E is for Eclectic

Of Milestones and Google Searches

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth) — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 12:20:00 +0000

Blog anniversaries and/or visitor milestones are a nice opportunity to do a retrospective on a blogging journey. (Little known secret: Some bloggers are self absorbed, and like to mull on past, present and future at a frenetic rate outside the norm of the regular population. Shhhhh, don't tell anybody.)

(Wait. Can one mull at a frenetic rate? I'm not sure that's possible. One implies slow, "mull", the other connotes fast, "frenetic". Yet, I sort of mean both of them at the same time, fast and slow, that gets the craziness across *and* I like the rhythm in that sentence. I'm leaving it.)

Another little known secret: some bloggers obsess over the tiniest nuances in a word or turn of phrase to a level that might benefit from medication.

Anyway......

I missed being able to post mullings on both my first Blog Anniversary (March 5th) *and* my 50,000 visitor milestone. Real life intervened. This holiday weekend, I've got a spare moment for some serious self absorption so let's put on our dancing shoes and grab the chance to celebrate my combined:

Blog Anniversary & 50,000 Visitor Milestone Retrospective

Wheee, how much fun is this.

I haven't read my first post since the week I wrote it. Let's flip back the calendar and read, shall we?

March 5, 2007
Our Heroine Begins to Blog

This isn't my first blog, although I'm not a terribly proficient blogger. Also not a particularly faithful one. I have so many interests that I'll plunge into one for awhile (blog, blog, blog) and then just burn out on the subject matter.....and there's the end of that blog, and, after awhile, onto the next one.

Of course, I've never attempted to blog on dominance and submission and relationships and my personal journey before either. That's not a subject to burn out on; it's a part of my core.

Why blog on D/s? Well, shrug, I'm in the mood to write. (Once upon a time, I fancied myself a writer of sorts, but please don't let that raise expectations.) And, I'm newly 45, which seems like an important milestone in a lifetime's alternative journey, so perhaps it's time to take a look at the path behind and make some plans for the path ahead.

I blather mostly in the first post because nobody ever reads the first post of any blog. If one gathers readers, it's much further along the way. I mean, I've had first posts read before, when I sent them to friends and co-workers, and gathered the husband and children to read the latest blog...but, this isn't the kind of blog I'll share with anyone I know.

So. It's me, myself, I, and a glass of Shiraz kicking off the first post...........

This is not a bad first post!

I don't know what got into me, starting the blog (which was then called Alternative Journey, whose name I got from a rock band name generator). I knew exactly nobody, not a single person in this end of the blogging world. I'd been to Tom's blog, read blogs off of his roll, but I'd never even commented on anyone's blog, much less made a friend.

Pretty sure, honestly, that the only real reason I started the blog was to get the next post, Spanking Christopher Meloni out of my system. It had been building up, oh yes it had!

I'm embarrassed to say that I did a google search on the terms "spanking Christopher Meloni" a few months back. I don't think I would have been embarrassed if my search turned up any results, but in the whole World Wide Web, I'm apparently the only person who harbors a fervent desire to bend him over, tie him up, and put him on the receiving end of a long afternoon with a leather strap, followed by unmentionable intimacies.

The only person who harbors yada yada fervent desire.

Yes, well, we've proven *that's* not true now haven't we, Quesera? ;) Also, little Miss E here is now a major Google destination for all things Meloni kinky. Visitors arrive hourly. People were interested -- just nobody had written it yet. (The Google image search screen shot above is from a very vanilla search of just "Christopher Meloni". I put the concept of spanking Meloni out into the universe and the universe did respond. Meloni loves every second of it. He told me so himself. Really.)

So, the March 7 Meloni post broke open the floodgates to making like friends, and broke open the floodgates to my being able to express a sexuality only known heretofore between me and my partners. I thought I was stone cold nuts, thinking of writing along a "sex blog" when I'm not open to blogging actual sex with actual sex partners and especially not my husbands who take up 17 years of my sexual history, together.

Turns out, you can write a "sexual desire blog" and people still show up. Even when, in the course of a year, you go more "eclectic" than "sexual desire", posting bread recipes, dog stories and Thanksgiving menus. Who knew.

..........how much fun has this been? A fuckload! More than a log flume ride, more fun than cotton candy & circus peanuts, more fun than finding the Golden Ticket, that much fun.

I'm struggling right now with time. I'm struggling with some "self reveals" that are necessary to write a few posts I'd really like to write. I'm struggling with the demons of fiction writing who keep screwing with HFDU production. (Why. Can't. I. Write. Better.) Another piece of virtual paper on the virtual scrap heap.

But friends, I haz dem. Thanks for that. This is only fun for me because we're talking back and forth. It's fun because of you.

He's a Brick House - Mighty Might

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 17:27:00 +0000

For all my brick laying friends and bricklayer loving friends out there.

(If you followed the last post and the comment section, this makes *perfect* sense. If not, enjoy da pictures.)

My tasks right now are overwhelming

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth) — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 00:41:00 +0000

Sort of like this:

*trying* to be good. If I'm good, you won't see much of me until after July 4th. Deadlines ease up then. If I'm not...... who knows, maybe HFDU!

George Carlin

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth) — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 11:10:00 +0000

Another one. God what a sucky year for losing cultural icons (and really good additions to the DNA pool). George Carlin is dead.

I don't have time to tell you everything George Carlin meant to me. A lot. He was *the* comedian who shaped my young world view. (Did my mother grasp what I was taking in watching The Mike Douglas Show at 4PM after school? The show looked innocent enough.

Will. Be. Missed. Influence will never be lost. I'd like to do a better photo tribute when I have time. Such a gorgeous, expressive face.

In lieu of the photo tribute I bring you this.

Shit
Piss
Fuck
Cunt
Cocksucker
Motherfucker
Tits

More fitting anyway.

(Fuck! George Carlin died, motherfucker!! :( )

----------------------------------------

edit p.s.: I was trying to think of an analogy to explain to my kids *who* George Carlin was in the time in which I grew up.

I came up with George Carlin = Stephen Colbert. Relentless tugging at establishment thought to the point of all out assault...yet with a charm that transcended bitterness. Brilliance in nuance one moment, jaw dropping audacity the next.

And always a twinkle directed straight at *you* thru the teevee screen, (if you got the joke).

I need you, you, you!

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth) — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 19:20:00 +0000

I am many things, one of them a hopeless romantic.

Only teh internets allows me to express it this way. How satisfying is a flow chart? Very!

Click to embiggen.

Flow chart, check. Now

The Blues Brothers.

(sidenote: any two men ever sexier than The Blues Brothers, *ever*? No, absolutely not, never ever. I will hear no discussion to the contrary, period. )

Bonus Pie Chart! All of the days of the week I need your love.

Mmmmmm, pie.

(I am addicted to GraphJam. Help me. I have fallen and can't get up.)

HFDU in Pictures

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth) — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 20:11:00 +0000

We're at least two weeks away from a Hot Female Dominant Utopia installment, sorry about that. Real life intervenes, and unless I say "fuck it" to anything and everything, writing isn't going to happen. ("Fuck it" is possible, just not teh responsible thing you know.)

Just because I'm not writing it doesn't it mean it's not going on, though. Ariana and Nolan have lots to do, getting her house ready, assembling lots of hot male slaves to add to the contingent.

Most of the hot male slaves are working hard, while looking sexay at the same time, like the guy above, and this guy below, building a new wing on the house that Ariana took over from her late grandmother.

Some guys take too many breaks!

And then, uh-oh.

__________________________________________________________

Reader participation:
If you have any HFDU compatible pictures, send them to me.

[bites nails nervously]

1) no penis pictures. Not kidding around!
2) fantasy guy pictures, not a picture from your web cam, c'mon, this isn't *that* kind of website
3) no dick pictures. This is the same as a penis picture, just making sure here. Nyet!
4) Looking for hot, sweaty and working hard hot sweaty guys. Mmmmmm, hot male slaves. Not looking for kink pictures. I have google, I know how to use it if I want kink pictures.
5) No cock pictures. This is is the same as dick pictures and the same as penis pictures but I *really* want to be *sure* I'm clear here. Do not want.

If I get enough good pictures, I'll do another HFDU in pictures post to get it us through.

Mmmmmm, hot male slaves!

__________________________________________________________

HFDU warning: s/m fiction, may not be your cup of tea, in which case, enjoy the pictures and forget the prose.

Whip Me Up, Tie Me Down

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth) — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 17:03:00 +0000

I've had a crappy couple of weeks. Icing on the cake was Tim Russert passing, which really has torn me apart. I can't even post about it. I'm so heartbroken, all I can do is refer you to my Tim Russert label and what I had to say about him last year. Wholly inadequate for such a great man.

Tom to the rescue. His frothy What's Your Sexual Style post was just what I needed.

No surprises here, but after a couple of weeks of unpleasant surprises or turns of events, there's comfort in teh same!

(suggests I *might* even like to try out sado masochism) Test here, from OK Cupid who always has the best tests.

You scored 100 imagination, 83 confidence, 70 dominance, and 50 generosity!

You are a KINKY, CONFIDENT, DOMINANT lover who prefers to give. This means that: You like relatively kinky sex, and you have the great imagination that will always keep your partner guessing and excited! There's no getting bored with you around, you could never settle for dull sex, you want something fun and new all the time. You aren't afraid to try out anything you hear about. You might just be an intelligent lover who needs to be mentally engaged, or perhaps you have some dirty dark secret kinky desires, but either way, you're never boring.

You are pretty confident in bed. This means that you know you can please your lover. Maybe you've read a lot of sex manuals, or have the experience from previous lovers, or just tend to be skilled at whatever you get your hands on, but you're good and you know it. You can really get results and know that you have pure talent, so you won't be hiding away shy, pretending to be all innocent. Your partners love your naughty self assurance, you don't hesitate and this makes you a sensational lover.

You tend to be dominant in bed, so you prefer to be the one giving the orders than taking them. Maybe you like the power, or just like controlling the pace, perhaps your partner likes to be dominanted, or maybe you get a kick out of the whole master/slave relationship, it could be something as small as liking to be on top during sex and tie up your lover to tease them, or it could be as kinky as them having to ask your permission to do anything at all. Either way, you are firm and you enjoy it!

You prefer to give than recieve. This makes you a very unselfish lover, devoted to the needs of your partner rather than your own. You get your pleasure from seeing them get theirs, you are a model sex partner. I'm sure plenty of people would love to have someone like you in bed with them! Remember though that if your partner gets pleasure from returning the favour it's okay to let them, they might love giving as much as you do!

WE SUGGEST YOU: get into some slightly more hardcore fantasy territory. Go for bondage in a not so light and fluffy way and discover just what you really like. Want to play master/slave games? Want to be tied up or tie someone up, in just enough discomfort that they don't quite relax? Want to try a threesome? Maybe you'd even like to try out sado-masochism. It's your call.

Whatever you do, unleash that kinky thing you've always really wanted to try and give it a go, you're a great lover, and you know it, up for anything, generous, imaginative, confident, and happy to go for what you want, so enjoy.

In. My. Lifetime.

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth) — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 23:48:00 +0000

The beauty of men

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth) — Fri, 30 May 2008 11:43:00 +0000

Two exceptionally intelligent, funny, sweet and sexy beautiful men have left us in the last few days. Had serious crushes on both of them for the longest time, and I'm saddened by our loss.

When I write about never endingly *beautiful* I find men to be, I usually take the shortcut of posting images of men who have the beefy, hunky thing going. Nothing wrong with a little beefcake (does like!), but the real beauty of *men* is deeper than that.

Rest in peace, my beautiful friends, and thank you for so much.

Sydney Pollack

Harvey Korman

HFDU - Behind The Scenes

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth) — Thu, 29 May 2008 10:32:00 +0000

How much fun is this? A "behind the scenes" post on The Making of HFDU, just like the bonus features on DVD versions of television series and movies. My readers are so lucky!

[pokes HFDU-bored friends with a sharp stick -- play along here people]

I seem to have one emotional crisis per chapter of HFDU produced. This embarrasses and un-nerves me because even though I'm by nature emotional, I do a pretty good job of corralling my emotions before they froth into crisis.

Writing? Yeah, notsomuch. Bring on teh drama.

Usually my panic attacks, hand-wringing and frantic emails to friends are on the topic of: "I suck. My writing is horrible. I can't fix this. I can't post it. I suck." Because I hang out with people who are both really good writers and kind human beings, my friends send me cookies and pats on my head and say "It's okay. Calm down and push "post"." I believe these friends because they never try to convince me I'm Tolstoy, just that there's a place for people who aren't Tolstoy to write, too.

This chapter's panic attack had its own unique charm. The story itself has been "done" for months, all just a matter of getting it on virtual paper. This was the chapter where I had to write out the whole kinky harsh ceremony. Three or four paragraphs in, I froze. I had been so focused on worrying about the narration (description of physical action is excruciatingly hard for me), I hadn't spent a second thinking what it would feel like for me to write something that kinky harsh and post it publicly.

Wow.

So, I was talked down off the virtual ledge again, got it all written out, posted it and....panic attack came back. Yesterday I was crumbly. Today I'm fine and poking gently around my emotions to see why that chapter was so hard to post. I've hardly introduced new perversions to the internet.

Writing does lay you bare, doesn't it though, no matter what sekrit identity you've laid over yourself for protection. Vulnerability - do not want!

* * * * * * * * * * *

Already at work, background, on a second story for HFDU. I want to explore The City next. The story that is germinating is cute. I assure you that any resemblance to Ugly Betty is completely coincidental.

Groaning at the part where I have to flesh out, to a reasonable degree, the geography and topography of "the land", though. So not my thing. Sure, I've had fun plugging population estimates, probable birth rates based on cultures, percentages of male population who choose to "serve" and the like into Excel and geeking out over stats - but when we start talking climate regions, mountain ranges and just where the hell everything is located, my eyes glaze over.

The best I've come up with is an island nation like Australia or Great Britain. (Yeah, I know Australia isn't technically an island. I paid just enough attention in geography to pick up the seven continent thing, thanks.)

I've been editing the Fictional Foundation, as appropriate, on any changes to what we started with.

* * * * * * * * * * *

On slave fiction: found out that slave fiction is an actual genre'. Never knew that! Here's what's weird though, once I started getting "slave fiction" tag hits on Utopia, I went to see what else was published online.

The only original slave fiction I can find is near 100% M/m, with some women characters thrown in on either side of the fence for color. I must be looking for it wrong. I don't even see "women enslaved to men" original fiction. Some fan fic off of Gor, but not anything more than that.

Mind, I'm talking world building fiction, not the fragmented "Enslaved to a Woman Who Made Fun of my Small Penis" scraps on wanker site collections. Nothing wrong with wanker site collections, just not what I'm talking about.

Anyone? I really think I must be looking for this wrong. I'm interested in any M/f worlds, too. I can't believe the M/m folks have left the rest of us so far behind in the "dust".

Even More HFDU!

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth) — Tue, 27 May 2008 03:32:00 +0000

Once again, I have made a writing deadline. Our handsome slave to the left is the one this time who has fainted in shock. Either that or he was overcome by the ceremonial activities in

Ariana's Scandal Part Four: The Ceremony

This time I'm really serious about the "standard warnings" re: before you go. Our romance novella has taken a brutal and kinky turn this chapter. (Yeah, I know, what kind of mind comes up with a story like this? I mean, who wants to write *romance novellas*?)

Anyway, please enjoy if it's your thing. Please stay away if it isn't.

And please, somebody get me some water for Brad? It looks as if I'm going to be up the rest of the night reviving him.

My world and welcome to it

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth) — Fri, 23 May 2008 23:08:00 +0000

I thought this was hysterical. I laughed for 10 minutes.

I'm pretty sure my reaction says something scary about me, but don't tell me what it is. I don't want to know.

more graph

There were whips involved

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth) — Fri, 23 May 2008 21:22:00 +0000

There were also Twizzlers, and popcorn, and Cherry Coke!

Not as many whips as I'd like, or put to the exact use that would please me most, but, all in all, the new Indiana Jones Movie was a blast.

Played hookie from work half a day, we kept the kids home from school, and the whole family went to a morning showing.

Takeaway points 4 U:

1) Harrison Ford is still h-o-t-t. He's got that Paul Newman-esque quality to him where I think he'll get to keep his hotness until 80.

2) Shia Labeouf turned out a very good performance as Indy-in-training. (Can't think of Labeouf as h-o-t-t yet; watched him on Project Greenlight as a teen just the other day wasn't it?)

3) Karen Allen looked great. It was so much fun to see her back in the series, and to see Ford with an age appropriate female for a change. She was sharp and sassy and every bit up to being a match for Indy's toughness.

I suppose I'd be remiss if I didn't point out that Cate Blanchett plays a classic evil dominatrix type, complete with Russian accent and black gloves. That imagery doesn't do much for *me*, but if that's your thang, you'll love her.

Was it a great movie? It was a great time. Thoroughly enjoyable start to our American Memorial Day Weekend holiday extravaganza.

There are parts to pick in the movie but I don't wanna. I enjoyed myself and I hope you enjoy too!

Losing to Win

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth) — Wed, 21 May 2008 01:37:00 +0000

My new honey David Cook was great tonight, final of American Idol. (Yes, I watch American Idol. At least it's not Dancing with teh Fucking Stars, shoot me if I ever watch that ;) )

God was Cook hot. And smooth. And deep. A serious talent.

And, he's gonna lose.

Cook picked all of the wrong songs to "win", on purpose, wink wink. He picked songs he wanted to sing, not songs The Great Public would goosh over. On purpose? For sure. Simon even winked at Cook, "I know what you're doing." If Cook wins AI, he's locked into being an American Idol and locked into their recording contract. If he loses, he's a free agent.

So, he sang sweet, and deep, grabbed my heart but ..... he's never going to win with those songs.

Cook needed to sing big and splashy and Vote For Me Huge. Dial, dial, dial you teenyboppers, dial. Nope.

Waxing too philosophical about a "reality" competition -- I find it poetic, losing in front of 30 million people in order to win something you really want.

I am also sleep deprived, overworked, and not in any shape to discuss poetry, so take that all for what it is worth.

This, tho, I am able to judge through my personal haze:

The dude is white hot geek, my favorite kind.

Yum.

I B Watchin' Da 'merican Gladiators

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth) — Sat, 17 May 2008 01:39:00 +0000

D-r-o-w-n-i-n-g in stoopid work. Sitting here on a Friday evening doing stoopid work. Looking at an entire weekend of stoopid work, not HFDU "writing".

The TV is on. Not paying attention, it's been running for hours, not paying attention. And then, out of the corner of my eye I see...

Oh baybee. I didn't even know American Gladiators was back.

There's somebody who shall be showing up in Hot Female Dominant Utopia shortly, I'll tell you that. He's dressed for the occasion!

Sigh.

Break over. Now back to teh stoopid work....but paying a wee bit of attention to the tee vee. ;)

Small Rumination on Family

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth) — Wed, 14 May 2008 09:52:00 +0000

I don't like mixing too much family in teh oh so sexay blog here, but as they are exactly everything to me, with teh sexay and even teh work being an aside, sometimes it all spills over here.

The oldest is sixteen today. Sixteen! How did that happen?

The husband I were talking earlier today (even earlier than 6AM, yes, that's how our house runs, 24/7) about how different our kids are from who we were at that age.

I was already "out" at 16. I didn't leave until the week after I turned 18, but I'd well checked out. The husband says he was pretty much out as well, using home to sleep and eat and wheedle his mother into laundry and not much else.

My kids seem to *like* us. Nobody's in a rush to go anywhere. They have friends but don't spend the giant chunks of time with them that I or the husband did at that age. They are as likely to text me something goofy or interesting as they are the kid they sit next to in math class. I text back. We laugh a lot.

The big birthday plans are, picked by the birthday boy, a family dinner at the local diner.

I'm a good mom. I'll push these kids out of the nest with both hands if I have to,when the time is right, but in the meantime....nesting rules.

[fluffs mama bird feathers]

Because...

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth) — Wed, 14 May 2008 09:11:00 +0000

... an opportunity to post a picture of Meloni with his arms over his head (only my favorite pose) and *this* look on his face should never be wasted. No matter how busy one is. (And one is!)

More HFDU!

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth) — Sat, 10 May 2008 09:44:00 +0000

I set myself a goal to put up the next chapter of Ariana's story within a week, and damned if I didn't get it up with two days to spare.

[faints]
[calls male slaves over to revive her]
[gets distracted temporarily by male slaves' efforts]
[returns to senses and resumes speaking]

I'm not used to my processes working like this, where the processes produce product. I even like what I posted, and that never happens. Wonder what is making the difference.

Part of anything is being in the zone. I'm so *fed* *up* with working all the time, it's been a great recreation to hang out in HFDU in spare minutes.

More than that, though, could it be that the 11,000th time I was told to just frickin' relax already and write, you aren't Tolstoy, that's okay .... I actually listened?

Go figure.

Speaking of going, I want to throw my standard disclaimers in here. Hot Female Dominant Utopia is s/m fiction and not the cup of tea of everybody who is kind enough to visit this blog. The latest episode would be hard pressed to even get an R rating (crap! I just lost half the audience!), but the next one is going to be intense (whew! look, they came back!).

Our Story Thus Far:
Fictional Foundation
And So It Begins
Ariana's Scandal Part One: The Guidance
Ariana's Scandal Part Two: The Meeting
Ariana's Scandal Part Three: The Preparations

For people following along: Part Four is going to be a bitch to write. Oh it will be fun, wink wink saynomore, but narrating physical action is exactly my least favorite thing to do. I am so non-spatial. My goal is *two weeks* for that one. We'll see what happens.

Enjoy! And if you do enjoy, let me know. It's encouraging. :)

Jail Bait

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth) — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:00:00 +0000

Not technically jail bait, he *is* 25.

Something about that boy, gets the motor humming in a very predatory fashion. (Is there another?)

David Cook. American Idol.

Oh shut up, you watch it too.

[enters room]

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth) — Sun, 04 May 2008 12:15:00 +0000

Damn. It sure is dusty in here. I hired a cleaning crew to keep up once a week while I was gone but, look at this mess. It's as if no one has even been here in months!

[waves hi]

Four month disappearing acts are not cool, with not so much as a "by your leave" and all. (I don't know what that means "without so much as a ..." but I love that phrase and I'm happy to have been able to use it.)

For any concerned, fear not. All has been fine. I have been consumed in and consumed *by* work, 24/7, but I'm starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Short version of the story is that some not good things happened and I had to work furiously to try to right the ship. I've got another few months that I need to work as hard as I've been working, ugh, but I just had to come up for some air and say "hi".

The family is fine. Meloni, he's another story. He's been impossibly lonely, except for the ministrations of the all female crew I've hired to tend to him once a week. (Hey, I'm generous.)

Not much of a post, this one, but I do have a treat for some long timers in a few minutes...if any one out there remembers Hot Female Dominant Utopia, that is.

Anyway, I've missed you all. I've missed blogging. I don't know what happens next. (The suspense!)

hugs, E

Multi-tasking & Creativity

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth) — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 11:15:00 +0000

Yeah, I don't know what this blog is about either. Proper sex bloggers stick around a general theme, perhaps maybe, um, sex, and I'm just all over the place. Still, you keep coming back. Thanks for that.

. . . . .

Reading my occasional work related posts here, you'd get the impression that I'm a "suit". That my job, what people pay me to do is to be a "suit", crunch numbers, hire and fire, review people, all those "suit-like" activities. You're getting that impression because it seems to be all I frickin' do lately but....that's not my job. If it was 1) I'd be miserable and 2) mediocre at best.

I'm paid to be creative. Outside of the box. Amazing. Dazzling. I'm paid to be the kind of person who wakes up in the middle of the night with a kick ass idea, approach, product that's not occurred to anyone else previously, execute, and turn same idea into cash.

I used to be very good at this.

The last two years, notsomuch.

I'm coming to the conclusion that multi-tasking is the enemy. It's a hard conclusion for me to come to, because I'm quite good at multi-tasking, thank you very much. I have multiple computer screens at work, splayed across my desk, many windows open. I can crunch numbers in Excel with my left hand, answer email rapid fire with my right, negotiate contracts on the phone, order lunch and wipe employee tears nearly all at the same time.

I get a lot done, every single day, but where is the brilliance?

I've tried unplugging, recharging. I've tried concentrating on being brilliant and I've tried not thinking about being brilliant at all. I've tried a lot of things....but I haven't tried, in a long time, just saying no to the constantly mounting, piling everything that cries out to be multi-tasked...unrelentingly.

If any of the kind readers of E have thoughts on multi-tasking & creativity, I'd love to hear them. I've started saying "no", just started the last month, and I'm turning some creative that's a bit better than the crap that's been coming out in recent years.

Also pissing people off, I am, with a perceived selfishness that I value my time ahead of theirs. I hate that, but I really don't know what else to do.

Do you?

In the mood for an argument

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth) — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 07:42:00 +0000

I rarely waste time feeling bad about myself. It's a pointless waste of energy. If I wanted to feel bad about myself, it would be easy to do. There's no area of my life that I don't come up short by some objective measure. But, you know, so do you, and so does everybody else....they just all look more together than I feel most of the time. Feeling bad is self indulgent; make yourself better, I say (to myself, not to you, I'm too busy fixing myself to get in your shit).

Still, it was a crap day yesterday. I made a simple mistake, albeit one with a lot of zeros at the end, awhile back, that had a huge domino effect. I didn't even know the dominos were falling until they hit me right smack on the head yesterday morning.

These were large dominos. They hurt. I suck.

No, I don't. Yes, I do. No, I don't. Yes, I do. No, I don't.

I'm in the mood for an argument.

The Mr's Python:

No frontal on this blog ever

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth) — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 21:54:00 +0000

It's just a tree, people.

via Sexoteric

Temporary Service Interruption

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth) — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 11:34:00 +0000

Now that's lovely.

A man who can save the planet (in 23 hours and 59 minutes!) hanging out in my basement with his hands behind his head and an "I dare you....but please do" look in his eyes. Really. Pretty much as good as it gets. (The picture gets bigger if you click it.)

* * * *

We're experiencing a temporary service interruption on teh blog. Service may continue to be interrupted for the remainder of the month, although I'm going to do my best to get some posts up here. It's not that I don't have anything to say. :) I had no idea it had been so many days since I posted....what a whirlwind life has been.

Family, family, family.

I find it inappropriate to blog much about family within the context of this oh so sexay blog, but I'm too lazy to start another blog, so I slip in bits here and there. Slipped bits directly ahead.

Education for the kids is like to kill me the last couple of months. They are at such a crucial age -- first year of high school for the oldest, last year of middle school for the younger and really, this is not working out well.

Teachers and I are a disaster in a room together so the husband does the interfacing. I have *such* trouble with conformist bullshit. (The husband does too, but fakes it better, got the whole smooth "wink" thing going on, you know? He's charming. I go for the jugular.) Lots of interfacing the last few months, building in crescendo.

Schools are set up to serve the norm efficiently and my kids, here's a shock, both fall outside of the norm. The oldest is special needs. Generally, he's been served well, but the transition to high school has been rough. He's failing the first two "non special needs" classes he's ever had, which means that *we* are *failing* him. He was not set up to succeed, we're working to fix that before his self esteem implodes for life.

The other is a goof ball, brilliant dare I say eclectic, voracious learner who does not thrive in conformist situations. (Yeah, I know. Mini Me.) I struggle between telling him that he has to at least pretend to conform so he can get what he needs and telling him to ignore small thinkers and just learn.

The struggle is nearly over. I think we are pulling him from school and plugging him into an independent study program at home. It's time for him to thrive.

Work, work, work.

This working for a living thing puts a crimp in blogging time.

Calendar year transition comes with a butt load of work. While a good chunk of my job is big picture strategy, this is the time of year that the devil is in the details. Tons of details. Lots and lots and lots of details. If I do sub par work or miss or slip deadlines there's a chain reaction to a whole bunch of other people's jobs. I slipped a deadline by nearly a full week this week, leaving my group to have to scramble faster to make up for *my* being late. I hate that.

Of course, this came the exact same week that my bosses (shadowy sorts of background people) gave me the feedback that I'm not spending enough time on big picture strategy which displeases them. Forget the details, they say, we need to know that you are planning and executing growth for the years ahead.

This was a face-to-face conversation. My group needs me to focus on delivering my work. The people who write my paycheck need me to focus on the big picture. My kids need me to focus on them. I wanted to just put my head in my hands and say really, what do *all* of you people *want from me*? I'm peddling as fast as I can here. [pout, upper lip tremble] But, since head-in-hands whining doesn't inspire confidence from shadowy sorts of background people, I responded instead with a combination of eye contact, thoughtful concern and pledges to do better.

But really, what do all of you people want from me???

Speaking of all you people . . .

It would be nice to have an actual basement full of actual studly male slaves who could save the world (or me) in 23 hours and 59 minutes, wouldn't it?

As long as the studly male slaves didn't want something from me, otherwise they'd need to just get to the back of the line that has formed to the left. Flex the pecs all you like but still, back of the line.

(Nothing, FWIW, is actually bad. I'm doing fine, just busy. If I can figure out how to get out of a week long business trip next week, gah, I'll be golden.)

See you as much as I can get here and be around!

Got milk.

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth) — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 15:57:00 +0000

Pretty sure I'm not the intended market for this erotically styled picture but I gotta say, it works for me.

Yep.

Click to embiggen.

Sometimes, the bigger the better.