Allison Crow

Take Time to Look (& Listen)

allisoncrow — Wed, 21 May 2025 15:32:36 +0000

The last thing I want to do when life feels SLOW is slow down even more. Many months ago, I came across this painting by Sarah Bamford Seidelmann. It landed in my feed, and I instantly purchased a wood print from her. It has been over my left shoulder, helping me remember who I am, since I unpacked it.

“Take time to look,” said Georgia O’Keeffe. My own brain also added, “Take time to listen.”

The impossible standards conditioned into my brain expected insight and direction in a flash. My soul knows better, but that did not stop so many parts of me from being irritated, frustrated, self-blaming & shaming, and even afraid.

The vision, the next, the path… has been right here all along in dozens of tiny puzzle pieces. Thirty years ago, soul seeds were planted when I discovered the work of Thomas Moore in a Boulder, Colorado bookstore.

I KNEW.
I’ve always known, and of course, like many of us do, I’ve been distracted in the living of life, in the unbecoming of my training, and in the gaining of wisdom that only experience can bring. Of course, this had to wait until my 3rd Act.

It’s all here.
No big flash today, just stepping forward into the re-enchantment of everyday life from a grounded, weathered, and strangely confident place.

I’ve always known and now it’s time to harvest what has been reblooming all along.

“The Re-Enchantment of Everyday Life” gave me permission to have a diverse portfolio of interests and expertise from my early 20s. A scholar, teacher, counselor, psychologist, spiritual student, poet, artist, writer, another kind of mother, and tender of souls in life and work.
“The Education of the Hear t” and “Elemental Self.” (All by Thomas More and all on my shelf for 25-30 years).

My own company, Soul-Full Living, LLC – although my business has evolved over the years, SOUL-FULL remains the guiding path. SELF connection and trust amidst an enticing and distracting world are still the fuel.

The Great Work of Your Life by Stephen Cope, and my own book Unarmored: Finding Home in the Wild Edges of Being Human.

I could list 132 more puzzle pieces that have come together to undoubtedly show me that my mission is in moments, not in moonshots or impact.

In a world of volatility, uncertainty, and complexity, being connected to self, source, and the present moment matters. Intentional living, community, and expression of creativity, poetry, nature, caring conversations, and everyday enchantment – this is the world I am committed to creating.

Take time to look. Take time to listen. Trust yourself. Let it take time.

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Midlife Can Cause Your Confidence to Wobble: Here’s Why and What to Do About It

allisoncrow — Tue, 26 Nov 2024 19:06:38 +0000

Feeling Like You’ve Lost Your Confidence in Midlife? It can be discombobulating. Here’s Why—and What to Do About It.

It’s not uncommon to feel a loss of confidence, especially during times of transition, change, or stress.

What we call “confidence” in the past was often rooted in external validation or 💛a sense of control over familiar circumstances. When life shifts—whether through age, relationships, career changes, or personal growth—it can feel like that foundation crumbles, leaving us questioning ourselves.

Here’s why this might be happening and some steps to start reconnecting with your confidence:

What Happened?

External Confidence Was Shaken: Confidence often stems from skills, roles, or identities that feel secure. If those shift—like your job changing, kids leaving home, or your body aging—it’s natural to feel unsteady.
Internal Growth Can Be Unsettling: Personal growth often brings self-awareness. You might notice patterns, like people-pleasing or perfectionism, that kept you going but were never sustainable. Letting go of those coping mechanisms can feel like losing your “edge.”
Midlife Health or Neurodivergence May Amplify Self-Doubt: Shifts in hormones, energy, or brain patterns (like ADHD or Autism traits) can make you feel disconnected from the way you used to operate.
Societal Pressure: There’s often pressure to “have it all figured out” at this stage of life. Feeling unsure can lead to self-doubt, especially if you compare yourself to others.

Here are some of the ways to rebuild self-confidence from the inside out in midlife:

💛True confidence comes from self-trust, not performing or pleasing. Begin to ask: What do I value? What feels right for me now?
💛Practice honoring small inner nudges—this builds trust in yourself.
💛Lean Into Curiosity, Not Perfection: You don’t have to “get it all back.” Instead, ask: What feels intriguing, energizing, or joyful? Confidence grows when you allow yourself to experiment and learn without harsh judgment.
💛Build Body Confidence Through Regulation: Confidence often starts in the body. Try grounding practices like walking, dancing, or slow breathing to bring calm and connection back into your physical self.
💛Tend to Self-Compassion: Talk to yourself the way you would a friend who’s lost their footing. Remind yourself that feeling uncertain is part of being human, not a sign of failure.
💛 Reconnect With Purpose: Ask: What feels meaningful? What small actions can I take today to move toward that? Confidence grows when we align our actions with what matters most.
💛 Limit Comparisons: Your path is unique. Comparing yourself to others is like comparing apples to oranges. Focus on your growth and values instead.

This stage of life isn’t about “getting back” to who you used to be—it’s about embracing the opportunity to become someone even more grounded, wise, and authentic. Confidence will come naturally as you build self-trust and honor your evolving self.

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Midlife Wandering – Where Am I Going

allisoncrow — Thu, 29 Aug 2024 14:53:04 +0000

Almost two years ago, my book on learning to live with an unarmored heart was published. 2 years ago yesterday, I had an NSTMI heart attack and spent three days in the hospital while the doctors tried to figure out what was going on. Talk about unarmored; life demanded it.

Last night, I told Bill, “I don’t think I’ve been the same since; I just know I’m not who I was before 2022, and I haven’t figured out who I am becoming.”

In midlife, we don’t all need a significant health scare to help us realize we aren’t the same person anymore. My college human development textbooks had literally only a single paragraph on midlife development, mentioning the stereotypical midlife crisis.

Midlife doesn’t have to be a crisis, and for many of us, it is a season of challenging and confronting transitions that activate what we’ve stuffed to the side for many years.

—-

Usually, my writing flows, and just like in midlife – my ‘flow” here has stopped and started and choked. Each of us has a list of our own personal events – that contribute to the clusterfuck that midlife can be.

Where am I going? This is another question that speaks to the layers of my life. I don’t have anything I’m “going after.” Sure, I can make up obligatory goals, but I don’t roll that way. My heart has to be infused with it. For now, I do not have much vision, drive, or direction, but there are also days when I am fully annoyed with the wandering.

My “capitalism brain” shames and shoulds me into creating a big vision and coming up with the next “thing” to sell for 20k months. My mortgage and skin care products also want to make sure I’m still earning money. It’s a little financially scary to divest so much of my identity from business me – it has been easier to make money when, deep inside, I was afraid and had something to prove. It was much easier to drive and market and strive and DO when my coping mechanisms ran the show.

When there is no intrinsic big vision – my nudges have encouraged me to find goodness in the specific. Yesterday, (which was a mentally wonky day) was brightened by capturing this bumble bee in my salvia blooms, and the glorious Sports Illustrated images of USA rugby player Ilona Maher in her red triangle-top bikini. My unarmored midlife joy is in the moments like these.

I have no doubt that My Internal Drive will show up in her right time. I am a gardener, not a machine. (Yesterday, I didn’t believe this -today, I do). It is only my job to be present with what is and to be compassionate with all parts of me in this midlife weirdness.

1:1 work with clients has confirmed this. The deliciousness of going slow and deep and spacious with clients – many of whom are experiencing their own versions of releasing the white-knuckle grip on how things used to be, or what their capitalism brains incessantly demand. Together, we are learning to deeply self-trust and regenerate from the inside truth of who we are vs who the world told us we should be.

If you want a skilled, caring, and compassionate hand to hold as you navigate this season of your life and work, I have space open on my roster in September. Message me or start at www coachwithallison dot com.

Finally, yes, I am a bit lonely and miss being in community. I’ll admit that out loud. In the past, I always created the community I wanted – I’m not sure I’m ready to do that, yet, but I am considering it in my heart and body.

As always, my heart is to share so you don’t feel so alone. And, to show you my bumble bee in the salvia flowers, and in doing so I remember that I am enough in this moment. So are you.

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Attractor vs Enroller: A Distinction for Us Both

allisoncrow — Sun, 25 Aug 2024 17:04:42 +0000

A distinction for your consideration: Attractor vs. Enroller

Yesterday was a bingo ball day where all my ideas just bounced around in the bingo ball hopper – none fully

dropped into the final chute. I looked through some recent journals to slow down and connect with my own wisdom.

I came across a note to myself that reminded me, in my coaching practice, I am an

ATTRACTOR

not an

ENROLLER

It was just the SELF-TRUST reminder I needed.

ENROLLER is the formula for what many of us are taught to do in sales—to get people to go through a sales funnel that leads to a sales consultation, where the goal is to “convert” the prospect to a client. Then, handle and overcome objections and close the sale.

This can be effective for many salespeople, but it is also what feels disingenuous and smarmy to others.

ATTRACTOR is a way of being and marketing that feels more natural to me and encourages responsibility and self-trust in potential clients. Yes, I have expert skills, AND the client’s concerns and objections are considered and valid. A right fit is more important than “closing the sale.”

It is often unclear what I do or offer professionally, and I’m sure I leave money on the table. I know this is not the best sales practice (I taught sales for YEARS).

I am quirky and strange, and when potential clients call, if they are with someone who doesn’t know me, isn’t familiar with me, or hasn’t seen or heard me speak or teach, it is always AWKWARD. Even referrals from beloved clients can be strange – not because of the other person but because of me. I’m weird. And I’m incredibly nervous, and my “sense of being perceived” rises when I’m around new people.

Last year, I had a series of “cold discovery calls” that I think came through tiktok, which was so awkward. I was awkward.

Coaching is not a mechanical process for me—it’s a relational process, and I’m weird at the beginning of relationships, even if I don’t want to be. Hello AUDHD.

I can now see it’s a bottom-up process, and I desire that both ways. I’m probably not your best fit if you are a top-down linear thinker.

Most, not all, of the people I work well with have known and “followed” me for years. Sometimes ten or more years – The quiet watchers routinely come out when THEY are ready and say, “I want to work with you.” They are the ones that end up in transformative years or more long engagements – doing deep inner and outer work. By the time they go to my coaching page and request a connection and discovery session – they know they want to work with me in the direction of their dreams and well-being.

I know I’m not super direct, and, when you are ready, I’m here, and we can talk and create a custom program for you.

I shared this because this week, I was able to help a client see that they are more of a Gardner in their business, too, not a machine. What I call “capitalism brain” is a subconscious influence that always pushing the machine. But there IS a place for those of us who are gardeners to cultivate in our lives and work.

Maybe you need to be reminded that you are a gardener, and you can do what you do. You can keep sharing your heart, showing your work, and making warm invitations, and the right clients will bloom at the right time.

Enroller or attractor – one is not better than the other, but one is more authentic to me and more congruent with my system and my way of being and creating in the world.

Remember who YOU are, and go do your thing!

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Do your Leaders Invite You to Self Trust Like Rick Rubin (And Me)

allisoncrow — Thu, 22 Aug 2024 14:35:00 +0000

SELF- Trust:

As a coach- my clients often hear me say:

You can accept, modify, or reject

I’ll lay this idea/suggestion on the table, and you can pick it up or leave it there.

I am not the boss of you. I believe in you. I have some really good ideas and connection and protection strategies to share – but you are the ultimate authority on you.

My friend Justin mentioned this book by Rick Rubin recently- and I’ve been mainly listening – but this morning, I opened the hardback- and loved this invocation for the reader to use what is helpful and let go of the rest.

This post has an affiliate link.

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Healing & Finding Hope After the Hard: Colette Nies Von Hanna, Socio-Ecological Feminist Theologian

Elyse Rich — Mon, 12 Aug 2024 13:36:40 +0000

Healing and Hope after Hard Journies with Colette Nies Von Hanna

Navigating Life’s Challenges: A Conversation with Colette Nies Von Hanna

Join me for a conversation with long-time family friend Colette Nies Von Hanna, who shares her journey and insights on being human. Colette, an organic gardener, socio-ecological feminist theologian, and energy researcher from New Braunfels, Texas, discusses the interconnection of ecological trauma and personal experiences. She reflects on her career shifts, including a political run, her academic pursuits, and community gardening efforts involving personal, professional, and spiritual growth. Colette shares her struggle with cancel culture, dealing with political and personal attacks, and the importance of self-awareness in activism and community involvement. She emphasizes the importance of resilience, authenticity, and vision despite facing extreme adversity and the challenges of social expectations.

Colette Nies Von Hanna, MSSW, MDIV

Activist, Socio-Ecological Feminist Theologian, Energy Researcher, Social Worker, Chaplain, 3rd Gen Organic Gardener, Aspiring Urban Farmer, Adoptive Mom, River-Goer, Rabble-Rouser, Bleeding Heart, who loves strong coffee and long naps.

The quote mentioned from my friend Justin’s LinkedIn page:

“To the people who are emotionally sensitive, who care so much about everything no matter how hard they try not to, who notice even the smallest things and take everything to the heart, the struggle is valid. I hope you get surrounded with people who are kind enough to understand you and even if you can’t expect everyone to adjust for you, I hope you get extra patience from this world.”

— Kylie Yzobelle

Key Topics and Timestamps

00:00 Introduction and Guest Introduction

01:08 Colette’s Background and Work

03:48 Personal and Professional Challenges

07:02 Running for Office and Facing Adversity

09:27 Navigating Political, Academic, and Spiritual Struggles

13:01 Reflections on Pain, Privilege, and Growth

25:14 Systemic Issues and Personal Resilience

29:46 The Weight of Awareness

30:38 Embracing Sadness and Hope

32:14 Understanding Bypassing

33:25 Facing Trauma and Healing

36:21 The Journey from Head to Heart

37:35 Learning to Feel and Express Emotions

48:13 Building a SELF-Centered Legacy

* Visit: Website: https://allisoncrow.com/

* Find out more about 1:1 coaching with Allison https://allisoncrow.com/coachingwallison/

* Internal Family Systems Coaching and a brief IFS Model Overview https://allisoncrow.com/ifs/

* Get your copy of UNARMORED: Finding Home in the Wild Edge of Being Human

https://allisoncrow.com/unarmoredthebook/

https://www.tiktok.com/@allison_crow

https://www.instagram.com/allison_crow/

https://www.facebook.com/wildesgesofbeinghuman

The post Healing & Finding Hope After the Hard: Colette Nies Von Hanna, Socio-Ecological Feminist Theologian appeared first on Allison Crow.

UNLEARNING (In my journal)

allisoncrow — Wed, 07 Aug 2024 17:11:36 +0000

Today is one of those days when all the dots connect, and I can see how the past has led me to now. My now is ordinary; there is no monumental milestone or achievement. There is nothing to brag about, nothing you will admire as fabulous.

Unlearning isn’t a popular or particularly pleasing journey. It’s often heavy and certainly not inspirational low-hanging fruit to sell in a coaching program. “I can help you make more money.”

If I were really brave, I would share more of my unlearning with you out loud, but I am still sensitive to what you think about me.

Still.

Most of all, if I weren’t afraid of being so “negative.” There’s some programming and “not truth.”

Do you think nature says, “I shouldn’t be so negative?” or even God? Buahahahah. Nope.

We can not escape life’s difficulties even if we do everything we can to escape them. But we can learn to access our own SELFSOUL to be with ourselves and others in the difficulties (and the delights).

Unlearning IS a valid path to SELFSOUL trust. I added SOUL because the SELF-TRUST I am teaching in my work, and living in my life is trust in the INFINITE SOUL within you. The GOD inside of you that you are.

It was always calling, even from way back in 3rd grade, when at HP Elementary, I was compelled to say a prayer in chapel because I was tired of hearing the shame, fire, and brimstone messages about avoiding hell. My little 3rd-grade SOUL knew back then that it was CONNECTION and relationship, not control. And here we are at 52—seeing it all led me to this ordinary moment—where it is more than a theory; it just is.

Alli, you asked for a SOUL-full life for many years, and you’ve been living it all along and are living it here in this moment. You found it by not trying to escape your humanity but by exploring it all the way to the wild edges.

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Lessons Learned from Gabor Mate & Compassionate Inquiry

Elyse Rich — Sun, 30 Jun 2024 14:55:10 +0000

Welcome back! In today’s episode, I delve into lessons I’ve learned from one of my favorite teachers and approaches ~ Gabor Maté and Compassionate Inquiry.

I explore his method as a facilitator, the importance of gaining consent, his views on addiction as attempts to solve suffering, and authenticity versus attachment. Reflecting on his teachings, I discuss the impact of the “still-face experiment” and how connection to self is crucial in our healing journeys. I’ll also share insights on over-functioning as a coping mechanism and Gabor’s perspective on thriving in a sick world. Join me as we reconnect with ourselves and each other.

00:00 Introduction to Gabor Maté and Compassionate Inquiry

00:45 Facilitation Techniques and Interruptions

02:37 The Role of Consent in Facilitation

03:07 Understanding Addiction and Suffering

06:56 The Still Face Experiment

10:23 Authenticity vs. Attachment

18:01 Overfunctioning and Coping Mechanisms

20:46 The Impact of a Sick World on Emotional Health

22:45 Present Moment Awareness and Self-Connection

The Still Face Experiment: https://youtu.be/YTTSXc6sARg?si=9a1-oDJfE69BESL-

Gabor Maté Website: https://drgabormate.com/

The Myth Of Normal: https://amzn.to/3zoVdmc

Compassionate Inquiry: https://compassionateinquiry.com/

* Visit: Website: https://allisoncrow.com/

* Find out more about 1:1 coaching with Allison https://allisoncrow.com/coachingwallison/

* Internal Family Systems Coaching and a brief IFS Model Overview https://allisoncrow.com/ifs/

* Get your copy of UNARMORED: Finding Home in the Wild Edge of Being Human

https://allisoncrow.com/unarmoredthebook/

https://www.tiktok.com/@allison_crow

https://www.instagram.com/allison_crow/

https://www.facebook.com/wildesgesofbeinghuman

The post Lessons Learned from Gabor Mate & Compassionate Inquiry appeared first on Allison Crow.

We Can’t Learn When We Are In A Reactive State

allisoncrow — Thu, 27 Jun 2024 13:54:52 +0000

There is an OBVIOUS inflamed and injured nervous system state – with an obvious acute injury. We can see and soften when the injury is obvious. Oh wow!! Your arm got sliced off. That’s gonna take some time to heal- and we can conjure compassion for the obvious wound.

MANY of the people I come to work with have a chronically inflamed and overstimulated nervous system. Years of inner wounds and pain build up. Imagine a really severe sunburn from the inside that you can’t see. Even the slightest touch or poke can cause seemingly extreme reactions and outbursts- and then, because we have an extreme reaction that doesn’t seem to make sense- we pile on the self-shame – adding to the injury.

Burns take time to heal.

There is NO cognitive solution when our insides are severely raw from decades of coping mechanisms that look good on the outside but are wound on the inside.

Soft, space, slow, decompression, and regulation—this is what needs to happen, but we have overstimulating everyday life to attend to. It’s not easy. Our coping skills are applauded and rewarded—there is no 12-step program or rehab for them. So we have to, in our injured and inflamed state, find just a tiny anchor of somatic respite and softness and nurture that as often as we can.

Slow.

Soft.

Space.

Even the tiniest bit to start.

And having a soft person to support you helps tremendously.

It can take time. It’s not done in an insight. It’s done in the safety built over time.

The world can be hard… even the everyday subtleties…. Can wear us thin.

I’ve got you.

We won’t be in this phase forever. The new ways of being will come- but for now- slow and soft is fast.

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You’re Doing it Wrong – From the Archives

allisoncrow — Tue, 25 Jun 2024 15:02:20 +0000

Originally written June25, 2022

𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗱𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝘁 𝗪𝗥𝗢𝗡𝗚!

Does anyone else have an old trauma-based sensitivity to this phrase?

I have been a puppet to these strings.

And I’m certain I’ve expressed “You are doing it wrong” here and in person more times than I wish.

This is one of my great paradoxes. Both losing who the world told me I should be (and still does) and discovering my o

wn authentic way. Uncentering from them to center to me and my centering is still wrong because it is not enough for yet another them.

At the micro, I’m fucking it all up, to be sure.

At the macro, it is today, this moment of now, and I am a speck of fleshy dust on a rock, floating through infinite space. I am a tiny 5’9 coagulation of matter with thumbs typing on a device with a screen that publishes to the inter and outer of webs.

None of it is ever good enough. In me or out of me. What you do or don’t do and what I do or don’t do.

I’ll never be a good enough white, cis colonized, Un-racist, un-indoctrinated, un-Christianized, lib-t#@^, socialist commie woman, and you’ll never be a good enough whatever you failed at in the world’s eyes you.

None of us are doing it right and we are all doing it better than everyone around us in our eyes.

It’s exhausting.

I see your mess and I see your perfection. I see you doing it wrong and I see you doing it the best you are capable of. I see me doing the same.

I spent most of my 50 years trying to be better. Do right and good and care in the right ways.

And it has NEVER been enough. Not on one side of history or the aisle or the other.

And at the end of the day, here I am with ME. Just me.

My right is only ever good enough for me. It has NEVER lived up to YOUR (whoever you are) expectation. I’m working on letting your right be good enough for you. Do our rights /our correctness EVER meet in the same place? Maybe for a moment and then another moment happens and showed us our separateness, and wrongness.

Only the SHOULDS rip us each in two and we both lose. We both end up wrong.

It’s exhausting.

If it isn’t June 25th, if there was no Saturday, no horrible history, and no dreaded future to worry about- there is only right now and right now and right NOW.

No matter what I preach – it is only right now and it only has to be enough for me because it will nev

er be enough for whoever them is. And it won’t ever be right for you.

What a complicated world we live in with always the threat of UN belonging.

This is the hook—it freezes us, fights us, or fawns us due to the threat of disconnection and belonging.

And that is the one thing we all have in common- the innate need to belong.

I’m tired of trying to belong in a way that makes you happy while I lose me. I’m tired of trying to belong in a way that works for you but not me.

I’m allowed to center me. You are allowed to center you. You are the center of your universe and I am the center of mine.

And the cycle goes in and on- we each try to rip another from their center for our own security.

It is exhausting.

And so for today.

I will just be here – with one dog, and this phone, and my words and expression, and the air touching the bottom of my feet and my bra feeling too tight and my throat itchy.

And is just IS.

And so today, here now. Belonging to only my own sweet soul and SELF of me, has to be enough.

I breathe and check in…..

and it is.

Ps. I can smell that Leroy is dying. It’s in his breath. Because that is what life is. It is living and loving and then death.

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