“I can’t believe it”

“What I’d do to tap that”

“That can’t be her, no way, she said she was in New York”

“Wonder how much”

“Shut the f&^^ up! It aint like that”

“What’d ya mean it ain’t like that…look at her. (Beat) Wait a minute, you know her?”

Silence.

“Ya, not sure tho…yea it’s her,huh, wonder who she’s meeting”

“Go over there…”

“No way!”

“Go over there and just be like, hey, you know, wow, like, yea”

“No, I’m gonna see if she recognizes me, and, ah comes over. I’m not going over there. Dude, she’s the one I was telling you about, you know at Runyon…totally hit it off…she had that flirt thing going on and I’m all like cool and whatever and she had that look, you know checking you out …”

“….more like figuring out your monetary digits…’

(Laughs) “…yea. No but really we talked for like an hour and she says she has to go cause she’s packing for New York, for good, leavin, I think she said this week, and gives me her number, in case I ever make it there. Actually I ask for it and she takes my phone and plugs it in herself”

“Sh&%. When was this again?”

“Last Sunday.”

“Didya call her?”

“No”

Silence. In perfect unison they look over at her.

“Why didn’t ya call her? Dude, leave her a good bye gift or something. She’s looking right over here.”

He looks. She waves. He waves. No one moves. Stalemate. Seriously?…someone move. Really?

“Go over there”

“No way man”

She dines, alone. He gets back to his papers and drink, glancing every now and again in her direction.  She takes out what looks like a journal and writes. She doesn’t look over for the rest of the evening, except for once, when they get up to leave.

Sigh.

What is it? Ego? Pride? Games? All of the above? They could be missing that once in a lifetime connection….or not. All that ‘stuff’ we make up in our mind is exactly that — made up. Missed opportunity or not, you never know unless you take that chance.  Then if it’s a no, you know. If it’s not, then…..

That’s my opinion. What’s yours? Should he have made the move or should she have?

”

Bar Voices

Hal’s Bar and Grill.  Abbot Kinney.

A bustling Saturday night.  The scene — an almost even mix of couples, friends, girls night out, single men and some single women, very few.  I find a spot at the bar, and order a glass of red.  Two ladies are seated to my left – one was sipping what looked like a Cosmo and the other near inhaled a very Dirty Martini.  If I were to guess, I’d say they were good friends sportin late 30′s.  And so it goes:

“I call it text-ating. (laughs) No really. It’s all people do.”

“I know right?”

“It’s the fastest way to know whether you have a date or not, where, when, in less than 10 flat.”

“I don’t get it. I like to text for stuff like when I’m running late and all. And maybe to confirm a time…but…”

“Phone conversations take too much time apparently.  And another thing, have you noticed guys, and maybe it’s LA, expect us to be pro-active, right out of the gate.”

“It’s so ass backwards, I think. I mean, I don’t have an issue with knowing what you want and going after it. But call me old fashioned, I want to be courted, at least in the beginning.”

“Me too! Last week I meet this guy at a cafe. We talk and he’s cute and all, I’ve seen him there before. Anyway, he hands me his business card and says …’hey, call me, I’d like to get together with you.” So I say, ‘…if you’re interested, you call me.’ Then handed him my card.”

“Oh  f$%& really?, what did he say?”

“He says ‘…come on, don’t be so difficult.’

“He said difficult?”

“Yea, difficult – seriously? Am I missing something? I don’t know, maybe it’s the guys I’m picking or maybe it’s me.”

“It’s not you girl, it’s weird out there.”

Women, do you wish more men would take initiative? Guys, do you want women to go after you?

Would love to hear from you!!

So, here’s the 911 on SMS, FYI. K?

For many, LOL, OMG and BFF are as common as sense, but I have to admit, the first time I got LMAO, I thought WTH (what the heck) while SMH. Took me a few days to respond cuz I wasn’t ‘hangin with the slang.’ Feel me? I had no idea that LMAO meant (laughing my A off).  Argh. While some lingo makes phonetic sense like sok, plz or gr8, others…well…got me, yup u guessed it SMH. Take this one – r u da? Seriously? What’s da? Dumb, da bomb, Dada, what? Or whaa? which is what with an attitude. It’s brilliant, really. Remove a consonant, add a vowel, whatev…change both – like in dewd or just add a consonant, like in hott and it turns ordinary words into somethin alil spicier.  As it turns out, da means there. Are you there? SMH.

I do like the visual acronyms like mlm, ha! And LOL at the down right silly – PNATMBC (pay no attention to the man behind the curtain) or DRD (Department of Redundancy Department).  Oh and for all u parents out da with kids on mobiles, keep an eye out for PA, PAL, PAW and PBB – yup – parent alert, parents are listening, parents are watching, parent behind back!

I’m thinkin several recent ex-political figures might’ve benefited from the nondescript lingo…yes, I went da…RTBS for these folks…(reason to be single)!

Once u doo get a handle on the ‘handle’ it is EZ and PANS (pretty awesome new stuff). While there r hundreds of acronyms, NP, y’all (no problem), I got u.  Here’s a top 50 list FWIW (for what it’s worth) 4 the SMS inclined, aight? http://www.netlingo.com/top50/popular-text-terms.php

BB4N Whaa? Look it up! JK. Bye bye for now.

Hey Lil,

So here I am, in downtown New York City, sitting at a local restaurant/bar called Nadine’s.  Artwork of half nude Ruben-esque women on the walls. Cherub statues
holding up the Greek-like, white linen colored columns dispersed throughout the
room. Nina Simone playing over the speakers. A 60+ gentleman sitting to my far
right, alone. Two girls to my immediate right chattering about what he said to
her and why she left him or her or whomever. An older man and younger woman to
my left — are they together? I wonder. Is he married? She looks distant — what’s she thinking? Is she happy? New York City is filled with colorful characters. And then there’s me, a fresh face wearing a palpable eagerness, attempting to fit into a culture that is quite clearly foreign — yet familiar. Here I await the world of New York City theatre, the class I’ve dreamed of taking since childhood. The desire and excitement still aching inside of me. As much as I feel I don’t fit in, business suit and all, yes, I didn’t have time to change, I do fit in, within.  I’m wholly comfortable in this environment — these people do not scare me — I find them all interesting. Nina Simone is singing “Someday he’ll come along, the man I love…” Candles lit, enclosed in chiseled glass holders — lit — alive — just like the people here.  Just like me.  Oops, Generation Gap moment: Nina belts out a rendition of Blue Moon. The older man begins to sing along then says to his companion, ‘have you heard this song?’  I turn my head quickly to catch her response. ‘No,’ she says, then smiles. He kisses her. I guess it doesn’t matter to either one of them. It’s funny, almost everyone who walks in knows the bartender and each other. They are each other’s family — Nadine’s is their home.  Much like theatre… and this city is my home.

Okay, I’m off to class!  Yea me!

It’s dated 1692, English writer unknown.  Desiderata.  (Latin: “desired things”).

Why was the writer unknown? Where was it written? What inspired the poem?

Thanks to Google and the like, I discovered much about Desiderata not revealed in the letter.  Spiritual writer and attorney from Terre Haute, Indiana, Max Ehrmann, penned the prose poem in 1927.  Not so mysterious and romantic as unknown English writer from the 17th century, but none the less fascinating.  In my online research I discovered that when former Ambassador to the United Nations Adlai Stevenson died in 1965, a guest in his home found a copy of Desiderata near his bedside and discovered that Stevenson had planned to use it in his Christmas cards.

Exactly why Ehrmann wrote Desiderata, which gained much fame after Stevenson’s death, is not immediately known — save this quote “because it counsels those virtues I felt myself most in need of.”  It’s rumored he straddled two realities – that of his profession and his personal calling as a poet.

Nearly eight decades later…the words contained in this poem couldn’t be more appropriate for the world we live in today.  Words that are timeless and immortal.  And in this season of giving, he speaks a rare and beautiful truth about what truly matters.  “With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.”  Ehrmann never did experience the fame and popularity of his poem, yet, each time it is read I believe his spirit lives on.

DESIDERATA

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

I share his words with you.

E. E. Cummings

I Carry Your Heart With Me
by E. E. Cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
                                  i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

It’s been said that some of the greatest stories told are those which come from heartache or heart throb.  And these stories are great because so many people can relate to the emotions most viscerally as if ripped from the pages of their own life.  As I stood at Aqua Lounge in Beverly Hills on that particular Wednesday prepared to listen to the Los Angeles-based all-female rock band aptly named Anatomy of Her (AOH), I didn’t know what to expect.  I certainly didn’t think I would relate.  In truth, as a classically trained pianist with a predilection for pop, I’m not much of a hard rock enthusiast – I was there to purely support the guitarist, back up vocalist and co-founder of AOH, Erin Earl, who doubles as manager of our local restaurant/bar, Piknic.  I went with an open mind and heart.  The moment they took the stage, I was pulled in – the sounds, rhythm and vocals were nothing short of awesome.  The music has soul; a raw, edgy undertone that complements an essence of feminine power, vulnerability and natural sensuality (yes!) and when I tuned into the lyrics I immediately connected to the stories told, of pain and loss, love and passion, life’s purpose.  AOH spoke to me and clearly to the audience which jumped to their feet in response to their stirring performance.

Rounding out the rock quartet, Nikki Graveline (Drums and co-founder of AOH), Bree Earl (Bass) and Denise Lorraine (Lead Vocals), AOH live by their motto everyday – Fight to Dream.  “We take all that we’ve been through in our lives which, between the four of us, is a lifetime of ‘throwing-your-life-away’ and turn it into a fight! A fight for our life to be about our dream; music,” said Erin Earl. 

A dream they shared with their established and new fan base as they rocked the house with a rousing, powerful repertoire conveying passion and dexterity chock full of driving bass lines, killer guitar riffs and commanding percussion.  

Opening the set with ‘Beneath the Surface’ the band was effusive, filling the intimate space with vibrations reminiscent of female rock icon Joan Jett.  Flawlessly belting out her vocals, Lorraine followed with ‘Fading Away’ the band’s personal favorite (written by the lead vocalist recounting the end of a particularly difficult relationship).

“I wanted to be the one to fix all of his problems but that was impossible because we were both heading in different directions, like the song says we were fading away,” said Lorraine.  “The bridge is my favorite — I tried to erase them, but I can’t be your savior.” 

Lorraine admits she writes from a place of wanting to preserve the pain and hurt as not to forget the people and experiences in her life. The haunting words of Hotel California come to my mind, ‘…some dance to remember, some dance to forget…’

Halfway through the performance we came to cover ‘Love Song’ by the Cure which further endeared them to the audience as they cheered and danced.  By virtue of sheer virtuosity and an innate connection between the instrumentalists and vocalists themselves, they rampaged through ‘Falls to Pieces’, ‘Get Down’, ‘Steal Your Body’ and set finale ‘Army’ (inspired by Flyleaf) which tells a tale of finding a higher purpose in life beyond the ignorance and blindness that can consume.  I want to be free from the guilty and mindless, loveless and blindness. Call me into your Army.

In the end, I stood inspired and impacted by the sounds and soul of AOH – a fan overnight with a new appreciation for hard rock and these female rockers who tell like it is.

“There’s nothing we want more than to make music our career. We live and breathe music, so that would be a dream come true. We’re hoping to hear ourselves on the radio one day soon and be out touring the country,” says Lorraine.

What’s next for the fab four who recently signed with record manager Golden Leaf Records – a recording of the band’s favorites and a career making relationship with a major record label.  

In this humble writer’s opinion, Anatomy of Her has what it takes to make their mark in the all-female rock band landscape, breaking barriers along the way in their fight to dream …and win.

Catch the next performance of Anatomy of Her August 30^th, at 10:30 pm at Skinny’s Lounge, 4923 Lankershim Blvd, North Hollywood, CA 91601.   For more information email anatomyofher@yahoo.com or visit Anatomy of Her Facebook.

In the day of impersonal contact thanks to texting and email or social media sites, it’s lovely to experience the human connection.

My personal relationship with Piknic occurred about 7 months ago during a particularly challenging time.  Without getting into any detail, it was a moment or series of moments that connected to one event that hit me blind side.  One evening, I was fed up and with a sense of purpose and abandon I walked into Piknic and sat at the bar…with my journal.  Yes, it was my plan to drink wine and journal, on that rather social Thursday night at the bar.  It was very crowded, however, there was a stool waiting for me and soon after a great glass of red.  I went to town, sipping my glass of red and writing, writing and sipping…as if no one was around me, as if I was sitting at my coffee bar in my kitchen.  If it wasn’t for the ambient sounds of people connecting with people, the chatter about life, love, sex and the economy – not necessarily in that order – I would have felt at home.  Not that I couldn’t throw a killer party with the same scene in my home, but that’s not the point. The point is Piknic became home for me that night.   It was a safe reprieve from my external and internal world.

As for the journaling – well that didn’t last too long. I met someone.  And had a great conversation and shared more wine and realized quickly that what I really needed was the human connection.  And perhaps another point of view, a laugh, several laughs actually and as I began to take in this person, I began to take in everyone in the bar – the scene, the individuals who obviously knew each other, the energy.  I shared my name with several few and learned their name and left Piknic jazzed, excited, and happy. I was touched – emotional and spiritually that night.

Fast forward, to a recent summer afternoon, the sun’s rays diminished yet still glowing.  I’m sitting outdoors near the fire pit with my son and several friends, my posse, enjoying a lite dinner and great company.  I watch as friends walk in, pull up a chair and join.  I watch as my son laughs and jokes with our friends and the staff.  I watch as the manager, who I just discover plays in a band, invites us all to her show.  And our table grows and there’s talk about plans to meet for a basketball game, farmers market, a night out to dance…guitar hero.  And I reflect, months back, when I was feeling anxious and unsure of why I was here and what I was going to do next – supposed to do next.  Not loving LA and not loving much of any place connected to LA – including my home.

Now I walk into Piknic and everyone- okay maybe not everyone, but many know my name.  A family of sorts in the ‘hood. The Playa Vista hood that is my village and Piknic, an extension of my home.  I love LA and have discovered it has much to offer. And to think, it all began with a Piknic, a journal and a great red.

About a week before the WNS Winter Program, we were having one of our ‘talks’ (we encourage using our voices when feelings, thoughts, fears, concerns arise) at dinner time and my son began to list some of the presents he’d like from Santa. We go over the list and then I stop and say, you know, Christmas is a fun time of year, we get to spend time with family, we get lots of presents, but you know, it’s not only about getting, it’s about…giving, he says.  Then says, mom, can we give out presents to kids who don’t have them?  Ah, yes, another great mom moment.  And we agreed that we would do our own mini toy drive and gift presents to a local shelter or children’s hospital.

Whirled into the to do list of the season – something not spoken, not seen, not purchased calls up a deep desire in me to reflect on what really is important. Those kids gifted their talent, their spirit to us – giving and sharing of joy.  Already making our world a better place.

In the words of Einstein -

The value of a man resides in what he gives and not in what he is capable of receiving.

photo by Shant Mahrokhian

As I daydream about my trip to Armenia, in the ‘who knows’ future, I think about what a friend said about me – “she calls me once a year when she needs a positive spin on life.”  I remember that call not too long ago and how I felt after we spoke. I was trying to figure out a way to go, how to plan it, how to afford it, and he kept saying, just go and the answers will be there.  He hung the phone saying see you in Armenia.  That was two months ago. And I’m still here and Armenia is there. The answers are there. How ethereal, just like the country as I remember nearly 8 years ago. Or should I say the experience was ethereal and spiritual.  A belonging, a place to come from, to go back to.  Answers.  And the question is…

photo by Shant Mahrokhian

Am I using my God given talent to create a purposeful life and give back? We all can get caught up in the ’have to’s” or ‘shoulds’ based on what, societal rules and systems?  Get a good education and a steady job.  And then what? See this is what I battle with all the time.  Is a job a life? It pays the bills, yes, but is that even a life? Paying bills, a mortgage,  a car, stuff and stuff and stuff and then before you know it, you’re in this wheel that’s turning faster and faster and you wake up one morning and you’re 10 years older.  How many examples do we have of successful inventors, artists, CEO’s who went against the norm and postively impacted the lives of millions of people? They got off the wheel and made a choice.  Maybe that’s the answer.  Maybe it’s make a choice to get off the wheel and not let fear or rules or people stop you.

Go to Armenia. Just go.  Find a way and go.