An Audience of One

2017-10-17T19:27:00.000-04:00

Here is a wonderful blog post written by my brother in Christ of 20 years, Robert Mauti. We are also both figure skaters and have coached the sport for many years. This is a Christ themed blog post in relation to what we do for a living in Figure Skating ⛸. I think you will find it both well written and inspiring. Be blessed.

Click here to read the post:

https://www.thefoxfitness.com/single-post/2017/10/16/Get-It-Tight-Get-It-Right-Alignment-Issues-In-Life

"Speak Out Loud with Eliska Hahn" is back tonight LIVE!

2016-06-01T17:11:00.000-04:00

I am so happy to be getting back to my broadcasting roots! Please join us tonight 6/1/16 @11p, EST for my first live broadcast in years. I always said God would let me know when the time was right to get back into live broadcasting, and boy did He come through in a BIG way!! Tonight my guest will be on of my skating idols from the time I was a young girl who has grown to be one of my dear friends and someone who I have the most amazing amount of respect for. Seriously folks, this woman is going to change the world: Olympic medalist and former World Champion Dr. Debi Thomas.

See the details and set a reminder at http://tobtr.com/s/8931549

How To Keep Your Heart Happy, Part 1

2016-02-10T20:09:00.001-05:00

How To Keep Your Heart Happy, Part 1

Confessions From the Woman at the Well

2015-06-27T20:16:00.001-04:00

For my friends and family who identify as Christian, I want to give you my unsolicited word of advice. While the Bible clearly states that marriage is a sacrament created by God, marriage in the United States is, and has been, a legal institution. When getting a marriage license you go to a courthouse, not a church. The church has nothing to do with benefits of married couples, which include death benefits, social security benefits, health benefits, joint taxes, adoption, estate rights, hospital visits, etc. These are rights guaranteed under the law of the U.S. Constitution, therefore if any state passed laws to infringe upon people's access to these entities then it is unconstitutional, that is why the 14th Amendment was used in the victory decision. HOWEVER, make no mistake that unbelievers and those who have fallen away from the church are reading your posts about this subject. If our collective goal is to fulfill the Great Commission, I suggest we follow the example of the One we seek to emulate and face this issue with abundant, unconditional love...and a lack of condemnation. Be someone's blessing today heart emoti...and while I have your attention, I will give you this.

PS....while I have your attention, I will give you this.
This is me.
I am the woman at the well.
I am the person that pulled the trigger....over 15 times.
Amen.

Thank you to claytonjennings.com for speaking the words that are written on this 48 year old heart.

GraceHaven

2015-06-05T15:37:00.000-04:00

I want to invite all of you to join me on my new journey. The journey is called GraceHaven.
Please feel free to share this with your friends, family, and anyone who you think could benefit from the mission of GraceHaven. Thank you! As always, be Blessed. ~edh

~Welcome to GraceHaven~

A. grace (greys),noun 1. elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action: We watched her skate with effortless grace across the ice. 2. mercy; clemency; pardon: He was saved by an act of grace from the governor. 3.the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God.

B. haven (hey-vuh n), noun 1. a harbor or port. 2. any place of shelter and safety; refuge; asylum. verb (used with object) 3. to shelter, as in a haven. She was given a safe haven from the storm.

Our Mission:

To create a place of safety and refuge.

To create a place of protection from the dangers and distresses of life.

To fulfill our calling to serve others and to bear each other’s burdens.

To offer kindness.

To offer education and encouragement.

To display unconditional and non judgmental love.

To create real-world, real-time interaction with others in a spiritual counseling and/or life coaching setting in order to help those in a time of need walk through difficulty and darkness until they are capable of discovering their own spiritual strength and their own unique connection with God.

To foster the proliferation of Love, in all of it’s forms.

To stand in opposition to Hate, in all of it’s forms.

Lastly, to facilitate others in finding peace and self-appreciation that can only come through the acceptance of Grace; the unmerited favor of God which is not bound by any man made religion or denomination.

Providing public education as well as trained counseling and support to the religiously wounded and those seeking to emerge from abusive relationships.

Twitter: @GraceHavenCouns

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/GraceHavenCounseling

email: gracehavencounseling@gmail.com

Caitlyn and Grace

2015-06-02T17:36:00.000-04:00

I realize that I'm going to ruffle feathers, poke the bear, be labeled a "sh*$ stirrer" with this post. Heck, I will probably loose some Facebook "friends" and followers over this one. But what has become overwhelmingly clear over the last several years is that God did not put me here to nod politely, and be demure, and keep my thoughts to myself. I tried to. I really did. For the first 35+ years. I was encouraged to...strongly. My mother's backhand to my face became my significant other's slap across my mouth or fist to my eye (or worse) when I would speak up or question or disagree. As I recently said to one of my closest friends, "I have the RIGHT to remain silent, but I simply no longer have the ABILITY". Nope. I'm convinced before Baby Eliska was born, God whispered into my ear, "Lisk, I need you to go down there and, when you grown up, I need you to use that big voice of yours. I need you to be loud...challenge people's beliefs.....challenge what they believe about ME. Shake things up a bit. Your going to make them really uncomfortable. You are going to make more enemies than true friends, but that's ok. I've got your back. I love you and I will never leave you."

So here it goes.

This all has been brewing inside of me for a while. I don't know exactly when it began, but it was sometime earlier this year when the whole wedding cake/pizza/religious freedom debacle in Indianapolis began (which, by the way, was NOT about wedding cake, pizza, OR religious freedom). Then I found out that two dear friends of mine, a lovely married couple, who just suffered the devastation of their son being stillborn last year, were asked to leave a church because they chose to support one of their other children who, as a young adult, made the decision to live life as a gender he was not assigned at birth.

THEY WERE ASKED TO LEAVE A CHURCH.

If you are a Christian I ask that you sit with that for a minute. If the house of God is not a place you can be to deal with these kinds of issues, where are you suppose to go??

Then, about 24 hours ago, the whole Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner thing turned the internet on it's ear and I foolishly read many of the comments that were being made by friends and family and Christians I respect. As a very "live out loud" Christian, I realized that by staying silent on this issue many people could assume that I feel like other Christians who have taken to the airwaves and internet to share their unsolicited opinion.

It's important to note at this point that one of my favorite quotes, one that has influenced my life greatly, is this one from Edmund Burke: "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing". This is, in part, why I feel the need to throw my unsolicited opinion about this into the overcrowded ring today. It's not that I'm "right" or "good" and anyone who believes differently than I do is "evil", but what grinds my gears about all of this is the people who are proliferating half truths to make their point. They are not trying to educate others with balanced information and allowing people to come to their own conclusion about these issues. And what really pisses me off is when people use Scripture, usually chopped up and taken completely out of context, to make their point. When did being "right" trump educating people and trusting that the Holy Spirit would convict that person as He sees fit??

In an effort to bring education and understanding, I proceed.

Most Christian’s arguments against transgender are rooted in Genesis 5:2: “[God] created them male and female.” As a clinician, I want you to know that you need to understand that there are medical conditions: Gender Dysphoria, Klinefelter syndrome (two or more X chromosome in males), and Intersex people (those persons who have physical and genetic variations that do not allow them to be strictly designated as either male or female) as well as a host of others that could be at play here. Am is saying "God made a mistake" when He made these people? NO! And neither should you! We live in a fallen world (that bit is at the beginning of The Book) and if you are going to continue to be armchair theologians, you need to figure out where these other real medical issues fit in to your theology:

"According to research conducted by Anne Fausto-Sterling of Brown University, one in 100 children are born with “bodies that differ from standard male or female” biology. This includes those children born with both a penis and a vagina, as well as those with vaginal agenesis, ovatestes, or genetic disorders such as Klinefelter syndrome. Apparently, God sometimes creates humans both male and female or neither fully male nor fully female. Intersex persons offer a critique of those who believe that gender is a static binary assigned from birth and divinely ordained. For example, what about a person who is a sexually “mosaic,” which means they have mixed gonadal dysgenesis such as the development of both ovaries and testes? It’s hard to say because Christian commentators almost never acknowledge the existence of these individuals." (from "Transgender Issues are More Complicated than Some Christians Portray")
http://jonathanmerritt.religionnews.com/2013/08/19/transgender-issues-more-complicated-than-some-christians-portray/"

1 in 100 children. That makes for a LOT of potential people reading your social media posts and/or sitting in the pews of your church waiting to see how YOU respond to Caitlyn Jenner.

Would they be welcome at your church? Do we treat people who are different, people who's issues we don't understand, like modern day lepers? What happened to the idea of Christians being "salt and light" in this world? By the way, salt was used in biblical times, as it is now: a flavor enhancer. In the same way that salt enhances the flavor of the food it seasons, the followers of Christ stand out as those who “enhance” the flavor of life in this world. Christians, living under the guidance of the Holy Spirit and in obedience to Christ, will inevitably influence the world for good, as salt has a positive influence on the flavor of the food it seasons. Where there is strife, we are to be peacemakers; where there is sorrow, we are to be the ministers of Christ, binding up wounds, and where there is hatred, we are to exemplify the love of God in Christ, returning good for evil (Luke 6:35).

RETURNING GOOD FOR EVIL.

So lets break this down: If you like it, love it. If you don't want to love it, love it. If it hurt you, love it. If you don't understand it, love it. If it's your enemy, love it. If you love it, love it some more.

Where is the Love my brothers and sisters? Some of you are so wrapped up in fearing "tolerance" and a watering down of God's Word that you have literally rendered yourself completely ineffective at the most important job He gave us: to LOVE (See below). You are trying to do work that is above your pay grade. It is not your job to judge or convict or be the critic. His light, His LOVE shining through us is suppose to draw others to Him. I love this quote from Billy Graham, “It is the Holy Spirit's job to convict, God's job to judge and my job to love.”

How close do you think the lost will get to God's Word and the Holy Spirit if they are feeling judged by you?

In the end, my unsolicited opinion is worthless. So I will take a little of my own advice and leave you with God's Word and ask that you read it and sit with it and question how you can walk out The Most Important Commandment. Be Blessed.

Luke 10:25-37New Living Translation (NLT)

The Most Important Commandment

25 One day an expert in religious law stood up to test Jesus by asking him this question: “Teacher, what should I do to inherit eternal life?”

26 Jesus replied, “What does the law of Moses say? How do you read it?”

27 The man answered, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”[a]

28 “Right!” Jesus told him. “Do this and you will live!”

29 The man wanted to justify his actions, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

Parable of the Good Samaritan

30 Jesus replied with a story: “A Jewish man was traveling from Jerusalem down to Jericho, and he was attacked by bandits. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him up, and left him half dead beside the road.

31 “By chance a priest came along. But when he saw the man lying there, he crossed to the other side of the road and passed him by. 32 A Temple assistant[b] walked over and looked at him lying there, but he also passed by on the other side.

33 “Then a despised Samaritan came along, and when he saw the man, he felt compassion for him. 34 Going over to him, the Samaritan soothed his wounds with olive oil and wine and bandaged them. Then he put the man on his own donkey and took him to an inn, where he took care of him. 35 The next day he handed the innkeeper two silver coins,[c] telling him, ‘Take care of this man. If his bill runs higher than this, I’ll pay you the next time I’m here.’

36 “Now which of these three would you say was a neighbor to the man who was attacked by bandits?” Jesus asked.

37 The man replied, “The one who showed him mercy.”

Then Jesus said, “Yes, now go and do the same.”

How You Can Keep On Hoping for What Seems Impossible

2015-05-27T23:59:00.002-04:00

What kind of blogs do people who write blogs read? A blog like the one I am sharing with you today. The blog, A Holy Experience, is written by Ann Voskamp. Goodness...when I grow up, I want to BE Ann Voskamp. ;) She is a true "writer's writer" and a beautiful light. I wanted to share her most recent post with you because I expect that, like me, there are those of you who really need to read this message. You need to feel it's encouragement wrap around your shoulders like a comforting, fuzzy blue blanket on an especially cold winter's morning when you have almost forgotten what the warmth of the summer sun on your face feels like. It can be easy to forget. Sometimes you get use to something, you forget anything is possible.

Be blessed.

Link:
http://www.aholyexperience.com/2015/05/how-you-can-keep-on-hoping-for-what-seems-impossible/?utm_source=email+marketing&utm_campaign=daily-newsletter&utm_medium=email

THRIVE

2015-03-07T16:49:00.001-05:00

My final project for my Psychology class. Very happy with how this turned out and pray it blesses you as much as it blessed me to work on. I still stand in awestruck wonder at all God has done in my life in a just few short years. He is Amazing.

Click here: THRIVE

Looking for His Hands and Feet

2014-12-02T22:16:00.000-05:00

Hi Everyone!

I have always said that God has blessed me with the most amazing, diverse, and talented group of people for friends. You are spread over 3 continents and have been my adoptive family, my prayer warriors, my true supporters in life, and that is why I am coming to you now. As many of you know, in January, I am set to finally begin my last full semester at Liberty University Online. I am scheduled to take 18 credit hours. In June I will begin my last 8 week class and do my Internship (125 hours in a clinical setting) and then write my final paper. Upon completion, I will have my degree in Psychology/Christian Counseling with a concentration in Crisis & Trauma Counseling. This area of work is one I have felt called to for over 10 years. I know I can make a difference in the lives of people who are hurting.

This is where I really need your help. Due to my struggles with Multiple Sclerosis and other Autoimmune diseases, which included me having to completely pull out of school two years ago when I was hospitalized for septic pneumonia and pleurisy, I have exhausted my grant and student loan money. I will receive help with my tuition and some of my books and materials for the my final Spring/Summer 2015 classes. What I will need assistance with is the books/materials my grants/loans will not cover, the bulk of my cost of living expenses from January-July 2015 while I complete my degree. Any other monies that come in over my set goal will be used to cover expenses for me to train for and compete in the US Adult Figure Skating Eastern Sectionals in Pittsburgh, PA in March 2014, and the US Adult National Figure Skating Championships in Salt Lake City, UT in April 2014. This is a dream I have had since before I was diagnosed with MS in 2009. I was told I would never skate again due to my illness, but God had other plans. I got back on the ice two years ago and have not looked back.

I will continue to teach skating part time, but the rink here in Morgantown closes at the end of March and, now that I am on my own, I am looking to move to a town with at least one year round facility so I can continue to train myself and train other skaters while working toward graduation.

I would like to thank each and every one of you for considering to help me reach the goals I have set for 2015 in one of two ways: (1) a monetary donation of any amount (truly, no amount is too small and will be cherished) and/or (2) praying for me, my health, and for this GoFundMe campaign so that I can reach my goals and live my dreams in 2015. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for considering this, sharing it with your friends and family via social media (people do not have to know me directly to donate or pray). In return, I promise you I will do my very best to be a light in this dark world and a helper to the hurting.

Again, thank you. Blessings to each of you and to all whom you love.

Eliska

Just click the link below and it will take you directly to my GoFundMe page. You can donate anonymously if you prefer:
http://www.gofundme.com/eliska

~Thank you for the blessing and for being His hands and feet in my life. I love you. ~

Scared

2014-07-17T21:15:00.000-04:00

If you want to know what truly scares you
Just identify the thing you
Can not
Under any circumstances
Imagine yourself living
Without.

For me
That would be
You.

No pressure.

Somewhere you know that
I know
That your self deprecating humor
Is just a facade because you
Are just as scared
As I am
And somewhere
Deep inside
You know that fact is the
Exact same reason
Why I love
You.

This is the
Test
Of time.

This
Is the stuff
Dreams and
Heartbreaks
Are made of.

I always prayed
For real
Love
Above false
Comfort
But I nothing under
God's Heaven
Prepared me for
You.

After A While You Learn

2014-05-14T19:26:00.000-04:00

It has been so long since I have posted and my only excuse is that, like the beloved fish Dory in the movie "Finding Nemo" I have been trying my best to "just keep swimming". It has been a time of enormous heartache and trials, great blessings and love...but when I saw this post today it seemed to sum up very concisely the hard truths life, and God, seem to want me to know...and not ever forget.

And I wanted to share these truths with you.

Until soon...I promise. Be Blessed.

After a while you learn...by Veronica A. Shoffstall (1971)

After some time you learn the difference, The subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning, And company doesn't always mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts, And presents aren't promises. And you begin to accept your defeats, With your head up and your eyes ahead, With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child. And you learn to build all your roads on today, Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans, And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn, That even the sun burns if you get too much, And learn that it doesn't matter how much you do care about, Some people simply don't care at all. And you accept that it doesn't matter how good a person is, She will hurt you once in a while, And you need to forgive her for that. You learn that talking can relieve emotional pain. You discover that it takes several years to build a relationship based on confidence, And just a few seconds to destroy it. And that you can do something just in an instant, And which you will regret for the rest of your life. You learn that the true friendships, Continue to grow even from miles away. And that what matters isn't what you have in your life, But who you have in your life. And that good friends are the family,Which allows us to choose.You learn that we don't have to switch our friends, If we understand that friends can also change. You realize that you are your best friend,And that you can do do anything, or nothing, And have good moments together. You discover that the people who you most care about in your life, Are taken from you so quickly, So we must always leave the people who we care about with lovely words, It may be the last time we see them. You learn that the circunstances and the enviroment have influence upon us, But we are responsible for ourselves. You start to learn that you should not compare yourself with others, But with the best you can be. You discover that it takes a long time to become the person you wish to be, And that the time is short. You learn that it doesn't matter where you have reached, But where you are going to. But if you don't know where you are going to, Anywhere will do. You learn that either you control your acts, Or they shall control you. And that to be flexible doesn't mean to be weak or not to have personality, Because it doesn't matter how delicate and fragile the situation is, There are always two sides. You learn that heroes are those who did what was necessary to be done, Facing the consequences. You learn that patience demands a lot of practice. You discover that sometimes, The person who you most expect to be kicked by when you fall, Is one of the few who will help you to stand up.You learn that maturity has more to do with the kinds of experiences you had And what you have learned from them, Than how many birthdays you have celebrated.You learn that there are more from you parents inside you than you thought. You learn that we shall never tell a child that dreams are silly, Very few things are so humiliating, And it would be a tragedy if she belived in it. You learn that when you are angry, You have the right to be angry, But this doesn't give you the right to be cruel. You discover that only because someone doesn't love you the way you would like her to,It doesn't mean that this person doesn't love you the most she can, Beacuse there are people who love us, But just don't know how to show or live that. You learn that sometimes it isn't enough being forgiven by someone, Sometimes you have to learn how to forgive yourself. You learn that with the same harshness you judge, Some day you will be condemned. You learn that it doesn't matter in how many pieces your heart has been broken,The world doesn't stop for you to fix it. You learn that time isn't something you can turn back, Therefore you must plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure. You really are strong .And you can go so farther than you thougt you could go. And that life really has a value. And you have value within the life. And that our gifts are betrayers, And make us lose The good we could conquer, If it wasn't for the fear of trying.

Vomit and Snow

2014-01-03T13:04:00.001-05:00

After our first hefty snowfall of the season it seemed like a good time to post a reprise of my New Year's blog from 2008. Be blessed.
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So it was snowing...which is pretty typical for January in Morgantown, WV. I'm not a huge fan of snow unless I'm skiing on it, however I have to admit the little flurries were kinda pretty dancing in my headlights as I drove home from my friends house that night. Talia said "Momma, I'm going to pray that we have a snow day tomorrow so we can have another day off from school!". I gently told her that while God was a big God, that it wasn't going to snow that much and that she had plenty of time off from school for Christmas break and that she should get ready for bed. At 2:00am she woke me-feverish and vomiting. She hadn't been able to make it to the bathroom, so there was quite a mess. I remember feeling worried, frustrated and ALONE. "Why God? Why am I alone to face these sorts of things? It's 2:00 in the morning, Talia is so sick and I don't have anyone who can help."

I went back to my room and sent a short text to my boss and assistant to let them know what was going on and that I wouldn't be able to be at work the next morning. I figured they would get the messages in a few hours when they woke, but within a few seconds Corey, my assistant, text me back saying he would open the Spa for me. I thought "Whew! Well at least I don't have to worry about THAT!" I rolled over, without thanking God for taking care of my work situation, and went to sleep.

Talia slept through the night. I got up that next morning to check on her and glanced out the window. Much to my shock there was at least 8 inches of snow on the ground. I thought "Oh great...this is the last thing I need. What if I have to drive her to the doctor?"

After checking on Talia (who was feeling less feverish) I came into the computer room to check my e-mails and begin my day. As I sat here I started to hear someone shoveling snow. The sound grew closer until I realized it was right below my window. Just at that moment, it hit me. I am not alone...ever. God is right there ALWAYS. He's not just there when I am praying or when I am thinking about Him...but He is there on His hands and knees with me cleaning up vomit. He is shoveling the snow.

I went downstairs and opened the door to thank this elderly man who was cleaning snow off of my sidewalk and car. He said, "My son lives here and says you're a single mom. I just wanted to help." I talked with him a bit, thanked him again and wished him a Happy New Year. The tears started rolling down my cheeks before I got the door closed. Because of my nature to scream "What about ME!" when things are rough, I nearly missed the presence of God.

May you see Him...His presence, His leading, His love in those "small" moments. God doesn't always show us His love and awesome power in parting a sea or flooding the earth. Sometimes He just uses some vomit and snow.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, there was no school in Monogalia County that next day.

Three Years

2013-12-02T12:11:00.000-05:00

Today marks three years since I held my Gran and watched as she passed from my arms into the arms of her King. In some ways it feels like it was yesterday. In most ways it feels so much longer than that. I miss her every single day. I am confident that I will be with her again. I would like to post the tribute I wrote 2011 on this day. Another year has passed, but the feelings are exactly the same. I am sure they will remain the same until I once again look into her beautiful blue eyes...

"Did You Ever Know You Were My Hero?"

A tribute to Mary Louise Eye

On 12/2/10 at 3:45am I looked into your beautiful blue eyes for the last time and held you as you took your last breath. You lived a life dedicated to your family, friends, and your God. You were the single greatest example to me of unconditional love and you were more my mother and best friend than my Grandmother. Oh yes, you scolded me and were stern at times, and you were never shy about giving me a piece of your mind, but it was always because you loved me so deeply and wanted the best for me...a better life than what you had. Your father was killed while you were in your mother's womb. You were a hard worker from the time you were a small child to help your mom make ends meet and to just scrape by, and you were a dedicated and wonderful student. You didn't go to college, but your wisdom knew no end, and you continued to read and learn well into your 80's. You loved your Lord with all your heart and soul and you served Him all your life. You suffered much. You watched your mother, husband, son in law, and all your 10 brothers and sisters as well as many dear friends pass away before you, yet you did so with dignity and grace. You loved your family beyond measure, and you were the glue that held us all together. You encouraged me, you were proud of me, you even listened to me on the radio! ;) And you taught me about Jesus from the time I was a little girl which is the greatest gift anyone could give to another. You didn't just teach me about being a Christian, you showed me and many others what that really means. You were the most loving great grandmother to my children and you helped me raise them. They are wonderful people because of you. You and I argued, cried together, debated, learned, reminisced, and laughed together, I worried you, you worried me, but there was nothing we wouldn't do for each other. You even made your one and only airplane trip to help me when I was ill. My most precious memories are when we would make popcorn and I would lean up against you on the couch and we would would watch "The Love Boat" and "Fantasy Island" on Saturday nights and you would sleep upstairs with me because I was too scared too sleep up there alone. You're love was sacrificial. You thought of others before yourself -always. You were my rock and this year without you has been devastating, yet I know that you are exactly where you belong-in Heaven walking with Jesus and your loved ones, and wearing a beautiful crown of glory. I can't think of anyone who deserves it more. As the apostle Paul said, you ran the race and you fought the good fight, This is your reward. Yes, I miss you every single day. Yes I still cry because I feel totally lost without you. And yes, I know the first thing you're going to say to me when I get to Heaven is "Liska, why did you waste time crying over me?" (AND you're going to scold me BIG TIME for getting a tattoo of a cross for you ;) But Grandma, when I felt your soul leave your body, a part of me left with you. As I said at your funeral, 'You were my defender and I was your black sheep". No one understood me or ever loved me like you, but I am so happy that you, the person who made me who I am today...my Queen... is with her King. I live for the day I get to see you and hold you again Grandma and never, ever, ever have to say goodbye.

As you know, this is the song I had played at your funeral Wind Beneath My Wings You will always be my hero.

Grace

2013-09-18T08:25:00.001-04:00

I am perfect in my imperfection because of Grace

Grace is an inflated raft that can submerge to the floor of a sea to save you.

Grace is the silver thread that stitches up the shreds of mangled souls.

Grace is the eye that finds us where it refuses, there, to leave us.

Grace calls the waitress to the table and sits her down to wash her feet.

Grace sees underneath the manhole on a street of self-destruction.

Grace is the air to draw a breath in the belly of a whale.

Grace is the courage to stand in the shamed wake of a frightful falling.

Grace is the only fire hot enough to burn down a living hell.

Grace waits with healing in His wings when we’re too mad to pray.

Grace is the gravity that pulls us from depravity.

Grace races us to the Throne when we make haste to repent and always outruns us.

Grace treats us like we already are what we fear we’ll never become.

Grace is the doorpost dripping red when the angel of death grips the knob.

Grace is the stamp that says Ransomed on a life that screams Ruined.

Grace sets a table before me in the presence of my enemy even when my enemy is me.

Grace is the cloak that covers the naked and the palm that drops the rock.

Grace is divine power burgeoning in the absence of all strength.

Grace proves God true and every self-made man a liar for the sake of his own soul.

Grace is the power to do what we cannot do for the Name of Christ to go where it has not been.

Grace is a room of a thousand mirrors, all reflecting the face of Christ.

Grace is…

The eye popping

Knee dropping

Earth quaking

Pride breaking

Dark stabbing

Heart grabbing

Friend mending

Mind bending

Lame walking

Mute taking

Slave freeing

Devil fleeing

Death tolling

Stone rolling

Veil tearing

Glory flaring

Chin lifting

Sin sifting

Dirt bleaching

World reaching

Past covering

Spirit hovering

Child defending

Happy ending

Heaven glancing

Feet dancing…

Power of the Cross.

Jesus Christ, Grace Incarnate.

At Seventeen

2013-04-11T12:05:00.000-04:00

She's Seventeen today. Wow. Wait...How can that be true? That went by so amazingly fast. I know every parent says that. But it seems it all only lasted a heartbeat's length. I am trying to wrack my MS'd brain...trying to fumble for the 'Rewind' button so I can go back and watch it all over again...being careful--this time--to pay attention to all of The Sights (her sleeping heavy in my arms--all stuffed and drunk on milk--all of "The First's"--the First Time I saw her face, her First Steps, her First Day of school), The Smells (baby powder kisses and fresh out of the dryer hugs), The Sounds (her musical, infectious laughter that bubbled up out of her little body and had the power to instantly cause a smile on every set of lips within earshot). Can I just see it all again, just one more time?

She's a young Woman now....and what a fine one she is. She is Wise so far beyond her years--and ancient soul in this young, healthy body. Yet, her Kindness and Consideration for others harkens back to a simpler time, many decades ago. Her Nana would be proud.

She is Brave. More brave than anyone I've ever met. She has seen hand to hand combat, looked evil in the eye and stared it down. She has known both Loss and Death. She has felt Pain that would have caused someone three times her age to cry for mercy, yet she set her jaw and kept going.

She is Beautiful. Not restricted by the conventional...she radiates a Light from within. She is His, and it shows. She is Grace...even when she stumbles in her high heels.

She is Love. She's filled with it to the point that it almost oozes out of every pore. The world has tried to stamp this out of her. She had every excuse to become angry and bitter and to replace her love with hate, but the world was unsuccessful in it's efforts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Dearest Talia Beth,

I don't have a lot to give you, on this, your seventeenth birthday. I won't be able to throw you a huge party or give you the keys to a new car or a diamond (your birthstone)---all of which you deserve, and so much more. All I have to give you is my words and all the things that have been yours since the moment your little heart started keeping rhythm with mine--my Gratitude, my Trust, my Admiration and undying Devotion and Love.

This seems so unfair to me...it's your birthday, but it was I who received The Gift 17 years ago...and every single day since then. I got to be your Momma.

You are this lovely multifaceted little creature dipped in honey and sprinkled with star shine. If I live another month or 50 more years I will never do anything greater with my life than bringing you and your brother into it.

This song is for you. I know you don't always see your extreme Beauty and your priceless Value and Worth, but making you aware of those gifts--and all the gifts you have been given by God--is the greatest thing a mother could do for her child At Seventeen...and beyond.

Happy Birthday Talia. Your happiness remains my Joy, forever.

I love you,

~Momma

"AT SEVENTEEN"

By Janis Ian
I learned the truth at seventeen
That love was meant for beauty queens
And high school girls with clear skinned smiles
Who married young and then retired
The valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
Were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth...
And those of us with ravaged faces
Lacking in the social graces
Desperately remained at home
Inventing lovers on the phone
Who called to say "come dance with me"
And murmured vague obscenities
It isn't all it seems at seventeen...
A brown eyed girl in hand me downs
Whose name I never could pronounce
Said: "Pity please the ones who serve
They only get what they deserve"
The rich relationed hometown queen
Marries into what she needs
With a guarantee of company
And haven for the elderly...
So remember those who win the game
Lose the love they sought to gain
In debitures of quality and dubious integrity
Their small-town eyes will gape at you
In dull surprise when payment due
Exceeds accounts received at seventeen...
To those of us who knew the pain
Of valentines that never came
And those whose names were never called
When choosing sides for basketball
It was long ago and far away
the world was younger than today
when dreams were all they gave for free
to ugly duckling girls like me...
We all play the game, and when we dare
We cheat ourselves at solitaire
Inventing lovers on the phone
Repenting other lives unknown
That call and say: "Come on, dance with me"
And murmur vague obscenities
At ugly girls like me, at seventeen...

Watch the video of "At Seventeen" here

The Littlest Hero

2013-04-03T00:42:00.001-04:00

By Guest Blogger: Scott DeWitt

I need to get this out so bear with me. Today we went to court with a friend. I saw both the rational, fair side of justice and also the side that the victim should not be made to suffer. Please dont ask for names but I feel I must speak about this so that it makes a little more sense, at least to me. Our friend and her daughter sat in the courtroom and listened to the "person" who raped the child, try and express his remorse and explain away his actions ( he spoke first). He never took his eyes off of the judge's bench, he never changed the inflection of his voice, not wavering, not angry, no detectable emotion. When my friend spoke, she gave a detailed accounting of what she understood, the why's and how's of coming to her opinion of the rapists' sentence and was heartfelt and upset as a good Mother should and would have been.

This part was hard for me to watch. I saw a small slip of a girl, both trembling and digging her nails into her fists the ENTIRE time everyone was speaking. When her time came, she was hesitant to talk and the judge urged her "because it had been her experience that the victim's healing process" would be speedier and forthcoming if she DID speak. Her small hands clutched a ream of papers with her account. She shook like a dry leaf in the wind, her voice wavered and was so small. The absolute worst part was that child trying to get out the things that had been done to her. I cannot and will not relate them because it gives me chills and angers me to the point of wanting to harm someone. She reminded me that hers was not a lone burden, there are far too many like her, bearing the pain and humiliation and guilt that come with being raped. My heart was breaking and yet I was so enraged at what he had done and that she was being subjected to it yet again, this time by the court. A necessary evil, I suppose.

He will serve a mixed sentence that is by no means easy. I will not disclose the particulars but suffice it to say that justice was served, although some may not agree with the method. He will forever be reminded of what he did, he will suffer for several years a mental strain and anguish by the judge imposing severe restrictions and impositions on him. The Mother forgave him, the child was to sick and frightened. I cannot forgive him or any of the others that do these heinous acts. Most are not remorseful and never will be. Perhaps someday he will TRULY pay for what he did. I am going to bed now and I will leave this space for you all to write your thoughts and comments but again, please don't ask me for particulars. Tonight my friends, I truly pray to my God after what I witnessed, for peace. Peace for that little girl, her Mother, family and friends and I pray that justice be served to the monster that caused this and all of his kind.

Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes

2013-02-07T07:00:00.000-05:00

Today marks one year since my best friend, Loray Robinson suddenly and unexpectedly passed from this life. In some ways it feels like it just happened. In other ways, it feels like it's been decades since I heard her laughter. My heart is still just as broken as it was on that bright sunny morning last year. I would like to take the opportunity on this day to share with you the words I spoke at her funeral. If you knew Loray please take a moment today to honor her memory by showing someone an extra measure of kindness--be it a warm smile, encouragement, a cheerful salutation, or taking the time to thank someone for a job well done. Also, call your best friend...don't put it off. I was suppose to call Loray at 3pm the day she died. I never got the opportunity to make that call.

When I spoke with Loray’s sister Shirley Saturday night and she asked me if I would like to speak at this service today I immediately said yes, but when I hung up the phone I was absolutely panic stricken that, for the first time in almost 25 years, I wouldn’t be able to find the right words to say ...because I now know there truly is a grief that can not be spoken.

I met Loray in 1987 when I had just turned 21 years old. I was a single mom in the middle of a divorce and I pretty much had the words “trauma and drama” written all over me, but Ray chose to look past all of that. She saw my worth as a person and took me under her wing. That’s what she did with everyone she came in contact with. My relationship with Loray, while so dear and precious to me, was not unique. If you were blessed enough to be her friend, her family, her coworker, her listener...then you were adored by her. We were all in her “family” and there was simply nothing she would not do for us. Her love was sacrificial.

I owe so much to her. She encouraged my radio career which she started in 1988 and I went on to be an announcer from coast to coast for nearly 20 years. She gave me my wings so I could fly and I took her with me wherever I went. I guess it’s only fair that she took part of me with her to her new Heavenly home Tuesday morning.

So I called her cell phone the day after she passed...just so I could hear her voice on her voicemail message. The really strange thing is I left her a message. "Ray it's me. If you're picking up your messages in Heaven, I want you to know that I love you, and I miss you...really bad Ray Ray....really bad..." What I also should've said (with my cracking voice and through the non stop tears) is that I hope she is seeing what is going on here in the town she loved, by all of the people she loved. I want her to see her impact...and I am sure she is somewhere all wide eyed saying "I had no idea!" because she never completely knew her value...that is actually part of what made her so special. Loray Christine has left us a legacy....a legacy of love and laughter. May we rise to her example and cause more laughter than we do tears, and treat everyone we meet like they are the most important person in the world, like she did. Loray had pain and heartbreak in her life at times...but just because she had pain she knew she didn't have to be a pain.

Loray lived a life that will transcend all restrictions of space and time...life and death. My life is infinitely better because I knew Loray Robinson. She was a game changer. I am forever changed and forever thankful.

I hope you, her friends and family, will join me in rising to the challenge of spreading her legacy...a legacy of pure love, light, and laughter.

I love you Loray. “Do take care my friend”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One thing I know Ray Ray is I will never be Over You. I miss you. I love you. Watch Miranda Lambert's beautiful yet haunting video for "Over You" (my song for Loray) here.

Beauty in the Brokenness

2013-01-31T22:52:00.000-05:00

"When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something has suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful." ~Darla Jackson, Sculpturist

I was an inexpensive vase. I was common and easily found, one might say, and no one had to look very long or very far or go out of their way at all to find me or one of the thousands that looked just like me. You couldn't even tell us apart really. I didn't have any real characteristics that made me special. Some might say I was useful--practical--I performed my job adequately. I certainly wasn't unique or lovely, and you certainly could never describe me as "art". I was, for all intents and purposes, disposable...easily replaced..."cheap". Then one day the most fortunate series of events happened, It started the day I was completely destroyed. Broken beyond recognition. Instead of being taken to the curb to be thrown out with the rest of the trash someone gathered the pieces of my former self and decided I was worth repairing...saving. Not only would I be mended using a common bonding substance, but the cracks of my body, mind, and soul would be filled with one of the most valuable substances known to man-GOLD!!. The liquified gold was carefully, almost lovingly, poured into what pieces were left of me. The gold traced each blemish, each break, each imperfection...each crack caused by the trauma of being destroyed. It was those very points of impact that now shimmered brightly in the light and demanded every eye's attention. Beauty took the place of the unsightly scars. I actually treasure each of those scars now because I became so much more valuable because of the very damage that destroyed my former self. There is always so much more beauty that can be found after brokenness if you are wise enough to look for it and have a soul pure enough to treasure it. Strive to see with your soul. You're eyes will deceive you every time.

Be Blessed.

I wish this would've been written for me (aka Fairy Tale, Lost)

2013-01-24T08:06:00.000-05:00

A Conversation with Myself:

Broken hearts, when destroyed for no reason, have a way of twisting you on the inside. You lose a part of yourself. A piece of you dies and sometimes that piece festers and infects the whole of who you are. It can devastate your life, cause you to question reality...and especially yourself, (can I trust anyone?). You begin to question your own sanity. It haunts your existence and consumes your time and paralyzes you and renders you unable of giving the amazing amount of love that you thought you had to give to others who are so much more deserving. But you find no love left--not even for yourself. Not even for God.

"But it doesn't have to be this way...only if you let it" they say. "You're the better person, and there's a big world to make up for that small piece you lost" they say.

I guess that's true. I guess it sounds like those are the right things to say.. But...God help me...I know I still wish this had been written for me.

However, I know the truth...now. I know it wasn't. None of them were ever written for me. I hate the consuming pain and grief with it's pounding heart and light headedness and gut twisting sensations that make it difficult to breath, or move. Wondering that if you dare to stand will your knees really support the weight of your thinning frame? I hate that I was such a fool and allowed someone to treat my body, my spirit, and my heart so carelessly. But this is my penance. After all, I invited him in to the depths of me. I opened every door. I trusted.

I hate that I trusted someone who used me and was capable of throwing me away and treating me as if I never, ever was Anything.
At.
All.
Ever.

It's the feeling of insignificance that causes ones spirit to wither and die a little more each day.

When I catch you when you’re falling
Will you tell me how you fell?
When I hold you when you’re crying
Will you let me share your tears?
When I help you find the answers
Will you tell me of your questions?
When I love the beauty in your years
Will you let me see you smile?
When I make myself a poem
Can I sing for you my song?
When I help you unfold your wings
Can I teach you how to fly? -------------
When you tell me how you fell
You help me find my balance
When you let me share your tears
I no longer need to cry
When you let me see you smile
I know the beauty in our years
When you tell me of your questions
You help me find the answers
When I sing for you my song
You make my life a poem
When you learn to use your wings
You teach me how to fly -------------

Little Girl Lost

2013-01-09T07:43:00.000-05:00

The following poem was written by my young friend Katie. Katie has been, and continues to be, sexually, physically, and emotionally abused by people in her life who are suppose to protect her. Will you please join me in praying for Katie and the thousands just like her who are wondering how they are going to make it though this day.

I love you Katie Girl and God loves you more.
xoxox

Cant be more broken whats left to destroy
because eveytime i end up someones toy

As much as i try to help others be set free
my regrets, abuse, and family all still torture me

I'm lost in this world and nowhere to be found
but at least i have jesus when im feeling down

I have learned to fight off the pain i have lived
and because of god and people that love me i can forgive

I realize now what i am worth
and all the things i can do to help fix this earth

I'm only 15 but im as strong as i can be
im no longer the victim i am set free

Thank you to those who help me get though
please know i love and care for you

Soul Vomit Anthology

2012-12-18T12:41:00.001-05:00

I am very proud to be one of the contributing authors for the "Soul Vomit: Beating Domestic Violence" annual anthology. Several of my works that the readers of this blog are familiar with are included in this initial anthology as well as my multi media art work, "Forever and Half a Day". Proceeds from the sale of this anthology will be used to stop all forms of domestic violence and abuse. You can order your copy of this anthology by clicking here. Thank you to everyone who helped make this dream a reality and let's continue to stop violence against women. Together.

The Soul Vomit annual anthology aims to help society open its eyes to this painful epidemic hiding behind closed family doors all over the world. Domestic violence is often unreported, unseen, and unknown, which is why it is our duty to raise awareness and encourage strength in bystanders to call the police, report suspicious behaviors, and be a friend to someone who is in a violent home environment.

Sometimes, the abuse is only emotional... when a victim doesn't have a black eye or any bruises but is verbally assaulted every day by someone who should love them, they need someone to see their pain and fear, even if that someone is a stranger.

Soul Vomit is about raising awareness about and helping to end domestic violence and abuse. Stories, poetry, art, and essays are

collected from all over the world to help victims and survivors be heard!

Help end domestic violence by making noise about it.

Watch the Soul Vomit Video Trailer

Two Years

2012-12-02T14:29:00.001-05:00

Today marks two years since I held my Gran and watched as she passed from my arms into the arms of her King. In some ways it feels like it was yesterday. In most ways it feels so much longer than that. I miss her every single day. I am confident that I will be with her again. I would like to post the tribute I wrote last year on this day. A year has passed, but the feelings are exactly the same. I am sure they will remain the same until I once again look into her beautiful blue eyes...

"Did You Ever Know You Were My Hero?"

A tribute to Mary Louise Eye

Loud Voices: Breaking the Silence of Domestic Violence

2012-11-03T22:53:00.000-04:00

I recently had the honor of speaking at this year's Loud Voices event sponsored by RDVIC and held at Terra Cafe in Morgantown, WV. This is my second year in a row at this event and even though Hurricane Sandy made it a very windy and rainy night, I was so happy to be there to share and hear the work of other survivors. Below is video of two of the four pieces I shared as well as some of the backstory for each piece. My love to you all. Be blessed.

Watch "Forever And Half A Day" here

Watch "Hair" here

The Pixel Project's Paint It Purple 2012: "People and Pets Say NO!" Photo Initiative

2012-10-04T19:27:00.003-04:00

Family pets are frequently also victims of domestic violence and sometimes, they are one of the prime reasons why a woman and her kids can’t leave the abusive home behind because they are unable to take the pet with them.

On the flip side, pets and animals such as trained dogs and horses also help with the healing process for women and girls recovering from rape, assault and abuse.

This Domestic Violence Awareness Month, The Pixel Project invites anyone and everyone who has family pets or work with animals (be it dogs, cats, birds, fish, horses, tortoises etc) to take a picture of yourself and your pet while holding up white paper or board as a sign that says: “We say NO!”

Taking part is super simple – here’s what you do:

Step 1: Get your sign done!

Here’s what your sign should say

Your name & your pet’s name

your city, your country:

We say NO!

Step 2: Get everyone organised! You can have just a simple picture of you and your pet, or a group picture of your family/community and their pets. In solidarity with Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we ask that you wear something purple!

Step 3: Say “CHEESE!” for the camera! Pick somewhere with good lighting and background where both you and your pet can be seen clearly!

Note: Make sure that your picture is a JPG or PNG format file that is between 800kb – 1.2MB in size for maximum clarity.

Step 4: Get purple! If you do not have a purple outfit, you can use Photoshop to purple-ise your picture (or if you don’t have Photoshop, just send your picture in and we’ll purple-ise it for you!)

Step 5: Label and submit your picture! Label your picture file as Your Name – Your City – Your Country (e.g. Regina Yau – Kuala Lumpur – Malaysia). Then email your picture topixelprojectteam@gmail.com and we will add it to our online galleries.

Naked

2012-08-22T21:43:00.000-04:00

I wasn't sure I would ever post this for public consumption. I wrote it while dawn was breaking one morning last week and I sent it to the muse that inspired it. I am sharing with you because it is me...at my most Naked...and it is the way I am feeling tonight.

Be blessed.

Naked

You never forget the exact moment you are aware you are naked.

Absence of the image, bare of the armor.

The moment when time stops.

The moment you hand over your heart.

Other people and sounds quickly disappear,

And you are blissfully transported to another reality...

Your face--your eyes especially--became the center of my awareness,

The center of my universe

It was in that moment I stopped fleeing...fearing... fighting

And for the first time in forever,

Indulged Hope.

Ah Love...

What a wretched, horrible thing it is.

Vulnerability, with its sickly, weak sensation

Gently caresses the base of my throat

And then begins to squeeze.

I feel my strength, and my resolve

Leave quickly and completely.

The moment I heard my first fairy tale as a child

I began looking for you.

It was a long and painful journey

The walls grew high

The heart grew cold from defeat

Instead of you

I found safety.

Being vulnerable is saying "I love you" first

And not hearing it echoed back.

Being naked is being aware that you stand alone
And exposed.

Realizing that the unknown is an ocean.

You're in the middle of it and suddenly remember

You never really learned how to swim.

What I wouldn't give

To return to that first night.

A night sky filled with countless stars,

A future of endless possibilities.

The way you kept looking at me

As if you couldn't convince your eyes to look away.

You told me,

"The broken heart is the one that is still beating"

I would add,

"Real hearts break and bleed,

That's how you know they are real."