An American Learns How to Share

Closing

2009-03-18T16:23:00.000-07:00

I am saying "anyoungeekahsayo" to this blog and I have started a new project. It is just too weird to post on here after coming home from Korea. If anyone is interesting please check out my new project! It is a blog about finding stuff.

Recyle, Reuse, Rebirth

2008-08-05T12:24:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about science and technology lately. And death. And bugs. And how to kill bugs. And death again. And about the traditions associated with death. And how hard it is living out of plastic containers and only having four outfits to choose from because of these damn bedbugs!!!! Deep breath. But seriously...

I want to donate every cell of my body to science when I am gone, but I have been reading a lot of essays lately (too many actually because once you become inundated with other people's opinions sometimes your own start to fade away like Micheal J. Fox in Back to the Future or become a sort of Frankenstein opinion with arms and feets taken from too many different places). My mind hasn't changed at all, but my heart is singing another tune. Life is for the living and death is for the dead. Therefore, grieving is left to the living, so who should choose what to do with the remains? I have always felt that it was a person's own right to choose what to do with their fleshy matter, but the more I think about it, if your family and loved ones are against what you want and it hurts them to imagine your body being used in some unsavory way, even if it is for the betterment of humankind, it could stunt the healing process. It could potentially rob them of the closure they need to push the grieving cycle to a point where the pain isn't so sharp. Time heals all wounds, as we have all heard five million times, but time takes too long! When something so terrible happens people don't want to wait the interminable amount of time it will take for them to actually feel better. A quick fix is needed. Something to help us say goodbye.

DISCLOSURE:
As I am writing this I feel a bit self-conscious because I have never had a close friend or relative die. I have had other traumatic loses in my life, but never one so final (though divorces and break-ups really do feel like a death of sorts, and some divorces are as final as death, in my opinion). So, I am writing about the grieving cycle through the eyes of other people's experiences and not my own. If you have a different opinion or an experience you would like to share please contact me, I don't want to come off as a know-it-all.

ANYWAY...

So, there's all that. About the pain, and the closure, and the goodbyes and the grieving. So, what are the acceptable options? I personally love the idea of being buried. It seems so romantically permanent (like death, but with added romance...you know, some sexy dude dressed in 19th century poet duds weeping over your headstone...that kind of thing). Though those of us who frequented cemeteries in our adolescences (or who still do, like me! I took a road trip down to Savannah Georgia just to go to Bonaventure Cemetary. Well worth the trip.) know that permanent is about 150-250 years depending on how "perpetual" your perpetual care is...The old stones, though fascinating to see, can be illegible, worn away by wind and time. Some cemeteries aren't permanent at all, if you have read Bradbury's "The Next in Line" then you know exactly what I am talking about. Cremation is another option, but I think funeral director/poet Thomas Lynch put it best when he wrote, " We burned the trash and buried the treasure." I ain't knockin' cremation, but there is something more hokey to me about burning my body down to (unusable!) dust (as if I am subjecting my earthly vessel to the fires of hell) than being opened up on a gross anatomy lab table. I dunno. Just my thoughts.

I don't believe in reincarnation. I am not sure about life after death, but like most people I would love to have some sort of legacy. Legacy isn't exactly the right word, because I don't need people to remember my name specifically, or have a "Son, someday all this will be yours." kind of situation, but I want to help people. Also, I don't like to throw ANYTHING away. Those of you who have seen my mom's house can attest to where I got this from. Over the years, and repeated moves, I have paired down my possessions to a more manageable amount and, I hope, become less neurotic about my saving habits (I don't keep sauce packets and I only keep the take out containers I can't recycle), but I still believe in saving things and using them over and over again. Bodies save lives. It takes recycling to a whole new level. I am not talking about feeding the trees and rejoining the Great Cycle of Life, but saving a life RIGHT NOW. Maybe it isn't always that immediate, but bodies save lives in the Great Unknown Future as well through research and development. How fucking cool is that? To me, pretty damn cool.

I don't think of it as a selfish, grabbing at immortality kind of thing. I think it is probably the most selfless thing you can do because you can't choose how your body is used when you die. You donate it and maybe they take your retinas and that's it or maybe they use you for R and D in a crash test lab. I was talking to Jeremy, my boyfriend, about this (he is an organ donor, too) and he used the term "harvest" when talking about organ donation. It is an appropriate term for the situation, but personally, I don't want to be treated like "a crop" of sorts. It brings to mind creepy faceless dudes in Bangkok slipping me a "ruffee" and slipping away with my liver. But on the other hand, the harvest is the best time of the year! You get to take a break and enjoy the spoils of your toils! The harvest feeds our bellies and our pockets throughout the "winters" in our lives. But I feel it takes away the amazing gift that donation is. Harvesting organs makes it sound like you are taking them from a body that had no choice (which happens...), not from a person's body who made the direct choice to give up those organs prior to death. I don't want to be harvested from, I want to provide the harvest, to be the giver of plenty.

There is also the potential of giving a stranger a second chance, whether it is a heart or some life-saving discovery made down the road. I think of all the times I have seen a person that needed help (usually little things like holding open a door, or help picking up dropped papers) and I just walked by thinking that someone else would help them, or I felt socially embarrassed and awkward if I stopped and helped them. (That is strange isn't it? Sometimes, helping a person is to become an awkward accomplice in whatever tiny/large mistake/failure/problem happened and it is socially easier on one or sometimes both parties if everyone just ignores what happened. Weird.) But being a donor isn't awkward. It is straight-up anonymous help that is truly needed. If you donate people can find out about you, but they don't have the information thrust upon them. "This person died. You have her heart. Here is her picture." Uh uh. Not unless you want to know.

So, I'm thinkin', what if after I die my family is so freaked out that they can't handle the fact that I want my body donated. In my defense, if I am donated whatever isn't used will be sent back to my family eventually, for a burial or what have you, if that's what they want. Though it isn't exactly the quick, put together (no pun intended) kind of closure most people want. But is it wrong of them to change up my final wishes? That is rolling through my thoughts and the only solution, of course, is communication. But even past that, people change their minds, and if I am dead I can't really argue with them about it. Is it my right as a human being to be selfish even after death? I have to say no, but if something happens and I don't get donated I will be deathly disappointed.

Oh yeah. I got a hair cut, yesterday.

In search of...

2008-07-30T16:53:00.000-07:00

I think I have finally figured out something blindingly obvious. I just opened a letter from my grandmother. I am never quite sure what kind of information I am going to be on the receiving end of when I get a letter from my grandmother, but I can rest assured that it will always be some sort of cut-out from one of society's accredited news sources (unlike the forwards from her clogging the arteries of my inbox). Usually these cut-outs have some remote connection to my life like random theater clippings, want ads for movie extras or even info about cheap housing being built in my neighborhood. Although, more often than not they are harbingers of doom: clippings of organ stealings and kidnapped girls being sold into prostitution rings (before my journey to the East) the murder rate in my neighborhood (when I moved to Bushwick), deadly diseases lurking in the corners of NYC, women in their late 20's are no longer safe in NYC because...because...because. Anyway, today's installment was thankfully of the "remotely connected" type. It was about Korea. Just a little editorial about a man who is doing a professorship in Seoul teaching writing. The article is all like "Seoul is all high-tech blah blah I almost beat up a Korean guy blah blah". He tells the story of how he and his Korean girlfriend (of course!) go out to eat sometimes in Seoul and on occasion some (probably drunk) Korean man accosts them and basically scolds the prof's girlfriend for not staying within the perfectly acceptable Korean male dating pool.

Funnily (my favorite adverb!) enough, this has happened to me before, too. I'd be out with Korean friends and some middle aged dude with serious Western dependency issues would try to accuse my friends of anti-nationalistic, anti-Korean, America-worshiping behavior for just hanging out with me (Though usually it was some middle aged dude coming over and regaling me joyfully in his below beginner English, which was very cute and welcoming though sometimes invasive.) . It was really awkward when this happened. Beyond awkward. Humiliating on all fronts. I felt angry and sorry for my friends and my friends were mortified by the behavior of their fellow countryman. We would apologize to each other for a good 30 minutes before any other conversing or merrymaking could continue! I feel anxious just thinking about it!

Anyway back to our hero. So, finally on one occasion prof gets fed up and stands up for himself and his girlfriend, Ja-Won, (in English) and the dude backs down (in Korean). He goes on to say that that kind of behavior makes him want to "break faces". I completely agree. That kind of bigotry is unacceptable and can be found all over the world and it sucks. This was all a set-up for the final thing he said which stuck with me, but could not be produced here as a quote without that long-winded prior explanation.

"Other nights Ja-Won and I will be at a restaurant and things will be much different. Our chopsticks will be flying. I won't understand the language going on around me, and I won't be able to fathom the simple miracle of how I came to be sitting there, but I will feel as if I belong."

BAM! That is it! Right there. Ever since I came back to NY I have been missing that "simple miracle". The fact that you are so completely isolated from everything and everyone you have ever known, so utterly alone and at times lonely, and yet simultaneously you feel so perfectly at home, like you have always belonged there. That oxymoronic juxtaposition of contradictions is life-fueling for me! It is depressing as hell and totally inspiring. Since I've come back I have been sullen, anti-social, truly struggling on so many different levels and it is that absence of the profoundness of everyday life that I had in Korea that plays a major role in those feelings. The isolation and the never-ending social parade, the loneliness and the friendship, the feeling of being so at home somewhere, and yet still knowing that you will never ever truly fit in. Does that make any sense? Some people have said to me, "It's hard coming back to the US and being just like everyone else again, isn't it?" Yes. It is. REALLY HARD. But what I have realized is that what defined my day-to-day life over there and made it so intoxicating (other than the sheer awesome-ocity of Korea and her art, history, beauty and people's lifestyles of course) was how much I felt I belonged there even though at the same time I felt so fucking alone. Well, it is something that I am facing now. I hadn't labeled it until today. I feel like kind of a loser still talking about and thinking about this stuff. I mean, I need to get over myself already, right?! RIGHT?! Right. Here's to the first of many steps.

Segue to my ridiculous search for that same feeling here (probably not the best of "steps" to be focusing on...). I am thinking of becoming an embalmer. DON'T LAUGH OR SCOFF OR HAVE ANY OTHER REACTIONS OF RIDICULE. I am feeling very sensitive about this new interest/obsession/goal and I now realize that confronting my life-long fear of corpses while at the same time feeding my keen interest in death and the ways we deal with the dead by joining an almost unanimously culturally repellent job I might be able to attain that level of accepted pariah that I had while in Korea. Don't worry! This isn't the only reason I am interested in this field! I am truly interesting in becoming a person who assists in preparing bodies for scientific research (a subject I feel VERY passionate about and yes I do plan on donating my whole body to science and I hope to get cut up into many different science-y parts and used to benefit society in some science-y way after I'm gone). I think this is something I could do well, and I could still teach if I wanted to. I dunno, but maybe it's worth a try.

Oh Yeah!

2008-07-27T15:19:00.000-07:00

I made this crazy drink today after I got back to NY from the Berkshires. It is not Ectocooler, but look at those GREENS!

Im r3t@rd3d

2008-07-27T14:35:00.001-07:00

Hello to anyone who still actually subscribes to this inconsistent pity party!

I have some good reasons for dropping off the face of the earth.

First of all, I have three words for alls y'alls: Reverse Culture Shock.

Read up. It sucks. This article is for students, but I personally feel everyone's first experience is still the same.

I am still working at ALCC (and Leadership, but on hiatus until the school year starts up again) and I just got a part time job bartending at the restaurant Counter. It is a cool joint. I love working there. I currently only work 1.5 shifts (brunch does NOT qualify as a full shift) which includes Monday night and Sunday brunch, but I am petitioning for a more permanent posish. We'll see. My bar manager, Tonia is an adorable, fashionable and talented 24-year-old woman with awesome tattoos who does not understand the meaning of "More shifts please!!" The subtle hints continue.

So, over the past 3 months I have had bedbugs TWICE. The new saying is once bit twice had. The first time we confronted these buggers they were only in my roommates quarters, but now, two months later, they have infested my bed and are only biting ME out of my entire household. Here are some unnece-SCARY photographs:

This is the trademark bite-pattern named appropriately "Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner".

I haven't slept throught a night peacefully in two months. These are all bite pics of course. You wanna see the real deal? Once day I got fed up and bleached my bedframe and found 10 of the little fuckers bloated on My Own Blood!

To top it off, I also have an ESL student who is obsessed with me. He is from Tunisia. I am at a loss at how to conduct myself in this situation and I can't seem to shake him. STRESS.

At the same time my relationship is going through some major (though not insurmountable) transitions. It is difficult, but necessary and I hope everything turns out for the best.

Also, I just found out that my crazy methed-out brother has started harassing my Grandmother in a very crazy sexual manner and I am not sure how to process this information.

Basically, I want to run away to another country again.

BUT!

I am not going to because I don't have the money and I need/want to work everything out right here. I don't want to ignore these problems. So, here goes nothin' as I try to confront my life head-on. Plus my longest friend is having a baby next month and it is going to be totally awesome. I can't wait!

To distract myself I am trying to read as many interesting books as possible. More on this later.

Also

2008-04-17T15:16:00.001-07:00

This is Lucy my American cat and I cut my bangs.

What can I say?

2008-04-17T15:03:00.001-07:00

So, I have decided to bite the bullet and keep chronicling, is that even a word? It is! Adjustment is good. I still remember how to count to 10 in Korean (both ways) and I am teaching English here in the US. It is funny though, I feel like my Korean English teacher counter parts because here on the continent I can't find a full-time job and I spend most of my time in-transit which is such a kill-joy.

I am not going to lie. Life has been hard. I decided not to take the easy route and find a restaurant job and I have been pursuing teaching since I got back. I am fucking exhausted. I have two jobs right now. One is with the Leadership Program, a for-profit community based organization that places artists in schools to teach conflict management, anger management, communication skills, provide TLC and consistency, and be good role models for elementary, middle and high schools in the greater NYC area. It is a great job, but very exhausting and when you start working in the middle of the school year there aren't many hours available.

I have a costume/set design club right now. It is not as cool as it sounds. We have no budget and no materials. We drew and are currently painting a backdrop, but my students don't want to do anything, but hang out and shoot the shit so I highly doubt we will be ready for the May 7th performance of our student generated musical "American Pop". Oh well! I took 4 of my kids to the MET and they almost shit. It was amazing. They were running around the museum making everyone crazy and touching stuff and talking too loud and constantly proclaiming "That's hot!" "This is so hot!" "Look at this Miss! It's hot!" It was wonderful.

My other job is as an ESL teacher at ALCC, which is a HUGE English school in mid-town Manhattan with a sister campus in Queens. The classes are also huge. I teach a beginners class and a low intermediate class and both classes are over 25 students. It is a nightmare of bureaucracy...more like bureaucrazy! I have to fill out a form to go to the bathroom! I have to fill out forms for EVERYTHING, and I can't wear my nose ring, so I have to take it out and put it back in EVERYDAY. They monitor EVERYTHING. They make there own text books, which are super expensive and cater only to their own methodology (Their methodology is all about drills. I say something, you say something, repeat, repeat, REPEAT!) which is boring and hard to keep the students excited about. BUT I get to teach people from all over the world. I am currently entertaining students from: Turkey, Morocco, the Dominican Republic, Africa (Benin and Mali), Moldova, Colombia, Ecuador, Mexico, Peru, Portugal, Brazil, Pakistan, France, South Korea, China, Taiwan, Japan, Thailand, Russia, Kazakhstan, Poland, Switzerland, Hungary and a couple more that have slipped my mind. How cool is that?! I love meeting people from all over the world. Just the other day in class I was explaining how "snake" is a negative word in English, like a slimy lying person and my student from Mali was like, "Being called a snake is a very positive thing in my country." I love learning shit like that!

I just finished Assistant Directing (I didn't really do anything), Props Mastering and basically doing everything that wasn't getting done for a new play called "Torrents" with my friend Lyndsay's theatre group, The Barracuda Theatre Club. Click on the link for the review. Sadly, I am not credited at all on this website even though I ADed, was the Props Master, make-up person, blood effects, House manager/box office/back stage person, and part-time Stage Manager. Harrumph. It was a crazy time and I am tired, but I am glad I did it and I am glad it is over.

And now I am thinking about leaving ALCC for another part-time ESL job for the summer, but I have to find a night job if I do this because I won't have Leadership again until mid-Sept. Yes folks, I am sending out the ol' B-tending and waiting resume. Sucks. The things we do to stay alive...

oh yeah i burned my arm wicked bad making cupcakes! Check it!

The Gift of...

2008-02-24T07:30:00.001-08:00

First of all, hi, I haven't posted in about five million years, but something happened yesterday that I thought was share-worthy. Got some mail from my grandmother. I opened it up and a little note fell out which said, "Hello Autumn, Please read this book. I love you and I worry about you. -Gram" I turned the book over and read the title. "The Gift of Fear, and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violence" Wow. My grandmother gave me the gift of fear! The cover boldly proclaims, "This book can save your life!" Fucking awesome. I am now going to carry this book around in the breast pocket of my coat because it is obviously meant to stop bullets and prevent stabbings! I am so lucky.

I also haven't had water or electricity in a day and a half. A pipe burst inside the walls at 3am on Friday night and water was pouring into our bathroom. The firemen came and shut everything off. We couldn't shower, drink water, flush the toilet or see. We had a "pee toilet" for a while. Have you ever had a friend who had that second toilet that didn't work very well and you could only pee in it? Well that is what we had. You know what it is surprising though? How hard it is not to flush the toilet immediately after you use it. I accidentally flushed after doing number one and my roommate Greg urgently reminded me, "If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down!!!"

Power and water are back now. My roommates and I feel like kings! Running water is awesome.

i'm sorry.

2007-12-31T00:53:00.000-08:00

i'm sorry i haven't posted in so long. i am apologizing to those of you who have messaged me as well as myself for failing myself in these past 2 weeks. i am leaving tomorrow. i feel like a phoenix because i have to light myself on fire, which is very painful, before being reborn. The past 2-3 weeks have been a total blur. Lindsay was here and I swear I am going to finish writing about what happened during her visit, because having her here was so refreshing and amazing. Having Lindsay come so close to my departure time actually made the thought of coming back to NYC so much more alive and exciting. She tends to have that effect on people. She also managed to make me feel calm about coming back, something that quickly dissipated as soon as she left. I want to come back and i am not just telling myself that, but oh my god this is so painful. almost as painful as my new tattoo which hurt like a motherfuckingbitch.

i can't handle the idea of never coming back here. i feel like my brain syncs with the heartbeat of this country. it isn't just the people it is the country itself. i love korea.

i have a feeling i will write a true requiem tonight or tomorrow while in transit. i will keep this blog up and going once back in NYC, but change the title. i have a lot more to say for those of you who are interested. i just have to keep my shit together for 3 more hours. wish me luck.

Worst Popsicle Ever.

2007-12-12T05:18:00.000-08:00

Decorated.

2007-12-11T12:56:00.000-08:00

I hate this picture of me, but it is the only one we took with all of us after we decorated the tiny little tree! I didn't have any Christmas ornaments so I just used the cell phone accessories I have been given by my students (and been collecting) and it worked perfectly. Cell phone accessories aren't completely useless!

CHRISTMAS TREE!

2007-12-05T04:53:00.000-08:00

I bought a fake Christmas tree today and Lindsay and I are gonna decorate it!! Wanna see?

I haven't decorated it yet, but I will show you when I do!

MIDNIGHT SNACKS!

2007-12-02T06:31:00.000-08:00

Lindsay calls these "Air Cookies"

Just look at the cat.

Yes this is real.

Can you find the cat in this picture? If you can I will buy you a beer when I get home!

Lindsay!!!

2007-12-02T05:06:00.000-08:00

So, my other Lindsay is here visiting now! It is so great having the opportunity to have two of my best friends in the whole world come and visit me. I am very lucky, and in honor of Lindsay's arrival I bought a bunch of extremely ridiculous hats. There is a fad here to wear these silly animal head stuffed animal hats. Usually just middle school aged girls wear them but also I have seen couples (oh jesus) and delivery men partaking in the fad as well (they are wicked warm!). She had the opportunity to choose between a bear, a sheep, rudolf the RNRD, or a husky! Let's see which she chose!

Yes folks, it was the bear, and isn't she just the cutest little bear you have ever seen!? I probably don't have to say this, but everyone thought we were insane and we didn't take them off ALL NIGHT LONG!

Linds, me, "Jennifer", and "Carmen"

I feel like each animal ended up being a good match for each person. I was pleased. Then we played the kicking game:

I will get a better picture with the whole machine in the shot later, but basically it is a soccer ball attached to a machine which measures your "Kicking Power!" along the same lines as those carnival games with the hammer and the bell thing. I like the punching game better.

The Restaurant

Then we had:

Sam Gyup Sal (BBQ pork)

and drank:

Soju!

We met up with Casey and Claudia (see "New Friends Are Fun!") and everyone tried on the stupid hats some more!

No one can deny the fun of trying on ridiculous hats while drinking. The possibilities are endless. And Carmen learned how to thumb wrestle!

Then the next day we woke up and went to the bathhouse!!! Best. Place. Ever.

Lindsay agrees!

We did all the usual shit:

Doctor Fish

Silly towel hats

The mechanical horse

Cupping!

Chillin' in the hot room and lastly:

Touching Pirates.

After that we had grilled shellfish.

And one of the clams had a tiny fuckin' crab in it!! GROSS! Lindsay ate it! She's GROSS!

We helped along our digestion by enjoying a post-seafood coffee at "White Angel" aka "Coffee Heaven".

Take a look:

private rooms

fountain

Lacy Foyer (pronounced "foiyay" in this case)

complimentary cosmetics

Tissues...Lamps...

Fuckin' Chandeliers

and Hot Chicks. Yes it was Heaven. And there was whipped cream on everything.

Then we joined Claud and Case at my new favorite bar:

Yes. In Korea Vikings and Pirates are the same thing.

It's a hook, not a hooker.

A Porthole! What?!

WHAT?!!! Well, since I am a Cyber Ice Pirate this is truly the perfect bar for me.

Ice. Beer. Cup. Lindsay. Pirate. Face. Make.

I touched a sword.

And on a final note I would like to share with you the most amazing picture ever taken of a human being in an elevator. EVER. (in my humble opinion):

Milleniuuuuuuuuum! (sing it like Robbie Williams!)

2007-11-30T00:12:00.000-08:00

The Hwarang show!!! For lack of a better word the Hwarang were a bit like Samurai, but totally different! Anyway they are fucking cool!

Before I tell you about "Shilla Millenium Park". You have to check out their webiste! I LOVE IT! Anyway, let me tell you about our condo...or rather CON-DON'T!!! MWAHAAAAHAHAHA! It was so gross and old and there was no furniture and no hand soap or dish soap or hairdryer or just anything that you would normally find in a condo! I wouldn't normally have a problem, but it was $180 a night (luckily we got a discount...).

not so bad...yet...

old.

yellow walls.

sofa? I think not.

It also smelled like mothballs. YUCK! Nice view though:

Sunrise.

And the elevator was cool!

The place where we stayed is called Pomune and it is fulled with hotels and condos because there is a really pretty lake there:

The Shilla Millennium Park is also in the area. It was about a 20 minutes from our condo by:

Tandem Bike~!

We were going to rent regular bikes but Eunyoung was more than a little unsteady on hers so I decided to avoid any possible traffic accidents by renting one of these babies. It was awesome, but being in the front of a tandem bike is HARD WORK! Oh my goodness. You have to pull all the weight, it was like walking around with a dead Siamese twin still attached to your body! Seriously. Dead. Weight. But it was great! We also could have rented one of these...

TINY MOTORCYCLES!

These little machines were everywhere like a swarm of gnats. Also mini-ATVs, full-sized ATVs, reggie bikes and bikes built for four. Pomune Lake doesn't fuck around when it comes to alternative modes of transporation. But surprisingly for an area with so many non-car vehicles there is NO SPECIAL LANE for anyone so you are constantly almost hitting or being hit by something animal, vegetable or mineral.

And there was this really cool tower!

I couldn't find any info about this tower, but it is damn cool.

So, the park was actually a bit disappointing. Mainly because WE MISSED THE HWARANG SHOW! That show was the main reason I wanted to go there, but the last show was at 2:30pm and we didn't get there until 3:30! We didn't even get to Gyeongju until 12:30 (it is a 4.5 hour bus ride from Seoul and we left at 8am), then it took 30 minutes to get to the condon't and we had to check in and then 20 more minutes to get to the stupid park...sigh...there was nothing I could have done. I was crushed BUT I made Eunyoung watch every other show that was offered and I will post some short vids tomorrow or later tonight. I know, I know, it is going to be hard to wait that long, but a girl has to go to work! So, the park was great for kids, but for adults...it left a little to be desired. There weren't many tour guides to explain stuff (It was November so I can understand that it is off-peak season blah blah blah...and it was also FREEZING, so the staff that were working that day were hiding in buildings shivering in their adorable traditional threads!). There were so many things for kids to do. Tons of shows and activities (fabric dying, doll making, ceramics, jewelry, paper art, etc.) but not a lot of stuff geared toward the historically interested adult, in my humble opinion, but it was still really cool. The Silla dynasty had a crazy class system and each different class had a different type of village within the larger town so I got to see how like 10 different classes lived. The replica buildings were really cool, I just wish that there was more info about everything there. Check out some pics:

Field Trip! Students walking by the statues of the 10 animals of longetivity. Tell ya later.

The animals at night!

Aptly and Mysteriously titled "Event Waterfall"

Replica of the Emile Bell which had been converted into a sushi restaurant. Oh my God. A traditional symbol of Korea made into a Japanese restaurant. No comment.

The original Emile Bell (which I saw in Gyeongju city). The legend goes that a baby girl was used to make this bell which is why the sounding of the bell is so pure and resembles a baby crying. Though the bell is not rung anymore in fear of damaging it. Eh, just click on the link above for more info.

Eunyoung and the talking Jangseung!

Ceramic goodness!

Hwarang!!!

but no Hwarang...a crushing disappointment!

Big wheel keeps on turning!

Proud Mary keep on burning!

The actors!

The casualties! It was so cold out and they floated in the water for like 10 minutes! No one could concentrate on the show they were just worried about the actors catching cold!

I love show.

action show!

romance show!

Bathroom sinks!

For a parent and a child, or a really codependent couple!

night view!

tree used in the shamanic ceremonies

I *heart* plastic rocks!

That night we came back to the condon't and drank a bottle of wine, but we totally corked it to open it because the wine opener broke! Before drinking the wine we went to the grossest bathhouse ever filled with dead skin and hair!! I was so disgusted! Yeesh!

So, that in a nutshell was the park. I didn't take too many pictures of the replica buildings because, really all traditional Korean buildings are only subtly different so I wanted to show the crazy fun stuff and not just the history because I have been getting a bit history heavy of late. So if you are curious about the history just click on the little links, but I didn't want to inundate this post with too many stories. But I have to show you the living proof that Koreans have been drinking like fish since before Jesus Christ:

Don't be fooled. This isn't the first D & D die ever, but a drinking game! Each side gives you an order that you must obey!

I really love "never abandon your unpleasant partner". I am not sure what that means exactly, but I feel it is a pretty good tongue in cheek comment about Korean marriage! So, prepare yourself because this game is going to take America by storm!

And finally here are just some disjointed afterthoughts.

Cute old bowl!

The first ice!

Book vending machines!

HA!

crazy recycling truck!!!

OMG.

2007-11-29T23:13:00.001-08:00

no. way.

2007-11-27T23:08:00.000-08:00

I haven't been to the dentist in 5 years. Today I went to the Korean dentist and...I have NO CAVITIES and NO TARTAR and NO PLAQUE.

unbelievable.

How is it possible? I have NO idea. He didn't even charge me for the visit. He wouldn't even clean my teeth! He said it was unnecessary. I do feel a but suspicious because I eat so much candy, but hey, the dentist himself turned me away! I have to say, I feel pretty good right now! I hope he wasn't just lying to me because he didn't feel like working on a foreigner like that other doctor who didn't even take my temperature!

wiki wiki what?

2007-11-27T05:00:00.001-08:00

How it was used?

So upon further research I found out that I was originally spelling Cheomseongdae (click here for the Wikipedia link) wrong which is why i couldn't find any info on it anywhere online. The reason for this misspelling is that there are 3 romanizations of Korean: Yale, McCune-Reischauer, and Revised Romanization. This makes it really really hard to find the exact combination of letters from the roman alphabet which fit with the current trend of spelling Korean historical places!

The McCune-Reischauer method was used in Korea up until the year 2000 when it was replaced by the Revised version. The Yale version was used primarily for the military and I am not sure if it is still used today. Anyway, since the romanization system was switched in 2000 you can see up to 3 different spellings of any Korean word. For example I live at Geumjeong Station which has also been written Geumjung, or Keumjong or Keumjeong depending the writers whim. There is a lot of argument about which system is better and I honestly don't know enough about either to really have an opinion. The hard thing about the Korean language is that each consonant represents a subtle combination of two sounds which can change depending on whether the letter is a beginning or ending consonant. In English the bitch with pronunciation is truly the vowels, but in Korean it is the consonants. For example this letter "ㄱ" represents a "g" and a "k" sound, but both are soft, aspirated sounds not a hard "g" as in "good" or a hard "k" as in "kill". If the word starts with "ㄱ" it is closer to a delicate "k" sound (like "kg" at the same time), but if it ends with "ㄱ" it is closer to a "g" sound (like a quiet "g" way in the back of the throat). Easy to write into English? I think not.

Back to the subject! Cheomseongdae is one of the oldest scientific installations still in existence today and it is one of the oldest astronomical instruments in East Asia. Here is what one website had to say:

The 12 rectangular base stones are positioned in a square, three on each side, representing the four seasons and twelve months of each year. The twelve tiers of stones to the window entrance and twelve tiers above the window opening also represent the 12 months of the year (or the 12 symbols of the zodiac). For over two thousand years, astronomers studied the movements of stars and planets and charted them. They predicted solar and lunar eclipses, as well as the courses of comets. Court astrologers reported and interpreted their findings to the King who would then act according to their predictions.

The stars dictated all aspects of policy making: agricultural developments, celebrations, wars, and other events and festivals. Astrology also shaped people's views of life and the universe. Koreans still tend to believe that the exact time of birth for each person is closely governed by the heavens.

Why couldn't it just say that somewhere near the site!! Even just in Korean?! In terms of Seokbinggo I found out that it is much more scientific than I had originally thought:

It is 2.4 meters in width, 1.78 meters in height, and 18.8 meters in length. The entrance is located in the south and three ventilation ducts were built in the arched roof. The floor is angled in an incline so that melting ice water flows toward the floor. Originally the ice storehouse was in the west of Wolseong (the name of the place Seokbinggo is kept) but has been moved to its present location near the northern castle turret. The icehouse was used during the Joseon Dynasty (the last dynasty of Korea it lasted for about 500 years). The storage facility is considered important for its architectural technique and the magnitude of the structure.

Well that is enough education for one day I am sure!

I could think of so many witty titles for this post...

2007-11-26T23:52:00.000-08:00

MOUNDS! (also known as tumuli are the ancient burial mounds of kings and nobility)

Two weekends ago I went on a trip with my friend Eunyoung to Gyeongju, which is the ancient capital of the Silla dynasty, (pronounced "Shilla") one of the ancient dynasties in Korean which is credited with unifying the three kingdoms of the Korean peninsula, Silla, Baekje, and Goguryeo, under one rule in 668. Sadly, this was just a tentative union, but we're not gonna get into a huge history lesson today! The Silla dynasty lasted for about a millennium so there is a butt-load of history to see in this area! Huzzah! The dynasty which came after Silla was Goryeo which is where the name Korea comes from.

So, on a whim I decided to go to Gyeongju before coming home. It is one of the main things I remember from my first trip to Korea during my freshman year of college. We came at the height of summer so the tumuli were a gorgeous vibrant green like this picture:

Alas, I came this year in November so the mounds are not at their most beautiful, but they are still pretty impressive. We got to the center of Gyeongju fairly early in the morning and it was freezing, but we mainly had the park to ourselves. One of the tombs is excavated and you can go inside. We actually had to have the grounds keeper open the tomb for us!

This tomb is called Cheonmachong. It means Heavenly Horse Tomb. If you click on this picture to enlarge it, it will tell you how a tumulus is built!

The Double Mound means a husband and wife.

The foliage was still awesome despite it being mid-November.

Ate some bamboo. I took the same picture in the same place over 7 years ago.

After viewing the tombs we went and saw a few other major monuments, like a really really old astronomical observatory called Cheomseongdae.

Looks kind of like a big pizza oven. I have no idea how this is an astronomical observatory because there was NO INFORMATION ANYWHERE about how this damn thing worked. None of my students knew either. If I were taking a poll I would say that 0 out of 70 Korean adults know how Cheomseongdae works. I can't judge, I am sure plenty of Americans don't know how the Badlands were created or maybe even which presidents are on Mount Rushmore (I hope I am pushing it with this one!), but I am going crazy trying to find out how this damn piece of ingenious history worked! My complaint is not with the Korean people, but with the board of Historical Preservation and Tourism.

I must register one complaint which I have about historical places in Korea. In general there is not enough, if any, information available about the purpose, construction or general history of things. I am not complaining about the lack of English because my Korean friends are always nice enough to be willing to help me with translation, but how can they help me if there is nothing to translate?! This is not just the situation with the above monument, but also in museums, at palaces and sculpture gardens all over Seoul. There is just no info. I felt the same way when I went to the DMZ. These important historical places are still here, but now that Korea has the money to invest in bringing them to life it chooses to spend its money elsewhere. Of course mouths to feed, bodies to cloth and employing citizens must come first, but this history is so unique and cannot be seen anywhere else in the whole world. To think about these monuments being forgotten and neglected makes my blood boil. I am in the process of writing a letter to send to the Korean English newspapers before I go. Hopefully I will have enough guts to send it. Anyway the case was the same with Seokbinggo which is an ancient refridgerator (no idea how it was used) and the tower which is featured on the 10 won coin.

Seokbinggo

There are actually two towers but the ones that I saw were replicas of the real ones which are located at Bulguksa temple, also in Gyeongju, but I didn't have time to go there. At the museum there was no history about these two important and symbolic pagodas. They are called Dabotap and Seokgatap.

Dabotap on the 10 won coin.

Dabotap replica

Dabotap and Seokgatap replicas

There also is no mention of this sad history which I took from the www.heritage.go.kr website:

It is unfortunate that Dabotap Pagoda entirely contains the sorrow that the people felt when the Japanese Empire deprived them of the country. The Japanese dismantled and repaired the pagoda around 1925, but they didn't leave any record about this fact. In the process, sarira, sarira casket and other relics that must have been put into the pagoda all disappeared. And out of four lions that were on the stone staircases of the pagoda, the Japanese Empire robbed us of three lions that must have been in good condition. Though we have long made efforts to retrieve the precious cultural properties, we can't find their trace yet.

You can see that there are four lions on the replica I have pictured above. I never would have known any of this history if I hadn't looked it up myself based on some hinting from my students. I was actually really excited about these lions because their faces are so awesome and expressive. I immitated them for Eunyoung the night before going to visit the replica of Dabotap. How did I do? You be the judge.

Will finish up later! gonna be late for work!

5 am thoughts

2007-11-26T13:01:00.000-08:00

Two thoughts this morning. Completely unrelated thoughts.

1. I like this blog. This band has nice music and the guy has a nice perspective on things:
watched pots.

2. I think that the ability to find beauty in the obvious is just as important as finding beauty where it is difficult to see, or discovering beauty where no one has ever gone.

3. I am getting another fucking cold. jesus christ.

That third thought was what I like to call, an afterthought.

in the dark

2007-11-26T01:01:00.000-08:00

i would also like to point out that i have been so lazy that for the last 2 weeks i haven't replaced the light bulb in my bathroom so i have been showering at 530am by romantic candle light. my lack of enthusiasm to go to the store and get a light bulb has overpowered my fear of the dark. how's that for melancholic indifference?! BAM!

Huston, we have a problem and other such obvious metaphors and similies

2007-11-26T00:11:00.000-08:00

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Well, that is how my cat feels today. He thought he would let you know by kindly strutting across my keyboard while I went to get something to drink.

So, one month left and though I do not regret my decision to come back to NYC I am certainly feeling some cold feet. How can I say goodbye to a country that I have lived in for a whole year? How can I say goodbye to these people when I don't know if I will ever see them again? What the hell am I going to do with my life when I get back to the US? I am almost 27 and I still feel that I don't have anymore direction than I did before. I feel a big pit full of energy in my stomach but like a gun with a plugged barrel I am just going to backfire in my own face if I don't figure out what to do with myself.

I can feel the cold hand of melancholy begin to grip the mini-sun of my usually cheerful disposition. Case in point, usually to kill time here I play Twilight Princess or beat Okami again or watch Gladiator, Sin City, 300, Samurai Jack or Grindhouse over and over again. This is how it has been for a whole year, but today I watched PRIDE AND PREJUDICE. Pride and mutha f-in' Prejudice. The Whole Thing. And then I just cried. Cried cried cried. Then I watched BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY (just shoot me in the face now) (Is that the correct punctuation?! Seems weird doesn't it? Well, it is what the DVD cover says...and I call myself an English teacher.) and I cried...AGAIN! I hate romances. I hate romantic comedies. They never make me feel better, they just make me feel sad like when I watch Firefly and I know that the life of an outer space cowboy bandito who swears in Chinese is never going to happen for me no matter how badly I want it to. I am not saying that I don't believe in love or romance, but those movies just make me feel sad. Kiddie romances don't though. I can totally handle the Princess Diaries or other such nonsense, in fact that shit just feeds the fire of hope burning in my soul! I eat it up.

I also spent about 3 hours today listening to mellow indie rock and reading other people's blogs. I wonder if I will still write like this when I get back to New York. I wonder if anyone will still read my blog when I get back. I guess it doesn't really matter, but I feel I need to keep one thing constant in my life and this blog seems like the best thing. Anyway, other people's lives are awesome. If you ever have some spare time, go blog surfing. It is a never ending stream of personal hopes, dreams, fears, loves and opinions. It is quite inspiring and intoxicating.

Gotta apologize though. I hate writing a self-pity rant, but that isn't quite what this is. More like a fleshing-out of frustrations and pent up worries (hmmmm, that sounds suspiciously like a self-pity rant to me said using some 50 cent scrabble words...) . Sometimes when I am here I really miss my electric guitar and my dulcimer. I just want to play something, to get better at something. I feel that I have made developmental progress coming here (which is pretty invaluable) but I have nothing really to SHOW for it except a now 31 inch waistline, slightly (so so so so slightly) lower debt, and the ability to say "Where is the bathroom" in Korean. I didn't learn to paint, become an amazing song writer, write a book, build a house from Korean matchbooks, become an International Korean Sensation or choose a career or life goal (...). The main thing I figured out is that I should probably go back to school. I am not even sure what I am good at anymore! I am good at adjusting. I can blend in. I can compromise and I can teach (I think. I hope. I dream.). But how do I want to use all of these things, it is kinda hard to show someone these skills in a job interview. I can't really open a brief case and show them. ("And here in this top pocket is my talent at adjusting well along with flexibility. Oh this one? That is my peace-making and compromising skills, and down here you will see my ability to walk through walls and manipulate fire...")

Well, thinking and worrying will only get me so far. I just got to hope for the best. Plug my nose and jump.

Thanks.

2007-11-22T06:41:00.000-08:00

Today was Thanksgiving. It was kind of depressing and overwhelming to think of a Thanksgiving Day with no close friends, no family and no turkey in sight. So, in order to thwart this lurking depression I decided to have a Thanksgiving Day party in EVERY SINGLE CLASS today. 7 Thanksgiving parties in all. I brought fruit and I made over 60 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches which I then cut into quarters to share with my 70+ students at BCM. I had asked my students to bring in some other things to share if they could and most of them did which really made me happy and some of them didn't which is ok, but kind of pissed me off because it is part of the heart of Thanksgiving to share with others. It is also ingrained in Korean culture to share food with each other so I was kind of offended at the lack of enthusiasm presented by some students.

In case you haven't noticed the title of my blog is "An American Learns to Share". The reason why I picked this as my title oh so many months ago is because Koreans share EVERYTHING. If I attempt to pass out a handout every student's first response is to pass the paper around like a hot potato until everyone has one and then and only then keep one for themselves. If I bring food in and pass it around, sometimes it goes all the way around the room without anyone taking a thing because they are worried that other people will not get their share. In most company it is even taboo to pour your own drink. This is a society of putting the comfort of others above yourself, not in all cases, but especially when it comes to food and drink. I feel that this has become ingrained in Korean culture ever since the end of the Japanese occupation and also the end of the Korean War when everyone here was dirt poor and the common greeting was not "Goodmorning!" but "Have you eaten?" so that if you hadn't maybe your neighbor could help you rustle up something meager to fill your belly.

Koreans don't operate on a "Can I have a sip of that?" mentality. They just give you the whole bloody can and be done with it. Have you ever shared one huge bowl of soup with 5 other people? I have, because I live in Korea. It is just the style here. The only thing that people don't share is rice. Everyone has there own individual portion of rice.

Anyway, being here has really reinforced how important it is to be aware of other people's needs. I have also become a lot more comfortable with sharing anything and everything that is mine with others. There is no "Joey does NOT share food!" trend here. Korean people take without thinking because it is a part of their culture (At most meals you don't even have your own plate anyway. There is no "mine" or "yours" only "ours".). It is a cultural norm to constantly press against someone's personal barriers. Nothing is only mine. If my friend has something I like she gives it to me. If I have something my friend likes I give it to her. It made me crazy at first because I thought this was so selfish and invasive until I realized that Korea is a homogeneous culture and many people feel a very strong kinship with others just because they are Korean. It is like a big family here. We don't really have that in America. Even though we are all Americans there are so many differences that I feel there is no real everyday common bond between citizens, but in Korea that is not the case. Because of this I can feel myself becoming more patient, giving and communal because the Koreans I know have readily and willingly accepted me into this lifestyle. I am very lucky to feel so included in this culture.

So, Koreans truly understand the heart of Thanksgiving Day and I felt so (I really HATE to use this word, but I am gonna do it anyway...) blessed (oh jesus...) to have the majority of my students share food and talk with me and listen to me tell about the history and meaning of American Thanksgiving Day. I felt happy and loved and not lonely at all. It was really wonderful. Sometimes it is really important to me to share about American culture. I really do miss it a lot and my students were so receptive today. Even if they were just acting, I don't care, because it made me feel like they really wanted to learn about America because they care about where I am from because they care about me.

After my last class I got BBQ with some students and I realized just how much my students appreciate me (I am a bit thick-skulled when it comes to this sort of thing so please bear with me through the final cheesy sentences of this holiday blog!). They really love my class. They really learn things from me. I am actually a teacher. There is no better day to discover all these things than on Thanksgiving Day. Even in Korea, so far away from everything that I love with the deepest part of my heart, I can feel so loved and so thankful.

P.S.

Thanks for reading this. b(^.^)d

What's your...Type?

2007-11-21T12:36:00.000-08:00

So, here is a neat little thing that Korea borrowed from Japan: the idea that a person's blood type influences the type of personality that someone has. When I got here so many of my students asked me this question (the "What's your type?" question). It is kind of like the Korean equivalent of "What's your sign". Yes, Korea does have the "Chinese Zodiac", but most people don't really care about it because it is too complicated, but blood type is really simple and easy to remember. I know my blood type because I tried to give blood a lot in college (I'm AB positive), but I think that American's don't really think about that kind of thing. How many of you know your blood type? Jeremy doesn't know his and I am DYING to find out which personality his is based on that info!!! Speaking of Jeremy, just a little side note, he won the Barcade (a cool bar in Brooklyn filled with old arcade games) "Chili-off"! I am so proud of him! His chili was called, "It's Chili; Put a Sweater On!" Isn't that great!? I can't wait to come home and have him make me his "Brooklyn-famed" chili!

After glow.

Anyway, if you want to see who you are based on your blood type I made up this little article below:

Blood Type O "Hot" - Tend to be loners or leaders and are intuitive, focused, self-reliant and daring. They handle stress better than other blood types and have strong immune systems, a well developed physique and a physically active nature. Blood type O's tend to have sluggish blood flow and feel better with vigorous exercise for about an hour each day. They express their opinions freely, but do not enjoy taking orders. They are great at organizing activities and groups but may forget about the details to finish the project quickly. They can be easily distracted. Rougly 38% of people are O+ and 6% O-

Blood Type A "COOL - Tend to be cooperative, sensitive, clever, passionate and smart. Often bottling up anxiety in order to get along with others, they may hold in their emotions until they explode. Many are tense, impatient and unable to sleep well. While they are capable of leadership positions, they may not take them because the stress is not good for their tightly wired systems. Blood Type A people can also be reserved, calm and even tempered. Since they are very sensitive to other people's opinions they can be introverted, shy and nervous around people. They may be pessimistic and also unwiling to change, but they value relationships and are very loyal. In Japan many "A"'s are in research. They have roles in discovering more about and refining science, economics, manufacturing, etc. They are perfectionists to say the least.Roughly 34% of people are A+ and 6% A-.

Blood Type B "Active" - Blood type B individuals tend to be balanced: thoughtful like A's and yet ambitious like O's. They are empathetic, easily understanding others' points of view, yet often hesitating to challenge or confront and can put their own needs over others' needs. Chameleon-like and flexible, they make good friends.They are also energetic and have drive to reach their goals. They are not the best team-players because they are so individualistic. They like being around people and have strong personalities.Roughly 9% of the word is B+ and 2% B-.

Blood Type AB "Care-free" - Tend to be very charming and popular. They don't sweat the small stuff and can be seen as spiritual but at times a bit "flaky".They are not very reliable and can get bored easily. Only about 2 - 5% of the population are blood type AB. There is never a dull moment in a AB's life, so if you find one for a friend, consider yourself lucky! You'll enjoy some exciting times together! Like blood type A's, AB's react to stress poorly. Sometimes it is difficult to be an AB. AB's don't like to fit in anyone else's "boxes". If they feel too confined, they'll break out of that box and do things their own way. They are a bit unpredictable and can have two conflicting personality traits at the same time, like introverted and extroverted. They are a blend of opposites. Roughly 4% of the world is AB+ and 1% AB-.

The first snow!

2007-11-19T04:38:00.000-08:00

Today is November 19th in Korea and it snowed tonight starting at 8pm! It started as a light snow and then it started to thunder and lightening out! Then it started raining at the same time as the snow and the flakes got all big so that I could catch them in my mouth as I was riding my bike back to my apartment. It was awesome and now the thunder is almost like a constant rumble in the background. I am not sure if I have ever seen lightening and heard thunder during a snow storm before!

But anyway I think Korea beats NY in terms of first snow! BOOYAH!