and 1 more means five

Forget the terrible twos! It's the terrible tens!

noreply@blogger.com (and1moremeans5) — Wed, 14 Sep 2016 17:21:00 +0000

Recently my second eldest daughter has turned ten. My once quiet and amicable girl is now a fire of feisty flames! We've had screaming, shouting, stomping, loud NO's, it's like we've gone back in time! Obviously I know hormones are raging, my eldest daughter went through a similar patch and it has blown over. But is it just me? Has anyone else noticed that ten is an age of such magnitude inside our little people, that it explodes in such a way.

There's so much pressure on our children, with school tests, secondary school places to think about, complex friendships online and offline. I'm sort of glad I was a child of the 90's when texting had just become a thing and phone calls on the landline was the norm.

I look at the cross and upset face of my little girl and it breaks my heart. I hope this phase blows over soon and she feels a little less ragey and calm.

Countdown to back to school

noreply@blogger.com (and1moremeans5) — Sat, 03 Sep 2016 21:11:00 +0000

Current status - normal service will resume on Tuesday

Fast fish pie

noreply@blogger.com (and1moremeans5) — Tue, 09 Aug 2016 16:28:00 +0000

School holidays are always a time where purse strings are stretched. Having my five is similar to having locusts when it comes to eating anything in the house. Today I was raiding the freezer to see what I could make for dinner. I made a fish pie which went down really well and didn't cost a lot either. So here's my recipe for fast fish pie.

Ingredients

1 bag of Sainsburys basics frozen fish pie mix 350g £2.50

1 box of youngs fish steaks in parsley sauce 560g £3.50

2 bags of Morrisons frozen mashed potato £1 a bag £2.00

Small chunk of cheese to grate.

A large Pyrex dish to cook the pie in.

Method

Microwave each of the youngs fish steaks as instructed on the box, squeeze contents of the bag into a large Pyrex dish. Mash with a fork

Steam the bag of frozen fish pie mix on the hob, when cooked add to the parsley fish mix in the dish and mash all together.

Grate a bit of cheese over the mixture and place in oven.

Pop frozen mash into microwave and heat according to instructions. Remove the fish mix from the oven and then spread the mash over the fish mix.

Put the mash covered pie back in the oven until mash is slightly golden and the sauce is bubbling.

Serve!!!

This fed my five children and myself quite comfortably for only £8.00!!!! And it tasted great! I didn't add any extra seasoning as the parsley sauce was perfect. I added vegetables to serve with the pie.

I hope this quick and cheap recipe comes in handy when the pennies are tight!

I did it! Graduation!

noreply@blogger.com (and1moremeans5) — Tue, 19 Jul 2016 14:16:00 +0000

Breakdown at the petrol pump

noreply@blogger.com (and1moremeans5) — Mon, 04 Jul 2016 13:47:00 +0000

Sobbing whilst trying to fill your car up with petrol isn't a good look....trust me.

Things have started to crash down around me like a badly constructed Jenga pile of Pringles. Did I mention that I am set to graduate with a First class honours? Well to be honest it means nothing as I can't seem to get a job, in fact I seem unemployable. Is it because I'm old? Is it because I have five children? No idea but I'm jobless and useless.

Oh and the children, did I mention that my smarty pants eldest daughter got into a very nice grammar school. She loves it and she can't wait to go. However my dad has gone back on his word and refused to help with the fees, so now I have no way to pay for her and my dad has walked away....did I mention I was jobless....ah yes that's right.

So here I am sobbing into the petrol pump after working so hard for my degree to give us a better start in life for nothing to have materialised.

Yep what an absolute failure I am, I cannot bring a penny into the house yet I can fill everyday with voluntary work that I love, where is the logic in that????

Oh and it's my two eldest daughter's birthdays this week, how proud I am of them, it's just a shame their mother is absolutely clueless with a snotty nose and a petrol pump in her hand.

Day out to Derwent dam

noreply@blogger.com (and1moremeans5) — Sat, 04 Jun 2016 10:15:00 +0000

My husband is an aviation nut so this trip was inspired by his knowledge of the Lancaster bomber using Derwent dam as a training area for the bouncing bomb in WW2.

It was a green walled scenic drive to the Fairholmes visitor centre through the snake pass, the drive is decorated by deep leafy foliage and trees taller than imaginable for little one's eyes.

The car park is quite reasonable, £2.50 for 2 hours or £4.50 for all day. The visitor centre has toilets, lots of ducks, a little food take out cabin, and a gift shop. We came with a picnic and followed a well signed walk to Derwent dam.

The views were impressive and there are so many places to walk and explore, we ended up having our picnic close to the shore of the reservoir.

It's a great day out steeped with historical significance. The wind started blowing as we sat eating and the sound of it whistling down the water and trees for a split second sounded just like the Lancaster flying overhead.

Happy 6th birthday Fred!

noreply@blogger.com (and1moremeans5) — Thu, 12 May 2016 07:08:00 +0000

Today Mr Freddie is 6 years old! Where has the time gone? My final baby and is such a brilliant little boy, even in the womb he had character and he is still brimming with smiles, humour, and fun.

I can't believe it's been six years since I gave birth after a very bumpy ambulance journey after a failed home birth. I wish I could have had him at home but it was still a great experience, especially with my husband and my friend Bobbie as my birth partner.

Happy birthday little man!

Grief

noreply@blogger.com (and1moremeans5) — Sat, 30 Apr 2016 07:14:00 +0000

I read a post the other day that spoke about different types of grief. Recently my parents separated and moved into separate houses. At first I was grieving over how our family dynamic had changed, I tired to ignore it but in the end I had to confront it.

Things are better now and my mum and I see each other frequently but the relationship with my dad is non existent. I see him for five minutes a week and I don't know who he is anymore.

Things I show him are met with a vague acknowledgement, I ask him questions and he walks away, I ring his phone and he doesn't answer, he wears a ghastly Bluetooth tusk thing on his ear, there's no way he doesn't see my name flash up on his phone.

I feel like a little girl stood at the door with a cuddly toy in hand just watching as he walks away. What have done wrong? I have asked this question over and over. I watched him drift away from my mother with his many commitments and other interests, and now I think he is leaving me.

I'm grieving.

There is no one who sees it, I didn't see it until today.

I don't know him anymore, and he doesn't know me.

The LEGO® Movie™ 4D A New Adventure review

noreply@blogger.com (and1moremeans5) — Mon, 04 Apr 2016 17:49:00 +0000

We were very honoured to be able to go and see the premier of Legoland Discovery Centre's new 4D film. After being flashed by the paparazzi and dodging a few celebs, the children got to meet the stars of the short film, Emmet and Wildstyle!!!!!!

The 12 minute film, exclusive to LEGOLAND®, reunites the characters from the original movie and brings together some of the original voices. It features an entirely new plot and mixed with amazing 4D effects, such as wind, water, smoke and special lighting effects, promises a uniquely imaginative interactive experience.

The cinema is fab and we were so excited sitting and waiting with our popcorn and 3D glasses!

I don't want to give any spoilers away but we sat right at the front and it was fantastic!!!! If you're stuck for something to do over the school holidays I highly recommend a visit to see the film you won't be disappointed!!

Lamb love

noreply@blogger.com (and1moremeans5) — Fri, 01 Apr 2016 16:59:00 +0000

Finally after a hectic term the children have broken up from school for two weeks. It's been a busy but wonderful Easter and now it's time for a bit of family R&R. My husband managed to arrange with his lovely friend who owns a farm for us to come and visit his lambs that have recently been born.

The rain was pouring down as we trotted through the misty hills, the green fields stretched around us as the sound of little lambs bleating on the wind made our faces smile wide.

Watching the lambs bounce around was beautiful, the ewes always had one eye on us except when munching on their feed. We went to see some of the smaller lambs that were under shelter until they were strong enough, it was such a privilege holding and looking after them.

The children had a great time being towed around in a trailer and also walking through the fields,with not one mention about the wet windy weather.

It was hard not to suppress the feeling that my husband and I would love to have a farm one day. It's a real pipe dream but it would be amazing one day to live somewhere that would allow us to have a few sheep and enjoy the beauty of our wonderful world.

It certainly was a great start to the holiday.

Gradu-hate

noreply@blogger.com (and1moremeans5) — Tue, 16 Feb 2016 20:05:00 +0000

I've got to be honest I am dreading finishing university in May.

I have no clue what I'm doing afterwards, the questioning has already begun.

"Well obviously you've had three years to figure out what you're doing after you graduate so what IS it you are going to do."

I've changed so much over these three years that my initial career inspiration to start my degree has faded completely.

I've always thought of myself to be a bit like the Bridget Jones of journalism, bumbling around and sort of passing for a vague attempt of some sort of a career.

At the moment I'm feeling so much pressure to produce some sort of "ready to walk into" job after I graduate.

At this rate I'll be back at Sainsburys just so I can put my super clever eldest daughter through the private school she got into.

Any career advice is welcome!

On the home straight

noreply@blogger.com (and1moremeans5) — Wed, 03 Feb 2016 18:43:00 +0000

Well I'm not sure where January went but it has gone and I am back to uni for my final semester before graduation!

I am a mixture of excited and nervous about the coming few months, but there is one thing I am certain about, that when I finally wear my cap and gown I will be very proud of myself!

I remember being 19 and a new mum. I was frequently told that I was throwing my life away, that I had ruined my future, that I was daft, immature, you name it, I was called it.

When I had my third daughter and before she was diagnosed deaf, I was blamed for her lack of speech by a nurse. I had too many children and I wasn't giving her enough attention apparently. It was my fault she couldn't say anything more than "mummy".

When I had my five little ones I was apparently stupid for staying in a job, I should have just stayed at home and not selfishly worked.

All these opinions from other people over the years caused damage but I can say that I rose from the ashes.

In May I will be handing in my dissertation, looking for a job that I want as my career, and giving every parent out there a high five because you know what? We're amazing!!!!!

I want to say to anyone who is thinking of going back to uni to do it!!!!!

Having children is the start of a new way of life and you find your own path, my degree shows that you can have children young and still have a career.

I'm proud of me and I hope when my children look back when they're older they will be proud of me too.

Christmas countdown

noreply@blogger.com (and1moremeans5) — Thu, 17 Dec 2015 16:56:00 +0000

The last week of school is always a time of chaos in our home. The children are at full capacity for over excited, crazy behaviour and I'm at the other end, running on fumes.

I've enjoyed spending a bit of time this week with the hubs, I've been working flat out with my degree, including a week long placement in London, two deadlines, and a full week of producing content at uni. It has certainly took its toll so it's been nice to do some couply things like Christmas lunch with hub's museum colleagues, enjoying cleaning the house together (v.romantic) , and preparing for our friends to come round on Friday.

The children are very much ready for the school Christmas holidays, they are all getting up later everyday for school and are showing the signs of being tired like myself. They are also super excited about Christmas and their little minds are going at a million miles an hour, they are growing fast and they are fantastic company.

I've changed a few things this year by making time for stillness and reflection. It really has helped my stress levels and in turn made a huge difference to my health over the year.

Obviously Christmas is the time for being busy but also (when possible) it is a time to take a step back, to be thankful for what we have, for who are in our lives, and for the joy that Christmas brings.

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas xx

Ethical Christmas gift inspiration with Deki

noreply@blogger.com (and1moremeans5) — Tue, 08 Dec 2015 12:15:00 +0000

Hello all, how is it nearly Christmas already?? I'm making an effort this year to avoid the big shops and get as many gifts as I can from small businesses, charities, and ethically minded companies.

If you are are thinking of trying to do Christmas a little differently this year and looking for a way to help people work their way out of poverty than this could be the idea for you.

Give the gift of hope as a stocking filler for your family, it's one less thing to wrap and 100% guaranteed to be used and appreciated.

Deki is a microfinance charity that provides loans and business training to people in the developing world enabling them to work their way out of poverty. 100 % of all money lent goes directly to the chosen entrepreneur and lenders are paid back over the next 12 months. Even a small initial investment can help a number of people to raise themselves out of poverty.

70% of Deki loans go to hardworking women who are struggling to support their families and want to increase their profits to provide for their children. These loans translate into an increased ability to access clean water, provide more nutritious and regular meals and pay for children to go to school.

Vashti Seth, CEO and Founder of Deki says; ‘As a mother of two young children, I strive to ensure the true spirit of Christmas is enjoyed by the whole family. My children love choosing who they want to invest their voucher with and are rewarded by following that person’s progress. As the loan is repaid, they reinvest it again; it’s a valuable lesson for us all.’

Over the last five years Deki supporters have lent over £600,000 in loans to entrepreneurs in Ghana, Nepal, Togo, South Africa, South Sudan, Malawi and Uganda, changing the lives of nearly 25,000 people.

Head on over to www.deki.org.uk, vouchers can be purchased from £10 and will be available up until Christmas morning.

Give the gift of hope as a stocking filler for your family, it's one less thing to wrap and 100% guaranteed to be used and appreciated.

Manchester sleepout - where I sleep under the stars for the Booth Centre

noreply@blogger.com (and1moremeans5) — Wed, 04 Nov 2015 23:15:00 +0000

On Friday I'm taking part in an event to raise money for the Booth Centre. Myself and a large group of people will be sleeping rough in the grounds of Manchester cathedral for The Manchester Sleepout.

I signed up a few months ago as I really wanted to raise the target of £150 to ensure the homeless have a place to go to find a way out of endless nights of sleeping rough.

The Booth Centre do some fabulous things, in the past 6 months they have:

- helped 158 people to find temporary or permanent accommodation,

- enabled 390 people to take part in their activities programme, including art, music, sports, woodwork, gardening and much more,

- helped 38 people gain nationally recognised qualifications,

- supported 58 people to take up employment, education, training or voluntary work in the community.

The funds raised through The Manchester Sleepout enables them to continue to offer this vital support to people over the next 12 months.

I have to admit I'm quite nervous about sleeping rough for the night.

It will be just me, my camping mat and my sleeping bag on a patch of floor in the grounds of Manchester Cathedral.

But this is only for one night, hundreds of people have been and are sleeping like this every night and I just want to do something to help them.

If you fancy helping me get to my target by Friday I would be very grateful, I was, at the last count £60 short.

On Friday please send me a tweet or a like/message on Facebook, I will be probably awake and will appreciate the support. The event starts from 9pm and I'll be finding my spot around 10pm.

Wish me luck and thank you to everyone who has donated.

Spooky Seas and Brick or Treat, Halloween events at the Trafford centre this half term

noreply@blogger.com (and1moremeans5) — Tue, 27 Oct 2015 13:54:00 +0000

The Sealife centre and the Legoland Discovery Centre at the Trafford Centre, have some special spooky events over the Autumn half term. So, if like myself you're looking for activities to entertain your little ones, read on.......if you dare!

Spine tingling spooky species is what we were greeted with as our exploration of the Sealife centre's Spooky Seas event began.

From creepy crustaceans to bio luminescent beasties, there are plenty of ghoulish goings on to get the family in the mood for the Halloween.

Everything is not what it seems under the dark mysterious waters of the oceans. Brave, inquisitive, and eager explorers will learn that some of the scariest looking creatures are actually some of the most sensitive in the ocean.

Sealife recommend these frightfully fantastic fish to check out:

"Look out for the Vampire Tang, so called because of fang like markings on its body rather than a thirst for blood as it actually just eats algae! There’s also the Pinecone fish, which glows spooky shades of orange, blue and green. This is a regular phenomenon in the marine world, more commonly known as bio-luminescence, and is caused by bacteria that live in a special organ some marine animals have called a photophore."

My children were absolutely enthralled by the Spooky Seas event, as well as the fiendish fish, there were lettered pumpkins to find inside the less scary tanks to build a secret word. The beauty of the gracious giant turtle swimming around was a great way to relax after an exciting energetic visit.

The Spooky Seas event runs until the 1st of November so swim on over for a frightfully fun time.

Make sure you pop on over next door to the Legoland Discovery Centre for their Halloween event, Brick or Treat.

Turn up to visit and you’ll be given a special Halloween Hunt card that needs to be completed during the journey around the attraction.

Whilst you are there, keep an eye out for three giant spooktacular castles, which have been built by the resident Master Model Builder and his Creative Crew, but be warned, they’re each haunted by LEGO® zombies, ghosts and skeletons!!!

We made bright orange LEGO® pumpkins that got attached to the ghost train to circle around a haunted castle. The detail of the castles are fantastic, the children loved them, especially trying to find the zombies!!!

As a brilliant bonus, children that get into the Halloween spirit and dress in costume on the 31st October will get free entry into the attraction when accompanied by one paying adult!

I hope you have a fabulous half term and a happy Halloween!!

The one where I turn thirty

noreply@blogger.com (and1moremeans5) — Sat, 17 Oct 2015 21:03:00 +0000

Yes the time has come for me to stride into my thirties, and to be honest I am pretty excited about it!

I've always felt older than my age so I am looking forward to welcoming this new decade with open arms.

I feel like I have really found myself through the bottom end of my twenties and I can confidently say what I love, what I enjoy and who I am.

Going back to university helped me focus on finding myself, I learnt who Amy actually is and in my thirtieth year I will graduate with my degree, I will be married for 10 years, my eldest daughter will start secondary school and I will also finish a course with the Church of England.

I'm so excited to turn 30!!!

I've still got lots to learn and occasionally I feel like I'm still a little girl trying to walk around in my Nan's heels pretending I'm an adult.

Here's to turning 30, cheers all!!!!

Rats and sats

noreply@blogger.com (and1moremeans5) — Tue, 22 Sep 2015 21:56:00 +0000

It was parents evening tonight.

I have mixed feelings about parents evenings, on one hand I like them as I get to hear about how well the children are doing, on the other I am a bit of a loose cannon.

I was listening to my eldest's teacher talking about the focus on the SATS exams and my brain decided it had to voice an opinion. Now in my mind I was constructing a critique to show my dislike for the SATS.......instead I reclined back into my seat and this came out.

Me: "well I have to let you know that I don't give a rat's ass about the SATS"

Erm.............ok

I had a smile on my face as I delivered my well constructed opinion, I felt like the whole corridor had gone quiet, a flock of birds had been disturbed and everyone in the school stopped moving.

After a few seconds of awkward silence the teacher spoke, my husband had a confused look on his face.

After a pause I clarified that I wouldn't be putting any pressure on my eldest for government statistics. The teacher seemed to have a similar opinion thankfully.

But why on earth did I say "a rat's ass"?????

I could have said, I don't believe in putting 10/11 year olds under pressure,

I could have said, it's ok we aren't too worried,

oh no......that's right.....I don't give a rat's ass.

Nice.

I mentioned that I might not be around after school as much as I'm back to uni next week.

I don't think she gave a rat's ass. :)

Change

noreply@blogger.com (and1moremeans5) — Fri, 11 Sep 2015 14:04:00 +0000

Woah, what a week!

The first full school week back has not disappointed in throwing us all back into our busy timetable, I feel like I sit down at the same time of day, look at the clock and I've only got twenty minutes until it's school pick up time.

My eldest is in year six now and changing so much, she's just been made Head Girl!! But today whilst waiting to watch her receive her headteacher's award I was given my middle daughter's first educational psychology report. I had been very anxious about this whole process, it reminded me of waiting for her diagnoses to confirm her deafness, I was so worried about the change it would bring to her life, but my fears were not needed she took it all in her stride. She is an amazing little girl and I know with the extra help she will now receive she will continue to be the ray of sunshine to everyone she meets.

Change is also on the cards for my parents as they are separating, hopefully they will find happiness.

Things are certainly changing, but change is good, sometimes a bit of pruning is done in our lives to make us stronger, we don't always control the secateurs that do the snipping, but soon a new flower will grow, and eventually we will grow even more than before the pruning.

Have a great weekend all.

Save Syria's Children

noreply@blogger.com (and1moremeans5) — Sat, 05 Sep 2015 07:03:00 +0000

I've spent the week in a mixture of complete sadness and furious anger over the refugee crisis.

Many people don't agree with my views and that's ok, but for those who do and feel like we should be doing more to help, this post is for you.

The parent blogging community have come together to support the Save the Children Crisis appeal and we are asking people to donate £5 by texting the word SYRIA to 70008.

The whole message is a strong one, just like the image of the little boy on the beach. I've cried and prayed for him and the rest of the refugees, I'm sending clothes to Greece to help refugees over there, and if raising more awareness and money can be done then I'm all for it.

I look at my children, and my throat closes with grief thinking about if that was us fleeing from war. I feel sick to my stomach that children all around the world face hardships that we could only imagine.

Please don’t turn a blind eye.

Do Something to help.

Anything.

#SaveSyriasChildren To donate £5 please text SYRIA to 70008

School holiday lessons

noreply@blogger.com (and1moremeans5) — Wed, 26 Aug 2015 18:21:00 +0000

The children are back to school next week, it has come round quite quickly but they are looking forward to starting their new school year.

I could continue this post with gushing descriptions of all the fun we've had through the holiday but I'm not, I'm going to look at what I've learnt over these past five weeks as a parent. So sit back, grab a cuppa and well......try to stay awake.

1) It doesn't matter how well you try to plan the time during the holidays, it pretty much just is a random arrangement of events that you have no control over.....at all.

2) Don't even bother doing the back to school shoe shop, it's always busy, it's always stressful, get your kids feet measured and buy them online.

3) The weather is your best friend, sunny, you avoid soft play hell, rainy you can avoid going out at all.

4) Pancakes are the best emergency breakfast when you have absolutely no food in the house.

5) Collect loose change in a pot for emergency corner shop essentials, (wine)

6) Never underestimate the sound of silence when it comes to children, especially when it involves felt tip pens.

7) Flushing the toilet before you use it is a necessity.

8) I will always be a working mother.

9) Regarding the above point, I read the following quote in an article about working mums "working doesn't make you a bad mother, mothering doesn't make you a bad worker"

10) Church is great, more than great, I love it.

11) Sometimes you just have to buy the sweets, it's worth the smiles and you get to be mum of the year for an hour.

12) Same above applies for, ice-cream, small rubbish toys, chocolate, a drink that has a character on it, a gingerbread man that isn't broken and ice lollies even when it's not sunny.

13) Sitting on the sofa that only has room for two and actually there is you and five children all smushed together is actually awesome.

14) Dancing around the kitchen en mass is exercise and also hilarious.

15) Farts get funnier the older the children get.

16) "Love you Mummy" deletes all craziness that has ensued through the day.

17) I still love Pokemon.

What have you learnt this summer holiday?

Lego Ninjago Airjitzu at Legoland Discovery Centre

noreply@blogger.com (and1moremeans5) — Wed, 19 Aug 2015 10:11:00 +0000

We were invited to unearth our inner ninja with the New Lego Ninjago Airjitzu at Legoland Discovery Centre, Barton Square, Trafford centre.

We're massive fans of Lego here in our house, from duplo to building the fun Lego sets, especially from the Lego movie, so the children were really excited it go and learn the art of Airjitzu!!!

Until 31st August, families and children can enjoy building their own Ninjago mask, take part in a laser maze challenge and practice their ninja accuracy skills at the flyer academy.

And if that is not enough, other fun activities taking place include hands-on creative build challenges, mini figure trading and for those looking for an even tougher test of their skills, master model builders will be holding building classes for some truly spectacular constructions.

We had a fabulous time running around, spinning off the Airjitzus as high as we could get them!!!!

The children absolutely loved learning to fly their Airjitzus!

We met the star of Ninjago Kai !!!!

Practising some air ninja moves!!!!!

All worn out after a great day!!!!

Pop down to the Legoland discovery centre before the end of August to have some great family Lego building fun, maybe pop into the sea life centre afterwards! We did and the children had a whale of a time!! (Sorry I can't resist a good pun)

Hope you all have an enjoyable last few weeks of the school holidays!!!

On the outside looking in

noreply@blogger.com (and1moremeans5) — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 22:19:00 +0000

I've always felt like my view of social situations involved me standing on tiptoes trying to look over a tall fence, my eyes just about peering over, my hands holding me up but eventually giving in and I drop behind the fence.

I never was one of the popular kids, I was bullied for being fat, I didn't feel comfortable in large groups of friends. Ironically my favourite TV show was Friends, I always wished that I could have experienced what it was like to have that close friendship unit.

Now even as an adult friendship still causes me anxiety, I just want to be positive and cheerful but I still have the ability to annoy people to the point of where I can feel their disapproval.

I can assure you though, this isn't a "woe is me" post, I'm certainly not perfect, I've made mistakes, big mistakes, but I'd like a break from wading through the social mud, dodging the cliques, sidestepping the invisible boundaries, and just enjoy the company of others.

I often think about having a party for my 30th birthday in October but I wouldn't fill a room, so as always I turn to my online friends, some who I have known since I started this blog, the people who are there at the touch of a tweet, those who when I felt this way the other day were fabulous and made me realise that you can find your own path and that its ok to be a loner.

So to anyone reading this feeling like you are always an outsider, don't worry, there are lots of us who feel this way and in fact there are some great people in this club, and you know what? Balls to those who aren't interested in you, you're amazing and individual and if those around you can't see it, look elsewhere, widen your circle, go online, go to a different group, stretch your legs.

I'll always be on my tiptoes looking over that fence at others, but on my side of the fence, the sun is shining, the sea is blue, the wind is in my hair and I'm not alone, I'm just me.

Patience

noreply@blogger.com (and1moremeans5) — Fri, 31 Jul 2015 11:19:00 +0000

"Is it time for tea yet mummy?"

"Soon, not long, you just have to be patient"

This is a frequent discussion in my house, the children are always wanting to know what's next, what time is the next meal, what are we doing tonight, what are we doing in the morning, how about tomorrow.......... You get the picture.

I often find myself sighing and wondering when they will actually learn to wait and then it hit me, even as an adult I do exactly the same things!!!!

"I've been waiting for ages to get an answer"

"Why won't they pick the phone I've tried so many times!"

"I can't believe I'm stuck in this traffic again"

"Will this queue ever move!!!"

"All I want is a coffee, just hurry up"

The list is endless!!!!!!

Recently I've decided that I will try to ignore my inner narrative that shouts at me to do things faster, quicker, imminently, but this does not mean I have become lazy, just that I've stopped the hamster wheel from constantly spinning in my brain.

Surprisingly it's been great, I feel much happier, less anxious, less stressed, in fact I feel like I've got even more time to do things since I've stopped wasting time fretting.

I'm hoping I can keep it up when I start my final year of uni in September, when I'm juggling placements, deadlines and a dissertation.

Sometimes it is great to retreat to somewhere peaceful, especially if that place is inside your mind already.

Hear me out

noreply@blogger.com (and1moremeans5) — Thu, 16 Jul 2015 09:57:00 +0000

I have always found talking about my children's imperfections difficult, I hold my hands up, my children are perfect to me as silly as that may sound to you.

My middle daughter, is deaf, she wasn't diagnosed until she was three years old after a lot of worrying and nagging by myself. She started nursery only being able to say "mummy".

I sat there and sobbed internally when I was told that she wasn't talking because I had too many other children to pay her enough attention, I kept my face neutral as the health visitor told me I had to do more to help her talk, to help her keep her concentration. I wrung my fingers as the nursery teacher told me that they couldn't communicate with her and they didn't know what else to do.

I stayed calm, I kept reassuring everyone that I would help to sort all of this out.

When she was diagnosed as having sensorineural deafness in both ears, I should have been devastated, but I was so relieved that finally people would listen to my daughter, to realise she had needs, she needed extra help, she needed extra patience.

I've dealt with the feelings of grief, the feelings of guilt that I wasn't a good enough to mother, but again we are approaching another uncertain time in her health, something that myself and all her other support network have been worried about that we have to address soon.

I sat here this morning sobbing with worry, with guilt, with the betrayal I feel every time I start to vocalise my worries about possible learning difficulties. Even writing that sentence makes me angry with myself, my brain yells; there is nothing wrong with her, she is perfect!!!!!!! How could you say that about her, how could you sit there and tell the world that there is anything wrong!!!!!

I am filled with pain this morning.

This morning my youngest daughter cried her heart out because her favourite shoes had fallen apart with wear, I hugged her until she stopped sobbing and she went off to school in her pumps.

How can I relieve the sadness in the eyes of my middle daughter when she is struggling to understand, when she is upset and frustrated, I feel useless, just a person who reports her faults to healthcare providers just so she can get extra help at school.

I still find it so difficult to talk about it without crying, parents evenings, doctors appointments, you name it I'm there falling to pieces, but my daughter, she's the one with the happy face with the skip in her step, always so loud and laughing.

She is perfect exactly the way she is.