And Baby Makes 4...An Adoption Journey

BABY MADE 4!!!!!

2011-07-01T12:32:00.000-04:00

Bad blogger......BAD BAD blogger...... Well life caught up to us and we were in a whirlwind for a while there. I will try to keep it brief.

I just realized my last entry was 2 days before our son LIAM was born. That's how quickly things happened.

Our attorney thought this situation was dead as he couldn't locate the birth parents for about 5 days. Thought they had disappeared. Rich went to music festival in a remote town in NC and I went to my mother in laws for Easter with Bo.

Got a phone call around 1pm from our lawyer on Easter afternoon telling us that the birth parents had given birth and called him at 2am. Needless to say it was a pure scramble to book a flight for the next day, book a hotel as we thought we'd be there a week and get a car rental. BUT the biggest issue was trying to find RICH!!! The only contact we had was when he turned his phone on to call us then turned it off to save on battery. No electricity at the festival. He had called in about an hour before to wish everyone a happy holiday and to talk to Bo.

One long horrible night of trying to get in touch with no luck. Finally as I was getting on a plane to FL Rich checked in before he left for the airport to come back to Philly. I sent him right to the airport and changed his destination.

I arrived in FL and Rich met up with me later to meet our new baby boy who we found out was in the NICU. We ended up staying in FL a week while Bo went with family. Rich ended up staying there for 5 full weeks to stay with Liam at the hospital. We rented a apt and a car and flew back and forth a few times. Even Rich's mom covered for us in FL while we both had to come home and work.

We were able to have lunch with the birth parents which enabled us to find out a lot more information about their past and their medical history. We are really glad we had this opportunity to meet and take some pictures.

It wasn't an easy road with our agency.....to say the least! We were happy that it was so fast but the way things were handled were not to our liking. Would not use them again although lots of others have had a great experience. Se la vie!

June 5th my boys arrived home and we have been adjusting ever since!! Bo is getting used to the idea and require a lot of attention. Liam is a great baby as long as he's being held. He loves to be snuggled. Born full term and at 6lbs 13oz, he's grown tremendously over the last few weeks. He's starting to smile and coo which we love!

We are thankful to all of our family and friends who helped and supported us through this long process of loss and now found!

WELCOME LIAM JACOB!!!

ROLLERCOASTER

2011-04-22T16:32:00.000-04:00

Well, it's been 2 weeks of pure pure craziness. We got an unexpected call about a potential birth mom. After 5 days of struggling with many of the issues that would come with this match, we decided not to take it. It killed me as you never think there will never be another offer again. 2 hours later, voila! Another offer came in that we were the back up family for. It was a frantic 30 minutes of faxing drug tests results to our pediatrician, reading through the profiles and having to make a quick decision. In the end, the first family took the match. Whew....what a few days we had!

We had a nice weekend and on Monday morning got yet another call about a good match and we were very excited about, especially since the baby was due in......3weeks!!! Craziness. As life would have it, we believe this one is a dead end too as the birth parents now can't be found.

I guess when folks say that it's a roller coaster, they are not lying! It's exhilarating, stressful, and a little depressing BUT we are still so early in the waiting game, I am sure something great will come of all this.

We are buckling our seat belts this time!!

CHECKS IN THE MAIL

2011-03-04T19:52:00.000-05:00

It's taken a while. A long long while. I was one of those people who said "6 months.....that's ridiculous just to get all that paperwork together and get a signed document". For sure, I was going to do this in 3 months or less.

I am hereby officially WRONG. I know....it doesn't happen often (ahem) but it takes THAT long. I keep trying to remember it's a path well established by people long before we came around. I will give into that for now.

We are OFFICIALLY WAITING!! Seems so strange to hear that. We have applied to the agency and sent in our first check. The real waiting starts now. The light at the end of the tunnel seems so far away but it's out there. I know it is.

I have an incredible story to share.

I befriended a lovely woman and family on an infertility site. She was 1 step ahead of us in the adoption process. She also has a biological child and they were adopting their next. Hadn't heard from her in a few weeks so I checked in. Here's the short version: Her sister in law had a baby. Her and her family went to the hospital to visit. Later that night her in laws were in town so her hubby went back to the hospital to see them. The sister in laws OBGYN was a family friend and just happen to be on call that night. The OB pulled her husband aside and asked if they were still going through the adoption process. He said yes. She then told him about a mother 2 doors down from his sister that gave birth on the same day that doesn't want the child. Were they interested?
He went home told his wife and frantically called around to find an adoption lawyer during the wee hours of the morning. They were able to see the baby the next day, hold him and name him. They took the baby home and had a frantic high risk 10 day wait for a court date to make everything official. Some stumbles with the birth father but in the end came home so very unexpectently with a beautiful healthy boy who happens to have a cousin now born on the very same day!

Perhaps divine intervention? Perhaps luck? So many things had to happen in order for that to occur that I believe that child was meant for them and no one else. It makes me consider hanging out at the maternity ward waiting room. Well, maybe not.

NEXT UP: (will let you know)

HOME STUDY INTERVIEW

2011-01-17T15:29:00.000-05:00

We did it!! We had our home study interview with our Social Worker. A very nice woman named Michelle who has 2 adopted and 1 biological children of her own. Bo was very entertaining to say the least. I did prep him that a nice lady was coming by to see his favorite toys and to see his big boy bed and to talk to mommy and daddy. Well the poor woman didn't even have her coat off before Bo paraded every single toy he owned in front of her. After about 10 toys, we put a movie on. God bless CARS!

We had a nice 2 hour talk about our families, our life and the kind of child we want to bring into our world. Some easy questions, some hard ones.

We handed over all the paperwork (in a nice neat binder of course). It was nice to put it in someone else's hand at the moment. With only a few bits of paperwork left, we are on our way. She explained that about a 10 page report is written by her. We will get a chance to review the document and confirm the facts. Once we get a copy we can apply to an agency. The document is good for 1year from the signed final date. If you need to update, you need all new clearances and new financial forms as well as a new physical. Most folks adopting go through this once or twice depending on how long you have to wait. So in about 9 months we will start prepping much of this stuff again!! Fun.

I have connected with a lovely mom in Virginia who is my adoption buddy. She also has a little girl and is in the beginning of the adoption process as well. It's nice to have someone who is in the trenches with you.

While we wait there is much going on. Working, visiting family, cooking (i dusted off the good housekeeping bible) and keeping warm! Hope the year has started well for everyone!!

NEXT UP: GREAT WEB RESOURCES

WELCOME 2011!

2011-01-06T19:50:00.000-05:00

9 Wonderful warm sunny days in Mexico has renewed my being. It was quite and year and we are looking forward to 2011. Hope everyone had a wonderful time!

Before I update all of my millions of readers on our progress, I need to discuss "Mr. Peepers". Who is "Mr. Peepers" you ask? Well....in short (and I mean short) it's the male body part covered up by diapers. Speaking of diapers, we are in the throws of potty training. We actually have gone cold turkey and are flying by the seat of our pants (so many puns, so little time). There seems to be a disconnect between me and Mr. Peepers. He seems out of control. No matter how many ways I try to get that pee pee in the potty it always ends up....well....everywhere! Hold it down hold it up...it doesn't really matter. I never had a Mr. Peepers and I'm glad. I am going to leave this one up to Rich as much as I can. As for the munchkin....he's doing great minus a few accidents and in general all the change of clothes are due to me not having good aim. Just putting it at there, needed to vent, thanks for reading.

COMMENTS: I have no idea why the comments you are leaving are not showing up. I'm sorry and I am working on fixing it. Back to your regularly scheduled program.

Our homestudy is set for next week. So much cleaning, so little time. I've decided not to stress too much about the state of affairs on the house. We have a kid, it gets messy and I'll clean as much as I can before our meeting. Make sure all the gates are ok, the smoke alarms are batteried up and the fire extinguishers are replaced. What's our fire escape plan? Hmmm. I'll work on that. Other than that, just trying to get together our latest paperwork. I made a binder for our social worker and a check list so everything is laid out neatly.

I'd say the hardest part of getting ready is coming to terms with the hard questions you need to answer about your life, your marriage, your partner and your expectations of your next child. It's intimate. It's supposed to be.
What you are willing and not willing to accept of your birth mother and the child? Drug abuse, deformities, health problems, minor or major surgeries needed, blindness, deafness....these are the types of things you need to be able to honestly answer. What are you willing to accept if the situation came up? We would like a perfectly healthy child from a perfectly healthy birth mother. But most of the time that's not a reality, so we keep asking......THE question. We don't need to have all the answers but we need to think about what we are capable of at this point in our lives and what will be best for our family as a whole. When we figure it out, I'll let you know.

Next UP: How it All Went

QUICK NOTE

2010-12-21T21:47:00.000-05:00

With a ton to do and hours before we leave, I'm quickly updating. Got our autobiographies done and in to our social worker just in the nick of time. Yay Rich for pulling a few late nighters!! We will have our first sit down in the beginning of January.

Off for a bit of a retreat with the fam for the holidays! Have a wonderful holiday season and a healthy and happy 2011!! We look forward to sharing way too much about ourselves with all of you :)

L, R & B

Decisions, Decisions

2010-12-15T16:41:00.000-05:00

Interviewing agencies has taken a while. We looked locally and nationally. Between the two of us, we went to 5 information or interview sessions. Information is key to decision making. PA is considered a high risk state as even after consent is signed the birth mother has 30 days to change her mind. Also birth father laws are a little tricky.

This was the best description of PA law I found:

http://www.metzlewis.com/news/Adoption_Process_Overview.pdf

So, although we considered a local adoption, we don't think it's for us. We moved on to a National Agency with offices all over the country. I got a referral from a good friend and talked to them about their experience. By the way, I did this for almost every agency we went to see.

Here's what we thought:

We like them.
They are thorough.
Their site is amazing and full of information.
Their application process is extensive and your profile is of extreme importance.
You get to name your price in a way, although of course the more you put in the less you'll wait in the feeling you get.
There are over 230 families waiting at any one time.
The birth mother picks you.
There is little hand holding and probably won't hear from anyone after you are "live" on their site for a long while.
They cover you financially if the adoption is interrupted....i.e. miscarriage, mother changes her mind
A 2 year wait is typical.
For extra money you can request a gender but in general, they say it delays the process.

Our second agency came to us from a very reliable source....Rich's mom. Her old teaching friends daughter adopted 2 boys from an agency run by a private attorney in Florida. Florida is one of the best states in the country for adoptive parents.

Read about the laws here:

http://www.adoptionflorida.com/floridalaw.htm

The birth mother can sign consent after 48hours of the child's birth and it is irrevocable. The birth father laws are interesting as there is a Paternal registry and if the birth father goes not register in a timely manner, his rights are terminated as well. Of course there is A LOT more to it and lots of different scenarios depending on your situation.

After speaking with mom's friends daughter, we thought it'd be worth the trip down to Florida to see this agency and speak with their attorney. We left our son at home with the fam, and flew down for a long weekend. Woo hoo! Haven't had a weekend alone in let's say......2.5 yrs coincidentally!!

Had a nice time and met up with a old friend of Rich's dads. They live right at the beach and it was nice to meet/see them.

We met with the attorney on our last day and here's what we thought:

Experienced.
Honest. Overly honest.
Aggressive (which is a + here)
Gave details about the types of birth parents and how he connects with them.
Does the visits with birth mother himself or has his son do it who is the other attorney in the practice. Birth mom's get familiar with both of them equally.
He gives them what he promises.
Perhaps a bit more costly but explained where every cent goes
Wait time for a match a year he told us but from actual experience less than that (we hope!)
Explained the entire court proceedings and legalities in detail.
Biggest negative here is that if we have a interrupted adoption that we are NOT covered. We lose whatever money we have put in.
We also would have to stay in FL about 5-6 business days to finish up paperwork. Not so bad ;)
No gender requests.

So there you have it. We are deciding. In the meantime we can't do anything without our home study, so that is priority #1 right now.

If you have an opinion. Please feel free to share! Love to see comments :)

NEXT UP: If you were a tree, what tree would you be?

Let the Games Begin!!!

2010-12-13T22:26:00.000-05:00

Today's topic.....the Homestudy.....well PRE Homestudy! We have yet to actually have our home study so this is a short guide on how to get started. Most agencies have their own social workers that can do your Homestudy.....as long as you are using an agency in your state or one that has offices in your state. With that said, both agencies we are considering are NOT in our state, so we had to find a social worker who could help us. There is always word of mouth, which is one of the best ways to go. Actually, even if you are going with an agency out of state, many local agencies will let you hire their social workers just to do the homestudy. Convenient too. We felt though that perhaps going out of an agency might be more beneficial. We went to
http://www.1-800-homestudy.com/

It seems weird, I know....just the name of it, but really we found a great social worker. Although we haven't even met yet, she has been so helpful getting us all the info that we will need to give her and a whole lot of advice via email.

Here's what is required for PA residents: Note that if you are going to adopt our of your state, there may be additional things required:

1.) Copies of birth certificates

2.) Copy of marriage certificate, if applicable

3.) Copy of divorce decrees, if applicable

4.) Pennsylvania Criminal Clearances; these can be gotten online from the Pennsylvania State Police website or you may send for them via mail. You can print the form out from the website and mail it if you wish.

5.) Pennsylvania Child Abuse Clearances; you can get this form from the Pennsylvania Department of Public Welfare's website.

6.) Three years of 1040 tax forms; only the first two pages.

7.) Three months of bank statements.

8.) Copy of deed to your home.

9.) Copy of your most recent mortgage statement.

10.) FBI clearances. These are the second part of the PA child abuse clearances that are now required for all adoptions. You can find directions for obtaining these at: www.pa.cogentid.com
(register online....go to a local fed-Ex offfice that offers fingerprinting (bring your receipt), voila....2 weeks later it arrives in the mail)

11.) Employer letters

Also, to get started is an 8-10 page autobiography of everything from your complete family member breakdown, to your childhood and teen life, your home life, marriage life, child experience, reason for adopting and health status. Honestly, I hated writing term papers and it did seems daunting, but I wrote it in about 4 days. It's no Emily Dickinson for sure, but it gets the point across. Did I mention both of you have to write one? Hence the delay a bit.

References-- I just emailed our family and friends that we chose to give us a reference. It was hard to pick only 6 people and I hope no one gets offended. We needed a span of different types of people. It's a little nerve wracking not knowing how it's all going to turn out. We don't get to see these reports but we have faith in our family and friends and know they have our best interest at heart.

We have gotten all of our clearances and I'm happy to tell you neither of us has a criminal history, child abuse history and we have been cleared by the FBI. Woo hoo!!!

Next up.....Decisions, Decisions.......

Backin it Up

2010-12-11T21:38:00.003-05:00

So, we are not exactly at the beginning. I'm going to back up with Step 1....Research. This includes a whole of reading both online and in actual books and a whole lot of talking to anyone who knows anyone who has adopted.

Below is the list of books I recommend for when you are just thinking about adoption. You obviously don't have to read all of them cover to cover as there is a lot of repeat. I have found the information invaluable. It helped make our decision regarding domestic or international.

Complete Adoption Book
http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Adoption-Book-Everything-Adopt/dp/1593373694/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1292119153&sr=1-2

Complete Idiots Guide to Adoption
http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Idiots-Guide-Adoption-Second/dp/159257274X/ref=sr_1_9?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1292119153&sr=1-9

Adoption Resource Book (the bible! a must have)
http://www.amazon.com/Adoption-Resource-Book-4th/dp/0062733613/ref=sr_1_21?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1292119240&sr=1-21

Adoption for Dummies
http://www.amazon.com/Adoption-Dummies-Tracy-Barr/dp/0764554883/ref=sr_1_29?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1292119303&sr=1-29

You Can Adopt
http://www.amazon.com/You-Can-Adopt-Adoptive-Families/dp/0345504011/ref=sr_1_49?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1292119339&sr=1-49

Of course some of these books you can get from Ebay or from your local library but I found them extremely packed with information and very helpful. Just be careful when you do read books that you get the latest edition possible as so many things change so quickly such as international law and state adoption laws. New requirement come up all the time so keep up to date on the web as well.

Once you are certain of your choice to adopt and can determine whether you want a child internationally or domestically, whether you are going to foster from the system or go with an agency, the sections of these adoption parts will jump out at you and you can concentrate on that information. It's a lot to figure out.

For our family we have chosen an infant domestic adoption. It was not a hard decision for us. International right now is a difficult process even more so than a few years ago. The red tape is not something we were interested in dealing with and of course a totally personal decision.

So our search and research kind of started over so we can go back to the books and online resources to find out more about what it means to adopt domestically. More to come on online resources later.

Here we go......

Clink! Here's to the start of our Adoption Story

2010-12-11T15:30:00.001-05:00

Welcome to my blog! Growing up, the thing to do was write in your journal, some of which I still have. Today, blogging is the lazy person's version, of which I am extremely grateful for! There are so many blogs about adoption journeys and I can't say mine will be fantastically different. There is a common thread which we all go through. My family and I are just starting our path and it's exciting and scary.

About us, a city dwelling family of 3....me, my husband our 2.5yr old biological son. I've never thought I'd be categorizing a child like that and I don't plan too, but for this blogs sake, it does make a difference to differentiate. We had our son with no issues. I got pregnant on my wedding night at age 37. Besides a c-section due to our son's crazy position, my pregnancy was thankfully uneventful. I gave birth 2 weeks earlier than my scheduled C and never felt a single contraction. My water broke at midnight and by 3:17am, we had a bouncing baby boy. Of course, our life was forever changed.

Our son is the perfect child and I don't mean he's perfect. He is a child in every way possible.....the whining, the tantrums, the volume.....he does everything a kid should do both, good and bad. He has spoiled us and we want more. We've always wanted more. As a young girl, you dream about your perfect family. My dream was; married and 2 kids by 30. HA! Ah to be a kid again. I was only 7 years off. Not too too bad! My husband is one of four kids and I have an older sister. There's was never any question of just one. Selfish? Perhaps, but you have one life to live so live it as you wish.

I won't go into too many details right now, but 5 miscarriages later is where our adoption path began. Actually a little earlier as my research started after my 3rd. I'm 40 and my body has had it and so have I.
Adoption is not 2nd best, but just a different 1st way of creating our family. This blog is to serve myself first as it's a journey I want to remember. Secondly it is to serve others, so that our experiences may benefit or help when it's time for their journey to begin.

Welcome to our World!! We are glad you are here :)