Gov. Lilburn Boggs

In 1838, following the 1833 forced eviction of the Mormons from Jackson County, Missouri, the Governor Lilburn Boggs, of the State of Missouri, issued Missouri Executive Order 44, which stated “The Mormons must be treated as enemies, and must be exterminated or driven from the state if necessary for the public peace.”  This Executive Order of the State of Missouri remained in lawful effect until it was finally officially rescinded on June 25, 1976 by Governor Kit Bond.

This extermination order followed many months of tensions between the Mormon settlers and their non-Mormon neighbors.  The newly arrived Mormons came from abolitionist states, and the issue of slavery was a topic of contention. The Mormons also proselytized the Indians, which aroused much suspicion among their neighbors.  Additionally, the Mormons were becoming populous enough that their votes were beginning to hold sway in local, county and state elections.

On the 4th of July, 1837, Sidney Rigdon, an apostle of the Church, delivered a speech declaring that the Mormons should resist being driven from their homes by mobs, and that if they were to attempt to do so again, as they had done previously in Jackson County, MO, “that mob that comes on us to disturb us, it shall be between us and them a war of extermination; for we will follow them until the last drop of their blood is spilled; or else they will have to exterminate us, for we will carry the seat of war to their own houses and their own families, and one party or the other shall be utterly destroyed.”

Election Day – August 6, 1838 – marked the first serious skirmish in the Missouri Mormon War. When mobs attempted to prevent Mormons from voting, brawls erupted in Clay and Davies County, Mo.  That same summer, the church purchased land in the mostly vacant Missouri town of De Witt, in Carroll County.  This outraged the anti-Mormons in surrounding communities.  On the 19th of August, one hundred armed men led by Col. William Jones rode into the community and threatened the Mormon settlers there.  Soon, the neighboring counties of Saline, Howard, Jackson, Chariton, Ray, and others were also organizing armed militias against the Mormon settlers.

On September 20, 1838,  one hundred and fifty armed men rode into the town of De Witt and demanded that the Mormons leave within ten days.  On October 1st, an anti-Mormon mob burned some building in the community, and later that same day, the armed Carroll County militia sealed off the town so no one could get in or out.  On October 9th, word was received from the Governor that he would not intervene, as he felt it was a quarrel between the Mormons and the armed mob, and they should “fight it out.”

On October 11, the Mormon settlers were forced out of Carroll County.  Two women died during the forced exodus, one of exposure, and the other in childbirth, and several children died later of illness and exposure from the forced march.  On October 16th, the armed anti-Mormon militia secured a piece or artillery, with which they meant to pursue and drive the Mormons from the state entirely.  In Clinton, Platte, and other counties, armed mobs began burning the homes of Mormon settlers indiscriminately.

On October 18, the Mormons began to organize in their own defense, and marched under arms to counter-attack against the towns of Gallatin, Millport and Grindstone Fork. The non-Mormons in those communities, outnumbered by the Mormons, dispersed to neighboring counties, and many of the homes in those communities were burned to the ground.

By late October, fears of violence and retribution on both sides escalated until forces from both sides met in armed conflict in the so-called Battle of Crooked River, in Ray County.  The Mormons won the battle, but suffered at least one death and several wounded, while the Missourians suffered one killed in action as well.  Highly exaggerated reports of the conflict at Crooked River claiming that the Mormons had exterminated all of the Missourians in the battle were sent to Governor Boggs, who mustered a 2500 man militia against the Mormons, and issued his infamous extermination order.

On October 29th, armed militias confronted the 30-40 Mormon families living at Haun’s Mill.  When one of the community leaders, Thomas McBride surrendered his rifle to the mob, they shot him with his own gun, and then mutilated him with a knife while still alive.  The Mormons scattered, and the mob hunted them down, men women and children, exterminating them one by one.  One survivor’s account of the massacre said,  ”The mob gave no quarter. After most of the defenders in the blacksmith shop had been killed or mortally wounded, some of the Missourians entered to finish the work. Finding 10-year-old Sardius Smith hiding behind the bellows, William Reynolds of Livingston County shot and killed the boy, saying: “Nits will make lice, and if he had lived he would have become a Mormon.”

In the following weeks, the Mormon settlers gather at Far West, MO, where they were laid siege to by the Missourian forces.  Finally, the Mormons agreed to surrender the church leaders to the militia, and to leave the state.  General Clark, leader of the anti-Mormon militia gave a speech to the assembled settlers, saying, “The orders of the governor to me were, that you should be exterminated, and not allowed to remain in the state, and had your leaders not been given up, and the terms of the treaty complied with, before this, you and your families would have been destroyed and your houses in ashes.”

Brigham Young recounted the events of the following days, saying, “They commenced their ravages by plundering the citizens of their bedding, clothing, money, wearing apparel, and every thing of value they could lay their hands upon, and also attempting to violate the chastity of the women in sight of their husbands and friends, under the pretence of hunting for prisoners and arms. The soldiers shot down our oxen, cows, hogs and fowls, at our own doors, taking part away and leaving the rest to rot in the streets. ”

The Mormon temple at Nauvoo, burned by an anti-Mormon mob in 1848

It was after those events, that the Mormons left Missouri to settle in Illinois, at a place they called Nauvoo.

They had a few years of peace there, but by 1844, angry and distrustful mobs began again to be formed against the Mormons.  The church founder, Joseph Smith, and his brother Hyrum Smith surrendered to a mob and taken to Carthage, Illinois, where they were killed in their jail cell by a mob of armed men.  This precipitated fears of all-out armed conflict between the armed mobs and the citizens of Nauvoo, which boasted a population of some 12,000 Mormons.  To avoid further bloodshed, the church authorities negotiated a mass exodus westward, and by 1848, most of the Mormon families had departed from Nauvoo to go west.  Once the Mormons had left, the newly completed Mormon temple was burned by the Illinois mobs in November, 1848.

US Army forces sent to quell the so-called Utah Rebellion

Their move to the territory of Utah was designed to remove the Mormons from conflict with their distrustful neighbors.  Unfortunately, such was not to be the case.  In response to what was billed as a rebellion by the Mormons against governance by the United States, President James Buchanan sent an armed military expeditionary force to the Utah Territory.  The Mormons, still raw from their experiences in Missouri and Illinois, prepared to defend themselves against the U.S. army.

One historian, Hubert Howe Bancroft, described the tactics employed by the Mormons in his book, “The History of Utah: 1540-1886“:

Rather than engaging the enemy directly, Mormon strategy was one of hindering and weakening them. Daniel H. Wells, lieutenant-general of the Nauvoo legion, instructed Major Joseph Taylor, “On ascertaining the locality or route of the troops, proceed at once to annoy them in every possible way. Use every exertion to stampede their animals and set fire to their trains. Burn the whole country before them and on their flanks. Keep them from sleeping, by night surprises; blockade the road by felling trees or destroying the river fords where you can. Watch for opportunities to set fire to the grass on their windward, so as, if possible, to envelop their trains. Leave no grass before them that can be burned. Keep your men concealed as much as possible, and guard against surprise.” The Mormons blocked the army’s entrance into the Salt Lake Valley, and weakened the US Army by hindering them from receiving provisions.  However, while the confrontation between the Mormon militia, called the Nauvoo Legion and the US Army involved some destruction of property and a few brief skirmishes in what is today southwestern Wyoming, no actual battles occurred between the contending military forces.

Harpers Weekly illustration of the scene of the Mountain Meadows Massacre

As a result of the rising tensions between the Mormons and the forces of the US army, a confrontation ensued on September 11, 1857.  Approximately 120 non-Mormon settlers, including men women and children bound for California, were killed in a remote part of southwest Utah by a group of Mormon militiamen.  The details of the encounter are a mystery, even to this day, though much has been speculated upon and written about what has become known as the “Mountain Meadows Massacre.”

The following month, in October 1857, Mormon militia members arrested six Californian men traveling through Utah who were suspected of working for the US Army, and charged them with espionage.  They were released by the Mormons, but were later found robbed and killed, and the Mormons were widely suspected in their deaths.

All in all, some 150 people, most of them non-Mormons, lost their lives in the Utah Mormon War, which lasted from May 1857 until July 1858.

Now, ask yourselves this question:  How many other religions has the government of the United States waged war against so aggressively?  How much of this history were you taught in school?  And for those political pundits who feel that Governor Mitt Romney “doesn’t talk about his religion enough”, how many of you would feel comfortable discussing your religion, in light of this country’s nasty habit of trying to exterminate you?

Anarchy Symbol. A is for Anarchy, O stands for Order.

This topic is a difficult one to wrap our heads around, mainly because of its complexity.  There are many different flavors of anarchists, and at least a half-dozen different kinds of libertarians, as well, and somewhere in that tangled mess, there is a great deal of overlap.  Let’s be clear – anarcho-libertarians are a subset of libertarians in general.  In other words, not all libertarians are anarcho-libertarians, but all anarcho-libertarians are libertarians.  For the sake of time and efficiency, I’m going to refer you to the Wikipedia entries on Libertarianism, Free Market Anarchism and Contemporary Anarcho-Libertarian Socialism.

The important thing to remember about libertarianism is, there are conservative libertarians as well as liberal libertarians.  There are communist libertarians, as well as capitalist ones.  And there are even ranges within the libertarian parameters of anti-authoritarianism.  In every other country in the world, the word “libertarianism” means “anarcho-socialism.”   It is only in the United States, with our maddening habit of redefining words to sometimes mean the exact opposite of their original meaning, that “libertarian” has become synonymous with “conservative.”  That bit of political double-speak, in light of increasing global communication and interaction via the internet, has allowed the global anarcho-socialist movement to slip their tentacles into the american conservative movement without much notice.

If that sounds unbelievable to you, just talk to the many disillusioned Tea Party leaders at the local level, across the United States.  Many have simply left the same organizations that they themselves founded, after finding their groups full of anarcho-libertarians whose agendas are not part of the traditional platform of the tea party – smaller government, lower taxes, greater accountability from elected officials, and constitutional governance.

In April 2012, I interviewed Allen Olsen, the founder of Columbia Tea Party, in Columbia, South Carolina.  Olsen resigned as the leader of the organization in 2001, claiming at the time that he was doing so in order to support the Newt Gingrich presidential campaign.  However, in my interview with him on 4/26/2012 (which you can hear here) he revealed that another major factor in his resignation was his growing frustration with the influx of anarcho-libertarians, who had their own agenda.  In the interview, Olsen blamed the rapid recent decline in the Tea Party’s influence on those who are using the Tea Party to promote an anarchy agenda, or to sabotage the political process.  He cited their collusion with the Occupy Wall Street crowd as just one example of how they’ve derailed the Tea Party movement.

Until just recently, I earnestly believed that this political exploitation was unilateral – that the anarcho-libertarians were simply using the Ron Paul campaign to achieve their goal of  demonstrating to the American people that the electoral process is corrupt and broken.  But then I saw and heard clips of Congressman Ron Paul, at one of his speeches, giving a shout-out to the anarchists in the audience, and the audience going wild with cheers.  That’s when I realized that Paul was using the anarcho-libertarians just as surely as they were using him.

By the way, have you ever wondered why so many of the people in the libertarian movement refer to Congressman Ron Paul as “Doctor Paul,” instead of by his elected title?  If you ask, they’ll inevitably give you an inane answer about the fact that Dr. Paul has delivered a bzillion babies, or some such nonsense.  Senator Tom Coburn of Oklahoma is also a medical doctor, but they don’t refer to him the same way.  The real answer comes from Ernie Hancock, one of the principals at Ron Paul Revolution Radio in the 2008 election cycle.  In a presentation he gave at the 2011 “Libertopia” conference in San Diego, Hancock revealed the anarcho-libertarian perspective, when he said, “Everyone assumed I was a Ron Paul supporting republican voter.  I wasn’t…  Reporters have asked me, why do you guys always call him Doctor Paul, instead of Congressman Paul or something? Because we don’t want to insult him.  Seriously!”

It’s funny, until you realize that their perspective includes the view that our government is immoral, our electoral process is a sham, and that the Congress of the United States is illegitimate.   Don’t believe me?  The following three audio clips are from Stefan Molyneux, well-kn0wn anarcho-libertarian, founder and host of FreeDomain Radio, and one of the other presenters at the 2011 Libertopia conference.

Stefan Molyneux

In the first audio clip, Stefan Molyneux makes the case for anarchism, and hawks the book he authored, “Everyday Anarchy.”

The second audio clip has Stefan Molyneux explaining how voting is a complete waste of time, and is in fact evil, because it supports a corrupt and evil electoral system.

The third audio clip is Mr. Molyneux making an impassioned plea to get you to vote for Ron Paul.

What’s wrong with this picture?  Am I the only one who sees a disconnect between someone who honestly believes that anarchism is the solution to our problems, and that our electoral process is evil and should be abolished, yet pleads with you to vote for Ron Paul?  For many, it makes even less sense when you consider the realistic chances of Ron Paul winning even a single state in the GOP primary season.  So, what’s really going on here?

I’ll tell you what’s going on.

The anarcho-libertarians are out to make a point.  They are determined to prove to the American public that voting doesn’t work, that elections are a sham, and that our Constitutionally mandated electoral process is a joke.  They will do this from within, by infiltrating and sabotaging the Republican Party in the same fashion that they did the Tea Party movement.  They will use our own institutions, assumptions, and misconceptions against us in order to accomplish this.  Their ultimate goal is to provide an “education” to the masses by causing a massive breakdown of the system.  No one should be surprised by this.  After all, this is what anarchists do.  It is what defines them as anarchists.

If the Republican Party continues to blindly assume that all libertarians are capitalist-friendly conservatives, they have a rude awakening coming.  The real question isn’t whether or not the GOP will awaken to find itself gutted from within.  The real question is, will the GOP survive it?

• “We conservatives don’t have a corner on saying ‘no’. We’re just the ones who say it when it’s the right thing to say.”
• “Ronald Reagan was a president of strength. His philosophy was a philosophy of strength – a strong military, a strong economy and strong families.”
• “The answer for healthcare is market incentives, not healthcare by a Godzilla-sized government bureaucracy.”
• “On our watch, the conversation with a would-be suicide bomber will not begin with the words, You have the right to remain silent.”
• “Sometimes I wonder whether Washington’s liberal politicians truly understand the greatness that is America.”
• “I want you to remember when our White House reflected the best of who we are, not the worst of what Europe has become.”
• “When sperm and egg unite, something goes from inanimate to animate. It is life.”
• “For all the conflicting views on this issue, it speaks well of our country that we recognize [abortion] as a problem. The [law] may call it a right, but no one ever called it a good, and, in the quiet of conscience people of both political parties know that more than a million abortions a year cannot be squared with the good heart of America.”
• “Conservatism has had from its inception vigorously positive, intellectually rigorous agenda and thinking. That agenda should have in my three pillars: strengthen the economy, strengthen our security, and strengthen our families.”
• “Conservatives believe in providing Constitutional rights to our citizens, not to enemy combatants like Khalid Sheikh Mohammed.”
• “Dependency is death to initiative, to risk-taking and opportunity. It’s time to stop the spread of government dependency and fight it like the poison it is.”
• “I am in favor of stem-cell research. I am not in favor of creating new human embryos through cloning.”

Economy

• “Like other presidents before him, Barack Obama inherited a recession. But unlike them, he has made it worse, not better.”
• “President Obama instituted the most anti-growth, anti-investment, anti-jobs measures that we have seen in our lifetime. Now he called his agenda ambitious, I call it reckless.”
• “We cannot continue to have an excellence gap with the rest of the world and intend to remain the economic superpower and military superpower of the planet. That’s just not going to happen, … We’re in a position where unless we take action, we’ll end up being the France of the 21st century: a lot of talk, but not a lot of strength behind it in terms of economic capability.”
• “When it comes to the economy, my highest priority as President will be worrying about your job, not saving my own.”
• “Make no mistake, in this campaign, I will offer the American ideals of economic freedom a clear and unapologetic defense.”
• “I see an America where poverty is defeated by opportunity, not enabled by a government check.”
• “Isn’t it fitting that so many of those who have contempt for the private sector will soon find themselves back in it?”
• “Today’s misery is real unemployment, home foreclosures and bankruptcies. This is the Obama Misery Index and its at a record high. Its going to take more than new rhetoric to put Americans back to work – its going to take a new president.”
• “This President wakes up every morning, looks out across America and is proud to announce, ‘It could be worse.’ It could be worse? Is that what it means to be an American? It could be worse? Of course not. What defines us as Americans is our unwavering conviction that we know it must be better.”
• “I spent my whole life in the private sector, 25 years in the private sector. I understand that when government takes more money out of the hands of people, it makes it more difficult for them to buy things. If they can’t buy things, the economy doesn’t grow. If the economy doesn’t grow, we don’t put Americans to work.”
• “The American people I talk to don’t spend every moment thinking, ‘How can I tax my neighbor more than they’re being taxed?’ They say, ‘How can I get a good job? How can my kids get good jobs? How can seniors have a confidence in their future when they know that Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid are bankrupt?”
• “President Barack Obama has stood watch over the greatest job loss in modern American history. And that, my friends, is one inconvenient truth that will haunt this President throughout history.”
• “America is not better off than it was $1.8 trillion dollars ago.”
• “Instead of leading the world by how much we borrow, it’s time that we make sure we lead the world in how much we build and create and invest.”
• “Government is taking 40 percent of the GDP. And that’s at the state, local and federal level. President Obama has taken government spending at the federal level from 20 percent to 25 percent. Look, at some point, you cease being a free economy, and you become a government economy. And we’ve got to stop that.”

Energy

• “I think we ought to have more oil. We ought to develop more sources of oil so that we can increase our supply. But the last thing I want to do is suck it all dry as quickly as we can. I want to use less of it.”
• “Even though I love solar and love wind, like most people do, I like the renewable sources, they alone are not going to get America energy independent.”

Foreign Policy

• “We have serious enemies and growing threats around the world. Unfortunately, we have an administration whose idea of a rogue state is Arizona.”
• “This is a global effort we’re going to have to lead to overcome this jihadist effort. It’s more than Osama bin Laden. But he is going to pay, and he will die.”
• “Internationally, President Obama has adopted an appeasement strategy. He believes America’s role as leader in the world is a thing of the past. I believe a strong America must – and will – lead the future.”

Freedom

• “This President is putting us on a path where our lives will be ruled by bureaucrats and boards, commissions and czars. He’s asking us to accept that Washington knows best – and can provide all.”
• “We believe in individual initiative, personal responsibility, opportunity, freedom, small government, the Constitution. These principles, these American principles are key to getting our economy back to being successful and leading the world.”
• “We still believe in the America that is a land of opportunity and a beacon of freedom. We believe in the America that challenges each of us to be better and bigger than ourselves.”
• “Our plan is to protect freedom and opportunity, and our blueprint is the Constitution of the United States.”
• “Freedom requires religion just as religion requires freedom. Freedom opens the windows of the soul so that man can discover his most profound beliefs and commune with God. Freedom and religion endure together, or perish alone.”
• “The words spoken by the leader of the free world can expand the frontiers of freedom or shrink them. When Ronald Reagan called on Gorbachev to “tear down this wall,” a surge of confidence rose that would ultimately breach the bounds of the evil empire.”

Government

• “The invisible hand of the market always moves faster and better than the heavy hand of government.”

Health Care

• “Our nation is too different, too diverse to say that what works in Massachusetts is somehow going to be grabbed by the federal government, usurping the power of states and imposing a one-size-fits-all plan on the nation. That will not work.”
• “There really wasn’t Republican or Democrat in this. People ask me if this is conservative or liberal, and my answer is yes. It’s liberal in the sense that we’re getting our citizens health insurance. It’s conservative in that we’re not getting a government takeover.”

Politics

• “I could have possibly beaten Senator McCain in the primary. Then I could have been the candidate who lost to Barack Obama.”
• “When it comes to pinning blame, pin the tail on the donkeys.”
• “I’ve been looking at some video clips on YouTube of President Obama – then candidate Obama – going through Iowa making promises. The gap between his promises and his performance is the largest I’ve seen, well, since the Kardashian wedding and the promise of ’til death do we part.”
• “This President takes his inspiration from the capitals of Europe; we look to the cities and small towns of America. This President puts his faith in government. We put our faith in the American people.”
• “We are spending too much money. Our discretionary spending – taking out Iraq and mandatory spending – grew 49 percent in four years. Our debt has grown. Pork is always dispiriting. But pork being spent at a time of war is particularly dispiriting.”
• “We have lost faith in government, not in just one party, not in just one house, but in government. It is time for innovation and transformation in Washington. It is what our country needs. It is what our people deserve…I do not believe Washington can be transformed from within by a lifelong politician. There have been too many deals, too many favors, too many entanglements — and too little real world experience managing, guiding, leading.”

Religion

• “The protection of religious freedom has also become a matter of debate. It strikes me as odd that the free exercise of religious faith is sometimes treated as a problem, something America is stuck with instead of blessed with.”
• “Religious tolerance would be a shallow principle indeed if it were reserved only for faiths with which we agree.”
• “Freedom requires religion just as religion requires freedom. Freedom opens the windows of the soul so that man can discover his most profound beliefs and commune with God. Freedom and religion endure together, or perish alone.”
• “Christianity is not the faith of the complacent, the comfortable or of the timid. It demands and creates heroic souls like Wesley, Wilberforce, Bonhoeffer, John Paul the Second, and Billy Graham. Each showed, in their own way, the relentless and powerful influence of the message of Jesus Christ. May that be your guide.”
• “America’s culture is also defined by the fact that we are a religious people. We recognize our God not only in our Declaration of Independence, but even in our currency. And we are also unique in that we recognize that the family is the fundamental building block of American society.”
• “I think there is in this country a war on religion. I think there is a desire to establish a religion in America known as secularism. And I know that, based on reports, that the Obama administration gave this a lot of thought – a lot of discussion. This was not some little side issue that no one thought about. They gave it a lot of thought, and they decided to say that in this country that a church — in this case, the Catholic Church — would be required to violate its principles and its conscience and be required to provide contraceptives, sterilization, and morning after pills to the employees of the church. And that came as a shock. As I think it was Mike Huckabee said, “We are now all Catholics.” Those of us who are people of faith recognize this is — an attack on one religion is an attack on all religion.”
• “My faith is the faith of my fathers – I will be true to them and to my beliefs. Some believe that such a confession of my faith will sink my candidacy. If they are right, so be it. But I think they underestimate the American people. Americans do not respect believers of convenience. Americans tire of those who would jettison their beliefs, even to gain the world.”
• “From the beginning, this nation trusted in God, not man. Religious liberty is the first freedom in our Constitution. And whether the cause is justice for the persecuted, compassion for the needy and the sick, or mercy for the child waiting to be born, there is no greater force for good in the nation than Christian conscience in action.”
• “No person I have ever met, not even the most righteous or pure of heart, has gone without those times when faith recedes in the busy-ness of life. It’s normal, and sometimes even the smallest glimpses of the Lord’s work in our lives can reawaken our hearts. They bring us back to ourselves – and, better still, to something far greater than ourselves.”
• “We separate church and state affairs in this country, and for good reason. No religion should dictate to the state nor should the state interfere with the free practice of religion. But in recent years, the notion of the separation of church and state has been taken by some well beyond its original meaning. They seek to remove from the public domain any acknowledgment of God. Religion is seen as merely a private affair with no place in public life. It is as if they are intent on establishing a new religion in America – the religion of secularism. They are wrong.”
• “We are a nation under God, and in God we do indeed trust. We should acknowledge the Creator, as did the founders, in ceremony and word. He should remain on our currency, in the Pledge, in the teaching of our history…”

Values

• “My Dad, George Romney, was a CEO, a governor, and a member of the President’s Cabinet. My wife Ann asked him once, “What was your greatest accomplishment?” Without a moment’s pause, he said, “Raising our four kids.”
• “Education is the investment our generation makes in the future.”
• “Harvard historian David Landes devoted his lifelong study to understanding why some civilizations rise, and why others falter. His conclusion: Culture makes all the difference. Not natural resources, not geography, but what people believe and value. Central to America’s rise to global leadership is our Judeo-Christian tradition, with its vision of the goodness and possibilities of every life. The American culture promotes personal responsibility, the dignity of work, the value of education, the merit of service, devotion to a purpose greater than self, and, at the foundation, the pre-eminence of the family.”
• “I was asked to help rescue the 2002 Olympics in Salt Lake City. I’m embarrassed now to recall that when this opportunity was first presented to me, I dismissed it out of hand. I was busy, I was doing well, and, by the way, my lack of athletic prowess did not make the Olympics a logical step. In fact, after I had accepted the position, my oldest son called me and said, “Dad, I’ve spoken to the brothers. We saw the paper this morning. We want you to know there’s not a circumstance we could have conceived of that would put you on the front page of the sports section.”
• “Sometimes, as Dr. Viktor Frankl observed in a book for the ages, it is not a matter of what we are asking of life, but rather what life is asking of us. How often the answer to our own troubles is to help others with theirs.”
• “I stand ready to lead us down a different path, where we are lifted up by our desire to succeed, not dragged down by a resentment of success.”
• “And the American people are the greatest people in the world. What makes America the greatest nation in the world is the heart of the American people: hardworking, innovative, risk-taking, God- loving, family-oriented American people.”
• “Like me, the great majority of Americans wish both to preserve the traditional definition of marriage and to oppose bias and intolerance directed towards gays and lesbians.”
• “We reserve our deepest respect and admiration for those who volunteer for service and give their lives to help keep our nation secure.”
• “America cannot continue to lead the family of nations around the world if we suffer the collapse of the family here at home.”
• “Kids in our urban schools, most of them minorities, are not succeeding at anywhere near the rate of their counterparts in the suburbs. And let me be clear: the failure of our urban schools to prepare our children today for the challenges of tomorrow is the civil rights issue of our generation.”
• “People from both political parties have long recognized that welfare without work creates negative incentives that lead to permanent poverty. It robs people of self-esteem.”
• “I feel very deeply about the need to respect and tolerate people of different social-or sexual orientation. But at the same time, I believe marriage should be preserved as an institution for one man and one woman.”
• “You know, my dad served in the President’s Cabinet after his time as a governor. He told me he enjoyed being governor a lot more. Now, I understand why. If I do my job well, I can make a difference in people’s lives and I can help our children realize their dreams.”
• “The people of Massachusetts should not be excluded from a decision as fundamental to our society as the definition of marriage. This issue is too important to leave to a one-vote majority of the [Supreme Judicial Court].”
• “I have a little bad news … We don’t have a lunch being prepared for you today, but I will treat you all to a pizza as one last gesture.” [Romney, telling SLC Olympic Committee executives that there would be no more lavish meals.]

The number of lies being told and retold about Governor Mitt Romney are so numerous and pernicious, any attempt to refute them all would be like trying to stop the Mississippi river with your outstretched hand. My guess would be that the lies are propagated in equal proportions by the misinformed and the malicious. The former, we should be willing to educate. The latter, we should shun and expose, since no amount of reason or data will change their tactics. They know full well what they are doing, and by engaging them, you are playing a rigged game, where they’ve written the rules and proclaim the outcome. Don’t bother.

Here are just some of the more egregious lies and slanders being passed around by the Romney bashers. Feel free to pass this information on to your friends, and for the sake of your friendships, perhaps it’s best to assume them to be in the misinformed category.

The Lie: Mitt Romney supported legalization of the RU-486 abortion pill in Massachusetts.

False. Read this, from the New York Times, : “BOSTON July 25, 2005 – Confronting one of the most controversial issues to cross his desk, Gov. Mitt Romney of Massachusetts vetoed a bill on Monday that would expand access to the morning-after pill. The governor said he believed that the pill sometimes functioned as an abortion pill, not just contraception.” The MA legislature then overrode his veto, and Romney was forced by law to tell the MA Department of Public Health they had to enforce the intent of the law even though he strongly disagreed with it.

The Lie: Mitt Romney does not support the 2nd Amendment right to gun ownership.

In 2002, Romney’s tough new anti-crime plan included no new gun control laws. That year, he also signed a bill that extended protection to gun clubs that had to move their ranges to comply with state or local laws. In 2003, Romney signed a bill that restored the Inland Fish and Game Fund. In 2004, Governor Romney signed a gun-ownership bill which was approved by both sides in the Massachusetts gun-control debate, and was widely supported by both parties in the legislature. Even the the NRA considered the bill to be a net gain. In 2005, Romney issued an official proclamation declaring May 7, 2005 as “Right to Bear Arms Day.”
That same year, he also suspended all administrative fees for the Natural Heritage and Endangered Species Fund, allowed the Division of Fisheries and Wildlife to access an additional $1,000,000 of the Inland Fisheries and Game Fund, and supported a regulation to provide free replacement firearms licenses. In 2006, Romney signed the Hunter Education Bill, and another bill that relaxed a 1998 law requiring destructive firearms testing before sale. Overall, Romney’s administration was not hostile to the second amendment by any reasonable standard.

The Lie: Mitt Romney supports government bail-outs.

Again, false. In fact, one moronic blogger on this topic claimed that “Romney voted for TARP!” which is pretty hard to do for someone who isn’t in Congress. The truth is, Romney did favor the original concept of TARP, which was designed to prevent a run on the banking system and to purchase, or recapitalize, the assets and equity from certain financial institutions to improve their financial health. Unfortunately, that isn’t what the money was used for, and subsequently, Romney denounced the fact that TARP money was being distributed to recipients with no strings attached, being used for highly questionable purposes, and had no significant effect on the availability of credit. In February 2009, Romney said at CPAC, “TARP should not have been used to bail out GM, Chrysler and the UAW.” Furthermore, in his book, “No Apologies,” Romney had this to say about TARP: “TARP as administered by Secretary Timothy Geithner was as poorly explained, poorly understood, poorly structured and poorly implemented as any legislation in recent history.”

The Lie: Mitt Romney believes in man-made global warming.

On June 3rd, 2011 in Manchester NH, Mitt Romney was asked about the issue, and he replied, ““I don’t speak for the scientific community, of course,’’ Romney said. “But I believe the world’s getting warmer. I can’t prove that, but I believe based on what I read that the world is getting warmer. And number two, I believe that humans contribute to that.” Note, the key word being “contribute.” There is a big difference being being a contributor to a complex process, where our contribution may be insignificant, versus being responsible for it. The other important distinction is, it isn’t a belief in global warming that is the problem, its the boondoggle solutions like cap and trade, which Romney has firmly and consistently opposed. Want proof? Romney scuttled the Regional Greenhouse Gas Initiative as Governor of Massachusetts.

The Lie: Romney heavily favored democrats in his judicial appointments as Governor of Massachusetts.

The truth is, proportionally speaking, he actually favored Republicans. Massachusetts is predominantly a democrat dominated state. The MA legislature during Romney’s term was 85% democrat. The Massachusetts constitution calls for all judges to be nominated by a Judicial Nominating Commission, and appointed for life by the governor with Executive Council approval. The Judicial Nominating Commission is comprised of appointees by the governor, but the Executive Council, which much approve the Governor’s appointments is an elected body of eight representatives, plus the Lieutenant Governor, who serves ex officio. In other words, Romney’s judicial appointments had to be approved by an elected body made up primarily of democrats. Given those circumstances, it’s actually quite impressive that 25% of Romney’s appointments were Republicans.

The Lie: Romney’s health care advisers helped the Obama administration craft ObamaCare.

First of all, these so-called “advisers” were actually hired consultants, paid to do specific tasks for the state of Massachusetts, hardly close Romney advisers or even supporters. Second, they visited the White House a full two years after the end of the Romney governorship, and they did so as paid consultants, hired to crunch numbers and/or run economic simulations. Third, there’s an old saying when it comes to consultants: A consultant is a person you hire to give you advice, which you’ll promptly ignore. One of those consultants, MIT economist Jon Gruber, actually informed the Obama White House that his proposed health care legislation would likely increase the number of uninsured in the country by 600,000. In October 2009, he also predicted that ObamaCare would cause health care insurance premiums to drop dramatically.

The Lie: Massachusetts ranked 47th in the nation in jobs during the Romney administration.

We addressed this misrepresentation before in this space, but here it is again: Massachusetts ranked above the average of the fifty states in overall employment, and above the federal employment rate during three of the four years of Romney’s governorship. Citing a growth rate, when the numbers already look good, is just one way statisticians blatantly lie through misdirection. It’s a little like trying to imply that the tallest kid in the 6th grade is really short because his growth rate was the lowest in his class that year.

The Lie: Romney supports President Obama’s “Race to the Top” education reform program.

On September 21, 2011, Romney spoke at a Town Hall meeting in Florida with supporters. He was asked if he would be able to work with the democrats in Congress. As part of his response, he complimented Secretary of Education Arne Duncan, saying, “I think Secretary Duncan has done some good things. I hope that’s not heresy in this room.” This is a typical tactic of ideologues – to take a candidate’s faint praise for a person or program, and attempt to make it seem like a full-fledged endorsement. A conservative might say, “I think Obama has done some good things,” (i.e. killing Osama Bin Laden, extending the Bush tax cuts) but that hardly means the speaker “supports President Obama.” To claim that Romney supports “Race to the Top” simply because he said one nice thing about the Secretary of Education is disingenuous, at best.

The Lie: Romney is not a team player, and secretly sabotaged Sarah Palin in 2008.

These charges are based on an America Spectator article, which stated plainly, “Former Mitt Romney presidential campaign staffers, some of whom are currently working for Sen. John McCain and Gov. Sarah Palin‘s bid for the White House, have been involved in spreading anti-Palin spin to reporters, seeking to diminish her standing after the election.” Note first that the article was written a month before the 2008 election, and already assumed a GOP loss. Also, note that the guilty parties, assuming it happened at all, were employed by the McCain-Palin campaign! How dishonest do you have to be to point at something your current employees are doing, and blaming their previous employer for it? Romney dropped out early and campaigned energetically for McCain-Palin, where other candidates were conspicuously absent.

The Lie: Romney is pro-amnesty for illegal aliens.

Beginning with the ludicrous claims in 2007 that Romney should have been checking the immigration visas of the employees of the company that cuts his grass, the rabid right has continued to claim that Romney is soft on illegal immigration. In December 2007, Todd Harris, a spokesman for Fred Thompson’s campaign, said: “First Mitt Romney was for illegal immigrants working on his lawn, and then he was against it, then for it, and now I guess he’s against it again. Sounds like his position on amnesty.” Actually, no it doesn’t. Romney supports a border fence, harsh penalties for businesses that hire illegals, and a nationwide system which makes it easier for employers to check the immigration status of someone before hiring him.

Copyright 2011, Mike Sage

No, even they aren’t that stupid.

What they do expect is for you to squirm and feel uncomfortable, because they know that they can make up new and ever more ridiculous false charges faster than you can research the truth. They don’t expect to accomplish much, other than that little spasm of enjoyment they get from their momentary flash of false moral superiority.

That means it’s usually going to be a colossal waste of your time to lay out a carefully crafted, logically persuasive rebuttal reflecting your hours of meticulous research and reams of evidence, only to have them respond with, “Oh yeah? Well, you’re a retard!”

So, what should you do if you find yourself in that kind of a discussion? Don’t bother. Let them rant and froth at the mouth at every mention of Romney. If they think they can take down a paragon of virtue like Mitt Romney with obviously transparent lies, smears and innuendo, let them try. It only serves to demonstrate their fear and desperation. After all, an Obama supporter attacking Romney on integrity or competence is a little like former Representative Anthony Weiner blaming his troubles on hackers who not only broke into his Twitter account, but apparently, broke into his boxers, too.

I’ll be the first to admit; there are times when I can’t resist the urge to respond to such challenges. It’s a little like the Marty McFly character, from the movie “Back to the Future,” and his inability to ignore being called “chicken.” If you find yourself succumbing to the irresistible urge to engage in a discussion with someone who suffers from Romney Derangement Syndrome, then I suggest you use some variation of the following, which I call “Snappy Answers for Stupid Romney Questions.”

Remember, these snappy answers aren’t designed to convince or convert anyone. Their sole purpose is to give you a way to quickly exit a futile discussion that is obviously going nowhere, on a high note.

Snappy Answers for Stupid Romney-Basher Questions

Stupid Question: “Didn’t Romney put profits above jobs? He laid off thousands of people!”

• Snappy Answer #1: Name three. I’ll wait.
• Snappy Answer #2: Profits are how you pay the people doing those jobs.
• Snappy Answer #3: If those businesses had been profitable, there wouldn’t have been layoffs.
• Snappy Answer #4: Name one business where he “laid off thousands of people.”

Stupid Question: “Didn’t Romney help investors to avoid taxes by using overseas tax havens?”

• Snappy Answer #1: All taxes were paid, whether here, or overseas. Check your facts.
• Snappy Answer #2: You mean tax havens, like the ones your retirement fund uses?
• Snappy Answer #3: Are you trying to imply there’s something illegal or immoral about that?
• Snappy Answer #4: Only stupid people pay taxes they aren’t legally required to pay.

Stupid Question: “How can you support a guy like Romney, who is really pro-abortion?”

• Snappy Answer #1: Is that why he received the MA Citizens for Life endorsement in 2002?
• Snappy Answer #2: Is that why he received the Women Affirming Life endorsement in 2012?
• Snappy Answer #3: Is that why he vetoed the RU-486 abortion pill bill in 2005?
• Snappy Answer #4: Is that why he vetoed the embryonic destructive research bill in 2005?
• Snappy Answer #5: Tell me, how does a guy become a Mormon Bishop while supporting abortion?

Stupid Question: “Didn’t Romney bankrupt companies and loot their resources?”

• Snappy Answer #1: Name one company that went bankrupt while Romney was at Bain. Just one.
• Snappy Answer #2: How did Bain become the 4th largest investment firm in the world by doing that?
• Snappy Answer #3: If that’s true, why is Bain approached every day by companies who have been impressed by their great reputation, and who want their support?
• Snappy Answer #4: If bankrupting companies is all it takes to get rich, why aren’t you a billionaire by now?

Stupid Question: “Isn’t it true that if Romney had had his way, GM would have gone bankrupt and thousands of jobs lost?”

• Snappy Answer #1: No. Under Obama’s plan, GM did go bankrupt, and no jobs were lost. What makes you think jobs would have been lost under a Romney bankruptcy?

Stupid Question: “Why was Romney was in favor of TARP, and then against it?”

• Snappy Answer #1: He favored TARP before it became a corrupt slush fund for Obama’s cronies.
• Snappy Answer #2: When circumstances change, one must be willing to revise the solution.

Stupid Question: “How can you support someone who wears magic Mormon underwear?”

• Snappy Answer #1: The same way I support people who believe in magic Christian crosses.
• Snappy Answer #2: The same way I support people who wear magic Jewish yarmulkes.
• Snappy Answer #3: The same way I support people who carry magic Catholic rosaries.
• Snappy Answer #4: You know, we don’t really need the religious bigot vote. Have a nice day.

Stupid Question: “Wasn’t Romney’s MA health care reform what gave us ObamaCare?”

• Snappy Answer #1: ObamaCare has been ruled unconstitutional; RomneyCare has not.
• Snappy Answer #2: ObamaCare is over 2000 pages long; RomneyCare is just 70 pages long.
• Snappy Answer #3: ObamaCare affects every American; Romney care just 7% of MA residents.
• Snappy Answer #4: Do you believe in the US Constitution? The 10th Amendment allows states to do things like RomneyCare, but forbids the federal government from doing so.
• Snappy Answer #5: Romney had an 85% Democrat legislature, and he vetoed 8 portions of the bill, which were all overridden. Without Romney, it would have been much, much worse.

Stupid Question: “Why did Massachusetts rank 47th in job growth while Romney was Governor?”

• Snappy Answer #1: Massachusetts’ actual unemployment rate was better than the national average.
• Snappy Answer #2: Job growth was low because actual employment was high. Perhaps you should take a class in statistics.
• Snappy Answer #3: Are you saying that 4.6% unemployment under Romney was bad, but 9.2% unemployment under Obama is supposed to be good?

Stupid Question: Why did Mitt Romney only pay 15% on his taxes?

• Snappy Answer #1: Because that’s what the law said he was supposed to pay.
• Snappy Answer #2: Because that was the capital gains tax rate on investment money that he has already paid income taxes once on.
• Snappy Answer #3: That 15% is his net tax rate, after deductions for charitable donations. His real tax rate, before deductions, was closer to 40%.

You get the general idea. Have fun with it.

There’s no need to get suckered into a deeply involved discussion with someone who has no real interest in the facts. Mark Twain once said, “Never argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level, and then beat you with experience.”

[This has been an excerpt from my book, Romney Bashing for Morons, which is now available at Amazon.com in paperback, as well as in Kindle ebook format.  If you liked this excerpt, please consider purchasing my book!  Heck, buy one for a friend, while you're at it!]

Some of the folks who bash Governor Romney are well-intentioned, but terribly misinformed, while others are shrewd propagandists who know exactly what they are doing. Those individuals are fully aware that the things they are saying about Governor Romney are untrue, but they simply don’t care.  For some of them, the ends justify the means, and they’ll say or do whatever it takes to defeat Mitt Romney at the ballot box.  For others, it’s a little game they play, just to put you off your game.

Our challenge, as Romney supporters, is to identify the propagandists, political hacks, game-players, and yes, even the morons, and ignore them.

It isn’t easy, I know. Our first impulse will always be to grab these people by the shoulders and try to shake some sense into them. We want to do this because we are honest, rational people ourselves, and we like to think the same of others. That is where we err.  The fact is, the propagandists, hacks and morons are not honest, nor are they rational.  Their aim is to waste your time, energy, and emotional fortitude on endless, mindless political arguments.  They aren’t the least bit interested in the things you have to say, and in truth, it’s rare that they are even listening. You are simply their foil, an excuse to pontificate and feel superior by calling you a “fake conservative” or some other equally ridiculous epithet.  Ignore them.

Why did I write “Romney Bashing for Morons?”  I did it because we must stay focused, like laser beams, upon our goal, which is to engage the great silent majority of reasonable American voters, and give them the tools they need to identify and render irrelevant the aforementioned propagandists, hacks and morons.

Scientia potentia est. Knowledge is power.

Before you can do that, however, you must first arm yourself with the information and strategies you’ll need to make better-informed judgments regarding the political landscape, and to be more effective in persuading others to support Mitt Romney for President in 2012.  That’s where this book comes in to play. Please don’t just read the book.  Use it.  Share it. Recommend it.  Quote from it.  It should be used as a tool, like a hammer or screwdriver.  It should not be used as an entertaining time-thief, like a video game or a romance novel. Having informational resources available is but one piece of the puzzle.  Using them effectively is the crucial part of the process.

Make your time and energy count for something.

Copyright 2012, Mike Sage Inc.

• Buy the Amazon Paperback Edition of Romney Bashing for Morons
• Buy the Amazon Kindle eBook Edition of Romney Bashing for Morons

There’s a fatal flaw behind this allegation, however. The problem is, it’s a classic example of misdirection. In politics, the general rule of thumb is this: If your opponent has positives in his record, the best thing to do is point the public at something else – something that doesn’t look near as good.

Did the state of Massachusetts really rank 47th out of the 50 U.S. states in job growth under the governorship of Mitt Romney? The answer depends entirely on how you ask the question, and what it is you’re trying to show with the numbers. Let’s look at how statistics like this one can be used to paint an erroneous picture.

Let’s assume for a moment that you’re conducting a study of growth rates of children in elementary school. At the beginning of last year, you measured the heights of each of the 50 children in a 5th grade class, and recorded the data. One of the kids, whose name is Bobby, was the tallest in his class when you first measured him, topping out at almost 5′ 9″ tall! Now, a year later, you measure all 50 kids again, and look at the data. Not too surprisingly, almost all of the kids in the class demonstrated a healthy growth spurt over the past year – all except for Bobby. He is still the tallest kid in his class, but he obviously did most of his growing before your study began. His “growth rate” for the period of the study shows that he ranked #50 out of fifty children in growth.

Now, here’s where you have to put on your thinking cap. Knowing what you now know about this study, and about Bobby, how honest is this statement? “Bobby is the shortest kid in his class. He ranked #50 out of 50 kids in growth during a study of childhood growth.”

As you can plainly see, the statistic is correct – Bobby actually did rank #50 in growth. But the conclusion the person is trying to get you to accept is false. Bobby is not the shortest kid in his class. He is actually the tallest kid in his class. This is a perfect example of how debaters often use valid statistics to imply invalid conclusions.

The invalid conclusion that Romney-bashers hope you’ll buy into is that, in terms of employment, Massachusetts did poorly, compared to the other fifty states. Unfortunately for them, that simply isn’t true! In fact, Massachusetts beat the national average for unemployment for three out of the four years that Romney was Governor. Take a look at these numbers, and let the 2002-2006 employment numbers for MA speak for themselves, or more accurately, speak for Governor Romney.

Mitt Romney assumed the office of Governor in January 2003 and left in January 2007:

Compare these numbers to the US unemployment rate of 7.8% when Barack Obama took office in January 2009. By January 2010, it was up to an astounding 9.7%, and in January 2011, it was 9.0%. Yet, in spite of these miserable numbers, President Obama’s supporters have the chutzpah to criticize Mitt Romney for an average unemployment rate of 5.2%?

Most people may not be aware of this, but the United States Congress passed a law in 1946 called the Full Employment Act, which was later amended as part of the Full Employment and Balanced Growth Act of 1978. As part of this law, which is still on the books, the statutory definition of “full employment” was set as 4% unemployment for persons aged 16 or older. In 1999, the U.S. Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) updated and issued their definition of the “full-employment unemployment rate” as being between 4 to 6.4%.

In other words, according to congressional statute and the OECD, the state of Massachusetts was at or very near full employment during Governor Romney’s four years in office – a goal that the federal government has never even come close to accomplishing in the 65 years since the Full Employment Act of 1946 was made law.

Bottom line: The Obama team will continue to toss out that “47th in jobs-growth” statistic, hoping you’ll buy into the false notion that the jobs picture in Massachusetts was a poor one. When it came to unemployment, Massachusetts did better than the national average for 3 out of 4 years during Romney’s term, and achieved better than half the unemployment rate that the nation suffers under now. Instead of criticizing Romney’s jobs record, perhaps President Obama would be better served to try and learn something from it.

[This article is an excerpt from my new book, "Romney Bashing for Morons", now available in paperback and Kindle eBook from Amazon.com. ]

Copyright 2012 Mike Sage Inc., All Rights Reserved.

Hello,

I just want to remind you that the Romney Campaign is working with a pollster company to poll identified Nevada State Delegates. They are mostly doing this to identify whom actually supports Mitt Romney and planning on attending the Nevada State Convention on May 5th. They are also able to see the strength of Dr. Paul as well if you answer truthfully on these polls. So please be aware this is giving vital information to our opponent if you answer truthfully.

I have received several of these calls because I have kept declining to answer any questions. I fear they will continue to call you until you finally submit some type of answer to them. I suggest that you say you support Mitt Romney on Question 1 and that you are attending the State Convention on Question 2. These answers will give them a false sense of strength in the process moving forward.

So far the numbers that I have received the calls from are 202-367-9922 and 425-658-8994. The recording says they are a Poltical Research Group or something like that, but there is zero question that these calls are being paid for by the Romney Campaign or an extension of it.

National Delegate Election:

If you have not cast your ballot for National Delegates yet, please do so in the next couple weeks. We will have to reduce the election period by a week, ending on April 24th, in order to call the National Delegates and make sure they are still able to attend that State and National Conventions and have the needed resources to do so, if they do not we will make needed adjustments to have a full slate for May 5th.
We Have created an online Forum That you Must create an account to access on http://votertracker.com/forum/ . Any Delegate Nominee that wishes to post their information, picture, or resume online here is welcome to do in their specific Congressional District forum for other state delegates who create accounts to view and comment on.Please use your real names to create your accounts so we can monitor who has access to the information our nominees are posting. Any name that is not an indentfied Paul supporter will have their account closed.Just Click the Register link in the upper left Corner to get Started. http://votertracker.com/forum/ .
Online Balloting Platform Access
http://votertracker.com/vote. php

<< First Name >> << Last Name >>Username: << Email Address >>

Password: << password >>

Click Here to a watch a short, easy to follow video overview of the process.
Do not forward this email to anyone or your ballot may compromised by another person.

Remember that attending the State Convention is paramount for Dr. Paul to succeed. The balloting process will capture thousands of votes in the coming weeks and will entrust the individuals that made ??the most impact in the process with the honor of representing Nevada for Dr. Ron Paul at the 2012 Republican National Convention.

In Liberty,

Carl Bunce

Nevada Chairman

carlbunce@ronpaul2012.com
PS Please respond directly to this email if you have questions about the online balloting process.

Clark County Headquarters
19 S. Stephanie St., Suite 110
Henderson, NV 89012
702.900.2520

[Editor's Note: Thanks to the First Principles Blog for bringing this to our attention! The author of the blog commented:"Don’t these people realize that if they had a winning message, they wouldn’t have the need for all the secrecy? Don’t they see what hypocrites they look like when they cry about dishonesty and lack of transparency in government? And remember, this isn’t just some independent Paul supporter. This IS the Ron Paul campaign, and Ron Paul himself is directly responsible for it. Either the Congressman is blind to these types of shenanigans, or he endorses it. Which is it, Good Doctor? Will you renounce this assault on actual liberty being perpetuated in your name? There’s certainly nothing “libertarian” about any of this." ]

Secret Message by Courier to His Majesty, King Obama the First, from His loyal spy, Picaroon Rumfustian, upon the Privateer Ship Bain:

Forgive me fer sayin’ so, Your Majesty, but I be thinkin’ ’tis better to attack the evil brigand, Captain Mitt, where he is weak, rather than where he be strong. A broadside on Captain Mitt’s business record ’tis like attacking the tip of a pirate’s cutlass with your forehead.

In port, th’ town criers be sayin’ that Captain Mitt be a corporate raider who used leveraged buy-outs to “loot resources, lay-off thousands, and drive companies into bankruptcy.” If that be th’ same as makin’ ‘em all walk th’ plank, then I be obliged to say, ’tis unlikely, Sir. Here be the four bankruptcies that ye be wantin’ Captain Mitt and the brigands of the Privateer Ship Bain t’ be answerin’ fer:

1. American Pad and Paper (Ampad) – bought by Bain in 1992, went bankrupt in 2000. (8 years later)
2. Stage Stores – bought by Bain in 1988, went bankrupt in 2000. (12 years later)
3. GS Industries – bought by Bain in 1993, went bankrupt in 2001. (8 years later)
4. Dynamic Details – bought by Bain in 1997, went bankrupt in 2003. (6 years later)

Now, Sir, I hopes ye don’t think me a scurvy foul blaggart fer sayin’ so, but methinks thatfour failures out of over 400 investments by Bain be an amazin’ success rate that any venture capitalist would be willin’ to kill fer. Fer the sake of argument, if we be assumin’ fer the moment that their 99% success ratebe just a cover for their nefarious goal o’ deep-sixin’ these four companies, then there be a question as obvious as th’ mizzen-mast: Why did they wait an average of 8 years before doin’ so? Why not start the corporate rapin’ and pillagin’ immediatelyafter the boardin’ party took over?

Avast! All four of th’ companies were sent to Davey Jones’ locker in th’ same three-year period! I’ve heard scuttlebutt ’round the poopdeck that March 2000 were th’ beginnins’ of the foul “Dot Com” bubble crash, which wert followed up in 2001 by th’ 9/11 attacks, which sent our economy even further into dangerous waters. ‘Tis well-known that thesevere recession that began in early 2000 didn’t end until mid-2003. ‘Tis truth, that for the Bain buccaneers, this economic downturn could have provided perfect cover for their diabolical plot to make these firms walk the plank into insolvency! Mayhaps, this ought be th’ story ye should stick to, as there may well be simpletons and drunks who’ll believe it, iffin ye be lucky!

Sir, pay nought attention to the fact that Bain specialized in buying troubled companies, many of which would’ve been well on their way to the sea bottom without any help whatsoever from the crew of the Bain.

And, ne’er ye mind that any investment firm that developed a reputation for scuttling the companies it invested in would last ‘nay longer than a peg-legged swimmer in a school o’ sharks, that be fer sure.

Belay any thought that the Securities and Exchange Commission regulates and must approve many mergers and acquisitions of this sort, or that injured partners and shareholders would have hauled Captain Mitt and the crew of the Bain into court to be keel-hauled, drawn, and quartered if there be treachery there.

Oh, and Lest ye be thought daft, Sir, ye might also want to consider the fact that Captain Mitt stopped bein’ th’ Skipper o’ the Bain in 1999, long before those sinkings occurred, just in case some fact-checkin’ lily-livered bilge-rat should ask.

Lastly, Sir, I shan’t be sendin’ any more dispatches to ye, as I be resignin’ me commission as a spy in yer Majesty’s service. Captain Mitt has made me a better offer – th’ pay be in real doubloons (as opposed to th’ hope and spare change that ye been payin’ us with) and th’ workin’ conditions with Captain Mitt be smooth sailin’. Give my regards to Queen Michelle, and good luck in 2012, Sir. I’m guessin’ ye ‘ll be needin’ it.

Your ex-servant,

Picaroon Rumfustian