Aloha Kitchen

Aloha Kitchen is Now Rhymes With Tao!

2012-01-27T21:04:00.001-05:00

Hmm.

It appears as if many of you read Aloha Kitchen from a feed reader or aggregator, and have thus missed out on the fact that Aloha Kitchen is now Rhymes With Tao. I had to change things up a bit, for so many reasons. One of them was that I kept getting hits for a restaurant in Las Vegas, and if they're tracking their Google Alerts, I bet they were sick of getting my hits. So, it's over. I moved.

You can now find me, all of the AK posts, and an increasing number of Stepmom/Real Mom, et al., posts at http://rhymeswithtao.blogspot.com. As I begin freelancing a little more (or, at all), I'll redirect that to my actual website ... but that's some time off. In the meantime, please update your bookmarks and feeds to Rhymes With Tao!

Thanks!

Off Limits! Or, Why Mommy Can't Have Nice Things

2012-01-18T15:24:00.000-05:00

{ Image source: kamerakamote }

Like most of the U.S., we had Monday off in honor of the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. It was also really, really cold. As a result, I found myself yelling at the kids most of the weekend to GET OFF THE NEW SOFA WITH THAT SNOW GLOBE or GET OUT OF MY CLEAN UNDERWEAR or STOP MESSING WITH THE GARDENING SHEARS or ... well, you get the picture. They were climbing the walls. And the furniture. And occasionally the baby gates.

There are a lot of areas in our house that are off limits: our bedroom, their own bedrooms, the living room, the kitchen, the office nook, the stairs. And I had to think, if I had that many places in my house that were no-fly zones, would I even feel like I lived there?

The thing is, I did have that many areas off limits to me. When I lived in Alabama, I wasn't allowed in my parents' room or my brother's room. We weren't banned from the formal dining room or the sitting room, but we better have had good reasons to be in them. The same went for the laundry room and the front, back, and tool sheds. As for my mother's sewing room, we were allowed to go in because it also served as the craft supply storage area, but we could only go in to get what we needed and then get out. Frankly, I spent most of my time either in my room, in the family room, in the office/game room, or outside.

When we lived in Ohio, it was much of the same: I was banned from my parents' room, my brother's room, and the office. When I was home, I was either in my bedroom, the dining room, or the living room, if I was in the house at all.

Now, as an adult, there are still areas of my parents' house that I consider off limits. I don't go into my parents' bedroom without permission, unless they're not home and I need something in there. Even then, I go in, get what I need, and get out. I rarely go into my father's office or the laundry room, unless again, I need to grab something quickly. When my brother is there, I stay out of his lair. I dare not set a single toe in my mom's sewing room unless I need the iron. Do I feel welcome? Absolutely. Do I feel like I'm walking on eggshells? Not in the slightest.

It comes down to boundaries. (And, in our case right now, safety.) I want to teach the kids to respect others' privacy and to expect the same treatment. I want to help them understand that it's not only okay to claim ownership of something, but that they should respect that someone else owns whatever that something is and LEAVE IT THE HELL ALONE.

But really, I would like to put out my nice things without Petra picking them up and throwing them.

How about you? Do you have off-limits areas of your house? What are they and why are they off limits?

Subscribe to Aloha Kitchen! (You know you want to.)

Journey to Becoming a Freelancer: Week 2, When Reading Counts Towards Writing Time

2012-01-16T10:41:00.000-05:00

{ Image source: Alexander Lyubavin }

My Journey to Greatness 2012 officially kicked off last week when I chose what I was going chase: selling a manuscript. Or, perhaps I should reword that so that it sounds a little less monetary and more professional and dream-fulfilling: becoming a freelancer.

I spent an inordinate amount of scheduled writing time last week reading through my copy of the 2012 Writer's Market (Deluxe Edition), an annually-updated listing of book publishers, literary agents, contests and grants, etc., from F + W Media. I've received copies as gifts from my kids two years in a row, and I never cracked open my 2011 edition.

In the front of the book, there are articles on the craft and business of writing by established authors, freelancers, and agents. This immediately became my favorite section because it was chock full of tips. How to write, how to break into the market, how to build a platform, everything. If you can extract the main ideas from each article and follow them exactly, you have a really good shot at getting into the business.

In the middle of the book is a fat, juicy section filled with listings for consumer magazines. Each listing gives the general topic (e.g. women's), pay rates, how to submit manuscripts, when they pay, what rights they buy, pretty much everything you need to know about that publication.

Here's where I ran into what I consider a stumbling block: most publications want you to query with published clips.

Hmm. What we essentially have is a major catch-22: you must have published clips in order to submit an idea for publication, but you can't get published clips until you have an idea approved for publication.

It makes sense. Why would a publisher take a chance on an unknown freelancer without seeing some of his or her work? From a business standpoint, that's ridiculous. If a publisher accepts material from an untested author and then it sucks donkey nuts, the publisher is out money AND time and will have to call in a quick favor to an old standby, therefore wasting MORE money ... no. It ain't happening.

There's a way around this roadblock: submit to--and win--contests. The problems are that a) one must win the contest and b) most contests are literary in nature, not commercial. And the general idea is that you should not query with clips published in a genre or on a topic that isn't related to what you're currently querying. Which, of course, sets up my next roadblock: despite the fact that I've been published before (under a nom de plume), it's not in a form in which I particularly care to write.

So.

Problems, eh?

My self-assigned task for this week, then, is two-fold: one, narrow down in which genres and in which forms I want to write. Two, find a handful of publications that allow queries WITHOUT published clips. I think that further defining my parameters will help propel me towards my goal of becoming a freelancer.

How about you? Take any steps towards your 2012 goal this week?

Subscribe to Aloha Kitchen! (You know you want to.)

Photography How-To: Create a Lomo-Like Effect in GIMP

2012-01-13T13:43:00.000-05:00

Back in March of last year, I posted a Thursday 13 with a bunch of pictures that I had processed using GIMP, a freely-distributed photo-processing program. At the end of the post, I asked if anyone wanted to know how to do it ... and then never followed up. Is it too late to drop some knowledge on you?

How-To: Create a Lomo-Like Effect in GIMP

1. Start with an unedited picture. It can be of whatever you want, really. I'm going to use this one from our family camping trip this past year. (Truthfully, I've already edited this by cropping and minor color correction, but let's pretend I didn't.)

Note: Make sure that your foreground/background colors are BLACK and WHITE, respectively.

2. Crop it to your desired size. I'm a big fan of using the Golden Sections or Rule of Thirds guide when cropping. This picture was previously cropped using Golden Sections. See how the right hand vertical of the grid is (mostly) aligned with the foreground of the fence?

3. Color-correct your base image. For this photo, I applied an automatic white color balance. This won't always work, so read more about color-correction in GIMP here.

4. If you used an additional layer to color correct your base image, flatten your image. You can find this command under the Layers menu. In the Layers sidebar, click on the uppermost layer. Go to Layers>Merge Down.

5. Sharpen your color-corrected image. For overall sharpening, use the Unsharp Mask. I prefer to use the Unsharp Mask with the preset values. Find by clicking Filters>Enhance>Unsharp Mask.

6. Add a layer of black. Yep, that's it, go on and add that all-black layer by clicking on Layers>New Layer>Foreground Color. Change the name to something like "Vingette" as to not get confused.

Warning! If you changed your foreground color in Step Three, make sure you change it back to black before proceeding!

7. Change the mode to Soft Light. In the layers sidebar, go to Mode and select the Soft Light mode.

8. Add a layer mask. On the black layer, add a layer mask by clicking on Layers>Mask>Add Layer Mask. Select White (Full opacity).

9. Freehand select a section of the photo. On the Toolbox sidebar, select the icon that looks like a lasso. Select Feather Edges and set the radius to something high, like 80. Freehand a section of the photo, presumably the subject on which you want to focus.

10. Fill the selection with black. While your lassoed area is selected, click on the paint bucket icon in the Toolbox bar. Then scroll over to your picture and fill the selected area with black. You should see your selected area come through brighter and fade out towards the edges. If you don't, hit Undo (Ctrl+Z), make sure that your layer mask is selected (the white layer next to the all-black layer in the Layers sidebar) and try again.

11. Deselect the filled area. Click on Ctrl+Shift+A.

12. Blur the layer mask. Ensure that your layer mask is still selected. Go to Filters>Blur>Gaussian Blur and set the Blur Radius to something really high, like 300. A general rule of thumb is 10% of the image's larger dimension in pixels (e.g. a 3200x2800 pixel picture would have a blur radius of 320).

13. Adjust the opacity of the black layer. On the layers sidebar, click on the black square. Adjust the opacity until there is only a hint of black on the edges of the photo in the main window. For most photos, something between 60 and 80 percent opacity is good. I used 60 percent for this one.

14. Flatten your image. As before, make sure that your black layer is selected. Go to Layers>Merge Down.

Congratulations! You've just applied a vingette to your photo. Now, on to the fun part!

15. Warp the color. Open the Curves window under Colors (Colors>Curves). Pump up the white and dial down the black until the previously straight diagonal line forms an S. Play with the colors until you get what you like.

16. Dial down the color (optional). If you warped the color enough in the previous step, you probably got something overly vibrant. It may be a bit much, especially if you used this process on pictures of people. To dial down the color, add another layer of black (Layers>New Layer>Foreground Color). In the layers sidebar, change the mode to Color and the opacity to about 40%. (If you don't remember how to change the mode, refer back to Step 7). Play with the opacity to get what you like. For this, I used a 30% opacity.

17. Final touchups. Merge your color leaching layer down (Layers>Merge Down) and apply another Unsharp Mask (Filters>Enhance>Unsharp Mask), if needed. Voila! You're done!

If you used this with people, you may have other issues like spotty skin, red eyes, or just plain weird shadows. I don't know how to do this well, so you're out of luck here. Try Googling "gimp+[whatever correction you need]" for more tutorials. And good luck!

Have you tried this photo enchancing process in GIMP? How about any others? What's your favorite and how do you do it? Leave your link in the comments section; I'd love to see your work!

Subscribe to Aloha Kitchen! (You know you want to.)

Thursday 13: Goals for 2012

2012-01-12T10:00:00.000-05:00

{ source unknown }

In 2010 and 2011, I set out 13 goals for myself for the coming year. Technically, this could be a one-per-month-plus-one-for-good-luck thing, but it's more because ... hey, it was a Thursday 13 post. You need 13 items.

Neither year resulted in accomplishing everything on my list, but at least trying to reach set goals made me a better person. (I think.) I don't expect to finish everything on my list of Goals for 2012 either, but I do expect to try. (Not like 2011. 2011 was bad for Getting Things Done.)

1. Finish my Year of Awesome. In May, I made a list of things that I wanted to do before my 30th birthday. I could cheat and list each of those items as a separate goal, but I'm not going to do that. I would just like to finish the list, even if it means running around the weekend before and trying to hit four new states and a bunch of places of historical value.

2. Finish my current novel. Also in May, I started work on a new novel. It was a one-off of opening chapters for a contest that I entered, and as it turned out, I did quite well. Not winning well, but I was in the top 25. Not bad for something that I dashed off over a few weeks while wiping butts. Anyway, I polished it and tried again two months later, still landing in the top 25. Then,I discovered Will Write for Shoes and The Weekend Novelist. My writing has been transformed, as well as my approach. I have a year--well, about 50 more weekends--to finish this novel. And it's going to rock. (I hope.)

3. Start--and finish--another Journey To Greatness. In 2010, I was a fairly avid reader of ThoseGirlsAreWild.com. I was a little old for their target audience, but I liked what they had to say. I've stopped reading regularly--they're still wonderful writers and lovely women, but I don't relate to the content as much as I did two years ago. What I do still relate to is setting an overarching goal for the year and doing something EVERY WEEK to accomplish that. They called it a Journey to Greatness, something that I wholeheartedly support. I haven't settled on my goal, but it's likely to do with writing. Because I love it, yo.

4. Decorate our living room. Late last year, I cut a deal with Matt--if I stop stressing about keeping the entire house magazine-neat, then I'm allowed to go all designer on one room in the house AND he'll help me keep the kids out of it. I chose the living room. So far, we have a half-finished gallery wall with photos of our children and pieces of cultural art and our rocking piano bar. Our couch was delivered this week, and I have an old foot locker that's either going to become a table or a chair. Not sure which yet. We just need a few more things in there and it is DONE. Give us the year.

5. Replenish our savings account. This year was a little rough for us financially. We had a few unexpected expenses come up, and our savings took a small hit. We're only a little short, but I'd like to get back to that comfy spot.

6. Start a salad garden. I grew herbs and tomatoes last year, and it was lovely. We had fresh basil on damn near everything in the summertime, and it was so satisfying to start the plants from seedlings and watch them grow. The kids enjoyed being part of it too. This year, I would like to grow something a little more substantial. We don't have a yard anymore, so I'll have to figure out container planting, but we should be able to grow a few things!

7. Make money writing. I think this one makes me a bit selfish ... but it's true. I would like to finally make a little coin doing something that already sucks up 1-3 hours of my day, nearly every day. It could be from a book advance or from magazine articles, but a little fun money would be awesome.

8. Go to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. I can go by myself, with the kids, with the family, with Matt, with friends, whatever. I just want to go. And call me a nerd if you want.

9. Read five classics. As depicted by my 2010 and 2011 Books Lists, I like chick lit and popular literature. I have a deplorable knowledge of classic fiction. I must rectify this immediately.

10. Try a No Spend Month. Thanks to Pinterest (I think), I started reading smallnotebook.org, a wonderful blog about living simply. The writer and her family, every July, do a No Spend Month. They set a very small budget and, aside from rent and bills, don't spend money outside of that budget. They've learned the real difference between wants and needs, which is inspiring. I want to do February, but that would rule out living off of things that we grow. Maybe June?

11. Set up and stick to a writing schedule. When I accounted for my writing time recently, I came to the conclusion that I'm about halfway through the 10,000 hours required to become an expert at something. If I keep at my current pace of about 8 hours per week, I'll be well over forty before I can assume that I'll be published to the degree that I would like to be. If I can up it to about 13 hours, that brings me down to seven years. If I can squeeze in the recommended 20 hours per week, or about 1000 hours a year, that lowers my expected rate of success down to about five years. If I'm going to hit any one of these goals, however, I need to create and stick to a writing schedule. For real.

12. Take more pictures. We do stuff, I promise. But I never have a camera on me and my phone is too dirty for taking real pictures. I want to change that, because my babies are growing and I don't want to look back on this time and say, "WTF, Lynn, why didn't you take more pictures when the kids still liked you?"

13. Take a gymnastics class with Petra. I'm determined to have a gymnast in the family. I don't know who it's going to be yet, but my money is on this one. She's a rough-and-tumble baby with powerful legs that is still pretty flexible, and I want to encourage that before she learns fear. Also, I didn't get to take a regular class with Malia, and I would like to do it with at least one baby before they all get too old.

It's interesting to me to see how self-centered my list has become. Over the past two years, I've spent some time focusing on my husband and children, but this year, it's all about ME. Am I ashamed of that? No, not in the slightest. It's my list for my self-improvement, and it should focus on me. Also, things with the fam are pretty good now, so no need to spend extra time fixing what ain't broke, right?

Right.

Have you set goals for 2012? What are they?

Subscribe to Aloha Kitchen! (You know you want to.)

Journey to Greatness: Week 1, The Starting Line

2012-01-09T10:29:00.000-05:00

{ Original image by Andi Sidwell. Remix by Lynn Daue. }
{ Available for use under CC BY-SA 2.0 }

Over the last two years, I've undertaken a Journey to Greatness, as inspired by Shannon and Andrea at ThoseGirlsAreWild.com. I've failed both years.

The first year, 2010, I set my overarching goal to Get Published. I worked hard that year, doing everything from interviews to submitting queries for an anthology that a friend of mine and I compiled. I got far on this goal--we even got to the point that we had a couple of interested agents. And then, for some reason (probably because we stopped pushing so hard), things fell through. So unless you count online content managers, I still haven't attained the goal of getting published.

In 2011, I set my goal to Establish My Business. For so many reasons, I failed hard at this. I gave up after about two months, and now even my part-time, for fun Etsy store has become defunct. And I have SO MANY BEADS hanging out in my basement now. It's ridiculous. On the upside, I probably don't have to buy costume jewelry for a very long time.

I'm not entirely sure what to do this year. The purpose of the exercise is to do Something Great. Something that brings you personal fulfillment. Something that you devote an entire year to doing.

I could try to stabilize my weight, but really, that's no fun.

I could try to run a marathon, but I'm already dreading a measly 5K in April. (Yes, that's still on and yes, I'm still up for people joining me.)

I could try to see more of the U.S., but 'Merica is DAMN BIG, and that's a little cost prohibitive.

Ultimately, I have to go with something writing-related. In Week 6 last year, I came to the conclusion that I missed writing. I don't want to miss writing again this year. I already set up a kick-ass schedule for writing, which includes magazine articles and queries, polishing my novel, and blogging. I intend to stick to this schedule, and I don't think that I can do so if I'm chasing some other pipe dream. Not to mention the barely-touched list of things to do before I turn 30. Geez.

Under the great big writing umbrella, there are a lot of smaller goals. I could go for trying to make money writing. I could go for finishing my novel. I could go for winning a competition or grant. I could go for selling a manuscript. I can choose almost anything.

The thing is, I technically do make money writing. Not that I've seen a red cent of it because I haven't hit my payable threshold (sad), but having articles on content manager sites does generate some revenue, albeit unseen. I've already finished novels, crappy as they may be. I can't really control winning a competition or grant; I can certainly try, but I know that I don't have the funds to support that indefinitely. What I can try to do, however, is sell a manuscript.

It can be a novel, short story, creative non-fiction piece, or magazine article. It can have national circulation or just in our neighborhood. Frankly, it doesn't even have to be published (although that IS the ultimate goal). It just has to be accepted to a real publication, and I can't have given it away.

Does this mean that I'm also going to making money writing? Well, yes and no. Yes, in the sense that I'm not going to give something for nothing, but no, in the sense of cold, hard cash. Complimentary writer's copies will totally count as "payment."

So, here goes, my Journey to Selling a Manuscript. Let's hope I can keep it up.

Do you have a Big Goal for 2012? What is it?

Subscribe to Aloha Kitchen! (You know you want to.)

Thursday 13: Goals for 2011, a Review

2012-01-05T10:00:00.000-05:00

{ source unknown }

At the end of 2010, I did a review of the goals that I set at the beginning of the year. Not only did it give me a great way forward for 2011, but it really showed me what I was able to accomplish during the year, what I focused on, and what turned out to not be so important to me. So, again, I'm doing a review of my goals for the previous year and setting a way forward for 2012.

1. Establish my business. This ended up not happening. Around the three-month mark, we got some fairly devastating news that derailed the jewelry business ... and then I just ended up closing it down and moving on with life. Frankly, I haven't made a single piece since this summer ... oh, well. On the upside, our devastating news turned out to be not so bad. It's manageable, at least.

2. Sign with an author's agent. This didn't happen either. I spent an extraordinary amount of time at the beginning of the year trying to get in touch with our agent, and she basically disappeared on us. I'm going to go ahead and believe that she didn't contact us because the publishing market is CRAY-CRAY right now and didn't want to promise us anything that she couldn't deliver. (Don't burst my bubble.)

3. Edit a novel. Wow, I'm oh-and-three so far. This didn't happen either. Instead, I started writing a new novel. But for real this time, not just by participating in National Novel Writing Month. And you know what? I'm confident in this one.

4. Move. Finally, something that we accomplished!! We didn't go south (well, to the South) like we had originally planned, but things changed. We just got the HELL out of our old place and into a new one that, amazingly enough, is closer to the beach. And a good German restaurant. AND a Hawaiian restaurant!

5. Take a girls' weekend. Hmm. This should have happened, but I decided to go away with my husband instead. I know, spending time with the Hubster instead of my friends, such a shame.

6. Get into print. Define "print." This is a problem that I had this year. For me, "print" means on actual, tangible paper, and not something that you can print yourself from a website or word processing program. But the publishing industry has changed SO MUCH over the past 2-3 years that many, many (ok, most) people are considering online forums as legitimate publishing outlets. If that's the case, then congrats to me! This article on Smoked Salmon Deviled Eggs made the front page of Blogcritics.org, and I have six other articles up there.

7. Finish my writing course. Um ... they kicked me out for non-participation. Clearly, I did not accomplish this goal.

8. Get down to my fighting weight. Yay, another one that I finished!! In May, I undertook a hard-core journey to lose the rest of my baby weight (and then some), and I did it! By August, I had lost kind of a lot of weight (more than my toddler weighs, let's just say that) and dropped four pants sizes. (Yes, four.) Granted, I put ON some of the weight over the holidays, but no big deal. I now know how to lose the weight relatively painlessly, and my hubby is undertaking the journey with me starting on Saturday. That's love.

9. Get Girls at War up and running. Yo, I don't know what happened with this. Wait, yes I do: our agent stopped calling and we lost confidence in ourselves.

10. Get my products into a bricks-and-mortar store. Since I closed the business, this goal became obsolete. I did try, once, to get stuff into a store, but when I failed hard, I stopped. Clearly, I'm not cut out to run a crafty business. Or, if I am, I don't love it enough to put forth the blood, sweat, and tears to make it really happen.

11. Net $1000 this year. See #10.

12. Improve my mood. Hmm. I go back and forth on this one. On the one hand, yes, I'm much happier now than I was 12 month ago, and I know that's a direct result of making good decisions for our lives. On the other hand, I still find myself being moody, irritable, and sometimes loud and shouty. It's a work in progress, I suppose.

13. Take a gymnastics class with Malia. Ha. I did this, but only on a technicality. See, Malia turned 3 in October and therefore didn't need a chaperone. This was good, because I couldn't leave Petra by herself in order to accompany Malia in the class. I signed Malia up for her unchaperoned class, but I was warned that the class wasn't fully formed yet and she may have to switch days. We showed up on the appointed day, and sure enough, no unchaperoned class. We were invited to stay for the chaperoned class, however, so we did. I spent 45 minutes chasing both children around a gym and trying to keep them out of the foam pit while dressed as a Responsible Mother for Ana's first day at her new school. Hilarity ensued.

Three (or five, depending on how you look at it) out of thirteen. Not my finest year of accomplishing set goals. It's okay, though, because even in definitely accomplishing three goals and maybe accomplishing five, I still made myself a better person. (I think.) I can say with confidence as well that moving was the biggest, best thing that we did for ourselves this year, as a family. We are all happier and healthier, and even if we didn't do anything else, I'm SO GLAD we managed to get out of the hellhole in which we were living before.

Happy 2012.

Subscribe to Aloha Kitchen! (You know you want to.)

Book List 2012

2012-01-03T09:09:00.000-05:00

{ source unknown }

It turns out that, on average, I read 1.6 books a week, or 83 books a year.

It's interesting to me to see how my reading tastes change, yet stay the same. In 2010, I was heavily into Jennifer Chiaverini's Elm Creek Quilts series, Jen Lancaster's memoirs, and Charlaine Harris' Southern Vampire series. In 2011, I tended towards Suzanne Collins, Donna Kaufmann's fairy tale-inspired contemporary romance novels (BTW, WTF?!), and a variety of etiquette and pop psychology reads. Over both years, I still read an obscene amount of chick lit and Harry Potter.

Will 2012 be different? I don't know. I wanted to try to start checking off books from the 50 and 100 Greatest Books Ever Written lists, but truthfully, I don't know if I can go a year reading heavy, thought-provoking tomes. I like frothy books.

1. The Girl Who Played with Fire, Stieg Larsson, Reg Keeland*
2. The Christmas Wedding, James Patterson, Richard DiLallo
3. The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest, Stieg Larrson, Reg Keeland
4. Good Enough to Eat, Stacey Ballis

*I may or may not add this to the final count. I started reading this around 5pm on 12/31/2011, but didn't finish until 1/2/12. Would you count it?

Subscribe to Aloha Kitchen! (You know you want to.)

10,000 Hours

2011-12-14T10:00:00.000-05:00

I've been reading Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers (which is a fantastic read, BTW), and it's basically about how a person becomes great at something. The extraordinary circumstances that turn an ordinary--albeit talented--person into someone of note. Uncontrollable factors ranging from date of birth to national revolutions are taken into consideration, things that almost make me wish that I was a Jewish lawyer born in the 1940s.

One of the major things that Gladwell touches on is dedication and amount of time put into perfecting a craft. In the second (or third--I'm not going to look it up right now) chapter, he studies a few cases of talented, famous engineers and musicians, eventually concluding that all of them had put about 10,000 hours into their respective crafts before hitting it big.

Ten THOUSAND hours.

I had to think, then, how many hours have I put into writing over the years? And really, what counts? Do blogging, journaling, writing papers, doing homework, etc., count? Or is it limited to active fiction-writing only?

Assume, for the sake of argument, that blogging, journaling, and writing college papers, short stories, professional documents, novels and their backstories, and English homework count.

Blogging: basing my numbers off of Aloha Kitchen, I blog, on average, 3 times a week. Assuming that each post takes an average of one hour to write and I started blogging in 2004, that brings me to 1092 hours for blogging.

Journaling: I have no records for my journals. But I do know that it's similar to blogging (I mean, come on, "blog" comes from "web log" which is, in essence, a journal) and I kept journals religiously from the time I was 15 to the time I was ...let's see, until about 2004, when I was 22. That brings me to an estimated 1092 hours for journaling.

College papers: I was a math major in college. Therefore, I didn't write a whole lot of papers. I did, however, take 2 semesters of theology, 2 semesters of philosophy, and a few other non-tech classes that required writing. Let's assume that each class required an average of 2 10-page papers that took ... hmm, let's just say an hour per page. That brings me to a total of 240 hours writing college papers.

Short stories: I have no idea how to begin to calculate this. I remember writing stories starting when I was six. I probably wrote one story a year, on average, and each story probably took me ... let's just say five hours a piece. That brings me to 115 hours writing short stories.

Professional documents: Wow. I was a professional, in the actual sense of the word, for about five years. During that time, I authored one really, really big document and a handful of much smaller, less time-consuming documents. So ... let's see. I know that over the four months that I worked on the really, really big document, I committed around ten hours a day to that bastard. (Roughly 800 hours.) And then I worked on the smaller documents for a total of ... well, I didn't work full-time during that time, but I could legitimately say that I worked six months out of those two years, and I wrote or researched for 8 hours a day. (960 hours.)

Novels and their backstories: Well, since Petra was about 1 year old, I've spent about ... let's see. I think I calculated five hours a week on just writing. (120 hours.) Aside from that, I've spent the entire month of November since 2005 furiously writing novels. I think it's safe to assume another 300 hours.

English homework: why am I including this? Because for the 180 days of my junior year, I had at least an hour of English homework a night. That was the year that I truly learned syntax, sentence structure, analysis, vocabulary, everything on which I rely today. (180 hours.)

Fan fiction: I almost didn't want to include this ... actually, I don't want to include it. But since I've done it AND I've logged the equivalent of a young adult novel in this, I think I'll call it ... hmm. An hour per 1000 words. A young adult novel averages 50,000 words. (50 hours.)

Where does that bring me?

Four thousand, nine hundred forty nine hours.

For simplicity's sake, let's just say 5,000 hours. That means I'm halfway there.

BUT.

If I keep up with my current rate of 8 hours a week (5 for writing, 3 for blogging), that means that I have another 625 weeks, which means I have another TWELVE YEARS before I can call myself an accomplished writer. Another 12 years before I can assume success. I'll be over FORTY before I can estimate that I'll be taking a nation-wide book tour extolling the virtues of my writing. FORTY.

There's hope in that. I can either up my writing to 13 hours a week, bringing my expected success time down to a little over seven years (which keeps me in my thirties), or I can be happy with the fact that by the time I officially become an expert at my craft, I'll still have another 40 years to enjoy it. Either way, yo, I'm happy.

But I might start writing more.

Subscribe to Aloha Kitchen! (You know you want to.)

All of This Anger is Good for my Health

2011-12-13T09:32:00.001-05:00

{ Image source: Denis Dervisevic }

I've been angry lately.

There are a lot of reasons. Some are normal, like the line at Michaels was (literally) out the door on Sunday afternoon when all I wanted was a bag of freakin' Candy Melts but I couldn't wait in line for half an hour because Petra was an hour past her naptime and was screaming vociferously. Some are less than normal, and as much as I wish that I could scream from the rooftops WHY I'm so mad about the non-normal things, it's probably in my best interest not to at the present moment.

(And yes, I know I have crazy run-on sentences. It's a literary device in this case, bitches.)

I've been trying to disperse my anger. Sometimes, it's enough to eat a donut hole and send my kids to the basement. Other times, I find myself whiplashing between ranting and sobbing. The most helpful, though, has been taking long, hard, fast walks.

On Sunday, I walked the parkway that circles through our neighborhood. Three-point-two miles and about an hour later, I was cool, calm, and collected, as well as inspired to someday open a coffee shop in the village square. (Yes, our neighborhood has a village square. We also have a pub, a real town hall, and a police department that is only six strong because of the low, low rate of crime in the area. A welcome change from being on the walking route between bus lines and the regular sirens on the main street in our old neighborhood.)

Today, I not only did the walk to school TWICE this morning, but we also took the back route along the creek home. It's not paved the entire way, so I pushed and pulled the stroller over gravel and moss and up and down icy hills. It was quite the workout and NOT how I anticipated getting home, but it was exhilarating and took my mind off of things.

My head has been clearer and my weight has been holding stable, despite gorging myself on the ever-present Christmas cookies in our house. I'm a little more tired, yes, but I'm always tired. It almost doesn't matter how much any more.

I wish that things were a little more ... convenient. I wish that I didn't have (damn good) reasons to fly off the handle on a weekly basis. I wish that we could all just get along, and that the world was filled with rainbows and ponies. But guess what: IT'S NOT. Sometimes life sucks, and you just have to put on your Big Girl Panties and deal with it. And go for a walk.

P.S. I have, actually, been blogging, but I haven't been publishing said posts due to lack of pictures. I didn't just come back after a month and talk about how pissed I am at the world. Promise.

Subscribe to Aloha Kitchen! (You know you want to.)

The New Chore List

2011-11-14T09:01:00.001-05:00

Since we moved (again), I had to redo my master chore list (again). It was a huge pain in the butt, but I think I have managed to nab everything that must be done in our abode. Of course, I say this, and I'll find something else in two days that will drive me up the wall and end up permanently scribbled on the glass until I redo the chart again.

This house isn't exactly bigger than our last one, but we have a few more spaces for which I must take responsibility, so I'm officially on a two-week rotation. My goal is to accomplish task on the list within a four-week period, but I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen. I mean, come on, I have 30 minutes a day to handle this stuff. It's a lot of stuff. It's probably not going to happen.

Anywho, wanna see what's up?

See? A heckuva lot of stuff to do.

If, for some reason, you decide to make your own chart (and I know you will!), I've included the PNG files for the chart with days, chart without days, a a header-less page, and the paper itself. For these files, you may use them as often as you like for personal purposes; if you want to use anything for a commercial purpose or in a public forum (such as your blog or another website), please contact me at lkdaue [at] gmail [dot] com for further information.

Have fun!

Oh, also, for those who wonder, I used More Enchanted Prairie Dog by Serendipity Fonts for the headers and Liberation Serif by Red Hat for the text. I designed the background using GIMP v2.6.

{Does this look a little slanted to you? It does to me, but I think it's an optical illusion.}

Subscribe to Aloha Kitchen! (You know you want to.)

Biscuits and Gravy

2011-11-13T21:59:00.001-05:00

So, this morning, as I was freaking out about where in the HELL we were going to get started on the massive project that is Our Home, I also spent some time making Biscuits and Gravy for our family. If you're Southern, you probably know how to make this staple. Shoot, you probably knew how to make drop biscuits by hand by the time you were out of elementary school. (I do not. I didn't move south until fifth grade and therefore missed lessons like drop biscuits and how to eat barbecue chicken delicately.) If you're not Southern, however, this recipe is for you.

If you ask almost anyone who knows how to make this dish HOW to make Biscuits and Gravy, you'll probably get an answer along the lines of, "Oh, there's not really a recipe, it's more by feel." That's true; I learned to make the gravy by watching my mother, and then trying and failing many, many times. But, for once, I decided to use real measuring spoons and cups in order to pass this time-honored secret on to you. Enjoy!

Biscuits and Gravy

Ingredients

1 package Jimmy Dean Premium Pork Sausage
2 Tbsp flour
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
3 c milk
2 cans of Pillsbury refrigerated biscuits (your choice of style, but I prefer the Flaky Layers Buttermilk)

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Bake biscuits according to directions on the package.
Meanwhile, in a medium saucepan, brown pork sausage over medium-high heat, breaking into crumbles while cooking. Drain fat.
Add flour, salt, and pepper all at once, stirring to coat meat. Add milk slowly and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer, stirring constantly, until the gravy reaches your desired thickness. Adjust seasoning if necessary and serve over hot biscuits.

It really is that easy. I'm working on a Dukan-friendly version for Broke da Mout', which will hopefully be up soon!

Do you have any recipes that you just feel out? If you had to write them down, how would you do it?

Subscribe to Aloha Kitchen! (You know you want to.)

Paralyzed

2011-11-13T10:52:00.001-05:00

{Image source: Brett Jordan}

Like I said last night, we're about done with the house. Yes, it's still kind of a mess and yes, we still have some stuff to put away, but it's broken down into bite-sized parts now. I can, in earnest, devote 30-45 minutes to a particular task and most likely finish it within that time frame.

The problem now is that I'm PARALYZED. I don't know where to start. I thought I had it down, but then I read on ROOST yesterday that you should pick a room and focus on it until it's finished in order to keep yourself from going crazy. Well, guess what. I'm going crazy!

I don't know which room to pick. Do I start in the living room/entryway so that people are welcomed into a nice, well-designed space? Do I start in our bedroom so that we have a calm, relaxing retreat? Do I start with the kids' room, the only room that we're allowed to paint (so far)? Do I start with the little projects that are spread throughout the house?

I don't know. And I only have a limited amount of time on my hands every day and a limited amount of money every month, so I really can't go balls-to-the-wall with the decorating. And seriously, it wouldn't be a problem if I knew that we were going to be here for the next 3-20 years; I would just do things as we were able to. Instead, I have 10-11 months to make this a livable place.

Truthfully, the place is very livable. That's one of the reasons we picked it. As a matter of fact, I love this place and wouldn't mind owning it for the next decade or so. And therein lies the problem: I love this place and want to put our mark on it. We can't put too much of a mark on it because we don't own it. The little marks are not very time-consuming, but are numerous and add up cost-wise. I don't know if the little marks will translate well into our next home.

So, where to begin?

Subscribe to Aloha Kitchen! (You know you want to.)

A Gallery of Projects

2011-11-12T19:28:00.001-05:00

{Image source: ROOST}

Yo, I know I've been a spotty blogger lately, but you have to cut me some slack. I've been moving in.

The good news, however, is that it looks like we're FINALLY moved in! I mean, yes, we have a papa-san chair that needs emptied (yes, emptied) and we have mountains of trash that need to be removed from the homestead, but for all intents and purposes, we're officially living here. (Albeit in a messy, messy state.)

My next big, glamorous project (besides buying the new couch!) is to put together a gallery wall. Over the years, we've collected a variety of photos, monograms, awards, etc., and it's about damn time to display them. They're going on the big wall behind the (new!) sofa, over the coffee table (substitute), and across from the (to-be-purchased) armchairs.

One of the issues I'm having is that I don't know what to include. I don't know if I've collected everything that I think should go up, and I would hate to have everything perfectly arranged and then to find something else and go, "Augh!" Because I would, you know.

I also don't know what to do with our marital blessing from the Pope. (Yeah, we have one. Word.) Should it go over the piano bar, in the gallery, or in our bedroom? In our previous two homesteads, we placed it over the fireplace because, duh, that made sense. In this place, we don't have a fireplace and are therefore riddled with options.

Are these big problems? No, not really. I'll figure it out, take pictures, and fully expect people to pin my genius on Pinterest. But it is something that's on my mind, and I needed to word vomit to realize what a piddly problem it is.

Thanks.

Subscribe to Aloha Kitchen! (You know you want to.)

Old Nerd is the New Cool Kid (Really)

2011-11-04T10:58:00.002-04:00

{Image source: Turkey Creek Shopping}

A few days ago, I was on the phone with my brother while perusing the aisles of Bed, Bath, and Beyond, and I kept cutting him off with cries of, "Ooh!" and "Ahh!" Finally, he asks me, "Lynn, what the hell are you doing?"

"I'm in Bed, Bath, and Beyond. It's been a while since I've been here, and I forgot how much I love it! It's so big! And there's so much stuff! And it's so pretty! And all I want to do is decorate and organize and store and clean!"

His answer to this? "Damn, Lynn, you're old."

Well, it's true. I'm almost at the halfway point between 29 and 30, and I have a small litter of offspring. I live in the suburbs. I drive a station wagon most days. I cannot tell you what the hot new drink is at Saint Ex, but I can tell you that the local preschool begins their enrollment lottery in January. (So early!) My life is firmly in the realm of Raising a Family.

This is all fine by me. But last night, things changed a bit for me. Matt, my lovely husband that busts his butt so that I can buy moderately pricey trash cans at my rediscovered Shangri-La, told me to go out and have a night to myself. I replied, "You know, I'm not really feeling it. I'd rather stay home and catch up on our shows so that we can get our Fringe on tomorrow night."

WHAT?!

I rarely, if ever, give up a night out. Granted, most nights include a cup of decaf coffee and a free wi-fi connection so that I can surf teh Intarwebz and write without being distracted, but sometimes it includes getting my nails did and shopping. (Albeit for moderately pricey trash cans.) But for some reason, I just wanted to stay in and watch heart-stopping sci-fi with my husband while drinking wine and eating pilfered Halloween candy. Primarily so that I can stay in, again, to watch heart-stopping sci-fi with my husband while drinking wine and eating pilfered Halloween candy.

I used to be awesome. I used to dance until 2am in super-high heels and short skirts while tossing back the 'Backer's infamous Long Island Iced Teas. I used to travel to (somewhat) exotic places and engage in (relatively) extreme sports. I used to overcome language barriers with a mix of English, the local language, and Pointy-Talky. Now, I'm just an old nerd.

And that's cool.

Subscribe to Aloha Kitchen! (You know you want to.)

Hey, I'm Back!

2011-11-03T09:39:00.000-04:00

{Image Source: overgraeme}

So ... hey. I'm back.

It's been a crazy couple of weeks. As I've mentioned several times before,we have been in the process of moving. It's finally OVER, and I am so darn happy I could burst. I mean, yes, we have boxes and piles of stuff EVERYWHERE and I'm having trouble locating underwear and socks for everyone, but we're out of the old house and into the new one, fully and officially. We've met some of our neighbors, Ana is in school, the little ones may start Gymboree ... yeah, we're in.

I'm so relieved to be out of the old place. I tried to keep a positive outlook on the place while we lived there (aside from a couple of breakdown on teh Intarwebs), but now that we're out, I can let loose. (WOO!) I can tell you what a jerk our landlord was. I can say that I regularly threatened him (subtly) with legal action if he even tried to screw us over. I can mention that he once tried to get into it with Matt when HIS kid nailed MY MOM'S car with a weighted lure. I can complain about the noise, the smoke, the drunken behavior. All of it. Done, hopefully for good.

That doesn't even really begin to cover what was wrong with the house: the mold, the lead paint, the asbestos (all of this coming to our attention, of course, AFTER we moved in). The shift in structure after the earthquake. The leaky basement. The deathtrap of a spiral staircase that Petra learned to climb. The peeling wallpaper, the ugly tile, the BROKEN tiles. The useless pool and the shoddy fence.

Honestly, I don't know how we did it. Or why we did it, for that matter. We didn't have to live there. We didn't have to stay in that town, on that street, and worry constantly about one of the kids running into the road and getting run down by one of the crazy, thoughtless drivers that routinely traversed that route. We could have taken our time, looked for a smallish place on a quiet street, and been proud to live there.

We did it because we were living in a two-room, 900-square foot apartment with a baby on the way, and we needed more space. We did it because it was in the same school in which we started Ana, and we were sick of moving her in the middle of the year. We did it because it was close to family, and I needed all the help I could get.

Look where that logic got us: we lived for nearly two years in a toxic environment, both physically and emotionally. (And I will NEVER forgive myself if my kids have some sort of disorder or brain development delay because of it.) We still ended up moving in the middle of the school year, into a new school district. And I seldom used my aunt and uncle for help because I felt guilty for imposing on them.

It's temporary, though. We'll get things cleaned up, put away, organized. We'll fall into a routine. Ana is already making friends at school, and the kids are SO NICE. The school is close to a military base, so a lot of the families understand about being the new kid. The house is well-planned and spacious, and our neighbors are welcoming and helpful. Are we going to move again? Well ... yes, because we're renting. But the next move we make, if things go according to plan, will be into a home that we own and will be the last one that we make for at least a decade.

Here's hopin'. (Keep your fingers crossed!)

Subscribe to Aloha Kitchen! (You know you want to.)

Oh, SNAP!

2011-10-20T20:35:00.001-04:00

{Image source: ginnerobot}

I've officially snapped.

It's hard enough to move, but to try to maintain a relatively normal life on top of that? Impossible.

It's not just the near-impossibilities of trying to keep up a sense of normalcy in our house. If that's all it was, then I would probably be fine. I can ferry Ana to school, drop off loads of stuff at the new house, and be back in time for pick-up, no problem. It's all the OTHER stuff. And when we get other stuff, we get it ALL at once.

Here's a brief overview of all of the mother-blinkin' CRAP we have going on right now:
- We're moving
- We're having a yard sale over the weekend
- Some douchebag has been tearing down the signs that we put up advertising said yard sale
- We have no cable or Internet at our house right now
- We have no cable or Internet at the other house right now (yep, I have to travel for wi-fi if I have any hopes of blogging)
- The cable guy has ceased to show up for his scheduled appointment TWO days in a row
- The cable guy has promised to show up on Sunday morning
- Ana's soccer game was rescheduled for Sunday morning
- We're supposed to provide snacks for that game
- Apparently, Matt has to attend a work function tomorrow night
- That work function includes spouses
- I'm leaving town for a friend's wedding
- I hate our bookshelves
- They took me an hour and a half to put together
- We can't fit all of our books AND put desks in the space we designated
- Our evening task was to pack bags so that we can move our clothes over
- Every time I tried to pack, Petra climbed on the table or up the spiral staircase
- When I tried to bring Petra into my room, she threw my good jewelry into the trash can

At some point in the evening, I called Matt to ask him if he had plans to come home soon. When he answered,"Yeeeeesssss ...." I replied,"Good. See you when you get here," and hung up. He came home and promptly kicked me out of the house so that I didn't stab a baby*. I've been hiding out at various cafes ever since.

But really, I just want to pack my suitcase.

*Figuratively

Subscribe to Aloha Kitchen! (You know you want to.)

Moving is a Pain in the Ass

2011-10-17T21:39:00.001-04:00

Y'know, I've been trying really hard to clean up my language lately, but moving ruined it all because it is a PAIN IN THE ASS.

Yes, I've moved before and yes, I know it's not exactly sunshine and daisies, but I've forgotten what an utter chore it is. And I've never done it with three kids. Shoot, the last time we moved, I was pregnant and couldn't lift stuff anyway, so we asked a bunch of people to help us out. This time, nuh uh, it's all on us. And more accurately, it all on ME because I'm home during the day and Matt's still working full-time.

To be fair, my aunt is giving us a hand by watching the little ones in the mornings, but you know what? Three hours is a WHOLE lot shorter when you have the time to yourself. Just this morning, I dropped the kids off, took Ana to school, and said to myself, "Huh, I have time for the library and a leisurely breakfast." Next thing I knew, it was 10:00am and I still hadn't done a lick of work. The only thing I managed to do before I had to get the kids was run to Target to pick up some posterboard, markers, and price stickers. Oh, yes, because we've decided to have a moving sale on top of actually moving.

The initial plan was to wait until we cleared everything out, move it over to my aunt and uncle's house, throw it under a tarp, and have a sale in November after everything was said and done. Unfortunately, the room that we've been using as a staging area for things to sell is almost full (!) and we need to make some space. So Matt valiantly agreed to run the sale by himself, just as long as I can help him get ready for it by making and putting up signs, pricing some of the items, and getting small bills for the big day. You know, in the oodles of time I have between sorting through our crap, loading and unloading the car, and making a 60-mile round-trip every day.

Did I mention that we also have house guests this week?

Subscribe to Aloha Kitchen! (You know you want to.)

No Nano. No Nano? No. NO?! No, No Nano.

2011-10-13T20:39:00.000-04:00

Bwahahahaha, the title of this post cracks me up. (I need sleep.) I totally added more "no"s on purpose to be hilarious. (Really, I need sleep, and lots of it.) Did it work?

Oh, no? OK, moving on.

I don't think I'm doing NaNoWriMo this year. [insert gasps of shock here] I just don't know if I'm up for it. We're moving in DAYS, and then begins the process of Putting the House Together. I would love to believe that we're actually going to decorate and arrange as we go, but let's face it: we're going to find an unsorted box full of crap that we have NO idea what to do with, we're going to shove it aside, and we're going to either hide it or try to deal with it in the months following the move. I know this. We still have packed boxes from when we moved from ENGLAND.

I also am not sure if I need it. I've participated in NaNo for four years now, and I've finished novels in three of them. I now know that not only can I write a novel, I can write a one in 30 days. Granted, they're all hovering right around the 50,000-word mark, and thus too short for any grown-up novel, and they all suck, but that's not really the point. The point is that I can do it. I've proven it to myself and I've proven it to the world. There's no need to play the game anymore.

BUT. (Yes, there's always a but.) I've done this for FOUR YEARS. This will be my FIFTH year. That's what I call stickin' with something. As one of my major insecurities is about my willingness to give up when I just don't feel like doing something anymore, something that screams commitment and longevity speaks to me. Plus, I have an idea for a YA novel banging around in my head that I really want to get out. I've done some world-building for it already, but I could use a month of dedicated writing to really knock this sucker out.

So ... yeah. I really don't know. It's six on one hand, half a dozen on the other, in my opinion. And it's not like I wouldn't be writing during the month of November, it's just that I wouldn't dedicate myself to writing approximately 1,667 words per day.

Subscribe to Aloha Kitchen! (You know you want to.)

The Homeschooling Question

2011-10-12T10:00:00.000-04:00

{Image source: I Forget Just Why}

Before having kids, I was under the distinct impression that sending your child to school was one of the easier things you did as a parent: you got them up in the morning, sent them away for a glorious seven hours, you pick them up and make them do homework. Easy, done. Right?

WRONG.

My latest blunder in the public education process was mistaking Columbus Day for a day off. It wasn't, and I was rudely alerted to that fact when I went on a mid-afternoon walk and saw the parking lot of the school filled with educators' cars. A second look revealed playgrounds full of children at recess; my pajama-clad child was not one of them.

To be fair, it's a freaking FEDERAL HOLIDAY. Since when is that not a day off? Really, since when? I could also claim that we had family in town, the two older girls aren't feeling so hot, etc., etc., but the bottom line is that I effed up. Badly.

This is just one stressor in a long line of them. There's the seating issue in the classroom, born of the fact that Ana's teacher wasn't familiar with her education plan. There's the fact that she actually has a separate education plan. There's the Mean Girls and the rising interest in boys and OH MY GOSH CAN IT ALL PLEASE JUST STOP?!

We've considered private school, but the reality is that we can't afford it right now. Maybe in the future, but all of the frustration will still be there, just with the privilege of paying for it. So, as an option, we've talked about homeschooling.

Homeschooling freaks me out. It's not that I don't think that I'm smart enough to do it--I did well enough in high school that I think I can manage the early elementary years--but it's the thought of being with my kids all day, every day with no break and no end in sight. I love my kidders, but sometimes, Mama just needs to get away. I love sending Ana off to school and taking a rest/nap/shower when the little ones are napping. It's part of my Me Time.

But then, after school comes, and I realize that she can't spell to save her life, her grammar skills are horrendous, math is hit or miss, and they're teaching her BS like "recycling will save the world and if you don't do it you're an Evil Motherlover that's responsible for killing babies." The only thing that she has a real edge in is reading, and we often have to limit her time with books because it interferes with her other work.

I realize that we could just work with her at home in a supplemental manner, but by the time she's done with her homework, it's time for me to make dinner and our day is pretty much over. I also don't think it's fair to burden a kid with extra work after putting in a full day at school, but what the hell is she learning there?! Some of the programs are too advanced, some are too lackadaisical, and I really think that, even with the limited classrooms, there are too many students.

We're moving into a new school system soon, so I don't think that we can make the decision about pulling her out of a traditional school just yet. But as my frustration grows, so do the chances of the kids becoming religious freaks that think God created the Remington bolt-action rifle so that Man could fight the dinosaurs and the ho-mo-sex-u-als. (Amen.)

Subscribe to Aloha Kitchen! (You know you want to.)

Welcome to The List, Mr. Gabel!

2011-10-11T19:52:00.000-04:00

Do you have a list? You know The List: those folks (generally celebrities) that you're officially allowed to have a crush on without offending your spouse/SO. Not to say that anything would happen with anyone on The List; it's just a catalog of people that you admire for one reason or another. Mostly because they're really, really ridiculously good looking.

My List over the years has included a wide variety of men, from funnymen Jimmy Fallon, Seth Green, and Ben Stiller to drama king Michael Vartan and dramedy hero Zachary Levi. There's not a lot of consistency with physical characteristics; the main link is that I admire them for their capabilities as entertainers. They make me laugh, cry, think, quiver with fear, all without breaking a sweat. Unless the makeup artist makes it happen.

I'd officially like to add someone new to The List:

{Image source: IMDb}

Oh, who's this? This is Seth Gabel, the actor that plays the character of Lincoln Lee on J.J. Abrams' Fringe. I know that most of the other female fans of this show are all about some Pacey Bishop, but as soon as Lincoln Lee from the Other Universe planted his combat boots onto the screen, he stepped into my heart.

{Image source: SciFiNow}

This season, we've been seeing more of him as Dorky Lee from Our Universe. See?

{Image source: FringeBloggers}

How can you not love this adorable ball of nerd? Those eyes! Those lips! Those really big Birth Control Glasses! Le sigh, I tell you.

Now, I understand that this post outs me as a sci-fi/fantasy fan. Really, I never thought that I was that into it, but after taking stock of my reading tendencies as a kid (Christopher Pike novels, Half Magic), my favorite leisure books as an adult (Harry Potter), and a running list of some of my favorite movies and TV shows (Firefly/Serenity, Chuck, Fringe), I can't hide it anymore. I love the freaky stuff, y'all, and I'm not afraid to admit it. Oh, I also love dystopian novels, thus putting 1984, the Hunger Games trilogy, and Brave New World into the mix of cray-cray literature that I could read over and over and OVER again without ever getting bored or stopping to contemplate as an exposition on the decline on the human condition.

Ahem. Wasn't this post about the awesomeness of Seth Gabel?

I was pleasantly surprised to see him in Take Me Home Tonight, a predictably stupid movie about high school crushes, losers, and fear of an uncertain future starring Topher Grace. I didn't realize that he was in The Da Vinci Code, but I will now be rewatching that to get a glimpse of this:

{Image source: HotFlick.net}

I may have to start watching Nip/Tuck, despite the creepy factor, just to see this:

{Image source: Episode39.it}

And Dirty Sexy Money? It was on my list anyway because of Peter Krause. This convinces me:

{Image source: Tapeworthy}

I know. I know.

My husband is well aware of the fact that Mr. Gabel is a new addition to my List. As a matter of fact, Anna Torv has a tentative spot on his List as well, so we're good.

Really.

Subscribe to Aloha Kitchen! (You know you want to.)

Pumpkin Pie Cupcakes

2011-10-07T12:51:00.000-04:00

Fall is finally in the air here, and with it comes a craving for all things nutmeg-y, cinnamon-y, and pumpkin-y. I'm generally a chocolate girl, but this time of year, it's all about the cozy, comforting spices.

We had company over for dinner last week, and I wanted to serve something special and spicy for dessert. I could have done the Apple Spice Cupcakes again, but I'm a little over apples right now. (It's my own fault. I keep buying half-peck bags every time I go in because they're SO CHEAP right now and the pectin is good for keeping my afternoon munchies in check. But I digress.) Instead, I went looking for a pumpkin cupcake recipe.

A quick search on teh Intarwebs led me to this recipe for pumpkin spice muffins and this recipe for pumpkin pie cupcakes, but they both called for pure pumpkin puree, which I can't find for the life of me. Seriously, I don't know what's wrong with the stores around here, but it's pie mix or nuthin'. I also found some recipes for pumpkin pie made in a muffin tin, but that's not what I was looking for in the slightest.

Since I couldn't find exactly what I was looking for (and believe me, I tried), I just made up my own recipe and topped the cupcakes with the Salted Caramel Frosting recipe from Blackberry Farm. This combination was PERFECT for the weather and the company, and the cupcake recipe has been requested several times over already. Welp, here it is.

Pumpkin Pie Cupcakes

Ingredients

2 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
pinch of salt
1/2 cup of butter, softened
1/4 cup white sugar
1/2 cup dark brown sugar
4 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 cup milk
15-ounce can of pumpkin pie mix
6-ounce jar of sweet potato baby food (optional)

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. In a medium bowl, mix flour, baking soda, baking powder, cinnamon, and salt and set aside.
In a large bowl, cream together butter, sugar, and brown sugar until well blended. Add eggs one at a time, scraping the sides of the bowl after each addition. Add vanilla extract and milk, mixing well.
Fold in the pumpkin pie mix. If desired, add sweet potatoes.
Fill lined cupcake tins three-quarters full. Bake for 17-20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center of a cupcake comes out clean. Cool in pans for 10 minutes, then on a cooling rack for approximately 1 hour. Top with Blackberry Farm's Salted Caramel Frosting. Makes 12-16 cupcakes.

The sweet potatoes in this recipe make the cupcakes SUPER moist and chewy, but it's not necessary. To be honest, I added them to the recipe because I needed the baby food jars for another project, and I'm SO glad that I made that change. I made this last batch six days ago, and they're still spongy and delicious. But, like I said, totally optional.

I hope you enjoy!

Subscribe to Aloha Kitchen! (You know you want to.)

Clean House Project: Day 7

2011-10-04T20:39:00.000-04:00

At this point in the project, I'm starting to get a little bored with blogging about cleaning. (As I'm sure you're getting bored with reading about cleaning. I feel ya.) I'm not bored with the actual cleaning though, if you can believe it. It's probably because I've only done about a quarter of the tasks that our house requires and maybe a third of what was on the list. I mean, really, it's going to take for-frickin'-ever to get this place clean.

But I digress. You want to know how I did on my last day of Cinderella-hood.

In the thirty minutes allotted for daily chores, I managed to fold ~~some~~ a lot of laundry, make the bed, vacuum, and wipe down the bathroom sinks and mirrors. Tell you something, when you wipe that down every couple of days instead of waiting until caked-on toothpaste is clogging the drain to clean, it makes a big difference. HUGE difference.

My rhythm was thrown off a little when my aunt stopped by for a chat. Not that it was unwelcome, by any means, but by the time I got back into the swing of things, it was time to feed the kids lunch. So instead of setting the timer and working for a full 30 minutes in the living room, I just picked the three least-loathsome tasks (dusting the chandelier, vacuuming the couches, and pruning the magazine basket) and tackled those. I discovered months of unread Better Homes and Gardens magazines (!), found pieces to toys that I was about to throw out, and learned that the light fixture is actually more of a brass than a bronze. (Who knew?) Was it a little lame to do that instead of dusting stuff? Yeah, it was. But you know what? The kids broke my old duster and I ran out of Swiffer cloths, so I'm calling a stoppage to all dusting until ... um, I got nothing. I just didn't want to do it.

I think part of my apathy is due to wanting to start my own list of stuff. I'm doing different rooms on different days, and I have different tasks assigned. I just want to get into my own rhythm. Of course, that's going to be off because of the new homestead ... but no matter. I'll just redo the chart and start over.

So, is my house cleaner? Yes, in the sense that I no longer have to worry about dust mites burrowing into my scalp and sucking out my brains while I sleep. No, in the sense that it's less messy. But at least I pick up all of our stuff every day or so, which makes a HUGE difference both in how the house looks and how we all feel. I can personally attest to feeling more relaxed in a cleaner house, and it's worth the work. (Most days.) And having such a stringent list appeals to the control freak in me, even if the person I'm controlling is me.

Subscribe to Aloha Kitchen! (You know you want to.)

Clean House Project: Day 6

2011-10-03T19:54:00.000-04:00

{Image source: queercatkitten}

It's amazing how quickly a week flies by when you've been busy the ENTIRE TIME. Seriously, I think that the only times I've sat down are to blog, to eat, and to watch TV. Which isn't much different from other weeks, to be fair, but I spend a LOT more time blogging, pinning, and generally browsing teh Intarwebs.

As the Clean House Project starts to wind down a bit, I'm finding that taking Sunday as a day of rest (as much as I can, anyway) basically negates all of the work that I did last week. Dishes were piled so high that they actually fell out of the sink, the stove is a freakin' wreck, and I have a basket full of laundry waiting to be folded. I looked at my list, looked at the mess of our house, looked at the list again, and said,"Eff it, it all needs to be done anyway," and started over.

I got through dishes and picking up and putting away. And even then, the dishes weren't really "done," I just reached a stopping point because the dishwasher was running and the drain board was full.

I'll tell you what, though, for the wreck that the house was, fifteen minutes of "picking up and putting away" did wonders. Our house looked and felt clean for the first time in two days. It didn't smell so hot (the diaper pail is getting a little full, yo), but at least I could walk down the hallway without tripping over something.

Monday's list focused on the kitchen and dining area. I got through sweeping ... and that's it. Since the next task was mop and I prefer to do that last, I went ahead to cleaning the baseboards.

Holy hell. I don't think anyone has cleaned the baseboards since they were installed in 1925. They were caked with grease, dust, food, shoe scuffs, everything. Once I got a good look at those bad boys, I was surprised that we're not overrun with rodents. (Shoot, maybe we are and I just don't notice.) I destroyed a Magic Eraser before I was halfway through, and I muddled through the rest of the task with Clorox wipes and prayers. I didn't finish; I had two more short walls to go when the timer rang. Doesn't matter though, because the ones that were done look awesome. I didn't realize how much brighter the kitchen would look with just clean baseboards; imagine what it'll look like once I scrub the walls!

I also put in some time in the play room (since the kids wrecked it again this weekend and I'm sick of looking at it) and purged/rearranged the pantry. I plan on doing the fridge and freezer tomorrow in preparation for October's trip to the wholesale store--big bag o'chicken, here I come!

Subscribe to Aloha Kitchen! (You know you want to.)

Clean House Project: Days 4 and 5

2011-10-02T19:59:00.000-04:00

WOO HOO FOR THE WEEKEND!

No, really, because according the The List, I do diddly-squat over the weekend in order to maximize my time with my family. I'm down with that.

Of course, that didn't really happen. There's always the daily stuff, and there are the side projects that come up. Saturday's side projects included going to the grocery store and post office, sorting through and purging little-used kitchenware (does anyone want a juicer?), and purging ourselves of movies that we never watch anymore. We probably got rid of 100 movies. I'm not kidding. Some are even on VHS. Oh, and I also made these. YUM.

On Sunday, I took the opportunity to make my own list for our house. I'm noticing that I'm missing a lot of things because we have rooms that the creator of The List either doesn't have or doesn't take responsibility for, but I'm also skipping a bunch of stuff on The List because we don't have some of the rooms that she has. I decided to download her nifty little bunting jpg because you know what? It's cute and she worked hard on it.

But then I made my own, because I'm an asshole like that.

Anyway, here's our list:

I went ahead and put it in a frame (with a mat!) in the kitchen and stocked it with dry eraser markers so that I can mark through the things that I've done. It looks so cute and anal retentive hanging on our grease-caked walls!

For those of you joining me on the Clean House Project, have you made your own list yet? How about you guys that aren't playing along? Do you already have a system in place or do you think I'm crazy to be trying this in the first place?

Subscribe to Aloha Kitchen! (You know you want to.)