All Things Wildly Considered

Love - Neverending and Without Condition

2024-05-10T08:52:00.000-07:00

"My love for you is never-ending and without condition."

I feel this way about my loved ones.

It -- love -- seems to lose meaning with all of its extempore usage on greeting cards and trite, social media prepackaged notes. But, true love is there, always, no matter the circumstance or proposed mutual "give and take." It is so much more firm, steady, and ever-reliant ... and always forgiving. Words and translations truly give "love" little definitive definition. What I do know is that love is the most important emotion transcended by no other emotional conscious mental reaction (such as anger or fear). Instead, it is typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body as part of its strong attraction. Permanent changes of deep, deep affection.

Whether arising out of kinship, companionship, admiration, or benevolence, “love” designates an unparalleled good will and benevolent, good-will concern for the good or welfare of others. It involves both care and desire so stable that nothing can lesson its degree of deep affection and kindness. For that matter, no matter the changing circumstances of world in which loves exists, it abides forever in my life and after the death of my departed loved ones. The generalizations I have made may be be broad and hackeyed with few or no conditions to living stimuli: however my emotions of love are stronger than any other bond in my existence. My goal is to have you love me.

Closeness, admiration, respect, and warmth comprise its complexity, yet no objective measure of the strength and character of liking or loving in a given relationship is quite possible. It retains a mysterious, tough-to-define quality of life force, involving various grants of forgiveness and beloved grace. How true. Love does conquer all.

One can try to create a model for different aspects of love. For example, "Canadian psychologist John Lee, built a color-wheel model in theory based on an analogy with the set of primary and secondary colors and draws upon ancient Greek terms for various forms or aspects of love. The three “primary” styles of love in Lee’s model are Eros, or erotic love; Ludus, or playful love; and Storge, or familial love, exemplified by a parent’s love for a child. Just as primary colors can be mixed to produce various secondary colors, so can primary love styles be combined to form “secondary” love styles, which Lee also referred to with ancient Greek terms. Thus, Mania, or obsessive love, represents a mixture of Eros and Ludus; Pragma, or mature love, is a mixture of Ludus and Storge; and Agape, or unconditional, selfless love, is a mixture of Storge and Eros."

(Sophia Cherney, Love - Emotion. Encyclopedia Britannica. Fact-checked by Editors of' Encyclopedia Britannica. Last updated on March 22, 2024.)

Yet, the circles exist without end, and the meaning does little to give justice to the strength and necessity of love I feel. Lee built an interesting theory, yet it does little justice to the emotional aspects of love without any condition. I feel true love on a color wheel is akin to a carnival spin in a sideshow -- a shallow, incomplete construction whose loss and rewards are based largely on chance and circumstance. All the condition of chance and circumstance in true love will certainly takes its sweet time to "go out the window" and leave the purity of love intact.

I believe true love owes nothing to its division and trying to conceive this largely serves to confuse the reader. In categorization, it cheapens the honest, heartfelt emotion as a simple spin designated as pieces of "a pie graph" and unfeeling designation. Word play and chance to me are insufficient to define anything other than an obligation to accept intensities and differences in its wide range of feeling. Love is so much more definite and less apt to be pigeonholed into its various scientific forms. Love blossoms in its eternity in all forms -- you get no "spins," just ample opportunities to show the emotion -- you love: you win.

Many biochemists consider love to be a biological process. They hold that positive socializing triggers cognitive and physiological processes that create desirable or beneficial emotional and neurological states. A relationship provides constant triggering of sensory and cognitive systems that prompt the body to seek love and to respond positively to interaction with loved ones and negatively to their absence.

I, of course, agree that love involves a a psychological process just as strong as its physiological peculiarities. After all, love is an emotion. However, any negativity is self-administered. Call it pity or pride, those concepts are self conceived -- we are meant to forgive and love others. Period. And to love ourselves for what we are in the process of spreading love, the same. Love yourself and others. "Everything worth having costs something, and the price of true love is self-knowledge." source unknown.

"Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. "

—Poet Veronica A. Shoffstall

American psychologist Robert Sternberg argued that love has three emotional components: intimacy, passion, and decision or commitment. Familiar forms or experiences of love can be understood to consist of a single component, different combinations of two components, or all three components. For example, the love that is characteristic of close friendships or liking consists of intimacy alone; infatuation consists of passion alone; “empty love”—which may exist at an early stage of an arranged marriage or at a later stage of a deteriorating marriage—consists of commitment alone; romantic love consists of intimacy and passion; “companionate” love consists of intimacy and commitment; fatuous love consists of passion and commitment; and consummate, or complete, love consists of a combination of all three components, intimacy, passion, and commitment. Sternberg also held that forms of love consisting of combinations of components tend to last longer than those consisting of single components.

(Sophia Cherney, Love - Emotion. Encyclopedia Britannica. Fact-checked by Editors of' Encyclopedia Britannica. Last updated on March 22, 2024.)

Naturally, many biochemists consider love to be a biological process. Positive socializing triggers cognitive and physiological processes that create desirable or beneficial emotional and neurological states. A relationship provides constant triggering of sensory and cognitive systems that prompt the body to seek love and to respond positively to interaction with loved ones and negatively to their absence.

Recent biological theories of love, pioneered in evolutionary research by the American anthropologist Helen Fisher, break down love into three biological processes: lust, attraction, and attachment. Lust generally operates through the distribution of the hormones, testosterone and estrogrgen attraction via the orgainic compound dopamine and the neurotransmitters nor epinephrine and serotonin, and attachment through the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin. For evolutionary biologists, each component of love has an evolutionary basis: lust for encouraging sexual reproduction, attraction for discriminating in favor of healthy mates, and attachment for facilitating familial bonding.

(Sophia Cherney, Love - Emotion. Encyclopedia Britannica. Fact-checked by Editors of' Encyclopedia Britannica. Last updated on March 22, 2024.)

Oh my God, clinical approaches to understanding love are numerous and pretty cumbersome. That doesn't mean I disagree with all of these theories; it just means my understanding of true love boggles the brain and can or cannot produce accepted theory as fact. I'm much too involved in loving my kin and friends to reduce our relationships to scientific terms and psychological discussions. To me, love = love. It is a commandment give by God -- even if complicated by the Golden Rule and Two-way Streets -- to simply define and put to practice by degrees.

Distance, separation, divorce, and death do not change one's love for another. It lives on in various vows, expressions and deep understandings -- I think that love is indestructible, no matter the disagreement. To me, love is the strongest, most fertile, eternal emotion that guides all good life decisions and, forever, longs for it's own self in utmost need. I simply believe love = a good life on earth and expectations in the hereafter. God, himself or herself, must be a true generation of loving spirit. The gift is ours for taking, and although some have a very rough time experiencing love from others -- to the point of abuse and hatred -- it is love that overcomes all evil. Call that spiritual interpretation; however, I call it acceptance of all forms of love.

“Love conquers the body by embracing it,
conquers the mind by massaging it,
conquers the heart by kissing it,
and conquers the soul by marrying it.”

― Canadian-based philosopher Matshona Dhliwayo

"Love's" entomology is very complicated . Love is now widely believed (due to historical written record) to be from the idea that when one does a thing “for love” it is for no monetary gain, the word “love” thus implying "nothing." Other etyomological meanings show notations related to praise, carnality, lust, charity, and benevolent concern for another.

The one word history I prefer is now obsolete and translates to "a thin silk material" (a * Sive, a piece of Cyprus, or a "Love-Hood."). This speaks mainly to to the fragility of the emotion of dance and its delicate making and mastery.

* ("sieve") is a Cypriot traditional dance, performed with a sieve (tatsia -τατσιά in the Cypriot dialect).

Tatsia is a dance of skill, combining the hand and body in non-stop movement. The dancer holds a sieve in his hand with the four main fingers on the top of the inside perimeter of the sieve, while his thumb is on the top of the outside. Then an assistant of the dancer (usually a woman), or even the dancer himself, puts a glass of wine on the bottom of the inside perimeter of the sieve. The wine within the glass must not exceed the middle of the glass. Then the dancer performs a variety of moves with his hands holding the sieve, as he is dancing to the rhythm. The dancer can put in the sieve as many glasses of wine as he likes. In order to put more than three though a bigger sieve is required as well as a small piece of wood to put on the three base glasses. That small piece of wood is used as a surface on which the other glasses can be put on.

In any case the glasses must not touch the top perimeter of the sieve. All of the moves must be performed with speed and grace or else the glass(es) may fall or the wine spilled. The dance was created by the men in Cyprus in a form of competition or as a means to impress a woman. Some of the moves are hard to be performed even by professionals. Tatsia requires the dancer to have stamina, full control of his hands and knowledge of the footwork of the dance.

(Tatsia. Wikipedia.)

Love is certainly all of that -- a dance requiring expertise in balance and control. Performing a beautiful dance of love is inherent in our being but very tough to master in forms of its art. "Thin" and "silky" describes the relation to the love presented and received by the person. Some of the moves of Tatsia are very difficult to be performed even by professionals. Tatsia requires the dancer to have stamina, full control of his hands and knowledge of the footwork of the dance. A beautiful analogy to being and staying in love -- held best by those with constant practice and controlled grace. One must practice love daily and uphold its ultimate goal in life. Very few reach enlightenment.

Once again: "My love for you is never-ending and without condition."

I pray these words strike you as they did me when I composed them. The things we are bound and committed to love begin with our first heartbeat. I see my God as a master of my lifelong class, teaching me how to perfect my "love dance tatsia" in a world filled with hatred and misunderstanding. We all must exercise the ultimate gift of love from above, and it is we who must relieve love from all its restrictive, horrid conditions.

Love is perfection -- the one thing in the entire universe that is entirely perfect. And being such means it must hold everything within it – both good and evil, both beauty and ugliness, both peace and war. It is up to each of us to fight that evil foe and allow ourselves to love ... compromise, excusal, forgiveness, all are heavenly traits. We must accept them without condition to experience this tender, passionate affection. It is truly the only hope for mankind. I pray "Amen" without end.

Love’s Philosophy

The fountains mingle with the river
And the rivers with the ocean,
The winds of heaven mix for ever
With a sweet emotion;
Nothing in the world is single;
All things by a law divine
In one spirit meet and mingle.
Why not I with thine?—

See the mountains kiss high heaven
And the waves clasp one another;
No sister-flower would be forgiven
If it disdained its brother;
And the sunlight clasps the earth
And the moonbeams kiss the sea:
What is all this sweet work worth
If thou kiss not me?

--Percy Bysshe Shelley (1792-1822)

* The poem promulgates one of the oldest arguments of a swain to a maid: “All the world is in intimate contact – water, wind, mountains, moonbeams, even flowers. What about you?” Since “Nothing in the world is single,” he says with multiple examples, “What is all this sweet work worth / If thou kiss not me?”

What Day Is It -- Did Time Stand Still?

2024-05-08T10:56:00.000-07:00

I literally, awake and not sleeping, had the strangest thing happen to me. I lost track of the day. No, not hours, the entire day. I noticed the clock read 11:30, and the sun was still shining. There was no way. It had to be 11:30 p.m. or else the battery in the clock had gone haywire. I had been awake since the early hours of the morning of May 8, and I was sure the entire day had gone by, so I was preparing for my normal evening. I'm still shocked the time was 11:30 a.m. on May 8 when I realized that little or no time had elapsed since getting up. My wife thought I was even more insane than usual.

Strangely, I had not napped since early morning, and I spent hours awake before my strange experience -- even letting the dog out and giving him a bath plus writing a journal entry on "parents." Believe me, as slow as I am these days, this stoppage of time couldn't have been related to my old, typically confused brain. I was conscious and evidently time had stood still -- for how long, I cannot say. I thought about this had happened to no end: it was a complete mystery to me.

I did not feel faint nor did I refrain from taking my pills on time. I Googled my feelings and found out that something called "dissociative identity disorder" is used to describe "losing time." When we talk about losing time we’re talking about severe dissociative amnesia which, in a milder form, is something the author believes everyone experiences. It’s easy to be unaware that you’re losing time at all. But what of its severity?

Living with dissociative identity disorder (DID) can be a perplexing reality. There are many symptoms, including depersonalization and derealization. . One symptom involves “losing time: or “blacking out” for periods of time. This happens with no drugs or alcohol in the system. It is scary to realize that you've lost time, and sometimes the person may not realize it at all.

Losing time, or having large blocks of time for which one has no memory is a symptom of DID. This can be very scary and can have serious consequences. Sometimes a person will lose so much time that they “wake up” in an unfamiliar town or place. This is called Dissociative Fugue.

(Polley, S. 2015, February 1. "Losing Time With Dissociative Identity Disorder," HealthyPlace.)

The Cleveland Clinic calls Dissociative Fugue a symptom where a person with memory loss travels or wanders. That leaves the person in an unfamiliar setting with no memory of how they got there. This symptom usually happens with conditions caused by severe trauma. People usually regain their memories but almost always need mental health care to help them fully recover.

The term “fugue” comes from the Latin word for fleeing or running away, which is why this symptom involves traveling or wandering. People who experience a fugue state usually can’t recognize gaps in their memory until they have evidence that they can’t remember something. People with this symptom can unintentionally travel to specific locations or wander. Often, they'll come out of the fugue state and feel confused because they don't remember how they got to where they are.

Fugue states can be as short as a few hours, or they can last for days or even months. When fugue states are shorter, it’s harder for others to see signs of them, as people with this might look like they’re late or absent from their usual comings and goings. When fugue states are longer, people can find themselves far away from their usual surroundings. They might try to take on a new identity and build a new life for themselves, which can last until their memories return.

Dissociative fugues are most likely to happen because of two conditions, dissociative amnesia and dissociative identity disorder. In dissociative amnesia, memory loss happens as a defense mechanism to protect a person from recalling disturbing or painful events. It can also happen because of ongoing strain, especially when a person faces sudden life changes, including ending relationships, financial or work troubles, or the loss of a loved one.

("Dissociative Fugue." Cleveland Clinic. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/symptoms/22836-dissociative-fugue. April 19, 2022.)

Between 1–1.5% of the global population has DID, according to recent estimates, which develops when someone experiences trauma which causes their mind to fracture. DID is characterized by the involuntary creation of altered states of consciousness, which may present as distinct personalities, according to Mayo Clinic.

Mayo also called DID "losing time," and declares that this feature of dissociative disorders is often associated with traumatic events. A clinical diagnosis of dissociative amnesia must be specific to a certain time, and it may occur suddenly, according to the clinic.

People who are diagnosed with DID and other dissociative disorders may find that it impacts their daily functioning and puts stress on their relationships, as they may seem distant, confused, or forgetful.

Feeling "out of it" for one day doesn't mean you have a dissociative disorder, but if you find yourself losing chunks of time or feeling like you're outside your body several times a week, it could be something to discuss with a professional, psychologist Rebecca Semel told Business Insider.

One person who suffers frequently from disassociating (the last ten years), or losing time, says it can be dangerous with no memory and no recall. She says ...

"Malevolent dissociative experiences for me are harmful. Through intense examination of my emotional awareness and lack of ability to completely control my emotions, and my reactions to them, I have been able to begin to understand why these things happen to me. Anger, fear, failure, self-hate and guilt. These five emotions are overwhelming for me.

"When any of these emotions cross the hair-thin line of being too much for me to handle, I disappear. Sometimes it happens quickly, and I come to hours later, or even the next day. Other times I can feel myself starting to dissolve. It’s like a tingling sensation all over my body, with a slight pressure that slowly shrinks me. I get smaller and smaller, and a fog comes over my brain. My vision gets blurry, and I almost feel tired. My voice sounds like it’s trapped in a tunnel, and everything around me appears bigger, the smaller I get. I shrink down, losing feeling in my face and limbs, and then my awareness simply stops.

"Through a lot of introspection, personal insight and help from my psychologists and psychiatrist, I have been able to keep going. I have been able to slowly discern between my post-traumatic stress disorder brain and my logical or non-emotional practical brain. I have been able to identify emotions, so that I may distract and delay any forthcoming harm ..."

(Christine Tate."When Your Disorder Causes You to Lose Time." The Mighty. May 7,, 2024.)

I, myself, have never experienced anything like Christine Tate before, so I'm putting my experience in the category of freaky one-time occurrences. So far, I don't feel "trapped, smaller, or tingling all over." Just strange. It's pretty disturbing and it does make me wonder if there is any connection to my known OCD and depression. I just somehow lost a day. I'm glad my wife convinced me that it was just me being my off-centered self; however, she disapproves of all of my weird behaviors.

(Andrea Michelson. "4 subtle signs you're dissociating, according to a psychologist." Business Insider. May 19, 2022.)

The Children Suffer the Sins of Their Parents

2024-05-08T08:27:00.000-07:00

The Children Suffer the Sins of Their Parents

We simply must have better parents and guardians for our precious children. Whether lack of education,lack of experience, or just plain indifference present such substandard childcare, what matters is the effect on our progeny and their generation and so many more to come thereafter. Love and care offer answers.

America's Children: Key National Indicators of Well-Being, 2023, is a compendium of indicators about our Nation's young people. The report, the 25th produced by the Forum, presents 41 key indicators on important aspects of children's lives. These indicators are drawn from our most reliable Federal statistics, are easily understood by broad audiences, are objectively based on substantial research, are balanced so that no single area of children's lives dominates the report, are measured often to show trends over time, and are representative of large segments of the population rather than one particular group.

The report continues to present key indicators in seven domains: family and social environment, economic circumstances, health care, physical environment and safety, behavior, education, and health. To ensure that the information stays relevant, the Forum periodically revises indicators, data sources, and features to maintain the relevance of the report.

I chose not to include all 41 Key Indicators on Important Aspects of Children's Lives, but I picked several of those indicators that show the pitiful state of so many children in America. I hope you read this and realize the importance of the entry. It is my hope parents, guardians, and children find relief from the suffering they face. Our children are our most important resource. We must support changes to better their conditions.

Each volume of America's Children also spotlights critical data gaps identified by the Forum's Planning Committee and its Federal statistical agencies. Starting with the 2017 report, such data concerns, related to understanding the condition and progress of our Nation's children, were consolidated into a stand-alone Data Topics report section, rather than included as Indicators Needed at the end of each report domain.

("America's Children: Key Nationa Indicators of Well-Being. 2013." America's Children: Key National Indicators of Well-Being, 2023. Child Stats. https://www.childstats.gov/americaschildren/. Office of the Chief Statistician. U.S. Office of Management and Budget.)

Demographic data by birth cohort generation can shed light on how the U.S. population is changing over time and help inform programs and policies. For instance, younger generations are more racially and ethnically diverse than older generations, with Gen Alpha being the most diverse generation yet. Children and youth of color generally experience disproportionately poor outcomes across many areas of health and well-being. To ensure the long-term prosperity of our country, programs and policies must be culturally responsive and prioritize equitable outcomes for all young people.

* 1. For decades, the share of U.S. children living with a single parent has been rising, accompanied by a decline in marriage rates and a rise in births outside of marriage. A Pew Research Center study (2018) of 130 countries and territories shows that the U.S. has the world’s highest rate of children living in single-parent households.

Almost a quarter of U.S. children under the age of 18 live with one parent and no other adults (23%), more than three times the share of children around the world who do so (7%). The study, which analyzed how people’s living arrangements differ by religion, also found that U.S. children from Christian and religiously unaffiliated families are about equally likely to live in this type of arrangement.

(Gretchen Livingston. "About one-third of U.S. children are living with an unmarried parent." Pew Research Center. April 27, 2018.)

* 2. In 2023, 4.8 percent of families included an unemployed person, up from 4.7 percent in 2022, the U.S.Bureau of Labor Statistics reported. Of the nation's 83.8 million families, 80.2 percent had at least one employed member in 2023.These data on employment, unemployment, and family relationships are collected as part of the Current Population Survey (CPS), a monthly survey of about 60,000 households.

Data in this news release are annual averages. Families are classified either as married-couple families or as families maintained by women or men without spouses present. Unless otherwise noted, families include those with and without children under age 18.

At least one parent was employed in 91.9 percent of families with children, up from 91.2 percent in 2022. Among married-couple families with children, 97.6 percent had at least one employed parent-- National.

(News Release: "Employment Characteristics of Families — 2023." U.S. Department of Labor. April 24, 2024.)

Those U.S. Department of Labor statistics do not sound tremendously bad for children of working families. Yet, you must read on to find indicators of poverty and mistreatment of children to catch the full effect of this entry.

* 3. Children under age 18 who are in poverty according to the supplemental poverty measure. Currently, 16% of all children in the United States — 11.6 million kids total — are living in poverty. A family of four with annual earnings below $29,678 is considered poor. In the last decade, the percentage of U.S. children in poverty peaked at 23% in 2012, and fell to 16% in 2022. 16% National

(Data Source: Annie E. Casey Foundation./ PRB analysis of data from the U.S. Census Bureau, Current Population Survey, Annual Social and Economic Supplement.)

* 4. Extreme poverty: the share of children under age 18 who live in families with incomes less than 50% of the federal poverty level.

The federal poverty definition consists of a series of thresholds based on family size and composition. In 2022, a 50% poverty threshold for a family of two adults and two children was $14,839. Poverty status is not determined for people in military barracks, institutional quarters, or for unrelated individuals under age 15 (such as foster children). The data are based on income received in the 12 months prior to the survey.

The official poverty rate in 2022 was 11.5 percent, with 37.9 million people in poverty. Neither the rate nor the number in poverty. Official poverty rates increased
between 2021 and 2022 for the White and non-Hispanic White populations.

The estimates in this report are based on data collected in the 2023 and earlier Current Population Survey Annual Social and Economic Supplements (CPS
ASEC) conducted by the Census Bureau. In 2021, 8.8% of families were in poverty, an increase of 0.1 percentage points from 2020. 11.5% National Poverty -- close to 9% with children.

(Data Source:PRB analysis of data from the U.S. Census Bureau, Census Supplementary Survey & American Community Survey table B17024.)

* 5. Children under age 18 living in families where at least one parent does not have a job, has been actively looking for work in the past 4 weeks, and is currently available for work. For children living in single-parent families, this means that the resident parent is unemployed. For children living in married-couple families, this means that either or both parents are unemployed.

Children under age 18 who live in families with incomes less than 200% of the federal poverty level and where at least one parent worked 50 or more weeks during the previous year, by children in immigrant families or US-born families.

The federal poverty definition consists of a series of thresholds based on family size and composition. In 2022, the 200% poverty threshold for a family of two adults and two children was $59,356. Poverty status is not determined for people in military barracks, institutional quarters, or for unrelated individuals under age 15 (such as foster children).

Children in immigrant families are themselves foreign-born or reside with at least one foreign-born parent. Children in U.S.-born families are both themselves and their resident parents born in the U.S., Puerto Rico, Guam, the U.S. Virgin Islands, or the Northern Marianas or born abroad of American parents.

(Data Source: PRB analysis of data from the U.S. Census Bureau, American Community Survey. Last Updated in January 2024.)

* 6. The percentage of households with children birth to age 17 that sometimes or often did not have enough food to eat prior to March 13, 2020. On March 13, 2020, the U.S. government declared the COVID-19 pandemic a national emergency, thus marking the start of the pandemic in the United States. Only respondents who provided a valid response are included. 16% and 13% in the last week - National.

(Data Source: Population Reference Bureau analysis of the U.S. Census Bureau, Household Pulse Survey, 2020. Updated April 2021.)

* 7. The percentage of households with children birth to age 17 where it has been somewhat or very difficult for the household to pay for usual household expenses, including but not limited to food, rent or mortgage, car payments, medical expenses, students loans, and so on in the past week. Only respondents who provided a valid response are included. 48-50% National

(Data Source: Population Reference Bureau analysis of the U.S. Census Bureau, Household Pulse Survey, 2020-2022. Updated December 2022.)

* 8. Children under age 18 who live in families where no parent has regular, full-time employment. For children living in single-parent families, this means the resident parent did not work at least 35 hours per week, at least 50 weeks in the 12 months prior to the survey. For children living in married-couple families, this means neither parent worked at least 35 hours per week, at least 50 weeks in the 12 months prior to the survey. Children living with neither parent were listed as not having secure parental employment because those children are likely to be economically vulnerable. 28-27% National

(Data Source: PRB analysis of data from the U.S. Census Bureau, American Community Survey)

* 9. Children living in families lacking secure parental employment are vulnerable. Without at least one parent employed full time, children are more likely to fall into poverty. Yet too many parents who want full-time work are forced to piece together part-time or temporary jobs that do not provide sufficient or stable income; some lack the education and skills needed to secure a good job. Even a full-time job at low wages does not necessarily lift a family out of poverty. 33-34% National

(This indicator is part of the KIDS COUNT Child Well-Being Index. Read the KIDS COUNT Data Book to learn more: http://datacenter.kidscount.org/publications.)

For children living in single-parent families, this means the resident parent did not work at least 35 hours per week, at least 50 weeks in the 12 months prior to the survey. For children living in married-couple families, this means neither parent worked at least 35 hours per week, at least 50 weeks in the 12 months prior to the survey. Children living with neither parent were listed as not having secure parental employment because those children are likely to be economically vulnerable.

(Data Source: PRB analysis of data from the U.S. Census Bureau, American Community Survey. Last updated 2019)

Children under age 18 in families that receive Supplemental Security Income (SSI), cash public assistance income, or Food Stamps/SNAP in the previous 12 months. 26% National

(Data Source: PRB analysis of data from the U.S. Census Bureau, American Community Survey table B09010. Last Updated November 2023.)

While many unemployed teens may be enrolled in school, developing job skills and experience can be instrumental in the transition to adulthood. It is critical that teens stay engaged in either school or the workforce, or both, but detachment from those settings can keep youth from developing the skills and knowledge needed to access to good jobs and higher wages in the future. Youth ages 16 to 19 who are not enrolled in school (full- or part-time) and not employed (full- or part-time).

This measure is sometimes referred to as “Idle Teens” or “Disconnected Youth.” 7% National

(Data are provided for the 50 most populous cities according to the most recent Census counts. Cities for which data are collected may change over time. November 2023.)

(PRB analysis of data from the U.S. Census Bureau, Census Supplementary Survey & American Community Survey table B14005.)

* 10. The percentage of households with children birth to age 17 that are very likely or extremely likely to have to leave their home/apartment due to eviction or foreclosure in the next two months. Only respondents who are currently paying rent/mortgage and are not caught up on rent/mortgage payments, and who provided a valid response are included. 32-47% National

(Data Source:"Population Reference Bureau analysis of the U.S. Census Bureau, Household Pulse Survey, 2020-2022." Updated December 2022.)

* 11. The percentage of adults ages 18 to 24 who reported that they currently do not have health insurance. Adults were classified as uninsured if they did not report any private health insurance coverage or public health plan coverage at the time of the interview. Adults were also classified as uninsured if they had only Indian Health Service coverage. Only respondents who provided a valid response are included. 4-5% National

(Data Source: Population Reference Bureau analysis of the U.S. Census Bureau, Household Pulse Survey, 2020-2022. Updated December 2022.)

* 12. Children ages 2 to 17 with a parent who reports that a doctor has told them their child has autism, developmental delays, depression or anxiety, ADD/ADHD, or behavioral/conduct problems. 21% National

(Data Source: Child Trends analysis of data from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Health Resources and Services Administration, Maternal and Child Health Bureau, National Survey of Children’s Health. The National Survey of Children’s Health (NSCH). The NSCH includes information on approximately 50,000 children under age 18, with representative samples for each state. For more information on the NSCH, see http://childhealthdata.org/learn/NSCH.Updated April 2019.)

* 13. The percentage of adults ages 18 to 24 who reported that they felt nervous, anxious or on edge for more than half of the days or nearly every day in the past seven days. Only respondents who provided a valid response are included. 39% National

(Data Source: Population Reference Bureau analysis of the U.S. Census Bureau, Household Pulse Survey, 2020-2021. Updated July 2021.)

* 14. Children whose parents/guardians reported that they "somewhat disagree" or "definitely disagree" with the statement: "The child is safe in our neighborhood."

There were changes to the wording of this item between 2011–2012 and the 2015–2016 survey. Previously, this variable was defined as children age 0-17 years whose parents indicated that the child lived in a neighborhood that was "sometimes" or "never" safe. Due to changes in wording of this item, it is now defined as children age 0-17 years whose parents/guardians reported that they "somewhat disagree" or "definitely disagree" with the statement: "The child is safe in our neighborhood."

Due to changes in the survey’s item wording, it is not possible to compare estimates from the redesigned survey to those from previous iterations of the NSCH or NS-CSHCN or to conduct related trend analyses. The redesigned NSCH will support trend analyses beginning with data from 2016. 5% National

* 15. Children growing up in single-parent families typically do not have the same economic or human resources available as those growing up in two-parent families. Compared with children in married-couple families, children raised in single-parent households are more likely to drop out of school, to have or cause a teen pregnancy and to experience a divorce in adulthood.

Children growing up in single-parent families typically do not have the same economic or human resources available as those growing up in two-parent families. Compared with children in married-couple families, children raised in single-parent households are more likely to drop out of school, to have or cause a teen pregnancy and to experience a divorce in adulthood. Ohio 37%

(This indicator is included in the KIDS COUNT Child Well-Being Index. Read the KIDS COUNT Data Book to learn more: http://datacenter.kidscount.org/publications.)

* 16. Child victims are children who are subject to at least one substantiated or indicated maltreatment report. Prior to 2015, children in cases receiving alternative response were included as victims, but from 2015 onward, these children are not included as victims to align with a change in methodology in the Children's Bureau's Child Maltreatment report. Rates of maltreated children are per 1,000 children under 18 years old. It is important to note that these numbers do not include child victims who did not come to the attention of authorities through a report of maltreatment. Because of this, and because of state differences in policies and practices—including variations in the legal definitions of maltreatment—readers should exercise caution in interpreting trends and in making state-to-state comparisons.

To the extent possible, we use the same definition of substantiation as the Child Maltreatment report. However, unlike many of the tabulations in the report, our analyses examine the number of children who were maltreated, not the number of maltreatment incidents. Since a child can be the subject of more than one maltreatment incident, the numbers of children in each category presented here will be smaller than in the report’s tabulations of incidents. Cases of maltreatment where the victim was not yet born, or was 18 years or older, are not included. State estimates are shown only for states with valid data. In the publicly-available NCANDS file, state names are suppressed on records dealing with child fatalities to protect confidentiality.

Among all reported fatalities, some cases had prior investigations (in the same fiscal year) for reported maltreatment, and others did not. Prior to 2010, fatalities were included in our national totals. Beginning in 2010, our national total includes fatalities if they also had a prior investigation report that was not associated with a fatality, but otherwise fatalities are excluded. We made this exclusion because it is not possible in the public-use file to identify which of the children who died also have a record indicating a prior maltreatment investigation, and because we found that this approach yields national totals that are closer to the Children’s Bureau’s estimates (i.e., national totals are more likely to be overestimated when fatalities are included than they are to be underestimated if fatalities are excluded). Due to missing state data, national totals are not provided before 2004. National estimates after 2005 include Puerto Rico.

Data Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Administration on Children, Youth and Families, Children’s Bureau. National Child Abuse and Neglect Data System (NCANDS) Child File, FFY 2000–2021. Updated April 2024.)

To Beat the Child Was Bad Enough

A young body, light

As winter sunshine, a new

Seed's bursting promise,

Hung from a string of silence

Above its future.

(The chance of choice was never known.)

Hunger, new hands, strange voices,

Its cry came natural, tearing.

Water boiled in innocence, gaily

In a cheap pot.

The child exchanged its Curiosity for terror.

The skin Withdrew, the flesh submitted.

Now, cries make shards

Of broken air, beyond an unremembered

Hunger and the peace of strange hands.

-- Maya Angelou

I Write For ... Someone? ... Myself?

2024-05-07T14:59:00.000-07:00

If for no other reason than to discover myself, I write. I often make new connections between the past and the present this way. Writing also loosens up my brain to give me voice to my positions and a better view of special subjects. As you can tell, my audience is made up of a few loyal readers, but at this time, quality matters, not quantity in that the therapeutic nature of putting words on paper is my biggest goal.

Thanks to those who do read my thoughts. Someday after I'm gone, maybe some family member will take time to review the plethora of blog entries I've made over many years. I rather hope this way, they can "be with me" again in the words on the page. I seriously doubt this will ever happen: each one is so busy with his/her own worlds. I think my writing and my favorite music could reveal some real character to anyone ever interested.

This writing is a personal narrative, but not a memoir in autobiographical form. I choose to write about almost any subject matter that interests me, not just about events from my life. I guess you can glean more about my personal life by judging my interests, perspectives, and views on this blog, rather than by reading about my personal experiences. True, some events are included, but not many.

I am not a very good story teller, so my autobiography would probably be dull, not vivid and filled with associations of people, places, and things I have encountered. That is why I label "All Things Wildly Considered" an editorial blog rather than a biographical collection. I know masters of memory and story, and, believe me, that is not my style to conjure images of my less-than-illustrious past. I'll stick with this weird editorializing and give credit to people like Pat Crabtree and Linda Scott for historical fiction. Both epitomize the beauty of the genre. I am so envious. I can teach writing, but I can't produce it like the pros. My scatter-brain takes an idea and too soon lets it loose like a kid might let go of a kite string in a stiff wind.

Not claiming what I enter on the blog to be art, I still often put fingers to the keyboard when I'm feeling specific emotions -- a gamut from anger, contempt, sadness, celebration, or just plain stress. If you have never tried writing when you have strong emotions, you should. It is excellent for struggling to get back your equilibrium. It's like taking a walk into an undiscovered forest -- exciting and scary as hell. Pen and paper or my preferred computer and keyboard, you just might find something interesting to share.

Much like a visit to the therapist, writing alleviates stress through artful connections of units of language that offer functions as principal characters of meaning. (I worked hard to produce that thoughtful mouthful.) From word selection to phrases to sentences to paragraphs to essays -- the various writing processes can straighten your keel and help direct your pent-up energy as you freewrite, revise, and produce a legible, hopefully sensible view.

I may sound selfishly common but I write for discovery, and I use the internet to stimulate my own interests as well as to offer me much-needed argumentative support. I love to see people use their own skills to produce words describing their unique thoughts and feelings, no matter the simplicity nor complexity of their usage.

Writing "captures" ideas on paper and allows others to read these exact thoughts. It is this "trapping" and the search for precise delivery that drives the writer to consider audience and the best word constructions. I consider writing a good sentence to be spectacular, and I encouraged students of writing to work on little bits and pieces of word play that fit to unlock meaning.

I hate puzzles, but writing and figuring out exactly what I want to relate give me great joy. Accurate, well-placed words allow pinpoint delivery. Never worry about when to stop revising -- it always adds more. Plus, use your own personal tone and you may understand how a style of individuality develops for us all as we put down letters to conjure our own meanings. I've taught beginning writers to blossom by convincing them to develop the confidence to use the language. The process is complicated, but easily understood by someone with something to say. We all don't drive a Mercedes when a Camry will do just fine -- style will come with practice of skills.

Just a little warning -- style is tricky in that it can't be forced or created through copying another's actual words (fluff). I guess we all still marvel as how Abraham Lincoln wrote the matchbox-short "Gettysburg Address" as one of the most admired, best-known speeches in American history. It's brief; direct; simply understood; and universally famous. "Divine" comes to mind. Let's look at it once more.

Gettysburg Address

"Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

"Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

"But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate—we can not consecrate—we can not hallow—this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us—that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain—that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom—and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth."

-- Abraham Lincoln, November 19, 1863

Precision, you bet. Spirit -- without a doubt. But, even more importantly, Lincoln upholds the one central rule of writing in this famous speech -- The Truth. A writer must be true to himself and commit his words to the basic truths of the world in which he lives. How Lincoln nailed the ultimate honor of those thousands of lives sacrificed for an enduring Union. And how he succinctly ended with consecrating the battlefield itself under God to usher in "a new birth of freedom for all" -- "a government of the people, by the people, for the people" while giving credit to "those brave men, living and dead who struggled there."

Lincoln's words ring with truth during treacherous times, and he captures the essence of the Civil War still raging as a challenge left for us all as "a great task remaining before us—that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion." Amen.

That address is great writing -- personally delivered from the brain and filtered through the heart of one of our greatest leaders. It is brilliant in its design and simple, straightforward tone. Yet, it both honors the participants of the battle and challenges all of us -- the living -- to do the right thing, no matter the terrible cost of freedom. And, it lives on today as inspiration for truth and justice -- let it not "perish from the earth."

You cannot fight the truth. It must be there whether you are writing about a bloody conflict or describing a soup spoon. Producing writing, even if for one's self, demands we speak truly in its relation to facts, correspondence, coherence, and pragmatism. That may seem like a tall order; however, we writers face the challenge every day of devising sentences, assertions, beliefs, thoughts, or propositions that are said, in ordinary discourse, to agree with the facts or to state what is the case.

A writer can feel his words are true: it's just that his words must also "feel truthful" to the readers of his discourse -- they must correspond with valid beliefs and accepted theories. Going down a dead end -- like defending the Lost Cause of the Confederacy -- is wasted word and thought. I have seen all the concessions made for succession, but the evil is stained in its very being. It's indelibly written dark history is horrid no matter the economics, the slave-holding, or states rights issues of the times. Even slave-master George Washington knew his sinful character in relation to human beings and freedom.

Conclusion

Why do I write? As you can see clearly in this entry, I never know where the words will take me. I just jump onboard and steer my own ship to new destinations -- trusting that sometimes it harbors somewhere with good, clear, and righteous aims, yet sometimes it spins in wide concentric circles leading to nowhere other than oblivion. But, guess what? I never know where the process will take me, but the change of discovery appeals to me so much -- no Global Positioning System would help, nor do I wish for its assistance.

I wonder if I revealed any of my nature today? Did I mention I love dogs, hate snakes, and believe every hot dog -- make mine Nathan's -- should have mustard and onions? Oh, and if you are wondering what my favorite color is, I'd have to admit "purple" in homage to dear old Valley High. I told you I'm not good with narrative story telling or fiction. I'm just an old briar born and raised on U.S. Route 23.

A last shout out to Abe -- "May his truth keep Marching On!" Write on, Brothers and Sisters! *Let your sweet words loose on paper in order to preserve the thoughts and memories. Give it a go!

* We all know of high school annuals and their great worth and appeal. But, what if each class had a scribe whose function would include written descriptions of every school day. Wide open -- small stuff and big, not just major events. Even brief details become priceless. Photos and art could be added, but the words would take center stage. How invaluable would such a journal be? I have read parts of a like piece from years ago at the Lucasville Historical Society (1920's maybe?), and it was marvelous. Where have the words gone? Let's get that project back.

Left-Handed Anomalies -- Why?

2024-05-07T06:03:00.000-07:00

"Houston’s Yordan Alvarez might be the top left-handed hitter in Major League Baseball. Teammate Framber Valdez ranks among the best left-handed pitchers, too.

"Other than that, those guys are all right.

"Literally — neither player considers himself left-handed at all.

"MLB and its history are dotted with men who played out of their natural handedness, a phenomenon that is seen occasionally in other sports but is a regular occurrence on the diamond. Thumb through a pack of baseball cards from just about any era and you’re likely to see players who bat one way and throw the other. Ask them to sign that card and there’s no telling which hand would hold the pen.

"Valdez writes, eats and even hits (before the introduction of the universal designated hitter) with his right hand. His left arm has helped him make two All-Star teams and throw a no-hitter. What else does he use it for?

“'Nothing, nothing, nothing,' he said with a laugh.

"Valdez simply decided at a young age that he wanted to be a left-handed pitcher.

“'I used to throw lefty every single day, like day by day by day,” he said in Spanish through a translator. 'When I was 11, I felt very comfortable throwing lefty, even though I did everything else righty.'”

(Kristie Rieken. "Who’s really left-handed? In baseball, it can be hard to tell." AP. https://apnews.com/article/mlb-left-handed-4eb62b7acebb3d0e5617bf49b3925049. April 9, 2024.)

Dr. Stephen D. Christman, a professor in the psychology department at the University of Toledo and an expert in handedness, said cases like those aren’t that surprising.

“It’s easier for a lefty to learn to use their right hand than for a righty to learn to use their left hand because most left-handers lean more towards being ambidextrous,” said Christman, who has studied handedness for more than two decades.

Christman said studies have found only 1-2% of people are uniformly left-handed across the 10 activities used to measure handedness, including writing, drawing, throwing, brushing teeth and hair, opening a box and using a spoon. Because lefties are forced to adapt — like when only righty scissors are available — they’re more likely to learn to use both hands.

(Kristie Rieken. "Who’s really left-handed? In baseball, it can be hard to tell." AP. https://apnews.com/article/mlb-left-handed-4eb62b7acebb3d0e5617bf49b3925049. April 9, 2024.)

Go back in history and we find famous lefties like * Charlemagne and Leonardo da Vinci. However, Time Magazine (1969) reported southpaws were once seen as sinister -- "literally, since the word means 'left' -- for centuries. 'In the Middle Ages, for instance, the left-hander lived in danger of being accused of practicing witchcraft," the article explained. "The Devil himself was considered a southpaw, and he and other evil spirits were always conjured up by left-handed gestures.”

(Lilly Rothman. "How Lefties First Gained Acceptance. TIME. August 13, 2015.)

* Other famous lefties include Aristotle, Oprah Winfrey, Napoleon Bonaparte, Bill Gates, and Jimi Hendrix. Among U.S. presidents being left handed is nothing new. Barack Obama is the latest to join a long list of left-handed presidents from the 20th century: James Garfield, Herbert Hoover, Harry Truman, Gerald Ford, Ronald Reagan, George H.W. Bush and Bill Clinton were all southpaws.

Why the change of the suspicion in public opinion about left-handers? TIME suggested, it was a lot less complicated than anything having to do with evil spirits. It was just a matter of simple economics.

At the time, lefties had few options in terms of the everyday items that depend on handedness; from sports equipment to kitchen items, most things designed to be held were only optimized for one direction. That situation meant there was an untapped market for leftie goods, just waiting for a smart business owner to jump. And jump they did: a few shops now cater to left-handers who either cannot or will not adjust to a right-handed world. One of the most interesting—run by a righthander, surprisingly—is Anything Left-Handed, Ltd. in London’s West End.

Smithsonian Magazine reports that the world has gotten progressively more accepting of left-handed folk, but there are still some undeniable bummers associated with a left-handed proclivity: "desks and spiral notebooks pose a constant battle, scissors are all but impossible to use and–according to some studies–life expectancy might be lower than for right-handed people."

What makes humanity’s bias against lefties all the more unfair is that left-handed people are born that way. In fact, scientists have speculated for years that a single gene could control a left-right preference in humans. Unfortunately, they just couldn’t pinpoint exactly where the gene might lie.

(Natasha Geiling. "Why Are Some People Left-Handed?" https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/why-are-some-people-left-handed-6556937/. Smithsonian Magazine. September 12, 2013.)

Now, in a paper published in PLOS Genetics a group of researchers have identified a network of genes that relate to handedness in humans. What’s more, they’ve linked this preference to the development of asymmetry in the body and the brain.

The hypothesis is a logical response to a key question: If handedness is genetic and if right-handedness is such a dominant trait, why hasn’t left-handedness been forced out of the genetic pool? In reality, the research suggests that handedness could be more subtle than simple “dominant” or “recessive” traits–a whole host of genes might play significant roles.

( William M. Brandler, Andrew P. Morris, David M. Evans, Thomas S. Scerri, John P. Kemp, Nicholas J. Timpson, Beate St Pourcain, George Davey Smith, Susan M. Ring, John Stein, Anthony P. Monaco, Joel B. Talcott, Simon E. Fisher, Caleb Webber, Silvia Paracchini. "Common Variants in Left/Right Asymmetry Genes and Pathways Are Associated with Relative Hand Skill."12 Sep 2013 PLOS Genetics.)

(Anil Chougule, François Lapraz, István Földi, Delphine Cerezo, József Mihály, Stéphane Noselli. "The Drosophila actin nucleator DAAM is essential for left-right asymmetry." Research Article | published 23 Apr 2020 PLOS Genetics.)

William Brandler, a PhD student at Oxford University and the paper’s lead author, is confident that even if environmental factors (like the continued hatred of lefties by two-thirds of the world) place pressure on handedness, any baseline bias still boils down to genetics. “People think it’s just an environmental thing, but you’ve got to think, why is there that initial bias in the first place, and why do you see that bias across all societies? Why aren’t there societies where you see a bias to the left?” Brandler asks.

The global average of lefties comes in at 10-12 percent. A study in the journal Endeavor recently took on this question: Why are there no left-handers in China? The researchers also looked at India and Islamic countries and discovered that nearly two-thirds of the world’s lefty population faces discrimination.

(Rose Eveleth. "Two-Thirds of the World Still Hates Lefties." Smithsonian Magazine. May 17, 2013.)

"Why are there so few Chinese left-handers?" has a number of possible answers, including that there are and always have been many left-handers in China, but that the way they were measured determined their prevalence. Alternatively, the differences could be real because as we saw with China, a combination of traditional values and practical considerations seem to have merged to reduce the reported prevalence of left-handedness.

Conclusions

Overall 40% of us are left-eared, 30% are left-eyed and 20% are left-footed. But when it comes to handedness, only approximately 10% of people are lefties.Why could this be? Why are left-handers in the minority?

In times gone by, left-handedness was drummed out of errant schoolchildren, and oddly negative connotations still linger in our language. The word "left" comes from the Anglo-Saxon word "lyft," meaning "weak." And the opposite in Latin is "dexter" which is associated with skill and righteousness.

So what determines whether we are right- or left-handed? From an evolutionary standpoint, specializing with one hand makes sense. Chimpanzees tend to choose a favorite hand for different tasks.

Human ancestry and tracking? Take termite fishing. After selecting the perfect stick, the chimp pokes it into the termite mound, their sense of touch providing a host of information about how deep, wide and full of tasty termites their house may be. Then they’ll gently pull the stick out to reveal their prey, the termites’ jaws clamping down hard on the foreign invader. Unbeknown to them, they are about to get chomped by a hungry chimp. By specializing with one hand, chimps become more dexterous, and more termites bite the dust.

But when primatologists study chimpanzees in the wild, their patterns of handedness look very different to ours. For each task around 50% are right-handed, and 50% left. So where in our evolutionary tree does this 1 in 10 ratio emerge?

An important clue comes from Neanderthals’ teeth. Neanderthals, it turns out, were clever, but clumsy. Our ancestors used their teeth to anchor slabs of meat, whilst they held a knife in their dominant hand to carve it up. Now and again, they would scratch their teeth. The distinctive pattern of grooves in their front incisors reveals which hand must have been holding the food, and which was grasping the knife. Incredibly, when you compare the number of left- and right-handed Neanderthals, this same ratio of 1 in 10 left-handers that we see today pops out.

Consider this amazing fact: babies in the human womb develop preferences. Peter Hepper, from Queen's University in Belfast, has done some wonderful ultrasound studies looking at babies’ movements inside the womb.

He found that nine out of 10 fetuses preferred sucking their right thumb, mirroring the familiar pattern we see in the general population. And when he followed those children up many years later, the babies who were sucking their right thumb in the womb became right-handed, and the ones who preferred their left, stuck with that.

(Hannah Fry. "The mystery of why left-handers are so much rarer." BBC. https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20160930-the-mystery-of-why-left-handers-are-so-much-rarer. October 3, 2016.)

Still interested in the left-handed mystery. Or, are you worn out? Read this abstract from the National Library of Medicine and see if any of this makes sense to you. As for me, I'm glad the stigma in my country is gone, but I am fascinated at how much of it remains elsewhere. Tradition, genes, customs? I haven't much more than a few clues to the cause of the small number of lefties roaming the world. Did you ever wonder? Now you know and can do more research on your own ... especially you minority numbers of left-handers.

Abstract

"Although most people are right-handed and have language in their left cerebral hemisphere, why that is so, and in particular why about ten per cent of people are left-handed, is far from clear. Multiple theories have been proposed, often with little in the way of empirical support, and sometimes indeed with strong evidence against them, and yet despite that have become modern urban myths, probably due to the symbolic power of right and left.

"One thinks in particular of ideas of being right-brained or left-brained, of suggestions that left-handedness is due to perinatal brain damage, of claims that left-handers die seven years earlier than right-handers, and of the unfalsifiable ramifications of the byzantine Geschwind-Behan-Galaburda theory.

"This article looks back over the past fifty years of research on brain asymmetries, exploring the different themes and approaches, sometimes in relation to the author’s own work.

"Taking all of the work together it is probable that cerebral asymmetries are under genetic control, probably with multiple genetic loci, only a few of which are now beginning to be found thanks to very large databases that are becoming available.

"Other progress is also seen in proper meta-analyses, the use of fMRI for studying multiple functional lateralisations in large number of individuals, fetal ultra-sound for assessing handedness before birth, and fascinating studies of lateralisation in an ever widening range of animal species. With luck the next fifty years will make more progress and show fewer false directions than had much of the work in the previous fifty years."

(Chris McManus. "Half a century of handedness research: Myths, truths; fictions, facts; backwards, but mostly forwards." Brain Neurosci Adv. Jan-Dec 2019. 3: 2398212818820513.)

Master or Captain of What? Living To Survive

2024-05-06T14:38:00.000-07:00

Invictus

By William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate,

I am the captain of my soul.

The frequency and severity of my making mistakes is more than annoying, more than something that may be attributed to aging. I constantly drop things, forget important information, and confuse issues and facts. It makes me feel terrible to commit errors, especially when added to my limited mobility and non-reliable body issues. In fact, consequences of my actions could be very harmful to others. There is very little comfort in others explaining to me: "It's just your old age."

On this early landscape, I hate to apologize for being so feeble and non-helpful, and yet when I do try to explain my oversights and my misconceptions, I only muddle them up more. There are no accurate, valid reasons for my mistakes: I simply make them over and over again. I am the person in charge of my false moves, and I often wish I could overcome my clumsiness and mental gaffes but lately they have gotten worse instead of better. I understand this "haze" serves as a great frustration to many of my loved ones.

I worry about the damage I inflict upon others with my mistakes. From being unable to express my feelings to unsafe driving to flaws in my relationships, I am truly sorry, and I feel my attempts at rationalization nor my attempted pleas for forgiveness never serve to exonerate me. I am at a point in life where mistakes have dominated my thinking, so I can only ask God for his mercy as I repent my many wrongdoings.

May my spirit under God's grace be invincible in old age. I can only pray and hope for His eternal guidance and grace.I so relate to the venerated poem "Invictus" by poet, writer and critic -- William Ernest Henley. I see hope in the verse in a limited scope: that is, a great hope in assuming the valid thinking of a completely well human with good faculties. I could not face the Captain's role with such a strict, straight upper lift. He did. I am not now that strong or even that adamantly headstrong. I often wither.

"It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate,

I am the captain of my soul."

Yet, instead of Henley's view in the poem, that he "has never winced nor cried aloud under the bludgeonings of chance," I find my head is now bloody and bowed. I am uncertain if it will ever fully recover.

"Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds and shall find me unafraid."

I do not hide from fear but I certainly live with it in my dealings with others -- friends and family feel my meekness. I most definitely fear death will never compensate or even explain my twisted existence and its panic and dread. It seems as if my confidence to find peace lowers upon repeated regret and insufficient explanations of any kind for my many faults. I am no William Ernest Henley although I greatly admire his indomitable courage and tremendous, undefeated will. I am his critic.

I also differ with Henley in myself as an invincible person who must trust in himself or in herself. In this poem, the speaker is faced with seemingly insurmountable challenges. Throughout it all, however, he perseveres and successfully conquers his treacherous endeavors. He faces each challenge with courage and is not afraid that he can surmount any hardship he faces. How difficult must some real challenges must surely be -- I often rely not on my own feelings but on the help of others to succeed.

It does not matter to him how narrow the gate to heaven is. Neither the “punishments” inscribed on the “scroll” makes him frightened. It is his self-belief and courage that will help him sail through all difficulties.

(Jamie Jenson. "Invictus." https://poemanalysis.com/william-ernest-henley/invictus/. 2024.)

I understand my punishment as self-inflicted pain of living an unfruitful, unworthy life. I often consider how much greater my contributions to mankind might have been if I had taken the helm as the determined, brave "master of my fate and thoughtful captain of my soul." My early years of laissez-faire and later time of unwanted intrusive thoughts and images about being responsible for harm coming to others is classic OCD. In older life, it often freezes my actions and, thus, stifles my good intentions. The "menace" of my years has been the fear of failing and causing harm to others. This philosophy bothers me, like it or not.

Ironically, the more I am adrift, the worse the "wrath and tears" I put upon myself. I pray others live without fear, yet somehow I worry about being the cause of their misfortunes. I, not others, beat myself up to the point of believing I have an easily conquerable soul. Age has confirmed my confidence not not "master" anything related to feelings and emotional control.

One of the worst enemies to the feelings of personal resilience in the face of incredible adversity is loneliness. Henley's speaker seems to scoff at this in his rhymed quatrain stanzas. Ultimately, the speaker asserts a philosophy of self-sufficiency and a kind of inner free will, regardless of the events fate throws at us. "Gods" used in a pagan, one creator form. This philosophy comes to define the speaker. I hope my one true God helps the lonely, deserted souls to accept challenges they inevitably face.

With no mention of divine assistance, Henley instead invokes personal strength as the savior of the reader. His speaker seems to have no certainty in religion or in religious belief.The stanzas build on one another by offering variations on this theme. The self-enclosure of the stanzas also mimics the self-sufficiency that acts as the poem's main philosophy.

I understand that "Invictus" is a highly personal poem meant to be able to inspire anyone, and I'm certain it does mainly achieve its purpose. I am struck with its immortal bow to the indomitable human spirit. Its straightforward lack of apathy or artificiality, Henley affirms life at all costs. For those strong spirits, this must compensate for a world without God.

Still this view knocks a hole in the universal religious belief that God is truly "master of my fate." As for "captain of my soul," I know no one who can claim such certainly of spiritual leadership and control of eternal destination. I know I am certainly not holy enough to make this bold statement. The poem itself greatly inspires my will but lacks any reference to help getting to the point of salvation and forgiveness.

Tying these words of analysis to my own theme today, Henley seems to avoid acknowledging overcoming human mistakes by anything or anyone other than by indomitable self-confidence and the complete power of the individual human spirit. I am, if a Captain or Master of anything, incomplete, lonely, and most definitely afraid. I admit how powerless I am in great humility, and I offer prayer for my many misgivings.

It is with the lonely feelings of uncertainty that I mean to help others, not neglect or selfishly hurt them to preserve my own being or ego. I thoroughly understand my influence is next to nothing, but I want to finish my journey with causing no harm to others. In this cruel and unforgiving world, I will accept the "bludgeonings" of chance and the subsequent "bloody heads" I suffer. I am neither leader, nor in complete control.

But, all in all, I need divine help to succeed in weathering any severe storm. And, in doing so, I aim to master and control my pitiful failings to a meager few in that the frequency of error that I and, most importantly, others must deal with does no further harm. I would thrill to build them up with beautiful comradery and gracious faith.

The kingdom, the power, and the glory belong to the Almighty. Me -- I am a lonely, frightened, insufficient servant at his call. I can sail on rough waters only with His gracious hands on the wheel. Be that the destiny of all my friends and loved ones, no matter how damaged or weak they may become. I pray, "Be it so."

* Notes of Biography -- From the age of 12, Henley had tuberculosis of the bone that resulted in the amputation of his left leg below the knee in 1868–69. The early years of Henley's life were punctuated by periods of extreme pain due to the draining of his tuberculosis abscesses. However, Henley's younger brother Joseph recalled how after draining his joints the young Henley would "Hop about the room, laughing loudly and playing with zest to pretend he was beyond the reach of pain

Stevenson's stepson, Lloyd Osbourne, described Henley as "... a great, glowing, massive-shouldered fellow with a big red beard and a crutch; jovial, astoundingly clever, and with a laugh that rolled like music; he had an unimaginable fire and vitality; he swept one off one's feet."

Frequent illness often kept Henley from school, although the misfortunes of his father's business may also have contributed. In 1867, Henley passed the Oxford Local Schools Examination. Soon after passing the examination, Henley moved to London and attempted to establish himself as a journalist. His work over the next eight years was interrupted by long stays in hospitals, because his right foot had also become diseased. Henley contested the diagnosis that a second amputation was the only means to save his life, seeking treatment from the pioneering late 19th-century surgeon Joseph Lister at the Royal Infirmary of Edinburgh, =, commencing in August 1873. Henley spent three years in hospital, during which he was visited by the authors Leslie Stephen and Robert Louis Stevenson

While recovering in the infirmary, he was moved to write the verses that became the poem "Invictus". A memorable evocation of Victorian stoicism-- the "stiff upper lip" of self-discipline and fortitude in adversity, which popular culture rendered into a British character trait—"Invictus" remains a cultural touchstone.He wrote the poem in 1875 and dedicated it to Scottish flour merchant named Robert Thomas Hamilton Bruce.

Notes

Mehew, Ernest. "William Ernest Henley, (1849–1903)," in Oxford Dictionary of National Biography [2004 Ed.], Oxford, UK". Oxford Dictionary of National Biography (online ed.). Oxford University Press. Retrieved 8 May 2015. (Subscription or UK public library membership required.

Green, Lancelyn Rogers. Fifty Years of Peter Pan. P. Davies, 1954. p. 36

Diniejko, Andrzej (19 July 2011). "William Ernest Henley: A Biographical Sketch". victorianweb.org. The Victorian Web. Retrieved 9 November 2016.

Connell, John (1949), W. E. Henley, London: Constable, page numbers as indicated.

Suffering the Times: The Wounded and Divided

2024-05-06T07:38:00.000-07:00

The Wound

By Ruth Stone

The shock comes slowly

as an afterthought.

First you hear the words

and they are like all other words,

ordinary, breathing out of lips,

moving toward you in a straight line.

Later they shatter

and rearrange themselves. They spell

something else hidden in the muscles

of the face, something the throat wanted to say.

The shock blooms into a carbuncle.

The body bends to accommodate it.

A special scarf has to be worn to conceal it.

It is now the size of a head.

The next time you look,

it has grown two eyes and a mouth.

It is difficult to know which to use.

Now you are seeing everything twice.

After a while it becomes an old friend.

It reminds you every day of how it came to be.

I long for past days when friends could be friends without the complications of family, political, and scientific differences. The answer to "why is there such division?" is mucked and mired in mainly recent history with its various strong beliefs and stands on issues like race theory, abortion, guns, and education in general. I fight with much less vigor now -- in a knowable failure to convince anyone to change his stand on these fundamental beliefs because I believe little can be said or done to alter another's beliefs, no matter how bizarre. I've take my views out of the public political arena and even out of one-to-one discussions because, at this time, hatred and revenge trump love, disagreement, and compromise. I, for one, regret these senseless times.

I fear darker days for America are on the horizon. I never thought our progress would take such giant steps backward; however, every day I see the proof of digression before my own eyes. At my age, I know I can withstand the darkness, but I fear for our children and grandchildren who will be living in even more divided times. Relationships, friendships, even social contacts seem to hinge on just one political argument. How horrid.

I and much of our immediate family no longer engage in support or even talk of issues. Where I live -- Scioto County, Ohio -- one learns quickly that nobly "fighting the power" is a waste of time. Progressive, liberal Democrats like me are few in number and rarely emerge from the safety of their home burrows. Speculations of hatred and harm are so extremely prevalent, and any leftest view is so outnumbered, we Democrats merely stay home and refuse engagement with the large majority of Republicans who reside here, especially avoiding Trump supporters.

You might say we are in survival mode -- this involves adaptive physiological changes in our body that help us respond to the stressors that we are faced with. When we experience stress, a sequence of hormonal changes and physiological responses occur in our bodies that allow us to respond by preparing them to fight, flight, or freeze (Harvard Health Publishing, 2018).

I, myself, am sick of fighting and thus prefer "to take flight or freeze." My only hope for survival in a preferred happy, older-aged state is to escape from overexposure to stress-response hormones that take a toll on my body, take a toll on my emotional health, impact my relationships, and eventually lead to a number of medical issues, and increase my risk for anxiety and depression. I realize I am in in complete avoidance of people, even friends on the other side of any issue at hand. (Harvard, 2018; Hormone Health Network, 2018).

Learning what we must do to go through the motions in life and "do what we need to do" to evoke change seems fruitless. I feel as if I am living the rest of my days in a "half-living" condition while going through all my activities in survival mode. Forever "watching my words" and "looking over my shoulder" have become ingrained in my persona.

"Consider an example of the value of the body’s stress response system. One day as you are taking a hike through the woods, you hear a rustling in the brush that appears to be coming towards you. Perhaps it is a bear? In response to this noise, your body commences a stress response, sending a cascade of adrenaline, cortisol, and other hormones to give you the energy needed to fight or flight the incoming danger.

"Although this story may seem to be one that is hard to relate to, consider the potential 'bears' or 'dangerous animals' in your life. When you face these animals in your life of looming deadlines, challenges at work, relational challenges, financial difficulties, or other stressors, you (have experienced) the surge of hormones that we are discussing that give you the energy you need to go through the motions. The stress response is adaptive and important to help us respond to stressors, yet going through the motions for too long is unsustainable and can leave us feeling disconnected, exhausted, and detached from life.

"When we are 'surviving' too long, we can feel the effects it has on us. In fact, research shows that chronic stress and chronic exposure to stress hormones can even be harmful. At times, our body may overreact to stressors that we experience. What if our body is responding to a situation as if it is a 'bear' when it is in fact a 'rabbit?'

(Harvard, 2018; Hormone Health Network, 2018).

Bear or rabbit, my stress has exhausted my energy to the point of withdrawal. I refuse to talk, debate, or defend my own beliefs on issues -- in fact, you could say I am not the frightened rabbit, but I have changed any of my outspoken views because I have become the dreaded "male pussy." I wear my "libtard" condition with guarded distinction. Writings, speeches, and engaging in argumentation have passed. I guess I have rightly (really leftly) become just a big "pussy." I waste no more energy in these frustrating activities.

I could spew out lots of blame for being a nervous, standoffish feline, yet I have expressed by views to no avail so often that I presently simply "keep in my narrow lane." I no longer understand the majority of people and their views in my Appalachian neighborhood -- people I once considered good and devout. I am left with dealing with my own loneliness and withdrawal.

My life and times have become a rather hopeless situation I relate to antisemitism during the days in Germany before and during World War II. I have become the "bait" for the "antisemitic bear," and, thus, I live my stressful life in silence surrounded by vengeful souls -- and, there is no hope for future concessions or for compromise. Dark hatred lies at the core of many of these so-called "patriots" being. They remain unmoved even after the January 6, 2021 attack on the Capitol.

I detest stress and the inevitable depression left by the daily ravishing of the spirit. I still possess hope and a shallow feeling that "good will (and does) always overcome evil,' but I tire of my useless rebuttal to the most insane, raving fanatics who seem set on ruling and crushing our nation. Never did I believe until now that so many in the extreme right would swallow the propaganda of liars and get behind a huge movement of revenge -- especially I disdain this time when those responsible for the most destruction have now become eulogized and thought of as heroes.

"Who, what, and when" will a new and powerful resistance arise to defeat this division of hatred? At present, no such movement or leader has risen to lead us to a new America with good values and sensible platforms. I pray some political leader will arrive to not "Make America great again," but, instead, "To lead us into a new kindness grounded on goodness, progress, and basic values."

To close, I am both stressed and doubtful any present leader will redeem our nation and protect our God-given freedoms. If he exists, he must respect and value all rights of religion, sex, and other difference. Whom among us does so now? I fear that gallant person is nonexistent or hiding under so much stress and anxiety that he refuses to seek office. Fear and loathing rule the land.

Why is our country in such dire straits? I have my own theories, which I will keep to myseIf, yet I always look to education and role models for strength, courage, and wisdom. Are there any such saviors left who rely on the "best for the nation," not on riches and fame for "party or personal gain"? If not, I hope that person is very soon born and has the facilities and tools to rise quickly to the rescue of the United States -- call it a Second Coming," not necessarily in a religious sense, but a second advent of a true defender of life, liberty, and justice -- a renown, respected leader with incredible love for all of us who struggle through the present strife. May he arise soon! This I pray from my burrow of minority thought and action.

I hear you JFK. I wish I were a better disciple. I believe in "responsibility." What method I might use is still foreign to me. I, at least, have tried ... but probably miserably failed. I take full responsibility for my lack of fulfillment.

"For in a democracy, every citizen, regardless of his interest in politics, "hold office"; every one of us is in a position of responsibility; and, in the final analysis, the kind of government we get depends upon how we fulfill those responsibilities. We, the people, are the boss, and we will get the kind of political leadership, be it good or bad, that we demand and deserve.

-- John F. Kennedy

Footnote:

In the Iliad, Kleos (κλέος, "glory, fame") is the concept of glory earned in heroic battle. Yet, Achilles must choose only one of the two rewards, either nostos or kleos “the pain of the need to return to one’s home.” In Book IX (IX.410–16), he poignantly tells Agamemnon's envoys—Odysseus, Phoenix, Ajax—begging his reinstatement to battle about having to choose between two fates ...

For my mother Thetis the goddess of silver feet tells me
I carry two sorts of destiny toward the day of my death. Either,
if I stay here and fight beside the city of the Trojans,
my return home is gone, but my glory shall be everlasting;
but if I return home to the beloved land of my fathers,
the excellence of my glory is gone, but there will be a long life
left for me, and my end in death will not come to me quickly

"Skei" the "Skit" In All Its Stereotypical Figurative Extensions

2024-05-04T09:06:00.000-07:00

Sam Stone

By John Prine

Sam Stone came home,
To the wife and family
After serving in the conflict overseas.
And the time that he served,
Had shattered all his nerves,
And left a little shrapnel in his knees.
But the morphine eased the pain,
And the grass grew round his brain,
And gave him all the confidence he lacked,
With a purple heart and a monkey on his back.

There's a hole in daddy's arm where all the money goes,
Jesus Christ died for nothin' I suppose.
Little pitchers have big ears,
Don't stop to count the years,
Sweet songs never last too long on broken radios.

Sam Stone's welcome home
Didn't last too long.
He went to work when he'd spent his last dime
And soon he took to stealing
When he got that empty feeling
For a hundred dollar habit without overtime.
And the gold roared through his veins
Like a thousand railroad trains,
And eased his mind in the hours that he chose,
While the kids ran around wearin' other peoples' clothes...

There's a hole in daddy's arm where all the money goes,
Jesus Christ died for nothin I suppose.
Little pitchers have big ears,
Don't stop to count the years,
Sweet songs never last too long on broken radios.

Sam Stone was alone
When he popped his last balloon,
Climbing walls while sitting in a chair.
Well, he played his last request,
While the room smelled just like death,
With an overdose hovering in the air.
But life had lost it's fun,
There was nothing to be done,
But trade his house that he bought on the GI bill,
For a flag-draped casket on a local hero's hill.

But life had lost it's fun,
There was nothing to be done,
But trade his house that he bought on the GI bill,
For a flag-draped casket on a local hero's hill.

There's a hole in daddy's arm where all the money goes,
Jesus Christ died for nothin I suppose.
Little pitchers have big ears,
Don't stop to count the years,
Sweet songs never last too long on broken radios.

My father when angry with my lack of knowledge or skill used to say,"You don't know shit from Shinoa." Although he and I both knew that was idiom popular in the day. However, he was right because I did not have the slightest idea. The phrase took me back the other day as I realize I am 73 years-old and still don't know what Shinola is. So I googled it and found out Shinola was a brand of shoe polish previously manufactured in the USA. The alliteration of the expression 'doesn't know shit from Shinola' partly explains the derivation. Also, without putting too fine a point on it, the two things named in the expression could possibly be confused. However, only one of them would be good to apply to your shoes and only particularly dim people could be expected to muddle them up." Problem solved.

Dad and many others would also say when someone was in a difficult situation that he was "up a creek without a paddle." I understood the person was in a difficult situation without a common means of motivation when this idiom was applied; however, how would the guy have made it "up" that creek without a proper paddle in his possession in the first place.? It would seem that he had left the paddle for some idiotic reason because creeks, at least in my experience flow "downstream," not up.Wouldn't it make more sense to say I was "down a creek without a paddle" in a bad situation? A paddle is a means of resistance serving mainly an up-stream purpose.

And then you have the infamous phrase describing someone who knows nothing or very little about something or someone. That person lacking expertise is told by another, that he "doesn't (don't) know Jack Shit." Is Jack a supposedly well-known person everyone is supposed to immediately identify with, or is the conveyor of the bad claim suggesting the offender knows quite a bit but absolutely nothing in conjunction with "jack," this offensive surname. Again, I confess to not knowing "Jack" about the inference. All I can say is that the saying isn't complimentary.

I'm pretty sure "I don't know shit" is an admittance to complete ignorance about a subject, but oftentimes it is accompanied by the plea of someone saying I have to "know shit" about a truckload of things I believe I fairly do understand (at least in definition). I, at the very least understand "some shit" about the evidently complicated procedures of operation. In fact I know some "shit" very well. I think saying is meant to reduce a human to subhuman abilities to learn anything. So sad.

I personally have never been caught out in a "shitstorm" but if I ever am, you can bet all your "good shit" (best possessions) I would holler "Holy shit!" about the stinky predicament and run inside immediately. But, what if the storm was pelting down "some good shit" like twenty dollar bills or diamonds? I guess I would then risk weathering the shitstorm and collecting my fair share of the bounty because everyone seems to want to add to his "good shit" even if talking about such a situation "scares them shitless."

I would change the saying to "scared to shitting" because, again, a scary situation is apt to leave a little stain in my underwear. For instance encountering a bear on a hike would likely make me "shit my pants," even if the experience tightened my sphincter muscles to the size of a pinprick. And before we leave the "bear" analogy, I know do that bears must "shit mainly in the woods" because I have never encountered bear scat on Main Street. I'm fairly positive they must enjoy the peace and solitude of dropping their loads in more natural settings.

I cannot even imagine a person literally "talking shit," but in a figurative manner I have encountered many a human doing so. Some people become so involved in talking badly or bragging about something or some one ("trash talking" or "talking crap") that you feel as if excrement is foaming from their mouths. Some even "lose their shit" in a rant and become uncontrollable upset. Maybe that mouthful of shit comes more from the gut than from their brains. Research it? It stinks.

So, many bullshitters (Not this entry, there is and entirely different analysis for "bull" etymologists.) "talk shit" when they lie. Then, after hearing the falsehood, the person tries to deceive those who talk the stupid shit by saying in anger: "Stop shitting me, you bastard." Of course many deceivers develop habits of lying by smoking, swallowing, or ingesting "shit" (illegal drugs) so profusely they act crazier than "bat shit" all the time. Some are even said to develop "shit for brains.) Addiction to heroin, for example, is akin to eating tons of feces to the point of being hooked on its consumption. Now, that is as crazy as having a "bat in the belfry"-- yes, truly bat shit crazy.

I do not comprehend why someone would compliment any other person by telling him "you’re the shit" and meaning the recipient has deserved high praise. If I am "in shit," I'm in a bad situation. But somehow this idiom implies that the other person is amazing and worthy of being the best. In other words in the same vein, the "shit" is not only acknowledged as being exceptionally intelligent but also one of a kind, a peerless "shit" if you will.

I must confess that "I'm getting my shit together" today to share some fun and a "shit-load" of contemplation. Who really "gives a shit" I am writing this dribble? Probably, no one. However, if "the shit hits the fan" and soils your image, simply stop reading about this defecation. How is this piece being received? "Shit, I don't know."

But, be aware because everyone knows "shit happens" and we must avoid it and drive on. No two people live with the same "shit" with which to deal. My advice may be incomprehensible to the massed. Yet, maybe ... just maybe ... some of these trite sayings and ornery usages will "loosen up your day" and make it a little more comfortable.

After all, we all do it. We have to drop our loads with great frequency to age in good health. Some evidently consider their vanity more than others. After all, even those who are the "shit" (Donald Trump is said to have a golden throne. I also hear he is a notorious farter.) but that is a subject for another day. May the stink allude you even if you consider yourself to be "the shit." Good luck to all of you favorable folks who just seem to do the "right shit" at the right time. I admire your cleanliness and humbleness if nothing more.

In addition, I hope you all become "hot shits" in your chosen fields. Just keep it real and understand "everybody's shit stinks." Give a shit but don't take shit from those who are nothing but "pieces of shit" themselves. Whatever you do -- don't "eat shit," "shit on others," or "run shit out of luck." It may be a world full of shit out there and difficult to deal with at times, but keep your crocks shit-less. I pray no one must "shit a brick" as I have had that experience before during gut-wrenching episodes on my personal Squatty Potty, which I recommend to problem shitters. For real.

And, remember the great John Prine's lyrical advice: "little pitchers have big ears." I know I have learned something today about how to handle "my shit." Be careful how youth interprets all of the connotations and denotations of today's subject matter. There is a shitload of knowledge to be sorted out, read, and understood in this shitty world. Even the wise old owl largely keeps to himself and is said to understand difficult situations.

"A wise old owl lived in an oak,
The more he saw, the less he spoke
The less he spoke, the more he heard,
Now, wasn't he a wise old bird?"

-- English language nursery rhyme. It has a Roud Folk Song Index number of 7734 and in The Oxford Dictionary of Nursery Rhymes, 2nd Ed. of 1997, as number 394.

I'll end by saying, "the old bird knows his shit." So, seek understanding always, but never forget the importance of experience and rumination. It might just clean up your act. Prine's Sam Stone could not deal with the shit in his brain, and we, somehow, sympathize with his odorous and personal decisions to correct his life. God bless. No shit. (I couldn't resist, sorry.)

The "Knowing" of Getting Old

2024-05-03T06:47:00.000-07:00

Growing Old

What is it to grow old?
Is it to lose the glory of the form,
The lustre of the eye?
Is it for beauty to forgo her wreath?
—Yes, but not this alone.

Is it to feel our strength—
Not our bloom only, but our strength—decay?
Is it to feel each limb
Grow stiffer, every function less exact,
Each nerve more loosely strung?

Yes, this, and more; but not
Ah, ’tis not what in youth we dreamed ’twould be!
’Tis not to have our life
Mellowed and softened as with sunset glow,
A golden day’s decline.

’Tis not to see the world
As from a height, with rapt prophetic eyes,
And heart profoundly stirred;
And weep, and feel the fullness of the past,
The years that are no more.

It is to spend long days
And not once feel that we were ever young;
It is to add, immured
In the hot prison of the present, month
To month with weary pain.

It is to suffer this,
And feel but half, and feebly, what we feel.
Deep in our hidden heart
Festers the dull remembrance of a change,
But no emotion—none.

It is—last stage of all—
When we are frozen up within, and quite
The phantom of ourselves,
To hear the world applaud the hollow ghost
Which blamed the living man.

* There’s even a word for a fear of growing old: "gerascophobia." In one of his less famous poems, the Victorian poet and critic Matthew Arnold (1822-88) wondered what it means to grow old.

Dealing with changes and pain from aging presents new, unpleasant challenges. We must adjust our lives to survive what we all are going to experience As age affects our minds and bodies, we take measures to deal with fate. Finally, realizing that we will never recover 100% of our younger selves, we make some pretty drastic adjustments that limit both our activities and our own afflictions. Without hope and faith, learning to live with pain is damn near impossible. Many have never experienced the ravages of old age, and other simply rely on doctors who prescribe loads of medications and medical procedures to help their bodies recover.

These meds and procedures, themselves, take a toll on us. We usually become weaker and more confused with the advent of old age. Adjustment periods of healing and dealing with our aging bodies vary greatly; however, all of us, sooner or later, find our healthy condition compromised by the processes of putting up with pain and permanent changes. From simply using old age devices like canes to going through complicated surgeries like heart and vascular disorders, we must face our challenges with hope and faith in the Almighty. I strongly believe that.

To me, the limitations presented to our mind's numerous strengths are the roughest pains to endure. I'm not denying the tremendous pain some of us go through in surgeries and in diseases, but I'm stressing that dealing with all the mental changes of aging is even harder and thus more permanently painful -- we forget more, we think with less accuracy, we become limited in most actions that control our movement and its relation to our minds. Some say the mind ache of aging is nearly unbearable.

Luckily, a plethora of medical and mental health meds and procedures exist, yet we know we are changing, slowing down, and generally becoming weaker even after taking theses medications and going through the prescribed procedures. It is the knowing that we all soon must face finality that daily relentlessly bruises our minds, bodies, and souls. We begin to slowly accept our limitations and no longer wonder what positive outcomes may occur. Knowing becomes akin to a countdown to the final years filled with added challenges for both our bodies and our minds.

Sometimes I wish I could simply accept "knowing" the tolls of old age on my being, but fighting negative changes is paramount to any kind of recovery -- be it limited at least or miraculous at best. Still, wrapping my mind around what I can not do now and what I used to be able to do effortlessly hurts badly ... to me, it the ultimate pain of aging. I can deal with the physical discomforts that accompany my age, but dealing with the mental toll ... even the acceptance of limitations such as forgetful thinking and being "out of touch" ... are most unbearable. I find myself making excuses for inaction and the pain of knowing worse days are ahead adds certain fears and trepidation to my mental capacities and load my "old brain" with discomfort.

Advice abounds like "take each day at a time," "slow down and smell the roses," "age is just a number," and "you're only as old as you feel," to me, are bullshit, outworn, and tired cliches that simply make excuses for loss of my normality. Yes, I believe we must have positive attitudes to advance and overcome; still, I think the realities presented by aging hurt the worst. Again, we know the truth. Everything is likely to get tougher and more difficult to accept. The future looms as our present withers.

I know what I've become in the last three or four years of my life, and sometimes, it is deeply depressing. Anticipation spreads its unrelenting dark wings around my once active lives, and it adds to fearing worse and worse changes are to come. Please, don't misunderstand the point of this essay. I will face and "soldier on" through any challenges yet to come. I must. And I hope with the graces of God and my family I have a good life yet to come. Still ... I know my limitations go beyond pain to the point of embarrassment and dreaded mental disabilities. That is it: I know. No more wonder or guessing.

I hurt physically from the effects of aging and living an active life ... broken bones, torn muscles, heart procedures, and diabetes all pain and limit me at times, but the "knowing" is, for me, the roughest part of being a senior with now-limited activities. For example, driving, especially at night, is so challenging even with new prescriptions. Also, walking, for me, has slowed down with arthritis and neuropathy -- both have limited my gait to an snail's pace. My balance is terrible and my equilibrium is not much better. However ... it's the knowing that hurts the most -- just the acceptance of whom I have become. A person must accept knowing and expect its reality.

I am sure my slide will continue, hopefully later rather than sooner. At present, it is not pleasant looking ahead. This sounds like the perfect writing for an invitation to a "pity party." I realize the negative tone, yet I want no such thing. I just want to record my own truths about self-understanding. If you haven't experienced any severity in the hurt of the knowing of aging, be thankful for your golden fate. I just want others to relate to the power of knowing what's to come.

I merely want readers to accept the anticipation that may enter their own lives in order that they may deal with it better if and when the time comes. Hey, I've slowed down, and I'm beginning to accept it better most every day. I guess what I want to say is: "Be ready for changes when old age creeps upon you, and do your best to accept whatever those changes may be." Embrace the "know."

Tom Petty, one of my favorite song writing/performing artists put it like this in his song "The Waiting":

"The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you see one more card
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part"

Essential Heartbeats -- Without Rhythm, Where Would I Be?

2024-04-30T10:35:00.000-07:00

"When I was a child, ladies and gentlemen, I was a dreamer. I read comic books, and I was the hero of the comic book. I saw movies, and I was the hero in the movie. So every dream that I ever dreamed, has come true a hundred times. I learned very early in life that:

"Without a song, the day would never end;

Without a song, a man ain’t got a friend;

Without a song, the road would never bend;

Without a song...

So I keep singing a song.”

-- Excerpt from Elvis' acceptance speech at the ceremony for the US Jaycees 'Ten Outstanding Young Men' for 1970

I love this quote from Elvis Presley. The sentiment is exactly what Jim Morrison and the Doors expressed in their song "When the Music's Over." Music is essential to a human being. I can't imagine living without it. Its universality breaks all barriers to understanding while stirring the emotions.

"Well, the music is your special friend
Dance on fire as it intends
Music is your only friend
Until the end
Until the end
Until the end

"So when the music's over
When the music's over, yeah
When the music's over
Turn out the lights
Turn out the lights"

Turn out the lights

-- Excerpt from the Door's "When the Music's Over." Strange Days. Jim Morrison - lyrics. Paul A. Rothchild, Producer

Seemingly simple, rhythm is actually one of the most complex musical concepts to define and explain. Its powerful presence in our lives is often misunderstood -- we listen to music and neglect to consider how rhythm is at its very core: it connects everything. Rhythm, like the heartbeat, is divided into repeated beats of a specific number at a certain speed. In other words, the pattern is the controlled movement of music concerning time that may be defined in pulses, meters, or beats. In all cases, rhythm is how music is divided into regular metric portions. Thus, beat and movement are also the lifeblood that systematically flows through the human body. Rhythm naturally lives in all of us -- as through the heart with automatic, involuntary reflex -- and it compensates our basic need for movement through conscious awareness.

It’s different from the music’s tempo, which is the speed at which the music plays. Strong and weak pulse patterns combine to make rhythm essential to movement in music. These pulse patterns make us want to follow a song's rhythm, which consists of beats playing for specific time intervals.

Do we crave rhythm for its pulsating purpose? Consider dancing. Think of the typical response of teenagers to Dick Clark's popular old segments of American Bandstand's "Rate a Record."

Clark: "Why do you like this record so much?

Teens' Reply: "It's the beat.

We accept rhythm without understanding its long list of complexities as simply the placement of sounds in time. In its most general sense, rhythm (Greek rhythmos, derived from rhein, “to flow”) is an ordered alternation of contrasting elements. The notion of rhythm also occurs in other arts (e.g., poetry and painting) as well as in biological rhythms.

Listening to music, most of us follow a tune's rhythm, which is actually comprised of many complexities such as time signature, meter, and accents. Of course, beats are the primary measurement unit of music while the time signature of any musical piece refers to the number of beats in one full measure and how long the beats last. It’s written as a fraction, such as 4/4, 6/8, 5/4, and so on. The two numbers indicate how you should count the rhythm.

Time signatures that have the number "4" for the bottom mean that the beat corresponds with a quarter note. For example, the time signature 5/4 means that a measure takes five beats to become whole.

Meanwhile, a 4/4 signature means that four beats are needed to make a full measure. It also means that each individual beat is the length of a quarter note.

4/4 is the standard time signature, but signatures go beyond it. ¾ time signatures are meant for waltz music, and 2/4 time signatures are meant for march rhythms.

(Steve, PMH. "What Is Rhythm in Music and Why Is It So Important?" Pro Musician's Hub. https://promusicianhub.com/what-is-rhythm/. May 19, 2021.)

While both rhythm and tempo directly correlate to how fast the music is, each of them contributes individually. The tempo is the speed of the music piece, while the rhythm is how long each note takes. Both depend on time, but in different ways.

"Rhythm is the foundation upon which music builds its cadence, inviting listeners to move, feel, and connect on a visceral level. It’s the heartbeat of music, dictating its flow and structure."

-- Nahuel Bronzini, "Understanding the Basics of Rhythm In Music, Native Instruments

To help us understand further, imagine a car driving down a highway. The vehicle is moving at a specific speed, which refers to the tempo. The rhythm here refers to the distance between the things along the road’s side.

Making it simple -- our bodies are prone to respond in kind to basic rhythms. Think of basic dance moves -- slow and fast rhythms elicit normal, traditional reactions to dance; however, a good rhythm section is surprisingly detailed in how its accents contribute to any solid restriction within a composition's rhythms.

Rhythmic appeal varies. Strange rhythms do not easily allow our bodies to respond to their offbeat sounds. We normally just say it's a "fast" or "slow" tune. We are so used to 4/4 time (most commonly found in pop, rock, and many modern genres),

Irregular rhythms don't instantly relate to our body's natural tendencies -- blood flow, heartbeat, even brain connections.

Lyrics add meaning and theme for even greater response to a song. Are the words relatable to our sea of emotions? Some are more than others, but there are no restrictions to addressing the beat with words. Think of song lyrics evoking joy, sadness, reminisce, and any other feeling we have. The beat + the lyrics = what we believe to be a great piece of music.

I could never restrict myself to liking only one genre of music. All -- from rock, pop, country, blues, instrumental, and on and on -- feed my need to live a life full of music. I need to hear music to find what I might call a "personal redemption of being" for my life. I live vicariously in the songs I hear and play. I've grown up with the old Hit Parade songs, progressed to rock, and taken in all other forms with not necessarily equal zeal, but with an intensity present in what is known as a "music lover." Please, don't restrict my ears to one form or one understanding of appeal.

Through experience and longing for music, I recognize almost immediately that which I think is a great song. The variations of form and style I love might surprise you. To me, a good song is both satisfying and timeless. Unlike my response to television or to a movie, I never tire of hearing it play -- hundreds, maybe thousands of times. My tunes are my eternal companions as both Elvis and Morrison wrote: they have unusual, great power over me. I must listen to them again and again. Without music, I have no "light." My heart feels no flow.

Music is made for sharing and for introspection -- a dichotomy I don't really understand. It is just something I respect and for which I long. Sharing great songs with good friends is the best. Add dance and other movements of expression and I am so happy ... even when listening to the saddest songs or an earful of the blues. I feel music is God's gift to us because it gives us pause to contemplate; to think; and, of course, to relate and move.

Today, people spend so much on televisions and home theaters, yet they often decline to spend as much -- or any for that matter -- on the sounds within their own existence. If I had my way, I would have all of my CDs played on the best possible sound system. I could spend all my money on a system that accurately and beautifully produces the original sound of my favorite recordings.

With my restricted resources, I settle for "good" sound but long for "better." I am a true audiophile junky without the finances to afford systems capable of delivering the ''sweetest" of reproductions. In a perfect world, the sky would be the limit, and authenticity of recording would be paramount. In other words, I thrill to hear the best recordings played on the best systems. I love to meet people who share my passion for music -- they are becoming fewer and farther between instead of more and closer. God, how do people get by without music in their lives? Music is life; life is music.

"Tower Of Song"

Well my friends are gone and my hair is grey
I ache in the places where I used to play
And I'm crazy for love but I'm not coming on
I'm just paying my rent every day
Oh in the Tower of Song

I said to Hank Williams: how lonely does it get?
Hank Williams hasn't answered yet
But I hear him coughing all night long
A hundred floors above me
In the Tower of Song

I was born like this, I had no choice
I was born with the gift of a golden voice
And twenty-seven angels from the Great Beyond
They tied me to this table right here
In the Tower of Song

So you can stick your little pins in that voodoo doll
I'm very sorry, baby, doesn't look like me at all
I'm standing by the window where the light is strong
Ah they don't let a woman kill you
Not in the Tower of Song

Now you can say that I've grown bitter but of this you may be sure
The rich have got their channels in the bedrooms of the poor
And there's a mighty judgment coming, but I may be wrong
You see, you hear these funny voices
In the Tower of Song

I see you standing on the other side
I don't know how the river got so wide
I loved you baby, way back when
And all the bridges are burning that we might have crossed
But I feel so close to everything that we lost
We'll never, we'll never have to lose it again

Now I bid you farewell, I don't know when I'll be back
They're moving us tomorrow to that tower down the track
But you'll be hearing from me baby, long after I'm gone
I'll be speaking to you sweetly
From a window in the Tower of Song

Yeah my friends are gone and my hair is grey
I ache in the places where I used to play
And I'm crazy for love but I'm not coming on
I'm just paying my rent every day
Oh in the Tower of Song

-- Leonard Cohen, lyrics

* “Tower of Song” is a profound and introspective composition by the legendary singer-songwriter Leonard Cohen. Released in 1988 as part of his album “I’m Your Man,” this captivating song delves into themes of self-reflection, music as a source of solace, and the complexities of the creative process. Cohen’s masterful storytelling and poetic lyricism invite listeners on a journey towards self-discovery and contemplation.

At its core, “Tower of Song” explores the deeply personal nature of artistic expression. Cohen’s lyrics paint a vivid picture of an artist confined within the metaphorical walls of a tower, tirelessly honing his craft. This tower represents the artist’s inner world, their sanctuary where they create and navigate the labyrinthine corridors of their own mind. Through his distinct baritone vocals, Cohen beautifully captures the longing and vulnerability that often accompany the creative process.

(Warren Barrett. "The Meaning Behind The Song: Tower of Song by Leonard Cohen." https://oldtimemusic.com/the-meaning-behind-the-song-tower-of-song-by-leonard-cohen/. September 9, 2023.)

Are You Calling Someone "Crazy"? You May Need Advice.

2024-04-29T06:04:00.000-07:00

"Mental illnesses are common in the United States. It is estimated that more than one in five U.S. adults live with a mental illness (57.8 million in 2021). Mental illnesses include many different conditions that vary in degree of severity, ranging from mild to moderate to severe."

("Mental Illness." National Institute of Mental Health. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/mental-illness. Updated March 2023.)

Dealing with mental illness is far more painful and chronic than most people realize. I have so many details of the "craziness" I deal with that I keep to myself because others simply don't understand or want to comprehend the crippling effects of my OCD and depression. The stigma itself is permanent, and it affects everything I do -- whether by myself, with my immediate family, or with the public. My brain has learned to accept the permanent effects and side effects; however, few individuals understand that once you were considered "normal," and when a mental illness strikes, that "normality" is forever lost. I consider the misery related to the malady every day in some way ... on a scale of 10+ some days to near 3 (average) on others.

My least distressing days are merely bothersome. I know the difference between physical pain (having had many broken bones, organ, and muscular issues in my life) and mental anguish. Both can be very debilitating, yet mental illness presents issues that often persist without warning or without relief from prior preparations. They gnaw at the gut and all other parts of the body. They can reappear, so my worst days occur and I don't even want to get out of bed. I have learned from experience to address the worst with haste.

The most difficult part of growing old with mental illness is handling -- all or some -- "special" consideration. I relate that word to what we used to call "special education" categories in school. You are in the space of weird and wacky: a place where many treat you as bizarre and much less capable than the norm. Some people whom you have known all of your life, either out of pity or ignorance about your brain afflictions, begin treating you "different" after they discover you have mental illness. You become quickly pigeonholed in the "crazy person" box, and nothing you can do allows you to become normal -- in their eyes -- ever again.

I say this not for pity or special treatment, but, damn, I wish I could just be my old self without being constantly aware of my conditions, and very often worried, of how others handle our friendships or casual acquaintances. A analogy may be understood by considering how many people always "know" an ex-convict is distrustful and they "mark" him so for life after serving his sentence -- that person has lost the luxury of being judged as a working, proud part of the society, and often he is denied fair consideration because of a mistake he once made instead of whom he has become as a rehabilitated individual. Dealing with people who are aware of his past takes a considerable toll not only on his social status but also on his mental awareness.

So, when I become most sick with recurrences of my mental illness, it often justifies to others that "he is just crazy" and sends warning signals to others to be careful around him; he may act out of character with strange with his weird, preposterous attitude.

Look, I embrace my mental problems, but I positively hate when others take me out of their perspective of being right in the head and now suffering in insanity. To them, I run through the scale of life on measures ranging from implausibility to outlandishly foolish. That price I pay inhibits my best, true character and partially disables my credibility.

How do I know this? People love to speak of other's maladies in terms of general, often misunderstood labels. Anyone who has brain problems is stereotyped as wildly "off the wall." I admit to my pitfalls when I suffer my illness the most, but I cannot explain some of these actions, and people usually react to them as fanciful acts of a fool. If I would (and do) have problems with other organs -- the heart, for example -- at least people show genuine sympathy: not so with brain illnesses. They may feel sorry for the afflicted person, but often believe either think "it's all in his head"; he has falsely invented problems; or he is incurably insane.

How then do I believe you should treat those struggling -- often chronically -- with mental illness? I say: "Treat them as suffering from a misunderstood common malady and with all your patience for their full recovery." Treat them as normal humans suffering from little-known causes and tremendous consequences. Never believe they are "just plain way-out, wacky screwballs." Beg them to seek psychiatric help and treat them just as you would a person dealing with any debilitating illness.

Medications may falter, moods may swing, sadly uncomfortable feelings may emerge, but be hopeful that a patient -- with professional help -- will be back to his "old self" soon. Psychiatrists cure just like doctors do. Right now their best weapon is a variety of medications, often given in good faith and through trial and error. I hope someday soon that corrective surgeries may stop further progression of any mental disease. What professionals know about the complexities of the brain today is minuscule compared with their knowledge about other vital organs like the heart, lungs, or kidneys.

For God's sake, don't make them "feel different." Talking around a mental patient (like he can't understand), making frequent excuses to others for his weird behaviors, or just simply putting him in that "isolated pigeonhole" defeats all progress. I can attest that suffering from mental illness can be unpredictable and real.

If you want to believe he is faking, you also need to educate yourself on his conditions. I can testify that mental anguish and pain is so much more hurtful than most people believe. Also, you just can't "crawl out of your own hole" and unlike as many think -- "just do something to cheer yourself up." On first indication of leaning on the edge, encourage mental patients to find professional, qualified assistance. I have seen so psychiatrists, it would make me dizzy to count, and I know some are much better than others in treating my two disorders: obsession and depression. Encourage a person to try several doctors if need be.

One last caution for me to others: religion cannot "cure" mental illness unless one receives a miracle from the Almighty. I believe in God; I daily walk down His path seeking his help. I still need professional medical help to improve. Prayer and meditation may help ease suffering, yet I believe they do not usually work miracles for mental patients without trained practitioners.

Before you dismiss my claim, consider my past experience and my use of counseling and faith. Both counseling and faith lead to help; however, medical doctors offer much-needed relief that is more reliable than talk and reading. True, God is in control. Through Him all things are possible. However, he works hand-in-hand with psychiatrists and psychologists. If you begin to suffer, don't wait too long to seek out pros in this field of medicine. Your fear of being known as "another crazy person seeing a shrink" is unfounded, believe me. I have dealt with them since 1984.

To summarize, I hate the unpredictable appearance of mental illness, but I also detest those who believe it can't be treated. The long list of doctors and meds I have used (still use) to control my chronic brain problems seem never-ending, and perhaps they are. Call it addiction; I know how necessary for me they are.

Most importantly, I hope you know "I am still me," the same old person you have known although now susceptible to suffering with mental problems. I want you to know I love you even if you feel I am "off the rails." (Wow, am I using tons of cliches today.) I need you now more than ever, and maybe ... just maybe ... you need me too. Feel free to speak with me about your own mental illnesses, and we might work well together to be sounding boards of truth and solid understanding.

Thanks for treating me as a person, not as a sick pup with incurable problems. My advice is strictly my own, not meant to represent the voice of anyone else. Yet, I can still think as a responsible member of society, and I believe strongly you are one too. Maybe we, together, can be of great assistance to ourselves and to others. I pray others do not suffer the effects of my two afflictions, and I feel at best when others understand me, not distrust or disbelieve me. Ignoring any problem is troublesome and even fatal.

I live with and within my boundaries of any so-called expertise. I just would love to be the old, whatever I used to be, person. I apologize if I periodically fall short. I make no excuses for my own blunders. I bet we are much more alike than many would give us credit for being. My head is my best and worst enemy, and I know I will medicate my afflictions for the rest of my life. But hey, I still love pizza, beer, and baseball, so I must be "OK" for others who know me still well enough to treat me well. I'd love to send these miserable conditions that crop up in my head to hell. And, I still believe it is possible. I have been walking a long, long road already, but I never intend to stop shuffling towards better health.

“It's my experience that people are a lot more sympathetic if they can see you hurting, and for the millionth time in my life I wish for measles or smallpox or some other easily understood disease just to make it easier on me and also on them.”

-- Jennifer Niven, All the Bright Places

"Frankly, My Dear, I Don' Give a Damn": It's Gone With the Wind

2024-04-24T07:30:00.000-07:00

I hate to say it, but most people, sooner or later, reach a point of "I Don't Give a Damn." It may take a while to find that sweet point where you feel redemption in voicing damnation, yet it's never going to pack up and leave your soul. It's always within, slowly growing and sticking straight in your craw, aging until perfection. Then one day -- Wham! -- out of the blue with completely no set context, it spills out of your gut into your throat and you spew it out until you think your body could not possibly take even one more ounce of the torment. "You" like me, don't give a damn, do you?

When that realization attacks, it hits you with a vision clearer than the brightest blue sky.You realize you suddenly that you are experiencing the lasting symptoms of "I Don't Give a Damn." All has finally come to fruition.

You try to rationalize its presence, but invariably give in to its gush of emotional and physical power. You can't stop it, ignore it, or wish it away, no matter how hard you try. The damned thing covers you and soils everything and everybody else nearby, and you can make no excuse for its eruption ... sometimes such a violent explosion that your head feels separated from the rest of your body because of the blunt force you just experienced. You see, you acknowledged your own lack of "giving a damn" in your enormous eruption.

What age do people IDGAD? It varies with their degree of patience, understanding, and honesty ... an honesty measuring your own toleration, or more clearly, your lack of control over your virtues. You just don't give a damn anymore, do you? You can't hold back and you realize goodness because now you have entered the black hole of IDGAD, like it or not. So, now you spiral out of existence and perceive others are just as living undead as you. That is "I Don't Give a Damn" in retaliation and in mutual feelings. Relation, lovers, friends -- all enter the frame of mind out of your actions.

Take me, for instance, I was making some good progress with my IDGAD until suddenly and seemingly without warning, foundations of my existence were not only shaken but completely obliterated. I pushed too hard and caused my old self to lay in pieces all around me. Like Humpty Dumpty, no one could put me back together again. This IDGAD is your new state fashioned by your past. Only you can deal with the aftermath. I can't help anyhow. I already "don't give a damn."

You will know when it's your time for the change. It's not just a sense of carelessness or a shortcoming of the spirit. The golden rule hits rock bottom, and its suddenly the time when you look around with a dazed mind only to discover a newfound, strange confidence that suddenly shows new vision. Clear or cloudy,you just don't care anymore about what you now see, and you step squarely in the middle of that black hole of IDGAD, never to be spit out into a sensible, kind transition. Age itself prevents such a comeback.

Don't worry. None of your preparation for prevention would have worked to prevent your fall. You have had this affliction as an involuntary reflex -- a necessary movement in which you must relieve yourself like dumping an unwelcome, huge load of waste. I don't care how you handle it. Once it begins -- and it will begin -- I guarantee it -- it will appear because you are a genuine human being enslaved in your own trappings. You already "got yours" as they say, and that is all that counts in this greedy world.

Your physical strength or your mental toughness won't stop the paroxysm either. It just happens -- hopefully in private, but most often unfortunately it occurs in public among many others. No warning, a gush of IDGAD bursts unannounced and there you have it -- a complete, utter mess. And, don't expect a friend, spouse, or caretaker to help clean it up -- without exception, your IDGAD is yours alone. Others don't give a damn because they have their own little lives to worry about.Thus, IDGAD universalizes the planet on which we survive.

And certainly don't expect me to care or help you because I have already experienced "I Don't Give a Damn." So, I don't try to make anyone better. It belongs to you in its entirety and has finally flared up in its own slow, careless making. The entity is new to you. Just deal with it. IDGAD. Period. Run up your IDGAD flag so everyone will not expect you to lift a finger (outside of your self-interests, of course).

When it happened to me, I was full of stress and dread, yet strangely aware that I had tested my own limits and that I had somehow had failed. The agony and extent of the explosion to others around me will forever remain unknown+, so don't expect anyone to ever discuss such an indifferent topic with you or expect anyone else to attempt to relieve you of any part of your suddenly newfound, hardened self. All of the shock and awe -- you own it, brother or sister. It grew and had to relieve itself most likely in an unlikely, enigmatic display of your immediate sick intentions. It now is just a hackneyed "it is what it is."

IDGAD has no time for reflection or change. It so occupies the fibers of your present being, and it will most likely linger like a chronic disease the rest of your life. You see, IDGAD justifies itself. It doesn't need its host after its arrival. Excuses make no sense while apologies for its destruction and mayhem are seldom welcomed. Why? You guessed it. They -- those you conceived loved you -- have experienced the malady, too; it's too late for personal redemption or damage control.

Let me share how I later found some telltale symptoms of "I Don't Give a Damn" before my sudden and permanent transformation:

1. Silence and lack of communication on any level.

2. Lack of interests and social connections,

3. Complete loss of dependence,

4. Total unconcern for others with similar or worse plights,

5. Gut-wrenching loneliness sans concern for each other,

6. Deliberate noncompliance and revenge,

7. Constant disagreement about the smallest of topics,

8. "Same old, same old" feelings about responsibilities,

9. Lack of sincerity -- lie after lie -- often with hidden expenses, and ignoring detail, and finally

10. Discovery of hidden, hateful emotions for others disguised as simple disagreement.

These were all signs of "I Don't Give a Damn" that I later tried to blame for its eruption. At the time, many seemed trivial; however, many did permanent, lasting damage that built in intensity to a final crescendo over time. I allowed it to happen.

I felt bad about changing my ways and started seeing external excuses. What a waste of time. IDGAD is all about you, no others. It would never appear because of anything someone else said or did. You, like me, are your own worst enemy -- at least now I have learned to be silent and take responsibility whenever I can. But I know I'm still in the clutches of IDGAD. It reappears in various forms of my life ... often with inconsistencies and total ignorance.

After all, I have free will and old habits worsen as they dwell in the heart of the human beast ... with the exceptions of a few public niceties -- done for show, for appreciation of past care, for what some kind souls call "common courtesies." Sincere replies for appreciation are few and far between -- very few know even how to compose a kind expression as life-changing IDGAD has also consumed their hearts and minds.

IDGAD must be expected from other busy, forgetful souls, yet its effects so weaken our world. I-phones, lack of truth, boring television, condoned violence and hatred, lack of care for any but one's own opinion, and placing our fast-paced lives over empathy -- I've never seen the absence of interest so low in my 73 years.

I admit this mayhem all happened under my watch and care, so I take blame for my own IDGAD syndrome. You handle yours, and I'll run out of breath handling mine. I regret my present state, but it is reality. I am so unversed in fantasy, modern culture, and staying abreast of the new "ways" that I can assure you "I Don't Give a Damn" about 99% of what keeps the present afloat. If you will, IDGAD has damned my soul.

In closing, I'll ask, "Do you really give a damn about me ... anything?" No, that even sounds selfish to me. How about, "Do you really give a damn that, as I see it, a dark and fucked up future awaits because too many enter IDGAD too soon. I know you've already said it -- "Well, I don't give a damn" -- and I also know you experience many of the symptoms I cite to date, so be honest with yourself and with others before falling into that permanent IDGAD abyss and tumbling head over heals to your newer, more careless condition. It's not very pleasant at all. Lonely as hell.

Most of the time I blame myself for "I Don't Give a Damn" because I evidently used my imagination, hope, and charity with expectations of no return. I let my greatest opportunities go to hell and merely expected someone else to restore sanity. I take full responsibility for my own fall. No response or indifference feeds and breeds contempt. Blame immaturity, ignorance, scapegoats, stereotypes but it is I ... and I suspect a little of you ... who helped ban imagination and thus minded to our own selfish, thoughtless business. Greed? Disinterest? Lack of care? Face it -- I and you created this stinking, backwards looking mess. So hey, "I Don't Give a Damn." Do you? I thought not.

"Once They Banned Imagine"

By Drive-By Truckers

We had our heart strings dangling ripe for the yanking
And lot of reasons grabby was good
Poor huddled masses singing boots up their asses
Giving grabby what he needed to pull
All the way back to where ghosts from the past were still
Fighting their wars from the grave
Complete with record burning and threatening and spurning
The crime of getting blood on the page

Since the big one ended we'd been mostly pretending
We'd have had the same gumption and grit
As the greatest among us when harm came upon us
We wouldn't hesitate to defend
But with or against something's been out to get us
And it looked like something finally did
No nobler cause in our lifetime for setting our sails to the wind

But once they banned Imagine it became the same old war its always been
Once they banned Imagine it became the war it was when we were kids

Are you now or have you ever been in cahoots with the notion that people can change
When history happens again if you do or you did you'll be blamed
From baseless inquiry
To no knocking entry
Becoming the law of the land
To half cocked excuses for bullet abuse regarding anything browner than tan

Cause once they banned Imagine it became the same old war its always been
Once they banned Imagine it became the war it was when we were kids

* The lyrics reflect the political climate and the challenges faced by artists in expressing their views freely. “Once They Banned Imagine” by Drive-By Truckers serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of artistic expression and the constant struggle against censorship. It highlights how power structures manipulate events to control and silence voices that dare to raise questions or offer alternative perspectives. (Imagine the fates of John and Bobby Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Jr, and John Lennon to get even more perspective. And, of course, now many of us don't give a damn -- the same old internal war.)

Drinking At Public Events -- True Confessions of a Confused Nuisance

2024-04-23T22:36:00.000-07:00

I believe I am old enough to express an opinion in a mannerly fashion. I feel I have worked enough with groups and individuals I know very well that, even if they disagree with my ideas, I can offer my simple view, supported with what I consider evidence, and then discuss the idea with whomever is involved. I admit I may be wrong in my decisions, but when I talk "against the grain" and get blamed for being an ass or a troublemaker for my own personal, deep beliefs, I don't appreciate it. It hurts.

Recently, I took some considerable criticism from those who disagreed with my view about an event. I felt belittled but not extremely upset because (1) I had served the organization for many years, and (2) in my view, my work for them allowed me a dissenting voice but still a needed understanding in the group. I thought about our argument, and I soon felt somewhat caught in my own dilemma of feeling right and the group's alternate decision that I had been headstrong and wrong.

Lack of communication can often discombobulate the actual reality of such a situation; however, a lack of communication can also hinder group members' beliefs that the situation is fair or just. I believe strongly in a lot of talk and consideration before rendering a decision involving a group of people and free speech that allows all views to surface before a controversial decision is made. How can you do that with adequate approval? I don't know -- solicitation from majority membership?

With no good pro-arguments, I admit all vices are horrid. I stand on shaky ground standing up for them. However, toleration of some vices is not unusual nor is it sinful (in my book). For example, drinking and smoking are not good for health or necessarily for happiness, yet I believe in certain circumstances that toleration of such behavior ... complete with a long history of both ... deserves a voice in the planning of a group event.

We could get into a long harangue about social lubricates and guarded freedoms, but that would not help to solve what I consider to be the problem in this essay. I guess I upset some people with challenging a majority. Gosh, I'm sorry ... maybe.

We could speak of safeguards and avenues for toleration for both drinking and smoking. We could consider safety in both. We could even change venues, and find one that does not prohibit theses vices altogether. Our long history of meetings in a drinking establishment offered allowances for both, and no one was ever harmed. But, the counter argument is, of course, they could and should not be tolerated in the first place. And, I admit it has irrefutable grounds.

An Event of Celebration Banning Drinking

Drinking has become a problem for many people. For some, it is a way to numb the pain of life. For others, it is a way to celebrate. But what happens when things go wrong? Drinking becomes a way to forget. And when things start going good, drinking can also become a way to excess. This is the problem with drinking: it can have negative consequences that we try to forget or avoid. It is commonplace but despised by many -- from appearing at pro ballgames to having a little wine at a wedding.

I do not, however, belief drinking in moderation is voluntary madness and a problem for the majority. In fact, after a beer or two, I generally agree with Ernest Hemingway: “I drink to make other people more interesting.” And, in fact Hemingway also said: “Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” Funny? Often sadly true, I'm afraid.

I also do not belief social drinking is necessarily "an escape." I believe it is an added attraction under strict conditions. Why? I was raised to believe alcohol in moderation was perfectly acceptable.

F Scott Fitzgerald described its effect: “Here's to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.” Friedrich Nietzsche even said:“For art to exist, for any sort of aesthetic activity or perception to exist, a certain physiological precondition is indispensable: intoxication.”

And, humorously, Stephen King once answered the question: “Do you drink?"
His response was, "Of course,I just said I was a writer.” Yes, I am guilty of greatly enjoying a drink once and awhile.

Deciding to meet and greet old friends is often painful for me without sharing drinks. I feel uptight, guarded, and less joyful without a beer or two among friends. I don't care if my friends do not drink. It's just that I find myself opening up more, sharing antidotes, and stories, and simply being happier as I finish my second beer. Talk flows with the liquor as do associations with past good times spent together. Yet, Oscar Wilde in warning claims, “Alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, may produce all the effects of drunkenness.” Accurately funny as hell. What effects? He did not elaborate.

I want my close friends to accept my intricacies more readily, so I enjoy drinking with them. The reduction of formal friction is something I truly enjoy -- not slowing stooping into disgusting drunkenness, but having a great time sharing and engaging each other's company. Men like me, for example, would never consider fast-dancing until they've had a couple of drinks. Free expression and thoughtless reactions to the rhythm suddenly become acceptable then ... it destroys my tendency to be embarrassed and builds my joy level even with my quirky, jerky movements. Dick Clark rates those reactions to "the beat" as the power of the rhythm.

Pulling back into the theme of this essay, I wonder if those who opposer alcohol either (1) fear drunkenness, or (2) see it as a sin. I get it. I don't agree, but I accept the concessions to the argument of allowing drink. I sin, yet we all sin in some fashion. I don't have time to judge people, let alone my friends.

One can always cheat with flasks or frequent trips to the car during "drinkless occasions," but those people will counter their integrity with such hypocritical behavior at a party "necessary" and "perfectly sly with a purpose." I'm much too old for such shit I did with regularity in high school. In simple terms, "I don't want to lie to my own beliefs and natural tendencies." I gave up being sneaky and deceitful quite a long time ago. No drinking rules must be obeyed in my mind. I won't attend, and that's just fine.

Theme? I merely want the chance to express an opposing view as "nonsense." Does this make me an alcoholic or an evildoer? I'm not advocating for mass protest or for any one other individual to follow my lead or my thinking. I just don't want to be known as the "bad guy" trying to wreck an event. I fear I am now. I politely decline to go, and I wish the best for the sober crowd. Please, laugh, talk, and make all kinds of merriment sans alcohol. I pray that the attendance is at an all-time high and that everyone leaves satisfied as a bee in a honey jar.

I never saw this coming. I just was not willing to give up my annual night of revelry under the belief of my own accord. I'm sure I'll miss tremendously certain aspects of the gathering. I just am a little "spoiled brat" as my unloving, disagreeable spouse says. Then, of course, the coup de grâce follows: "All of this is your own fault, you old motherfucker."

"Disagreeable motherfucker" -- I believe I've found my modus operandi at last. After ten prior events like this that I have helped organized, I am finally revealed. Damn the luck. (Merle Haggard singing, "I think I'll just stay here and drink" in the background.) Better make the next one a double.

* P.S. I was under the incorrect assumption that all alumni of school were part of the official Alumni. Now I understand I was wrong. The group has a sole purpose of scholarship. Any real affiliation with school? Good question for which I have no answer. I know of no dues for inclusion. I remain confused and mildly interested. There's a tent -- but whose structure does it fall under?

Animals in Peril Must Be Available For Adoption

2024-04-23T15:46:00.000-07:00

In 2023, 690,000 dogs and cats were euthanized in shelters across the US. For many members of the public, this calls to mind healthy, adoptable animals euthanized for space in open admission (so-called “kill”) shelters – those required to accept all animals, even if there’s no room. But shelters also have to cope with owner-requested euthanasias, behavioral problems and animals who are so sick or injured that a gentle death is the most positive outcome.

The issue shelters are facing is this: after a record low of 5.5 million in 2020, animal intakes are slowly increasing, and they aren’t leaving – in 2023, 6.5 million animals entered, and only a little over 6 million left. Animals are lingering for weeks, months and sometimes years in shelters. Between 2022 and 2023, the number of animals waiting to get out of shelters increased by 177,000.

Some animal care and control agencies tell people to leave found animals alone because they don't have the capacity to handle them.Those people turn to a foster-based rescue that is similarly inundated. As closed admission shelters, They can decide to turn animals away if they lack space, even though they strive to prevent it, knowing what may happen to those they do not accept.

The list of people waiting to surrender animals is always growing. Yet getting people to understand that crisis sometimes feels impossible. Most members of the public are only interested in one thing: euthanasia.

(S.E. Smith. "America’s animal shelters are overwhelmed. Pets – and staff – are at breaking point." The Guardian. April 17, 2024.These lives do not blur together. We remember all of them

While the media popularized the idea of the “pandemic puppy”, dogs adopted by white-collar workers trapped at home only to be discarded as soon as the world reopened, the truth of what’s happening in animal welfare is more complicated. It’s gotten harder to access and afford vet care, while emergency extensions of the social safety net, including increased Snap benefits, expansions to Medicaid, childcare assistance, the student loan pause, the child tax credit, and generous unemployment insurance benefits have come to an end, leaving people in financial likelihood that hurts pets too. Far from a world where people treat animals as disposable, we are surrounded by people who love and desperately want to keep their pets, but can’t.

Animal care workers confront a form of moral injury, in which they may struggle with being asked to do things that go against their consciences, or circumstances expose them to feelings of helplessness or betrayal. Many are dedicated volunteers working only for the love of animals.

In open admission shelters, some employees are coping with the caring-killing paradox, described in 2005 in a study exploring the heavy impact of euthanasia on shelter workers, who may play with a dog in the morning and euthanize it in the afternoon. Both phenomena are associated with issues such as anxiety, suicidal ideation and substance use disorder as people struggle to process traumatic events.

Addressing the Issue

Animal control shelters and their workers are facing increasingly dire consequences. Consider how the population of unwanted animals increases -- especially detrimental to bigger, adult dogs. No one wants to adopt them. They are left to languish and to eventual being euthanized. Pounds and shelters make possible adoption or sponsorship as best they can. However, rising prices for these adoptions -- often astronomical for the more popular and smaller breeds is hitting a serious high. Many poorer people just can't afford the price required. Cost factors must be reconsidered because paying hundreds, thousands, for such animals is impossible in so many cases.

I blame careless breeders, lack of spaying and neutering, and just plain indifference for much of the crisis. Owning and raising a pet is serious business, and the public must realize taking severe actions against puppy mills and while neglectful pet owners must face stiff, swift, and fair prosecution and costs themselves. How can one measure the life of a domesticated animal? Leaving them living in squalid unhealthy conditions is criminal. I say make such breeders must pay stiffly for their neglect of these beautiful animals.

One last gripe -- due to crooks who want to profit from adoption -- sales to the public suffer. I get it. I understand the need to stop unlawful treatment of animals; however, adoption is often very complicated, slowing down the process of saving pets' lives while the real perpetrators of the crimes often get off scot free. Both potential owners and shelters find this reduction in turnover impossible to comprehend. In the meantime, dogs and cats die due to lack of funds and full shelters. How "cruel and unusual" can you get? Officials must help end this slaughter immediately with more money and time given to the proper agencies of enforcement to end the abuse.

Let's face it -- pet shelters are also poor places for pets. Lacking enough room and proper attention, workers are pitiful stand-ins for responsible owners. I feel most animals spend the majority of their days in cages with lack of needful attention. The workers do the best they can, but the pets need families to recover from trauma and to thrive. Saving a pet is gratifying: the love offered by the adopter does not match the rewards these animals offer. Devoted adoption is so more rewarding and healthful than anything these animals have ever experiences. They are forever thankful for their adoption Make them cheaper and even more available, please. Lives are in the balance. Most of us can't afford the large amounts of money asked for their sweet lives.

Pet users; abusers; uninformed, spiteful owners; and profit mongers, stay away! Prosecute the guilty abusers and make them pay dearly for each day they must be kenneled. The loving, general public does take on these financial responsibilities when traveling or needing serious pet attention. Now, make the original human birth parents responsible too. I very much want them to hurt -- in their pocketbooks and behind bars.

Make local dogs more affordable! Prices required for adoption are soaring. I understand the tremendous costs incurred by shelters, but hundreds (thousands?) of dollars for adoption is just too much. Save the life of the pet! No one can put an adequate dollar amount on this chance for survival anyhow.

Write -- Little or No Meaning Required, Just Desired B.S.

2024-04-22T07:53:00.000-07:00

My wife says "I write bullshit." She sees any quest for meaning as foolish, be it putting words on paper to discover something or even going on a paper trail for our ancestors as foolish activity for any old man. Me? I "think" with the keyboard. I discover, qualify, and even, at times, justify my written searches for meaning. I guess you can say its therapeutic bullshit, but it qualifies as my thoughts are, at that point, forever preserved on paper, and, sometimes, that is just enough to give me some pleasure ... to realize I have worked things out in my view, to reach new destinations, or just to sail in circles while enjoying the meaningless view of the print. It's habit forming and often times self-justifying.

I also write when the spirit hits me squarely between the eyes. The spirit -- anger, praise, or working through mixed feelings -- most often qualifies as editorial revenge or just discovering more about myself. Finding my talents (or my lack of) and refining my feelings about issues and related subjects is like working a puzzle to me. Cormac McCarthy, one of the great novelists of American literature says, “I don’t know why I started writing." I don’t know why anybody does it. Maybe they’re bored, or failures at something else."

I believe there is a lot of truth in that statement -- writing and thinking can cure boredom, and reignite worn hearts and minds. Plus, I find plenty of failed expressions along the search for meaning. However, I never find writing words boring. It is the art of stringing words and sentences together in a modicum of meaning that frustrates me so: I know what I want to relate but I am often unskilled enough to be profound or even close to finding the big truths that I and others seek.

Without practice, writing with purpose is very difficult: it often stalls our brain motor activities into a drifting mode, desperately seeking verbiage to justify the purpose of the print. When I stumble upon a "hit" I believe suitable for an audience, I feel elated and strangely connected in both time and purpose! I sprint towards the keyboard, unfurl the sails, and set course featuring strong winds of change. My mind delights in sharing even if the audience is minute. I only wish I could elicit more response to my words.

All of this brings me to writing for discovery. This exercise scares the shit out of most, so they never warm up with free-writing or just capturing preliminary thoughts on paper. I free-write all of the time to develop fluency of thought and pen. It can be tossed away later or saved for future exploration, but some of my best free-writing leads to purpose and qualifies meaning. I find it indispensable as a tool -- a first step for any written project. Just write your own strong thoughts down and let the conscious and subconscious blend them into some very sound point. This approach can make words and sentences take strange, surprising turns, which can surprise both the readers and the author.

The three basic elements of paper writing you seek are presented in sequence here for clarity. However, incorporating new ideas as they come up in the writing process often requires moving back and forth between your argument and your evidence.

Slipping to Stag Two: The first draft of an argument is usually only a rough approximation of what you'll ultimately discover as you proceed with analysis of an idea or text/ The most important elements of your thought will be obscure to your reader if your argument doesn't ultimately transmit the full content or potential of that thought. "Genius," says Aristotle, "is the ability to state the obvious: to express a complex thought so clearly that it will suddenly appear simple and noncontroversial." E = mc2, for example.

No matter how simple you believe your thesis to be -- always write with a mind for possible strong rebuttal (rebuttal that must be countered) while considering how to destroy such a decent argument against your thesis. Many an essay writer correctly chooses "changing horses" to his opposite defense when he finds little support other than emotional, weak support on his sides. What else can he do? Change his evidently weak position on the topic ... and learn in the process emotion is useless in argumentation.

His mistake of not switching sides? In his zeal, he is determined to convinces others to his views by delivering hasty thoughts in a dictatorial tone with little or no logical argument for bedrock, which is as dangerous as a defense attorney posing a weak question open for a good answer in a court of law. "Never ask a question you cannot logically answer -- a bumbling reply reeks of defeat.

Thinking on paper is not for the weak of heart. Gloria E. Anzaldua. most famous as an American scholar of Chicana feminism, cultural theory, and queer theory loosely based her best-known book, Borderlands/La Frontera: The New Mestiza (1987), on her life growing up on the Meivo-Texas border and incorporated her lifelong experiences of social and cultural marginalization into her work says:

“Why am I compelled to write? . . . Because the world I create in the writing compensates for what the real world does not give me. By writing I put order in the world, give it a handle so I can grasp it. I write because life does not appease my appetites and anger . . . To become more intimate with myself and you. To discover myself, to preserve myself, to make myself, to achieve self-autonomy. To dispel the myths that I am a mad prophet or a poor suffering soul. To convince myself that I am worthy and that what I have to say is not a pile of shit . . . Finally I write because I’m scared of writing, but I’m more scared of not writing.”

– Gloria E. Anzaldúa

Such fear of writing is justified but as Anzaidua puts it, she writes to dispel the myths that she is a mad profit ... but because she is scared of not writing, more than writing about her unique views. Loneliness becomes a writer's very good friend, one he may draw upon for inspiration and continuous argument. Why? It feels "right" to a person's self, no matter the subject. Some may call that vindication.

It makes me recall a verse in the Battle Hymn of the Republic" by American patriotic song writer and abolitionist writer Julia Ward Howe during the American Civil War. Howe adapted her song from the soldiers' song "John Brown's Body" in November 1861, and first published it in The Atlantic Monthly in February 1862.

"Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
His truth is marching on.

"He has sounded forth the trumpet that shall never call retreat;
He is sifting out the hearts of men before His judgment-seat;
Oh, be swift, my soul, to answer Him! Be jubilant, my feet!
Our God is marching on."

Now I'm not sure of being on the right side of the judgment; however I am certain of the stirring,uplifting feelings of righteousness in the Union the song created as it resounded in the campfires of troops at night. "His truth is marching on!" Such purpose of Holy lyrics stirs patriotic crowds yet today.

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord;
He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored;
He hath loosed the fateful lightning of His terrible swift sword:
His truth is marching on.

Justifying the death of your own countrymen must have taken a tremendous toll on Union soldiers. Yet slavery and succession are evil products of the devil.

What if the Union sentiment was not widely expressed, just weakly felt. It would have definitely resulted in embarrassing defeat. God knows slavery is wrong, and his servants cannot risk stubborn succession, even though based on monetary riches. Cut the nonsensical romantic crap of pride, tradition, and a tolerable way of life for whom they considered subhumans, and you can appreciate the great sacrifice of the Godly-supported Union -- a group supporting a true cause of justice.

Writing takes guts and stamina because the opposition is always seeking a way to destroy democracy and bring more violent vision into focus. As I consider the division in this country, I finally have reached a stalemate of advocating right -- people want revenge without sacrifice, and it is a desire based upon solely on personal acquisition of money and defense for violence. Politicians shooting assault rifles and bragging about "stopping people at the border" by any means relates to me a horrible change of heart for the downtrodden and innocent patriots we adore.

One party now wants power and retribution. They are bent on revenge they cannot even conceive. Why? They fear greatly any loss of White privilege and minority acceptance. Their static and defensive ways do not support needed change and indefensible growth. They chant "Make America Great Again!" while ignoring fantastic advances in the rights of black and brown and yellow human beings. God protects and defends all -- not just those of Pilgrim ancestry and Eastern European roots. Immigrants are vilified as drug dealers, rapists, and murderers who must be walled in another country for little or no reason. I say fix the system, do not erect artificial hindrances to problems we too long neglected ourselves. Benefits would abound in compromise and stricter, larger enforcement of what we already possess.

I see dark days ahead for America as division and hatred are more routinely substituted for unity and compromise. Many people in the U.S. now look for a scapegoat -- they blame the opposite party for all the woes of incomplete, hard work requiring negotiation and hands-on action. They force power through hatred.

Why do I write about such topics? Maybe my wife is right in that 99% of my words are editorial bullshit. Still, it takes one spark to ignite a fire, and I reserve the right to express my written opinion. One match in the darkness can offer exceedingly great vision. Consider Gandhi, King, or Kennedy and their fearless contributions. Please, try writing to offer more light to cut through the blackness. We need pens and keyboards bent on action now more than ever before.

"Gertrude Stein, when asked why she wrote, replied, “For praise.” Lorca said he wrote to be loved. Faulkner said a writer wrote for glory. I may at times have written for those reasons, it’s hard to know. Overall I write because I see the world in a certain way that no dialogue or series of them can begin to describe, that no book can fully render, though the greatest books thrill in their attempt.

A great book may be an accident, but a good one is a possibility, and it is thinking of that that one writes. In short, to achieve. The rest takes care of itself, and so much praise is given to insignificant things that there is hardly any sense in striving for it.

In the end, writing is like a prison, an island from which you will never be released but which is a kind of paradise: the solitude, the thoughts, the incredible joy of putting into words the essence of what you for the moment understand and with your whole heart want to believe.

James Salter: Why I Write

November 29, 2017

“To write! What a marvelous thing!” When he was old and forgotten, living in a rundown house in the dreary suburbs of Paris, Léautaud wrote these lines. He was unmarried, childless, alone. The world of the theater in which he had worked as a critic for years was now dark for him, but from the ruins of his life these words rose. To write!

One thinks of many writers who might have said this, Anne Sexton, even though she committed suicide, or Hemingway or Virginia Woolf, who both did also, or Faulkner, scorned in his rural town, or the wreckage that was Fitzgerald in the end. The thing that is marvelous is literature, which is like the sea, and the exaltation of being near it, whether you are a powerful swimmer or wading by the shore. The act of writing, though often tedious, can still provide extraordinary pleasure. For me that comes line by line at the tip of a pen, which is what I like to write with, and the page on which the lines are written, the pages, can be the most valuable thing I will ever own.

The cynics say that if you do not write for money you are a dabbler or a fool, but this is not true. To see one’s work in print is the real desire, to have it read. The remuneration is of less importance; no one was paid for the samizdats. Money is but one form of approval.

It is such a long time that I have been writing that I don’t remember the beginning. It was not a matter of doing what my father knew how to do. He had gone to Rutgers, West Point, and then MIT, and I don’t think in my lifetime I ever saw him reading a novel. He read newspapers, the Sun, the World-Telegram, there were at least a dozen in New York in those days. His task was laid out for him: to rise in the world.

Nor was my mother an avid reader. She read to me as a child, of course, and in time I read the books that were published in popular series, The Hardy Boys and Bomba, the Jungle Boy. I recall little about them. I did not read Ivanhoe, Treasure Island, Kim, or The Scottish Chiefs, though two or three of them were given to me. I had six volumes of a collection called My Bookhouse, edited by Olive Beaupré Miller, whose name is not to be found among the various Millers—Mrs. Alice, Henry, Joaquin, Joe—in The Reader’s Encyclopedia, but who was responsible for what knowledge I had of Cervantes, Dickens, Tolstoy, Homer, and the others whose work was excerpted. The contents also included folktales, fairy tales, parts of the Bible, and more. When I read of writers who when young were given the freedom of their fathers’ or friends’ libraries, I think of Bookhouse, which was that for me. It was not an education but the introduction to one. There were also poems, and in grammar school we had to memorize and then stand up and recite well-known poems. Many of these I still know, including Kipling’s “If,” which my father paid me a dollar to learn. Language is acquired, like other things, through the act of imitating, and rhythm and elegance may come in part from poems.

I could draw quite well as a boy and even, though uninstructed, paint. What impulse made me do this, and where the ability came from—although my father could draw a little—I cannot say. My desire to write, apparent at the age of seven or eight, likely came from the same source. I made crude books, as many children do, with awkward printing and drawings, from small sheets of paper, folded and sewn together.

In prep school we were poets, at least many of my friends and I were, ardent and profound. There were elegies but no love poems—those came later. I had some early success. In a national poetry contest I won honorable mention, and sold two poems to Poetry magazine.

All this was a phase, in nearly every case to be soon outgrown. In 1939 the war had broken out, and by 1941 we were in it. I ended up at West Point. The old life vanished; the new one had little use for poetry. I did read, and as an upperclassman wrote a few short stories. I had seen some in the Academy magazine and felt I could do better, and after the first one, the editor asked for more. When I became an officer there was, at first, no time for writing, nor was there the privacy. Beyond that was a greater inhibition: it was alien to the life. I had been commissioned in the Army Air Force and in the early days was a transport pilot, later switching into fighters. With that I felt I had found my role.

Stationed in Florida in about 1950, I happened to see in a bookshop window in Pensacola a boldly displayed novel called The Town and The City by John Kerouac. The name. There had been a Jack Kerouac at prep school, and he had written some stories. On the back of the jacket was a photograph, a gentle, almost yearning face with eyes cast downward. I recognized it instantly. I remember a feeling of envy. Kerouac was only a few years older than I was. Somehow he had written this impressive-looking novel. I bought the book and eagerly read it. It owed a lot to Thomas Wolfe—Look Homeward, Angel and others—who was a major figure then, but still it was an achievement. I took it as a mark of what might be done.

I had gotten married, and in the embrace of a more orderly life, on occasional weekends or in the evenings, I began to write again. The Korean War broke out. When I was sent over I took a small typewriter with me, thinking that if I was killed, the pages I had been writing would be a memorial. They were immature pages, to say the least. A few years later, the novel they were part of was rejected by the publishers, but one of them suggested that if I were to write another novel they would be interested in seeing it. Another novel. That might be years.

I had a journal I had kept while flying combat missions. It contained some description, but there was little shape to it. The war had the central role. One afternoon, in Florida again—I was there on temporary duty—I came back from the flight line, sat down on my cot, and began to hurriedly write out a page or so of outline that had suddenly occurred to me. It would be a novel about idealism, the true and the untrue, spare and in authentic prose. What had been missing but was missing no longer was the plot.

“Latent in me, I suppose, there was always the belief that writing was greater than other things, or at least would prove to be greater in the end.”

Why was I writing? It was not for glory; I had seen what I took to be real glory. It was not for acclaim. I knew that if the book was published, it would have to be under a pseudonym; I did not want to jeopardize a career by becoming known as a writer. I had heard the derisive references to “God-Is-My-Copilot” Scott. The ethic of fighter squadrons was drink and daring; anything else was suspect. Still, I thought of myself as more than just a pilot and imagined a book that would be in every way admirable. It would be evident that someone among the ranks of pilots had written it, an exceptional figure, unknown, but I would have the satisfaction of knowing who it was.

I wrote when I could find time. Some of the book was written at a fighter base on Long Island, the rest of it in Europe, when I was stationed in Germany. A lieutenant in my squadron who lived in the apartment adjoining ours could hear the typewriter late at night through the bedroom wall. “What are you doing,” he asked one day, “writing a book?” It was meant as a joke. Nothing could be more unlikely. I was the experienced operations officer. Next step was squadron commander.

The Hunters was published by Harper and Brothers in late 1956. A section of the book appeared first in Collier’s. Word of it spread immediately. With the rest I sat speculating as to who the writer might be, someone who had served in Korea, with the Fourth Group, probably.

The reviews were good. I was 32 years old, the father of a child, with my wife expecting another. I had been flying fighters for seven years. I decided I had had enough. The childhood urge to write had never died, in fact, it had proven itself. I discussed it with my wife, who, with only a partial understanding of what was involved, did not attempt to change my mind. Upon leaving Europe, I resigned my commission with the aim of becoming a writer.

It was the most difficult act of my life. Latent in me, I suppose, there was always the belief that writing was greater than other things, or at least would prove to be greater in the end. Call it a delusion if you like, but within me was an insistence that whatever we did, the things that were said, the dawns, the cities, the lives, all of it had to be drawn together, made into pages, or it was in danger of not existing, of never having been. There comes a time when you realize that everything is a dream, and only those things preserved in writing have any possibility of being real.

Of the actual hard business of writing I knew very little. The first book had been a gift. I missed the active life terribly, and after a long struggle a second book was completed. It was a failure. Jean Stafford, one of the judges for a prize for which it had been routinely submitted, left the manuscript on an airplane. The book made no sense to her, she said. But there was no turning back.

A Sport and a Pastime was published six years later. It, too, did not sell. A few thousand copies, that was all. It stayed in print, however, and one by one, slowly, foreign publishers bought it. Finally, Modern Library.

The use of literature, Emerson wrote, is to afford us a platform whence we may command a view of our present life, a purchase by which we may move it. Perhaps this is true, but I would claim something broader. Literature is the river of civilization, its Tigris and Nile. Those who follow it, and I am inclined to say those only, pass by the glories.

"Over the years I have been a writer for a succession of reasons. In the beginning, as I have said, I wrote to be admired, even if not known. Once I had decided to be a writer, I wrote hoping for acceptance, approval.

"A great book may be an accident, but a good one is a possibility, and it is thinking of that that one writes. In short, to achieve. The rest takes care of itself, and so much praise is given to insignificant things that there is hardly any sense in striving for it.

"In the end, writing is like a prison, an island from which you will never be released but which is a kind of paradise: the solitude, the thoughts, the incredible joy of putting into words the essence of what you for the moment understand and with your whole heart want to believe."

(From "Don’t Save Anything: The Uncollected Essays, Articles, and Profiles of James Salter," by James Salter, courtesy of Counterpoint Press. Literary Hub.November 29, 1917.)

* Note: James Salter was a novelist, short story writer, screenwriter, essayist, and journalist. The New York Times called his novel A Sport and a Pastime “as nearly perfect as any American fiction,” and it became part of the prestigious Modern Library Collection. He won the PEN/Faulkner Award for his collection Dusk and Other Stories and was also the winner of the Windham Campbell Prize, the PEN/Malamud Award, and others. He died on June 19, 2015, at age ninety.

"God Give Me Strength" To Hurt and To Hold On

2024-04-21T19:51:00.000-07:00

"God Give Me Strength"

Now I have nothing
So God give me strength
'Cos I'm weak in her wake
And if I'm strong I might still break
And I don't have anything to share
That I won't throw away into the air

That song is sung out
This bell is rung out
She was the light that I'd bless
She took my last chance of happiness
So God give me strength
God give me strength

I can't hold on to her
God give me strength
When the phone doesn't ring
And I'm lost in imagining
Everything that kind of love is worth
As I tumble back down to the earth

That song is sung out
This bell is rung out
She was the light that I'd bless
She took my last chance of happiness
So God give me strength

God if she'd grant me her indulgence and decline
I might as well
Wipe her from my memory
Fracture the spell
As she becomes my enemy

Maybe I was washed out
Like a lip-print on his shirt
See, I'm only human
I want him to hurt
I want him
I want him to hurt

Since I lost the power to pretend
That there could ever be a happy ending
That song is sung out
This bell is rung out
She was the light that I'd bless
She took my last chance of happiness
So God give me strength
God give me strength

Writer(s): Elvis Costello, Burt F. Bacharach

Truth in writing is essential to strong meaning. This is one of my favorite lost-love songs because of its honesty in accurately addressing a forlorn relationship. Elvis Costello and Burt Bacharach pull no punches in the verses. Reduced to "nothing," the narrator in the song admits his ex-lover took with her departure "his last chance for happiness." And, as the melody rises to an emotional fever pitch, Costello bellows at the top of his range in a stunning moment of honesty -- "I want him (his substitute) to hurt!" for "his" apparent affront.

Listening to the narrator declare an end to any glimmer of a loving relationship, he admits his own human fault of non-forgiveness ... and somehow I agree with him. I want this bastard to hurt, too. Hurt "him" and not her. Does this mean his love is still deeply ingrained although totally lost? This is tragedy yet with brutal consequences for such intrusion.

Revenge? Righteous anger? Most of us have been there at some time in our lives, and this sentiment not only comes from the hurt but also from the bruised heart ... and possibly a small section of torn ego. The narrator admits that he’s finally reached a point of no return: Since I lost the power to pretend / That there could ever be a happy ending.

Isn't this a bit of a shocker after considering the title and the refrain? The speaker calls on the Almighty to heal (and to take revenge) for an apparent affront he cannot get over. Complete darkness and loss of strength reveal his pitiful plea to "wipe her from his memory." What a declaration of his total dependence upon her -- her loss destroys all hope for any bright future. This man is hopeless and helpless -- a songwriter's sentiment usually requiring sappy, overused lyrics such as "I can't live without her."

I often wonder if Bacharach didn't write this as a companion piece for Costello's great tune "Alison"?

Well, I see you've got a husband now
Did he leave your pretty fingers lying in the wedding cake?
You used to hold him right in your hand
But I bet he took all that he could take

Sometimes I wish that I could stop you from talking
When I hear the silly things that you say
I think somebody better put out the big light
'Cause I can't stand to see you this way

Allison, I know this world is killing you
Oh, Allison, my aim is true
My aim is true

It's the honesty that makes the listener feel the hurt himself -- no bullshit but just plain truth considering unrequited love. All the pain and grief are here. But absent is trite trifling with sentimentality and even hope. Both the love and future of the relationship are dead ... stone cold "sung out" and "rung out." As I listen, I become the lost soul of the singer in the song. The lyrics confess the only source of saving sanity and reason is God himself. Without His help, the singer seems doomed not only in any possible future relationships but also, very possibly, in living.

Few songs consistently make me feel alone and in complete remorse every time I play them. "God Give Me Strength" (and "Alison") break me down with total consistency of mood. They are complete, honest, and heartbreaking. They are true. In that aim, Costello succeeds. These tunes offer views of love at the breaking point.

Jennifer Bell offers this accurate interpretation of "God Give Me Strength":

"Elvis Costello’s hauntingly beautiful voice adds an additional layer of depth and emotion to the song. His heartfelt delivery of the lyrics draws listeners in, allowing them to connect with the profound emotions being conveyed. The melody itself is melancholic, evoking a sense of despair and longing ... both introspective and relatable. It is through these lyrics that listeners can find solace and understanding in their own experiences of heartbreak.

(Jennifer Bell. "The Meaning Behind The Song: God Give Me Strength by Elvis Costello." https://oldtimemusic.com/the-meaning-behind-the-song-god-give-me-strength-by-elvis-costello/. August 25, 2023.)

You Must Do It

2024-04-21T07:26:00.000-07:00

First Lady Betty Ford wrote:

"You never know what you can do until you have to do it."

This quote speaks to the remarkable capacity of human beings to rise to the occasion when faced with challenges or difficult circumstances. At its core, it underscores the idea that our true potential often remains hidden until we are compelled by necessity or circumstance to tap into it. The call for using the full strength of our human spirit to push ourselves to its limits is self-explanatory.

This quote emphasizes the idea that our self-imposed limitations are often far narrower than our actual abilities. We have to actualize any potential we have to realize growth and eventually victory. Push off into life with gusto and your absolute best. Never settle for less than the miles you advanced yesterday. New days bring important new discoveries essential to our individual talents to blossom.

In a broader context, it encourages us not to underestimate ourselves or prematurely dismiss challenges as insurmountable. It suggests that the human spirit is resilient and adaptable, capable of achieving remarkable feats when pushed to the limit. A carpenter during my home improvement told me once, "No one said it was going to be easy." Truer words were never spoken.

So, when faced with uncertainty or doubt, this quote reminds us to embrace the challenge, for it is in these moments that we may discover our untapped potential and the depths of our capabilities. It encourages us to have faith in our ability to adapt and grow in the face of adversity, revealing that our true strength often lies hidden until we must summon it to overcome life's obstacles.

I'm certain athletes, especially those like bodybuilders and weight lifters, adopt the quote to exceed any idea of limitations they conceive maximized their strength. This is how records -- both societal and personal -- are set. The untapped abilities in our minds must be pushed to their limits before new successes are established.

However, how does this advice relate to overcoming bad habits or faults while establishing new and needed accomplishments? How does Ford suggest we overcome any physical or mental foe that pins our ideas of limitations to the mat ... often for the final count?

Effort is the key to confronting and overcoming all expectations. Too often we take mediocrity for granted and make ourselves believe we have already achieved our best. I believe "our best" is never enough -- not only in our physical achievements but also in our mental capacities. Many work hard, become exhausted, and simply quit after trying passing their accepted high marks of character and spirit. Often, these accomplishments are set too low because of the tremendous toll on energy and time they require from our bodies and brains.

Sadly ...

Although some achieve apparent miracle status, most people never even touch the top layer of their abilities. The high degree of difficulty of such challenging and demanding tasks simply wears out the participant and defeats purpose. Like the old saying: "Anything worthy of accomplishment takes hard work." Yet, how often do we accept second-best and stop the final, hardest push to the top.

Tired bodies and minds attest to the fallout rate while reaching mediocrity and settling for less than total achievement in most everything we do. We accept the lowest level of our goal and move ahead to what we think is "enough" often falling far short of our true limitations. To us, "it's just too demanding" to continue.

George S. Patton Jr. said, “Anyone in any walk of life who is content with mediocrity is untrue to himself.” Yet, our own deep fears often prevent us from exceeding mediocrity. And, we are also used to associating with mediocre people and becoming one of their flock. Colin Powell adds: An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people."

Modeling greatness and achievement groom successful advocates of wondrous accomplishment by helping push them ever onward to reach their highest possible goals. We do not have to invent success. Blueprints already exist and coaches never tire of helping others achieve -- dare I say "overachieve" -- in these difficult quests of attainment. Strong mind breeds unequaled success.

Ford's emphasis is right on point -- our minds and bodies simply "have to do it" to reach our zenith of progress. "I could do that" is an empty, self-serving statement; I will do that is testament to the absolute power of the human spirit. Even though "that" means many different things in many different contexts, the extreme need for doing it produces the greatest effect. Oh, that success does not stem from luck or industrious labor -- it begins with effort and the refusal to accept final failure.

Some failing souls simply lack the need and effort required for supreme attainment. These people refuse to try to establish newer limits because they are lazy and, quite frankly, unable to motivate themselves. Downtrodden, they refuse to seek help or assistance by settling for the old rigidity of decay.

Were you created for greatness? You may ask the Man upstairs, but Einstein says, “Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.” You must fight the power of opposition with every fiber of your being to avoid settling for less. You possess the miracle of your own conception, and you must actualize your own success and dreams. Others may even resist your finest, well-planned efforts.

When confronted, you must still seek your dreams with action, not defeat. The resiliency of your spirit eventually gains favor, and you then become a "tough customer" on a mission. Others may still say, "Why does he just have to do it? Doesn't he know better."

The direct answer is "I do it because I must, and my heart and mind will eventually find a way."

Accepting mediocrity puts an end to dreaming and thwarts successful, continual achievement. Are you strong enough to accept falls and criticism from others. John Steinbeck assures us that “Only mediocrity escapes criticism.” Opposition is common to all who achieve. These naysayers are often frightened by those who do what they can't, or, more accurately "refuse to accept the challenges of doing the impossible." Their unimaginative and fragile minds refuse the stresses of difficult applications and prefer simple comforts to which they have become accustomed. They also often leach onto other's incredible inventions and improvements.

These sluggards avoid difficulty in preference to becoming lazybones of rigidity. Are they happy with their own accomplishments? Or do they just prefer comfort to challenges of presented to their own thoughts and actions? So many just fail to care once a comfort zone keeps them warm and cozy.

Who will be called upon to do something very difficult that he/she must have to do to survive? Likely all of us will face the circumstace in some measure. The more apt question is "Who will be successful in defeating the unbelievable challenges of life?" Settling for "it's just my bad luck" is unacceptable, static defeat built on self-pity and weakness of spirit.

Ask those who just have had to have done it; those who have had to have accomplished the nearly impossible. Will power works marvelous wonders while procrastinators float aimlessly adrift on Easy River. Finding success may share a multitude of actions; however, none is more important than reaching the reason for embarking with that first step -- an amazingly simple "I had to." Then, paddle like hell for your first destination -- the joy, I guarantee you, will be a part of the actual journey. Of course, you knew that because you just had to do it in the first place.

Do You Wanna Dance? Learning To Be Still and Spontaneous

2024-04-20T20:55:00.000-07:00

Do you older folks remember the joy of the days when we just "winged it"? You know, we began the day in action set on a random course. The action of spontaneity = freedom and a great sense of liberation. Just maybe being spontaneous allows us to re-balance our spirit between just "being" and "doing."

I remember many such days when I soaked in unexpected awe, or beauty if you will, of the restless time. How mind-freeing these times were -- allowing me to un-knot my tangled life by discovering and dealing with whatever I ran into along my way. Timeless and beautiful, fragile and yet so strong in need -- I still love spontaneity.

Kafka once told a teenage friend:

“Reality is never and nowhere more accessible than in the immediate moment of one’s own life. It’s only there that it can be won or lost.”

From the moment we are born to the moment we take our last breath, we battle with reality under the constant awareness that we are either winning or losing time. However, does anyone really "win" or "lose" the importance of life? I don't know. I remember the great spontaneity of us teens packing loads of ourselves in my old convertible Mustang for Dollar a Carload Drive-in Movie night. The unofficial count was sixteen but distance breeds unreality. Fun, non-stop action, great comradery, we friends in the 60s had it all. But, let's get serious. Oh hell, read on if you will, please.

Some say we long continually for what T.S. Eliot called "the still point of the turning world." I agree. Do you. Today, let's consider the verse and its relation to what we spontaneously do and its meaning.

At the still point of the turning world (from The Four Quartets)

by T.S. Eliot

Original Language English

"At the still point of the turning world. Neither flesh nor fleshless;
Neither from nor towards; at the still point, there the dance is,
But neither arrest nor movement. And do not call it fixity,
Where past and future are gathered. Neither movement from nor towards,
Neither ascent nor decline. Except for the point, the still point,
There would be no dance, and there is only the dance.

I can only say, there we have been: but I cannot say where
And I cannot say, how long, for that is to place it in time."

That image of movement, dancing amidst stillness, right at the center point may seem senseless until you measure that time itself -- in the still point of the turning world -- not only of past and future, but of all things is our pleasure.That ironic idea is almost mind-blowing in conception ... a point not of fixation nor of arrest of movement, but rather where we literally "dance."

Is this the point of spontaneity when certain ideas -- important ideas -- are spoken of so often within spiritual and religious dialog that the words start to lose their meaning. Words like "the present," "centering," "here and now..." After one has read enough books or listened to enough talks, phrases like that become expected and slip by without really registering any more. Such phrases as "time is of the essence" is simply prudent cliche at best. Humans seek the moment of "dance" -- if, indeed, it can even be measured in time.

(Maria Popova. "The Psychology of Time and How the Interplay of Spontaneity and Self-Control Mediates Our Capacity for Presence." The Marginalien. April 27, 2016.

Reread this line as a new reformulation of words and images:

"Neither from nor towards; at the still point, there the dance is..."

Do these words by Eliot not startle our worn mental insulation while the truth behind real spontaneity touch us anew, more deeply, with new suggestions of meaning. The "still point" describes the loss of any other relation to time other than the real reward of our yearning hearts. The world may keep spinning but our dance entrances our entire human existence. Maybe small steps or longer strides -- it's the dance we seek, and yet find so hard to maintain.

The "dance" is appropriately described by loss of any other sensation -- it may be we lose ours sense of reality in the still of fleeting moments; however, we seek it over and over. In itself, this dance is a single point of tremendous joy and awakening.

In verse, the poet brings us to that "still point" and it is there where we spontaneously "dance."

"Except for the point, the still point,
There would be no dance, and there is only the dance."

("At the still point of the turning world (from The Four Quartets)." Poetry Chaikhana. http://poetry-chaikhana.com/Poets/E/EliotTS/Atstillpoint/index.html.)

It is our spontaneity that creates the DANCE and for us, our love of life is at this STILL point, a perfection of living understanding of this endlessly spinning planet. It has nothing to do with the past or with the future, but only with the instantaneous, brief presence of our lives colliding with the continuity of purpose and actions.

Let's celebrate spontaneity and freedom to crave reaching our own "dance" points, no matter our age. Although we can never replace them in terms of time or space, we surely remember dances we frequently did with great natural, unrestrained ardor -- even those dances that could have turned against our own exuberance and passions are part of our "still points in a spinning world." Self-consciousness aside, it is the dance we all still seek. And, as Jackson Browne writes, in its personal formality: "We all do it (dance) alone resulting from a seed that somebody else has thrown" ... "and there is a reason you (and I) are alive but you'll never know -- keep right on dancing.

"For A Dancer"
Words and Music by Jackson Browne

Keep a fire burning in your eye
Pay attention to the open sky
You never know what will be coming down
I don't remember losing track of you
You were always dancing in and out of view
I must have thought you'd always be around
Always keeping things real by playing the clown
Now you're nowhere to be found

I don't know what happens when people die
Can't seem to grasp it as hard as I try
It's like a song I can hear playing right in my ear
That I can't sing
I can't help listening
And I can't help feeling stupid standing 'round
Crying as they ease you down
'Cause I know that you'd rather we were dancing
Dancing our sorrow away
(Right on dancing)
No matter what fate chooses to play
(There's nothing you can do about it anyway)

Just do the steps that you've been shown
By everyone you've ever known
Until the dance becomes your very own
No matter how close to yours
Another's steps have grown
In the end there is one dance you'll do alone

Keep a fire for the human race
Let your prayers go drifting into space
You never know what will be coming down
Perhaps a better world is drawing near
And just as easily it could all disappear
Along with whatever meaning you might have found
Don't let the uncertainty turn you around
(The world keeps turning around and around)
Go on and make a joyful sound

Into a dancer you have grown
From a seed somebody else has thrown
Go on ahead and throw some seeds of your own
And somewhere between the time you arrive
And the time you go
May lie a reason you were alive
But you'll never know

Hating Someone You Love -- More Common Than You Think?

2024-04-20T07:08:00.000-07:00

"Consistency is contrary to nature, contrary to life. The only completely consistent people are dead.”

—Aldous Huxley

Songwriters and psychologists have often written about the thin line between love and hate. Consistency, even in love, often wavers, and eventually wanes. Love can turn to hate. The tremendous pain felt by someone who has a loved one who now hates him is almost unbearable. Counselors will attest to the fact that the value of consistency in the romantic realm is complex, as emotions are highly sensitive to change. And, hating the one you love is an extreme example of such a seemingly inconsistent behavior.

Hating crosses that thin line of mixed emotions in a marriage. It is so difficult to withstand this strong feeling of dislike because spouses often spend years (decades) building workable, reliable relationships. If real hatred intervenes, all other loving feelings suffer profoundly -- the result is an all-encompassing trap of abuse. Cambridge Dictionary defines the meaning as "more permanent than a single event," often inspiring jealousy, lying, envy, making false accusations and selfishness, and even leading to violence.

Why would someone develop a hatred for a loved one? Consider how much less work goes into hating rather than truly loving someone. Among its many, many requirements, learning to love includes coping with sacrifice, maintaining togetherness, and avoiding negative emotional responses. On the other hand, hate "hates" context -- that means it merely requires a person not to understand or to relate to the hated individual. Avoidance is one of hatred's major components. People can also dislike and resent others for a multitude of reasons -- all of which require no work or much effort. Thus, hating another -- even a trusted love one -- can be spontaneous, often unplanned and unimaginable in its ignition. Soon, it engulfs a marriage and love dissolves.

Then, it stands to reason that hate is pure and simple -- an easy weapon of abuse because spouses lives are so complicated and mixed up. Hatred of unfortunate, struggling souls requires little or no buildup to its tremendous emotional intensity. This leap into hatred may be extremely quick and mightily developed to withstand opposition. If a person is a spouse, or the "enemy," for whatever reason, he is an object for possible ridicule or scorn.

First, a person has to dehumanize another to justify hated for a once-beloved companion. Contemporary psychologists report the dehumanizing people often starts by treating a victim as examples of the categories they place them in, instead of treating them as individuals. With loss of love in the balance, an aggressive mate most easily scapegoats someone close for any hurt personally suffered, no matter the situation. The object of hate may be described as "stupid, unsympathetic, insensitive," and then pigeonholed into any of a host of cages of derision. Repetition wears down resistance.

The worst outcome? The year-over-year increase in the U.S. murder rate in 2020 was the largest since at least 1905 – and possibly ever, according to provisional date from the CDC. (Final data is not expected to differ much from the provisional data.) There were 7.8 homicides for every 100,000 people in the United States in 2020, up from six homicides per 100,000 people the year before. The rise in the nation’s murder rate last year far exceeded the 20% increase measured in 2001, which was driven by the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11. Hatred feeds murder as people devalue human life in general.

Love always overcomes? Hardly. Hating people may be baked into our human DNA; humans and chimpanzees form tribes and attack members of other tribes. And who gets the best ratings on TV and the most traction on social media these days? Shows and social media featuring people we love to hate. Do we love to mimic our hominid, human cousins? Both homo-sapiens and great apes engage in deadly conflicts.

Although empathy, critical thinking, humor, creativity, and forgiveness top the list of positive human traits, they are seldom employed for quality productions on media of all types. And bad news is so frequent, most of us believe we now live in a vindictive, hateful world, minutes away from total destruction. Division is at an all-time high. Sometimes, I wonder what hate group will ignite a devastating, all-out nuclear war. Ethnic minorities, like unsatisfied spouses, use hate to gain ground in never-ending conflicts.

Improving a situation of spousal love isn’t always possible, and sometimes a couple can simply deal with the matter by working through their own feelings. Just remember, often times, a person who hates someone else has that hatred from their own problems, not yours, like negative feelings and internal struggles, or from snap judgments that they don’t care to rectify. Other times, if a person hates you, improving the situation isn’t worth the effort, such as if you rarely encounter the person in your daily life, or if it would be emotionally unsafe to engage with them about the issue.

How much of our own hatred of spouses is invisible to us? It may be just the tip of the iceberg often disguised as dislike and violence in the name or morality or social justice -- a tactic also used to smuggle our hatred of another onboard. In this manner, our own hate is often invisible to us. To others? It feels like justice, not like hatred.

Is it less serious than promoted in this piece to hate the one you love? Remember that "thin line" described above? Even if temporary or infrequent, it certainly makes life less comfortable, which in turn can reduce the quality of any relationship. Love lost can often feel just like familiarity, not abandonment.

It is interesting to note that our desire for exclusivity arises in romantic love, but not in hate. On the contrary, in hate, we want to see our negative attitude shared by others. It seems natural that we want to share our negative fortune with others while wanting to keep the positive part merely to ourselves. In positive emotions, when we are happy, we are more open to being attentive to other people, but we guard the source of our happiness more.

Consider this surprising note from Aaron Ben-Zeev, Ph.D. ...

"Love can become a fertile ground for the emergence of hate. When the intensity and intimacy of love turns sour, hate may be generated. In these circumstances, hate serves as a channel of communication when other paths are blocked, and it functions to preserve the powerful closeness of the relationship, in which both connection and separation are impossible.

"Consider the following testimony of a man convicted of killing his wife (cited in the book, In the Name of Love): 'You don't always kill a woman or feel jealousy about a woman or shout at a woman because you hate her. No. Because you love her, that's love.' No doubt, love can be extremely dangerous, and people have committed the most horrific crimes in the name of love (and religion)."

(Aaron Ben-Zeev, Ph.D. "Hating the One You Love -- I Hate You But I Love You. Psychology Today. April 11, 2008.)

Terrence Real has been a family therapist for two decades and now is the author of the new book Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship.

In an interview with the Washington Post, Real illuminated what he means by “normal marital hatred.”

“There are going to be moments when you look at your partner, and at that moment, there is a part of you that just hates their guts,” Real told the paper. “You’re trapped with this horrible human being. How did you wind up here? What I want to say is, ‘Welcome to marriage. Welcome to long-term relationships.’”

(Brittany Wong. "Is It Really All That Normal To Feel 'Normal Marital Hatred'?" HuffPost. October 4, 2022.)

I believe Real misinterpretes hatred for fairly common disfavors or disagreements. "Hating people's guts" to me is a serious, emotional response, not part of problems arising in long-term relationships. Argument, disagreement, lack of understanding instead? Maybe. But real and dangerous hatred stems from deeper and much darker roots.

But, if marital hatred is relatively common, does that shared view discourage people, particularly women, from leaving? (for self-preservation)? HuffPost Senior Lifestyle Reporter Brittany Wong writes: "Acknowledging hateful feelings can help dis-empower the stigma and shame of how they’re feeling and really explore themselves and the marriage in an honest light without flinching. Wong found that couples who use the word ‘dislike’ vs ‘hate’ are treating their partner the same way. It’s really just semantics.

I believe counseling may help end problems between these who dislike certain aspects of one's behavior, but I doubt any help can be rendered when whatever is termed "dislike" turns into full-fledged "hate." Hatred has no less harmful euphemisms -- it is ugly and never flagging with two possible values. Simply put, hate should cause someone to "get out of Dodge."

Yes, I believe "dislike" of certain human aspects is NOT the same as "hatred" of a spouse. Anger can pass more easily than hatred and with much less residue for the future of the relationship. Semantics does not come into play when "hatred" has a firm hold. Projecting hatred onto a spouse during the admittedly difficult days of the crucible of marriage is not simply "dislike." Hated spouses get blamed for all sorts of nonsense that really is the fault of their partner. Extreme hate, unfortunately is deep seated and cannot be easily overcome.Polarized, trapped, hated people are caught in human bondage if the relationship does not end.

I think envy, humiliation, and other continual attacks on a spouse's self-esteem are appalling and largely unforgivable from an alone/together human relationship. Who would want to live under such conditions -- always being ridiculed and watching his back? In fact hating a person can even cause that victim to internalize the hatred, and can cause significant harm by causing the person to "buy in" and hate himself. Emotional attacks are powerful and destructive weapons, especially when launched continuously by lovers.

"Forgive and forget" situations occur with great frequency in a love relationship. But, hatred remains stable when someone feels so much hatred for the spouse, and he spends much of his time fixating on his own anger, contempt, or dislike of that person.

Hatred can certainly be disproportionate in its application. Oftentimes, People hate when they feel powerless. Rather than turning their anxiety and shame inward, they may project that negativity onto an external target. In some cases, people who experience bullying or some other type of mental or physical abuse may grow to hate the person who harmed them. In either case, hate destroys relationships with no conditions guaranteed.

"Hatred is the coward's revenge for being intimidated."

George Bernard Shaw 1856-1950

How Much Sleep Do You Get? Oh, Really?

2024-04-19T08:26:00.000-07:00

The Land of Nod

Robert Louis Stevenson

1850 –1894

From Breakfast on through all the day
At home among my friends I stay,
But every night I go abroad
Afar into the land of Nod.

All by myself I have to go,
With none to tell me what to do--
All alone beside the streams
And up the mountain-sides of dreams.

The strangest things are there for me,
Both things to eat and things to see,
And many frightening sights abroad
Till morning in the land of Nod.

Try as I like to find the way,
I never can get back by day,
Nor can remember plain and clear
The curious music that I hear.

Shifting sleep schedule:

 As people age, the body’s circadian rhythms actually shift forward in time.

This shift is called a phase advance. Many older adults experience this phase advance

as getting tired earlier in the afternoon and waking up earlier in the morning.

Daytime napping:

 Research estimates that about 25% of older adults take naps,

compared with around 8% of younger adults . While some experts suggest that a short

daytime nap may be beneficial,many agree that extended napping and napping

later in the day can make it harder to fall asleep at bedtime and create nighttime sleep

disruptions.

It is common for older adults to experience changes in the quality and duration of their sleep.

Many of these changes occur due to changes in the body’s internal clock.

Located in a part of the brain called the hypothalamus, this internal clock is made of around 20,000 cells (

that form the suprachiasmatic nucleus (SCN).

The SCN controls 24-hour daily cycles, called circadian rhythms.These circadian rhythms influence when people

get hungry, when the body releases certain hormones, and when a person feels sleepy or alert.

(National Library of Medicine, Biotech Information. The National Center for Biotechnology Information advances science and 
                  health by providing access to biomedical and genomic information.)

Lack of Sleep and What May Happen?

Circadian rhythms change as people age, often leading to disrupted sleep patterns.
Increased prevalence of mental and physical health conditions can increase risk of fragmented sleep.
Sleep disturbances can decrease sleep quality and quantity and become chronic sleep issues if not addressed.
Improving sleep hygiene and developing healthy habits can encourage better sleep.

John DeBanto Internal Medicine Physician. "Aging and Sleep." Sleep Foundation of America/.September 19, 2023.)

any factors can interfere with a good night's sleep — from work stress and family responsibilities to illnesses." It's no wonder that quality sleep is sometimes elusive for seniors in this faster-paced environment. I have given myself over to my mood, tiredness, and relaxation these days -- I'll sleep whenever I feel the need. Plus, I take on fewer and fewer projects involving stressful, long hours of work. I know what you are thinking: he is crazy and lazy. You may have something there, yet less exertion often requires less sleep. At least, that's my story. As they say, "I'm sticking to this modus operandi -- "It can wait. I'll catch up sometime later" ... perhaps "later is never."

Or, sometimes I follow advice in this little cliche -- "forget about it today; tomorrow I'll be ready and able." Have you ever heard "tomorrow never comes"?

If you want to talk about rest and gaining a second wind, forget about it. I rest whenever I can, and I am never able to catch a refresher on the same day. Without feeling bad about my slow recovery time, I hope to forget about any stress associated with procrastination. After all, I worked part-time and summer jobs during school vacation starting at about age fourteen. It's been a pretty long drag. Should I feel awful about quitting a job around the house once I get exhausted? I don't -- I realize it's time for a nap, not a so-called "power nap" to aid production, just a plain "I'll sleep it off" dozing like a man with a hangover. Nope, I don't drink on the job -- just a dumb analogy.

Dreams normally don't bother me either. I'm a nonbeliever of dream interpretation. Omens? Psychological meanings? No. To me, dreams are just crazy, mixed up images and animated sequences that never seem to affect any part of my consciousness. Sometimes I do get a habit of having bad dreams in succession. Still, i always experience successful wake-ups before any disasters strike, except for the times I'm fighting some asshole lout and wake up swinging and kicking. Beware wives and dogs: I am physically active in my slumbers sometimes, and, for this, I am greatly sorry. Yes, I've taken a few swings in dreams and remember escaping with my life due to violent retaliation ... a gun, a knife, but many feet and hands in defense. Also, don't stand too close to tell me to wake up. I just may be thinking you are in intruder. Distance = secured safety. Yell if you must -- out of swing range.

Sleep? The impact? The unpredictably of wild images, lack of deep slumber, and dreams should be taken at face value. At least, that's the way I see it. If I don't get enough sleep, I don't worry. Instead, I carry on until my energy drains. When I need rest, I take it, no matter the inconvenience or the result of my untimely repose. Close my eyes = trying to sleep. Open them, and sit = peaceful rest and mainly brain switch in "off" position.. And I surely believe old age brings both good and bad energy days. Food, medications, strenuous activity, restless worry -- I'm sure I weather the excess or lack of unconsciousness due to many causes. At age 73, I just don't worry about the details.

I admit my complete ignorance on any meaning in dreams. All I know is that "dreaming" is what occurs when the mature brain is adequately activated, disconnected from external stimuli and without self-reflection. Once instigated, dreaming actively draws on memory

Johan Frederik Storm, a doctor and professor at the Institute of Basic Medical Sciences at the University of Oslo claims, "The theory is that dreams occur in the same cells in the cerebral cortex that receive the sensory stimuli through which we experience the real world when we’re awake.

“These cells are in a completely different state when we dream, which means that they’re driven by information from the brain's internal stores, instead of being activated by new sensory input from the real world,” Storm explains.

(Anne Lise Stranden."Researchers may have discovered where dreams come from."https://www.sciencenorway.no/brain-dreams-sleep/researchers-may-have-discovered-where-dreams-come-from/1793982. January 8, 2021.)

"New sensory output. Without input from the real world?"In my sleep, dreams are always combining incongruous people and behaviors in ridiculous behaviors. Most of times these are people I know involved in something often threatening. What the hell? Leave it at that -- a mad man's paradise of old, somehow remembered sequences, sloppily and pitifully strung together. I don't even care to entertain 99% of their presence. And, naturally, "bad dreams" outnumber "good dreams" in my off-centered brain. Not getting much unconscious "action" either. Just jibberish

Was it Warren Zevon who first wrote, "I'll sleep when I'm dead"? I always find this amazingly simple tune with a theme of absolute closure stimulating. "Raising a little harm" for me happens in conscious application -- maybe that's why I think the touted need large hours of sleep depend on so much other input, and are vastly overrated.

"I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

Written and performed by Warren Zevon

So much to do, there's plenty on the farm
I'll sleep when I'm dead
Saturday night I like to raise a little harm
I'll sleep when I'm dead

I'm drinking heartbreak motor oil and Bombay gin
I'll sleep when I'm dead
Straight from the bottle, twisted again
I'll sleep when I'm dead

Well, I take this medicine as prescribed
I'll sleep when I'm dead
It don't matter if I get a little tired
I'll sleep when I'm dead

I've got a .38 special up on the shelf

If I start acting stupid
I'll shoot myself
I'll sleep when I'm dead

So much to do, there's plenty on the farm
I'll sleep when I'm dead
Saturday night I like to raise a little harm
I'll sleep when I'm dead

Flying In Your Dreams? My Friendly Skies Persist.

2024-04-18T23:38:00.000-07:00

Did you ever feel the urge to let go ... jump out of your skin ... remove negative intuitions ... resist accidental limitations ... and just fly? Free as a bird. Stark as hell. And, I don't mean just take off silently through the air, but instead, climb effortlessly though the clouds while loudly voicing all your deepest thoughts and mannerisms without a single regret for your words or for explaining your tremendous feat.

Scream therapy, as it’s currently known, is not a new concept. In the 1970s, psychologist Arthur Janov developed the idea of ‘primal therapy’. Based on the idea that neurosis is the result of repressed childhood trauma, or ‘primal pain’, Janov hypothesized that screaming and other physical outlets could release this trauma and make way for healing.

In his book The Primal Scream, Janov described 'primal pain’ as “deprivation or injury which threatens the developing child… It is not hurt as such which defines Primal Pain but rather the context of the hurt or its meaning to the impressionable developing consciousness of the child.”

Not pain child consciousness? What the hell? I'm not a kid, but a seventy-three year old, one who seeks to spread new wings and shout our all my repressed thoughts to the world. I want to soar with the updrafts and squawk at anyone withing earshot, spilling my stories into the good, fresh air. I'm pretty sure that flying, screaming version of Frank would scare the bejesus out of those below.

Think of it -- the ability to fly. in dreams, I merely raise my arms and experience my special ability. I often levitate at will in my dreams, usually when trying to express my individuality to someone, or to escape danger or even lose ever-dreaded normality (as in performing a real stunt, not a fake trick). I never hurt anyone while I'm in the air; however, I enjoy being the one with this Superman special power. Just floating at ease and taking it all it, I always wake before descending. No crash. Just towering above others with no blood and guts endings. It's marvelous.

Psychologists say flying in dreams often signifies the following:

⁤1. Freedom and Escape ⁤

Flying in dream often serves as powerful expressions of yearning for liberation and breaking free from perceived restrictions.

2. Elevation of Perspective ⁤

Dreams of flying absolutely symbolize gaining a wider and more illuminating perspective on your waking life. They often occur when entangled in emotionally charged conflicts, overwhelming day-to-day details, or a nagging sense of feeling stuck in a repetitive pattern.

3. Sense of Empowerment and Control ⁤

Flying in dream where you experience the thrill of flight often signifies a powerful surge of confidence and ownership over your life’s direction. This newfound self-assuredness may stem from achieving a long-held goal, overcoming a formidable obstacle, or breaking free from limiting self-beliefs.

⁤4. Aspiration and Ambition ⁤

Dreams of flying often mirror your deepest ambitions and the yearning to reach new heights in your life. They can signify aiming for success and recognition in your career, greater creative fulfillment, or longing for profound personal growth on every level.

5. Transcendence and Spiritual Growth ⁤

Flying in dream powerfully symbolize a longing for spiritual expansion and transcending everyday limitations. They frequently arise during deep introspection, when questioned about long-held beliefs, or amidst a renewed yearning for connection to something greater than yourself. Soaring without effort into ethereal spaces in your dream implies a readiness to detach from the purely material and explore the depths of your being.

("Flying in Dream – Meaning & Symbolism. mindberg.org. January 29, 2024.)

I agree with many of these intentions in my past dreaming experience. I am pretty sure the transcendence is right on, but I fail to see what it reveals about "the depths of my being." My flights never seem to offer explanations, yet these weightless trips defy gravity, and they do offer gratifying elevations of perceptions. It's like: "Check this out" when I levitate and discover a new view of the place below.

According to professional dream interpreter Lauri Loewenberg, flying dreams are really common for children but tend to taper off as we get older. Maybe, like my wife reminds me daily, "I'm never going to grow up.

(Sarah Regen."Keeping Flying Around In Your Dreams? Here's What It Means, According To A Dream Interpreter." MBG Mindfulness. September 20, 2023.)

Another flying dream Loewenberg has heard about from her clients is one in which you're trying to show off the fact that you can fly. You might call down to the people below to get their attention, for example.

In this case, she says, there's something in your real life that you feel you deserve recognition for, but you might not be getting it.

Great -- I guess I'll just continue to be a flying-showoff lacking satisfaction.

You may fly with wings; however I just extend my arms to take to the friendly skies. Expert dream interpreters say, "This dream likely emphasizes personal effort and self-confidence in achieving your goals. It suggests building up your determination or belief in yourself if you struggle to remain airborne. Soaring easily represents strong self-assuredness and willpower, propelling you toward success in any area where you feel stagnant.

I love the ability to control my altitude in my dreams. I can go upwards inside to touch the roof or just as easily explore the outside world from most any altitude with ease. I do not no flap my arms necessary either: I just use slight hand motions and arm changes fueled by will power, and I can control all my directions. I wonder if my "success" attributions will come to fruition? Did I fly to what little success I've had, or, as I fear, did my accolades occur in strictly lucky circumstances?

Don't misinterpret my feelings about taking flight in dreamland. I find it both exhilarating and extremely realistic. In fact, I have awoken and tried to levitate a couple of times. Never have I raised an inch except in the magical world of sleep. And, I do remember being pissed off a couple of times when I couldn't perform waking flight after opening my eyes.

Berit Brogaard D.M.Sci, PH.D in Psychology Today claims flying in dreams likely symbolizes some relief or excitement in your waken life. I beg to differ, but I think flying in dreams symbolizes many things (or nothing at all) -- not relief and not excitement in my waken state of live. It just occurs at random and not after the least exciting part of my old geezer existence.

That said, I think I deserve a flight tonight for merely thinking about writing this idea. Make that a double -- a long flight with good-intentioned excitement. My portent is yet to be discovered. If it happens, and it's good, I'll write a followup complete with all detail ... likely not much in my failing memory.

Pain: The Body and Mind Unity Of Defense -- Or -- Learning To Live With Hurt

2024-04-17T06:27:00.000-07:00

“In 2015, Lesley Paterson broke her shoulder during a practice run the day before the Costa Rica XTERRA triathlon that caused her to lose the ability to use her arm. Not only did Paterson compete in the race, but she also won. Furthermore, the now five-time world champion triathlete, battles with debilitating, chronic Lyme disease. She attributes her ability to persevere, despite experiencing mental and physical pain, to the power of her mind.

“It’s a mindset you develop across years and years,” says Paterson, now 43 years old, living in Los Angeles, California, and working as an Oscar-nominated screenwriter. “It’s something both you’re born with and you develop and cultivate. I’ve dealt with pain my whole life, or rather sought it out.”

Paterson’s ability to navigate pain by leveraging her thoughts is also backed by current research.

– Jake Panasevich, E-RYT, focusing on the practical benefits and applications of yoga and mindfulness

The Mind-Body Connection

Ellen Langer, professor of psychology at Harvard University and author of The Mindful Body, Thinking Our Way to Chronic Health published the landmark “counterclockwise” study in 1979, in which elderly men were put in a retreat and lived as if they were 20 years younger. As a result, the men grew "younger" in health-related measurements.

“We had elderly men live there a week as if they were their younger selves,” Langer says. “For example, they spoke of the past in the present tense. In a period of time, less than a week, what happened was, their vision improved, memory improved, and their strength got better, and they looked noticeably younger, without any medical intervention.”

This study is part of a larger body of research that illustrates what Langer calls “mind body unity.” Other studies have demonstrated that how participants perceive time can speed healing and alleviate symptoms of fatigue. These findings show that the mind and body operate in unison

(Jake Panasevich, E-RYT . U.S. News. “Pain and the Mind-Body Connection.” January 11, 2024.)

Older folks learn to deal with pain as a regular part of their daily regimen. Whether trying to live with impingement discomforts, major aches aches and, or chronic illnesses, the mind plays a major part in improvement of their life/painful conditions … and, as it comes to light, pain itself can lesson with mindful intervention. At the very least,mind and body unity is a major path to feeling younger and more vibrant.

Langer says that being mindful about making decisions leads to less pain -- acute and chronic -- and stress and, therefore, better overall health. Studies have shown that instead of telling someone to “try” something, you tell them to “do” the task, and the doers always outperform those who try.

“Instead of wasting your time trying to make the right decision, make the decision right,” Langer says. “The stress from making decisions comes from the fear of not making the right decision. You can’t know what the right decision is because things are always changing. They look different from different perspectives. Make it work.”

Langer says that research on Parkinson’s disease, multiple sclerosis, arthritis and other chronic pain conditions shows that people find great relief by becoming aware that their pain is on a spectrum. Once someone realizes their pain doesn't only get worse but feels better at times, it is crucial to consider why it improves. This is an exercise in mindfulness and helps those who are suffering to stay hopeful and seek out solutions.

According to Tom Walters, a physical therapist and author of “Rehab Science: How to Overcome Pain and Heal from Injury,” navigating pain is both an exercise in therapy and physical movements.

“Often there’s a fear-avoidance scenario, where you have pain and you get scared to do certain movements because you’re worried it’s going to injure you,” Walters says. “Not being able to do those causes depression. Then you move less, and you create more pain. A lot of people get caught in that cycle with both anxiety and depression.” Embracing, not avoiding failures help the mind set to better heath.

(Jake Panasevich, E-RYT. U.S. News. “Pain and the Mind-Body Connection.” January 11, 2024.)

Help With Pain and the Mind/Body Connection

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). This talk therapy teaches people to redirect their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in response to chronic pain. For example, when a pain flare-up strikes, instead of bracing yourself and thinking, “Oh no, here it comes again,” tell yourself you’ve handled this before, and focus instead on your favorite place in the world: picture it in your mind, and feel how happy or relaxed you are when you’re there. A therapist trained in CBT can train you to hone your skills.
Meditation. Like deep breathing, meditating triggers the relaxation response and may reduce the perception of pain. You can use many methods to meditate, such as transcendental meditation (repeating a word, phrase, or sound to quiet your thoughts); yoga (a series of strengthening and stretching postures combined with breathing techniques); or mindfulness meditation (focusing objectively on negative thoughts as they move through your mind, so you can achieve a state of calm).
Deep breathing. We typically take short little breaths without noticing our breathing, especially when we’re in pain. Focusing on breathing and taking deep breaths quiets the mind and induces the relaxation response, a well-studied physiologic response that counteracts the stress response, and may lessen chronic pain severity.
Mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR). This approach combines mindfulness meditation and yoga to build awareness and acceptance of moment-to-moment experiences, including pain.
Relaxation. Relaxation techniques, such as progressive muscle relaxation, may also help reduce the perception of pain. To try progressive muscle relaxation, start with your facial muscles and work your way down the body. Tighten each muscle or muscle group for 20 seconds before slowly releasing the contraction. As the muscle relaxes, concentrate on the release of tension and the sensation of relaxation.

(Heidi Godman, Executive Editor, Harvard Health Letter. “5 ways to ease pain using the mind-body connection.” Harvard Health Blog. Harvard Medical School. August 24, 2020.)

The View of the American Psychiatric Association (APA)

Chronic pain, commonly defined as an unpleasant experience felt in any part of the body that persists longer than 3 months and that may or may not be associated with a well-defined illness process. Chronic pain affects up to 28%–65% of the U.S. population and often leads to reduced occupational activity and subsequent economic loss. In 2008, the costs of chronic pain in the United States ranged from $560 to $635 billion. In addition to health care costs, chronic pain results in lost economic productivity, as well as exorbitant financial compensation for persons unable to work. Providing pain relief that is clinically significant and sustained and that has few adverse effects is the goal of chronic pain management. Here, we assess the role of the mind-body connection (i.e., social, emotional, and behavioral factors influencing physical health) and how it relates to mindfulness techniques that can alleviate chronic pain.

(Pills, pills, and more pills. Addictions increase!) Currently, the most commonly used and most widely available treatment modality for chronic pain is medication, with the goal of maximizing efficacy with the fewest toxic side effects. The most commonly prescribed agents are opioid-based medications, nonopioid agents (nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs and acetaminophen), and adjuvant medications (anticonvulsants, muscle relaxants, corticosteroids, topical-numbing agents, and antidepressants). However, there are nonpharmacologic treatment modalities, including mindfulness techniques, exercise programs, brain and spinal cord stimulation, and virtual-reality hypnosis. The most effective results are typically seen in multidisciplinary pain clinics, but these clinic services are not widely available to all patients.

Numerous studies have demonstrated the inadequacy of current pain management modalities and the need for newer, more widely available interventions. Physicians should consider supplementing or replacing medications with nonpharmacologic modalities such as mindfulness.

Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn, founder of the Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, defines mindfulness as "paying attention to something, in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally.” The goal of mindfulness in the treatment of chronic pain is to cultivate a quality of openness and experiential acceptance of pain, rather than rejecting or avoiding the pain. In this way, mindfulness can be beneficial in treating chronic pain through a noninvasive approach via the mind-body connection .

Conclusion: Although mindfulness has been well studied as an effective supplement or augmentation for pain management, few studies have simultaneously examined the neuroanatomical and neurophysiological alterations that can occur as a result of mindfulness to actively reduce pain. There are some contradictory studies that have demonstrated the potential ineffectiveness of mindfulness; however, it is important to consider that mindfulness is a modality that has minimal risks and can be beneficial. Further studies are needed to expand our understanding of the neurophysiological and psychological mechanisms underlying the effects of mindfulness on pain processing and perception. Mind -Body Connections produce minimum risks.

(Raymond St. Marie, M.D. And Kellie S. Talebkhah, M.S. “Neurological Evidence of a Mind-Body Connection: Mindfulness and Pain Control.” The American Journal of Psychiatry.”

April 1 2018.)

“On Pain”

Kahlil Gibran 1883 – 1931

And a woman spoke, saying, Tell us of Pain.
     And he said:
     Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
     Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
     And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
     And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
     And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.

     Much of your pain is self-chosen.
     It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
     Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility:
     For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,
     And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.

(FromThe Prophet (Knopf, 1923). This poem is in the public domain.)

I Don't Know You Anymore

2024-04-16T08:12:00.000-07:00

“Let me not to the marriage of true minds / Admit impediments. Love is not love / Which alters when it alteration finds, / Or bends with the remover to remove: / O no! it is an ever-fixed mark.”

— William Shakespeare

Like Shakespeare, I believe in love and marriage as "ever-fixed marks." However, what about "true minds" and "impediments" that overwhelm a marriage based on shared love. Love tops the reasons for getting marriaged according to Pew Research Center, but consider now the median age at first marriage had reached its highest point on record: 30 years for men and 28 years for women in 2018, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Delays and real concerns? And divorce rates continue to soar for married lovers.

As the U.S. marriage rate has declined, divorce rates have increased among older American. In 2015, for every 1,000 married adults ages 50 and older, 10 had divorced – up from five in 1990. Among those ages 65 and older, the divorce rate roughly tripled since 1990.

In addition to the half of U.S. adults who were married, 7% were cohabiting in 2016. The number of Americans living with an unmarried partner (a matter of accepting vows) reached about 18 million in 2016, up 29% since 2007. Roughly half of cohabiters are younger than 35 – but cohabitation is rising most quickly among Americans ages 50 and older.

Large majorities of Generation Zers, Millennials, Generation Xers and Baby Boomers say couples living together without being married doesn’t make a difference for our society, according to a 2019 Pew Research Center report. While 54% of those in the Silent Generation say cohabitation doesn’t make a difference in society, about four-in-ten (41%) say it is a bad thing, compared with much smaller shares among younger generations.

(A.W. Geiger and Gretchen Livingston. "8 facts about love and marriage in America." Pew Research Center. February 13, 2019.)

What About Cohabitation and Marriage?

Many couples fall into parallel lives where there is little emotional connection: distance has become the way to solve underlying problems.As a result, problems are never solved but instead swept under the rug and the couple is reduced to only dealing with safe topics.

This sad situation occurs when a legally married couple lives under one roof without sharing any single aspect of their lives. They may continue to reside in the same house due to financial, familial, or practical reasons. However, they may have separate bedrooms, schedules, and interests, and little to no communication or intimacy.

While it can be challenging to live in the same house under these circumstances, some couples choose to maintain the arrangement for the sake of their children or financial stability. Living in this situation can be emotionally draining, so it’s important to seek emotional and mental support externally. Counseling and therapy sessions can play a vital role in preserving your sanity at such times.

For example ...

"Sara and Tom have been together for seven years. They get along, rarely argue, socialize with friends, and have have sexr egularly. But despite all this, both would say that they’ve lost the emotional intimacy they once had. While they’ll eat dinner together, occasionally watch a movie, most of the time, they are each doing their own thing, living in their own worlds."

Sara and Tom, like many couples, are living parallel lives. For some, it’s not a problem. They each agree that they need a lot of individual time, are heavily involved in their careers, or expect and can get many of their needs met through friends and family rather than their partners. But for many more couples like Sara and Tom, this way of living represents not a choice but a deterioration of intimacy and closeness over time.

Fear of conflict

Problems between partners are, by definition, about conflict on some level. If one or both of the couple are uncomfortable with confrontation and strong emotions, even common, everyday problems can raise too much anxiety. Rather than voicing complaints to solve problems and ultimately get what each need, they pull back, settle for what they get. Distance becomes that way of coping with both conflict and difficulties.

Struggle with emotional regulation

Other couples are not afraid of conflict, but they, too, fail to solve problems. Why? Because their arguments are often explosive. Once they calm down, they may make up --- apologize the next day while making coffee in the kitchen—or give each other the silent treatment for a few days and eventually warm up and pretend nothing has happened. What they don’t do is circle back and talk about the problem that started the argument. Again, why? Because they are afraid that it will lead to replaying the awful argument all over again. As a result, they, too, sweep issues under the rug.

Where are they both getting stuck? The conflict-avoidant couples struggle with approaching complex issues while the arguing folks struggle to regulate their emotions so arguments aren’t so hurtful. What they have in common is that these unsolved problems become landmines that they, you, constantly need to step around. Because you are always walking on eggshells, the openness and honesty that intimacy requires withers as unspoken resentments accumulate. You only talk about “safe” topics—office gossip, logistics, the weather. Rather than focusing on your relationship as a couple, you both become work or child-centered, which only pushes you further apart.

Lacking common interests

Finally, some couples can solve problems but have become distant because they lack common interests. Common interests are what bind us together at the start of a relationship, but over time this bind can weaken simply because you each grow and change. If you have taken the path of building your relationship around work or children, these fragile ties can dissolve altogether with retirement or children leaving home.

What To Do? Married but Living Separate Lives in The Same House

So, the Natural Question Is -- "Wouldn't it be better to split -- even if it has its own challenges -- and allow each spouse to find new quarters for dwelling which could lead to better relationships?" With frequent fights occurring, loneliness in solitude, and little common interest, many couple opt out of living together in the negative conditions.

I would venture lack of finance and attention to mutual children keep most alone/together relationships going. Romance, common interests, spontaneity, and emotional support die with this more-distant arrangement: a shared roof does not make a viable home, even for two. It makes one ask, "What did I ever see in this person, anyway?" Time becomes tortuous as living together drives deep spikes into once-loving hearts. "Till death do us part"? -- perhaps there is an earthly state worse than death, a long, suspended need for love.

When two people care deeply for each other, spending as much time together as possible becomes a priority. Is it possible to sustain a relationship as committed as marriage while living separately?

Living apart? The basic concept of loving separately is that two people can love each other deeply without living together in a common household. These people care about each other and want to continue being together as a couple, but can't seem to mesh their lifestyles or personalities enough to live together. They also may split to see harmonizing family relationships or attending to unbearable living conditions under the same roof.

After all from a practical standpoint, living together might make sense to keep costs low, but emotionally, a couple that lives together 24/7 can fall into a rut of routine and end up taking each other for granted or drive each other crazy with personal quirks and habits. Many couples fall into arguing and begin to destroy what they want to preserve: The loving relationship with each other. It is no wonder that “irreconcilable differences” is a popular reason for divorce.

Couples with relationship issues who struggle to keep their love alive know they love each other, but they can not go on as is -- together in one dwelling. A rising number of people are realizing that loving someone does not equate living with someone. These couples question traditional types of relationships and assumptions about love. They are also coming to acknowledge that what matters is what works for them and not for society in general. The couples that choose to live apart, but continue their relationship, can be said to be doing everything they can to maintain their marriage.

These couples question traditional types of relationships and assumptions about love. They come to acknowledge that what matters is what works for them and not for society in general. The couples that choose to live apart, but continue their relationship, can be said to be doing everything they can to maintain their marriage.

In Britain the social trend has its very own name: Living Apart Together relationships (or LATs). The Office of National Statistics for Britain claim three in twenty people aged 16 to 59 are enjoying both love and independent living arrangements.In fact, those that opt for loving separately find that their relationships improve drastically when each person has his own independent space in which to live. When they do spend time together, the moments are appreciated and often devoid of conflict.

("Loving Separately: When Living Together Isn't Working." Everyday Health. https://www.everydayhealth.com/healthy-living/healthy-home/loving-separately-when-living-together-isnt-working/)

Is loving separately wrong or strange? Not at all; it's simply a different way of carrying out a relationship with another person while challenging common perceptions and traditional assumptions of love and togetherness. Loving separately is about two people embracing their relationship while maintaining their individuality, as well as their home, whether married or in a committed relationship without the bonds of matrimony. Loving separately is all about love and nothing else.

God knows that living/together in the sense of individual consideration in many failed marriages is an answer frequently sought. Loneliness is often deeply felt although two people remain together for whatever reasons. Perhaps, the couple would be happier and more hopeful in separate quarters. "I do" sours to "I did." And, I believe a person's happiness depends upon his/her own feelings, not that of a companion

Sanctuary

By Jean Valentine =

People pray to each other. The way I say "you" to someone else,
respectfully, intimately, desperately. The way someone says
"you" to me, hopefully, expectantly, intensely ...
—Huub Oosterhuis

You who I don’t know I don’t know how to talk to you

—What is it like for you there?

Here ... well, wanting solitude; and talk; friendship—

The uses of solitude. To imagine; to hear.

Learning braille. To imagine other solitudes.

But they will not be mine;

to wait, in the quiet; not to scatter the voices—

What are you afraid of?

What will happen. All this leaving. And meetings, yes. But death.

What happens when you die?

“... not scatter the voices,”

Drown out. Not make a house, out of my own words. To be quiet in

another throat; other eyes; listen for what it is like there. What

word. What silence. Allowing. Uncertain: to drift, in the

restlessness ... Repose. To run like water—

What is it like there, right now?

Listen: the crowding of the street; the room. Everyone hunches in

against the crowding; holding their breath: against dread.

What do you dread?

What happens when you die?

What do you dread, in this room, now?

Not listening. Now. Not watching. Safe inside my own skin.

To die, not having listened. Not having asked ... To have scattered

life.

Yes I know: the thread you have to keep finding, over again, to

follow it back to life; I know. Impossible, sometimes.

Source: Door in the Mountain: New and Collected Poems 1965-2003 (Wesleyan University Press, 2004)

Do You Love Bad Girl Bitches Or Disdain The Image?

2024-04-15T07:14:00.000-07:00

“The only "B" word you should ever call a woman is beautiful. Why? Because bitches love to be called beautiful. - T-shirt.”

― Lani Lynn Vale Execution Style

How did "bitch" come to be? This brief article may surprise you that a reference to a female dog could escalate into negative meaning over the many years of its common social usage -- then reemerge with Superwoman-like ferocity.. From sexual reference to insult to whatever it refers to now seems very troubling to me. I hate women referring to themselves or others as "bitches," no matter the situation. "Beauty" and "bitch" denote two entirely different images of women, just as and "scowling" and "pleasurable" do to describe their general behavior.

According to a 2014 Vice report by Arielle Pardes, the use of “bitch” in literature and articles doubled between the years 1915 and 1930. While part of this surge was due to a spike in the word’s use to describe female dogs, as well as the rise in popularity of the term “son of a bitch,” some of this increase was also driven by its use as an insult against women.

By the 18th century, it had become “the most offensive appellation that can be given to an English woman, even more provoking than that of whore,” according to the Atlantic. And in the 1900s, its use soared, Zoe Triska writes for HuffPost.

“There is an uptick in use of ‘bitch’ as a term of abuse for women that starts gradually in the 1920s and 1930s, and then really gains traction in the 1940s, ’50s, and ’60s for a woman who is seen as conniving, malicious, or just plain bad."

-- Kory Stamper, a lexicographer and former associate editor for Merriam-Webster dictionaries.

In actuality, the term “bitch,” echoed the messaging of the anti-suffrage movement.

As anti-suffragists argued, if women were to leave the private sphere, or the home, for the public one, they would be stepping out of bounds. Using terms like “mannish” and “unsexed,” they sought to portray suffragists as encroaching on male gender roles. And in what historians see as a clear example of slut-shaming, they attacked women’s sexuality too, denouncing suffragists as “loose” women who had questionable social mores. So many men did not want women to vote or enter the field of politic.

This designed slur became was distressingly unsurprising: Whenever women, minorities, or other groups have successfully gained greater power in America, they’ve seen swift backlash.remind women of these same boundaries.

After women obtained the right to vote — a change that initially applied exclusively to white women — the term “bitch” began to take off. Used to describe women who were too lewd or aggressive, it played on the same tropes as the anti-suffrage movement did.

As English professor Dolores Barracano Schmidt wrote in the 1971 paper “The Great American Bitch,” writers in the 1920s and ’30s established the idea of the “bitch,” or the difficult woman, as they grappled with shifting power dynamics in heterosexual relationships. “They are the hardest, the cruelest, the most predatory, and the most attractive, and their men have softened or gone to pieces nervously as they have hardened,” says an Ernest Hemingway character of these women.

(Li Zhouli. "Use of the word “bitch” surged after women’s suffrage." Vox. https://www.vox.com/21365241/19th-amendment-womens-suffrage-backlash. August 19, 2020.)

Now, in a feminist drive, "bitch" can indicate a strong or assertive woman and has therefore been re-appropriated by some women. As stated in Scallen'Bitch Thesis, "As Asim demonstrates with his discussion of the appropriation of the N word by black communities, the term bitch is deployed in pop culture in multiple ways (with multiple meanings) at the same time."Derogatory terms are constantly appropriated. Many women, such as Nicki Minaj, refer to themselves as bitches. By calling oneself a bitch in today's culture, these women are referencing their success, money, sexuality, and power.

Still, according to Dr. Timothy Jay, there are "over 70 different taboo words", but 80 percent of the time only ten words are used, and bitch is included in that set. Being called the term bitch has been associated with worsening the mental health of women.

(Klonoff, Elizabeth A.; Landrine, Hope; Campbell, Robin (March 2000). "Sexist Discrimination May Account for Well-Known Gender Differences in Psychiatric Symptoms". Psychology of Women Quarterly. 24 (1): 93–99. doi:10.1111/j.1471-6402.2000.tb01025.x)

BITCH (redirected from Beautiful Intelligent Talented Creative Honest)

Acronym	Definition
BITCH	Babe In Total Control of Herself
BITCH	Brave, Intelligent, Tenacious, Creative, Honest
BITCH	Boys I'm Taking Charge Here
BITCH	Being in Total Control, Honey
BITCH	Beautiful Intelligent Talented Charming Honest
BITCH	Black Intelligence Test of Cultural Homogeneity
BITCH	Beautiful Individual that Creates Haters
BITCH	Best Individual the Company Hired
BITCH	Black Widow, Ironman, Thor, Captain America, Hulk
BITCH	Birds in the City of Hollywood (MTV Jackass)
BITCH	Beautiful Intelligent Talented Creative Honest

I don't like the transformation, and I believe the slang still is quite demeaning. Yet, in in rap and pop culture, a new manifesto has risen. You hear this connotation so frequently now as a statement of feminine power. The turn is a complete 180% in definition as used in popular culture.

Feminist attorney Jo Freemn= (Joreen) authored "The BITCH Manifesto" in 1968:^[

A Bitch takes shit from no one. You may not like her, but you cannot ignore her. ... [Bitches] have loud voices and often use them. Bitches are not pretty. ... Bitches seek their identity strictly thru themselves and what they do. They are subjects, not objects. ... Often they do dominate other people when roles are not available to them which more creatively sublimate their energies and utilize their capabilities. More often they are accused of domineering when doing what would be considered natural by a man.

( "The Bitch Manifesto - Documents from the Women's Liberation Movement."Scriptorium.lib.duke.edu. 2012.)

This new usage -- reclaiming power -- has been cited by many researchers as increasing the perception the word as acceptable and excusing men who use it against women.

In a 2006 interview titled "Pop Goes the Feminist", Bitch magazine co-founder Andi Zeisler explained the naming of the magazine:

When we chose the name, we were thinking, well, it would be great to reclaim the word "bitch" for strong, outspoken women, much the same way that "queer" has been reclaimed by the gay community.. That was very much on our minds, the positive power of language reclamation."

Personally, I simply abhor the new connotation of a word traditionally meant to provoke listeners to belief a "bitch" is a whore or to think a woman is an underling. I still wince at the frequency women of today refer to themselves as "bitches" to intimidate others and solidify their positions of power or "rough and tough" creatures. It reeks of senseless control through language employing irony and reversal of an ugly, pejorative slang word.To me, the use of the "B word) only supports domination, not love and justice.

Therein. the use of reference as a tough "bitch," requires a warning for explicit language that makes so many -- gentlemen and ladies -- uncomfortable; even if it sometimes seems to be a good fit.

"Bitch" is normally used as a derogatory word toward women. And yet in a room full of successful entrepreneurs, they used it on a regular basis to pump themselves up, bust through fear, and even make important business decisions. Does that sound right to you? Is it possible that we could take something that someone else meant for bad and turn it into something positive

(Dr. Tori Cooper. "It’s Okay To Call Yourself A Bitch." https://coricooper.com/okay-call-bitch/. October 8, 2017.)

My final rant -- all of my powerful, beautiful family females -- should never call themselves "bitches." It is unbecoming for my daughters, daughtere-in-law, and grandbabies. They are all strong and assertive, but calling one a "bitch" would raise my ire. May even their worst passions disassociate them from using such language.

Call me "old-fashioned," but I believe "bitch" is extremely offensive and derogatory. Would a decent man relish being known as "a son of a bitch" or a "knucklehead" or a "thug"? Not in my book. I seek a much gentler, kinder association with the good side of my personality -- not someone deriding my character to animalistic obscenities. I don't appreciate loud, abrasive portrayals of "bad ass" stature. I certainly pray my female family is kind and loving with no association with "bitchy."

Bitch

By Carolyn Kizer

Now, when he and I meet, after all these years,

I say to the bitch inside me, don’t start growling.

He isn’t a trespasser anymore,

Just an old acquaintance tipping his hat.

My voice says, “Nice to see you,”

As the bitch starts to bark hysterically.

He isn’t an enemy now,

Where are your manners, I say, as I say,

“How are the children? They must be growing up.”

At a kind word from him, a look like the old days,

The bitch changes her tone; she begins to whimper.

She wants to snuggle up to him, to cringe.

Down, girl! Keep your distance

Or I’ll give you a taste of the choke-chain.

“Fine, I’m just fine,” I tell him.

She slobbers and grovels.

After all, I am her mistress. She is basically loyal.

It’s just that she remembers how she came running

Each evening, when she heard his step;

How she lay at his feet and looked up adoringly

Though he was absorbed in his paper;

Or, bored with her devotion, ordered her to the kitchen

Until he was ready to play.

But the small careless kindnesses

When he’d had a good day, or a couple of drinks,

Come back to her now, seem more important

Than the casual cruelties, the ultimate dismissal.

“It’s nice to know you are doing so well,” I say.

He couldn’t have taken you with him;

You were too demonstrative, too clumsy,

Not like the well-groomed pets of his new friends.

“Give my regards to your wife,” I say. You gag

As I drag you off by the scruff,

Saying, “Goodbye! Goodbye! Nice to have seen you again.”

Carolyn Kizer, “Bitch” from Mermaids in the Basement.

Source: Twentieth-Century American Poetry (Copper Canyon Press, 2004)

Anticipation Is Worse Than Arrival -- Are You Thinking Too Much?

2024-04-14T09:41:00.000-07:00

"The present time is seldom able to fill desire or imagination with immediate enjoyment, and we are forced to supply its deficiencies by recollection or anticipation."

-- Samuel Johnson

Anticipation is so real and often heartbreaking. I often believe anticipating anything -- good or bad -- is the toughest part of a wide range of worries: from loneliness, to surgeries, even to just waiting for a possible event that may or may not come. We all know that worry is destructive, yet we wait and anticipate so much as we age. As our body becomes weaker, we find spontaneity is long gone (which can include welcome surprise) and "spur of the moment" rarely experienced. Thus, worry, wait, and expectancy can ruin a person's desire to carry through with nearly anything. Old minds are much more prepared to look "backwards" instead of "ahead." The added uncertainty of what is to come lights the flames of uneasiness and even severe dread.

Specifically, on the bright side, expecting forthcoming events allows active preparations in cognitive, affective, and behavioral strategies which ensure survival in the changing and potential challenging environment. Sol we must anticipate to live. Anticipation involves the neural circuitry underlying the waiting (planning)

for future events related to well-being; however, exaggerated negative anticipation contributes to the development and maintenance of emotional-related disorders

Medically speaking, anticipation "appears before the appointed time of a periodic symptom or sign." Plus, the profession tells of anxiety being during a progressively earlier age of manifestation of a hereditary disease in successive generations. This may be

1. Factitious (because of heightened awareness of early signs of the disease or because these signs are more conspicuous in the young).

Or ...

2. Authentic (because of progressive loss of epistatic and modifier genes by recombination and segregation, or because of expansion of unstable alleles in successive generations). Understand?

Still confused, I googled further:

"Epistasis is a phenomenon in genetics in which the effect of a gene mutation is dependent on the presence or absence of mutations in one or more other genes, respectively termed modifier genes. In other words, the effect of the mutation is dependent on the genetic background in which it appears. Epistatic mutations therefore have different effects on their own than when they occur together. Originally, the term epistasis specifically meant that the effect of a gene variant is masked by that of different gene.

(Gros PA, Le Nagard H, Tenaillon O (May 2009). "The Evolution of Epistasis and its Links with Genetic Robustness, Complexity and Drift in a Phenotypic Model of Adaptation". Genetics. 182 (1): 277–93. doi:10.1534/genetics.108.099127. PMC 2674823. PMID 19279327.)

(Rieger R, Michaelis A, Green MM (1968), A Glossary of Genetics and Cytogenetics: Classical and Molecular, New York: Springer-Verlag, ISBN 978-0-387-07668-3.)

While some level of authentic concern about the future is common and acceptable, anticipatory anxiety involves an excessive or debilitating level of worry that tends to focus on negative outcomes.

Anxiety disorders in older adults are fairly common, affecting 10% to 20% of people. However, anxiety disorders often go undiagnosed. Anxiety is found more often than depression and cognitive disorders in older adults.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) is the most common type of anxiety disorder diagnosed in older adults. This is followed by phobias, panic disorder, and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). These and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) are the most common types of anxiety disorders diagnosed.

Anticipatory anxiety is a symptom of other anxiety disorders, such as:

Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD): Affecting 3.1% of the population in any given year, GAD causes persistent and excessive anxiety about various activities and events.

Social anxiety disorder: This disorder, which has affected an estimated in 1% of U.S. adults in the past year, is characterized by anxiety and avoidance of social situations due to embarrassment or self-consciousness.

Specific phobias: People with phobias experience major anxiety and fear when they anticipate or are in the presence of a specific object, place, or situation. In the past year, an estimated 9.1% of U.S. adults had specific phobia.

Panic disorder: Affecting 2-3% of Americans in a given year, panic disorder causes repeated attacks of panic and intense anxiety that peak within a few minutes.

That means a great many people are anxious at any time with a variety of symptoms. Experts still do not fully understand the causes of anxiety disorders. However, they may result from a combination of:

Genetics: Anxiety disorders often run in families.
Life experiences: Traumatic events or high levels of stress, for example, can trigger anxiety in some people.
Medical conditions: Some medical illnesses, such as heart disease or thyroid disorders, can contribute to anxiety.
Medications: Anxiety can be a side effect of some medications, or withdrawal from medications or drugs.

And, yes, dear reader, if you are like me, I exhibit symptoms of all of the causes above -- 15% or more of us do suffer acute anxiety, and many treat our disorders with a combination of regular medication and professional counseling. And, believe me, we take lots of pills to help cure our anxious psychiatric conditions.

(Ashleigh Golden, PsyD ."What to know about anticipatory anxiety." https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/anticipatory-anxiety. Medical News Today. 2024.)

15% estimate? I believe this number is far too low. Consider how many people never seek medical help for their extreme anxiety and misaligned epistasis-related anticipation. With all the daily stress, restlessness, poor nutrition, and irritability in daily living, it is apparent there is a need for more anxious sufferers to carry out a psychological evaluation. Yes, consult a psychiatrist -- he or she may save not only your suffering but also your life. I am one decades-old patient who still occasionally suffers from depression and obsessive compulsive disorder. My trusted psychiatrist has helped me out of so many deep holes that threatened my mind and very existence.

FOGO stands for the fear of growing old. Aging does have its challenges. How could you combat those fears? “Turn fears into healthy actions,” recommends Freda Lewis-Hall, M.D., former Chief Medical Officer at Pfizer. “People of all ages should start thinking about how they want to age and turn fears into healthy actions.”

Another 2014 survey of 2088 Americans age 18 and older had some interesting findings. According to this survey, conducted online by Harris Poll, 23 percent of Americans worry about a decline in their physical ability, 15 percent worry about memory loss, 12 percent fear running out of money, and 12 percent are concerned about chronic illness. Only 10 percent say they fear dying, an astoundingly low percentage.

(Meg Selig. "Do You Have "FOGO?" Taming the Fear of Getting Old." Psychology Today. June 29, 2021.)

Seliig says besides living a healthy lifestyle, exercising, and establishing proper eating habits, a person finds FOGO declining as he/she maintains good social connections.

Suggestions:

Cherish your friends and connect often.
Make friends of all ages.
Cherish your family and keep in touch.

Remember to attack FOGO by various means. Anticipation is a widely studied phenomenon within a number of different disciplines, including biology and brain studies, cognitive and social sciences, engineering and artificial intelligence.

Also consider that foresight is not anxiety-filled anticipation. The amygdala and medial prefrontal cortex of the brain are activated during anticipation for positive events relative to neutral events, and MPFC activities are positively correlated with the levels of well-being. The findings may be consistent with the goal theory of well-being and provide the dynamic, future-oriented view on well-being.

Experts hypothesized that the amygdala and MPFC would be activated during anticipating positive stimuli. Also, given the key role of amygdala in emotion processing and different functional coupling between amygdala and prefrontal areas in various emotion processing.

(Yangmei Luo, XuhI Chen, et al.

"Well-being and Anticipation for Future Positive Events: Evidences from an fMRI Study" Front Psychol. National Library of Medicine. 2017; 8: 2199.)

Catastrophic predictions -- like having a panic attack, making a complete fool of yourself, or damaging a relationship -- can lead to incapacitating anxiety that stops you from proceeding. Anticipatory anxiety can make it seem like avoidance is your only choice. Not so.

"Effective treatment of anticipatory anxiety, like all forms of anxiety, is targeted at the factors which maintain it. As always, too much thinking is not solved by more thinking."

Successful therapy aims for a shift toward sensory input, a modification of attitudinal factors, and a change in one’s relationship with inner experience. "These include gently redirecting the attention to the present moment rather than the imagined future, while allowing for and not struggling against the experience of anxiety."

"Metacognitive factors which maintain the anxiety, such as the false belief that anxious and doubting thoughts signal danger or predict the future, need to be addressed." And escape planning, ruminative entanglement with doubts and worries, and other forms of avoidance such as empty self-reassurance must be discouraged.

Good, timely thoughts; doubting upcoming doom and danger; and acting in the "now" can reduce bad anticipation. That may be a hell of an order for older folks, but the proof lies in not overthinking. Uncontrollable worry can eventually destroy a person, or that person can take control and redirect the negative brain behavior.

Confront the pressures; don't avoid them until they become habit-forming cancers in your mind. Pump up your notions of your own future well-being to neutralize anxiety. Your vim and vigor may be suffering from unsubstantiated fears. Never let them paralyze you -- see the doctor at first signs and receive proper medical and mental health tools to aid you in your fight.

Such assistance may save you countless years of suffering. Be you, not another person or thing you perceive is threatening your existence. My mom always used to say, "Think good thoughts and not about upcoming disasters or past failures." Finally, employ new strategies in your own brain to help cure anxiety -- staying "down" only leads to further, more brutal self-punishment. Whether fictitious or authentic, allowing anticipation to drag you out of the mainstream is treading in dangerous waters. You may be surprised how doing less thinking leads to peace and relaxation.

Anticipation

 How beautiful the earth is still, 
To thee - how full of happiness!
How little fraught with real ill,
Or unreal phantoms of distress!
How spring can bring thee glory, yet,
And summer win thee to forget
December's sullen time!
Why dost thou hold the treasure fast,
Of youth's delight, when youth is past,
And thou art near thy prime? 

When those who were thy own compeers,
Equals in fortune and in years,
Have seen their morning melt in tears,
To clouded, smileless day;
Blest, had they died untried and young,
Before their hearts went wandering wrong,
Poor slaves, subdued by passions strong,
A weak and helpless prey! 

Because, I hoped while they enjoyed,
And, by fulfilment, hope destroyed;
As children hope, with trustful breast,
I waited bliss - and cherished rest.

A thoughtful spirit taught me, soon,
That we must long till life be done;
That every phase of earthly joy
Must always fade, and always cloy: 

This I foresaw - and would not chase
The fleeting treacheries;
But, with firm foot and tranquil face,
Held backward from that tempting race,
Gazed o'er the sands the waves efface,
To the enduring seas - ;
There cast my anchor of desire
Deep in unknown eternity;
Nor ever let my spirit tire,
With looking for what is to be! 

It is hope's spell that glorifies,
Like youth, to my maturer eyes,
All Nature's million mysteries,
The fearful and the fair -
Hope soothes me in the griefs I know;
She lulls my pain for others' woe,
And makes me strong to undergo
What I am born to bear.
 

Glad comforter! will I not brave,
Unawed, the darkness of the grave?
Nay, smile to hear Death's billows rave -
Sustained, my guide, by thee?
The more unjust seems present fate,
The more my spirit swells elate,
Strong, in thy strength, to anticipate
Rewarding destiny!

By Robert Burns

All Things Wildly Considered

Love - Neverending and Without Condition

Love’s Philosophy

What Day Is It -- Did Time Stand Still?

("Dissociative Fugue." Cleveland Clinic. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/symptoms/22836-dissociative-fugue. April 19, 2022.)

(Andrea Michelson. "4 subtle signs you're dissociating, according to a psychologist." Business Insider. May 19, 2022.)

The Children Suffer the Sins of Their Parents

I Write For ... Someone? ... Myself?

Left-Handed Anomalies -- Why?

(Kristie Rieken. "Who’s really left-handed? In baseball, it can be hard to tell." AP. https://apnews.com/article/mlb-left-handed-4eb62b7acebb3d0e5617bf49b3925049. April 9, 2024.)

(Kristie Rieken. "Who’s really left-handed? In baseball, it can be hard to tell." AP. https://apnews.com/article/mlb-left-handed-4eb62b7acebb3d0e5617bf49b3925049. April 9, 2024.)

(Lilly Rothman. "How Lefties First Gained Acceptance. TIME. August 13, 2015.)

Why the change of the suspicion in public opinion about left-handers? TIME suggested, it was a lot less complicated than anything having to do with evil spirits. It was just a matter of simple economics.

Now, in a paper published in PLOS Genetics a group of researchers have identified a network of genes that relate to handedness in humans. What’s more, they’ve linked this preference to the development of asymmetry in the body and the brain.

(Howard I. Kushner. "Why are there (almost) no left-handers in China?" Endeavour. Volume 37, Issue 2. June 2013.)

Master or Captain of What? Living To Survive

Invictus

Suffering the Times: The Wounded and Divided

The Wound

"Skei" the "Skit" In All Its Stereotypical Figurative Extensions

The "Knowing" of Getting Old

Essential Heartbeats -- Without Rhythm, Where Would I Be?

(Steve, PMH. "What Is Rhythm in Music and Why Is It So Important?" Pro Musician's Hub. https://promusicianhub.com/what-is-rhythm/. May 19, 2021.)

Are You Calling Someone "Crazy"? You May Need Advice.

"Frankly, My Dear, I Don' Give a Damn": It's Gone With the Wind

Drinking At Public Events -- True Confessions of a Confused Nuisance

Animals in Peril Must Be Available For Adoption

Write -- Little or No Meaning Required, Just Desired B.S.

James Salter: Why I Write

"God Give Me Strength" To Hurt and To Hold On

You Must Do It

Do You Wanna Dance? Learning To Be Still and Spontaneous

(Maria Popova. "The Psychology of Time and How the Interplay of Spontaneity and Self-Control Mediates Our Capacity for Presence." The Marginalien. April 27, 2016.

Hating Someone You Love -- More Common Than You Think?

How Much Sleep Do You Get? Oh, Really?

The Land of Nod

(Anne Lise Stranden."Researchers may have discovered where dreams come from."https://www.sciencenorway.no/brain-dreams-sleep/researchers-may-have-discovered-where-dreams-come-from/1793982. January 8, 2021.)

Flying In Your Dreams? My Friendly Skies Persist.

⁤1. Freedom and Escape ⁤

2. Elevation of Perspective ⁤

3. Sense of Empowerment and Control ⁤

⁤4. Aspiration and Ambition ⁤

5. Transcendence and Spiritual Growth ⁤

(Sarah Regen."Keeping Flying Around In Your Dreams? Here's What It Means, According To A Dream Interpreter." MBG Mindfulness. September 20, 2023.)

Pain: The Body and Mind Unity Of Defense -- Or -- Learning To Live With Hurt

The Mind-Body Connection

I Don't Know You Anymore

“Let me not to the marriage of true minds / Admit impediments. Love is not love / Which alters when it alteration finds, / Or bends with the remover to remove: / O no! it is an ever-fixed mark.”

— William Shakespeare

(A.W. Geiger and Gretchen Livingston. "8 facts about love and marriage in America." Pew Research Center. February 13, 2019.)

Many couples fall into parallel lives where there is little emotional connection: distance has become the way to solve underlying problems.As a result, problems are never solved but instead swept under the rug and the couple is reduced to only dealing with safe topics.

Struggle with emotional regulation

Lacking common interests

What To Do? Married but Living Separate Lives in The Same House

("Loving Separately: When Living Together Isn't Working." Everyday Health. https://www.everydayhealth.com/healthy-living/healthy-home/loving-separately-when-living-together-isnt-working/)

Do You Love Bad Girl Bitches Or Disdain The Image?

(Li Zhouli. "Use of the word “bitch” surged after women’s suffrage." Vox. https://www.vox.com/21365241/19th-amendment-womens-suffrage-backlash. August 19, 2020.)

Still, according to Dr. Timothy Jay, there are "over 70 different taboo words", but 80 percent of the time only ten words are used, and bitch is included in that set. Being called the term bitch has been associated with worsening the mental health of women.

(Klonoff, Elizabeth A.; Landrine, Hope; Campbell, Robin (March 2000). "Sexist Discrimination May Account for Well-Known Gender Differences in Psychiatric Symptoms". Psychology of Women Quarterly. 24 (1): 93–99. doi:10.1111/j.1471-6402.2000.tb01025.x)

BITCH (redirected from Beautiful Intelligent Talented Creative Honest)

I don't like the transformation, and I believe the slang still is quite demeaning. Yet, in in rap and pop culture, a new manifesto has risen. You hear this connotation so frequently now as a statement of feminine power. The turn is a complete 180% in definition as used in popular culture.

( "The Bitch Manifesto - Documents from the Women's Liberation Movement."Scriptorium.lib.duke.edu. 2012.)

This new usage -- reclaiming power -- has been cited by many researchers as increasing the perception the word as acceptable and excusing men who use it against women.

Bitch

Anticipation Is Worse Than Arrival -- Are You Thinking Too Much?

Anticipation