Anaidace

The one that is meant for us

2026-05-25T16:57:25.399-07:00

The one that is meant for us is going to be the hardest to get, the hardest to keep, and the hardest to accept because through all that the love will grow stronger. Love wasn’t made to be easy, otherwise we wouldn’t end up with the right person. We would end up with the first one who comes along. By struggling we single out the wrong ones and realize who really is the one.

Birthday Musings during the time of quarantine

2020-04-19T08:57:00.001-07:00

April 19, 2020 11:56 p.m. Sunday

it’s all too surreal… 2020 came in like a train, wrecking everyone’s thoughts.

Today I am reflecting on my life, and what would happen tomorrow, or the next. I honestly fear that things will not return to normal after this. But I am still full of hope that God will use me as His instrument to bring people closer to Him. At 38, I feel that I should take my life seriously. Embark on a journey of pefecting my soul though Christ Jesus. I lost my brother when he was this age, and being in the age he was when he met with ur Creator, I felt like I understand him better. I always thought that the older you get, the more confident and knowledgeable you become. Now it is the opposite… the older you get, the more you know you need more knowledge, and the more fearful you become.

Whatever tomorrow might bring, I am trusting God fully. I know that God will create wonderful miracles, and rescue us frm the devil’s snout.

as for me, I will glorify God with my works and have no time for mediocrity. God, give us all another chance…

How the 26 Martyrs of Japan are effective witnesses until today

2018-02-04T19:08:00.000-08:00

I haven't been blogging for years--- I don't know why I neglected it, but it's good to be back... though I am sure there may be some grammatical errors and bits of changes in my writing style, I still would like to go on.

I just got back from a Japan trip recently and I am still not sure if I already have collected my thoughts. The trip gave me mixed emotions, but something in me definitely changed.

I intended to film materials for Catholic City channel and Catholic City fanpage, and so we went to the sites where Catholicism was brought to Japan. My favorite saint, St. Francis Xavier, was the one who personally went to Japan to spread the good news, and left a few years after to spread the Gospel somewhere else. I even found the handwritten letters of St. Francis of Xavier and St. Ignatius de Loyola! What a treat! It was an overwhelming feeling seeing these awesome saints' handwriting!

Letter of St. Ignatius de Loyola

Letter of St. Francis Xavier

To be honest, I didn't expect anything coming here. My enthusiasm as of late have gone down the drain. I didn't really feel hyped or excited. I was indifferent. My devotions were just routinary. I was just doing things because I had made my commitment with God. It had been months since I have been this way. Despite all this, I still stayed and did my devotions as faithful as I can, not because I am holy, but because I knew that if I let go of God, I will completely drift away to nothingness. I am not afraid of anything in this world anymore, not even death--- I am only afraid of the day I will let go of God's hand.

But all things changed, the day I visited the Museum of the 26 Martyrs. I was facinated with the facade!

There were the statues of the 26 martyrs on display, and overlooking was the St. Philip Catholic Church which looked so artistic against the winter sky. It was a different architecture from what I was used to with Catholic churches, but it stood so majestic. (the picture below didn't do the architecture justice)

Before coming to the 26 martyrs museum, I had previously visited the Nagasaki Atomic Bomb Museum, and there, I felt so down. The deaths were sudden and none of them expected that they'd die that day. My heart was heavy just thinking about the poor people who suffered the tragedy. Their death was not their choice, so I wondered, where did their souls go?

However, my encounter with the 26 Martyrs was different. Though they were dealing with death too, the difference here was that these 26 men were martyred and it was a choice they had made! They had chosen to serve Jesus, even if it meant hiding in caves, in undergrounds, and suffer horrible totures, just so they could practice their faith.

What's more impressive was that these people weren't just uneducated fanatics or ignorant people, rather, they were the brilliant minds of their lot. Some of them were very influential people in their society who had a lot to lose, and yet, they set it all aside for the love of Jesus!

One of these martyrs was St. Paul Miki, a son of a wealthy military leader. He entered the Jesuit seminary to serve the King of kings at a young age of 18. He was a renowned brilliant speaker who was supposed to be the first Japanese priest if he had escaped arrest.

Saints Paul Miki, John Goto, James Kisai

His last words from the cross were:

"All of you who are here,
please listen to me,
I did not come from the Philippines,
I am a Japanese by birth,
and a brother of the society of Jesus.
I have committed no crime,
and the only reason why I am put to death
is that I have been teaching the doctrine of Our Lord Jesus Christ!

I am very happy to die for such a cause,
and see my death as a great blessing from the Lord.
At this critical time, when,
you can rest assured that
I will not try to decieve you,
I want to stress,
and make it unmistakeably clear,
that man can find no way other than the Christian way.
The Christian law demands that we forgive our enemies,
and those who have wronged us.
I must therefore say that I forgive Taikosama (Hideyoshi).
I would rather have all the Japanese become Christians."

(From Luis Frois S.J.'s Martyrs Records, 1597)

That must be tough, and tough is an understatement! I am impressed with his eloquence, and most of all, I couldn't help but admire their steadfast convictions.

They were persecuted and were horribly tortured for being Christians, and despite all the threats intended to make them give up, they became emboldened and chose to die happily for the Lord Jesus. This is what a glorious death looks like! Foolishness in the eyes of the world, but in reality, this is a privilege given by God to only a few.

I was deeply affected reading about them. Getting to know these martyrs made me envy their martyrdom! What courage! What love for Jesus...such devotion! Only those who are humble before God can undergo all the hardships and pain they went through. They have fought a good fight.

Gracia Hosokawa, she was well known for her virtue, intelligence, and beauty. She endured many trials and stayed faithful to Christianity until her death. She was killed in 1600.

As I reflected on their lives, in contrast with mine, my efforts were just so miniscule compared to them. Because of their way of life, I got convinced of what a great God my God is... I once again became curious of the kind of Lord we, as Christians, served---that these people left everything, suffered hardships, lost their lives, just for this great God. I am amazed that, through their way of life, and even through their deaths, they could still preach to people like me even when they died centuries ago! My heart became alive, I was awakened, no doubt about it! The fire in my soul was fueled!

And now, I feel so blessed to belong in the Church these brave souls are members of. It's people like them who make me stay in the Church, even when it seems that the ship of Catholicism nowadays is sinking, (but will never be effaced until the end of time Matthew 16:18 "I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.").

Truly, the blood of the martyrs is the lifeblood/foundation of the Church. I have benifitted from their martyrdom, and I feel that I can go on in my commitment with more zeal and vigor because they have been true witnesses of Christ. They are my big brothers and sisters who went before me to the kingdom of God, true soldiers of the King, my King. They are a great example, and I want to be just like them! The trip was worth it, because I came back home wanting to serve and love God the way they have loved Him. Thank God for their witnessing, thank God for the blood of these martyrs! Now, like them, I would never want to give up till my last breath!

Saint Martin of the Ascension, Saint Pedro Bautista, Saint Philip of Jesus, Saint Francisco Blanco, Saint Francisco of Saint Michael, Saint Gundisalvus (Gonsalvo) Garcia, Saint Antony Dainan, Saint Bonaventure of Miyako, Saint Cosmas Takeya, Saint Francisco of Nagasaki, Saint Francis Kichi, Saint Gabriel de Duisco, Saint Joachim Sakakibara, Saint John Kisaka, Saint Leo Karasumaru, Saint Louis Ibaraki, Saint Matthias of Miyako, Saint Michael Kozaki, Saint Paul Ibaraki, Saint Paul Suzuki, Saint Pedro Sukejiroo, Saint Thomas Kozaki, Saint Thomas Xico, Saint James Kisai, Saint John Soan de Goto, Saint Paul Miki,

Pray for us!

Deo Gracias!

We Entered Shakey's Let's Sing COntest. We Need Support!

2016-06-12T20:13:00.000-07:00

Hi Friends!!!!

We need support and views. Kindly find the time to watch this video for a Pizza chain contest which we did together with my nephews and niece.

I decided to explore the world of filmmaking and although I still have a lot of flaws as glaring as the sun, I am pretty satisfied how this one day shoot/edit turned out. Thanks so much for the support guys! It means so much to us! ^__^

The Miracle of the Sacrament of Reconciliation in my life

2014-10-10T22:20:00.001-07:00

Well, after months of hibernation, here I am writing my thoughts and my experiences. My emotions are still unstable and I must admit that I haven't been able to collect my thoughts. I am devastated.... sometimes I am happy, but that feeling easily dissipates whenever I think of the brother I lost. I love that brother of mine--- he was a person I failed to appreciate while he was alive. I thought I was living righteously and my condemnation of his chosen lifestyle have been too much for him that it got to the point that I never spoke to him for years... NEVER HATE. Please don't... I learned it the hard way. Hate is murder--- when you hate, you begin to destroy a person's character, his reputation, his chances of being loved by other people. And when you do, you cut off a person's lifeline--- without love and appreciation, a person cannot live.

I have been very afraid to look into my ugly reflection, so I tried to look ahead and do things that was supposed to help his soul. But I couldn't keep it all under a rug... deep inside I knew I need to confront my filthy pathetic self.

The truth is, try as I might of not thinking about it, I cannot truly forgive myself. It surfaces every now and then, I become hateful of myself that I begin to lash it out on other people. I knew I needed healing--- for months I didn't know where to go. I have confessed my sins over and over again--- but to no avail. I still fall into a cycle. But the first Friday of October was different---- for the longest time, I have this deep seated feeling that after all that had happened, God can never forgive me. I can never forgive me. I hate myself, and thus, I knew I need help. I get depressed and frustrated all the time--- but I couldn't escape myself. No matter what I do--- I have this gnawing feeling that I am stained. My hands are guilty of my brother's blood. For making him sad when he was with us... for talking behind his back, for isolating him. I cannot stand the thought, my heart is being crushed whenever I remember all my tortures I inflicted on him.

All people need to be loved and understood. That is what I failed to recognize. I was so caught up with my own problems which are so little compared to others, that I was not able to understand my brother's pain--- the pain of loneliness which is slowly eating him whole.

And now I am starting to hate myself, hate others again--- because I couldn't forgive myself. I was slowly falling in desperation. I needed to see my brother--- I wanted so bad to hear him say he has forgiven me. . . but I guess, I am not worthy of that assurance. I know that as long as I am alive--- I can never atone for my selfishness. But in God's mercy, I can stand before Him at Mass without lightning striking me because of my sinfulness.

God was merciful to me.... I needed to write down my Sacrament of Reconciliation last October 3, 2014, just in case some monster beneath my bed starts to tell me I am not forgiven.

Before I went to confession, i was asked by a girl to read for the nine offices which was a costum every first Friday Vigil for the Sacred Heart of Jesus. And the 2nd reading which was assigned to me was about God as a Lover.

God is Love--- and anyone who hates his brother and says he loves God is a liar! Those words hit me. I am that liar! I have been a liar--- because I cannot see my faults, especially when dealing with people. That statement struck me big time.

I have been going to confession frequently, specially ever since my brother died so that I can be pure, and be in a state of grace, and that my prayer will have great effect for his soul---- but last October first Friday was so tailored fit--- it wasn't a generic absolution, for the first time in my life, during confession--- I felt the Lord was talking to me. I cried in the confession box, because the priest, not knowing who I am and about my past, told me to stop a sin which I am imprisoned in, and it was clear, that Jesus doesn't want me to fall in that kind of sin anymore. The priest also mentioned an instance which was the same situation of me and my brother. I knew then that it was Jesus trying to heal me from myself. He wants me to know that He has forgiven me, even if I can't forgive myself--- only then could I be free. Forgiving myself doesn't mean I am no longer guilty--- but rather, that I stay humble, and give allowance to other people and be understanding. Only then can I become a real disciple of Jesus.

How can a person who couldn't forgive himself, expect to be able to forgive others? Yes--- that is me, I hate myself, thus I hate others. But through God's mercy, I have faith, I have the capacity, my love will have continuous flow because I draw the water of love from the God of Love. I will never run out of Love.... if only, if only I listened to God with all my heart before this, then I would have been able to love my brother.

I don't know what will become of me, just that I felt I really need to write this down. The devil will not let me go easily, and will make me doubt God's forgiveness. I will come back and read this as a reminder of God's promise. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is an effective tool to exorcise people, and to free a person from his sins.

I can never stand before God proudly. But through his love and mercy, I am allowed to approach Him. Blessed be God forever! Preserve me in your grace O, Lord, that my life would be an atonement for my sins and the sins of the world.

Thank you very much,

Anaid Ace

Easter 2014 and my Birthday

2014-04-20T17:52:00.002-07:00

I haven't written in a long time because of a tragedy that struck me and my family in the early part of this year. But this Easter, we seemed to be the hallelujah people, as Pope John Paul II said "Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song"

It became so true in my case. Lent came early for us on the First Saturday of January. My brother died, all of a sudden, our world crumbled. I personally didn't know how to go on in this world anymore. I couldn't explain the loss, I couldn't explain how my emotions were--- there were too many things to process and even now, if I try to recall everything, I still feel that I will not be able to go on without breaking down.

We are in mourning ever since, and holy week was very evident to us. God seemed to be absent in our trial, our misery.... but no matter how I deny it, I came to a realization that I came to understand Christ's passion even more. I used to contemplate and meditate Christ's pain during lent before this year--- but I remained to be just a mere observer. But this year was different. My brother who I thought was doing nothing for God, have become my gateway to God's wisdom and work in my life. Through his death, I have come to know of God's faithfulness, His mercy, His thirst for souls.... I was humbled--- I thought I was the one who loved God and did more for God than anyone around me---- but on the contrary, I was only putting on a show. God knew me better than anyone, and in His grace--- he saved me from myself--- he saved me from my masks, my hatred, my unforgiving heart, my pride, my blindness. I was a mess, a filthy sinner.

Through my brother's death, I came to know more about God---- I used to know God in His justice, but now, I know God in His infinite mercy.... that is what I hold on to, because without God's Mercy, who can stand?

Holy week 2014 have been very meaningful to me.
Came Easter, my birthday. God gave me a gift, He had my aunt call my mom to tell her that she dreamt of my brother on Easter Vigil kneeling before a resurrected Christ. And he was wearing white and finally turned to my aunt and waved goodbye to follow Christ. It was something that greatly set me free---- my God is the God of the living, He has risen, and so will those who followed Him. Winning against death, Jesus will certainly be faithful to those who followed him.

God also made it happen that I get to see the relics of the greatest Pope that I look up to, the Pope who knew artists the best. I asked Pope John Paul II to guide us in the media.

Then Easter came, I went to two Masses to offer for atonement and for conversion. And in between Masses, God inspired the musicians to play a Happy Birthday song, it was so random--- no one there knew that it was my birthday because no one there knew me--- But God knew me. It made me smile, I disregarded my birthday to make way for the mother of celebrations which was His resurrection--- but He included me.

I am sold--- I am in love with the God who loves me. Who disciplines me when I am in a mess---- it is a painful travel to stay faithful to Him---- but I know it will be worth it. I sing my hallelujah--- with the new hope and new life, which Easter represents--- I want to shine the light of Christ in the world. Amen!

Cardinal Ratzinger's Homily at John Paul II's Funeral Mass

2013-02-11T07:18:00.006-08:00

"He Roused Us From a Lethargic Faith"

April 08, 2005 | 4722 hits

"Follow me." The Risen Lord says these words to Peter. They are his last words to this disciple, chosen to shepherd his flock. "Follow me" -- this lapidary saying of Christ can be taken as the key to understanding the message which comes to us from the life of our late beloved Pope John Paul II. Today we bury his remains in the earth as a seed of immortality -- our hearts are full of sadness, yet at the same time of joyful hope and profound gratitude.

These are the sentiments that inspire us, brothers and sisters in Christ, present here in St. Peter's Square, in neighboring streets and in various other locations within the city of Rome, where an immense crowd, silently praying, has gathered over the last few days. I greet all of you from my heart. In the name of the College of Cardinals, I also wish to express my respects to heads of state, heads of government and the delegations from various countries.

I greet the authorities and official representatives of other Churches and Christian Communities, and likewise those of different religions. Next I greet the archbishops, bishops, priests, religious men and women and the faithful who have come here from every continent; especially the young, whom John Paul II liked to call the future and the hope of the Church. My greeting is extended, moreover, to all those throughout the world who are united with us through radio and television in this solemn celebration of our beloved Holy Father's funeral.

Follow me -- as a young student Karol Wojtyla was thrilled by literature, the theater and poetry. Working in a chemical plant, surrounded and threatened by the Nazi terror, he heard the voice of the Lord: Follow me! In this extraordinary setting he began to read books of philosophy and theology, and then entered the clandestine seminary established by Cardinal Sapieha. After the war he was able to complete his studies in the faculty of theology of the Jagiellonian University of Krakow.

How often, in his letters to priests and in his autobiographical books, has he spoken to us about his priesthood, to which he was ordained on November 1, 1946. In these texts he interprets his priesthood with particular reference to three sayings of the Lord.

First: "It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain" (John 15:16). The second saying is: "A good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep" (John 10:11). And then: "As the Father loves me, so I also love you. Remain in my love" (John 15:9). In these three sayings we see the heart and soul of our Holy Father. He really went everywhere, untiringly, in order to bear fruit, fruit that lasts.

"Rise, Let Us Be on Our Way!" is the title of his next-to-last book. "Rise, let us be on our way!" -- with these words he roused us from a lethargic faith, from the sleep of the disciples of both yesterday and today. "Rise, let us be on our way!" he continues to say to us even today. The Holy Father was a priest to the last, for he offered his life to God for his flock and for the entire human family, in a daily self-oblation for the service of the Church, especially amid the sufferings of his final months. And in this way he became one with Christ, the Good Shepherd who loves his sheep.

Finally, "abide in my love": The Pope who tried to meet everyone, who had an ability to forgive and to open his heart to all, tells us once again today, with these words of the Lord, that by abiding in the love of Christ we learn, at the school of Christ, the art of true love.

Follow me! In July 1958, the young priest Karol Wojtyla began a new stage in his journey with the Lord and in the footsteps of the Lord. Karol had gone to the Masuri lakes for his usual vacation, along with a group of young people who loved canoeing. But he brought with him a letter inviting him to call on the primate of Poland, Cardinal Wyszynski. He could guess the purpose of the meeting: He was to be appointed as the auxiliary bishop of Krakow.

Leaving the academic world, leaving this challenging engagement with young people, leaving the great intellectual endeavor of striving to understand and interpret the mystery of that creature which is man and of communicating to today's world the Christian interpretation of our being -- all this must have seemed to him like losing his very self, losing what had become the very human identity of this young priest. Follow me -- Karol Wojtyla accepted the appointment, for he heard in the Church's call the voice of Christ. And then he realized how true are the Lord's words: "Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses it will save it" (Luke 17:33).

Our Pope -- and we all know this -- never wanted to make his own life secure, to keep it for himself; he wanted to give of himself unreservedly, to the very last moment, for Christ and thus also for us. And thus he came to experience how everything which he had given over into the Lord's hands, came back to him in a new way. His love of words, of poetry, of literature, became an essential part of his pastoral mission and gave new vitality, new urgency, new attractiveness to the preaching of the Gospel, even when it is a sign of contradiction.

Follow me! In October 1978, Cardinal Wojtyla once again heard the voice of the Lord. Once more there took place that dialogue with Peter reported in the Gospel of this Mass: "Simon, son of John, do you love me? Feed my sheep!" To the Lord's question, "Karol, do you love me?" the archbishop of Krakow answered from the depths of his heart: "Lord you know everything; you know that I love you." The love of Christ was the dominant force in the life of our beloved Holy Father. Anyone who ever saw him pray, who ever heard him preach, knows that. Thanks to his being profoundly rooted in Christ, he was able to bear a burden which transcends merely human abilities: that of being the shepherd of Christ's flock, his universal Church.

This is not the time to speak of the specific content of this rich pontificate. I would like only to read two passages of today's liturgy which reflect central elements of his message. In the first reading, St. Peter says -- and with St. Peter, the Pope himself -- "In truth, I see that God shows no partiality. Rather, in every nation whoever fears him and acts uprightly is acceptable to him. You know the word (that) he sent to the Israelites as he proclaimed peace through Jesus Christ, who is Lord of all" (Acts 10:34-36). And in the second reading, St. Paul -- and with St. Paul, our late Pope -- exhorts us, crying out: "Therefore, my brothers, whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, in this way stand firm in the Lord, beloved" (Philippians 4:1).

Follow me! Together with the command to feed his flock, Christ proclaimed to Peter that he would die a martyr's death. With those words, which conclude and sum up the dialogue on love and on the mandate of the universal shepherd, the Lord recalls another dialogue, which took place during the Last Supper. There Jesus had said: "Where I am going, you cannot come." Peter said to him, "Lord, where are you going?" Jesus replied: "Where I am going, you cannot follow me now; but you will follow me afterward" (John 13:33,36). Jesus from the Supper went toward the Cross, went toward his resurrection -- he entered into the paschal mystery; and Peter could not yet follow him. Now -- after the resurrection -- comes the time, comes this "afterward."

By shepherding the flock of Christ, Peter enters into the paschal mystery, he goes toward the cross and the resurrection. The Lord says this in these words: "when you were younger, you used to dress yourself and go where you wanted; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go" (John 21:18).

In the first years of his pontificate, still young and full of energy, the Holy Father went to the very ends of the earth, guided by Christ. But afterward, he increasingly entered into the communion of Christ's sufferings; increasingly he understood the truth of the words: "someone else will dress you." And in this very communion with the suffering Lord, tirelessly and with renewed intensity, he proclaimed the Gospel, the mystery of that love which goes to the end (cf. John 13:1).

He interpreted for us the paschal mystery as a mystery of divine mercy. In his last book, he wrote: The limit imposed upon evil "is ultimately Divine Mercy" ("Memory and Identity," pp. 60- 61). And reflecting on the assassination attempt, he said: "In sacrificing himself for us all, Christ gave a new meaning to suffering, opening up a new dimension, a new order: the order of love. ... It is this suffering which burns and consumes evil with the flame of love and draws forth even from sin a great flowering of good" (pp. 189-190). Impelled by this vision, the Pope suffered and loved in communion with Christ, and that is why the message of his suffering and his silence proved so eloquent and so fruitful.

Divine Mercy: the Holy Father found the purest reflection of God's mercy in the Mother of God. He, who at an early age had lost his own mother, loved his divine mother all the more. He heard the words of the crucified Lord as addressed personally to him: "Behold your Mother." And so he did as the beloved disciple did: "he took her into his own home" (John 19:27) -- "Totus tuus." And from the mother he learned to conform himself to Christ.

None of us can ever forget how in that last Easter Sunday of his life, the Holy Father, marked by suffering, came once more to the window of the Apostolic Palace and one last time gave his blessing "urbi et orbi." We can be sure that our beloved Pope is standing today at the window of the Father’s house, that he sees us and blesses us. Yes, bless us, Holy Father. We entrust your dear soul to the Mother of God, your Mother, who guided you each day and who will guide you now to the eternal glory of her Son, our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

[Original text in Italian; translation issued by Holy See]

(April 08, 2005) © Innovative Media Inc.

Put on the Armour of God

2013-02-11T07:17:00.003-08:00

Yesterday, I got so excited that I had to begin my year in the Year of the Faith as a Confirmandi. I was confirmed in the Church at Don Bosco Parish this Feb. 10, 2013, and my prayer was as bold as ever, that God should use me as his faithful soldier and be placed at the forefront of the battefield. I had this flashes of events before me, that I am chosen by God to be serving in His vineyard.
Apostasy, relativism, liberalism, and even paganism is the norm nowadays, and I risk being mocked and humiliated because of my faith. But I still and will still fight for religious freedom and for the gospel until the end.
Just as I was having great confidence because the Holy Spirit is called down to move me, a shocking event took place, the very next day, the Pope, our dear Pope Benedict XVI who called the lay people to spread the gospel and assigned this as a year of the faith, had resigned from his post!
He will be active in his duties until February 28, 2013.
I got scared, really really scared. It seems like the light of the seat of Peter is slowly dimming. Not that I do not trust the next popes, it's just that, I have seen the Marian Pope, Pope John Paul II and the advisor who stood by him, and eventually became the next pope. The more I ponder on these things, the more I realized that the end is fast approaching. It is scary, but in times like these, hope is alive! The Holy Spirit is moving!
In Excelsis Deo!

2013, Year of the Faith!

Epiphany at the start of 2013

2013-01-07T01:33:00.001-08:00

Well, this is the start of my 2013 blog.
Life was hard in 2012--- we had a roller coaster ride of achievements and many so (oh so) let down moments. But here I am, I think I have become stronger than ever, more resilient against the waves of self-doubt and anxieties.
Honestly we have a lot of things to do, just that, a lot of things going on that it took away our peace. Lots of problems, and I feel like were slowly drowning. I stayed calm, I looked at God---- but at the same time, I wanted to have my feet back in 'reality', I didn't want any members of my family thinking I do not care about what is happening around me.
I do trust in God, however, it's hard to keep my faith, be calm and be expectant of God's grace when everyone is in panic and chaos. I feel guilty of being calm when everyone else is anxious....what should I do? Am I not panicking because I do believe in God's providence? Or is is that I simply do not care? I am confused----

But in this confusing time--- I opened an email, and God did talk to me.... I was overwhelmed with what I read: “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10)

It was a message that hit home. God was telling me to immerse myself in His plans and He will take care of the rest--- that, I yet have to see. But I do believe that what God promises, He will fulfill. Thank you Lord, Thank You---- Your words are enough to calm me.

I will update on the mysteries and surprises in my life that God has in store for me---soon it will unravel.

SMILE, LIFE IS FULL OF PLEASANT SURPRISES! 2013, I LOVE YOU!

There goes my Diva days in the trash

2012-10-07T09:13:00.000-07:00

First, I know I haven't written for a very long time, been so busy I guess.
How long was it? Oh yeah, I guess the last was on my birthday. I wrote a lot of high hopes and dreams in my last entry--- and how am I faring now?

Well, first of all, I and my sister were able to publish 4 serial books about art. We are very humbled and honored, because without God, those things will NEVER be possible. I will tell the things that happened in a different entry, but for now, allow me to have the liberty to be grateful with all the blessings.

What else?--- Oh yeah, we were also commissioned to draw for a sinology book written by a very famous Italian priest in China. It was I who suggested the pen and ink style so that it will go with the book's theme. I remembered that I couldn't thank God enough for the opportunity.

I have a lot of things to be thankful about, that until now, I am still in awe at everything that happened and things which are happening. I have been surrounded by a lot of awesome people all the time. That alone is one of the most special gift.

And now, I am going to embark on a new journey. I don't know what God sees in me, that He is making me do something which is beyond me (I think). But God has a lot of awesome things in store for me, I know that--- and every time He makes me do things, I am always blown away.

You may think dear reader, that I am such a presumptuous person to ever think that. But I have valid reasons to think this way... take note that I am not saying that I am cut above the rest... on the contrary, I came to realize that each person have their own special mission in life which are so great in their own way. And thinking about God's great providence through these people humbled me very much.

And now, here I am, telling God that I am tired--- why are some people enjoying life when I wasn't?
Why should I suffer when I do nothing wrong (or so I thought) why is it that I think I am being punished?

I felt so frustrated and felt God was unfair, and then the answer came to me this Sunday. I was playing the Prodigal Son drama---not the youngest child, but the eldest child who was such a diva when his brother, the wayward came home.

It came in the form of Fr. Armand Robleza's homily. He just had an operation on the heart and his gall stones, and had one of his brothers died a month ago. But still, he was driven and passionate about pasturing the sheep in the Don Bosco Parish. He was having short breaths while he was talking, and his face was grey and ashen. I felt scared for him, but at the same time, I knew God was showing me a man who clearly wasn't doing anything wrong, but was embracing every trial God sends him with a cheerful heart. And through that, I was once again humbled---- because compared to this man of God, who am I to think that I already sacrificed so much? When in fact--- I am nothing compared to the priest who passionately serves his people even though he clearly wasn't feeling well.

He said in his homily, that in marriage, the attitude should be that the spouse should be ready to give all of himself to his spouse, because that is what Jesus did for the people. I am a Christian--- and I have given myself to Christ in baptism, and every time I affirm my baptismal vows on Easter. And because of that, I should be ready to give myself to what makes Jesus happy.

With that, I went home. My diva days, I knew, are numbered. From now on, I will give more of myself for others.... the people who was the reason Jesus came to earth and be crucified. Why? Because I have decided to love Him--- and to love Him means, to make Him happy, and to make Him happy, is to follow Him by doing what He did when He was on earth.

The call was, to reflect Christ---- it is scary. I know from now on, my life will never be easy---but who said it would be easy??? No one did! But all of them, who trekked the road to follow Jesus, revealed that it was all worth it!

Thank God for these holy people, thank God for these self sacrificing people, because if not for them,, this world, in a split second, will stop. Because people suddenly decide that they will no longer want to sacrifice their lives for others. Scary isn't it?

Anyway, this is such a beautiful day for me.... my soul was nourished. And once again, I was put to shame because of my selfishness. It's the saints, and the people like the priests in the parish, or the lay people who sacrifice their lives for others who are my heroes. They make me want to become a better person.

Thank you Lord for that. About me being here, I know, is not an accident.

Forgive my grammatical errors---- will fix it in the morning. I am sleepy now, but didn't want to put this off till tomorrow.

Goodnight!

My Birthday thoughts for 2012: Be my Creator's Creation!

2012-04-21T03:48:00.002-07:00

I had been the happiest since last year. It's nothing ordinary--- albeit, not really new. I have found something more worthwhile and fulfilling at this time of year and I really learned a lot about myself.

There is really no competition with other people in this world, you must learn to listen to the beat of your heart aching for your dream. And I have to understand that no one could understand my love for my dreams because they do not own it. I have now come to terms with that, and listening to your dreams is equivalent to listening to the call of God who made you.

in a year, I have also learned to love myself a lot-- not because I am narcissistic, but because I now know my identity as an individual. I have decided on that, and I have my Creator back me up on that :P! It still surprises me how I can go beyond what I have done in the past, and how I can constantly change and improve myself.

Because of my self love, I have learned to look at the beauty in others---- everyone, they all have their own strength and uniqueness, and that made me grateful each and everyday when I interact with other people because of their awesomeness. To see gifted people push their capacities, I also feel driven--- because of them, I strive to try harder too. I want to master myself and produce the best out of my talents which God intended me to make.

I have my own personal problems too. And it is not always a very sunny world for me, loneliness creeps in specially when you try hard to reach out to be the best--- because at the back of your mind, there's this temptation which always nag at you-- things like: "Why complicate your life? Everyone slacks off, enjoy life, life is short," but then again, you only end up in regret, feeling left behind and a failure when you give in.

Difficulties and obstacles are the things that make a person bigger than himself---- so it's not something one should shun, rather, it is something one should embrace and get lessons from. And never blame other people-- when you do, you give them power over you, not you controlling your own life.

These days, I constantly falter and fall. It goes without saying that I feel lonely and sad, but I still have my undying hope, that one day, I can also be a light which shines brightly on my own. A light which I did not copy from anyone, but a light which my Creator has given only to me.. I am excited to meet God's expectations, because that will be the most awesome thing that could ever happen to someone.

From now on, I make it a point to ask myself if what I do is what I must do at a particular moment, which will be beneficial to my future tasks... I can't afford to lose anymore time. I felt I had given in to too much laziness in the past, and I needed to do it right this time without wasting any moment.

I will be careful from now on with my actions and words. I plan to collect my thoughts, do my best in all areas of my life. Study in my field so that I can do better and be the best that I can be--- and be at PEACE with myself as I was often assured in my solitary reflections.

I am sure--- God wants to lead me to a place where He wants me to be--- so I need to be responsible, work hard, and do my part in reaching my goals. 2012! Awesome year for me--- this is a year for productivity!

I don't know how to end this entry--- but I leave this blog with a smile and full of hope for a brighter future!

:)

God, and the dream He has for me

2012-04-15T09:40:00.001-07:00

Today’s reading is about the disciples, after the death of Christ, have become fearful and became scared in spreading the good news and they have gathered in one place to avoid being persecuted for their faith.
Nowadays, Christians have forgotten to follow Christ bravely. They’d go with the flow, pretend they didn’t know, or act cool even though they are going against their Christian faith just so they will not be laughed at. I am guilty of that.
Being a Christian does not mean to be popular or to please everyone. It means to stand for the truth, for the good news, and be the custodian of the truth that Jesus wants us to impart to others.
The challenge for me this year, is to be a blazing light that represents the true meaning of Christianity. Not a judgmental witness, but a welcoming witness who shows Christ through actions and conviction.
I am on my next set of adventure since my birthday is coming up, I am determined to live my life to the fullest at this stage. Because I feel that if I become too lazy, I will not be able to meet the person I am supposed to be, the person God planned me to become. I have decided to fit the shirt that God made for me, and I want every part of me to respond to God’s call. It will never be easy--- but it will all be worth it. Loneliness will play a big role in accompanying me while I trek my journey, but I will always remember that after everything is through, I want to meet God who smiles proudly at me and say “Well done my good and faithful servant!”--- yeah for me, that is the coolest.
Right now, it’s a little lonely--- but it’s lonelier to belong in a crowd where people do not really understand the calling of God. I want to trek my difficult and lonely road--- because at the end of it all--- it will all be worth the sorrow.
I thank God for all the miracles that came my way, and I thank God for the Dreams HE has for me.

Pope Benedict, defender of the Family unit

2012-03-10T12:33:00.000-08:00

I am in awe when people who are against the Catholic faith wanted the Catholics to quiet down just because the Catholics denounce their opinions. For crying out loud, that is what the Catholic faith fights for, the beliefs and their conviction coming from the dictates of their conscience.

In the time of the inquisition during the dark ages, the faith was used for power and created fear to the people. It was never the Christ-instituted church who did that, but the people who were greedy and ambitious for power who distorted the teachings of the Church.

Nowadays, the Catholic bravely retains its stand, the Catholics who are honest in making the dream of a godly world to come about. They are not the inquisitors, nor the abusive priests, nor the the condemning faithful.... they are the ones who are like Christ, living the faith, witnessing despite trials and adversities.

I personally applaud the pope, and the priests who are fighting the trend of selfishness and lack of faith in God.

The Pope is indeed the rock!
http://www.upi.com/Top_News/World-News/2012/03/10/Pope-addresses-US-bishops-on-sexuality/UPI-15041331401976/

This is why I will be a Catholic forever--- I have met my heroes here!

2012-03-05T05:39:00.001-08:00

In this day and age of confusion, when everyone wants to be living for themselves, pleasing themselves without considering other people's welfare, when everyone is suspicious of any good deed coming from people, especially from Catholics, I sometimes become tired of defending my faith.... but seeing these heroes who are striving to fight a good fight, I become strengthened and my resolution is renewed. Here is one of my respected priest's message on his 25th year as a priest:

“I believe that my priesthood is not my dream alone; it is God’s dream first of all. It is also your dream, you who share life with me. Come, let us live it together.” I will never forget those jumbled words; I had them printed at the back of my souvenir holy card on the day of my ordination to the priesthood. That was December 8, 1980. Twenty-five years ago!

Little did I realize the truth behind those words.

The life of a priest is not something that fits and follows predictable patterns. It is not something you build step by step along the way. It simply happens, and happens daily. Funny, everybody seems to be entitled to their expectations about their priests. You can even say that a priest’s life is canned into clear “shoulds” and definite “dos”, with the rules laid out openly on the table. I thought so.

After you have let down lots of expectations, after the runner has stumbled lots of times, and the hero fallen in battle, when the myth rings like a big break-down, a priest is still a priest. When he has broken all the shoulds and denied all the dos, a priest is still a priest. When the chosen one looks at himself like a vanquished combatant, or an unfaithful disciple, or an unsuitable lover, or a false shepherd, and more—tags that everyone easily label their priests with anyway, and he decides to throw in the towel, the priest is still a priest. When a priest gives up his priesthood, he is still a priest. Priesthood will never be about giving up; it is the eloquent language of God’s love who will never give up on his beloved.

Frankly, I do not know how to put it into words; the life of a priest simply happens. That does not mean that a priest leaves everything to chance; rather it is the daily living experience of mystery. You know that there is a reason somewhere, a pattern unfolding somehow; you keep your fingers crossed and your heart anchored, and believe. And you say “yes” to both light and darkness.

This is my prayer today: “Lord, I do not ask that I may understand. Just help to never run dry of my ‘yes’. Make me celebrate that with laughter; lead me to contemplate it with tears. Please, continue to dream for me, with me, in me.”

People tell me that as a priest, I am singularly blest. Sincerely, I am at a loss accepting that. Maybe, I am one of those priests luckier that other priest even. I always have a little extra that could be shared with others; I have lots of friends who stand by me to pick up the slack when I am down and out. I also made enemies who remind me of my excesses and misfires. But all of these come and go. There is still the dream to contend with.

And the dream does not come neatly packed, with all the software provided and the user’s manual clearly worded out. I thought that with some generosity, I could manage the difficult packaging; I presumed that given enough time, I will pick up the softwares of priestly life and mission. I was confident that I will ably unlock the Chinglish instructions. I thought so.

When my heart has settled on a particular mission task, I was pulled out. When I learned to suit into the community, I was transferred out. When I cemented some friendships, I was moved out. There was a time when I stood pat and strong; I was mowed down and out. Then, I licked my wounds in silence and loneliness; the lights went out.

But no worry. I am pretty sure that there is no bitterness in here. That was a choice I made. I did not want to miss out on the Cokes and Choc-nuts.

And so, my prayer for today is a gracious “thank you, Lord. Thank you for the dream; it was both rich and enriching. Thank you for the moments of utter loneliness; you have prepared me for them since my birth. Thank you when the lights went dim and out; you brought me to other sights and colors. Thank you for the duties you entrusted to me; they brought out the better side of me. Thank you for the friends who always complain of my lack of concern and caring, for not answering their texts messages; they taught me to love myself. Thank you for the enemies I have made; they made me de-focus on my insistent self, and believe the dream, plus the Dreamer.”

It is easy to say that priesthood is indeed God’s dream. But it takes twenty-five years to realize that it can never be so, unless the priest gives God the permission and the blank check to make his dreams come true with his life. How easy it is for the priest to grab the limelight. And people are partly to be blamed for putting their priests on pedestals, and as easily tearing them down.

But the dream finds its flesh precisely in moments like these? He is an incarnated God; his is a love that can be experienced only in flesh and blood. My priesthood is not my dream alone, nor God’s dream purely; it is God’s dream lived with others. And without the community, there is no dream, no reason to dream. Priesthood and Church do not exist independently; they were never meant to be. “My priesthood is also your dream, you who share life with me.” Or is it that God’s dream with his priest is not merely about the priest himself, but His dream for the Church?

Then call me a dreamer.

I have a dream. I have a priestly dream. I dream for the Church. This dream was sown during those moments when God through his Church has forgiven me time and again of my follies and infidelities. Without this assurance of a forgiving God, I wonder how I could have managed. Again, this dream found its heart when people I hurt cried for me, and forgave me. There is no way to build friendships and communities better than forgiving one another. Then too, this dream gave voice to humble self-giving every time the priest shared the Lord’s forgiveness to those who are lost and broken. You sleep secure that the gift is with you when you share it with others too.

This, then, is my dream for the Church: that we may all together become a forgiving Church. I believe that this is the most eloquent expression of Christian love, our undeniable witnessing to a world struggling with big hurts, so big and festering that it took a God to restore us all to friendship.

I dream of a Church where forgiving is a gift readily shared with one another. I dream of a Church who forgives homecoming philandering fathers, and mothers who aborted their babies, young people mired in crime, and lovers hot with sexual excesses. I dream of a Church not afraid to offer forgiveness as a valid alternative to political squabbles and unrelenting competition. I dream of a Church who welcomes differences in faith, and accepts the vagaries of changing situations. Finally, I dream of a Church who can throw her arms open wide and embrace back her fallen priests. And without this last one, my dream remains a whiff of fantasy; I failed.

And God has a way of affirming his dream.

On my twenty-fifth year as a priest he brought me to Rome, the Holy City. There I visited the tomb of John Paul II, the Pope of my twenty-five years of priesthood. He was the Pope I welcomed during the World Youth Day in Manila in 1995. I share in the same priesthood of Christ as this great man, albeit in my own insignificant way. Visiting his tomb enkindled in me once again the realization that I am a priest not for myself, but for the Church.

I stayed at the Sacro Cuore Basilica, the church Don Bosco build at the request of the Pope. In the room where our holy Founder stayed, I had the opportunity to celebrate the Holy Eucharist with brother Salesians from all over the globe. I knew in my heart then that God was affirming my Salesian vocation. I am on the right track, despite all my foibles. He has shown me that he still counts on me. He has provided a particular mission for me in the Society: social communications. I knew that if I were to be born again, a Salesian I shall be again. No doubt about it.

And I visited my “home church” in Rome, the Basilica of Santa Maria Maggiore. It is there that I poured out my heart to her during an earlier sojourn; it is there that I availed of God’s mercy and forgiveness when I was there. It is also there that I consecrated my priesthood to her, as I did on the eve of my ordination. It is there I sought peace for my troubled soul. I knew I was home. I am loved.

It was not my plan. Everything just fell into place. I thought I was there for a meeting, to fulfill a task. Visiting these churches was like a closure for me, a pilgrimage not simply to a place of worship, but a spiritual journey to the core of my priesthood. I knew in my heart that the past twenty-five years—a crazy quilt of proud moments and downright disappointments—was worth it. In his own mysterious heart, everything was part of an unfolding design, a story being written, a dream that is meant to happen.

So if it were a dream I am living, I only have to listen. Dreams are not purposely made; they appear in their own ways, their own language, their own message. Let God keep on dreaming. Let me readily listen.

And dreams talk of something real. My priesthood is to make his dreams for his Church come true. On the eve of my ordination, he told me a powerful message: “you do make yourself a priest; it is I who make you a priest.” I hope and pray that I will be a willing and adequate tool in his hands to build his dream.

Come, then, let us live this priesthood together!

Armand, sdb, priest
08 december 2005

How I knew I was led to the right path

2012-03-05T04:45:00.001-08:00

I went early this morning to church. I had Mass offered for the repose of my grandparents' souls in purgatory. Because we Catholics believe that there is charity in having the Holy Mass offered for the dead.
Anyhow, I have in my hands some money to give---- sort of tithes. I usually give my 10% of income as I was told by reliable people that if I want to be rich, I should entrust my 10% income to God. It wasn't a big deal to me really---- it's just a small amount compared to the blessings I have received.
And so I gave my money to the home for the street children and the abandoned.

Like what I read from a priest I so respected, God indeed affirms His dreams for you.
I got a very big project from Don Bosco Press, and up till now, I feel so humbled because the blessing came my way eventhough I know there are many people more worthy than me... but the project was given to me--- yes me. I am forever grateful for that...

When I took the receipt for the donation I made, I saw that I gave my money for the benefit of the street children, and it suddenly dawned on me, could it be it? That the reason why I was given the project, was because I was helping the cause of the founder, St. John Bosco? Salesians are known for helping the youth for a better tomorrow, and our project was to write books for the youth---- and I give some of what I have for their cause--- now that got me thinking--- could it be it? Was I led to the right path?

My faith is rejuvenated--- I guess I'm on the right track, I am blessed! Indeed! :)

How to spot an Invalidator

2012-02-25T05:52:00.003-08:00

It's hard to recognize an invalidator, because a truly good one can bypass the scrutiny of your logical mind, and you find yourself feeling bad without knowing why. The invalidator is underhanded, and the person being invalidated is often unsuspecting except for knowing that he or she feels bad. The invalidator actually feels inferior to some other person, so he or she tries to make that other person feel small. Thus the invalidator can control the victim. Have you met anyone like this? Whether you are aware of it or not, you probably have. You probably know one or several invalidators.

The invalidator uses various suppressive mechanisms to chop away at your self-esteem. He pretends to acknowledge something you are proud of, then later makes some negative insinuation about it. He feels out what you think your shortcomings are and then exploits them at calculated times when he knows you are vulnerable. The invalidator may persist in invalidating you until you succumb. He has to control you because he perceives you as being superior to him. He takes accusations that have "some truth" and fires them at you "in all honesty," "just being your friend," "to help you out."

The difference between an invalidator and a real friend is that a real friend will tell you one negative thing about yourself and then back off to give you space to consider it. An invalidator will lay many of your faults out for you and persist until you feel as big as the period at the end of this sentence. An invalidator will pick out the qualities about yourself that are most important to you and then tear them apart. An invalidator will listen to you share something that you don't like about yourself and then later use it against you. This is all done in such a subtle way that you are unaware of it.

If you do confront an invalidator on what she is doing, she will say something like, "OH, come on now! I love you. I'm your friend. Where did you get these silly ideas?" And she may really like you. She may really want to be your friend . . . but only on her terms and only after she has you in her control. She may make you look silly for even thinking such things about her. She may make you feel guilty or cheap in front of your friends for accusing her of invalidating you. She may get angry at you for your accusations. Whatever she can do to invalidate you further, she will. If she really thinks you are onto her, she may apologize and then not invalidate you again . . . until later when you are unsuspecting.

In short, the invalidator does whatever is necessary to control you. He is control-crazy, and any time he perceives himself to be not in control, he will be scared.
Invalidators are around us every day, tormenting us with their promises, rejoicing in our weaknesses, demanding our trust, our votes, and our lives, while remaining totally indifferent to everything except their thirst for power. Power to order the lives of other men consoles them for their own insufficiencies, their lack of humanity. They must have power or perish, and it is all one to them if they misuse their power or crush others in their efforts to seize power.
These invalidators can be particularly nasty characters if they get into positions of power. And they are always striving for positions of power because they have an obsessive need to control people and events.

The more clever invalidators don't use their powers until it's absolutely necessary. The invalidator can appear to be quite friendly for a very long time. Then when it comes time for a promotion and it's you or him, he chews you up and spits you out in front of management before you know what hit you - all the while being your good friend. He will even invent perfectly logical reasons why you wouldn't have wanted the job anyway. That is, unless he wants to destroy you completely. Then he will just make you look bad in front of everyone for a long time. He might do this with information you told him about yourself in confidence, when he so endearingly listened to you.

Methods of the Invalidator

Uncertainty
One method of an invalidator is to keep you in a constant state of uncertainty. She rarely gives you an answer. Just vagueness - no commitment. She makes you feel unsure of your environment for long periods of time, until your adaptive ability begins to fail.
For example, there are times when you think, "Maybe he's changed. He just bought me a new car and told me he loved me. He's been telling me how wonderful I am for a week/month." Things are great for a while. Then inevitably, after you trust him again, he begins all over again with the criticisms, the insinuations, the anger. He has you trapped in a sickening feeling of uncertainty.

Projection
The favorite tool of the invalidator: she simply takes her own feelings and puts the responsibility for them onto another person, as if these feelings originate with the other person.
For example, a person who doesn't like you says, "I don't think you like me." This statement perhaps gets you questioning yourself. It thereby puts the attention on you, and you start looking at your own feelings instead of noticing the other person's feelings. This provides a good hiding place for the other person. The one doing the accusing is often calling you to task for things she herself is doing.
Isn't it funny that the one lashing out at others for their negative feelings or misdeeds is often guilty of the same failings in thought, word, or deed? When someone attacks you for something you didn't do, it says more about them than it does you.
For example, if I were a dedicated wife and my husband started accusing me of cheating on him, I would know almost for sure that he had done it in thought, word, or deed. You can tell an enormous amount about people by their projections. Listen closely.

Generalizations
Generalizations are simply exaggerations of small truths. The more truth there is in a generalization, the more it can be exaggerated. A person who uses generalizations does so to be in control of another.

Judgment
A person who is responsible for their feelings would say they are angry that you didn't do such and such. But the invalidator projects the responsibility for this judgment onto the world, as if everyone would agree that you are no good. In doing this, the invalidator attacks your self-esteem instead of the real problem. When a judgment had you going, especially if made by someone you love or respect, you were upset by this even if you don't think of yourself as stupid, or irresponsible, or whatever title the invalidator was attaching to you. After all, you don't want him thinking that of you, so you are motivated to impress him, to please him, to get him to remove the unpleasant titles he's giving you. All the while, of course, he is in control of the situation.

Manipulation
Manipulation is bad control. There is such a thing as good control. Good control is ethical and includes a fair exchange, "please" and "thank you." The invalidator wants to control . . . period. If good control fails, she uses bad control. If the usual methods fail, she uses devious, covert, or overt methods, because she is compelled to win or be in control. You may often be pressured to let her have things her way. She will use sneaky methods of manipulation, or outright methods of domination. An invalidator is a manipulator.

Sneak Attack
"I don't want to upset you but..." (He probably does want to upset you.) "I don't mean to interrupt . . ."(Right!!) "I don't mean to rain on your parade." (Uh huh). "Don't let this bother you, but . . " (Bother. Bother.) "I hope this doesn't insult you, but . . " (Here comes an insult!) His words are sweet, but underneath are daggers. The tongue is a mighty weapon, a sharp sword.

Double Message
It is well known that double messages in childhood contribute to schizophrenia. The mother who says, "I love you," and then goes rigid when her child hugs her is sending a very destructive double message. You will find many double messages like this from an invalidator. But they may not be so obvious. Usually, you end of feeling weird or bad without realizing why.

Cutting Communication
The invalidator will ask you a question about yourself, then cuts you off before you finish answering. She asks you a leading question like, "Do you still quarrel with your wife?" You can't answer this question without appearing wrong. She walks out in the middle of a conversation, creating a logjam of unspoken thoughts piled up in your mind.

Building You Up, Cutting You Down
Be careful who you depend on for your self-esteem. If you depend on others, the invalidator will shower you with compliments until you are totally dependent on him, then he will take you apart piece by piece until you are in his control.
The whole idea is to get you introverted and introspective so that you don't notice what is going on outside yourself. Once you start looking anxiously and self-consciously at yourself, the invalidator will subtly draw your attention to all your most negative qualities. This will make you feel weaker, more susceptible to control.
By doing this, the invalidator can pull you down to size. He may feel that he worries too much, while you usually appear calm and confident. If he can get you to come down to his level and start worrying more, then he feels superior. And will be the first to offer help.
After a while, you worry only about what he thinks. What he will do. Whether he will be angry at you or not. You stop looking at yourself after a while because you see so much wrong with you that you totally depend on him for your sense of worth. And then when even he doesn't want you . . ?

The Double Bind
One of the meanest tricks of the invalidator is the double bind. Logic will not solve this problem. Only awareness will solve it. The invalidator puts you in a position where you are "wrong if you do, wrong if you don't."
The solution is to get out of the introverting logic set up by the invalidator so you can view the while situation. There is a certain feeling that goes along with a double bind, a feeling of being trapped. This feeling should be your cue to start being aware of your environment. That feeling should automatically make you stop thinking, stop introverting. Remove yourself from the immediate situation, and take a look at what's happening. Once an invalidator has you introverted and thinking, you are under his or her control.
The solution: Do not introvert. Do not defend yourself. Try to notice what makes the invalidator want to put you on the spot.

Invalidator: An Archetype

Do you remember a friend that you imitated? Do you act like your mother sometimes? Your father? It could be said that you entered into the "archetype" of your mother, father, or friend for that time you acted like them. You probably have several personalities that you have developed yourself. Your "mom" or "dad" role. Your "professional" image. Your "kid" personality. These are separate types that you develop and use every day. It's almost like having separate suits of clothing for different occasions in the closet of your mind.
The point is: Did you ever notice that most invalidators are not that way all the time? That's what makes them so difficult to understand sometimes. They are unpredictable! You never know what might set them off. (Sometimes you do know.)
All of a sudden it's like a demon takes them over. This nice person becomes a ranting maniac, or else he seems nice, but you suddenly feel bad around him without knowing why. There are various degrees of obviousness when invalidation occurs. And there is a psychological cycle that happens to each invalidator when invalidating behavior appears.

Most Obvious Personality
This person appears to have no conscious at all and sometimes seems crazed enough to be capable of anything. He seems about to lose control at any second. He exudes and reeks of anger, outrage, and righteousness. He threatens to do things that are the most liable to do you in. He may sometimes threaten to do outlandish things while smiling at you as if enjoying your plight or he makes it appear that you deserve his disapproval, that you have surely done something to set him off. At other times he is overly loving and apologetic. Sometimes too much liquor can turn on this demonic personality in a person.

Less Obvious Personality
She points our your weaknesses. She reminds you of your past misdoings. She tries to get your agreement that things you do are wrong, and is constantly proving how bad you are. She acts as if the good things you do aren't that great, or "you finally did something good for a change." She is righteous. When you point out to this person some wrongdoings of hers, she will bombard you with all of your wrongdoings, in an indignant manner. Her memory for recalling your mistakes is usually fantastic. Later, she may get upset: "How could you say that about me? You hurt me." She proves to you what an ass you are. She is jealous of your possessions and envies your accomplishments. She belittles you in groups.

Least Obvious
This person appears to be your good buddy. He always has some negative thing to tell you in "good faith." He loves to be "honest" and "truthful." He gossips about you behind your back and is secretly jealous of you. He tells you secrets about the negative things other people are thinking of you. He pays you compliments that are really double messages, insinuating that you are paranoid if you confront him on his double messages. It's possible he has a higher opinion of you than he does of himself.

All these types indicate, nobody is an invalidator all the time. More often, a perfectly wonderful person turns from the one you love into a monster you hates you and can't think of enough ways to degrade you. Your loved one is temporarily just like a devil. This demonic form is not all there is in this person; it is an archetype he or she enters at times. While someone is in it, this demonic personality is complete - it has its own thoughts, ideas, ethics, and behavior. A person may enter into this behavior consciously, or may slip into it unconsciously when something in the environment triggers it.
Most people slip into the invalidator archetype unconsciously, reacting to subtle and sometimes unnoticed cues in the environment. These poor people have been exposed to invalidators in the past - often a parent or sibling who just never could be pleased or approving. Unconsciously, without understanding the source of their trouble, they become invalidators at various unpredictable times. They are running on automatic pilot; they don't know what they are doing, and they don't know what else to do. Sliding into this role is no great advantage, either to the victim or the invalidator. The invalidator can win a lot of battles with the behavior, but in the long run loses the war. He or she may get to control others for a time, but after a while no one wants to be around an invalidator. Of course, some invalidators are so clever and subtle that they always have others around them to control.

Identifying an Invalidator

Perhaps you met someone who flattered you by being possessive and jealous. Then later you were puzzled when this person treated you condescendingly. This person would be interested in you especially when you had the attention of others, but then became bored with you when you devoted most of your time to him. He might become enraged when you did something against his will or against his opinion. When you demonstrated you had a mind of your own, he might become more enraged. Making love to this person would seem like more of a satisfaction of his libido than a sincere expression of love. Everyone probably has these tendencies sometimes, but the invalidator has them to a great degree.
To deal with an invalidator, first you have to be able to detect one. Methods of invalidation can be so clever, so sneaky, and so suppressive that you might not be able to see them. If you know someone that you always feel bad with, it could be your insecurities, or it could be an invalidator at work. Probably both.
Simply stated, your insecurities come from past experiences that you never really noticed or understood or accepted, that have been embedded in your subconscious and wait, ready to cause pain or defensiveness or introversion at odd moments when you least suspect they are at work. A clever invalidator finds your most sensitive spots, and plays on them to gain control over you by making you feel vulnerable.
The important thing to look at is how you feel over a certain period of time when you are in the company of a possible invalidator. It is not necessary to see all the mechanisms an invalidator uses. Somewhere you will pick up the way things are going with this person. If you feel constant jabs of discomfort when you are with someone, take a look at what he or she is doing. Notice these forms of behavior exist in some people at some times, and be prepared to handle them when they do. These traits are for you to know about so you don't introvert on yourself.

About 1% of the population are conscious invalidators, 20% are semi-conscious. If you are reading this, chances are you are not the 1% mentioned. That kind of person would not want to attempt the self-improvement contained here.
True invalidators are not easy to spot. But if you pay attention to your feelings, and to people who are connected to invalidators, you will be able to recognize them. You will notice that people connected to invalidators are not in the best condition, while the invalidator seems just fine. The invalidator's family may seem to be all "mental cases" while he or she is the only sane one. It is really just the opposite.

The Victim

If you choose to be connected to a true member of the nasty 1%, because you think you can handle it, there are some things you should know. He has to have control. It's survival for him - ego survival. If he sees himself as lesser than you, there will always be the push to reduce you so he can control you. The very first time you are sick or run-down or in trouble, or in any way down, he will try to make sure you stay down. If you want to hang around playing that sort of game, it's your business. Your invalidator may be very charming and adventurous and probably very intelligent. If your invalidator "turns you on," have fun while it lasts. Misery is around the next corner. You may think you'll never be in that vulnerable position of feeling "down." But by staying connected to a "one-per center," you are creating it. So good luck.
Allowing yourself to be under constant stress of always having to react to an invalidator could lead to psychosomatic illness. These victims had ulcers, heart disease, cancer, and other disorders. Being under the daily stress of dealing with an invalidator does eat away at you even if you handle it very well. And usually with a true invalidator, you have to handle it, and handle it, and handle it.... ad nauseam, ad infinitum. Then if you do leave, the person who is a ranting, raving invalidator, may suddenly get very soft, and may even admit to invalidating. He will do anything to get you back under his wing. He will tell you how miserable he is without you.
Then when you feel sorry for him and decide to come back, he will secretly consider you a fool for being sympathetic. He will wait for a time, then he will begin working to get you down again.
A true invalidator will say anything to keep you with him, because he has to have you, not because he loves you. Because he has to control you, not because he loves you. Because you fulfill his desire for power, not because he wants you. Because you serve his purpose, not because he is interested in you. He is interested in you only so that he can find your weaknesses and play on them, to control you.
It doesn't matter whether an invalidator is conscious or unconscious of what he does. He is still responsible for it. It doesn't matter if someone shoots you consciously or unconsciously . . . you still die. In the case of invalidation, it's sometimes harder to deal with someone who is unconscious of doing it. When confronted with what he is doing, he may say, "Where did you get that silly idea? You are invalidating me by accusing me of invalidation!" After he says that, you will probably be ready to tear him apart. But there are some things to consider. First, he is unconsciously invalidating you, there's a good chance he has been connected to an invalidator (mother, father, boss, spouse). When he gets angry at you, it may come out as invalidation. Being an "unconscious invalidator" is very hard for any person to confront. No one wants to think of him - or herself that way. Then again, it's not your problem that he doesn't recognize his problem. You must treat him "as if" he is conscious of it. The best you can do is (1) point it out, (2) stand your ground, or (3) disconnect if he is not willing to see it. He may come around only after he is faced with losing his relationship with you.

Introducing the Victim

People are born willing to listen, but after many years of being put down, a person may stop being willing to listen. People are also born willing to be wrong. But after an invalidator points out constantly what we do wrong, we may stop being willing to be wrong about anything.
Invalidators abuse willingness to listen by making so many critical or cutting remarks that the victim closes up and stops listening completely, to escape the terrible feeling of always appearing to be wrong. This defense allows the victim to stop hearing the invalidator and stops some of the pain of invalidation, but the reaction to the invalidator may also cause the person not to listen to anyone else, either. An invalidator's victim may try to appear totally righteous. The victim has lost the willingness to listen and the willingness to be wrong.
You may know someone who doesn't listen much and talks a lot. Was there an invalidator in his or her past?
Another person who has been injured by an invalidator may be very quiet and shy. He is afraid to open his mouth out of fear of being invalidated. He may seem to reject friendship with anyone, but that may spring from his fear. A shy person may be naturally quiet and reserved, or he may have been connected to an invalidator who stepped on his self-esteem whenever he spoke up for himself. There is a difference between choosing to be quiet and feeling stifled.
Another product of an invalidator is someone who is very stubborn. He may call himself "strong-willed." He has had it with invalidators, has decided to stand his ground no matter what, and will not change his mind under any circumstances. He is never wrong.
How can we correct our own behavior if we can't listen to others and if we can't afford to be wrong? Stifling the gift of communication is one of the most destructive things that one person can do to another. Equally devastating is the part we ourselves play when we allow someone else to force us to limit or distort our communication ability because of our fear of invalidation.
You may know someone you consider to be a good person, who puts up with another who makes her life miserable. You wonder why she takes it. Possibly she feels unworthy of having someone nice to be with. She can't accept people being nice to her. She is attracted to people who put her down.
She has been able to handle invalidation - after all, she is surviving, isn't she? But if she should happen to get some praise or affection, she doesn't know how to deal with it.
The person who invalidates is not always the SOB. A passive-aggressive victim can create a scene in which it looks lik

e he is being invalidated. This person may be the sweetest person in town, yet frequently makes unconscious "little mistakes" without taking responsibility for them. This person might be late all the time and always have a good excuse for being late, and cower and make you look like a @#* for being upset with him. He is always putting himself down. The context of his interaction is "look how disgusting I am."
You tend to have no respect for someone who has no self-respect. When you congratulate him on something, he makes little of your congratulations because he can't have good will for himself. He may be a terrific person, and yet he will draw invalidators like a magnet. He will choose to have a lousy time with somebody you consider to be a SOB rather than a good time with you. If he is with you, he may constantly try to prove to you what a miserable helpless loser he is. He has to be "right" in thinking he is a victim, a lowly soul. He will set it up so the world proves this to him and to others constantly.
There is an invalidator in his past . . . and now there is an invalidator inside his head. He has internalized the invalidator and turned it against himself. But look out - his misery loves company.
An invalidator sets up a context that says, "You're wrong. You're wrong." And a victim sees himself as a victim and will not own responsibility, and he works hard to prove he is really a victim so he can be "right" about it.
The victim will bend your ear constantly about the tragedies of his life. Horrible circumstances, drunken spouse, fire-destroyed house, unemployment - and someone else is always to blame. "They" did it to him again. He will explain it in such a way that he could do nothing about it. "The car drove off the highway and hit a tree." (He just happened to be sitting there drunk behind the wheel.) Then they took away his license, so he lost his job. And they fired him after six months of faithful service just because he couldn't come to work. He is very interested in having you agree with him so he can feel more justified in being a victim.
This person may not appreciate anything you do for him because he feels unworthy of it. You will seldom be able to please him or make him happy. Happiness is impossible for him. These people are perfect mates for invalidators. They survive on being miserable. If things go too well for them, they will create an upset in their lives.
You may find that your efforts to help this victim never seem to work. He always seems to mess up his life again - always unconsciously. You end up feeling impotent. And until this person recognizes his victim act and begins to do something about it, there isn't much you can do. He has to intend to change. He has to stop blaming his bad luck and his weak willpower for his problems, and decide to stop being a loser.
A person's integrity is based on his or her intentions. If a person intends to be valuable and intends to be worthy, then there is no stopping her. She will give up proving how unworthy she is. Each person's worth is determined by that person alone. If she knows she has good intentions, then she may encounter barriers to her self-realization, she may make mistakes on the way, but there is no proving that she is a rotten person or a miserable loser. There is no way to make her a victim, once she has decided not to be one anymore. Her life can be focused on developing her magnificence, and not on the mistakes or barriers that temporarily get in her way. She intends to free herself, and her intention frees her.
This is not about two types of persons. If what you thought you got from this is the ability to run around pinning labels of "victim" or "invalidator" on real people, then you didn't get much from this information. This data is describing and identifying phenomena that may partially or wholly exist in an individual. If you use this data to make someone wrong then this information is about you.
Pointing out invalidation to another for the purpose of handling it is not invalidating that person. Pointing out invalidation for the purpose of making them wrong is invalidating. It's the intention behind the words and actions that make all the difference. In handling invalidation, you can get great confidence from knowing your intentions.
Nearly everyone has some of the traits of an invalidator. The one-per center does it consciously, consistently, for personal gain, for power, for control, and without conscience. But everyone falls into the role of invalidator sometimes. Do YOU invalidate? Probably! You may do it when you feel someone has wronged you. You may do it as a defense. You may do it unconsciously. The next section is addressed to the invalidator. It may help you recognize what someone is doing to you. But it also may help you recognize when you are the invalidator.

The Cycle of Invalidation

To an Invalidator

So. You have decided you are an invalidator. Or else you are not quite sure you are an invalidator. Or else you don't consider yourself to be an invalidator, but you are reading this section to see what will be said to them. If you admit being an invalidator, that's great. You have confronted this part of yourself.
We all react to things. Some hurt others. Some hurt themselves. The secret behind changing it is your intention and willingness to know. That's about it. It may sound simple. Actually, it is sometimes simple and sometimes very difficult. Now that you've read most of this information, there is something you need to know. There is NO SUCH THING AS AN INVALIDATOR. There are people and the mechanism of invalidation. If you thought you were an invalidator, that just shows how willing you are to put yourself down.
If you find yourself invalidating, work on that mechanism. Get out of the destructive role. Maybe you think this doesn't really tell you how to stop invalidating. You want to stop right now. Well, too bad. Your impatience is showing. If you read the following data and understand it, then you will have the ability to clear it up for yourself. It will take time. By the way, another trait of an invalidator is....impatience.

Why you are an Invalidator
Was there someone in your life who invalidated you? It could have been someone you loved or someone you hated. Invalidation is a mechanism that gets passed on from one to another. Who in your life was always right? Under whose thumb were you? Of whom were you afraid? These questions may assist you in locating a possible invalidator in your life. Who invalidated you, or who did you see invalidate others?
If you feel bad about yourself for invalidating, then chances are feeling bad about yourself will cause you to invalidate even more. Chances are good that you invalidate yourself more than anyone. You may feel like such an SOB, you may be so down on yourself, that you think someone who would love you must be even worse than you are, and therefore deserving to be invalidated. After all, anyone who would hang around with such a creep as you are must be really screwed up. Right?

How do you stop?
So, what should you do if you catch yourself invalidating and decide you'd like to stop doing it? Maybe at some point in your life, someone made you feel so wrong that you succumbed to being wrong, and you agreed that you were wrong. After, that, you considered yourself to be basically wrong, or basically screwed up. You may also have made the assumption that others are basically nasty too.
You may have spent a lot of your life proving that you were not messed up because you don't want to appear bad. So you feel as if you have to be righteous about yourself. You have to be right all the time. Well, now, how did all this come about?
It happened through the mechanism of invalidation, which gets passed from one to another and one generation to another by contagion.
You may sometimes be attached to invalidation so closely you cannot see it. Sometimes you may feel the effect of invalidating. You may know you are doing it, and you don't want to, and you don't like yourself for doing it to people, and still you just keep on doing it. It can be so frustrating that you finally just give up and accept yourself as an SOB. You define yourself as "bad" and you dramatize invalidation. You constantly find yourself invalidating, just as you yourself were invalidated. You feel compelled to do it. It seems to happen automatically sometimes, because you identified with the invalidator.
You think you have only two choices:
1. Be like the invalidator and SURVIVE.
2. Be like the invalidated and succumb.
You may come to believe that you must hurt or be hurt, control or be controlled. After all, in your past experience, the invalidator won and you lost. You re-act. Get it? You repeat the whole drama, but this time you try to be the winner, the SOB that can't be defeated.
You may re-act in certain situations, almost like a machine. That's not you out there; that's just your dramatization of negative experiences you had years ago. When you are re-acting, or invalidating someone automatically because it was done to you, who really gets invalidated?
If there ever was a Satan, he wouldn't have wanted to work very hard to pollute souls. He probably would have resorted to inventing a set of nasty archetypes that would spread from one person to another by contagion. After all, he was so evil, he wouldn't want to struggle. It would be easier to throw a couple of turds into still water and watch it ripple. So he invented invalidation! And he made it contagious. We did the rest.
Maybe sometimes you are not into invalidation and sometimes you are. It may almost seem that you are two different people, one who has good intentions and is very supportive, and one who sometimes takes over, making you into an "invalidation entity." This evil entity is not you, but a role you are playing the role of invalidator.
You probably feel a sense of unreality when you are in that role. You act very controlling, but you may feel that you are being controlled. You may appear to others to be very demanding and authoritative. But inside you feel very helpless and scared. That demanding, authoritarian, invalidating entity is your act, which you re-act, re-act, and re-act.

What Happens to Invalidators
Two things happen to invalidators. Some of them see that invalidation doesn't work in the long run. This can happen through life hints. If a person gets enough of these hints and is paying attention, his or her behavior changes.
But not everyone gets the hint, and then what happens is rather sad. There is a natural cycle that people go through when they hurt others:
1. Hurt someone.
2. Admit wrongdoing, at least to oneself.
3. Feel guilt-not neurotic guilt, but real guilt.
4. Atone-do something to make up for it.
The invalidator's problem is that he can't admit being wrong, so he doesn't go through the natural cycle. He has more of a deny-and-suppress pattern.
1. Hurt someone.
2. Justify hurting that person, to oneself.
3. Suppress guilt, which eventually turns into a "bad mood."
4. Avoid atonement.
The suppressed guilt stays inside and gathers until the invalidator begins to feel depressed. Or he may become psychosomatically ill.
Maybe you've met a person who behaves this way. The demonic personality is a kind of manic state. The person seems to have no consciousness; he seems to enjoy manipulation and putting other people down.
In this phase, the invalidator is carefree. He doesn't notice and doesn't care about the feelings of others. He goes right on doing selfish things like drinking, playing around on his wife, or belittling others until, unexpectedly, he suddenly falls apart.
Now he enters an exaggerated state of remorse, or gets very sick, as his relationships with everyone start to fall apart. He gets sick, especially if his spouse leaves him. The illness punishes him and gets the spouse back at the same time.
Beware of the invalidator who doesn't get sick and does not have remorse. This one is bad news. His cycle is different. He doesn't really care about anyone but himself. He is extremely selfish. He is conscious of his invalidating and probably even works at perfecting it. This is the one-per center (The 20 per centers have enough conscious left to feel remorse at least.)
You've watched this one per center destroy people. The people around him are afraid of him, but in his control. He is not a total devil; no one is. Most of the time he leads what looks like a normal life. It's just that he is so selfish and possessive. And, every once in a while, he does something that will make a lasting scar on someone close to him. By the time he is done living his lifetime, the world is worse for his having been there.
You may have seen a person like this in action. He is selfish. He has no conscience. He is controlling of others and manipulative. He has no sympathy and no mercy. You may have watched him drive someone crazy or lead someone to commit suicide. You wonder how he gets away with it. You wonder why he lives that way. You wonder what will ever happen to him. Here's a story that may explain:
A friend watched helplessly while an invalidator ruthlessly invalidated his wife to suicide. It was a nonstop, merciless deed. He showed no conscience even though he had been with her for forty years. Of course, she was into a victim act and eventually made herself so weak she couldn't stand up to him anymore. She died on the day she committed suicide. He had been dead long before that.
The tools of invalidation are available for you to use right now. You or anyone can pick them up, practice them, and perfect them with repetition. But if you think invalidating people is a good way of controlling others, think twice.
Let's suppose you made use of a demonic archetype in which you were selfish and manipulative. Eventually you would really hurt someone, and then a natural remorse would tap you on the shoulder to remind you of your misdeeds. You might drop the selfish behavior and atone, get depressed, or get sick.
You use these mechanisms on a "buy now, pay later" plan. Sure, you can run around feeling carefree, not caring about others, for a while. But sooner or later you are going to end up alone and lonely. People eventually catch on, no matter how gregarious and fun-loving you are. Once people realize that you are completely taken up with yourself, they get turned off. Besides, there seems to be a natural law that eventually leads to the destruction of a person like this. After all, how can a person remain a human being and constantly destroy his or her own foundations as a human being?
If you repress remorse, you repress all feelings to that same degree. You also give up part of your ability to gauge how other people feel. So each time you repress real remorse, you die a little. You cannot lose touch with your own conscience without losing touch with others, because your conscience is the bridge that connects you to others.
The worst thing that can happen is that you become so selfish that you mess up all your relationships. You lose contact so badly that you can't understand other people at all. You lose your own feelings so that you can no longer experience love, beauty, friendship, or any of the meaningful experiences in life. You have to resort to booze, drugs, or degraded sex to feel anything at all. It's only the fleeting sensations, the "wow" moments, that are fun. You avoid anything meaningful.
You must have met people who are so far gone into themselves that they have lost their ability to understand others. They constantly invalidate others. They are also prone to moodiness or depression because nobody can stay in that totally selfish pattern forever.
If you think you can ever be happy living that way, think again. Watch for invalidation so you can handle it. Know exactly what it is. Know it and see it and sidestep it. Make invalidation lose its effect.
When someone tells you of something you did wrong, take a look at her intention in telling you that. Even if what she says is absolutely true, even if you did exactly what she said you did, look at her intention. Is she invalidating you, or is she trying to wise you up for your own sake?
And look at your own intentions. When you criticize someone, or point out a mistake or a misdeed, are you doing it for that person's own good or to hurt?
When you are angry, do you get angry at innocent bystanders? Do you have to get mad at someone? Can you get angry freely at inanimate objects, or just get angry, period? If you need a whipping boy, clean up your act. Anger should be expressed. But not at an innocent person.
When you detect an invalidator, whether it's someone near you or you yourself, show a little compassion. This poor unfortunate soul is either in hell or on his way. And what is more, never label anyone an invalidator. People are people. What people do is what people do. Attacking a person instead of attacking what that person is doing just doesn't work in the long run. You're just letting invalidation breed invalidation.

To The Invalidated Who Doesn't Invalidate

Well now, you are the "victim" of invalidation, but you don't invalidate. You are not like those others. You never put anyone down. You never get angry. You were connected to an invalidator at one time, and you see it all now.
You don't know how to get angry without hurting people, so you hold it all inside. You were made so wrong at one point that you made a forced decision that you were completely OK. Along with that decision, you developed an unwillingness to be wrong. But you made out better than some people; you didn't lose your willingness to listen.
Now you do the flip side of the work of an invalidator. You listen to people. You make people right. You never get angry. You've been invalidated by someone, and you certainly don't want to hurt people the way that person did. So you become dishonest with your true feelings. You fool people to build their egos.
So, now you believe you are perfectly OK. You are afraid to look at anything that doesn't agree with that premise. You won't look at ways you could change, because that would be admitting there is something wrong with you. To you, this idea is very frightening. Instead of seeing a change in your thinking as self-improvement, you feel ashamed of it, as a sign that something is wrong with you. However, the paradox is that to be perfect, you have to be willing to look at your imperfections. It is especially difficult for someone who has been made wrong to be willing to appear wrong. Your willingness to be wrong has been abused. You may now have a big scar there, and you may feel completely vulnerable.
If you have made a defensive decision that you are perfectly OK, you might desperately try to hold on to this state. You might become terribly opposed to change. You were once in a situation where deciding you were OK meant your ego survival. So you will go to great lengths to maintain this belief. If you are approached with a mistake you are making, or if someone sees you are in trouble and tries to help, you may react with fear. If you find yourself changing your opinions or your point of view, you may become terrified and feel you are finally succumbing as you almost did to the invalidator long ago.You may quickly escape from any change and fall back on your own beliefs. You are willing to look at new ideas only if they do not threaten your basic determination that you are OK right now, just as you are, and you always have been perfectly OK. You may be perceived by others as a weird person, because your mind becomes a mishmash of modern ideas and antiquated attitudes. You may develop a lot of funny quirks in your personality, because nothing can be allowed to shake the foundations of the basic structure you are holding on to.
A healthy person realizes that he's OK and he can accept other people's opinions and judgments. He is willing to see that sometimes someone else can be right and he can be wrong, and that helps keep his feelings in balance. But if a person has been forced to define himself as perfectly OK, in order to defend himself against someone who wanted to invalidate him, he may not be able to accept opinions other than his own. It was the judgments of another person that pushed him to this defensive position in the first place, so now he feels he can never be wrong, especially if his mistake is pointed out by another person.
A likable personality - one that never gets angry and always build egos - is the flip side of the invalidator personality. But this character type has its problems too. The invalidator sprays anger all over, and this causes problems for her victims and for herself. But the victim who cannot and will not express any anger at all represses his anger, and probably has to repress most of his other feelings along with it. Both feel righteous and inadequate. The only way out of this trap is to be able to listen, to express anger constructively, to be able to be wrong and to change when the situation requires it. And if everyone could live that way - there would be no invalidators!

What do we do about it?

Invalidator Boss
What do you do if your boss invalidates constantly? Let's be practical. You could decide he is just an SOB. You could set out to get him for all the misery you've endured. This wouldn't say much for your integrity, and you'd have to live with yourself, knowing that your intentions are vengeful. It would also justify your boss's outlook on life. Your boss might expect this of people. Besides, it wouldn't work.
You could tell him off. This would allow you to release your pent-up emotion, but it wouldn't work. He might invalidate you more than ever, and you might not keep your job let alone get a raise.
You probably won't be able to reason with your boss while he is in his demon personality. It's better to wait until he is himself. If the demon is all there is to your boss, then I suggest you start looking for a new job right now. He may be too far gone to help or to deal with at all.
One thing you know: If he is invalidating you, he must have learned it from somebody, possibly a domineering mother or controlling father. It may not have been either of his parents, but maybe his boss. Maybe he thinks that's the way a boss is supposed to act. It has happened that, if the president of the company is a habitual invalidator, everyone down the line takes on that behavior. After all, it is contagious.
More than anything else, an invalidator has to be right. Never, never say "you're wrong" to an invalidator; this is a cardinal rule. If you contradict, point out, demonstrate, or in any way show an invalidator to be wrong, sooner or later he will get you. Sooner or later, you will pay. Invalidators are extremely revengeful. To an invalidator, being wrong is the most horrible thing that can happen to him, and he will not thank the person who puts him into that position. The best thing to do is acknowledge an invalidator; this does not mean to agree.
One this invalidators respond to best is affinity. If you like her, she may even allow you to prove her wrong, once in a while. That goes for almost anyone, of course. If you like someone and show that person a great deal of affinity, you can say practically anything to him or her. Be sure you always do it in private. An invalidator takes "being wrong" in front of a group as a terrible humiliation.
If you show that you like your boss, you will gain benefits beyond reason. Invalidators are excellent at logic, so they don't put much stock in it. But affinity is something they lack, and they can use a lot of it. After all, someone in this person's past probably chewed him up with logic, and pushed him away at the same time.
It also helps if you can find a genuine reason to look up to your boss. Invalidators are usually me-me-me people. Their self-esteem is actually low, but they hide this well by displaying over inflated egos. An invalidator may think of himself as the only important person around, but he may feel inferior to others. He uses his self-importance to try to make up for the inferiority. It's a confusing paradox - but ignore it at your peril.
With this knowledge, you can realize that the apparently strong, confident, ruthless boss might actually feel inside like a scared little kid. He may be someone to be pitied, not someone to be feared.
It's ironic but the best way to make an invalidator lose his grip is to invalidate him. A person who is trying to hurt another will use the methods that would hurt him. If you want to hurt an invalidator, all you need to do is watch what he does or says to others. If you use his own methods against him, he will cave in sooner that anyone. It's so obvious it's almost funny.
However, if you choose this method, you should realize that you may be putting your job on the line. This may actually be the most positive career step you can make, though it can be a hard one. You may want to line up another job before you try it. Invalidating your boss may give you a feeling of satisfaction as you stand in the unemployment line.
If your boss embarrasses you in front of a group, and you want to get him back, embarrass him in front of a group. But be careful. He has probably been embarrassing people in groups for years, and he is much better at it than you are. But you'll have the benefit of surprise, so his endurance won't be as good.

Invalidator Spouse
It is typical for one partner to be dominant. Someone has to have the final say, or marriages wouldn't work. It is probably best if the responsibilities are divided up in such a way that each one is the boss sometimes. That makes for a happy relationship.
But how many marriages do you know of that are happy? The relationship of husband/wife has more invalidation in it than any other. It is a worldwide disease. It seems as if the usual pattern is to get married, eventually do irreversible harm to the relationship, and then regret getting married.
One of the problems of our society is that we can't seem to rehabilitate a marriage once it has gone bad. We wait until things are intolerable before we seek help. Then we don't really want help, we want out. Just because someone seems to be controlling the family doesn't mean he or she is necessarily an invalidator. His or her mate could simply be irresponsible; someone has to manage things.
There are lots of "nice" ways to invalidate, too. Like the silent treatment, when you don't acknowledge what your spouse said.
A person using invalidation could be perfectly unconscious of doing so. The victim could also be unconscious of it. Whether the invalidator and victim are conscious or unconscious of their patterns, two people who initially love each other can get caught up in this scenario, and it degrades the whole family over time. The person doing most of the invalidating is not made aware of it until it is too late: the love has died and the damage is irreparable.
Have you ever met someone who was surprised when his or her spouse left? Things were so wonderful, and then BANG . . . she or he runs off with someone else! It could have been unconscious invalidation at work.
Even if the invalidator is made aware, he may not be made properly aware. He may just suppress his invalidating tendencies instead of correcting them. He may hold back his feelings instead of learning how to let them out constructively. Sooner or later, the old behavior unleashes itself, and he loses relationship after relationship.
Many times, the invalidator is not motivated to change, because he is the "winner." He has these powerful mechanisms backing him up, so he doesn't suffer in the short run. Often, however, he damages the marriage permanently before he is aware of it.
While it is true that some people are irreversible invalidators, there aren't that many of them. It's worth making the effort to break the negative pattern of invalidation. If the invalidator finds that invalidation no longer works, he or she might be motivated to change. If you are being invalidate, it's "your" problem. Once you no longer allow the invalidator to control you, he will finally have to deal with himself; his problems remain his.
Try the following:
1. Identify the problem for the invalidator.
2. Set limits for behavior of the invalidator - what is and is not acceptable to you.
3. Set a time limit for change.
4. Pay attention to what the invalidator does rather than what he or she says.
If invalidation is a way of life for your spouse, you may have no alternative except to separate. However, I have found that in many cases, the marriage is fixable. Also, be sure that you are not leaving just to invalidate your spouse!

One Sequence for Handling Invalidation
If we wanted to, we could fit all ways of handling things into two categories:
1. Reason
2. Cause-effect
People who have great reasoning capabilities sometimes have a great deal of trouble understanding cause-effect solutions. Their word is very logical, and they may have had great success solving situations that way. They tend to believe that almost anything can be handled with reason and logic. They tend to be philosophical about life and try to be very fair about everything. And perhaps they are a little afraid of things that are irrational or beyond comprehension. These people are easy to invalidate because they naively believe in the good intent of everyone. They think it was a joke or slip of the tongue if someone cuts into them.
Then there are people who do not put much stock in logic, reason, or philosophy. These people have been manipulated by it, lied to, and deceived by it. They have learned to pay more attention to what people do rather than what they say. These are the ones who fire you because you called in sick too much . . . no matter what the reason. They may appear to be listening to you, but actually they will be looking at your expressions and actions, trying to size you up by your appearance rather than your thought processes.
Mr. Reason and Mr. Cause-Effect do not have a very good understanding of one another when they are in their purest form, because they are at opposite ends of a continuum. It's a good thing that most of us are somewhere in between. There is no right or wrong about it. Perhaps "balance" would be "right."
There is no set of rules to handle invalidation that work every time, but let's take a look at a sequence that has had some success. First try reason. Handle the invalidator with:
-Humor
-Respect
-Affinity
-Professionalism
-Acknowledgment
-Diplomacy
-Patience
-Discretion
-Firmness
-Specific, impersonal, but personable comments
-Words that tell how you feel

Don't:
-Generalize
-Label
-Judge
-Blame
-Make him or her wrong
-Be righteous
-Make it personal
-Insinuate
-Act out your angry feelings
-Make him or her feel guilty

If reasoning doesn't work, try cause-effect:
-Hurt him when he invalidates
-Invalidate him (show him how it feels)
-Do something outrageous (talk loudly, act crazy, squirt him with a water gun, laugh shrilly as if he told you a joke, wink at him, etc.)
-Insult him
-Squeeze his cheek
-Raise your eyebrow at him
-Stare at him unwaveringly
-Disconnect/quit/leave

The cause-effect reactions you give to the invalidator make him uncomfortable whenever he invalidates. If your invalidator actually likes any of the above cause-effect reactions and enters into a game with you, stop doing what you are doing and move on to the next step in your cause-effect plan. If you run out of steps, I am sure you will think of something. Understand? If you know the mechanisms, you can find a way to deal with invalidation that fits your personality and your ethics.

Confronting
You simply look at the person who invalidated you in such a way that you show you know exactly what she is doing. A long pause or a knowing smile, resting your chin in your hand, or leaning forward slightly can let her know she had better not mess with you.

Repeat That Please
Asking the person to repeat the invalidation will many times water it down, especially if it was an insinuation or something that he was trying to sneak by you. If he is brave enough to repeat it again arrogantly, you can say, "Oh. That's what I thought you said." Usually the little coward will not repeat it the way he said it the first time.

Tell the Whole Truth
A lot of invalidations are double messages riddled with insinuations, voice inflections, tone and other clues besides the actual words. All you need to do is to size up everything and tell the simple truth.
You can always tell the truth by looking at your feelings:
- "I feel embarrassed."
- "I feel angry that you said it that way."
- "I feel put on the spot."
No one can argue with the way you feel, because (right or wrong) it is the way you feel.

Get Them Alone
People who embarrass you in front of a group use the group for their power. If you get them alone, you may fine that they squirm in their seat and become apologetic. They learn to have respect for you because they know you will confront them instead of hiding behind a group. Reason with them first. If they embarrass you again, threaten to do the same to them.

Mirror the Projection
When someone accuses you of something you didn't do, check to see if he or she has done it. When someone threatens you with something, threaten that person back with the same thing. (Chances are he or she is threatening you with what he or she is most afraid of.) When someone accuses you of not liking him or her or of being prejudiced, guess who doesn't like whom? Guess who is prejudiced? When someone tells you that you must choose A or B, tell that person you are not going to choose, and he or she can choose what to do about it.

What to Tell Children When They Ask Why People are Nasty or Mean
Usually people are mean for one of three reasons:
1. To get their way.
2. Because someone was nasty to them.
3. Because they don't feel good about themselves.

Sometimes someone who doesn't feel good about himself will think you are better than he is, so he tries to make you look small. Then he can feel better. The best thing to do is to show that person that you care about him and that he is OK. If you are mean to him, you'll just be "proving" that he is as bad as he thinks he is. But if you point out what you like about him, he may feel better - you have made him realize he has some good qualities. If he realizes he is OK too, he won't have to be nasty.
Sometimes it's hard to find something good about someone, so then you might say that person has nice eyes, or is strong. Sometimes you don't have
to say anything. A pat on the back and a smile will help. It doesn't always work. Some people can be so mean that it is best to just stay away from them.
When people are mean to you, you must remember that you are OK. Maybe they didn't like something you did, but you are OK. If they are mean for no reason, maybe they are just in a bad mood, or they have a miserable life. Don't feel bad about yourself. Try to look at them and see why they are mean. Sometimes if you give them a hug, that's all it takes.
But you must be careful people don't take advantage of you. Don't be afraid to say no in a friendly way. Smile, but don't give in. You don't have to do whatever they ask. If you don't think it is right, tell them you can't do it.

Summary
Realize that the invalidator is a personality, not a person. Invalidators usually look big but feel small. Paradoxically, they have low self esteem but large egos.
The invalidators invalidates when he or she feel inferior or out of control. The one-per center invalidates whenever he or she feels it will give him or her control and power.
No matter ho manipulative in appearance, the 20 per center invalidator is usually unconscious, or only semiconscious, of what he or she is doing.
It is very difficult to deal with an invalidator while you are in the state of introversion. First, extrovert - take a look at the situation. Next, try to determine what is going on. Your biggest cues are intention and feelings. Is it the invalidator's intention to hurt you or help you? Is the communication distorted? If the intention is not good and the feelings are not good, invalidation is probably taking place in one of its many forms.
Invalidation is contagious. If you have been invalidated, you are more likely to slip into doing it yourself. If someone is invalidating you, he or she has probably been invalidated in the past.
At first, you slip easily in and out of the invalidator personality. But the more you use this mechanism, the more you depend on it. Finally, you seem to become the role - the invalidator. But remember, there is no such animal. There are only people, and the things that people do. Anyone can become an invalidator. And anyone can stop it. Invalidation works in the short run, not in the long run. You can win a lot of battles but lose the war.

A Message to Invalidation
You are this tremendous burden that impinges on me, whether I like it or not. You take no responsibility but create more and more unwanted responsibility for me. You come from the bowels of the physical universe. You are destructive. You are evil. You kill people. You degrade people. You create egomaniacs from your evil power. You enable people to suppress via your control mechanisms. You are sneaky. You have no conscience. You abuse the cherished things in life and spoil them. You create more evil with evil. You create sickness, and you are sickness. You are one of the sinister archetypes. You re-create yourself.
People have used destructive forces to destroy you. They have killed people, but not you. You have been used against yourself. Invalidators have been invalidated. This has perpetuated you with the illusion that you were defeated. In crusades, the victors have to use evil to conquer, and in so doing, the victors become evil themselves. You are paradoxical. You are subtle in your righteousness. You are a quirk.
But you shall be conquered. You shall be exposed to the world. And in your nakedness you shall be helpless. You shall carry no force. You shall be anticipated. I will persist. I know how you work. I know your weaknesses. I am not being destructive. I will not persist against you. My approach will be to extract the being from the mechanism. You as a mechanism cannot operate except subtly, and I shall remove the subtlety and make you known. The being will see you, thereby separating himself from what you are. He will be who he is, and you will be just a mechanism. And the paradox is that no one will destroy you. They will just choose not to nourish you, and you will die.
I will do this not out of ego - not for credit. I do it out of love for my self. My self as humanity. I do it out of choice. And I have chosen to be completely responsible for you.
I attempt to unmask you, not for evil purpose of trying to destroy evil, but to free myself and others from this paradox. I can see, as a prophesy, that evil will diminish as a result.
I will carry my distaste for you. I will enjoy seeing you disappear. Your elimination will give me sustenance. Any my purpose will be love, and not destruction. So this is the beginning of your end. When this secret is exposed, it will no longer be effective.
If you have read this far, you are a person who wants to improve yourself and improve the way people live around you and with you. Together we can work a miracle for generations to come. Invalidation can be terrible for an individual, but the problem really stems from an "us" problem. The future of human kind should live in peace and harmony. If we don't do something about invalidation, who will? And if it's not now, then when? It has to be us and it has to be NOW.

END

*NOTE: This is not my writing, I just copied this from someone. Spread this if you think you are one of the victims. This craziness must end.

New Years Eve

2011-12-31T07:29:00.000-08:00

Tonight, I was able to go to New Year's eve Mass, as we look forward to the New Year of 2012. I feel so blessed because I spent my last few hours of 2011 in the presence of the Holy Eucharist.

I love everything that happened to me this year, I can say that with the help of God and my faith in Him, I was able to survive my struggles.

I have listed my resolutions just now, and I intend to follow Christ and be a courageous light in the dark. It took me a little longer than others, but I am ready to take my personal legend further. Please God, help me!

HAPPY NEW YEAR, CHEERS TO THE 2012!!!

GOD BE GLORIFIED!

Happiness out of the Box--- out of your comfort zone

2011-12-29T16:37:00.000-08:00

Perhaps people can call me crazy--- I let go of a stable job, with a stable schedule, with a stable income. Things got scary when I went out of my comfort zone, and yes, I almost got drowned in despair since I didn't know where to go after that. I only relied on my ability in my perseverance and resourcefulness. With that I remained strong.

But like a rock which is constantly beat up by water, my resolve slowly crumbled and eroded as trials after trials, criticism after criticism, discouragement after discouragement came my way. I had nowhere else to go, yet I certainly didn't want to return to my old self-- there must be something more out there for me!

With a lot of trials and uncertainties, I continued to struggle--- until I suddenly realized that aside from material things as a measure of success, one's sincerity and dedication in his efforts is the most important thing a person must have in order for him to be successful in all his undertakings.

A person who perfects and masters his craft will never want demands for his skills. Paid or not, I patiently did my work. I trained in so many fields, not getting my fee due to me. I still did my best, despite all that. And soon, my clientele grew big, and my former clients added a bonus for me. I am so thankful. I want to build my character, thus I do things I did. I want to be my best in all my undertakings---- and of course, in all things--- please help me God!

2012 is the best year!

"All things are already complete in us. There is no greater delight than on self-examination to be conscious of sincerity" - Mencius

I miss the times when things were simpler!

2011-11-25T09:20:00.000-08:00

Oh yeah--- I came all the way here because I have my dreams. There was no one to weigh me down--- but why is it that I am not yet there where I wanted to be?

I get tired so easily and I get so impatient--- perhaps my love for my dreams is starting to wane already. Am I losing sight of my goals? It's quite sad--- I don't know. Perhaps the turmoil inside me comes from the numerous grind I face each day... no matter how hard I try to discipline myself--- I still end up losing my grip as some unforeseen problems rise up when time is no longer available.

I could keep on fighting--- but at times I just wanted to retreat in the quiet corner of my soul and try to go to a place where I can be alone.

No one is to blame--- I guess these things happen to everyone-- I guess I just needed time off.
I know I'll get over this hurdle--- it's just the world is too busy around me that I'm in a daze, caught up in daze--- but everything will turn out fine I know. I will eventually see the end of the tunnel.

"Great success comes only with great ambition." - Jackie Chan

Perhaps this is yet another blow in the Catholic Church- Hypocrisy

2011-11-09T08:33:00.000-08:00

“I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ.” Gandhi

The teachings of the Catholic Church perhaps is an ideal doctrine that anyone who follows its mandate without using it for his/her own selfishness but use it to imitate Christ will definitely be a saint. But alas! This horrific news in the midst of confusion will surely leave the faithful in utter disappointment and a feeling of betrayal by their pastors... it is sad that this had to happen. At such a time when all Christians need to stay strong in the midst of attack against their beliefs... what will the followers do when the leaders themselves betray what they teach?

Who will take their stand seriously when they themselves appear to lose their respect for their own beliefs?

This is such a devastating news--- I know some well meaning Catholics are dumbfounded by this shocking events... we are all sinners... and sometimes it's just so hard to carry out the idealistic views of the Christian mandates...
Jesus Christ hated the hypocrites, and sadly, all of us are guilty of it.
At times like these, our courage dissipates when everyone else seemed to lose their resolve. It is not in my position to judge these people, but I am sure a lot of the flock will be confused... and responses to vocations will decrease----I just hope and pray that there are still people in the Catholic Church who will continue to be what a Catholic is supposed to be, a follower of Jesus Christ... let's pray for everyone's spirituality... for me, you, and everybody.

This is a reaction to the recent news in Germany. So sad :(
But then again, to follow Christ is an individual choice--- that no amount of faults from an outside influence could persuade one to live it.

It can be done

2011-10-15T08:53:00.001-07:00

."After all, happiness is not a matter of chance, but of choice. So, people who say it cannot be done, should not interrupt those who are doing it. Yes to life! Yes to love! Yes to happiness,"

I was born a lion

2011-10-12T07:39:00.001-07:00

"I was not delivered into this world in defeat-nor does failure course in my veins. I am not a sheep waiting to be prodded by my shepherd. I am a lion and I refuse to talk, to walk, to sleep with the sheep. I will not hear those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious. Let them join the sheep. The slaughterhouse of failure is not my destiny."
-Og Mandino

It's not to play God that I'm after

2011-09-13T22:45:00.000-07:00

After so many months of self study and soul searching, I finally realized what it is that I have been looking for in my life.
I am not in pursuit of playing God, nor wanting to be a terror boss. It's distasteful, wanting to prove to other people I am the best by constantly putting other people down.

Highlighting and magnifying other people's shortcomings won't make me the best that I can be, but it is the constant training and the discipline I inflict on myself that will make me eventually reach my goal. So looking at other people's lack of capabilities will not make me happier.

This world is full of miracles, that's me and you--- and anyone in this world who was created. No one has the right to label anybody as a no good. I cringe now when people say that about other people--- they are even proud and gloating when they tell me they called other people stupid.

I chose to be free of these false illusion of 'greatness', because at the end of the day, what people will remember about you is not the position you had when you lived in the world, but the ripple you made in making this world a little better.

I get a lot of raised eyebrows, everytime I say I want to be free of the restrictions of an office life---- other people preferred to believe that I was not able to get accepted in the office arena, other people think I am just lazy, or impractical even... I don't know. I guess I want to live my life. I want to constantly ponder about the things and find meaning in what happens to me....

The most important thing for me, and what I appreciate right now, is that I am constantly looking forward to my everyday blessings---- I am constantly asking God for so many things--- yeah, I can say that I always treasure my daily reflections and my realizations that there is a God who watches over me. I feel safer and happier---- I do get some misfortunes, but my faith only gets stronger with that.

I can now say--- I won't exchange this for anything else--- I live in constant adventure, and God's fidelity is constantly keeping up with my crooked pace.

I promise to shine my light and be the good representative of a Christian----

That is why, the world must not be my priority. Amen

World Youth Day 2011: Madrid, Spain

2011-08-16T17:56:00.000-07:00

World Youth Day 2011 held in Madrid Spain is happening right now. August 15-21, 2011.

Pope Benedict XVI leads the youths all over the world with the theme: "Rooted and Built Up in Jesus Christ, Firm in the Faith." (Colossians 2:7)

What exactly is rooted and built up in Christ?
For me it's when you go through a lot of trials in your journey in life. And through these trials and storms, you get to know the one person who stays with you after you are stripped of everything is Jesus alone.
Through the trials, God shows you His mighty hand, to help you through.

For the full article of the message of Pope Benedict the XVI in World Youth Day 2011 in Madrid, Spain. please click here

Discernment Phase --- how to succeed in life

2011-07-30T06:12:00.000-07:00

There are just those days when you are presented with those choices. And you know that choosing the right thing is one bumpy road, yet in your heart of hearts, it is the one thing that will make you happy.

I felt so burdened for days because I felt so little compared to a lot of people. I do know however that I am talented in so many ways *(trying to encourage myself here so don't be too harsh on me hehehe)*, just that I don't know who the people I should go to for guidance.

If I was thinking of only myself, then I won't have to be so troubled. It was lately that I came to realize that my destiny is a lot different than what I expected and what I had planned. I used to be so carefree, but now I can no longer do that. There are people who looked up to me as a budding employer, and the realization shook me. Even my dad's former caretakers were asking if they could have their grandchildren work under me....

All of a sudden, I am the head? I feel so incompetent. But what will happen to them? For days I have been pondering about it. I lost sleep thinking how I will pull things through. And so I attended workshops and seminars just so I will know the first things to take in setting up my enterprise.

I was glad I did, I was able to meet a lot of people who made it to the top, and some of them were way lot younger than me. They are employers already, and little by little, my mind's misgivings began to fade. I was excited with the possibilities. With my new discoveries, I could take the reins of my life, own a business, and employ a lot of people! I became uplifted and I realized that this had been with me all along. When I was a kid I had dreamed of becoming a boss at a very young age. Very cocky right? But I wasn't thinking of ruling over people at that time, I just thought it would be fun to achieve a lot of things whilst still very young...

First step, change your mindset. Remove gossips, negativity, remove idle talks, useless and nonsensical jibber jabber. Go with people who have the same drive as you. Talk to them, apply what you learned from the people you respected.

Second Step, Be with the people who have the same goals as you. Change your environment, be with the people who could inspire you and advice you on your endeavors. People who do not have the same mindset as yours will always discourage or mock you. So limit your time with them.

Third, act on your dreams. Even little by little, act on it. Wake up with a list of to do's. And begin and end your day with a prayer. Accomplish everything as much as you can.

And always pray. Discouragement always come to you, only when you rely on your own efforts.

My journey is just beginning... :)