I was ready to write again. I had it all planned out — everything I wanted to say, all of the topics that I wanted to explore. I was happy to share once again. I was ready to ”sit at a [computer] and open a vein” as they say. I was ready to re-enter the world, my world as I see it in and through my words.  I wanted to recount the past two months bullet point by bullet point. I was ready. But I’m not ready to do that now. Something came up on Friday to change my direction and shift my focus … temporarily or permanently I still can’t tell yet. Do I or don’t I have cancer? I’ll find out on Monday. I’ll just have to wait until Monday. I feel as though I’m trapped in glass and waiting to be let out …

A new blog entry is underway …

I’ll always remember:

wine, music, laughing, smiling, epiphany after epiphany, Target, “goodbye,” Michelle, getting lost, parking spaces, macaroons, and you.

There is so much on my mind that I don’t know where to begin. There’s so much that I want to say yet I don’t think this is the “write place” to say it, so I won’t. I’ll go pen those thoughts elsewhere for now. Maybe they’ll be shared at a later time and then again maybe not. Who knows? Not I, well not now anyway.

My thoughts are all over the place these days. I don’t know if I’m coming or going. I don’t know the direction that I’m headed. I repeat things. The things I say are redundant, but I digress.

What should I write here? I don’t know. I have so many ideas in which to take this blog. I have a myriad (there goes that word again) of ideas for blog entries but they are as fleeting as they are plenty. But don’t confuse fleeting with not being of substance, because they are, they just haven’t been written yet.

I want to create a bullet list of epiphanies that I’ve had over the course of the last few weeks, but who wants to read that? I do. So maybe I will draft that after all. Maybe tomorrow? We shall see. We shall see…

I’ve decided to volunteer my services to a few organizations, websites, and causes that I’m passionate about. They will be time consuming, of that I’m certain, but they will be worthwhile, of course. I’m excited to begin these next projects, and I will make sure that they don’t take up so much of my time that I don’t have any left for my personal writing projects.

I’m rambling, yes I know, but it’s not a bad thing. I’m decluttering my mind so to speak, as it is long overdue. Now that I think about it that is probably why I haven’t written here these past few weeks. Yes, I’m sure that is the reason. Ah, an “aha moment” while writing. Gotta love ‘em.

**Sidenote: I think I need some more wine. I’m sipping on Shiraz right now. I’ll be right back.

And I’m back. Now where was I? My mind was headed in a direction that I’m sure I didn’t want it to go just yet. Hmmm, oh well…

These past two weeks have been very interesting, for lack of a better word, as new opportunities and possibilities have been presented. I’m pretty excited to see where things go and where I will eventually find myself. It appears that there are infinite possibilities after all.

I probably should end this entry because it is seriously not making any sense to anyone other than me. But whatever. I think I may just keep going for a little while at least. Or until I exhaust myself typing.

It never ceases to amaze me (as so many people and things do) the lack of sincerity, acknowledgement, and blah, blah, blah, that is displayed by a handful of people that I know. I will say that I will never (and yes I used the word “never”) look at a particular person the same again after having a conversation, or should I say one-sided “conversation.” All I could think was “wow.” And when I think back to that moment, I still think “wow …”

I’m reconnecting and building with some amazing people. As there are many people who have completely disappointed me these past few months, there are far more who have totally outdone themselves, and I love them dearly. The others, well, in the words of my favorite singer “When I break, I break … Boy, up out my face, boy.” 

I’ve laughed so much in these past two weeks. Amazing. Truly amazing. Not because I don’t laugh, but because as much as I’ve been through, I still laugh.

I’ve given myself a deadline.  Yes, a deadline, and I’m going to stick to it. I’m quite amazed myself, really. A deadline for what, you ask? Well, several things, actually. And yes, I’m being vague, but I have to be for now. I’m so not trying to be mysterious or whatever, but I just want to keep this hush-hush for now. Why write about it then? So that I can see this when I read my blog (as I often do) and can hold myself accountable.

My music collection and taste grows more eclectic as time goes on. I am loving it. I’m rather impressed, if I do say so myself. And I have.

I was watching “Oprah” today and she did a show on stepping out of the box in life. It was inspiring. Now I want to skydive. I really do. Will I? Who knows? I may try something else absolutely frightening and call it a day.

Really and truly, this entry is just …everywhere. I should be ashamed. I really should. But I’m not. (Insert evil laugh)

Yes, I think I need a hobby. Oy vey …