All True

The best presidential speech ever.... full version

noreply@blogger.com (Alltruism) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 02:02:23 PST

Part 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ww0EPKAZy-c

Part 3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTaXa-9mu1Y

Watch out political comedians, the President is gonna take your jobs! :)

Don't Push Me

noreply@blogger.com (Alltruism) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 02:34:19 PST

'cos I'm close to The Edge.

Free money? I was suprised by TopCashBack - it actually worked!

noreply@blogger.com (Alltruism) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 03:44:15 PST

If you're thinking of changing your gas, electricity, mobile, Internet or telephone provider, or planning to make a big purchase (a big tv or a heft order of Christmas presents perhaps) then you should sign up to Top CashBack before you do it.

I did, as I was planning on changing my ISP and telephone provider to a cheaper combined package from Sky anyway. By switching over through Top CashBack I got £20 cash back after I'd switched, as well as saving ~£15 per month due to the cheaper package I'd changed to.

To be honest, I didn't think the promised cash back would actually materialise, but there's nothing to lose so I gave it a go. To my surprise, it did materialise, and is in my bank account right now.

If I changed my mobile phone provider and gas / electricity provider, I could save money on my bills and get something like £100 cash back too (unfortunately I'm locked in with Orange for a good 6 more months or so, alas, and my gas / electricity comes through key meters so the switch deals aren't so good...still worth considering though!).

It takes a while for the cash to come through, over a month for me, but that's fine. If you're planning to change providers anyway, you may as well do it through Top CashBack as you've got nothing to lose, and could get a nice bit of cash for doing what you would have done anyway!

I also got £1 cashback for signing up to get a free SIM card... I haven't used it yet, and probably won't, but being paid £1 to be given a free SIM card is quite nice :)

They often have offers for major online retailers, so before you make a purchase of Play.com or Argos or whatever, check TopCashBack first - you might get some money back, just by clicking through to Play or Argos via the TopCashBack link.

It's money for nothing, so if you want to earn cash back on your Christmas shopping, or want to switch to a cheaper provider for something and get paid to do it, sign up with Top CashBack.

Sign up through my link - http://www.topcashback.co.uk/ref/Alltruism - and I'll get money too*, win-win!

I've made £26 so far, just by doing purchases or switchovers I was going to do anyway. That's not bad at all considering I probably spent less than 10 minutes of time signing up and using the Top Cashback site!

* well, I will get £1 when you get your first £5 back, but you'll probably get a lot more than £5 if you just switch one utility provider, so getting to the £5 threshold should be quick n easy :)

Windows Mobile Shortcuts & HTC Touchflo 3D Internet Tab Browser

noreply@blogger.com (Alltruism) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 15:50:44 PST

If you want to create a Start Menu short cut for a specific Java App (such as Opera Mini 5 Beta) on your Windows Mobile phone, first you need to go to

\Windows\appdb

and have a look for s#_suite files (with the # being a number). Each of these represents a particular Java App that you have installed - we can't see which is which at the moment, but that's ok - just note down the numbers.... I have three Java Apps installed, s0_suite, s1_suite and s2_suite (if you have removed apps, yours might not be sequential).

Now, using a decent file system browser that lets you edit file properties and see file extensions, such as Total Commander, go to:

\Windows\Start Menu\Programs

Find the shortcut to your Java middleware (mine is called java.lnk), and create a copy of it. Rename it to what you want - e.g. Opera Mini.lnk.

Go to Properties, then to Shortcut. It will have something like "\Windows\jbed.exe" as the target (possibly followed by some parameters, which you should leave as they are.

We don't want this shortcut to just run the Java middleware though, we want it to load a particular Java app, so add the following to the end of the target field:

-run s#_

Where # is one of the numbers of the s#_suite files we looked at earlier.

Save the change (OK in Total Commander). Double tap the shortcut you've created (in this example, Opera Mini.lnk) to find out which of your Java apps it runs.

If it isn't the one you wanted, repeat the previous step with a different number (from the list of s#_suite files we saw earlier...three possible values to try in my case).

Work your way through all the possible values for # until your shortcut loads the right app.

My Opera Mini.lnk ended up with the following Target:

"\Windows\jbed.exe" -DFile.maxStorageSize=64M -run s1_

However, this shortcut will have the same icon as your Java program, which might not be what you want. As I'm creating my shortcut to point to Opera Mini, so I wanted the Opera icon.

To get that, just change the last bit from -run s1_ to -run s1_?\Windows\OperaL.exe,0

Or alternatively point it to a different program that you want to use the icon from.

You will then have a shortcut link in Start - Programs, with the name you gave it (Opera Mini in the example), which loads your chosen Java App.

Once you've got that, you can run it from there, or add it to the TouchFlo 3D programs tab if you want.

I created a shortcut for Opera Mini 5 Beta. This is a fast and capable browser. As I already have Opera Mobile 9.7 Beta installed, I decided I don't really need the Opera 9.5 that runs from the TouchFlo 3D Internet Tab.... I thought the faster Opera Mini would be a better option.

To change the browser loaded when you click the Internet icon in TouchFlo 3D's Internet tab, do the following:

Using a decent file system browser, like Total Commander, go to \Application Data\Manila.

Inside there will be a file called InternetPortal-en-US.xml (the US might be different, depending on your country). Go to properties and untick "Read Only".

Then edit the file (in Total Commander click the Pen & Paper icon at the bottom of the screen).
The second line in the file reads {InternetPortal}
You just need to insert the following as a new line after that (before the "IncludeUserFavorites" bit), only using angle brackets instead of curly brackets:

{BrowserExe}\Windows\Start Menu\Programs\Opera Mini.lnk{/BrowserExe}

You can put whatever program (.exe or shortcut .lnk) in between the BrowserExe tags.

Save the file. Now when you go to your TouchFlo 3D Internet tab, your Internet icon will now load the program you selected - Opera Mini in the example above.

If it doesn't work you've probably pointed it to a non-existent file, so check it and try again.

If you can't get it to work, you can delete the whole line you added, and the Internet tab will then go back to its default (Opera).

Least Popular Griffin

noreply@blogger.com (Alltruism) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 07:50:58 PDT

After watching Nick Griffin make an arse of himself in front of the nation on Question Time last night, I lost my certainty that Meg Griffin was the least popular Griffin in the world. Now that title belongs to an ungodly fusion of the two.... Megnick.

That's enough pig!

Another Alternative Medicine Fail!

noreply@blogger.com (Alltruism) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 08:14:19 PDT

You may have seen people with arthritis wearing copper or magnetic wrist-bands which are marketed as being able to relieve the pain of what can be a truly horrific condition.

A recent, tightly controlled trial by researchers at the University of York, found that the supposedly pain-relieving magnetic or copper bands worked no better than placebo.

That is to say, you may as well just tie a bit of old string around your wrist as buy one of the bands - the copper or magnetism of the band doesn't help relieve the pain at all.

There are people selling these simple bands, to desperate people, for around £25 - £65, claiming (or, if they are more cautious about legal repercussions, just implying) that they can relieve the pain of arthritis.

In the absence of strong evidence of effectiveness* (and the presence of strong evidence of ineffectiveness, mentioned above), charging vulnerable, suffering people £65 for a simple magnetic or copper bracelet that is no more effective than placebo at treating their pain is surely exploitation of arthritis sufferers isn't it?

Somehow the alternative "medicine" industry often manages to portray itself as the little guy, trying to help people where conventional medicine and the "big bucks" of "big Pharma" struggles to.

This friendly, well-meaning cottage-industry image isn't accurate - its a multi-billion dollar international market, with large companies making large profits from the sale of their products, many (most) of which have either not been properly tested or have been properly tested and been found not to work.

Make sure you don't hand over your money for products that aren't tested, or which have been tested and found to be ineffective.

See the BBC's report on this at:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8310792.stm

On the subject of alternative medicine in general, I highly recommend having a listen to Tim Minchin's excellent 9-minute beat-poem, Storm. It's scathing, but hilarious and fantastically well written - check out the official version on YouTube: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ujUQn0HhGEk

* there were some tests that showed some positive effects, but they concluded that the results could have been due to the placebo effect and that more research was needed. The BBC's report from back in 2004 is here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4101045.stm and is a lot more positive in tone, as the evidence was inconclusive but there was signs of positive effects. The further research the previous tests concluded was necessary has now been done by the researchers at York University, and the new research strongly suggests and positive effects attributed to the bands are actually due to the placebo effect.

A New Perfume For Rap Fans

noreply@blogger.com (Alltruism) — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 07:13:20 PDT

A Hippy Moment

noreply@blogger.com (Alltruism) — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 06:20:01 PDT

Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize

noreply@blogger.com (Alltruism) — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 07:02:35 PDT

A bit of a shock, and I think Obama's work towards peace has only just begun - but he's got off to an amazing start, already having done more towards furthering world peace than the previous administration, and more than the current leaders of other nations.

Congratulations Mr Obama! Now, I want war to be history before your first term is up, ok? No pressure :)

I think it must have been this Vote Obama banner I made that did it.... its powers were stronger than I expected, so I can now humbly take credit not just for getting him elected, but also for winning him the Nobel Prize! Go me :)

Phun With Photos

noreply@blogger.com (Alltruism) — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 03:30:43 PDT

Here's a few images I've been messing about with.

This is from a tutorial in PhotoShop Creative magazine:

Quite a nice effect, not quite as seamless as the one in the tutorial, but not too bad.

Here's a holiday photo with some digital drama added:

Here's one I did from a "Weight Gain" tutorial:

Here's a nightmare vision I had last year:

Here's my conversion of a girl into a zombie:

Here's my twitter advert:

Here's the Vote Obama banner I made. It worked :)

Here's a 30th birthday badge for 300 fans:

And finally, my ad for Mountain Dew - the caffeine overdose in a can:

That's all folks!

Social Networking - The Twittering

noreply@blogger.com (Alltruism) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 13:32:00 PDT

My history of social networking is fairly uneventful, I've never really got into it in a big way, but I've enjoyed dabbling with it.

I signed up to MySpace years ago, and soon got bored of it. Then I joined Facebook. Which would be brilliant if it wasn't so saturated with spammy apps.

The "biggest thing" at the moment seems to be Twitter, which oddly is also the smallest thing in terms of what it does - just short messages, of no more than 140 characters (although they can include hyperlinks). That's about it really. You can post to Twitter from your computer, or even from your phone (via SMS, or via mobile Internet).

You can view the latest messages posted by the entire Twitter community if you want (although you can choose for your own messages not to show in this bit), or you can view the recent messages from the people you've chosen to follow.

These can be your real life friends if you want, but it seems that most people use it to follow celebrities so that they can regularly receive important updates about the minutiae of their celebrity lives.

Some celebrities provide genuinely interesting updates about what they are up to, while others seem to have PR people running their Twitter accounts for them, which can make them a bit boring to follow.

Stephen Fry is one of the most popular people you can follow, and he treats his virtual stalkers with a near-constant stream of updates, wherever in the world he might happen to be. He is also known for interacting with his followers more than most.

On one occasion, he posted messages to Twitter (an act known as "tweeting", with the messages themselves being referred to as "tweets") from inside a lift he happened to get stuck in - he even posted pictures of himself and the other unfortunates during their incarceration:

In a way, it was as if all of us who Follow him were in there with him. Although not literally of course as 750,000+ people in a lift together for several hours would no doubt be somewhat unpleasant, even with Mr Fry present to provide his well-loved witty banter.

If you haven't already, come out and play with the Twitterers!

The Customer Is Not Always Right (and some other website recommendations)

noreply@blogger.com (Alltruism) — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 07:30:26 PDT

I found a rather good website today. It's called Not Always Right and is a repository of stories where customers have been unreasonable or just flat-out wrong.

It's quite funny, and if you love sites like Texts From Last Night and Passive Aggressive Notes then you'll probably enjoy it.

I've worked in computer tech support and have heard a customer who, when asked what version of Windows they have, responded without irony or sarcasm: "Double glazed".

That makes me more inclined to believe that a lot of the stories on Not Always Right are true :)

Check it out now at http://notalwaysright.com/

Here's one of the stories as an example:

In a children's clothing store:

Customer: “I’m looking for an outfit for a one year old girl.”

Me: “Sure, all of the twelve month clothing is in this section.”

Customer: “No, she’s one.”

Me: “Right, so that would be over here.”

Customer: “You just said that was twelve months!”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: *slowly* “I’m looking for ONE YEAR.”

Me: “Would you like to go up one size to 18 months?”

Customer: “Is there someone else who can help me?”

(I go and get my manager.)

Manager: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Your employee doesn’t understand English. I’m looking for clothing for my one year old granddaughter.”

Manager: “The twelve month clothes are over here.”

Customer: “What is WRONG with you people?”

iHate The Use Of The Lower Case "i" As A Prefix For Everything

noreply@blogger.com (Alltruism) — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 07:51:33 PDT

Today, the iPhone is probably the most talked about gadget in the world.

I regularly see news about iPhones show up on my iGoogle page.

If I wanted to, I could read about iPhones on iGoogle on an iMac.

Or perhaps I could watch "I, Claudius" on an iPlayer widget in my iGoogle on an iMac!

In the days before the "i" prefix was attached to seemingly everything, we were plagued by the "e" prefix, which at least stood for something - electronic.

We had e-mail, e-books and e-business. That's fine - these were all electronic versions of existing things, and having to say "electronic mail" every time would become annoying pretty quickly.

So the "e" prefix was helpful, for two reasons - it told us that we were talking about an electronic version of something, and it saved us having to pronounce 75% of the syllables in "electronic" every time.

The "i" prefix has no such redeeming features. Apple, who are one of the companies most responsible for its current ubiquity, originally stated it stood for Internet. Of course, since "Internet" is a proper noun it starts with a capital letter, so using the lowercase "i" prefix is a minor crime against grammar.

The more generous amongst you may be willing to overlook that, but even then, its standing for "Internet" doesn't really make sense. Apple originally introduced the prefix in the names of the iMac and iBook.

Sure, both of these could be used to access the Internet, but neither was noticeably more Internet-related than other desktop computers or laptops. In fact the iBook was the "cheapo" part of the Apple laptop range - using the Internet would be more fluid on the much more powerful (and much more descriptively named) Power Book series than on the supposed "Internet Book" range.

Seemingly encouraged by the success of these iProducts Apple went a bit iCrazy, and created the iPod, iTunes, iPhone and iLife.

"iDon't Believe It!"

As if that wasn't iPlenty, the iLife software package consists of iPhoto, iMovie, iDVD and... wait for it.... iWeb. Oh, and it also includes GarageBand, which somehow missed out on getting an "i". But that is "the exception that proves the rule*".

Almost all of these applications, apart from iWeb, have little or nothing to do with the Internet.

The "i" prefixes are seemingly utterly meaningless, just a branding-executive's fetish.

The iPlague has spread outside of Apple's product line-up though, with the BBC having branded its online TV service / application "iPlayer". Google have an offering called iGoogle. There's even an iCoke website!

iCan't take it any more, iJust want branding people to start using a bit more iMagination (and no, you can't just have the "i" stand for imagination!) and get off the iPrefix bandwagon. Please?

* actually this phrase in its modern usage is nonsensical, so apologies for using it! Originally it made sense as "proves" was used in the sense of "puts to the test", and in the case of exceptions, "tested to breaking point".

Oh god, I think I'm becoming Mark Corrigan!

noreply@blogger.com (Alltruism) — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 14:56:11 PDT

If you've seen Mitchell and Webb's excellent series Peep Show, you'll know who Mark Corrigan is - and if you haven't seen it, you're missing out.

It is very funny - one of the best comedies currently on air in fact, but it is also one of the most painful things to watch - several times in each episode you'll cringe at the awkward situations the two main characters get themselves into, and cringe still more as they inadvertently dig themselves deeper in their efforts to escape back to something that they can fool themselves into believing to be normality.

I've started thinking things while watching the episodes only to hear Mark Corrigan think them about 1 second later.

Yesterday Jez said something like "maybe there's a higher power guiding everything", and I thought "no there isn't" almost exactly in sync with Mark saying it aloud. My mental voice is even starting to sound like him.

Oh god, I'm becoming Mark Corrigan...I'm going to wake up one day and I'm going to actually bloody BE Mark... SHIT!

Some Peep Show quotes from IMDB:

Jeremy Osborne: Mark! You've got to toughen up. This is the 21st century. You've seen Mad Max haven't you. That's what's going to happen!
Mark Corrigan: Mad Max is not necessarily going to happen
Jeremy Osborne: Oh sure mate. You live in your Hitchikers' Guide world where you wander around in your dressing gown and have a nice cup of tea

Mark Corrigan: [to Jeremy] As you're always saying... the Beastie Boys fought, and quite possibly died, for my right to party!

Geek Science - The Manga Guide To Molecular Biology

noreply@blogger.com (Alltruism) — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 02:16:59 PDT

Do you wish you knew more about molecular biology?
Probably not. However, if you do but find conventional textbooks a little dry then this could be just what you're looking for.

Yes, it's the Manga Guide To Molecular Biology - surely the ultimate geek stocking filler?

Need to know how the liver enzyme alcohol dehydrogenase works in breaking down alcohol?

Fear not - the Manga will explain, and with plenty of crazy explosions and excessive motion blur!

Check it out now:
http://www.neatorama.com/2009/09/30/the-manga-guide-to-molecular-biology/

Say It Right - A Pronunciation Guide

noreply@blogger.com (Alltruism) — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 08:00:38 PDT

To be clearly understood, it is important to pronounce words correctly so that people listening to you know what you are saying.

But some words are often pronounced incorrectly (and the only word that can correctly be pronounced incorrectly is "incorrectly" itself!).

Here's some examples:

Laboratory some of these may contain Lab Rats, but that doesn't mean you pronounce it "lab-rat-ory". There's an O in the middle there, and it isn't silent. It's "luh-borra-tree".

Aluminium this word contains 2 "i"s, and they deserve equal pronunciation rights so don't say "aloom-inum", say "alum-in-eeum". Like "condominium" you don't pronounce that "condome-inum" do you?

Nuclear this means "of or pertaining to the nucleus", and nucleus is pronounced "new-clee-us". Nuclear is pronounced "new clear". Not "nukuler". If you can't say it, you shouldn't be allowed to be in charge of anything nuclear... clear?

Specific The S isn't silent. Don't say "can you be more pacific?" unless you are wanting someone to adopt qualities associated with the world's largest ocean.

Pacific Ocean while this is a specific ocean, distinct from the others, you should not pronounce Pacific Ocean as "specific ocean". A "specific ocean" could just as well refer to the Atlantic ocean for example, or the Arctic Ocean, which brings me to...

Arctic both the Cs in this word are hard Cs, pronounced like Ks. It's c-cold in the Arctic, and it's pronounced "ark-tik". Not "art-ic", which leads us neatly on to:

Artic This is short for "articulated truck". So don't say "Ark-tik truck" unless you are talking specifically about a non-articulated truck that operates in the Arctic. If it IS articulated, it would be an Arctic artic.

Ask The order of the letters are very important. Note that the S comes before the K. It isn't nice to "axe" people.

Cavalry it is pronounced "cavul-ry", not "Calvary", which is another name for Golgotha.

Dilate this is pronounced "die late", which is much better than dying early. Which is what your speech might do if you pronounced it "die-uh-late".

Diphtheria this is a tricky one. Almost everyone gets this wrong. I know I usually do. It is important to remember that it isn't written as "dip" followed by "theria". It is written as "diph" followed by "theria", and is pronounced "dif-theory-uh".

Espresso count the Xs. There aren't any! That's why it is pronounced "ess-presso", not "ex-presso" (which conjures up images of an Italian parcel delivery company).

Et cetera another one where we need to count the Xs before we try and pronounce it. There aren't any! That's why we pronounce it "et setter-ruh" (or at least "et setra"), not "ex etra".

February this contains two Rs. Make sure you don't ignore the first one it's "Feb-roo-erry" not "Feb-you-erry".

Jewelry say "jewel" then say "ree". Don't say "joo lerry". If you are British you can get away with saying "joo-el urry".

Ku Klux Klan you'll probably only ever need to say this when denouncing them, but when you do say it, note that the Ku doesn't contain an L. It isn't "kloo", it's "koo".

Library a little like February, there's two Rs in quick succession here. Keep your mouth fit by pronouncing both it's "libe-rarey" not "libe-aree".

Prerogative don't say "puh rogative", give that first R its due!

And I think this one is a good one to close this article with:

Pronunciation this one is commonly mispronounced it isn't "pronounce-ee-ayshun" it's "pronun-seeayshun".

So that's how you'll be pronouncing all those words from now on, capitchee? :)

Top Tips To Help Men Last Longer (in bed, and out!) And Give Their Women More Pleasure

noreply@blogger.com (Alltruism) — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 09:16:13 PDT

It is a fact that, on average, we men just can't keep up with women, however hard we try.

In most cases, women, the fairer sex, simply last a lot longer than we men do.

We just don't have the endurance women have, and usually cross that ultimate "finish line" long before they are anywhere near it.

In this "battle of the sexes" finishing first is the worst outcome. Ideally, men and women would cross that magical finish line at the same time, together in bed, but in reality that rarely happens.

It seems to be a fact of life that men generally finish first (nice guys or not!), but luckily there are some excercises and other things we men can do to help us last longer and give the maximum amount of pleasure to the women in our lives.

Pumping iron having a regular weights workout at the gym can increase our muscle mass, and muscles burn calories, and that helps burn fat. Having too much fat in our bodies can significantly reduce our endurance, so keeping it to a low level is a key element in lasting longer.

Plus having good muscle tone and strength make us less likely to injure ourselves when we're called upon to re-arrange the furniture, or lug that heavy suitcase of hers out to the car. It's win win!

Getting that heart pumping the heart has long been a symbol of love, and making it pump well is another key to lasting longer. This means doing cardio-vascular excercises like swimming, jogging, or even just going for long, brisk walks start gently and build it up slowly as your fitness improves.... don't overdo it, as this can be harmful, and could make you finish even earlier, and we don't want that!

Over time you will find you can run up the stairs without getting short of breath, and you'll be able to last for hours (e.g. on the treadmill) your heart will be pumping more efficiently, so you'll find you have the energy to keep on going much longer than before.

Cardio-vascular excercise will burn calories and so will reduce the amount of fat you carry, which also means your veins and arteries will be less likely to narrow or get blocked. That means your blood can easily get where its needed.

A strong heart pumping blood through good veins can only be a good thing, especially since poor blood flow and narrow blood vessels can seriously reduce male performance and endurance.

For similar reasons, Stopping Smoking will also help you last longer. Quite a lot longer, especially if you are currently a heavy smoker.

Check your balls regularly it may be embarassing, but it saves lives. Make sure your balls are healthy and you might well find you last longer!

Eating a healthy diet getting a good variety of fresh fruit and vegetables in your diet is very imporant you will feel healthier, have more energy, and you will last a lot longer!

These are the basic keys to lasting longer, but how long can you expect to last?

In the UK, the average member of the male sex lasts for 76.52 years.

Not bad, but he needs to last even longer because the average UK female lasts a lot longer at 81.63 years. That's a difference of just over 5 years.

Given that couples tend to be of similar age, or with the man being slightly older than the woman, that means that on average most men stop being around to please their women 5 or more years too early, and that is not a good result for either sex!

With you gone, who is going to open all those jammed jam-jars?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_life_expectancy

With the exceptions of Namibia, Lesotho and Mozambique, it seems that men in almost every country aren't lasting long enough to keep their women happy right up to the grand finale.

If you follow the tips above, you have a good chance of lasting longer and being around to keep your woman happy for those extra years.... good luck men, I hope this helps you keep up with your other halves!

How To Talk Like A Pirate Day

noreply@blogger.com (Alltruism) — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 07:34:31 PDT

It be September 19th and that, me hearties, is International Talk Like A Pirate Day!

Sail your pirate ships into the bay, drop anchor and I'll give ye the clues to unearth the little known treasure that is talking like a pirate.

All hands to the pumps, for a flood of pirate knowledge be comin' right for ye!

First of all, we need to know what sort of pirates we're talking about.

Today is not a day to say "zomg I've illegally downloaded Harry Potter And The Deadly Hallows off The Pirate Bay". That is not the kind of pirate this day is all about.

And don't worry, you won't need to learn Somali, as it isn't about that type of pirate either.

No, International Talk Like A Pirate Day is all about talking like the classic era pirates of the 1500 – 1700s. More specifically, it is about talking like our modern, heavily romanticised version of them.

This is the kind of pirate we need to try and talk like today.

He has all the traditional pirate regalia – eyepatch, big hat with skull and crossbones, a hook for a hand, a peg leg, a cutlass, big gold ear-rings and of course a parrot.

The parrot will almost certainly be able to say "pieces of eight" (referring to coins used back in classic pirate days) and "who's a pretty boy then", which is a question that was finally answered with the release of Pirates of the Carribean. According to women across the world, Captain Jack Sparrow, aka Johnny Depp, is a pretty boy.

So now we have established what sort of pirate we are aiming to talk like, we need to learn some of their lingo.

How to talk like a Pirate

The following words and phrases should be all you need to get started – by the end your pirate-talking should be the envy all your friends and family.

Ahoy – although no-one has yet discovered what a hoy actually is, the word ahoy is used by Pirates at every opportunity, and means "hello" but also "spotted". If a Pirate spots you, he will probably say "Ahoy there!" in greeting. If he spots land, he will say "Land ahoy!".

Landlubber – it means "a person who should stay on land because they're not cut out for the nautical life" (literally a "land lover"), and is often used as an insult.

Avast! - Means "stop", or "listen", so a Pirate Captain might cry out "Avast me hearties" when he wants his crew to stop what they are doing and pay attention.

Me hearties – means "my friends", often used to refer to the crew of the pirate's ship. Also "maties" (singular: matey).

Grog – a proper Pirate drink this be, made from water and rum.

Shiver me timbers – an exclamation of surprise.

Lily-livered – cowardly

Jolly Roger – a Pirate flag, almost always black, and usually depicting a skull and crossbones

Ye – you

be – is / am / are. As in "We be Pirates, I be the Captain, and they be lily-livered landlubbers!"

Scurvy dogs – a common Pirate insult, referring to the disease scurvy, which resulted from Vitamin C deficiency (which was quite common until the British started carrying supplies of limes on board their ships, earning themselves the nickname "Limeys")

Some general rules to follow when speaking like a Pirate:

Drop any "g"s that occur after "in", so that you be "sailin' the seven seas".

Drop as many "v"s that occur in the middle of words as you can, so its "o'erboard" and "ne'er"

Be generous with your adjectives – don't say "he was a big man", say "A mighty powerful man he was, wi' arms wider'n a grown man's torso"

Play around with the order of words, Yoda style, from time to time: "A mighty great ship this be, maties"

Be loud, and throw in "arrrrs" and "yarrrs" as often as you like.

Put all of these together and you'll pass for a Pirate rather than a lily-livered landlubber, and you might even find some buried treasure!

Even Google can talk like a Pirate - why not give it a try today?

http://www.google.com/intl/xx-pirate/

Funny YouTube music vids

noreply@blogger.com (Alltruism) — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 02:45:25 PDT

Death Metaller Abbath (from Immortal) gets the Scissor Sisters treatment. He don't feel like dancin':

My first Misheard Lyrics video - Fall Out Boy's I Don't Care:

My second Misheard Lyrics video - Fall Out Boy's Disloyal Order Of Water Buffalo:

My brother's Misheard Lyrics video for Lady Marmalade:

Typographical Symbol or French Cartoon Character

noreply@blogger.com (Alltruism) — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 04:46:26 PDT

Can you tell the difference between a commonly used typographical symbol and a popular French cartoon character?

It seems most people can't, as you almost never hear anyone pronounce, or spell, the word asterisk correctly.

An asterisk is a typographical symbol, and it looks like this: *

For some reason, most people refer to the asterisk as an "asterix".

Asterix looks like this:

Do you see the difference?
One is a small star-shaped punctuation symbol, the other is a cartoon Gaul with a winged helmet.

It isn't just individuals that make this mistake, large companies often do too. Here's a bit from a current NatWest competition entry form:

"Fields marked with an asterix are compulsory". Ok, fair enough. But not a single field is marked with the famous mustachioed French man, so it seems they should all be optional, but they're not.

As if this common failure wasn't bad enough, it seems most people are actually guilty of a spectacular double-fail where the mighty asterisk is concerned. Not only do they think it is called an asterix, they also think that the cartoon character of the "same" name looks like this:

This individual is not an asterisk. He is not an Asterix either. He is called Obelix.

Here's a handy guide you can print out and keep:

ASTERISK

ASTERIX

OBELIX

Cashback - its super!

noreply@blogger.com (Alltruism) — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 14:51:23 PDT

I just got paid over £25.00 for switching to a cheaper Broadband provider.

I was going to change over anyway, but because I clicked through to the new Broadband providers site via TopCashBack, I got lots of money back!

This sounds quite dodgy, but it's genuine - check out www.moneysavingexpert.com for an explanation of why companies make such generous payouts for switching.

Sign up with TopCashBack if you're planning on changing to a different electricity supplier, a different insurance provider, phone provider, or broadband provider and you'll get a nice lump sum back.

It's free to join so there's no risk - the worst that could happen is the cashback doesn't work and you end up no worse off that you would have been. It is quite rare for this kind of failure to happen though. Chances are, you'll get money for nothing!

Sign up with TopCashBack here - http://www.topcashback.co.uk/ref/Alltruism and I'll get £2.50. And you'll get a big saving on your next switch!

You can also earn cash back on loads of online purchases through the big-name stores - if you're planning on buying something, you'll probably get a percentage back if you buy it through a link on TopCashBack!

Go on, you know it makes sense.

Like the song says - "Money for nothing. And chips for three". Or something like that

More Unfortunate domain names

noreply@blogger.com (Alltruism) — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 13:25:53 PDT

Further to a previous post about unfortunate domain names, which included molestationnursery.something (it's Mole Station Nursery, not molestation nursery!) and penisland.something (it's Pen Island!), here's some more:

www.lesbocages.com - It's actually French, Les Bocages, and something to do with trees. It's not Lesbo Cages, and if you thought it was you've got a sick mind :)

www.sydneytherapist.com - This is actually the website of a therapist based in Sydney, Australia. It isn't a page about SydneyTheRapist.

www.nobjs.org - It's actually North Of Boston Jewish Singles. It isn't No BJs.org.

www.blackhatebook.com - This site sounds racist, but it isn't really a Black Hate Book, it is actually Black Hat eBook.

www.oldmanshaven.com - This is actually a site offering cabin rentals in a place called Old Man's Haven. It isn't something sick about a shaven elderly gentleman.

www.nycanal.com - This is about canals in New York (NY). It is not about anal in New York City (NYC).

www.americanscrapmetal.com - This is about Scrap Metal, it isn't suggesting people from America produce metal poos!

www.ladrape.co.uk - More French language - it's La Drape. Not Lad Rape.

www.budget.co.ck - This is actually about cheap car rental in the Cook Islands. Not about cheap cock. Sorry.

www.plumbersexmouth.co.uk - This is actually about Plumbers in the town of Exmouth. It isn't a plumber offering their mouth for the pleasure of others.

I think this was on the last list, but here it is again - www.whorepresents.com - no, this site cannot help you choose a gift for any whores in your life, but they can tell you Who Represents a particular celebrity.

This was on the last list too, but is still one of my favourites - www.expertsexchange.com - it is really an Exchange for Experts, not a site offering expert sex change services. Sorry if I got your hopes up.

www.speedofart.com - no, this is not about passing wind in skimpy swimwear. It is about the Speed of Art.

I'm in the Top 100!

noreply@blogger.com (Alltruism) — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 14:45:19 PDT

Somehow my random rants have got me into the Top 100 writers over at Searchwarp.com.

Ben Morrish

SearchWarp.com

Top 100 Author!

Some great writers over there, even if I tend to disagree with most of them on pretty much everything, so it's an honour for me to be in their Top 100. Thanks to all who've read my articles there!

Searchwarp - Writer's Community

Guess Who (with Samuel L Jackson)

noreply@blogger.com (Alltruism) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 14:08:08 PDT

Norway

noreply@blogger.com (Alltruism) — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 14:30:36 PDT