All Things Terrible

Friend of the Blog: Depravity Ave!!!

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyDuckman) — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 19:05:00 +0000

The world of podcasts just got a little bit more terrible. Depravity Ave is a friend to the blog and weekly/bi-weekly/neverever podcast talking about anything and everything. You will be ENTERTAINED, and then BORED, and then OFFENDED, and then ERECTIONS. Its available on iTunes (just search for "Depravity Ave") and even better, its ALL FREE NINETY NINE. So send some love their way, its just getting started but is steadily gaining a following. Its still HIPSTER-FRESH.

LIVE shows with chat and call-ins are Sunday Evenings at around 7~EST with music before hand and whatnots.

Terrible Games: Lego Everything (Except Lego Island, obviously)

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyDuckman) — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 18:54:00 +0000

I'm hoping we're finally to the point where the fine people at LEGO will stop releasing movie-inspired minifig adventures every 6 months. We've gone through Star Wars (somehow 4 times?) Indiana Jones (2 games, one featuring solely the best in the series, Crystal Skull) Batman (arguably the worst, even though it had the most potential) Rock Band, Pirates of the Caribbean, and most recently the second installment of Harry Potter, featuring the last 3 years of the books/films/alternative reality games...

There's no place left to go from here, really. Lord of the Rings, possibly? Or dare I even mention the idea of Lego Twilight? Currently, LEGO holds licenses to properties Cars, Spongebob Squarepants and Prince of Persia. All sound feasible, and quite potentially terrible.

That being said, I've played through all of these games 100%, even though they get progressively less innovative. Worse off, I'm playing through Pirates currently, and I haven't seen the last three movies... and there's no dialogue in the cutscenes...

I have no idea what the fuck is going on.

What's new in Terrible

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyDuckman) — Fri, 27 May 2011 11:39:00 +0000

I've been so so busy, I've been neglecting the blog tremendously. Summer classes and my new job started at the exact same time and I've been swamped. My new job is amazingly great, school on the other hand is quite awful. I'm in a course for the second time because the credit didn't transfer from my first university, so its just painfully easy to the point of never wanting to go. Kind of a joke, also, but oh well; some things need to be done.

I stopped playing Star Ocean: the Last Hope. It was just 'okay' and goddamn the voice acting is terrible. Especially from the character above. In the japanese translation, she's 16. Could've fooled me. She looks and sounds like a mentally handicapped 6-year-old in english. I was trying to get through the game, really I was; but it kept locking up on me. I don't know what the deal is. It was awful to be hunting around for materials for crafting or doing sidequests and then have it lock up on you after a couple hours of work with no saves. I don't think it's my xbox, everything else seems to function no problem. blah!

Well that's what I've been up to. How's life for everyone else these days?

Eternal Sonata: A way late review

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyDuckman) — Thu, 12 May 2011 14:39:00 +0000

I've been just too busy for my own good lately, school starting back up again for the summer and starting up a new job. Its how life can be sometime, a whole lot of nothing and then it's all just piled on top of you. No complaints here, I'm fortunate to have a job to keep me busy. Actively searching for months, I know how stressful it can be.

Anyway, I've been going back and tidying up my Xbox 360 catalog. I had a lot of games I hadn't done 100% on and I've been on an RPG kick (Playing the definitely NOT terrible Final Fantasy IV complete collection) I went back to do what's called an encore playthrough of Eternal Sonata. I'd done the initial playthough about a year ago, and generally enjoyed the game. Cutscenes were a little lengthy and the gameplay suffered where Star Ocean did by the repeated yelling of special attacks each time you do them. The music and Chopin fever dream plotline were relatively decent, though.

The encore playthough, on the other hand is dreadful. Nothing changes, with the exception of a few more npcs and items, than the difficulty. All monsters have twice the HP, twice the Attack power and twice the defense. So, instead of making it harder it really just turns into an old school RPG grindfest. My first play, doing all sidequests and watching all cutscenes took 30 hours; the second time doing only main story and skipping the crazy amount of movies, took me 30 hours to get to just before the last area. You should be prepared to lose, as the slightest misstep, an enemy can run behind you and eliminate your ability to defend, which will result in losing instantly.

Blah, real shitty, kind of makes you leave the game on a sour note; but I'm DONE with it. I'm not sure what to go into next, rpg-wise: Blue Dragon, Infinite Undiscovery, Last Remnant, Lost Odyssey or Star Ocean: TLH. My gamerscore is at about 199,000, so it'll be the game that I hit 200k, which is....cool?

EDIT: Hah, that's true. I didn't really say if it was good or bad. Its a decent solid game, just... don't play through it twice. I remember back in the day there were games that took 40+ hours and you wanted to play through it multiple times. It doesn't seem to be the case much anymore

Quick Recap: Moms and stuff

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyDuckman) — Mon, 09 May 2011 16:48:00 +0000

Been a hectic couple days, what with the holiday and all. Haven't had time to complain about things. I'm back on it now and looking forward to posting a review of something tomorrow after a trip to the movies. Not much happened, except Mother's Day. Not my favorite holiday, one of those weirdly conceived holidays created to boost something or other. But oh well, you're the jerk if you choose not to celebrate it.

TV-wise, uh, nothing too crazy. This happened after Latoya Jackson was fired from Celebrity Apprentice - that was rather terrible.

Seeing anything this weekend?

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyDuckman) — Sat, 07 May 2011 15:07:00 +0000

The three big releases this week. Something Borrowed and Jumping the Broom, two romantic comedies made for their respective races, apparently, and the comic book adaptation of Thor. Thor is likely to be the clear winner, though I don't think it'll do nearly as well as most comic films. Thor is just one of those super heroes that isn't inherently interesting.

So, are you gonna check anything out; or waiting until next week?

Alice: Madness Returns

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyDuckman) — Fri, 06 May 2011 17:30:00 +0000

The game looks absolutely beautiful and comes out June 16th. American McGee's Alice: Madness Returns is a direct continuation of the hit PC game that came out 11 years ago. The cool thing is, new copies of the game will come with the original title for those who didn't get a chance to play it. The terrible thing is, rumor has it the code to play the game will come in the form of EA's favorite thing, the single-use multiplayer code (this case, single, but its the same idea) This means people who rent or use gamefly will not have access to this. A pretty big bummer for console players as there are achievements set to the original 1000 for playing the original.

New Lady Gaga video "Leaks"

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyDuckman) — Fri, 06 May 2011 00:33:00 +0000

To say that it leaked is a bit of an overstatement by others. Vevo, the distributor that hosts most official music videos on Youtube, posted the video today. Frankly I don't really 'get it' if its supposed to mean much of anything. I haven't been a fan of the song since it came out a few days before Easter.

There are some highlights: A golden gun does something silly, someone pours a beer on Gaga's ass, and she's stoned to death at the end. Not the usual 8-12 minutes of craziness like her other vids. Check it out~

Cue wobbly support beam

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyDuckman) — Wed, 04 May 2011 16:05:00 +0000

I saw this ad while browsing some blogs the other day. I better start watching my back, its 5nal Destination all over again. Also sad its Final Destination 5 now, and still in three dees. The most recent one was pretty bad.

Next Great Restaurant gets a winner

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyDuckman) — Tue, 03 May 2011 17:51:00 +0000

*Spoilers, if you care* The finale of the Spring series America's Next Great Restaurant aired the other night. The show featured the search of famous "chefs" Bobby Flay, Curtis Stone, and Founder of Chipotle/lightning strike victim Steve Ells in pursuit of the next great quick-service restaurant concept. After 7 weeks a lot of shit concepts, it came down to three: A meatball house, a soul food restaurant, and a mainstream Indian concept. The winner receives three storefronts across the country (NY/LA/Minneapolis)

All in all a bland episode, the contestants designed a storefront and served in a mock-up of the restaurant, family showed up, waterworks, and they picked a winner. In the end, the celebrities chose to fund the Soul Daddy concept, in an attempt to bring soul food to the QSR market.

My question is: A) Why? and B) Doesn't it generally exist already in a fairly niche local market? There is an amazing place in any city in the US where you can get soul food. Hell, there's a Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles 3 blocks away from the Hollywood location of Soul Daddy that opened yesterday, and if you want fried chicken you'll have to go elsewhere - its not featured on the menu for health-conscious reasons.

Initial reviews for the restaurant are less than favorable. Friendly service but a lackluster product and way overpriced. You could leave the place spending 15-20 dollars. Unheard of for quick service. So who does this cater to? Really, all I can see, is the Anglo household that's too afraid to eat in a black neighborhood.

100 Followers!

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyDuckman) — Mon, 02 May 2011 21:53:00 +0000

One hundred! This is the first post about something awesomely awesome (Don't get used to it) Thanks to... Bob ... for being my 100th follower. Looking forward to the next, NINE HUNDRED? Yeah, that's right, I went there.

Quick Note: Dylan Dog

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyDuckman) — Mon, 02 May 2011 21:15:00 +0000

If you read my earlier post or happened to go see the movie (odds are you didn't) Dylan Dog ended up being a DISMAL FAILURE of major proportions. Here's the official stats:

Premiered at #17
on 875 screens
and grossed just over $750,000 with an estimated budget of $20,000,000
thats an average of only $863 dollars per theatre, for 3 days tickets.
and given average ticket prices, only about 25 people saw it each day.

That is no bueno.

This is much worse than Routh's last film Scott Pilgrim vs the World, which grossed only half of its 60 million dollar budget.

Also worth noting, the #1 film, Fast Five, made about 84 million. A crazy number, with Fast and Furious 6 and 7 (the supposed last) already being filmed.

Final Exams

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyDuckman) — Mon, 02 May 2011 13:24:00 +0000

The only thing on my mind today, and they're pretty terrible. I've got my last final exams today and then I'm home free for a little while. An accounting one I'm dreading and a management one I should clean the floor with. Also, one of my professors has been threatening to lower my grade because I didn't hand a graded test back, and that I may have given out the answers to future classes. Yeah sure. I was always a smart kid growing up in grade school and subsequently had kids ask for answers. I never obliged; I like to see people who don't try do poorly.

Anyone else have exams?

**EDIT** Update - My professor gave me half credit for the exam, so I finished the course with barely an A, but still an A. Hells yes, 4.0.

Also, Good luck to anyone below taking them soon!!!

Bad Movies: Dylan Dog

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyDuckman) — Sun, 01 May 2011 16:51:00 +0000

The adaptation of Dylan Dog comics released last Friday in the states, and I got a chance to sit down and watch it yesterday. I'm calling it now, its going to be the biggest flop of the year, at least domestically. Aside from being an awful terrible movie, the real problem is the comics don't exist in America, as far as I know. They're adapted from an Italian comic that nobody here really knows. You almost feel like you should know about it, based on how the poster advertises it being based on the comics.

The budget was an estimated 20 million, and it doesn't really show. A lot of the makeup effects are very made for TV or generally aren't complicated. The plot itself is very thin and generic. Due to licensing issues, Dylan Dog's original sidekick of a Groucho Marx impersonator was replaced with a friend who becomes the living dead, which was actually one of the better aspects of the movie, if you have to pick. Brandon Routh unfortunately hasn't really succeeded as a major star, ending up in badly conceived movies like the Superman reboot. He had an effective role in Scott Pilgrim, but that was also relatively minor. The setting was also moved from London to Louisiana, I guess to appeal more to Western audiences.

Really unfortunate of a movie, sad movies like Madea's Big Happy Family will blow it out of the water this weekend.

Meatloaf and Bagel Bites

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyDuckman) — Sat, 30 Apr 2011 15:31:00 +0000

Meatloaf performs a song about everyone's favorite pizza snack.

Hell Date: Now on Hulu Plus!

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyDuckman) — Sat, 30 Apr 2011 12:48:00 +0000

Just wanted to let everyone know that all of the show Hell Date is now available on Hulu's premium service, Hulu Plus - which is also free for Xbox Live members for a week. I've been meaning to try the service if only to watch the Saturday Night Live episodes starring Pee Wee Herman and Elvira. The kind of things I look forward to.

Anyway, if you aren't familiar with the show. It was an original show by BET that combined elements of a reality dating show with a hidden camera prank show. Someone would set up their friend on a date with an actor who would pretend to have a severe personality disorder, the date would be terrible, and become majorly awful at the end. For some reason, the big reveal, always entailed a little person dressed as the devil being wheeled in a wheelbarrow by a slut or popping out of a trash can next to a table at a fine dining restaurant. It never quite made sense.

Check it out right NOW~

The "Dinosaurs" Series Finale

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyDuckman) — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 20:29:00 +0000

If you don't remember the show Dinosaurs, it was a relatively successful sitcom that ran on ABC during the then popular TGIF block of programming. It was the concept of Jim Henson and his muppetworks brought a relatively crazy concept to the network: A family of dinosaurs complete with wife, blue-collar husband, 2.5 kids. It was really something cool to see, growing up, and it was also in that time when catch phrases existed - something you never see anymore. It had the dumb baby, named Baby, that would say "I'm the Baby" and hurt someone.

What I'm getting at is it was just like any other light hearted show, until the 4th season closer, which was the determined series finale. How did it end? You can watch a runthrough below. The gist is the company Earl works for, led by BP richfield, builds a factory on the breeding ground of a beetle that helps rid the land of a particular vine. When this doesn't happen, BP decides to bomb the world, spraying a mist to destroy the vines, which also eradicates all plant life on Earth and begins the Ice Age. The Sinclair family, after a heartbreaking dialogue between the father and the baby about mortality, freeze to death huddled together in their home.

Yeah, its that heavy. The show did try to have episodes dealing with serious social events, but this was a major surprise and something I never remember seeing in my youth.

Lady Gaga album art leak

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyDuckman) — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 16:46:00 +0000

Without this turning into a crazy thing about Lady Gaga, I just want to throw out there I'm not totally against how she operates. Some of her music can be catchy, at the right times, and she does make a decent attempt to empower some of the young, impressionable people who somehow look up to her. There is a reason every other episode of Glee features her music - its gay kid Wheaties.

That being said, this new album, which features the title track all over the radio "Born this Way" and the newly leaked "Judas" has to have some of the worst album artwork I've seen. This is, in fact, official. It was posted on Gaga's Twitter a couple weeks ago. If you can't decipher the deep meaning of it, she is the front half of a motorcycle, and she was born that way whether her front fork is Orient-made or not. The album, I believe, is going to be far less of a commercial success compared to The Fame. Its pretty thin in regards to showing progression at all, and people seem to be getting tired of it.

What do you think?

Terrible TV: The Voice

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyDuckman) — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 12:28:00 +0000

NBC started their new reality search for the next great vocalist. Nothing really new and different compared to Idol or X Factor, it just more mainstream pop artists as judges. The "specialty" of the show is supposed to be that the judges don't watch the live performances, but only listen to them, which is all kind of gimmicky. Everyone on the show was "Good", only 2 were rejected, and everyone was generally pretty and camera friendly. So all in all, it was a full 86 minutes of this, Christitty Aguilera:

Terrible TV: Bad Girls Club

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyDuckman) — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 23:28:00 +0000

It's one of those shows you happen to catch flipping through the channels, if you still do that. The SIXTH season started earlier this year, a dating version of the show is currently on, and it has been on television for five years. It has a real interesting premise: five or six whores live in a nice house together, are supplied alcohol and get in fights cause they're crazy. Its women-empowering programming on the ladies network Oxygen. Its different from the Real World as nobody likes anyone else and they don't have a job.

The cast rotates over the season when someone is maimed or kicked out of the house for somehow being too violent and a new slutface takes her bed before the sheets are replaced. There's surprisingly little sex on the show, most cast members who have quit say it rarely happens. You can't fight whilst having sex. Also, all I've ever seen these women eat on camera is Edible Arrangements.

My fondest memory of Bad Girls Club: After a long night of free bottle service and hairfights at the club, a few of the girls come home and decide to have a lesbian threesome in a standing shower. The other two girls, including the only one who is officially a lesbian, literally pop popcorn and cheer them on from just outside. Yeah, that happened.

Bad Games: The Sims 3

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyDuckman) — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 12:48:00 +0000

First things first: I've never played any of the other Sims games, with the exception of the original when it came out. All that entailed was drowning people in a pool and stuffing them in a room with no doors or windows until they starve to death. That was the coolest thing about Sim-whatever was taking your city/tower/family and obliterating them.

I might just be terrible at this game, when I actually try to play it for real, because I just don't know what I'm doing. It seems like I can never get my married couple to work on time without them being starving and on the verge of shitting their pants. It always seems to take a ridiculous amount of time to do something. 45 minutes to get the newspaper, another 30 to throw it out. Over an hour to make a grilled cheese sandwich. I spend most of my waking hours doing dishes and urinating. My character isn't the elderly warewasher at Denny's.

I think I may have set myself up for failure with my household. I made two women, a lesbian couple, a large sassy black neat freak named Duckwanda and a humorless, asian emotional shut-in. They somehow manage to argue while one is bathing and the other urinating, its a blurry free-for-all. None of them have any friends, they're both bag women for the local crime circuit and sleep during the day. No time for pizza parties with my life of crime.

I've been making money at an extremely slow pace and spending it all on toilets that cause me to shit faster or something. I feel like I need to fill the house with more socially inept lesbians in order to thrive economically.

All in all, its The Sims, its not spectacular, and takes a certain person to play: someone who is constantly fearful of smelling bad and pissing yourself at work.

Is it Terrible? Mortal Kombat 9

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyDuckman) — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 12:03:00 +0000

I started playing Mortal Kombat 9, the version released last week in most countries on current gen consoles. As much as it'll bother some people, I'm playing it on an Xbox 360 controller with the regular old shitty d-pad. The thing is, I can't decide if the game sucks or not.

Its the same game as its been for decades, but more polished, which is pretty much the same thing you can say for the newest version of any series. The story mode takes the same flow as Mortal Kombat Vs. DC - which, was in fact, pretty terrible - and delivered a short and fairly decent story mode, albeit just a series of fights with someone you don't want to main as. The visuals are great, the stage settings are amazing and the amount of content with the return of the Krypt adds heaps of replay.

The thing is, its still a fighting game, and pretty much the worst series that's been in development. Something about it always felt chunky and restricting compared to other popular fighters. I remember playing MK with friends growing up and timing jump kicks and sweeps to get the cheapest, shittiest win possible. I can still do that, apparently. I totally did, cause Liu Kang is awful.

The online community for fighting games is always generally pretty shitty. People that take things way too seriously or are overly knowledgeable about how to play. Fighters are the only game I'll get called a cunt while I play. You see all the stuff about trash talking in shooters but I've never heard a peep, until I fire up Super Street Fighter 4 and get called any racial or ethnic slur almost instantly, in messages or over the mic.

So, all in all, I can't say I hate the game. Its an old, kinda terrible game, made really pretty, and filled with the most socially inept 13-16 males on the planet.

Thoughts?

Bad Games: Man Vs. Wild

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyDuckman) — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 18:57:00 +0000

Releases tomorrow the 27th in the states, my birthday - Thank Christ. Initial gameplay videos are really molding the game into a total shitfest, brought to you by the people who made the unbearable Deadliest Catch games. It's described as an RPG puzzle adventure. There's an achievement for reaching the level of "Bear Grylls"; no word on how much of your own urine you'll have to drink to achieve such a thing.

Terrible TV: Rupaul's Drag Race Finale

noreply@blogger.com (FunkyDuckman) — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 18:43:00 +0000

So, after three months and sixteen episodes, America finally has a new drag superstar, which we apparently needed badly. Unfortunately, She kind of sucks. I've always followed the show, and last night was the third season wrap up. The winners are generally whomever looks most like a dude, the runner up being whomever was the best but unfortunately couldn't speak english.

The Winner, Raja, is an established make-up artist who randomly turns up in the background of America's Next Top Model. He used the experience to do well on the modeling aspect, but unfortunately he always dressed like the most blatantly obvious high-fashion dude. Not really drag.

Overall, the episode was shit, and rushed to fit the hour. Just a really bad end to an otherwise decent season.