Jokes & More Jokes

A Boy's Confession

2010-11-18T22:43:00.000-08:00

Two teenage boys turned up at church and the first went in for

confession. He told the priest he'd had sex the night before.

"Who was the girl involved?" asked the priest.

"I don't know, it was dark," replied the boy.

"Was it Bernadette McLafferty?"

The boy said he still didn't know.

"Was it Theresa O'Hare.........or Rosemary McGinty?" asked the
priest.

"I don't know, it was too dark," insisted the boy.

"Could it have been Anne-Marie, the baker's daughter?" asked the
priest.

The boy continued to deny any knowledge of the girl's identity.

Finally, the exasperated priest sent the boy away and told him to
return when he could reveal the girl's name.

Outside his friend was waiting anxiously.

"Did you get absolution?" he asked.

"Naw," said his pal, "but I got four good leads for this
Saturday night!"

Drunken Irishman

2010-11-15T23:30:00.001-08:00

A drunken Irishman is driving through the city of Dublin and his
car is weaving violently all over the road.

A cop pulls him over.
"So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?"

"I've been to the pub," slurs the drunk.

"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few."

"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his
arms, "that a few miles back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the man. "For a minute there, I
thought I'd gone deaf."

Joke "Learning Foreign Language"

2010-11-07T23:38:00.000-08:00

A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where
two Englishmen are waiting.

"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says.

The two Englishmen just stare at him.

"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?"

The two continue to stare.

"Parlare Italiano?"

No response,

"Hablan ustedes Espanol?"

Still nothing.

The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.

The first Englishman turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe
we should learn a foreign language...."

"Why?" says the other, "That bloke knew four languages, and it
didn't do him any good."

Rooster's Jokes

2010-11-02T02:06:00.000-07:00

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his
hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was
getting on in years. The farmer figured getting a new rooster
couldn't hurt anything. So he buys a young cock from the local
rooster emporium, and turns him loose in the barn yard.
Well, the old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he
gets a little worried.

"So, they're trying to replace me," thinks the old rooster. "I've
got to do something about this."

He walks up to the new bird and says, "So you're the new stud in
town? I bet you really think you're hot stuff, don't you? Well
I'm not ready for the chopping block yet. I'll bet I'm still the
better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around
that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and
whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself."

Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely
thought he was more than a match for the old guy. "You're on,"
said the young rooster. "and since I know I'm so great, I'll even
give you a head start of half a lap. I'll still win easy."

So the two roosters go over to the hen house to start the race
with all the hens gathering around to watch. The race begins and
all the hens start cheering the roosters on. After the first lap,
the old rooster is still maintaining his lead. After the second
lap, the old guy's lead has slipped a little but he's still
hanging in there.

Unfortunately the old rooster's lead continues to slip each time
around, and by the fifth lap he's just barely in front of the
young rooster. By now the farmer has heard all the commotion. He
runs into the house, gets his shotgun, and runs out to the barn
yard figuring a fox or something is after his chickens. When he
gets there, he sees the two roosters running around the hen
house, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead.

He immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the
young rooster away. As he walks away slowly, he says to himself,

"Damn, that's the third gay rooster I've bought this month."

Jokes "how to make money"

2010-10-25T01:39:00.000-07:00

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well son,
it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my
last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the
entire day polishing that apple and, at the end of the day, I
sold the apple for ten cents.

The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I
spent the entire day polishing them and sold them for 20 cents. I
continued this system of polishing and selling, each time
reinvesting my profits into buying more apples."

"Wow!" said the young man, "and that's how you accumulated your
fortune?"

"Nah", said the old man, "my wife's father died and left us two
million dollars."

Funny Acronym

2010-10-20T21:18:00.000-07:00

A woman jumps in her husband car in L.A, and says to her husband. "T.G.I.F."

her husband just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Huh?"

She repeats, "T.G.I.F."

her husband thinks about that for a moment and says, "S.H.I.T."

Not understanding, she inquires about the meaning of the acronym.

he responds, "Sorry Honey, It's Thursday!"

Jokes "The Millionaire"

2010-10-11T19:11:00.000-07:00

A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire."

"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.

The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire."

Work Vs Prison

2010-10-10T20:52:00.000-07:00

IN PRISON... you spend most of your time in an 8 X 10 cell.

AT WORK... you spend most of your time in a 6 X 8 cubicle.

IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.

AT WORK...you only get a break for just one meal and you pay for it.

IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior.

AT WORK...you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.

AT WORK...you carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.

AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON..you get your own toilet.

AT WORK...you have to share with some idiot who doesn't lift the seat

IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.

AT WORK...you can't even speak to your family.

IN PRISON...the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required.

AT WORK..you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON...you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.

AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON...you live with mean wardens.

AT WORK...they are called managers

Have a nice day at WORK!

Jokes "The Eskimo and the priest"

2010-10-10T19:37:00.000-07:00

Eskimo's Argument

The eskimo asks the Priest, "If I didn't know about God and sin, would I go to hell?"

"No, not if you didn't know." replied the priest.

Angrily, the eskimo replied, "Then why did you tell me?"

Jokes "Japan Business Trip"

2010-10-06T19:42:00.000-07:00

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip. Since he doesn't like Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place to get American food.

The concierge tells him there's a pizza place nearby that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.

Half hour later, the delivery guy shows up at his room with the pizza. The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably.

"What the hell did you put on this pizza?" he yells.

The deliveryman bows deeply and says, "We put on pizza what you order: 'pepper only'."

Brown Bear Gunslinger

2010-10-04T21:05:00.000-07:00

A brown bear walks into a bar, sits down and orders a hamburger. He eats the burger, then pulls out a gun and shoots and kills the waiter.

As the brown bear is leaving the bar, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where do you think you're going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for the burger. You can't leave!"

The brown bear yells back, "What's your problem, I'm a brown bear. Look it up in the dictionary!"

The bartender opens his dictionary to the words "brown bear": "A large furry mammal found in forested areas of North America. Eats shoots and leaves."

Funny God's Driver

2010-10-04T20:48:00.001-07:00

After getting all of the Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.

"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver. "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"

"Listen" says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today."

"I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job!" cried the driver.

"Who's going to tell? Besides, there might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs into the driver's seat. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 100 mph, as if he were on the German autobahn.

"Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the poor driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

"Oh, Lord! I'm gonna lose my license -- and my job!" moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 100 mph.

"So bust him," says the Chief.

"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed,"All the more reason!"

"No, I mean really important," said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"

"Bigger." replies the cop

"Governor?" asks the Chief.

"Bigger."

"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"

"I think it's God!"

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious: "What! What on earth makes you think it's God?"

Well, says the cop, "He's got the Pope as a chauffeur."

PILOT & Photographer

2010-09-29T18:49:00.000-07:00

Seorang fotografer dari sebuah surat kabar terkenal ditugaskan kantornya untuk meliput peristiwa kebakaran di sebuah hutan. Dia diperintahkan oleh atasannya untuk mengambil beberapa gambar yang memperlihatkan keberanian para pemadam kebakaran dalam usaha memadamkan api.
Pada waktu si fotografer tiba di tempat kejadian, ternyata dia tidak bisa mengambil gambar yang bagus karena asap yang begitu tebal dan banyaknya kerumunan orang. Dia berpikir bahwa mustahil bisa melakukan tugasnya dengan baik. Akhirnya dia mengajukan permohonan kepada atasannya untuk menyewa sebuah pesawat kecil agar dia dapat mengambil gambar dengan leluasa dari atas. Sang atasan menyetujui. Fotografer tersebut diberitahu untuk segera menuju ke bandara karena di sana pesawat sudah menunggunya.

Setibanya di bandara, dia melihat sebuah pesawat kecil yang sedang dipanaskan mesinnya. Dia langsung naik ke dalam pesawat itu dan berkata kepada pilotnya, "Ayo, kita berangkat!"
Pilot langsung menerbangkan pesawat kecilnya dan beberapa menit kemudian mereka sudah berada di udara. Fotografer berkata, "Terbanglah di atas hutan yang terbakar itu kemudian rendahkanlah pesawat ini, jadi aku bisa mengambil beberapa gambar yang bagus."
"Mengapa?" si pilot bertanya. "Ya .., karena aku adalah seorang fotografer dan memotret adalah tugasku." si fotografer menjelaskan.
Selama beberapa saat si pilot terdiam sampai akhirnya dia berkata, "Berarti ... anda bukan pelatih terbang saya!!?"

Funny Faces

2010-09-22T22:59:00.000-07:00

Just found an interesting picture, please enjoy hehehe :)

Wrong Angle "Gym"

2010-09-16T23:47:00.000-07:00

It seems that this women has a foot head, hehehe really funny though

Titanic Wannabe

2010-09-15T18:52:00.000-07:00

This couple want to copy the act of leonardo di caprio and kate winslet, unfortunately there's a bird who flew around the boat and it strike precisely in the face hehe :)

unique pictures "ice cream with mouse"

2010-09-14T19:14:00.000-07:00

i think every cat in this world like to eat this ice cream hehe :)

Funny sign "domestic violence"

2010-09-13T22:44:00.000-07:00

wow, i've never seen this sign in Indonesia hehehe :D

Warning Sign

2010-09-13T22:29:00.000-07:00

I don't know where this sign was found. but it was funny though :D, especially with the doggy style

Strong Wind

2010-09-06T18:59:00.000-07:00

Wow, this wind can make that tree like that, i wonder how strong it was.

Super Cheerleader

2010-09-05T19:38:00.000-07:00

Wow, this kid has a special ability, i think cheerleader also taught us how to lift heavy things hehehe :)

Fresh milk from the cow

2010-09-05T19:15:00.000-07:00

Actually, cat has a smart brain when it comes to the food (including milk), such as described in the picture above, instead of looking in the trash can, they come to the source :)

Semi Automatic car

2010-09-05T19:09:00.000-07:00

In Vietnam, they usually have a car that is pulled by buffalo, that's an excellent idea though

Superman USA vs Japan

2010-09-02T19:55:00.000-07:00

This is the difference of Superman in US and in Japan, Hmm... that's whay japanese superman can never be famous hehehe

Rossi is being trapped by Flood

2010-09-02T18:57:00.000-07:00

Rossi was visiting Indonesia, when he arrived at kampung melayu, there was a big rain, he was surprised by the flood, and now he's being trapped by it hehehehe :D