Often, how we spend our time and what genuinely brings us joy is not alignment.  We are chasing happiness but we are running in the wrong direction.

Diagnostic Tool 1: Focus

The first tool is a simple exercise that compares where you spend the majority of your focus and what provides you the greatest level of joy:

1. List the 5 things or activities that you give the majority of your focus to in relation to your happiness.
2. List the 5 things or activities that give you the most joy.

When people do this exercise, they find that the first list usually entails those things in the future that will provide happiness at some future time (To learn why this is a problem , read my previous post Are You Mortgaging Your Happiness?) and that will not provide enduring enjoyment.  They are often in response to some materialistic desire or an attempt to mitigate a presently stressful situation. Some common items on the list are:

• Purchasing some item in the future - clothing, electronic gadgets or a vacation
• Researching and thinking about how great it would be to lose weight
• Thinking about how great it would be to have more money

Meanwhile, the activities on the second list are usually easy to engage in and occur in the present. Common answers are:

• Spending time with family and friends
• Learning something new
• Engaging in a hobby

Diagnostic Tool 2: Pleasure Logging

This simple exercise is something you engage over the period of a week with the aim of gaining self-awareness that will help you increase your day-to-day levels of enjoyment. Here is an outline:

1. Carry a notepad and pen around with you everywhere for a week.
2. Every time you are about to start a new activity, estimate, on a scale of 1 to 10, how fun or enjoyable you believe the activity will be.
3. After completing the activity, write down how enjoyable it was on a scale of 1 to 10.
4. At the end of a week, take all the data you've accumulated and group it by activity and analyze the results

When I did this exercise, I came to the following conclusions:

1. I am poor at estimating how enjoyable an activity will be for me. I regularly overestimated how pleasurable a seemingly enjoyable activity would be and how bad a seemingly boring activity would be.
2. I spent a lot of my free time engaging in activities that were only a 6 or 7 out of 10 where I could have easily spent that time doing something that was far more enjoyable - a 9 or 10.
3. I decided to drop several activities that I found were sufficiently beneficial to me. The most significant effect was my decision to stop watching television. Even when watching my favorite shows, I recorded an enjoyment level of only 7. Meanwhile, that time could have been spent doing activities that are far more enjoyable, such as learning something new, exercising or spending time with friends.

Try out the exercises and see the results you get. Perhaps, instead of trying to seek happiness in the future, it would be smarter to reprioritize how you are spending your time day-to-day.

I'll be happy when I'm rich.  I'll be happy when I'm fit. I'll be happy when I am in a relationship with my soul mate.

 It can be comforting to seek our emotional salvation in some future moment. The fantasy can be intoxicating. However, the fantasy is just that: a fantasy.  The idea that you can one day set up your life circumstances in such a way as to make you happy is seriously flawed.

Inaccurate Predictions

In the book, Stumbling on Happiness, the author details studies that point to our general inability to accurately predict how events will affect us on an emotional level.  As we imagine future scenarios, we tend to overestimate how happy positive events will make us feel and how miserable negative events will make us feel.  The imagination, though a useful tool, is often wildly inaccurate.

Imagine you wake up tomorrow and you are a millionaire.  You never have to worry about the bills again. You are set financially for the rest of your life. You would be happy, right? Experience says that is not necessarily true.

I've met both wealthy individuals that are happy and miserable.  Interestingly enough, the ones who seem to be happy were that way before they acquired their wealth.  The money simply provided a lifestyle upgrade. Yet, the common dream in western culture is achieving financial success.  We assume it will bring us happiness.  Reality says our predictions are wrong.

Where do the errors in our predictive capabilities arise?  First, when considering the impact of future events, we have a tendency to take a narrow view.  We focus only on certain details while completely ignoring others.  Second, we base our predictions on assumptions that may not be true and we do not take the time to question them.

When someone who feels lonely imagines being in a relationship, they tend to focus on all the wonderful aspects:  love, intimacy, and fun.  They often imagine an ideal partner who is flawless.  Reality, however, presents an alternative perspective.  All people have flaws - no matter how perfect they may seem.  And at times, relationships lead to hurt, anger and sadness - it goes with the territory.  However, in imagining a romantic relationship, those details are conveniently left out. 

Hedonic Adaptation

For a moment, let's assume that becoming a millionaire will make you happy.  Another problem arises: the happiness won't last.

Hedonic adaptation refers to process through which the pleasure we derive from an object, activity or experience diminishes over time.  As soon as we hit one level of enjoyment, it isn`t long until we want more.  Once we have a $1 million, we want $2 million.

Most people when asked about how much money they need to be happy say they need 20% more, no matter what their income level.  Whether they make $50,000 a year or $1 million, 20% more seems to be the average.

Consider the evolution of the cell phone.  Initially, the ability to call someone wherever you are was amazing.  Now, it is something that we take for granted.  Today, smart phones that give you constant, high-speed access to the internet everywhere are exciting.  Soon enough, they also will not be a big deal.

The constant longing for more stem from the way in which we make evaluations.  We don`t see things in absolute terms but in relative terms.  This has been termed perceptual contrast.  Something is cold only when we have something to compare it to. 

Hedonic adaptation puts us on a treadmill where we consistently want more and more.  As a result, even if do reach that magical "someday" of a fit body, a soaring bank account and a great relationship, it won't be long until find yourself yearning for another "someday".

The Consequences of I`ll Be Happy When . . .

1. Running the rat race - It is far too common for people to work long hours at a job they hate so they can, one day, have the good life. The worst part is this strategy doesn't work. It's all for nothing. But we've been culturally conditioned to act as if this will bring about happiness.
2. Making circumstances responsibility for your happiness - Psychological research points to internal attributes being the primary contributors to happiness. When you tell yourself that you will find happiness in some future life conditions, you act as if the external world is what determines your emotional state - you act based on a false assumption about reality.
3. Living in a fantasy world - Instead of being present to your moment-to-moment experiences and enjoying the perfection of each event, you avoid the present. You live in your fantasy of someday. The truth, however, is you can't be happy in the future, you can only be happy now.

The Solution

In the next few articles, I'll detail different approaches to experiencing lasting happiness in life.

Do any of the above statements resonate with you?

We've all had thoughts like these.  However, when we think like this, we are usually of it.  We are deluding ourselves.  Perhaps, you're different.  Maybe in your planner, you`ve written down that on November 17 of 2010, you will begin your new exercise program.  Highly unlikely, but possible.

 Why do we do this? Why, when we know exactly what we should be doing, make up excuses and rationalize that we get to it someday?

There are two elements that contribute to this.  First, we feel like we should be doing something. We should exercise.  We should save our money. We should be more organized.  But thinking like this creates a lot of internal pressure. This pressure can feel very uncomfortable.

Sometimes this pressure can push us to take action.  When we do what we should do, the pressure often releases and we start to feel better.  However, sometimes we don't take action.  Here, the second element of the someday syndrome kicks in. 

We don't like to feel bad. When we don't do something we think should do, we feel bad.  So how do we respond?  Do we inquire within and search for the underlying cause of the negative or do we try to get rid of the bad feeling as fast as we can? 

Most of the time, we just want to get rid of the feeling.  The easiest way to accomplish this is to rationalize that we will do what we should do someday.  We get to not engage in the behavior and we get to avoid feeling bad.  It's a quick solution that lets us get on with our life.  However, it's a solution grounded in denial and self-deception.

The Solution to the Someday Syndrome

There are two points of attack when dealing with someday syndrome.  You can drop the "should" and thereby give yourself the freedom to not engage in the behavior.  You can also choose to stop putting off the behavior and begin taking action immediately. I suggest that you do both.

The "should" creates internal pressure where you don't feel like you have a choice.  You have to exercise and you have no say in the matter. You have to save money and you have no say in the matter.  The "should" also becomes the spark for self-judgment if you fail to follow through.

Paradoxically, I also suggest you start engaging in the behavior that you've been putting off.  Not because you "should" do it but simply because it is beneficial.  It's not wrong to put it off; it's just more intelligent to start now.

When you take action without using pressure to motivate yourself, there is a lightness and effortlessness that accompanies it.  You feel in more control because you are exercising choice.

When You Can't Follow Through

What if you are not yet strong enough to follow through?  What if you can't stick to your exercise program?  What if you can't curtail your spending?

Instead of beating yourself up when this occurs, acknowledge the truth.  Accept that you're not at a point in your life where you have cultivated enough internal and/or external resources to take action. 

Rather than lying to yourself through rationalizations, be honest with yourself.  It's okay to say "I presently lack the strength/discipline/ confidence/etc. to do this."  Then, you can start working on those resources until they are sufficient to execute your goal.  You aren't pretending that will get to it someday, you are creating the necessary conditions that will allow you to get to it.

However, this attitude is limiting. One of the primary characteristics of high achievers is an extreme action orientation.  By probability alone, taking enough action will eventually lead to some positive results.  Conversely, inaction will guarantee failure.

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." - Wayne Gretzky

Action Cultivates Self-Trust

The foundation of feeling effective and in control of your life is trust in yourself.  However, self-trust is a precious quality that lies underdeveloped in many of us.  Inaction can reinforce this lack of self-trust. 

When you consistently refuse to take action because you are afraid of doing something wrong, you build the habit of self-doubt.  This doubt reinforces itself.  The doubt reinforces inaction and then the inaction reinforces the doubt.  This creates a negative downward spiral.

On the other hand, when you have uncertainty (and there is always some level of uncertainty) and act in spite of it, you cultivate self-trust.  Even when your action is incorrect, it can still reinforce self-trust (provided you don`t beat yourself up over your mistakes).  As your self-trust rises, you are willing to take action in face of greater uncertainty which creates a positive upward spiral. 

Over the long term, the growing trust in yourself far outweighs any short-term results you may or may not get.

Doing the Wrong Thing Has Little Downside

Failure, in most endeavours, has very few, if any, negative consequences.  Most of the time, if you do something wrong, it doesn't really matter.

Now, if you're designing a $100 million building that will house thousands of people, it better be designed well.  However, in most areas in our lives, failure has little downside.

For example, if you want to ask someone out, the downside is he or she says no. If that happens, you may feel a little rejected.  Aside from that, nothing bad actually happened.  There are no permanent negative consequences.  Or let`s say you want to take up a new sport but you`re unsure whether you will enjoy it.  Instead of doing nothing because you are uncertain, you can simply try it out for a while.  If it`s not for you, all it cost you was some time.

 Often, the worst case scenario for incorrect action is a negative emotion.  The practical consequences are very minimal.  You can work with these emotions by using one of the methods in the article, 3 Easy Ways to Change Your Emotional State Instantly.

Inaction Fosters Inaction; Action Fosters Action

Inaction and action both have their respective momentums.  We've all had days where we start out lazy and unproductive.  We set the tone for the day and create negative momentum.  It's natural for the day to turn into a waste where we neither have a lot of fun nor do we accomplish anything meaningful.

Consider how this habit might compound over time.  A week where you take very little action can easily turn into two weeks.  This can turn into a month and then a year. Before long, you've reached a place where, on a daily basis, you are only doing enough to get by.

Conversely, let's say you take action early in the morning.  You might go for a run just after your wake up.  Since you've had a productive beginning to the day, you think about what else you can accomplish.  So instead of watching the television, you decide to read for a little while. Then you feel motivated to put forth an extra effort at work during the day.  When you come home, instead of sitting in front of the television, you take the time to do something that relaxes and rejuvenates you.

Action Provides Quick Reality-Based Feedback

It`s easy to get caught in the trap of overanalyzing.  We can get stuck in over-planning and under-acting. 

Taking action, unlike judging based on mental models, provides valuable feedback that is more accurate than any model you can construct.  If you`re interested starting a blog, you can mull it over for months at a time or you can set up a blog in a few minutes.  Try out blogging for a few weeks and see if it`s something you enjoy. 

It could turn out that starting a blog was the wrong thing to do.  However, the only way to find out is by actually doing it.  With inaction you learn nothing, with action you learn whether your initial judgment was right or wrong..

***

Where in your life are you hesitating and refusing to take action?   Where could you do something right now and learn something whether it turns out to be right or wrong?  Commit to taking some action you`ve been hesitating to take and learn from the result.

He elaborates on three primary principles for growth (truth, love, power), three secondary principles (oneness, authority, courage) and one overarching principle (intelligence).  The first part of the book details each of these principles.  He divides each of the principles into several aspects, details common blocks and provides exercises to come into greater alignment with them.

• Truth consists of 5 parts: perception, prediction, accuracy, acceptance and self-awareness. The blocks to truth are media conditioning, social conditioning, false beliefs, emotional interference, addictions, immaturity and secondary gain.
• Love arises from connection, communication and communion. The blocks to love are a disconnected mind-set, fear of rejection, incompatibility and a lack of social skills.
• Power has 6 aspects: responsibility, desire, self-determination, focus, effort and self-discipline. The blocks to power are timidity, cowardice and negative conditioning.
• Oneness is truth plus love and entails empathy, compassion, honesty, fairness, contribution and unity.
• Authority is truth plus power. It is built from command, effectiveness, persistence, confidence and significance.
• Courage is love plus power and consists of heart, initiative, directness and honor.
• Intelligence is alignment with truth, love and power. Its aspects are authenticity, creative self-expression, growth, flow and beauty.

The second part of the book applies the 7 principles to different areas of life: habits, career, money, health, relationships and spirituality.   The value of the principles becomes clearer as we see how the principles can accelerate growth in each of these areas. The principles can also serve as a diagnostic tool when you are struggling in some area of your life.  For example, if you know what to do but you aren't taking action, you are misaligned with power.  Or if you are getting great results but you are feeling empty inside, you are misaligned with love.

My favourite chapter in the book is Chapter 5: Authority. I especially enjoyed his emphasis on being the highest authority in your own life and refusing to give your power away:

"Despite what you may have been conditioned to believe, there's no higher authority in this life than you-not your parents, your boss, or your favorite supreme being. If you think anyone else has authority over you, it's only because you yield your authority by choice. Sometimes the consequences of not doing so are so severe that you may feel as if you have no choice, but in truth you always do. Even when threatened with suffering or death, you remain the commander of your own life. Some of your choices may be extremely limited, but they're always yours to make."

In general, the material in the book is very dense - the book is full of ideas.  It requires multiple reading to receive maximum value.  Each time I have reviewed the book, I've uncovered a new idea or perspective that I missed the last time around.  It is also a book to reference whenever you are looking to accelerate your growth in a particular area.

Criticisms

My most significant criticism of the book would be the length. It is too short.  There are a lot of ideas in this book but the book isn't long enough to develop some of these ideas fully, particularly in Part 1 of the book. I think he could have gone into greater detail and explained his reasoning when outlining the aspects of each of the principles.  I would have also liked to see more stories, examples and case studies of the principles in action.

Furthermore, I think the book might be somewhat difficult to follow for readers who do not regularly read his blog.  It's easy for a regular reader to fill in the blanks for the reasoning behind some the ideas in the book that aren't given the length they deserve.  For example, Steve writes about relationships existing only in your thoughts.  He has covered similar ideas in his blog before, so it was fairly easy for me to understand.  When a friend of mine who doesn't subscribe to his blog read the book, she felt that the concept was not sufficiently explained and justified.

Applying the Principles

I was interested to see how the principles would apply to being an entrepreneur and running a business. Here's my breakdown:

• Truth - What is the real purpose of running a business? It is to deliver value. Instead of thinking about how to make more money, think about how to create and give more value to other people. Truth also includes having an accurate perception of your business. Do you have the important numbers (profit, conversion ratios etc.) for your business on hand? Can you easily spot trends using the data you have?
• Love - if you are going to start a business, it better be something you are passionate about. There is nothing worse than working extremely hard at something you hate to do. Do you feel good about your business? Another aspect of love is treating people like people. Employees are not drones who just keep your business running and help you earn money. Customers are not just sources of cash. Treat people like people - not means to an end. Furthermore, you want to connect with the right people. This includes the right employees for your company that have the strengths and passion that will maximize the results for your business. Connecting with the right customers means finding those people who have a genuine need for your product and with whom you can foster a mutually beneficial relationship.
• Power - This principle relates to the how of running a profitable business. This means taking action and having the right knowledge. Action requires courage. The knowledge can be gained through a multitude of sources (formal education, experience, mentors, books, seminars).
• Oneness - Running a business affects man people including both your customers and your employees. In order to be aligned with oneness, you must think win-win. That means paying your employees what they are worth as opposed to trying to squeeze out maximum profit from them. That also means providing genuine value to your customers. Manipulative marketing is not permissible - treat them the way you would want to be treated.
• Authority - As an entrepreneur, you are the leader of your company. You make the decisions and take responsibility for the results. Take a principle-centered approach to your business that consists of truth, authenticity, compassion, caring, focus and discipline.
• Courage - Being an entrepreneur is inherently risky. However, taking risks does not mean being reckless. Make sure you take calculated risks, where the odds are in your favor. This principle also entails refusing to give up too early. Many businesses are not highly profitable during the initial stages. Having the courage to stick with it can make all the difference in the long run.
• Intelligence - It isn't smart to sacrifice long-term growth and sustainability to inflate short-term profits. Although short-term profits provide instant gratification, doing so in a financially irresponsible manner can devalue the business long-term. Just look at the state of the US financial sector.

***

Overall, I would definitely recommend that you read this book. Unlike the fluff in many self-help books, the ideas in Personal Development for Smart People are more than feel good filler - they are useful and practical.