It was an evening of inspiration, connection, empowerment, entertainment, champagne, hors d'oeuvres, and speaking vignettes by top entrepreneurs in our community, including a *SURPRISE* guest!

WE got to meet some of Alberta's most successful, incredible Entrepreneurial Moms and for the unveiling of brand new, innovative, and *UNPRECEDENTED* EMI network-wide initiatives - never seen before in a local-international networking organization!

It was an exciting, ground-breaking, interactive night to remember!

Affirmations must directly correlate to a core wound or they are no match for that default program that is sabotaging your life in places you may not even see.

The affirmations that create the greatest impact are those directly related to the hidden, unconscious beliefs running amuck in our minds like a virus on a hard drive. How do you find those limiting beliefs?

I use this simple four-step process. Simple, does not mean easy. This takes some time with courage, curiosity, compassion and support.

1. Think of a trigger moment or situation in your life. What is your ‘hot thought’ in that moment? E.g. You don’t respect me

2. What is your greatest fear if your ‘hot thought’ statement were true? What is the worst thing that would happen if your ‘hot thought’ were true? E.g. If you don’t respect me, you won’t be my friend

3. Take your answer to #2 and ask yourself the two questions again to boil this down. Be patient with yourself, it may take a few goes. E.g. If I don’t have friends, I will be alone

4. If your final answers in #3 were true, what would that say about you? E.g. If I am alone then I am worthless

Repeat this process to uncover at least three or four of your core wounds (old messages).

An affirmation that has teeth and sticking power against “I am worthless” is generally not a 180 degree flip. Eg. “I have infinite worth”. Our brains are much smarter than that and won’t play along. Something like “I am valuable” would be much stronger. Notice the statement is not referring to one situation or quality and is applicable in all areas of life. The best affirmation statements are simple, believable and actually stir some emotion for you as you say it. If you think it is funny or ridiculous, try another wording or phrase.

When we take the time to dig down and find the root of the wound (old message) and the statements that effectively counteract them (new message), shift is possible.

If you already have affirmations and just needs some tweaking, great! If you are starting from scratch, now is the time! Use this simple process get on standing up to and removing the old messages that have kept you small until now. Live large!

I had tried a number of times for two years to get through but to no avail. When Oprah announced this was her last season, I essentially gave up on ever seeing her show live and in person.

My husband sat my down near the end of August and told me to read the highlighted lines of some paper he put in my hands. I read aloud ‘Your reservations for the 11am taping on September 15th in Chicago have been confirmed!‘ Apparently Jeff had also made a few attempts to get the tickets and on this last one, he got through. This will provide many ‘get out of the dog house FREE’ tickets ☺

In Chicago, we took a taxi from our quaint hotel to the Harpo Studios. After an hour waiting in line outside, we reached the doors for the building and were explicitly told there are no photos allowed. “Reservation and photo ID out please, the lead name in your party must be first” repeated over and over. We are handed two pieces of paper; one blue is the video release form, one green is the ‘who the heck are you?’ form. After security we are all herded upstairs into a holding room for another hour.

An Oprah staff member hands me a pen to fill out my papers. Reading the smaller, green sheet I see one side says, ‘What are some of your most memorable moments since you received your reservation confirmation?’

My answer was getting booked for a three-hour workshop at the MIT Entrepreneurial Masters Graduating Class in June 2011, and getting picked up by a speaker’s bureau. The other side of the green sheet asked, ‘since this is the 25th and last season of the Oprah Winfrey Show, we know we have touched many. We would like to know how this show has impacted you by finishing the statement, ‘Because of the Oprah Winfrey Show, I……’ ‘.

I wasn’t sure what to write, but I knew whatever it was I inked on those lines would be the difference between participating in the show or not. I decided to write the truth.

“…know that having introduced myself as the next Oprah for the last 8 years, my calling to have my own show and touch the world is possible. I will create my dream and live my best life!”

Jeff showed me his green sheet and had written something about being an Olympic Medalist and being part of his wife’s dream to see Oprah. Without another thought, we passed our pens and green sheets to the security guard and continued to wait.

After getting great seats near the top, middle of the studio we were looking around and absorbing the details of our surroundings. From stage right appears a lovely dark-haired lady to prep the audience. She begins to tell us what the show will be like and take questions about Oprah or the show itself. This goes on for about 10 minutes. I notice she is carrying a few green sheets in her hand along with her program notes. ‘I wonder if one of those could be mine’, I thought, trying to focus on my experience.

The audience prep women (I called her APW) finishes a sentence and then with a quick breath says, “Aly Pain, where are you Aly?”

I jumped up out of my chair, put my hand up and said ‘I’m over here!’

APW - ‘Aly, I have your card here and is says you introduce yourself as the next Oprah, is that true?’ The soundman has run up the stairs in our section and put a microphone on a long pole in front of me.

Me - “Yes, it is.”

APW - ‘Aly, I want you to tell us where you are from, what you do and why having your own show is your dream’

My heart was racing as I attempted to look bold and confident. Me - “I am from Calgary, Alberta, Canada. I am an Executive and Corporate Team Coach, Public Speaker and Author. The calling on my life is not to be Oprah, as much as I honor all that she has accomplished, it is to be as big with my own flavor. To educate, enlighten and inspire the world to live as is we were fully alive.”

The audience actually applauded at that.
APW - ‘Wow, that’s great. And what about your husband Jeff, is he there? I see he won an Olympic Medal or something?’

Jeff stands, “Yes, I am a 3-time Olympian and won the Silver Medal at the 2006 Olympic Winter Games in Italy in the sport of Men’s Skeleton”. The guests audibly gasp.

APW – ‘How many of you do not know what Skeleton is? Raise your hands’. About 50 people raise their hands so she asks Jeff to elaborate.

Jeff - “It’s basically like tobogganing for big people (laugh). We go head-first on a small sled down the bobsleigh track at average speeds of 60-90 miles/hour and pull 4-5 G’s.”

She also asked us if we had children, their ages, how long we had been married and if our children also do Skeleton (NO!!).

That was it. She thanked us, the audience applauded and we sat down. Good thing too, because I don’t think I remembered to breath nearer the end and I was starting to shake. I sat down in complete shock, squeezing Jeff’s hand harder than in childbirth. I just kept asking him, “Did that really just happen?” The audience prep went on for another 10 minutes or so and I only heard bits and pieces.

Watching the show being taped was fascinating. There are so many details viewers do not see. Being that close to Oprah and getting a sense of her was truly inspiring, and grounding. She is a real person, not just a figure whose likeness appears in pixels on a screen.

After the show, Jeff and I are the last ones to file out. By that time, the security guards are gone leaving only a few stage crew and us. So, I walked over the bridge way and out on to the stage. I stood right in the middle of the carpet ‘O’ and looked out, completely enveloped by the moment. A few of the people that had been sitting next to us saw me and started to clap. “How does it feel?” they asked. I paused for a moment, taking a deep breath and soaking in the view, “It’s perfect, just perfect”.

I looked from left to right, above me and below me, even turning to look behind me so I would remember every detail of standing on the middle of that stage. My stage, in that moment.

Four years ago I made a vision board that has been above my desk in my office. On the bottom right I clearly pasted a photo of Oprah on it, surrounded by the words ‘Oprah and Friends” and a photo of me on a microphone.

If I was unsure about setting intentions and the power of visions boards before this, I am 100% sold on them now. Off to finish my latest one!!

There are two tapings most weekdays. The first is at 9am and the guests must be in line between 7am - 7:30am, but usually show up around 6am. The second taping begins at 1pm and guests must line up between 11am - 11:30am, and we were there at 10:15am with about 100 other guests.

A steel-framed canvas awning with screened sides now protects the line up outside the building. Something I sure became necessary as more and more people were lining up in all kinds of weather. After one hour outside, we hit the doors for the building where we are explicitly told there are no photos allowed. This is the security line-up. “Reservation and photo ID out please, the lead name in your party must be first” repeated over and over. We passed a coat check and got a yellow number to reclaim our items after the show, and then check-in to ensure our name is listed for this show. We are handed two pieces of paper; one blue is the video release form, one green is the ‘who the heck are you?’ form. Getting through security requires all women giving up purses and everyone going through the metal detector. Purses are searched and all electronic items must be left with security. I was given a number in order to reclaim my items after the show, and a nearly empty purse to take with me to the show.

After security we are all herded upstairs into a holding room for another hour. The room holds about 300 people in rows of chairs. There are large photos on the walls of Oprah with some of her more popular guests and two televisions on opposing walls playing the Oprah 20th Anniversary DVDs with little to no volume. Still, we eagerly watched and laughed at all the right times while comparing stories as to how we managed to be part of the exclusive group that day. We are handed pens to fill out our paperwork and told the blue paper is our ticket into the studio. Should we need to go back downstairs to the toilet, the blue sheet must remain on our seat or the seat will be given to someone else.

The female security guard begins to speak over the PA system alerting us we are almost there. She calls about 15 different names and their parties. The Oprah veterans in the crowd let us know those lucky few have been chosen to sit in the front rows. The rest of us attempt not be bothered by that and excited for them, but we are, and we are not! When it is time for the rest of us to go into the studio, we are called in groups of 25 based on the numbers at the top of our blue forms. Jeff and I hold numbers 130 and 131.

I am sure there have been incidents of pushing and tripping on stairs as fanatics attempt to be the first in the studio, creating the need for these numbers and the constant instructions to ‘WALK, SINGLE FILE, Please!’. Here is the irony of the numbers game. Those folks that decided to line up very early are seated first, starting at the far left of the studio. Jeff and are perfectly fit in the middle near the top with a great view. The guests with the numbers around 225 and higher are on the far right, thinking they are going to be left out. Wouldn’t you know it, Oprah entered and exists the stage on the right so those who showed up at 11am as told get to ‘high-five’ the media icon as she passes by. The early bird doesn’t always get the worm!

The guests that appear on the show are seated last in the front few rows, two deep steps lower than the stage.

There are LCD screens everywhere, of all shapes and sizes, with the Oprah logo on a green-fading-to-orange background. A few of larger screens also have “The Farewell Season” written across the bottom. The stage itself is much larger (deeper) than it appears on television. Oprah and her guest actually sit only on the front 20% in a small, oval carpet area with a darker perimeter creating the most famous letter ‘O’.

The remainder of the stage is props of lit screens around a huge shiny cube with a monitor on the front where any of her video clips appear. The stage crew is all in black, and there are many of them, scurrying about with equipment and bringing out the butter yellow leather chairs.

After the Audience has been warmed up and told about the topic, we are ready to meet the start of the show! Oprah walks out from stage right carrying her ’22-minute heels’ and wearing metallic flats. She gets the front of the stage and explains how she hates uncomfortable shoes so only wears them when necessary. Her PA is primping her clothes and now getting down on the floor and putting the ’22-minute heels’ on for Oprah. Oprah makes some small talk and gets a brief on how the show will lay out.

Surprising to me, Oprah did not seem to know as much about the show or the run-sheet as I thought she would. She is told where to stand and the teleprompter shows her what to say and when. Between clips her make up is fixed with more primping of the clothes so everything looks just right, along with whispered directions. Oprah cracked a few jokes and made a few comments to the audience when the tape wasn’t rolling. She was very focused on the show and still mindful to include the 300 or so that come to watch.

The stage crew continually adds those yellow, leather chairs as more guests appear and then remove them and assist guest off the stage as quickly as they arrived. All the television screens play the video clips but the actual show does not appear on them. The microphones are not turned very high to avoid feedback so we really needed to be silent and listen to hear what she and her guests were saying.

We were not told when to applaud and when to be quiet, yet when the emotional field in the studio was somber or sad, everyone seemed to intuitively get the same feel without a single miscue.

After the show is over and Oprah has ‘left the building’, we are again instructed to leave the studio in a very orderly fashion – section by section in single file. Security guards stand to monitor our behavior and lead the guest back the claim area for electronics and coats. Making sure everyone gets the correct items takes some time. From there, it is back out on to the street, and for most, a trip to the Oprah Store.

I was coaching a client with a very big and attainable dream.  I am sure you have heard of the Jim Collins term, the BHAG (Big, Harry, Audacious Goal); a goal so large I gasp, laugh or squirm at the thought?  She described her BHAG to me so clearly even I could taste it, followed by the litany of reasons and small thinking as to why it is not happening.  Sound familiar??  This is when the wind up for my own slap started.

My client was telling me how she had created the facade that she was pursuing the BHAG, but honestly was feeling safe and comfortable where she was.  Outsiders would stand in awe at what she had already created and how forward thinking she was. She was on her way, right?  No, actually.  What she had created was a treadmill of activity (AKA smoke screen) to fool even herself that she was in hot pursuit.

When we poked at the hypocrisy (her words) she was feeling in the smoke screen, we clearly saw through to the next step. Ironically the one step she was pressing all her clients to act on but was stepping around it herself.  SMACK!  That was the landing point of my own slap.  Oh how I love that my clients are a window for my life :)

Somewhere along the line in my visioning I lost track of my emotional connection to my BHAG and my unshakable belief in it coming to pass.  Experiences and stories I had made up over the last 4 years to dampen my confidence and not just lower the bar, but settle for mediocrity.  My metaphorical slap comes at a perfect time when my husband, Jeff, and I are creating a new vision board of our BHAGs.  Every time I print a photo and glue it on our board I feel an emotional stirring and connection to where I am going.

Yesterday I was offered the opportunity of a fantastic speaking/coaching gig, something I love and want more of on a much larger scale.  A three-hour workshop for the MIT Entrepreneurial Masters Program Graduating class!  My niche market on a huge scale!!  I know this is in line with my BHAG because of my reaction - I couldn't stop laughing the rest of the afternoon.

What gets in my way of accomplishing my BHAG is not my fear of failure, but actually my fear of success.  Similar to my client, that BHAG success is not safe or comfortable!  I need to believe in what is possible for myself and reconnect to that vision daily.   Then, surround myself with supporters that constantly remind me of my infinite possibility.  When I shared my news with my closest peeps, they were not shocked at all.

Do you have a BHAG?  What BS (Basic Stories, of course) are you telling yourself and others about why it is not happening? Or are you a master at pretending?  Get over yourself and get on it!  Mediocrity is highly over-rated.

Those are the words I wrote last night after returning from an amazing Coaching Conference in Banff over the weekend. I had the opportunity to Emcee the event for the second time and be a breakout session presenter. The energy of 65 Coaches gathered together with a common intent of learning, growing and uncovering ourselves to better serve the world is electric. I feed on that energy and can feel the sparks igniting me from within when I step up to the microphone to begin the next session.

So as I begin my week from my office here in my home, I am asking myself the question of “How will I integrate that glowing galaxy with my current reality of this little world?” I can hear the Coach in me reply, “Life is not an event, Aly; it is a process”. And that is what Coaches do. We help others (and ourselves ☺) take a life event, regardless of what that might be, and create an integration process for long-term sustainability.

But what if the two pieces being integrated feel like they clash or are worlds apart? Patience. The only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. I have made myself a list of action steps that will lock in what I experienced over the weekend and begin to create the change that I am so hungry for. This list will not all get accomplished today or maybe this week. Each step has smaller steps within it. But I am focused on that list and have already taken some of the steps, including setting up some accountability around getting it done (another great reason for a coach!).

I think this is where many people get stuck with the ‘all or nothing’ game and forget to invite the possibility of ‘And’. I love my children, my husband, our home and community. Those are parts of my life that keep me anchored and richly fill me. I do not need to see this as choosing one or the other or worse yet, that one is stopping me from experiencing the other.

Integration, by definition, means addition - not subtraction. The Art of Integration is to go forward in the process with patience, focus and flexibility. The process may not always look right or feel comfortable. The How may change along the way and so might the What. Regardless, every step forward is another closer to the ‘me’ the world is waiting for me to become.

As I mentioned in my last post, there is that recurring belief that I must be all things to all people to be loved. This includes being a full Yes person, having no personal boundaries around time or relationships, and generally putting myself at the bottom of my list. I have tackled this belief before with the assistance of my coach and thought I did the work, and yet here it is again. When push came to shove, that destructive belief won over. I am working with my coach again to conquer this one and excited about what the change will bring.

My husband and I did a cleanse in April and I really enjoyed it. We basically ate no processed food (including all the sugars) with little dairy, no alcohol or vinegar and lean meats. Now, I am sauce person and I celebrate that part of me. My friends know it as well and always serve me extra sauce with any meal. Sounds fun and not hurting anyone, right? Another virus appeared. I saw how I used sauce to smother my food with all the processed flavor. I began to see a metaphor for how I was unwilling to see truth in me, so I was covering it something that looked and tasted better (staying really busy to avoid me). After three weeks of eating mostly all natural food, I feel great and have lost weight just from the lack of processed sugars and salt on top of my food.

Through this I also noticed how much my inner child was using processed sugar for a hit of love. Yes, the old adage of food = love was still going on in my unconscious. Even now, when I feel tired and my inner child wants to rest or take a break I notice I crave sugar. I am using this ‘red flag’ as a way of rewiring my communication with my body. Instead of having it need sugar, what if the message I heard was ‘take a break’ or ‘have some fun’. Even then, that is only half the battle. I think there was a time that my brain heard those messages from my body, but I did not listen and act on them for so long that my body started to get what it needed in other and less constructive ways.

I have felt captive by food for most of my life. Even now when there are left over potato chips in the house from birthday parties I got my husband to through them out because I was eating a small bowl every day! A treat is fine, but I was feeling worse and worse every day. The message I kept giving my body was that food, junk food to be exact, was the only way to reward it for a job well done. Or even just to cope through tough and tiring days.

I am not saying that potato chips in moderation are bad. Given what I was realizing in my belief system, I needed to go back to having none to really change the neuro pathway around rewards and listening to my body.

My computer hardware analogy seems all to appropriate for me as I also just switched from a PC to a MAC last week. I am learning a new operating system, undoing many of the old ways. Funny isn’t it, that MAC holds about 5% of the market share but many people say it is much better? Well, I would rather take the road less travelled if there are greater risks and riches along the way. And, as fewer people in life also take that path, many will say I am crazy and should have stayed with the masses.

There are more mind viruses that I know of and even more that I don’t. The key is staying curious in finding those mind viruses and getting the support I need to make the changes, even it is means an entirely new operating system.

Aly Pain, CPCC, ACC
InnerPiece Team & Relationship Coaching
Public Speaker and Emcee Extraordinaire
aly@alypain.com | www.alypain.com | p. 403-246-2399 | f. 403-263-8790
"Success is not external shining in; it's internal radiating out"

I had lost sight and gotten out of touch, and feel, with my vision. People cannot fully live without a vision. You know, that fire in your spirit that has you operate in laser-like focus on a single intention and not take No for answer? The feeling that is similar to infatuation where you seem to be able to go long periods without food or sleep? That vision.

I got way to caught up in the small things and created a bit of a monster for myself. Apparently it was an unsustainable monster where I crashed after trying to tame it and control it. I see how I was letting everything run me and once again forgot the key piece about creating a vision, I am at choice. I choose where to spend my time and on what. I am feeling much better now and back in the saddle making some changes.

I now hold a vision for each day and set intentions rather than have a list and hope it all gets done. Or worse yet, have an inflexible plan so that if life derails my plan, I am grumpy for days. I am prioritizing and setting better boundaries around the ever-intrusive e-mails. All this is part of holding my greater, life-long vision - one of being a sought after relationship coach/expert, author and public speaker.

Visions die with out people. My vision was dying because I lost track of it somewhere in the pile of paper in my office. Despite having my vision board in plain view, that was not enough. I am visual, imagination person. I need to close my eyes and visualize it all in 3D to have it feel real to me. That is how I hold my vision and I will do it daily now. What method works best for you?

What vision are you a part of that needs you, is calling you to help it live? Vision is vital. It is the spice of life. What do you need to do get in touch with your vision for your life? Now is the time, so get on it! This is not about doing more; it is about being excited and intentional about what you are doing. Every great thing was accomplished one step at a time. If a leap feels overwhelming, either get support or choose to take a small step.

Vision is vital for life. People die with out a vision, and vision die with out people.

Aly Pain, CPCC, ACC
InnerPiece Team & Relationship Coaching
403-246-2399 | www.alypain.com | aly@alypain.com

I think when you are 90 years old, it might be difficult to gather a room of 100 people to celebrate with you. Not Grandma. The room was full of friends and family of all ages and stages and some had travelled quite a distance to be there. There were more friends than family even, which says a great deal more at the age of 90; some friends she has known for more than 70 years. Many of those friends are her neighbours in her condo building that see her almost daily and make sure her social schedule is chalked full. This includes trips to other cities to watch curling or play in bridge tournaments. Grandma calls me to complain she does not have time to read a book these days, she is so busy, and loving it.

Every person could share time when Grandma had befriended them and she performed many acts of service for them. She loves to cook and host others in her lovely, outgoing and social nature. Always ready to give and lend a hand or lighten a load with her hands, even with her humour and loving spirit she breaths life into others.

The air this past weekend was steeped with legacy for me. I found the definition of legacy interesting – anything handed down from the past, but its synonym even more fascinating – inheritance. In the large room full of people wanting to celebrate an incredible woman, still going strong, what is she handing down and leaving as an inheritance? I have never seen inheritance this way before yet it seems a greater gift now than piles of money.

Perhaps it is the gift and rewards of years of commitment to relationship. Not just friendship or great family bonds, but even more encompassing is her gift in relationship. That is what I saw in that room full of people honouring another, one they call friend.

Medical studies are showing it is the quality of our relationships that can determine our longevity more than any other factor. The hormone Oxytocin mixed with Estrogen in women experiencing strong relational connection is actually an elixir or concoction for happiness and healing.

As I mull over this past weekend, having seen what is possible at 90 and beyond, what is my legacy? I plan to be as healthy and happy as Grandma is at 90 and maybe more with our generation of health care. But what will I be leaving? Am I sewing into my relationships and breathing life into people, or am I too busy and full of complaints? Which would I want my children to inherit?

As much as I believe in that future for myself, all I have is right now, this moment. So what am I doing today that is going to make that future possible? This past weekend celebration really has me looking more closely at where I spend my time and therefore the reflection of my priorities. I want to get ahead and make it big in this world, but none of that matters or is possible without relationship. Are my children going to grow up knowing they mattered most or that their mom put work and business first? Maybe we are not measuring “getting ahead” in the correct parameters at all.

What do you want your legacy in this world to be? Imagine your 90th birthday party and what it will be like, who will be there. What are they saying about you that mattered most to them, touched them? Now rewind back to the now. What will you do to create your legacy today? How will the inheritance you create be made richer today?

Thank you Grandma for the inspiration of a life well lived! I relish your legacy and the inheritance you are already sharing with me. I am looking forward to the celebration of your 100th birthday!

Aly Pain, CPCC, ACC
InnerPiece Team & Relationship Coaching Specialist
Public Speaker and Emcee Extraordinaire
ph. 403-246-2399 | fx. 403-263-8790 | www.alypain.com | aly@alypain.com
"Success is not external shining in; it's internal radiating out"

For many years my husband Jeff and I have felt challenged to live on the monetary income we receive from his Olympic athletic endeavors. Athletes in Canada do not live richly from large corporate sponsors unless they are one of a handful in well supported and high profile sports. We have spent years trying to create buy-in for companies to support Jeff in his cause and in doing so, help our family pay for just the day to day expenses. Jeff is one of very few senior athletes in Canada that is also married with children, putting us in a category that some funds and sponsors do not like. We don’t fit the young, single and easy-to-put-a-number-on athlete of the majority and have had funding declined because of that. We used to feel sorry for ourselves and hard done by because of our financial situation. Many people shared in the sympathy and we felt quite right about how hard it was.

In today’s very uncertain economy, we have never felt so lucky to be an athlete in Canada. In offices where the lay offs are happening daily and pink slips are becoming in fashion, we are in a career where that does not happen. Jeff will not be ‘laid off’ the team, get blind-sided by a pink slip or have to clear his desk and leave the building. Our income may not be rising with inflation, nor did it a few years ago in the boom, but it is still coming in and that is great! Better yet, we have had years of advance notice as to the pink slip arrival and plenty of time to make a plan to transition. We began the one year countdown on February 19th at 8pm. Fourteen years down and now less than one to go!

So, in the years of complaining about the financial hardships of choosing to be an elite Athlete in Canada, to having a recession proof career in a tough economy, I quote the words of Timothy Freke. “Who knows what is good and what is bad?”

Aly Pain, CPCC, ACC

InnerPiece Team & Relationship Coaching Specialist

Public Speaker and Emcee Extraordinaire

ph. 403-246-2399 | fx. 403-263-8790 | www.alypain.com | aly@alypain.com

My husband is away a great deal in the winter time. This means I am seasonally the mom and the dad and house keeper and all the rest, along with Coach and business woman. Sounds a bit vitimy already doesn’t it? I know, and I hate it. So, I have been feeling really frustrated about how I am supposed to get everything done and not go crazy or get really sick because of not sleeping.

I know I spend too much time on e-mail. I have this perception that it is like a face-to-face conversation and when you send me a message, it is rude not to reply. I like that about me, but it is not serving me to stay in that context. I need to prioritize messages and only respond to those needing immediate attention on really busy days. If I get time to respond to the others great. But if after one week I have not responded, delete it and move on. I am truly shocked at the amount of emotional energy I give to my inbox.

Then there are times where my kids are home sick. The beauty of my business is that I can work from home on the phone and coach my clients that way. My kids are well aware that they can not interrupt me while I am on the phone. However, after a week of having sick kids I look around the house and see a disaster area and feel totally overwhelmed. Then my energy goes down and I start into destructive behaviours like carb binging and not sleeping enough, which I am sure you can see turns into a vicious cycle.

So maybe I can HAVE it all without needing to DO it all. I think outsourcing is a great idea at this stage for at least the house cleaning. Wow, just writing that statement my saboteurs are having a hay day about how lazy I am and incompetent about keeping a house. My mother made our house look like no one lived there, what is my problem? Well, my mother did not run a business as well and was a bit of a slave to the cleaning, neither of which I am aiming for. Pause….. OK, I have made that call to begin next Tuesday.

Saying No is a big part of what I need to do more of. When I think about what brings me the most joy in my business, I think of coaching my clients, speaking and writing my book. So, how exactly will I trim the other things out and do just that? Well, I am not sure but I do know having the awareness gives me a head start. I did some “NO”s this fall around positions I was offered to fill and that felt great. Since then, I have said yes to some things that were not in alignment with my top three activities. Pause….. OK, I have sent that e-mail.

What do you need to say No to in order to say Yes to the you that is, or is trying to emerge? What stops you from saying NO (or has you saying YES first!)? What might be possible if you said No to the things that were not at the top of your list (or outsourced them)?

I use the ‘what is, is’ policy to help me. Jeff is away for most of the winter for one more year. In that time I will be growing my business and honouring myself in doing so. I also have two amazing boys in my care that need my time and attention before and after school, as well as when they are home sick. Given those things that I hold as true, now what?

I am only taking on more relationship clients and limiting my total numbers. This is honouring the niche I feel so called to and making the time to sink into that. I will change my signature to read only Relationship and Team Coach Specialist. Pause……done.

I am feeling better already. I am still standing in inquiry and awareness; a place of child-like discovery where everything is assumed to be new. There is more here, but that will wait until next time.

Aly Pain, CPCC, ACC
InnerPiece Team & Relationship Coaching Specialist
Public Speaker and Emcee Extraordinaire
ph. 403-246-2399 fx. 403-263-8790 www.alypain.com aly@alypain.com
"Success is not external shining in; it's internal radiating out"

I have been searching the internet for studies on the Power of Prayer. It seems there are many sighted in the Washington Post and New York Times that both prove the power of prayer and have equal numbers of skeptics. These studies vary in detail from people being prayed for, and knowing about it, by someone in the same place, to distance prayer where the prayee has no idea and the prayer is half a world away. It seems in most all the studies there was a positive difference in the group that was prayed for, whether local or distant, compared to the group without prayer.

The skeptics say there are far too many variables left out and therefore the studies are invalid. They also say we are wasting government money on accompaniments to medicine through religious practice rather than looking directly for more medical advances. Christian leaders, in response to these alligations of failed studies, say that trying to limit something as awesome and powerful as God with science is pointless seeing that God is not bound by the laws of science.

I am personally saying that prayer works. I have not only had tangible proof of this in my life, but in the life of my son this weekend. My son had a basic flu virus for seven days. He recovered on day eight and went back to his usual routine. On day twelve, he found a huge hematoma on his hip. Within 24 hours he was covered in bruises and we took him to the Children’s hospital. The doctors found his blood platelet count, normally 150 to 400, to be a very low 1 with elevated white blood cell count. He was diagnosed with ITP and they quickly took a CT scan of his brain (he had severe headaches that night) and a bone marrow test that both came back normal. Then came the IV treatment to get his antibodies under control and help raise is platelet count. Within 30 hours his count was up to 25 and we were released. Another two days later he was up and around and eating well.

http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/dci/Diseases/Itp/ITP_WhatIs.html

During all of that hospital time, we were Blessed by having our church congregation praying for us. We have no idea of the exact number of people but it was over 100 and they were praying specifically for our son’s platelet count to rise. If you had seen the state of my son’s body when we arrived and then to be on the mend and released just 38 hours later, sooner than expected, you may also believe in the Power of Prayer. You might also say that result could have happened without prayer and I would agree. However, if I were given the choice of leaving things up to chance or having the big guy’s hand on this, I choose door number 2.

Today we had my son’s blood platelet levels tested and they came back with a whoping 230!! That is the power of prayer and miracles right there. Yes, for those of you medical folks, this can be a false high due to the medication he received so we will be getting tested again in three weeks after it wears off. I have no doubt that the levels will remain above 150, the minimum number.

Prayer works. I believe that and it works for me. All the studies did show some correlation with prayer and health regardless of what controls were used. So, if you were given the choice in a place of need of prayer or not, what would you choose? Seems interesting to me that in most cases of dire circumstance, even the most firm unbeliever will raise his eyes to the heavens and begin to pray. Is it a learned response, or are we simply looking up and returning to the one who created us in the first place? You decide for yourself but my mind is already made up.

Aly Pain, CPCC, ACC
InnerPiece Team & Relationship Coaching Specialist
Public Speaker and Emcee Extraordinaire
ph. 403-246-2399 fx. 403-263-8790 www.alypain.com aly@alypain.com
"Success is not external shining in; it's internal radiating out"

I have written a few times before that my husband, Jeff, is away for most of the winter competing on the Skeleton World Cup circuit. That leaves our two boys and me at home to run the regular and sometimes mundane routine of this life. I think this past 8 years has been the most challenging and rewarding for me, and I can measure it with sickness and health.

I am an extreme extrovert and need other adults around often to feel balanced. When my children are at school in recent years, I experience a high 'do or die' need for freedom, so being alone in those times is fine with me. This is how I function best, being with other adults or alone with no children and in my freedom.

There were many years where I was not as clear on these two things. Fortunately, I live in the most amazing community where there were a few other new mothers that were looking for connection. The four (and sometimes more) of us were at each other's home for play dates a few times through out the week plus some trips to the neighbourhood park. Those times kept me going more than I knew and I felt like I had the patience of Job, a Hercules Heart, and the parenting brain of Barbara Coloroso.

Then, there were all the minutes, hours and days I spent with our boys in our home or doing other activities with no other adult. In those times I have never felt so alone and isolated. Hard to believe that at a Zoo, crawling with people, I would feel alone and isolated. Inside my head everything would go numb after a while, like trying hear clearly with plugged ears. My heart would go into coping mode and start to shut down as well. I felt hopeless and, despite having more energy than the Energizer Bunny, I felt constantly fatigued as if no amount of rest and sleep would do. Sounds like depression, doesn't it? Well, that is not far from wrong.

When my husband would leave, and sometimes before he would leave, I would get sick. I don't mean just a little cold, I mean major sinus infections and strep throat. One year I had Strep three times in four months. Our boys were relatively healthy and would get sick a normal amount for little ones. I would be calling friends to come and help me with the boys some days because I just could not get off the couch I felt so awful. These were long and not very fun years of feeling abandoned, resentful and very much in victim.

I am so grateful for the knowledge, love and acceptance of who I am now such that I have set my life up around this. I know that I need people and freedom to stay at the top of my game. I know that we are a strong family regardless of where we are geographically. I know that I can create the life that I want to feel fulfilled and I will be healthier and happier. I know that is what our boys want, not a depressed and victim mom, even if it means I need to get a sitter once a week. I know that the path Jeff and I are on is very specific for us and we are being called up to much more. This refinement by fire has been needed to learn what we have learned about ourselves and our relationship, and it is so much better than it has ever been! I love my life and my marriage (going on thirteen years!). I still feel very sad about Jeff being away so much and I am gifted to have an end date of February 19th, 2010.

Today I am celebrating having a cold for the first time in about six months! This is HUGE measurement of how far I have come in my journey. Many times a measure of success or forward movement is not about monetary means. It can be a subtle mental or physical change you notice. Regardless, it is reason to celebrate so I am sharing this with you and having lunch with a friend.

Beyond money, what would a measure of success be for you? How would you know when things are changing? What would it feel like? Finding the answers to these questions is what I do with my clients every day in supporting them to create and live the life they feel most fulfilled by. Let me know when it is your turn!

Aly Pain, CPCC, ACC
InnerPiece Team & Relationship Coaching Specialist
Public Speaker and Emcee Extraordinaire
ph. 403-246-2399 fx. 403-263-8790 www.alypain.com aly@alypain.com
"Success is not external shining in; it's internal radiating out"

CBC did a study last year on How to Be Happy www.cbc.ca/doczone/howtobehappy/study.html. As much as there were many interesting facts, like Canada ranks third for overall wellness, there was one glaring point that stood out for me.

Over the last 50 years our wealth has increased three times. That is a staggering amount in a very short period of time if you think about it. The very sad fact that coincides with this information is that over that same 50 year period our overall happiness has not increased at all. Zip, Zilch, nadda, zero, not one bit. How is that possible?

Well, I think that 50 years ago living was very challenging as most people did not have enough money to even provide the basic living needs (survival needs) for themselves or their families. So, it is usually what we are missing that covet. I am quite sure that most everyone thought they would be happier with more money and that was likely very true. I see the strong correlation between money and happiness at that level and in that time.

But where are we now? We got past needing to provide for our basic needs and that felt really good. Well then, more money must bring more happiness right? Wrong. As soon as we passed the threshold of basic living, money ceases to be a sustainable source for happiness. Sure, money can provide certain luxuries and pay for some really fun vacations with great memories. But money will never be the unending fountain of happiness like we thought.

As the study says, we get used to what we have and then want more. Like an appetite that is insatiable it is eating our spirits alive. We are left feeling empty and lonely, depressed and angry with the life we thought would fill us. When will we finally understand we are looking in the wrong place?

The study also points out the importance of relationships. I agree that it is the value of our relationships, not necessarily the quantity, that will sustain us and be source of joy and happiness for a very long time (yes, all relationships require work too). I still think they are missing one point. My relationship with myself. This is the one that is truly never ending and can be a source of happiness beyond any other.

I am not saying we need to love ourselves and become narcissistic. I am saying that learning to love and know myself is all I need to be happy. When I know what experiences bring me joy and the most constructive ways to create those experiences, there is no end to the level of happiness in my life. Having this information is like having an eternal, internal compass that directs my every action and choice. This is what I look to for relationship help as well. Am I experiencing what I need to to feel happy? If not, how will I creatively (not though manipulation) negotiate those things into the relationship. I am hoping the other party(ies) would also want to negotiate what works for them.

Money is great, yes. But just like anything else, if we continue to think the source lies outside of ourselves, we are not heading down a good path. Can you imagine if in the next 50 years our wealth increases 5 times and we are still no happier?? Not if I have my way about it. It is one of the greatest reasons I am a Coach. What lies inside of each one of us is not only necessary for the longevity and prosperity of the world, but it is the key to our very own happiness.

Aly Pain, CPCC, ACC
InnerPiece Life & Relationship Coaching

Let's start by defining intent. By dictionary it is a purpose; the state of a person's mind that directs his or her actions. We all have intent behind everything we do, whether it is conscious or unconscious. From the simple things like brushing my teeth for good breath and oral hygiene to recycling to keep the planet clean for future generations to enjoy. Examples of the unconscious intentions are harder to find in the moment because of exactly that, they are unconscious. Unfortunately, it is usually when I become aware of the impact that I realize my unconscious intentions.

What about impact? By definition this means to influence, affect or alter something. We are always creating impact in this world and in our relationships. It is only by our own perceptions that we deem an impact to be positive or negative. As Dr. Phil says, there is no fence sitting; you are either contributing or detracting from a relationship. Even if I sit as still as possible I have an impact by consuming oxygen around me and possibly giving off heat or absorbing it.

Have you ever felt hurt in a relationship and when you shared that feeling, the other person says, "But that was not my intent!" Well, I highly doubt that most people's intention is to hurt any other person. Yet just by the fact that you were feeling hurt, there was an impact. By the same token, there is never an impact on anything without having an intention behind the action that created it.

There seem to be relationships where there is only room to see the intent and actual impact is ignored or overlooked. Sort of like I am not willing to see what I do, I just want to look at how I felt when I did it. Can you imagine if that is way our world operated??! Only looking at why we do things and never at what we are creating (well, this is actually happening, but anyway)? Now, it is important to see and know the intent and weigh it separate to the impact for at least a moment, specifically if the intent and impact seem diametrically opposed. Not that that has ever happened to any of you ;). An extreme example of this would be an abusive relationship. The abuser will always say they never meant to harm, yet they are never willing to be accountable for the impact.

There are relationships that only want to take into account the impact and miss the intent. This would be like being guilty before proven innocent (hmm, also happening in the world). Can you imagine using this mentality on a child? Focusing only on the impact they created and never allowing them the space to speak, or be curious about their intent? We would have an entire generation of kids living in a decade of 'time-out'! The impact might not have been great, but we can never negate the intent behind it.

Let's take the above discussion further into relationships. If I always have an intention for all of my actions, which I do, and every one of those creates an impact, which is does, then what? Well, why not get as clear and conscious about my intentions as possible so to create as much positive impact as possible? And even if my impact does not match my intent, what about being accountable regardless?

This post is about bringing exquisite consciousness to relationship along with accountability. Intent and impact will always live together so we may as well get over it and get on with it. What would be possible for you in 2009 if you had a conscious state of mind that directed you to positively affect or influence your relationships? I believe it is just that that will change the world and it can begin with you.

Aly Pain, CPCC, ACC
InnerPiece Life & Relationship Coaching

I don't know if you are for them or against them. What I do know, is they are one of the greatest stressors of the month of January. Seriously! It is a proven and studied fact that January 21st is the most stressful day of the year because some people are three weeks in and over their heads. If you committed to a resolution or two and did not have some hard questions asked in the making and some solid support in the staying on track parts, it is not too late to clarify.

What is a resolution? Well, by dictionary definition it is the act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc., to make a firm resolution to do something. I am reading between the lines here and what stands out very strongly for me is the word change. Resolutions are about making changes and doing something different than the current status. Great, so you want to make a change, now what?

I am going to run you through the SMARRT goals method I use with my clients for any changes they want to make. Yes, I meant to put two R's in there. This is a simple and easy way to ensure you are on track and will stay there as we count down the days to 2010. Read on and you will see why.

S - Be specific. If you tell me you want to change the world, I would cheer you on. I will also press you for much more specific details about what that might look like. This is the place to really hash out what the change will be and the details surrounding that. What will it look like, feel like and sound like when you are there. What exactly will be different? This is important to be clear about seeing it is the 'X marks the spot' on your treasure map.

M - How will you measure this change? The best way to measure change is through something tangible. Weight and smoking cessation are very tangible resolutions. Feeling more joy may not be. Regardless what the change is you are looking for, there is always some way of measuring that if you look at it creatively. Without measurement, there is no accountability to the result and no place to celebrate how your are doing.

A - The big A, Accountability. I love this part of coaching. When my clients commit to something I always ask for an e-mail of phone call to let me know when they did what they said they would and what was their experience of that. You may not be working with me, so you need to enlist some friends/family to keep your feet to the fire. Written contracts work great here if they are going to be likely to buy your BS (basic stories) and excuses. It would clearly lay out what your common slime phrases are and what they are to say in return if you decide to take that path. This does not need to be the big heavy! Make it fun and choose your support wisely, your success depends on it.

R - Resonant. The first thing I would ask my client is "Why is this important to you?" What I am listening for specifically is a value. I am referring to a value as and experience that is important or meaningful; that is a driving force in my life and holds great significance. So much so that my client's overall well being is actually affected moment to moment as to whether or not they are experiencing this particular value. I believe we were all born with a very specific and unique set of values that when we are living a life that honours those values, we are aligned and feel incredibly positive. Likewise, when I am not aware of a value or not experiencing it on a regular basis, I feel angry, distant and even depressed. My resolution better be resonant enough that you can hear a change in my voice or see a change in my body language when I talk about it. Sometimes I need to work on finding a really exciting and juicy perspective that makes the entire process feel fun and not like a chore.

If you are embarking on a resolution by popular vote or because someone told you to, that is a big red flag. It would sound the same as a big should to me. Those are never good reasons to change. If the resolution is not aligned with your personal values, I guarantee you will not fully enjoy the process and the results won't last (enter the Yo-Yo). Trying to live up to your perfect self is a battle no one will win and they might die trying. Taking another step toward your highest and best self, that is what works.

R - Is your resolution realistic? Are you really going to quit smoking in 30 days or loose 20 pounds by Valentine's Day? If your entire process feels so big you will likely get overwhelmed and fall off track. Making a change in your life is not the place to also require yourself to be super human. There is a fine balance between that and selling yourself short. Here's my measure. I know a resolution is realistic when there is a slight hesitation or gasp in the bigness of it, but there is also a confidence in doing it. You may want to check with some 'experts' in the field to see you are on the right path or not.

T - Time. This is all the logistics and details of the when for your resolution. What resources are needed (people, money, education, etc.) and when will you have them by. There may be one step in this section or many depending on the size of the change. You may need to write one smaller time line and when that is complete, depending on the answers or availability of resources, you now create your second time line. This is the place to stay realistic about your time and find that balance. Even on some of the best laid out time lines overwhelm steps in a takes us to a grinding halt. Give yourself permission to recalculate time lines while still pushing what is possible for you.

My last point that I think is crucial to the entire SMARRT process, is the check-in. You must set regular check ins along your path. What are you checking in with? The entire SMARRT process I have written above. Change is a wonderful thing and often in doing so we shift and create awareness about ourselves. Perhaps your resolution has shifted, something is not resonating about it, you need to enlist new accountability partners, or maybe you are actually getting there much faster than you thought and loving it! Be flexible with the 'how' and stay true to the 'what'. I strongly recommend seeing your change through even if your 'how' has changed. You will have more information about yourself and increased confidence to take on the next challenge for having completed this one.

I wish you a year full of SMARRT goals and rich, positive change.