And He Can Cook

You Can Polish A Turd.

cheflee — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 05:15:22 +0000

As all of my nerd bretheren out there know, the Mythbusters have proven that if you really want to, you can in fact polish a stinky turd. Well, I found my own proof of this scientific factoid myself tonight. Let me set the scene.

My wife and I went out to dinner tonight to celebrate her new book release, Possess Me. We went to a restaurant called Chimi Churri. I had heard nothing but good things about it from the locals and some folks I work with and used to trust. You know who you are. I make a pretty good ceviche and a damn fine chimi churri sauce, so I thought this would be a good opportunity check myself against some authentic South American cusine and to learn something new about food I love. The place was very nice, and had a good atmosphere. Posh/casual. The mostly South American wait staff was on top of the service. We were excited by the choices on the menu and picked items that sounded interesting. The complimentary plantain chips and chimi churri were awesome. We were syked!

The appetizer, Peruvian Cebiche, came out on time and we took a bite. S&%T. That was disappointing. The plate looked great, but the food sucked. My wife leaned over and told me my ceviche was better. Well, maybe the entrees will be better. Nope. There was very little flavor to anything on my plate. I had to use salt. If you see me reach for the salt you know something in the universe is tilted. A bright orange sauce on my scallops was nearly tasteless. The Coffee Crusted Red Snapper was overcooked and tasted so bad I could only eat 3 bites. My wife got some butterflied shrimp that had a mango and avocado salad with it. She nearly gagged after trying to get that down with whatever “skanky dressing” they put on it. It was all terrible. I could have gotten better food at a truck stop for 1/4 the price. Really??? WTF???

Looks can be deceiving. That goes for flashy restaurants, flashy cars, flashy girls, and even that polished turd ball. Sometimes they stink.

My Super Hot Wife!!!

cheflee — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 04:23:03 +0000

Nope, sorry. No naked pictures of my wife for you to ogle. Disappointed? You should be cuz she’s got a sweet….nevermind. However, I am putting the link up for her website since her new book Possess Me has just come out in print at major book stores and on Amazon, print and kindle.

Why post a link for a romance novelist, other than pure pride and nepotism (Look it up)? Because romance novels are the easiest way for men to understand what women want and need in their men. The characters may be idealized, but they have traits that women want. Strength and stamina, of course. But also honor, loyalty, and a love strong enough to kill for. If you want to really understand what turns women on read a romance novel or two. I admit the only reason I ever did was to be a beta reader and “research assistant” for my wife, but I learned so much about what the “perfect man” is to girls. It’s not as much about looks as it is about character. So, ask yourself do you have what it takes to be a real man and read a romance novel? I did and I get plenty of rewards for it.

We’re all gonna die!!!!

cheflee — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 01:28:50 +0000

So, I was on a plane a few days ago and had a fun/terrifying experience. Fun/terrifying because in the following situation you can choose to blubber in a corner or laugh your ass off. We’d just boarded, people are still jossling around and getting there bags put away, then the pilot comes over the P.A. and says this. “So, we’re having a little issue. The airplane is a lot like your laptop. Occasionally you’ll get an error message. We’ve got one on the main board here so we’re going to just shut down the airplane for about 5 minutes and then power it back up to see if it goes away.” The next thing he said made me laugh like a lunatic. “I’ve never seen one like this and I have no idea what it means, but we’ll see if we can fix it.” Lots of things run thru your head when you hear something like that. Maybe they need my help. Maybe they should just hit ctrl,alt,delete, then hit task manager and end task… What the F$#@ is going on up there??? We should get off the plane. F&*% it! So, just pick one and go with it.
After banging on the dash board a few times and cursing vehemently, the “pilot” was able to get things straightened out and the plane powered up just in time for us to sit on the runway for an hour and contemplate why we chose to fly with (sounds like Flelta) in the first place.

Privacy Policy

cheflee — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 04:58:39 +0000

Any and all data relating to purchasing of the product(s) linked to this website are not kept by the owner/publisher of the website and are handled securely by Creatspace.com. Any comments on blog posts or user names of authors of said comments on said blog posts are public domain and the owner/publisher of the website has no obligation to keep said comments or user names private. Any personal emails or other correspondence recieved by the owner/publisher of this website will not be disclosed to the public for any reason unless written permission has been obtained from the original author of said correspondence. Boring but necessary.

Boring food…trails off, falls asleep.

cheflee — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 03:24:04 +0000

Is your food boring, or are you just tired of cooking the same 3 recipes week after week? Are your take out menus starting to wear thin along the folds? Try cooking something you’ve never had before. Sounds simple enough, but what if you don’t like it? Try this. Go to a restaurant that has food you’ve never tried before. Not a chain restaurant, but something locally owned, small and hopefully ethnic. Argentinian, Indian, Italian, Thai, Greek, etc. If you’re not sure what to get ask your server for a recommendation. The point is try something new and different to break you out of your rut and inspire you. Now go home and cook something from that region of the world. You can use my cookbook to try some of my regional recipes or go online. There is no shortage of resources for you to research and find a recipe for exactly what you ate, or maybe possibly perhaps..something new. Something not boring.

Chick Flicks…not always bad

cheflee — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 05:28:21 +0000

Sometimes we men have to make sacrifices. Or in more PC terms, compromises. I want to watch Manswers on t.v. and zone out for an hour…read several. My wife wants to watch a movie about Venetian Courtesans. Hmmm, what to do, what to do? Weigh the options. Did I get my way before? Did I make her watch “Army of Darkness” for the 16th time? Yes. Maybe I should just watch the movie. Maybe there’ll be something in it I like. Sure enough…it’s an R rated film about prostitutes…and war. Bonus! Don’t miss the point though. It’s t.v. Happiness is not found there. Maybe distraction, but not happiness. True happiness is found in the eyes of the girl you love as she looks over in the middle of her movie, tears in her eyes from the movie she’s been dying to see. We’ll never truly understand why they like movies that don’t have guns and explosions. But they do. It’s a mystery. The compromises we make in these situations,minor though they may be can have great rewards for us in the future. Just remember that when your getting ready to argue over whose turn it is to have the remote.

I’m On T.V.!!!! What?!?!?!

cheflee — Fri, 07 May 2010 01:20:17 +0000

So, I was on television today. Holy Crap! Not hand cuffed, wearing a wife-beater t-shirt, being shoved into the back of a squad car. Not this time anyway. I was actually talking about my book on our local morning show “Great Day Houston”. My buddy Sean cooked a modified recipe from my book and I got to talk to Deborah Duncan about the book itself. I think I did pretty well considering I didn’t forget how to speak even though I was partially in a trance-like state before I went on camera. Despite my shiny, oversized forehead I think I looked alright. You can see me in the video around 7 minutes 25 seconds. Watch until the very end for some unforeseen comedy. Check out the link below.

http://www.khou.com/great-day/gdh_050610_seg1-92974489.html

Free Nerds, Unite!

cheflee — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 02:16:36 +0000

Have you memorized all the lines to Revenge Of The Nerds? “What the f&%$ is a robster craw?” Check. Was highschool a long series of academic clubs and A.P. classes? Check. Then it’s time you increase your coolness quotient by learning to cook. Sure you could get a mail order bride who will like you until she realizes you’re not a famous American actor, or you could just increase your skill set with something useful, like cooking. It doesn’t sound like much, but if you can make resaurant quality food anytime you feel like it you have a huge advantage over the knuckle draggers who think they’re Bobby Flay because they didn’t burn the crap out of the burgers. Look, ape man, I have the power to saute! Be amazed and fear me, then bring me your women!

If you’re ready for a crash course in cooking that tells you all you need to know to
- use food as an ice breaker to get a date
- set up a great date night
- cook great food
- make you look awesome
then click on my bookcover to the left and get started. We can still be nerds, but we will have our revenge. By the way revenge is not a dish best served cold. It’s actually perfect when braised for several hours and served over rice.

I’ve been interviewed!

cheflee — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 19:12:26 +0000

I’m giving away a free book and an Amazon gift certificate at The Smutketeers, a group of talented and sassy erotic romance authors. Come by and check it out!

Self Discipline…

cheflee — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 05:33:39 +0000

As a natural born procrastinator I can always appreciate the value of a good long nap or at least some serious couch time. The thing about us procrastinators is that we dream for and want big things in our lives, but lack the drive to go out and get them…at least until the next commercial. What I’ve learned in the course of writing and procrastinating (long time) is that you have to eventually get off your ass (or GOYA as my Dad likes to say). Nothing you want is going to fall into your lap, especially if it’s worth having. You may want to get in shape, learn to cook, or get the girl of your dreams, but if you don’t GOYA, you’ll get Jack *&%$. And Jack just left town.

You have to create a little self discipline in your life to build the things you want. It sucks bigguns for a while just trying to get going. Then, before you realize it you dropped your procrastination habit and picked up a new one. Right now mine happens to be working out. I am motivated by myself in the most visceral of ways. My book cover smirks back at me and says “This is false advertising fat ass! You can’t see your abs. You can’t even see an ab. Hit the weights.” If you don’t have a book cover with an idealized version of yourself to motivate you, think of what will and use it.