Love these ladies!! Photo by Lynette Marie

This past weekend I had the privilege of leading a retreat for an incredible group of women. We discussed being real and authentic in our relationships and how that starts with understanding who we are because of God’s love for us.

I shared my own testimony of holding people at arm’s length and hiding behind a cloak of perfectionism and control.  I listened as they shared their stories of names they have identified with over the years that were not positive or from God. I teared up with them as they revealed how God was freeing them and they were seeing their worth in a whole new light.

As the weekend came to a conclusion, they wanted to know how to go deeper with each other. How can we get past all the surface-y stuff that we tend to gravitate towards in our conversations with each other? They didn’t want to go back to “Hi, how are you? Just fine,” when they returned home.

We discussed having few questions to regularly ask each other, prompts that would help us stay real with each other.  Here are a few that I suggested:

What has God been teaching you lately?

What verse has stood out to you recently? What have you heard in a sermon that impacted you? How has God been directing you?

Where are you feeling stuck and are struggling?

Is there an area where you know you need to grow? Is there a temptation you are battling? Is there someone you need to forgive?

How can I help?

How can I pray? What can I do practically to help you see past this current rock of impossiblity? Remember to H.E.L.P – offer Honesty, Encouragement, Love and Prayer.

Do you have friendships that you are able to go deeper with? What do those conversations look like? How do you H.E.L.P. each other out?

I’ve compiled some prompts to help you get started, as well as some printables and ideas to make it easy for you to encourage those who serve your communities!

Here is a fun downloadable sheet with these encouragement prompts that you can post on your mirror or fridge.

One fun way to thank those who tirelessly “sow” into our communities is to give them seeds or plants. Here’s a fun garden-themed gift package that I put together recently. (The label on this envelope says “If friends were flowers, I’d pick you. You can get that label here.)

Easy garden themed gift

I purchased a large bag of seeds that I divided into envelopes and then glued a label on the front. I included a garden stone (you often can find them at the dollar store), and an easy-to-make hand scrub.

bag of seeds I divided into envelopes. you could get at least 20 envelopes out of this bag.

Here’s a close up of the garden hand scrub. It’s too bad you can’t attach smell to blog posts because it smells good enough to eat. But don’t eat it! The hand scrub is nothing more than sugar and enough scented dish soap (I used a grapefruit scent) to make the mixture grainy, but not overly runny. Save empty jelly jars to make these easy gifts. Honestly, they take just a few minutes to make. And the scrub makes your hands so, so soft.

sugar hand scrub, smells good enough to eat, but don’t do it!

I’ve created a page of these little cards that you can download to print and use. There are 8 on a 8.5″ by 11″ sheet of paper. Print them on card stock, punch a hole in them and attach to a potted plant with a string, or print them off, cut apart, and glue to an envelope of seeds. These make a simple, easy, and inexpensive thank you gift.

So are you ready to encourage and thank those in your community who sow into the lives of so many? I’d love to hear from you of how your adventures in D.E.E.D. are going!

photo by Jen Gusey

It’s been such a joy to hear stories from women across the country about how they are sharing Isn’t it Time for a Coffee Break? with their friends. I’m incredibly humbled and forever grateful that you all are sharing this message with others. Some of these groups are meeting to discuss the book in coffee shops or in their homes. Some are inviting neighbors they’d like to get to know better. Others are connecting their circles of friends to each other. Each story brings tears to my eyes as I see how God is doing more than I could have asked or imagined, and He’s doing it through individual women who are stepping out and inviting others to their friendship table.

I’ve had a few women ask me recently how they could start their own coffee break group and use the book. Really, the sky’s the limit and you can be as creative as you want to be. Here are a few ideas that others have used:

A group meeting in a coffee shop!

1. Pray. Begin by asking God to show you who to invite and open yourself up to being part of His plan in bringing women together.

2. Invite. Several women have been doing this with their neighbors. Another woman asked me, “Who should I invite? I have so many different circles of friends – home school friends, church friends…” I encouraged her to invite all her circles of friends and see what happened. I had the privilege of joining her at her group’s first gathering and it was incredible to see the women figure out how they were connected through friends and various life events.

3. Pick your schedule. Some groups meet once a week for six weeks. Others meet every other week. One group is meeting once a month (in what one of their husbands calls “the longest book club ever”). Some of the groups have just started right up. Others have held a “get to know you” event first where they just introduce themselves and have coffee together. This can help break the ice before you dig into the first chapter, especially if not everyone knows each other. Each gathering typically lasts a 1 1/2- 2 hours giving you enough time to chit chat at the beginning and then go through the questions.

I met with these wonderful ladies after their group finished the book!

4. Determine your location. Some of the groups are meeting in coffee shops for a couple hours each time. Other have met in someone’s home. Whatever you decide, you can keep it low key and simple. The focus is on getting to know each other.

5. Pick up the books and start discussing. The books are available on Amazon ($8.99 if you’re a Prime member) and Barnes and Noble if it’s easiest for you to pick them up online. Parable offers the book online for $7.99 each if you buy 10 or more. You can also find it in stores (check Family Christian, Parable, Lifeway and in West Michigan Baker Book House). If the store doesn’t have enough for your group they can always order it for you.

Most of the groups discuss one chapter per gathering. The chapters are short, and each woman typically reads the chapter before coming to the group. Whether or not you answer the questions at the end of each chapter ahead of time individually is up to each person. I think it helps if the women have at least read over the questions first. As the leader, come prepared to share your own stories and experiences with the topics. That helps everyone relax and open up. If your group isn’t overly chatty the first meeting, don’t fret. It takes some women a couple meetings to get to know each other before they begin to really share their hearts. You just keep loving them and praying over your meetings.

Have an author chat. If you are interested in having a chat, either at the beginning of your group, or at the end, I’d be happy to work something out with you! If you are not in West Michigan, I can easily Skype or Facetime with your group for twenty minutes or so. I simply love hearing your stories that the book has prompted you to share with each other. If you are interested, please send me an e-mail at amelia (at) ameliarhodes (dot) com.

If you decide to host a coffee break party at your home, whether at the beginning or at the end, I’ve curated a few Pinterest boards with some fun coffee themed treats, drinks, and easy gifts. Feel free to check them out for ideas. But again, you don’t need anything more than a book and a place to meet and some glasses of water.

Coffee Break Board
Spring Coffee Break Board

Summer Coffee Break Board

I woke up to birds chirping this morning and the sun shining. Those are big deals around here, considering last week we had rain, snow and hail all on one day. I dug in the dirt in my garden this weekend. Even planted a few seeds. I’m reminded that the seasons do eventually change, and new life springs up again, even if it takes longer than we would prefer.

Speaking of new, do you like my shiny new website? Kedron had been working on this for awhile, and I just love it. If you haven’t checked out the home page, it’s my favorite.

Also new, did you see the book trailer that Match Frame Creative made? This is the final product from our video shoot at Ella‘s a couple weeks ago. I can’t find words adequate to express my thanks to Match Frame, Ella’s, and my dear precious friends who gave me an afternoon of their life. Working with insanely talented people is such an inspiring privilege. Whether it’s the way Ella can take turkey and avocado and bread and make it taste like heaven, or seeing how John and Jay from Match Frame can calm a roomful of nervous women and then take hours of footage and edit it down to two awesome minutes, or how each of my friends in their own unique and creative ways serve the communities around them — it all makes me want to grow my own skills and create and serve with everything I have.

Please share this video with your friends. Even better, please share it with your friends and then invite them to join you for coffee (or tea, or water) and discuss the book together. Tomorrow I’ll post on how to host your own coffee break. I’ve been hearing from women who are going through the book with friends and neighbors, and God is doing an amazing work!

Speak up 2012, Carol Kent, Donna Fagerstrom, me, Cindy Bultema

Two years ago, I showed up for Carol Kent’s Speak Up Conference with knots in my stomach, weak knees, and a bag stuffed with printed-out talks bleeding with hand-scribbled revisions.  I hadn’t done any formal speaking for years unless you count the rehearsed lines of, “Pick up your dirty clothes. Hang up your towel. Please don’t get toothpaste all over the cabinet and floor.”

I had never been published anywhere, and I was walking into a conference filled with strangers, alone. Yet, some unseen force propelled my feet forward and gave me just enough courage to smile and say, “Hi,” a hundred times over three days.

I covered my notebook pages with ideas and thoughts. When asked, “What do you write?” or “What topics do you speak on?” I mumbled responses like, “I’m just starting. I’m here to figure that out.” Then I reversed the conversation to get them talking about themselves.

When I left the conference, I wrote this on my blog:

I left encouraged that God can use me, even if my story isn’t dramatic and even if I only have an audience of one. He has a purpose for me, and I have a reason to Speak Up, because of the things He has done for me. I have this “creative stirring” as Carol describes it. And even though I don’t know what exactly God is stirring me to do, I’m willing to grow and be ready to walk through any doors He may choose to open for me. I know I was where I was supposed to be that week!

Had someone told me that within two years I’d return to the same conference with a published book, teaching a workshop, and a growing portfolio of published pieces, I wouldn’t have believed them.

This conference was the tipping point for gathering courage, receiving practical training, and making new friends who’ve walked this path with me.

If you are involved in ministry, or considering a ministry of writing, speaking or leading, take a look at the Speak Up Conference, held at Calvin College in Grand Rapids, MI June 27-29.

Part of your conference experience (at no extra cost) includes the opportunity for one-on-one appointments with agents, editors and publishers such as:

• Revell
• Zondervan
• Discovery House
• Kregel
• Somersault
• Blue Water Ink
• Credo
• NavPress
• Bold Vision

I’m linking up with Cindy Bultema’s blog today (who I met at that very first conference and has become a dear friend!). She’s sharing another author’s story about how the Speak Up Conference opened doors for her. You can also win one of ten partial scholarships to the Speak Up Conference this year. Check out her post on how to enter to win! You don’t want to miss it!

Last week was one of those weeks where I had to consciously practice the discipline found in Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

The things that are right and true and pure and lovely weren’t exactly at the forefront of the news or social media or conversation last week. Everywhere I turned there was hurt and hatred and harm.

Bombings at the Boston Marathon and a city-wide manhunt.

One of my children encountered a situation at school that shredded my Mama heart. And again, all things ugly seemed to rule the day.

As if that wasn’t enough, the rivers in my town flooded, shutting down businesses and necessitating homeowners to evacuate.

where 2 rivers flood and become one. photo by Heidi’s Farm stand and Bakery

So many things overflowing and out of control. With each situation I realized how small I am, how incapable I am of helping the hurting, how challenging it is to not drown in a sea of hurt.

Sunday evening, my heart said, “Enough!”

It was hard to see the right in the midst of all the hate and hurt.

Just because the clouds block the sunshine, it doesn’t mean that the sun isn’t shining. It’s just temporarily out of view.

And so I started a list of all that is right and pure and good and lovely.

Runners who crossed the finish line and kept running to give blood. Spectators who comforted each other and gave the wounded a helping hand.

A teacher who immediately addressed the concerns of my hurting little one. A principal who did everything possible to find the source of my child’s hurt, address it, and help my student regain a bit of confidence and courage.

Hundreds of volunteers in my small town who gave up their Friday and Saturday to fill sand bags. So many people showed up to help that city hall told me, “We’ll put your name on a list, but we have more than enough help for now.”

So much good. So much that is right. So many people reaching out to each other and sharing love and compassion.

In the mist of hurt and hatred and pain, how do you focus on what is right? What’s right in your world this week? Let’s start a list of all that is good and encourage each other today!

Over the weekend, a group of us gathered in my favorite coffee shop to shoot a video to promote my book. (I can’t wait to show you the final product!) I watched, in awe, as community spontaneously combusted around me. It’s one thing to write a book about doing life together.

It’s another thing to watch what you write about unfold in front of your eyes.

We filmed the imagery of a group of friends having coffee and enjoying each others company. Then a “nervous” newcomer walks into the shop and is welcomed to the table.

The great thing is that it wasn’t an act. The women at the table (and the surrounding tables as well!) didn’t all know each other before that day. They truly were welcoming each other to the friendship table. For four hours (bless their souls!) they visited and got to know each other better as two fantastic videographers (John Pottenger and Jay Irwin) caught their laughter and sips of coffee on film.

I felt bad for taking all of their afternoon. But when it was over, they didn’t want to leave. They left with a glow on their faces and lighter steps. (Of course, that could have been partially due to the gallons of coffee they imbibed.) Their comments to me after were about what a joy it was to meet each other and share laughs, that it was just what they needed, that their spirits were lifted.

That’s the beauty of doing life together and opening yourself up to people. In the midst of the pain and hurt (and there was plenty of that in many of their lives), sharing a cup of laughter and fun with friends can be just the break you need, just the bit of sunshine and healing for the moment.

So many times I over think community. I easily overwhelm myself with details and talk myself out of organizing a get together for friends. Who should I invite? How many people? What should we do? What if no one comes?

I’ve discovered that the best way to help community to happen is just to provide an opportunity for people to gather.

The best moments of doing life together have come when I get brave and just go for it. When I keep it simple and invite people who don’t know each other just for coffee and scones, or a late-night movie, or a couple hours out, it seems to be exactly what everyone needs. It takes a bit of courage (ok a lot sometimes) up front, but the reward can be so worth it.

So, as Nike would say – Just Do It!

Who can you reach out to this week? How can you introduce some of your friends to each other and connect your circles?

Don’t over think it. Plant some seeds and watch God do the growing.

Sandra posted a link to the “Random acts of Kindness Plate” in the comments as a great idea to encourage someone. It’s super creative and easy to do. I’m thinking about trying it for next month (which will fit into the theme for May perfectly!). How have you all been doing? I mailed out cards. I’m sending out a newsletter Tuesday morning with 3 ways to encourage others. If you haven’t signed up for my newsletter, you can enter your e-mail address here:

In other news, I’m so excited to be on the radio program Survival Skills for Everyday Living this week discussing the principle of sowing on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. You can catch the podcasts of the show on this page (they will post every day after the show airs). And I’m also giving away a copy of Isn’t it Time for a Coffee Break? on their blog this week.

——–

Moving is hard. It’s not just the packing and unpacking and lugging furniture around that’s hard. Major moves take a toll on your emotions and your spirit.

Since high school graduation, I’ve lived in three different states in at least five different towns. To some people that’s not many places. To others who may have lived in the same state or vicinity their whole life, it’s a lot.

When I was younger, I loved the adventure of starting over and meeting new people. When we moved to Florida, it was emotional and challenging, but I was thrilled at all the potential the move held.

Exactly four years ago, we moved back to Michigan from Florida. To be completely honest, I still haven’t recovered from that move. I’m not sure I ever will.

Don’t get me wrong — I’m happy to be back in Michigan. It’s been a joy to re-connect with old friends and make new ones. I love the school our kids are in, and I adore our small town. It’s been nice to be closer to family and share life with them. For the past couple years the kids and I have spent spring break with my parents in Ohio, just hanging out. We couldn’t have done that if we still lived in Florida.

But after four years, my heart still aches. I miss my Florida friends. I miss the community. I miss our pizza parties. The ache doesn’t seem to be lessening.

Have you ever moved a plant from one yard to another, or one section of the yard to another? There are two things I’ve noticed about transplanting my landscaping that seem to apply to when we transplant our lives from one city or state to another.

You never get all the roots.

Or at least I don’t. No matter how deep I dig or how wide a circle I dig around the plant, I know I cut off some of the roots and leave them behind.

You always take some of the old soil with you.

It’s impossible to shake all the dirt off the roots so that you are only taking the dirt and roots to the new location. Pieces of the old location always remain with the plant, mixing and mingling with the new soil to create a new life for the plant.

And so it seems to be with life when we uproot ourselves and move to another location. We never take all our roots with us. We always leave a piece of us behind with those we love. There are parts of our lives that can never be repeated in a new location with new friends. For me, the pregnancies and births of my two children will always remain special and located in the hearts of the people I shared that with in Florida. The care they showed through meals and visiting and loving on us during those days can’t be repeated or forgotten. My battle and beginning victories with anxiety will always remain rooted in a peachish-pink house in Florida with conversations over the phone and coffee with dear people there.

We always take some of the soil with us. Who we are today is shaped by the places we have lived and the experiences we shared with the precious people we’ve left behind. The soil of those experiences mix with our new location and new friends. We keep growing, but the past is always with us. The two can mix and create a strong, healthy life.

While I often still feel like a wilting plant in shock, trying to establish my new roots, I’m thankful for the mingling of these soils. I’m grateful for the experiences held in that move to Florida and how they shaped the material in “Isn’t it Time for a Coffee Break?” I’m thankful for the move back to Michigan and the experiences we share with new friends and our families. It’s not the same. But it shouldn’t be. Each soil has different properties to help us grow for different purposes.

So thank you to all of you in all the various soils of my life. Thank you for how you have sowed into my life. I carry you with me always — in my heart and in my prayers and in my stories.

Have you ever thought to yourself, “I should call that person or send her a card….” and then the thought passes and so do the weeks? Then a few months later you find yourself cringing as you think again, “I should call that person or send her a card….” If you’re like me, you mean well, but life has a way of crowding out those good intentions. I’ve found that having a set time each month to think over the people in my life, with the purpose of following through with practical acts of encouragement, helps me turn those good intentions into action.

I call this the D.E.E.D — Drop Everything and Encourage Day.

I invite you to join me for a monthly encouragement prompt.

Whether it’s an e-mail, a text message, a card, a letter or a phone call – in just a few short moments you can make a long-term impact on someone’s life. Let her know she’s not alone. Remind him that he is still loved. Let someone know how much you care. Like a small seed that grows a plant that bears much fruit, God can use your small seed of encouraging words to grow much fruit in the lives of others.

On the first Monday of each month, I’ll post four new encouragement prompts. You certainly aren’t limited to these, but these prompts can be a springboard to help you think through the people in your life who could use a good word.

April’s Encouragement Prompts:

1. A friend grieving – Think back over the past 6 months. Who has lost a loved one? Cards and encouragement pour in during the first few weeks and often trickle off over the months.

2. An ill friend – Who has had a recent diagnosis or is struggling with a long-term illness – whether it be physical or mental?

3. A friend searching for work – Who has lost a job, whether recently or awhile ago, and is on the hunt for work?

4. A friend recovering – Who has had a recent surgery or injury or accident?

Take a moment and write down 4 names. Next to each name note how how you will encourage each person (card, e-mail, text, phone call, etc.). Then pick one and start today!

Together, let’s invest in the lives of those around us!

Are you with me? Who’s ready to start sowing seeds of encouragement into the lives around you? Who’s ready to not let those thoughts slip your mind and turn them into practical acts of love?

If you’re joining me in the encouragement prompts, leave a comment below, and I will draw one of your names to win this pack of Encouragement – Bold Promises cards from Dayspring. I’ve used these cards and absolutely love the messages on each one.

I’ll draw from the comments next Monday the 8th!

deadly skiis

I used to believe in adventure and trying new things. Then I went skiing a couple weeks ago. I still have a big bruise on my left knee and dents on my right shin from the ski boot.

I’d like to make a public apology to the parents and young children on the bunny hill who had to suffer watching me attempt to ski.

When I first approached the bunny hill I thought, “Seriously? This isn’t a hill! It’s barely an incline.” Overconfidence is occasionally one of my weaknesses.

I stepped on the magic carpet and headed to the top of the “hill.” (Really, that’s just a fancy name for a flat escalator that goes uphill. There’s nothing magical about it, especially when they abruptly stop it for some kid who has fallen and I nearly fall and break my nose.)

At the top of the bunny hill I gave myself a little push forward. I figured I’d have to work to keep myself going down the hill seeing as it was nearly flat. Someone had apparently waxed the bottom of my skiis, and suddenly I was flying down the “hill.” Only problem? I wasn’t exactly sure how to stop.

Parents all around me were yelling “pizza slice” at their kids. I thought it was a bribe, as in “If you stop crying and fighting me about skiing I’ll give you pizza!” (There was a lot of crying and fighting on that bunny hill. I decline to comment as to how much of it was me.) Then I realized they were telling their kids to “make a pizza slice” with their skiis – wide in back, pointed together in front. Supposedly that’s supposed to slow you down. Supposedly.

I’m still gaining speed – wind whipping through my hair, stinging my eyes – when I see a group of preschool ski students with their instructor directly in front of me at the bottom of the hill. I also should note that I didn’t know how to turn.

That’s when I started to desperately pray. “Please, God. Just let me fall and not crash into the group of preschoolers!”

And fall I did. Right next to the group of gawking preschoolers.

“I made it! I made it down the hill!” I shouted as I raised one fist in victory.

The ski instructor’s mouth was twitching and I saw her chest heave to hold in laughter before asking, “Are you sure you’re ok?”

“Yup. I’ll be fine. As soon as I get these skiis off!” I answered.

I did eventually master the bunny hill and the pizza slice. I even attempted a green hill that was supposedly the easiest of the easy. That wasn’t exactly the brand of adrenaline rush I prefer.

I think I’ll stick to running.

However, there’s always a good story and lesson to be learned in adventure!

This time of year reminds me much of that last quarter of a ski hill. As we cruise to the finish line for the school year and so many other activities, I often feel like life is speeding out of control and I don’t know how to stop. Field trips, School activities, and extra curricular activities pile on top of my own regular schedule, and I often fear I’m going to crash at the bottom.

It’s the slippery slope of busyness. One activity builds on another until your speeding down the hill nearly out of control.

And so I’m pizza-slicing this spring by learning to say “no,” or “not right now.” As my mom recently reminded me – when you say  no to something it’s because you’re saying yes to something else – your family, your health, your sanity.

I don’t want to just speed through life so fast that I can’t enjoy the view.

So what are you saying “yes” to this spring? How are you controlling the impending busyness that this time of year can bring?