6 a.m. I couldn’t sleep last night. I fell in sleep probably around 2 a.m. and woke up at 4:30 a.m., then couldn’t go back to sleep, so I got up and had a cup of tea. The sky is brightening. I see clouds moving behind the snowy mountains faraway. I often watched clouds moving over the pine wood when I was a little girl. That time we lived next to the pine wood that leaded to the beach. My parents sold that house after my grandmother died, and moved to an apartment close to the station. It was 17 years ago. I’m staying at their place these a couple weeks and watching the morning the morning glow from the balcony of 6th floor. I was away from my motherland for 14 years, and
In New York, we couldn’t see the sky at all from our apartment. In Buenos Aires, we lived in 9th floor, so we could see the sky over the forest of buildings. In that city, clouds move so fast and bring sudden shower often. Over there, the moon and constellations look left and right reversed to the way to be seen in the northern hemisphere. The sun passes through the north to go down to the west.
Here I can see the half side of this seaside provincial city, still sleeping quietly, and also can see the mountains beyond old houses and a high way if weather is fine.

I lived in three different places last year and tried to adjust myself for a new environment, but I failed. I lost my balance, my weight and myself. But now I’m getting back all of them and appreciate what I have. I will work in Japan for a while and then go back to Buenos Aires to live with my boys. Before moving back to Argentina, I want to find something I can do for my life and for this world. I need to find it in next four months.

It’s been a long time since I stop writing this blog. Actually it’s been a long time since I stop all the writing.

So many things happened and my life changed dramatically in these years. To make a long story short, my family and I left New York, moved to Buenos Aires in Argentina and I came to my home country, Japan a month ago, I’m here to work for a while, away from my sons.

Well, somehow I started to write this morning. It was sudden. I just started write. I will write again. I don’t know if I will write in the same way that I used to for this blog, but anyway, I will write again.

How long haven’t I written stories? For many months, or a few years…

I didn’t have time to sit down quietly, was really busy and too many distractions as usual, but that was not the reason that I hadn’t written anything for a long time.

Maybe I didn’t have to.

Writing is like a meditation. You put yourself in trance, have a journey inside yourself and discover or realize something sometimes.

I have been busy, but happy recently, so didn’t have to seek myself, maybe. I was not urged to write. But still I want to create stories to send my messages.

Finally I’m here to write, sitting at a small cafe only with a pen and a notebook.

I’m thankful for my friends who gave me this time (they’re watching my kids and told me about this cafe) and also thankful for everything that happened to me and brought me here.

Now new stories begin…

Today’s song: “Samson” by Regina Spektor

The storm was gone and kids started school, and everything seems to be back to normal. My work schedule was changed by the manager to work more dinner shift than lunch, so I have more time to spend for myself. I have many things I want to do and I’m going to do (I will talk about them little by little), and also I want to cook more for kids and give more activities for them.

Also I truly appreciate that I got back my health. Recently I can even eat ice cream!

Sorry for this boring post, but I needed to say these to start my new season. I know that something is going to change from now on, and am exciting about it!

Listen to this. I love this song!

Today’s song: ‘Happily Ever After’ by He is We

This summer, I’ve been to the outside swimming pool with my sons pretty often.
I love the moment that I dive into the water.The sunlight makes waves inside water and it looks like ribbons of light swinging.
Inside the water, I feel as if I am something else, don’t know what it is, but can be a spirit or the core of myself.

One more thing that I became to like this summer is songs of Taylor Swift.
I usually never listen to popular music like this. I didn’t even know her name. It was two years ago, I happenned to see the music video of “love story” in a hotel while I was on vacation in Florida, and I was touched. But that time I still didn’t know who she was. Then recently I discovered that the same song on the internet radio, and got to know her. I like the stories that she makes in her songs.
If you want to make fun of me, try to listen to her songs! Or maybe you don’t have to….

Today’s song: “Love story” by Taylor Swift (Click here to listen to)

“You belong with me” by Taylor Swift ( Click here to listen to)

I’m here in a quiet small town called Riverhead in Long Island, taking three days trip with my two sons to get away from the city.

We’re staying at the best room in one of the best hotel in this town. I can see the bay and lots of green from here.

I haven’t written anything for a long time, many months. I’ve been working hard and very busy, but that was not only reason that I couldn’t write for this diary. I got to be in something I hadn’t expected, but I didn’t want anyone know about it because I didn’t want hurt anyone, and I didn’t even know if my feeling was real or not and if i should go for it or not. You may know what I’m talking about. I might write about it someday.

Anyway I chose this small town for my travel destination to be relax. I wanted to write and think, think about my way to go.

This is really boring place more than I thought. But it is not bad for us. I don’t have to go to see something special or unusual. I just want to sit down and read or write in a quiet place. I even planned to spend most of time in a hotel because I knew that kids would enjoy the hotel room and cartoon network.(We don’t have the cable at home.) They didn’t even want to go out to the museum when we went to D.C. last year. So we’re spending afternoon in a hotel room after we swam in a pool.

We walk along the bay yesterday evening. Water was still, reflecting the sunset sky, three swans were swimming smoothly and only a few people walking or reading on the bench. It was so peaceful.

We eat, swim, take a walk and sleep. Kids watch T.V. and I write. That’s all we do here, but it’s perfect.

Where is my time?

It is my choice to work a lot to save money and I actually like my work, and I love my kids. But I still need my time.

I wish I could go out for a movie (right now I want to see “Somewhere” by Sophia Coppola”) and go for a drink with my friends, or make a bus trip to somewhere…

Or spend all day in a book store…

But even in my super busy days, I still have some twinkle moments that make me smile, so I’m lucky..

I had been blue and no heart for studying or writing since March 11, the day that the earthquake and deadly tsunami had attacked my country.

I was shocked to have seen how many people died and lost the houses, and also concerned about the exposure of radiation from the damaged nuclear plants. My family and friends are fine, but still I couldn’t sleep well for a while. I was thinking about the future of my country and also the future of this planet. I couldn’t be positive like I usually were.

But now I feel better. I should be optimistic for my people in my country. There must be something I can do here, it’s because I’m away from my country. So I started a project with my friend to support and help them. I hope this activity can contribute to the recovery of the people, even a little.

I’ve been busy to prepare for this project and also working so much, and today finally I can breathe a little and have finished one of my homework for my study.

Last week was really nice as if spring was already here. I started running and playing basketball.

It is cold again this week, but I feel good and calm. I now appreciate four seasons.

2:30 AM    woke up at midnight and cannot go back to sleep.

Many things are going on around me and inside me.

I’m hesitating to write down about my thought and emotion right now because they are overwhelming, though I know I should write them. Maybe I will when the sun comes up…I wish I take a bus to somewhere right now and see the sky of the morning glow.