Don't Put Your Daughter on the Stage (again.)

Acting Buses

2011-07-05T09:08:00.000-07:00

So the inevitable has happened. Not content with one acting job on the horizon, a second has now come along meaning I'm now in for a very busy Edinburgh.

What started as a lovely, chilled time in Edinburgh with just one short show in the afternoon has now been destroyed in me also getting a role in a show at 10am every single morning. So much for jacking my job in so I could get some lie-ins. However, I'm over the frikkin' moon and couldn't be more excited, even if you told me that they were going to make cheese, tea and crisps free on the NHS.

I must also apologise for the lack of blog recently. I've been busy being a comedy WAG out in Malta which was much fun. Never have I been so well looked after in my life. They feed you until there is food seeping out from your every pore and they insist on refilling your glass until the whole country is out of wine. Couple this with beautiful weather and astounding company and a bloody good weekend was had by all.

So the last few days have been damn good to me. I'm desperately trying to ignore the fact that I'm back at work tomorrow and am instead focusing on the excellence of the last 5 days. Sure, I've got to get up at 6am tomorrow but I'm basically an actor again, I've got a spring in my step, a twinkle in my eye and a lovely little tan. Who the heck cares that I've got to spend 8 hours doing a job I despise when I'm going to spend the whole of August larking around on stage and hanging out with some of my most favourite people in the world.

Let the celebrations commence....

Resigned To The Fact

2011-06-27T12:33:00.000-07:00

Today I handed in my resignation. After 18 months of being fully employed, my stupid desire to be a penniless actor instead has taken over so today I had to give up regular money being lovingly placed in my bank account on a stunningly regular, monthly basis.

I've dreamed about handing my notice in because of an acting job. For months I have longed for this day but that didn't stop me fretting about it last night. To be fair, none of this was helped by being a bit tipsy on champagne and sharing my bed with my boyfriend in a baking room without the smallest puff of air. So it was with a groggy head that I bid my farewells to work. In my mind it would have happened in a wonderful, breezy way but instead I was mid-yawn as I tried to justify jacking in a well-paid job to prance around performing for children.

The oddest thing has been that when the euphoria dies down, you're still back doing your old job because you get your moment of excitement but your job will still need doing for the next four weeks. However, although your job still needs to be done, it's very difficult to care and I have found myself thinking a lot today about whether it really matters whether I get something done. I've actually only got 16 working days yet which is utterly blissful and has left me feeling very carefree about work that would usually stress me out.

In the back of my mind is a horrible worry about finances. It's being silenced this evening by trashy TV, orange squash and an alarming amount of pasta. Tomorrow's for panicking, today's for lying very still...

That Old Familiar Feeling

2011-06-26T03:58:00.000-07:00

So, I feel a bit of a fraud because only a week after starting a blog about the plight of getting back into acting and I manage to get myself a job. It's the Edinburgh job I was waiting on yesterday and finally heard, after a whole day of phone-watching, at 10pm last night. Much excitement ensued. Thankfully I was with one of my bestest friends and we have a bottle of Cava (and wine, and gin) handy so my head is feeling a touch delicate this morning.

The excitement hasn't quite worn off yet and I'm still in that running around the flat like a loon stage. However, there's the small matter of handing my notice in that I still need to deal with. This thought fills me with such delight that the Turkish are desperate for a piece of it. Going in tomorrow to say that July will be my final month with them is making me feel rather giddy (although that could just be the hangover kicking in...) Then there's also the business of changing my trains and the realisation that I'm not going to be London for a whole month. July was set to be a pretty busy month anyway but now it's set to be so gorgeously hectic that I want to hug it and squeeze it.

Although the original idea for this blog has been ruined a little, I will endeavour to keep writing as much as possible because, if past experience is anything to go by, the fun will have only just begun...

The Dangled Carrot

2011-06-24T10:12:00.000-07:00

So today has been interesting. Well, interesting in the most vague way possible. It has been frustratingly thrilling, partially promising and maybe magnificent. For there is a chance that I may be going up to Edinburgh to do a show. When I say chance, I mean the slimmest chance in the whole wide world. It's a chance so slim that it's an anorexic on a diet. But it's a chance and it has got me stupidly excited. Far more excited than I should be. I'm quite a grounded person and I like to be realistic but even I've found myself getting ahead of myself.

The problem is that the job isn't just some random thing that would just be a good excuse to go up to Edinburgh. It would mean working with one of my bestest friends doing something pretty damn fun. I want this job. I want it bad. And this probably means I won't get it. So sensible I must be.

I'm meant to be finding out the final verdict tomorrow so fingers crossed everyone...please. Tomorrow's entry will either be a huge celebration or yet another lamentation...

Watch this space.

Slim Pickings

2011-06-23T13:27:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to apply for at least one job a day. I figure the more I apply for, the more auditons I get and thereby the chance of getting an acting job increases. I'm not being picky about what I go up for. Basically, if it's a job I can legitimately apply for then I will.So imagine my dismay when I found absolutely nothing today.

To be fair, I don't think I was really throwing myself into things today. There's other stuff going on and I was a little preoccupied but I still did a proper search. Now, morally, I'm usually down at the shallow end when it comes to work. I'd much rather get experience than cash and I think that every job, however poor the pay, will teach you something and give you something valuable (even if it's just the knowledge that you should never go near that director ever again...) but even my morals were tested today. An unpaid film about struggling actors was very nearly the straw that broke the camel's back. I was seconds away from typing up a letter that would've made their insides bleed. It's unpaid films like that mean there are strugglinf actors in the world so to make an unpaid film about it?! Oh. God. Stop. Me. Now. And don't even get me started on the film that pays the lead actors and then only gives travel expenses to the others.

I do wonder why we put up with this. Even though we love the profession to the point of happily working for free, it doesn't make it right. No other sector would stand for such ridiculous standards but because we want to do something that's artistic and entertaining, it's seen as acceptable.

I shan't go on because I've had a few glasses of wine and we're verging on drunken ranting but let it be known...I look down on those unpaid jobs (and will willingly accept them with open arms when you offer me the role.)

If At First You Don't Succeed

2011-06-22T12:16:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of post yesterday. Sadly I can't do this at work and I had a bit of a hectic evening so I'm afraid, dear reader (for if there are any of you, surely there's only one?!) there was no blogging to be had.

Last night saw the second audition of my tentative start back into the wonderful world of make-believe. I'd auditioned for the company before so when they asked me to audition for them again, I was a tad excited. The play is going up to Edinburgh which would just about sort my life out right now.

After being delayed on my way home, I had a rushed preparation before racing back out of the house. This is the tough side of being a secret auditionee. Back when I was acting full-time, I had oceans of time to get myself good and ready. I could spend hours doing vocal exercises and character preparation but now I'm usually wolfing down a sandwich while having a shower and doing a speed run of a half-learnt monologue. I can't quite work out which method is better. While I used to have lengthy afternoons of prep, I'd also have acres of time to get myself worked up and convince myself that this audition was the key to the successful career that I was hoping for. The rushed lead up to an audition is frustrating but the stress I'm putting on myself to actually get the damn job is far less and that can only be a good thing.

So, last night's audition...it went well. I thought. It was a new speech that I tried and I was bloody pleased with how it went. They laughed in all the right places, they appeared to lean forward just when I wanted them too and they seemed genuinely delighted when it was finished. But are they seeing me for a second audition? Are they heck. Thankfully I got the message at 1am this morning, I was with my boyfriend and I'd had an evening of wine and comedy so I was pretty happy. Of course I wanted the job and I can't deny I was disappointed but I have to believe that everything happens for a reason. I'm not getting this job because there's something bigger and better round the corner waiting for me.

As long as that bigger and better thing around the corner isn't a frightening, aspiring actress eating monster then I should be all good.

Today's song...The National - Wake Up Your Saints.

Covert Applications

2011-06-20T09:49:00.000-07:00

Monday currently means back to work. However, it also means lots of lovely new roles to apply for. These two don't mix very well and my monitor is in my boss' eyeline. Now I've somehow managed to convince my boss that Twitter and Facebook are actually part of my job (probably my greatest achievement in the last 18 months.) But convincing my boss that being on a casting website while agonising over which headshot to send is another matter.

I've therefore had to become skilled in the art of speed applications. My boss heading off to the toilet, being on lunch or going to a meeting are all now perfect opportunities for me to get a quick job application in. To be honest, this is all very helpful in getting my acting skills back up to speed. I now sit at my desk looking like I'm writing a very important email when really I'm compiling a cover letter for why I'd make an excellent duck in a brand new version of The Ugly Duckling. While looking as if I'm contemplating a particularly difficult enquiry, I'm actually debating whether sweet and smily headshot beats mean and moody pic. My colleagues think I'm disappointed about upsetting a customer when in real life I'm distraught at not even getting an audition for a student film.

So by the time I actually leave, I should be perfect for any roles requiring devious behaviour or office woes. I've also become expert at complaining about how nearly every other member of staff is leaving while composing my own letter of resignation.

I imagine this is very much like cheating on a very rich boyfriend with an impoverished artist. The ever-faithful boyfriend keeps paying the bills and allows me the funds to indulge in my dirty little secret. He thinks we're good for life and have a long, prosperous future together when actually me and the artist are secretly planning filthy weekends together and slowly putting down a deposit so we can live in a grubby little bedsit together. This kind of deceit does not sit well with me and I'd much prefer that the artist and I could run off into the sunset together without having to hurt my loving boyfriend. But life doesn't work like that. So for now, the nasty deception continues...

And today's music...Airbag by Radiohead...

Back In The Game

2011-06-19T08:26:00.000-07:00

So, like the foolish, idiotic person I am, I've decided that after an 18 month break from my beloved career of being an unemployed actor, I need to throw myself back into the world of being poor, miserable and generally a little lost. Of course, it's not that awful. If it wasn't then I wouldn't be desperate to get back. Yes, it's tough but it's also the most fun you can have. How many other people get to pretend to be a deer one second and are then walking the streets of Essex, pretending to be a police officer with your own dedicated police escorts the next? In my short career I played 9 year old birthday girls and 70 year old millionairesses. I've been a wife, a child, a soldier and a gay man. No other job allows you to explore all the things you think you could be and all the things you never thought you would be. My current office job does not allow me to perform demon dances. The 9-5 does not support talking in silly voices all day. So I'm leaving. And to leave I have had to enter the world of secret auditions. Close friends and family members know what I'm up to and that's it. I'm like a secret agent but instead of catching crooks, I'm leaning monologues.

Last week saw my first audition since September 2009. It was for a new play which has maybe the most complicated plot line I've ever witnessed. I won't go into detail but it involves religion, economics, death and a love triangle so bizarre it's more of a love hexagon. The audition required a monologue which I feel is a slightly outdated request these days. A monologue shows you little. It shows an actor can learn a long piece of text and be pretty good at it. However, they're good at it because they wheel it out for every single audition possible. They've probably been working on it since drama school and could recite while drunkenly asleep. Obviously, not having done an audition for over a year, I was a tad rusty but it was learnt and under my non-existent belt within minutes.

On arriving at the audition, I was ushered to a lawned courtyard. I was told there was a bit of wait and that they'd been asking people to wait on the benches. However, all the benches were taken up so would I mind sitting on the grass. Thankfully it was a sunny afternoon so it wasn't too much of a problem but it was windy and they needed me to fill out an information form. So they left me, struggling to hold down a flimsy piece of paper while trying to ensure that I wasn't sat in the one muddy patch. To add to the flappy mess that had now descended on this tranquil courtyard, the director then brought out a piece of the script for me to familiarise myself with.

After five minutes of juggling papers and scribbling information, I'm asked if I'm ready. So in I go. Only to find that they're not ready. So we wait. And they don't talk. To ease the silence I somehow seem to end up talking about them casting me in a new version of Bugsy Malone (no, I don't know how I reached that point either.) Thankfully, the writer enters the room just in time before I've had time to reveal my innermost secrets and darkest desires. They have a look over my CV, see I did some acting work for Essex Police and somehow misconstrue this as me having been a police officer. Clearly I look like the kind of person who can't distinguish between fact and fiction and would therefore put my year of dedication to the police force on my ACTING resume.

After explaining the somewhat obvious, I do my speech. And I'm pleased with it. Considering I haven't performed it for anyone in enough time for me to have two babies, I'm secretly proud of myself. Feeling a little smug, we go into the script reading part of the audition. Now, when sight reading you either just need to sit down and read it through or get up and try and act your way through it. But not this time. Mr Writer wanted us to do something in between. The scene is of two people seducing each other meaning that there are subtle touches, leaning in and breathy pauses. While I went for these full-heartedly, he, being a writer, avoided them to the point where he was reading them as stage directions rather than just doing the damn thing. Being told that someone is touching your arm when they're stood 10 feet away from you is bloody annoying and I'm glad that this isn't acceptable in real life. I felt angry that this writer was putting me off and however much I tried to plough through the script, acting my tights off, the audition had been ruined.

The scene ended, we all chatted a bit more and I left feeling upbeat from having got through my first audition but also seriously frustrated. After 18 months, I suddenly had the chance to shine and I'd had that wonderful opportunity snatched away from me. And then that familiar feeling came back. That warm glow of adrenaline, despondency, sheer joy and utter despair returned. Hello world of acting, it's good to be back.

Oh, and to ensure that I fully remembered what the wonderful world of thespianism is, I received an email last night telling me that they wouldn't be casting me. Wonderful news for a Saturday night.

To add another dimension to this blog, I have decided to add links to the song I'm listening to when starting each entry. Today...the wonderful Bullets by the glorious Tunng.