Doing this turned out to be a first positive step towards personal empowerment at a time where everyone feels powerless, incredibly hopeless and generally uneducated on a subject that just yesterday, wasn’t even on our radar. By drawing a perimeter of care around which we would not allow others to overstep, we created a way to open up discussion, encourage individual learning in a way that would be useful to the journey and recovery of our loved one, and laid a foundation for family support.

If this makes sense to you, you and your family members may find these books interesting and informative:

An Unquiet Mind is Kay Redfield Jamison’s personal story of discovering her own illness and reflecting on her life leading up to diagnosis. http://www.med.umich.edu/depression/bio/jamison_bio.htm

The Soloist: A Lost Dream, an Unlikely Friendship, and the Redemptive Power of Music is the true story of LA TIMES reporter Steve Lopez and Nathanial Ayers, a Julliard School of Music student who became schizophrenic and homeless on the streets of LA. Throughout the book, the author Lopez well-describes his struggle to understand the person and this illness, his frustrations, confusions, uncertainties and feelings of powerlessness.

Even after this realization I found it extremely difficult to stop feeling responsible for my husband’s behavior. On some level I felt that it was the only thing holding our family together – if I let go the whole thing would fall apart. How could I do that to the children? It was at about that time that a friend gave me some advice. This is what she said:
“You think you’re doing what’s best for your children and what’s best for your family, but you will find that if you do what’s best for *you*– in the end that will also be what was best for your children and your family.”
It seemed ridiculous at the time – it sounded so selfish. I resisted it for years but I’ve come to realize that she was absolutely right. It may not make any sense to you when you are in that place where everything in your life feels so incredibly fragile but it is true. If you take care of your own physical and emotional health it will ultimately be what’s best for your family.

When you are least willing to share, is when you most need to.

Adopting a mantra of “taking what life hands you” can free you up to put place your energies where it counts rather than feeling sorry for what has happened to you and your family.

What advice or quote helps you when you’re feeling overwhelmed?

I’ve found it particularly empowering to share and seek out resources that have been found useful.

My mother has been incredibly generous in this regard. It is from my father’s side of the family that the bipolar tendency comes. My illness was diagnosed in my mid-30’s and by then my father had died. My mother, during the most difficult times, brought me to her house where I lived for three years before mustering the courage and strength to go back out on my own again.

Resources on campus:
Resources in the Corvallis community:
Someone to talk to: List of people (e-mails; blog?) willing to be a listening ear – NOT counseling – for the support person

Releases of information are always important in order for the family to participate. Insist upon admission to emergency room or hospital that the patient be given the option of signing a release. Don’t forget that you can always GIVE information but don’t expect feedback without a release. You might have to tell the medical staff that you know they can listen without a release. In the private sector you are more likely to get support from a counselor or social worker rather than a psychologist or physician due to the latters orientation to individual verses family.

The stigma, uncertainty of what to do, the guilt of “I should have known,” and fear of the unknown can make you want to crawl in a hole. Identify your support system — everyone needs one, and go there willingly rather than letting the crisis drive your thinking.

Crises can bring on accelerations. Managing crises is less challenging to a bipolar if one sleeps well and adequately, eats a well-balanced diet, takes lithium regularly and exercises. This routine puts a framework in place that helps the bipolar to deal with a crisis without having to also manage the effects of an acceleration. Much better plan!

Does anyone have experience seeking legal assistance to get Social Security disability benefits?

Being bipolar can prejudice the courts against you during a divorce. Especially if the partner who is being divorced is good at exacerbating symptoms, the bipolar tag can do harm. But not in the long run. When you follow medical advice and work toward balance, children are paying attention. As they grow older they can see and express who was taking the higher road and who was not.

Again, a release of information is important even if the patient is under 18. Distribute the release to all health care professionals, at a minimum. If a release has not been signed, that it is unlikely that successful discharge planning can take place, if you are a major part of the patient’s support system. Remind the discharge planner of this, early and often.

Here is a link to companies that offer medication purchase assistance: http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Template=/ContentManagement/HTMLDisplay.cfm&ContentID=51763

I haven’t had any difficulty with this. I have been fortunate in that regard

Unless you are contributing more than 50% of their subsistence, the patient, if over 18, will probably need to apply for private insurance or SSI (Social Security for disabled persons).

Know what your insurance will cover and stay on top of it. The OSU Staff Benefits Office is not too knowledgeable when it comes to mental health coverage questions. Don’t be afraid to call PEBB and ask for help — even if you signed up for one insurance during open enrollment and have found that another will better meet the needs of your family member. You can petition PEBB for a change, and they can tell you how to do it. Don’t wait until your loved one is 24 before you look into keeping them on your insurance — but once they are able to work at any job they will be terminated from your OSU coverage, even if they are on Social Security disability.

Bipolars dearly love spending money when their mood is elevated. I have read stories of people hiring helicopters to drop money from the sky during times of acute mania. I have only spent relatively small amounts of money but it is definitely easier to rationalize gifts for others or even lattes when one’s mood is elevated.