorified. Because Ada screaming in the dentist chair really didn't affect how the Lord looked. It did, however, affect how I looked, and I wanted to protect my name, and what kind of mother that I appear to be.

Right now I am reading a book by Jerry Bridges, Respectable Sins, and it is a tough book to read because it convicts and convicts and convicts some more. It is impossible to read this book and not find sin that needs to be dealt with, which is never fun. Well, I was reading the chapter on pride, and I think what he writes hits the nail on the head...

...we should learn that all recognition, regardless of its immediate source, ultimately comes from God. It is God who puts down one and lifts up another (see Psalm 75:6-7). Putting these two principles together causes us to say, "All is of grace." I deserve nothing, and all I do receive, including recognition, is only of His grace. Therefore, if I don't receive it, I will not fret.

So, if heaven forbid ;), someone doesn't notice what a great job I am doing as a mom (tongue in cheek), or, even worse, actually thinks I am doing a really bad or weird :) job as a mom, then I "will not fret." Because all is grace. If I am getting it right (whatever that means), then thank you, Lord, for grace, and if I am not getting it right, thank you, Lord for grace. Bottom line, the only voice that matters is the Lords. So, if I have searched His word, sought wisdom from those whom I trust, and I believe that this is a decision that will honor the Lord, then I rest in that confidence, and I ask God to always open my eyes if I am headed in the wrong direction. So, that's the heart. Resting in the grace of God, and taking the necessary steps to make wise decisions as a mom.

Practically speaking, how do I deal with the criticism? Which is what I think you may have been asking, Katherine. And I have two answers to that...first, I think answering with confidence is good because then the critical person is less likely to voice their criticism. I can always tell by the look on someone's face if they think it's crazy that I am choosing to homeschool, but if I respond in confidence, that person is less likely to actually voice the criticism. But, I also want to always respond in humility. Because, there is always the chance that I am wrong. Obviously. And that God will show a different "path" for our family. The older I get, the more I realize how much of life is left to be lived and how little I truly know. I look back on my college days, and there were so many things that I said I was going to do when I was a wife and a mom, and I just cringe, because I had no clue what I was talking about. And even if I'm not wrong (because I do believe there are right or wrong choices, or more specifically biblical and unbiblical choices, and I am not necessarily talking about school choices here), even if I have made what I believe is the biblical choice, that too is only by God's grace. I just as easily could have made the wrong choice. So, I think humility is key. And finally, in a conversation where I feel like my decision might be criticized, I give my confident answer, and then I move on in the conversation, asking the other person something about themselves. For example, at the dentist, I found out that the hygienist who was so interested in my school choice, also had a five year old, so homeschool or not, she and I had much in common, and I was eager to hear about her five year old, and, of course, she was eager to talk about him.

I do hesitate to post this, Katherine, because mostly in my response, I get it so wrong. I don't respond confidently, instead I respond in whatever way will make me look the best or the least weird or whatever. For example, at the dentist, I totally made it sound like our homeschooling decision is still up in the air, we'll see, we're just doing kindergarten this way, etc. etc. Which is not true at all. Or, I don't at all respond in humility, instead my defenses go up, and I respond in anger. I rarely, rarely get it right. But, I do think there is a right way to respond. And, in fact, I am guessing most moms out there have dealt with criticism about decisions. Again, it's inevitable, so, any other thoughts from other moms? How do you deal with the criticism that comes with motherhood?

Art

2012-04-13T13:45:00.000-04:00

Because I have told a few friends that I would show them some of her work, I thought I would link to Sarah's blog today because she is having a sale. Fun, fun. (She doesn't even know that I am going to blog about this). I just know that I have some book-loving friends, so go take a look at her stuff. Everything is 20% off at her etsy site, but you should also check out some of her paintings...

If you don't know me, Sarah is my younger sister. She is an artist currently living in New Orleans, but she will be moving to Nashville soon.

Here is an example of her work, but she has lots more to choose from, so check out her etsy shops. She will also do custom stuff, so just tell her what you want if you don't find what you're looking for.

her paintings (not 20% off)

and her other shop--from my bookshelf (everything 20% off today)

And her blog, where you can read more about her life as an artist

The Dentist

2012-04-11T12:19:00.000-04:00

So, today Ada went to the dentist for the first time. Yes, I know that 4 1/2 is a little late to be going to the dentist for the first time, but it is what it is, and we went.

The good news is that the doctor said her teeth are "flawless," which I just say thank you, Lord, because I confess that Ada drinks too many sugary drinks and never enough water, so I was prepared for the worst. But, no problems at all.

As far as Ada's behavior at the dentist--humiliating. And the thing is, I can relate to how she was feeling. I hate the dentist, but sometimes, in life, we just have to do things that we hate to do ;) It was the pictures of her teeth that set the whole thing into motion. She got through the first pictures of her front teeth, though from my mom perspective, I could tell she was barely holding on to her composure, and I was just waiting. Sure enough, when the nurse told her she needed to take pictures of her back teeth, the tears started flowing. So, the nurse said we could wait until after the cleaning. The cleaning was fine--I knew that Ada was nervous because the masks over the nurse's face scare her, but she was a trooper and got through the cleaning without a sound. Keep in mind that at 4, I see that fear has a stronghold on Ada's life. It is a struggle for her. She has described some of the nightmares that she has, and they are scary, indeed, so I sympathize, but I also want to teach her that we have to do things that we are scared of. That is life.

Oh, I should also add that we had already gotten the dreaded question, "where will she be going to kindergarten next year?" I hate that question, so I eeked out that we are homeschooling for now, and the nurse nodded awkwardly, which to me made what happened next even worse.

Ada's teeth are really close together, so the only way for them to know if she had cavities in her back teeth was to take the pictures. So, the cleaning was done, we broke the news to Ada that we had to take the pictures, and she went into full blown panic mode. And when she gets like this, there is no controlling her behavior. She was screaming, kicking, swatting--doing everything in her power to make sure that she did not have to take the pictures. Finally, I sat in the chair with her, holding her arms down, a nurse got behind us to hold her head still, and the other nurse forced the film into her mouth. It was AWFUL. I mean, other patients, were starting to move toward us to see what the ordeal was about. I was fighting back tears myself, for so many reasons, but I had enough sense to know that if I cried, we really would be labeled as weirdos. I kept saying, "I promise she doesn't normally act like this," because she really doesn't, and the nurse just said, "she's just strong willed; she knows what she wants, and that can be a good thing," and I guess she is strong willed, but really it's fear. If Ada is afraid of something (like shots, or using the potty--remember that ordeal?) she is beyond strong willed, but in general, I don't think of her as particularly strong-willed, but maybe she is. So, in my head, the nurses were thinking, "if this child wasn't homeschooled and so sheltered this wouldn't be happening," which is just wrong on my part to assume that I know what people are thinking, and it's pointless. So, I moved on from that thought, apologized for Ada's behavior and thanked the nurses for their help, and we got out of there!

But we survived it, Ada's teeth are clean and healthy, and we have already talked about, um, more appropriate ways to face our fears in the future.

Quickly, a cleaning update

2012-04-09T11:08:00.000-04:00

Okay, really quickly, for my own accountability, more than anything, I want to give a housecleaning update.

Things are moving along. The "daily chores" are habit enough that I never skip them. It's great especially for days when my energy is very low (which happens) or when the house is drowning in clutter because it gives me a place to start when I feel overwhelmed.

I always, always start with the kitchen. In the morning, I start there, usually to unload the dishwasher and just wipe counters after preparing breakfast for Ada and John. And in the afternoon before dinner prep, I make sure that I am starting with a clean kitchen. It's working, because these days you would rarely walk into my house and see a messy kitchen. It is my "constant" in the sea of clutter ;) Granted, I am still a messy person, which means, after dinner it's a disaster, because I am a "messy cooker." Some things just may never change.

The rest of the routine in the morning, is after I have checked the kitchen and cleaned it if needed, I start a load of laundry and make the beds. Then, I keep the laundry going all day. When a load is dry, I put the clean clothes on Ada's bed, and I fold them. I wait until the end of the day to put them all away. These are the three things that are sticking--kitchen, beds, and laundry.

I still don't have a great solution for toy clutter. The big picture is that I need to get rid of lots of toys. The thing there is making the time to sit down and do that after the kids are in bed so that they can't fuss about it. I am trying different things right now--having certain points in the day when we all clean up, cleaning up any time we leave the house, etc. etc. Reality is, we are usually rushing out the door, though, and it doesn't always work out. I hate the 5:00 hour when there are toys everywhere, and I am exhausted, and I need to cook dinner. I get very overwhelmed at that point in the day, and I usually lose my temper--to be really honest ;) Especially when I get the phone call that Scott will be working late.

So, the toy clutter is an ongoing battle. I pray about it a lot, trying to figure out how much is just part of this season of life and how much is, in fact, in my control. Lately though, I would rather be okay with the clutter than yell at my children. So, at 5:00, I pray and remind myself that toys everywhere is not damaging to my children--yelling at them is.

The thing that I have been trying to implement for a couple of weeks and that I think is going to stick, is "daily jobs." I am hoping these will become as automatic as the everyday chores. On Mondays I clean the bathroom, on Tuesdays change all the sheets, on Wednesdays mop kitchen and laundry room floor, on Thursdays clean the front porch, and on Fridays grocery store so no extra jobs. Saturday is vacuum house and clean out cars, and of course, Sunday is rest. I just want some automatic things happening so that I don't waste energy trying to decide if I should do a certain job on a certain day. I just want to do it, and it be done. If that makes sense?

So there is where we are. I can definitely see a huge improvement over six months ago, and I don't feel nearly as buried under the burden of getting my house clean. I just continue to pray that the Lord will help me to do this job well and maintain my sanity in the process ;)

Happy Easter!

2012-04-09T08:30:00.000-04:00

Upon the cross of Jesus, mine eye at times can see

The very dying form of One who suffered there for me;

And from my stricken heart with tears two wonders I confess

The wonders of redeeming love and my unworthiness.

I take, O Cross, thy shadow for my abiding place;

I ask no other sunshine than the sunshine of His face;

Content to let the world go by, to know no gain or loss,

My sinful self my only shame, my glory, all the cross

Happy Easter!!!

side note: you can't tell b/c of my phone's camera, but John's shorts are seer sucker, not checked ;)

He will swallow up death forever;

and the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces,

and the reproach of his people he will take away from all the earth,

for the Lord has spoken.

It will be said on that day,

Behold, this is our God; we have waited

for him, that he might save us.

This is the Lord; we have waited for

him;

let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.

Isaiah 25:8-9

Perspective

2012-04-02T18:15:00.000-04:00

I am writing this right now because I feel a bit ungrateful. There are toys everywhere, and it is high times I come to terms with it because it puts me in a bad mood every. single. night. Sin is the word I am looking for ;) And, I already promised Ada mashed potatoes for dinner and biscuits, and I don't feel like putting that together. I defrosted some ham that I stashed in the freezer a while back, and now I am wishing that I hadn't promised mashed potatoes and biscuits, so that I could just quickly make some ham and cheese omelets. However, around here, once mashed potatoes is out of my mouth, there is no taking it back. I am also, as usual, wishing that Scott was getting home earlier than he is. So there are the ungrateful thoughts.

And here is the perspective.

Our church is a part of a ministry called H3. Henry Helping Henry, I think? (We live in Henry County). And basically, every Friday night, our church partners with several other churches in the county to feed the hungry of Henry County. Three Friday nights a month, a free, hot, meal is offered at the local Methodist Church, and once a month is "road crew" night, where no one is served at the church and instead teams are sent out to find people who need meals. I have served once at the church and twice with the road crew. Ada was with me when I served at the church, and she kept doing things like taking sips of people's drinks as she was carrying them to tables, so I was more focused on watching her than really ministering to people, so I'll be honest, I didn't gain a lot of perspective on the "in-house" night, but I think it was good for Ada. (I confiscated the drink, by the way. No one was served a "used" drink).

However, on the two different nights that I served on the road crew, I gained so much perspective. It's hard to put into words really. The first night, I'll be honest, I was doing it mainly because I felt like I needed to, and I was a bit reluctant to actually walk up to people and ask if they were hungry. I was afraid I would offend someone. But, there I went anyway. Both nights we stopped at local hotels, the kind that advertise weekly prices, and we just started knocking on doors. Well, the first visit we just knocked on doors. Again, I felt really weird at first. But, it was crazy how grateful people were. They were very hungry, and they were thrilled and relieved to get a hot meal. It felt like such a small thing. I wanted to go home and empty my pantry and come back with much more food. On that first night, we met a young guy who told us that just a few minutes ago, his children were fighting over one small bag of chips because that was all the food that they had. He was not sure what he was going to feed his children, and he just prayed for some direction. Then we showed up with a meal for each member of his family, or each person staying in his room. He talked to us for a long time, and we prayed with him. He went on and on about how grateful he was. It was heartbreaking, and it made me desperate to do more. I thought about Ada and John, and how I would feel if their stomachs were truly empty. Again, on the second visit, at the same hotel, we met a woman who was so hungry. Again, she told us that she had been in her room praying because that night she could either buy food or pay for the room--not both. It was an older woman and her grown daughter. She was so relieved for the hot meals, and we also left some bags of packaged food like granola bars and peanut butter and crackers. She hugged us tightly before we left, and, again, I wanted to do more.

It was this past Friday that I met that woman, so the conversation is fresh on my mind. Just now I was dreading cooking dinner. Dreading the preparation and then the clean up. And then I thought, think of all the food you have to prepare. Think about the fact that you and your children have never known hunger. Think about why Scott is coming home late--because he has a good job. A job that puts the food on the table, that pays the rent and the utilites, that allows us to be here and not in a hotel room, or even the woods behind the hotel, where many people go when they can't pay for the room at night.

I am not saying that this daily stuff isn't hard and tiresome and overwhelming at times, but it does help to get outside of myself for just a second and see that the daily stuff is such a gift. An absolute gift.

A Few Things...

2012-04-02T15:41:00.000-04:00

1. John wore his first belt yesterday. I am, of course, biased. I thought he looked so very handsome and like such a big boy. Where did my baby go? The shirt, however, did not stay tucked in (surprise, surprise), so no one saw the belt. Oh well. He's turning into such a little boy.

2. John also ate all of the broccoli on his plate at dinner last night. I don't know how to describe what a big deal this is. But it's big. That boy is a very picky eater, and he is stubborn about it. I have put the broccoli on his plate night after night, and he refuses to eat it. And then last night, who knows why, he ate every bite. We cheered and cheered.

3. I bought the Hunger Games yesterday, after finding it at Marshall's, and I promptly finished reading it today. Just like everyone said, I couldn't put it down. I think I went into it expecting it to be up there with Harry Potter, and it's just not in the same category of good. But I definitely couldn't put it down, and I definitely want to read the next one, and I definitely want to see the movie. I also did not go into it realizing there would be so many social implications/commentary, am I even using the correct words? I some how missed that part of the Hunger Games discussions.

4. I wrote about this on facebook, but, on Saturday I found the first book in the Boxcar Children series at a kid's consignment shop, and I got it to read out loud to Ada. I loved that book when I was little, as did lots of children, I assume, so I was very excited to introduce Ada to the story. She also loves it, and she stayed up way too late on Saturday night, as she convinced me to read four chapters before I told her it was time for bed. We are quickly making our way through the book. I have to say, I am thrilled to finally be at the chapter book stage. I am almost as excited as Ada is to read the Boxcar Children everyday, and I just don't get that same feeling when reading Corduroy or the Bernstein Bears for the ten millionth time, you know? Another series Ada is loving is a book I bought while I was at the Homeschool Conference, called B is for Betsy by Carolyn Haywood. My mom actually first told me about them because she read them when she was little. It is a very easy first chapter book and perfect for Ada's age, because Betsy is just in kindergarten in the first book. Ada really loves Betsy, so I need to get on amazon and ebay to try and find the others in the series. So, for you moms with pre-schoolers/ kindergartners, those are two suggestions for read-aloud chapter books that seem to hold Ada's attention well.

And, I want to come back later to give a housecleaning update as well as discuss a few other things I have thinking through lately...until then

For the record...

2012-03-27T22:55:00.000-04:00

I had to post tonight, after my "venting and processing" post last night, to say that today God has shown me his goodness in so many tangible ways.

This morning, Jessica led the devotion at CC, talking about God being a God who sees--El Roi. That struck a chord with me, as I thought about my day yesterday, and how that is often where my frustration lies. That no one sees the day in and day out. And I was reminded, with Jessica's words, that God sees. He absolutely sees.

And after wallowing in my sin yesterday, God has shown me today that, despite that sin, he sees me in very tangible ways. That, in his kindness and mercy, he does not give me what I deserve.

Today I got a surprise paycheck at CC, which provided some padding in the budget...some breathing room. Enough that we were able to eat at Chick-fil-a guilt free on a night when I just couldn't stomach leftovers.

John was in a good mood almost all day. He smiled and laughed when I went to get him after his nap. This is rare in our house.

And tonight, when my allergies were getting the best of me. When my entire body was itching in reaction to Spring itself, and I had resigned myself to the fact that I had to bite the bullet and make a doctor's appointment and somehow work that into the schedule--at that moment, I stumbled upon a bottle of prescription allergy medicine from last season that was not expired and included a refill for this year. Apparently in the midst of my many doctor's appointments last year dealing with my random skin condition, I also got a prescription for my allergies/asthma. I really was overjoyed that I had access to medicine without having to make the doctor's appointment. I was up all night last night (five times I moved Ada back to her bed, and five times I woke up to find her beside me again. That girl is stubborn, I tell you), unable to sleep because of my allergies--not to mention Ada snoring in my ear and pushing me out of my bed. So, as I was facing another long night, it was such a relief to randomly find some medication that is already making me feel so much better (over the counter claritin is just not cutting it, and I do realize just how cool I sound going on and on about my allergies ;) )

Now, if tomorrow goes south fast, I pray that God will remind me that he sees. He sees it all, and He will strengthen me.

And unfocused again...

2012-03-26T22:36:00.001-04:00

It's been a hard day. I know you're thinking that I always say it's been a hard day, but today really was a hard day.

John had three breatholding spells before noon, and after that third one I finally just put him down for a nap at 11:30 am, which is not good. I like to wait as long as possible or else we are in for a long afternoon while we wait for daddy to get home. But, the poor thing had no hope of being in a good mood unless I let him sleep for a while.

And really, the only other hard part of the day was that Scott got home from work really late. And I put dinner off as long as I could, until 6 pm rolled around and he hadn't left work yet, and I sat us all down for dinner without him. And I know that so many people eat dinner without their husband, but I don't like to. Scott is a huge "partner" around here in the evenings when I am out of every bit of kindness I can muster up towards these kiddos. So, anyway, during dinner, when I walked into the kitchen to get Ada some more black beans, I heard Ada say, "no sir, buddy," to John, and I glanced up just in time to see him climb out of his highchair, over the tray, and proceed to hit his head on the table, which sent him into another breathholding spell. And I was so tired at that point. Who isn't at 7 pm? And I had cleaned up the toy clutter so many times, and I was so ready for Scott to be home. So, when Ada decided to cut paper with no purpose, out of boredom, and then complain and whine when I asked her to pick it up, I lost it. It was just pure sin. No other way to say it. I yelled, she cried, and it was ugly.

It was this cycle all evening--feel frustration bubbling up, go over the verse in Psalms that reminds me that this very day was ordained by God. He is the one who decided that John would take an early nap on the same day that Scott would work extra late. And as I kept repeating this cycle, I realized that the verse wasn't helping because then I was just frustrated with God. I was frustrated with this house and my emotions that I wish were so much more simple and easy to deal with, and I wasn't believing that I am fearfully and wonderfully made or cut out for this job of being Ada and John's mother. I feel like a failure all of the time. I went over all of this with God over and over in the midst of baths and cleaning the kitchen and reminding Ada to put toys away.

I don't even know what my point is, really. When Scott finally did get home, I left to put gasoline in the car and get a fountain diet coke, and, of course, in the quiet of the car, I was finally able to process a bit. I thought about how frustrated I feel over my situation. As long as we are in this house, there are things that are put on hold. And I am going to feel cramped at times. And I, of course, went over the obvious blessings--I have food and comfortable shelter and a car and a husband and children and the list goes on and on and on. But, I still felt frustrated. I almost felt frustrated by the fact that I really didn't have anything to be angry about. And then I thought about last year, and how Scott and I prayed over and over and over again for a new job for him and for us to be able to get out of debt. We were persistent with that prayer, and even told God that we would continue to pray these things until he gave them to us or until he changed our hearts. And, now, from this perspective, I can almost picture God saying to us back then, you don't understand what you are asking. You don't understand that things are going to have to change drastically for me to give you what you want. You don't understand that things are going to have get a lot worse before they get better.

And, if a lot worse, is living in complete comfort, obviously I don't understand suffering. But in my humanity, in my, "I am nothing but dust," state of mind, it feels uncomfortable to live here in this moment, right now, on this night. And we are even hearing God say to stay put for another year and a half. Which means other things will be put on hold as well. We are hitting the pause button as we try to get our finances in order. And we feel the momentum building. God is answering our prayers from last year--on this very day, this hard day, he is answering our prayers--and even tonight, it was as if God said, "do you trust me? or do you really want to do things your way? Really? How well has that worked for you so far?" And I surrendered the frustration to the reality that I want to do it God's way, obviously. And I am in the midst of seeing him answer our prayers!!!! And in the midst of him answering the very prayer that I prayed for a year, I feel frustrated with Him.

Oh the state of my heart. And my desperate need for his grace. I yell at my children, and I am ungrateful when God does the very thing that I have asked him to do. And I am sure that from Scott's perspective I am such a joy to come home to ;) But, God, in his grace and mercy, has given me a husband that loves me unconditionally, even on these worst of days. And Ada, who forgives and forgives and forgives again. And little John, despite everything, he is such a joy to me. He really is. God has given me a treasure in this family of mine, in these very people who drive me crazy all of the time ;) He has given me so much. And I just needed to process in writing...get it all down...maybe so that one day when Ada calls in tears, I will say, read this, my child, read this. You are not the first to feel inadequate as a mother, and you probably won't be the last. But God is gracious, and He will equip you, no matter how it feels. Praise the Lord for that.

edit: as I reread this, I am afraid that it comes across that I am ungrateful for my family, but I am really trying to say that after a really hard day (just hard b/c of the normal daily stuff), I am so grateful for my family because they allow me to have really bad days. Just to clear that up ;)

Refocused

2012-03-23T09:57:00.000-04:00

Obviously, the homeschool conference is over, and I am back into the thick of parenting, but I am back with new energy and resolve.

Practically speaking, I left encouraged to "just calm down," with Ada's "schooling." Right now, it's all about reading lots of books together and playing lots and counting things in the context of day-to-day. So, that's good.

But, big picture speaking? I am reminded that parenthood is a privilege. It's an honor. Thank you, Lord, that I get to be a mother. I have been struggling the past few months with feeling discontent with this life. Feeling bogged down in laundry and clutter and so. much. discipline. This past weekend, though, I was reminded of the beauty and the kingdom building that comes in all of those things. In the nightly family dinners that involve much reminders to, "sit on your bottom," and, "no, you can't be excused until you eat three more bites," and even my children seeing me perform the daily grind. They are learning perseverance and hard work. This is character building. I think to myself in the midst of the toy clutter, these are the front lines of ministry--these little children who will grow into men and women. And I am praying they will be men and women who want to know God and make Him known, and that is why I am doing this. Of course it's hard. It's so stinking hard. But there is a reason that we keep steadily plodding along, that one day they will raise children to know him and make him known, and so on and so on for generations to come. That is what this daily grind is about, really.

And by the way, I do love that spring is here. But I do not love the pollen that comes with it. However, who can resist this beautiful weather? So, I just sneezed my way through a walk today, and I suppose I will do the same thing tomorrow.

p.s. I actually wrote this on Wednesday, I think. And now it is Friday, and I am surrendering to the pollen and no longer willing to go outside in it. I feel like I am having an allergic reaction to the air, so as beautiful as the weather may be, I can't deal with it and maintain my sanity.

Quick Update

2012-03-15T09:27:00.000-04:00

I am doing a quick "check-in," since I have been MIA this week.

I am headed out of town today to attend my first ever homeschool conference--it's official, we are a "weird" homeschooling family. But I am so excited to go, mainly because it's also my first ever "girl's trip," with my mom friends. It takes me back to college. Four of us are piling into the mini-van and hitting the road, so there are some obvious differences from college--mini van, homeschool conference, etc. etc., but you get the idea ;) And Scott's parents--Pop and Mae Mae--have graciously agreed to stay with Ada and John today while Scott is at work (they will be here in just a couple of hours), and they will stay through Saturday to help Scott out and visit with the kiddos. Ada and John are fired up.

Anyway, I will do a quick update, list style.

1. Are you loving this weather? I feel like we just skipped winter this year, which is A-okay with me.

2. These days I am reading--

Respectable Sins by Jerry Bridges, so convicting. I highly recommend it. It discusses those sins that we just accept as normal. That we have become so accustomed to that we don't even flinch when they are a part of our daily lives--things like frustration and anxiety.

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn--for the first time, I read this, and I loved it. If you haven't already read this, go for it. It's an easy read too.

We are studying Colossians in my discipleship group, and we are using the MacArthur commentary. Good stuff.

What are you reading? I always love a new book to read.

3. John is still loving cars. And lining things up.

4. Our car is in the shop. And it's never fun to have to pay for a tow truck and to get the car fixed--those unplanned things that pop up. Yuck. But God has been gracious to us as he worked out all the details. The car broke down just as I turned into my tutoring student's driveway, so while I tutored, the dad looked at my car, called the tow truck, and took care of those details, so I still got paid to tutor, which then paid for the tow truck. And I was sitting in a house instead of the side of the road while I waited for Scott to come pick me up--all the way from Vinings.

5. On that note, we are praying and making big decisions about where will be in August when our lease runs out. Scott continues to get home very late and spend so much money on gasoline, so we are sadly discussing whether we need to stay where we are or move to the north side. We have made a home here over the past four years, so it's not an easy decision to make. We are praying lots for clear direction.

So, there you go. I will, one day, blog about John's birthday. Blogger is driving me crazy with the pictures and posting them sideways, so every time I have tried to blog about it, I end up very frustrated with the computer (speaking of sin). But I will figure it out, and post about his birthday party. One day.

Can someone help me understand the point of pilates?

2012-03-08T14:13:00.000-05:00

okay, a little gym story for you...

(and no pictures in this post either. Maybe I will go find a random one from my phone)

yesterday, for the second day this week, I showed up to spinning to find, tragically, that all of the bikes were full. Granted, several of the bikes were only full of someone's water bottle and not an actual someone, but still, I got the message. No available bikes.

So, for the second time this week, I scouted out a class schedule, desperately hoping that there was another class option because I hate the tread mill. The only thing on the horizon was a 9:45 pilates class, and it was only 9:20. So...I headed up to the treadmill, very reluctantly, and I climbed on. After proceeding to run for only five minutes at a ten minute mile pace, I was already over it. I was exhausted. What is wrong with my body?!! I can't run. Ten minute mile pace, for five minutes!!! Anyway, to get on with the story, after battling with my mind for a while, I opted to give pilates a go. It did say full body work out, so off I went...

My first warning sign when I walked into the room was that everyone was taking their shoes off. I did not feel good about that, but I pressed on towards the goal of calories burned without the help of a tread mill. The sinking feeling increased when the instructor turned the lights off and started the very slow music. When I think burning calories, I think loud music, high energy, fast pace...you know what I mean? And I wasn't clueless about pilates, but I did think maybe there was more to it than lights off, quiet music, etc. But again, I pressed on. And we proceeded to stretch? for an hour? I guess that's what we did? There's was lots of talk about whatever feels right for you, follow your body's instincts, connect with the energy within....I kept looking around to see what other people were thinking, and they were so into it. So much so, that I felt really weird about walking out, so I stayed, waiting for that total body workout that was promised.

It never came. And in fact, for the last ten minutes of class, we just lay on our backs, with our eyes closed, in the dark. I really wanted to scream, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I was really frustrated that I spent an hour of my day doing this, and I still had not worked out, except for that 15 minutes on the treadmill that really didn't even count because I walked half of it.

And then the instructor told us to be very careful coming out of the "rest pose," because the rest pose can be very intense. We were laying flat on our backs, in the dark, listening to music. It was intense, in the fact that I kept almost falling asleep.

But here's the thing. I know a lot of people love pilates. What's the deal? What is the purpose? I felt nothing. Was it just a bad instructor and sometimes pilates really does offer a total body work out?

The good news is, today I made it in time for Body Works, which is a weight lifting class, with loud music, fast pace, and an appropriate amount of muscle fatigue at the end of class...

Offical Members of Costco

2012-03-07T14:09:00.000-05:00

Okay, we finally did it, the Moore's are officially members of Costco. All four of us headed to Costco last Saturday, joined, proceeded to make a spectacle of ourselves with all two of our children (you would think we had six or something, Scott was on edge the whole time and vowed to stay home with John for future Costco visits, but I personally didn't think it was that bad ;) ), and then ate cheap hot dogs and pizza in the food court for lunch. I didn't buy much on Saturday, instead I wrote down prices of everything that I thought might be a good deal. (I did buy string cheese because we were out and a Rotisserie chicken to eat for Sunday lunch).

In case there are any other serious "price watchers" out there, I thought I would share my list of what I think is a great deal, even cheaper than sale/coupon prices at Kroger or Publix.

Ground beef, 88% lean, 2.99/lb (I sometimes get this price at super Target, but it's rare)
Capri Suns (I splurge on these for the lunch boxes. Obviously, they aren't real juice, but they have no high fructose corn syrup), 4 boxes, 7.55, making them less than 2.00 a box. 2.00 is the sale price at Publix or Kroger
Dannon Activia, 24 pack, 9.29. 4 usually come in a pack, and with a coupon combined with a sale, I can sometimes get them for 1.00. However, I have a harder time finding the coupons lately. So, the Costco price is still less than 2.00 a pack. Not bad
4 lb of butter--7.39. I thought this was a great deal, and I use butter so much. It's a basic necessity, so it is definitely on the list.
36 eggs, 3.59. Another great deal. (due to budget, we don't do free range or organic. Maybe one day when we are debt-free, but that day is not today)
30 packets of Carnation Instant Breakfast (my kids drink this every morning), 11.79. GREAT deal, and I buy this every week.
36 Fiber One Bars, 11.79. (this is what Scott eats for breakfast, so I buy these every week as well, and he doesn't like generic brand). 5 normally come in a box, and I am excited if I can get them for less than 3.00, and that is rare. So that is a really good deal. Right? Am I doing that math correctly?
50 small bags of chips--11.30. I really have no idea if that is a good deal, but I love the convenience of it. I love potato chips. Love them. So it would be good for my diet to have automatic portion control rather than me having to exercise some sort of self control

Also, there was a flavor of Naked brand juice, called green machine (I think), that John loved. He drank all of the sample. It was full of good stuff--spinach and all kinds of other green vegetables--so I am probably going to buy that as well, and let him drink some every morning. You know, another way to cheat and get some nutrients in.

Am I missing any obvious good deals? I forgot to check the price of sandwich bread, garbage bags, lean pockets (you are seeing that my husband's diet consists mostly of processed food, though I make sure he gets some veggies in each evening at dinner, and I sometimes sneak a piece of fruit in his lunch), and other snack items...

so there you go. Official costco members.

p.s family members, I have not forgotten about John's birthday party post. I do have the pictures, and I need to sit down tonight and actually post them. Stay tuned...

Conversations with Ada: The Gospel Version

2012-02-29T20:56:00.000-05:00

Tonight as we were going through the bed time routine, in between stories and prayers, Ada and I some how began talking about the gospel. I can't remember the context exactly, I think she was asking if God hears everything, even when she disobeys. And I jumped on that b/c I was sensing a guilty conscious, and I tried to explain in four year old terms what it means for God to be merciful to us. So, anyway, this is the part of the conversation that I had to write down for the record books...

Mom: (after explaining that mercy means, we don't get what we deserve) and what do we deserve?

Ada: to die

Mom: yes, but we don't have to; why?

Ada: because Jesus died for us so we wouldn't feel the hurt and because there weren't enough crosses.

Mom: what do you mean?

Ada: there weren't enough crosses for everybody

Mom: well, that's not really why Jesus died instead of us

Ada: but, mom, there were only three crosses, that is not enough

And I began to go back over the gospel for the five millionth time ;)

At Marshall's today. John saw that hat on Ada and immediately began saying over and over, "I do, I do, I do" And Ada said, in all seriousness, "look mom, I'm a cow girl."

and still cleaning...

2012-02-26T21:57:00.000-05:00

I am mainly blogging to distract myself from a stand off that Scott and I are currently having with Ada. It is 9:43, and she won't go to sleep unless I sleep with her. In our house, Ada falls asleep in our bed, and we move her before we go to bed. This is just our "make-it-work" solution for her sharing a room with John. When John is older, I assume it will be easier to put them both to bed in the same room at the same time. Or not? Anyway, tonight, Ada decided she wanted me to lie down with her until she fell asleep, but I can't do it or she will want me to do that every night. And already she falls asleep in my bed, and there has to be some space for Scott and me apart from our children.

We are out of ideas, though. She has been spanked a lot tonight. We have lost count. I have been compassionate and prayed with her and sang our "do not be anxious" song and rocked with her. I have lost my temper. We have ignored her. I have tried reasoning with her. She is still awake, but at this point it is a battle of the wills, and we can't give in because disobedience has been at an all time high lately. We are out of ideas. She won't go to sleep; it's sort of amazing. So, we told her that's fine, she can sit on the love seat in the play room, but I can't lie down with her. So, she is sitting on the love seat, and we are still at a stand off. I assume she is going to fall asleep on the love seat? I am not sure. At this point, she has lost computer games, television, and candy for all of tomorrow, and I am out of ideas for what I can take away.

Okay, I just glanced at her. She is asleep on the love seat. Now we are debating when to move her because we don't want her to wake up and start this whole thing all over again. That was exhausting, ya'll!!!!

Okay, cleaning?

It's going okay. Not great, not horrible. I just struggle with a balance. Let's face it, clutter is going to be an issue with a toddler and a preschooler in a tiny little house (or a big house, for that matter). And it drives me crazy. But I am working on just doing the best I can. I don't want my goal to be perfection (ha, I am not even close to perfection over here, but that is what is driving me crazy), I want my goal to be faithfulness. Diligence. So, at the very least, I want to do my daily stuff--beds and kitchen and laundry and clutter. Day in and day out, even if no one could even tell that I am working on this. I am making a list for the entire week, though. That's my new thing for the week--naming an "extra" for each day rather than waiting until the night before. So, here it is...

Monday--change all sheets
Tuesday--bathroom
Wednesday--mop kitchen floors
Thursday--vacuum whole house (have I mentioned that it's a small house ;) )
Friday--clean out fridge and freezer/grocery store
Saturday--clean cars and dust
Sunday--rest

This is just an experiment, and this is just for this week. I think the daily schedule will look different from week to week. And here's the key, I think. If something doesn't get done one day, I don't move it to the next day, I just move on to the next thing, and I try again next week. I don't want to end up with an impossible list on Thursday. Though, if I get to Thursday, and I realize it's more crucial that bathrooms get cleaned than floors get vacuumed, then I can switch, but I can't "pile up." Anyway...it's one day at a time.

Happy cleaning (ha!)

Quick Homeschool Update

2012-02-16T16:46:00.000-05:00

Quickly, because there is much cleaning to be done, I wanted to post a an update on Writing Road to Reading and homeschooling in general.

Today we finished learning to write the individual letters of the alphabet in lowercase. Ada had written most of them before, but she now knows how to write each one properly, neatly, and on wide-ruled paper. Look at her progress from day one to now...

that was day one. A bit all over the place.

And today's work

So, obviously, at this point I am really liking this system. At first it was frustrating as Ada was learning new skills and grasping the concept of base line and where to start her letters and all of those things. But now, she knows what to do with a piece of notebook paper, and she understands that letters start on the left side of the page, and she understands proper size and placement. And this is in a matter of just a few weeks. At this point, we are going to spend several weeks reviewing these letters, and she will practice writing different letters on the same line to reinforce the idea of letter placement in words. After I think she has mastered the individual letters, we will move on to other phonograms such as "sh," "th," "ow," etc. There are 70 total phonograms to learn, and most likely that is all we will do with reading this year. My big picture goal, since she will not be 5 until August, was for her to know the names and sounds of all of the letters and for her to be able to write them. Since we have accomplished that, I am going to move on to the other phonograms (in a few weeks), but it will be low pressure, since she officially starts kindergarten in the fall, and this is technically "pre-k."

As for homeschool in general, I think we are finally, finally, in a good routine. We are actually doing school in the afternoons right after John goes down for his nap, or even in the late afternoons while he plays with his trains or cars. All that official school time consists of is reviewing and writing the day's letters, and my only math goal for this year is for Ada to be able to count to 100. She is good once she gets to 20, but she struggles with the teens. I casually go over addition and subtraction, as in "if we have 2 red blocks and we add 3 green blocks, how many total blocks do we have?" but, again, our only goal is to count to 100. For months now I have been trying to get into a good routine with CC, because at 4, it has been too hard for Ada to spend much more than 30 minutes at a time on concentrated school. So, we now go over her memory work through out the day--in the car, during bath time, as I cook dinner, and I try to make it a game so she doesn't realize we are doing school. We go over her bible verse at dinner, so it becomes more of a family thing than school time, and it is working. Now that we are over halfway through the school year, I have figured out an efficient way for us to get everything done without stressing out. Thank you, Lord. And that is why we started this year, when she is four, instead of next year when school "officially" starts. I will have a much better game plan as we begin the school year next year.

And our favorite place to do school? The front porch, especially on these beautiful days we had all last month...

Notice Ada's choice of outfits. Well the ballet attire was because we were just home from ballet, but the heels and my grey t-shirt, were added by Ada.

As for the youngest member of the family, he is busily playing with his birthday gift. It is a HIT. He sits and does it over and over, and his favorite part? Lining up the cars before they go down the ramp one at a time, in proper order ;)

And the Cleaning Continues

2012-02-12T20:25:00.000-05:00

First, though, a few pictures of John playing with his birthday gift this morning before church. And I will do an official "birthday party post," later.

A Fisher Price race track/parking garage to replace the cheapo one we got him for Christmas (our bad, John)

He LOVES it!!!!

Mater and Lightening McQueen, and Scott got him the Cars movie as well. It's his first "boy" Disney movie, and he was excited when he realized that Lightening McQueen matched the one in the movie. Ada got him a Cars board book, so we bombarded him with all things Cars this birthday, but only because Scott thought he would really like all of it, if only He actually knew about it. And so far, so good.

Before church this morning. (these are out of order. The ones of John on the couch are after church. He was super tired, waiting on us to put him down for a nap)

Okay, on to the cleaning report

Last week was not a great week. I didn't feel great, the kids didn't feel great, and it was hard for me to keep up with things. The good news is that because I have at least developed the habit of doing those "daily" things, I was able to make myself do those as the bare minimum even when my energy level was protesting any house work at all. Because the kids had colds, I didn't go the gym all week, and I think that also contributed to my really low energy.

I think I've mentioned my struggle with extremely low energy on here before, but over the past couple of months I have made some changes to try to remedy the "energy situation." This past week, however, I hit rock bottom again, which was discouraging. I am hoping that as we hit the gym again tomorrow morning, things will pick back up. There's nothing like a good hour of spinning to give me an energy high that lasts all day!!! Seriously.

This week I am going to continue with the daily stuff--kitchen, laundry, beds, clutter, and I am going to continue with Monday as my official bathroom cleaning day. The other thing I want to focus on this week is keeping surfaces clear. That is the biggest clutter problem in my house--the dining table, kitchen counter, top of my dresser, etc. etc. I want to make a point to keep those surfaces clear, and I think it will make a huge difference in the clutter level. I also realize that I need to get rid of a lot of stuff. We still have too much stuff for this small space, and I need to purge, purge, purge. There are piles of things in the master bedroom and in the laundry room that really have no official "home" in the house, and I also need to get rid of so many toys. But, before I become overwhelmed, this week I will focus on continuing with what I am already doing and keeping surfaces clear. And I will press on...

Free Menu Planning Service

2012-02-12T13:11:00.001-05:00

If you are in a rut with meal planning (like me), you might want to take advantage of this free offer. I'm really excited about it. You just type in your preferred grocery store based on your zip code, type in a few of your family's meal preferences, and then the website shows you recipes based on sales and your personal preferences. Awesome, right? I just signed up. I'm really pumped about this. It also creates a grocery list for you based on the week's recipes. You can add to the grocery list before printing it. Plus there is a free i-phone/android app, so you can just send your grocery list to your cell phone. I like that you have choices about the recipes, so it's easy to find something that your family will like, but it still does a lot of the work for you. The only thing I would add to make it better would be if it somehow linked up with Southern Savers to actually match coupons to the meals--but I guess I have to do some of the work ;) Anyway, find the link and free code here...

http://moneysavingmom.com/2012/02/free-food-on-the-table-menu-planning-service.html