Aly en France

2017-07-11T13:57:00.001-04:00

Good morning

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Warmly

Guest Post: Travel Safety Tips

2013-07-11T08:00:00.000-04:00

Staying Safe

Many college students enjoy traveling around the country and the world. They enjoy seeing the popular landmarks that they study about, and they enjoy spending time with friends and family. While traveling can be fun and educational, it can also have bumps in the road. Unforeseen circumstances might thwart travel plans, and the entire trip can go from a dream to a nightmare in a short amount of time. There are some things to remember about planning a trip to increase the safety while abroad.

Students who do not want to carry a large amount of money on a trip (smart choice) can use a credit card. The money is secure because it is not in an open space- like a wallet or a pocket; but instead it’s electronic and can be moved or cancelled at any time. It is confined to a card so that only the holder of the card can use the money. However, if your wallet is stolen, you will lose the card. There is the potential that someone else can use the card unless you make it secure. Don’t put a name on the card. This makes it harder for someone to use it because there is no personal information attached to it. Prepaid credit cards are the way to go for students who wish to travel; the student puts money on the card instead of having a credit limit from the company and it helps them stay out of debt while still being able to travel with a small financial cushion.

Getting lost can be easy to do in a big city. The first thing to do is remain calm. Find someone in the area who speaks the same language you speak; if you speak English, this won’t take very long. Explain where you are from and where you are trying to go, and make a map of the directions that the person gives. Instead of street names, use landmarks you will remember because then you remove the language barrier from the equation. Students should pay attention to bus and train schedule so that they are not stranded in the city after the last departure. Print directions to every attraction. Plan ahead, stay organized and know your major landmarks of the area like churches, museums and bus stations.

There are some things that are never fun while traveling to another country, and this includes getting sick. It could be the food, the flight to the area or a host of other things that can make someone sick while traveling. Find a pharmacy as soon as possible and only take medicines from sealed containers. Drink plenty of fluids to replenish fluids that have been lost (make sure the water is safe to drink). Bottled water is a good idea because the water in some countries is not sanitary to drink. Eat as healthy as possible by finding something in a store or restaurant that is familiar.

KC Owens has written and submitted this article. KC is a college student who loves traveling, college life, fitness and a good survival kit. He enjoys studying different cultures, meeting new people and leaving his footprint somewhere most people only read about.

Three Years Ago...

2013-07-10T18:52:00.002-04:00

Pictures from my last day with my French friends when my mom and brother visited.

Hello, all!

Three years ago I landed on American soil after seven months of living in France.

Three years have passed since my friends came to pick me up at the airport and I didn't quite believe it was real. Since we screamed and cried and hugged in an airport lobby because it had been so long and so much had changed.

Seven months changes a lot.

Three years changes more.

Three years ago, I had already accomplished the dream that I had been working towards for 10 years of my life. I didn't have a new dream; I was happy to be home but my language and my heart was still captured in French. (It still is, but to a lesser extent.)

Three years have passed since I was last in Europe. Slightly more than that since I said goodbye to "my Frenchies" and embarked on a short vacation to Italy with my mother and brother. More than three years since I wandered through Southern France with near-strangers that are kind of family and now-distant friends. Since filming silly videos with my friends and dancing through La Villa Aurélienne. Since hanging out in MacDo and Quick and getting sunburnt on the beach of La mer Méditerranée.

Picture from a picnic my class threw me before I left France.

I find myself looking through those pictures and blog posts and thinking of all those experiences and I fall in love with those experiences all over again. Or I feel the sting of loneliness as I read about those rough days when I felt like I was falling apart. I re-watch the video I made to celebrate five months in France again and tear up as I remember those friends and I think about all the stories and pictures that I never shared here. (There are so many)

I think about who I was then. How I felt out of touch with the United States and my friends on either side of the ocean at different points; those moments of clarity on long train rides alone and when goofing off with people whose names I probably never pronounced exactly right.

And then there's now.

I'm rediscovering myself and my strength and challenging myself all over again. I've found a new dream to pursue at long last and I am pursuing it the best I know how.

Life is strange and time passes too quickly. I'm not sure where I will be seven months from now, much less three years from now. I wonder if I will still maintain the friendships I have had for years, or if I will re-establish the closeness I once had with my seven month friends.

That being said, it's time to share again.

A bientot!
Aly

Happy Birthday, Laura!

2013-04-20T01:48:00.007-04:00

This picture might be a year old, but I love it.

Silliness in the snow.

Our awkward "family".

Say Anything, last year!

Basically my best friend is beautiful and perfect.

Dear Laura,

I have a confession to make.
I haven't sent your birthday card yet. And today is your birthday. I messed up. I'm sorry :(

But it's your birthday and I wanted to be sure that I could tell you (and publicly announce) how amazing you are. Birthdays are a good time for that, so consider this part of your birthday present. (We will celebrate for real when you come back to Asheville!)

You are, without a doubt, one of my best friends. Through everything in this year, you have been there for me even if it meant running back to your room to talk to me on Skype between classes (aka super early-late, my time) or sending me constant reminders of your support via Facebook. I don't know what I would do without your sweet postcards and letters that magically appear in my mailbox every few weeks. They never fail to make me smile while simultaneously wishing with all of my heart that you were here.

I am so lucky to have a best friend that supports me in so many ways no matter the distance or timing between us. No matter who doubts you or our friendship, I know better. We are so alike in so many ways and understand each other better than I would have thought possible when I met you. Who knew that our missed opportunities to talk in that one class could have meant that we missed out on an amazing friendship?

(Good thing we go to a small school and that is not the case!)

A year ago, even, I would not have imagined that we would be as close as we are now. We were good friends then, but now you are one of the first people I come to when I need to talk, which is no easy task while you are abroad! I think that only serves as a testimony to our friendship: that we are able to maintain such a close relationship over months of separation.

You are amazing and I am so proud of you for spending your year abroad and making the most of it. You are such an inspiration to me.

I hope your 21st birthday (since it's already happened in Korea!) was everything you hoped for. I am so happy that your family was there to celebrate with you and I wish I could be too. I can't wait to see you again and I will talk to you soon!

<3 p="">

Forever & always,
Aly

Late Thoughts

2013-02-09T00:00:00.000-05:00

Hello, all!

It's time again. I'm back to blogging, for now anyway. I have so many things on my mind and I need to share.

So here I am again.

The thing about the hours between midnight and dawn is that I am never sure if it is morning or night. It is still nighttime, but the day approaches quickly-- especially when you are awake without a purpose, or are suffering from a sense of impending doom
(the things the day brings are not always welcome).
It's quiet, too much so if your mind is racing and you can't force yourself to relax. When your mind is brimming with thoughts and lists of
things to do
things not yet done
mistakes
corrections
and misguided attempts at motivation.

The night is when I spend the most time thinking
(foolishly so because thinking strangles sleeping)
(and I am hopeless without sleep)
but the thoughts are good and sometimes inspiring and sometimes clarifying.

But it is lonely at night. The knowledge that everybody else is sleeping or off in their own mental world makes me feel lonely and isolated. At night I find myself in measures of extremes: the overly emotional girl that is brimming with love and happiness, or the girl that feels profoundly lonely. Frantically working or slowly drifting into unconsciousness. Company in the form of pixelated words on a too-bright screen, eyes straining; the light from outside through my blinds, covering my eyes to sleep.

As the evening wears on, sometimes I find myself thinking of happier things-- realizing, alone in my room, that maybe
just maybe
I am so much more than I give myself credit for.
(But sometimes I am much, much less.)
It is those moments, though,
(where I recognize that I am spectacular in ways I don't even acknowledge)
(that sounds so egotistical written out like that)
that I realize that these late nights
or mornings
are perhaps the best time because they are the most challenging.
It is in these hours that I am most critical and most emotional; where I allow myself to think about more than just mundane life for a while (before I'm sucked back into worrystressworrystressworrystressexhaustion).

I think it's time to sleep.
Aly

Aly en... Anywhere

2013-02-07T17:45:00.000-05:00

Hello, all!

It's getting to be that timea gain, where my wanderlust sets in and I find myself dreaming of new places to explore and beginning to plan what's next.

It should come as no surprise to those of you that know me (either by reading this blog or personally know me) that I am an international studies major. At my school, this means that I have to have an "international experience", which means studying abroad for at least 6 credit hours.

I don't have any issues with the fact that I have to study abroad-- in fact, I think it's great that my program requires majors to study abroad, because I think the experience of going abroad is probably one of the most useful and necessary experiences to have as a student. Particularly in my major, it makes sense that they require it (or a similar experience).

My major worry is not how or why, but where. Having already fulfilled my dream of going to France, it seems a bit silly to try to recreate the experience or continue to lust after a country and experience that I have already had. That is not to say that it would be the same now, as a university student rather than a high schooler, but for various reasons, I probably won't be going back to France to attend classes.

So where to, if not France?

This is the dilemma I am faced with this year, as I seek out where I should go next. There are so many places in the world to see, and even though I am focusing my search on Europe (after all, France is just a short trip away from most places in Western Europe), I find myself questioning this blog most of all. If I am not "en France", as I have shaped my online identity since 2009, am I still "Aly en France"? I mean, I'm not in France now-- but I maintain this blog, my tumblr, etc., under that username/title. It works; my near-constant longing for France and nostalgia for the places I have been is a bit ridiculous, even as time passes. My heart still remains "en France", so far as I (and this blog) are concerned.

But wherever I go in the future-- should my blog still be "Aly en France"? France is not the end of my travels; it was the beginning of a lifetime of wanderlust and dreams. It is still an important part of how I perceive the world and my identity as a person. But should my blog always reflect an experience I have already had?

What do you do with a virtual space that holds so many memories and identity you have taken on when it is no longer relevant to your current life?

Do you abandon it, as I have (at least on this site) until a time when you figure it out again? Or is it not necessary for the name to reflect reality?

What if I was just "Aly en Europe" or "Aly en America" or any other combination of place? Does my current reality need to be reflected in my online presence?

These are some of the questions I am struggling with while I do research about where would be the best place for me to go next. The challenges of international travel await, yet I am preoccupied with an issue of virtual identity, rather than the challenges of reality.

I'd love to hear what you (as a reader of this blog, however infrequent) think!

A bientôt,
Aly

Long Time, No Blog

2013-01-12T21:29:00.001-05:00

Hello, all!

Earlier today, my friend Laura commented on a couple of my old blogs, which brought me back here. I found myself reading some of my old posts and remembering why I loved blogging.

From 2009 to 2011, I blogged fairly regularly-- mostly during my time in France, but recorded deep within the pages of this blog is my own personal history. The thoughts, emotions, memories, rants, and dreams of a girl that had a lot to say and wasn't afraid to share. This blog was both my private story and my public outlet, and I realize that this was an important part of my life, for much longer than I acknowledge now.

I stopped blogging rather abruptly, and sometimes I think about why I made that decision. I didn't really explain it on here-- I posted once in January of 2012, but beyond that, I made the fatal blog mistake of disappearing. I'm still around on the internet-- my tumblr is pretty active, but it isn't a personal blog so much as a collection of things I like.

The thing about this blog is that it became a bit of a chore after a while-- it began to feel like something I HAD to do, rather than something I wanted to do. It became a far-too-public forum for me to feel comfortable sharing some of the experiences that I had previously written about without even thinking twice. As I get older, I become more aware that the internet is a very public thing and in most cases, there are things that really ought to be kept private. There are things that are difficult to share, and not knowing who reads my blog made me feel vulnerable.

Furthermore, this blog ceased to be about "Aly en France". It became a personal blog, for my own benefit (and the benefit of anybody that cared to read what I have to share), and the transition struck me as awkward.

It may be time to start blogging again. My distance from France does not mean that is no longer part of my identity or my lifestyle.

With that in mind, here's to a new year-- and maybe a new blog. As my tumblr states: my heart is in France, and I am here. Life is ongoing, and I may be ready to share it again.

-Aly

On Resolutions & Reflections

2012-01-09T14:22:00.004-05:00

Hello, all!

This isn't the typical start-of-a-new year post. It's a send-off to 2011 and the beautiful moments that made the year special, and it's me looking forward to this year with the only expectation being Happiness.

2011 was definitely an important year for me... I graduated from high school and went off to college, which is quite a life change. But this past year, I discovered friendships that I didn't realize would become so important to me. I learned about myself and had a few preconceptions be thrown out the window. I realized how important some people have been in my life and though I never actually thanked them, I realized that it's quite important to me to recognize my dependence upon others. So, to everyone that made 2011 special-- from hugs, adventures, advice, knowledge, or simply a kind word... thank you for making my year wonderful.

This year, though, I'm thinking that it's time for change.

I'm not going to make specific resolutions this year (and I realize that it's now slightly over a week into 2012, but in my defense I haven't had internet access for a while...), but I'm going based on concepts. In theory, I am not challenging myself to change who I am, but rather to try to become the person that I want to be.

For now, this means that my resolutions are the following:

Create something beautiful
Seek simplicity
Make good decisions
Have an adventure
Fill life with happiness
Surround myself with supportive, awesome people

These are not resolutions that necessarily have an end. I learned last year that I don't do that well with exact resolutions (with the exception of reading at least 50 books, since I was able to do that by volunteering at the library). These are not so much resolutions for the new year as they are resolutions for life, the kind that are applicable at any time of the year and ideas that could be implemented anytime.

As always, though, I'm looking forward to this year, and all the things that are ahead. Some of these resolutions are applicable to blogging, but I have some other projects that I'll be embarking on this year, and I intend to continue sharing some of these with you.

Anyway, thanks for reading as always and I hope your year has been beautiful so far. I hope that 2011 ended in happiness & joy and that this year brings you all the happiness that you deserve.

Love,

Aly

On Failure

2011-11-29T21:21:00.000-05:00

Hello, all!

Normally around this time, I'd be writing frantically in an attempt to finish my novel before the end of National Novel Writing Month. But this year, that isn't happening and I can't help but say that I'm a bit disappointed in myself. It seems like I've failed myself.

Failure is an interesting thing. It leads to feelings of inadequacy and shame and other unpleasant feelings. But it's not the end of the world. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't be proud of yourself because the thing about failure is that it means you at least TRIED. (In most cases; the case could be made that failing at something means you didn't try hard enough, but I'm trying to be positive here...)

I think it takes a kind of bravery to say that you have failed at something. It's admitting to yourself and others that you didn't finish something you said you would. It's difficult to claim failure because it isn't something to be PROUD of.

Really cliche quotes always say that you can't do everything perfectly on the first try, and every failure is a step in the right direction-- a way to help you learn and grow as an individual. While I have a tendency to scoff at these quotes, I have to admit that there is some value in them.

I've "won" NaNoWriMo for the last two years-- both times I've attempted it. This year, I was hesitant to even begin but thanks to the persuasion of a few of my writing friends, I started a novel this month. I doubted my ability to finish, based on my failure at NaBloPoMo in September. Furthermore, finals are coming up and this month has been the one where I have had more work to do in every class. It seemed like an impossible task-- throw in a novel on top of all that? No thanks.

But I can't be too upset with myself for failing. I keep reminding myself that I at least tried and though I've given up on hitting the 50k goal, I'm going to keep writing this story. Failing at NaNoWriMo doesn't mean that I've failed at life and to be honest, the only person I've let down is myself, namely because some small part of me believes that I should have been able to finish.

The truth is, sometimes failure is inevitable. Sometimes life gets in the way and sometimes it's hard to figure out what to do next and sometimes things don't work out the way you expect them to. However, that doesn't mean it isn't worth a shot, because with that risk of failure comes the chance of success and I'm a firm believer of trying.

And yes, failure helps you grow. It helps you learn. Failing gives you a perspective on your life and a chance to fix mistakes when the opportunity arises to try again.

So even though I failed at NaNoWriMo (and NaBloPoMo), it doesn't mean I'm giving up. It just means I'm trying something else out.

And now, I need to return to work that needs to be done. Failure isn't an option.

-Aly

Movies

2011-09-09T22:11:00.001-04:00

Hello, all!

This post is going to be short because I'm about to watch a movie with a few friends but I have a specific topic in mind for tomorrow.

Thought for the day: fall is exhilarating.

A demain!
-Aly

Chores

2011-09-08T23:51:00.004-04:00

Hello, all!

I spent a lot of my time today feeling strangely productive and adult-like. I cleaned my room (it wasn't *that* bad by college standards, or even my own, but the emptiness of my room makes any sort of disorganization or mess glaringly obvious), vacuumed my room and bathroom, washed dishes, cleaned my sink (and the toilet... ew...), did laundry, and I even DECORATED my walls.

There's nothing particularly extraordinary about these things, or the fact that I did them (though my mother might tell you otherwise), but I'm finding it rather odd that I chose to spend most of my day doing things like that rather than simply wandering around campus aimlessly. However, it's not like I did those things alone, without people around, or did nothing else but that. My social life still existed during most of that. I suppose it must be a measure of how comfortable my new friends and I are around each other that we can turn the time during which I would be doing something monotonous and eerily similar to chores into a few hours of hanging out. I mean, you know you must be close to people when they see you sorting through your dirty clothes.

At any rate, I guess what I'm trying to say is that college today was a strange contradiction. It's weird to feel childish (some of that social time was predictably spent coloring in my Sesame Street coloring book. Don't judge me, it was a gift!) and strangely grown-up at the same time. It's also strange to realize that my dorm room, for the moment, feels more comfortable and home-like than my room at home did when I was there just a few days ago. Time spent here is kind of relaxing, and feels just as familiar as my house did.

I'm not even done decorating yet-- I need more postcards/pictures/posters to decorate the walls with and I'm kind of hesitant to cover a lot of the extra wall space I have now in case I get a new roommate... though I need more STUFF in here to keep it from being echo-y. I'm decorating in stages-- I'll post pictures when I have finished putting up everything that I currently have.

Anyway, that was ramble-y.

Goodnight!
A demain,
-Aly

My Vegetarian Challenge

2011-09-07T23:26:00.003-04:00

Hello, all!

I don't have deep thoughts today, but lacking in philosophy, I have a bit to talk about so far as my actual life goes.

I might have mentioned this in my first post of the month, but I'm trying to be vegetarian this month. Last week, I messed up while at home (delicious grilled chicken... I couldn't say no to that), but being vegetarian doesn't necessarily mean eating healthily. I've had about five desserts today (butterscotch brownies + chocolate ice cream = heaven), and I've been kind of struggling to balance my diet enough so that I don't end up eating variations on carbs for every meal, or pizza for that matter, though honestly, the pizza here is fantastic and deserves to be eaten at every meal.

I thought, when I decided to become vegetarian for a month, that it would be a relatively easy challenge. My school makes it quite easy to eat vegetarian foods, but at the same time, the selection doesn't always seem to be that great. While there are plenty of carbs and variations on roasted vegetables, the truly "vegetarian" meal in the cafeteria doesn't always seem to be the most satisfying meal. There's the addictional problem of the fact that I actually like some meat. Pork, chicken, and turkey... the tempting smell of sausage nearly did me in this morning but I suppose that's why it is a challenge. There aren't always veggie-friendly substitutes for the meaty foods, much to my dismay, and though bacon is tempting, giving up on my challenge so soon into the month would defeat the purpose.

There's a bit of a story to why I decided to become vegetarian this month. The main one is that I have entertained the thought of becoming a vegetarian throughout high school and it never quite seemed to be the right time. Here, I figured that it would be easier and since I'm making my own decisions about food for the first time, it would be an interesting challenge to see if I am even capable of maintaining a healthy diet when I am not cooking for myself at all (unless you count Easy Mac), but have access to more options of food than I could possibly eat. And despite the strange conversations I've had about what is the point of becoming vegetarian for a single month, I still think it's a worthwhile endeavor. I have a few other reasons, and I'm sure I'll be articulating those at some point in time as I continue to try out this lifestyle.

Anyway, that's all for now.
A demain!
-Aly

Downtown Tuesday

2011-09-06T22:47:00.002-04:00

Hello, all!

Today ended up being a pretty fantastic day. The weather was more-or-less perfect, but in contrast to yesterday's rain and gloom, it felt like a perfect transitional day. A bit of rain, a lot of sun... a good day for walking, which is lucky because I ended up doing a lot of that.

So, my friend Alec had an assignment to do for his anthropology class. He had to go observe people and write down his observations in order to write a two page paper (I'm not sure the point exactly but people-watching is fun), so we decided to walk downtown. That's about a mile or so to walk, up and down hills of course but not an unpleasant walk when the weather is nice and you have nothing better to do with an afternoon.

Watching people in Downtown Asheville is strange. It's not quite a big enough city for there to be the distracted-and-serious business people, and it's not quite bustling, but there's enough activity to make it interesting. It's relaxed downtown, and nobody seems in any particular rush to do anything or go anywhere. But like any other downtown area, all the people walk by, oblivious of their surroundings and so focused on their own thoughts and their own lives that they don't seem to notice the rustle of the leaves in the trees, the cool fall breeze that seems out of place in September but makes the day the perfect temperature.

It always strikes me when people watching, how lonely everybody seems. All these people, lost in their own thoughts, moving on autopilot... how interesting it would be to step into their mind for a second and see if they are even living fully. Even here in Asheville, the people walk by like robots, smiling to themselves and generally uninterested in anything outside of their own minds. I can't blame them for it, since I have days like that too, but it's just interesting to note the stark contrast between the lively community of the drum circle downtown on Friday nights with the sleepy monotony and loneliness of a Tuesday afternoon.

A demain!
-Aly

Thinking in Rainstorms

2011-09-05T23:15:00.003-04:00

Hello, all!

So, I'm back at school now, and for once I'm alone in my room with my thoughts. It's weird... it seems to quiet and lonely in here without the companionship of my friends.

Today, I seem to have retreated into my own mind a bit. Caught in my own analysis of my surroundings and distracted by other stories or people or places, I'm not sure what I need to snap out of this silence. I'm unnerved by the fact that I feel like I'm neither here nor there, not fully present in conversations as thoughts whisk me to other places and reality snaps me back.

It's been raining lately, patches of torrential downpour and moments of gloomy grey sky. I'm enraptured by it, the noise and the feel of it... I've danced in it already, and I'm still cold and shivering. A moment of brief respite from my mind, though a few minutes of spinning around like a madwoman possessed by some undeniable urge to be strange for no apparent reason. Cold and shivering with rain battering me, it was easy to feel small and forgettable for a little bit. Unfortunately, this foolishness, though not regretted, was only a momentary escape before my mind closed around me again and I found myself at a standstill.

Sometimes, in moments like that, I believe that I shouldn't be around people at all. Like the presence of people I barely know but already know too well (it's a strange contradiction) makes the fact that I'm silently lost less legitimate and more like a show of my inability to decide how I should act or what I need to be doing.

These are scattered thoughts, but I'm thinking in terms of rainstorms, ideas and judgements and my own uncertainty... leaves tracked in by feet, unnoticed until they are scattered across your floor. I'll just keep dancing around in circles, embracing the rain until the world is a blur and my mind has settled.

A demain!
-Aly

Lacking Words

2011-09-05T00:19:00.002-04:00

Hello, all!

Lacking words to describe today, or any deep revelations to share, I leave you with a few scattered thoughts.

This weekend felt like summer, prolonged.
Repetition of familiar trails isn't always bad; the familiarity is comforting.
Sometimes the best quotes are the ones that are embarrassing.
Moments between friends when seen by an almost-stranger are incredibly awkward.
It's hard to explain some things and still sound sane.

Goodnight!
A demain.
-Aly

New and Old

2011-09-04T00:18:00.002-04:00

Here is where the new and the old collide. Here is where there is only the unknown, and the possibility of a shift. Here, on this treacherous crevice of choices, I hesitate and wonder if I have the courage to jump off the edge or if I will simply fall backwards and trust the solidity of solid ground.

Home

2011-09-03T00:20:00.002-04:00

Hello, all!

So, I know it's after midnight so it's TECHNICALLY September 3rd, but so far as I'm concerned, it's still the 2nd so this is still a daily post.

I'm back home, in my even-more-empty-and-echo-y room, and I can't help but feel a bit disconnected. This is home... my room and my bed (though it now looks freakishly small after dorm beds), my house, my car. This is my town, the place I've lived for the last eight years, but part of me doesn't recognize this as "home" anymore.

Home is in the mountains, in my little dorm room with few decorations and far too much window, where the sun wakes me up cheerily every day by shining directly in my face. Where I spend a lot of time wandering aimlessly with these friends that are already like family, and where we spend a lot of time doing absolutely nothing.

The thing is, a couple of them are here for the weekend. One of them lives in town, and the other is living in my house for the weekend so that she isn't alone on campus. They're my new home, these friends, and here they are, lurking in the home I've known for years. It's a strange disconnect and a strange sense of displacement. Our friendship is almost defined by the where-- the Botanical Gardens (the Botans), the Ridges, and even the mountains themselves-- but here, far away from mountains and far less shady, our friendship remains the same sort of comfortable companionship that makes it seem like I have known them for much longer than the time I have.

Driving around my town tonight, music blaring and banter flowing freely as it always does, it strikes me that home is never a set place. Home is everywhere that you find a place to be, where you are comfortable with yourself and your surroundings. And seeing home as a sort-of-stranger only seems to make it more magical, because it is not the physical place that matters, but how you see the place.

A demain!
-Aly

And So, September

2011-09-01T23:46:00.003-04:00

Hello, all!

It's September at last and as promised to a few people months ago, I will be blogging every day this month. There's a lot going on right now-- hence the fact that I have yet to post despite the abundance of things to write about lately-- but I think this is an important month. This is my first month of college life, and I've also decided that for this month, I'm going to become vegetarian, just to see how it goes. Granted, I'll probably make a few exceptions this weekend since I'm returning home (and cafeteria food is more vegetarian friendly, though not always the most delicious).

At any rate, this is just the short intro post since I'm running out of time to write today and I desperately need sleep.

A demain!
-Aly

Too Many Goodbyes

2011-06-07T19:45:00.001-04:00

Hello, all!

I'm done with high school. I've taken all my exams and finished my classes. I've started cleaning out boxes of stuff. I've been signing yearbooks, writing letters, reading notes written to me, uploading pictures to facebook. Everything is frantic, a last-ditch effort to claim ownership of a vaguely-familiar life. It's all leading to goodbye.

I hate goodbyes, I really do. And these goodbyes... well, I don't want to make most of them. I refuse to accept that this is the end, because endings can be sad more often than not.

I refuse to say goodbye to the movie nights that have characterized a seven-year-long-friendship.

I refuse to say goodbye to the stories I created when I was just beginning to write.

I won't say goodbye to the teachers that have made my high school experience wonderful, and I especially will not say goodbye to the ones that have made this year memorable and amazing.

I won't say goodbye to my unexpected friends, or the unexpected moments of beauty experienced with them.

I refuse to say goodbye to the friends with whom I found a home. Or the stories we wrote in our lives or in our minds, the ones that we never finished and the ones that we did because living is much easier than imagining, at least for now.

I won't say goodbye to these half-created plans, these fractions of thoughts and ideas that seem never to happen. I won't give up hope that they can happen, that these crazy dreams and plans and schemes are even possible-- because I want to believe that they will.

I won't say goodbye to the list of things I meant to do this year but didn't. Goals can change and shift and not accomplishing them is no reason for me to give up trying to make them happen in some form.

But mostly, I absolutely refuse to say goodbye to my life as it is now--- the people or this place or these dreams or these words, even. It is not yet gone and I am still here. And I refuse to say goodbye because I know I will return to HERE in my mind and in my future, to every aspect of this hectic existence.

Thanks for listening, as always-- sorry I've been absent, but as mentioned... frantic, crazy life. Sometimes I just need a break from my own mind, but sometimes I need to speak.

-Aly

FFB Guest Post: Peaches

2011-05-11T08:55:00.002-04:00

Hello! This is Jacky from Northwest Is Best, here to share with you my musical heroine as part of Feminist Fashion Bloggers.

Peaches is niche pop star within a niche genre. Her spat-out lyrics may be crude and her electroclash beats simplistic, but I love her. She's fearless, brutal and looks like she'd be a good laugh down the pub. At 44, she's over the hill in conventional pop star terms, but age doesn't define her. Neither does gender. Peaches - born Merrill Nisker in Canada, but now based in Berlin - is definitely a woman. Look at her. She has hips and breasts and hair. Lots of hair.

My main love for Peaches is her gender play in her songs and videos. Consider the above video stills from Downtown, a single from her 2006 album Impeach My Bush. She performs as a seductress stalking the corridors of a spacious hotel, all pillowy cleavage and stockings. Then she's a bellboy, hair slicked back and no make-up. At the end, she fuses the two - dressed as a man, pouting in the mirror from beneath a veiled hat.

And her lyrics? She's not ashamed of her body - how about 'I drink a whisky neat / you lick my crow's feet' from 2009's Trick or Treat. Or, as she tells Iggy Pop in their 2004 glam-shock hook-up Kick It, 'if you play Moses you need burning bush / and that is just what I got'. (I did mention the hair, right?) After four albums, she keeps getting stronger and continues empowering women through her Spandex-covered live shows. As she told The Guardian in 2006 'in my songs, the girl needs to be the antichrist'.

I'm not likely to follow Peaches' example and leap around in a silver jumpsuit, but I'm glad she's out there.

Thanks Aly for having me.

--------------------------------------------

Check out my guest post at Oranges and Apples and check out Jacky's blog, northwest is best, for Franca's guest post!

Check out a round-up of all today's posts here!

Fears and Promises

2011-04-04T00:38:00.004-04:00

Hello, all!

So this has been bothering me all day, and I'm writing about it so that I can stop thinking about it and actually focus.

I have lots of fears. Small fears, and probably irrational ones, but they're ones that continually make sense in the context of my life. Basically, I fear dramatic change that could end in me losing people that are important to me. I could elaborate much more on that, but I'd rather not.

This is partially because I'll be going to visit UNC-Asheville again on Friday, and since that's where I'll be going to college next year (unless something changes within the next month, which is unlikely but still...). Going up to Asheville again for the first of the many orientation-type sessions is like admitting to myself that high school is ending and my life is going to change very DRAMATICALLY, and much sooner than I'm prepared for.

It's scary. I mean, it's awesome and I'm excited, but I'm also terrified. The same old fears, the ones that show up every time you're thrust into a situation where you'll be meeting lots of strangers and what-if-I-make-a-fool-of-myself, what-if-nobody-likes-me, what-if-I-become-cripplingly-socially-awkward, what-if-I-get-lost... and there are so many more. Irrational fears. Silly fears, as though my brain has been transported back to the beginning of middle school or something equally traumatizing.

I can't get rid of them, though. I can't help but be anxious about these minuscule, potential problems. Because these are the small ones, the ones that I'm okay with voicing, and they don't even touch on the larger issues, being that MY LIFE IS CHANGING AND I AM WORRIED. I guess that's the easiest way to say it for now. I want to remind myself of things that I will remember to do, or at least, things I don't want myself to do. Promises, in a way, to myself, ways I want my life to be now and in the future.

I promise that I will not:

Forget about my close friends that I have now.
Let people think of me as an object or take advantage of me.
Lose my morals.
Follow blindly.
Have a closed mind.
Be afraid of new situations or opportunities.
Put myself into situations that I know are dangerous.
Abuse my body.
Shut myself off from the world.
Be afraid to make change in my life. (Even if it scares me.)
Pretend to be somebody I'm not.
Forget my dreams & ambitions.

At the same time, I will:

Be open to new friendships.
Explore.
Fill my life with things that make me happy.
Focus on others, not just myself.
Be honest with myself.
Treat the earth with respect.
Be kind.
Remember how it feels to do something new and exciting.
Be confident.
Admit my faults... and try to change them.
Ask forgiveness when I need to.
Make positive decisions.
Choose the life I want. (And not regret it.)

So, yeah. That's what I want to remember a week from now... a few months from now... a year from now. I want to remember how I feel now, and how I felt like in the past. I don't want to lose myself or lose the wonderful people that surround me.

I'm giving myself the freedom to change my life whenever I want to. I'm not afraid of my fears (thanks, FDR... *nerd jokes*), and I'll try to understand myself and my choices. I'll try to embrace change and choose the best path. And if I mess up, I'm going to try my hardest to correct it, rather than dwelling on it.

I can make these promises now and hopefully I'll remember them later, and if I don't, somebody will hopefully be around to remind me. (Thanks in advance! :))

So... what are your fears? What promises do you want to make to yourself?

-Aly

P.S. Thanks for reading, as always! Even more thanks for the comments on my last post-- everybody was so encouraging and understanding. Love to all of you. <3

FFB: What I've Learned

2011-03-29T23:21:00.003-04:00

Hello, all!

I missed last week's FFB post because I was busy-- and I nearly missed today's, too. So, with 40-something minutes to go in the day, I'm sitting down and writing this.

Over the past month, the wonderful ladies of the FFB have shown me what "feminism" is today. It isn't just about women's rights-- but the rights of everyone. It's about seeing clearly, seeing how the world nudges us in certain directions and trying to understand the implications of yielding to them. It's about knowing your role-- the role you are expected to have and the role you DO have, and knowing what role you WANT to have. It's about embracing who you are, making the choice to stand for something. It's okay to wear dresses and frills and lace and to feel beautiful, but it's also okay not to shave your legs or wear baggy clothes or hide yourself because that's how you are most comfortable.

The modern feminist movement isn't one of extreme action. It's small behaviors and watching, speaking up when you see the traces of sexism or gender bias or stereotypes, and trying to do something about it. It's about not being afraid of the title "FEMINIST", because you may not see yourself as that or you may be reluctant to accept a word that has such a history and stereotype to it, but knowing what you stand for anyway. Feminism today isn't just for women-- it's for everyone that has been limited or pushed or prodded into becoming someone or something they didn't choose to be. Because feminism today is about making a choice for yourself. Choosing your role or your title or your clothes. It's about communicating and reaching out to others, being open to discussion but willing to fight for the truth. It's an all-encompassing movement: you may not be able to pick a Feminist out of a line-up, but that doesn't mean that they aren't or couldn't be.

This month has taught me that feminism isn't a movement of the past. I can be a feminist, and I don't have to be ashamed of it. I'm allowed to write about my feminism and express my views and embrace the opportunities I have been given-- and acknowledging how lucky I am to have them. I haven't had to fight for these things; other generations, other women-- stronger women-- have fought for my rights and my voice and my body to be my own. But their work isn't done, and I can take up their cause, their words, their mission, and translate it into my own life and the world where I live.

Feminism hasn't died. It's changed and altered, sure, but the spirit of change and community of feminists is still here. We're all over the world and we may never meet, but we are united in this.

-Aly

FFB: Fashion & Feminism

2011-03-16T21:39:00.004-04:00

Hello, all!

So, today is the big blog event day! The FFB's question for today is the big one: How do you express your feminism in the way you dress?

Admittedly, I'm not a fashion blogger, and few people would believe that I have any sort of interest in fashion. The thing is, I care about how I look and how I present myself to the world. I think that is why fashion (and personal style) is important, but I am still unsure of how my beliefs and how my stylistic choices interact.

I've been trying to figure out the answer, though, and the best thing I have is that I show my feminism by dressing for myself. I dress in a way that makes me feel confident. I have my own style, even if I can't always define it very well.

In case you missed it, I'm young. I still have a lot to learn about what the world, and even though I am interested in fashion in the sense that I am interested in the perception others have of you, it seems rather difficult to figure out how your thoughts translate into fashion.

I used to be one of those girls that wore t-shirts and jeans every day-- running t-shirts, mainly, but also ones from vacations, and occasionally ones that proclaimed my political beliefs. My favorite t-shirt, I'd say, was the "1 Sky" organic cotton one that my dad picked up for me at some environmental fair. I have no issues with wearing clothes that proclaim directly what you believe. But, though I was always comfortable and happy in those, I was afraid to wear my (really fantastically designed) OBAMA shirt, because I was afraid of the debate that would inspire, simply because it was a VERY direct statement of my political beliefs. I didn't feel like I had the right to wear it, because at the time, I was too young to vote anyway.

Since then, I've resigned those shirts to running-wear (makes sense, at least for the running shirts)-- partially because I don't feel the need to force myself to look pretty or anything when running, and when I'm running, I feel confident. I'm not ashamed of my beliefs or my body, and wearing shirts that label me clearly as an environment-loving liberal are not silly or stupid. But they made me feel awkward and like I would be attacked for the passive expression of what I think is important.

Again, I'm not discrediting that, but these days, I dress to feel confident. I dress according to my whims and emotions; some days, that means a shirt that says "OBAMA" across it over a very pop-art inspired picture of his face. Most days, however, I dress more-or-less like a European. My style has been influenced heavily by my time in France, and so I dress in a way that makes sense for me based on those experiences. I dress according to the weather, and in a generally sensible manner-- but I want to feel pretty.

Sometimes I wonder if I follow fashion blogs a bit too much. Maybe I pay too much attention to clothes and people and style, especially since few people would recognize me as having that interest. Is it damaging to look, to be inspired, or to covet things? To allow myself to fall into something that is stereotypically "female"?

I don't think that's the case, though. I think that it is okay to love fashion and style, without it being my only interest. I am not a stereotypical female, and just because I have an interest in clothes and appearance, does not make me superficial or vain or any of those things. If anything, that interest allows me to live in a way that I enjoy and to feel good about myself while doing so. I don't care about such things because I'm supposed to, and I think that's what makes the difference. I dress myself not to please others-- I mean, I wore a Hogwarts uniform to school one day when it wasn't Spirit Week-- but to feel happy and confident about myself.

Maybe I can't define my style, and maybe when people see me they do not automatically see "FEMINIST" emblazoned across my shirt, but I don't have to have that direct marker to be a feminist. I can feel pretty and strong in a skirt, and appearances aren't everything anyway. I am a feminist not because of my clothes, but because I know what I believe and I won't allow myself to follow stereotypes blindly: I choose my clothes, and I choose my beliefs. I can choose feminism and fashion without feeling like a mindless follower-- I choose both for myself, not because I am expected to, but because I want to.

-Aly

Find the other posts on this topic here, check out the FFB here, or find links to some of the past posts here!

Staying Informed

2011-03-15T08:39:00.006-04:00

Hello, all!

I don't have time to keep up to date on all the news. I hear about most things from the internet, but rarely do I actually poke around enough to actually understand what is going on in the world. But since Japan is dealing with a major disaster right now, I want to be informed. I can't just allow myself to be blind to current events, not in a world where everything is fast-paced and there are major issues to be addressed and environmental disasters to confront; problems to solve.

Sure, I may be busy, but what is the excuse for not staying informed? I am a citizen of the earth. I live in a country where I have the right to vote now-- my voice has power now. And I haven't been living up to my duty to understand the details of what is happening here in the United States and abroad; I have been living in the bubble of my own life. I can't do that anymore. I cannot allow myself to be blind, seeing only what people tell me about when the situation is desperate or what I see for those few seconds of the day when checking my email.

Anyway, I'm trying to learn. To see what is going, understand what it means, and what the consequences are. But part of me is still using the (other) excuse that I don't know where to look. That's a complete lie, because, again... the internet.

- The New York Times. (Because I feel that this is most legitimate way to stay informed.)
- My local newspaper. (It's not the best, but it does have local news.)
- Google News. (So convenient!)
- Greenpeace. (Call me a crazy liberal, but Greenpeace does have current news about environmental issues.)
- The Nation. (For political news. Besides, we recently learned about the Nation in AP US History!)
- Earthjustice. (To know about political campaigns regarding the environment.)
- Educated Earth. (Granted, I just found this today and need to poke around a bit more, but it seems like a pretty good place to get news.)
- Congress.org. (To know about what is going on politically.)

The things I want to know about are related largely to politics and the environment. I want to know about things that I am passionate about, and things that affect me. So, that's what I'm going to do. Since I can't be uninformed, I am going to seek out information on topics that are important to me, and I won't shy away from supporting causes that I think are just.

Have you heard about the House of Representatives bill that would cut federal funding to Planned Parenthood? I'm sure you've heard about the Union bill in Wisconsin by now. What about the situation in Libya and Egypt? Do you ever think about Haiti? Darfur? You should know what's going on in Japan. Do you know about the bills that are currently in Congress that attack the Endangered Species Act?

And if you do know about those things, what are you going to do about them? Does it matter to you?

I might be 18, still in high school and relatively limited in what I can do to help out, but I can stay informed. I can write letters to Senators and Representatives, I can volunteer, I can vote in elections, but most of all... the thing I CAN do every day, is to read and be informed.

So, what do you read to know what is going on in the world? Do you look for certain types of news or certain issues?

What will you do to help?

-Aly

FFB: My Body Entirely

2011-03-07T20:18:00.005-05:00

The start of a cross-country race.

Hello, all!

So the FFB topic for today is really just to discuss one of the topics that have been addressed in the discussions on the group page. One of our discussions was about body image and plastic surgery, and since I've been doing track, I've been thinking a lot about body image.

I am a runner, and I have been for the last four years; running has completely changed how I see my body and I will not allow myself to hate my body. I might not like all the features of my body, but every imperfect bit of it is part of me. Running has given me the ability to look at myself not in terms of beauty but in terms of function-- I am healthy. I'm strong and capable of movement.

My elbows are bony and my calves are too big, my thighs are impossible to fit into pants, and I am not built to be a runner. Yet I am, despite that... My elbows allow my arms to move, pulling me forward faster; my calves stretch and contract with each step, carrying me up and down hills; my thighs are mostly muscle, propelling my runs. I am not these pieces of myself; I'm a whole. Every part of me has a function. My body is a beautiful, efficient, running MACHINE.

My body carries me on journeys-- across the globe (mostly in a plane, but STILL), up a mountain, around a track, down a street, up a hill, across a stream; distances farther than I used to believe I could run. I am not the fastest, but I can move fast, every part of me screaming for oxygen and straining. And at the end, I may be hunched over and struggling to breathe, but I survived, despite the pain. My body allows that. It enables my adventures, and it endures ridiculous amounts of pain as I push myself to some new limit.

That's why I don't understand plastic surgery. Not fully, anyway. I can understand wanting to perfect your body, but for myself, it would never be an option. I could never forsake the body that is healthy and strong. I understand feeling like you're not good enough or not pretty enough, but can you not see, when you look at yourself, how beautiful you are? In function, if nothing else?

I mean, obviously, there are exceptions. Maybe it isn't about body image, but a medical thing. If it is necessary, then yes, go for it. But I think that plastic surgery and our negative views of our bodies are feminist issues.

Everywhere around us, we are compelled to think that our bodies are flawed. That we are flawed. That our hips are too wide, our bellies too fat, our arms too flabby... the list goes on and on. If you told me to name 10 imperfections about my body, I could probably make a list in 10 seconds flat, but that isn't how I want to live. I don't want to be critical of my HEALTHY body, to allow myself to submit to these insane rules of how my body should look when I know that the way my body looks isn't the most important thing about it. I can't allow myself to be brainwashed into thinking that I am not good enough and that my body is not up to the standards of society.

What if my standards of beauty are different? What if all I want from my body is the ability to run and to feel free?

Can you look at your body and appreciate it for what it is; it's strengths and weaknesses? That's you. All of it. Everything. Your body, your terms. Improve upon it if you must, but it is better to be healthy and accepting of your body than hate yourself. And maybe it's just the runner in me, but when you move, feel it fully. Sink into every joint and jiggle and take a deep breath-- feel how your body flies over the ground or stumbles along, how your lungs expand and sweat covers your skin. Embrace it, how alive your body is-- how it is nothing fake. You are fully real. You are fully yourself.

Run. Breathe. Dance. Sing. Hug. Do something, move. Your body doesn't have to be anything else. It can do everything you need it-- or want it-- to, and you don't have to feel bad about it.

That's all I guess. Just what I've been thinking about, and my view on it.

-Aly