Episode 20: “Oh Shit! BEAR!”

Driving along the I-40 Highway anywhere in the Triangle is a dangerous game. It’s typical to see at least one accident marker and a yellow-to-red congestion status along its stretch on any given day. Likely, I’m a dot on that miserable line, road raging at rubbernecks and asshats.

But those aren’t “real” problems… Matt Kraft has real problems. After a frightening episode, Matt’s taken leave from work on disability. That’s not even the worst part… His PS3 just died. It’s just not fair.

This show isn’t completely grim! Chuck Lai and I have some exciting news, on which we’ll be reporting our experiences very soon!

The X TV series mixes Yoshiaki Kawajiri‘s dark chocolate with CLAMP‘s creamy peanut butter. It’s a flavor combination that you need to roll around in your cheek for a while to really reach an appreciable test to your palate. Say, about the first dozen episodes. Chuck and I brought our appetites for this Anime 3000 Bonus Round review.

This review is also an achievement for the Alpha Counter crew, as this may be this site’s first spoiler-free review ever.

Greetings! Welcome to the home of the Alpha Counter and Method to Madness podcasts! If you’re discovering us for the first time, here’s a sample of some of our best podcast episodes:

Method to Madness
The Little Prince
The Gist of the North Star I (Fist of the North Star 1-5)
The Plague Dogs & Watership Down
Moetan
Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Ochinko Oniichan no Koto Nanka Zenzen Suki ja Nain Dakara ne!! (aka I Don’t Like You At All, Big Brother!)
Clannad
Highschool of the Dead
Unico in the Island of Magic
Method to Madness Omake 18 (Disney Afternoon Noir)

Fan Picks
Episode #100
K-On!
Astarotte’s Toy
Method to Mad Libs Month Part 4

Alpha Counter
Episode 09: Boner Donor
Episode 10: We’re Not Worthy!
Episode 13: Street Fighter X Dressing
Episode 17: H-Games

Guest Appearances
A3K Podcast: Anime Guilty Pleasures part 1
A3K Bonus Round: Sekirei
AniRiffs!: Garzey’s Wing Episode 1
Anivision Podcast 91.5

If you like us, Like us! You can also Follow us on Twitter. And if you Subscribe to us on iTunes, please drop us a couple stars (we consider that our tip jar) or write a quick review. You can also Donate, but we’d be just as happy if you shared the podcast with your friends!

Episode 17: “Lourdes in the Sky with Diamonds”

I’ve been embarking on a series of adventures, now that I’m “unleashed”. In this week’s podcast, I share with Chuck my first attempts at rock climbing and my amazing road trip to a classic arcade auction.

Chuck’s put together an interesting conspiracy theory about both Sony and Microsoft’s next generation consoles…or console? I’m convinced, which is a feat.

Oh, those crazy celebrities! Stealing brand names, hippie parenting, and taking the Fifth on drug references.

Episode 109: “There Can Be Only…Two.”

Manyuu Hikenchou… Oh, why are we bothering with formalities? The show is Titty Ninjas. If you have an oedipal complex, this show is a dream come true. If you’ve had or wince at mastectomies, this could be a nightmare…

Kevin and I have returned to form; berating current, exploitative anime. There’s probably no better specimen than this show to usher our wrathful return. This podcast is not without our staples: Pretentious energy drinks, 1980s action flicks, monkeys, and irresponsible science.

Episode 18: “Horrible Holocaust”

This is not a typical episode of the Alpha Counter podcast… More of a frankensteined construction of two partial recordings; forged together to form a single, patch-worked entity. If you’re just discovering this podcast after coming from Animazement, you should probably catch up on our previous episode first.

Kevin had a lot more to say about The Hunger Games after last week’s podcast was recorded. We have some…colorful peers that offered…unique perspective on the film and how it’s often discussed by others. But first I get to tell a story about how I, as a child, learned about a very important word.

The second part of this podcast is an excerpt from a recording with M. Due to some mental and technical failings on my part, the audio quality nearly doomed this material to oblivion. However, it’s directly relevant to my conversation with Kevin and contains one of the greatest jokes we’ve ever done on the podcast; earning it a second chance at life.

In a rare instance of humility, the A3K Podcast provides more examples of their guilty pleasures. Jahmere is diagnosed with OVA/OCD, Cody Baier is finally on the receiving end of anime outrage, Sean Ryan pounces on one member of the podcast, and is Mike in danger of being replaced by Fightbait?

What’s your anime guilty pleasure? Tell us here in the comments or, even better, tell Anime 3000. You may just score yourself some fabulous prizes!

Episode 17: “Tracker Jackers”

Hunger Games has Kevin in a fury. It’s the hot new book-to-film series that no one will remember in five years. By the way, how’s that The Lost Symbol movie coming along?

Turbo-spoilers contained within! This could be one of Kevin’s most unleashed podcasts; wasting no energy on delicately veiling this movie from the oblivious. If you haven’t seen the movie, read the book, or if you’re especially sensitive to virgin experiences, you have some homework before engaging this podcast. I don’t give a shit, so I’m quick to indulge in discussion.

Episode 108: “Monkeys Sad! Monkey Die!”

We needed an excuse to revisit Michiko to Hatchin–a show we discussed in our earliest episodes–and listener feedback provides! This particular recording went on much longer than expected, as Kevin rolled into his recent movie review. That bit, my friends, will appear in two days in the form of the next Alpha Counter Podcast.

If you’d like to contact us, you can comment below, send an email, mention us on Twitter, or post to us on Facebook!

Episode 16: “Car[olla] Talk”

Reality shows can’t be considered trash TV. Most are so scripted and doctored that they’re worse than garbage–they’re immitation garbage. And yet, there’s always at least one that we each call our guilty pleasure. For Matt and I, it’s this season’s Celebrity Apprentice; mostly for its involvement with our hero, Adam Carolla. That is, until he was fired due to producer shenanigans.

After the break, M joins us to talk about a show that’s genuine about its fiction: The Walking Dead; specifically Season 2. If you haven’t seen it yet, do, for here there be spoilers.

Episode 15: “Warp Factor WTF”

M and I got gabbin’ ’bout some gamin’ for this episode of the podcast. The Wiimote controls of Skyward Sword has M flailing and failing. Meanwhile, I’m inventing new ways to get court-martialed in Star Trek: Bridge Commander.

After the break, we vent out our frustrations by laughing at the 1990s era of comic books–The publicity stunts, the market flood, the talent…or rather, lack thereof.

To correct an oversight: Joe Madureira did find success in the video game industry, as creative director to Vigil Games’ Darksiders and its upcoming sequel.

Omake 19: “Quantum Liam”

This batch of outtakes features various tangents we’ve had on Method to Madness. There’s talk of Heroes Unlimited RPGs. We miss classic Looney Tunes, despite its past insensitivity. We come up with the greatest time travel TV series idea EVER. And webcomics that actually kick ass, like Axe Cop.

On the tail end, I’ve included an outtake with Anime 3000′s Cody Baier, aka @LordSchmeckie, recorded after we’d wrapped up our AniRiff for Garzey’s Wing.

Episode 14: “Giant Osama Bin-Ladenzilla”

What begins as me fawning through nostalgia over Bionic Six quickly roller-coastered into Kevin and I both ranting over the horrible era of comic books and cartoons known as the 1990s. Image Comics was one of that decade’s greatest creations, but also its most potent toxins. The only relic of that era to survive–and strangely still be worth picking up–is Erik Larsen’s Savage Dragon.

I never got around to mentioning that Rock-1 was one of my earliest childhood cartoon crushes. Add that to my list of “thank yous” for TMS entertainment. We need you guys back working for Warner Bros!

I also mentioned this: THIS IS IMPORTANT TO KNOW.

RoboGeisha hardly needs any endorsement from the likes of us. If you’ve read the title of the movie, you’ve already decided if you’re going to watch it. And by visiting this website and reading this text, I already know that you are.

Matt and I reviewed this movie for Anime 3000–the experience was more a favor for us than for them. This was no chore to sit through. It’s just the right kind of goofy movie you watch with friends and spend the next half hour or so debating, “What the hell did we just watch?” And that’s not a rhetorical question.

WE KEEP WATCHING ANIME THAT SUCKS. (This is becoming a theme.)

For the A3K Podcast over on Anime 3000: Sean Ryan, Cody Baier, Jahmere Durham, Michael Martinez, and host Sean Russel formed a pact. We came together–as brothers–in mutual support under a tent of trust to share each other’s anime guilty pleasures. But Cody, our resident villain, creeped in with a knapsack filled with judgement.

This is the main course of this discussion, but there’s an extra serving with some dessert coming up! Stay tuned for Part 2 of this podcast in the coming weeks. In the meantime, what’s your anime guilty pleasure? Tell us here in the comments or, even better, tell Anime 3000. You may just score yourself some fabulous prizes!

Cross Ups 01: “Commencing 4th down; Hut, hut, hike!”

On the success of our Method to Madness Omake outtakes, we present some of the pre-game anecdotes that take place before the show really gets started. They’ve been collected and released for you in a new podcast sub-series we call Alpha Counter Cross Ups.

You’ll probably notice a slight difference in audio quality, at least on my side. These audio clips are taken straight from our Skype recordings, before I mix in my locally recorded track. But the content makes up well for it. Especially for bonus content…that’s free!

Episode 107: “Planet B612…You’ve Never Heard of It”

The Little Prince is a hipster douche who comes to Earth to remind us how much we suck. He’s that guy whose charity work includes being the weekend friend to children of modest means. Never all that emotionally invested and once he flies back to his home of luxury, you may never see him again.

This is a show from the infant days of Nickelodeon; before it developed any notable original programming. It was an innocent, episodic series of visits, similar to Kino’s Journey. Fantastic for small children, but offers nothing (but ironic comedy) for anyone whose age has reached double-digits.

Episode 14: “If You Can Read This, The Bitch Derezzed”

That girl is Poison… Or is she? That is, is she a she? It’s a debate that’s been waged since before many of its participants were only just born. With the release of the video below, it’s time we accept the truth and begin asking ourselves some very deep, personal questions.

M hops on for the second half of the show to adjust the focus of our male gaze while we discuss the recent Cross [Sexual] Assault scandal. Take notes, fellas. This may actually get you dates.

I’m about to lose all my nerd credit with one statement: I goddamn hate Star Trek: First Contact. But what brings my blood from simmer to boil is how this has been generally accepted as one of the best Star Trek movies of all time.

First, can we please just admit that the plot is a fucking mess? You can still love the film, but at least with that we have to be honest with ourselves. The writers of the film have already been completely open that they couldn’t agree on whether to produce a story about the historic First Contact or an epic confrontation with the Borg. So they decided instead to combine those two ideas together, regardless of how well they meshed.

In fact, once the Borg sphere is destroyed, “First Contact” splits into two separate movies, only to barely tie back into each other near the end. If you were to completely carve out any of the scenes that take place on Earth’s surface, nothing would feel missing (save for absent cast members). You’d have a shorter, though more focused storyline.

That might have been to the movie’s benefit, since the pacing of the movie as we know it starts off at a break-neck speed. There’s no build-up to the Borg’s arrival at Earth, so we don’t feel the true weight of its significance. Without any sense of anticipation, the attitude is more like, “Oh, those pesky Borgs! They’re at it again!” It gives the feel that we just tuned in to the second act of the plot, with the adventure in the past being the third. The event is further depreciated by focusing the point of view on the Enterprise’s busy work as they avoid the Borg’s raid entirely.

Of course, the excuse given is that Starfleet doesn’t trust Picard around the Borg, so he and the Enterprise crew are assigned outside the range of influence. Is there any reason why Starfleet couldn’t just order that Picard be dropped off somewhere safe while the Enterprise join the fleet under Riker’s command? Then we could have had an interesting sequence where Picard covertly makes his way to the battlefield to save the day.

That's no moon...

Speaking of the ease of time travel…this is no chore for the Borg–all they have to do is fly their Borg Sphere through the biggest plot hole of the film. Their master plan is to travel back to the days shortly before Earth’s first contact with the vulcans and development of warp technology.

Here’s my biggest problem: WHY?

Let’s reflect for a moment on the Borg themselves, as villains. When the Borg first appeared on Star Trek: The Next Generation, their modus operandi was to spread across the universe to assimilate technology. Later in the franchise, their ambitions would include the domination over the universe as well, but technology was their favored commodity.

Where, then, is the sense in traveling back so far into the past? Why do they care if Earth makes First Contact with the Vulcans? What is the value of traveling back to when Earth was in a pre-warp, post-war ruin? Whatever surviving population that remained had just crawled out of the still-smoldering nuclear craters from World War III. There’s nothing to whet the Borg’s appetite.

The 21st Century may in fact be the most dangerous for the Borg, since it’s a time when firearms are still in heavy use. As established in the unnecessary Dixon Hill scene, bullets appear to be the one weapon the Borg cannot adapt against. Upon discovering this (or as Picard seemed to know it already), once the Enterprise crew learns of a weapon that works, why ever go back to phasers? Time to start hitting the replicators for some M4 Carbines and rain down on the Borg with a thunderstorm of bullets. That’s the perfect moment for, “Assimilate this.”

The Borg are no match for holograms and bullets.

I propose some alternate plans for the Borg:

First, how about two cubes? The Borg keep sending one cube at a time to assimilate worlds. Or at least, Earth. We know they have more than one flying around. Considering how close they came to victory (twice) with a single cube, imagine how much hassle they could save and how swift the task if they sent just two cubes. Again, why play games? At most, they could play rope-a-dope with the Federation; deploying one cube to wreck the fleet and send them into a false sense of security…then pop in the second cube to punk them while they’re busy licking their wounds.

I concede that Picard and his residual gifts from his time as Locutus are the Borg’s Achilles Heal. In theory, the Borg could send a fleet of cubes only for Picard–invincible to them–to disable them all. Time travel may be necessary to attack from a point before Locutus’ advent. But isn’t 310 years a bit of an overshoot?

A wiser destination would be traveling back only eight years to the first season of The Next Generation; a time before the federation had any knowledge of the Borg’s existence. The entire Alpha Quadrant wouldn’t know what hit ‘em! The rewards would be assimilating the peak of culture and technology pre-Wolf 359! Assimilation at the time of First Contact means they miss out on over three centuries of cultural and technological development!

Thank you, Mistress, may I have another?

Then there’s the Borg Queen. Her entire character is fan service. Period. No matter how you explain her role with the Borg in canon, it still detracts from the Borg’s defining characteristic: That they are a unified, collective. Her function in the movie is to be the seductive dominatrix of the Borg-themed BDSM dungeon. She’s fetish fodder to titillate the audience. Resistance is futile…but it’s oh, so fun to struggle.

Had Star Trek: First Contact actually had been about First Contact, this could have easily been the Next Generation’s “The Voyage Home”. But this was instead an action thriller with the occasional distracting vignettes. I believe that fans love this film because of its grand “Yippee Ki-Yay” lambasting of the Borg. But how it manages to repeatedly top the ranks of favorite Trek films–often second after “Wrath of Khan”–astonishes me, considering its flaws.