Amazing Grace and a Safe Haven

Swimsuit Season

2013-05-23T04:38:00.002-07:00

We officially opened up the pool this weekend. We invited another family to come join us for swimming and grilling. All 10 of our kids piled into the pool for hours of water filled bliss. It's just the start of a summer where we will probably swim 5-7 times a week. The pool is definitely a happy place for my family.

However, bathing suits are not a happy place for me.

Each year the time comes when I must shed my clothes and harshly evaluate my fluffy, sagging, winter worn physique. And each year I have to decide what I will wear in the pool. For several years I had a bathing suit that I thought was moderately attractive, but I wore it for several seasons until the fabric on the tushy was all but worn off. That year I was forced to shop for a new suit. I probably tried on 20 different suits at a handful of different stores. So fit up there, but not down there or vice versa. Others pinched or pulled or squeezed in uncomfortable and unattractive ways. Some made me look like an old woman. And I am not an old woman.

So that year I gave up, went to the men's department and bought myself a pair of swim trunks. Why didn't I think of this sooner!?! They were so much more comfortable. No binding, no pinching, no butt hanging out and embarrassing me. Figuring out what to do on top was not as easy, but I found a tank top that sort of looked swimsuit-like and I was good to go. This year when I put on my trunks I figured I'd be able to avoid one more season of swimsuit shopping, but chlorine and sun took their toll. My tank top had lost all its elasticity. I stepped out of the pool and my top dragged behind me. I would be forced to buy a new suit.

I went out last weekend with Grace in tow. Luckily, in the last few years, bathing suit manufacturers have come to realize that not all women are shaped alike. They now sell separate tops and bottoms. You can mix and match. Now the problem I found was finding the perfect match of top and bottom. I finally ended up with a bathing suit bottom that is sort of a trunk hybrid. Not as long as man pants and made of regular bathing suit material. My cheeks did not creep out the bottom. Ah relief. The drawback to this suit bottom was that it only came in black and navy blue. My glow in the dark white legs do not look good against black. Maybe the black fabric makes my behind look smaller, but it makes my legs look flabbier and whiter. But I still bought one of each.

Finding the right top wasn't easy either. Somewhere between my late teens (when I was built like an actual stick figure) and my early 40's, my boobs seem to have gotten enormous. At least that's how they looked in every swimsuit top I put on. I'm not one to show a lot of cleavage. It also glows in the dark like my legs. So the plunging necklines of my top choices left me feeling very exposed. But Brian liked them.

So now I am the proud owner of two actual female bathing suits. They are not perfect, but they fit and I don't think I will draw too many stares or gasps. And maybe this will be the summer that I actually lose that extra 10-15 pounds and keep it off.

On the same day I bought my suits, I also bought some new suits for the girls. One of the suits I bought for them is a size 4T. It fits Grace who is a long, lean, willowy 6 year old. It also fits Louise, who is 2 and built looks like a bowling ball with dimples. Right now both of them are perfect. The perfect size, the perfect shape. And perfectly happy to be wearing anything at all if it means they get to be in the pool. But one day they'll stand in front of a mirror and start to judge, and doubt, and fret. If you have the magic remedy for poor body image please let me know. I want to inject them both with a giant dose now so they don't have to spend a lifetime worrying about how they look in a bathing suit like I have.

Not Just Another Sunday

2013-05-13T15:00:00.002-07:00

As an adoptive parent I think that Mother's Day comes with a lot of extra emotional stuff. As much as I want my kids to just think of me as Mama and as much as I love them just as if I had given birth to them, the reality is I am not their first mother. Heck, I'm not even their second mother. They all have a birth family out there in the world somewhere, missing them and grieving for them.

Congo--one year ago

I never intended to be a mother. If you've known me or read this blog for very long you know that Brian and I had planned to not have kids of our own. We were both teachers, we had 100 kids a day, that was enough for us. We came to the unexpected decision to adopt in 2005 and Grace came home in January 2008. Suddenly I had a new holiday to celebrate.

Mother's Day 2012--the day we arrived home from DRC--scroll to the bottom for this year's pic!

Surely Mother's Day feels a little bit different if you're a mother through adoption. It's not just my day. I share it with several birth mothers, some living some dead, and a foster mother. Sadly my day of joy and celebration comes at the expense and loss of these other women. I've been thinking about my kid's birth mother's a lot the last few days. Two of them we know are deceased. Four of them are probably not. All them were brave. My children are mine because of a series of terrible and tragic events.

Why were my children given up? I don't know. But I do know that all six of my children were loved enough to be delivered into this world and into my arms. They could have been aborted. They could have been left to die. They could have spent several years in an orphanage before aging out and moving to the streets. They could have been statistics, but instead they are treasured gifts.

So on Mother's Day I am beyond thankful to all the women who saved their children and gave them a chance to be part of my family. I am also eternally grateful to the extraordinary foster mother who cared for my kids in Congo. I know without a doubt she loved them like her own, nursed them back to health through some serious illnesses (all five of my kids from DR Congoi have had malaria), and mourned their loss when they had to leave her care.

Last year Mother's Day became extra special because it was the day we arrived home from DRC with Katriel and Louise. So this year's Mother's Day was also the first anniversary of being a mother of six. SIX. Holy Moley! It was a sweet and gentle day. I got gifts and my favorite meal. But most important, I got to spend hours holding and kissing and laughing with my amazing kids.

Mother's Day used to be just another Sunday. Wow! Not any more!

Mother's Day 2013

Checking In and Catching Up

2013-05-11T19:03:00.001-07:00

I never intend to go this long between blog posts, but the last couple of weeks have been those kind of weeks: long, emotional, stressful, sleepless, and every once in awhile sweet and wonderful. Here are a few of the highlights:

Katriel had her 18 month well baby visit. We knew she had grown, but holy smokes, she is one big baby. She is the 99 percentile for both height and weight. That means that out of a 1000 babies her age all but two of them would be smaller. She is healthy, and smart, and happy, and oh so beautiful.
Grace also had her 6 year well kiddo visit. We had a bit of a scare with Grace. The doctor heard a heart murmur. She said it wasn't anything to panic about, but it didn't sound like any heart murmur she had heard before (yeah, that won't make you worry) and she wanted Grace to have a follow up echo-cardiogram. Well, the follow up showed there really was nothing to worry about. She needs to do follow ups every six months or so for awhile, but she is also healthy, smart, happy, and beautiful. Oh, and the doctor predicts that she will probably be no more than about 5'2". Go figure, we got a tiny Chinese girl.
For the past week I've been suffering with a case of food poisoning or stomach virus, or who knows what. But it knocked me on my butt! I really felt like I had been poisoned. It was scary, and of course, highly inconvenient for my poor husband. It it never good to have a sick parent in the house when you already have 6 little people to take care of.
In the midst of my food poisoning apparently Brian was starved for attention so he tried to cut off the tip of his ring finger one night while preparing dinner. I gave it my greatest effort not to throw up while he rushed to urgent care and get it stitched back on.
We got our taxes back and we were able to pay off the last of our adoption expenses and JoJo's tonsillectomy. With the exception of our house we are now debt free!!! At least for this week. Next week I have to go in for a possible root canal. There is always something.
On the tax issue, we did not get any adoption tax credit back. We actually make so little money that we did not have enough tax burden to earn the credit. Now that it is a non-refundable tax credit the adoption credit does us no good. It was zero help on our last adoption. So keep urging your legislators to switch it back to a refund and not a credit.
Louise has had a severe case of insomnia for the last 2 weeks. I'm going to do a whole post about that (if I ever get any sleep).
Grace's heart murmur really threw me for a loop and I have been in a bit of a "live for the moment" frame of mind ever since that doctor visit. So with a little bit of our tax return we got new bikes for Grace, Manny, and Haven. JoJo inherited Haven's bike. After a few days of sticking to the driveway and sidewalk we took the whole crew to the park on their bicycles. I can't explain why, but it was an absolutely magical moment for me, watching all of them ride along the trail to our park, bicycle helmets in place, training wheels squeaking. I took up the rear with Kat and Louise in the stroller. The moment felt like a perfect picture of our family.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you!

The Rocky Road to DRC

2013-05-03T17:05:00.001-07:00

Yesterday the US Department of state issued the following statement regarding adoptions in the Democratic Republic of Congo:

Alert: Democratic Republic of the Congo Immigration Authorities Suspend Issuance of Exit Permits to Adoptees

On April 29, the Congolese Ministry of Interior and Security, General Direction of Migration (Direction Generale d’Immigration, DGM) informed the U.S. Embassy in Kinshasa that the DGM has temporarily suspended issuance of exit permits to adopted Congolese children seeking to depart the country with their adoptive parents. This suspension is due to an ongoing investigation of an adoption that may not have complied with Congolese law.

The suspension of exit permits for adopted Congolese children applies to all intercountry adoptions and is not limited to adoptions by U.S. citizens. These exit permits are required in addition to U.S. immigrant visas in order for children to travel to the United States.

The DGM does not expect to issue exit permits to any adoptees during the investigation. We will post new information as it becomes available on adoption.state.gov.

I could almost hear a collective gasp from the hundreds of families that are in process to adopt a child from DRC. I know that reading this took my breath away and my kids are all home safe and sound. But I have several dear friends and many lovely acquaintances that are waiting impatiently to bring children home. At the very least this will mean another delay in an already long and bumpy process. At worst, it points us in a direction of DRC closing down adoptions for good or, at best, indefinitely. This is something that a lot of us have feared for a long time.

Early rumors sound fairly optimistic. It sounds like this halt to exit letters is not because of a case of falsified documents or bribe paying or other common adoption corruption issues. It sounds like an adoptive parent (not from the U.S.) who technically should have never qualified to adopt from DRC in the first place, somehow managed to slip through the system. Or not completely slip through, considering this pending investigation. I hope the rumor is true and it is simply a case of one isolated situation. If it is true that means that DGM is doing its job. It is providing the last security check in a very complicated process.

Right away when I read this news alert I thought of a friend who is bringing home a 6 year old girl. She has no parents, no extended family to go to, and she has lived in an orphanage since birth. Since BIRTH to SIX years old. It makes me cry just to type that. If she is not adopted she will NEVER have a family. She will NEVER be able to look into the eyes of another woman and say to herself “This is my mama.” She will be fed; she will have a place to sleep. She will probably go to school until about grade 6. She will live in a building filled with other children just like her. New babies will arrive. Some children will finally rejoin their families. Others will die. Six years will turn into seven and eight and nine….But everyday will look about the same as the last. Just as lonely, just as hopeless, just as empty.

Grace spent her first 9 months in an orphanage and we are still trying to repair that damage. What kind of damage does a life a spent in an orphanage leave behind? Prospects are grim for someone who has never lived in a “normal” family setting. The likelihood that their future might include prostitution, forced labor or early marriage, drug or alcohol abuse, and suicide go through the roof.

I pray that DRC does not follow the same path as Vietnam or Guatemala, or Cambodia. I pray this six year old comes home before she turns seven. I pray that every family involved in international adoption takes a stand against the unethical practices that cause countries to close their doors. I pray every night for all the children in the world who don’t have mamas and daddies.

Maybe you could say a little prayer for them tonight, too.

World Malaria Day

2013-04-25T17:03:00.000-07:00

Babies shouldn't die from mosquito bites. Can you imagine what it would be like if that happened here in the United States? We’d never let our children play outside. If they had to go out we’d dip them in buckets of DEET. There would be a huge industry for giant net tents that would cover our whole house and protect us from the horrible little attackers.

Thankfully, here in the US mosquitoes are mostly just irritating and mostly not deadly. But for most of the tropical and sub-tropical regions of the world mosquitoes equal malaria and malaria can be deadly.

Today is World Malaria Day. The purpose of this day is to raise awareness about the danger of malaria and to let people know that it is completely preventable.

Malaria is bad. It is scary. It is deadly, but it is treatable and preventable.

All five of my Congolese children have suffered from cases of malaria. A sixth daughter that we named Lisette died before we could bring her home. So even though malaria doesn't happen here in the US, for me it is very personal.

So here comes some awareness raising:

Malaria is a parasite that lives in a mosquito and is transmitted through human blood. When a mosquito bites a person who already has malaria, the contaminated blood is passed on to the next person they bite.

Malaria can lie dormant in your blood and liver for a long as 4 years.

Malaria kills over 1 million people per year.

Between 300-500 million people suffer from cases of malaria each year.

Children under 5 years old are most vulnerable to the effects of malaria.

In Africa, a child dies every 30 SECONDS.

In my experience with malaria, treatment costs almost nothing, but more than most orphanages can afford. So countless numbers of children die without ever being treated. And if you live in a place like Congo or Vietnam or Haiti, it's not if you get malaria, but when and how often.

So what can you do from the comfort of your nice, cool, mosquito free home? Raise awareness! Share this blog post or the link at the top of the page. Have a conversation about malaria. Mention it on FaceBook. If you can, donate to an organization like Our Family in Africa, that provides things like bed nets and medical treatment to children in orphanages. And the next one is really easy--

For every video view of HBO Films’ MARY AND MARTHA trailer on April 25th, World Malaria Day, Malaria No More will provide a full course of treatment for a child with malaria.

I wish I could send all of you to spend a week in Congo (after you had started taking your anti-malaria drugs, of course), to an orphanage to hold a baby suffering from the fever and dehydration of malaria. I wish I could make it personal for you.

Because babies shouldn't die from mosquito bites.

Nope, there's no Tooth Fairy either!

2013-04-23T19:00:00.000-07:00

About a week ago Grace lost her 1^st tooth. We’ve waited quite a long time for this monumental event. She was six already and that darn tooth had been loose for weeks. Plus, her 2 front bottom permanent teeth had already come completely up behind the baby teeth so she was starting to look like a shark.

But alas, out it came one night just before bedtime, with a small yank from Mama. There was a little bit of blood, a small amount of trauma, and then Grace suddenly remembered losing teeth comes with a payoff.

Now even though we don’t believe in the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus (You might remember my views on Santa from this earlier post.), Leprechauns, or The Elf on the Shelf, Grace is a very pragmatic girl. She is not going to be cheated out of presents or surprises just because we don't celebrate fairytale characters like other families. She lost a tooth so she was fully expecting a present under her pillow.

And not money, a present! Grace doesn't place much value on money yet, but she loves surprises. So I needed an actual gift to put under her pillow. I started to panic! It was 9pm. I was getting ready to put Grace to bed and I was already in my PJ's, too. Where was I going to get a gift. Then I remembered my secret stash of China gifts. When we traveled to China to bring Grace home we brought back 18 years worth of little presents to give her each year. Some little toys, some clothes, and some more sentimental like a string of pearls for her wedding day. We were going to give them to her on each Gotcha Day, but Gotcha Day turned out to be Christmas Eve, which was too close to the frenzy of Christmas gift giving. Plus the whole idea of Gotcha seemed a little weird after awhile (but that's a subject for another day). So anyway, a China gift seemed the perfect way to commemorate this 1st tooth loss.

I snuck in after she fell asleep, slid the surprise under the pillow, and looked forward to morning. When she woke up she immediately reached under her pillow for this:

A sweet little China Girl puppet for my sweet China Girl! So how many more teeth do I have to go? I better start planning ahead!

I Didn’t Want the Bomber to be a “Foreigner”

2013-04-19T18:24:00.003-07:00

As of the writing of this post one suspect is dead and the other one has just been apprehended. I didn’t think I would have anything to write about on the subject of the Boston Marathon bombing. I wasn’t there, I didn’t know anyone running. I never run anywhere myself if I can help it.

Just as everyone else in our country, I’ve been glued to my computer or radio, waiting for the latest update. And because news is now so immediate, so up-to-the-second, there has been a constant stream of information. We even had photos of who the bombers were. But we didn’t know who they were until this morning.

Through all the news reports I kept hoping they were not foreign terrorists or connected to foreign sources. I wanted the terrible people who committed this unspeakable act to be homegrown nuts. Like the Elvis impersonator who sent out the ricin laced envelopes. Like the Unibomber, or Timothy McVey in Oklahoma City or Eric Rudolph at the Atlanta Olympics.

Because its easier to move on if the bomber is one of our own. It is easier for us to collectively move past the event, shake our heads in disgust or sadness or disbelief, and then move on because we think the homegrown nut is just that. Just a crazy anomaly. Just an unstable person making a completely horrible, and completely irrational decision.

But when it turns out the bomber is not "one of us". When it turns out he's from another country and Muslim on top of it, well then the bomber becomes the enemy. He becomes someone we can hate and hate and hate some more. He becomes a horrible stereotype that we can hold onto and focus our angry energy on.

This makes me sad for a lot of reasons, but mostly for a personal one: my kids are foreigners and I don't want them to grow up in a country that hates and fears foreigners. I want the United States to be better than that. I want our citizens to be better than that. A couple of hours ago I saw this picture posted on Facebook. It was reposted by someone from the "Unofficial Michael Savage Fan Page". It made me a little sick to my stomach.

Throughout our history as a nation we have found a place to focus our hate. On immigrants at the turn of the century, on Asians during World War II, on blacks during the time of slavery and on through the civil rights movement. Now we can hate Chechnyans. And we can hate Muslims even more. So so sad.

At this moment we don't know why these young men made the horrible decision that they did to set off bombs and kill innocent people. We may never know. But amid the celebration and relief that I feel for the people of Boston, I feel very sad for these boys father and family and friends. They are suffering loss and feeling guilt as well. And I feel very sad for all the "foreigners" here and abroad who will bear the brunt of our collective national anger.

She Flew the Coop

2013-04-10T18:22:00.001-07:00

Grace ran away from home on Monday night.

Don't worry, she only got about 4 houses down the street. And she didn't sneak out, she announced her leaving loudly to the whole neighborhood. I thought this wasn't supposed to happen until she was at least 8 or 9?

I'm not exactly sure what lead to the event. Most of the afternoon she had been in a terrible mood. Maybe because it was Monday. She has a hard time with me going back to school sometimes. She and Haven were gonna "pack their bags" and leave to live with their "new family". I guess if you're adopted the idea of a new and improved family just over the horizon is not such an unusual thought. But I think they must have seen something in a movie or TV show that turned it into a formal plan.

So the bad mood passed and we had dinner and the evening seemed mostly normal. We put all the littles in bed and while Haven and I worked in the garage, Grace and Brian worked on some sight word lists. Well, apparently Grace was in no mood for sight words. All of a sudden the garage door burst open and Grace ran in crying hysterically. She was screaming about going to find her new family. She ran through the garage, down the driveway and off down the street. I didn't follow her because I knew it would turn into a race. It was dark outside and I was fairly sure she wouldn't travel far. I just watched. Brian meanwhile started walking in the opposite direction towards the mail box to get the mail. Grace turned around to see who might be following her but nobody was (though we were both keeping an eye on her).

After a few houses she fell to the ground in a big puddle of her own tears. I walked down to her and asked if I could pick her up and carry her home. She nodded her head and let me scoop her up. I asked her why she stopped where she did and between her gasping sobs, she said she got scared. I asked her if she was ever going to run away again and she said no.

I hope she's right.

I know this is probably one of those very common, very normal things that kids do sometimes. But when things like this happen I always stop and worry. Is this adoption related? Is this an attachment thing? Is Grace just a little more wounded, a little more broken, a little more damaged? Sometimes she seems to be a more sad than other kids her age. But other times she is so joyful and funny and full of life. Are all 6 year olds a little bi-polar? I think of myself back in high school and imagine my parents probably thought the same thing of me.

So have any of your kids run away? What was your solution? I know, avoid sight word lessons and never leave the garage door open after dark. But really, how seriously do I take this moment of distress? Is it just a little kid rite of passage or a sign of things to come? How do I keep my sweet sweet angel smiling a little more often? Am I worrying too much because she's my firstborn?

And can you really ever stop worrying about your kids?

Eating Out=Epic Failure

2013-04-08T18:19:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we forget.

We forget we have 6 six kids. We think we just have one or two like other people.

Or we forget that our kids are all under 6 years old. We forget that they have no table manners. No manners of any kind really.

Or we forget that our kids are just as likely to throw, smear, drop, splash, or spit out food as they are to actually put' it in their mouths and swallow.

Maybe we're senile. Maybe we're so good at blocking out the chaos in our own kitchen that we forget it is just as likely to happen in public. OK, it is way more likely to happen in public.

Brian had one of these lapses of memory on Sunday and I, being the ever supportive and dutiful wife, went right along with him, despite my vague feelings of dread and anxiety. Brian didn't want to go home and try to make lunch after church. He thought it would be easier/faster/more fun to go eat at Chipotle.

And it was an EPIC FAILURE.

We should have just walked back out when we saw they didn't have 4 high chairs available. We should have just walked back out when JoJo started howling at the high, echo-producing ceilings. Shoulda, woulda, coulda!

The food was finally at our table and divided amongst the howling, fidgeting, starving, sleep deprived children. But food was not going to save the day. Not this day. Kat started freaking out because Manny had a drink cup and she didn't. Then Manny started freaking out when I shared his drink with Kat. Then JoJo started walking and then running small laps around our table. Then people went from polite sly glances to full frontal staring!

It was just too much for me. I sent Brian to the car with the littles. I packed up my lunch to go and encouraged Grace to stop eating her lunch one grain of rice at a time (Grace is the slowest eater in the history of the world) and to hurry up and get in the van. Three different strangers came up and made some lame comment about me having my hands full while I picked up the thousand napkins and plastic spoons we had dropped on the floor in just 15 minutes at this restaurant.

EPIC FAILURE!

When we got home everyone went down for an EPIC FAILURE nap time (once you miss that small window of nap time opportunity it is blown for the day) while I ate my cold lunch. Oh yeah, first JoJo spilled my to-go cup of soda all over the floor of the van. Then they ~~screamed in their rooms~~ took naps. So I ate my cold lunch with no drink.

Everyone practice with me now--"No honey, we cannot go out to eat". "No honey, we cannot go out to eat". "NO HONEY, (smile, breath, stop shaking) we cannot go out to eat. Remember, we have SIX kids. Remember, our kids have no table manners. Remember what happened last time at Chipotle!"

Corn bread bigger than her head!

More More More

No, not a yamulka, a corn bread muffin wrapper.

Tables are for dancing, not eating!!!

PLEASE!!!

2013-04-05T15:00:00.002-07:00

This cutie pie below is Miles. He is from DRCongo. He is the adorable son of one of my favorite mama's in the world--Megan over at the blog Millions of Miles.

If you've never read Megan's blog, you should. She is brilliantly funny. She is also one of the most generous people I know. She has organized this amazing raffle to benefit Jabu Africa and Heartline Haiti. Her goal is to raise $10,000 to be split between these two terrific organizations. She is so close to hitting that goal (at the writing of this post the total sits at $8815.00) and the deadline is midnight tonight.

So Miles and me are both begging you! PLEASE! Go buy a raffle ticket. They cost just $10 and the winning ticket will get a luxury vacation just minutes from DISNEYWORLD!!! And your $10 will do so much good!

So take a trip over to Millions of Miles and get the whole scoop on this wonderful contest/fundraiser. While you're there make a point to read a post called "Hunger" to get some great perspectives on the importance of the funds raised in this project for the children of DRC and this post on how the funds will be used in Haiti.

On a sort of related note, if you're in my neighborhood tomorrow stop by and support the giant garage sale for Adam and Melody Mosley. They just got a referral this week for a beautiful baby girl that they'll be traveling to bring home in a few weeks. They need to raise a lot of funds for travel expenses. So bring us your junk, or come buy some new junk to take home :)

My Big Girl is Getting Bigger

2013-04-03T16:26:00.001-07:00

My darling daughter Grace is now six years old.

I think six is the new twelve. She is already starting to behave a little teenagery. EEK! But when she is not rolling her eyes at me or giving me that "adolescent sneer", I must say that she has turned into a delightful little person.

Some things you should know about Grace, the six year old:

Likes--the color red, chicken legs, her new baby doll Olivia, dresses and more dresses, flowers, sunny days, playing with Haven, working on the computer, running around on all fours like a horse, doing art, yodeling (yep, I'm gonna have to try and get that on video).

Dislikes--any food except white rice and meat, babies that touch her stuff, striped or plaid clothes, pants, doing chores, being alone the dark, the dark, the dark..

Grace in China--our first night together

Grace at One

Grace at Two

Grace at Four

Grace at Three

Grace at Five

Grace's birthday included a super fun treasure hunt for each of her presents hidden throughout the house.

Grace and Chef Haven prepared cupcakes for the birthday. Then we all enjoyed them after dinner with Grandma and Grandpa.

Grace said that she wished on her birthday candle that everyone would have a happy day. Oh this child melts my heart and makes we proud in ways I never could have dreamed.

Mugshot Monday: Easter Parade of Pics

2013-04-01T18:15:00.001-07:00

Hope all of you had as blessed and happy an Easter as each of my kiddos did! It got messy a few times, but we had a wonderful weekend. Nothing I ever imagined can compare with sharing my holidays as a family of 8!

Naked egg dying :)

Ummmm...this looks yummy!

More eggs please!

Ohhhh, it is yummy! And a little crunchy!

My handsome boys!

My gorgeous girls!

The hunt is on!

What am I supposed to do with these???

I've got a plan. Bwahhhahhhhahh!

Beside herself with candy-filled egg happiness!

Him too!!!

I think this one is the big winner.

Do you think she'll notice if I steal some of her eggs???

More please!

This is a dumb game!

Anybody got any real hard boiled eggs around here? I need a snack.

OK, maybe it's not so bad.

An Easter full of LOVE!

I Wanna Go to Summit 9

2013-03-29T19:53:00.001-07:00

I am writing this post as part of the Summit 9 Blogger Giveaway. Check out all the details at www.summit9.org

A few years ago Brian and I attended an adoption conference in Austin, Texas. It was held not long after we had brought Haven home. We were at a point in our lives where we were really examining ourselves, our future, our purpose. We had two children through international adoption, but we felt moved to do more. MORE.

So we attended Summit and it rocked our world. We came back home and threw ourselves into the cause of orphan care. We joined an extraordinary organization called Our Family in Africa. We researched, we fund-raised, we advocated. And we went on to adopt 4 more kids.

My life is full and extraordinary...and yet on this Good Friday I'm feeling a little melancholy. On this day last year my husband was leaving for Congo to have the first meeting with our two baby girls. On Easter Sunday I was here at home at an Easter egg hunt and Brian was holding my little Louise as she suffered with a case of malaria. About two months later, on Mother's Day, they would finally be in our home. Our forever family of 8 was complete.

So now what. That is what I am frequently asking myself. My six babies have been spared a lifetime in an orphanage, but what about the millions left behind. I need some direction. I need a way to focus this energy. I need to go back to Summit 9.

So to the folks at the Summit 9 Blogger Contest--please pick me. I hope I'm not getting this to you too late. With 6 kids, I have to wait until everyone is in bed before I can fire up the computer. Also, for what it's worth, I have a credit with Southwest Airlines that will expire in May if I don't use it.

Pick me! Pick me!

STUCK the Documentary

2013-03-27T15:03:00.001-07:00

“It’s more than a documentary. It’s a love story.”

Last week I saw a documentary that I wanted to share with all of you. All of you who have adopted. All of you who are in the process of adoption. All of you who have ever thought about adopting. And maybe most especially, those of you who really haven’t given much thought to the world of adoption at all.

STUCK is a documentary about the current state of international adoption. It is currently touring the country in limited markets, but you can also download the video here--

http://buy.stuckdocumentary.com/

Or you can catch it in a theatre near you--

https://bothendsburning.org/initiatives/stuck-tour/itinerary/

And you can watch the trailer below--

STUCK TRAILER from Both Ends Burning Campaign on Vimeo.

I want you to watch this movie first and foremost because it is the most clear and concise explanation of the international adoption process with all its piles of paperwork and hoops to jump through. If you never really understood the steps in the process it is very well spelled out here. If you are a grandparent, a friend, a co-worker of someone who is adopting, this will put a lot of things into perspective for you. I also think it is a great movie for older adoptees to watch to get a better understanding of the process, too.

Before you sit down to watch this movie, be sure to grab a box of tissue. This one had me sobbing almost from the opening credits. Now of course, this is a topic that is very near and dear to my heart. As the parent of 6 kids through international adoption I have lived a small piece of STUCK. I know the unbearable wait. I expected my daughter Grace to be home in just 8-10 months and it took over 2 years. And I know the unfathomable loss. My Baby Lisette was STUCK for just a little too long in an orphanage in Congo where she contracted malaria and died before we could get her home.

No child should be STUCK. Yet thanks to bureaucracy like the Hague Treaty millions are STUCK.

Two things really stayed with me after watching this documentary. First, the number of children being adopted in the US has dramatically DECLINED in the last several years. So even though there are more parents ready and willing to adopt, fewer kids are coming home because of the Hague Treaty, UNICEF reports and country closings. Second, as a result of those declines the number of children waiting in orphanages is increasing every day and the conditions in those orphanages are getting worse. So the kids that are left behind, STUCK for their lifetimes in orphanages and without families, really don’t have a lot of hope for their future. They will come out of an orphanage setting as an adult that is sicker, weaker, and psychologically damaged.

Children NEED families. Period. Please set aside some time and watch STUCK.

If it moves you the way it did me, take a moment and sign the petition to the President to MAKE A CHILD'S RIGHT TO A FAMILY OUR PRIORITY--

http://www.change.org/petitions/make-a-child-s-right-to-a-family-our-priority

There are detractors of this film that bring up the same ethics questions that always come up in adoption discussions: what is being done to keep children with their birth families, what about adoption corruption, what about older children? All valid points, but not the point of this particular movie. There is a need for international adoption, there always will be. There will always be a portion of the orphans in the world who can't or shouldn't be adopted. But there will also always be kids who need, deserve, and absolutely should be placed in families. That is who this movie is for and about.

Please watch and let me know what you think!

My Kids Are Irritating, How Bout Yours???

2013-03-23T22:29:00.003-07:00

Lest you think its all rainbows and bunnies and cotton candy scented diapers around here, let me set the record straight--my kids are irritating.

Keepin' it real.

I should probably preface this by saying that I have been a little more irritable than normal lately. Allergy season is kicking my butt! It's theatre competition season at school so I'm working later and more days than normal. We just finished spring break and I'm never really ready to go back to work after a fun filled week of vacation. So maybe it's me. But then again, no, it's them.

Grace has turned into an obnoxious teenager. Suddenly she doesn't like any of her clothes. She will only wear dresses and she won't wear anything that is the color green, brown, beige, black, or yellow. She also will not wear anything that is striped, plaid, or plain. If she has to wear pants, she will only wear jeans. No colored pants allowed.

And she will pretty much only eat meat, white rice, or sugar! Ugggg!

Ok, she does look adorable in dresses.

Haven whines a lot. A LOT! Also, he has this ratty old orange blanket that he has been carrying around for the last 3 years. He takes it out of bed with him every morning and leaves it on the floor all over the house. Usually at the entrance to the kitchen. Where I will step on it, or more likely, trip on it. I have threatened frequently to take it out in the street and run over it. That doesn't seem to help.

Creepy orange blanket.

JoJo gets up too stinking early. And he wakes up in an irritatingly good mood. This may sound a little crazy, but JoJo is probably my least irritating kid right now. His tonsil/adenoid surgery has turned him into a new man!!!

Cheese!!!

Manny has tantrums. He will let out these blood curdling screams that you are sure will break the windows. He will then throw himself on the ground, face against the carpet (or grass, or cement, depending on the location of the tantrum). The face to floor tantrums, are actually the good kind. He's just laying their screaming and after a few minutes he'll pull himself together and stop. But sometimes he will start to throw things. Pretty much anything he can reach at the moment. Shoes, sippy cups, dirty diapers. These are the bad kind. Manny was in time out 4 times before breakfast this morning. Once for nailing Kat in the head with his milk. This is irritating.

Happy Manny :)

Scary Manny!

Kat likes to pull Haven and JoJo's twisties. This one doesn't irritate me so much (sort of cracks me up actually), but it makes Haven whine like crazy! She also likes to snack on baby wipes. She'll empty out a whole container onto the floor and suck the moisture out of them. Yes, she's getting plenty to drink. She also likes to eat the shampoo off her head and lick the lotion off her skin. She obviously has a weird craving for perfume scented products???

No, she does not have a wipe stuck in her throat.

Louise has the most annoying habit hands down. Louise does not like to sleep. EVER. She doesn't like to nap, she doesn't like to go to bed at night. Maybe she doesn't need as much sleep as other humans, sort of like my friend Scotty. He only needs 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night and the rest of the time he's just wide awake being a genius. This will be fine if she turns out to be a genius, but for right now she's just an irritating, non-sleeping toddler. One of the things that seems to keep her from sleeping at nap time is poop. Almost without fail not long after she goes down for her nap, she will have a poopy diaper. This is apparently very irritating to her, so she takes off her poopy diaper. And performs some sort of tribal dance around it, usually steping in it. Though sometimes she chooses to smear it on the back of the bedroom door. Or her hair. We have started putting her in onsie pajamas at nap time so that she can't get to her diaper.

This one is full of the Nick!

AND...every last one of them has had a runny nose this week!!!

But they're mine. And they're so darned adorable!!! Especially when they're all asleep, like here in the maxi-van.

Ignore trail of trash on the floor.

So what amusing, endearing, and highly irritating habits do your kids have?

Musical Beds aka Bedtime Roulette!!!

2013-03-15T21:11:00.001-07:00

One of the best decisions we ever made as the parents of children brought to us through adoption is to co-sleep.

Hold on, don't click off my page just yet!!! I know co-sleeping is not for everyone. In fact, I know some folks are violently opposed to it, but it is the best way we have found to survive this crazy phenomenon called "attachment" and live to tell the tale. I know that you all love to hear the gory details of our world of mayhem and this is how we spend a large chunk of each 24 hours.

I guess you might say at the Wood house we do a lot of sleeping around. (Hee Hee Hee)

First of all, NO, all eight of do not sleep in the same bed. But some nights it does feel pretty stinkin' crowded.

First off there is our constant companion, Grace. Grace has been co-sleeping with us since she first came home. Initially, we had her in a crib at the foot of our bed. I would walk her and walk her and walk her and finally when she was sound asleep in my arms, I would attempt to lay her gently in the crib..... and she would instantly shoot back to fully awake and screaming. I quickly realized that if she was not in my arms, she was not going to sleep, and neither was I. Since my job required that I get up each morning at about 5:30am, I definitely needed to get some rest. So we tucked her in between us in the king size bed and never looked back. Ahhhh, finally, all 3 of us got some rest. Now it didn't happen over night. Grace is a kid who has had a lot of sleep issues. She was a very light sleeper, she could not sleep in a completely dark room, and even on a good night she thrashed around like she was on fire. As she has gotten older is a little better able to articulate her severe fear of the dark and fear of ever being alone. These are things that are just hard wired into her from her 9 months in an institution.

At times is has been frustrating and I don't think we expected her to still be needing to co-sleep with us. We figured at some point she would be ready to move to her own room, her own bed, and we would have a few nights of Grace-free sleep. In fact, just before Christmas we did have several weeks. But there always seems to be a set back or transition or milestone, that sends her back to the safety of Mama and Daddy's bedroom. She is still severely afraid of the dark, still very sensitive. She still moans and thrashes around in her sleep if she's had a tough day. But on a good night she sleeps like a baby, not like when she actually was a baby. Someday she'll be ready to move out, but for right now I don't mind at all curling up next to her and holding her hand until she falls asleep. If this is what she needs to feel safe and loved then that's what we'll give her.

Haven quickly realized there was a great injustice being perpetrated in our home each night as he was sent off to the boys room. "How come Grace gets to sleep with you?!? I wanna sleep with Daddy!!!!" We didn't want Haven to feel like we were playing favorites, and he already suffers from a lot of middle child behaviors, so along came Haven. The problem with Haven is he doesn't sleep next to you, he ends up sleeping on top of you. And nothing wakes him up. So suddenly in the middle of the night you wake up and can't feel your feet because the circulation from your knees down is cut off by the weight of sleeping Haven. Plus, if you are sleeping North to South, Haven will always be sleeping East to West. For awhile we convinced him that sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor was way cooler than in our bed. Grace even bought into that for awhile. But as the title of my post indicates, our sleeping arrangements are always in flux. So we moved a twin size trundle bed in next to my side of the bed. I think poor Haven still feels a bit cheated, but he's close enough to reach over and hold my hand and that's better than being stuck back in the boys room with Louise! (more on that in a minute)

We have usually had one or two more kiddos in the room at different times for different reasons. When we first came home with the boys they were both in cribs in our room. Same with the girls. Manny got kicked out pretty early on because he would wake up almost hourly. After a few months of that we had to move him out because it was effecting my ability to drive myself to work in the mornings. Caffeine couldn't keep up. So Manny and Brian moved into another room. Part of the problem with Manny's sleep was a skin condition that had the poor little guy itching and itching on his feet and ankles. It went on for months. The other issue seemed to be that he was uncontrollably hungry. He would take 3 or 4 eight ounce bottles a night of formula. If you've seen him lately you know that our 2 year old mega toddler is wearing size 4 clothes. Obviously, his body had some nutritional catching up to do. After about 6 months Manny was finally sleeping through the night. By then we were able to move him and JoJo into the boys room to sleep together.

That worked out great for about a year. We would put them in bed together lying toe to toe and each morning when we went to get them up they would be cuddled up, foreheads together. Then suddenly one day JoJo discovered what fun it was to jack with Manny as soon as the lights were turned out. He'd steal Manny's blanket or sippy cup, he'd whack Manny upside the head with shoes. He'd sit on poor Manny's face.

So finally Manny got a room to himself and JoJo moved in with us. This was around the same time that JoJo's sleep apnea was getting to really be a problem. In the weeks before his surgery we felt better having him in the room with us because he was doing so much gasping in his sleep. Then after surgery he felt so puny that he really needed the extra cuddling and attention. But you know what--his behavior has been sooooo much better. We're not sure if it was the surgery, which allowed him to sleep better, or the co-sleeping, which has given him a lot more one on one time, but whatever it is, the new and improved JoJo has been quite a relief!

The girls also took a turn sleeping with us when they first came home. Kat has always slept like a dream and she's not old enough to realize that she's missing out on the big party in Mama's room, so she sleeps in the girls room with no trouble at all. Louise used to sleep in there with her, but Louise TALKS A LOT! For a good hour after putting her to bed she will still be babbling away, so we had to split them up because Louise was keeping Kat up at night. We traded Manny and Louise, so on most nights Manny and Kat are in the girls room and Louise is by herself, but still talking up a storm, in the boys room.

Now we always make allowances for kids that are sick, kids that are fussy, kids that just need a little extra something for some reason. For instance a couple weeks ago, Grace and JoJo were in the king size with us, Haven was on the twin size trundle squeezed next to my side of the bed and Louise was in a crib at the foot of the bed. Louise had a terrible cough and a terrible case of the grumpies. Today she skipped her nap and is zonked out in her regular bed. Tomorrow night, who knows!

The biggest drawback (and I'm sure some of you readers have already thought of this) is that Brian and I don't run into each other too often at night, if you know what I mean. Three's a crowd etc, etc. And there are no spare bedrooms in our cozy 3 bedroom house. So we definitely have had to be creative and use our time wisely! (wink wink)

But quite frankly, if I had a bigger bedroom, I'd move in a few more mattresses and bring in the other three kids. I love to hear them all sleeping, all their different breathing patterns and soft snores. I love not having to stumble all over the house in the dark if someone wakes up scared and needs a little pat on their back. And I love waking up to all their beautiful little bedheads in the morning.

I know, I know, I'm sure you get tired of hearing it, but I just can't get enough of my kids!!!

So co-sleeping may not be for you, but you might be surprised by the positive effects it can have on your kids. I know now that all of our kids have needed at different times and for slightly different reasons. One thing I know for sure is that each of my kids have suffered the trauma of losing their birth mother. Even though they are not old enough to consciously understand that fact, they little brains have forever been effected by that loss. If co-sleeping can do even a little bit to ease that pain and repair that trauma, then it is the least we can do as their parents.

For anyone interested in doing a little more research, you can read an interesting article about why co-sleeping is good for a child's brain.

When My Kids Are a Little Bit Bigger.....

2013-03-07T19:59:00.001-08:00

When my kids are a little bit bigger.....

I'll get a little more sleep
I'll be able to take a shower every day
I might even get around to cleaning my shower
I'll be able to remove the baby gate from the kitchen entrance
I won't be the owner of 8 assorted car seats
I won't have to escort someone to the bathroom 75 times a day
I won't have to leave the lights on all over my house so that people can sleep
I won't have to figure out how to hold hands with 6 people when I only have 2 arms.
I won't have to use the semi-truck sized 3-seater shopping cart at Target
I won't have to buy milk 6 gallon jugs at a time

But when my kids are a little bit bigger there won't be as much....

hand holding
or cuddling
or people sitting on my lap
or kissing bumps and bruises
or bedtime giggles
or early morning snuggles
or matching outfits
or blowing on bellies
or watching animated Disney movies
or dancing in our jammies before bed
or silliness for the sake of being silly

PLEASE, don't let them get any bigger. I'm not quite ready yet!

Stepping Back and Moving Forward

2013-02-27T16:53:00.002-08:00

There is a girl in China that I want to adopt. Not a hypothetical "someday maybe" girl. A real live girl with a name that is waiting right at this very moment in a special needs orphanage in China.

I'm not sure how her picture landed on my computer, but one morning there she was, staring at me. I certainly wasn't looking for her. I wouldn't say it was a particularly cute picture, but I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She looked a little angry and very determined. And she was staring at me. Intently. Speaking to me. "Bring me home, I think I'm your daughter". I haven't told anyone about her. Even Brian didn't know until a few minutes ago when I had him proofread this blog entry.

She has short cropped black hair, eyes a lot like Grace's. She is thin, but not sickly looking. She is about 3 years old. She is listed as having cerebral palsy in her lower limbs, but it appears to be a relatively mild case. When she arrived at the orphanage a year ago at the age of 2 years old she couldn't even sit up. Now she can walk with a walker and otherwise plays like a normal looking kid. I've watched a video of her taken at her orphanage. She takes my breath away.

Of course I never should have watched that video, because dammit this was not what I wanted to see. I did not want to fall in love with a picture because we simply can't adopt again.

It's not that I don't want to bring her home. But we barely have enough in the bank to cover postage to send a package to USCIS, let alone start a homestudy. I don't make enough on my one teacher salary to support another kids, let alone one with a special need like cerebral palsy. If money wasn't an obstacle, I'm not sure a social worker would approve us for another child. I don't know if our house is technically big enough. And I don't know if Kat's accident would be an obstacle to another adoption.

So short of a miracle like winning the lottery I am devastated to say that this particular little girl will not be my daughter. Oh that is so hard to put into writing. I thought she had another family in January, but for some reason they changed their minds and sent her file back to the big pile of special needs kids waiting for families in China. So she will continue to live without a mama of her own, maybe for years, maybe forever. And there is nothing I can do about it.

For my own mental health I have realized I have to step back from that thought. So unless you are calling to offer me a job that pays $100,000 a year or to tell me that you found a Chinese child left on your front porch and you'd like to send them to live at my house, I probably won't be talking about this much anymore. I have unsubscribed from all my child advocacy websites and turned off the daily digest on all the yahoo groups. I can't keep running it through over and over in my head. My heart is broken for the orphan and in a very deep way for this particular girl, but in this case it is all really beyond my control.

And I need to move forward. I need something to throw myself into. I don't know exactly what that looks like yet. Obviously, I have a house full of amazing distractions, but even I, the mother of six, am more than the sum of my children. I have to find my greater purpose. If it is not to adopt another child then what is it? It's not my current job. It's not my hobbies, or clubs, or social life.

Maybe it's time to start writing that book.

I will certainly continue to blog and sew and support all of you through your many adoption journey's. But for right now, I don't really know what moving forward looks like yet. Hopefully, the answer to that will show up quickly. I know, I know--all in good time. But God and my husband will tell you I can be a real nag when I'm in a rush about something. I'm not very good at just sitting back and waiting for things to happen.

You might have noticed that about me. That might be how I ended up with 6 kids in 5 years :)

Laundry Day

2013-02-20T04:27:00.001-08:00

So if you want your fine hand washables separated from your smelly socks, Manny and JoJo's Laundromat is not the place to come. But if you need some highly animated conversation, you've come to the right place. In the first few seconds Manny is saying "cheese" because he sees the camera is on and all my kids are total hams. It sort of sounds to me like Manny has been walking around the house lately saying "No Sh*T, No Sh*T", but that is not a phrase that Brian and I ever use. I can hear it in this clip, too. Now if he were yelling "Dammit, JoJo", you could totally blame that on me, but not "No Sh*T".

Mugshot Monday: Ice Cream Man

2013-02-18T18:48:00.005-08:00

I'm sure for most of you summer is still a distant fantasy, but at my house we've been flirting with summer for a couple of weeks now. The temps have been hovering around the 70's, the sun has been shining, and the ice cream man has been cruising the neighborhood.

On Sunday afternoon we were playing in the driveway and the timing was perfect. Grace heard that familiar tune first, then Manny started doing a wild dance to it. Daddy splurged for popsicles all around. We all sat on the grass, dripping with sugary happiness. Making a summertime memory...and its only February!

"It's like bringing home a neutered puppy..."

2013-02-09T19:29:00.000-08:00

That's what Brian says at least. You take your dog in to be neutered and when he comes home he doesn't pee on the carpet anymore, right? We took our squirrelly little JoJo in to have his adenoids/tonsils removed and he came home from the hospital a kinder, gentler JoJo. Rest assured, he did come home with all his boy parts, too.

It has been almost a month since the surgery. The first few days were hard on the little peanut. His throat hurt a lot and he was very mean and clingy. However, once the initial pain went away we really have seen a HUGE improvement in JoJo's personality and behavior. Before the surgery JoJo was highly impulsive, destructive, and sometimes aggressive. He would do anything to get attention and most of the attention he was getting was negative. He was especially aggressive with me. Every diaper change was an almost guaranteed punch in the face or kick in the stomach. Often he would look to see if I was watching and then find something he could throw across the room and break.

But apparently feeling crummy gave him a new found appreciation for how warm and cuddly Mama feels when you're sick. He wanted to spend long periods of time sitting still and quiet on my lap. Score!!! Before surgery there had never been a still moment in JoJo's life.

JoJo has also turned into a helping machine. He wants to lend a hand on every chore in the house (whether you want the help or not). The moment he steps into the kitchen he heads straight to the pantry to grab the broom to sweep. Or he tries to empty out the dishwasher (even if the dishes haven't been washed yet). Or his very favorite chore, taking out the trash.

Most important, JoJo's sleep apnea has completely disappeared. No snoring, no gasping, no gurgling. Just sweet quiet sleep. One of the things we think has had a big impact on his behavior has been co-sleeping. A few weeks before the surgery we started having him sleep with us. The gasping at night was making us more and more nervous so we felt better having him sleep in our room. Since the surgery he has stayed in our room and that extra cuddle time seems to really be a break through in his behavior.

Now that being said, today was probably the worst day of behavior that our kids have had collectively in our entire time as a family. JoJo cried off and on for 8 hours straight. Louise joined in for most of that time. Manny was hitting, Grace pushing, Haven was whining. Even sweet little Kat was acting like a creep most of the day.
Sheeshhhh! We need a do over!!!

Tomorrow is a new day. Let's hope we get our old new JoJo back and kinder, gentler versions of all our other kids, too! I could really use a whole pack of neutered puppies.

Why My Winning the Lottery Would Be Good for the Economy

2013-02-04T19:03:00.000-08:00

Admit it. You've done it before. Sat around daydreaming about what you would do if you won the lottery. Picturing the new car, the mansion, the yacht. Well, my daydreams may not be quite as glamorous, but boy oh boy do I have a lot of ideas.

So here is my plan for improving the economy by winning the lottery:

First, I would start a foundation working to improve the lives of orphans throughout the world. This would be a full time job, so I would have to leave my current position to work from home. This would mean that at least one new person would have a job to replace me. I think I would probably also need to hire several other wonderful mamas to help me run my foundation. And of course, Brian, so lots of new jobs are being created.
One of the things my foundation would do would be to create a sewing co-op for unemployed or underemployed women in Congo. More Love Mama goes global!!!
Another project would be to create a special home/orphanage/hospital for HIV positive kids in Congo. Kristie Craig, you're in charge of this project. You'll need to hire a few people, too!
Because I am working from home I would need a little more room. So we would probably need to build a slightly larger house (we are about to explode out of our kitchen/eating area). We would need to build because I don't really want more bedrooms, just larger rooms. I still want my kids to grow up sharing rooms. Its a philosophical thing. So we would be employing a construction crew, etc to build the new house.
We could then give our old house away to a family that really needs a step up, sort of like a Habitat for Humanity house. So some other family would have more spending power because they wouldn't have a house payment.
Our larger house is on a slightly larger piece of land. I would like to raise a few chickens. Maybe a goat or two. This would improve US agriculture growth, right?
I think we would probably adopt one more child, from China (because if we win the lottery, we will definitely qualify to adopt). That would mean a lot of money to the US government, a little money to China, and a pretty healthy chunk to the airline industry.
We'll probably need a slightly bigger van. So a large amount will go to the auto industry. We can then give our van to another family that needs the space and help their economy.

What do you think? Does it sound like a solid plan??? All I have to do now is buy the ticket? Which for me is the hardest part! I never gamble. So what I need is for God to just whisper in my ear "Go forth and buy your ticket now!" or something else very burning-bush-like. Then we can set this all in motion and put the economy back on track! Ready, set, go!!!

A Series of Miraculous Coincidences

2013-01-27T11:42:00.002-08:00

There are some things in your life that just seem like simple coincidence. Like when you and the guy in line in front of you at the grocery store are buying the same toothpaste. Then there are other events that (if you believe in this sort of thing) feel too amazing, too important, just too miraculous to be coincidence. They must be tiny little miracles.

Take for instance the miracle that happened this week for our family.

First a little back story--about 6 years ago a woman in China made a decision not to have an abortion, gave birth to a baby girl and for a reason we will probably never know, left her at an orphanage. Her name became Liang Xiao Chang. Within just a couple of weeks another baby girl arrived at the orphanage. For 9 months, she and Chang slept in the same room, played with the same toys, probably wore the same clothes. They were cared for by the same woman. They were living like sisters.

Then one day some American families came and took these girls back to the United States. Their families stayed in touch and grew closer over the years. In fact, both families also brought home children from Congo (how about that for a crazy coincidence), but they lived far enough away from each other that they only got to meet about once a year.

Until this week, when a miracle brought our dear friends and Grace's China sister to live just 15 minutes from our house.

How's that for miraculous! Two girls born days apart in a tiny village in China, thousands of miles from Texas are now together again. Wow!

This amazing reunion made me think of some of the other miracles that have happened over the years in our family:

Brian and I have been married for 24 years. The night we met I was trying to hook up with one of his fraternity brothers, but Brian made me laugh and the rest is history. I have now been married to Brian longer than I wasn't married to him.
Brian and I had the amazing opportunity to work for several years together at the same school as theatre teachers. During those years God placed a boy named Cody into our program. He taught us how to be parents.
Early in our marriage we had pretty much decided never to have children. Then on a trip home from my grandmother's funeral God whispered in our both our ears that we were supposed to have children. Somewhere between California and Texas we decided to begin an international adoption.
After we adopted Grace we started to research other countries and one day the OFA website just showed up on my computer and led us to Haven.
Haven survived war, malnutrition, malaria, and the death of his birth mother to become a member of our family.
We almost didn't accept JoJo's referral. He looked like he had a dent in his head and we didn't know if we were really equipped to be the parents of a kid with a dented head. We took a leap of faith and as it turns out he wasn't dented.
Manny and JoJo both survived malaria.
Katriel and Louise both survived malaria.
This next miracle has a sad side. In January of last year we lost a little girl that we had named Lisette. She did not survive malaria. She was already very sick when she arrived at the foster home and she only lived a few days. However, she did not die alone in an orphanage. She died in the arms of a loving foster family in Congo, showered by prayers from her family here in the United States. She was given a proper funeral and she is missed. But her passing brought another miracle. Within a few days, we were matched with Louise. Her birth mother had just died. Now I don't know if I can explain it, but Louise is so so so much my daughter. She called me Mama after just one day in Congo. She gets my sense of humor. She hugs and kisses me with such intensity. She is part of my heart in a different way. I love all of my kids, but Louise simply could not have been anyone else's daughter. We were meant to be together.

Every night we pray at the dinner table and right after I ask God to please stop the kids from throwing their food on the floor, keep Haven from spilling his drink, and keep me from losing my temper, I thank God for the amazing miracles that are sitting around the table with me.

You might not be a miracle person, but you must admit that my life has been filled with some pretty amazing coincidences!

Oh What a Night!

2013-01-22T17:42:00.002-08:00

7:15pm--family takes a walk to the park and back. Littles are in their jammies in case anyone falls asleep in the strollers. No one does.

8:00pm--Manny, JoJo, Louise, Katriel--off to bed. A little arguing from Louise, but pretty quiet.

8:20--JoJo back up, wandering around the house, throwing things. Clearly he was not tired yet.

9:00pm--Grace and Haven to bed.

9:20pm--JoJo back to bed again.

10:00pm--Carrie to bed

10:30pm--Brian to bed

10:33pm--Carrie hears a mouse or some other scurrying creature in the attic. Brian cannot hear it. How annoying.

12:04am--Louise is SCREAMING. Carrie staggers into her room, gives her a bottle of milk, staggers back out. Screaming stops.

12:30am--Grace is crying loudly. Brian goes into her room, picks her up and carries her to our room. Dumps her on our bed and wakes up Carrie. Discovers Grace is probably crying because Louise is screaming again. Changes Louise's diapers and goes to fix her another milk (doesn't know Carrie gave Louise milk 30 minutes ago). Returns with milk, Manny is now awake and holding his sippy cup up for a drink. Gets Manny a drink. Changes Manny's diaper. Returns to bed.

1:30am--Brian gets a nosebleed. It wakes him up, he gets up and goes to bathroom to investigate, then wakes Carrie up to let her know he had a nosebleed.

4:30am--Brian springs out of bed like he is on fire. Turns out to be a severe leg cramp. Wanders around bedroom trying to walk it off.

5:30am--Alarm goes off. Suck suck suck. Time to get up for work.

Is Six Enough?

2013-01-18T04:40:00.002-08:00

Hmmmm. Well. Maybe. Maybe not? Hmmmm.

Since the moment we stepped off the plane with Louise and Kat this has been the million dollar question. "Are you done this time?" "Is there going to be a number 7...or 8?" "Are you guys crazy?" "So, when are you going to start the next adoption?"

Well, the very honest answer is...I have no idea.

Some days I feel like we're done. I stare into Kat's little chocolate eyes and I think I see the child who will always be my youngest, my baby. I can't imagine anyone knocking her out of that spot.

Some days the chaos is pretty...well...chaotic.

Some days I think I really could use a little more elbow room around the dining room table.

Some days I think I can't possibly squeeze any more pennies out of my pay check.

Some days the thought of filling out another piece of adoption paperwork makes me throw up a little in my mouth.

But then there are other days...

...when I think maybe we're not finished.

I mean, we have the extra seat in the van.

Grace certainly doesn't think we should be finished. Since this summer she has been actively campaigning for another child from China. She doesn't want to be the only "yellow" kid in the family. She has become very sensitive to that fact. I think our trip to the OFA reunion and the China Sisters reunion put this thought in her head. At one reunion she was surrounded by Congolese kids and not surprisingly she was the only Chinese kid there. At the other reunion she was surrounded by a whole flock of adorable Chinese girls that she would love to have as actual sisters. We talked about it a lot at the time it first came up, but all of a sudden the issue has emerged again. In fact last week, completely out of the blue, she broke into tears talking about it on the way to the grocery store. Of course, we had always intended for Grace to have a sibling that she "matched". There just hasn't been the right set of circumstances to make that happen.

She apparently has also convinced Haven to join her lobby group. Tonight just before bedtime he said we needed another China kid. Or two. A total of ten was finally agreed upon as the perfect total. Holy smokes, these two are killing me.

But then again....oh I've never quite gotten China out of my head. And I know that Brian hasn't either. A few weeks ago a little baby boy's story hit the internet. His mother was Chinese, but she was here in the states when she gave birth to him and she decided to do a private US adoption. It would have been the perfect situation for us, had we been in any kind of position to act on it. When I showed Brian his picture he said, "I sure wish we could bring him home". In fact, he said a few days ago (and I nearly fell out of my chair), and I quote "I would adopt from China again if they would let us".

What?!? Are you crazy?!?

But another Chinese child in our future is a really crazy long shot. First of all, we don't technically qualify to adopt from China in several categories. Second, you might have guessed we are not getting rich off of my teacher salary and Brian's stay at home dad salary. Third, fourth, fifth...oh there are so many reasons that this is just an illogical, unrealistic, just plain silly thought to have in our heads.

But some days...I do a lot of thinking. And so does Brian. And so does Grace.

OK, so as with all of our children, if another is supposed to join our family, it will happen. We will know. God will drop a kid into our life at the right moment. And the money and the approvals and the paperwork will fall into place. If it is meant to be it will be. She or he will find their way to my inbox, and then my heart, and then maybe my home.

Maybe. Or maybe six is enough.

Or maybe I'm crazy.

***To all our family members who just no read this and freaked out--no, it is not an announcement. Just the stuff that's on my mind.