So often when we are doing anything, we are usually striving for our version of perfection.  We are looking to create that perfect document, that perfect business pitch, that perfect blog or some other perfect expression of our creativity.

It is understandable that we all want to do things very well, but does it make any sense at all that we are aiming for perfection?  Shouldn’t we be aiming for something else?

The alternaview:

The alternaview is that instead of aiming for perfection, we should instead be aiming to be diligent. Aiming for perfection is overwhelming because we are aiming for something that is often times extremely challenging to achieve.  In fact, many times we have created our own elevated definition of perfection, which is unreachable.  As a result, it is easy to become frustrated or feel that you are not achieving all you should simply because you have not satisfied your own personal definition of perfection.

Additionally, when we are aiming for perfection, we are less apt to experiment because we are so concerned with creating something that will live up to our definition of perfection.  We are against taking any chances that may stray from the formula that we feel is necessary to achieve perfection.  Aiming for perfection restrains us from trying to do things differently and experimenting to see what works.

We are far better off and should aim for diligence instead of perfection if we really want to do something well.  And, the definition of diligence provides additional clarification on exactly what it is we should be aiming to do.

Diligence: Done or pursued with persevering attention

Diligence does not require perfection, but rather that we commit to continually going after what we want.  It requires that we are dedicated to the pursuit and willing to devote a large majority of our focus and attention to what we are trying to accomplish. It means that we will continually try over and over again and do those things we know we should.  It means we will never give up or allow ourselves to be immobilized by defeatist thoughts because we are committed to the pursuit.  We will be open minded about our approach and willing to change what is not working because we know that we will learn as we go along and get better and better at whatever it is we are doing.

So, the next time you are trying to do anything well, toss out any thoughts that you need to achieve perfection.  Aim for diligence and you will be amazed at how things will eventually unfold.  And, as you continue to work day after day, you should give yourself credit for committing to diligence and for continually pursuing to do something well.  It is not everyone that can consistently maintain this type of focus and you should allow your continued dedication to be inspiring and encourage you to do more and more. The interesting thing is that once you honestly commit to diligence and you consistently work at something, in time you will start to see all sorts of perfection.  It may not ever satisfy that older definition of perfection that you discarded, but you will see the perfection in your approach, in your diligence, and in how things are unfolding, and that is really all the perfection you will ever need…that is the alternaview.

Do you agree with this alternaview?  Are you diligent?

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Imagine a world where the universal principle, “the more you give…the more you receive”, was played out immediately. Where there was literally no delay between giving something and then receiving something more in return. Imagine everyone being able to easily see the direct correlation between what they gave and what they received because it was too obvious to miss.

So, if you gave a $100 donation to your favorite charity, immediately after you gave the donation, you would look in your bank account and there would be an extra $500 (since it is always the case that you receive much more than you ever gave).

Or, imagine the impact that easily seeing an immediate return of “the more you give…the more you receive” would have on corporations. They would always be supporting charitable causes, the needs of the community, and their employees, because they would easily see the positive impact that giving had on their bottom line. There would literally be competition between companies to see who could give the most because they would know who ever did, would be the most successful.

And, since “the more you give…the more you receive” applies to every situation and experience and not just our financial well being, imagine the impact that being able to see an immediate return would have on relationships and interactions between people. People would focus on doing random acts of kindness and immediately they would notice other people being nice to them in return and trying to help them out.  Everyone would easily see the connection between being kind and generous and the many benefits they got in return.

Now, we all know there is not an immediate response system when it comes to “the more you give…the more you receive”.  In the majority of instances, the principle does not play out instantly and it is not always obvious that the principle is at work in everyone's lives. As a result, when people reflect on the good things in their life, everyone doesn't necessarily associate those good things with the fact that they have followed the principle.  It is not always obvious that in one way or another, they have given something and received benefits in their life in return.

Many people will attribute their success to other things, such as hard work, good decision making, commitment, perseverance, etc.  While those things most definitely play a role, we have to make certain we don’t overlook one of the most important things that is also working and contributing to life unfolding in the way we desire, and that really is following the principle “the more you give…the more you receive”. If we are genuinely committed to giving in any and all ways we can, there are no limits placed on what we will receive in return.

Just because there is no immediate response and it is not always easy to see the principle in action, doesn’t mean that it is any less true and not at work all the time. Just because there is not a scorecard that is reconciled daily and you may not instantly see the benefits of your giving, doesn’t minimize the reality that the principle is fail proof and will always eventually return benefits as long as we genuinely give.  The key is finding a way to consistently and sincerely integrate this principle into all aspects of our life and weave it into our thinking.  Once we are able to make it a part of who we are and we are committed to always giving something positive to the people and things around us, we will be amazed at how it positively impacts every aspect of our life. It may not always be immediately obvious and staring us in the face, but we should always know that the principle, "the more you give...the more you receive" is always at work…that is the alternaview.

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There is so much around us that we are able to experience and consume on an everyday basis.  We come into contact with all different types of people, we have access to all sorts of information and we move through each day having different types of experiences.

Many people will go through life and react to what is in front of them or what they are experiencing in the best way they know how and just move on to the next situation, never really looking at it as a learning experience. They will run into a person who is confrontational, respond as they see fit and then move on to the next situation, never really thinking about a personal takeaway lesson.  Or, they will come across an interesting perspective in an article, but will never really do much else with it or integrate into their thinking.

It is often believed that these things are nothing more than the ordinary occurrences of life.  People, experiences and things come in and out of life on a regular basis and you are meant to pay attention to them while they are there and then move on to the next round of things that come your way.  That is all there is to it.

But…as always, there is a different perspective…

The alternaview

The alternaview is that we should actually pay attention to every single thing that comes in and out of our life and look to learn as much as we can from it.  There is a reason that something comes into our field of attention and we should really pay attention and maximize any and all opportunities to learn from it because otherwise we are missing out on an important lesson.

We are all supposed to eventually reach that place where we have the same fundamental understanding on life and those things around us.  Yes, we will have our own particular understanding and perspective, but it will be grounded in common truths. As a result, we all have a lesson plan that is perfectly customized for us and based on who we are, what we already know and what we still need to learn.  We just need to make certain we are learning it.

The information that is a part of our particular lesson plan comes to us from all different types of directions, but in order to benefit from it, we have to be aware and know that we are supposed to learn from it.  And, if we are tuned into that reality and always looking to understand and learn from those things around us, then we will really move through life absorbing all the information we were meant to. We will successfully be completing our customized lesson plan.

Believe it or not, there are lessons in life just like there are in school.  And, we are either learning the lesson, passing the test and moving on to the next lesson or…we are not processing the information like we should, which means it must be repeated and repeated until it is learned.  Have you ever noticed those people, (admittedly, perhaps even yourself), that continue to experience the same issue over and over again?  Each time it may be a little different, but when you step back and really look at it, it is the same lesson packaged in a different box.

Although it may be necessary, it is not ideal to repeat lessons over and over again.  Life just gets so much easier and really unfolds when we are learning the lessons we are supposed to and understanding what is working and what is not. We then become able to integrate the most helpful thoughts and behaviors that will allow us to get the most out of life...and that's really what it is all about.

How to use this alternaview:

1. We have to be open to expanding our thinking in new ways that we never have. We need to be willing to absorb all different types of information and perspectives.  Perhaps we read all types of books, blogs and any other information that challenges our current thinking.  We don’t always have to agree with the new information, but we do need to be willing to challenge our ideas and beliefs so we can see where we end up.  Perhaps we had it right to begin with, but the reality is that we will not know unless we allow our ideas and beliefs to be challenged and put to the test.

2.  We need to be willing to learn from the issues and challenges that arise. It is understandable that we may need to see a lesson a couple of times before we really understand, but there is no reason why we should be unable to break out of a negative pattern. Understanding that we find ourselves in situations for a specific reason, we should continually be asking ourselves what the takeaway lesson is?  Is there something we should be learning from this experience?

3.  We need to learn from our successes. We should take notice of what is working and what is contributing to our success.  It is important to understand what we did and how we approached situations when things went right so that we can repeat these behaviors and approaches over and over again.  Developing and repeating good habits is just as important as getting rid of bad ones.

4. We need to be looking to learn from the other people around us. Everyone we come into contact with is able to teach us a lesson as long as we are interested in learning it.  It may be a lesson in patience (this lesson is often taught by tolerating difficult people) or perhaps there are things people are doing well that we should also focus on doing…the list goes on and on.  When you are open to learning from other people, there is so much you can learn as long as you are interested and paying attention.

We are supposed to learn lessons and move on to the next one, so that we can develop a toolkit filled with good habits, positive perspectives and information that will help us successfully move through life and take advantage of all it has to offer.  In order to really be able to do this, we have to be interested in learning and take notice in the right way of the people and things around us. The key is to understand that as cliché as it may sound, we really are meant to live and learn…that is the alternaview.

Do you live and learn?  Do you agree with this alternaivew?

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The alternaview

The alternaview is that there is no such thing as luck. When good things are happening in our lives and things are falling into place perfectly, they are meant to happen and are a result of something, or many things, we did right. We should never miss out on the opportunity to give ourselves credit for everything that is going right in our lives by reaching the conclusion that we were just lucky.

We are always quick to analyze why things are going wrong when we experience undesirable events or challenges. And, many time in order to feel better about the circumstances we face, we will tell ourselves that everything happens for a reason, which is very much true. However, we shouldn't dismiss that same logic just because things have gone our way by attributing them to luck.

Just as there is value in understanding and learning when things go wrong, there is also value in understanding and learning when things have gone right. If we think that the good things are just there because we were lucky or in the right place at the right time, we will miss out on understanding what we actually did that created the good circumstances. And, those are the things and approaches we want to repeat and integrate more and more into our lives. It is yet another way to live and to learn and continue to create good circumstances in life.

We need to realize that we have much more control over our lives than we may ever have imagined. It is not luck that is creating the good conditions in our lives, it is of our own doing. When good things appear, it is because we determined what we wanted, envisioned having it, believed we were capable and worked until it became a reality. None of that has anything to do with luck or being at the right place at the right time. We created the positive chain of momentum.

So, take a look at everything in your life where you may have felt you were lucky or that things just somehow managed to fall into place perfectly. Realize these circumstances didn't just luckily or magically appear. There was something that you did right or a good approach that you had that should be understood and is most likely worth repeating. There is no such thing as luck, it is all of your own doing...that is the alternaview.

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We can easily get frustrated when we are trying to do something and things don’t play out the way we desire.  Perhaps things are taking too long or maybe we have run into challenge after challenge.  Whatever the case may be, things are just not working out and we really can’t figure out why.  We have devoted so much time and so much energy toward something, but nothing seems to be working well and we are trying to figure out what we should do next.

Perhaps it is time to just give up?...We gave everything we had, and maybe it is just not meant to be…

Not so fast.  Let’s take another look.

The alternaview

The alternaview is that before we decide to give up, we should ask ourselves two questions:

1) Is this something aligned with your interests and desires that you genuinely feel you were meant to do?

2) Are you honestly pursuing this goal for all of the right reasons?

And, if the answer to both questions is yes, and you really want to continue to pursue what you originally sought out to do…then you need to make only one commitment.

You need to commit and be willing to work for however long it takes to reach your goal.

Committing to an indefinite time period to make your goal happen really sets you up for success because you have reached a point where you realize you are on a mission and there is no turning back. It doesn’t matter how much time or what it is you have to do, you have decided you will not stop until you successfully reach your goal.

And, once you have firmly made this commitment you will have the realization that it is not a matter of “if” you will achieve your goal, but really only a matter of “when”. This is an inspiring mindset to have that will really allow you to continually move forward because your determination and willingness to work for however long it takes, will counteract any frustration that could surface because things are taking too long.

What really works against us when we are trying to accomplish anything, is frustration that things aren’t coming together and a lack of confidence that we will successfully accomplish our goal. By developing a mindset where we are committed for however long it takes, really give us the power to eliminate both.  There is no reason to get frustrated because we know eventually things will fall into place.  And, we have confidence because we have committed to work and work until we achieve our goal.  The only choice we have is to successfully reach our goal.

The key is that you have to really open your mind and genuinely be willing to work for however long it takes to reach your goal. Is it possible that it will take forever to achieve your goal?  Anything is possible, but it is just not probable.  We are normally able to accomplish goals in reasonable time frames, but what is essential is that we have shaped our thoughts in such a way that will allow us to be confident and have the right mindset.  Committing to working for however long it takes is just the type of mindset you need.  This is one of your deepest desires and something you feel you were meant to do.  Who cares how long it takes?...that is the alternaview.

What do you think of this alternaview? Do you agree?

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Many of us have gone through the process of setting goals.  Perhaps we followed the adage old advice to determine what you want and set realistic goals that you are capable of working hard toward and achieving.

I am all for setting realistic goals and working hard to accomplish them.  There is by no means anything wrong with that approach.

But…

What if we really want to push ourselves and do more than we ever thought was possible? What if we want to go beyond what we would consider the ordinary or the expected?

The alternaview

The alternaview is that if we really want to do things that are extraordinary, we need to do more than the ordinary goal setting.  We need to add one more type of goal to our list and go after it.

We need to put a goal on our list that we consider to be HUGE and AMAZING.  Instead of being worried about being realistic, we will make certain only that we are dreaming big and taking into consideration what we really want.

For just this one goal, we will allow ourselves to let go of any preconceived notions that we need to be practical.  We will not allow our limiting thoughts or what we think is possible to influence this goal and we will not impose our normal linear and rational thinking when it comes to setting this goal.

AND…

After we have set this goal and added it to our list, we will then start working toward it. We will not look at this goal as a “stretch” goal, but instead a goal like any other that will just require continued dedication, focus and progress one step at a time. We understand this goal may be realized well into the future, but we will position things in our life and our efforts so we can begin taking steps in the right direction.

We will begin the daily process of eliminating any and every thought that this is something beyond what we are capable of accomplishing.  We will work at chipping away any hidden doubts. We will continually envision how great we will feel when we accomplish this goal.

We will add this extra goal to our list because it will expand our thinking and what we thought would ever be possible. Just by adding this goal to the list sets us up to reach for something amazing that we may have previously decided was unrealistic or unreachable.  And, because we are reaching and working for something that is so amazing and so in line with our desires and what we feel deep down we were meant to do, there is additional positive energy and momentum added to our life overall.

So, if you haven’t done so already, why not add an AMAZING goal to your list and go after it?  Will it possibly evolve or change overtime?  Yes, most likely, but that is the way the process works.  As we work toward something, we gain more clarity and understanding and often times what we seek is refined in a way to fit perfectly into our life. However, in order to even begin the process, you have to set an AMAZING goal and start moving in the right direction…that is the alternaview.

Do you have an AMAZING goal? Do you agree with this alternaview?

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Have you ever been working to accomplish something and thought to yourself…I am not going to jinx things by thinking they are going to work out.  You decide you are not going to get too attached to the idea that things are going to fall into place because if you assume the best, then they will possibly not work out.

I have even heard people go as far as saying that  “they are hoping for the best, but prepared for the worst”.

The logic behind this thinking is that we have to be realistic with our expectations and never too confident because that could throw everything off. The more you are able to restrain yourself from having too many positive thoughts about how things will work out, the actual better chance they have of being successful.  Many people will claim that overconfidence will actually work against you in the long run.

The alternaview:

The alternaview is that confidence doesn’t jinx things and make them less likely to occur…doubts do. When we really want to set things up to succeed, we actually need to be extremely confident that things will work out.  We need to believe in our ability to make things happen and that we are in a good position for things to go our way.  We need to genuinely believe we have done what we were supposed to and that we are deserving of things going our way.

Why?

Because this is a prerequisite when it comes to making things happen.  You need to reach that threshold number of positive thoughts required to bring things to fruition.  Now, obviously you will also need to devote the right amount of work and attention as well, but you are not likely to be successful unless you also surround your goals with confident thoughts that things will work out.

This is just the way the process works and if we want to put ourselves into a position where we are consistently accomplishing what we want, we will ensure we are having the right thoughts about what we are trying to do.

Our minds can be filled with all types of negative and hidden thoughts that can create doubts.  Consequently, we have to be vigilant about seeking out those limiting thoughts and chipping away at them piece by piece.  In many ways, it is like weeding a garden and once we remove them, we create the space for things to grow and unfold the way they we want them to.

So, if you are currently trying to accomplish something, take a look at the types of thoughts you are having.  Do you feel confident that you will be successful with what you are trying to do?  Are there any limiting thoughts that are creeping up from time to time that are hidden in the back of your mind?  Decide right now that you will successfully work and accomplish what you want. Work continually to eliminate any doubts.  There is no way that hoping for the best and expecting the best will jinx anything…that is the alternaview.

Do you agree with this alternaview?  Do you set yourself up to really get what you want?

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Inevitably you have probably run into that tough client, co-worker, business representative, or anyone else that has been somewhat challenging (translation – difficult, and sometimes nearly impossible) to work with.  Many of us have probably even had some less than positive conversations or interactions with these people.

I am sure you all have heard the best thing we can do is to take the higher road, turn the other cheek…be the bigger person.  Now, this is all great advice, but let’s be honest, it is much easier said than done.

There is a different perspective and approach we can also incorporate into our interactions.

The alternaview

The alternaview is that the best strategy we can employ is to not allow interactions with challenging people to ever get to the point where we even need to turn to the other cheek.

Is that possible?  Of course it is, but it requires us to look at things a little differently and really understand that one of the true measures of who we are and how we are progressing has everything to do with how we relate and interact with other people.

It really matters how we are able to function and handle those different types of people we come into contact with…especially those we classify as challenging or difficult.  Yes, it may be their fault or their idiosyncrasies that are creating the issues, but is our responsibility to learn to manage positively through all situations.  We can never let anything get the best of us or allow us to behave in a way that we know is inconsistent with who we are.

Why?

Because when we are interacting with other people in any way that is less than positive, we are introducing negative thoughts and feelings into our experiences and that unfortunately spills over to other aspects and experiences we are having.  It negatively impacts our thoughts and emotions and alone is enough to taint the other things that are going on in our lives.   Allowing the introduction of any type of negativity into any of our experiences is harmful.  Our goal has to always be to free our mind from nonsense and drama and that means we don’t get entangled in these types of situations.

How?

By choosing to not participate in conflict and catch situations before they even begin to turn negative.   One of the best tactics we can employ is to ask questions.  Not random or rhetorical questions, but rather real, thoughtful questions that show we are open to suggestion and allowing the other person to participate in finding a solution.  Questions that on the surface illustrate we are truly interested in someone’s advice.

• What are your thoughts about doing it this way?
• I see what you are saying, but do you think it may also makes sense to consider this perspective?
• Can I get your advice on how you think we should best handle this?
• Do you have any ideas?

Any questions along these lines will work and if you know you are dealing with a difficult person, it is the best place to begin (even if you feel you already know the right answer and don't really need their input) .  It allows them to immediately see you care about their perspective and are open to suggestion.  It sets the tone that illustrates this is not going to be a confrontational situation.

I am telling you…difficult people LOVE questions.  They love to be the authority, so why not give them this satisfaction so you can work together and reach a solution that really works?  If you can figure out how to remove the negative emotions out of interactions, you never have to worry about them rising to a level where you will even need to worry about turning the other cheek.  And, you will set yourself up to be in the best position to arrive as close as possible to a solution that you agree with.

Is this manipulation?  Of course not…you are just sincerely being open minded because you realize there is so much value in being open to suggestion and allowing people to possibly change your mind (or at least influence it a little).

How to use this alternaview:

1. Listen more…speak less: You have to listen to what people are saying so they can see you are engaged and respecting their opinion.  Also, this will allow you to really ask the right questions that will help lead you to a collaborative decision.

2. Be Sincere. This is a must. Most people have extremely good “insincere radars” and they can see when you are being fake.  You really need to be open to working together, no matter how challenging the person may be, and then your sincerity will come through.

3.  Watch out for facial expressions. Honestly, this is my weakness.  What I am thinking is often written right across my face and when people say crazy things, even if I don’t respond verbally, people can see that I disagree.  Difficult people will possibly answer a question and their answer will be crazy (and serve as additional evidence as to why they fall into the difficult category). However, you have to keep your cool and continue with the questions so you can get to the place that works for everyone.

4. Be Willing to go that extra mile. Be willing to do whatever it takes and ask as many questions as is necessary to calmly get to a tenable solution.  Even if the conversation has to last 20 minutes longer than you desired, be willing to continue to calmly work with the person.

The simple truth is we are much better off personally when we are able to get along with people. Always keep it top of mind that literally everyone you come into contact with wants to feel respected (whether you believe they have earned it or not). If we can keep this top of mind and manage all interactions appropriately, we should never even have to get to the point where we are turning the other cheek or trying to calm down a situation that has gotten out of control.  We have done all that we can to prevent the situation from escalating...we are asking questions, staying open minded and collaborating because we see the bigger picture…there is nothing that is ever worth tainting our mind or experience.  We have so many other things we want to focus on and accomplish and this means we have to deny the lower things and frustrations the right to ever interfere…that is the alternaview.

What are your thoughts?  Do you agree with this alternaview?

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We all have those things in our everyday life that we are responsible for doing…going to work, going to school, cooking, completing projects, running errands, writing, taking kids to activities, saving money, exercising, entertaining, cleaning the house, paying bills and taking care of all of those  many other things we do everyday.  The list goes on and on.

If we have managed to figure out how to do all those things well, it seems to be a natural assumption that we have everything under control.  We are moving in the right direction and will continue to make more and more progress.

Not so fast...that is a conclusion we can't really arrive at too quickly...what about the alternaview?

The alternaview

The alternaview is that even if you are taking care of your everyday responsibilities and successfully accomplishing those things you have sought out to do, unless you are also devoting a certain amount of your attention and focus to thinking about and doing some of  “life’s bigger things,” you are only successfully completing a part of the picture.

We by all means deserve credit for taking care of our everyday responsibilities and accomplishing things each day.  It takes a lot for us to do so and the immense value that comes from successfully handling our responsibilities should by no means be underestimated.  I mean let’s be honest, there are a lot of people who are not doing what they should when it comes to everyday responsibilities, and if we are continually doing well with this aspect of life, that should be commended.

However, as impressive as that may be, we can’t think it is the complete picture and get caught up so much with what we are doing everyday that it consumes the vast majority of our thinking, energy, focus and attention.  We need to make certain we aren’t so consumed with everyday living and accomplishing things, that we have no bandwidth to devote a certain portion of our attention and energy to thinking about the other aspects of life that also need our attention, energy and focus.

In order to really live up to our potential, we need to be able to devote some serious attention to determining what our answers are to some of life’s bigger questions and focus some of our energy on acting on those answers.  Handling our everyday responsibilities is great and serves a very important purpose...but there is just so much more that is available that we need to tap into.

So, what are “life’s bigger questions” that we need to spend sometime everyday either figuring out or acting on once we feel we have the answers? I am sure you have heard them before...

• What is my purpose?  What ultimately am I meant to be doing?

• Am I learning and growing in the right direction in all aspects as I move through life?

• Am I helping others?

Now, I know there are some people who have perhaps dismissed the importance of these questions in the past and felt they are kind of quirky or mushy-feely (please bear with me if you are one of those people, I promise to end up a place that is neither quirky or mushy-feely). We don’t just ask ourselves these questions as an academic exercise or to prove we are capable of thinking on a “deeper level” (Watch out Socrates! Here I come).  There really is immense value to discovering the answers to these questions and then acting accordingly.  We are able to find the clarity and the guidance we need in order to determine the best direction we need to be moving.

This clarity will also allows us to not get caught up in the hamster wheel of life and directs us to a path where we are continually moving forward and making progress.  We will still successfully manage the affairs of everyday life, but we will not allow them to consume all of who we are.  We will have made the room in our life for focusing on another part of the picture, and that is a part  that we can't do without.

When you hear people say, “I just feel like there is something missing” or “I feel like I am going through the motions”, 9 times out of 10 it means they are consumed with their everyday life and are not consistently and continually coming up from air.  They probably haven't discovered how to include time in their day to focus on life's other aspects.

And, that is why we can’t be so consumed with what we are doing everyday that we aren’t able to devote an adequate amount of our attention and focus to “life’s bigger questions.”  We all need to figure out how to consistently escape everyday from the hustle and bustle of life.  Why on earth would we ever just want to successfully complete only a part of the picture?

How to use this alternaview:

1. Decide Right Now to Make the Time. Make up your mind that you are going to find a way to have time to yourself where you can focus and think through "life's bigger questions".  Make it a priority.  Don't talk yourself out of it because you think you don't have enough time.  It doesn't take much. 20-30 minutes a day would be great, but hey, if you only have 10...that is better than nothing.

2. Expand your day by including off times. Find times that perhaps in the past you would not have considered to be useful time...wake up a little earlier, stay up a little later, take a break in the middle of your day.

3. Do it consistently everyday. One time is just not going to really cut it.  You have to make this a habit.

4. Don't worry about how you are doing. The most important thing is that you just do it.  If you feel like the answers aren't magically just appearing or it is not helpful...just be patient and continue. In time, everything will fall into place.

5.  Take action. Once you start getting some answers or feel that you need to move in a certain direction, you need to carry through, even if it is only a small step.  All steps count and once you lean in the right direction, everything begins to slowly unfold.

If all we are doing is managing the affairs of our everyday life and focusing on what we have to do, where we have to be, who is doing what, we will never get to a place where we can devote the necessary amount of time and attention to anything else …and therein lies the issue.  These questions and aligning our lives accordingly are just as important (and in many cases even more important) as what we need to take care of.  While we certainly must continue to successfully manage our everyday affairs, we have to also ensure we are devoting the needed focus, attention and energy to life's other aspects.  It is amazing how much it will change all your experiences and your life…that is the alternaview.

What do you think of this alternaview?  Do you agree?

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The majority of us have had those times where we have to do something we really don’t feel like doing. Perhaps it is the terrible project at work, working with someone we would prefer not to, or taking that unexpected business trip. Whatever the case may be, we are at a point where we realize the best option is to just go ahead and do it, despite the fact that we really have very little desire to do so.

There are always options on how we choose to handle situations.  We may put off doing the task and convince ourselves we will do it later (there is always next week). Or, we may begrudgingly complete the task and complain about it every step of the way.  Many people will assume the situation is nothing more than just another time when they need to do something they don’t want to do.

However, as is often the case, there is something more going on…

The alternaview

The alternaview is that when things arise that we know we have to do, but just have no desire to do them, we need to realize we are being approached with yet another opportunity to practice and strengthen how we handle undesirable situations.  These events do not arise in our lives simply for no reason and we need to develop a plan so that we can take advantage of improving our ability to change our perspective and make certain we are handling them in the right way.

The best thing we can do is to focus all of our energy and effort on improving our perspective on what we need to do.  We need to find a way to not just get through the situation, but rather to get through it in a good way with the right perspective.   We need to find a way to fall in love (or at the very least, “in like”) with whatever it is we have to do.

Why?

Well, first off, it will make it much easier to do what we need to do.  You will not have built up something so negatively in your mind that by the time you actually do it, it feels ten times worse than it actually is.

And, what is equally important is that by improving our perspective, we are getting rid of any possible negative feelings and thoughts about the things in our life, which really can be the first domino to fall and the initiator of a negative chain of events.  These negative thoughts or feelings have the ability to impact other aspects of our lives and other unrelated experiences.  At the very least, they can put us in a bad mood and influence the type of day we are having.

And, that’s why as soon as we notice any signs of discontent, we have to stop the fall at the first domino and make certain there is as little collateral damage as possible.  We have to immediately turn things around and improve our perspective, and when we do, not only will we feel better about what we need to do, but we also will be positively influencing our mood and other experiences.

How to use this alternaview:

1. Just do it. Don’t sit around dreading what you know you have to do, just do it and as soon as you begin, there will be positive momentum that is generated that you can build off of.

2. Give yourself a reward for doing it. If you had to go on that undesired business trip, perhaps you take the next day off or treat yourself to something you don’t ordinarily get to do.

3.  Find something good about what you have to do. There is always something…you just have to honestly look.  If it will somehow serve a positive purpose in the future, focus on that.

4. Think about other things that you actually like. You can borrow “feel good equity” from other things you are experiencing that make you happy.  Borrow some of that positive energy even if it is unrelated.

5. No Sob Stories. Don't complain about what you need to do to anyone else.  Try to always frame the situation in a positive manner when describing it to other people (i.e. I have to take a 5 hour flight, but at least I will get in some good reading time).  It is not going to help you to have a pity party and it certainly isn't helpful to invite anyone else.

6.  Think about how great you will feel once you are done. It is amazing how good you feel when you have finally completed that one thing that has been weighing on your mind.  Look forward to having that feeling.

The best thing we can do for ourselves is to decide upfront how we are going to choose to handle all types of situations.  When we develop positive approaches that we can put into practice, we are no longer just reacting to situations, but rather are executing a well thought out plan.  We are managing through all types of situations in a way that will serve us well and provide the most benefits.  When something arises that you just don't want to do, but know you should, do everything you can to change your perspective...don't allow your mind to classify it as undesirable and you will be amazed at how much easier it is to deal with...that is the alternaview.

Do you agree with this alternaview?  Have you had success putting it into practice?

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